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Wicked Whispers: ICE Calls, Office Affairs & In-Law Nightmares
11 Plays5 months ago
It Ends With… a lawsuit, defamation, and chaos. In this episode Gabby and Diane dive into the recent feud between Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively. Who is right? Who do we believe? What actually went down on the set of the new movie “It Ends with Us”? Then we get into your confessions all about desiring “weak” men, being attracted to your “work spouse”, and hating your partner’s mother. What would you do? Tell us in the comments!
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Welcome
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome back you guys to a another episode of the doorknob confessions. We have some solid confessions here for you today and we're so excited to dive into them. Gabby is here with me of course as always. Hello guys, so excited. um But before we dive into the confessions, we have to talk about something because I am so curious to hear what you think about it.
Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni Drama
00:00:28
Speaker
So, I don't know if you guys are listening, if you've been following at all, the drama going on between Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds, Justin Baldoni, and like, ah you know, also but like by relation Taylor Swift. Like so many people have been involved in this. the It ends with us like drama lawsuit. um But this shit is crazy. crazy. The amount of details, text messages, videos, like the receipts that are being released, like it is it's bananas. It's bananas. So you've heard about this, right? Oh, I have been in it. I'm sleuthing on the internet to get all the information. No, me too, though, for real. So okay. but I guess we should like give some context to people if like they don't understand what's going on. so
00:01:20
Speaker
There's this movie. It's called It Ends With Us. It's based on a book by Colin Hoover. It's about domestic violence and this relationship that this girl has with this guy and you know all of that. Okay. So after the movie was released, there was some talk and even when it was being filmed, that something was just like not right on set. Like something was going on. There was some arguments between Justin Baldoni, who is the director producer and also the lead actor and Blake Lively, who is also a producer on the movie. Um, and the lead actress.
00:01:53
Speaker
Uh, and so we heard some rumors about this, but now it's gotten like very out of control. Blake Lively suing him and Wayfair, which is the production company. He's countersuing her. And I mean, I don't, it's, it's, I think I know who I believe. Like I'm on Justin Baldoni's side. Like I'm definitely, I think that he was targeted and it was in an effort for Blake Lively to take over the movie and to have an edit that she wanted put forth so that it was her version of the movie and there's so much stuff coming out that just is. I mean it's bananas like there's I don't know you tell me like you fill us in and what I miss because I there's so many details I don't know what to share and what not to share.
00:02:35
Speaker
Well, I recently found out that she didn't even read the book. Oh, yeah. but move I mean, she just never read the book, which makes total sense because she's the one who did the styling for her character. And it just doesn't if you read the book, that is not how she would dress like already. I'm annoyed. I'm like, it's such a good book. You fucked it up.
Accusations and Countersuits
00:02:56
Speaker
But I've also heard that essentially she was trying to claim the fact that like Justin Maldoni was essentially like sexually harassing her um and like talked about her boobs because she was like breastfeeding in her trailer. When in reality like Justin Maldoni released like the receipts recently showing that
00:03:17
Speaker
Blake Lively literally told him to come into his trailer when, or hint into her trailer when she was breastfeeding. Yeah. So it's, it's, it feels like a setup. It feels like a setup of two really powerful, her and her husband, Ryan Reynolds, like really powerful kind of toxic narcissistic Hollywood elite people who are like on the A-list. Um, you know, and Justin is, he was, I think he was in like a TV show. I forget the name of it. Like, and that's where he got done. Jane the Virgin. Okay, right. So he was in that TV show. And that's kind of where he got discovered. He's a relatively, like, I don't even know if he would be considered like B-list, C-list, like he's not necessarily this was kind of his big, like debut in the movie scene in the producing scene. Like this was his moment to like, get into into the spotlight, essentially launching like a really big career for him.
