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BONUS – The Origins of Beast & Angel w/ Escape the Mojoverse!
47 Plays4 days ago
Hosts of Escape the Mojoverse, Allison and Matt Parent, join Matt and Pat to tackle the Butt Pages (#buttissues) of the last several issues of the X-Men. We talk about their podcast and the confounding origins of Angel and the Beast!
Check out Escape The Mojoverse: https://shows.acast.com/escape-the-mojoverse
Write in to Pat's Email Corner: mutantmenacepod@gmail.com
Instagram: @mutantmenacepod
We talk about:
How do we make our podcasts? MATTamathically or MathaMATTically? White Guy Pharaoh. Kitty Pryde’s favorite word. Batman in our esophagi. Bring Esophagus Man To Life! The most well-attended high school football game in history. The 2025 Matt and Pat Marble Peach Basket Competition. Hank is incredible at football, but is he good at jumping? An electric triple-sword. Taking over the world with three solar panels. Smelling your own gas. Check out this guy’s shoulder blades! Most men can wear shoeboxes. UNCLE BOB. How to be the world’s worst roommate: Piss, Piccolo, and Porn.
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Transcript
Live Report from Westchester on Mutant Menace
00:00:01
Speaker
I'm Trish Tobey with W.A.R.C. reporting to you live from Westchester, New York, where there appears to be some sort of mutant menace on the loose.
Introduction to 'Escape the Mojoverse' Podcast
00:00:33
Speaker
Hey everybody, and welcome to Mutant Menace. I'm Matt Aukamp. And I'm Pat Reber. And guess who else we have here? We have the two hosts of a very funny X-Men podcast called Escape the Mojoverse.
00:00:49
Speaker
Do you folks want to introduce yourselves? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We always say our own names. Yeah, no. we'll give you the opportunity to say your own names. It's your house. I don't want to like step in and be like, I'm Matt Parent, but I'm Matt Parent.
00:01:01
Speaker
I'm Allison Parent. Matt and Allison, thank you so much for being here. Really excited to have have you folks on. We're getting it. So excited to be here. Yeah. Thanks for having
Early X-Men Issues and 'Butt Issues' Debate
00:01:12
Speaker
us.
00:01:12
Speaker
Of course. So listeners, this is a bonus episode. There's a lot of backup features in... the early X-Men issues. And I don't know, they didn't fit. Yeah, yeah. Thematically, it doesn't really warrant covering with the ah the story arcs that we're covering. So we had an opportunity to talk to some fellow podcasters that we enjoy and had this, I keep calling them back issues, but that means entirely something else in the comic. They're in the back of the comic. So it feels it's a back issue. It's the like the back of the We can call it the butt issue.
00:01:54
Speaker
Butt issue. The butt issue. The butt of the comic. Yeah, yeah. I had the instinct of calling it back pages, which is very different. That's different, too. there's just There's a lot of names for what this could be.
00:02:05
Speaker
I think butt pages is going to be the best. That's the best we're going to get here. Thank you. Thank you to everyone who believed in me in this process. I'm very grateful for your support.
00:02:17
Speaker
So
Podcast Format and Episode Breakdown
00:02:18
Speaker
before about. Let's get that trending, folks. Hashtag butt issues. Hashtag butt issues. Oh, no. Butt issues. I think you might get different SEO on that than you think you will.
00:02:33
Speaker
We'll take over that hashtag and we'll get a whole new crop of fans. There you go. um So before we get into the origins of Angel and the Beast, Matt and Allison escape the Mojiverse, tell us about your podcast.
00:02:47
Speaker
What do you guys friggin' do over there? Well, Escape the Mojoverse is, ah i guess, the kayfabe of the podcast is that I have captured my spouse and drug her into the X-Men kicking and screaming and pried her eyes open with those little, like, things that, like, Mojo would use.
00:03:08
Speaker
yeah those things are terrifying things uh it's a it's an x-men education it's a it's a comedy show where the two of us sort of dick around about the x-men uh we you know giving like some context moving around uh different eras but uh and then on the friday episodes we actually do other comics because we've um there you know when you're trying to get someone into comics yeah the x-men is actually kind of a quite challenging group of people to like introduce them to.
Mathematical Breakdown of Podcast Issues
00:03:41
Speaker
yeah Well, you know, there aren't enough X-Men comics, you know, that's why we got to bring all those other things. There's not like there's a million of them. we didt fill in
00:03:49
Speaker
That's what's challenging about it is you're like, we've ran out. We've run out. There's nothing else to read. They're certainly not publishing 21 different X-Men comics monthly right now.
00:04:01
Speaker
So you folks do two episodes a week. Yeah, we do. We do a Monday and a Friday. um And Mondays are always X-Men, except for when they're Scarlet Witch or Deadpool sometimes. And then Fridays are always something different. Yeah.
00:04:17
Speaker
How do you do it? the We live in the same house. So there is like the kayfabe element is that she, that Allison is trapped in the house, right? like there is I can't escape the X-Men talk. It's a marriage, it's a mortgage. there's There's stuff going on that has like, um but honestly, I was going to talk about it Privately, it was just going to be a thing that Allison was going to have to hear.
00:04:42
Speaker
So I think context has been better for you. at this point. Yeah, no, life hasn't changed. We're still talking about the X-Men just as much. But now you know what i mean. Yeah. yeah It was very similar to our situation. Just without the marriage.
00:04:57
Speaker
Just without the marriage, without the living in the same house. I try it. it's It'll make the recordings a little bit simpler.
Introducing Comics to New Readers
00:05:06
Speaker
So how do you guys choose your issues then?
00:05:09
Speaker
um I unilaterally choose as the producer of the show. ah Right now is where we're at. I think eventually the idea would be for Allison to start like, and and every once a while, oh, we read Astonishing X-Men by Joss Whedon. So yeah yeah Kitty Pryde ends up, ah spoilers for people who've never read that, just kind of floating off into space at the end of that.
00:05:31
Speaker
And Allison was like, what happens to Kitty Pryde? Well, we don't find out about that until like, fully like six years later. So we found. Which was um very upsetting to find out. It's super upsetting. It's not, it's not very satisfying, but you wanted to read that.
00:05:45
Speaker
That sort of followed up. That becomes the like Friday episode where we like. I keep asking the read bad stuff, like things that people have told me are bad. And Matt still won't bring in the beauty and the beast mini series where the beast and dazzler dates.
00:06:03
Speaker
sweet Maybe we can bring you guys on when we when we talk about those. think those are coming up. Yeah, that is on our that is on our list. Let me see. i bet I can pull it up right now and tell you when we're covering it.
00:06:16
Speaker
It's not for a while. it's in the It's like 83. Maybe little while. and wow Yeah, we won't be covering it till is episode 39. So, Pat, you can look forward to that in, what, about 20 weeks?
00:06:30
Speaker
All right. what Okay, so the pace at which, actually i have a question for you all. Sure. How have you decided the pace of this podcast? Well, like, I mean, the amount of comics that are in each episode, like, you know, first at first we broke it up mathematically. I should say Matt broke it up mathematically just to make it a clean six issues per. Matt-matically.
00:06:53
Speaker
Yeah, there we go. Matt-matically. Yeah. Matt-matically, Matt-matically. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I'm trying to work it out because it should be important. Mathematically.
00:07:06
Speaker
Mathematically or mathematic. Well, mathematically is already the word. Fuck. Mathematic. What's the real word? Listeners. We've said it so much, I don't remember what the real word is. That's true.
00:07:19
Speaker
Pat. Yeah. So I broke them down ah every six issues and then. That was too much. It was a little too much. Sure. So we decided to break it down even further to five issues.
00:07:34
Speaker
But then there's certain times like, you know, Gary Friedrich's run was only five issues long, but there was an Avengers tie in in the middle. So you had to couldn't skip that. So it was kind of like, all right, well, we'll do six issues for that.
00:07:48
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. And then so sometimes it'll be like it thematically makes sense to keep these together. We're not going to break up like the story arcs.
00:07:59
Speaker
Yeah, we're not going to break up like days of future past if it falls in between two. Yeah. um Lucky for you, that's just two comics. That's the the craziest thing about that story is it's just two comics.
00:08:11
Speaker
I think we are doing the entire Dark Phoenix saga in one ish in one episode. Yeah, it's a tight story. So like just looking at our little spreadsheet that we have here. So I don't know. The Living Pharaoh, that story arc that everybody knows.
00:08:27
Speaker
You know, everyone's favorite. Is that the one at the beginning of these? Yes. Yes. Because we were flipping through and I was like, white guy Pharaoh, what's the white guy Pharaoh doing? Why is there a white guy Pharaoh? Oh my gosh, yeah. And why does Cyclops yell a ah racial slur in the middle of one of those comics?
00:08:45
Speaker
Oh! It's the 60s. He didn't, he should have known better even in the 60s, but it is like... There was worse things a person might have randomly yelled in the 60s. I'm looking at you, Kitty Pryde.
