Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
[Re}Engaging with Feeling and Intent
89 Plays4 years ago
K and I are reengaging with the initial intent of this podcast to have open, vulnerable, honest, real conversations about things we personally are experiencing in the hopes it provides value to others who gift us their time of listening.
We talk about how feeling as a skill shows up in our lives and the challenges we face in when we don't feel.
Recommended
Transcript
Podcast Return and Reflection
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello. Hello. Here we are. We're back. Here we are. Okay. So we finished the last episode a couple of weeks ago. We left it open-ended. Maybe that would be the end. Maybe. We're here. But we're here. We decided to return to the podcast, not necessarily this recording, but the
00:00:28
Speaker
how the podcast fits into what we're doing, how we wanna serve, what our current life is like. It's not exactly like we have a ton of free time, but it's also, I think, an important part of just what we do.
00:00:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I think we don't get an opportunity to have this like organic discussion.
Feedback and Podcast Evolution
00:00:55
Speaker
A lot of what we do is sort of, there's some structure to it. It's at the gym. It's an event. It's coaching with one person. So this is sort of a chance to like actually have a conversation. Right. But at the same time, I think for us, it is very much like you're putting things out there and one
00:01:12
Speaker
It's very much one directional, you know, when you're coaching someone, you know, if it's like, is this landing? Is it working? There's feedback, right? This is sort of like throwing things out into the ethers and like, who knows? So yeah, yeah, we got some feedback though. We got some feedback. We got some good feedback. We got some encouraging feedback. And we also kind of checked our own podcast consumption as well. And our own experience of.
00:01:40
Speaker
you know, time and place. What are some things we like? What are some of the podcasts we really enjoy? What are some of that's like, I just wasted my time. And so we said, all right, well, we'll revisit it, but we want to
00:01:55
Speaker
Not to say, and I think at the beginning of the year, we say we're going to start a new thing and whatever. Yeah, I guess. But this will be more on like less about kind of like the teaching stuff. The technical stuff. The technical because frankly, this might sound like an asshole, but like, it doesn't fucking matter. Like there's so much out there, you know. And I think in our best podcast conversations,
00:02:21
Speaker
there are things that people take away that they can action when we discuss some of these topics versus coming at it from, today we're going to talk about this learning point. And I think where I feel there's a tremendous value and having looked at my own perspective with people I follow, et cetera,
00:02:43
Speaker
And we talked about this this morning, it's just like sharing and especially now like the vulnerability and hey, like this is something we struggle with. This is how we're actioning things. Like I think people just want to feel a little bit of that like relief, like, okay, like billing K this is what they do all the time. And they're actually struggling. Okay. That is part of the human experience. And to your point,
00:03:09
Speaker
Here's some things, here's some tools to walk away with, not just let's complain about it or raise awareness, but also here's some actionable things to try. Yeah, and it's a little unnerving, it's unsettling. I've been super hesitant with it as well because it does seem like you're just talking about yourself and that is something
Personal Experiences and Vulnerability
00:03:30
Speaker
that
00:03:30
Speaker
Other people and people have said like I want to hear what you have to say about things I will literally pay you to tell me what your opinions are on things and it's like okay fine there's a whole separate conversation about you know coaching and consulting and mentoring and all that but
00:03:50
Speaker
to just kind of be like, well, talking about us or me does kind of seem like it's just, it's just not exactly comfortable, but that's not any reason necessarily not to do it. I think the intent piece is what's important. There's a difference between just talking about yourself for the sake of talking about yourself to the world and talking about yourself with the intent of sharing things that probably other people are also experiencing. And then they can also feel, like I said, that relief and like,
00:04:19
Speaker
you know, I mean, to the podcast we listened to recently, or we're sort of in the middle of the Rich Roll podcast with Alexi and Caroline Burkle. Like, of course, those were all about them. But never for one second was I like, man, these people really talking about themselves. It was with the hope of sharing and raising awareness and not normalizing, but like, allowing people to feel like their experience isn't just
00:04:48
Speaker
you know, just so crazy and out there and they're all. Yeah. And you know, there is a lot of isolation right now and there is that part of wanting to provide resources. Not everybody can, we'll just say not everybody can come to Far Hills. Not everybody can be part of between the ears. Um, you know, but we want to be mindful of.
00:05:11
Speaker
people situations, how they can or cannot engage, and how we can continue to deliver, you know, value and resources and stuff like that anywhere from, you know, be it an environmental thing, a financial thing, whatever it might be, just being mindful of, of, of that. And so here we are, a new, perhaps refreshed human approach behind the mask kind of deal.
00:05:37
Speaker
Yeah. And before we get into like today's thing, just also it does those few like feedback, the people who give us feedback, like that really does matter to us. So regardless of what the feedback is like.
Feelings in Fitness
00:05:52
Speaker
We don't just want praise if there's something like hey when you guys talk about this I kind of like I'm not really interested like that's really helpful because Yeah, we we might not have any idea. No, so we don't like we don't have anything else like that's yeah for sure Cool. So that's a little intro Yeah, and so today I thought like I think what's helpful for us is talking about things that are really like resonating in
00:06:21
Speaker
the moment or a theme or something. And of course, some of these things like overlap or come around again, it's not like this one done. But I guess, you know, for me, one of the things that we talk about quite a bit, that's been really
00:06:43
Speaker
evident or I've been working through is this notion of like, how do you feel? So when people come into between years, that's one of the things or when they're doing workouts on their own, they go through a self-assessment and the question that we're asking them is like, how do you feel? And we put a post up today about it, but it's just such a funny thing because it's like,
00:07:04
Speaker
People ask that all the time. Yeah. In the world. That's not like the weirdest sentence. But it's kind of like, how are you? Like, oh, hey, how are you? And it's just like a throw away. Like, I'm good. I'm good. And like, it's not really like that's probably not really how you are. But like, are you really going to get into it with this person? It's just kind of a just like saying like, hi. And
00:07:28
Speaker
what we know about the industry when we talk about fitness is we've sort of perpetuated like a don't feel you know the pain no pain no gain follow the program you put up a thing about schedule like today's tuesday and i said i would do this so like doesn't matter how you feel do the work or else you're weak or you're so there's so much that's told us like don't feel right now we're saying no we want you to feel and the
00:07:52
Speaker
challenge is it's not just a switch. We're like, Oh, okay, cool. Now I'm going to feel people have no idea how to do that. It's a skill. It really, if we approach feeling connecting to the impulses and physical sensations within us, yeah, that build the story that we then say, Oh, you know, I'm busy. The kids are doing this and that's like, that's not how you feel. That's the fucking story. The sensation,
00:08:19
Speaker
creates the state and the story follows the state. So that's kind of the progression. So when you're looking to identify how you feel, just raise your awareness on how are you actually answering that to yourself. And we're looking for sensation. Right. And I think for many people, the mind, the rational part is very, you know, it's very often overriding the feeling part.
