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14. Life Update, the Workout Witch Somatic Course, "Escaping Twin Flames" Documentary, My Experience in a Toxic Relationship
141 Plays2 years ago
Hello babes! This week is a fun little chaotic life update. We're talking about:
- a business brand audit I had this week and some exciting changes to my biz in 2024
- my experience doing the Workout Witch's 30 Day Somatic Trauma Release course, what I've experienced so far!
- subconscious reprogramming I'm doing through Yes Supply, and how these meditations are already shifting me
- an experience I had in a toxic relationship in my young twenties and how I sort of retraumatized myself this week by reading old emails I sent to my ex-boyfriend during that time
- the Netflix documentary "Escaping Twin Flames" and how disgusting and sad it is for people to take advantage of vulnerable people seeking help.
- I talk about victim shaming and how it's not so easy to "just leave" these toxic and abusive relationships and situations that people find themselves in.
- the importance of building a deep relationship to self and spirit, above all else
- why I don't believe in traditional marriage and lean more into a spiritual partnership
PS: my apologies if the audio sounds a bit off this week, something was going on with my mic and I didn't realize until listening back!! I hope it's not too distracting. :)
If you loved this episode please rate and review, it would mean the world to me!
Let's connect on Instagram at: www.instagram.com/iamellisamae
Let's work together/book a Human Design or Gene Keys Reading: https://calendly.com/byellisamccoy
Brand Audit/Website Design with Kalyn Parker: www.instagram.com/thegypsumstudio
The Workout Witch: Release Stress and Stored Trauma: www.theworkoutwitch.com
Have a great week babes!
xx
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, my friend. Welcome to the It's Happening For Me podcast. If you're obsessed with all things spirituality, personal growth and development, and living as your highest self, you are in the right place. I am your host, Alyssa, and I spent the majority of my teenage years and young 20s living totally out of climate. As I started to question my patterns and behaviors and actually got to know myself at the soul level, I realized that everything was happening for me.
Alyssa's Journey into Spirituality
00:00:30
Speaker
Now, as a spiritual life coach and human design guide, I am here to share my voice, personal stories, human design wisdom, and learn from incredible individuals living their purpose. Join me each week as we walk the spiral path of purpose together. I cannot wait to dive in.
00:00:56
Speaker
day, whatever day you are listening to this. Welcome back to another episode of the Intensity For Me podcast. I am your host, Alyssa, and I'm so happy you are here. So this episode is going to be a little bit shorter this week. I'm anticipating that it's going to be shorter. We'll see how it actually turns out. It always actually ends up going way over the one I've expected.
Upcoming Guest Interviews
00:01:16
Speaker
But today is just going to be a life update. I just want to kind of catch you up on where I'm at, what I have going on, what I am planning for my business going forward.
00:01:25
Speaker
into the new year and yeah and also just some different healing modalities that I've been doing that have been really helping me on my journey so I just want to share those with you. So yay so first of all I have such a cool announcement that I'm going to be I have three guest interviews scheduled for this month so I'm not sure exactly the dates that are going to come out but we have three really cool people that are going to be interviewing
00:01:53
Speaker
that are just killing it, living their purpose.
00:01:57
Speaker
I just am so excited to share their stories and share like where they're at on their journey. I think they're going to be so incredible. They're all different in like the healing modalities that they do. So, but also there's obviously a through line of like personal growth and development and spirituality, but they're also uniquely different. And so I just think it'll be so awesome to get to know them. So I can't wait for those. Those episodes will probably be airing like end of November, early December.
00:02:27
Speaker
And then, because I do have them all scheduled this month, so they will be done this month and then I'm pretty sure they'll be, I'll start putting them out the end of this month and then going into December.
Branding Insights with Kaylin Parker
00:02:41
Speaker
Okay, so also just wanted to update you on my business. So I had a super awesome branding audit this week with a really beautiful peer of mine from Dharma Coaching Institute, Kaylin Parker. I'll put her information in the show notes, but if you are someone who is interested in branding, in getting very clear on your business, on your goals, where you're going,
00:03:08
Speaker
If you want your website built out, she is a freaking genius and I cannot wait to work with her in next year, 2024. So she's doing some market research right now for some new offerings that she's going to be offering next year. And so I did a, I filled out like some market research for her and then I won a
00:03:33
Speaker
I won a free brand audit with her. So we did that on Friday. And literally just one hour with her helped me get so clear on my vision of my business of where I'm going and like what I want to call in. And it was just so expansive. And like, I've done these types of exercises in so many different programs I've been in, like Dharma Coaching Institute and with another business coach that I've worked with.