00:08:59
Speaker
yeah oh my god. She won't she won't stop. She keeps doing it. She won't stop doing it. The first time you're like, okay, it's a different time. But then it keeps happening and you're like, all right, well, now this is a trend.
00:09:12
Speaker
Exactly. I think we know your favorite word and we're all upset by it. Yeah, you're always using it rhetorically to like make a point. And it's like, i it it it on some level feels like, you know, you just have always wanted to say it.
00:09:29
Speaker
I wonder when the last time she used it was. i it's I'm hoping it was still back in the 1980s. So, yeah how okay, how much do you all talk about the like the sliding time scale
Marvel's Sliding Timescale and Character Aging
00:09:40
Speaker
of it all?
00:09:40
Speaker
Because the the the marvel yeah Marvel operates under the sliding time scale. which means that like Scott is from the sixties, but he's still in the modern comics, like 32. That's, that's as old as he'll ever get.
00:09:57
Speaker
He's always 32. And there's, there's a way to make sense of it in your head. You're like, okay, well a comic comes out and then a month later, another comic comes out and it's the same day. So like there is an amount of like compression that happens that way.
00:10:11
Speaker
Right. But because Kitty pride is in her twenties, like mid twenties now forever. She said that in like 2000. Like, no, not even 2000. If she's 20 and it's 2025, she fully said it like 2012.
00:10:26
Speaker
twenty twelve Yeah, in the 2010s. Yeah, she's like... In the Twitter era. She tweeted it. She's Gen Cancel Kitty Oh boy. They definitely would. God Loves Man Kills come out in 2012. Yeah.
00:10:43
Speaker
Isn't the sliding timescale based around Franklin Richards? Right, he's the only- he ages at a consistent rate, and everybody else has to rotate around- Let me let me think about that. How old he is. Is that because different writers wanted to age up Franklin Richards to fit their stories?
00:11:01
Speaker
So the problem that would happen in that instance is that- like Kitty Pryde has held baby Franklin Richards and now he's like 12. Oh yeah, good point. There is this, but he's also... Well, but then she was 13 and now she's... Yeah, maybe she's 20. Yeah, maybe that's exactly right.
00:11:18
Speaker
I don't know. I remember, I think it was in one
Marvel vs. DC Continuity Approaches
00:11:21
Speaker
of the... There's a book by do Douglas Wolk called All of the Marvels where he read all of the Marvels from you know way back in Millie the Model days up to I think when the book was released was like shortly after Hickman's Secret War.
00:11:39
Speaker
And he talks about it as if it's one big, long continuity. um And I feel like one of the things he said is that you can always center it around Franklin Richards' age.
00:11:52
Speaker
I don't remember how and why. I think that the that Marvel wants that to be true more than it is true. it be ah There are problems and benefits of how DC works, where DC does reboots, and Marvel works, where Marvel doesn't do any reboots.
00:12:08
Speaker
they do They do soft reboots instead of, like, it's like a narrative like we've changed, but it's the same story. But it doesn't make sense, is the truth, but that's that's fine.
00:12:20
Speaker
Do y'all remember when DC did a reboot and then less than a year later did another reboot? Oh my god. I don't But, yeah, yeah. Who knows DC? This isn't a DC podcast. This a podcast about the X-Men.
00:12:35
Speaker
And sometimes Batman. And so i've been sometimes Batman? Batman is universal. Yeah, Batman comes up in a lot of podcasts just naturally, I think.
00:12:46
Speaker
He's a cultural touchstone. He bubbles up to the... He's always sitting somewhere in like a, like, esophagi. any And he bubbles up. Yeah. world soengans yeah our collective though though The world's collective esophagus. The royal we's esophagus. If the world has a collective unconscious, the world has a collective esophagi in which Batman sits and then the world's collective acid reflux throws him up every now and then out of the world's collective mouths.
00:13:17
Speaker
Collective birth. Wait, wait, wait.
Humorous Tangents and Esophagus Man
00:13:20
Speaker
I got a real question. I got a real question. How old are y'all? I just turned 40. I am 38. Okay, what is it about turning 30 that immediately gives you indigestion?
00:13:31
Speaker
I thought... I turned 30 in December and I have had terrible indigestion ever since. It's like a so a switch flip. I thought you were doing the most aggro thing that's ever happened on... that we've ever done as guests.
00:13:42
Speaker
And you were just age-shaming our host. No! You were commiserating. You have no idea. What? Did you want me to go... oh i thought And I was like, wow, this is going to be a fun after talk where we're like.
00:13:58
Speaker
Oh, did you have a Walkman? Walkman! I bet you know what a phone book is. Oh my gosh. I didn't explain what a phone book was to a student today and I felt stupid.
00:14:10
Speaker
ah you You all would have to ask. I've had acid reflux since I was like six. I have a hiatal hernia. Oh, so esophaguses are just on your mind a lot. Yeah, I'm just nonstop thinking about this esophagus and whether or not it could rupture and kill me in a in a matter of minutes.
00:14:24
Speaker
He's an esophagus. it can' It can't. It can't. It won't. It won't. It could, but it won't. It could, but it won't. It could. can. it was Matt, I've always found it a wonder that you're so against the good work that esophagus man does. Isn't it curious that with all your esophagus...
00:14:47
Speaker
This isn't going anywhere. never I believed in you. I really did believe in you. I don't know what esophagus meant. I was willing to go with you. Yeah, that bit could have had legs. We could have all yes and it had you just had a bigger one. You were Orpheus walking ahead of us and we were like, we will follow you, but you turned around. It was just you to have one more detail. You had to just give us one little thing. Come on, come on. What's one more thing about esophagus man? No, let's see.
00:15:11
Speaker
Let's go again. Well, no, what I don't think was coming across the conceit here was that Matt is actually esophagus man, which is why he's always saying he hates esophagus man. Oh, we've never seen Matt in esophagus man in the same place. We've never seen Matt in esophagus man in the same place. Gotcha. Gotcha. I don't think that was going to come along in my cheeky dialogue. I love that joke. I'm sorry it didn't work. No, I think we can all look backwards and in our memory, that joke worked. Yeah. And we were all better for it.
00:15:43
Speaker
You at home, you put the joke together. This is a DIY joke. It's like the IKEA furniture of jokes. It's like – well, because I'm 38. It's like when you cut the paper dolls out and you could arrange how you wanted them. to Dude, I fucked so hard with paper dolls. I loved paper dolls.
00:16:05
Speaker
Do they still... Do they still make paper dolls? No, there's just phones now. They do own computers. Children only have phones. They have a big black mirror. And you know what's another thing?
00:16:17
Speaker
Is that because I was like, just the perfect age where the internet was still good. Yeah. Like... dress up games online there was a peak in like 20 2008 where that was like peak internet ask any 30 year old woman and I guarantee you they have played a dress game online maybe still are doing it this is like Club Penguin a way in a way mean early CD ROM days there was like a lot of Barbie dress up games I think too
00:16:51
Speaker
Love a Barbie game. Barbie course games? Can't be beat.
Origins of X-Men Characters: Angel and Beast
00:16:56
Speaker
As everybody can tell, this is a podcast about the X-Men, and all we talk about here is X-Men. And we've been talking about X-Men the whole time. And if you think otherwise, just go back and listen to that esophagus man joke.
00:17:08
Speaker
um That's right. But what do you say, folks, we get on track here for a minute? And do you guys want to talk about... That's he asked.
00:17:20
Speaker
Do guys want to talk about the origin of the beast? Yeah, I guess. I like the other one more. do. Okay, there's a law okay lot in this Beast one.
00:17:32
Speaker
There's a lot of hats on hats. There's a lot going on. Yeah, and then ah the Angel one is like three issues long, and it's much... That's a much tastier morsel. I have more questions about the Angel one. Yeah, there's plenty going on there, but they do it real tight.
00:17:48
Speaker
All right, I'm going to dive in here. So this is the back of issue 49. It's called... A Beast is Born, ah produced by Stan Lee, written by Arnold Drake, ah drawn by Werner Roth, inked by John Verporten, and lettered by Iwatana After a brief splash page of a man wrestling with a potential nuclear disaster, we open on Norton McCoy and Edna Andrews, happily leaving their wedding and settling down into their new home. and Edna is trepidatious because the town is empty, having just been built for the employees of the nearby atomic energy plant at which Norton.
00:18:26
Speaker
They live in a company town. They live in a straight up company town, like the fucking Pullman people. Yeah, big patient they get paid script. It's not good. ah Norton assures her that everything is fine and safe.
00:18:42
Speaker
Of course, in the very next panel, disaster strikes at the power plant. After a lot of technobabble about nuclear power, Norton heroically takes matters into his own hands in an ineffectual radiation suit and prevents a meltdown, but lands himself in the hospital in the process.
