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85 Plays5 years ago
Fear is a powerful driver in our lives and we can use it to drive positive action IF we understand it. Raising our awareness and understanding of fear requires having a better conversation about it, it's origin, source, and influence in how we engage with life. The intent of this episode is to start this more purposeful conversation.
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Transcript
Early Morning Recording & Coffee Talk
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello. Hello. We're recording earlier in the day. Yes. This is the morning. This is the morning. Yes. We usually record early afternoon or late morning. I'm bringing you over to my side of getting things done. Don't tell me about wearing things done. In advance. I'm not waiting till the last minute. If you wait till the last minute, it only takes you a minute though.
00:00:29
Speaker
Yes, I know. I've seen your work. Okay. So we have our coffee. You don't use lerp it down already. All right.
Personal Health Scare & Fear Discussion
00:00:44
Speaker
So this week I wanted to talk about some stuff that's been going on, more so with me personally in the medical realm. I put up a little video last week and a lot of people
00:01:03
Speaker
had said, wishing you well, hope all is good. Like it was a nice outpouring of support. And so for that, I'm thankful and thank you and I appreciate it. But I wanted to sort of use this podcast as a, sorry, I'm just trying to get this thing, so that's not so loud. I use this week's podcast sort of as like a,
00:01:29
Speaker
a dive into it to some degree to try to, one, hold myself accountable to how I can, you know, improve from it. And I think it's helpful if you're looking for self-accountability to also include others that
00:01:50
Speaker
you know, in your, in that, what you're trying to be accountable for to yourself. So kind of looking at that and for whatever reason, Oh, I know the reason, but this sort of medical thing has had me revisit what I've been thinking about for awhile, but like this whole notion of fear and just having a little bit
00:02:19
Speaker
more well-rounded of a conversation about fear than the bumper sticker stuff. And look, I had a t-shirt that said, fear is a liar. And I'm like, oh, that's cool. Like, I like that. But like that t-shirt is kind of.
00:02:35
Speaker
The t-shirt's wrong. You know what I mean? Like, I get the point of it. I get the essence of it. But I think we've turned fear into something that should be discounted, avoided, not listened to. Overcome. Yeah, fear has to be overcome.
00:02:54
Speaker
And I get it, but that's not really how it works. Like we need to think about what is the purpose, like why is fear in our life? What is the purpose with it? And to do that, if we look at, you know, our system, our body, a lot of the stuff that I kind of covered in this between your seminar, but also just working with people, like there's something, there's something tangential to fear or below it that,
00:03:24
Speaker
is really the essence of the fear, if that makes sense. So I wanted to kind of go into that. So what's going on with you? Like starting there with... Like what happened? Well, yeah, I mean that fear. So what's the fear? How do you
Fear in Health & Life Fulfillment
00:03:40
Speaker
feel? Okay. Well, I guess the two, the one minute overview of what happened, I was exercising, had this crazy headache, one of the worst headaches of my life.
00:03:52
Speaker
and was wiped out for like a day.
00:03:57
Speaker
It happened for the rest of the day. It happened later on in the day. Again, I got this crazy headache called a doctor. They're like, okay, we don't think you're dying. So if it happens again, go to the emergency room. Turns out it happened again. Not as bad, but it was coming on. So I went to the emergency room and for me to go to the emergency room, like something's wrong. Like that's not, anyway,
00:04:24
Speaker
So I got a CAT scan. The primary concern was bleeding, you know, brain hemorrhage and tumor. That came back negative, which was good, but still didn't really answer the question of like, what the hell is going on? So then that was on Sunday. On Monday morning, I was like basically doing a warmup for the warmup.
00:04:46
Speaker
Like that's how slow I was moving, barely biking, doing some ring rows and doing some pushups. And my resting heart rate is generally sub 50. And it in about three minutes, it spiked to one 50. And this insane headache came back on.
00:05:09
Speaker
And then, and that's really when I got scared of like, okay, I don't know if I have like a ruptured aneurysm or something. So anyway, that's when we started reaching out to people, Kevin Somme and Veronica, they like called in some favors and flex some muscle and expedited me getting in, which if you guys are listening, thank you. That was,
00:05:36
Speaker
That was amazing and if anything like you know, whatever will come out of this There's that's right away something to be grateful for and positive about that, you know when people help you Truly help you, you know, that's that's really amazing. And so, you know, that was that was awesome They got me into the doctors and various, you know cardiologists neuroscience all that stuff so
00:06:02
Speaker
Anyway, um, went in over the past week. I've been doing a bunch of tests, MRIs of the brain, echocardiograms, I have a stress test coming up. So like a bunch of tests, blood, urine, like, and so I got an MRI of the brain on whatever day it was. Doesn't matter. It was like four 30 in the evening when it wrapped up.
00:06:31
Speaker
The tech was like, all right, no news is good news. So, you know, they'll do a follow up or whatever probably next week. I'm like, great. Well, like 12 hours later, I got a call. This is on a Friday. I got a call saying that the neurologist wants to see you. The doctor wants to see you. No words anyone ever wants to hear.