00:04:02
Speaker
I don't know. I've always just felt like I needed to be put in a box or like really decide like, what am I doing? Like, is it just human design? Like, am I going to be just like a human design account or like, is it life coaching? What is it? And so she really helped me get clear on what I actually want to do, which is like, I'm obsessed with what this podcast is about. It's just like with the spiritual journey and like stepping into our purpose. And so
00:04:28
Speaker
whatever that looks like for everyone is going to be so different. But I'm just super excited to help women that are like spiritual seekers step into their purpose from just getting to themselves on such a deeper level, understanding themselves energetically through human design and gene keys, and just letting that unfold.
Long-term Coaching Vision
00:04:45
Speaker
And I'm also someone who really loves, like,
00:04:50
Speaker
practical, setting goals, like achieving, aspiration. I have so much of that in my design. And so going forward, I'm going to be also offering more than just readings, but it's going to be like longer term containers for people to work with me so that we can really like be together over a longer period and understand your soul blueprint, your gene keys, your human design, and help you actually attain goals that you want to attain because
00:05:16
Speaker
What I've noticed for myself, and I'm going to talk about this today, like on with some of the different healing stuff that I've been working with, but it's like we can kind of understand what our purpose is and like have an idea of it or have an idea of like what we want to create and what we're really excited about. And then, so like there's that and then there's like, once you actually go to do it, oh, 4.44 on the clock.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
00:05:40
Speaker
Once you actually go to do it and put yourself out there, so much imposter syndrome comes up. So many mental blocks. And it's like, I've thought that I've worked through them and that I've been doing the work. And obviously I have because I keep putting myself out there and doing things that are very uncomfortable. Like I say with this podcast,
00:06:00
Speaker
It was, I had so many mental blocks around recording, like starting a podcast and now I do it and it's like so easy. Like I swear, like it's so easy for me to be like, oh yeah, like I'm going to start, I'm going to start recording today and then like edit it. Like I don't have any resistance towards it. It's something that I really love to do because I think I just don't really love to speak. And so like it's easy for me. It's a medium that comes easy to me and I feel comfortable being myself, but there's other things
00:06:28
Speaker
like that I've been wanting to step into like a huge example is like I've been really wanting to start master classes and start teaching and like come up with really creative fun ways of how to like help women get through these mindset blocks that they have like in living their purpose and also like understanding their human side but there's been so many blocks of like what if no one signs up and like
00:06:50
Speaker
what if it's a failure because I put all this time in preparation into it and then no one wants to come. And so there's those blocks that I'm actually consciously working through right now with some different modalities. And it's like, that's what I also want to help people work through because when I rely on my own coaches and on like my own peers and friends to help me get through those kind of like negative limiting beliefs, it's like,
00:07:18
Speaker
that I'm actually able to up level and step into the next version of myself. And again, if we look at my shadow aspects in my jean keys, and one of the reasons why I love jean keys is because it's not like we're focusing on these lies or negative beliefs that our mind has, but there really are themes of shadows that we are going to keep continuously bumping up at every time we want to do something new and up level.
00:07:46
Speaker
Mine is the shadow of inadequacy. That's my vocation spheres like my biggest poor wound And so it's always like oh like I don't know enough. I have gate 48 here and so it's like the gate of death and it's like not knowing enough a huge inadequacy and It's like once I
00:08:09
Speaker
get through to the other side it's like oh my god of course i could do this like this is so easy and fun for me and this isn't alignment but it's like until i get through to the other side it's like torturous and so i think a lot of people can really relate to this which is why so many of us hold ourselves back like otherwise we would all just be freaking happy and like rich but it's like there's certain things that are just really holding us back so anyways
00:08:32
Speaker
I see this showing up for myself in a lot of ways, and I'm really, really loving the things that I've been using recently to help me move through it. So, she just really helped me get clear on some...
Trauma Healing and Somatic Exercises
00:08:43
Speaker
a signature course that I want to a signature course slash offer that I'm going to be creating in 2024 so I can just work with people like a little bit longer and just give them that support that they need because we just really need in my in my life I really needed accountability and support and so those two things go so far when you're trying to attain your goal or like start a podcast start whatever you want to do ask for a raise apply for the new job like start dating whatever it is that you want to do
00:09:13
Speaker
And like those things are going to come up. It's very, very, very helpful to have support. So yeah, so I'm excited for that. And then, um, what else? So I have been doing, okay, I have been doing the workout, which
00:09:30
Speaker
trauma healing, like 30 day trauma healing course that so many people have been doing that I know and I honestly feel like I'm regulating my nervous system. I have such a visceral reaction when I'm the passenger in cars like when I'm driving with like my mom or George. I have such a visceral reaction when like someone's switching into our lane or I feel like we're about to crash and they're like dude what the hell's wrong with you like we're so far away from that car
00:09:58
Speaker
but since I've seen so many car accidents and I think I have oh I would have confirmed for my mom that I actually have ancestral like car accident huge trauma in my DNA like this is confirmed from her from things that have happened before I was born and then just from what I know now and how like our DNA works and how like we are imprinted with this trauma I 100% know that
00:10:25
Speaker
I have like an adverse thing to car accidents. Plus I've been in four car accidents in this lifetime. Like not all of them, I was not driving myself. And so doing this 30 day hip release, like trauma release,
00:10:40
Speaker
I have noticed that I'm way more calm as a passenger in the car. That's where I've actually noticed the biggest shift so far is I'm not so on edge, my body's been so tense, I'm able to relax. Yes, I still do have a reaction when I see someone switching to our lane or someone that's about to hit us, but it's like I'm able to turn off the fight or flight and just go back to our relaxed state very quickly, where before I would get really mad and it would cause arguments with my partner.