00:04:03
Speaker
And so it's like kind of like the little fish and the big fish, right? Like who has more power and pull? And what ended up happening like that started all of this, right, was this bombshell New York Times expose that basically said and had all these claims of multiple sexual, ah ah ah not abuse, not sexual abuse, um Uh, I literally, yeah, sexual harassment. Thank you. I could not think of the word, but multiple instances of this like intense, ongoing sexual harassment that Justin Baldoni was doing to Blake Lively throughout the movie that made her so uncomfortable, so miserable. It was like violating and now they're going to sue him. And
00:04:46
Speaker
We, at first, i'm a listen, I'm a believe women type of person. As someone who's an assault survivor, as someone who works with sexual assault survivors, I i know that women are the first to kind of like for people to go, I don't believe her. She should prove it. What were you wearing? Did you like lead him on, like blah, blah, blah. So I'm i'm of the mind, like believe women until you have reason not to. right And so I was kind of like, wow, this really sucks because he has like he poses himself and he self-declared himself as a feminist.
00:05:22
Speaker
And he has this podcast where he goes all into toxic masculinity and healthy masculinity. And he very much positioned himself in the public eye as this really like forward-thinking, feminist,
00:05:38
Speaker
like egalitarian, humanitarian kind of man. And so to kind of hear this, I was like, wow, that's really shitty. And I hope that Blake is OK.
00:05:50
Speaker
Then what ends up happening is he counter sues for defamation because he's like, none of that shit happened the way that she's saying that it happened. And here are the receipts. And we got to read the text message exchanges like his lawyer, his lawyer, he must be paying that guy so much money. That lawyer is working fucking overtime, man. I think it was like 80 pages long.
00:06:13
Speaker
where they basically debunked every single accusation made towards Justin Baldoni. And he also revealed what was going on between their meetings, what was going on as the movie was developing, shared all of these details, and also had like written evidence, video evidence, photo evidence, all this evidence to substantiate his side of things. So the question is, what actually happened?
Ryan Reynolds' Relationship Dynamics
00:06:41
Speaker
It's so crazy because like there are now like audio clips getting released too. like I saw one a couple days ago where he's like, hey Blake, it's 2am and I have something to talk to you about. And everyone in the comments were like, yeah, if I was Ryan Reynolds, I'd be pissed off as hell too if this sexy voice was calling my wife at 2am about her boobs.
00:07:03
Speaker
but I mean, put to put it it i me to put it into context, too. like So Ryan Reynolds has been known to be very um controlling in his relationships. like That's not something that's new. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. So i was I was hearing about that and reading about that in his past relationships. He's like really been insecure about his looks.
00:07:20
Speaker
and been very like controlling of his partners. And so you know they met on the set of Green Lantern when um I believe he was still with Scarlett Johansson. I think they were married. Yeah. So first of all, this is not starting off in a great place. you know like They had some kind of like little ditty thing happening.
00:07:40
Speaker
So imagine you met your current partner and you kind of cheated on your ex right while you guys were co-starring in a like movie that also had romantic undertones. And now your current wife, that person is in a movie with this steaming, smoking, hot,
00:08:00
Speaker
feminist, like smoke show guy who literally is everything that you're not. And, um you know, and they're having like major chemistry. I mean, you could see like in some of those clips, like there was chemistry going on for sure.
00:08:15
Speaker
Of course, you're going to start to feel insecure about yourself in those moments. And if you're like a controlling narcissist, like that is when you take control of the situation. And I know that at one point he stormed onto the set demanding to see the dailies, which by the way, dailies are like the the kind of collection of clips that happen that you take in a day. And then they're raw footage and they're all kind of sent to the editors and producers and editors or directors and editors, I should say, mostly directors and editors.
