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Home From The Do Lectures
68 Plays6 years ago
A bit of the lead-up to my Do Lectures talk and coming home.
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Transcript
Nervous beginnings at Due Lectures
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello. All righty. Um, man, it feels like I've been doing a lot of talking recently. Uh, so for anybody that doesn't know, I was just out at the due lectures for a week. Um, uh, incredibly grateful and honored to be asked to give a talk and did, um,
00:00:26
Speaker
And it was the first time I ever said that stuff. I, um, not, not all of it, but most of it and, and, and kind of the, the meat of the matter. It was the first time I, I said any of that. So it was really nerve wracking. Um, and it was not easy.
00:00:49
Speaker
but I feel really good, uh, as, as a result of it. And I feel like a weight has kind of been lifted.
Gratitude towards event hosts
00:00:58
Speaker
Um, and I can, I can just be, um, I'm fired up. I really am fired up for
00:01:13
Speaker
for the momentum and the movement forward in my own life. And yeah, so I'm just super incredibly grateful to David and Claire Hyatt for inviting me out and asking me to talk. And, you know, they don't tell you what you want, what you should talk about. The due lectures is if there was ever a place to leave all the bullshit
00:01:42
Speaker
behind and all of the stuff and just be authentic and be you and be supported and be vulnerable and just suspend the cynicism and the limitations and open up to allow just the beauty of people in and propel you forward
Unexpected invitation and mixed emotions
00:02:07
Speaker
It's the due lectures. It's that place. Um, and yeah, they don't tell you like, Hey, this is what we want to talk about. Or this or that. So you've got about 20 minutes. Be you tell your story.
00:02:24
Speaker
which is amazing, but also a bit nerve wracking. So I guess that's what I'm gonna talk a little bit about today. I can't possibly do it justice to talk about the event. I would not honor it.
00:02:42
Speaker
even close to how It really was But so I encourage you Go check out their stuff the due lectures to all the talks are online. They put them up for free it's just just an amazing company because even more amazing people run it and believe in it and and They're serving us all good stuff. So yeah, check that check them out. It's life-changing so
00:03:14
Speaker
Yeah. So I was asked to, so I was asked to give, um, I was asked to give my talk about a week before I gave it and had no, it was going there under the assumption I was attending. And then I got an email today, little question. Um, would you like to give a talk?
00:03:35
Speaker
I was like, wow, this is, this is kind of crazy. Um, totally caught me off guard and you know, there's a mixed bag of emotions. There was, I was, I was honored. I was,
Crafting a personal narrative
00:03:50
Speaker
um, unsure of why me, what the heck am I going to say? Like, I don't, I don't know. Um,
00:04:01
Speaker
And then, you know, and they're very grateful to, to be just passed and all of that. So I, um, I spent the next week asking myself, what, what is my story? What, what do I have to say? And, you know, I don't know if I've ever,
00:04:33
Speaker
Which I say here, I don't know if I've ever Had that level of That's not true. I had I had an incredibly Hard time
00:04:51
Speaker
trying to articulate in the week before or trying to dig through the files and the archives and tell the story even though like some of the work has been done with the newsletter with the podcast with some you know just between the ears stuff with talking you know but it was like a big old puzzle and
00:05:11
Speaker
It was like where do you begin and what is the point? What is the point of? my talk gonna be and you know, there's like Tim Ferriss has spoken there like you know, like some crazy successful people and What am I like who am I kind of deal? And then kind of realized like that's exactly the point who am I is My talk and That
00:05:41
Speaker
Journey of getting to know yourself and my story is one of I Don't know success struggle not letting the past ruin your future And take you away from the present Acceptance
Audience respect and authenticity
00:06:05
Speaker
there's a lot wrapped up in there. But being you and moving forward and living is what my story is. And so for the week in the lead up, I went back and
00:06:23
Speaker
you know, when I wrote down a bit of my story and what started as, um, really just trying to get some outline because there's a couple of things and they're seemingly in opposition of one another. People are spending a lot of money and time to go to this event. And if somebody gives you their time, that is,
00:06:51
Speaker
I feel it is. You better respect it. Because that's all we got.
Confronting past struggles
00:06:57
Speaker
So I did not want to, you know, ramble on about nothing. Maybe like I'm doing right now. I don't know.
00:07:07
Speaker
but I did not want to waste anyone's time. Now on this other hand, it was like, and they'll tell you, just, just be you, just be authentic, be yourself, whatever. And so part of being me is like not having this packaged, you know, bullshit script, um,
00:07:30
Speaker
part of me was I didn't want to talk about between the ears up there because that would have been a deflection of what I felt I personally needed to say. So there was a bit of redemption and salvation in there personally.
00:07:52
Speaker
you know, but I definitely need, no, I needed to, in order to respect the time, but also articulate clearly some really tough things like do the work and go back through. And it was, it was hard.
