68. The Next Chamber

Transcript

Speaker: But it was interesting. i was using ah language I don't normally use. Spitting gold. Spitting. ah was spitting. I've been spitting. People say spinning gold, right? No, only spiders say that.

Speaker: I'm spinning gold right now. Spiders say that and Rumpelstiltskin that. Rumpers, Rumpers, stills can't. Can you imagine getting out of on a technicality? Like you finally guess his name. You say, is it Rumpers, stills skin? And he goes close, but I have something to say. well Go ahead. Is that the name of the guy from the Smurfs?

Speaker: No. Rump. You're thinking of blue Smurfs. I think you're actually thinking of blue Smurfs. I'm thinking of Gargamel. Gargamel. I always think about Gargamel.

Speaker: The name, not the character. Me too. The name reminds me of the character though. One question. Is Gargamel the guy from Power Rangers? No, that's Zardon. Ivan Ooze.

Speaker: Zordon. Ivan Ooze and? Friends. And who else? Repulsa. Yes. And who is the name of the guy, the red guy with the weird grill on his face? Like the veiny red burned guy. Power Rangers? Yeah.

Speaker: He looks kind of like the devil with a silver star. I think he was only for... Was he only in the American movie? No, no um that's Ivan Ooze. Ivan Ooze was made for the American movie. Ivan Ooze was made for the American movie, but who's the red? This guy has a Z on top of his head.

Speaker: You elder Zoomers, get off your phones. And since we've ah sort of descended into like the ah cul-de-sac of references that 20% of the audience will get, go ahead and turn off the episode.

Speaker: This one's ruined again. This is an optional episode. ah Well, actually very much like all of our episodes. It's entirely optional to listen to. You feel that way about all of them?

Speaker: They're optional. Yeah, they are an option. I mean that in the best sense. Yeah, but once you've listened to them, and there's kind of no one doing it. Lord Zedd. Lord Zedd is so badass, man.

Speaker: um Well, this is not, I will say, this is not an optional episode of Chamber of Reason. It's mandatory? our firstatory this is our first mandatory episode. To everyone? To everyone, not just our listeners, but to our non-listeners as well. ah We're going to make sure this gets out there. This episode is mandatory viewing. That's the challenge. Find a way to see us.

Speaker: This episode is mandatory viewing and and we're also going to be employing a lot of other impossible mandatory ah directives. Who's Gorgon? Gorgon is ah the name of the species that Medusa is. She's a Gorgon. Yeah. yeah And what makes Gorgons distinct? They're ugly. They're hideous. They have snakes for hair.

Speaker: Not all of them, right? Just Medusa? i don't think why they say- even say she's a Gorgon if it's not relevant then? She is a Gorgon and they all have snakes for hair. Oh, Matthew was telling me otherwise. i don't know if that's in the text, but they're all ugly.

Speaker: Gorgons are the ugliest thing in Greece. Do they cut their hair or does it only grow to a certain length because it's snakes? only way to cut their hair is to get slain by Perseus. By a hero? Yes. Using a mirror shield. a mirror, yeah. Athena's shield, Aegis. Has Medusa ever gone up against Narcissus? Hey, mar because he looks in a mirror pool.

Speaker: Yeah, that's kind of his, he gets a buff or something when he does that. Yeah. Damn, I'm so buff-pilled right now playing Slay the Spire. I think of everything in terms of piles. Buffs. Buffs, discard piles. boost.

Speaker: I got a boost away. Yeah, you discarded some urine earlier. I did, yeah, and I got a comfort buff. you discard it, or is that in the exhaust pile? It's probably exhausted. My urine? No, I can redeploy that later.

Speaker: Oh, good. It gets reshuffled. All urine gets reshuffled. Every time you urinate, it's old urine that comes back in. It goes back in if you're doing it right. Well, they say that about like every time you drink, you're drinking some dinosaur pee. Who says that? who's Scientists.

Speaker: Creationists. and They say odds are it's a T-Rex pee because they were so damn big. Most dinosaur pee was T-Rex pee. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: They had a strong stream. I mean, they say you're allowed to re-drink your own pee like three cycles, right? Before it runs out of benefits. Three cycles? Yeah, I've heard that. That if you're in a survival situation, you can drink your own pee, I think, three you can reprocess it three times. I think I've heard that as well. Each time you you get more and more benefits. would wouldn it you know it Wouldn't make sense to always be um drinking your pee two or three cycles just in case you're about to enter a survival situation? Because in survival situation, rather have the big bottle of water you have with you. So you should be drinking the piss.

Speaker: but do you know I'm saying? Get the piss out of the way first. Later on, have the big icy cold bottle of of water. Yeah. As soon as you're a little bit stressed out and you're outside, you should be thinking about drinking your piss. Well, I do remember that there was a funny Bear Grylls YouTube poop video, and ah they found a soundbite of him saying, and the only thing to do is to drink my own pee. After every little inconvenience, he was saying, and the only thing to do is to drink my own pee. So the sun's going down.

Speaker: The only thing to do is. Made me laugh a lot. I was a big fan of that video back in the day. Having a low threshold for what you consider a survival situation is it allows you to drink your own pee more than other guys do. True. It's really nice. Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah. He was surrounded by like a helicopter and a camera crew. I hear a copter. Let's I'll drink to that. i think I hear spinning blades. I mean, a lot of people in survival situations, as soon as help comes or rescue is on the way, they think, well, before I go back to society, I have one last thing to do. I mean, I know that my clock, the clock is running out.

Speaker: Do people say that? The clock is running out? My biological clock is running down. Right. I only have one last chance to get a sip of piss. I mean, any emergency. Do you find ever when you have, you order like a really nice drink at a restaurant or you just have it prepared maybe?

Speaker: in your own home and you're really thirsty do you get a second drink just to satisfy the thirst and then enjoy you know what i'm saying yes i mean i have water to satisfy your thirst oh yes special drink so you can slowly savor the special drink That's the way to do it I'm always kind of disgusted when I see my buddy order like a big $9 drink and then chug it. Chug it because they're thirsty.