00:06:54
Speaker
And if I, and this was at like nine AM and they asked if I could come in at 11. I'm like, uh, that's kind of urgent. Said no. Cause actually I had a, another appointment, medical appointment. I couldn't rearrange. I was like, I can't get there at 11. How about I can come right now though. They're like, okay, yeah, good. Come now. And I'm like, what the fuck? This is not good. Like no news is good news. And all of a sudden now they're saying like, there's urgency behind this.
00:07:19
Speaker
So I basically got in the truck and drove to the hospital as fast as possible and there's a couple interesting things going on. One, you know, the unknown is always
00:07:34
Speaker
The unknown, when we think about the unknown, we often think, obviously, we don't know. The unknown is such a crazy, powerful experience and opportunity to actually raise your awareness of what's going on, which is why we do so much with the unknown because it brings about a reality of the story that you're telling yourself and your mindset that can't be reproduced in different conditions.
00:08:05
Speaker
And so one, I was thinking, okay, like I need, I am preparing to get the worst news of my life and had already kind of bought into the fact that, yeah, this is going to be bad. And I'll be honest with you, it's, I wasn't scared of the news of whatever would come.
00:08:35
Speaker
And there was this weird sense of like needing to step up and needing to be strong and needing to have
00:08:44
Speaker
you know, the intestinal fortitude to not crumble. And there was actually this sense of peace with it, similar to some other experiences where, you know, near death experiences and whatnot. And so that was interesting. The thing I was afraid of was that I was going to get told like at 35, you have brain cancer. And
00:09:11
Speaker
Like I didn't know how I would tell you how I would tell the kids. And, you know, that's really what I was thinking. Like, okay, I don't want to, I don't want.
00:09:26
Speaker
I don't want that to be the, I don't want that to be the curve ball to hit me on the blind side. Like I need to prepare for that. And yeah, you know, we prepare for the worst sometimes and the unknown often makes the, uh, whatever the sub or the experiences, it often makes it worse.
00:09:44
Speaker
I wasn't thinking they were going to say, hey, all things are good. Nice job. Keep it up. Like it went to the awful. Um, so that obviously that, not obviously, that was not the diagnosis I got in there and it was just like, it was a routine followup. Now I kind of, I think they also realized that perhaps they
00:10:07
Speaker
framed it a little differently and they're like, and I was like, Hey, I'm just wondering, like I raced in here. Can you give me a sense of direction of what's going on? And they're like, well, the doctor will. And I'm like, okay, this is not good. So, you know, they, and then they apologize. No, sorry if you scared you. We just wanted to get you in and get you followed up. I'm like, okay, anyway.
00:10:26
Speaker
So the fear. So that's kind of what happened in your, so obviously the, like the fear part, I mean, you said the fear of worrying you had, how are you going to tell me about having brain cancer or sort of the worst, but your, your point about fear being unnecessary things taking that. Yeah. So that's the thing with the fear of it being, I wasn't afraid of getting brain cancer.
00:10:55
Speaker
Because if that was the case, you know, if that's what, if that's, if that's the reality of what happened, or if I did rupture an aneurysm and they're like, Hey, we need to go in and immediate and whatever, you know, like that's done. That's, I'm not afraid. Like you're really saying you're not, you wouldn't be afraid. You don't have any fear of the rest of your life with brain cancer. So here's the thing. If I'm not good at English, but
00:11:23
Speaker
If the brain cancer is the, what would it be? The object of the fear? Would it be like the object? Okay. That's too early to
Understanding Fear's Role in Modern Life
00:11:33
Speaker
think. No, but like all the, if you're talking about a grammar thing.
00:11:35
Speaker
I don't know. Anyway, if, if fear is the like main, like the big ticket, like, Oh my God, or, um, I'm sorry. If the diagnosis is the main thing, that's not, no, I was not afraid of that. What I was afraid of. And where I had fear was how I was afraid of how my situation would influence our family's situation. Right. So it's not, you're not afraid of the actual. No. Okay. So.
00:12:04
Speaker
But that diagnosis triggers the fear of something much deeper. And so the fear then is like also feeling like
00:12:19
Speaker
being afraid of, I guess, you know, regret or some of this stuff with like, I would have, I want to spend my days in a more positive, grateful, you know, engaged state. Obviously there's going to be ups and downs and that's part of it. It can't be La La Land the whole time, but like wanting a full life, afraid of not having a full life. And so,
00:12:49
Speaker
That's a very, very real fear.
00:12:52
Speaker
but that's a very good fear of like, all right, like if you're afraid of that, then make it happen. And so I think that's where we can partner with fear, not of the diagnosis, but of the influence that it has and use it to, to, to, to build and express that inner strength. So fear is kind of like a big catch all with obviously fear of
00:13:20
Speaker
you know, how you tell your family that you have brain cancer and fear of opening a new business or fear of like, there's a lot of different fears. Like, how would you classify what would be the end of like, would you say you have like, okay, so taking the new gym, like, obviously there's trepidation, there's nervousness, there's how's it going to go? Would you put that in the fear? Would you say that's the degree of fear?
