Transcript
The Whole Ballgame: It's the bad boys from Boston on the whole ball game. My name is Gabe Yocum. I've got Blake Downing along with me this afternoon and we are, yes, back in the saddle again. How we doing, Blakers?
dik plasticman: father boston baked beans father his teeth look like baked beans
The Whole Ballgame: It's true, they really do. let's ah Let's do this properly, shall we?
dik plasticman: oh there he
The Whole Ballgame: Well, after... What seems like a sabbatical that's lasted three or four years.
dik plasticman: Thank you.
The Whole Ballgame: I believe it's been almost five months, but we're back. We've figured some things out. We've decided that life is better when we do shit on our own terms. And here we are back in the saddle again.
The Whole Ballgame: It's Blake. It's Gabe. It's the whole ballgame. And we've got some shit to do in Kansas City, pal.
dik plasticman: Jesus. Fuck it. God damn it.
The Whole Ballgame: Hello, my friend, we meet again. been a while, where should we begin?
dik plasticman: So, what do you want to talk about, Gabe?
The Whole Ballgame: You know, I thought we were at least going to wait until mid mid-game to get this fucking guy part of this thing. Cody Rhodes on the whole ballgame, everybody. Hello, Cody.
dik plasticman: Look, dog's got to hunt, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: What's your favorite spicy wing?
dik plasticman: I
dik plasticman: look Gabe, the only reason I'm here is, is because you, you two degenerates couldn't finish the story.
dik plasticman: You couldn't do the work. What's it been four years to do this God damn journey. I'm out here...
The Whole Ballgame: want we're going We're going on four. It'll be four years next month. Yes.
dik plasticman: It's like 12 games, Gabe.
dik plasticman: I'm out here ending racism and and and killing the legend of the legend killer Randy Orton. And what have you been doing besides dashing?
dik plasticman: dashing
The Whole Ballgame: hang
The Whole Ballgame: I can't take bread. It's my birthday. ah Coffee and butter.
dik plasticman: As always, folks, we work to an audience of one here on the whole ballgame. Nobody else knows what any of that fucking meant. um We're back.
dik plasticman: As Steven Tyler says, fuck it.
The Whole Ballgame: There we go. Oh, he he is drinking on a Friday night. What a beautiful thing. We are we're headed to Kauffman Stadium, July 25th, 1994, to watch the whole ballgame. It's Chicago White Sox, my Chicago White Sox, versus Blake's Kansas City Royals.
dik plasticman: Let's not forget, too, is and before our hiatus, the stars of this game, mr the pillow fort connoisseur himself, the big hurt Frank Thomas, and none other than the hot wife enthusiast, the hammer, the 1994 Rookie of the Year, Bob the Hammer Hamlin.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I sure am glad that you brought that up, Blake.
dik plasticman: To ref refresh refresh the memory. Oh yeah, no, you remember. Okay, good.
The Whole Ballgame: Yes, i do I do. I do. I remember very well, as a matter of fact. I remember that your deviant ass decided to to to talk me up one side and down the other, and I didn't appreciate it then, and I'm not going to appreciate it today.
The Whole Ballgame: just like like i told just like Just like I told Kenny Williams, you can suck my balls, bitch.
dik plasticman: What does that mean? What that even mean?
dik plasticman: Talk me up one side and down like, Where'd you learn that vernacular, Frank?
The Whole Ballgame: Look, here's the thing. I'm not used to being called out on my bad grammar, so you need to stop it. All right? You need to stop talking to me about the way that I talk and start listening to what I'm saying.
dik plasticman: Quite frankly, I've always said that that Frank is the Frankest of my boys. Let see what did.
The Whole Ballgame: You are always like a father to me, Jerry. I'm so glad you're here.
dik plasticman: you see what i did there? I said, Frank and Frank, because yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Yes, I understand. One is my name and the other is a word that means serious or solemn. Frank. Mm-hmm.
dik plasticman: You come out to the ballpark on Tuesday and you can get one ticket for 20, two for 80, or three for 745.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, no.
The Whole Ballgame: ah that's That's Ray Field these days.
dik plasticman: It's White Sox baseball on the whole ballgame.
The Whole Ballgame: By the way... ah
dik plasticman: Rates are up. Rates are up.
The Whole Ballgame: the the white sox The White Sox in first place in the AL Central this year. What a world we live in, Blake, where where two yeah two two years with more than 100 losses in a row and they are in first place, they could set a record this year for being the first team to ever have two 100-loss seasons back-to-back followed by a playoff berth.
dik plasticman: Are they really? I haven't paid enough attention.
dik plasticman: you know, Gabe, quite frankly, it's because of the genius of bringing in TI2. Yeah,
The Whole Ballgame: There's, yep. ah to to to For those that don't remember the last time we talked, we did talk about Munataka Murakami being Tadahito Iguchi Jr.
dik plasticman: yeah as you can see, we've simply just erased the man's identity and made him someone else's sequel.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
dik plasticman: It's fine because I bought him. I bought him on the Japanese market.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, as long as it wasn't Sadaharo this time, then I think we'll be fine.
dik plasticman: His rates were not guaranteed.
dik plasticman: We're back, baby.
The Whole Ballgame: It's baseball night in America. We've got a blackjack on the mound. ka Kevin, and Kevin Apier pitching for the Royals.
dik plasticman: Uh-huh. This is quite the duel. This is a duel of these men and at this time frame could have, or potential Cy Young candidates. i remember I remember watching this fucking game.
dik plasticman: like i I was in my bedroom. i had my my TV up on the goddamn... entertainment stand that was massively way too big for my fucking room but somehow it was used as like a bargaining chip to get me to to quit bitching about moving to kansas and my mother getting married again um i had this i had the i had a goddamn living room entertainment stand in my bedroom in my little fucking in our single wide trailer for god's sakes and
dik plasticman: Many times I would have the television playing as I was playing video games on another television because I had that amount of room in my giant entertainment stand.
dik plasticman: But that's where I was at watching this. So fuck off.
The Whole Ballgame: I'll be damned. but but You see, I don't remember anything like that. Like, I mean, I remember specifics about... you know, my childhood, with like certain days and stuff like that. But like, I know exactly where I was when I watched this ball game from July 25th, 1994. No, fuck you.
The Whole Ballgame: No, absolutely not.
dik plasticman: <unk>re You're not retarded like me. See, that's the difference.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, that's a good point.
dik plasticman: i got it I got a retardation and apparently this is part of it.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh,
dik plasticman: So I think what it is is i am so affected by my environment that, that like it creates memories that don't ever leave me.
dik plasticman: Uh, like it, i can I can go to a place and I'm telling a story from, you know, fucking 35 years ago or whatever. And it's just like, a you know, I can i look at this graphic and I see my goddamn entire bedroom and everything in it.
dik plasticman: So m
The Whole Ballgame: It's the adrenochrome.
dik plasticman: that's the room that I tried to to suck my own dick in for the first time and failed.
The Whole Ballgame: Wonderful. That's memories like the corners of my mind, misty watercolor memories
dik plasticman: ah just want I just just wanted to suck the adrenochrome right out of the hose.
The Whole Ballgame: of the way we were scattered pictures. Okay.
dik plasticman: had a poster of Ozzie Smith on the wall, looking at me while I did it.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh,
The Whole Ballgame: I believe it, yep. Wizard of Oz watching you try to make some magic. What a what a world to live in.
dik plasticman: Is the white shadow played at 3 AM m on Nick at night.
The Whole Ballgame: Nick at night, fucking A, the white shadow.
dik plasticman: Uh, was watching white shadow all fucking summer long.
The Whole Ballgame: ah I would...
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, see, I never really got into it because it was on just a little bit too late for me. But my we probably talked about this before, but my lineup on Nick at Night was a Taxi and Welcome Back, Cotter.
dik plasticman: See, I would never watch when those are on. I had no interest.
The Whole Ballgame: I loved Taxi, but i mainly because I love Muriel Hemingway so much.
dik plasticman: Sure, yeah, no, you were beating off to her.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, without question.
dik plasticman: hi guys I got it.
The Whole Ballgame: There's this blue there's a blue dress that she wears.
dik plasticman: She's like Nikki Cox's mom.
The Whole Ballgame: and this the Yeah, we she does kind of look like her. ah It's funny.
dik plasticman: Fucking pervert.
The Whole Ballgame: and Daddy's got a type. i don't what to tell you.
dik plasticman: Yeah, that shit.
The Whole Ballgame: Um, but, uh, dad Krasnov really loves his big titties. I don't know what to tell you. Um, no, she, there's this blue dress that she wears in the episode when they have a, uh, they have, she has a dinner.
The Whole Ballgame: Elaine Nardo, uh, has a dinner party at her apartment and, uh, the whole, you know, crew comes and, uh, Alex is there and they're teasing some like sexual chemistry between her and, and Alex and, uh, uh,
The Whole Ballgame: It's this light blue number and she's clearly not wearing a bra and it was cold on set that day, pal. Oh boy, Alberto.
The Whole Ballgame: See, who who says I don't have memories?
dik plasticman: you
dik plasticman: Yeah, no, you do. he You got very splotchy colored memories.
The Whole Ballgame: yeah Oh, it's fucking Jackson Pollock painting with on my on the front of my 19-inch color television. I didn't have quite as big color TV as you did.
dik plasticman: Ugh.
The Whole Ballgame: But you know what? Now I think about it, I did have a full... like entertainment center in my room that was meant for like a living room, but it was just where like I displayed all my stupid shit, like all the stupid shit behind me here.
dik plasticman: Right. Cause you're, you're a man child.
The Whole Ballgame: Some things never change, you know?
dik plasticman: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: I am. it's it's It's kind of pathetic. I don't think I told you this, but um ah i ah
dik plasticman: Oh,
The Whole Ballgame: I quit the magazine this week because I was spread too thin. Yeah, so it's going to allow me to to actually, like...
dik plasticman: I was not aware of that.
The Whole Ballgame: do shit that's going to make me money because you know, I fucking need it. Um, just like everybody else in this world. So that'll be nice. So, um, but they're still going to let me keep part of it, which is nice. So, uh, you know, a lot more free time. And so hopefully we'll have a lot more time to do this stupid bullshit that, uh, we still like to do. It's just getting around to it has been crazy. Isn't it wild how,
The Whole Ballgame: you should seemingly have more free time than you've ever had and you have much, much, much, much less.
dik plasticman: Yeah, you know, it's been quite a fucking journey this year. um I think we were still we still we did a few shows after I got my goddamn ass fired. And and for the record, I am still an unemployed piece of shit.
dik plasticman: I took every goddamn last drop of unemployment that lasted six fucking months. And it was amazing. And I earned every single fucking dime of that.
dik plasticman: You can suck my ass. And that goddamn place is going up in motherfucking flames. It it is...
The Whole Ballgame: Eh.
dik plasticman: i honestly don't even know how they're allowing it to still... like They haven't just removed these guys. Because if if your workforce of of not even your warehouse, but specifically your order builders, you're supposed to have 22 of them, and you only have five left...
dik plasticman: Um, as you have decided to do what you have decided to do that in, in your entire warehouse 45 people. Um, and so that says a lot, um, basic works not getting done. There's
dik plasticman: over the course of, i mean, who knows the timeframes, but I mean, we're talking hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars lost. Um, so how's your fucking territory is what I'm saying, I guess, cause I'm doing pretty fucking good, but it's a different, uh, very different. Um, I, you know, I guess in a way it's kind of a lot like, uh, you know, you always hear the goddamn fucking rich people, people with money and shit talking about, know, Hey, you get this and then you, you realize, you know, all of a sudden you're sitting there it's like, you know, you you think this is going to change in this. But at the end of the day, when everything kind of gets stripped away, you're you're eventually at some point left with just yourself and you got to confront that. And that's kind of what I've been doing the last few months. And
dik plasticman: um if you know if I'm being totally honest it's uh I'm I'm feeling i'm much I'm much better off I'm much happier everything everything in my life is better um everything in my family's life is better they they seem happier everybody seems better um I ah you know it takes a while to get away from it to realize how much of a of a shitty fucking spot you're in but
dik plasticman: ah Jesus Christ, that place is like a goddamn vampire. And I'm not the type to really ever walk away from anything. And I'm glad it all happened the way it happened.
dik plasticman: And I'm glad that, you know, Dave's just completely suffering and eating shit. So everything worked out pretty nice.