Speaker: Yeah. I mean, I chug beer when I'm thirsty. It's nice to have water. But beer is kind of water in your mind, right? In my mind. Beer is an infinitely replaceable liquid. i've I've never really been a huge water guy, but the fact that coffee and beer exist really make life easy for me. A guy who doesn't drink that much water. Day water and night water. Exactly. Yeah. My amulets, my beverage amulets.

Speaker: Now I want to reiterate that this is a mandatory episode of Chamber of Reason. And guys, I just want to acknowledge how nice it is that it's just the three of us with no fucking guest. We rarely actually like the guests. They're not our friends. They're not even in our community. They're just they're just on to promote something, right? Yeah, they're always on to plug. Some movie or game show or something. Some movie, game show, or other BS. We should start having guests who have nothing going on in their lives. Yeah, vagrants and the deceased.

Speaker: Yeah, the deceased who actually have something to say. Yeah. Been through it. We also want to submit that we are experimenting with the form of not just podcasting, but the form of Chamber of Reason podcasting.

Speaker: You know, we've taken pages out of many, many different books in the podcasting sphere, but today we're going to take another page out of another sphere, drip away one layer of an existence sphere. page of sphere. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's sort like a crumpled up ball of paper, really. It's kind of like an everlasting gobstopper that has layers. We're stripping one layer away from one gobstopper and putting it sort of in our gobs, if that makes any sense.

Speaker: Now, instead of finding some questions from the internet today, we've been so inspired. You know, the whole point of finding Reddit questions and taking online quizzes is to open the floor for discussion. You know, they're a jumping off point for a deep discussion. Open the floor. Yes.

Speaker: Open the dance floor, really. Have the mind. When I think open the floor, I i think of the the thing Epstein had in his villa or whatever. The sort of trap door floor that opens. and i think I was on his boat. Was it in his boat? Yeah.

Speaker: Trap door in the boat. Yeah. I think trap door in your home is... That's just sort of a sweetie situation. I thought it was in the home, but it also it released into the ocean. so it was like a cliff house. Mm-hmm. When I say open the floor, I do mean something more like open the Senate floor for discussion or open the dance floor. But you can also think of our discussions as opening a trap door on a sex trafficking boat. I think that is what opening the floor means. The floor is open for discussion.

Speaker: That is what happens to you. Trap doors for you are on sex boats? To me they open up to spikes. To spikes too, yeah. Well, well here's the difference is like trapping, you send someone out into the ocean, they're in the infinite waters. I mean that's like consciousness itself, but opening a trap door, do you think Epstein was- the ocean is like a metaphor? It's like a metaphor, but not but it's not exactly that. yeah I think drowning to death in the ocean is both a literal death and a metaphorical death. It's beautiful. death Yeah. Whereas hitting a bunch of spikes, there's no metaphor. And when you drown in the ocean, you turn and back into a wave. Yes. One wave. One, yeah. And one drop, really. One drop in the bucket. So every time you take a drink of water, they say you're drinking dinosaur piss and drops of men.

Speaker: Drops of men who have drowned. Drowned men. All the dead pirates and sailors throughout history. not all drowned men, but mostly pirates and sailors and whalers. Now, let me finish this point here. We have done... No. Okay, fine. We have done, I want to say close to, and I won't give a hard number here, 68 to 69 episodes of Chamber of Reason. And that is a lot of inspiration. Can we skip... Can the next episode be... We just put 127 or something for the number?

Speaker: I think we should start sort of gamifying and randomizing our episode numbers. Maybe every time we get a subscriber, the number doubles. So like in a few months, it'll be like in the hundreds of thousands. We should have the episode ah number be directly relevant to our subscriber numbers. I'm thinking about Slay the Spire again. Yeah. it should These should be sort of like buffs. to yeah The number is the main thing that's going up. Yeah.

Speaker: God damn. I do want to put it out there that ah we are aiming for 1000 paid subscribers. ah That's a goal. We have we have actually kind of a reward at the end of the goal, which is that Derek will move to New York City and the three of us will begin recording ah video episodes. I thought we were going to go to Hawaii. And and we're going to go to Hawaii and enjoy waves. In Florida. In Florida. Florida should be the fun. Generally Florida. We're going to go to general Florida. Once we get a thousand subscribers, Chamber Reason goes to Florida. And I'm interested in Cabo Verde. You're interested in that? Yeah. What is that? It would it was from the big soccer game. A small island country persevered and almost beat a bigger, longer country.

Speaker: Is there something that you guys have against me finishing this point? want you to finish it. Okay. Yes. There is something that you have against. because I'm already so bossy. and now You're not that bossy. I'm supposed to finishing point. I'm the bossy one.

Speaker: you You guys are both bossy. I would say you two are the bossy members of Chamber of Reason. your obstinance I'm instantly unbossy, but I am obstinance. Your obstinance is like a bossiness of kind because you don't let us. You're the boss of the vigilante. I'm a bosser's block.

Speaker: you're an and You're a debuff to the boss. um We have been inspired a lot by all of the questions and quizzes and thoughts that we have read over the two two years of Chamber of Reason. You know, not with any super consistency, especially in the first year. But today, what we're going to begin doing...

Speaker: is putting on our questioning and thinking caps and asking each other questions from our own hearts and minds, but maybe not written in our signature voices that people have come to know and love from our various projects and Twitter posts.

Speaker: But just to sort of assume a synthesized hive mind of the average Reddit user. Does that sound right? That's what we're supposed to be writing? Well, that's what did. questions? You have Reddit thoughts, right? Yeah, it just comes out natural. Thinking itself is Reddit.

Speaker: Thinking is Reddit. Thinking is Reddit. Do you guys mind if I begin? Not at all. With my first thought. And actually, let's see if we can't find a nice sound effect to play just for this moment between thoughts.

Speaker: Are you guys ready for my first ah thought question? Just want to be perfectly clear. We are asking each other questions just like a regular episode of Chamber of Reason, but with a twist. The twist is that these cannot be found on the Internet at all. They don't exist. Well, somebody might hear these questions and then type them up and submit it and see what other users think. True. And we want to say to our listeners, if you have any, I mean, we already have a part of our discord where people can submit Reddit questions, but we are now accepting homegrown listener sent thoughts and questions.