00:13:51
Speaker
So I think this is the thing with fear like when I know Tony blower anybody that wants to do a dive into fear You know Tony's probably the guy to listen to and I haven't listened to all of his stuff. So If I'm wrong or repeating, I guess I apologize in advance, but like What is fear You know, it's I think it's a signal I know it's a signal to drive an action. Mm-hmm
00:14:19
Speaker
And we, I think often in our society or with whatever, we become afraid of things. I'm afraid that that dog is going to bite me. Right. And there's some, there's some, uh, there's some like kinetic or some singular traumatic things like, yeah, of course.
00:14:43
Speaker
Those things make sense. Not everything maybe is so deep. If you're a little kid and you have a dog bite you in the face, yep, that's going to leave a traumatic imprint that if you don't deal with is going to create a fear of dogs. But I think fear is misunderstood and misapplied as objects that do harm to us.
00:15:05
Speaker
I would say what I would think to encourage people to do and this is something that I've been doing is instead of looking at fear as Objects that do harm to us looking at fear as signals for us to address something within ourselves that we need to and so fear really being the catalyst of
00:15:29
Speaker
an opportunity for you to step towards the thing that fear is kind of being like, hey, you need to look over there. Right. And so. Yeah. No, I was just thinking about like current state, like the things that people generally in our society are fearing.
00:15:47
Speaker
fearing like the kids going by school fearing and just looking at how you flip that on like what drives you to Yeah, and I'll end so with that and I don't know if we talked about on this podcast. I was on some
00:16:01
Speaker
global CrossFit call when COVID first kicked off. And this was probably week one of like Jim's being demand, like mandated, like, okay, we are now shut down. And this, you know, kind of not celebrity, but like, you know, big name person, it invited a couple of people on.
00:16:27
Speaker
I had said from the beginning, this is not about getting sick. This is about people's fear of not being able to reconcile their staring death in the face. For people, their mortality is in question here, not health.
00:16:42
Speaker
And fear of dying prematurely or unfulfilled is what I think is being exposed and how we, a lot of people haven't come to grips with what if this is it and not to, you know, make it all about this, but like when you've had near death experiences, you look at your own mortality and you look at death differently.
00:17:08
Speaker
not to be celebrated, not to be whatever, but you just have this understanding of it. And so thankfully we live in a society where, you know, most people, and it's unfortunate that in some areas like this isn't the case, but you know, I would say generally,
00:17:24
Speaker
That's not something on people's radar. So they're not afraid of dying. They're not afraid of the road blowing up when they drive down it. They're not afraid of someone in the grocery bagger shooting them. That's just not a daily thing.
00:17:40
Speaker
You know, that's great. Unfortunately, like, you know, what we're experiencing socially and racially and all of that is that, yeah, that's not a common experience. And so that's not lost on me either. I would say our country, and I know our country compared to, let's just say other countries in different parts of the world, like, yeah, 90% of it, it's the minority that aren't afraid of dying.
00:18:08
Speaker
So just because you brought up Tony Blauer when we were in the lockdown quarantine, whatever we're calling it.
00:18:15
Speaker
we had done like weekly calls with different people. Tony was actually one of them through the gym. And I was just thinking about, he has like this map, which is kind of cool. And so what, you know, ties into, I think you're the stuff you talk about in the seminar and some of the system, like responses. So not that you're going to walk through like Tony's map, but like in your words are kind of looking at like what happens in the body and what that
00:18:44
Speaker
triggers because I mean even on a low level of fear like I don't know if you'd call it like I think at the very low level of fear is probably like weird nervousness starts
Rational vs Emotional Fears
00:18:55
Speaker
you know what I mean like on the spectrum but like there is that
00:19:02
Speaker
feeling like that. I'm afraid to go give this presentation at work. Every day thinks I'm afraid to participate in this event, like me getting in the water at that Half Iron Man. I would say that was in the fear. What were you afraid of? And I don't know what I was afraid of. Exactly. So can you walk through? Yeah. So from how I
00:19:27
Speaker
understand stuff and teach and coach people and whatever. The way our system and our body and our brains evolved, the first toll, the first gate that we had to deal with was that of survival.
00:19:47
Speaker
We cannot, we are always answering the survival question. What does this experience, what does this environment, what does whatever we're doing, how does it pass the survival test? Now over the past millions of years, like, and currently now, you know, over the past, let's just say a thousand years, we don't really have to survive anymore.
00:20:12
Speaker
as a whole, like as an organism. That doesn't mean just because we have comforts of 2020 that we're beyond answering the survival question. So fear, nervousness, those types of things.
00:20:34
Speaker
either directly or one or two steps removed relate to something with survival, chances of survival at a very deep level. Like a systematic level. At a systematic level. And the reason being is because when we were evolving, like what is fear? Fear is a feeling.
00:21:01
Speaker
Fear is a physiological response. Fear is not a rational misunderstanding. For example, your fear with the water. What are you afraid of? It's like, well, I'm afraid, were you afraid that you were going to drown?
00:21:16
Speaker
Right. When I walked through the rational, there is no thing I could point to like, like jealousy. Jealousy is a feeling, but you could probably walk through like, well, I'm jealous of this person because, um, I think they're flirting with you or whatever, whatever. Like there's something I'm making up an example. Nobody forced with you. Let's be serious. So, but like you could point to that. Like you could walk through a scenario like
00:21:45
Speaker
of another feeling. But the fear when you asked me the night before the thing, like, I wasn't afraid of drowning. I wasn't afraid of not finishing.
