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EP 05: Birthday Party
2.9k Plays2 years ago
You know them, love them, and go to at least one a weekend… kid’s birthday parties. Candace dives into the planning of Alice’s upcoming first birthday party. The moms discuss party pressure and the keeping up with the Joneses of it all. Is that dad hot, or just safety checking the bounce house? Is making people watch kids open gifts a form of torture? They cover the good, the bad, and the ugly of kid’s birthday parties.
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Transcript
Introduction to Mom Group Chat
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. What up, my party people? I'm here with my best friends, Candace and Shannon, and we are the Mom Group Chat podcast.
00:00:23
Speaker
This is the party episode. What kind of party? Birthday parties, pinatas, clowns. Just kidding. We don't do that, right? Clowns? Clowns are scary. No, I don't fuck with clowns. Magic. It's going to be sent magic kits from her fans. We got any magicians out there, please be our first sponsor.
00:00:47
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Good to know. So now if I want to get you tickets to anything for your birthday, I'm now she's going to magic show magic show.
Gifting and Experiential Presents
00:00:54
Speaker
I got, uh, Andrew's family does secret Santa for the holidays and I got my brother in law and I got them tickets to a match.
00:01:03
Speaker
They're like, you just got what you wanted. Merry Christmas for me. I was like, I didn't know what to get them. I was like, experimental, experiential gifts are fun. I'm sending them to a magic show and they said they had fun. Oh good. I would like that. That's a gift I would like. It's different. Yeah, for sure. Amazing.
00:01:21
Speaker
a fun slash interesting topic, I think.
The Pressure of Instagrammable Kids' Parties
00:01:25
Speaker
We're going to talk a little bit about party pressure and about birthday parties, kids' parties, all the things surrounding that. I think the reason this topic is top of mind for us is my baby, Alice, her birthday's in three weeks. I am planning her a first party.
00:01:46
Speaker
This is her wedding. No, I'm just kidding. I am planning a pretty significant party for her. Pretty significant party. Not to my own horn, but this is a birthday blowout. Hold on. It could be a lot worse. I really have tried to do this more on a budget.
00:02:01
Speaker
But here's my defense because I do agree that kids parties have gotten out of hand. And I think we'll dive into that a little bit. The pressure. Yeah, there is a lot of pressure for it to be cute and Instagrammable and like have all of the cutest like decor items and the smallest details. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. However.
00:02:22
Speaker
I will say that entertaining and planning parties is just something I enjoy. And you're good at it. Thank you. Like I threw my husband a huge 30th birthday party that had a theme and like. What was the theme? Oh, no.
00:02:39
Speaker
Oh my God, calling me out right now. The theme was Vinnie's favorite things. The party was filled with Vinnie's favorite things. I got over $300 that McDonald's catered. That was fun. I thought the theme was McDonald's. That's what I was remembering. No, it was Vinnie's favorite things. Okay. I was somewhere else with that. There's another one of his favorite things that I'm not going to talk about on this podcast, but I said- Keep them guessing.
00:03:05
Speaker
I set something up in the backyard that involved his favorite thing. The mystery is alluding. Oh my God, that is so mysterious. Oh my God. Let us know in the comments what you think it is. If you're in my Q1 moms, you know. And then I also had like a candy bar. So anyways, long story short, I love planning parties. And you did my baby shower and it was so cute. Thank you so much.
00:03:30
Speaker
So I do know that there are people that are looking at my Alice in Wonderland party and are gonna think that like, whoa, she's like doing a little too much.
First Birthday Parties: A Celebration for Parents?
00:03:41
Speaker
However, I just enjoy doing it. I enjoy putting, I enjoy the decorations. I'm doing a lot of DIY stuff and I, like genuinely this is something that like is taking my mind off of work and motherhood. So like, I'm not gonna say I'm sorry.
00:03:57
Speaker
If you love it, let it roll. I will say both you and Whitney are very tasteful in how you entertain. I would say you are very skilled entertainers with great taste and you have hospitality in your bones. I enjoy from the South.