Speaker: And you know, the vibes listeners. It's an auction. It's an auction. it's a weekly auction. You send a bid. ah Whoever sends the most money gets their question on the pod. We have one lucky winner every episode. Here is my first question. Okay.

Speaker: Should different items carry different social slash legal penalties when littered? Sometimes I think Bic lighters should be totally free to litter. When you find one on the ground, it's like free fire. Other things like wet paper should not be freely littered.

Speaker: But they carry the same legal penalty, don't they? Um... No. Why or why not? I think that's implied in every question. Why or why not? I like what Singapore did with the ah the the chewing gum situation where like what did they cane you? they can Oh, I remember reading this in like trivia circles. I don't know, maybe this was last a thing in the 80s or 90s, but it'd be nice to bring that back for just like a few decades. What do they do? They cane you for chewing too loudly or for spitting your gum on the road? I wish both, but just spitting gum on the road.

Speaker: Really? cane you. They cane you. And this is true, right? This isn't just like don't know. Okay. I'm not the expert on it, clearly. Doesn't that cause its own litter? Let's not even call it Singapore. Let's just say there's a fictional, beautiful country that heavily punishes people for any kind of litter.

Speaker: And i I want to emulate them. And they just happen to count spitting gum on the road as litter. I don't consider that litter. I don't consider that adding to the sidewalk. Well, what's what's interesting is I don't really consider litter either. But I just want to be very harsh and authoritative. I think caning is a fine punishment. It's probably better than prison. I think you get both. I don't think you get caned unless you also have a prison sentence. because can They don't like pull your drawers down, you, and send on In this country I'm talking about, which may be Singapore or may just be a fictional country that I'm attributing things to,

Speaker: They do both. But doesn't caning cause litter? Don't like bits of your skin and blood fly off? And bits of cane. That's true, the cane does kind of break off a little bit.

Speaker: Caning is not a good punishment for littering just because of the amount of debris it creates. my god, imagine if you're walking around barefoot and you step on a piece of cane splinter in human flesh and hair And then you create like and and never a pain cycle. yeah You scream and then the droplets of saliva that come out of your mouth while you are screaming, ah that's considered litter. litter yeah Everything, all litter, everything is litter. Litter begets litter. So for you, there's no way to punish for litter because how do you even define it? it just its everything we interact with.

Speaker: Anything that has foundation on the ground ultimately is litter. If it's in the air. If it's in the air, it's sitting on other air. Wait, so everything is litter. Yes. Your definition made, could have just said everything. If somehow going down, you can trace it all down to the ground, that's litter. But if it has some kind anti-gravity effect it's floating up, you would say that's not littered. What is that?

Speaker: I don't know. I've never seen anything like that. I've never seen something fall but not hit the ground. it always dayground it stays suspended in midair. i mean, I guess there are other planets. They're not on this ground, but they are a ground. It would be funny if someone, if so a mad scientist solved the litter problem by making all litter spontaneously start floating in midair. And then as you're trying to get to work, you're just pushing empty soda bottles. And and every time you throw a soda bottle on the ground, it like flies off to another galaxy. It'd be awesome.

Speaker: Yeah, well, it wouldn't be great. I mean, I think that people have suggested it wouldn't be firing a rocket full of litter off the planet, but it creates so much more litter to make a rocket than it does. Right. And the energy that it costs to sense. Oh, just use the space elevator. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's cost effective. Jump it up there.

Speaker: Yeah, just do that. I do think it probably shouldn't count as litter or it should be legally maybe you should only get one lash of the cane if you litter um like a trash bag. a litter Yeah, a littered a closed trash bag. g Littering a closed trash bag or littering an open one onto a bunch of Debris. Yeah.

Speaker: Well, I think that there should be, you know, you can, if you litter on top of some some already existent litter, I feel like that should be fine and that you shouldn't get caned. I really like how caning keeps coming up. feel like you guys actually have a kind of narrow conception of caning. You're thinking of a whack, but anything you do to a person with with a cane is a punishment.

Speaker: Yeah, sticking it in their mouth. You could roll them out. Yeah, you could roll them out like Play-Doh.

Speaker: Whoa, what can you what you? Oh, you can like walk with it on. What do people use canes for? yeah you can. Yeah, like as Charlie Chaplin. You can spin it. Yeah. That counts as caning. You can be an amazing dancer, director, actor.

Speaker: With a cane. and Tramp. You can be a tramp, honestly speaking. Yeah. I think it would count as litter if you just put a beautiful clay sculpture on the ground. Yeah, definitely. If it's on the ground. It wouldn't count as litter if it was, let's say it's a clay sculpture with a base.

Speaker: It's only litter if it's not on its base, if it's sideways. But that's literally true. Like if there was a bust on the street and it was on its face, That would be litter. But if there was a bust on the street, but it was face up, people would say, oh, a bust.

Speaker: the caning The caning, you know, like when the police plant drugs on you, the litter police would kick over the bust before caning you and say, that's litter. You didn't set it up, right? you know what i'm saying? Yes. You don't like it, though. If a man is on the ground...

Speaker: The way we are, we're not litter. No, but if he's face down, yes. are on the ground right now. Just like any trash. But if he's face down... It's litter. He just calls that human li litter. That's human litter.

Speaker: We gotta clean up these streets. Yeah. Yeah, face... mean, face down is very serious. Face down is seriously litter. If you see someone face down, they are... Trash. They're ruined. Yeah, they're rubble.

Speaker: Face up is... I guess kind of on the... Well, this is what I mean is like, should you get caned if you're face up? If you put someone face up on the sidewalk? Well, again, mean this is a fictional country I'm describing, but in this country, there's a very progressive social housing policy and everyone has a place to stay. And that being said, if you're laying down in this country, you're probably getting a caning.

