Transcript
Speaker: This is Chamber of Reason. so It's so weird to just be saying that to one person. Normally there's there's three hosts of the show, right now it's just me and you.
Speaker: Yeah, well the other two, they politely made excuses, but they they had no interest in being with them with me, right? With you, yeah. And I guess to introduce you to the audience, ah your name is Dan.
Speaker: Yeah, that's right. you Do you want to say that? Sure, I'm Dan. That's Dan, and ah you host a mafia podcast. Yeah, it's it's called The Outfit. Do you know what the mafia is?
Speaker: Eye ties. Okay. Is there a guy who'll cut that out? or is that like Yeah. but there's like There's one guy we have cut shit out, and there's another guy we have dub it back in. And one of them lies.
Speaker: Yeah, and you never know which one. Yeah, right. ah Yeah, no, thank you for having me. Okay. ah ah Sure.
Speaker: I'll be very gregarious and just it's no problem. Hey, appreciate that. Look, this town, you know, as Brody Stevens used to say, you scratch my back, I'll shave yours. You know? What does that mean?
Speaker: I think he was very hairy, you know? Oh, okay. but Actually, I think I fucked it up. So it's like- I'll scratch your back, you you shave mine. Yeah. Which is funnier. Yeah. That's why he was the he was the king.
Speaker: Anyway, i was looking up this on our podcast- What we we typically do is we look on Reddit for ah you know someone will ask a question and it's like a stupid person it asking a question. Yeah. Or a really smart one.
Speaker: Or or a stupid person accidentally asking a really smart question or a smart person accidentally, you know whatever. But we'll really investigate. We'll really ah you know drill down into the logic yeah and examine it um with with multiple heuristics. Yeah.
Speaker: about that? And ah so I was, you know, because you do a mafia thing and you know all about the mafia. and was looking like, what questions do people ask about the mafia?
Speaker: And it turns out most of the questions people ask about the mafia are things that like, I don't know. It's like, why did Little Jimmy in 1970? You know, it's like very inside baseball. get in the lore.
Speaker: They get the lore, and I don't know enough about the mafia to even think these are interesting questions. Right. um And then a lot of the questions are things like, why didn't... um Indian immigrants start their own mafia.
Speaker: A lot of the questions are like, why isn't the mafia? Why isn't there like a insert ethnicity here right version of the mafia? And I think it's probably just because Italians are uniquely evil.
Speaker: I mean, you're, you know, you said it, not me. Uh, I am a 16th Italian. So I gave you the, I can't believe I let you into my place. Yeah.
Speaker: He's currently ah hitting me with a broom. He's trying to get me out of here. Get the fuck out. Get out. um So, yeah, listen. this is Obviously, Reddit is you know a place where you get only the best civil discourse discussions of...
Speaker: Race, economics, you know, history, you know, why did little, little Joey Cappuccino not take out big Paul Clamlips, you know, 1973.
Speaker: And Funko Pops also. And Funko, and yeah, and Funko Pops as well. And RPG reviews. Yeah. This JRPG was not to my liking. Yeah.
Speaker: You know, it shouldn't even be J doesn't belong in the category of J. And we're we're cooking. We're off and rolling. You know, that could be a Reddit thread right there. J is just a designation of quality.
Speaker: Yeah. um Yeah. Yeah. Right. So, oh, so we're going to divide RPGs. We're going to segregate them. What does this remind me of? You know, it's it is kind of interesting. Actually, it's not interesting, but I'll say it anyway.
Speaker: In the past 10 years or something, JRPG does now refer to just RPGs done in the style of JRPGs. Like, though you know, we're releasing an indie JRPG, but it's actually we're all like, you know, white white guys in North America.
Speaker: Yeah. Which is a little... i don know That's a little strange, isn't it? I think... it Stick to your shitty North American RPGs about like a, you know, a peasant with, a you know, they're all like Western fantasy. There's like a green dragon there's a, you know blue princess and all this stuff.
Speaker: Stick to your simple-minded bullshit and leave the crazy god-killing, you know, demon-summoning shit for the JRPGs. This 8-bit RPG is about trauma.
Speaker: Yes. Right. Right. Like do do that. You know, ah a bunch of pages from my dead gay dad's notebook fell out. I have to find them all. Yeah. I have to collect the seven pages of my dead gay dad's notebook and then unite them all and summon God and kill him.
Speaker: Yeah. Excuse me. I was getting emotional just thinking about that. Yeah. playing that Yeah. ah But were we werere talking about? Oh, yeah. The different races of mafia that are possible. I mean, i i don't think any of, you know, there is an Amish mafia that's kind of funny.
Speaker: Yeah. The beard cutting incident. Read about that? No. what Is that real? That is real. There were Amish extremists. Don't say Israel and on this podcast. oh i My understanding is we'd get to Israel later. but um that's for That's for the bonus. That's the bonus.
Speaker: um There was an incident like 15 plus years ago maybe of these extremist Amish members forcibly cutting the beard. I think this happened in Ohio of a rival Amish fan. i get It's a real thing. It's not a mafia obviously. But it is a sect sectarian issue. yeah What happens to the guy who gets his beard cut? Does he have to like kill himself?
Speaker: I think my understanding of why that was a humiliation was like it takes a long time to grow a beard. yeah um Actually, it looks like whenever I see an Amish person, I'm like, you're the exact genetics of a person that shouldn't grow a beard. Their beards look terrible. yeah Yeah. Well, you should say that to them. I mean, you should let them know that.
Speaker: Actually, you should go that. understand me. They don't speak modern English. I think, that okay. i Yeah, I don't know enough about it. I mean, I'm a mafia guy, right? Right. But I can tell you when I lived in Chicago, the Amish would come into the farmer's market outside my work every week, bring some delectable baked goods.
Speaker: And they would be trading them for money? Pelts. I'd bring pelts in. ah Any pelts I'd acquired over the course of the week, I'd dig in my pocket. Sure.
Speaker: Pocket-sized pelts. Yeah, mostly rats. Rats? Well, that's all I could fit in my pockets in terms of pelts. Oh, sure. Rat pelt. Rat pelt. Sure. No, the Amish are disgusting.