00:11:09
Speaker
And it's just like something that I didn't even realize was not normal until I've realized it wasn't normal. So anyways, I've been doing that and I'll also put the link there in the show notes if you want to look into doing her 30 day travel release. It is freaking amazing.
00:11:29
Speaker
The thing with that program is that she has so many reviews. If you just look at the reviews it's so cool. People having these like emotional releases and you'll see them on video like start like shaking like their body starts shaking uncontrollably and that's just removing and releasing this stored energy and trauma that's inside their bodies. I haven't had that experience yet and I'm also taking a course with a friend. My mom's also taking it but she hasn't started yet but
00:11:54
Speaker
um a friend of mine is a few days ahead of me and she also hasn't had one of those like crazy releases yet but we were both talking about how like we don't have any expectations like even if we don't have a release like that it is so helpful and it feels so good just to like do these these exercises every night because it's like it's not an exercise i feel like i feel like by saying exercise it sounds like this like hard like
00:12:20
Speaker
super intense workout that you have to do but it's not a workout it's literally like you're laying down and you just do like a few different movements that she guides you through and each day is different some of the days like you do you repeat it for some of the days but it's just like very simple hip opening exercises and
00:12:37
Speaker
I do it at night a little bit before I'm going to bed, so I've just incorporated it into my night time routine, and I actually really look forward to it. It puts me in such a relaxed state. Sometimes I just fall asleep right afterwards. My friend was telling me too that she's done it before, not before bedtime, and she's fallen asleep as well on accident because it just makes you so relaxed. It's doing wonders for the nervous system. I'm obsessed, and I really recommend that. We were also talking about how
00:13:06
Speaker
I don't think that we always need to understand or relive our trauma in order to heal it. I really believe in somatic work and doing somatic exercises to release the stored trauma inside our bodies because sometimes we don't even remember the experiences that we've had.
00:13:24
Speaker
And so I'm not a trauma expert. I'm not a certified anything in trauma, which is from like my own like personal experiences so far. I feel like it's been very beneficial to do more like somatic work. I not necessarily need to like remember things or like tie stories to them because sometimes I have in the past gotten caught and like tried to like remember stories where like I'm almost like re-traumatizing myself.
00:13:51
Speaker
I actually, so I have an email account that I used to have for like years and years. And I was looking for some email that I sent like last week and like it was during work. I was pulling up this email and so I started looking through the sent emails and I saw old emails that I would send to my boyfriend at the time when I was in a very toxic relationship.
00:14:13
Speaker
And I was legit re-traumatizing myself from reading these emails. I honestly forgot like how toxic the relationship was.
00:14:27
Speaker
And okay, I'll share this with you. So because this is crazy, I honestly really forgot how shitty my relationship used to be because I'm in such a healthy relationship now. But reading through these emails, I would have to email my boyfriend because he had my phone.
00:14:43
Speaker
and he had my car and he would like take my phone in car and like leave for days and I would just be at my house at my mom's house in my room like super sad at night emailing my own email so that he could get the email on my phone I guess and respond to me through email
00:15:00
Speaker
And I would be like, hey, where are you? Are you coming home today? I miss you. And he would just be like, oh, I'm good. I'm going to the bar with our friends, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, OK, well, can't you just come back? And it was just really sad. And to think that I used to let this person. I think I was very young. I think I was like 22 or like 21. I think I was like 21 at this time, 22, 21 to 22.
00:15:29
Speaker
This was someone that I was in a long-term relationship with. And yeah, he literally would take my car and my phone and use it as his own to sell drugs, to literally go hang out with other people, stay at other people's houses. And I would have to communicate to him through my own email. And that's literally like what I was putting up with. I had absolutely zero self worth, zero self confidence. And I was like, okay with this because I didn't understand that
00:16:00
Speaker
like you shouldn't be treated like that. So that is something that when I was reading those emails, I was having like a visceral response in my body and like really traumatizing myself.
Reflections on Toxic Relationships
00:16:09
Speaker
I think, well, is that work? And it's crazy because I was having such a good day before that I was feeling like so happy. Like, just like I was so productive.
