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The Vulnerable Reload
81 Plays4 years ago
We all know self-care is important, so why is it so hard to actually do? What does it mean to be present and how can we practice this so that we can express it when we need it most? These are just a couple questions K and I address as we discuss her recent experience with an aggressive anxiety attack and how she worked through it.
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Transcript
Listener Feedback and Motivation
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello. Hello. You lacked a little oomph. Hello. That didn't sound like you'd go again. Take two. Hello? There we go. Nailed it. I'm not going to say it. Why? I feel like I say it every other episode. What? I just said I'm not going to say it. Okay. We're back. We're back. Don't say that. Okay.
Social Media Pressures and Brand Awareness
00:00:32
Speaker
So we got some feedback that our podcast is helping at least one person. So therefore we will go on. Yes. Thank you, Toby. Well, it just helps one person. Yeah, I know. I mean it. That's nice to hear. It's a fine line between then feeling like you want to keep it being purposeful and providing value. But I think just being honest and sharing our experiences must help people. So yeah, that's kind of. Yeah.
00:00:58
Speaker
Yeah. And I think that, you know, when a couple at the end of the year, whatever it was a couple of ago, when we were like, are we just adding more noise to the already noisy world? And, you know, we can maybe get into that. But social media is obviously a big part of that. And there's just an instant. So from our side, from my I'll speak from my own experience. There is an unbelievable amount of pressure to feel like you're continually putting things out of value to help other people.
00:01:27
Speaker
Because let's be honest. Well, that is also what we do. Someone else doesn't. Sure. So we use social media primarily to raise awareness about our brand and suite of services. To deliver value to then perhaps have someone say, hey, you know what, like I'm putting up what you're picking up what you're putting down. Can you tell me more about this or that? It's not.
Balancing Responsibilities: Coaching and Personal Well-being
00:01:53
Speaker
And that's just what it is. It's a very marketplace driven
00:01:57
Speaker
thing that we don't really have any other outlet to talk to so but that's all well and good but then there's that pressure of like you know putting stuff out and well I don't think it's just that I think it's always wondering
00:02:17
Speaker
Is this it? Like, if someone every day wrote back and was like, that was super helpful, it wouldn't be as challenging. It's not about that. It's always wondering like, is this gonna help? I mean, so that's part of kind of what we're talking about today, a little bit of a mishmash of things. But that kind of gets into like, we're saying about being responsible. Like you feel sort of responsible for, so I've been off social media now for whatever it is, 10 days, feels like,
00:02:46
Speaker
It feels like years. But yeah, there is a little that like, Oh, I want to like share this. I want to like put this out there and like, Oh yeah, that's right. I'm not going to post. And so there's a little bit of that sort of fine line of like, it does help. It might help people.
00:03:05
Speaker
But what's it costing you? What's something, you know, and I think this is obviously a bigger question, but what is it that what is you helping someone else costing you? Sure. And that's something we're learning. We have, we have to learn like, I was thinking about it yesterday when you have sessions with people.
00:03:30
Speaker
And you're, you're relatively, I think you would agree, like new in your work of mental health. Like, like you're not someone who's been doing this for 20 years. So. No, but I've been coaching people. Yeah. What I mean is like.
00:03:48
Speaker
just you have the tendency, you would give someone four hours. You would, you, you have, you would. And, and just like whatever that person needs, that's, I'm not, that's not bad or wrong or whatever, but you might leave that four hours. That person's walking out being like, wow, that was so helpful. And you're like in a hole. And so for that part, learning currently, there's a lot of responsibility, like,
00:04:15
Speaker
There's people's physical health at the gym. You know, there's the mental health. There's stuff you're doing that's a little more on the mental health side. There's coaching. There's so many things that when you start like putting them in the responsibility backpack, it's like, all right. And then you have to realize that you have to also make sure you're structurally sound to carry all that. Yeah. And so I just started an internship at a college's
00:04:40
Speaker
mental health department. So do short term counseling with college kids. And it's remote and it's online and stuff. And it's 21 hours a week. I don't, I, and I take 17 credits and there's the gym and like we were
Self-Care and Fitness Balance
00:05:03
Speaker
doing the math. We're like, is that math even possible? And like we're making it happen, but
00:05:10
Speaker
One of the things that they talked about that my supervisor has been saying is like, make sure you have an actual self-care plan. Yeah. And? And do you? Because I haven't seen it. No, I don't. Okay. I don't have like a formal one like written out because obviously I suck at my schedule. But I think this is helping getting better.