Speaking from the heart
00:08:09
Speaker
I had to go back and kind of go face to face with some, some dark times and some hard days. Um,
00:08:25
Speaker
That's That's not always easy to do. Sorry guys. I gotta I'm working on like a cold here. I apologize if I'm all stuffed up anyway But it was necessary It was it was necessary
00:08:43
Speaker
to go back and to kind of think about my life and organize some things and then look at it and be like all right this is kind of the general things and ironically enough like
00:08:55
Speaker
the story was already written. Life was already lived.
Finding a sense of belonging
00:08:59
Speaker
And so when I got up there, kind of everything kind of went blank. Um, yeah, I saw a hundred people staring back at me, not really moving. It was super quiet and still there. And I like to kind of,
00:09:18
Speaker
Gauge help people like you know get some feedback that that's actually I think the podcast was was really good with a really good practice for that because You're not I don't know if you're like scratching your head squinting your eyes thing like what does it do talking about? Anyway, that's kind of how it felt up there, but it all kind of went blank and You know sort of took a breath it was like alright Just speak from the heart
00:09:44
Speaker
I knew I kind of wanted to go in like a chronological order because That's what I know like that's been my life and that's you know, you can't not you don't memorize that Anyway, so Yeah the week before I led or I
00:10:11
Speaker
I spent a lot of time with it. Um, and it was, it was, I think it was helpful to go through that. Uh, and it was really, really hard. You know, I got emotional writing down some of the things and you know, then realizing like I've never said this, I've never said any of this before.
00:10:36
Speaker
I've never told my story like that and I don't know who's gonna listen how they're gonna respond what people are gonna think and That you know can be a bit nerve-wracking But it had to be done it had to be said So I
00:11:08
Speaker
I feel really good. And when I first came home for good from the army, it was a beautiful October, November day, like kind of just perfect fall day. And I pulled up, you know, with my truck and trailer and, um,
00:11:36
Speaker
Got in and Kay was there and the kids and made me this awesome lunch. Avocado toast with some lemon zest. I still remember it. So good. It was eaten outside and they were like, everybody was so happy. And about an hour later, I had this feeling of dread.
00:11:56
Speaker
remember thinking like, Oh man, I'm like home for good. Like I'm not going back. Like this is it. I remember dismissed like being like, what the, what is this? Are you kidding me? Like party pooper bill over here. Um, I'm sorry. I shunned it. Like I, I, I got dismissed it. I shoot it away and that came back a little bit stronger a little bit later.
00:12:27
Speaker
and continued. And I didn't approach it with curiosity and compassion and just kind of ignored it. I was like, you know, tried to fight to keep it from invading. And that's not really an effective tactic.
00:12:48
Speaker
Cause it just emboldens this sign to grow bigger, to get your attention. Cause I needed to pay attention to something. I needed to, to, to really examine a lot of stuff within me. And, um, yeah, so that, that was like a big thing. I remember that dark cloud over a sunny day type thing. Um, and I just, and I would tell Kay, like, I just don't feel like I'm home. Like, I don't feel like this is my home.
00:13:19
Speaker
Uh, and I can say one of the most amazing feelings I had after my talk, um, I felt like I could finally come home and, um, and I wanted to come home and I feel like I am home now.
00:13:51
Speaker
And that really feels good. I'm smiling a lot more. And yeah,
Encouragement for future engagement
00:14:01
Speaker
I'm just really, really thankful for the opportunity and the
00:14:14
Speaker
and the possibility of moving on and moving forward and and coming home. So that's that's it. It's tough for me, honestly, to to be talking right now. But I hope that's a bit of an insight. I don't know. I just I'm home.
00:14:44
Speaker
I guess that's what I want to say and I'm happy to be here. So if you want to view the lecture or the talk, oh man, the lecture, it's called the two lectures, but man, I feel like we had a chat and I wasn't lecturing on anything.
00:15:00
Speaker
Um, the due lectures, they, uh, the dual lectures.com, they put up all the talks. They also have a live stream. Um, if you go to their Facebook page, you can view the live stream. I talked on day two, I'm at about the 25, 26 minute mark. I think it's when Carlo introduces me.
00:15:21
Speaker
That's my talk. That's my story. I listen to it if you want, if you don't. No worries. But that's what I've been referring to. Check out all their stuff. Nobody is going to go there and not leave feeling inspired. And that doesn't mean just go to the events. Go to the page. They have a bunch of
00:15:42
Speaker
They have a bunch of cool stuff up there books obviously all the talks Yeah, just amazing people
00:15:54
Speaker
So that's that. If you want to chat, if you want to message or whatever back from Europe, so be responsive. You can do so at Bill Anthese and Bill A-N-T-H-E-S or at P-T-W-N, the ears.
00:16:15
Speaker
the practice is coming it's going to be available to enroll next week or this weekend or next week depends so if you have questions on that shoot me a note it's it's yeah we're gonna get to work man it's gonna be good yeah that's it i'm gonna stop here because i'm i'm rambling on now so appreciate you guys listening
00:16:43
Speaker
Feels good to be home. Alright, bye.