00:16:17
Speaker
And then reading that, I literally felt sick. Like I felt sick because it took me back to that time of when I was that person in my room, just like so sad, lonely, literally depressed. And I would like send like, okay, like, so this is an example of like how, okay, I also realized
00:16:40
Speaker
Okay, this is crazy. So I've also known, I think for a while, that I have an unorganized attachment style, which is kind of like the combination of anxious and avoidant because I have the tendencies of both and it's kind of like unpredictable. I don't notice it a lot now because in this relationship that I've been in, it's very secure. I feel like I have a secure attachment style. I trust my partner. It's very healthy. It's very night and day from where I used to be.
00:17:11
Speaker
Sometimes it still comes up of this feeling of like pushing and pulling. So it's like when I'm in an argument and I'm like pushing away and I'm like mad at you, say this is the present day. Like say I'm like upset with George or whatever. Or say we get like a little argument like everyone does.
00:17:24
Speaker
I immediately want to fix it. So that's like the anxious attachment style coming in where I'm like, very needy, clinky. I'm like, I don't even want to give him space because I just want to fix this. Like I don't like the confrontation. I don't like conflict where he's more avoidant and where he needs his space. So he wants to, and he might have a, again, I'm not an expert on attachment theory.
00:17:45
Speaker
I'm not saying that I completely know what I'm talking about but this is just from like reading what I've understood about myself. He might be a secure attachment but he does more of like the needing more time to process his feelings and he wants to be left alone. Where I'm more of like the clingy like oh I just want to solve this and figure it out right away. Well
00:18:07
Speaker
would I go to him and try to be like, babe, please, like, can we just solve this? And he's like, no, like give me my space. That triggers me. And then I'm kind of like, whatever, like, okay, bye. And then I get mad at him and then like, say I'll walk away. And then two minutes later, I'll be like, babe, but I really want to solve this. And then it's like, are you crazy? Like you literally just told me like,
00:18:25
Speaker
okay whatever leave me alone and now like you want to talk again so it comes off as like being that i think that's what this is the disorganized attachment where it's like a push and pull it's like i'm so angry but then also i'm like wait but i really want to fix this and it's like it doesn't make sense it's kind of like all over the place and
00:18:45
Speaker
When I was reading the emails I would send, it was just crazy. He wouldn't respond to me, and then I would be like, whatever. Even the words I used to say, I used to be very toxic in my words. I was so mean. But I would be like, whatever, fuck you, I hate you, you're dead to me.
00:19:03
Speaker
bring me my car like drop off my car in my phone by my house by 9 p.m. or I'm calling the police on you and then literally I'm not kidding you like an hour later I was like babe I'm so sorry and I would literally I saw an email I sent him like two hours later from that email and I was like I'm so sorry like you're honestly the best person I've ever met like and just like building him up but it's like so
00:19:29
Speaker
disingenuine because like the things I'm saying about him is not true like he wasn't a great person and he didn't have those attributes but it was like I was trying to win him back it was very sad to read like you're the best like person I've ever met I'm so sorry like I don't know what's wrong with me like I'm so mean and negative too like I can tell why you wouldn't want to come back and like hang out with me and I totally get why you would want to like go to the bar with your friends and like
00:19:52
Speaker
I'm sorry like I'm just like so annoying and then like he wouldn't respond and then I'd be like fuck you again and it's just like first of all it's that is hell that I'm sitting in my own room and I have to send an email to my boyfriend and I can't call him or text him because he has my phone like that is crazy so when I was reading that and I was at work I just felt so bad for that person that I was because I honestly forgot about her and
00:20:20
Speaker
and I healed so much of that and I feel so secure now and it's just like I couldn't like I can never imagine ever being in a situation like that again and letting anyone treat me like that because I have done so much growth and so much like healing on myself and I love myself so much today that I would never take that shit from anybody and it's crazy because
00:20:44
Speaker
if i hear stories like that of other people now who maybe they're in emotionally or physically abusive relationships and everyone is just like well why don't you leave them like if you're stupid you're getting cheated on why wouldn't you just leave them and it's like i have compassion for those people because when you're actually in it it's like you just can't you can't explain this to anybody unless you've ever experienced it it's like it's like you can't just leave it because you're kind of addicted to this
00:21:13
Speaker
like these cycles and then also just having such low self-esteem it's like you feel like there's nobody else for you and you feel like you really love this person and maybe you do love certain aspects of them but you're not able to see that it's so unhealthy and so you just stay stuck in these like cycles and it's like a really like
00:21:30
Speaker
toxic cycle. So my heart and compassion really goes out to everyone suffering from abusive relationships, from relationships where the partner is not honest with them, to where they're not prioritizing them, respecting them, and just being truthful. And so yeah, and there's also a lot of victim shaming too.