00:08:44
Speaker
they'll go through that and pick which parts of the scenes that they like for the final cut of the movie. So it's like the raw, basically raw video footage for a husband of someone in the movie who's not even ah like a lead producer to come in and demand to see Daily. That is very, very, very unusual. That never happens. And I know this because I went to USC film school and I also worked for two different major production companies, CBS and participant media. And I actually got to see dailies of movies like The Help, which was really cool, um as an intern helping the ah the owner of the company. But you just that that does not happen. That is something that's very sacred. So for him to come in and say, I need to see the dailies, there was something that set him off that we don't know exactly what that was. But I think it's all rooted in him being pissed off that there was some kind of chemistry going on between Blake and Justin Baldoni. And I don't think Justin was participating in that. like I don't think he was intent he was acting. He was doing his job. right He's supposed to be in love with this woman in this movie. And he's a good actor. You know what I mean? He knows how to turn it on and off.
00:09:54
Speaker
um But I think maybe Blake was starting to have feelings. That's what I think. I think Blake started to develop some kind of feelings. Ryan caught on, freaked out, and then she's covering her ass by trying to say, oh, no, it was sexual harassment. it wasn't um There was nothing going on. He was her he was bothering me. he you know I didn't want that flirting. I didn't want those two AM voices. notes with that sexy low voice saying, I'm so sorry. like i you know being responsible Taking responsibility for whatever it is that he did that made her uncomfortable, I don't know. But that's what I think the real story is. And I also think that she wanted to take over the movie and get producer lead producer credits and have her cut out there. And um and now there's new evidence that that basically there's written
00:10:40
Speaker
evidence that she threatened
Fan Reactions to Movie Adaptation
00:10:42
Speaker
Sony Pictures, which is the production company um or the the company that I guess like is the main company that oversaw the movie and said like, if you don't let me use my cut of the movie, my edit and be in control, then I'm going to drop a lawsuit or, you know, do something saying that Justin Baldoni sexually harassed me. So there's always there's been this stuff that happened before all of the lawsuits dropped and that New York Times article dropped. So it's not looking good for her.
00:11:12
Speaker
No. And there was like also a clip that apparently she she claimed that there is no evidence of that clip because it was, or not that there's no evidence, but there's no audio for that clip that she was like claiming that he was kind of sexually harassing her and while they were acting. And they recently, I think Justin Baldoni's lawyers released it and it does have audio.
00:11:35
Speaker
And you can clearly tell that she's like flirting with them, essentially. And as soon as Justin Maldoni says cut, he's just like over it. Like you can just tell he's I'm so glad you saw that clip. You guys, if you have not seen that clip, go on TikTok and like, like just search for it. It is while Justin can turn it on and off. And like I was even like, oh, he's really into it. But the minute he cut, he ah he was like, cut, end, you could see this kind of complete light like switch go off where he just like, all of that dropped. And she was still left like googly-eyed looking at him. like like She was still in this like fantasy thing that she was experiencing in that moment. And that's kind of when when I saw that, that was the moment that I went, oh,
00:12:18
Speaker
that there's there's something going on there. Exactly. And look, I don't blame the girl. Like, it's I mean, it's fucked up what she's doing. But like, if I was acting like I could never be an actress with like a love interest if I was married or in a relationship, like that's just not something I could ever handle. Because, you know, do you ever watch those like improv dance videos where like two people who'd never met each other just start dancing together? Yeah.
00:12:45
Speaker
would fall in love. I would fall in love with somebody who was dancing with me like that. Well, this is why you have so many, like I think, actors that can't stay married for that long like because yeah your job, like you are getting paid to fall in love with somebody.