The Whole Ballgame: Hi, hindsight really is 2020. It's a cliche because it's true.
dik plasticman: Yeah. I mean, Jesus Christ, I don't even know how many other
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, dude, like real talk, like, like, I mean, we've talked enough about this to, to, to make us blue in the face, but not publicly or anything like that, but like the difference in the,
The Whole Ballgame: the it's been really an interesting difference in the way that we communicate just since you, since you left that fucking hell hole in that, like you, you don't have the kind of ah bullshit on the back of your head that you had so often. And as a result, I still get texts from you, but the texts that I get from you are related to, to,
The Whole Ballgame: shit that matters as opposed to like the 50 miles of bullshit. And then the, the, the, the base level of shit that matters directly underneath that. Now we're actually having conversations that mean something occasionally, either that or we're, you're fucking recording yourself as Cody Rhodes to pop me.
dik plasticman: What was that?
dik plasticman: You want to get crazy?
The Whole Ballgame: Cummings.
dik plasticman: Let's get crazy!
The Whole Ballgame: Let's get nuts.
dik plasticman: Whatever fuck it is.
dik plasticman: What the hell's this?
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know.
dik plasticman: Never ending story?
The Whole Ballgame: I think it.
dik plasticman: It's like this goddamn podcast.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, whatever. I just I had to do that.
dik plasticman: Or it's more like the complete Hulk Hogan, I should say.
The Whole Ballgame: So, yes, Blake.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, no shit. Like, come on. Hey, talk about this, that our journey lasting four years. They're in goddamn October of 1981, and they're year and half Yeah, yeah.
dik plasticman: He wrestles for another 20 something years. Like, did they think that through very well? i I mean, fuck. I don't want to you know, I'm a little on the, I'm behind. i'm I'm not even that far. I think I'm back in December or something.
The Whole Ballgame: yeah I'm caught up because of the dashing, right?
dik plasticman: I, uh, mm, yes.
The Whole Ballgame: It's always on in the background on dashing, but like, um, yeah.
dik plasticman: Gabe, AKA Fathausen, if you're in the, it,
The Whole Ballgame: So very fat, very evil. Thank you very much.
dik plasticman: If you're in the area tip generously.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. No shit. You fucking cheapskate bitches. I swear to God, if you're one of these people, that tips $0. I hope you die in a fiery car crash.
The Whole Ballgame: You piece of shit. You fucking monster of a human being. Do you know what these people are doing other, don't get me wrong.
dik plasticman: Well, you
The Whole Ballgame: Like not all of them are as good as I am, right? I communicate and I get that shit done on time.
dik plasticman: sure. Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: i have a hundred percent rate on time. Like it's not a difficult job folks, right?
dik plasticman: Right.
The Whole Ballgame: Folks, it's not a difficult job, but for fuck's sake, If you are ordering Taco Bell at 1 a.m. and your order is $26, right?
The Whole Ballgame: DoorDash is going to give me $2.25 to deliver your shit. Okay?
dik plasticman: That's it.
The Whole Ballgame: That's it. And so trip. when you tip zero dollars you're making me drive eight ten twelve miles round trip to drop off your goddamn cheesy gordita crunches and you're not going to tip me a dollar, two dollars, you can kindly go fuck yourself.
The Whole Ballgame: Like seriously, like think about life. And and if you if you don't have enough money to tip the person who's picking up your food for you, putting it in a thermal insulated bag to make sure it stays hot and bringing it to you.
The Whole Ballgame: I know not everybody does that, but I do because I'm fucking fat housing.
dik plasticman: Fathausen has the bags.
The Whole Ballgame: You're goddamn right I do.
dik plasticman: I've seen them.
The Whole Ballgame: Just, you you just, honest to God, kill yourself. Just fucking end it for everybody in your life. Because if you are so selfish so as to not be able to tip a dollar to a guy bringing you food at 1 a.m., m you seriously need to evaluate your life.
dik plasticman: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: Just, if if you can't afford to tip, get in the fucking car, get scrub the crumbs off the front of your shirt. ah Don't even do that. You're going through the fucking drive-thru and the people that work at Taco Bell,
The Whole Ballgame: you believe it or not, have more work ethic than you. So just go to the drive-thru. They don't give a fuck what you look like as long as you pay them for your food and you're going to pay 30% less. But if you're ordering through DoorDash, fucking tip you pieces of shit.
dik plasticman: Well, they gotta be fucked up, right? Like, that's why they're ordering
The Whole Ballgame: You know, ah so what I believe with the, the um based on the names alone, I'm pretty sure a bunch of the people around me that don't tip are fucking teenagers.
The Whole Ballgame: So like 16, 17 year olds because especially now that it's summer, it's like, They they're awake that late and mommy and daddy don't understand. I mean, I delivered to a fucking it isn't it wasn't even a McMansion. It was a fucking legit mansion the other night. I mean, this thing, it had to have been forty five hundred five thousand square feet. It had arches and stairways out front like it was insane.
The Whole Ballgame: And I delivered a fucking set of like barrettes, like hair clips from CVS at like 1230 in the morning. And it had been sitting around for a while.
The Whole Ballgame: So what DoorDash does, what DoorDash does is over time, like as orders are sitting and people aren't taking them.
dik plasticman: Jesus Christ.
The Whole Ballgame: they add a dollar and they add a dollar and they to the base pay, right? So I think it was like eight bucks for me to go like three miles one way. It's like, all right, yeah, that's fine. I can do that. So I do it and I drop it off and then I check to see what I got paid for it because they break it down for you after you deliver it.
The Whole Ballgame: And lo and behold, $8.25 for the base and tip for old Michaela, who i dropped it off for
dik plasticman: Michaela, you fucking cunt. Listen to this.
The Whole Ballgame: You fucking cunt. Honest to God.
dik plasticman: You're...
The Whole Ballgame: you You worthless piece of shit. If you don't start tipping now, you're never going to tip and you're going to be...
dik plasticman: When you...
The Whole Ballgame: you know
dik plasticman: You're gonna get date raped in Ann Arbor. That's what's gonna happen to you.
dik plasticman: Stop it. Because you're gonna be hanging out with the kind of people that would do that to you.
The Whole Ballgame: That's right. Fucking Jade.
dik plasticman: Non-tipping motherfuckers.
The Whole Ballgame: You're going to go out one night with Jaden, Braden, Caden, and one of the three, or all three at one time, are going to rape you.
dik plasticman: Mm-hmm.
dik plasticman: you got three holes
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, four if you want to get, like, technical. But, like, you know, only Jaden can fit in the small one.
dik plasticman: what's the small one oh for fucks sakes man
The Whole Ballgame: The P-hole. Yeah. It's Baseball Night in America on ABC, Chicago White Sox versus Kansas City Royals. You got the link down below. it's It's our good friends. ats This is where you find baseball over on YouTube.
The Whole Ballgame: One of the better. better YouTube channels, uh, ever concocted really, what a treasure trove of good shit. That's, uh, that, uh, that channel's got.
The Whole Ballgame: So if you, uh, if you're ever bored and just lazing around the house during the day, like Blake does every day, you should check out, this is where you find baseball.
dik plasticman: They don't pay us, so you you don't have to suck this guy off, okay?
The Whole Ballgame: That's a good point. Here we go.
dik plasticman: Except you just like sucking guys off.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh, well,
dik plasticman: That's what you're out there doing every fucking night, let's be honest.
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, you know, look, north Northwest Indiana is only about a four hour drive and old Chad Ream still lives there from what I could tell.
dik plasticman: A-Tip.
The Whole Ballgame: So anytime I want to suck a dick, I know where I can go.
dik plasticman: The fact that guy's name is Reem is just fucking amazing.
The Whole Ballgame: i mean Isn't it wonderful?
dik plasticman: God.
The Whole Ballgame: Isn't it just fucking and my last name is Yoakum. Come on.
dik plasticman: ah Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. but it
The Whole Ballgame: You know, it's simulation shit, pal. I don't know what to tell you.
dik plasticman: You didn't have to step on your dick like that.
The Whole Ballgame: it knew It knew the end game. It knew the end game here. It knew we were going to find each other and make jokes about this 35 or 40 years.
dik plasticman: Yeah, well, I guess it knew about a good six inches too.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. What are you going to do? Uh, we're going to stop it down now. Go find it on YouTube. Pause the show now if you want to. And then we're going to counter down. You got it up in front of you there, pal.
dik plasticman: See. All
The Whole Ballgame: In three, two, one play.
dik plasticman: right, baby, Wally World.
The Whole Ballgame: Ken Harrelson and Steve Palermo. I love seeing Ken Harrelson on the network. It's pretty fucking cool. and And he's got that network hat on. So he's like under his best behavior, calls himself Ken Harrelson, doesn't even call himself Hawk.
dik plasticman: was going say, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: It's pretty fucking great.
dik plasticman: Yeah, that hat's pretty fantastic.
The Whole Ballgame: Ken Palermo was a, uh, an umpire.
dik plasticman: Steve.
The Whole Ballgame: No, huh?
dik plasticman: Steve, pal.
dik plasticman: Steve. Steve Palermo.
The Whole Ballgame: Isn't that what I said?
dik plasticman: You said Ken Palermo, you dipshit.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, well, there you go.
dik plasticman: Yeah, Steve Palermo is an umpire, and now he's crippled. All
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, is he? I didn't know that.
dik plasticman: right. Now, I think he might be dead now, but here he is crippled. That's why he's in the booth. He's not exactly a ball of fucking fire, as you can see, but you know, like, you know, people were sympathetic to him.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, it's a good point.
dik plasticman: He, he broke up a goddamn robbery in Texas or some bullshit and got shot in the fucking spine. And he had like some of the, yeah, he had some of those fucking like MS crutch walk and things.
The Whole Ballgame: Jesus Christ.
dik plasticman: I remember.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh yeah. the I remember the cover of sports illustrated.
dik plasticman: There's beautiful Kauffman stadium before they took that goddamn turf out.
The Whole Ballgame: Speaking of which.
dik plasticman: That's the, uh, Jesus Christ. I can't remember if we did it or not. Yeah. We did the Astros and the reds before this game.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
dik plasticman: Same night. If you were recall that gene, we are stuck in time.
The Whole Ballgame: Yes, I do indeed recall that.
The Whole Ballgame: Here comes the Chicago White Sox starting lineup.
dik plasticman: Joey Cora leading off at second. Rock reigns and left. The Big Herd, Frank Thomas at first. DH, the timeless Julio Franco. Third base, the human punching bag, Robin Ventura. Darren Jackson in center. Warren Newsom, Spanky LaValle, you're behind the plate. And Ozzy Gijin on that ninth and short.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, one day I'll like to work with that Darren Jackson. I bet he's a hell of a broadcaster.
dik plasticman: He's a fucking Muppet.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, and one on Joey Cora here. I loved Joey Cora when I was a kid. I really did. Like, I, he always reminded me of Josh Young on my baseball team. When we, when we would ah change the names on Ken Griffey Jr.
The Whole Ballgame: ah Baseball, but we always made Joey Cora Josh Young.
dik plasticman: Of course. Yeah, sure. Well, Josh, yeah. yeah
The Whole Ballgame: Josh was a mixed race, mixed race young kid.
dik plasticman: Well, who else is he going be? Mike Zip-Pekty?
The Whole Ballgame: um And now he's a big time MAGA head on Facebook. I see him talking about shit all the time. And it's just like, how can you be of, mix I just, it boggles my mind the way that geography has such an impact on people's beliefs.
dik plasticman: Well, does it? I mean, not exactly. It was like wide open minds. So whatever the fuck is right in front of them, that's it.