00:04:17
Speaker
I enjoy hosting people at my home. We did a bigger party as well because Graydon turned one in October. We had an indoor-outdoor thing. The weather was so crisp. The fall was just coming in and it was finally not blazing hot. It was like 70-something. I was like, what a day for me. Actually, it was for him, but it was for me. We treated it, sorry, Graydon, more like an adult.
00:04:41
Speaker
Well, that's what I was going to say. Can we all just agree? And I know this, that first birthday parties are for the adults.
00:04:49
Speaker
best day last year for me for real. They're not going to remember this other than photos and videos. Yeah. Well, that's kind of why it's funny is because everyone's going to these extravagant lengths to celebrate a one year old.
The Extravagance of Modern Kids' Parties
00:05:02
Speaker
And it's really a party for the parents. But honestly, let's just call it what it is. I actually think we should be celebrating us after one year. Yeah. Yeah. Tell them.
00:05:14
Speaker
They just kind of existed and we did a bunch of work. So true. It's so true. We did a bunch of work. This should be a Candace and Wonderland party.
00:05:26
Speaker
Is it too late to change the theme? It's Candyland theme. Yeah, it's Candyland theme, but it's all about me. No, just kidding. Yeah, it's funny because, you know, you see them on Instagram, the big posts, the big thing about, you know, so-and-so turned one to me. And also I will preface, I am bad at throwing parties. So maybe this is just me being jealous and like feeling bad about myself, but
00:05:51
Speaker
It's like, this is just an opportunity for the parents to brag a little bit. I'm not gonna lie, I like that part. No, I mean, in that, that is what it is. I'm excited to show people all the shit I did for this party. And I know that.
00:06:09
Speaker
I know that, and I know that that probably is annoying to some people, but I do think that it is like that. It's just a way for people to show off, and it has gotten out of hand in the sense of those crazy decorated cookies that are genuinely just for photos. Those are like $500. You'll break a tooth on those. Yeah, for real. And then those crazy painted backdrops, you know what I'm talking about? With the balloon arch. With the balloon arch, and they'll have things like bars of things.
00:06:39
Speaker
a popsicle bar or like, yeah, like a professional photographer taking pictures of everything. It's very keeping up with the Joneses and then it makes you feel like you have to do it too. Yeah. Right. Like if you kind of feel bad that you're having a small party, that's just your family and there's just hats and cake.
00:06:59
Speaker
And that's ridiculous that you would feel bad because your kid is one and they're not gonna remember. But yeah, it's the keeping up with the Joneses. It happens to the best of us. I mean, growing up, didn't you have birthdays at McDonald's? For sure. Just the ones you remember most were at the skating rink or this and that. But really, I feel like people go all out the young, young years. And then they go, the boys want jump trampoline park or whatever.
00:07:27
Speaker
You only get a few years to kind of blow it out like this, really. That's true. Something that is, I think needs to be said is your love and support for your child is not directly related to how large and beautiful their birthday party is. Hell no. Like if you don't throw a party at all, it doesn't mean that you don't love or celebrate or like have had the best year ever and make some big long Instagram post of like one year of Alice Joan and like and I
00:07:55
Speaker
Literally, don't come for me in three weeks when I post that, but... We're literally gonna be like, Candace? Yeah, we're gonna be like, you're a hypocrite. But it... Is it really gonna start with one year without us, Jen? No, it will not. It will not. We'll see. I'll keep you to that.
00:08:10
Speaker
I'll be watching you. But it is not related to how much you love or have loved the year that we've had, because let's be real, it has not been all sunshine and rainbows. Honestly, for me, it kind of felt like a coming out party for me. Oh, that's a good way to look at it. Like, hey, I'm back to feeling myself. I've emerged, I'm having people over.
00:08:31
Speaker
like we had just renovated our house inside. So it was kind of like, I want to show everyone our home and really just a gathering, a lot of friends and family. So yeah, I just felt like one big tailgate. So it was really fun. Ooh, I love a tailgate. That sounds really fun. Yeah. Wow, that's a good theme. Well, I think because we did, Chris and I lived in Rhode Island and we had some oysters shipped down, which sounds ridiculous. Yeah, that's bougie.