00:05:40
Speaker
So I don't, but I know I'm doing things that would be in alignment with it. Like for example, I talked about this in the between years fitness call a couple of days ago with like the intent seeker. Like self care is one of those elements. And so the activities and the how and the why of what I'm doing. So as it relates to fitness,
00:06:04
Speaker
I'm not trying to get the fittest I've ever been in my life. Right. This is not, this wouldn't be the time. This is just not the time because it's not as important as it was. Like when it was a matter of life or death, uh, literally, yeah, that was one of the, that and being proficient at job was the most important. What wasn't as important was relationships that was had to put those had to go on the back seat. So there is that kind of juggling effect. Everything can't be the priority. No, if everything's a priority, nothing's going to, you know, so.
00:06:35
Speaker
So self-care for you in workouts is more of like, you know it's important to move, but not letting it become a stressful, overwhelming, oh my God, I have to figure out the best workout thing. Finding that relationship.
00:06:53
Speaker
fooling myself to think that what's important right now, what's the most important right now is some sort of performance metric. And it's like, that's not it. And to be, I'm not even gonna go into the escapism that happens with that, but like fitness and workouts need to serve something bigger and more important and more well-roundedness in my life and help keep me well, be part of that self-care plan.
00:07:21
Speaker
And so that's kind of the scope and the scan. That's how they're going to be framed. Do you think that like, and because I think I'm, I've, I'm recovering from this, but for many people, the default is though to go to that, like as almost like a control, like if I need self care, it's immediately right to like fitness. And sometimes I can shoot, like you can shoot yourself. Yeah, I think you're burning. You're almost like expending too much energy on that, you know, and then,
00:07:49
Speaker
and then you're kind of crashing other places.
00:07:52
Speaker
Because it's such an easy one to go to and if it is important to you I think everybody's probably different. I mean, I know everybody's different I think for me like it's so because I enjoy it because you look at all the things like well I enjoy working out There's all this literature about why it's good. It's funny actually one of the things I'm doing for my other job for the internship is helping brief students on exercise and mental stress or mental health stress and mental health and Exercise and how that can be a part of it. So, you know me and this other
00:08:19
Speaker
another Kali, you're going to talk about that and do a thing on them. The challenge is of course when you really understand more of this stuff, you do get to realize that stress or exercise is still a stress. And so the stress relieving part of it
00:08:40
Speaker
similar to what we asked as we said before about like What is? You putting out value and giving to others costing you your workouts are the same way not all workouts are everything is a Caught you have to look at the cost benefit. Yeah, and for a lot of people they don't know it so then they might think well I like working out Let me do more of that and the only type of workout. That's a good workout is one that leaves me to
00:09:05
Speaker
you know, seeing Jesus at the end of it. So I need to do that more. And it's like, I don't know why I can't do that more. It's like, well, because you are literally stressed with everything else in your life.
Stress Management and Self-Reflection
00:09:16
Speaker
So so what are we doing here? And so more when when you're when your peak when your levels of arousal and stress are at a certain point,
00:09:28
Speaker
you need to relieve the pressure off of that, not add more pressure. Like you need to have that off gas and relieve that. And so. And one of the things you've been doing that I think is a self care and just an interesting thing for people to consider is when there is time to take a break, you take the break. You know what I mean? Like for us, like if there's a time there, it can be tempting to kind of fill it and it kind of gets into like what we were going to talk about today.
00:09:57
Speaker
with my stuff, but recognizing those moments. And so instead of maybe like, Oh, oh, I could go like do a workout right now. It's like, well, but you might not have another time to just sit on a couch for 30 minutes for the next five days. That might be a better way to, and I think you're getting better at that, like finding those moments.