The Whole Ballgame: It's good point, I suppose.
dik plasticman: Very, very primal. It's all like it's all about fucking pissed shit, jizz and blood.
The Whole Ballgame: it was a as a very warm day there and in in Kansas City. 88 degrees outside right now as we start.
dik plasticman: July 25th, you understand.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, yeah. But this is a ah late afternoon into an evening game, I believe, based on the light.
dik plasticman: and It's nighttime, goddammit. It's like 6, 7 o'clock.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
dik plasticman: It's summertime, motherfucker. It didn't get dark till 9.
The Whole Ballgame: Yep. I appreciate it. Thank you for clarifying all of that.
dik plasticman: put your Put your head out of your ass.
The Whole Ballgame: and it's It's so comfortable there. I don't know what to tell you.
dik plasticman: Listen, bro. i know it's
The Whole Ballgame: oh no.
dik plasticman: I know it's been a while, but this is the thing you gotta to understand, bro. Even though there hasn't been a show... It's not like the faucet hasn't been running, bro.
The Whole Ballgame: a good point.
dik plasticman: it's it's It's like the Econology in St. Paul, bro.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, no.
dik plasticman: The faucet's always on. What I'm saying is to believe it, you got to see it.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Do it.
dik plasticman: No, don't step on me, bro.
The Whole Ballgame: Sorry.
dik plasticman: And then you got to achieve it. So what I'm saying is there's going to be a lot of shit, bro.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh. Joey Cora slices it right into Wally Joyner's glove, and that's an easy first out here in the first inning.
dik plasticman: Wally Joyner's got a hot daughter, bro.
dik plasticman: They live in Utah, nuff said. Feel the bang, Carl Malone, bro.
The Whole Ballgame: Speaking of Carl Malone, Tim Raines stepping in now.
dik plasticman: but the I assume only casual racism, but whatever. Who gives a shit anymore?
The Whole Ballgame: The 40 listeners we actually had were are all gone.
dik plasticman: Yeah, we might...
The Whole Ballgame: it's
dik plasticman: well we're gonna Look, I feel confident we're going to come back strong in at least double digits of 10 to 14. ah I know Donnie's going to be happy as shit, so that's all Donnie, you're a mensch.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, pal. Miss you. I haven't, have not logged in to X slash Twitter in,
The Whole Ballgame: At least since the last time we did this, maybe maybe from before that. Like I deleted it from my phone and I just haven't been on there. It's about time I probably go check in, but I i believe I've been fundamentally happier as a result.
dik plasticman: Yeah, you're not going you're going to be worse off for it And look, I, anna aye I would sit in that and and don't get me wrong. i have my fucking problems.
dik plasticman: on other platforms, but i at least have a goddamn strategy and there's, there's something I'm, I'm doing there. So I'm not just being a jackass, but I don't even get on there very much anymore, but there was a time.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, there you nope Nope, not a base hit. I thought it was going to drop, it didn't. That's out number two here in the top of the first. Tim Randall flies out to the field.
dik plasticman: As JB's favorite Royal out there, Brian McCray in center field, but I've,
The Whole Ballgame: Who's that now, JB?
dik plasticman: Yeah, yeah, my old buddy JB. Yep.
The Whole Ballgame: okay.
dik plasticman: Down Houston Tejas. i
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. yes yes
dik plasticman: The site of Survivor Series War Games is here, by the way. Look at those numbers. Jesus Christ.
The Whole Ballgame: Let's go ahead and just ah stop down here for a second feast our eyes on this tall drink of water and watch him spit through his his front two teeth and stare down Kevin Apier and intimidate, dominate, do what I have to do.
dik plasticman: Oof.
dik plasticman: God, he's a... Huge, huge man. Just...
The Whole Ballgame: hey look, you know, ah they this is the way they breed them in Georgia. I don't know what to tell you, pal.
dik plasticman: Alabama, jackass.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, Georgia, Alabama, it's all in the South. What do I give a shit for? I don't.
dik plasticman: I don't know.
The Whole Ballgame: Clearly.
dik plasticman: He went to college in Alabama.
The Whole Ballgame: Look at that. Look at that. Look at how wonderful that was.
dik plasticman: That was great.
The Whole Ballgame: All part of the plan. All part of the plan.
dik plasticman: Greg Gagne is short.
The Whole Ballgame: You got to got gotta to live um leave them wondering what's happening. So next time.
dik plasticman: Sure, yeah, no, yeah, no, no that's the whole point of baseball, Frank.
The Whole Ballgame: Next.
dik plasticman: hank You fuck's wrestling he think You think it's got the wrestling? yeah
dik plasticman: Look at this lineup, for fuck's sakes. Like, a bunch of washed up fucking just...
The Whole Ballgame: The double G's always got me on this one Greg Gagne and Gary Gaiety.
dik plasticman: Yeah, yeah, about four years past their goddamn primes in Minnesota.
The Whole Ballgame: I remember that distinctly.
The Whole Ballgame: Got skinny-ass Blackjack McDowell here. Lithe, one might refer to him as.
dik plasticman: Yeah, he's got a fucking rock band to go play in after this.
The Whole Ballgame: First pitch strike to Brian McRae.
dik plasticman: You'll notice blackjacks all Black all-black cleat.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, one might even call Brian, Brian McRae is kind of a tall guy, but he also appears a bit diminutive as you look at him, you know, small arms, tiny little head.
dik plasticman: This is a dynamite analysis. Thank you.
The Whole Ballgame: Did you forget what it is that we do here? up
dik plasticman: I think I must have.
dik plasticman: Listen to player. Oh, he just he's no good.
The Whole Ballgame: My future pal Darren Jackson in the center field.
The Whole Ballgame: Raphael Palmeiro out with an injury.
dik plasticman: ra it I like wimpy does
The Whole Ballgame: You understand what I'm saying.
dik plasticman: i wonder if darn
The Whole Ballgame: like Lance Johnson is who I meant, not Raphael Palmeiro. What's wrong with me?
dik plasticman: the one dog lyns johnson and i wonder if deen jacksons gonna let me touch his pet just like wimpy does
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, boy.
The Whole Ballgame: It's nothing like Lance's Johnson. I know that much.
dik plasticman: Oh, look at that diamond catch.
dik plasticman: You know, Wimpy lets me touch his penis because he was touching his boy.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, that's why they call him Wimpy.
dik plasticman: That's genuine Chevrolet. MCI. Proof positive.
dik plasticman: Oh, look that. Off guard, huh?
The Whole Ballgame: Fresh snow promises delicious here at Olive Garden. And here are your family.
dik plasticman: You know, the Royals are going to be moving out of a Kaufman here in the near future.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, that's right. You know, I saw the other day, speaking of Kansas City, that that they're they're reverting Arrowhead back to Arrowhead. what of
dik plasticman: Oh
The Whole Ballgame: What a wonderful thing to hear. After there were some pretty significant rumors about them tearing Arrowhead down and getting out of there, was there not?
dik plasticman: yeah. No, I think they're still building a new stadium in Kansas,
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, hey, but at least they're going to keep the name at Arrowhead until it's built.
dik plasticman: but yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: That's nice.
dik plasticman: They're calling it Arrowhead. Yeah. Which I think probably just means the goddamn licensing rights expired and they couldn't find anybody else to pay it whatever they thought it was worth. I doubt that they did it out of the goodness of their heart. I don't trust the goddamn, the Hunt family's a bunch of fucking sleazeballs.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, like a the if anybody does any kind of research on ownership within the NFL, You want to talk about a shallow fucking gene pool. The incest within ownership in the NFL is fucking crazy.
dik plasticman: fucking each other is what you're saying?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, fucking each other and brothers having sex with sisters and Chad Ream sucking little kids dicks behind the fence post.
dik plasticman: Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: It's a real mess.
dik plasticman: Sounds like the Game of Thrones, brother.
The Whole Ballgame: er andant andant and Move on.
dik plasticman: Wallace Backman of House New York.
The Whole Ballgame: you know, i ah i yeah I coached the Long Island Ducks before that dipshit played for them.
dik plasticman: Which dipshit is that?
The Whole Ballgame: The pitcher guy that can't get a job in baseball and bitches about it constantly online.
The Whole Ballgame: What a piece of shit that guy is.
dik plasticman: Trevor Bauer, the one that's fucking is fucking his agent?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, Trevor Bauer.
The Whole Ballgame: Piece of garbage.
dik plasticman: Yeah, no, I'm sure that crazy bitch agent of his has nothing to do with...
The Whole Ballgame: I'd love the chance. I'd love I would love it. I'd love the opportunity to coach that fuck.
dik plasticman: Would you?
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, he'd never be.
dik plasticman: Now, that's interesting.
The Whole Ballgame: that He'd never be the same.
dik plasticman: Why... Because you sound like you hate...
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, i'd put him I'd put him in his place.
dik plasticman: me Well, no, yeah, was going to say, you sound like you hate the man, you...
The Whole Ballgame: i'd
The Whole Ballgame: I do. i want the opportunity to coach him. I want to be able to sit him down and change that piece of shit.
dik plasticman: Why? Why would you... Why?
The Whole Ballgame: you know All that talent, and that's what you get out of him?
dik plasticman: You're not going to change him.
dik plasticman: Well, you can't change a piece of shit like that, Wally.
The Whole Ballgame: Let me tell you.
dik plasticman: What
The Whole Ballgame: Hey, you know what? Let me be the decider here, okay? Are you a coach?
dik plasticman: are you... George Bush?
The Whole Ballgame: Do you understand?
dik plasticman: I thought I understood
The Whole Ballgame: Wally Joyner and i once had a a hell of a night in Boston.
dik plasticman: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Yep. People, the the waitress kept coming back and saying, what's going to be, Wally? And then we'd both order at the same time. it was a real pain in the ass.
dik plasticman: That sounds like a real predicament.
The Whole Ballgame: It's kind of like a House Targaryen because all of them have names that are so very similar to each other, you know?
dik plasticman: Uh, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: You got Daenerys and you got Daemon and you got Daionion and Denouement and all of that. And you don't really know who's who. And they're going to, you know, somebody says got an A and an E next to their name and each other. They say it out loud. And, you know, six people turn their head because they think they're talking to them. it was the same situation, except it was just me and Wally Joyner at ah Denny's on a Friday night.
dik plasticman: Well, you have to assume with all the inbreeding and all that, that the names are going to be similar as well. Correct.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't
dik plasticman: Yes.
The Whole Ballgame: i don't know if you noticed this, but according to Steve Palermo, the last two pitches were just identical. Man.
dik plasticman: yes no more in
The Whole Ballgame: It's a scoreless as we move to the top of the second here, Julio Franco, Robin Ventura and, and Darren Jackson on the way up to bat face. Kevin Apier here in the top of the second
dik plasticman: Hello! I am...
The Whole Ballgame: Julio Franco. That's a base hit.
dik plasticman: No! No! Gabe, Gabe, you remember I told you I live where i was going to do something, right?
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, you're, you were doing it now. I thought maybe you were just having a,
dik plasticman: um I'm going to get... No, no, he's right here.
The Whole Ballgame: Okay. Um, so it could, could you explain to me what, what all the fuss is about here?
dik plasticman: Brody! Brody!
dik plasticman: Would you like to turn around, Roddy?
The Whole Ballgame: Um, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know if you're aware of who's in the studio tonight, but, uh, we are in the midst of royalty here.
dik plasticman: That's why I've been drinking all day.
The Whole Ballgame: ah
dik plasticman: yes
The Whole Ballgame: admiral Admiral James Blears has joined us here.
dik plasticman: No, it is I.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh,
dik plasticman: is Lord Alfred Hayes.
The Whole Ballgame: Lord Alfred Hayes.
dik plasticman: Devil Dragon, feel the power of the dragon!
The Whole Ballgame: Mike.
dik plasticman: Froopstrike gum, feel the power of the stripe!