00:13:01
Speaker
the thing about like The thing about the camera is that it picks up on every little minute thing. It picks up on every minor facial expression, the tone of your voice, the energy you're carrying, movements you're making. I mean, you cannot lie to the camera, which is why when you see like amateur actors doing stuff on camera, trying to pretend to be in relationships, you feel like, oh, this is acting. They are acting because they're not actually really they like actually feeling those feelings right there they're doing their emoting their put their kind of trying to show what the feeling might look like but they're not actually feeling it and i think what makes great actors great is that they become who they're playing and they do fall in love and they do have these
00:13:49
Speaker
legitimate intimate connections with the people that they're costarring with and that's something that is part of the job but also it's kind of fucks you up as a human being because it makes it really hard to like you know where are the lines right the lines are so blurred and then you know it just becomes kind of a mess. so Yeah, it's a really crazy situation. I'm really interested to see how it all folds, pans out. I'm also curious, just as somebody who really loves the book, like will we be getting a second movie? I don't know. but I haven't read the book, but I know that people are rabid fans of this book and they and like the people who are really
00:14:28
Speaker
have read the book and are really devoted to the story. They feel like this was just such a disservice done to this book and to this story and to these characters. And and they're not opposed, like majority of people I've seen are not opposed to having like a remake with a completely different cast and a completely different movie um because ah you can get what you deserve from this.
00:14:49
Speaker
i I
Transition to Listener Confessions
00:14:50
Speaker
agree. And I just feel like Blake Lively was a really weird casting because she's so much older than like the character in the book. It was just really bizarre. Yeah, all of it was bizarre and her wardrobe. Oh, God. Anyway. All right. Well, guys, we'll see what happens. I'm sure this isn't the end of that, but it has been all over my for you page. So I really wanted to to see what your opinion was on it, Diane.
00:15:12
Speaker
Yeah, no, seriously. But I'm excited for you to share some confessions with me. I haven't heard these either, and so it's going to be a genuine, blind reaction, you guys. Yes. I've been debating which one
Understanding Relationship Kinks
00:15:24
Speaker
to start with. I'm like, do i do I go in hard and fast, or do we ease into these? I think we should just go in hard and fast. OK. So this one, this one.
00:15:33
Speaker
made me concerned um for the person who posted it, just because I, as somebody in the mental health field and psychology field, and you too, it's kind of like, if this was my client, I think I'd be like, we we should talk about this. Like, where does this come from? I'm so curious. um And also like, I don't know. Anyway, okay, so here it is. um The confession. I'm really into weaklings, guys who get slapped in the face and do nothing about it.
00:16:02
Speaker
Guys who cry when I kick them? Why are you kicking people? Guys, I can cut and they'll say nothing in return. I'm a really nice girl. I'm so kind and loving, but sometimes I just want to abuse and cut some guy and then kiss him and cuddle him and he's okay with it. So much to unpack in this one.
00:16:27
Speaker
I mean, if you look hard enough, I bet you can find someone who's willing, who's willing and open-minded. I mean, there is like, there is like this femme dom space, right? Where there are women who like men who really love to be dominated and humiliated and degraded by women. Like that is actually a kink and a real thing. um You know, so I, yeah, you could find a person for this for sure. Right. But it's like, let's go back to the girl.
00:16:57
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Where is, I mean, it's like, do you not feel, let's like dig into it a little bit. Do you not feel in power in your day to day life? Did like, do you want to harm other men because they wronged you in your past? Like what's going on here? It's it's fascinating. Yeah. And I think like too, it's like, it's it's like kind of the complete opposites in one. Like they, like this person wants to like gets off on harming men, but then wants to cuddle them.
00:17:27
Speaker
and love them so it's like there's almost like this split that's happening where it's like ah almost like a split in the personality style like there's like this kind of Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde or Dr. Hyde Mr. Jekyll whatever it is um that's happening but I do agree it's like so people who are like into this kind of thing of hurting other people is because there's some level of like disempowerment there's some level or some level of something that they've gone through that they want retribution they want to have this like other person experience the pain that maybe they experience and to feel in control like so much of that too is like I need to have control over another person over their pain over their pleasure even um so it's interesting I you know I read this and I was like hmm there's a lot
00:18:15
Speaker
There's a lot there. Well, I know, too, like a lot of like really powerful men, like people and executives, like CEO positions, I know a lot of them hire like dominatrixes that are making like $1,000 an hour, which is so crazy to me, like, um and it's more for I think, like, if you can act out, like your desires in a way that's safe, and it's consensual, like, by all means, like, do that.