00:08:48
Speaker
And even like subconsciously, I mean, I found myself doing that. Like if I answer this, I don't think it's like a step by step conscious thing. But like, am I tired? If I say tired, what's that going to mean? You know, and there's this sort of like in the background ticker going of like all these thoughts.
00:09:08
Speaker
that can sometimes block also your ability to articulate like actually how you're feeling. Because then what? And a lot of the feeling state is I would say it's not so much one of the parts. Yes, your thoughts and your story and your rationalizations and your judgments and all of your own kind of stuff certainly gets in the way of that.
00:09:31
Speaker
But the other challenge is that the feeling state where we're trying to connect to is occurring below your level of conscious awareness. So within you, there's so much occurring that you're not controlling. It's not, you're not this master and commander like master puppet master up there. Sure. These things are occurring now and you're absolutely right. Cause it's like, well,
00:09:56
Speaker
just don't listen to it. And the no pay, no gain, I think people are kind of like, okay, yeah, we realize whatever. But there's also really hasn't like, there's very, very, very, very, very influential people out there.
00:10:15
Speaker
Continuing to tell people that feelings don't matter and and that's the and the problem this and and you know people Look towards these people who tell you feelings don't matter because of a value that they assign to this individuals experience at a
00:10:37
Speaker
They basically put people up on a pedestal. And I've been put up on that pedestal being an All-American, being a Special Forces Green Beret. And it's like, you have no idea. Do not the things that allow a lot of people to operate to succeed at that level are not necessarily good for you. Well, the difference, though, is those people are.
00:10:57
Speaker
building their platform on those lies, to be totally frank. And you're saying like, hey, I'm calling bullshit on this. Right, and so it's like, oh yeah, that person. OK, I'll tell you this right now. I had a conversation this week with a former teammate, friend, hero, who you want to hear some impressive stuff, which I'm not going to share it, but this dude's background, this dude's experience.
00:11:23
Speaker
way more impressive than 99% of the books that are out there. That's the level of this person.
00:11:30
Speaker
And we're having the conversation about this and it's like, yeah, you know, previously would have probably thought that no, don't that like, you know, feelings are out of place and it's that. And that approach is just like one of the little tools on one of your hundred tools Swiss army knife. Yeah. For a very, very, very, very, very specific intent and context that works, but now.
00:11:57
Speaker
And for your life, it's like, that's yeah, that's not fucking good. And so that's the thing that unfortunately, we're in a time where people
00:12:09
Speaker
subscribe to that and they try to emulate and be like that. And in doing so, they fundamentally aren't themselves. And so anyway. But I think there's a certain group of people that listen to those kinds of voices. But what I think is really interesting is at the normal person level. Some of the people that we have as members, they're not listening to that. They're not following them. That's true.
00:12:38
Speaker
It's kind of this like, no, we're talking about like the average person that comes into the gym and we're saying like, how do you feel that they can't answer that? And that is coming from also an individual's experience. So again, not like, and I find it helpful to use ourselves as an example, and I don't feel like it's self propagating, whatever. But because I was having this experience and writing about it today,
00:13:09
Speaker
you know, if I look at my history of, okay, well, I'm in a place right now where I am starting to feel these sensations or like pull or like, Oh, okay. My body's telling me something. My body's been telling me something for a very long time. I just haven't really been listening to it. Now all of a sudden I'm like able to listen, which brings up a whole other thing of like, do you trust what it's telling you? Like, but if I look at,
00:13:35
Speaker
20 years, okay, sure, there was 13 years of CrossFit, where it was just about, today, this is the workout, this is what you do, check the box, do the work. Irrelevant of how you feel. Do it. Before that, I was in fitness and did a lot of, I taught 20 aerobic classes a week. So you look at your body and it's not about, do I feel like getting on a bike right now?
00:14:02
Speaker
doing a spin class, like who fucking cares? Get on the bike, you've got 20 people that are taking this class and you have to teach it. So while that's not like, it's not this horrible thing, you're still, like I think about some of the soul cycle instructors. And I think about them and like some of them are teaching just 30, 40 classes a week. And while sure it's not their workout,
00:14:29
Speaker
they're still, their body is now going. They're not actually feeling it because they're focused on the other people. It's like this crazy thing. So when you start to look at each person and what their experiences are, and so like, okay, those are my unique experiences. Yeah, I could see after 20 something years, like I've conditioned myself to not really
00:14:50
Speaker
not only not feel, but not really trust the feeling and not listen to it because that feeling is perhaps getting in the way of what I think I should be doing. So I guess for me, it's like we do this all the time. We're super aware how important it is to feel.
00:15:09
Speaker
And yet, I'll speak for myself, I have a hard time with it. So I think it's really important to put it out there to people so they're not like, oh my God, I'm having such a hard time with this feeling thing. So what are you feeling now?
Acknowledging Fatigue and Limits
00:15:23
Speaker
You mean like what we're saying, feeling, or feeling about the feeling? What? I'm sorry.
00:15:33
Speaker
What do you mean? What am I feeling now? Like, okay. Not maybe in this exact moment, but the past week or two that's got you, cause you're talking about now you're beginning to feel and it's not exactly like, and I know this that, you know, and, and for sure. And I agree. Like, you know, when you, when, when you numb doesn't feel like pain, right? So there's a difference there and hours and perhaps, and I've been, again, like 10 fingers back at me, been super, super numb, numb. Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:02
Speaker
And now it's like, I need to feel, I was talking recently on actually a different podcast and it was like, and I won't, I'm not going to share all the details of the story, but I got to a point where the question was if I could feel I could fight or that was the statement that I, the promise I kind of made to myself. And, um, thankfully in this moment I could feel, and so I could fight and fight who I had to fight for myself.