Speaker: They're not allowed to bathe something. don't I don't think they're not allowed to bathe. and I'm allowed to say they're disgusting though. They're never going to hear this. that's The Mennonites might. It's quite a conundrum. I guess it really is a situation where they can't hit back. Literally and metaphorically.
Speaker: They're not allowed to hit. Have you ever seen the movie Witness? No. Witness is the movie where Harrison Ford's a cop. He hides with the Amish from the other corrupt cops. And a dickhead.
Speaker: He hides with the Amish. That's his big plan. Well, what the one of the Amish kids is a witness to a murder. So that's how they get in the story. And Harrison Ford sees a tourist smash an ice cream cone in the face of one of the Amish guys.
Speaker: And they can't hit back. But Harrison Ford, he's supposed to be keeping a low profile. He's dressed as an Amish guy. He walks over and belts him right in the face because he can't help him. It's an awesome moment.
Speaker: But that tips off the bad guys. Right. Wait a minute. This guy's not so Amish. Wait a minute. Amish guy beat up this fat guy. Something's off here. Something's off here. no Normal Amish guy would just take it.
Speaker: Yeah. And then there's that movie about the Amish guy that gets good at bowling. Kingpin. Kingpin. That movie's pretty good. That's a great movie. Yeah. and but But in real life, an Amish would never throw a ball.
Speaker: ah the Is that off limits? I think they only work with square shapes, right? They build a square barn. can't make websites. What are you talking about? so ah
Speaker: And that leads us to our ad for Squarespace. Hey, do you know you want to make a beautiful website without much money? No. Okay.
Speaker: But I would, you know, it cool to be a guest on a podcast and bring your own ads. I did have an ad read. I had a few ad reads I wanted to just knock out on your podcast. Is that okay? That's fine. I mean, you know, we just want a percentage probably. Okay. Hollywood Bowl. You know the Hollywood Bowl.
Speaker: Louis C.K. coming to town. That's exciting, isn't it? um Who's pumped for the return? oh yeah. my My fucking daughter sucks.
Speaker: my daughter's an asshole yeah my fucking daughter's an asshole my fucking daughter is probably like 25 now is an asshole yeah i love talking about my stupid fucking daughters i hate my daughter doesn't want me to hang out with her friends anymore for some reason fucking asshole fucking assholes yeah i'm gonna go jerk off now he was good he was good at jerking off is what they say was it did he have a interesting technique or just well he was able to complete So yeah I mean, if you can, if you can pass the finish line, that's all that matters. Really? Is that, is that true?
Speaker: What are the metrics here? I'm not aware of this. I think it's just, it's time and complete. Yes or no.
Speaker: Oh, okay. Well, in that case, he's ah any way you do it. Any way you get the job done. There doesn't have to be. That's the thing though. There doesn't have to be an audience. I mean, ideally there isn't.
Speaker: Some would say. you If the audience is, i would say, um consenting and enthus enthusiastic consent from the audience is what you want. an Enthusiastic consent.
Speaker: In some respects, it almost seems like he didn't have that. No, he didn't have that. That's the one place he slipped up. Yeah. Well, I'm glad he's getting a second chance. My victims are assholes. Yeah, my stupid fucking victims are did something dumb today. Yeah.
Speaker: My victims won't even thank me for raising them and providing a roof for them to, know. Anyway, ah but i don't I don't have a good ethnicity that would be a mafia. i There's no... So are we trying to make a new mafia that hasn't really happened yet? i don't know. I mean, I kind of like, ah you know, maybe like an OC mafia of like kind of blonde surfer guys. Well, that's sort of happened.
Speaker: Is that right? A little, yeah. I mean, look, this is the thing. This is why Reddit's so annoying. In all seriousness, to your question, if you name a any... and like Yeah, there's been one like that. There's been organized crime, but not really... a What do you want out of a mafia... Or the thing I'm interested in most is like sort of the different ranks and the hierarchy and like sort of the rituals and all that bullshit. And a lot of these other ones, they're just organized crime. And they're like, yeah there's a boss. Yeah.
Speaker: But like they don't come with their own cool like little names for, you know, Capo or... Right. Yeah. Like the Yakuza has a lot of... Yeah. Okay. Very respectable. Yeah. We like that.
Speaker: Right. um the ah The Chinese gangs, you know, in Hong Kong, they got some cool ones. Triads? Is that what they're called? And they they have some really, you know, fun names. I only know some of this shit from GTA.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, you know, the documentary series of Grand Theft Auto has been really, i think, helpful in explaining a lot of this. And, you know, when GTA 6 comes out in the next three to eight years, I think a whole new generation is going to Come on, don't joke about that, man.
Speaker: They're working really hard. You know, listen, I i think I aged out of GTA in the time took. took too long. It took too long. They missed the window. I don't think I can be 40 and buying a new console. But you aged right into the demographic that will watch a Let's Play of like a a man who's being really snarky while he plays it.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah, apparently in this universe, I can just run over people. Yeah. ah Paging Dr. Freud. Why is ah all the radio spots so disgustingly sexual?
Speaker: Yeah. and Paging Dr. Freud. You know, standing behind the the cop NPC or whatever, humping the cop NPC. You know, just... Yeah, you could do... Yeah. and You can do all kinds of funny stuff. That's the crazy thing about the game. You can just do whatever, you know? I mean, when was playing that game in like middle school, we just made ourselves laugh and laugh by jumping on top of a car.
Speaker: You know what? Good times were had by all in that game where you just hit people with a car and laugh with your other male friends, not a woman around, you know?
Speaker: Yeah, those were the days. we got to get And now we're surrounded by women. king it's just It's just me and eight chicks playing GTA. I mean, this is audio only, so they don't see that. We're actually recording in the Playboy Mansion today.
Speaker: I'm in the lap of a huge woman. Yeah. ah She's asleep. She's not even listening. you know No, she's out cold.
Speaker: And we'll cut that. But listen, um but seriously, Hugh Hefner. ah rest What a pimp. You know, i mean, ah could I have your life? The sleepy time king. Yeah. Right.