00:10:19
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. If you're not, if you're not, you gotta reload. Like you have to reload. And if you don't, and conceptually you can understand and not to make everything about like gun fighting and stuff, but
00:10:33
Speaker
you're going to have to reload at a certain point. And yes, guess what? When you're reloading, yeah, you're inherently vulnerable because you're not going bang bang anymore. And so that's where whatever all tactics and this and that, but yeah, it's it, you're going to feel like, oh fuck, I'm exposed right now or whatever. It's interesting. The vulnerability of the reload. It's kind of like, yeah. Thing to think about because it is hard, but then you start to think about, okay, well, when are you going to reload? So,
00:11:04
Speaker
I'm not gonna get into all tactics and stuff, but you can think about like, hey, there's probably better places to do it than when you're in the middle of it. So that's just something that I think looking at like, yeah, to your point, and this happened last weekend where it was like, I was lying on the couch and I actually fell asleep, but it was like, no, I need to fill that. I need to be productive because of whatever. And it's like, yeah, but this is a very, this is as safe as a time.
00:11:31
Speaker
to reload as there was because On Wednesdays at 1 30 p.m. Yeah, you can't when we're doing 20 hour days. Like that's just not that's not that's not that's so anyway
00:11:44
Speaker
So one of the, I think it is a good segue into what we were going to talk about. Sort of, I think sometimes it's helpful, whatever that experience we've had in the last week or two, we always sort of find something
Dealing with Anxiety and Presence
00:11:57
Speaker
we learned. And I think that's where it's kind of a cool structure to have. So I went away last weekend.
00:12:05
Speaker
you were home. And we had talked about me getting like a break, quote unquote, getting like a little breath of fresh air, having some time where like I'm not responsible for dogs, family, cooking, whatever. And we decided that was like important. Yeah. The night before I started having like serious concerns. Now, before you were leaving. The night before I was leaving.
00:12:35
Speaker
And I went with a friend and fortunate. Well, fortunately we missed each other's calls. Like I, she tried calling me. I didn't see the call. Cause if we had actually probably talked, we would have talked ourselves out of going. Yeah. Especially since right now, like you can get a refund on things. Like there's in the past, that's like, well, we already paid for this. So we went.
00:12:57
Speaker
And I had, I don't think I've had that much of a meltdown, anxiety attack, whatever you want to call it. I don't know since when it was very challenging. Yeah. I was literally on a plane, but this was the night before it started.
00:13:15
Speaker
The night before it started, and I've had that in the past, getting like, I'm traveling, I don't really wanna go, I'm like a homebody. I'm out of practice also, I used to travel all the time, haven't traveled in a year. It also, I think what's also really interesting is when I got there and it didn't go away, in the past when I've traveled, you like hit the ground running, if it's for work.
00:13:41
Speaker
Right away, it would be for CrossFit. It's like, oh, we got here, we got there. Like, you're distracted. The whole point of this trip was not to hit the ground running, not to be distracted, just to kind of be and relax. And so I think for me, I like got going, okay? Like, things weren't really getting better. We're traveling. They're still not getting better. We get there, still not better.
00:14:12
Speaker
And it was kind of like, it was exactly what you're saying, like the vulnerable reload. I didn't have anything to distract me. It was out of my control to fix, to have that instant. Like if I decide to go to the gym, if I'm having a bad day and I decide like, oh, you know what? Like doing a workout, that's gonna help me. I go, I do the workout. There's the time it's gonna take me to drive to the gym.
00:14:40
Speaker
In this case, there was literally nowhere to go. There was nothing to do with it. There was nothing to fix it. Yeah. When I was having that anxiety attack, like there wasn't a fix. Um, and I think some of that is that like, now one could argue, I kind of waited too long to reload. Someone could say like, that's something I struggle with. Like the presence piece. And I mean, what I came out of the weekend realizing was like, wow, that presence piece is like super important and something I.
00:15:11
Speaker
was forced to deal with. Like I thought I was being present, but this was like, no, you weren't because now you're being present, now you're with yourself. So what does presence mean to you now that you had this experience? What did it mean to you before this experience? What does it mean to you now? I'm a little like hesitant to answer this question. Why? I guess one of the things
00:15:39
Speaker
Early on, I don't know if it was right before the trip. Presence for me was like, okay, the absence of multitasking. That was one thing. Okay. Okay, so I'm only gonna do one thing at a time. Okay. Inherently, that's being present. Okay, so if I do this, then I'm that. Right. Okay. Or if I don't do this, then I'm... If, then, whatever, anything. Like, multitasking, you're not being present with what you're doing. Mm-hmm. That's probably...