00:16:32
Speaker
Well, that's not like a fucking smiley emoji. Like you get the ribbon you want. It's like now I'm feeling. Now I'm feeling that pain. Now I'm feeling that in some ways, despair. Now I'm feeling what, what incredibly dark depression feels like. What I'm feeling like.
00:16:53
Speaker
Crazy amounts of guilt and shame. I'm feeling that and you're on one hand saying if you can feel you can fight and it's good that you feeling but I don't fucking like this feeling right and I do I do do believe that Yep, I fully understand that but you you feel your way through it and you you do step into it and you do engage with it I mean, that's why we say like, you know, one of the words that between years has always used and will always use is that word engage?
00:17:22
Speaker
um because it is an action and it does involve you in it and it's like intentional and all that stuff but yeah you do engage with that feeling and it is hard to step into that yeah so where are you at yeah so i think for me there's probably been there's probably been numbness i think for me i've i have
00:17:49
Speaker
tried to like feel, but for my experience, I think I recognized more recently, not recently, but like for the past few years, let's say, the way I could feel and stay out of being numb was like pain, physical pain. So like if we're talking about, for me, and that's the thing like, oh, if we're talking about fitness, well, for me, it's like, that's the only thing I rely on fitness so much to feel.
00:18:18
Speaker
Like that's my number one outlet. If I'm feeling numb, like I go to that place. I need to feel the only way for me to feel is through a physical expression. And the only way to have a physical expression is pain. So that like, okay, I guess you could argue it's better than not feeling, but that's created a whole, a whole other problem. Now, when we look at like the balance and stuff, we know about the body. Now what I'm feeling is like, okay, I've relied on that.
00:18:47
Speaker
but it's created this totally imbalanced thing because you can't just always be going there all the time. So I think what I've what I've felt recently is just total fatigue. So I kind of hit a point where maybe rationally I knew like yeah this is probably off balance or I always go to this place but I didn't do any action to change it because I became really reliant on it and it was working until it doesn't work and that's some of the things we talk about too like yeah
00:19:17
Speaker
It works, but only for so long. And I crashed. Yeah. I've crashed before. You've crashed before. But I don't think I have crashed before. I've had back stuff before, but I kind of like walk, shake it off, give it a couple of days back at it. Don't change anything. You kind of, I feel like I've had that.
00:19:37
Speaker
Like if a new driver, so Marcus just took driving lessons. So if a new driver gets in an accident, it's like you crash. Like you don't know why you crashed or you know what I mean? Like you don't really understand like what happened. And so you've crashed before and I'm not, I'm certainly not talking down to you, but you crashed sort of with your eyes closed and in a, in a spectrum of lack of awareness.
00:20:04
Speaker
And the patchwork was just like, okay, get you back. You know, it's kind of like, and when you go to the pain cave, whatever, another nonsense cliche. Um, Hmm. Pain is a deeper driver, not at the physio. Okay. So there's the thing with pain and like, there's pain science. I, oh, I will defer to Anthony Falco on that. Cause he's like an expert and, and.
00:20:30
Speaker
We need to have Anthony on this podcast. I know, we really do. But anyway, he can speak much more, uh, you know, physiologically about, about pain. Sure. And there's a whole thing with pain science and it's fascinating and we should have anything on this. However, when I'm referring to the pain, I'm also referring to these psychological drivers of pain. Okay. So that's like, think masochist, right? So someone who derives pleasure out of self-infliction and harm. And again, non-clinical, non-diagnostic, but generally speaking.
00:21:03
Speaker
You've gone you have not you have not gone into workouts with the intent of creating self-harm Rationally from a physiological side and the whole like I gotta make this workout hurt so much. I
00:21:16
Speaker
I'm gonna throw the bullshit flag and say you you you slash generally like the collective you You don't because your body's fucking smarter than you are and It's gonna stop you before you really feel the pain and I was training kids yesterday and one of them these two football players are like training hard and one of them the whole thing about special forces came up and he was like you just you guys are just fucking wired differently I'm like
00:21:40
Speaker
No, I'm gonna tell you right now like I'm not gonna let you believe that bullshit as a way of convincing yourself that you don't have within you the potential the capability to do the things that you think are Impressive sure like the difference is that we've wired ourselves and we've built ourselves to do certain things Well pain tolerance is kind of like a big thing with that
00:22:04
Speaker
Back to you, psychologically, you went into the pain cave. Physiologically, you're going to stop. Here's a perfect example. Get out a fucking hammer and hit yourself in the leg. Please don't do that. We are not advising you. This is when if we're on YouTube, there'd be a warning that comes up. Between the ears does not advise. Taking a hammer and smashing your leg. Right.
00:22:28
Speaker
But it's like that, I forget, I think, I forget who told it to me. Maybe somebody, well, obviously somebody. Oh my God. I'm fucking spiraling right now. I need that coffee. Give me that coffee, would you? Okay. Okay. When you, the best part about hitting yourself in the head with a hammer is when you stop. Great takeaways. And we lost all the subscribers. Um, psychologically you went to seek pain. Yeah.
00:22:59
Speaker
to make it hurt. It was deeper. There was potentially that we go back to the painful experiences to mend them. And that's very, very deep. And it's also observable with people that experienced trauma in capital T and lowercase T.
00:23:22
Speaker
So now all of a sudden you've psychologically gone to that, but you haven't gone back to experience the pain to heal. It was just like, I'm going to go back and just be in that pain because then I can feel that I can kind of have that thing. It's kind of in a weird way. Like that's comfortable.
00:23:39
Speaker
Like that's the place that feels comfortable. Without a doubt. Without a doubt. I know that. I know that. Kind of like it's familiar. That's a good word for it. It's familiar. It's familiar. It's known. There's a sick and fucked up soothing element to it. And again, how this presents in people
00:23:55
Speaker
is you can apply this in many different ways to various forms of self-harm, to vices, to anything. And so for you then to say, yeah, you've gone to that point of pain, like I'm going to make this fucking hurt because then I can feel, and temporarily like, yeah, you do sort of feel alive a little bit. But if that's your go-to,
00:24:20
Speaker
Right. Then on the, then on the physiological side, your, your system is also going to be like enough. Like this is not happening. We're, we're, we're going to stop you before you actually do what you're kind of trying to do, which is harm us. And there, and that like, there's then the crash. And so for you to say, like you feel fatigued right now, you get sleep, you sleep.