00:08:56
Speaker
Oh my god, but he had an aw shucks. I'm one birthday party. That's cute. For next year, I think we wouldn't want to do an Alabama tailgate. A tailgate too. Yes. That's cute. And have everyone bring a pop-up tent of their school and bring an appetizer and a fun drink. Oh, and people can walk around to the tent. Yes. Oh, that's fun. And party hop. So I was like, oh my god. And for the adults. Oh, it was only for one year. I'm doing it for two.
00:09:23
Speaker
Okay, I have a question since you guys have both had parties. We did not have a party. I thought you had like a little something. We took a photo because I felt pressure to put something on Instagram. Oh, I mean talk about that a little bit. Well, TJ was born on New Year's Eve.
00:09:41
Speaker
So his birthday is New Year's Eve, December 31st. And it's a hard, yeah, I mean, this is something we can talk about. It's a hard time to have a birthday party. Candace, you know, your birthday is December 29th. So. I didn't have a lot of birthday parties growing up. Yeah. And you know, Andrew and I are trying again now and I'm thinking like, okay, we're potentially going to have another December child. I was like, Oh my God, like that's so many birthdays and holidays happening at once, but.
00:10:09
Speaker
I wanted, I played with the idea of doing a party. So I bought some decorations and my sister was in town for the holidays and she is a really great baker. So she made him a little smash cake and we had like a little family moment, but it wasn't a party. Yeah, we didn't have a party.
00:10:25
Speaker
Okay.
Holiday Season Birthday Challenges
00:10:26
Speaker
I will say, yeah. I mean, just timing of year is tough. Yeah. And like I said, I truly didn't have many birthday parties. It just didn't work because if you're a little bit before Christmas, everyone's gearing up for the holidays. And then if you were to wait till the new year, everyone's kind of partied out and they're like, I can't do another party. I'm not going to lie, I kind of was geared up in between then. Like I would have come. We did have people over for now. I think about it.
00:10:51
Speaker
We had people over for New Year, you know what, this will be interesting to talk about. We had people over for New Year's Eve, but we did like a day thing because we all have kids. So some of the neighborhood people came over and I invited them over for New Year's Eve, over the text, you know, like, hey, come over for New Year's Eve. And then I was like, wait, it's also TJ's birthday. And then I felt weird baiting and switching them and inviting them over for New Year's Eve and then being like, surprise, it's a birthday party for TJ. So I just didn't.
00:11:21
Speaker
I was like, he's not going to remember. We'll just keep it New Year's Eve instead. Some people knew that it was his birthday and they were like, oh, happy birthday. He was like, ah. We just glazed over it, honestly. When he's older and he knows what's up, I want to have parties for him. I don't think that's a regrettable moment at all. You had it with family. Literally, he's not going to remember. Move on to the next year. I don't know.
00:11:50
Speaker
Yeah, do you think all these kids though that are young now are gonna grow up and be like this is a picture of my first birthday? I Don't worry about that. Oh my god. I was in Wonderland. You had a hundred people there. You have a hundred people show people I'm gonna kick people out and also if Graydon ever said I had a hundred people my first birthday I will be really mad at him for doing that. Yeah. No, we're not we're not raising braggy kids. No
00:12:14
Speaker
We don't know what it's gonna be like though when all of these kids grow up and they just know so much about their life because there's so much documentation. I read a study about this and they are saying scientists are, I don't know. Yeah, who's they? TikTok, just kidding. No, it really was not TikTok, I swear to God. They were saying that kids are remembering earlier memories because there is so much documentation and they are constantly being reminded of that early memory on
00:12:42
Speaker
Phones, videos, you know, it's not like in the olden days, LOL, when we were born. The 90s. Yeah, the 90s where, you know, you have a memory and then it like is fleeting because you never you're young, you don't remember it. When your brain is constantly being reminded, it's like able to stick around and the neural pathways are continuing to like be grooved.
00:13:04
Speaker
so they remember things from earlier life. Are people just showing them videos, like memories of themselves, just showing them videos? I have one videotape of me, third child problems. I think they showed an example of a baby who went to the zoo when he was one years old and they followed his memory of it through childhood and his parents were, he always asked to see the video of him when he was at the zoo.