00:21:56
Speaker
Okay, this is perfect. This is a perfect segue. So, have you guys seen the documentary that's out
Impact of 'Escaping Twin Flames' Documentary
00:22:03
Speaker
right now? It's called on Netflix. Oh my gosh, what is it called? This is the open head right here, or open oshita, one of those. Can't remember. Oh, I think it's open oshita. Okay, it's called Twin Flames, escaping twin flames. Okay, this is what I've been wanting to talk about with someone. I was like, I want to do a freaking podcast episode with someone, but I'll just riff on this right now because it's very similar. So,
00:22:26
Speaker
If you haven't seen the documentary on Netflix called, escaping twin flames, you should immediately watch it, it's so good. But basically, in this like, honestly, I wanted to talk about this because this just gives spirituality such a bad name. Like for the normal, I don't wanna say normal, but like quote unquote normal people out there who like aren't into spirituality or like personal growth and development, they're probably gonna think that like me and everyone else in there, like us that are into this stuff are literally in cults because
00:22:56
Speaker
of people like this. So the documentary is this couple, right? And they start this business called like Twin Flame Academy or something. And it's all about them helping people who are like sad and like have had failed relationships.
00:23:12
Speaker
basically find their twin flame. And so it's coaching, you have to pay to get in. Once you're in this community, it kind of like turns into a cult. And at first they're like helping people find their twin flame with people that are already in their lives. So for example, this one girl,
00:23:28
Speaker
got broken up with and like she was convinced her ex was her twin flame and they also like were hyping her up like yeah this is your twin flame like do whatever it takes to get him back so she would like text him and like message him and let him know like hey i think we're supposed to be together and he was like literally stop texting me you're crazy i'm not your twin flame i don't want to be with you like leave me alone and they would coach her and be like no like don't stop like like we're
00:23:56
Speaker
They're basically where we are the only people in the entire world that were chosen to have this gift of seeing people's twin flames. And we're telling you right now, this is your twin flame. This is the person that you're supposed to be with.
00:24:09
Speaker
He just doesn't understand that yet. You need to help him understand it. So they told him, her to keep pursuing him. So she kept like pursuing him and he ended up getting a restraining order on her. And then they, they told her that restraining orders are fake. Like that's like 3d. You don't need to like believe in that, um, stop at nothing. And then I guess she like went to a club where he was at supposedly on accident, but whatever it was probably on purpose. And he ends up calling the police and she ends up getting arrested and like doing 30 days in jail, um, for breaking the restraining order.
00:24:40
Speaker
And when she got out, she wanted them to take accountability. And they were just like, I don't know, it was weird, on the call, because they have recordings of their actual calls. So it's such a juicy documentary, because you can actually see them coaching and stuff. And they were telling her that she was just there. I don't know. They basically didn't want to say that she was there stalking him, because they didn't want to be reliable for anything. But they were the ones that kept pushing her to keep pursuing him. It's delusional.
00:25:11
Speaker
So basically, they kept having people join their program, and then they would be like, oh, if you want to become a coach,
00:25:22
Speaker
you have to take all of our programs, like start working for us for free and then like invest your money back into like the coaching program. So it's kind of like a huge pyramid scheme where they would get people to like be their coaches so that they can like show them on their website and like how many people do, how many coach like schools and stuff do we know that do that? You know, like a lot of people do that that are reputable. And so this is just making it seem like it's all a marketing scheme.
00:25:47
Speaker
But obviously there are true real coaching schools out there. But anyways, they would get all these people to be coaches, and then they got them to work for them for free, and any money that they would make, they would tell them to invest back into coaching. It was thousands and thousands of dollars. And again, I think that's what gives the coaching industry a bad name, but not all coaching industries are bad.
00:26:09
Speaker
And also, it's very cult-y. If someone is telling you to only believe in them, they're the only ones with this gift where they can tell who your twin flame is. That is such bullshit.
00:26:20
Speaker
they were really preying on people's weaknesses. They would tell their coaches, go hang out in Facebook groups with people with severe pain or people with severe problems so that you can reach out to them, swoop in, and sell them anything. And they were like, you can literally tell them that you can heal cancer. They were just telling them to make all these outrageous claims, just to get these people to sign up for coaching. So super unethical, super fucking shady, illegal,
00:26:51
Speaker
evil and yeah it was just this couple and the way that they would treat the clients and have the coaching sessions like they were so so abusive she would talk to them like are you fucking stupid like you're not trying hard enough obviously you don't want your twin flame hard enough if you're not trying hard enough
00:27:14
Speaker
you're not being feminine enough. And they would really warp this whole divide, feminine and masculinity thing. It got completely demented. And then they started convincing people
00:27:27
Speaker
the group. Okay so then of course this can also be biased obviously because whoever made it has an agenda so this could be biased. These people are still out there like they're not arrested they're still out there and they still have this like coaches coaching going on with like a huge audience. I think they said they have like 60,000 people members on their Facebook group but anyways
00:27:49
Speaker
the some of the members that had escaped it were like telling their testimonials and they were saying that the majority of the people in the group were women and they realized that there wasn't actually that much success of people getting like their twin flames i think they only had like two people ever find their twin flames so they changed it to be like oh you can only find your twin flame in this group
00:28:10
Speaker
and your twin flame will be in this group. And so then like one night they created this list and they like paired everybody up into partners and they were like, oh, this is the list of your twin flame. And some of them would both be like women and they would be like, well,
00:28:23
Speaker
I'm not like attracted to women. So how can this be my twin flame? And then they would just, um, out of like the two women, they would tell one of them like, well, you're more masculine and you're more feminine. So the masculine one, you need to embody the divine masculine and then you guys will be the perfect match. And then I guess they got them to like transition into, um, being male. And so
00:28:49
Speaker
Again, I don't know if this is just a highly propaganda type of thing, because some people may have already been interested in transitioning before they got into this group, and then this dog might choose to just blame this couple on brainwashing them, which I think is a little problematic. There is some problematic things in there.