00:24:46
Speaker
Yeah. So last week, so kind of to back up, like what happened or whatever, not, and you know, this is where like on paper, cause I'm so, I want to know, like it, it's hard to make sense of in a snapshot. So like on paper, my past two weeks, haven't been crazy. It's not like I can point to it and say, Oh yeah, I did like these five really crazy workouts in a row. Oh yeah. That makes sense. Um, it wasn't anything like that. I didn't get,
00:25:16
Speaker
It wasn't like my sleep was bad. It wasn't my diet was bad. It wasn't like super high stress compared to other things. Nothing really out of the ordinary happened, but I think the differences. So I found myself in this position where I did a workout, nothing, I mean, hard, but not beyond. This is with Rachel. This is with Rachel. Yeah.
00:25:39
Speaker
Now, the two days prior, I kind of had, it was when it snowed, and I sort of, I think, felt like that day for whatever reason was like a whatever, like I kind of took the lid off of stuff I'd been like, like it was a snow day, I couldn't just relax, like there was something finally like being put in my face, like something is going on here, you know?
00:26:03
Speaker
And then, you know, on we go and did the workout and it just kind of like sent me into, literally I couldn't like do something without feeling exhausted. It was just, didn't you fall asleep? Yeah, I fell asleep on the couch, which like, I don't take naps. And I don't mean that. Like, I think that's wonderful. People take naps. I have a really hard time to take naps, fell asleep, would like,
00:26:30
Speaker
Like I was just completely exhausted. And I just kept thinking like, what is wrong with me? Like, anyway, I think, and I do look at like, okay, if I'm so much about the on paper, yes, it makes perfect sense. I'm finally reaching a point where my body is kind of saying like, hey, we just can't, we just can't do this anymore. And, you know, one of the things I've said to you that I feel
00:26:57
Speaker
Like now that I'm opening the door, it's like, okay, let me like listen to what my body's saying. I feel this like draw to, I don't want to say endurance stuff because endurance can be, of course, painful. Like it's one of the most painful things you could do. I mean, like steady, safe, like, I don't want to even say zone two kind of stuff, but like that's where I've felt.
00:27:24
Speaker
Like I just want to get on the bike and just pedal. Like the only way to describe it that I wrote to you today in a text was like, like I'm in a little cocoon. Like that feels safe to me. Today I did that for 30 minutes. And then I thought, you know what? I just want to like see, I'm going to get on the- You're searching for pain. I'm going to get on the echo bike and see what happens. Now I felt like I went into it with like, this is an experiment. I want to see what I can feel. Okay.
00:27:54
Speaker
Okay. Got on the bike. This is news to me, by the way, I'm learning this in the moment. This week for between the years, the engage workout is life by cardio. That's right. Okay. Life by cardio is whatever number you got on death by cardio. Every two minutes you do that and recover for the rest. Until you're good. Until you're good. Now I did this last week or whatever and it was fine. Got off the C2 bike, got on the echo bike, set the clock.
00:28:23
Speaker
All right, like let's go. It's a bike. It's not like I'm lifting heavy weight. I got maybe to 10 calories and was like, there's no fucking way. On the first round? Oh yeah. Yeah. I just felt like just same thing, like total fatigue. And I don't want to say like, someone could argue like, well, you're kind of planting that or like, no, it was like, okay, let's see. Maybe I've taken it kind of easy. Like, let's see what happens. And I just felt, no, sure. I could override that.
00:28:53
Speaker
And in the past I would. Yeah. Cause all you have to do is think about Marcus and Olivia. Yeah. I can elicit fight. So for me, um, yeah, like I'm good at that. I'm good at finding reasons to fight or like dig deeper or fucking go there, make this mean something, you know? But for me, like getting off the bike, like, yeah, like, nope, that's not really it. So it sounds like you felt,
00:29:23
Speaker
Um, okay. So you felt, you feel that draw to the cocoon, to the safety, which is, which is worth looking into, which is worth following. That led you to the C2 bike. You did a 30 minute spin. Who knows what happened? Maybe you were just curious. Maybe you were approaching that. Okay. So like, uh, you know, so my observation would be, well, right. And therein lies one of the.
00:29:53
Speaker
frankly, minefields of fitness. You started moving, your body got energy. Once I started moving, I feel good. People say that all the time. And it's like, yeah, how do you feel in your life? Wow, I feel like shit, okay. All right, well, let's just kind of like, again, I feel so much better when I stop hitting myself in the head of the fucking hammer. It's like, why don't we not hit our head? Anyway. But the thing with the Echo Bike, one of the things I think I allowed myself to feel that I had previously sort of shut off
00:30:21
Speaker
or labeled as like weak, lazy, like all those things was like, I just feel fucking tired. And that's a feeling, fatigue in my arms, in my body. Like literally like I had just done sprints around the track for the last 20 minutes. And like how you're like, I'm good, I'm done. I felt that within 30 seconds. It's like, not the kind of, of course the echo bike is challenging. I've done the echo bike. But a deeper fatigue. Yeah, just like. Like your soul is fatigued. Exhausted. Yeah. And so you felt that. Right.
00:30:52
Speaker
You were aware that you may have dismissed that, grit your teeth, white knuckle the handles, assigned some life meaning to it for usually a very specific thing that's not actually in reality now. And then you wrap your identity and your who up in that performance.
00:31:17
Speaker
So that's an easy road to slip down. That's fitness dysfunction avenue. Unfortunately, that's most people. That's most of the fitness industry. Here's the thing, you could be in a situation that you need that. For example, and not to make it about me.