00:13:30
Speaker
and even now was like a five six seven year old or whatever he say like when i went to the zoo when i was one and that's like now his earliest memory but it was only because he was constantly reminded visually.
00:13:42
Speaker
Right. Well, does he actually remember going to the, to the zoo or does he just remember looking at the video? I think he remembers looking at the video, but the videos will exist for the kids in the future. Everything is documented. And so they're going to be able to see like, this is what my family was like. This is how many friends I had. This is what my house looked like. Yeah. Oh God. That's kind of weird. Yeah. Now I'm like, all the videos of my house right now are scary.
00:14:07
Speaker
Your house is so cute. Yes. Speaking of your house, are you ready for the bombardment of gifts? No. How many guests do you think you'll have? You know, my mom asked me that the other day. I invited, I sent out 45 invitations. Granted, obviously some of those invitations are to two to three people in the household.
00:14:25
Speaker
Some of them are for like your cousin who has four kids. That is true. So Candace lives near her family. She has lots of family. I have a very large family. My husband has a large family and we live in Tampa where we were born and raised. So we are surrounded by family and we're both very, very, very close with our families. I was telling them like it's tough sometimes because I feel like a lot of my free time is spent with family.
00:14:50
Speaker
And it is hard for me to fit in friends when like, if we have a free night, like most of the time my husband's like, oh, I booked dinner with uncle Brian or I, you know, we're going to go to dinner with my parents or my on Sunday. It's just constant family time, which is so nice. And I know that it's like a blessing and all the things, but it's also sometimes like, damn, I just want to like fit something else in, you know? Yes. So do you ever feel like you could say, I'm not going? No, she is.
00:15:21
Speaker
It would be hard. Okay, never mind. I can't say that I understand because we have no family here. Yeah. So it makes this party a little daunting because it's like a lot of people are going to come. A, because Alice is the first grandchild on both sides. Queen. She is the princess of the world. And then we also, although a lot of our family is in Tampa, so it's like we're a 10 minute drive away for everyone. I probably expect 50 people if I'm being honest.
00:15:48
Speaker
And my biggest fear about this party is that it will rain because I cannot fit 50 people in my house. However, I have an amazing back, big backyard and a deck in the back. And our plan is for we're setting up tables and like it will mostly be outside. If it rains, put me in a grave. Come on, pull through. If it rains, put me in a grave and drown me in the rain because I actually think if it if I look at the forecast two days before and it says rain, like I think I might cancel it.
00:16:18
Speaker
You can't. Florida, you never know. We had a rain backup plan. What is it? Honestly, it sucked, but we cleaned the garage.
00:16:29
Speaker
put pop-up tents up just to have more seating. I mean, it sucks, but it was a backup. Okay. Or you could pop-up, do pop-up tents on your deck. Deck. I don't know if that's... You could fit 30 people in your house. Right. That's what I'm saying. I feel like I wouldn't cancel it, but I would maybe... You could table it in your bedroom on the bed. I know.
00:16:49
Speaker
No one's in my bedroom, okay? That is my safe zone. Usually, I'm not kidding. During a party at my house, like, I've done this for every party. If I just need a second, which happens a lot, I just need a second to breathe, I will go in my room and shut the door and just be like...
00:17:04
Speaker
Okay, we're back and then I go outside, you know, I just need a second. So no one's in my room, but I will come up with a rain backup plan. I'm not going to cancel it, but I like, could I pair it back and be like, I can't uninvite people, I guess, huh? I think you got to roll with it. You got to roll with it. What is your deal with gifts?
00:17:23
Speaker
I mean, I didn't put anything on the invitation as far as like bring gifts or no gift.
Managing and Suggesting Gifts
00:17:28
Speaker
She genuinely doesn't need a lot. Like we don't she doesn't need anything really. But with the way my family and his and Vinny's family is like, we're going to get gifts. Everyone is so excited to give her everything. So I am high key nervous for the amount of toys that are going to get a bit.