Speaker: Yeah. Whether or not I think you deserve it. Not just the person who is laying down, but I guess like the person has been littered by someone else. They got threw up by their girlfriend? Yeah, exactly. Should there be different penalties for the way that the corpse is presented by murderers? If they're crumpled up. If the murderer is victim. If they the corpse on something to get it off their shoe. Don't spread it.

Speaker: ah Spread it like butter? if ah if you spread If a murderer's victim is spread like butter on the pavement face up, should that take yeah like that ta should that carry the same legal penalty for a murderer a murderer whose victim is currently standing up and walking around?

Speaker: In this country, technically murder is legal, but litter is a crime. Murder is legal. It just so happens. It just means that the corpse cannot be littered. The only way for murderers to get away with murder is to have the murdered corpse still be living and walking around on the ground. That's legit. That's legit.

Speaker: If the murdered corpse is breathing and still doing good works, yeah then the murderer can get off scot-free. This is our chamber of reason advice to all murderers is don't like slice the body and hide it in different locations or dissolve it in acid. Just make sure the murdered corpse is still going to work and stay spending time with its family. But we can't stop, stop you. If you decide to do that, we can't stop you. If you decide to dissolve it, my question, i mean, in terms of corpse as murder, is it better for the murderer to leave the corpse unrecognizable as murder?

Speaker: as a body even like you can't even tell what this thing was like if they turn into a tree. Well, yeah, that's one way that takes more art. I imagine i was simply imagining a a mess.

Speaker: I guess. Oh, just a splatter, a splatter. Is that just a gory splatter? Because with the gory splatter, yeah, you don't see it as a human. You're not like, oh, someone died here. You're just like, okay, that's a bloody, that's it's simply a bloody mess. It's just a bunch of it's just a human skull and a bunch of blood.

Speaker: But you're not going to be like, oh, that's like a person who died. you're going to be relieved. It's ambient gore. That's just red mist and sharp white pieces. even just somebody who's like missing a limb, you kind of don't see as a person.

Speaker: Yeah, usually not. What is this like torso and legs and head walking around? Just a bunch of crap. it's just ah It's just objects. A collection of objects. It's scary to see a collection of objects behaving, moving and talking to you. And it makes you want, and you know, there's a piece missing. The essential piece that makes you a human.

Speaker: Yes. The left arm. Whatever's missing is the essential piece that makes one human. Somebody somebody remember that. Somebody remember that and think it's good. friends That's what makes you human. Not just me.

Speaker: Join me in remembering and thinking that's good. yeah Remember that. If you're out there striving that and yearning, don't. Because whatever you're missing will make you finally human. Wherever you are there you are there you go. There you go. There you go, baby. Whatever you do or whatever we do, there we go there we say That's what we say come on there Here we are. where Whatever we do, we're doing something. All right. Well, that was mine. And thank you guys. Okay. I have ah something I wrote down.

Speaker: And maybe this was supposed to be a ah tweet years ago. I just opened up a really old document my on my phone here. And it says... cheated? No. This is a thought and it will prompt discussion, I think.

Speaker: um I wrote, if Elvis Presley sang Jailhouse Rock near my teenage daughter, I would murder him in cold blood. So basically, Elvis was really sexy back in the day.

Speaker: And um well, the premise of what I wrote, I guess, is that that would really upset me if I had a teenage daughter at the time. You don't want a teenage daughter of yours to experience... Orgasm?

Speaker: Is that what would happen? I think people were coming to Jailhouse Rock back day. They screaming. Well, they never saw a guy move his pelvis in such a way, right?

Speaker: That was his big move. His pelvis. He was boinking the air. no one had ever seen that. It was crazy. He was boinking the air. And women could come multiple times watching it. They actually... Girls can actually come multiple times in a row with no refractory period.

Speaker: And Elvis never came at all vehicle because he had no con, it just the air. He was just a performer. I think that Elvis could come if there were enough girls screaming.

Speaker: and think that's why he did it. If they were all screaming in unison, yeah like physically the the vibrations would combine sort of like a spirit bomb and...

Speaker: That, but I also hear that there's something about the female orgasm scream that is related to our primal past. Guys can't hear it. Guys can't hear it. I think I've heard that it is to signal to other females that you're being satisfied by guy. It sends over the other females. Yeah, but it's too high-pitched. The can't hear it. It's too high-pitched for the guy hear. Nails on a chocolate. Do they have a... Is there such thing as a sympathetic orgasm? Like if crowd of teenage daughters was all... Stop saying teenage daughters.

Speaker: no Well, every woman is somebody's teenage daughter. Yeah, exactly. yeah So it goes without saying. Sons. What about the teenage daughters, Derek? Well... yeah Are these all yours?

Speaker: Well, would Elvis come? He wouldn't sympathize. No. Misogynist. He wouldn't sympathize with their orgasms. i Being a misogynist hurts men more than women because it prevents men from having sympathetic orgasms. Yeah, couldn't be me, they say.

Speaker: Male feminist. Yeah, it's girly to have a female orgasm. I would never. I only have male orgasms. Oh, yeah. They don't work. Male orgasms don't work. They don't do anything. Yes, they do. They produce. It's 10% the amount of pleasure as a woman has. That's true, right?

Speaker: I think that women were screaming because they were so impressed by Elvis's ah ability to not have openly jizzed his pants on stage. I think that they were having like a post ironic reverse sympathtic sympathetic orgasm because it's crazy to watch a man be so pleased by a bunch of teenage daughters and not jizz everywhere.

Speaker: And they were impressed. They were all having sympathetic orgasms and they were all anticipating each other's. Uh huh. Uh huh. Blue space shoes. He talks about that while blasting or while coming.

Speaker: Blue suede shoes. Well, I thought we were saying he doesn't come. Oh, wait. That changes things. Elvis is the enemy of all fathers is what you're saying. Or he should be. the ah Elvis is the enemy of the good. The good, yeah. If Elvis didn't exist, somebody would have to invent him.

Speaker: I mean, someone did, right? Someone invented Elvis. His damn manager. Yeah, he was managed. Did you know that? He's asterisk. Do we like that guy? Elvis. Do we like listening to Elvis?