00:16:09
Speaker
the best like thing for me in thinking about presence. So to you prior to, we'll just say two weeks ago. I mean, yeah, in the past, that's what presence. So presence to you has been, Hey, I'm present because I'm only doing one thing or because I'm not doing a million things. Yeah. Probably more along the lines of I'm not doing a million things. Therefore I'm present. Yeah. Come on.
00:16:36
Speaker
I think what I realized is it's much more of a experience of like how we are being like, so what presence for me was like, what am I doing? I'm only reading this book. I'm only answering this email. How I was missing the how part, you know, and so,
00:17:02
Speaker
for me, that was like a collision of like, why can't I be grateful for where I'm at? I'm on this nice getaway, all these things. But I can't find the like presence and appreciation for it. Right. I can't change like what's happening internally, no matter what I see and think and can write on a piece of paper. And I don't know that like really, there was like
00:17:33
Speaker
an answer to, like I don't know really that that like, I just like fixed it. I mean, I had to just sit in it and kind of feel it, but I think one of the things that I really discovered were things that I do here in my normal life that make that very hard. That make what very hard? To be present. To really be present. What are those things? Social media. Yeah. Okay. Like I don't have any problem posting for our work. Right. My personal social media,
00:18:02
Speaker
very much pulls me out of really how I'm feeling and brings me to this external place kind of to where you're saying the beginning about like, how can this help other people? Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm like, slowly hurting myself. Yeah. And it's not allowing me to really kind of even be in a moment of a workout because it's like, Oh, I'm going to film this. I'm going to put this up. That's a really good message. Oh, that could really help someone. Oh, that would be a great workout for someone else to like all that stuff. Right. So that was a huge one I identified.
00:18:33
Speaker
also like when probably taking more time on a regular basis of just being because I think I've I like I like had this huge like build up of just like distraction distraction just really not being like not really experiencing things and then when like all those little distractions were gone and it all kind of erupted it was overwhelming
00:19:03
Speaker
So you, what helped you through that? So you were, so your anxiety attack, can you describe that? Yeah, I mean, it felt painful. Like you were asking me, like, how does it feel? It felt like a pit in my stomach, like not even a pit, like just pain. Sharp, dull, burning, stingy? Yeah, probably burning, stingy.
00:19:33
Speaker
And I just wanted to come home. Like, like... But that's not a feeling. I felt, well, I mean, the feeling was like suffocation. Yeah, so I'm just asking you at first, what's the feeling? Well, the feeling, the main feeling was the burning. Like in my stomach, probably like...
00:19:54
Speaker
Like that feeling of like pressure in your chest where like tears were like perpetually just right on the verge of coming You know that was those were the feelings Which led to the thinking and the thinking was I need to get home like complete panic you need to escape yeah, and then a lot of spiraling from there on like
00:20:16
Speaker
all the things that could go wrong and the fear and the worry and the, you know, just irrational thoughts. But mostly it was just, there was this awareness like, yes, okay, I could go home. I mean,
00:20:30
Speaker
I could pay $600 and fly home. And there would be a financial loss. But, but there would still be even that like the time, I don't know why it was like stressful to me. It wasn't like there would still be a time. Like if I said, I'm going to go home right now, there would still be five hours. So I was at home and the space and distance and it was like extremely overwhelming.
00:20:55
Speaker
Um, but yeah, I wanted to like, ironically, escape the escape. Right. And all I could think of was like, man, like I would give, I would work all day today. I would coach every client between the, I would do anything. To not feel like this. Yeah. To not feel like this. To escape, to distract. Yes. Because those weren't available to you. Right. So what'd you do? So I texted you and said, fix this. What do you got?