00:19:00
Speaker
At the insistence of his wife, they move out of the town and Norton finds a new job. Not long afterwards, Edna becomes pregnant and the doctor warns that the radioactivity may have had an effect on the baby's development.
00:19:12
Speaker
Out comes Henry McCoy, a baby with giant hands and feet, who drinks a bottle with his toes and punches his Uncle Bob in the face. ah In the back of issue 50, This Boy, This Bombshell, edited by Stan Lee, writer Arnold Drake, artist Werner Roth, anchor John Verporten, and letterer Herb Cooper.
00:19:34
Speaker
um So as Henry McCoy grows, he displays ah incredibly strange behavior and is constantly getting into trouble for it. He lifts his crib up in the air. He climbs on the walls. He shakes Uncle Bob's hand too hard. And the whole time his mom's just like, Henry!
00:19:50
Speaker
Soon, though, he enters adolescence in high school and he's walking past the school's like terrible football team. And the coach out of nowhere calls him over and is like, hey, kick this ball. And just to be like, look, this fucking nerd. Wait, can we first?
00:20:06
Speaker
Yes, of course. yeah yeah ok leers This fucking nerd can probably kick a football better than you. And then, of course, because he's the beast and he's like, oh, indubitably, he does. And he kicks it so hard. It knocks the coach over and he gets put on the team.
00:20:19
Speaker
And he is so good ah high school football that the that a TV crew shows up to film the boy with a golden arm. They fill stadium with people.
00:20:33
Speaker
They say 5 million people are watching this broadcast. It's high school football team. He's so good at football. They've revitalized the stadium's economy.
00:20:45
Speaker
And three gangsters come to rob the stadium box office with a gas gun. ah they shoot a lady with gas. Literally, this is on the page. It begins with, oh, Hank's really good at football. It ends with a lady getting gas.
00:21:02
Speaker
That's how quickly this story moves.
00:21:06
Speaker
So the police show up, very efficient police to show up immediately. um The robbers flee across the field, you know, as you do, into the cameras. And Hank kicks a football at one of them, throws helmets at the other, like like like they're fucking bullets.
00:21:20
Speaker
And one of the guys goes down, but then he pulls out a live grenade. Yeah. And Hank climbs the goalpost and leaps down on the man's back, all on live TV.
00:21:32
Speaker
And then, because we need more, there's a man dressed as a conquistador, like rubbing his hands together all evilly and watching him on a weird science screeny hologram thing that later is going to be a TV and a different issue, so it doesn't matter that it's all weird and science to hear. And he declares he has some nefarious plans.
00:21:53
Speaker
He's... He's so good at football. He's so good at it. He's really good. He's he's yeah gathering at the attention of criminals far and wide. Robbers and the conquistador. Like, we gotta go get a piece of this guy.
00:22:09
Speaker
The Spanish Inquisition. He says, like, something about a marble in a peach basket. I think this idiom is just simply too old and I have no idea what it's supposed to mean.
00:22:20
Speaker
he i can I can explain this one as a sports fan. Oh, it's a sports thing. It is a sports thing. He's saying they can't catch. They're so bad at catching that they couldn't catch something the size of a marble in something.
00:22:36
Speaker
If you've ever got a beach basket, it's big. yeah the size of it Again, a marble is very tiny. I feel like I would struggle with that. Yeah, I think that's a ah difficult task. I think the the assumption in this metaphor is that you you do see the marble. You know where it is. And you just have to somehow get this large basket.
00:22:54
Speaker
yeah Don't move it away from where it's going to go. Pat, it's almost... I just thought that was another one of those things where it's like, I get my feet caught up in the ribbon of this typewriter. And I'm like, oh, this is so fucking old.
00:23:06
Speaker
ah Pat, as at the time of this recording, it is almost Memorial Day. Me and you, let's hang out in a park on Memorial Day. and try and throw marbles in peach baskets. no And we'll see how well we can we we we do.
00:23:19
Speaker
I'm in. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I guarantee you, if you try to buy anything labeled a peach basket, it's going to be from William Sonoma, and it's going to be like $3 million. All right.
00:23:31
Speaker
All right. ah Matt, you're taking issue 51, right? The Lure of the Beastnappers, issue 51, wrought through the animal artfulness of Stan Lee, editor, Arnold Drake, writer, Werner Roth, artist, John Tartag, inker, and Herb Cooper, letterer.
00:23:53
Speaker
Hank is so good at football. He's continuing to get better. And we see that the two men from last issue, El Conquistador and his servant, who he calls Chico, made me feel very weird.
00:24:07
Speaker
continue to watch him on a weird bubble. it's not a he They do later have a TV, but this is the bubble that they're watching him on. Chico rubs his hands together, and El Conquistador apparently has a plan for total human domination and sees Hank, a 14-year-old football player, as the final piece to make that plan come true.
00:24:28
Speaker
El Conquistador's army... Follow Hank on his way home from the game that night and try to ram a truck into him. Hank's whole thing is jumping.
00:24:39
Speaker
So he leaps over the truck off a building and bounces over a quarry via a crane. And apparently this fulfills El Conquistador's final test. ah fun I did it. This is proof that you can jump.
00:24:54
Speaker
The only thing I've seen you do. his um His men try to trap Hank in a net. But because he's not angel, it fails and he beats them up.
Beast's Capture and X-Men's Rescue Plan
00:25:04
Speaker
He's apparently pounding on them when El Conquistador zaps him with some kind of the electronic electric triple knife.
00:25:10
Speaker
Yeah, he has sword that looks like a like a trident that he zaps him with. Why it couldn't just look like a sword? He like pulls out a sword. He calls it a strange weapon. And it's like, you made it. He pulls it out and it's like, that's threatening. Oh, he's got a sword. he's like, but wait, it's three swords. It's three little swords.
00:25:30
Speaker
Meanwhile, Professor X has picked up Hank on Cerebro and sent Iceman to collect him only to find his parents' house empty with signs of a struggle. He arrives back at the X-Mansion and Professor X starts to devise a plan.
00:25:45
Speaker
The issue ends with a single panel of Hank tied to a chair in front of El Conquistador, who has captured his parents. Ooh. In the back of issue 52, the crimes of Alquistador, the crimes of the Conquistador, which is the same thing. It means the same thing. um So we have editor Stanley, writer Arnold Drake, art by Don Heck and Werner Roth, ah inking by John Tartaglione.
00:26:16
Speaker
And a lettering by Sam Rosen. So we step back a bit in time to see Hank McCoy on his way from a football game getting zapped by, you know, the big electric trident thing because electricity is the El Conquistadors thing, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense with theming. But, you know, who am I to say?
00:26:34
Speaker
You know, whatever. um ah They carry unconscious Hank to El Conquistadors hideout, which is an abandoned power station. Of course, we have the nuclear power theme.
00:26:45
Speaker
And as Hank wakes up, El Conquistador reveals his plans to have Hank steal a miniature power plant for him for some reason to supply energy. It's like a solar panel. They're just solar panels.
00:26:58
Speaker
It looks like a vase with a bunch of fly swaths attached to it. They gather solar rays. These are solar panels that he's going to conquer the world with. I think they thought that solar panels were going to be like a much more less mundane thing that they ended up being.
00:27:13
Speaker
yeah But he's like, you have to do this for me or I'm going to kill your parents. oh Professor X and the X-Men are still locating Hank using their electronic brainwave detector.
00:27:25
Speaker
And they're like, we're going to rescue him. ah and At the lab, housing the experimental miniaturized nuclear reactor, which is a solar panel. like Which is a solar panel.
00:27:36
Speaker
ah Oh, Hank shows up. Hank shows up. And first of all, the greatest thing about these comics is that every now and then we get two soldiers interacting with each other. and they're just like, hey, what's up, bud? And they're like, I don't know if I can keep doing this. And then Hank just comes in and bounces over a fence.
00:27:52
Speaker
um His favorite thing. gar He jumps over this fence guarded by government troops. What kind? Don't worry
Beast's Moral Dilemmas and Recruitment
00:28:00
Speaker
about it. ah But after Hank climbs the window, gets the device, and then the the government goons, whatever, burst and attempt to shoot him, he jumps around the room like a ping pong ball, knocking them over and flees the scene.
00:28:14
Speaker
returns El-Kyung-Ki's the door. The man refuses to release Hank or his parents and slaps him across the fucking face.
00:28:23
Speaker
That's what you get. ah also hack Also, when he's stealing it, like it they like He's like, the government, the cops, they don't understand why I'm committing this crime.
00:28:35
Speaker
And it's like, man, that's Beast's whole thing, isn't it? I'm doing this. I'm committing a crime for a reason. That turns out to be Hank McCoy's whole thing, the rest of his life. I was like, actually, that's a good thesis.
00:28:46
Speaker
No time for that now is the his favorite thing to say. He's like, oh, not enough time for this. I could explain it to you, but... I think also they call the reactor solar panel thing a super gizmo at one point.