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In your off time. Like when you're not, when you're clocking out. I'm not working. Yeah. I like to listen to Elvis when you're truly like no obligations at all. Throw it on, throw it on. Yeah.

Speaker: Throw on. It does sound cool. I agree. And, uh, you know, Johnny cash sounds kind of cool too. Johnny cash sounds cool. The one crooner I don't think sounds cool at all as the other one people came to what's his name.

Speaker: I did it my way. Sinatra. Yeah, don't like that guy. Old blue eyes? And he also made people come, right? But he was wearing a nice ah suit. The other guys dressed like, oh yeah, they didn't dress too. Elvis dressed like some kind of angel or something. What would you call the style of that white? it's No, but the signature white outfit. It just reminds me of Vegas Elvis. To me, it looks like something. Rodeo? Rodeo. ah It almost looks like Final Fantasy or something. It is a bit Japanese. Yeah. I have a question for you guys.

Speaker: What is it? ah well Well, actually, here's my first question. Which question should I pick? Pick one that's relevant. You have three, four? have five. Five? ah How about... But none of them are relevant. and You should change the subject. Okay, let's change the subject.

Speaker: Could you say question number two? Okay. Question number two. Is sexual orientation a product of nature or nurture? Is there actually a gay gene or are those guys actually choosing to have sex with those guys?

Speaker: What about the rest of life? Is there a gene for all this or are people actually choosing to do all this? Is all this, all we see and do caused by nature, nurture, or in fact a complex dynamic interplay of nature and nurture?

Speaker: All this? I think it's such a cop-out to say, all oh it's a complex interplay. I mean, just you have pick one. You have to pick cheating. Yeah. And i I'll say nature.

Speaker: Ultimately, it's nature. For being gay or for all that we see do. They had no choice. I think it's like people who are straight, people who are straight are straight by their nature, but also it could go either way. But gay are gay by choice? Is what you were saying? I'm about to say, yeah, I'm about to say that it's going to be interesting what I say, I promise. It's going to be nice.

Speaker: When straight people are straight, it's technically by their nature, but what it actually is is by the nurture of their parents invoking the specter of nature, saying subtly or unconsciously enforcing. Just do it naturally. Go over to that girl. Yeah, the natural dynamic. Basically enslaving people to their biology and saying that they have no free will in the matter of sexual orientation. sure And that stuff isn't directly imposed through their words, it's just through their behaviors. If you have parents who are supplicant to their nature,

Speaker: their whims. It's the nature of their nurture that's determined by their nature. Exactly. And for people who are gay, i feel that they are more interested in the gayness. The gay town of life. Real quick, I mean, ah could we maybe bleep out the word gay?

Speaker: Yes, we're going to bleep gay. Every time that word appears, let's just let's cover it up. Six or seven second long beep. Well, should we replace it with a beep or a more specific word? Cover it with a beep.

Speaker: Cover it up It still exists. It's just covered. i think you Covered with a very low volume beep underneath the word. I do think you're right because i I've definitely experienced erotic sort of, I've been attracted, I've been turned on by the idea of the fairer sex.

Speaker: And I've never even considered the idea of having sex with men. I've never even considered it. And I experience pleasure when I think about a beautiful woman. But I don't know if that is... I don't know if I experience the correct amount of pleasure for a straight man. I could just be experiencing the most base level... Store-bought. Like, oh, that's a body. That's nice. And I've never considered men, so I've never actually experienced...

Speaker: true desire. I'm just yeah experiencing the base and other so-called straight guys, they actually get off. It'd be nice if you got choose. A thousand times more. But instead you just end up with whatever woman's around.

Speaker: I've considered... Whoever's nearby. I've considered gayness and I've considered gay sex with men. I've never even considered it. That's what you kept saying. Really setting us up to sound completely gay when you say that.

Speaker: But of course I've considered it and I think that, you know, I can imagine that the only thing that's keeping me from considering it with any real vigor is fear. And I do think that this is really just a question of fearlessness and I do think that If you, well, here's something is if nature is informing any of your behaviors, decisions, or appetites, it's because of fear.

Speaker: Like we are conscious beings who have technically ah made our, two made our way out of the food chain, made our way out of the wilderness. And so anything that we do because of nature, like we eat, not because we're hungry, but because we're afraid of dying. Nah, that's you.

Speaker: We sleep not because we're tired, but because we're afraid of... of yawing Yawning. Afraid of the dark, really. um But all of the things that we do that are because of biological imperatives are because of our consciousness now associated with fear. And so... If it was purely based on nature, though, I think that...

Speaker: I think everyone would really like that gay guys are around. I guess we're defaulting to guys, but you know, gay guys would be such an asset to the tribe. Cause it's like, all right, these dudes are going to be hooking up.

Speaker: Meanwhile, with the women more for me, ah Don't you think that... Meanwhile, the women were... Yeah, that's a biological or that's an evolutionary advantage for guy like me. guys? If you could really... What I'm saying is if you could nurture... Well, I don't... Is this problematic to say if it was purely nurture, we should all be trying to convince other guys to be gay.

Speaker: We are. I'm making a case that gayness is extremely ah brave, sister. It's brave. It's brave. You're so brave. You're hashtag brave for being gave. It is brave.

Speaker: Yes. I mean, but the bravery of it, I feel like is so inherent that it's it's like coming out of the closet, identifying as gay is breaking such an insane threshold. Coming out of the closet, even as a straight person is already kind of right a little bit brave. But isn't all aren't all closet emergent experiences coming out as a straight person? I think you have to come out as a sexual person.

Speaker: Right. It's embarrassing to have to go to your parents and say, I'm fucking this woman. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I don't like telling my mom and dad about the, about and every sex, sexual interaction. i got like an erection, like on the, on the way to you driving me to school. That's the worst part about the morning after is calling your parents and saying, I got laid last night and I don't really want to talk about it. I think that's not your business. is we should require everyone to come out of the closet as a sexual being because I think that the reason that, you know, people fear coming out so much and people fear the reaction and people do even have like a a bad reaction to a loved one coming out of the closet is because to admit that your sexuality is tied up in nurture is like a kind of counterintuitive thing. Just to say like, hey, I have sexual appetites. Thereby, i am admitting that I was nurtured. nurture played a role in my life. You're only really coming out as a sexual being if your sexuality is aberrant. Am I saying that right?