00:31:37
Speaker
Like I needed, I trained every time I worked out and trained and did any sort of drag or carry. It was never a kettlebell or a sled. It was always a dying brother that I was trying to get to helicopter. That was it. That was, it was, it was not about
00:31:55
Speaker
And you need to. But it's also like, yeah, you need to have that. But then you apply that. Anyway, so getting back to you. So you were able to feel that. You were able to identify the kind of thing in the past, and you got off the bike. And that, to be able to honor, to be able to feel,
00:32:13
Speaker
To be able to know perhaps the dysfunctional patterns of your past that frankly have gotten you here and to be able to honor Through an action of I'm gonna go off the fucking bike is huge like that's a win. Would you agree? Yeah big win and I of course I can't help and one of the things I think for us that's that's challenging that's got obviously challenges and wonderful things about it and
00:32:43
Speaker
is this is what we do for a living. The gym is not this other thing, this, you know, you've got your home, you've got your work, you've got the gym. It is all intertwined. And so of course, one of the things I go to immediately is thinking about other people, our clients, members. And I just think about like, man, if I was in a class,
00:33:10
Speaker
There's no freaking way. Already that was an obstacle to overcome. Now we're saying in a class where everything's going, everything's starting, there's a coach, there's music, and even here with a few people, you know, to stop and say, you know what? I'm gonna go home now. I'm gonna go home. And now that's actually the second time I did that the other day here too.
Burnout and Balance in Fitness
00:33:33
Speaker
Yeah, and you literally did that. I left. But like,
00:33:37
Speaker
I really hope people like what's crazy is how many times have you had an experience of someone either stopping what they're doing and saying you know what I don't think this is actually the right thing for me today or going home because for me none and it's like so really we're saying that nobody's had that feeling no it's because
00:33:57
Speaker
we're not all practicing enough of that. And so I think for people to really using, we say this all the time, but like the warmup is a great opportunity to try to feel. Am I feeling like I can barely get my body off the floor right now in this pushup? Am I feeling mentally fatigued? Like not a way to just warm up, to get yourself into this exhausted fight. Yeah. And that's one of the things on don't ever, don't fucking quit. Yeah.
00:34:27
Speaker
don't ever quit. And like that opens up a whole separate conversation of that because it's like, well, you quit this workout. Yeah. And it's like, there's a lot of pressure and of course there's a lot of stuff about who you are. And then, and then that means you're lazy and it means you're this. And there's a ton, but the problem is, and this is where I think, you know, if you would ask me this four years ago, now it's in hindsight.
00:34:58
Speaker
And that's where I think for us, there's probably people listening like I don't get it. Like, what's sad now, not sad, it's not forever. But like, I do probably have to take a step back from some of the things I truly enjoy. Because every time I try to do them right now, I just feel freaking exhausted. Yeah. And so eventually, your body like, is going to say, hey, like, stop.
00:35:23
Speaker
And what we want for people is to avoid that moment where they like fall off the cliff and now they have to like get back up it. Like let's, if we can be proactive, we can keep all these things in the mix just in a smarter way, but it will happen at some point to everyone. Yeah. And yeah, I agree. And you know, I,
00:35:47
Speaker
I kind of have been thinking about it recently with the things, how I've crashed my system and what I learned and you know, all of that stuff. It's a self discovery never ends, but like the things I wish I knew then that I know now, you know, I don't know. I would not say we'd go back and change it because that would, I just don't, I'm not a fan of living like that, but really like,
00:36:14
Speaker
It is one of those things on avoiding like nobody can avoid pain for you. You, you're the expert. You have to figure it out yourself, but we do believe that, um,
00:36:30
Speaker
You know, just having the ability to be aware of things that could exist first can be helpful when you likely inevitably go through that. You know, and I think that's where confronting that feeling of like, I really want to stop right now. Okay, fine. Like, first of all, feel that feeling. I've never met somebody that's never felt that who's done anything worthwhile. Right. Right. Like you, so you've literally just, everything has been easy. If everything has been easy, you haven't tried.
00:36:59
Speaker
you know what i mean and so that podcast with alexi that who she's an olympic runner it's an interesting podcast but she's talking about her running experience and that she had a coach one day she was really like just struggling on her sprints or whatever she's an olympic runner
00:37:16
Speaker
And he was like, it was this thing he talked to her about, and he was an Olympic runner, but the rule of thirds. The what? The rule of thirds. So a third of the time you're going to feel amazing. A third of the time you're going to feel like, okay. And a third time you're going to feel like shit. And if you're always feeling amazing, you're probably not pushing yourself hard enough. If you're always feeling like shit, like what the fuck are you doing? And so like you need all those days, like you need the shitty days, but to your point, like,
00:37:42
Speaker
If you've never asked yourself, like, if you've never been in that position, you're like, I'm just fucking tired. I need to quit. Yeah, you're, you're probably living in that weird, like beige world, you know, like, yeah, well, and I think, I don't know. I mean, I think that that's interesting.
00:38:00
Speaker
I think it's also like, so we've, so in between the years this month, we're, um, we're doing an experiment where we, where we actually, uh, provide, uh, create a visual model of how we're feeling, tracking it, tracking it and all of that. And, um, which is challenging, by the way, there's only three colors to pick from. And it's like,
00:38:27
Speaker
I've assigned smiley faces, words, and the colors. I actually did half a line, like half one color, half another color. Cannibal, can you just give me the marker? I need more colors. What are you, eating the crayons? Are you a marine?
00:38:43
Speaker
I love Marines. Just kidding. No, I'm not kidding. I love Marines. They do eat crayons. Anyway. Um, yeah. So, so that, that kind of thing. And I'm like, I'm kind of, I've been kind of green. I'm not going to lie to you. I was red. I was for a long time years, black, like no color void of color maroon. Yeah. Um, but I was red on Tuesday, last Tuesday, came in. Now, normally.
00:39:12
Speaker
And this is where I think like a huge move for you. Normally if you were red, you don't often go to the zone two kind of things, like an easy movement. I think for you, like you, for whatever reason, I don't think you have some, it's not like you don't like them, but like you've gotten into this pattern of not incorporating them into your week.
00:39:35
Speaker
And it's not often that you're red and the suggestion of going and doing that is onboarded. Right. Because there's a lot. Yeah, without a doubt, I would agree. But you did on Tuesday. But I did. I did. And I combined it with some other things I'm working on. And I'm telling you, it was really good. Yeah.
00:39:54
Speaker
But we got there. And that's the thing with stress and I don't know really what people's exposure is to stress and stress management and stress reduction. I think it's not new to say, hey, by the way, if your goal is to reduce all stress in your life, you're living in a fucking fantasy land because it's just not possible. Good luck. The only way to eliminate stress from your life right now is literally to go six feet under.
