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00:00:01
What Does Making Better Humans Mean?
79 Plays6 years ago
It's only appropriate to have the first guest be none other than my wife. We have shared in so much over the past 10 years that we want to share with others too.
In this episode, we talk about what we mean when we say 'improving humans' through our pursuits of BTE and Motown. That might sound like 'we know', so it's important to clear up that we don't know what improvement looks like for the individual, but are very good at guiding the process of self-discovery.
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello. Hello. Ah, the second hello. Um, okay. So obviously hello. Um, you're the first guest. I'm honored. I'm, I don't know. You put out that question. I'm not sure if people were hoping for someone maybe more exciting than me.
00:00:29
Speaker
Well, there's Riley here too. We're both guests, Riley. Okay.
Podcast's Mission: Building Better Humans
00:00:35
Speaker
So this podcast is, is an interesting one. And I think it's one that can't really be.
00:00:44
Speaker
We talk about it a lot and we've been talking about it a lot and the topic of, you know, how do we make better humans? And we're passionate about that pursuit and the gym and between the ears are our vehicles and outlets to do that.
00:01:05
Speaker
The reason we're having the talking about making better humans really came about from Gareth, a friend of mine from the UK, from Wales, who I met out at The Do, sent me an email about my recent BTE insider newsletter, where it was the red pill, blue pill, and said like, hey, what basically the practice does, or our pursuits, or what StrongFit does, and why Between the Years and StrongFit are so aligned is that
00:01:34
Speaker
It's in the business of building better human beings. That's it. It's not about the sandbags. It's not about the stuff we do during events or the workouts. Boil down to the core. It's about building better human beings, helping build better human beings.
Defining a Better Human
00:01:54
Speaker
There's a little bit of, I think, some clarification that can happen with that, though.
00:02:01
Speaker
I have no idea what it means for you to be a better human being. You personally, people we work with, members at the gym, that's not up to us to decide. I have no idea what it means for you to be a better human being. So what do you think about that?
00:02:28
Speaker
Yeah. I think when you talk about being a better human, there's some, there's sort of this like two categories. There's the things that if you ask somebody on the street, you'd probably get a lot of the same answers, like not generic things, but being kinder, being more thoughtful, like general values of like what it means to be, I guess like a good human. But I think that's kind of like, those are fine, but,
00:02:57
Speaker
where we're like those are those are a little bit of a throw away. I think that's more about like how people act. Being better on a like personal scale is much deeper, I think. And there's for each person, it's probably always changing. And it can mean a lot of different things relative to different areas of their life. So I think it's sort of
00:03:25
Speaker
it's easy to make it a general blanket statement of like, oh, being better means, yeah, not flipping out at somebody on the road or doing something thoughtful for someone or not swearing in front of your kids, but like, yeah, that's fine. But where it really is impactful is the bigger things, the more personal. And the only person who can decide what being a better human being is, is the individual. Right. Not us. Right. So, and that's the big thing to,
00:03:56
Speaker
That's a big thing I think to clarify because I mean, and we're personally along this journey every day. Like we're nowhere close to having anything really figured out.
00:04:10
Speaker
We might be further along or have some different experiences than others, but the reality of it is we are very much still in the pursuit and on the way and haven't
Empowerment and Personal Development
00:04:24
Speaker
arrived. And I think when I say between the ears builds a better human being, I 100% believe it.
00:04:33
Speaker
But it's more so through an empowerment to arm and equip people with the tools, the resources, and the nudge to do the building themselves. And that's kind of like they are the builder and the architect and everything of their own life. Where we come in is as a guide and a facilitator and really a coach and a leader in that.
00:05:03
Speaker
And I think that's what's really cool about I think that's what's really cool about the personal development pursuits and some people do it through immersive cooking classes. Some people do it through photography. Like there's a bunch of different things our approach and our
00:05:19
Speaker
mechanism and vehicle for delivery is engaging in some sort of physical movement, pursuit of fitness, but from a place of deep meaning also that the movement is just an expression of that, of that pursuit of getting better as you define it. Yeah.