The Whole Ballgame: can you can you Can you do me a favor, Lord Alfred? can you Can you say the line that you you would use to introduce those those spots?
dik plasticman: Promotional consideration paid for by the following.
The Whole Ballgame: I love it. Oh, man, I got chills. ah So what brings you what brings you to our neck of the woods here? You can't be much of a baseball fan. I had you pegged as more of a cricket guy, no?
dik plasticman: Spot on, Jean! Like my old friend, G. Hookerland! What brings me here is the troubled mind and souls of you two deviants.
dik plasticman: me
The Whole Ballgame: i don't I have no trouble on my mind.
dik plasticman: And Blake's beer! He gave me beer and mushrooms earlier! I do love the mushrooms! hey
dik plasticman: Do you remember the Saturday night's main event, Gene, where we had the Oktoberfest?
The Whole Ballgame: I do. I do recall that very well. Yes.
dik plasticman: Do you remember what happened to me then, Gabriel?
The Whole Ballgame: I don't remember exactly. No, sir.
dik plasticman: I got drunk as a skunk.
dik plasticman: And what happened that evening?
The Whole Ballgame: What did happen that evening? tell me Tell me what happened when you got drunk.
dik plasticman: I watched Nettie Puffo suck his own penis.
The Whole Ballgame: well yeah Well, I mean, I'm glad you mentioned that, Lord Alfred, because you've, you know, in the years since your passing, there have been a lot of things said about you. And one of them is that you yourself who were quite well endowed.
The Whole Ballgame: And as a matter of fact, Roddy Piper has said pretty publicly that that you ah a kind of... um assaulted him with your gigantic phallus. So you want to talk through what might've happened at that point?
dik plasticman: I shan't. But what I would like to talk about, old chap, is how sometimes I sound like this. And sometimes I sound like that. But first, i would like to tell you that what I did do, old friend, is one night in Kansas City in 1994, I Bob the Hammer Hamlet's wife.
The Whole Ballgame: What? That's what a coincidence.
dik plasticman: That's great.
The Whole Ballgame: is Is that why you're here? Is because you know that we were we were covering Bob on the ballgame?
dik plasticman: No, I am here because I am paying a debt to the soul demons.
The Whole Ballgame: Which soul demons in particular?
dik plasticman: um I did some very bad things when I was alive, Gabriel.
The Whole Ballgame: Which soul demons in particular? Is Azazel or ah Enoch?
dik plasticman: Anton LaVey his henchman Robert Horner of Atlanta
The Whole Ballgame: Ah, okay. So him himself.
The Whole Ballgame: Ah, yes. Oh, Bob. we we We lost Bob in our hiatus. um
dik plasticman: I found him!
The Whole Ballgame: you That's good. Oh, ye sons and daughters of milled weed minds that sit in judgment of the iniquities wrought upon us. Behold. the voice of Satan, the promise of him who is called amongst ye, the accuser and supreme tribune. Move, therefore, and appear.
The Whole Ballgame: Open the mysteries of your creation. Be friendly unto me, for I am the same, the true worshiper of the highest and ineffable king of hell.
dik plasticman: For men.
dik plasticman: Shango.
dik plasticman: Oh, Mr. Brett.
dik plasticman: Bob Hamlin.
The Whole Ballgame: Older Eaters foot powder.
dik plasticman: Bob Hamlin eating shit at second. The worst stolen base attempt of all time right there.
The Whole Ballgame: Spanky LaVallee behind home plate today. ah did i can't remember. did we Did we ever do a profile on old Spanky yet? Or is that something we just talked about doing?
dik plasticman: No, not yet. Um... Evil definitely have one though.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yeah. He deserves one. There's no question. What ah you want to talk about an archetype?
dik plasticman: I'm like 85% sure we have it
The Whole Ballgame: Little duck snorted in the right field.
dik plasticman: it. You know what I miss? I miss those sleeves that the old coaches used to wear that looked like they were fucking vinyl or something.
The Whole Ballgame: It's an interesting thing to miss.
dik plasticman: You know what I'm trying to say, asswipe.
The Whole Ballgame: I know what you're saying. I'm just being a dickhead.
dik plasticman: I miss him.
The Whole Ballgame: You're right. You see? What's beautiful about the relationship, the the partnership that Blake and I have forged over the last four years and roughly 30 episodes is
dik plasticman: the The lucrative the financial benefits that we've experienced.
The Whole Ballgame: Yes, correct. ah The beautiful thing is that ah we like to harp on on on our ah disdain for intellectual dishonesty. And what we've evolved into is a situation where when either of us even steps a quarter of an inch out of line on the the intellectual honesty piece, we immediately call each other on it and roll it back. It's just a beautiful part of of ah of understanding.
dik plasticman: Hey, look, look, I'm not trying to defend the umpires here, but the strike zone it's, it's shrunken.
The Whole Ballgame: They've shrunk the strike zone. Felix Jose in there. And this is a guy that, you know, I don't know. ah you know You know who I really hated was ah was Joe West. Joe West is a real piece of shit. um i um I'll tell you this too. You know, Joe West is still alive. and He did ah an interview.
The Whole Ballgame: I think I actually sent you the video there on Facebook. Well, he was at the the National Card Show this last weekend.
dik plasticman: hope one
The Whole Ballgame: And oh I got to be real honest, like the the parody of of Joe West that you boys did it here on the podcast, they ah ah really didn't do him much justice because he's a very likable human being in real interviews, which is really a shame because I would really like to hate that guy.
dik plasticman: I thought you started not telling me you had a problem with him.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yeah, no, no, no. So ah at a certain point in the middle of that soliloquy there, I went from being Steve Palermo to to being Gabe. And I'm not sure. And I just kept the same voice. And that, my friends, is intellectual honesty.
dik plasticman: ah
dik plasticman: You know what? i was a huge Felix Jose fan. He's his ex-Cardinal, by the way. He got traded for Willie McGee.
The Whole Ballgame: That tracks.
The Whole Ballgame: McGeehy?
dik plasticman: Yeah, they traded Willie McGee to the A's and the trade deadline of 89 and Felix Jose was the prize piece that came back. And then he got shipped off to the Royals.
The Whole Ballgame: GG1 here with a nose like a goddamn toucan, Gary Gaiety.
dik plasticman: You'll notice no ear flaps.
The Whole Ballgame: He figures if a ball comes anywhere near his face, his nose is going to take the brunt of it.
dik plasticman: Let me just see. Ain't no bitch.
dik plasticman: Braves are leading the Expos. Three to nothing.
The Whole Ballgame: believe we just did that game, didn't we?
dik plasticman: No.
The Whole Ballgame: No?
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, hide inside from the blackjack.
The Whole Ballgame: Going to take a... My hot take on this game is that the curveball is going away.
dik plasticman: That's what Hawk says. An extinct animal. No more curveball. Yeah, he's not...
The Whole Ballgame: like could two Like a toucan, like Gary Gaiety and his big-ass nose.
dik plasticman: He's not entirely wrong.
The Whole Ballgame: Whoa, hide inside again. We got some control issues here on blackjack, and old Spanky's going to head out there to calm him his ass down.
dik plasticman: It's all sinkers and cutters and and bullshit today. Although the sweepers and slurs and sort of variations of curveballs, so...
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
dik plasticman: I don't know. It's all about spin rate. You understand?
The Whole Ballgame: You know what I watched the other night? um
dik plasticman: Tight fannies make me cum.
The Whole Ballgame: I say the other night. It was like, say that one more time.
dik plasticman: Tight fannies make me cum. That's the first porn I ever had.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, no, no. dad I don't. Come on. Oh, nice. Nice. I think I talked about, yeah, I talked about it on the show. We're not going to talk about the lost weekend with Grandma.
dik plasticman: ah wicked Gabby.
The Whole Ballgame: ah Gary Gaiety singles out to left field, and we got runners on first and second here in the bottom of the second.
dik plasticman: How is Babs' his neck doing?
The Whole Ballgame: Not great.
dik plasticman: No?
The Whole Ballgame: ah You know, and I still have two toddlers and it's a real pain in the ass. and We're going over there and Jamie's taking her to physical therapy two times a week and they extended her being in the neck brace until the end of August now instead of, so which means she still can't drive, which means we're fucking driving her everywhere she needs to go. So real pain in the nuts, but you know, she, she seems to be in better spirits, but now she's got to have another surgery because there's like a,
The Whole Ballgame: uh, a little hole in her, uh, carotid that is leaking. Not so much that it not, so it's not that it's so much here's GG too.
dik plasticman: ah did we do this
The Whole Ballgame: It's, uh, it's Vern's Vern's other Greg. Um,
dik plasticman: You know, Gabe, you got to put the pressure on the current. Nah, I can't do Trying to do the Obama thing.
The Whole Ballgame: yeah, I knew where you were going though, but anyway, uh, they, uh, They have to do another outpatient surgery to fix that fucking problem. We're just going to add another two weeks to her fucking recovery, which. oh Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: But the good news is, is that, you know, the this kid of mine is really fucking smart and it's the best part of every day.
dik plasticman: It's...
The Whole Ballgame: You know what that's like, though. You got to you got real winners in that household over there and. And that's ah that's about all there is to it. it's um nothing's What I'm starting to realize, and you told me this shit three years ago, and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's good advice.
The Whole Ballgame: um nothing's ah Once you start getting old, nothing's about you anymore. And yet you have to be okay with that. Nothing's about me, right? Like my birthday was Wednesday.
The Whole Ballgame: who Who the fuck gives a shit about turning 43? And I felt that real hard. But like, um yeah, you just, there's just a point where you just start to realize that it's all about everybody else and you have to be okay with that.
The Whole Ballgame: And if you're not okay with that, then you're fucked.
dik plasticman: Yes.
The Whole Ballgame: expectation ex Again, it's just back to that thing where expectations are death.
dik plasticman: Yes, you better find a way to disassociate your here it's associated personality into eight different horcruxes while you watch fucking 40-year-old baseball games as a backdrop and and just work all your shit out there.
The Whole Ballgame: Ozzie takes care of him there, and that's the end of the inning.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, that's right. That's it. Yep,
The Whole Ballgame: that's about it.
dik plasticman: I went to school with Tom Riddle at university.
The Whole Ballgame: Do you remember Tom's middle name?
dik plasticman: Peter?
The Whole Ballgame: No, Barvolo.
dik plasticman: Wrong Tom!
The Whole Ballgame: ah Oh, man. High and outside there for a ball.
dik plasticman: Warren Newsom is black as night.
The Whole Ballgame: you know, my mom would have said he looks like a man that they just wrapped in electrical tape.
dik plasticman: No, I did the movie with Martin Lawrence, the comedian. He looks like Martin Lawrence, the Black Knight. Don't be a racist, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: No, I'm not. I'm just telling you what my mom would have said.
dik plasticman: Where you from, Cobb County, Georgia?
The Whole Ballgame: She's the racist, not me.
dik plasticman: What do you have to eat?
The Whole Ballgame: fuck is happening right now what's going on oh what do you got there oh it's checks checks mix here on the whole ball game it's like fucking it's fucking jp sar it's it's it's jp sorrow crunching on potato chips while jack is trying to read something from a book
dik plasticman: know
dik plasticman: Lord Anthony's objectsnits!
dik plasticman: Oww! Master JP! Fart!
dik plasticman: We heard you fart on microphone! JP! Don't be done!
dik plasticman: It's best for right in the United States!
The Whole Ballgame: You know, speaking of Greg Gagne, I just listened last night while I was out dashing to ah to the the most recent lapsed fan drop from Minnesota. They had an amalgamation of a bunch of interviews that they did while they were out there, including ah they did talk to Greg Gagne at WrestleCon or whatever the fuck it was. and They also ah somehow got set up with a, because Vern's old house has been turned into a a park.
The Whole Ballgame: His old property has been turned into ah ah a city or a county park over there on Lake Minnetonka. And they got in touch with the ah the local municipality and got a tour of the house.
dik plasticman: Oh God.