Speaker: And no dark side. So cozy. Yeah. Right. not how How did he keep how do he keep in shape like that, too? I have a guess. The fucking... Yeah.
Speaker: A little bit of cardio activity in the bedroom, the Playboy Mansion, and maybe sometimes the... I think i think he was mostly like sort of um inert, though. while I've heard this, yeah. He was just sort of laying there, and they would baby oil him up, and they would kind of like... They would maneuver his body. They would just figure out a way to like... Did you ever see Weekend at Bernie's?
Speaker: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, it was like, if not that... I've also seen you know all the X-rated parodies. Right. So I already know. Okay, you've covered this. I mean, yeah it's not like... we did a We did a watch together with the whole stream. so all yeah All the patrons, yeah.
Speaker: Of which one? All of them? The whole, not to pun, but corpus of work? Yeah, we did a one through eight at Funkfest at Bernie's. Yeah, but Hefner, I think he basically just sort of was a mummy.
Speaker: Yeah. Right. They were, yeah, they were kind of doing, they were manipulating and maneuvering his body in really interesting sort of ritual ways and, you know, this sort of cavalcade of of girls, which he he had selected, I guess, somehow. Yeah.
Speaker: Like he could, he didn't go blind. um he could He could speak and hear, you know. um But there was some, obviously his brain had deteriorated towards the end. So all he knew was that I'm the thing that lays still and gets baby oiled on.
Speaker: And I get pushed and pulled around. And he probably had something injected into him to make his his his member rigid. But for him, it must have been almost like I don't know, like a like a crazy dream.
Speaker: Yeah. These bodies are pulling at me. Right. yeah Young, smooth bodies pulling at me. And of course, he's a monster, and but he set this up long ago. Right.
Speaker: When he was at his like most cognizant monster phase. And at this point, he's just a... He's a mummy. It's like in the alien movies, just getting a glimpse of what the what this whole other alien culture was like, of these...
Speaker: you know, right. Big navigators who have the eggs in their spaceship and all that. Who the fuck were these guys? You know? And that's what he's thinking when he sees these, these women with their big, uh, not navigators, knockers, they're knockers. Yeah. I mean like, you know, for him, yeah, he's probably like every time it happens, he's like, Whoa,
Speaker: okay what are they doing? Right. He's probably just trying to watch and trying to figure it out, but he can't cause he's, Miss May, help me. Yeah, she's been dead.
Speaker: She's like, Marilyn Monroe, where is she? Forgets every day. Yeah. She died. Elton John wrote a whole song about it and then rewrote it when another lady died.
Speaker: Is that true? Candle in the wind. i don't know much about Elton John. Yeah. I liked his duet with Eminem back in the day. um that was As far as I knew, that's the only thing he ever did.
Speaker: I mean, only thing of consequence. And that's the tea, honey. Elton, get a new gig, okay? Let's get back in the studio with Eminem. Let's get that Stan sequel going.
Speaker: I mean, this is one of the great missed opportunities in recording history. We could have had a new, you Rodgers and Hammerstein I don't know what that is either. Some guys. The plays. play They did musicals. think they did some musicals.
Speaker: don't really know what that Sound of music. Do you, yeah, do you like, you big musical guy? You're referencing a bunch of stuff I don't really know much about. Is it too Dennis Miller? Is it too like, you know, ah yeah, this is worse than ah Heinrich Himmler having a bad golf day.
Speaker: I don't know. Like that would be more. I know about Himmler. Right. Hitler's evil brother. Were they brothers? Yeah. Himmler was the evil one. And that was how you told them apart. Their names were slightly different. Himmler is the one with the mustache.
Speaker: so wait you said Wait, now I'm getting little confused. So you're saying Himmler was like a double of Hitler, but who had a mustache? Hitler would always say, it's not me. It's Himmler.
Speaker: Himmler. That's what he would say. Did he sound like that? Yeah, he had a stroke or something. he was okay So are you, so um just and just to be clear for the recorded in a record, you're saying Hitler was was wrongly misunderstood to be evil. That's what you said.
Speaker: ah look We got to get to some Reddit questions actually. So why not? We'll probably just cut out this first 20 minutes or however long and not even worry about that.
Speaker: Oh, so one of the questions I found about the mafia, it's on the too afraid to ask subreddit. Great sub. As I read this question, you have remember that they were too afraid to ask it, even though they did ask Even though they did ask it. Yeah. So this question is, why do girls like mafia bosses?
Speaker: Why do girls like mafia bosses? So, um, I'm happy to start the discussion, you know, powers and aphrodisiac. don't know you ever heard that before. No, is that some, that's something they tell women?
Speaker: I gather women are told this and then, you know, they go along with it. Like in in ah health class or whatever, when they separate the boys and girls, they do the sex ed for the guys and women are just learning what they have to be attracted to in the other room. They have a like a poster of James Gandolfini and they say, that.
Speaker: And they point to a specific part of him and say, and that's his power. They point to the interesting looking thinning hair. I'm not going to say unattractive thinning hair. No. For women, they do go crazy for that shit. ah it was He had an interesting thinning hair situation.
Speaker: I think a lot of guys are mistaken when they start to lose a little bit of hair. or shave it all off. They shave it all off it's like you blew it. Because actually, I do think women go crazy for like just a little bit of... Let's let this play out.
Speaker: Yeah, let's it see what happens. You know, it might go in and like Bill Murray, another guy, interesting hairline. That's true. Right? Jack Nicholson. Imagine if Bill Murray had just been bald all this time. Well, you you never would have known because you wouldn't see him in movies. You'd go, bo he'd be a bum. Barf. Yeah. If he was completely clean. No, you leave something. even Even just a little bit of shadow is nice.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean... So I think that answers that question on why women are attracted to mafia bosses. It's power, right? John Gotti came home.
Speaker: He was from prison. But also, I mean, I think, you know, maybe it has something to do with like the valence of power. Speak on that. That's the right word. Isn't it valence? Valence. i I was hoping i would be able to guess. It's bad boy. They have the dark power. Definitely.