00:29:13
Speaker
they would like brainwash them and then they would tell them again like oh we're the only two people in the world that could tell you who your choice is. So it's just like really feeding on people's insecurities, people's loneliness, people wanting to fit in to feel accepted and one of the ladies was told that she needed to transition into being male because she's more of like
00:29:33
Speaker
She's more of a masculine energy, divine masculine. And so she said that she never felt comfortable doing that. And she was only doing it because they told her to do it. And so that is just fucking wild to have authority over someone else's radical self-choice of how they identify us. It's just insane. But anyways,
00:30:01
Speaker
My point is this, how I kind of wanted to tie it together is like so many people can victim shame them and be like, well, you got swindled into paying thousands, 20, $30,000 into this coaching program and like you took this abuse from these two coaches and like that's on you. Like you're so stupid.
Self-Love and Spiritual Growth
00:30:19
Speaker
Like you're so weak. You're such a weak person. Like how any normal person would know this is a cult. Like how did you not know that? But that's not true. It's just like when you're in an abusive relationship,
00:30:30
Speaker
you're not stupid. It's like they're literally preying on people who are in a vulnerable place, who don't have a lot of self-confidence and who aren't exercising their own self
00:30:46
Speaker
their own self freedom, if that makes sense. And so I can totally see why people would get taken advantage of. It's so fucking sad. And it's just very sad as well in abusive relationships. And also, just one of the preferences as well. I was not an angel in my relationship. So the relationship I was just talking about was one of my first long term relationships.
00:31:08
Speaker
And I also had a ton of problems. I also made a lot of mistakes. There were so many times where I was not nice, I was not my highest self. So I'm not blaming this person. I actually don't even hate them. I love them. I send them so much love. And I haven't talked to them in a lot of years, but I think that they are very happy.
00:31:29
Speaker
and in a very good place in life. And so I'm super happy, but I feel like we had a lot of lessons we needed to learn from each other. And there was also so much love like entwined in that, but it did get to a very like dark place to where I think both of us wouldn't be proud of it. But I'm pretty sure both of us have grown since then.
00:31:49
Speaker
But yeah, so I can just, I just wanted to tie that in because I'm like, oh, I totally can see how like we can just get to this place where we're like giving all of our power away and we just want to be loved and we just want to feel validated. I feel like somebody is caring for us and it's like literally do anything and go to the ends of the world just to feel loved. And so what I love so much about my spiritual and
00:32:16
Speaker
personal growth journey has been learning to love myself and to get my to know myself on such a deep level towards like I don't need that other person to fill this void and think about it twin flame Ascension Academy they are literally telling people that you are incomplete you are a half of a whole and you need to find your other twin flame who is the other half of your soul and together you guys will form one whole bond and then you'll be a whole person
00:32:43
Speaker
Like that is so fucking toxic and literally a recipe for disaster. It is calling in people who already are in their victim, like in their victim states and feel like they need that. I used to feel like that. I used to feel like I needed someone else to complete me. I used to feel like I had such a hole inside my heart, inside my belly that no amount of Netflix shopping
00:33:05
Speaker
dating, sex, drinking, partying, going out. Nothing would fill it. And I always was just looking for, oh my God, who wants to date me? Who's going to be my next boyfriend? I was literally love crazy looking for it when really it was just inside me. And I never took the time to ever be alone and just sit with myself and
00:33:26
Speaker
do introspective work and get to know myself and know that all of this is actually inside of me. I am divine, whole, complete, on my own. I don't need anybody to complete me.
00:33:38
Speaker
It's like, that is why I'm in such a healthy relationship now because George is also a whole person on his own.