00:40:23
Speaker
Um, so it's how do we manage? How do we, how do we engage? How do we dance with stress? How do we, what's our relationship with like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so it's not like the stress of anything has gone away and evaporated and you had this one good experience. You know, there's,
00:40:42
Speaker
school, there's clients, there's personal stuff going on. There's like a lot. But in that wave, if you look at it like a wave, it did provide a chance to like come up, like if you're in a storm, if stress is like you in a storm, being kind of tossed around, you know, it's like a moment of like getting a float on your back to kind of catch your wind to go back into the storm. So that's kind of what the rule of thirds thing or that, what did he say? What did he call the rule of thirds?
00:41:12
Speaker
So if we take that and say at the, and this is kind of what we do in between years, like the mental, physical and emotional pieces, though, if those are sort of our thirds, the thing is, is that you start really diving into this and you recognize that those are not, there's three parts, but they're not thirds. They're not splits. They're not evenly weighted. You're physical. You could be physically kind of not, you know, maybe in that lower third.
00:41:41
Speaker
Mentally, emotionally though, you might be pretty good. So then it's like, well, what does that mean? And that's kind of part of the challenge for this month for people to, you know, there was somebody who was saying like, Hey, I want to really work on the physical and the emotional stuff. And it's like, okay, that's what we do. Like, just, just, just participate and you'll be able to. It's not about reading a book. It's not about memorizing a process. It's not about any of that stuff. Those are all tools and strategies and, and whatever's.
00:42:09
Speaker
But it's about showing up and stepping
Fitness as Self-Discovery
00:42:12
Speaker
up. And feeling. And feeling and all of that. And it's not about doing it right. It's just about doing it. Experiencing it, yeah. And I think that's the thing where we do get sometimes, I know I at least get sometimes like, and we spoke about it in the last podcast and kind of why I'm bringing this up is because it's like, yeah, there's a lot of that great information out there. And it's like, hello, that's what we're doing.
00:42:39
Speaker
We're doing that on the every single day. Now, some people, some clients, yeah, we need to work individually and pull out a scalpel and go super deep and personal and lock the doors and have private conversations.
00:42:53
Speaker
But general speaking, like these are tools, these are, this is what we're doing every single day. And that's what's so great about something like fitness is it is something that is a lower barrier for people that are like, generally speaking, people are going to move and like, if they're into fitness, like, okay, this is something I do anyway. So.
00:43:14
Speaker
let me practice these things. Let me use this as a tool to learn about myself, to connect to that stuff. And it's already right there. But what's amazing is, or you can use it as something that just digs you deeper into a hole. Well, I think the challenge with fitness too is that, yeah, there's, there's, and again, that's where it's like, there's the escaping element. So somebody, and I spoke kind of, and I talk a lot of shit about those military events.
00:43:41
Speaker
And I shouldn't, I should be more clear when I speak about that, because it's not about the event. It's about the human being who signs up for it. And it's about their intent. And it's, and it's like the seal fits, like the go rocks and stuff like that. And so, and so there are those things that, you know, the, the, the,
00:44:02
Speaker
So so it's not they're not all bad and they're not absolutely not. You want to learn something. They're not all that. There's a lot of value that there's a lot of potential of value. It's up to you to extract it. If you want a very very hard experience.
00:44:19
Speaker
there's literally endless options. But what is the challenging part is when, and I know this and I speak to this because I do get associated with these things sometimes and with between the years. And when people kind of reach out,
00:44:39
Speaker
and inquire about this type of stuff. It's like they're going to go there and they're going to drink from the fountain of youth and all of a sudden discover this secret hidden thing. It doesn't work like that. That's not what they're there to provide you with. Unfortunately, and I think this is where I have mixed feelings about events,
00:45:03
Speaker
That is sort of, they do sort of set people up to escape a little bit. Sure. It's, it's hard to not, those to your point though, what's ironic is as you've said, this con the construct of those military events, the things you've experienced are in a scenario where you are shutting off your emotions. So now we're saying, Hey, go into this event. But like, it's not really ideal. So it's like, now you're just perpetuating that. But I,
00:45:30
Speaker
I had a CEO one time ask me like it was at this corporate thing. He was like, you know, what's the hardest fucking thing you've ever done? It was a dude, whatever. I'm not going to get into the analytics about it. I told him like, you're going to be disappointed with my answer. He's like, no, what is it? You know, expecting some fucking war story. And I was like, um, I said goodbye to my wife and two stepkids and family. Um,
00:45:52
Speaker
Thousands of times not knowing if this would be the last time I see him. That's not exciting. But it's like, well, hold on a second. I, you know what I mean? Like, no, no, no. Tell me. And it's like, eh. Yeah. I think the other thing with fitness that's challenging and maybe not for you, I think depends on the person, but something for sure I've experienced and that I think of course, like.
00:46:12
Speaker
we cannot ignore that a huge part of fitness is people wanting certain aesthetics. Yeah. So then you add on to this whole thing, this layer of like, what should I do? What's the best thing to achieve that goal? And I think goals could be, you could, it could also be like performance goals, but there's this notion of these like goals, whether it's how you look or what you can do. And so those can often like also get in the way of, okay, if I,
00:46:42
Speaker
Let's just say, okay, someone says, I committed to working out every day, because I'm gonna lose the 50 pounds this year. Okay, someone that needs to do that for their health.
00:46:56
Speaker
And then there's that day where they wake up and they feel really tired. Well, I committed to this. Well, what about you? Let's talk about, let's talk about that. Yeah, I mean, okay. So for me, like the challenge with me, I think is very unique because what I said before is as a fitness professional, as someone who, especially over the last five years, has learned so much about how complex things are. It's not just like, for people who think it's just about calorie burn, it's almost a more simple equation.