Speaker: Abhorrent? Aberrant? Oh, like an aberration. Aberration, yeah. Otherwise, you're simply saying, whatever I do, the i do the stuff. yeah i will i mean not That doesn't have the the shock of being a sexual person. Right. I mean, all sexuality should be equally shameful. The fact that heterosexuality is considered normal and that, like, heterosexual people don't really like talking about their sex lives, obviously that all goes on to enforce sort of subliminal societal heteronormativity. But...

Speaker: Heterosexual people should be ashamed of their appetites and they should constantly be coming out. And there should be heterosexual pride. I feel like people are so disgusted, like homophobes are disgusted by gay pride. It's like, all right, well, if you had a heterosexual pride march, you would be just as disgusted by seeing all the kink on display. You just hide it and therefore you get away with all of the nastiness of heterosexuality, all the shame. Heterosexual people should admit what they're doing is a choice. Mm-hmm. If a man has sex with woman, he should go into it thinking and saying, right, I'm choosing to do this.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. i Own that. Enthusiastic consent. um As a heterosexual person, I choose this, and I know that the homosexual community is born that way. Mm-hmm. They have no choice in the matter. Right. They have to do all that. Right. Just one way to construct society.

Speaker: Not necessarily the right way. But we're experimenting here. We're experimenting. With thoughts. Do guys think that we've said anything that's ah not good? No. I think everything we've said is good. Helpful?

Speaker: Helpful, ah perceptive, and entertaining. And that that's what we aim to be on this podcast. Helpful, perceptive, entertaining. The three H's.

Speaker: you don't want to You don't want to chime in verbally and endorse conversation? not going to get involved in this car wreck. Really? Nah, I'm just joking. Do you want to read another question, one of you? Pierce, maybe? Sure, I'll read another one. Round the Rosie, right? Yeah.

Speaker: This one has to do with gore, which we discussed earlier. you like Round the Rosie? as a I guess I like Round the Rosie. Round Robin, they call it too. They call they call it that, yes.

Speaker: What would an abortion simulator game be rated? Obviously, it would be rated M. But would would it be one of those banned games like Japanese Sex Volleyball or Manhunt?

Speaker: Games like Surgeon Simulator are played by children since they are designed to be funny by recontextualizing gore. But what if that game was about dexterously aborting fetuses instead of clumsily performing surgery?

Speaker: It's still technically medical. I would rather play a game where you play as the fetus and you're trying to avoid...

Speaker: you You have a small space, you can a map, I guess, and you can sort of like go to edges can go to the edges of the map and hide from the, what is it? Scissors? Abortionist yeah tools. Shears. Pincers. The pincers, yeah. You have to hide from the pincers. The abortionist's mandible.

Speaker: And occasionally at the final like boss level, I guess, when you've avoided the the pinchers. abortionist eventually like... maybe like the abortionist retires the two hands come in and there's one on each side of the screen yeah the abortionist eventually uses hands master hand and then yeah eventually the abortionist gives up is like i guess i'll just treat colds i guess i'll just stick to colds and then you get the abortionist fired yeah bye um well i mean once you make it out of the womb it's the game's not over

Speaker: No, there's still... There's still abortionist strike kill Metaphorical pictures, yeah. As adults, we still have to avoid abortionists. They're sort like abortionist dog catchers who like roam the streets looking for escaped fetuses. Escaped fetuses? Yeah. Have you seen this fetus? And it's just a picture of a grown man. He escaped abortion about 45 years ago. He escaped 45 years ago.

Speaker: I do like the idea of ah a multiplayer game where it's a competitive or maybe even a co-op where there's two abortionists trying to abort two twins and it's ah two players playing as the abortionists and two players playing as the twin fetuses. and You know, I thought you were saying like the vaginas would be next to each other and the fetus could go from one womb to the other. like how they say octopi are so smart they can sometimes like escape their cage in the middle of the night.

Speaker: and like Get a little morsel of food from the other woman's womb and then crawl back crawl back into the original womb. Yes. Yeah, and leave. yeah Could you imagine sneaking into another ah womb and then sucking on a batting umbilical cord?

Speaker: Yeah from stealing the umbilical cord from another baby. This is so wrong. all right, time to go back to mommy. Okay, no one caught Yeah, you've seen in the middle of the night when all the women are sleeping. When all the pregnant women are sleeping in one big bed. I'm going to sneak out.

Speaker: That's octopus style. yeah That's what proves octopi are smart. They do that. And you can put the pink panther theme here. It's all pink. i don't then ah and ah And you know, it's funny.

Speaker: Three of us are joking about Pink Panthers while using Pink Mikes. I guess. That's true. Technically. Technically. Now, do you guys think that if a game like that existed, it would be banned in certain countries? It would have to be. It would definitely be banned. Probably eat in the U.S. Yeah, in the U.S. I mean, definitely in the U.S.

Speaker: But there's just certain countries you'd be able to play it. Yeah, but which countries? is ah Serbia? Probably wherever you get caned. Yeah, all the caning countries would allow you. Yeah. Yeah. yeah what Yeah. Would it be?

Speaker: ah Yeah. Pink. Derek is showing us a picture of pink. I used to think her name was pink parenthesis. It's pink pantheris, right? Pink pantheris. Yeah.

Speaker: You think she's beautiful? that why you have that image? image No, I mean I showed it to Pierce because I heard this is Pierce's hall pass. Is that right? No, it's it's my girlfriend's hall pass. Oh, you won't don't want to get involved in that? No. You can't have the same hall pass. No.

Speaker: Can you watch? I can't watch. If a hall pass, if you're allowed to watch your partner's hall pass, it's not a hall pass. I think that's still a hall pass. No. Yeah, that adds a little something.