The Whole Ballgame: And they walked around it and talked to the tour guide and that sort of thing. It was actually pretty, pretty good little bit of audio. So if you haven't checked that out, I would highly recommend it.
dik plasticman: I have no fucking interest in any interviews. Like I skip all the goddamn interviews. I don't give a shit.
The Whole Ballgame: I understand. I understand entirely. There's been a couple of real winners, though, in terms of getting not just ah an understanding of a continued understanding of just how full of shit all of these motherfuckers are.
The Whole Ballgame: They talked to John Nord.
dik plasticman: Yeah, we, we know this though.
The Whole Ballgame: right and
dik plasticman: I said, we know this, this, like, I guess that's where I'm at
The Whole Ballgame: yeah no, it just, yeah.
dik plasticman: Like,
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, no, I get it. Yeah, it's like, how many times can you play the same song on repeat?
dik plasticman: yeah, like this, this is my problem.
The Whole Ballgame: I understand. Yeah.
dik plasticman: Like, don't get me wrong. This is, I've come to realize this is my problem over and over and over and over in my life.
The Whole Ballgame: Sure.
dik plasticman: I, I, everything that I fucking find, I get to a certain point I'm like, okay, yeah, got it. Like where, where are we going? And you, you, yeah, you know, it's the expectation thing, like you talked about and just, you, you, you come to a point and you realize that the things you're looking for aren't the things that everybody else is looking for maybe.
dik plasticman: And, uh, You gotta to be okay with that. Otherwise it'll fucking eat you alive. So...
The Whole Ballgame: They were, uh,
dik plasticman: What I'm saying is sit on your non-dominant hand for five minutes and then masturbate yourself and say, does this feel like a stranger?
The Whole Ballgame: Hmm.
dik plasticman: It's called the stranger! Yes!
The Whole Ballgame: Buick is the new symbol for quality in America and coming to theaters from universal pictures, little rascals, big things come in small packages. That's what they always tell me, Steve.
dik plasticman: That's what Mel Phillips used to say.
The Whole Ballgame: That's good. That's really good. um
dik plasticman: like how Blake goes on to Facebook. and Everything Linda McMahon says, he says, Tom Cole.
The Whole Ballgame: um The two highlights the interviews that have been on team so far are, for me, on the good side and on the bad side, is they interviewed Tony Atlas.
dik plasticman: Oh God, did Jag do the barbecue chicken bit?
The Whole Ballgame: And ah old No, he did not, but he did
dik plasticman: Bullshit.
The Whole Ballgame: um use the F word, not fuck. He used the N word.
dik plasticman: Oh yeah, I think I might've heard tony Atlas dropping the F-bomb.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, boy. Boy, oh, boy. It was hilarious. And I swear to God, the panic in Jack's voice when he started saying and an F word is an F word, an N word is an N word. And that when he was sticking up for Hogan using the word, it was just like, like this is...
The Whole Ballgame: is the The exact reason the term Uncle Tom exists, it's crazy.
dik plasticman: I would be salivating for him to do that in front of me to just jump all over it. Like Jesus.
The Whole Ballgame: oh yeah, no, no, no. jack It was hilarious, the with the panic that came over his face. Like, I couldn't see his face, but I know.
dik plasticman: I just don't understand what we're doing. We like, who are we placating? You know, we're the goddamn,
dik plasticman: i don't know what the fuck you want to call it We're middle age. We're the fucking people in charge of the world at this point, generationally.
The Whole Ballgame: Right. Yeah, yeah, we're the yeah.
dik plasticman: Like why, why, and why are we afraid to say anything to anybody?
The Whole Ballgame: We're the...
dik plasticman: I don't get it. But I, I also recognize I, I've completely broken myself and I might not be normal. So there's that.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, there's adrenaline in your soul at this point.
dik plasticman: It's funny that you mentioned that, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, fuck.
dik plasticman: Listen, bro, what you don't understand, Gabe, is Cody's been down here doing the work, all right, at the accountability crib, bro, because guess what?
The Whole Ballgame: God damn it.
dik plasticman: You couldn't afford...
The Whole Ballgame: which Which one? or The one in Atlanta or the the south the one in the south that you're you want me to come for 5,500 week? single.
dik plasticman: The one you can't afford, bro. That's the one I'm talking about. that's That's where Cody's at getting it done. Okay, bro? Getting ready to kill legends.
dik plasticman: And the only thing you're doing is killing yourself, bro.
The Whole Ballgame: bloop single
dik plasticman: What's even... what is written what is even that shit behind you, bro? Those toys.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, check this out. So there's this there's this Facebook group in my neighborhood, like the the part of the county that I live in.
dik plasticman: No. No, God.
The Whole Ballgame: like It's like a five block radius called Buy Nothing, right?
dik plasticman: Jesus, those those are the worst.
The Whole Ballgame: And people just give shit away.
dik plasticman: No.
The Whole Ballgame: Look what I got the other day. Check this out. You ready? Prepare yourself.
dik plasticman: No, because you needed more shit.
dik plasticman: It's a picture of Kramer.
dik plasticman: It's a framed picture of Kramer.
dik plasticman: I'm glad to see you hung it get on a wall.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I just got it. But like, yeah, it's it's it's Cosmo Kramer from, yeah no at least three months.
dik plasticman: Uh-huh, yeah, it's going to be there in three months, too.
The Whole Ballgame: I would imagine around Christmas time, I might get around to it. Episode 46, The Cheever Letters. Kramer bargains with the Cuban government officials to get more cigars.
The Whole Ballgame: And they want his jacket, you understand.
dik plasticman: Right. Yeah. No, I saw the episode.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Achiever Letter is one of the better episodes of that program, if you ask me.
dik plasticman: ah To this day, any opportunity I get work in the the the fucking line about leaving me a quiver, i will i will do it.
The Whole Ballgame: Quivering. ah oh Pirates up on the Cubs this evening, one to nothing.
dik plasticman: He was a beautiful man.
dik plasticman: What a weird feeling it would have to be to realize that your your grandfather was a secret homosexual.
dik plasticman: Not that there's anything wrong with that, you know? but It's just the the whole, like, surprise thing.
The Whole Ballgame: No, it's just, it's,
The Whole Ballgame: I imagine it's a lot like learning on Christmas that you're your ah your former seminary trained father has been having sex with your godmother for 30 years.
dik plasticman: It's a very specific example.
The Whole Ballgame: RIPMA.
dik plasticman: Latino. e
dik plasticman: I am so sick of seeing every goddamn what's Ozzy doing? Ozzy's getting frisky. Like how many women are going to tribute Eddie Guerrero?
The Whole Ballgame: Are going to what?
dik plasticman: they they They do the little fucking thing and like the three amigos and...
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, I hate it so much. God damn. Like they ever, and don't get me wrong, whatever. Like I'm not trying to gatekeep or anything.
dik plasticman: They've never watched an Eddie Guerrero match.
The Whole Ballgame: Correct.
dik plasticman: No, you will gatekeep, goddammit!
The Whole Ballgame: Correct.
dik plasticman: That's the whole fucking problem, you stupid bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: You're right, dad. You're right.
dik plasticman: Pull your head out of your ass, you fat asshole.
The Whole Ballgame: i knew I knew who you were channeling. I knew who was talking to me.
dik plasticman: or
The Whole Ballgame: Hey, what do you think about Papa laying off?
dik plasticman: there's a reason there's There's a reason there's a lock on the gate.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. What do you think about papa papa Papa Howard laying off a bunch of his staff?
dik plasticman: I don't know. I mean, it makes sense. If he's only going to do one show a week, he probably don't need that many. i mean
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, and I think they probably all knew
dik plasticman: I would have to imagine he probably gave them as a package or something, you know?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, for sure.
dik plasticman: I don't know.
The Whole Ballgame: i I mean, by his own admission, it's a very small package, but...
dik plasticman: Right. Yes. The penis is very tiny. I'm, you know, I'm fucking probably do a whole bit around that. Like, I don't know.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, dude is 72 or 73 years old, for fuck's sake.
dik plasticman: That's crazy.
The Whole Ballgame: The fact that he's doing radio at all is a gift to us, and we should suck up as much of it as we possibly can for as long as we can and and just relax. that He's still the most...
The Whole Ballgame: it even though most of the shows now are kind of like, uh, they're about him playing guitar and the cats and his, what his hot ass wife.
The Whole Ballgame: Um, it's still better than there is no, so what's, what's wild. What's wild is I remember being so upset.
dik plasticman: Well, he's the show, so who gives a shit?
The Whole Ballgame: No, what I remember is being so upset that he was going to satellite because, Oh, you have to, you have to preserve terrestrial radio. And I was very territorial about it because I, it's what I wanted to do when he, like but at the time that he left.
The Whole Ballgame: And so it was like, you're leaving terrestrial radio in the lurch and like, we got to fix it together. And I was very upset that he's going to satellite because who wants to pay monthly for satellite radio? Like it,
dik plasticman: it's how I taught you, Gabe. You gotta protect the territory, the terrestrial territory.
The Whole Ballgame: that's
The Whole Ballgame: Thank you, Moon Pie.
dik plasticman: Who else is gonna attend the fat girls at the local colleges?
The Whole Ballgame: Appreciate you being here. That's a good point. um But now,
dik plasticman: Satellites give them titty cancer.
The Whole Ballgame: satellite is the the only the only real radio left. I'm sorry, Mike. Did you just say satellite?
The Whole Ballgame: I want to be clear here.
dik plasticman: I bought myself!
The Whole Ballgame: did did Did you just say...
dik plasticman: a
The Whole Ballgame: tribute do you just you just say satellites give you titty cancer?
dik plasticman: Correction game, I said satellites give to them titty cancer.
The Whole Ballgame: Got it. Okay. Good.
dik plasticman: My tits are fine, pal.
The Whole Ballgame: Good.
dik plasticman: I still got the one nipple piercing.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, I wouldn't doubt it. Not a bit.
dik plasticman: Matches the Prince Elber.
The Whole Ballgame: No, I had a Jacob's Ladder for a while.
dik plasticman: a um I don't even know what the fuck that is.
The Whole Ballgame: go ahead and Google it.
dik plasticman: No way. I can imagine. I can imagine a ladder. so I'm going to assume. Let me see if I can work this one out. I'm facing myself a smart guy.
dik plasticman: Could Jacob's ladder possibly be...
dik plasticman: Because the ladder steps upon steps upon steps. Is it those little funny little barbell things? Are they going through the goddamn scrotum? The CSUK.
The Whole Ballgame: from from the From the the bottom of the head down onto the scrotum. Just a long line of them.
dik plasticman: Sounds like the kind of trail that my ladybugs follow up my tank to my asshole, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've been waiting for.
dik plasticman: That's right.
The Whole Ballgame: the pride of Charleston, South Carolina.
The Whole Ballgame: Lady G, welcome to the whole ballgame.
dik plasticman: Who got you fabulous bitch? Look at that butt on rock reins.
The Whole Ballgame: Tim Raines just hit a triple.
dik plasticman: What a tight fanny on that silverback.
dik plasticman: So I'm dead. It's fine. I've been hanging out. Just visiting my old friend Fred from the B-52s. watching
The Whole Ballgame: Did you see the faded sign?
dik plasticman: Watching Tim Raines hitting videos on the YouTubes. Look at them thighs, my God.
The Whole Ballgame: The way the thigh meets the buttock is really, really enticing, is it not?
dik plasticman: I can see.
dik plasticman: That's that's where that's where the the good Jeeps is.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm going to need the both of you to shut up for just a few minutes while we watch this at bat and give it the attention it deserves.
dik plasticman: Oh, who's this? Who's this big boy?
The Whole Ballgame: Name's Frank Thomas, and and I know who you are. I'm not a huge fan. I'm from the South, but... ah You know, anybody who's got the amount of moles around their so their their sphincter that you do, there is certainly some sort of problem.
The Whole Ballgame: So I'd rather not talk to you. So if you'll keep your mouth shut, I'd appreciate it.
dik plasticman: I guess ah I don't, I don't even know what to say tis this.