00:21:56
Speaker
I wasn't afraid I couldn't do it. There wasn't an answer. It was just a feeling. And so that's the thing with the rational mind. Answers, analysis, logic, like, oh, I'm afraid that, let's just say, if it was, okay, so in selection, you have
00:22:16
Speaker
They're supposed to be unnamed distance events the first week. So you've got, I don't forget what the distances are, but they're long distances, rucker runs, and they don't tell you how far you're going. Right? That unknown triggers this
00:22:35
Speaker
I don't think I would say fear, maybe this anxiety, alertness, arousal. Your system wakes up turns on because it's like, I got to figure out, I'm going to take in all possible information and cues and clues that are going to be beneficial in my pursuit of whatever this thing might be. Okay.
00:22:55
Speaker
Let's say you've got somebody who's not fit and they barely are what is it? Five miles. We'll just say it was like a five mile. Hey, you got to do five miles and it was a five mile run in 40 minutes or less. And they know that they can do that, but the eight mile run, they'll literally at mile seven, just collapse and not be able to do it. And we get to the, we get to the starting point. You know, they put us in trucks, you drive it out or wherever, however you started.
00:23:25
Speaker
And right up until the point of the starting point, we have no idea how far we're going to go. You as the individual collapses at seven miles is thinking like is afraid of probably collapsing at seven miles. So if it's that eight miler, you're done. If it's a five miler, you're good. So if you were to come along,
00:23:48
Speaker
And then if, if, if, let's just say we're say, Hey, okay, guys, I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to hook you up. This is the five mile run. No, maybe you're, it's a lie. Maybe not. Who knows? But let's just say for this intent, it's accurate. And they're like, it is the five mile run. This is not a, this is not a thing. Legally, we have to tell you whatever kind of crap that fear.
00:24:12
Speaker
is in this situation for this person would be mostly a rationally driven thing of, well, I'm really afraid. If it's five miles, I know I've got five miles. In fact, I do five miles in 35 minutes. There's no possible way. So it's like, okay, so that bit of information, that fact, it's the five mile, not the eight mile, alleviate some of the anxiety, stress, fear, whatever.
00:24:41
Speaker
If there's not that situation, if there's not a fact that makes the situation that's creating this internal feeling very different, which it's often not the case, then it's not a rational fear. Like, for example, the water. If you were afraid that there were sharks in it, and then you're like, hey, by the way, this is,
00:25:10
Speaker
Fresh water, spring fed, there's literally no fish in it. It's like, okay, I don't have to be afraid of that. Right? So that's kind of that, but hardly ever is there the answer that we need to our quote unquote fear. It's always a little bit sick. So in that case, it's like, well, it's not that you're afraid that there are sharks in there. It's afraid that a shark's going to bite you. And so it's going to go back. It's going to be obviously deeper. So.
00:25:37
Speaker
I don't know if I just lost. Oh, walking through. So yeah, I mean, so, so the fear in many ways, it's an emotional driver that is like,
00:25:58
Speaker
questioning your survivability in some way. Because we don't often face, like, you know, dinosaurs and whatever, you know, things that are gonna rip us to Shred's apex predators on land. We've kind of lost touch with that. Well, now it's still a modern day thing. You could be afraid of losing your job, because if you lose your job, and then you're not providing for your family, and there is a, so, for sure. And fear is an incredible driver. Right.
00:26:28
Speaker
The, one of the issues though, is that we focus solely on the first thing that which we're afraid of and we don't go deeper. And so fear of losing the job, it's like, okay, it's the job that's a problem. It's like, it's you, that's the problem. And what is it about losing your job that has you
00:26:50
Speaker
unable to be present in your life that has you saying goodbye to your family and going into the office at five and coming back at ten at night like or obsessing or like what is that and how is that going and so you know but from a system standpoint fear is one of the most primal
00:27:12
Speaker
emotional phenomenons that we have because it also helped us evolve to be like oh dark cave with dark cave in this den like environment don't go in there because the last time when their old boy got ripped to shreds by the by the fucking mountain lion or something so like
00:27:30
Speaker
That's how we learn, that's how we evolve. So the real, like, problem, so to speak, with fear is when we let it, we don't see the opportunity in it, and we let it just, we get focused on the subject that we're afraid of, so. Yeah, and I think, and I think societally, now, fear is also something that we look, we dose only rationally.
00:27:58
Speaker
And that is, it's like, okay, what's your fear? Well, my fear is that
00:28:04
Speaker
I'm going to open up this new gym. It's going to be a totally different model. It's going to be risky. It's going to be this. There's a pandemic. There's this, there's that. It's like, okay, that's what you're afraid of. Let's go through all the problems and let's create solutions for them. It's like, that's not the problem. That's not the problem. The problem or the fear is deeper. Right. So for you, if you're walking through that, what is
00:28:28
Speaker
So that's not the issue to go through and say, no, like people are looking for something to, okay, that checks that box and this and this and this. So for you, what is, what would then be the deeper thing? I don't know if I'm so afraid. I'm not like a free, I don't think I'm approaching the gym as, as, as fear. Okay. But in that example, the fear quote unquote would more be a conflict. Like, can I do it?