00:21:25
Speaker
and you said, figure it out. I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. It's not what I said. Yeah, and I was initially disappointed in your response. Oh my god, again? Jesus, you teed this up. I'm just gonna, can we just please stop for one second? You really... No, I mean, what I wanted, what I wanted was
00:21:51
Speaker
Like, like a fix. I wanted you to fix it. I wanted you to fix my problem. Yeah. How dare you? So, but your answer was really, well, Thursday night when I was saying that I was having doubts, I also wanted you to say like, yeah, maybe you shouldn't go. And you were basically like packing my bag. You're like, and let's get your toothbrush in here. I'm like, why are you not?
00:22:17
Speaker
And that leads to a different... But what you're not saying is that a week before, when you were hemming and hawing about this, I was like, look, I think you really should go. I believe it'll be good for you. It's not because I want to get you out of the house. But part of it was, we've talked about this also, and I think it's a sort of part two, but like...
00:22:39
Speaker
I also identified like I was definitely in a victim, a victim place. So even Thursday night when I was hemming and hawing, I was like, why isn't he feeling like not feeling bad for me, but like, Oh, like if it's, if it's not, you want a consolation, which is natural. So when I was down there, it wasn't like you were not, you didn't, you were, you were compassionate. I was working hard. I was, I was working hard to try to. It wasn't that hard anyway.
00:23:09
Speaker
There was compassion, but it was very much your answer was like for me to do what I needed to do, which was just sit in it and feel what I was feeling and not try to escape. And it is, and I don't, I know there's sort of like a using like workout analogies, but I think it's kind of appropriate in this case.
00:23:29
Speaker
It is like the sled or the bike when the pain starts to come. And your, my instinct has been often just like, forget about it. Like push it away. Like don't think about it. But really what you need to do to get the benefit, to learn, to experience it, to like, why the fuck you're doing in the first place is to do the opposite. I feel it like, wow, my legs, I fucking, okay. I feel my quads while they're burning. Okay. I don't know if I can take another step. I can't pedal this bike. My lots, everything is on fire.
00:24:00
Speaker
I'm in it, like I'm there. And there's strangely enough, that's where there's like the breakthrough. That's where there's the relief almost. That's where there's like, and so that's what you kind of had me do.
00:24:13
Speaker
Yeah. When, I mean, and I think that's the purpose for these workouts. It's the purpose in many ways for between the years fitness, because, um, it's about acknowledging our experience, not avoiding certain elements of it that perhaps temporary. I mean, everything's temporary, but acknowledging our experience, not avoiding the things that are
00:24:38
Speaker
difficult to see because that very skill set that capacity to be like I can partner with my body I can link up with my body in order to help my mind that's what it boils down to and that's where
00:24:58
Speaker
this isn't just like some weird workout shit like this is the anybody who's ever practiced anything before this is the practice field the gym the workouts to this to that and so for you when you're having your your your episode which was not a 10-minute thing this is 24 hours yeah a 24-hour thing
00:25:25
Speaker
You know, you really have to, how else are you going to be like, all right, I'm going to partner with my body. I'm going to feel it. And ironically enough, that is physical presence. And so your things were like describing the feeling. Yeah. Breathing.
00:25:43
Speaker
And what's crazy is now we were talking about this. Like I wouldn't say I went into that weekend sleep deprived. Our sleep hadn't been as great as it's been the past, but it was not, I was not in sleep deprived state that night. I slept over 10 hours. And so one of the things about that, what's amazing is like, yeah, it's just kind of all the stuff we know about the body. One, there's like a healing that's going on.
00:26:09
Speaker
Two, there's like, that was an exhausting 24 hours. Like your mental, I didn't do a single workout. I mean, but that's what I mean. Like the mental, it wasn't a physically tiring day. I did less than I do ever in like half a day here.
00:26:25
Speaker
but it was just, there's that toll that it takes. And I think that's where when you look at like, okay, it's not realistic for everybody to just go away on a weekend. Like every time something's going on, like, oh, let me take a day. But that's where like the little things recognizing like, wow, yes, this is energy being spent. I do need those pauses. Um,
Workouts as Coping Mechanisms
00:26:48
Speaker
yeah. And that was just,
00:26:51
Speaker
I mean, it was such a valuable weekend in like that, learning that. And one of the other things that just kind of, that you've talked about in the past is with the presence piece, that's, you know, the presence and appreciation. And so different from gratitude, which is just a whole different thing, but like,
00:27:18
Speaker
Yeah, I did, even though it wasn't like a fix in the moment, it wasn't like, oh, this is taking away this pain. Being able to see and like identify like, okay, I'm present, I'm feeling my breathing, I am appreciative of this, where I am. Like it doesn't mean it's an instant fix, but it's an important thing to practice.