The Whole Ballgame: This is what I want to make clear is as i'm I'm taking this at bat here.
dik plasticman: This is a black gentleman here.
The Whole Ballgame: What you need to understand is that Even if I had retired in 1993, I'd still be a first ballot Hall of Famer.
dik plasticman: That's just not true at all.
The Whole Ballgame: i Look, you know your opinion means nothing to me.
dik plasticman: I mean, you were a rookie in 91. You would only play two years.
The Whole Ballgame: Exactly. That's why I was i was singular. You understand?
dik plasticman: Like a computer?
dik plasticman: Like singularity?
The Whole Ballgame: Stop all the downloadin'.
dik plasticman: Look, I'm dead. I'm not stupid. Are you going to pull out your cock or what?
The Whole Ballgame: you see You see that? You see what I did there? i just gave us the lead at the sacrifice of my own batting average. What do you think about that? You talk about me being selfish, Kenny? Fuck you. oh I mean, Blake, fuck you.
dik plasticman: Who's Blake? No. Not Blake. Not Blake.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh.
dik plasticman: Not Blake Carrington. that blake monro Not Not Blake Beavers. No, it's me. It's Lady G.
dik plasticman: Hey, that's Julio Franco. My old cabana boy. and by old cabana boy, I mean he was old.
The Whole Ballgame: You like them diminutive, do you, lady?
dik plasticman: I like him any way I can get him, you fat bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: good point. That's good point.
dik plasticman: You know I'm dead now.
The Whole Ballgame: I heard. i heard about the the level of alive being decreased significantly within you.
dik plasticman: um was so scared Gabe I didn't want to die.
The Whole Ballgame: No? Why not? ah you you Were you afraid about where you were going to go? or were you afraid of you know the unknown? Why didn't you want to die?
dik plasticman: Because I needed to be bringing peace to the world Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: You needed what?
dik plasticman: I needed to bring peace to the world, you stupid fat bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, okay.
dik plasticman: Pull pull your dick beaters out of your ears.
dik plasticman: Hey, is that Kenny Hawk Harrelson?
dik plasticman: My old friend Wimpy used to tell me that Kenny would jack him off in the booth.
The Whole Ballgame: It is me.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, you know, wimpy ah Wimpy had certain needs, and I like being in control. So, yeah, I would i would do that quite a bit.
dik plasticman: You know, one time i got one I got one of the popes to jack Wimpy off. He was Catholic.
The Whole Ballgame: the The Pope or Wimpy?
dik plasticman: Well, of course the Pope was Catholic, you silly goose. Wimpy. Wimpy was Catholic.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, okay.
dik plasticman: That's why it made it come harder.
The Whole Ballgame: All right.
dik plasticman: Hey, look, it's that one guy from that one show.
The Whole Ballgame: That's ah that's a David... ah
dik plasticman: That's David Duchovny. No, that's not David Duchovny.
The Whole Ballgame: Nope.
dik plasticman: No, I had... No, not him. That's David Caruso.
The Whole Ballgame: Caruso, that's right.
dik plasticman: He was the coach from Coach.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Jade. was in Jade.
dik plasticman: Jade Cargill?
The Whole Ballgame: but That's right.
dik plasticman: She looks like that black girl from X-Men.
The Whole Ballgame: She's that bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: Storm is who you're thinking of. Yeah.
dik plasticman: Halle Berry.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm. That's right. That's right. you know what You know what movie I liked with Holly Berry was Broken Arrow with John Travolta.
dik plasticman: I thought you were going to say the one where she got buttfucked by Billy Bob.
The Whole Ballgame: No, no. She shows her titties in Broken Arrow, though. That was one of the one the the video clips on repeat when I was in my late teens. She got a little book over her titties and then she drops it down for a second to show John Travolta her titties and puts it back.
The Whole Ballgame: One of those those video clips that last two seconds, it would take 30 minutes to download. Remember those days on the modem?
dik plasticman: You like black girls? I fucking love them.
dik plasticman: Love them.
The Whole Ballgame: Blake watched a movie on a plane, everybody.
dik plasticman: Look, I don't watch a lot of movies, people.
The Whole Ballgame: and
dik plasticman: I think the last, I can't even, the last movies I'd seen before this were the goddamn Mario Brother one in the theater with my kid. We did go see The Odyssey, but that was after this.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yeah, that's right. I saw that picture. Yeah.
dik plasticman: But, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Jamie took me to see Spider-Man on Wednesday. So that was nice.
dik plasticman: Oh, and and instead of sex, that's what you got?
The Whole Ballgame: Tuesday, Tuesday.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, I got Spider-Man and popcorn. And BJ's brew house. Not BJ's. BJ's brew house.
dik plasticman: Iron still love?
The Whole Ballgame: Little rock dipping there on camera.
dik plasticman: Oh, hey, that's Bob the Hammer Hamlin.
dik plasticman: He's strictly heterosexual, but I hear he is very, very deviant.
The Whole Ballgame: Our kisser of the week this ah this half of the year is Bob Hamlin.
dik plasticman: See, I know Bob because he also has ladybugs. We met at the ladybug convention in 93.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: Where do his ladybugs live? Do they live as close to the anus as yours, or are they just in the general region?
dik plasticman: They go up and down each one of his balls.
The Whole Ballgame: My goodness. Kind of like a Jacob's Ladder. See, it all comes back together.
dik plasticman: Well, I think they called it Jakobs. I think it was some sort of Dutch.
The Whole Ballgame: Jakob's letter. That makes sense. Dutch, you say.
dik plasticman: I do.
The Whole Ballgame: who's talking about Dutchie over here?
dik plasticman: Oh, it's my old friend, Harry. Hi, Harry.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, it's been such a long time since I've seen you, Lady G. My goodness. What a sight for sore eyes.
dik plasticman: Politics makes strange bedfellows, as they say.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, there ain't no doubt about it, pal. i'll ah I think you're your politics are dog shit, but boy, oh boy, you suck a mean dick.
dik plasticman: You are one nasty bitch, Harry. You know that? How stony.
The Whole Ballgame: ah Well, you know, he's not dead yet. He's getting there, though. I don't know if you've listened any of the broadcasts or recently, but you want to talk about phoning it in. Old Stoney's got limited time left, so yeah i imagine you'll be seeing him soon. We'll both be seeing him soon, you understand?
dik plasticman: Yeah, haven't been listening much. I've been busy dying and, you know, trying to fight the the goddamn Russians and all that bullshit.
The Whole Ballgame: Hey, let me ask you this question.
dik plasticman: Hey, what's up, Harry?
The Whole Ballgame: Now that you're dead, now that you're dead, ah are you going to be intellectually and honest and admit that you were full of shit every time you opened your mouth?
dik plasticman: Aloha.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I guess not. Well, i did I did my best, guys. I'll i'll see you next time. I'm going to find my glasses. You know that dipshit Ron Karkavai still has them somewhere, whatever his name is. Maybe it's not Karkavai. Who was it again?
The Whole Ballgame: Who stole my glasses to go and
dik plasticman: No, it was Ron Carter, if I remember. i wasn't dead yet.
The Whole Ballgame: Okay, all right.
dik plasticman: I was still listening. that's where that south
The Whole Ballgame: Real piece of shit.
dik plasticman: That's where the South Carolina listeners came from.
The Whole Ballgame: I'll tell you what.
dik plasticman: a Hey, I'm going to have so many checks mix, though, Harry.
The Whole Ballgame: and you believe
The Whole Ballgame: Can you believe that son of a bitch takes credit for starting World War I?
dik plasticman: He assassinated Archduke Francis Ferdinand. I'm sitting in the fucking stories.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't like it not of one bit.
dik plasticman: You've always been a glory hog, Harry. Not to mention a big fat hog, Daddy.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I do like my glory holes. There's no doubt about that.
dik plasticman: This would be the... yeah
The Whole Ballgame: he just called Jim Leland, Jimmy Leland, and it made me really happy.
dik plasticman: I didn't mean to say in late few voices...
The Whole Ballgame: ah pitt jimmy Jimmy Leland's Pittsburgh Pirates right here next week on ABC.
dik plasticman: Jimmy Leland smoking a cigarette in the dugout.
dik plasticman: That would be, yeah yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Can't turn the double play there.
dik plasticman: That'd be the last baseball night in America to put strike.
dik plasticman: Which, by the way, by the way,
dik plasticman: Major League Baseball is about to repeat the same goddamn mistake that
The Whole Ballgame: They sure are. We're next season. there's There may not even be a next season.
dik plasticman: They learn nothing.
dik plasticman: You know why?
The Whole Ballgame: But hey, you know what? i have hoped that this could reset everything.
dik plasticman: Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: maybe Maybe this is the end of the loop and we go back to August 1994 after 2027. Yeah,
dik plasticman: Oh, no. They're going to blow everything up and going to weird fucking divisions where, like, the goddamn Royals, Cardinals, White Sox, and Grand
The Whole Ballgame: yeah regional shit. Yeah.
dik plasticman: all be in a division.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. Well, I mean, now that now that there aren't separate rules for the the leagues, it doesn't make any sense to to keep it the way that it is.
dik plasticman: It's been fun to watch it. Yeah, it's been fun to watch that slow fucking suicide happen in real time to all get to this point.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
dik plasticman: They knew what they were doing.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, that's just it, right? it's what what Oh, there's no question. This is all, you know, it's a plandemic, right? That's what this is. But like what what I find really fascinating about it is that there's still this overarching belief among, you know, assholes, Gen Xers specifically.
The Whole Ballgame: um not including you because you are you are cuspy like I am, but like people that are 10 years older than us and older that seem to believe that if it's new, that equates to it being better.
The Whole Ballgame: So like new divisions, new ways of doing baseball, new this, new that, that means it's going to get better. It's one-to-one. one to one
dik plasticman: No, that's that's fucking illogical.
The Whole Ballgame: Of course it's illogical. That's my point.
dik plasticman: The only thing it's better for is its a it's a bet that it's better financially for the people that fucking run it. That's it.
dik plasticman: Like, look.
The Whole Ballgame: But see, I think they they they count on the novelty doing the work the hard work, right?
dik plasticman: Right. Right.
The Whole Ballgame: They count on the novelty of the new doing the work of making it okay with everybody else.
dik plasticman: And look, I get it.
The Whole Ballgame: Right. And then they're like, look at the shiny thing over here while we take the money out of the vault and stick it in our pockets.
dik plasticman: Right.
dik plasticman: I mean, look, I get it. If you never did anything new, like, think of what things would look like and this, that. But, I mean, for fuck's sakes, how goddamn just...
dik plasticman: I don't even know what the word is. It's not an unimportant, unspecial, like...
The Whole Ballgame: Incon, inconsequential.
dik plasticman: wait why can we not look at something and say this is the best version of it this is it like it's not just you let everything go down the road of progress quotes like like it's just we're so formulaic in our thinking of of like oh no he's You just keep going forward. And it's like, well, you're about to go off a cliff.
dik plasticman: Maybe not. And no, no, well, we'll just go off the cliff and then do whatever. Cause that's what we do.
The Whole Ballgame: The only way forward is over the edge.
dik plasticman: and So it's like,
The Whole Ballgame: Ask Owen.
dik plasticman: no
dik plasticman: you know, Gabe, when i wrestle in Kansas city, I like to say a prayer before my match.
dik plasticman: And I pray to Stu Hart.
dik plasticman: And do you know what I hear back, Gabe?
The Whole Ballgame: What you hear?
dik plasticman: I hear my headphones, I hear Stu say, Yeah, man, they made me jab with Luther Lindsay. And I keep a photo of him in my wallet.
dik plasticman: Look at him, why you come?
dik plasticman: So I do.