00:28:53
Speaker
Sure. So it's always going to be there's with things that are not truly survive situations. Like for example, well with the medical stuff, like with the, let's just say
Fear as a Motivator for Fulfillment
00:29:03
Speaker
brain cancer. Cause I was like, okay, that's, that's going to be it, you know, and for whatever reason I bought into that.
00:29:10
Speaker
That's going to be always about something deep inside of you. So for that, it was like, what are the, what is this diagnosis going to call into question at the deepest level of who I am? And it's going to be... Did you waste your time?
00:29:31
Speaker
Yeah, a lot of times, did I waste my time? Did I, like, that's the thing. Or did you not take full attention to your life? Did I not, like, live up to and exceed my potential? And did I do everything I possibly could to be of positive influence to first, my family, and secondly, to others? And was it worth it? Like, was, you know, so.
00:29:58
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's interesting because I think when people have those kinds of experiences, the thing that the trick is not the trick, but to not let that fade like on your way to the office.
00:30:12
Speaker
that was like probably super present and like, okay, did I like this, this notion of like making the most of your time a week out, a year later after that diagnosis, that stuff fades. Right. Because that's the thing. It's like, Oh, thank God. I can breathe out. I don't have brain cancer. And it's like, ah,
00:30:31
Speaker
No, no, like rationally. Yes, you do not. But there was something it was not because you're not afraid of the brain. So that's the thing for people to really just capture and not have it need to be.
00:30:47
Speaker
Yes, it's a shame to have to need to be actually dying of cancer to really be reminded of what you want to do. So yesterday we listened to Bob's two cups in and he talked about Bob Harper who had a Widowmaker heart attack a few years ago. And that's been like something big for him with, I think,
00:31:13
Speaker
Fear like he had it when he was working out. Yeah, and like that fear and that trauma like Getting like is this gonna happen again or something like, you know And I just I think that is exactly probably what's interesting about that is there's a reminder every time he works out there's probably that comes up a little bit every time less and less and less but and just looking at like what is the
00:31:40
Speaker
Yeah, what is that driver? And like, I think that's been just, I guess, the comparison of something that's sort of people who have an experience that sort of lingers and the reminder of trying to look at what is it? Not just, I'm afraid I'm going to have a heart attack. Right. Now. Right. Done. Yes. And
00:32:03
Speaker
That's a Pandora's box of dealing with trauma. And, you know, I don't really want to speak on other people's behalf with this, so I won't. But when we also look at, it's not just a mental construct.
00:32:23
Speaker
It's not, they could have put like for Bob, like let's just say they were like, Hey, Bob, check it out. Elon Musk just developed the new like heart 2.0 and you'll literally live forever. Um, you're structurally there's zero risk. Like you're gonna, you're now infinity, Bob. That doesn't, that won't remove it.
00:32:46
Speaker
because there is the feeling part. I mean, and that's the stuff you talk about too. There's not just the shutoff on the brain where we can just flip a switch. There's still the body has stored that experience. The body is going to keep having potentially when he first, and I'm just using him as an example, like anybody who has had a heart attack who
Trauma's Impact on Fear & Action
00:33:06
Speaker
It's cleared, you're good, you're good to go. Probably when they start exercising again, their heart rate comes up, there's probably a response in the body. 100%. Even without looking at the, it's not like they're looking at their heart rate and their mind, they're like, oh. Well, that's the thing. So you could say, there's a beautiful thing between the rational and the emotional and how when we don't look at the body, then we're not actually looking at anything.
00:33:34
Speaker
You've got a heart rate monitor on, right? You've had this thing, we'll just say, okay, you had a heart attack, you had something going on. And we say, okay, as long as your heart rate is under, we'll just say 100 beats a minute, like you're usually pretty good. Okay, cool. Put a heart rate on. The heart rate monitor's broken.
00:33:52
Speaker
You don't know that though. And you're working out. Let's just say you're on the assault bike and you're hitting the assault bike and you're like, wow, yeah, I'm like, I'm still under a hundred. And you feel your heart at what is going to be 150.
00:34:06
Speaker
You think that fucking heart rate monitor where it's telling you, oh no, you're at, you know, 87. Like, uh-uh. That is the rational of like heart rate under the emotional from a signal standpoint, from a physiological signal that embodies an emotion of, oh shit, I'm overdoing it. Like that's the thing. That's going to be felt.
00:34:35
Speaker
And that's way more powerful than some piece of technology, which is going to fail all of us at some point. Sure. No, no, no, you're good. It's like, and that's where, oh, you know, it's your mental capacity.
00:34:51
Speaker
In some cases, yeah, it's great. You think that that's more powerful than the physiological structure and the emotional driver? It's not, I'm sorry, it's not. And when that's what you talk about as well with the brain, like the older part of the brain is just so much more powerful than the rational. Right. And when you're under, because it's also like looking at, well, why is that? Well, when you're under stress, okay, so your heart rate being 150 beats a minute is a physiological stress. This is not up for debate.