Alyssa's Views on Marriage
00:33:44
Speaker
He does not need me. I do not need him. There's nothing that we need from each other, but we're choosing to be together. And so every day is a choice. And that's also where we kind of stand on marriage is it's like, we don't believe in the traditional marriage of like,
00:33:58
Speaker
oh when you're married you're together forever now and like you're bonded and nothing can tear you apart till death do us part we don't really believe in that because we believe more in like making the choice every single day of like I want to be with this person and that just feels better because sometimes people I think their ultimate goal in life oh three three three three on the clock thirty three thirty three I think the ultimate goal for some people in life is to get married and they
00:34:24
Speaker
like look up to it their whole lives they're so excited for the wedding day they have this huge celebration and then they think that's gonna solve all their problems and then okay then what after the wedding day it's like now you have your whole lives to work on shit nothing is gonna get easier having kids is only gonna make things harder it never solves anything and it's like if that's all you had looked forward to is getting married now what now that you're actually married that's why I don't get why people are so obsessed with getting married like
00:34:54
Speaker
You're not getting anything. You're not winning any prize. Like maybe, oh, I love this so much. One of my friends that I follow on Instagram, Nikki, she said something really good in her stories a few weeks ago.
00:35:06
Speaker
She was talking about how like, why is it that we have these huge parties and we spent thousands of dollars to celebrate a couple that hasn't accomplished anything yet? They haven't accomplished shit. They're just starting out on their journey. They're celebrating this huge party for literally nothing. And she was like, what if we celebrate and have the wedding at 10 years or 15 years? Wouldn't that be one of a celebration when you actually get through struggles and you actually,
00:35:33
Speaker
get through things together like wouldn't that make more sense and um i was just like dude i'm on i'm on board with you i think that is the best idea i've ever heard because why are we doing these huge celebrations before we've even accomplished anything together as a couple like it doesn't make sense um so that's just my little stance on that but yeah i'm not and i'm also not against marriage at all like i think it's beautiful like people believe in it but it's crazy because i was reading the book
00:36:03
Speaker
I think it's called a New Earth, but I think it's a New Earth. I'm not sure. I'll have to check. But it was crazy because it was talking about like divine union and how like traditional marriage in like our traditional marriage, the way that we see it as a society is so fucking different than like a than like a spiritual union because
00:36:28
Speaker
in a marriage from society, it is until death do us part, we're sticking together no matter what. And what if you outgrow that person? What if you've learned everything that you need from that soul and now they're not growing anymore and you continue to grow and you guys are so far off now because this person doesn't value growth and development. They don't value like
00:36:51
Speaker
change and they just want to stay the same and you guys grow so far apart that it's like you guys are not on the same plane anymore. And think about when people get married in their young 20s. Who the fuck are you when you're young? Look at where I just said I was when I was 22 years old. I was living in my mom's house. My boyfriend had my car in my phone and was at hanging out with other girls and going to parties and bars without me. And I was depressed alone in my room thinking that there's nothing I could do about it and that I just deserve to be there.
00:37:22
Speaker
Imagine getting married in that state. It's like we are so young in our young 20s, we haven't done shit. We haven't accomplished shit. It's like even the things that we have accomplished, we think that we know so much. Like I remember as a teenager in the young 20s, I thought I'd do everything. I thought it was so smart. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought it was so freaking cool. And then the older that I get, I realized that I don't know anything. Like literally the things that I thought I knew last week, now I'm like, oh, I actually don't know that anymore.
00:37:50
Speaker
I don't have a like one truth that I'm like binding into because it's always changing. So why would it make sense to get married to someone and to think that no matter what I had to stick with them? Whereas a Divine Union in the book was talking about how it's like, oh you come together as like a spiritual partnership
00:38:10
Speaker
And you stay together as long as your souls need each other to grow. And then maybe once what you learned you needed to learn is up, then you guys move on. And you don't have to worry about staying in this contract that is already done. What about that? Going into that is actually so much more loving because you are going to choose yourself always. You're gonna take the harder path of being honest. You're going to
00:38:40
Speaker
pursue growth over anything and that's actually going to help you guys learn things that you need to learn from each other instead of like being so scared to be yourself just to keep the relationship going. So I'll have to find the book because I honestly when I read it I was like oh my god this is like everything that I believe in that just makes so much sense to me so you'll have to find it. But yeah so if you haven't read if you haven't seen the um escaping twin flames watch it
00:39:06
Speaker
And then DM me and tell me we think about it. Cause I think it's wild. And I've also want to talk about this with someone. I want to have a conversation with someone though on the podcast about this instead of like talking to myself because I feel like it can like, it'll just be so much more fun. But I've experienced like abuse in coaching containers before, one in particular that I really want to talk about. So if anybody out there has seen that show and like has thoughts on it, let me know because it is giving the coaching and the spiritual industry
00:39:36
Speaker
a horrendous reputation.
Ethics in the Coaching Industry
00:39:38
Speaker
But those of us that are like in the light and know truth and love and actually believe in like real growth and personal growth, we can see that that's a cult and that that was very wrong, evil, illegal, and just abusive as fuck. So yeah.