Speaker: No, your hall pass is, if you're not there, I can fuck this person. Getting cucked by someone is a different pass. hall pass is, if your partner isn't there, you're allowed to do anything?

Speaker: With this one hall Oh, with one person. Okay. Yeah. Okay, so hall pass, slay the spire. That's ah that's an exhausted card. have to use it. No, it's infinite. Okay, so...

Speaker: you You use it and then you can and then you can reassign it to any person you want to have sex with. Yeah. you can have two if A hall pass is just oh, you can also marry this person and have children with them.

Speaker: that's That's how long the hall pass lasts. You guys know about Hall Pass? No. I don't know. That's OP. Hall Pass, it ah it's an agreement with your partner. That you can fuck someone. Okay. But it's just a celeb, usually. Okay. Oh, it's usually a celeb. It can't just be, like, a mutual friend that you guys hang out with. Why not?

Speaker: It's just not the way it works, really. Really? Yeah. You can't say, like, if your girlfriend says, my Hall Pass is Robert Pattinson, and then you say, my Hall Pass is your ah boss. That's just not done. That's not really done.

Speaker: okay. I'll take away my girlfriend's Hall Pass for you guys that I gave her. You get, you get, that was so sweet. I said, that's nice. We're monogamous, but if you ever want to fuck Derek or Pierce, if you ever want to fuck the chamber of reason, guys, as long as it stays within the show, you know, we are happy to, I mean, we are famous to some people and we are happy to be anyone's hall pass.

Speaker: And just let us know in advance. You do have to get permission from the hall pass. Right, you do have to get permission from them. The hall, yeah, they you can't just fuck them. They assign these willy-nilly, but like often they don't clear it down the road. Consent is still in play. I mean, I'm sure it really works to go up to your hall pass and say, hey, i have a girlfriend, but you're my hall pass. Should we just do this thing? I mean, I'm sure that- Should just go ahead? I'm sure that really moves the needle. works. Yeah.

Speaker: We probably are several people's hall passes. It is interesting that ah we're such a compelling, funny show. And yet the three of us are surprisingly, we're all really attractive and in different ways. Conventionally, too. Conventionally attractive. And you know what's the most attractive part of each of us, and this is a high honor, is just our minds. I was going to think that.

Speaker: you yeah who I was about to think that I was about to have that thought. I really was. I was having a thought that began with i It was probably going to go that most of my thoughts begin that way. I me i think I thought was me. Well, I think I think I was going to think that I i believe not.

Speaker: Okay. ah More thoughts about my video game. Well, I think it would be edifying. I think it would, I mean, I think it probably would be banned, but if it were universally played by yeah children, young mothers. it would It would get you more insight into the miracle of of life and and it would probably make people practice safe sex. and it would It would demystify abortion. Right. it would show people it's really, it's just.

Speaker: It's just a video game concept. It's just a game. Don't worry about it. It's just a game, okay? Just like Grand Theft Auto, when you get carjacked, you're just like, oh, I know what this is. This is just a game. All good. I mean, it probably would just be a Grand Theft Auto minigame. Like when you're done playing the game and you want to do like Grand Theft Auto Golf or Grand Theft Auto Ping Pong, you can also just do Grand Theft Auto. the abortionist would have a wacky name for the business.

Speaker: Yeah, like ah a sort of satirical name. of so Like sort of a sub-South Park level. Dystopian name. Like, uh, b-bortion. Well, we can't think of it right now, but users are free to submit names for this business. Bad-bortion. Bad-bortion.

Speaker: That's satirical? Yeah, it's satire. Add bad to anything and it's yeah satire. Bad day. Oh, so that's, okay. That's what this person thinks of America. Bad day. Bad day. Bad day restaurant. Let's think of four awesome things that will be in GTA 6. A restaurant called Bad Day Restaurant and poop food.

Speaker: um The radio probably has a station that's called ah what beat beats to beat your wife too. And the host is just like, yeah, we're all Americans on this show and we all we're all cops too. Let's beat our wives. And this next song is called I'm going to kill myself. dad u du du And that's still the DJ's voice. It's the dark humor of Grand Theft Auto and the gun shoot. she That's a station on the radio. The dark humor of Grand Theft Auto. Mad Dog presents. That's what the host says. yeah Welcome to the dark humor of this game. Enjoy. Enjoy. yeah It's going to be good.

Speaker: If you can. Yeah. If you like that sort of shit. Oh, stop fucking me This is dark. I have a question. Dude, i okay we were just getting into Grand Theft Auto riffs. Okay, I'm sorry.

Speaker: I was going to say the gun shoots bullets. The gun shoots shoots good bullets. Yeah. yeah but we all know Good bullets for a bad world. That's what justifies all the shooting, right? The bullets are good and we want to put something good into people who aren't so good.

Speaker: Yeah, there should be something good in this guy's brain. and gt how is this a good bullet In GTA you drive past the school that's called Mass Shooting Academy. Really? No, I'm just saying that's like another thing that will probably happen in the new game. Pierce a beta tester for GTA 6. Yeah, you are. i wrote for it. Yeah, yeah you did. i made I made one of the schools called Mass Shooting Academy. But in the writer's room, obviously, most people more progressive.

Speaker: In the writer's room, yeah. All right, Matthew, you can read your your final question and didn kind of get us out of here. Okay.

Speaker: If everyone in the world finally became truly happy at last... would school bullies become non threats or would they in fact become more violent? That's a good question. i think they would be more effective.

Speaker: One thing that bullies bump up against is sort of your, um, your bad home life has gotten you used to being pushed around. So it's really no surprise that you're getting bullied.

Speaker: The victims of bullies have bad home lives, not the bullies. No, the bullies are rich and popular. Okay. It's a traditional... Well, actually, don't know if that's a traditional bully. Maybe so. Or that's a pure bully. In the good world, I'm just saying that bullies would be more effective. They'd be thriving. Oh, they'd be... Why? Because they would have better... Well, just if everybody's thriving, if everything's good, and then this sort of... I mean, this bully would be like a monster. They would just tear the world apart. It'd be like the only guy in the world with a nuclear weapon. bossing everyone around like a little kin. Yeah, I guess if a bully is fully thriving, they're like eating healthy, they have like free time on their hands to explore their interests, then they're able to like bring those interests into when they're hurting others. A truly effective bully is self-actualized.