00:47:26
Speaker
Sure. I know it's not about calorie burn. I know plenty of people that work out every day and they're still severely overweight. They do crossfit every day. They go hard. They still need to lose 40 pounds for their health. Okay. So what the fuck is it then? Well, we know there's a ton of stuff and whatever. So for me, when I have that, like I have had challenges with my own like acceptance of myself, body issues, eating issues,
00:47:56
Speaker
There's this whole spiraling of like, is that okay to go easy? Because in my mind, for so long, it was like if you're not in pain, if you're not putting yourself out like through this. But you've had your own
00:48:13
Speaker
I feel like you're kind of crossing streams a little bit because there's the internal health piece and there's that acceptance of yourself and then there's the acceptance of yourself on the aesthetics piece. So you started off by saying so much of fitness is based on I need to look a certain way. But you have looked a certain way and it still fucking hasn't been enough. Yes, of course. And that's what I'm saying even though I know that. Of course, rationally, I know
00:48:40
Speaker
when I was counting macros, looking a certain way, this and that, I still wouldn't accept myself. I can rashly understand that. There's still, and I'm just saying this because I'm sure there are people that feel this, like there's still that like, does this count? Is this enough? Is this, is this getting me closer? Am I wasting my time like from that? You know, working out, making it worth it, impacting my body kind of place. And what we know is,
00:49:11
Speaker
you could be going hard every day and fucking yourself for actually losing weight, you know? So there's not an answer. And I think for me, there is relief in knowing that. Like the only answer is truly your body is like super smart. If you can get to that point of listening to it, it will probably self-regulate. Like there's a self-regulation that happens. Well, and there's also that part of you might like, you are a strong person. Like I can just say that right now. Hey, you're a strong person.
00:49:42
Speaker
who you are as a good person, uh, you might need some help. Right. And the strength of somebody I think is often determined by can they reach out for help? Um, and that's something that if people do need help, like if you listening or you, you know, you, me, every all of us, like,
00:50:03
Speaker
for whatever reason, you know, like that whole notion of asking for help of being like, look, you know, cause you said like, Hey, you need to listen to your body. And it's like, uh, okay, where do I begin? How do I do that? The only reason I've gotten to that point as well, that I will say, I think of getting to listen to my body has been through some of the work we've done and the tools you've offered and journaling. And like, there's a ton of things. That's not just one thing.
00:50:32
Speaker
But I wasn't in that, like it wasn't an overnight, I'm just gonna listen to how I feel and oh, magically it's there. I think there's also, and not to get into a whole other thing, but I really do believe when we look at how people have taught themselves not to feel, food is a big thing. Like we, especially as women, you're taught to ignore hunger. Like you can't trust that.
00:50:55
Speaker
the macros, the counting, like, trust the numbers. What does my phone say? Oh, you're hungry? Well, that feeling doesn't count. There's so much just teaching yourself not to feel these natural things. Like, when you really think about it, like, well, if you're feeling hunger pangs, it is probably your body telling you, for most people, oh, like, that's okay, like, maybe we can see something. Yeah, and then there's the whole thing of, is it truly hunger?
00:51:23
Speaker
Yeah, I'm just saying like as gen over generalizing, but a lot of years of not trusting the body like I think for a lot of women not being able to trust what you're feeling if I'm hungry. But is that so I'm obviously not a woman. So I don't know what it's like. Yeah. Do you in your experience, do you feel that do you think that not
Diet Culture and Control
00:51:51
Speaker
eating even when you're hungry is celebrated in your culture? I think so. I think that like there's an element of control and this is probably with people that I mean one could argue almost everybody has some sort of eating disorder but especially in the eating disorder community yeah like you are winning over your body there's an element of like I have
00:52:17
Speaker
So much willpower, I can control this. I don't need to eat. I'm above that. And so I'm not susceptible to having to eat or need food. And there's a huge control piece there. But over time, teaching yourself to like praise that, to like, not feel and like when, you know, when you get hungry and it turns into numbness, it just sort of turns into like, if you don't eat after a while, it kind of goes away.
00:52:43
Speaker
you know, that's kind of what you're doing. It's just so sickening that, you know what I mean? Like, and, and I'm not what, and, and whatever. It's just so sickening that like, that's how we've groomed people really. I mean, when you think about it, but the macros are still alive and well, and we're literally saying, I mean, now, and I, I just feel so strongly about it because I don't know how,
00:53:13
Speaker
You were one of the first people in the space. Well, right. You were definitely on board. With the macros. Yeah. Then I was like, I wrote that whole thing, death to the macros. Just for the record. I was not. I wrote a whole thing. I got kicked out of the wag group, remember? Yeah, sure do. Nobody wants to hear any possible criticism, but you know, the more I look at it now, like, are we really still saying that a donut
00:53:40
Speaker
all we know about the body, the microbiome, all this stuff, we're saying the donuts and hot dogs and fucking whatever else, as long as those numbers match up to apples and kale and like, are you kidding me that you're really saying, but right. But the problem is within that space and this is a whole, this is a separate thing. They want to promote the,
00:54:03
Speaker
all the bullshit because that sells like, oh, we're going to tell you to eat the shit that's going to fundamentally fuck up your microbiome, fuck up your emotions. Because by the way, that's where a lot of your, you know, your serotonin comes from and the vagus nerve and all this stuff.
00:54:18
Speaker
Oh, but then don't worry. Cause there's this part where we like boost you up with bumper sticker slogans. So that's kind of the thing like, and this is, and I've been like messing around with it and writing a little bit being like, Oh fuck, maybe we should do a podcast episode on it. Whatever. It's the line between empowering and enabling. And I think that's a conversation worth having because when you create this, as you said, dependency. Yeah.
00:54:46
Speaker
Like, hey, you need me. We know a ton of coaches that create that thing where I'm going to make it so you need me. And that's going to be good for my business. And that's so fucked up. It's really fun. So he actually recently asked me about how between yours has been going and with different clients. And, you know, previous to the gym opening up, I had.
00:55:09
Speaker
had a few individual clients, you know, kind of remote type deal and said, listen, and it was, they paid more because it's just a bigger, higher product or whatever.
00:55:20
Speaker
I was like, look, between the years is coming out. So, you know, I think you've pretty much like, you're good. Like you, you know what you're doing. Our term is sort of not done. I'm not firing you as a client, but like, you don't necessarily need me. Now if you want to check in like, yeah, right on, of course, but you know, there's this, for a fraction of what you're paying now, you can be part of the group and it's going to be a lot of this stuff. And you've got such a good foundation. You don't need me one on one holding you accountable. No, no.