00:18:43
Speaker
I think the issue becomes like when you don't have an outlet and you're still just like keeping it inside of you and ultimately like hopefully that doesn't bleed out into just harming other people. It doesn't sound like this person is like ill intention. They just have a desire and they want to act on it. but maybe they don't know how to get there. Yeah, no, for sure. I mean, reading these confessions always reminds me like there is a flavor for everything. Like there is like a flavor for every situation. Like people like all kinds of things that they would never talk about in real life with the people close to them. And it's just like really fascinating seeing like what people are willing to share when they know like no one's going to know who they are.
00:19:29
Speaker
Yeah, no, absolutely. And it's like, there's nothing wrong with it, right? But it's just about like, get curious. Like, why? Why is your desire that and think where did it come from? Because I think it would tell you a lot of information about yourself and what parts of your life maybe are missing. When was the last time that you let yourself really have fun? I mean really have fun.
Promotions and Camp Yugen
00:19:54
Speaker
That pure unapologetic goofy silly adventurous kind of fun that you used to have before you became that responsible adult.
00:20:02
Speaker
Look, we all know you're reaching those KPOs at work. You're showing up to Pilates, you're taking care of your kids, you're doing that self-growth work, and all of that is great. But you also need to give yourself time to throw it to the wind and just play. That's just as important when it comes to creating a life that feels joyful and expansive. And that is what Camp Mugen is all about.
00:20:23
Speaker
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00:21:25
Speaker
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00:21:44
Speaker
All right, so moving on, this is an interesting one as well.
Ethical Dilemmas in Family Reporting
00:21:49
Speaker
Okay, so, and very timely with what's been going on. Okay, so this person confesses, I reported my relatives that are living illegally in the USA. Stay with me.
00:22:01
Speaker
They said that immigrants are being deported. They're all bandits and criminals, which is not true. So I decided it was my duty to make them pay for what they said. They need a bit of humility. Going back to Brazil in chains will be a good thing for them.
00:22:21
Speaker
Well, I'm curious, like, how are you planning on doing that? I think there's a hotline you can call. Oh, yeah. i mean Yeah. That's like serious revenge though. That's like pretty extreme, but also like, do you think this person really did this or this is just like a fantasy that they're having? Or maybe it's just like, ah I wish I could do this to like relieve my anger and I'm talking about it, but I'm not actually going to act on it.
00:22:50
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. That that seems very very a very harsh way to teach a lesson to people, um especially family. like I don't know. I don't know if I would go that far. It's pretty extreme. It's also like yeah they might not know that you're trying to teach them a lesson. you know So they just might assume that bad things are happening and they might not even get the lesson aspect of what you're trying to communicate. Yeah.
00:23:16
Speaker
Yeah, no, definitely. So well, I hope everybody's okay. I know that this has been such a this month has been a long year um for everybody. So yeah, like just let's let's find some loving energy for each other, I think.
00:23:33
Speaker
Okay. what's kind Kill them with kindness. All right. Next one. Moving on.
Navigating Workplace Romance
00:23:38
Speaker
I've been realizing that I'm heavily attracted to my married coworker, which has made me feel like a terrible person. And even worse, I'm in a loving, committed relationship myself.
00:23:49
Speaker
Speaking of Justin Baldoni and like Lively, right? I obviously haven't acted on anything, nor have I even acknowledged these feelings out loud, but it's so hard to pretend like I don't want to make a terrible mistake with them, especially when we become closer friends over the past few months. I love my partner dearly, but we've had our fair share of issues that have made me wish both I and coworker in question could do unspeakable things to each other when we're out of town for work.