00:27:41
Speaker
Well, right. And if you don't practice it, how can you possibly expect to do it when it matters, when you have to do it? When it is, I mean, you could have had that thing, it could have been 30,000 feet in the air and you could have had a psychotic break. I mean, honestly, like that's not, no, that's not that far removed from reality. That happens all the time. Now, different people's
00:28:02
Speaker
you know, internal pressures are going to be different. But you have no idea how long someone's been cooking off inside for it. And then they and then they blow. And so then what happens? And then they get admitted. And it's like, is that avoidable? Sometimes? Yes. Sometimes. Other times, it's like, wow, that, you know, if there is a genetic thing, if there's a chemical thing, of course, there's that. You know, but that's where it's also the fix.
00:28:30
Speaker
in a way of a negative thing sometimes or a way that's counterproductive and trains you, working out is 100% a fix for some people. That's their go-to, that's their default. I have to go to the gym to do this and I would submit because I've seen a lot of people and it's like, no, it's not the only thing. If that's the only tool, if that's the only approach,
00:28:57
Speaker
And to your point, if you're saying I'm working on myself by going to the gym, right?
Opportunities for Self-Discovery
00:29:05
Speaker
I'm stress relieving. Just understand that that may or may not be true. Yeah. How you do what you do at the gym is going to matter more than the fact that you just go to the gym. And it could also be that it's
00:29:21
Speaker
Even if you're doing it in a way that's like, okay, the how is good. It's still one dimensional. It's one dimensional. And it's not, and it's, there's so much need for other tools, other skillsets, other approaches.
00:29:39
Speaker
The gym is a great place to avoid dealing with life. That's why people show up a lot of times. And that's gonna, and that sounds kind of fucked up. I mean, especially because we're, you know, we have gyms and stuff, but like, I mean, and this is like 10 fingers pointed back at me stuff. I've gone to the gym, I've done workouts to completely fucking avoid life. And like, and that's, it's not a character judgment. It's just what it is. But we can't avoid, we have to be present.
00:30:08
Speaker
And so that's where you needed to really experience something that wasn't just I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to do a thing or I'm going to journal. It's like, no partnering with the body and then really like being in it and by being in it, by coming to the present and feeling that, yeah, it doesn't mean it's going to dissipate and go away or feel particularly good.
00:30:34
Speaker
But feeling that, and I think as a society, even if you think about parenting and kids, there's a tendency to want to make that feeling go away. If there's a problem, it doesn't feel good. And it's just an awareness of like, yeah, okay, you are feeling it.
00:30:57
Speaker
not to just paint over the feelings. I do think there's some, so we talked about it a few weeks ago, I guess, so I'm making up that event for myself and it's like 12 hours of whatever, walking and running and rocking or whatever. It's going to be 12 hours. Yeah, totally normal.
00:31:17
Speaker
And there's like Toby we had talked about, he's doing the four by four, like so you run four miles every four hours for 48 hours. And like, I think it's a cool thing to look at those, like that experience, you know, you can come at that experience from two different things. It can be an escape, those kinds of things too. Like it's a kind of like a big event. It can be an escape.
00:31:47
Speaker
But I'm like super grateful that I had that experience before my event because I do think it's making me feel like that could have easily been like an escape. But now there's a lot of learning and I'm looking forward to like being present in that liquid. What am I?