The Whole Ballgame: Jesus Christ.
dik plasticman: But as I was saying, you know, like, i I don't know that the, I mean, then the new divisions and all that kind of bullshit, whatever, whatever like,
dik plasticman: And I'm sure this is by design, but with interleague play and all that other stuff, it's like, Hey, who gives a fuck? Like might as well at least make all the teams in an area like play, like whatever.
dik plasticman: Who gives a shit if you blow the AL and the NL up? Cause they all just play each other now anyway. It doesn't matter. you know, you kind of devalue something to get what you want.
dik plasticman: Seems great to me.
dik plasticman: What fuck do I know? Only thing I own is 33% of this podcast with you.
dik plasticman: We make less money now than ever.
The Whole Ballgame: after After four years of of incredibly um easy work, we've made no real money.
dik plasticman: Takes about five months of ad revenue to build up to the point where they'll transfer it to the account.
The Whole Ballgame: Correct.
The Whole Ballgame: Astros and Reds tied at four. We know how that one ends.
dik plasticman: There's the beautiful ballpark in Arlington, which is now defunct.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, and and not a great ballpark.
dik plasticman: That's a beautiful ballpark.
The Whole Ballgame: No, no, no. The ballpark at Arlington is beautiful.
dik plasticman: Oh yeah. Not the one house dog, man. I got to tell you my experience there wasn't great. Like.
The Whole Ballgame: Really? we didn't We didn't really go into depth.
dik plasticman: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: I knew that the seats were pretty fantastic. There we go. Base hit for the White Sox right up the middle.
dik plasticman: yeah I guess we didn't have a show and all that around then. So we went to, uh, we went to a Rangers game and don't get me wrong.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
dik plasticman: Like the seats were fucking like, I mean, Jesus Christ, we were down in the, we had access to like a box with food and we're right.
dik plasticman: Like above the dugout, like these were primo seats, but with that aside, Just like the goddamn stadium was just, it's just like this big field in the middle of a fucking and kinda concourse with shop, like a shopping area, basically.
dik plasticman: It's got a baseball field in the middle of it. And the other thing, which really stood out to me and you know, I'm probably a little more aware of it because of the fact that, you know, we were trying to get around there with a wheelchair and shit.
dik plasticman: But there were just so many areas where it's like the access is limited.
dik plasticman: Like, no, you have this ticket, you have to go this way and then take this elevator. it only goes to here. This one goes to there. And it's just like, Jesus fucking Christ. What have we done?
dik plasticman: like used to be, you know, you walk in and you just walked around the goddamn or up to the level mo or whatever. And it's like, this thing was a fucking maze.
dik plasticman: And yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, if you remember, Yankee Stadium was the same way.
dik plasticman: Yeah. And because at the end of the day, they don't give a shit if those seats right behind home plate are empty as long as they're paid for. And those are paid for it by giant fucking companies that never use the goddamn tickets and they can sell the other tickets to the other dipshits and They just make sure they funnel them through this fucking cattle fucking herd.
dik plasticman: It's pretty gross. We seem to be going in all the wrong directions is kind of what I've seen everywhere. that's fine.
dik plasticman: I see and in, in, in,
dik plasticman: Pardon me, Gabe, if I drive the conversation in a manner you don't want me to.
The Whole Ballgame: For fuck's sake.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, Cody, what do you want to talk about?
dik plasticman: Like, I see a lot of perils, perils, lot of parallels and, and what we see in baseball here in 94, which is, is part of the whole thing anyway, but, and, and where we are in our, our capitalistic society.
The Whole Ballgame: and perils.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Hmm.
dik plasticman: we've blown past the goddamn point of maybe asking what should we do here? And we're going to go off the goddamn cliff because, you know, these money making entities make more and more and more and more and more. And, you know, the normal people are less and less and less. Like,
dik plasticman: Don't get me wrong. you know, I'm happy with my life. I've got everything I need or want really or whatever, but like,
dik plasticman: you know, I, things, things aren't, things aren't level. They're not fair. And that gap should not be just getting wider and wider. and That's all we've seen in our lifetime.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. it
The Whole Ballgame: the The problem is that the the sickness that makes people not care about things being fair um oh continues to get handed down generationally and nobody's breaking the cycle.
dik plasticman: Man.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, I think to that end, like, and this is, this is very specific to, to me living in Michigan, but it's made national news in the last week, but this Abdul guy winning this election, this primary in Michigan for, for the Senate seat is, is such a big deal because the people that should be instigating that change are not, and he is actively trying to do so.
The Whole Ballgame: And the fact that he's got a, an unfortunate name um is, is what's going to be his biggest weakness.
dik plasticman: yeah no no we're goddamn geniuses
The Whole Ballgame: Yep. That's it. By the way, the White Sox took the lead, made the extended lead or went up one. I don't know which, I think it's two to one White Sox now.
The Whole Ballgame: Joey's been swinging the ball well. There you go. up That one he didn't swing so well.
dik plasticman: Chico Lean to Godnay to join her.
The Whole Ballgame: There's a double play ball.
The Whole Ballgame: And that's the end of the inning here. The White Sox get on board with another one. It's 2-0 White Sox headed to the bottom of the fifth here in Kansas City.
dik plasticman: Look at that beautiful seventy fifth anniversary patch on the sleeve. Hey, it's Jackie Brown, old man Brown's kid.
dik plasticman: You know one thing I've been doing, Gabe, in my... ah I've started to watch
dik plasticman: television again. ah television, I mean streaming.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, wow, what a what a great catch there by the Rock. Smacked himself in the back on the wall. Didn't seem to be very comfortable doing it either.
dik plasticman: i like to call him the cock.
The Whole Ballgame: I bet you do, Lady G. I bet you do.
dik plasticman: But anyway, we've been watching Golden Girls and designing women during the daytime.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, you were telling me about this. And i'm look, there's something to be said for those sitcoms from the late eighties and early nineties. I mean, we talk about it on the show a whole hell of a lot, but there is a certain level of, um, what's that word you always use where things just come together and work.
dik plasticman: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: What's the word that you use? A certain level of, um,
dik plasticman: Calibration?
The Whole Ballgame: like calibration to the, uh, to that time period, especially in the sitcom world. You know, there's never been a better time for sitcoms in the late eighties and early nineties in my, in my estimation.
dik plasticman: Well, you know, it's all, uh, it's all indicative of the, the general temperature of,
dik plasticman: were
dik plasticman: in a very, very good place for a while.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
dik plasticman: And I, I'd be lying to you if I told you how you stay there. i don't know. Like, I get it. You gotta, whatever.
dik plasticman: But I think you try to extrapolate the lessons and the values and, and kind of the overall,
dik plasticman: ah You know, what's the
dik plasticman: what's what's the the big picture here? And, you know, always keep that in mind and try to not do things that fly in the face of that.
dik plasticman: But that's a bridge too far.
dik plasticman: But it's just like that that don't i don't know Cause like when you you like even watch the, when you watch those shows, like those goddamn women are comedic geniuses and not that there aren't like, you know, funny women or funny people or whatever. Now it's all just, it's a different style of humor and whatnot, but the very, so many few people can play that, that straight humor anymore.
dik plasticman: And, There's just a certain type of person that has to be able to pull that off because you have to be able to convey like a genuineness. And, you know, now it's just like, I don't know how fucking stupid you can be or laugh at the camera.
dik plasticman: Like, you know, like that's popping ourselves.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, there's, yeah, there's no such thing as, as being genuine on television anymore.
dik plasticman: That's that's.
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, we have something called reality television. That's not even real. You know what I mean? And I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not a new phenomenon or anything, but like certainly is new since 1994, what 2002, 2003 is really when it took off and ah
The Whole Ballgame: This is not a unique rant, but if you have to call it reality television and it still isn't real, then nothing is.
dik plasticman: I think the, that I don't know, it's a funny thing or whatever, but like those shows always had some sort of like morality lesson to them.
dik plasticman: Like you go back and watch them now and some of the shit's just like, Jesus Christ is like, they have a message for you even or whatever.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
dik plasticman: And it's, you know, it's wrapped up in all the comedy.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I mean, it's like, there look, the there's an exception to that rule. And it's not really even an exception to the rule. it's a it's um It's turning the rule on its head by showing you how not to behave. But that's what Seinfeld did, right? It taught you how not to be how how not to be a good human.
dik plasticman: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: Like how to, you know, those those i love that show with every fiber of my being. But every single person on that show is a terrible human being.
The Whole Ballgame: just terrible. And that's, you know, that's what the finale was about. And I have my, my issues with the finale, but like, I understand why they did what they did. um But like now they're the, the really good television shows sitcoms specifically are so few and far between. And the ones that actually resonate are the ones that follow that same,
The Whole Ballgame: sort of a playbook. Like, i don't know if you ever watched any modern family, but it of the same, the same vein, right?
dik plasticman: Yeah, no, I liked Modern Family a lot.
The Whole Ballgame: Like that there's, there's good, you know, there are great comedic beats in the show, but there's always a through line of heart and some, some morality lesson or something like that throughout each episode.
The Whole Ballgame: And that comes down to the, the person I think that leads, you know, the showrunner that shows the same showrunner from, uh, Frazier and from, um,
The Whole Ballgame: couple other things, but like just there's a ah real sort of focus on the things that have been effective for 40 years and will never not be effective because the people watching television shows are human.
The Whole Ballgame: um and And so much television now misses the mark.
dik plasticman: I like queer as folk.
The Whole Ballgame: um'm I'm glad you brought that up, Lady G.
dik plasticman: Oh, hey, it's Rick Ruschel, my old friend.
The Whole Ballgame: ah You know what? i I forgot to tell you, Blake, Rick moved in about a week and a half ago.
dik plasticman: Oh, did he? I thought you got rid of him.
The Whole Ballgame: he's Yeah, he's he's been on his own for a little while. and as you Hey, hey, did you give me that new blanket I asked for? you know i I've been sleeping under the green couch again, and you got rid of that carpet because the dog's pissed on it too much.
dik plasticman: ah
The Whole Ballgame: And so I don't have anything soft under there. So you give me another carpet or not? Rick, I told you I'm not getting another carpet because the dogs piss on it, but I do have three blankets for you.
The Whole Ballgame: It's fine.
dik plasticman: Just get the man in a carpet, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, Lady G, I told Blake this, I told my wife this, and now I'm going to tell you I refuse to live this way.
dik plasticman: Well, that's not up to you.
The Whole Ballgame: God damn it, yes it is.
dik plasticman: No, it's up to the games makers. You're a bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, that's a real good point you're making.
dik plasticman: Philip Seymour Hoffman's in the sky doing opium and he's writing your fucking script, you whore.
The Whole Ballgame: so tough
dik plasticman: Now, why don't you go get your fucking shit wagon and deliver some Arby's?
The Whole Ballgame: It's the fucking Hunger Games on the whole ballgame. I love it. That's a fucking deep cut, motherfucker. Goddamn, that's good. Holy shit.
dik plasticman: I gotta go take a pee-pee.
The Whole Ballgame: ay You know, I love that Woody Harrelson.
dik plasticman: I just love Woody Rick. I gotta piss.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, my goodness.
dik plasticman: Hey, goddamn, it's a kitty cat.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, man. I forgot how fun this can be.
The Whole Ballgame: Who do we got up to bat here? I haven't been paying attention. I think and think this is Tim Raines. Yep. Here he comes. One, two to Tim Raines. It's two and two now.
The Whole Ballgame: Big Frank on deck. to Tim Raines, and that's a swing and a miss for strike three.
The Whole Ballgame: Kevin Apier's third strikeout on the game, and Big Frank into the box now. See if he can do something here. He's 0-2 on the night with a line-out and a fly-out.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, he did knock in his 88th run of the year. That was right down the middle for a for a strike.
The Whole Ballgame: There you go. Got a little piece of that one, but boy, oh boy. Yep. That's a single for Big Frank.
The Whole Ballgame: Gary Guyetti dove for that ball and just barely missed getting Frank out there. Dove for the ball, hopped back up, got it over.
dik plasticman: can't come in kitty cat. This is a no pussy zone.
The Whole Ballgame: Old Frank just hoofed it right into first base there.
dik plasticman: You shut your meowing up you you little fucking demon.