00:24:16
Speaker
I've never experienced these kinds of feelings before, so I'm not sure how to make it stop. I'm honestly not sure if I want it to stop. Hmm. Well, I think what's great is that you're acknowledging the feeling, but you're not acting on it because you've already been you're like already in a committed relationship. I think this is more so of an a quote unquote issue that you should bring up with your partner. um Because ultimately, like there's probably something going on there, you know?
00:24:44
Speaker
Yeah, you know, i and I think this happens a lot, right? It's kind of like the similar situation that we were just talking about in the beginning. It's like, I guess when you're around somebody all day, every day, and you're working in close quarters, like feelings could possibly develop, but like what do you do when that happens? Is it like a situation, right? Where it's like, Oh my God, like maybe this is actually the person I'm supposed to be with. Should I give this a chance, even though like morally and ethically it's really wrong, or is it something where it's like, Oh, I'm just around this person all day, every day. And like, I think they're cute. And like, I'm being really selfish if I pursue this and like break the heart of the person that I'm actually with. Yeah. And I think too, like,
00:25:28
Speaker
when you work with somebody all the time 24 seven, I think it is a very like natural human thing to start to like them because when you are just around somebody and you get along with them, you have to work together with them. It's a very common experience. But it's also like, we also have to consider this other person like this person might not even be interested in. And so I think communicating that with your own partner and maybe like strengthening the relationship that you have with that person.
00:25:53
Speaker
takes priority unless that's not something you want to continue like i think that's a decision that that person has to make yeah absolutely well you know it's it's like things must not be going well in your relationship like that's really what to look at like things are not going well in your relationship if you are looking somewhere else or things are not like good for you inside of yourself if you're constantly looking for outside validation if that's where it's coming from. It could be one, it could be both. um But it's either an internal thing. There's a there's ah a term called maximizers and satisfiers. And these are types of personalities. right So maximizers are the kinds of people that always believe that there's something better out there and they never want to settle.
00:26:35
Speaker
These people tend to be really successful at business and really terrible in personal relationships because they're never satisfied. They're always looking for the next deal, the next big connection, the next thing, the what you know what I have. Once they have it, it's not good enough. right like They can find the best partner ever, and then once they've caught them, they're bored. They want something new. They want something better. right They want to upgrade.
00:27:00
Speaker
And so while this can be like a really kind of powerful personality style in some aspects of life, it's going to be miserable for you in your personal relationships and whoever dates you because they're going to constantly feel like you're like looking for the next opportunity or the next big thing. So that's like something to think about if that sounds like you or someone you know. um And then the other side of it, like you said, is like what's going on in your relationship? What are you not getting that you're looking for in someone else maybe it's the spice of something new and you guys have to go try some new things or have new adventures or create some spice in your life because things have gotten really boring which like let's be honest you've been with your partner eight years like i've been with my husband now like we just had our two-year anniversary two-year three-year two-year anniversary i don't know um
00:27:54
Speaker
But, you know, and so like I think in any relationship that's long term, you have to actively work to keep the flame alive, to keep that attraction, to keep each other kind of like excited and guessing and feeling seen and heard and, you know, like satisfied. Right. And so if you really drop the ball, like in your relationship and you're not working on it, it's like they're going to people are going to look elsewhere. You know what I mean? you Don't settle.
00:28:21
Speaker
Right. And I also think, too, a lot of that dwindles down to, like, how are you taking care of yourself? The relationship that you have with yourself reflects on how you show up in your relationship with other people, especially your partner. And so from the get go, like, is this a relationship that you are fully committed to? Because some people don't want to be in a relationship with this person, even though they're in a committed relationship. And so I think from the beginning, like, that's something to think about whether or not that's true for you. And if it is, then if it's something that's worth working towards, it's worth putting in the effort, then I would say then you need to have a really open and probably difficult conversation. Yeah. Yeah. I would have to agree with that. All right. Well, interesting. ah you know I think that there's also like this term that I don't really love called work wife, work husband. I think that's already pushing the line like when your partner's saying, oh, this is my work wife, this is my work husband. um I would be so fucking pissed.