00:29:01
Speaker
They just have a thousand names for this thing that is three solar panels. Because you could just tell the people who were writing this were like, what if it's like a doohickey?
00:29:13
Speaker
He goes and gets the doohickey. Would that work? with that And it'll jump around and shit? Is that is that work? Yeah, but what ah what do the doohickey do? hickey do It does nuclear stuff. Energy. The sun?
00:29:25
Speaker
I don't know. Fuck it. I got tired looking up all the nuclear reactor shit for the first issue. I don't care about this anymore. Have you guys heard about this? I know about control rods, and that's where I stop.
00:29:38
Speaker
In the back of issue number 53, we have the final issue of this miniseries. Welcome to the Club Beast. This wild and woolly wrap up produced by Stan Lee, written by Arnold Drake, designed by Werner Roth, inked by John Tartaglioni and lettered by Gene Simek Izzo.
00:29:58
Speaker
I think that's a I think it's just Gene Izzo.
00:30:02
Speaker
Chico is fitting the device Hank stole that was called the miniaturized power plant, then the experimental nuclear reactor, and now is called the experimental solar generator, into some kind of device that will somehow make the world bow to El Conquistador while Hank lies unconscious on the floor.
00:30:20
Speaker
Hank tries to sneak away and destroy the machine when Conquistador bars his way with his Elec Energy shield and tries to zap him back. But Hank leaps out of the way just in time.
00:30:33
Speaker
He bounces around the room until he face plants it into a door conquered by El Conquistador. But wait, what's this? The door bursts open and in rush the X-Men.
00:30:48
Speaker
El Conquistador's troops rush in and the X-Men take cover behind Iceman's ice wall, clearing a path for Hank to knock down like five guys at once. The X-Men take advantage of the moment and leap into action, beating the hell out of the henchmen and freezing them in a big block of ice.
00:31:03
Speaker
But it may be too late as El Conquistador is switched on his poorly defined world conquering device. Yeah, what does it do? It conquers the world, Batman.
00:31:13
Speaker
As they rush to stop him, the Professor sends them a message to flee instead, and so they do. Just as the machine overloads and El Conquistador literally explodes, taking the abandoned power plant with him.
00:31:26
Speaker
They leave Hank behind for some reason, but he grabs his parents and escapes also just in time. Back at the McCoy home, Professor X recruits Beast to the X-Men and wipes everyone's memories in the entire town.
00:31:39
Speaker
I guess. And the 5 million people watching at home, maybe. They did specify 5 million people were watching that football game. That's right. Did you get them too? Did you get them too, Xavier?
00:31:50
Speaker
Xavier loves to wipe people's memories. My God. loves it. I'm sure he's wiping their memory of Hank in general. This boy just no longer exists. He was born with the feet.
00:32:02
Speaker
He was born that way. They have to have known while. Yeah. Yeah. what Why did they leave Hank behind?
00:32:14
Speaker
Yexman just run out and leave both Hank and his parents just in there die? I think Xavier runs an operation where he deals better if he does not meet your parents. Like, he... is strictly off the book. So he's like, okay, he's gotta go do whatever fuck with his parents. But then later...
00:32:33
Speaker
no more parents. Like we're just erasing. You know, and that's kind of funny because when you look at, when you look at Professor Xavier, you think, oh, what a nice upstanding man to introduce to my parents.
00:32:44
Speaker
But he does absolutely horrible with parents. That's, that's his scheme. like, I much prefer orphans. yeah guy Every time i invite Professor Xavier over for dinner, he wipes my parents' memories.
00:32:57
Speaker
Every time. they're starting They're starting to lose important information. They don't know who I am. They still swear they've never met this man.
00:33:09
Speaker
My dad forgot what his job was, and he's he's just been sitting at home on the couch. um Yeah, okay. Can we talk about what... Okay, what is El Conquistador's plan?
00:33:25
Speaker
He's going to use solar to take over the world. What is he... Why he needs...
El Conquistador's Vague World Domination Plan
00:33:32
Speaker
Why does he need Hank to get this solar thing? You know what? You know what? I got i got a thought. I got a thought.
00:33:39
Speaker
Okay. This is actually, i don't know how stuff was in the 1960s, but I do live in Texas now, and I have literally seen a sign out in the boonies that said, say no to solar power.
00:33:50
Speaker
but This is all ah all for big oil saying, no, don't use solar power. It's bad. Look, it blew this guy up. Allison, you may be right that there is like some anti-solar messaging here, but there is also anti-nuclear messaging here.
00:34:07
Speaker
Also bad. They're like, was only coal. This is just Arnold Drake's like, I fucking hate electricity and I'm going to write about it. We should go back to whale blubber candles. I don't think he knows what electricity is No, I don't think he does either. Elect.
00:34:26
Speaker
It's sort of like when we didn't really know how magnets work so Magneto can kind of do everything. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Magneto controls people's minds with magnets.
00:34:37
Speaker
Yeah, he reaches out to Professor X sometime. Like, they talk to each other across with magnets. Well, that's just because they're gay. Yeah. yeah As we know, if... Hold on. Is that what gay people get do?
00:34:49
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, gay people have telepathy, yes. Oh! Yes. That's so cool. That's really cool. yeah navigat out what are you to say We should have been gay for this podcast.
00:35:05
Speaker
Maybe. i You would fit in better with the X-Men podcast. Honestly. That's fair. Yeah, that's actually, yeah. yeah we are um We are day walkers in that regard.
00:35:17
Speaker
ah all of all of their powers and none of their weaknesses. Yeah, no, actually, it's it's very confusing to ah the children that we teach when we're like, oh, yeah, we're married. And they're like, to each other?
00:35:35
Speaker
What's up with you two? They're like, something's not right here. We want to bully you the way that we want to bully everybody that's a little bit, you know... But I see that you have partner.
00:35:48
Speaker
Well, okay, speaking of gender dynamics, Beast always has some interesting ideas about gender. ah In that they're always bad? Yeah.
Beast's Intellectual Growth and Childhood
00:35:58
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:36:00
Speaker
Even back then, even back as a kid, he's calling this girl damsel. i will say, I will say after I read this, I went and I actually read the very first issue of X-Men because I'd never read it. And I was kind of feeling like I was like, OK, let's see more of this. And like he just straight up the second Jean walks in kisses her on the face yeah and like is pawing at her.
00:36:23
Speaker
hmm. So in that first issue, he's supposed to be like, i think they initially conceived him as yeah like a, yeah, as like a big, ah like,
00:36:34
Speaker
like the thing. He's like, yes like yeah. Yes. you know You know what? It makes me feel better to look at a way a character like Hank McCoy where he starts out dumb and then they're right, let's make him smart.
00:36:46
Speaker
And then you get this where he's just doing puns and alliteration the whole time and he's not even blue yet. It's like, you know what? I guess, you know, I can change stuff a couple times. I can, you know. Things can grow. The alliteration was making me root for the El Conquistador.
00:37:02
Speaker
Legitimately, I was like, I swear to God, if you say another alliterative thing, I'm going to just like lose it. Because what y'all don't know is that when we read this, we actually, sometimes when we read comics together, we read it aloud.
00:37:14
Speaker
And Matt had to read all the Hank lines. Oh my gosh! That boy is verbose! I got read all the Conquistador lines, and it was great. If I had to read this out loud, I would have messaged our podcast and said, sorry, we're not coming.
00:37:33
Speaker
um It's funny that what Marvel thinks is smart is guy using a lot of big words, combining chemicals with his feet or whatever, but also still really hates women. i Well, it's the 60s. They all hate women.
00:37:49
Speaker
But I like there is a really great through line for Hank in this moment to where he ends, which is that like he is like a second tier smart guy, like in the Marvel Universe, like in kind comparison to like Tony Stark and Hank. Yeah, yeah. All of these other like super geniuses.
00:38:11
Speaker
Hank McCoy is one of the smartest people you'll ever meet, but he's not. those guys so he does overcompensate i think like the verbose like the word choice eventually becomes a a feature not a bug in this character that yeah interesting yeah he talked about it a few issues back right just about how how performative it can be because he feels it's so tied to his identity like his or the perception of his identity i guess
00:38:42
Speaker
Yeah, that's true. Like, he feels like he looks big and dumb. His, again, smarter than us. Yeah. Yes. But he's the dumbest of his smart friends. He's the smartest of his dumb friends, the dumbest of his smart friends.
00:38:56
Speaker
Yeah. Right, right. Very relatable.
00:39:02
Speaker
Well, you put it that way. I'm like, I get it, Hank. Yeah. yeah we're back on your side, buddy. We're sorry. We're sorry your life is it is. She would talk to women differently, but like... I was expecting him at a certain point just to like turn around be like, wow, look at the gams on that lady. And it's like, oh my God. I'm pretty sure he's done that in an issue. Yeah.