00:35:21
Speaker
Your elevated heart rate is a stress to your system. Done. Like there's no question about that. How you perceive it. Yeah, that's going to be on the psychological side, but physiologically there is a stress no different than it. When you lift heavy, it doesn't matter if it was, you barely hit the rep. Like there's that stress physiological stress.
00:35:43
Speaker
When there is, when you are under stress, the first thing to say, I'm out, I'll see you later, is the front of the brain and is like the rational mind. So when you need to quote unquote, think through things under stress, the very thing that you're going to rely on to think through is not showing up to work that day.
00:36:04
Speaker
So that's where looking at deeper meaning, making emotional connections is far more empowering. Sure. I mean, and that's a great example of that is food.
00:36:18
Speaker
people know, I mean, and you've said this, it's not for lacking of knowing like what you should or shouldn't eat or I shouldn't like probably eating an entire like thing of brownies is not ideal. Rationally, we know that, but it's like, well, what's the emotional driver? And I think that's an example where people can definitely say like, Oh yeah, okay. Like that's, um, that's not the problem is people like, Oh man, I really, I'd never heard that, that, that an apple would be a better choice than a french fry. So,
00:36:48
Speaker
One of the things that I think about to just like kind of visualize and just because I also love the matrix remember when neo Remember in the matrix when I don't know which one it was But when he's getting shot at by like all these people and all these bullets coming out of it He's like doing the neo thing where he's knowing how to dodge all of them Obviously looks cool
00:37:11
Speaker
That's fear, right? So fear is this constant, we're constantly being shot at. And the real like Zen master, I think does not know how to dodge the bullets and, and, you know, avoid that, which they fear the real Zen master by knowing and mastering yourself. Um,
00:37:42
Speaker
controls or at least prevents that entity from even shooting at you in the first place. And so rather than dodging the bullets, it's like controlling something or teaching something not to actually shoot at you. So the fear. So for this case, it's like, I would change him. I would have a different thought on that metaphor.
00:38:08
Speaker
Okay, what do you got? Instead of like hate metaphors. Are you looking at me like that? What? I'm not. Instead of blocking the bullets, the fear there, if it's a physical, if it's a response in the body that you can't control the bullets, you can't control the bullets are coming. So it would be not just putting up a shield and trying to block them. It would be what he does, which is like slowing down and knowing how to navigate it. The response isn't the response is the, is the,
00:38:34
Speaker
is the signal to do something. The response is the driver to take an action. The response that you have isn't quite the bullet being shot yet. Okay. So fear is the person shooting, the bullet is the response. So you're saying to not even have the response.
00:38:58
Speaker
The response is the response. I think it's just cause you hate the matrix. So you try to discount any matrix thing. The response is the response and how you respond to the response will determine whether the round gets shot or not. Does that make sense? So like you're by, and that's where it matters to connect to your body so much.
00:39:25
Speaker
So talk about it in real, not the matrix and some, so of the, a person who's a Zen master. So you say, what would be a situation and then the ability to navigate it in the appropriate way? For me, how I'm trying to do it is moving forward. Cause you know, I think it's in the present and moving forward is
00:39:55
Speaker
getting the news or in this, in this case, driving the hospital thinking I'm going to get awful news. There's a feeling within me. There's the fear response that I can, that you can't control. I can't control. Ironically,
00:40:13
Speaker
I was driving like a hundred miles an hour to the hospital going through this and I was like, I'm wondering what my heart rate is. It was like 48 and there was this sense of peace and control. So like, I don't, I wasn't actually having a stress response. I wouldn't consider it a stress response. Like thoughts were clear. It was very this and that anyway, but you're driving the hospital, you're having this response, having this response of this internal feeling of, Oh,
00:40:43
Speaker
not just stopping at the, at the brain cancer diagnosis. What am I going to do this and that being like, okay, what is this? What direction is this pointing me to in my life that I need to face? And what do I see? I see,
00:41:05
Speaker
I want however longer I've got to be filled with genuine connection, joy, fulfillment, good, good service, um, happiness, love, like all of those things. And I want my family to feel that and I want to, I want my clients to feel, I want those who I interact with to, to, to feel that and
00:41:32
Speaker
What are some things getting in the way? Yeah. Petty bullshit. Done. How can I, how can I, how can I show up to petty bullshit in my life? And it does. And it's, and it's in everyone's.
00:41:43
Speaker
And it's like, don't, don't fight it. Going the steps further to really, and I think not to keep tying things in, but I think what's kind of cool is for some people they might, that might not be as automatic of a like this to this to this to this. So things like journaling, like any kind of way to really uncover like, what is it? I'm actually for sure. Like, okay. So this is immediately what I'm afraid of, but like, what is that actually? Well, I guess.
00:42:14
Speaker
like asking me to look at and doing some work around that to really extract the benefit of the fear, what it can teach you. Yeah. Pay attention. That's the thing. And I think that's what you're like, that's a good point because the journaling it, you pay attention, you get in that habit of like listening to yourself. And when we stop listening to ourselves, we are, we're screwed.
00:42:45
Speaker
Yeah. You know, and so I think that's where fear is a liar. Yeah, I get it. It's a cool shirt. I like it, but it doesn't, it's bullshit. You know, don't be fear. The only thing to fear is fear. So I'm like, what are you? Okay, whatever. But like this whole thing of like, don't be afraid. It's like, no, no, no, no. Be afraid.