00:29:20
Speaker
I think I'd like murder somebody. like Not really, but you know what I mean? like I would be like, what the fuck? like What does that even mean? like No, I'm your wife. like What do you mean you have a work wife? like that No, that's unacceptable. like Hell no. Right.
00:29:33
Speaker
Maybe that's just my jealousy though, I don't know. No, I completely agree with you. I'm just affirming you in in that and all of that. I will take it, I will take it. Are you tired of feeling stuck in cycles of anxiety, depression, or self-doubt? Traditional therapy, just not giving you the breakthrough that you deserve?
00:29:53
Speaker
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00:30:43
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00:31:39
Speaker
All right, so our final confession, I think a lot of us might be able to relate to
Overbearing In-Laws and Relationship Challenges
00:31:44
Speaker
this. I i don't because I happen to have a really lovely, lovely mother-in-law. um But some people have like monsters in law or the relationship between their partner and mom is like, I don't know, there's no boundaries or it's just like not, it's not good. So this person wrote, um to my partner, I don't like your mom, not one bit. I wish you were more independent. So I don't like her. I hate at that bitch. I wish you were more independent so we could just live together without me feeling unwelcome with that wasp crone hovering in the background. Nick, can you look up what a wasp crone is? Because I'm really not sure. I mean well i want to understand that better. okay i guess the I get the visual though. No, I get the visual too. like I want to make sure I'm like, it's an accurate visual. OK, so they continue. You sit around waiting for people to find you a job. Oh, there' so they don't have a job. You don't live in a walkable city, but you need to ask your mom before you get a car because of, quote unquote, connections she has, even though you can afford one without her. And you don't even ask her because you know it would be a whole thing. You can't see a doctor without asking her because you don't know how to navigate your insurance plan.
00:32:58
Speaker
and you Oh my god. And you have cysts that could easily become infected. Your entire life and our entire future together is being put on pause because you don't want to do this shit without your mom's help. Huh.
00:33:15
Speaker
So are we thinking like a like man child? Are we thinking like like yeah it's giving man child and it's also giving you're the one who married this man child, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Like also, why did you pick somebody like this?
00:33:30
Speaker
Right. like Were there not signs previously? Because even if he wasn't around his mom, I feel like those signs would show up. But you know some people are good at hiding them. So I'll give her the benefit of the doubt on that. Yeah. And some good art. like you know Of course, any time he dares in money, they're going to wear a mask. like We all wear masks to present our best selves like when we first meet people. And then when that drops, people really get to see you for who you are. And so maybe it wasn't that obvious in the beginning.
00:33:55
Speaker
There's this interesting thing going around TikTok too. I talk about TikTok a lot. I'm like, TikTok is my best friend. I'm on there all the time. It's where I get all my social information. um But there's this thing going around where there's like women posting like videos and they're called like boy moms. They call themselves boy moms. And there's like a weird like possessive incestuous undertone to some of these videos that are very strange. Have you seen them?
00:34:24
Speaker
I haven't seen them, but i I have a couple people I know of that definitely radiate that kind of energy. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, well, these women will post like whenever, like I'm going to like, you know, like they're holding like a knife and they're like, when my, when my son's first girlfriend comes home, like this is what I'm going to be like, you know, like that kind of a thing yeah or like, or, um,
00:34:50
Speaker
You know, they'll say like, oh, my son may marry a girl one day, but he'll never forget who his first love was. And I'm like, that's so inappropriate and weird and like crossing some boundaries. Like your child is like a person and they shouldn't have like, you should like the mom at some point, listen, parents in in the developmental spectrum of things, right? Your parents are your most important people in your life when you're really little.