00:39:23
Speaker
Yeah, I mean... Stars and garters. when When Iceman does it, we can forgive him because he's just... He's literally performing. Yes. Yeah, He's working for it. doesn't know he's talking about. Those ladies.
00:39:37
Speaker
i wow love their... love them. arms What do we like? What do we like on the... Just saying the part of the body that Warren has that he likes out loud about women. The shoulder blade. The shoulder blade. Big shoulder blade. Oh my god, I can't wait to get to the shoulder blade. But yeah, but it's Warren and Hank who are like legitimately problematic in terms of their heterosexuality. Here's...
00:40:02
Speaker
what here's Some other weird shit Hank does is like climbs the scoreboard in the middle of the game. That's got to be a flag, right? yeah good It's to get away from his fans.
00:40:18
Speaker
Just Even then, i he's on the news or on TV. Like, they're filming him. that This is the thing that's going to happen. When we talk about Warren here in a second, Warren is the only one of these kids who actually has, like, trauma in their back. Like, ah that of, like, related to be being a mutant.
00:40:39
Speaker
Like, Hank is a visible mutant in that he's got big box feet and big hands. But, like, yes there's a... type of person that really goes wild for the shape that Hank is in real life.
00:40:50
Speaker
Warren has these, like, Warren's having, like, this, like, traumatic, like, do need to cut these off? Or, like, i maybe I gotta, to like, I gotta, like, strap these to my body. Yeah. He's having, like, a black swan moment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:41:04
Speaker
It's my favorite part of the beast one is when he's a child and they draw a child with big hands and big feet and it just looks like it's drawn bad. ah yeah like They're like, oh, look how crazy this baby looks. I'm like, oh, it's just kind of a baby. It looks like when like people in medieval times drew cats.
00:41:21
Speaker
Like that version of a baby.
00:41:28
Speaker
Imagine, try to imagine as we watch Hank work through his teenage years, what that must have smelled like. He's an man athlete.
00:41:40
Speaker
He's got giant feet. He can barely fit into his own shoes. He never wears socks. He's always barefoot. Okay, we did take this note. He says in the it's in 48. It's one you've already talked about. but he wear shoe boxes and easier than most shoes.
00:41:56
Speaker
But the thing is, we had a bone to pick about. That's most most men can wear most shoe boxes easier than most shoes because most shoes are like size six and below. yeah Right. like yeah That's just true.
00:42:10
Speaker
She's produced in the world. Yeah. There are more shoes smaller than you than there are. That's almost always true because children wear shoes. Maybe that's what he meant. Maybe he's saying I. He's saying he's got big blocks feet, but he's trying to relate to us. Yeah. yeah Don't worry.
00:42:29
Speaker
He's very nitpicky. I feel no problem Qualms nitpicking his language. and You know what? I was on board with all of his little smart-isms until he got to the, your' you're computing your poultry before they've been totally incubated. And I was like, get the fuck out of here. out of here, you big niggas.
00:42:50
Speaker
mark i way to say hear you big nerve Yeah, you actually aren't allowed to say that, sir. You're not allowed to say that. We've looked it up. We've looked up the rules. You're not allowed to say that.
00:43:00
Speaker
You know when like you first discovered what a thesaurus was, you were like, I'm going to say every word as fancy as possible. but but He tries to do it a second time, too, but he gets too far from his analogy. pheasant underneath the glass.
00:43:14
Speaker
Yeah, it's something like that. yeah yeah there is An undercooked pheasant, which i I couldn't think of another bird-related idiom that he's trying to...
Professor X's Recruitment and Nuclear Power Debate
00:43:25
Speaker
ah try to expand yeah Professor X at that point is like, that's why they leave him behind. He says, that is literally, he says the, uh, the roast pheasant thing. And then the X-Men leave without him.
00:43:39
Speaker
And then Professor X is like, actually guys, let's get out of here. yes the The panel we don't see is him. Guys, I think you forgot me. Yeah. Um,
00:43:49
Speaker
yeah um This last one, right? The last one says it's from the X-Men family album. That's what I believe what the first one, what 48 says to it. Does it do? Yeah, I think so.
00:44:03
Speaker
Who's taking pictures of this? this one i don't know who's up in the tree he was just standing by just unethically standing there and being like all right here's a here's an unconscious 14 year old boy and his parents trapped behind glass ah memories yeah scrapbook i think it's crazy okay ive a few notes on electricity number one please the plan didn't work as is often the case, because the electricity didn't enter el Conquistador's transmitters, but instead entered him.
00:44:41
Speaker
and And that happened because Professor X was like, I fucked with the circuits with my brain. Yes, he used his telekinetic powers to alter his circuits. So... Does he have those? how i heard some luck I heard some people talking shit on Arnold Drake's knowledge of electricity and how it works, but...
00:45:04
Speaker
It holds up. I see what you're saying. i What really blows my mind, though, is the in the very first ah issue of this miniseries, there...
00:45:16
Speaker
is I mean, my understanding is limited to the show Chernobyl, but it seems like they really understand how a nuclear meltdown happens. And both Arnold Drake and Werner Roth are illustrating the inside of a nuclear core and how you try to prevent a meltdown and what would get stuck.
00:45:36
Speaker
mean, all the rods and stuff look just like how it does in Chernobyl, which, again, is also my only knowledge about this. And I've read a couple books about Chernobyl. Matt won't watch the Chernobyl miniseries with me. Seems sad.
00:45:49
Speaker
It's very fun. It's real blast. Seems scary. I like reading about plane crashes. I got that Nathan Fielder kind of autism. I'm really into stuff like Chernobyl. By the end of it, they have yeah no idea what nuclear power is, though. They do not, as we've seen, they've created a Solar powered nuclear generator. what's the What's the point of the nuclear part if you've already got the solar part?
00:46:18
Speaker
One of those gotta go. You do one or the other, right? If... Yeah. Hey, can I say this? If I were to write the X-Men now in 2025, I'd bring back Uncle Bob.
00:46:33
Speaker
Yes. Is Uncle Bob the person at the wedding who's like, he's a cheapskate or is that a different asshole in their life? That is. ah Did they have a wedding crasher at their wedding or is that also that is Uncle Bob?
00:46:49
Speaker
I'm going to guess that they say they say, oh, is that your family? And she's I thought they were with you.
00:46:56
Speaker
well Why does this man get so much focus on this panel? i've got i' I'm going to just... We can just call an audible here and say, that is Uncle Bob.
00:47:09
Speaker
Gives him and more person personality. right yeah they're but Yeah, it's it's his personality personality. They're both trying to ignore him. They're like, I don't even know who that guy is, actually. I love that. The radiation suit where they're like, that's not radioactive proof because if it was, you wouldn't be able to move. And it's like, then why do we fucking have a suit that doesn't fucking work?
00:47:29
Speaker
We got a slightly radiation proof suit. right We should get a full one or not have one. A slightly one seems. It's like playing Fallout where you get like the, you get the anti-radiation suits and then just your, your ticker goes up a little bit slower. Yeah.
00:47:50
Speaker
Also, I have another bone to pick with the past. In the first in and number 48, which I know you've already talked about, but I did read it and I have a question about it. please please says He says, oh my feet, they're so great. I can open popcorn bags in movie houses.
00:48:07
Speaker
yeah He made a device that opens popcorn bags in movie houses. I want to just step in here. he made a device, sorry. It's three rows long. long I understand the joke is that the computer's very big.
00:48:19
Speaker
What do you mean opening popcorn bags in movie house? First of all, movie house. Old. ah like But then when I hear bag of popcorn, I'm like, oh, like a microwave bag. But like microwaves weren't. Wait, when did when were microwaves? Microwaves existed in the 60s.
00:48:36
Speaker
i They weren't like household items. I don't think they were doing take home I'm just speculating, but I don't think they were taed doing like bags of popcorn not in buckets yet.
00:48:48
Speaker
They were giving the you a bag of popcorn, right? yeah Yeah. i think they're talking about. it's come I don't know. It is a major. yeah It's the start of a new era. So I'm sure we'll hear about it.
00:48:59
Speaker
There was some point at which they stapled. popcorn bag shut. And I don't know why they did that. Is it to keep them warm? Is it to keep the popcorn warm? Oh, if they scooped it all ahead of time and then stapled them and put them in little rows. That's so be dangerous. hand Nobody will join what proceed. what if you eat the staple?
00:49:19
Speaker
Yeah, because the sta when you pull out a staple, it flies off in God knows where. Right? What if it flies into the popcorn? That's like the most yeah dangerous thing you could eat a staple.
00:49:30
Speaker
Only Esophagus Man can save you then. first right yeah ah we We're not going to do better than that. Allison decided you have to keep Esophagus Man in the podcast also. We're adding him to the luggers loser league.
00:49:45
Speaker
All right. before Just before we do Angel, I want to say ah first register residential countertop microwave sold 1967. dev But the price didn't decrease for like most people until the 1970s.