Speaker: It's not somebody whose's whose dad pops them around and so they take it out take it out on smaller kids. say Pop them around? Popping them around. Yeah. Flopping them around, snapping them. That's slang for crackling him. That's slang, right?

Speaker: Crackling him? Yeah. Crackling someone is when you finger them. Because cracking is when you fuck, so crackling would have to like Cracking fucks people? Cracking fucks people up. If you crack someone that's fucking them? Yeah.

Speaker: Whoa. Isn't that cool? That's cool. um You know how to crack someone? I can crack anyone. I just don't to choose not to. Is that what people mean when they say you're a tough nut to crack? They're saying you're hard to fuck? You're hard to make nut.

Speaker: Okay. you're tough Yeah, i I say that when I can't bust my... I'm a tough nut to crack tonight. Yeah. i guess ah I think that bullying is a result of not necessarily sadness or or ah discomfort. I think bullying is social cohesion misapplied.

Speaker: um social cohesion misapplied So there's really no relation to happiness as such. You know, if bullies were fully happy, I also feel like not only would they become more efficient bulliers, but they would just take more pleasure in it. They would just say like, isn't bullying for pleasure?

Speaker: Yeah. And I think that you know maybe bullies would be ah maybe bullies would continue to do snide and subtle remarks where the bullying victim doesn't even know they're being bullied, but bullies would just become the bullies of the less intelligent and they would bully in such a way that the less intelligent never feels like they're actually being othered. But everyone around knows, it's like the perfect logician ah eyeball island thing, Everyone around knows that the bullying victim is getting bullied, except for the bullying. Oh, they'll do like um sort of ah Stephen Colbert, like snark.

Speaker: Exactly. Yeah. And then everyone gets it. And the bullying victim feels like they're being validated, not knowing that they're actually the subject of derision. i think that's what would happen if everyone became equally happy. Finally, bullying would become too subtle to recognize for the victim, which is kind of what you want. Even if you're kind of slapping them around and knocking shit out of their hands. That would be interpreted ah as satire. Wow, he's clever. That's wry. Interesting choice. If everyone's happy, it doesn't matter how badly you're getting the shit kicked out of you, you are still happy and you still think like, this wouldn't be happening unless things were good and happy. Unless i was unless everything was good to go. Bullying someone in this world is simply just being their very good friend that they can count on. Exactly. And even like running with someone over with your car, if everyone's happy, you just think like, oh, this is what was I supposed to do today, get hit by a car.

Speaker: If you just know we live in a happy world, anything that goes down is simply an expression of the happiness. Everything can remain exactly the same. It just becomes good. Yeah. I guess this is what believing in God is yeah Yeah. Okay, that was meaningful. That was part of the plan. Got it.

Speaker: Got it. Awesome. I guess. Awesome. Well, thanks, God. I choose that. Yeah, let's keep doing that, please. And we should keep listening to Chamber of Reason. But i have five more questions. Yeah, and we can also save them for and another episode. can i can i Can I read you guys one more question? yeah You don't want to save it? How are how are you doing, really?

Speaker: I am a bit hungover. Okay. The coffee is not doing exactly what I would want it to. I still feel like a little bit kind of fucked up, tired, not super on my A game, meandering.

Speaker: But I'm happy to be here. I mean, i hope it's clear that I'm always trying and striving to be in a good mood. It is. I know that about you. Well, there you go. That's how I'm doing.

Speaker: I'm going to miss Derek when he goes. Me too. i don't want to get into my personal life. This isn't about you. I'm talking about your death. I'm going miss Derek when he dies. And that's not about anything. That's not personal.

Speaker: I won't miss you in any personal way. Derek, you like a monkey today. Yeah.

Speaker: and Derek, the way you're scratching your head and leaning. Fuck, man, wish was dead. We should groom each other after this and pick lice from each other's hair and an hour-long grooming session and post it as a video. I heard grooming is wrong. Have you done that? That's gooning. Have you ever groomed anyone?

Speaker: Are you asking Derek if he's ever groomed anyone? Yeah, I'm curious. I don't usually ask my guy friends about that sort of thing. I'd say everyone I groomed has been older than me.

Speaker: Okay. Yeah, they groomed up. Yeah, there's been an intelligence gap where they were much smarter than me and I groomed them. You groom them down. You can groom them down. you don't have to groom up. You groomed a culturalist old bag into appreciating the finer things in life. I grew i groomed a 70 year old yeah widower into sort of a very fit 30 something woman. That would be awesome. If I had that if i had the swag.

Speaker: little swag and patience. I'm Atlanta drunk texting that to a 70 year old man. And they do say that kind of interaction makes you younger. Makes you feel younger. Yeah, saying, you're so hot, but I can't be talking to you right now. If you keep saying that to an old and he starts to develop breasts as he reads the text.

Speaker: Whoa. His hair gets longer, brighter. Hair gets longer, huh? Yeah. longer. It was already long to begin with, this old man's hair. He wicked and wild.

Speaker: Well, Matthew asked a trick question. It's not a trick. Matthew's trick i wanted the honest answer. That should be a segment on Chamber of Reason though is Matthew's trick question. Have you ever groomed anyone? Have you ever groomed a soul?

Speaker: And yeah, the answer was jokingly, yes. Mm-hmm. Right? Jokingly. In a joking way. think kind of bullseye'd that one. Mm-hmm. And now I don't have to answer it because anything I is- already got funny. Yeah, it's already funny enough. If a situation already gets funny, just go along with the ride.

Speaker: Just do it. keep doing the situation. Yeah. All right. Keep. Oh, hold on. look No, let's wrap it up. Wait, wait, stop. Let's wrap it up. Do you think that this was a successful experiment?

Speaker: Yes. Me too. All right. Goodbye. Bye everyone.

Speaker: you