00:55:49
Speaker
And if you want that different story, but for me to feel like how I can best serve you, it's like, okay, I don't think that that's the thing. And of course, the person was like, well, didn't that cost you money though? I'm like, well, yes. And I'm not trying to make myself out to be fucking Mother Teresa, but it's just about the belief in
Coaching Independence and Community
00:56:10
Speaker
I will not this will not be a fucking crutch or wheelchair this will be strengthening and the best way you can test your strength is standing on your own two feet is getting up out of that wheelchair off the crutches sawing that cast off and be like alright let's run or let's walk or let's do whatever and that's the challenge with a lot of the nutrition stuff where.
00:56:33
Speaker
Because you said about a donut being the same caloric or whatever information is like an apple. Okay, fine. The thing is, it's not that the numbers are in question.
00:56:44
Speaker
Yeah. It's not even like whether you'll lose weight or get leaner. No, it's like, so you're attacking me for my choice and who I am to say, I'm going to eat a donut or I'm going to eat a piece of pizza. How dare you. And it's this, and it's like, well, we're not talking about that. Right. We're not talking about you, but there is that wrap up with identity. And it's like saying, no, you're going to attack me for telling you
00:57:10
Speaker
You're going to attack me for mirroring back to you, your decisions. That's fucking enabling. So, so then, you know what I mean? So, and it's like, it's like nobody made you the pizza, but it's like, Hey, by the way, you know, and I think, you know, when he sees like optimized nutrition, she's kind of like a breath of fresh, she is a breath of fresh air with a lot of this and, and, you know, and she's like a nutrition.
00:57:34
Speaker
Guru Guru essentially and You know, it is very very nuanced generally speaking, you know, there's a lot of generalizations, but it is so tied to people's identities. Yeah, and And that's the thing about yeah like the macros of being like because I can just kick you out numbers I had a nutrition Consultation call with someone scary enough. They reached out to me us I guess about thing they were
00:58:02
Speaker
They didn't need someone to tell them numbers or what to eat. It was about their struggle personally, which for most people, nutrition is. I mean, I don't know a single person I've ever worked with that, that it's just about like that they can separate out like
00:58:20
Speaker
their weight or their body. Well, it's all the different little tactics. You know, it's like, oh, the this, oh, the this. And it's and it turns into that video game. But I think that's to your point, too, with not to get down that too far. And I think we're. But that is kind of coming full circle. One of the things with this podcast.
00:58:42
Speaker
Not everything we're doing, it's not about like a monetary of one to one. Okay. We're going to do this podcast. It's going to cost you a dollar to listen to it. You're going to have this client and we want to keep those people on the line for as long as possible. Our whole thing, and I do feel like this has been as blissfully ignorant as maybe a business plan can be, but
00:59:06
Speaker
Yeah, like just continue to provide like value, be honest, be open, be and passionate and continue to educate yourself and put that out there and people will find it. I hope so. I hope so. And that's where I think this podcast for us continuing, it is provide I know it's providing value. And sure, it might not be that okay, the 200 people that listen, they're all gonna like
00:59:32
Speaker
you know, transition into members.
Podcast Sustainability and Community Engagement
00:59:34
Speaker
That's, it's not a one-to-one, but it's not, but I also think, and this is, I'll just be fully fucking transparent. One of the things that, um, one of the things that does actually, it does bother me is when you do feel like something is being provided that is valuable.
01:00:01
Speaker
and it's kind of met with a handout and kind of met with like, well, just gimme, gimme, gimme. And I'm not saying that I don't do that either. There's plenty of things that when I think of like, man, I'm certainly a consumer, but like just know if you're just consuming without supporting,
01:00:25
Speaker
Perhaps that well will run dry at a certain point. And, you know, we do need to be supported. And I'll just be completely honest, we do need to be financially supported or else we can't continue to do like the things that we
01:00:43
Speaker
have been told we're really good at or we want to also do and the passion thing and so and I and I really like I was I was talking with a client this weekend and told them like yeah I got a coach this year and it's costing me more money than I made last year between years
01:01:02
Speaker
That's how much I believe in the value of coaching, like 1000%. And I don't make I make, you know, so I don't make that statement to say anything about whatever anyone else's financial picture but like, the other thing
01:01:18
Speaker
When you're an active contributor and supporter in something you're also consuming and benefiting from, I think your experience just goes through the roof. There is that sense of buy-in. That's why nobody likes shopping on Amazon, but people love going to the local hardware store, bookstore, market, farmer's market, whatever it might be. And you don't get that inclusion of,
01:01:47
Speaker
being part of something. I think that's one of the things that we're trying to do is create something that is inclusive and that frankly, it does ask for help and say like, yeah, look, we want to keep doing this, but we also do need to have that reciprocity, not quid pro quo, but like that reciprocity. And so, you know, that's just kind of part of it too, so. Good.
01:02:16
Speaker
All right, that was that. Hopefully it was okay. Well, I guess speaking of which, if you want to get a little jumpstart on some goals, that was a good thing. If you do want to participate, if you do want to pick up, get involved with what we got.
01:02:31
Speaker
I'll say I will say this as well like that goals thing. I know it's fucking good It is incredibly undervalued when there's a steel. Yeah, it's 25 bucks And I think we go back and forth like maybe if it was a thousand bucks people would but yeah, it is $25 it's meant to be accessible. It's yeah worth is far beyond $25 but just fucking do it if you want and if you don't then I
01:02:57
Speaker
But if you're listening to this and you're finding value, you probably will find value in that. So that makes sense. If you're listening to this and you're like, why do I keep listening to these videos? If I can stop listening to us, don't listen and don't go by the workshop. And then there's the online. So between the ears fitness online, obviously we're in far Hills, but we have an online component.
01:03:19
Speaker
We do individual coaching. There's plenty of different ways of getting coaching, of getting involved in that kind of a bit. Yeah, and if you're not sure, reach out, and that's the best way to reach out. I don't actually know. I'm having a hard time knowing what day it is, what month we're in. Right now, it's just... It's snow. ...snowing in gray, and there's about four feet of snow on the ground.
01:03:48
Speaker
Gear. We need t-shirts. I have an email out. We're working on it. You have an email out? You're working on it? To our people, yes. And I owe three people t-shirts. So I know they're listening. They're going to be like, I ordered a shirt. We need new designs. Yes. New designs with the same logo. And I keep asking you to look and you are like, I can't find it. OK. What do you have? We'll argue offline. All right. Goodbye. Bye.