Speaker: that's what I was just going to say that about valence of power. but I know what it means. They're not paladin. paladin No, they wouldn't be that character class.
Speaker: um They're a rogue. they Or a thief. Or a thief. Truly. Truly. Really makes you think. Some these mafia guys are not good guys. Yeah. They're not they're not priests in any way. Maybe priests of the underworld. Yeah. mean, come on. It's scary, yeah. It's a scary thing to think about.
Speaker: But if your girl's attracted to a paladin, she likes that holy warrior aspect. And maybe there's an element of that you can find in if the month. If the girl's trad, she'll probably go for a paladin. Oh my god, don't get me started on trad girls. yeah but we don't want them.
Speaker: Get off the line, if you're listening. I guess it's not a line, but... Yeah, throw your head, you know, whatever. Yeah. If you're listening in your car jump of the car. Right. Yep. And that's that.
Speaker: And that's that. Well, let's move right along to, look, I've got a lot of questions here I found. Cool. Oh, this is kind of an interesting, this is from No Stupid Questions. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And the question is, why has hobo culture like that of the 20s and 30s never seen a revival in the US during subsequent economic depressions?
Speaker: Hobo culture back in the early 20th century was surprisingly complex. Yet we have nothing similar in the modern day to compare it to. Why is that? Such a great question. So I assume when they say hobo culture, they're talking about leaving like cryptic signs outside homes to say like, oh, you could get work here. You get a free meal here.
Speaker: Well, i think I think maybe they're also talking about like... you know you used to have tramps and vagabonds, and there were all these different subcategories. And it was almost like this sort of anarchist, or it was like a ah kind of diffuse organization where there were ranks, or there were designations anyway. They had their codes, they had their internal like mores and values.
Speaker: There's a cult book. I've never read it. I think it's called You Can't Win by a guy named the original Jack Black. I think was his name. His name is the original Jack Black? I'm adding the original part, but he was Jack Black.
Speaker: And um I think it's a memoir about being a hobo in that time. And um you're right that it was like very, I mean, Big Rock Candy Mountain.
Speaker: We all know that song, right? All the dreams of of what a hobo would want. I guess I would have to say to this guy, the reason there's no revival is that was 100 years ago. And if you're homeless now, or a quote unquote hobo, ah you have a phone probably still.
Speaker: Sure. You're maybe sleeping in your car. And um you know ah you don't need to do any of that shit. what's that What's that famous book? now It's not Bowling for Columbine, but something about bowling.
Speaker: Bowling Alone? Yeah. but We're all atomized now. We're all atomized. It's sad. like These homeless guys aren't talking to each other that much. Now that's interesting. So that there's a loss of community and sort of camaraderie in being ah so poor you don't have a home.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, it would be nice if... I don't know. Come on, guys. We're all on this together. Yeah, right. I mean, you know, I would recommend just to the person asking this question on Reddit, what I would say is, yes, let's get this back.
Speaker: Yes, let's ah get going. Go up to people you see who you think are unhoused and say, why aren't you embracing hobo culture? Right. Why don't you know the basics about this? yeah That's kind of the sad thing probably is that the people who are able to sit down and think about this the most are are housed.
Speaker: Right. you know So we need sort of a housed person to go into the hobo community and rally them together and be their leader. Say, you guys don't know about this and you should.
Speaker: Yeah. And I'm taking the time out of my day tell you. Set your homeless ass down and and listen. But they might be that might be frowned upon the homeless community.
Speaker: i don't know. We could go down to Skid Row. We need a homeless infiltrators, guys that look homeless and they're just subtly... It'll be like that movie ah or that book book and movie, Hard to Be a God, you know where it's like they're trying to subtly ah you know direct the course of history on an alien planet. It'd be like that, but they're so trying to subtly direct the course of homeless history. I guess here's what I'm thinking. Where are we going to find a guy who's kind of you know bossy like that and looks homeless in the L.A. comedy scene that we run in?
Speaker: Come on you're saying You're saying we got a bunch of dumpy looking guys that don't dress very well? I'm as i'm posing the question. I'm asking how are we how is this going to work logistically?
Speaker: Well, why do we have to find them in the L.A. comedy scene? i didn't No one suggested that. I'm just throwing that out there. That's just the best scene to find guys that would be great at infiltrating. I'm just randomly throwing out one sector of this wonderful city we just both live Yeah, it's completely random.
Speaker: Listen, let's start riding the rails again, okay? What was that thing in cartoons? there would always have They would always have like that little car that has like a push-pull mechanism. Yeah, yeah. can we get Can we distribute some of those?
Speaker: Do you think that would make be the difference maker? I don't know. I mean, I always thought that looked fun. Yeah. i If you get two guys doing it, you go really fast. Although, the first Darren on Bewitched, one of those destroyed his back.
Speaker: That's a true story. i don't know what you're talking about. The guy who played the husband on Bewitched, there were two Darrens on Bewitched. The first one of them, Dick York. while filming a Western, had one of those push cart things and it somehow destroyed his back doing it and led to... oh from using it? From using it.
Speaker: Oh, shit. So... That's probably why they discontinued it, guess. They had to shoot his... guess and also having motors and all kinds of... guess there were a few reasons. Millions of good reasons why you don't do that. But one of them was it it took out the first Darren from Bewitched.
Speaker: You know what weird? The guy who replaced Darren on Bewitched was also named Dick. i believe I haven't watched this show. You've never seen Bewitched? i I think I watched something of so Sabrina when I was Okay, was a little later. Yeah. yeah Okay.
Speaker: But Bewitched was... um Wait, no, that's... I'm thinking I Dream of Jeannie. What the fuck was Bewitched? but Bewitched was... It was in the realm of I Dream of Jeannie where it was... It's funny. It was funny, yeah. the The wife is a witch in just a regular home.
Speaker: The husband is not a warlock. But his mother-in-law is also a witch. Right. And she would also always comically get his name wrong. It's genetic. It is genetic.