00:17:45
Speaker
Because I know gifts are inevitable, I have been pretty open about what she needs or what I would like because if I know that they're going to get gifts anyway, I'd rather tell them what I actually need or want to maybe control what I'm going to get. So I specifically asked for lots of outside items, outside toys, splash pads, water tables. We live in Florida, so the summertime is like we want to be outside even though it's
00:18:08
Speaker
hot as devil's dick. We want to be outside and she loves the water. I figure if I ask for outside gifts, they won't bring indoor gifts that are going to clog up the playroom and clog up our house. That's crazy is that people are just going to give what's
00:18:29
Speaker
It's fucking easy. They're going to see something in the aisle and be like, I'm going to get on this drum. So this is my question. We get invited to a lot of kids parties, as I'm sure you do. And it's only going to get more and more every other weekend. There's something that we've been invited to. Do you have to bring a gift to every kid's birthday party you're invited to? I feel like one is like, oh, it's one. Like this is a big deal. I'm invited to someone's third birthday. Do I bring a gift?
00:18:56
Speaker
I have I mean that I don't put like a ton of thought into it. Like I look up what is an age appropriate gift for like say two or three year old whatever age they're turning and I'm a big clothes shopper so I'll just like get a cute dress or maybe a small toy so many books I don't want any more books so I don't give books. Yeah with going to parties I actually enjoy being invited to them because I feel like Graydon loves the social time so yeah
00:19:23
Speaker
I'm like, oh good, this is a break of my day during the weekend I get to talk with adults that I barely see anymore because we're all so busy and he gets to play. I kind of look forward to them. That's so nice. I feel like people bitch about kids parties all the time. I would love to come.
00:19:40
Speaker
So any party if I would need to your party, I need social time. I think my take on gifts for other people's parties is I'm always going to reach out to the mom and ask what you want or need. That's nice, because that's what I would want people to do for me. I would rather tell someone, hey, she really needs shoes size four, you know,
00:20:01
Speaker
That's nice. And so I'm I every time we get invited, I always reach out to the mom or dad or whoever and say, hey, we're so excited to come. What do they need or what would you like? And there are some times that they're like he or she really doesn't need anything like and I'm like, all right, well, I'm not going to show up empty handed because that's just not who I am. So tell me something. And most of the time they're like, you know what, this would be great bath toys or like she's loving
00:20:26
Speaker
bath time. All of our bath toys got moldy. You know how it is. And we need new bath toys. And I'm like, perfect. Great. But I just would much rather ask what they actually need than choose something myself that maybe like they don't even want. And also this may be a hot take, but we didn't even open gifts at Green's birthday. Oh, yeah. We're not opening gifts.
00:20:47
Speaker
I think that's insane to ask people to watch one-year-old open gifts. I've been to a few where we watched open gifts and it was a little painful and I almost fell asleep. I decided for Graydon's, I was like, I just really don't want to do that when I know no one else really cares and when people were excited to give the gift, we would go and open it separately, which I know this birthday is about the child, but I just wanted to keep the vibe going.
00:21:15
Speaker
I never get to see a lot of these people a lot. So I was like, I just don't want to interrupt. For sure. And then I think about and I know that we all talked about this in text thread a little bit in our mom group chat was the thought of her opening something that she really likes and maybe wanting to like open it and play with it or whatever. And then knowing that I have to take it from her and possibly cause a meltdown just to keep the gift opening moving.
00:21:44
Speaker
Yeah, it just sounds so bad on all fronts. I can't tell you a single time Alice has stood in one place for longer than five minutes to do anything. It also sounds ripe with opportunity for some old aunt or grandparent to be like,
00:21:59
Speaker
Why aren't you doing it this way? Make sure Alice opens this. Make sure Alice says thank you to everyone. It's like, what? She's 12 months. And then there's also the antiquated thank you note.
Party Etiquette: Thank-You Notes
00:22:10
Speaker
Don't get me wrong. I am all for thank you. I freaking hate writing. Thank you notes. It's so whatever to do that while also managing the one year old opening gifts.