00:43:10
Speaker
But be curious with what you're afraid of. What is it? And having to look at yourself. And so, yeah, the other thing with that, in those situations, you're gonna know. Like your intuition. I was not thinking like, I was not mapping it out like decision tree style. It was just like, hey, get the fuck out of your way.
00:43:34
Speaker
just listen, be still and let what is going to surface surface and face it. And so that's the other thing with like the emotional language. It's a different language than the rational thought. I wasn't thinking like, Oh my God, my life insurance isn't through yet.
00:43:53
Speaker
Like that's a surface level thing, but like it's, it's deeper than that. So staying out of your way. And so, yeah, of course tools like journaling tools, like, you know, connecting to your body, paying attention, like those are things too, that you it's your language.
Listening to Fear for Growth & Safety
00:44:09
Speaker
It's no one else's.
00:44:11
Speaker
And speaking of fear, you know, some people say fear is a liar. And there's another book written by a genius saying that the gift of fear. And that's something, that's a book that every, without a doubt, every woman should read. If, you know, if you're a dude listening to this and you have a woman you, a woman you care about just because of some of the
00:44:35
Speaker
The the statistics of violent sexually driven crimes is insane And obviously that's like mostly you know women are mostly subject to those attacks You need to get that book and you need to give it to them and they need to read it and you need to read it as well you need to encourage those whom you care about
00:44:57
Speaker
to not shut their intuition off. And that book will blow your mind, and it's something that, yeah, like I said, everyone should read. And it truly is a gift. The fear, because of its primal, instinctual, imprinted-in-us reason. If we didn't have fear, we wouldn't have evolved, because we would have just kept walking into the cave and getting torn into shreds. And it's like, oh, well, I guess that species didn't make it.
00:45:26
Speaker
So yeah, that's that's kind of part of it. So having just a little bit better of a conversation and using it, you know, not not avoiding it.
00:45:38
Speaker
not trying to dodge it, like actually use it. And that's sort of along the lines of what Sun Tzu would preach as well of like, okay, let's just say you have the bullet thing. You try to what, hold your hand out and stop it? You try to up armor to prevent this thing from going on. Well, what if you just got out of its way and that's obviously avoiding it, but what if you took that and applied that one step further, which is like, it doesn't even shoot at you in the first place.
00:46:07
Speaker
Not to say that you're going to skate through your life without anything that's going to trigger you, but like understanding that response and its source and where in your life you need to look at and engage with and improve upon. That's then how you keep that round in the chamber and not have it come flying at you. Cause if it's flying at you. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know if that makes sense. Yeah.
00:46:37
Speaker
Alright. There's another thing with fear. False expectations appearing real. What does that mean? It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. It's a bumper sticker. Like, the one sentence solutions to life drive me insane. They drive me insane. Chances are it's more complicated than that.
00:47:06
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Like, Oh, you solve life's problems by making a cute acronym. Nice. Anyway. All right. Okay. So, uh, so that's that. I'm just going to say this, not that I don't know if anyone's even actually still listening.
00:47:29
Speaker
I am appreciative of people reaching out via the medical thing. And that's been super nice.
00:47:41
Speaker
We're like, we're good on that. I don't, this isn't to like, I'm not looking for people to be like, oh my God, are you all right? Like, no, like I don't have brain cancer. We're all good. We're doing things. Frankly, like let's move on and like no, no kind of, no kind of trauma stuff. So, uh, that's that. We have an exciting week coming up. Yeah. What do we have? So next Monday, our, we have a free week.
00:48:10
Speaker
basically the online portion of BT Fitness which is actually a pretty big part of I think that concept and I think being able to access what it is we're talking about actually see it experience it is huge because talking about it can kind of be abstract so for anybody interested in seeing what we have going on there'll be a free week
00:48:34
Speaker
that'll pretty much permanently be available the same week, but it will launch next Monday. So it'll be first available next Monday. If you're interested, you can go to, you know, the between the years website or access it through Instagram right now. There's a signup and we'll make sure we get that link out to everybody. Um, but that's pretty cool. And in the meantime, we're,
00:49:00
Speaker
working on laying the floor, getting the equipment, getting the actual space up, which is really exciting. And so the in-person options will be available soon. I start a women's group in Bernardsville. I think there's only, I don't know, maybe three spots left in September. Yeah. When do you start that again? The second week, actually the same week that you start the vector project training. Oh yeah.
00:49:25
Speaker
So, you know, it's kind of cool to, all these things follow sort of the principles and the concepts of between the years, comprehensive, the process, there's an emotional, kind of what we're talking about. It's not just about the what, like, oh, just do this work, you know, all the other pieces that really are what go into it.
00:49:47
Speaker
So yeah, the vector project that training starts in two weeks. Yeah, the event is in November and you know recently this weekend we had a client friend do an event her own event a half marathon that she had been training for and
00:50:04
Speaker
You know, it was just a reminder of like, it wasn't just about that day. So much of what was so valuable about it was all the work leading up to it, everything she learned about herself, her process. And so that's really what the Vector Project is. Yeah. And I think on that, that was really cool. So I was able to, you started, you ran with her in the beginning, then you had to go. And then, and I was just there at the finish line.