Speaker: So if they had a child, that child would probably be a witch. You can't make shows like that now because those are, we call them Roma people. Do you think our Irish travelers, they don't have magic though, right?
Speaker: Is there Irish?
Speaker: Wait, dude why why would them being Irish block them from magical powers? that That the rest of the... you're right. Because they got the fucking leprechaun. What am I talking about? Yeah, and they got selkies. Do you know the selkie?
Speaker: No, what is that? Selkie is a mermaid that can turn into a seal and vice versa. So...
Speaker: I can't do that. I know, but if you're a mermaid, what? That's already pretty amazing. m Do you think it's like putting a hat on a hat a little bit? Yeah. I guess I never thought of it that way.
Speaker: I mean, there's the banshee. If someone was like this, you know, unicorn can turn into a zebra, I'd be like... Downgrade. Yeah, the unicorn is more interesting. Yeah. So what?
Speaker: I guess I... I guess I see the point. I mean, take it up with Ireland. I wish I could. Yeah. I wish I could do a lot of things to Ireland. Okay, so here's another question. Okay.
Speaker: This is from the Ask History subreddit. Okay. After observing homeless people sleeping, the natural way to sleep before pillows is to use your arms like a cat?
Speaker: question mark And there's quite a bit here, so i'm going to read for a moment. Okay. All right. If beds and pillows aren't natural, early humans slept like homeless people for the most part.
Speaker: From what I observe, homeless people sleeping, which is closest to human ancestors outside. The most comfortable sleeping position when outside, even camping in the woods with no tent. You just need a somewhat hard and dry surface.
Speaker: Cardboard on floor would suffice as sufficient padding. Laying on one side, somewhat crouched using one arm bend like a V as a pillow and your knees slightly bent.
Speaker: I have back issues and want to sleep the real, natural way. I started sleeping on an 8-foot-long, 100-year-old, broken-in wooden table with no pillow. It's long enough that I can outstretch my arms and legs completely from fingertips to toes, full coverage if I want.
Speaker: I was using a pillow, but I think the natural way would be to use your arms and hands, like how you see many homeless people do, or if you're lost in the woods or hiking. I imagine that's how humans have slept originally for thousands of years?
Speaker: Like how animals use their legs and paws as pillows. Cats, dogs, deer, bear, I think most mammals in carnival sleep like that. They bend and fold their legs and rest their head in some part of their legs.
Speaker: So it seems natural for early humans and biology as well. Modern beds are too soft. We are supposed to sleep like homeless people.
Speaker: what What a fascinating question. and And I like the length of which they continue to explain Really go into it. ah You know, something I appreciate is how unsure he seems to be of a lot of this stuff after having bought the old table to sleep on.
Speaker: Like, i would sort of I would sort of put a button on all those questions before I invested in the table to start sleeping on. Yeah. I appreciate that he's kind of saying, you know, homeless people don't know how good they have it.
Speaker: Right? They have it better than most of us sleeping in our two soft beds. but They're more sleeping more naturally. They The way people did for hundreds of thousands of years. And the way animals sleep now. Cats and dogs. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Obviously, that's better. And the proof of that is that homeless people, by necessity, have to do that. so So that's very interesting to consider. I've never heard a cat or dog say, ow, my back. Right.
Speaker: And I've also never tried to listen to what homeless people are complaining about. So as far as I know, they're not talking about their backs. It seems unlikely. Yeah. Yeah. start to say something, I'm kind of gone. Right. Zoom. The other thing is, guess, let's go a step further.
Speaker: Probably cavemen didn't sleep in an apartment. So wait a minute. Do we need a... They slept in caves. They slept in caves.
Speaker: So what are we doing in apartments right now? but all But just the cavemen slept slept in caves because the hole men slept in holes. Oh, who else? What else did we have?
Speaker: ah so Sandman? Sandman? They slept in sand. Sure. um Puddlemen. But the thing is, you could just become a different kind of guy by sleeping in a different spot. It was easy to switch.
Speaker: Yeah. So... So are we just apartment men now? Yeah. Wow. Seems a little unnatural to me. you know It's unnatural. Yeah.
Speaker: And i I like the idea. I'm going to throw out a theory. I feel like the guy who sleeps on a big old table on the floor might be single too.
Speaker: There's no mention of a wife. No. No. Not a girlfriend or a boyfriend. not Nothing like that. alone on this big ass table. So I'm wondering how that would work if you had a had a brood, you know?
Speaker: That's true. Right? Yeah, I mean, the i think probably the bed was originally for the brood. would guess so. Because it's easier to sort of burrow in a bed. To go back to Ireland, last time I was in Ireland, I went to a castle, and the tour guide mentioned how there's like one bedroom in the castle.
Speaker: And here's what surprised me. Yeah, the the the top dog sleeps in the bed. But everyone else in the castle slept in the room too. On the floor. So you think, oh, the lord of the castle, he's going to have the room all to his self.
Speaker: Wait, who's sleeping on the floor? All the servants and his family. Isn't that fucking crazy? Kind of annoying. Yeah. Yeah. Get up to pee in the middle night, step on guys' heads and stuff. Yeah.
Speaker: And you got to pee down a... um I guess you probably i just pee on the servants, huh? Well, that... You probably just stand on the bed and piss off and... There is a specific part of the castle you of... Surprise, motherfuckers. You pee down.
Speaker: But I guess you could do that too, you know? You can do whatever you want. and you know what else that was kind of clever? You'd store your clothes in the room that you peed in. Why? the ammonia from your urine would naturally clean the clothes.
Speaker: it would It would make it smell like piss. It would waft up. Well, probably that too. And clean. Yeah. Listen, this was this was Ireland a long time ago. 70s, 80s. Yeah. A long, long time A long time ago. Yeah.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. So listen, you know, I'd say to this guy, move to Ireland. Yeah, move to Ireland now. Now. You belong in Ireland. Work for Apple. Because living in Ireland is like living the natural way.
Speaker: Yeah. Like a cat or a dog. Yep. And you have Because when you go to Ireland, you're like, these people are fucking animals. What do you say? Yeah. Oh, here's a good question. This is from the does anybody else subreddit.