00:35:17
Speaker
As you grow up, you begin what's called individuation, where when you enter your teen years, you actually are meant to individuate, become your own person. So you kind of separate from your parents, you separate yourself and your identity from your parents. And usually that's kind of the stage where we see a lot of um like teen angst. Right. I hate you, mom. I hate you, dad. Oh, I wish I was never born. Oh, my God. And they don't like want you to drop them off at school because they're embarrassed by you. Like, but all of that is actually healthy development, believe it or not, even though it feels awful for the parents, I'm sure. And I will sure I'll be there one day when Aurelia is bigger. um But it actually allows for them psychologically to separate from the parents and create their own identity of who they are.
00:36:04
Speaker
So, it's not healthy for your parent to be the number one love of your life as an adult. like that you As a parent, you have to let them go and they you will always be important to them. You will always be their parents. But they have to create their own family and that's going to be the most important people in their lives at a certain point. And even though it's painful,
00:36:25
Speaker
means you've done a good job, you know what I mean? And so in this situation, like there's so much um enmeshment happening, it sounds like, between this guy and his mom that it's like the partner is going to be fighting for space in her own partner's life and in his heart because like there's too much enmeshment happening with mom and there hasn't been this separation.
00:36:51
Speaker
Yeah, that's a really difficult situation to be in when you don't feel like the priority in your relationship. Because ultimately, like that individual, that husband probably never went through like that individuation process. And so they're still stuck in this like really really like childlike dynamic between his parents.
00:37:09
Speaker
Yeah. And I've seen sometimes parents like because they want their child to never leave them, they make them quite dependent on them. like They do everything for them, so they never learn how to do anything for themselves. you know So it's like, insurance is complicated. you know She's talking about how this her partner like can't navigate his own insurance to make a doctor's appointment. It is kind of complicated, right?
00:37:34
Speaker
what the mom should be doing is like, hey, this is how you navigate this insurance thing. You need to do X, Y, and Z. Let me teach you. And then you do it by yourself. But instead, maybe she's like, oh, I can do it for you. I'll make your doctor's appointment. Don't worry about it. So you're really like in like enabling this learned helplessness with your own child that like eventually you're not going to be around like they need to know how to do stuff for themselves. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And it's I mean, just even for the pure sake of your relationship that you have with your partner.
00:38:07
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, definitely. Oh, and thank you, Producer Nick, for got sharing this ah definition of a wasp crone. Listen, kudos to the writing on this. um I really appreciate a good, I don't know, like something I haven't heard before. I know what a wasp is, which is you know ah an an acronym acronym for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, like refers to like a wealthy, uptight, judgmental, overbearing person.
00:38:36
Speaker
Crone traditionally refers to an old woman, so an old waspy. What a specific word for that. Yeah, that was I appreciate the specificity on that writing. This person's been thinking about this for for a while.
00:38:51
Speaker
She's like, what? Or can I specifically describe my mother-in-law? Do you have a good relationship with your mother-in-law? She's great. I love her. She feeds me such good food. And like she's just a wonderful person. I love this room. We were both blessed with, because I have heard like really complicated relationships with mother-in-laws, but I was very blessed in that regard. um Solid extended family. Oh my God, I love that. Yeah, same. Well, if you are listening and you have a WASP crone hovering mother-in-law in the background, hang in there um and maybe get your partner to like, I don't know, adjust his boundaries and yeah get her a little bit further out of the background and grow up. I don't know. Oh man. Well, as always, such a pleasure to chat about these confessions with you, and we would love to hear from you guys.
Closing and Listener Engagement
00:39:47
Speaker
If you guys want to drop us a review and tag us on social, um please do. If you want to share any of your confessions for us to discuss on the show, just hit the link in the show notes and fill out our form. Everything is completely anonymous, so you do not have to worry about your um
00:40:05
Speaker
stuff being revealed or getting doxed or anything like that. We just want to hear what's in your heart and you can get it off your chest and maybe feel a little bit lighter. So until next time, you guys just enjoy life and um yeah, don't confess anything to anybody that ah you don't trust. Amen to that. All right, guys. See you soon. Bye.