00:50:35
Speaker
And it was like really cool seeing her bring to completion in the, in, in a very physical, very real sense. This goal she set in her mind this thing. And I asked her like, why did you sign up for a, so she signed up for a half marathon COVID hit done. Doesn't matter why, why you signed up for it was not to really cross the finish line. Let's be honest. So why did you sign up for?
00:51:01
Speaker
she was like, you know, I just feel like this, it was something in my life that I wanted to do and wouldn't feel kind of complete, like in whatever, maybe physical, aspirational goals. And it was like hanging over my head and I wanted to do it. It's like, that's also so awesome because that's an emotional reason. That's not a rational reason. Like I wanted to, because I wanted to run 13.1 miles, like, no, there was something deeper.
00:51:29
Speaker
And I think that's where this vector project started from you and I having had experiences of. There being something to achieve and realizing it's you know she could have shown up. Six months ago run that walked it done it but it's not about that so the vector project is and I think.
00:51:50
Speaker
looking ahead, looking at tools for ourselves, like setting ourselves up for success. I think there is a lot going on. And one of the reasons that the timing of the vector project is now is I do think it's a really powerful tool. People, a community coming together, people sharing in it, but still having your own experience, having a coach tied to something that's an event. So if you're interested in that, there's information on that, but
00:52:15
Speaker
Last thing I'm going to say on that though, if you, so it's a 12 mile run ruck into a six mile run. If you immediately say, I can't do that, you're missing the entire point and this is going to be.
00:52:36
Speaker
my tactful cold water across the face. If you're looking at what you will do on November 20th, you fundamentally don't understand the Vector Project and that's okay. That's natural. So when we look at natural default tendencies,
00:52:54
Speaker
many look at the end, look at the outcome, look at what it, oh, that, and then you do a binary yes or no, pass or fail one or zero. And that's the problem. That is one of the problems with so much of these drivers. And so from getting to build yourself up, you look at that 12 mile rock, six mile run, I've literally never done that. I can't do that.
00:53:15
Speaker
Or the opposite, like, Oh, is that it? Like, I don't know. Like, it doesn't really matter. You could have not put up what the event was at the end. Right. And, but the reason, but for putting that up too, is to raise awareness of how do you show up to it? And there's a lot of people who can learn. I say this about all the events.
00:53:34
Speaker
People see between the, oh, I want to do an event. I've had people literally tell me, I will do an event on this day and I've scheduled it and they don't sign up. And it's like, what is, what, what, what do you mean? And so it's like, why I'm putting up the event details, why we're putting it up now is because now the unknown, that which we often are so scared about,
00:53:55
Speaker
Now you know so which is really more scary in life and that's through Specifically through one of the in-person events. That's been a major Teaching point at a at like, you know, whatever the sunrise is kind of thing of like now, you know So don't say that you're just afraid of the unknown now, you know, so it's it's it's you it's not it and
00:54:18
Speaker
And so, if physically 12 miles of walking with a backpack and 6 miles of covering distance is beyond your current capacity,
00:54:31
Speaker
then we can look at that in two ways. One, rationally, okay, well, how can we build your capacity? That's why you're actually going to train. It's not something you're just gonna get thrown into. You're actually going to train specifically for this end emotionally. What is it about your perceived or projected inability to do this that actually has you with this internal feeling? And we're gonna look at that as well. So if you're only looking at the outcome,
00:55:01
Speaker
You're not looking at the vector project. And if you can listen to this whole podcast, we just did about fear and take a deeper dive into if you're afraid of that. Yeah. And if you ever, you know, and if you do have questions about that and you know, some people there's, in fact, I was talking to somebody just yesterday and it was saying like, Hey, you know what? Like I wouldn't.
00:55:20
Speaker
I don't think that the vector project should be your priority right now because of this person's unique situation. No, it's not for everybody. If you're listening, you better sign up. Of course not. That's never what it is. But if you're interested in actually training for something, having the benefit of committing to that process, having that dedication, having that
00:55:41
Speaker
Ups and lows of like I've got a I I am training for something. This is part of the commitment I've made I'm going to show up for myself Yeah, if that stuff is interesting to you and you want the guidance and the coaching and learning deeper things and really having the Event be an excuse to improve yourself from within and then celebrate like there's gonna end one of the things I'm just gonna say it right now we'll start talking about it and
00:56:07
Speaker
You better have, one of the things you're going to do throughout the nine weeks is you will have a formalized celebration plan prior to November 19th. And that in and of itself is something that is, that's going to be harder than rockin' 12 miles for some people. 100%. And it's got to be real. And so we're going to dive into things. And I'm fired up for it. I think it's going to be a really cool nine weeks.
00:56:34
Speaker
Yeah. Cool. I think it's gonna be cool. Alright. Are you gonna do it? Sure. You're gonna do the event? By myself. I don't want you to coach me. I'm kidding. I don't know. I have to see if I sign up. I don't know if I can do it. I'm just kidding. Alright. Okay. We can argue off-camera. I'm just giving a hard time. Goodbye.