00:49:59
Speaker
And then yeah ninety by 1997, 90% of American households owned a microwave. But this is all from KitchenAid.com. So take it with a grain of salt.
00:50:11
Speaker
They would know. Full disclosure. All right, let's move on to our Angel Origins miniseries, starting with the back of issue number 54, The Million Dollar Angel.
Angel's Childhood and Heroic Adventures
00:50:24
Speaker
It's angelic biography edited by Stan Lee, written by Arnold Drake, drawn by Werner Roth, inked by Vinnie Coletta, and lettered by Artie Sinek.
00:50:35
Speaker
A five or so year old Warren sits 20 feet off the ground in a tree, rifling through a bird's nest as his parents plead with him to carefully come down. He shows no fear until, of course, he is attacked by the bird that owns the nest. He's knocked into ah the Worthington's $20,000 swimming pool. They make a point of mentioning the price tag and he then narrates himself starting to drown.
00:51:00
Speaker
Cut to Warren recuperating with the help of his butler while his parents fret over how they can stop their child from his high-flying stunts. They settle on enrolling him in a private school with a high fence, which to me seems more like a challenge than ah a preventative measure. But we flash forward to Warren being a star on the school soccer team as a teen.
00:51:22
Speaker
He's apparently pretty arrogant about it, so the other kids look for something to pick on him for, landing on his pronounced shoulder blades. um but Nice blades. Yeah. We have big shoulders on your back.
00:51:37
Speaker
Kids will pick on anything, but it is crazy to be like, hey, you got big shoulder blades. Even these kids are like, ah, what do we even... Nice shoulders. joe He's so tall and he's so hot. What are we supposed to make fun of him for? shoulders.
00:51:55
Speaker
It's in the same panels where they're like, he's perfect. He's good at everything. But... He has weird shoulder blades and I will die on this hill.
00:52:07
Speaker
But think all shoulder blades look weird. You know how like all everyone's knees look kind of weird. You know that there's a there's an image of there's an image of four women bullying a fifth woman.
00:52:20
Speaker
It's like a meme. That's the entirety of Warren's time at this school is just it's just it's a very homoerotic bullying that is happening here. I these shoulder blades, however, eventually form into small wings, which Warren worries will make him the subject of experimentation.
00:52:40
Speaker
So he becomes the worst possible roommate he can until he's assigned to his own private room. A few weeks pass and Warren's wings grow out to the size we know and love. A fire breaks out in his dorm. He quickly hops out the window and learns he can use his wings to gently fly down to the ground.
00:52:57
Speaker
He hears cries for help from the burning building, but doesn't want to be seen in his costume. So he makes a quick trip to the theater department to dress himself up as a literal angel before flying in and saving everyone from the burning building.
00:53:13
Speaker
That was pretty funny that he dresses as an angel. He dresses as an angel. It's adorable. I love it.
00:53:19
Speaker
I have less mean things to say about these three. These are pretty good. I love you grabbed a week a rob wi to deise the wig. his He's also blonde, so it's just a wig that's a little longer than his real hair.
00:53:35
Speaker
Where angels... I want more information about that roommate that he like ruined their life. Yeah! so poor So much so that the school said, we need to give him his own room. We will not know what's his name try different roommate.
00:53:52
Speaker
We agree. This guy sucks. Nobody eaten should have to live with him. No one has to live with Warren. ah just Warren just leaving like just trash out in like is his socks just everywhere. like until I needed four panels of that.
00:54:10
Speaker
Where angels dare to tread is another time was triumph by Stanley editor, Roy Thomas writer, Werner Roth artist, and inked and lettered by Sam Granger.
00:54:25
Speaker
Damn, Sam. but We open on a full-grown Warren in a costume. it's It's not as ugly as his new costume, the yellow and the suspenders, but it's not great. pretty ugly It's still pretty ugly.
00:54:39
Speaker
It's pretty ugly. Yeah. Which he is so many good... Whatever. his He's flying above New York City with a big smoking gun because flying was not the gimmick. He's the angel the avenging angel, and he shoots gas out of a gun at you Like he's a villain in the Green Hornet.
00:54:57
Speaker
Got it from those gangsters that rob that did gave you they robbed But it happens later. that happens. base Turns out. them They stole it from him.
00:55:08
Speaker
that They did. They picked it up from the Avengers. It gets knocked out of his hand. So they they found it. They found it. You're right. The gun is loaded with gas filled ping pong balls that Warren himself stuffs gas into somehow.
00:55:26
Speaker
Get some gas, add to ping pong ball, the end. the end You know how you do. yeah To knock out a crew of burglars, except for one that he has to punch instead. yeah Unfortunately, the gas has wiped their memories of how they were stopped, so they don't recognize Warren, so he gets no notoriety for this.
00:55:46
Speaker
Which is very funny. He's so beat up about it. Warren goes back out to establish himself, takes out a couple of crooks, steals mysterious vial from them, but then he accidentally inhales his own gas and gets dizzy, so he goes home.
00:56:06
Speaker
Little does he know, Cyclops and Iceman are in his apartment offer waiting to offer him, hey, join the X-Men. ah Warren says, I'm over. Inhaling your own gas and then being like, oh shit, I gotta to go home. criminals i'm gonna pass out these ping pong balls full of gas was a stupid fucking idea what the hell what am i fucking doing i got wings i i gotta go home why am i not like flying into burning buildings i'm shooting gas at whatever warren says he's a loner the avenging angel works alone and he assumes he's gotta fight them and that's how that one ends yeah
00:56:46
Speaker
It's, you know, it's again, this other, ah this theme in the recruiting the X-Men is they say no, and then they instantly have to fight each other. That's how you earn characters in Super Smash Brothers. So maybe that's sort of. That's yeah.
00:57:04
Speaker
A new challenger has approached and once you defeat them, then you can use them. Can we talk about Warren's apartment about the rent he's getting? $80 a month in Manhattan. $80 a month.
00:57:17
Speaker
And this is, this is sixties Manhattan. This is back like between. We should be in the streets. Good periods in Manhattan.
00:57:27
Speaker
Unbelievable. All right. Issue 56, the butt matter. ah The flying... this The butt matter's called the flying A-bomb. I'm sorry, you're saying butt matter?
00:57:41
Speaker
Wasn't that what we called it earlier? but like The butt issue. Butt issue. Butt issue. Butt matter. no, it's bad. I see how it's connected. All it's bad.
00:57:51
Speaker
i think butt matter is worse than butt issue.
00:57:57
Speaker
Butt issues create butt matter. One often results in the other, and it's like a circle. Either way, one will result in the other. both directions, you're right. Not all butt issues are butt matter, but all butt matter are butt issues.
00:58:11
Speaker
But all butt most butt issues are caused by butt matter, and most butt matter is, or butt issues. Causes butt issues? This is edited by Stanley is the point. It's written by Roy Thomas. It's drawn by Werner Roth and inked by Sam Granger.
00:58:28
Speaker
<unk> Warren has not taken kindly to Scott and Bobby's uninvited presence in his apartment. Would you? And immediately starts swinging. Scott could wreck this arrogant dork but doesn't want to hurt him.
00:58:42
Speaker
Reason isn't working, so he instead uses his beams to collapse the skylight on Warren, bringing him down to the floor. While he's down, Professor X commands them to obtain the mysterious vial that Warren recovered, but Warren will have none of it and knocks Bobby unconscious.
00:58:59
Speaker
The professor then telepathically speaks to Warren directly. Pat, stop that. Informing him that the vial is actually an experimental nuclear explosive that has been activated by his mutant presence.
00:59:13
Speaker
That's how nuclear works now. and Mutants got to go near it. Then it works. The only chance is for Warren to fly the nuclear device so high into the air that it freezes from the cold. Couldn't have just put it in his icebox.
00:59:31
Speaker
um At which point it can be disabled. Warren pushes himself to his absolute limit withstanding the freezing cold temperatures until it's cold enough to disable the bomb. Everyone shocks Warren's arrogance up to him having nailed his own gas.
00:59:50
Speaker
Oh, you you must have been using that aggro gas. Although now we all know that's just how he is. Yeah, the gas knocked everybody else out. Why would it make him more aggressive? all right.
01:00:01
Speaker
The team is so happy that they're not even worried about who invented or intended to use this nuclear bomb. The end. yeah Professor X had to think that he was sending that kid up to die right here right there is a moment where Professor X is like hey he he psychically enters Warren's mind and Scott's at the same time to say like everybody calm down the reason we're here is because you have a nuclear device on you and it's currently active and Scott goes what the fuck nobody told me this why did nobody tell this part
01:00:39
Speaker
First in a long line of Scott Summers learning that Professor X has ulterior motives.
Angel's Recruitment and Attractiveness
01:00:45
Speaker
He's just like, catch up, Slim. Let's go.
01:00:50
Speaker
But Cyclops doesn't even like question it when ah Professor, because it's happened so many times. Professor X is like, get that guy. He said no to us. Get that guy. And Cyclops is like, yeah, OK, I'll beat him up.