Speaker: Does anybody else ever wish famous people, they fall online, stop having so many wins in life?
Speaker: Not out of spite, but because it's a reminder of your own inferiority complex. It's a great question. I just wish we could have an example. um What do you think of Derek when you think of a celebrity win on social media?
Speaker: Um, you know, they're, they're big house. They're, they're awesome surgeries they can afford. um they always seem to be outside wearing sunglasses.
Speaker: right They're in a, they're in a garden. They're on the beach. They're rock climbing. They're spotted. They, you know what they would always say in tabloids? Spotted canoodling. Canoodling, that's what they say? That's what they'd say, like the new couple, new celebrity couple.
Speaker: these Yeah, this these newly born couple are canoodling over here. Yeah. It's this waterfall. they're They're canoodling at a place called um the Doodle Club in West Hollywood.
Speaker: Sure. And I'll be like, oh, the off that's typical. They're allowed to go there. Right. And that's one of their ah there are many wins. This person said, not out of spite, but because it's a reminder of your own inferiority complex. And I think that is, that's the worst part, is like not having the inferiority complex, but remembering like, oh, that's what I'm having right now.
Speaker: My inferiority complex. And I just feel like such an idiot for even having that complex. Yeah. So it's it's flaring up when you see Justin justin Bieber killing it at Coachella.
Speaker: He killed it. And he gets to be on so many drugs. He gets to be on so many drugs, but nothing bad will happen to him unless he overdoses like Nick Carter. Nick Carter or Aaron Carter? Which one died?
Speaker: believe both have passed. No, I think Aaron Carter has passed. Aaron Carter, RIP. Yeah. um And it's tough because these are, we're talking about my favorite musicians here, right? But this is um is the reality of the pressures of fame.
Speaker: Every win sort of comes wrapped in an L rapper. yeah You reach the highest highs and the lowest lows. Right. but But that's what I'm saying is being able to reach the lowest lows but then still go home and have a house and have a bunch of adoring like morons who are like, I love you. and so you love them still? Even though they're... And this is where the inferiority complex. They can't even bathe themselves. they're They're shuffling on stage in their pajamas and you know clearly not hardly even there.
Speaker: Minds turn to crap. Oh, he's DJing. Cool. Yeah, that's right. I mean, listen, this is, uh, this is the challenge we all face. I mean, whether you're an artist of consequence like Amadeus or Justin Bieber or, ah Moby, Moby had a Coachella set, you know, they still let him out of the, they still let him out in public after what he did to, what's her face?
Speaker: Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman. Listen, lied about going on a date with her. I think lied about being in a relationship with her. Yeah. um Liar. But in a way, isn't that isn't that a huge celebrity win? to I've also claimed to be in a relationship with Natalie Portman. The difference is she's never come out said it's not true.
Speaker: I mean, this in a way, this puts you above Moby. Many things put me above Moby. Go on. height What else? There? No, I'm not going to go there. I'm not going to go there. Why not the hair?
Speaker: I know many guys that don't have much. Look, I was explaining earlier. I have great respect for bald community. I do. I actually do. How about vegans? um i have't No, I have respect for vegans. you know that's that's That's tough to do. and like Morally, it's the correct position or whatever.
Speaker: um Moby's stupid and annoying. Right. And I may be those things, but not infamously so. That's right. i i like when I drive by Moby's shuttered vegan restaurant, ah Little Pine, ah which he closed during COVID ah without letting the staff know that he was going to do that.
Speaker: And then I think didn't pay them their back pay. ah We'll check that so i don't get sued. They should home invade him. They should break into his house and steal some of his ah samplers.
Speaker: whiman Moby's Whitman samplers? Is he a big sugar head because he can't eat meat? Come on, man. talking about the musical instrument. Drum machine, you know. 808s. 808s. There you go. I know.
Speaker: I know that. Dude, awesome. That's so awesome. I love to just get on the boards and, you know. You're cool, man. Thanks.
Speaker: I had like ah a sort of second thought like a moment ago. I was talking about like how people still love celebrities, even though they've like fallen into ruin and, you know they're shouting out, I love you. I love you to this sort of like, you know, desiccated shell of, a you know, yeah what used to be like an eye color.
Speaker: Yeah. What used to be a child. um But then I thought, well, that is kind of what we do with the grandparents anyway, right? It's just that it's just Justin Bieber's reached that, that stage like in his thirties or something. He's giving grandpa,
Speaker: But like grandpa, it's like, why do you love grandpa? Not for stuff he's doing now. Shitting his pants, mumbling incoherently, not remembering your name. It's like, well, if you met him like that, you'd be like, this guy sucks. but you But you're you're giving him all this adoration because of, you know, sometimes stuff, it's sometimes the stuff he did when you were a little kid or sometimes it's stuff that your dad told and was like,
Speaker: Actually, he used to be a big man. I used to be scared of grandpa. Right. You're like scared of grandpa? I could kill grandpa. Listen, when the when the Ghostbusters sequel came out, and I'm not talking the one with all women. We're not going to talk about that one.
Speaker: The one with um CGI i Harold, what's his name? Harold Ramis. Yeah. ah I mean, I was very clear. I said, let me tell you this. You're going to have a big problem on your hands if I don't get some cameos of some much older Ghostbusters in it.
Speaker: h and it it will involve violence I mean I'll be frank you know well that's I mean that's I think the advantage of the CGI ghost right I mean like you know you can have a cameo for someone still alive and you're like you know shadow of their former self right ah not that interesting to see them perform really it's just more like a oh remember this guy CGI ghost shows up with his full power you know hi it's me young Harold Ramis yeah whoa spunky full of life yeah You know, really, I mean, like if ghosts were real, it would be like they would they would be the same age as when they died or they would get even older as ghosts and get even like kind of smaller, more wrinkled, more dementiaed.
Speaker: hmm. That's interesting. That's interesting. So was Slimer a young man when he passed? What did Slimer die of? I'd just been a little gross little green blob, I think. Mm hmm.