The Whole Ballgame: but like
dik plasticman: Goddamn you.
dik plasticman: Hey. Go fuck yourself. You fat little bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, Blake, Frank just hoofed out a single there because Gary Gaiety dove for the ball and couldn't get up fast enough to get it to first. And boy, oh boy, the way that his buttocks squeeze into those tight pants, I got to tell you, it's a it's a wonder that a man my age can still have the feelings that I get when I see certain men running up and down that base. Look them. Look at them go.
The Whole Ballgame: Them hamstrings all tight.
dik plasticman: Well, my butt pussy used to get wet till the day I died, Rick.
The Whole Ballgame: Whew.
dik plasticman: It's not that surprising.
dik plasticman: I was a cock-hungry fiend.
The Whole Ballgame: So tell me this, Lady G, what to what gives you, now that you're dead and all, what gives you the the the the kind of bravery that you need to kinda kind of just be out there and admitting all this? Is it because you can't get reelected no more, so you're you're you're comfortable talking about it?
dik plasticman: Well, I think mostly it has to do with the fact that I am no longer a physical being.
dik plasticman: And are built I've been hanging out with Blake a lot, and he's just been inspiring me. We sit around the house, you know, like we was talking earlier. He's been watching Sopranos too, which is so good.
dik plasticman: I think he's going to kill somebody though, allegedly.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, you know, gabe but Gabe and I had a conversation about Sopranos once, and and he told me, he said... He said, I don't think I can i can wash a Sopranos because i'm I think ah it'll it'll convince me to do things I shouldn't do.
dik plasticman: I think Gabe might be a little bit retarded.
The Whole Ballgame: And I tend to...
dik plasticman: He might have some of that retardation like Blake does if he's so affected by a television show.
dik plasticman: It's a special kind of stupid. It's sort of a magic, but not like a magic mic with a magic dick. It's just like you're just sort of a dick.
dik plasticman: If you see a faded sign on the side of the road, it says 15 miles to the Fred Jack.
The Whole Ballgame: Is that my old friend, Fred?
dik plasticman: Hey, it's me. It's Fred from the B-52s. You know how you know I'm not Lady G? Because I tell you, I'm Fred from the B-52s.
dik plasticman: That's Fred from the B-52s, not
The Whole Ballgame: How do you tell the difference? a How do you tell the difference between Rick Rushall and Lady G? That's what I want to know.
dik plasticman: I think you got to look in them at the ladybugs at the trail.
The Whole Ballgame: That makes sense. See, I got to count on them a little bit. and And ultimately, do you have anybody related to you named Beth, lady?
dik plasticman: Now just Lady Macbeth.
The Whole Ballgame: I got my bitch daughter.
dik plasticman: Sounds like a real cunt Rick.
The Whole Ballgame: She really is. You should go to Twitter and look her up. what a What an absolute unit of a cunt. My goodness.
dik plasticman: I've never heard anybody in all my years say unit of a cunt.
The Whole Ballgame: I was tall. I was tall and shit. Well, now you have, haven't you?
dik plasticman: You're a bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, you too.
dik plasticman: I think I remember. Oh, no, this I don't remember watching. Hey, there's Juju.
The Whole Ballgame: The Goodwill Games.
dik plasticman: That's ah what's her name?
The Whole Ballgame: It's Carrie Strug.
dik plasticman: No, not her.
The Whole Ballgame: no
dik plasticman: I don't know.
The Whole Ballgame: ah
dik plasticman: No, you're right.
The Whole Ballgame: Tara Lipinski?
dik plasticman: No, fuck it. Doesn't matter. Junior Seau was before her He killed himself.
The Whole Ballgame: Doesn't matter.
The Whole Ballgame: He did. He did. He had a DTC or whatever it's called.
dik plasticman: Mary Lou Retton.
dik plasticman: TT.
The Whole Ballgame: Yep, there you go
dik plasticman: No. Was it Mary Lou Retton? Yeah, Mary Lou Retton.
The Whole Ballgame: go. that wasn't Mary Lou Retton.
dik plasticman: I don't know.
The Whole Ballgame: This wasn't that long ago. I think that was Kerry Strug because it was, or well, it might have been.
dik plasticman: Oh, yeah. Carrie Strug, right? That's the girl from...
The Whole Ballgame: Kerry Strug was the 96 Olympics, though.
dik plasticman: No, that's fine.
The Whole Ballgame: So, like, I think it might have been Tara Lipinski.
dik plasticman: That's got to be her.
dik plasticman: not terrible pensky carrie
The Whole Ballgame: ah Who fucking cares? Jesus Christ. um Goodwill Games. My point was, is that's a... That's a...
dik plasticman: yeah i'm trying to work out a deal for wally joiner gonna see if i can send them out to uh
The Whole Ballgame: Turner's deal. Yeah, there he is. I was looking for you, Ed.
The Whole Ballgame: You think you can get Latrell Sprewell for...
dik plasticman: Houston for Hakeem Olajuwon.
dik plasticman: Maybe try to see if I can work a three-way with Mario Andretti. Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Robin Ventura just got intentionally walked here by, oh
dik plasticman: Scott, give Eric one hour on TNT on Mondays.
The Whole Ballgame: um boy.
dik plasticman: Yeah.
dik plasticman: You know...
The Whole Ballgame: Here's my future partner, Darren Jackson. Got a real opportunity here to to bring in a couple of runs here in the top of the sixth.
dik plasticman: and think hawks I think Hawks just groomed Darren so he can jerk him off like he does Wimpy.
The Whole Ballgame: Is he going to be able to do it? Swing and a miss.
The Whole Ballgame: Ever seen the cock on that boy? He's got 11 inches if he's got an inch.
dik plasticman: Wimpy? Yeah.
dik plasticman: Wow. Sounds like Ice Train.
The Whole Ballgame: Just ask Kimberly.
dik plasticman: Listen, bro.
dik plasticman: I was there the night that Kim broke the train.
dik plasticman: He blew a hole in her back. The size of Cincinnati, bro. Good God.
The Whole Ballgame: It's a big hole. Okay.
dik plasticman: Good God.
The Whole Ballgame: It's...
dik plasticman: And then you know what he did, bro?
The Whole Ballgame: Hmm.
dik plasticman: He went on all fours and he said, Ladybugs for life.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh-huh.
dik plasticman: And I'll be goddamn if Ice Train can have four dark moles right up his asshole, bro.
dik plasticman: That's my twin brother. His name's Ice Train Graham.
The Whole Ballgame: You
dik plasticman: Ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, we're back.
The Whole Ballgame: you know, some things just don't go away.
dik plasticman: You've heard of Moonlight Graham from the Full Dream. What the fuck is that called? Feel the dreams, yes, you stupid bitch. this is This is my other brother.
The Whole Ballgame: Daylightgram.
dik plasticman: Butthole Graham.
The Whole Ballgame: ah Instagram.
dik plasticman: Am I smooth Graham you remember in my smooth Gabe
The Whole Ballgame: i remember JB's move.
dik plasticman: No, am I smooth?
The Whole Ballgame: You're getting that ass, Larry.
dik plasticman: Am I smooth?
The Whole Ballgame: Wally Joyner. My goodness, is that it? That is not gone. Got ourselves a little triple here from Wally Joyner.
dik plasticman: God damn while he's going three look at him prancing he's prancing like a fairy
The Whole Ballgame: Start off the sixth inning.
dik plasticman: No, M.I. Smooth was trained, but they made him a goddamn limo driver in WCW in 2000. Remember? he was driving the He was driving the cat.
The Whole Ballgame: Jesus Christ. No, I don't remember that.
dik plasticman: Smooth. Smooth.
The Whole Ballgame: You know why?
dik plasticman: Smooth.
The Whole Ballgame: Because I'm not a i'm not retarded.
dik plasticman: got i smooth am i smooth eat
The Whole Ballgame: Why was it a question? Why wouldn't it be IM Smooth? why like You know what i mean? Why did they make it a question? It seems a little silly.
dik plasticman: Well, who the fuck has initials of I am?
The Whole Ballgame: Ignatius Mercutio Smooth.
dik plasticman: It's 2000. They're going to think Instant Messenger. Nah, you don't to that. Then he's Instant Messenger Smooth.
The Whole Ballgame: Okay, that's a good point.
dik plasticman: Oh, you're just perfect.
The Whole Ballgame: All right, fine. I get it.
dik plasticman: Am I smooth, baby?
The Whole Ballgame: Here's our ah our kisser back up to bat here.
dik plasticman: Yeah, Gabe, you know my, uh, yeah, uh, my old, uh, My mentor, Jim Ross, he told me, he said, look, Bob, it's about one thing. And if I may do my Jim impression, I'll do it.
dik plasticman: And he went, God damn, son, it's about watching a big bull fill your wife up with that bull semen.
dik plasticman: ha And that's what Jim said. So I said, okay, you're the boss, boomer. And he said, oh, God, sooner, yeah.
dik plasticman: Then I came.
The Whole Ballgame: That's wonderful.
dik plasticman: Y'all got a weird show here, Gabe. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I was...
The Whole Ballgame: Now we often don't as well.
dik plasticman: I was dead.
dik plasticman: I'm glad I could be here for the downfall.
dik plasticman: Mr. Gabe has a lick of peril upon his face. He must be looking at pornography.
The Whole Ballgame: Inside corner there for a strike.
dik plasticman: ah the hammer's batting 190 with her runners in scoring position. That's no good. That's not what you want out of your cleanup, man.
dik plasticman: Steve Palermo might be the worst announcer ever, by the way.
The Whole Ballgame: He's real bad. bad. real bad
dik plasticman: you know it's uh fuck i'm sure he probably went on to do it after this but like my god wouldn't it be perfect to give him the instant replay shit
dik plasticman: you just sit him in a goddamn office in new york and let him watch because his legs don't work oh god my dick don't work either Maybe I could be a referee. Can I be a baseball referee, Gabe? Oh, it's me. Legs is back. I never left, though.
dik plasticman: I've been here forever. I've been here for the whole thing, Gabe. You should see what Blake does during in the day. Oh, God.
dik plasticman: He sings and dances to himself. He comes in his panties at night in his own bed. Oh, God. Just like Ma.
dik plasticman: You remember Ma game?
The Whole Ballgame: I do. no. Hmm.
dik plasticman: We lost her Mother's Day five years ago. he used to be like three years ago, but you guys have been doing this show so goddamn long. It's like five or six now. hu Oh, by the way, that just reminded me.
The Whole Ballgame: oh
dik plasticman: I told you, I think I told you, didn't I? Did tell you I played against a real Major League Baseball player on the show?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, you mentioned this to me.
dik plasticman: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: I didn't dig into it because I didn't exactly know what you meant until later on when I went back and read it again.
dik plasticman: You didn't exactly give a shit.
The Whole Ballgame: a Yeah, no, I didn't exactly give a shit.
dik plasticman: Go ahead and just say it.
dik plasticman: Yeah, there you You're too busy feeding your fucking face at the Chinese buffet tonight.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't like buffets.
dik plasticman: What?
The Whole Ballgame: That was a why I don't know why I said that out loud.
dik plasticman: Don't like nothing. It's like the only thing on my mind, Gene, was pussy.
dik plasticman: Look at this fat fuck run.
dik plasticman: There's no wonder he only lasted a year. Anyway, what was I talking about?
The Whole Ballgame: Buffets.
dik plasticman: I don't know. You don't like buffets, you tell me
dik plasticman: me. Mighty cut by Felix, foul tip into the glove.
The Whole Ballgame: Felix Jose, the man with two Latino first names.
dik plasticman: It's two to one White Sox in the bottom of the sixth there.
dik plasticman: Former Cardinal, Jose De Leon.
The Whole Ballgame: a great name, Jose DeLeon.
The Whole Ballgame: Hey, you know, Jose DeLeon backwards is Noel Ed Essoge. It's
dik plasticman: I missed you.
The Whole Ballgame: a tie ballgame here.
dik plasticman: I missed you, Harry.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, I like to tell people that I miss myself.
dik plasticman: Like just in general or since you died.