00:32:06
Speaker
What am I feeling? You know, and I think Toby has shared the same and anybody that's doing that, like, okay, what am I going to learn? Like, that's something you've really identified. And sometimes in the gym, we're not as interested in learning. We're just interested in making it about that, like, you know, fake kind of fix. I would say any and what's funny, and what's interesting, I don't know, it's not, I
00:32:35
Speaker
Stop saying it. I have been critical of events like such and I don't think that's entirely fair and I think it misrepresents my true intent because my true hope for people is to participate in these events if that's your thing and to discover something useful about yourself
00:33:05
Speaker
that these events provide opportunities to. And I think when we approach events in this way, from a self discovery,
00:33:18
Speaker
not from approving it. Like don't, this isn't advice, but like don't go into, like don't prove, the event won't prove anything. It's an opportunity for you to discover something about yourself, learn from it and hopefully be better once the event is over. Like the event begins and I've said this with, and so then I kind of go back because yeah, all between the ears events are fucking long.
Responsibility and Self-Care
00:33:40
Speaker
There's a reason why they're long because it's going to break you down.
00:33:43
Speaker
You're gonna you're gonna process there has to be a process and it's like yeah, you're gonna feel that Wow This has been the longest 37 minutes of my life And we're not even in the first hour of no less than eight hours to ten hours, right? So there is that there is that like there's an alchemy of sorts and there's a process to that but I
00:34:10
Speaker
The event really begins, the value of the event begins after it's finished. You've arrived at the starting line as soon as you've finished the event. And that is the starting line of how are you going to apply what you've learned and discovered and it might mean whatever.
00:34:26
Speaker
So I guess that's like the thing with that and These events your events different types. I'm gonna do one Soon, but I'm not telling anybody about it the one we talked about. Mm-hmm I'm just gonna do it myself. I'm not gonna because I wanted and so yeah, cuz it kind of goes back to and I think there's a tie in there with And everybody has this that's not just us because we are in service business. Everybody has people they're responsible to in their life and
00:34:56
Speaker
So for you, I think it's good to have your own thing to separate out like just that piece, you know, that could be some of it's like, you know, having that time to for people and yeah, sometimes it might be the gym or whatever, but
00:35:14
Speaker
where you're responsible to yourself. It's super easy to be responsible. It's not easy, but it's sometimes easier to be responsible for everybody else. And then like, yeah, that was my only job that weekend to be responsible for myself, which is what I needed. And it was like damn near impossible.
00:35:32
Speaker
I mean, it's like you start deflecting. And again, but it's avoidance. And so that's where some of this stuff as we and you know, the people that are in between years know the model now with the intensity here. But like, when you start to see like, Oh, right. These are the different directions, perhaps. Yeah, I'm looking at the thing and I'm like, Oh, there's escape, seek, avoid and cower. And I definitely feel like when I got down there,
00:36:02
Speaker
Then what? Where were you? All of them except for seeking. Well, you learned. I did. The hard way. So now I'll be taking a day off every week to myself.
Mind-Body Integration and Future Plans
00:36:23
Speaker
No, I'm just kidding. But yeah, so presence and
00:36:30
Speaker
being responsible to myself, and also just when there is, you're in the shit, not trying to find that distraction, but identifying the bodily feeling, using those tools. The word, I guess, that I was journaling today, and then when you were talking about the body and mind, the word that came up was integrate.
00:36:54
Speaker
You know, I think we say like connect, connection a lot, but like that integration of like, you're really like the emotional and the mental and yeah. Yeah. So that's that cool. That's all I got. Well, we'll find out maybe when you've done your event, maybe you just let me know when you're going to do that. I'll make sure I'll bring the Skittles.
00:37:21
Speaker
I'm gonna do it when you're not here. Cause that- Perfect. I'll probably do it. I don't know what I'm gonna do it. I have to plan a little bit for it. Not that it requires much, but I do need to just kind of make sure- Some water. Yeah, I'll probably drink some water more than normal or- So two cups? Just of what a regular human being is recommended to drink.
00:37:52
Speaker
But it will be, um, it will be a 24 hour thing. I think. Cause I did 12. So now you're into 24. Maybe I'll do 24. No, you won't. No, I won't. You haven't even been training. I'm going to do 48 hours this weekend. This weekend? Just go for the full week. You know what I mean? Yeah. Cause, cause that's better obviously. Cause it's more.
00:38:24
Speaker
I'm gonna do Shavasana for 48 hours straight. That's hard. Yeah. Okay. Goodbye.