01:01:01
Speaker
I'll beat him up for sure. This is what we do. We will beat him up because he dared not join the team. but That's a gang. That's a gang. That is what a gang does.
01:01:13
Speaker
Yeah. This is how they've gotten all their members. And then it's how they fail to recruit like Blob. ah Yeah. It's how they form a few enemies.
01:01:24
Speaker
Yeah. that They're like, this is block like, they must have been so confused. Like what? Why was he mad at us? This is just what we do every time. Oh, you know what character I really enjoyed in number 55?
01:01:37
Speaker
but Big Albert. Big Albert the criminal. He says, you're not going to catch Big Albert. That's his whole thing. He's big. You're not going to catch him. He didn't even seem that big.
01:01:50
Speaker
Regular sized Albert. Well, on the streets, you got to call yourself big if you want to survive. Warren should have turned around and said, you think you're big? Check out these shoulder blades. Yeah.
01:02:02
Speaker
Uh, Warren's really hot. That's, I think, i think an important, I think that's an important thing to say here. 55 especially, when he's in his, like, suit, and then, like, he's he's shirtless, and then later he puts on, like, the business clothes.
01:02:14
Speaker
Man, holy shit. That's the reason he has any staying power at all. Not a lot of personality, but he's drawn very attractively. That's been his whole thing. Like, his whole thing throughout all of Marvel history is this man is a this man's attractive. He can afford to be hot.
01:02:30
Speaker
All he can do Can't afford be hot. Every superhero can fly, we know. But this guy's hot. He's really hot. Yeah, he doesn't have a job. And dumb. All good things.
01:02:42
Speaker
Yeah. He spends all day in the gym. he gets cosmetic surgery. Of course, he's the the most handsome of X-Men. Also, in this issue 55, Werner Roth, on that first page, the first splash panel, Werner Roth, he Draws him having a little bit going on in that in those underoos.
01:03:09
Speaker
ah Yeah. i think There's no reason for that big, that errant line besides Werner Roth going. Yeah, there's ah there's a big penis and balls in here. You also know. He was like, should I do it?
01:03:23
Speaker
Should I do it? oh Whoops. You absolute maniac. My hand slipped. oh Well, fix it now. There.
01:03:35
Speaker
all of the X-Men were fucking jocks dude yeah yes there is nothing funnier to me than an X-Man in a football uniform using using their powers Or in this case, soccer.
History of Soccer in the 1960s
01:03:49
Speaker
i Soccer being a really interesting thing here. According to a Wonder Years episode I watched once, the 60s and early 70s are when soccer really exploded in the US. There was like especially soccer programs for kids.
01:04:07
Speaker
i There was also a big professional push right around this time. It was 1967. FIFA started the United Soccer Association where they just imported European teams over. so people really, truly didn't care.
01:04:22
Speaker
i The NPSL, the National Something Soccer League, was unsanctioned, but they managed to score a broadcast deal with CBS.
01:04:33
Speaker
where their ratings were historically low. They were playing on Saturday afternoons, and even for a Saturday afternoon, they were terrible ratings. No one wanted to watch it. Man, Americans in the 60s were not going to watch soccer. No, no, no, no, no. no ah The two decided to merge, and after they did that, they actually slowly started gaining support into the 70s when they brought in Pele, who Matt, think even you would know the note name of.
01:05:01
Speaker
I know the name of Pele. i who was already a huge star, but now he was playing for this U.S. Soccer League. So U.S. professional soccer sort of reached its peak, but as things tend to happen in the U.S., people saw Pele was popular and his New York yeah whatever team was skyrocketing and making money.
01:05:21
Speaker
So they decided to start investing in soccer, having no idea how soccer worked, and also just riding the aging superstars bandwagon. So suddenly you had... this single league filled with, uh, people way past their prime and being way overpaid. So they just started losing money. And then FIFA, who again was a ah partner in this league, uh,
01:05:47
Speaker
Also runs the World Cup and they had to decide where the World Cup would be in 1986 when Columbia, because of some things they had going on in the 80s, were no longer able to host the World Cup.
01:06:02
Speaker
FIFA chose Mexico instead of the U.S. to replace them, which meant that all of these U.S. teams said, we really don't want play soccer here anymore, except for two. There were only two that were still financially viable and actually interested in continuing the league.
01:06:17
Speaker
so So they folded. 1985. They made a retirement league for soccer players. Yes, exactly that. Like, y'all go run free. Look, look at them go. And then they charged American football prices for it.
01:06:33
Speaker
So what we're understanding here is that Angel is doing something rare here. Not a lot of kids were playing soccer in 1963. This is the equivalent of playing like lacrosse.
01:06:44
Speaker
Yeah, he's rich. I think that that's part of it, right? They're playing the more European sport. So he's the first diverse member of the X-Men. They're like... We've got a soccer player. You know, you say that the the thing is, he kind of is the first diverse member of the X-Men.
Visible vs. Non-Visible Mutants
01:07:03
Speaker
A big dividing thing between mutants is like visible and non-visible mutants. And the only actual visible mutant on the first X-Men team is Warren. Like Warren can't, he has to wear like a thing and if he doesn't, he can't go out in public.
01:07:19
Speaker
That's a good point. Yeah. You know, I was just good my joke was going to be they wouldn't have another soccer player until the 1980s. I should have let you do your joke. I'm so sorry. But but but you're but you that you said something actually smart. I was just going to make a joke about Sunspot.
01:07:36
Speaker
They do get him eventually. Yeah, Sunspot. Yeah, Sunspot. Oh, yeah, because Sunspot is introduced at a soccer game and someone calls him a slur. It's hate crime, yeah. They continuously hate crime Sunspot throughout all of Marvel history by making him whiter and whiter and whiter and whiter.
01:07:55
Speaker
got we've moved We've swung back a little bit recently, but yes, he does get pretty white. yeah In the 2000s. Sometimes you'll open a page and you're going like, who's that? and it's like, that's Danny Moonstar?
01:08:07
Speaker
What the fuck? Who's goddamn white baby is this? Why'd she get blonde hair? Yeah. um Yeah, so i my favorite part of this whole three-part issue was when Angel is falling from a tree, right?
01:08:24
Speaker
And gets scared by bird, falls out of a tree, tries to grab a branch. The branch cracks, then he falls into a pool. And while this is all the thing that he says during this short time between the branch and the pool, he says, don't worry, mom. I'm okay. I grabbed the next branch. Oops, there goes the branch. And here goes me. Come to think of it, I was pretty high. Uh, uh, uh, up. Luckily, our new $20,000 swimming pool was right below, and it was worth every blub, blub, blub.
01:08:54
Speaker
That's when he starts drowning. Before we make fun of Warren, that is how Matt talks. That's how I talk for real. You know, i ah you're these are like in Shakespeare, where all of the stage directions are in the dialogue, like they say everything they're going to do.
01:09:12
Speaker
I think there's something to that in these older comics where they're like, I don't know how to draw him hitting a branch and then falling. I can't draw the action. So I'm going to have him say it.
01:09:25
Speaker
It's that's so many words to say. jimal yeah all in at some point, just turn it into narration. Yeah. you are Or a thought bubble or something.
01:09:36
Speaker
He must have been for like, that must have been. How many stories would it take for you guys to say all of those words before you hit the ground? I've never fallen out of a building before, I'm not sure. We can all try it. That's what we'll do on Memorial Day.
01:09:51
Speaker
You'll catch marbles, and then you'll fall off a building. down I can see how many words we can say. will count. ah It's a race. Let me start with a tree. That pool might have been $20,000 when they bought it. Why is it green?
01:10:06
Speaker
They're not keeping up with it. You're damn right. Just letting your kid drown in your green-ass pool. It's this, yeah, it's this butler. He hasn't he hasn't been doing his job around the pool. This Bostonian butler.
01:10:18
Speaker
They try to write him as British, but they're just writing is that god as... Big Codden. Big Codden. Big Codden, Master. Master's a crazy thing for anybody to call anybody. Yeah.
01:10:31
Speaker
oh Oh, but we're okay when Alfred kiss says it to Batman? He was a boy. A master is a boy. Well, he's a boy right here. he but he says matt he's talking to his dad he says master. He's not talking to Warren. Oh, I thought he was saying it to his kid. Never mind.
01:10:45
Speaker
If you guys carry on had to be such a bad roommate that no one would that this that an an institution would say no one ever has to room with this guy again, what would be
Roommate Strategies and Friendship Endings
01:10:57
Speaker
your plan?
01:10:57
Speaker
Ooh. That's tough.
01:11:02
Speaker
pas Yeah, go ahead. I would say you i stink. it's The easiest thing to do is stink and have an attitude about it. ah I know what.
01:11:16
Speaker
ah So when I was in college, my first year, I had I was in a dorm and it was with a girl that I didn't know. We were just like randomly matched. And i had this thing that was really happening to me a lot in early college, late high school, where I would be so sleep deprived.