00:39:58
Speaker
Okay, so now I'm going to tell you, okay, so I told you about the somatic healing work that
Subconscious Reprogramming
00:40:05
Speaker
I was doing. So I think I'm on day, I think today's gonna be like day 13 or 14. So I'm really excited. Like I said, I've already experienced just like a calmer nervous system. So that's been cool. The other thing that I've been doing that I'm super excited about is I've been doing some subconscious reprogramming.
00:40:27
Speaker
So from guest supply, I forget exactly what program it was. And that has really been helping me like remove any blocks that I've had. And just like reconnected to my vision. So I'm going to start doing that every single day. And that's been feeling really good. So yeah, so those are the two things the hip, the hip, somatic hip release, of course, and then the
00:40:58
Speaker
yes, apply like subconscious reprogramming. So that's been awesome. And then also I've been doing my studies in the master key with Maria Henning. So that's been super fun. This week we really studied contemplation and it was so cool because she literally spent 30 hours creating just the module on contemplation, which came out to like a two hour video about like how to contemplate the gene keys and
00:41:27
Speaker
So imagine two hours just on how to contemplate the jinkies like it was so freaking good and I realized that I am someone who's always been like really interested in contemplating things which is really just like it's kind of like in between meditation and concentration so it's like you're going throughout your day you're just like thinking of these things and then
00:41:51
Speaker
yeah it's just crazy it's been really cool like different insights that i had and then it's crazy because once you um it's like you can read the june keys book or like have your reading and like learn about the the keys that you have and that's like the first kind of like
00:42:05
Speaker
intro to the information but then later there's this thing that happens where it's like you pause like you physically pause when or your mind pauses when something comes up like say if you're triggered in real life or something and if you kind of like see yourself and then you can like react in a different way than how you used to react so it also kind of helps with like getting out of like these habitual patterns that we're in of like reactions because we can see our shadows coming up and then I also had a beautiful friend reach out who listened to
00:42:34
Speaker
podcast.
Contemplation and Gene Keys
00:42:35
Speaker
I think she said episode number 12 and she was talking about how she's also been like having a lot of revelations like from starting gates and jinkies that she has and it's been like this like visceral response in her body and I was like oh my god me too like I've had the exact same thing happen. She was talking about how it's kind of like vertigo and it's like this like when she's having the epiphany it's like everything rushes to her head
00:42:59
Speaker
And then she has this vertigo feeling, and then she's like, oh my god, has an epiphany about her intuition, life, whatever, what she's contemplating.
00:43:09
Speaker
And that's exactly how I feel too, where it's like everything stops and I'm like, Oh my God, that makes so much sense. It's like, you can start to see patterns and every like thing that happens in your life in the past, like come to this exact moment and then you like realize something like an epiphany. So it's been super cool to see and that when you have those like feelings and those feelings in your body, it really is like a genetic upgrade. Like you're, it is changing your genes, which is so cool. So yeah, I just wanted to share that and then
00:43:37
Speaker
Today I was my brother's birthday. So Trevor is a Scorpio. He just turned 31 and he's living in Denver right now and staying at my dad's house and working remotely. He still works for a company in San Diego. So me and my mom and him did a FaceTime and sang him happy birthday.
Family Moments and Celebrations
00:43:57
Speaker
And he blew out some candles on his cake. And so that was fine just to like spend time with him. And he's coming to visit us in San Diego for Thanksgiving. So he'll be here I think like
00:44:08
Speaker
I think next week he actually comes into town for like a week. So that'll be super exciting. And then I'm so excited to meet with my three guests that I have scheduled in the upcoming weeks and get you guys those episodes.
Teaser for Upcoming Guests
00:44:20
Speaker
So just to kind of give you an idea, a little glimpse into it. One of them is a beautiful Akashic records reader and like intuitive guide. She's so freaking powerful. One of them is a shaman.
00:44:32
Speaker
She studies and practices anti-high shamanism, so that is going to be freaking awesome. I love her so much. And then the third one is going to be a sobriety coach who is just a freaking incredible woman, so much of personal growth and development, and we just have so much in common. Like all of these three people I love so much, so much in common with them, and I can't wait to just talk with them and ask them all the juicy questions that we want to know and share their stories.
00:45:03
Speaker
So yay, I hope this was good. This was a short little episode, 44, 44 on the clock. And yes, I hope you guys have a great week. Happy Sunday or Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, whatever day you're listening to it. Peanut says hello and we'll see you guys next week. Bye bye.
00:45:25
Speaker
Thank you so much for being here and listening beauty. If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to leave a review and share the episode with a friend who you know will love it. We can connect further on Instagram at I am Alyssa Mae. So come say hello, leave a comment of your favorite takeaway on my most recent post and I cannot wait to connect. Thank you so much and I will see you next time.