00:22:19
Speaker
Also making sure that while she's opening, I'm managing, Hey, did you write this down? Like, I need to make sure I write this down for thank you note. Who gave this to her? Making sure I'm looking that person directly in the eye and being like, Oh my gosh, we love it. Thank you so much.
00:22:34
Speaker
and giving a thoughtful response to the gift. I'd much rather do that on our own time when Alice is not sensory overload, be able to take a picture with her with every gift and send them a thank you text. Yeah, that's plenty. To me, that is so much better than doing it in public at this party where no one cares anyway. No offense.
Advocating for Simpler Celebrations
00:22:55
Speaker
I think like we touched on this in this episode and I think it's something we'll probably keep talking about is just the keeping up with the Joneses of it all like at the end of the day parties should be a celebration and a gathering of community community around people who love your kid and love your family and where it gets annoying and feels like extra pressure is when you have a standard that you feel like needs to be met because of social media because of
00:23:22
Speaker
what your peers have done because of what your family expects because you need to write a hundred thank you notes. It's like, can we just take some of the pressure off and just like have a party and have some drinks and food. And if you think about your birthday parties when you were little, if you really think about them,
00:23:38
Speaker
It was like maybe some streamers and a banner and some birthday hats and then like goody bags maybe. If you think about like the balloon arches and the food spreads and the themed foods and the like crazy soft play setups and you know what I mean? The bouncy house. It's crazy. Every place is a bouncy house. I know. Which they love.
00:24:02
Speaker
Mike. I can't lie. Vinny is legit thought about buying a bouncy house to be one of the people that rents it out to other people in the neighborhood. I mean, he's like, he's like, it'd be a great investment. He's like, you would, I mean, you make 600 bucks in two hours. He's like, I'll set it up for people. I'll be like the bouncy house guy. I was like, okay. Oh my God, your husband's a bouncy house guy. Hey, if he, uh, the unsexture, the business, the more money you're going to make. So true.
00:24:28
Speaker
That's Andrew's theory. That was so funny.
Humorous Business Ideas
00:24:32
Speaker
In conclusion, I think Vinny should buy a bounce house business. Yeah, bounce daddy, Vinny. Bounce daddy. Bounce daddy. Hey, my bounce daddies. What up, bounce daddies. Bounce mommies. Bounce mommies.
00:24:48
Speaker
I'm gonna get him a t-shirt that says that. All right, well, you are all invited to Alice's birthday. We'll be posting pics on the Gram. I mean, I'm gonna do that, but it doesn't matter, you know? You're all invited. We can't wait to share Candice's awesome details about her party.
00:25:04
Speaker
I will say I did do a lot of things on a budget. I haven't shared most of them. I have shared a little bit on my TikTok about where I found the teapots and teacups and I did that super cheap. There's also a lot of my decor details. I really am DIYing and I think you're going to look really good. So I'll probably post some of that on TikTok if you are interested and ever want to throw an Alice in Wonderland party, because I think it's going to look really good. And I really don't want to see it.
00:25:29
Speaker
So it'll be so cute. Can I see it? One more thing. If you are planning a party, I highly recommend if you have like a city mom group, like I'm in the Tampa moms group, I ended up just reaching out in there to find cookies and balloons and stuff like that, because there are so many moms who own their own small businesses.
00:25:48
Speaker
that want to do your partying, I guarantee it's half the price of what the crazy balloon place you see on Instagram all the time. So support some local mamas, look up some businesses, see if anyone is interested in doing that. I love that I'm supporting two other moms in our community and supporting their business rather than some crazy balloon company that's already- The first person that popped up on the ads on YouTube. Yeah, you bounce daddy. Bounce, oh, sorry. Yeah.
00:26:16
Speaker
You just closed the case for us. Yeah, okay. Coming soon. Bounce Daddy. Yeah. I don't know, we shouldn't name it that, but I love it.
00:26:27
Speaker
Oh my God. That's a really good point though, Candace. Yeah. Well, happy birthday to Alice. Happy birthday, little girl. We love you.
Closing and Community Engagement
00:26:35
Speaker
All right. Love you guys. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.