CrossFit's Evolution and Learning Mindset
00:05:38
Speaker
And I think.
00:05:39
Speaker
What is interesting is when you were introducing it and talking about how between the ears and strong fit, you know, thinking back to starting CrossFit or my first experience at a level one, being life changing. And you could, you know, everything has the potential to kind of get lost a little bit. And what I mean by that is I do think that when I opened the CrossFit gym, that was really,
00:06:09
Speaker
what I saw that vehicle, that was a vehicle for, for getting people better. I think at the time or... 2008. Yeah, 2008. And it still does, but I think what was different then was people were so interested in learning and it was new and it was like, there's like part of getting better that does require learning things and being open.
00:06:36
Speaker
And so while the movements are definitely a vehicle for that, it doesn't really, I don't want to say it doesn't really work anymore, but when it just becomes kind of complacent and now the focus shifts just to like the outcome, I think that's where we lose it. So even between the ears, and I know you've had this experience, some people that have signed up for an event,
00:07:00
Speaker
They miss the point because they're just so focused on the physical and they're not interested in learning about themselves. So everything does have the ability to have a pitfall in that. But that's kind of where I think it, you know, even CrossFit started out as this vehicle to like really have people improve and better themselves and learn and get exposed to things. And it's kind of gotten away from that, I think, because the focus has just turned towards some external
00:07:31
Speaker
pursuit. So instead of learning how to do a muscle up in the process and the failure and the trying and the developing the skills and testing and maybe failing a little bit or Riley stop, stop, stop. Oh my God, she's about to take the whole set down.
00:07:50
Speaker
So instead of learning about the muscle up and all the things that go into it, now you're saying the focus is kind of how fast can you do 30 muscle ups and that being the be all end all. Right, right. And people kind of know, everybody knows what a muscle up is now. So it's not even like, oh, this is interesting. And I do think that's what is really great about the strong fit
00:08:16
Speaker
And just to talk about something that's not ours. Yeah, for sure. What really resonated with me with StrongFit is they've been very, they're very focused on that experience and learning. Not really, here's how you do a stand back. So I mean, while yes, of course, there's value to executing things correctly.
00:08:38
Speaker
It's not about the sandbar squat, it's about much more. So yeah, and that was one of the, and I don't want to spoil anything, but that would even be a bit misguided. I don't want to act as if I can now teach the strong fit course, because I obviously cannot.
00:09:00
Speaker
But whatever, either way, the one of the first things they talked about was changing either the conversation or having a better conversation about the process by which we learn and it being a very
00:09:19
Speaker
like learning was the emphasis, you know, and that's the thing from a mindset standpoint, having a student mindset, having a growth mindset, having a learning mindset, you know,
00:09:33
Speaker
That's the key. And how we do it and how StrongFit presents it and views it and shares it is awesome. So the sandbag squats and the pulls and all of that and the mechanical execution of things obviously are important.
00:09:53
Speaker
But the bigger picture is learning. And that's one of the things that I really took to with it over the past couple of years. And then to experience it in person at the course was just amazing, was that that's what between the ears is.