Speaker: Poor lifestyle. Probably. Or, you know, that's what happens after you've been dead for like 150 years. It's like you just get smaller and smaller and like kind of, you know, clearly this guy doesn't make sense. Right.
Speaker: So Abe Lincoln would be like that now. It could be Abe Lincoln himself. I never thought of. So Slimer could be Abe Lincoln for all we know. Could be. Yeah. Slimer could be anybody.
Speaker: I hope future installments explore this idea. And I hope we're involved, frankly. you want to You have an idea for the next Ghostbusters? Well, they did cold Frozen Empire.
Speaker: um I didn't see that. Yeah, I missed it myself. um I guess they could do really hot now. Sure. Well, I mean, you know, they didn't have this elemental aspect of the the first Ghostbusters. So they just had. You don't have to do that stuff. long I guess they don't. Yeah.
Speaker: Well, do you have a pitch? um I don't know. I guess I'd like to see other... you know they've They've got ghosts, but it'd be nice to see werewolves and vampires and all kinds of creepy crawlies. that's interesting. Yeah.
Speaker: Selkie. Maybe they have to like write right right kill one of these Irish mermaids. Yeah, which will be hard for Bill Murray. Kill? Do they kill? Why do I say that? I don't think... I mean, you said it. I mean, can... That would be an interesting turn, though, for the Ghostbusters, though, they started carrying around. They just start killing.
Speaker: Yeah. Hmm. Knives and guns, and there he is, the wolf man. kill them. yeah And not because they're not because they're like endangering anyone. Just because they're different.
Speaker: it's if that's If that's why Ghostbusters were killing them. Yeah. Like, show me your hands. Show me your hands. And then, even though they're 100 feet away, they start shooting. Yeah. Show me your hands. Oh, you don't have any. You just have fins. You're selkie. Yeah, you're selkie.
Speaker: Body cams on the Ghostbusters. They should work body cams. They should, actually. Remember what they did to that hotel ballroom? I mean, we're lucky we got a glimpse because there were cameras there. You really have you have a good media recall, don't you? That's all I have.
Speaker: Okay. Name a movie. um news ah I can't do it, can you? um News story.
Speaker: i know. Is there another Reddit question? Well, I kind of ran out Reddit questions. does anyone Okay, I'll just browse the subreddit of the does anyone else.
Speaker: Does anyone else not go on their phone when they're taking a number two?
Speaker: This is the kind of thing you want to know if anyone else does right not do it. So I want to get the phrasing right. does anyone not He's asking does anyone not asking, do other people go on their phones? He's asking, does anyone not go on their phones when they're taking bowel movement? Okay.
Speaker: um Well, what are the answers? I mean, you know. Well, there's 35 comments. So it's a hot topic. And the top reply is currently pooping.
Speaker: So I guess that's a yet. I mean, unless he possibly has a desktop computer. and another and another Another comment says, I don't bring my phone to the bathroom. Now that's interesting.
Speaker: i i I always have my phone with me. i Even when I'm sharing, I put it like on the ah the counter. um I feel like I'm paranoid or something. It's like if, no quote unquote, if someone is coming after me or whatever. You want the phone.
Speaker: They want the phone? No, I was like, I you i use the phone to call 911. No, that's what I'm saying. You want the phone. Oh, I thought you said they want the phone. Maybe they do. maybe that's why they're coming. That's why i keep it close to me. And you can't get it. Right. Nuh-uh. You'll have to kill me first. I'm calling 911. And then you say, okay. They put one right in your brain.
Speaker: Yeah. They could. Another the reply says, some of you have the luxury of not suffering from IBS. but Someone's getting a little bit mouthy and like, oh, so you ignore the IBS community with your question.
Speaker: I need to have my phone on me for medical reasons. Didn't think of that smart guy. Yeah. Why don't you just forget about the IBS community? No, just like everyone else.
Speaker: There should be a door when you, for restaurants, they should have a second door that says IBS suffers. And yeah, they should keep it clear that way they can get in and out whenever they need to. Right. Right.
Speaker: Got your phone on you. They yeah like remind you just to be safe. Yeah. Hey, you got your buddy. You got your phone on you. Good. Come in. Have a good time. Eat. Yep. IBS, IBS suffers this way. You skip to the front of the line. We know it's going to go right through you. A table for two. Oh, Sullivan. I have IBS. Yeah.
Speaker: Right this way, sir. Yep. And lady. You're looking wonderful tonight, Mademoiselle. It's like French. Yeah. Sure. She looks good from all the shitting or whatever. Yeah. You know.
Speaker: Pro Anna. Could be. Yeah. Okay. That's Does anyone else slowly blink at their dog and watch them slowly blink back until they fall asleep?
Speaker: My understanding is some people say that dogs and cats slowly blinking at humans is a sign of affection. I don't know how we know that for sure, though.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, if my dog was doing that, I would just say, that's your way. I'm not a dog. Right. I mean, I think it's sort of pathetic to be mimicking the dog. The dog's supposed to mimic you. The dog should... you know, that's why we were always really impressed, like on ah America's Funniest Home Videos, when they would have a dog say... right barbara hey I love you sweetie. oh Like that that's cool. That is cool.
Speaker: Slowly blinking at a dog. That's yeah that's like that's weird. It's like licking the dog. Yeah right because the dog licks you. Here's a question. ah Does anyone else They didn't format this right.
Speaker: Does anyone else get a severe pit in their stomach slash hopeless slash sad feeling every day for a short time? Um...
Speaker: No, I think that's just this person. That's just you. And you're frankly bringing down the subreddit. This is to talk about... Remove yourself. Yep. Do whatever you can to get yourself away from others. You're harmful. And do not talk about this problem again.
Speaker: Keep it inside. Yep. Where it hurts. Not my problem. Talk about how you should be sleeping like a dog or something. Okay. Um, does it, we don't have to, let's not answer all these, but I'll just read a couple off. Okay.
Speaker: Does anyone else fart then sniff it right after? Does anyone else know someone that likes to have a reason to bitch and complain? Yes. um Does anyone else feel like they just aren't able to get truly addicted to things?