01:11:33
Speaker
I would hallucinate seeing a spider. Like as I was falling asleep, I would i would see a giant spider and I would scream. Now, this was just a common thing that I had just accepted for like a couple of years.
01:11:45
Speaker
And it happened to me one night. I screamed and she went, are you okay? And I went, sometimes I see things. yeah And then we never talked about it again. yeah How could she talk to you about it? there's how yeah How would you bring that back up? So that doesn't get you a personal room, just by the way.
01:12:08
Speaker
Matt, what would you... I can't eat night terrors, but maybe some combination of smelling and night terrors. My one thing I'll push back on the smelling, this isn't all boys school. i don't You have to smell.
01:12:22
Speaker
bad and the to get yeah your own room well you have to imagine everybody's already sweaty and hormonal so there's a really bad smell there but then what if you like wash your laundry and don't dry it and just kind of leave it in a corner like yeah that's the kind of smell you have to introduce in this environment that's i think i do glasses of pee why does this guy leave glasses of pee around You went straight. You went straight. You were like, I'm not fucking around.
01:12:54
Speaker
I'm not doing any jokes. I'm telling you exactly what I would fucking do to get my own room. Why is this man leaving glasses of pee on our shared table? It has to be in a common area. Yeah. yeah Put them in the sink.
01:13:09
Speaker
Totally full. Just in the sink. Not dumped out. Not washed out. Just in the sink. Put him in front of the television so he has to move in the teeth. Yeah. While you're at it, go ahead and start like playing the piccolo or something.
01:13:22
Speaker
That instrument's really good. Right, just too... You don't have to get good at the instrument, too. That's the best part. I love that. I'm playing the piccolo and I'm leaving glasses of pee all around.
01:13:34
Speaker
And I think you also have to... It'll seem performative if you don't keep some in your own room. So you're to to suffer through that a little bit. like They have to find about five times more glasses of pee in your room than you've left around the house.
01:13:46
Speaker
Wait, I think we can get one more P thing that begins with P. Because we got the oh i want I want the three Ps of being a bad roommate. P, piccolo, porn. Pornography would do it, I think. You flip porn in the common space and then you leave. yeah it's going to be paper It's got to be paper porn or...
01:14:08
Speaker
Because like even Theta Max is not going happen. Just leave issues of Playboy open. Just start taping them up like they're pinups. Yeah.
01:14:20
Speaker
okay why Everybody does this. There was someone we went to college with. that when This is true. i didn't I didn't see this room, and I'm really glad I didn't. did Did you see this I did, yeah. oh no Do you want to describe it? No, it. The entire room, all of the walls were covered.
01:14:40
Speaker
In anime girls. In like hentai ah anime pictures. With a Hago face. With like cum face. Like they were all... All over the walls. Every single one of them was... It was vile is how I would describe it. So fucking gross.
01:14:58
Speaker
So that... that so We all stopped being friends with him, I think, in that moment, too, when we walked in. I had, do you guys remember? I don't think you need the piss of the piccolo at that point. I think porn can do it on its own. Yeah, get yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, my God.
Angel's Origin and X Gene Exploration
01:15:16
Speaker
Do guys remember back, like, with old printers, there was a website you could go to and put an image in there, and then it would print out, like, dot.
01:15:27
Speaker
like ah dot version but Dot matrix printers. Yeah. But no, it would do this. it It would print out like a dot matrix pattern of this image on 20 or 30 pieces of paper.
01:15:41
Speaker
And you could like tape them up on your wall next to each other. And you would it would form the image, but yeah giant size. There's a guy you in the dorm room next to me that did that with his own head.
01:15:54
Speaker
And just, that was the decoration. That would be cool. No, if he doesn't eat your head, that's the, I gotta to get out of here. That's scary. You can't make me live with his own head. Throwing darts at it.
01:16:06
Speaker
Do you have that guy's number, Pat? Nope. This guy sounds awesome. I remember his name was Jeff. If you guys can find Jeff. all right i I'll Google Jeff dot matrix printer head. um it kind its like It hits. I see it.
01:16:22
Speaker
So how do you guys feel about the origin of Angel? Just holistically. I think he's got the same theming problems as the conquistador. in what I got wings, but I'm a shoot a gas gun. Yeah. yeah Come on.
01:16:37
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I kind of loved this. It's kind of delightful that he has this dumb origin and that he... tries to be this superhero so ineffect ineffectively. Like, that's much more interesting than how convoluted Beast's backstory is. yeah He's a baby.
01:16:56
Speaker
He's got big feet. he He's forced to join the football team. And then El Conquistador sees him on the TV with five million other people watching. Wait, Hanks is so convoluted, we start preconception.
01:17:10
Speaker
Yeah. We do! We start with his dad getting his his junk radiated. Yeah! Like, at least Warren's... Warren starts in a tree.
01:17:22
Speaker
Yeah, we don't... It doesn't matter, because that doesn't matter. It's like, Warren starts in a tree, and then he becomes an angel. Like, I would just say, the theming of the story makes a little more sense with Warren.
01:17:35
Speaker
Although I am curious now, how did the Worthingtons... interact with and nuclear conceive their son. and yeah Yeah. You guys, I've wondered this since we started this comic book, how are babies made?
01:17:49
Speaker
I mean, it would be wild if that, like the whole idea of mutants was, we don't have to come up with origin stories anymore. Yeah. They just are. And,
01:18:00
Speaker
It would be so funny if they'd work themselves into this corner where from now on they have to come up with a reason why everybody's balls got irradiated before the mutant child was born.
01:18:17
Speaker
Like, now your father has part... Your father's, like, cum as part of your backstory. I think this is a big reason why the X gene ends up existing, right? Where it's like, oh, they're just born that way. We gotta move away from nuclear power plants yeah being near enough to people that they all just, you know... Yeah, yeah.
01:18:41
Speaker
they They eventually say, okay, it's just... It's just a genetic... You're born this way. Yeah. yeah What I love about these origins... So, in some previous episodes, we covered Cyclops and Iceman's origins. And it's like, Cyclops met a guy named Jacko Diamonds, who was a man who could turn into diamonds, who tried to get him to be a criminal.
01:19:06
Speaker
And then Iceman... What did he do? he threw... He got, like, jumped by some – don't remember Iceman. He got jumped by some guys who were supposed to be teenagers, but they looked 45 years old. He threw ice at them, and then ah lynch mob was after him, and he got thrown in jail.
01:19:25
Speaker
and Obviously, in both of these cases, Professor X wiped everyone's mind. What I love is that this is now canon. This is – when you're reading the X-Men – When you're reading the Krakoan era stories, when you're reading the final, like the late evolutions of these characters, this is where they started.
01:19:42
Speaker
Angel, whatever Angel has become, when you're reading the Archangel saga, he started as a kid putting gas in ping pong balls.
01:19:55
Speaker
Do not let me write the X-Men or I will put Warren back in that outfit. I will have him use a gas gun for real. He will be like, you know what? I haven't, I'm an adult now. i could probably do this better. The stories we would tell if we could write the X-Men.
Podcast Wrap-Up and Audience Engagement
01:20:12
Speaker
Well, listen, Matt and Allison, escape the Mojoverse. Thanks so much for being here to talk about these two ridiculous stories with us. Thank you so much for having us on.
01:20:25
Speaker
Remind us where people can find you ah Yeah, you can find ah individually, you can find us on Blue Sky at ah Matt Parent or at Allison Parent. And then you can find Escape the Mojiverse at Escape the Mojiverse on Instagram or MojiversePod on Blue Sky.
01:20:42
Speaker
And go check out our feed right now. We're doing um Pride Month. and we're reviewing and talking about comics made for and by queer people. Also, if you have a few dimes to spend, you can donate to our Transgender Law Center fundraiser.
01:20:59
Speaker
That's awesome. do you Do you have anything else that you guys want to want to say before we go for the goodbye? This is this was this is so great. We had had such a great time. Thank you. We had an amazing time.
01:21:12
Speaker
We got to bring you back sometime. This was a lot of fun. We'll have to have you on Escape the Mudiverse. That'd be incredible. Everybody ah listening, thanks for listening to this bonus episode. and we call it a bonus episode. This is definitely as long as a normal episode.
01:21:29
Speaker
And ah you can, you know, follow us on Instagram at MutantMenacePod. Email us at Mutantispod at gmail.com.
01:21:41
Speaker
And follow us on YouTube and like us and whatever. Do all the things that you do with a podcast. All right. And as we say at the end of every episode, I'm no longer Mr. Confidence of 1963. And as we always say, gas.
01:21:59
Speaker
And as always, it's not exactly the world's best trampoline, but beggars can't be choosers.
01:22:06
Speaker
And as always, folks, good gravy. If that wasn't a flying man, I'm ready for Senior Citizen City.