Speaker: That's an interesting problem. They need to have a group for guys that can't get addicted to stuff. And all their stories are just about all the benders that they've done but not gotten addicted.
Speaker: I can't control myself. I want to stop drinking after three. Yeah. You know, keep coming back, brother. Anybody else want to die, but not suicidal? And then right above it is, does anyone else want to be immortal?
Speaker: Was it the same guy posting both? No, that'd be cool. But, you know, it's just truly, that you know, the gamut all of all human hopes and dreams. Really in between those two, isn't it? Truly, this is a this would be a good subreddit to be completely replaced by AI, I guess, because just like, does anybody else... Right. Anything.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. But it's always it always features a guy going, um, I have IBS. Yeah. Oh, I like this. um Does anyone else end up enjoying female characters more than male characters?
Speaker: And is that bad?
Speaker: I wonder if a man or woman wrote that one. It's impossible to tell. Well, I'll tell you. um It's here in the body. It says, I really love watching TV shows. Oftentimes I'll join the fandom.
Speaker: Being a girl and a lesbian, I oftentimes like female characters more than characters of other genders. and almost all And almost all the ships I like are WLM, women loving women.
Speaker: um I recently saw a discussion talking about how fandom spaces often prefer male characters have less patience for female characters. Obviously, it's not misogynistic to like male characters, but I do agree that often fandoms will be more forgiving of them than their female kind of more forgiving of them than their female counterparts.
Speaker: I got to be honest, I was not expecting that to be written by a woman. Yeah. So basically, is this a bad thing? Yes, you have to like the male couples. You should be, obviously, you know you're a woman, so why why do you need more women?
Speaker: you I mean, it's just the males are there to be celebrated. The women are just background. They're basically just a buffer so that it's not all 100% male pleasure. Right. <unk>s they're like They're like the wallpaper, you know. You don't pay too much attention to them. It's just that if it were only males, you would have no perspective for anything else. Yeah.
Speaker: And you would kind of have a pleasure overload. you should be doing better as a member of multiple fandoms. This is not a day one question. Or this is a day one question. It's a day one question.
Speaker: Let's get better. Okay. Yeah. You got to be, you got to be shipping Ross and Joey, not Monica and the other one. Now that would be interesting.
Speaker: Whoever they are. Yeah. Brittany. Was that one of the friends? Brittany, Jessica, Linda. Those that... Oh, okay. Whoever. You're not supposed to even know their names. Right. They never say those characters' names in the show. The women's names. You have to go on the wiki.
Speaker: The wikia. Yeah, they... Not even wiki. Wikipedia, they don't listen. No. But the wi the fan wiki will have it. Right. They're usually referred to, like, in The Handmaid's Tale, like, of Ross.
Speaker: Of Chandler. Like, their name is just... Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know i don't know Handmaid's Tale either. Yeah. so It's all about women, apparently. That's why I haven't seen this crap.
Speaker: Oh, I like this. Does anyone else see Nightmare Before Christmas tattoos as as an indicator of a bad person?
Speaker: um I don't know where I got the belief instilled, but I'm convinced that having a Nightmare Before Christmas obsession, especially in tattoo form, is an indicator of bad vibes, bad energy.
Speaker: i just get a weird feeling from people who like it like that. Something's off. I get awful vibes from people with them, and I cannot explain it. I don't dislike the movie.
Speaker: I don't dislike Halloween. I genuinely don't know where this came from. And I have like nothing to base it on except vibes. Help me understand. I think I can help this poster.
Speaker: which is They are copying to an antipathy towards the adult mall goth. And that's that's okay. it's ah Yeah, you should be creeped out by them. That's okay. you know They are bad people.
Speaker: Maybe. mean... i mean They might have all the right political beliefs and so on. They might be kind in their personal life, never heard a fly, but doesn't... Even though they've done nothing bad, they might still be a bad person. Yeah.
Speaker: Just because they're cringe. And that's because you have the the Jack Skellington tattoo. Yeah. the The dog. Remember the dog with the... Yeah, little dog. Yeah. Character. The mayor with the two heads, spinning head. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: I think that's fine. I think, you know, but you have to, you know, just to navigate the world just to save time. Bad. yeah You have to put certain people in the bad person category. a Guy playing tennis. Bad.
Speaker: Right. Kind of. Yeah. Right. Tennis player. Definitely bad. Right. Guy jogging. Bad. that Bad. Don't do that near me. Airline pilot. Bad. Easy.
Speaker: They are bad, aren't they? Pilots? We could just do this all day. you know Cheating on their wives, getting drunk. Wheels up, rings off. You ever hear that one? Oh, no. That's interesting. Yeah.
Speaker: That's a thing. They're fucking all these stewardistss yeah stewardists steward stewardess. Yeah. Stewardess. Yeah. Yeah. Stewardess. The stewardess is back here, um you know know, seat 23, flirting with me by asking me if I want coffee.
Speaker: um But secretly, even though she's led me on, she's fucking the captain. may get to that Sheridan at our destination. We have to bring back...
Speaker: Christian standards in this country and only Christian. We were talking about that before we even hit record. Now we're coming back to it again. we're We've all been talking about it.
Speaker: Getting a little tired of not having that in the mix here. Yeah. Too many Wiccans running the... Don't get me started. Wiccans. The Wiccan oppression.
Speaker: Lighting incense and playing their like little board game with all the letters. you know, I mean, as an evangelical Christian, you know, I'm getting a little tired of how prominent a role Wiccans are playing in our politics, in our culture, everywhere. You can't escape them.
Speaker: I can't go a day not thinking of Wiccanism. And its tenets. I mean, all of its tenets.
Speaker: such yeah It would be so exhausting to even list one because... I i don't even want to do that. If I think of one tenant, I'm going to be thinking of tenant two, tenant three. and three yeah All the various tenants, you know, they have that... I swear to God, please don't make a fucking joke about Christopher Nolan's tenant.
Speaker: Don't. Is he a Wiccan? Probably. It's interesting. No, he's Anglican, but what's the difference? Hey, that's some real shit. Thanks.
Speaker: you