Self-Awareness and Personal Growth
00:10:08
Speaker
Learning about yourself. If you don't try to learn about yourself,
00:10:15
Speaker
who possibly can. And if you think you know who you are, and if you think you know you've got it all figured out, and I don't mean that in a negative way, but could you possibly consider that there's maybe some deeper or more refined or nuanced things you can learn about yourself? And what does that look like, and what opportunities do you take to
00:10:39
Speaker
Yeah, and I think that's where that like getting better means part of getting better means There's built into that is like you have to inevitably kind of fail at things and that's where I think that disconnect happens like nobody wants to fail at anything or in the process of getting a muscle up before using that example like Yeah, you're you're probably not gonna decide that you're gonna get it and then the next day you get it and that's the process there's failing and there's a lot to learn in that and I think
Embracing Failure on the Self-Improvement Journey
00:11:08
Speaker
you know, for me to talk about like, well, how do we how do we all get better? And we've talked about this, you know, I feel like I've had a tremendous shift in the past year, through doing, you know, BTE, the practice, different, you know, journaling, all that stuff. And it really, for me getting better has meant being okay with
00:11:31
Speaker
Not to say like failing, I mean I guess that is part of it, but just being present in the process. So when you say failing though, because you said that a couple times, what have you failed? I guess failing meaning like not having it all figured out. But is that a failure? Well, I guess it can be. You know, like we did a workout the other day. Yeah. And it was really hard. Yes. And I felt like
00:12:02
Speaker
During it, it was like a reverse sled drag fast. So during it, I felt like I wasn't going fast enough. Now, in that could that could be like failing, I was failing at the movement because I wasn't going fast enough. Now,
00:12:18
Speaker
old me would have said would have been really frustrated afterwards or felt like it was a waste or I didn't do it right or whatever that would have been like a failure I failed to execute the workout as I should have to get results to get to make you happy to whatever external you know validation but
00:12:39
Speaker
Now it's realizing like, well, I mean, whether or not I failed or not, if there was like a speed that the sledge should have been going, part of it was like, what did I learn from that process? Okay. Like, yeah, if there was a prerequisite speed, let's say, which of course there wasn't, but like, and I didn't hit it. Okay. That's an area for me. Hey, maybe I need to get better at that area of my athleticism.
00:13:02
Speaker
But ultimately, it's looking at that not as like, did I fail, or did I win, or did I succeed? But what was happening? What was moment to moment? What did I feel like? And having that be like, that's the success. Not some arbitrary, you hit the speed, or you did it in this time, or some metric for it. So I guess failing is sort of self-imposed. Do you think failing is negative? No.
00:13:32
Speaker
But I will say previously I probably would have said yes. So a lot of training, you know, not, I wasn't ever a high level athlete at all in terms of crossfit, but at the time, you know, competing at regionals and things like that. And I don't think I ever enjoyed that process. And probably if you asked me just even now looking back, because that was my mindset, then like, yes, I failed at every single regionals I went to. Why? I don't know. I guess I didn't win. I mean,
00:14:02
Speaker
It was very black and white for me and now it's like, you know, I realize that was an opportunity I kind of lost by being so focused on that outcome. And so for me, being better is like, nobody wants to look back at years of their life or their whole life or whatever it may be and feel like it was just all wrapped up in disappointment in yourself and then not having taken it as an opportunity to
00:14:31
Speaker
to
Differentiating Task and Personal Failure
00:14:32
Speaker
learn or to have experience, you know, joy for yourself or whatever that might be. Yeah. I mean, I remember very, I remember very vividly a couple of those regional workouts or training sessions slash like, cause at the time, obviously we weren't living together and talking and you know, failure, in my opinion, failure isn't,
00:15:01
Speaker
It's not an outcome. Like it's definitely not an outcome. And it's not a positive thing. So, you know, failing to do something or like quitting on yourself, that's one thing. But like if you failed to go, we'll just take this slide for example. You said that you failed to go fast enough. Right.
00:15:32
Speaker
Really? Note to self, don't have your dog part of the podcast. So you failed to go fast enough, but the only reason you're saying you failed is because now this giant word, Riley, stop, come on. This word enough comes into play. Right. And so we look at that, and that's always a function of comparison. Right, right.
00:16:00
Speaker
And then personal judgment gets in there. And then you wrap up in the fact that you were scared of disappointing me. So there's that. And all we're talking about is dragging a sled. And the guidance and the instruction was just go as fast as you can.
00:16:26
Speaker
So if you were going as fast as you can and your output was 10 miles an hour, let's just say then then how could you possibly fail right if that's what it was but the The failure point
00:16:47
Speaker
Like true failure. What would true failure have been? Because if you were going like, Hey, I'm going as fast as I can and my muscles are no longer able, like they have reached failure. That would have been an incredible success because that was the intention of the work. Now, obviously we can go into intentions and stuff, but you know, when we look at like what really is failure, and this was something that, this is a big thing that I talk about with people in between the ears, but like is failure.
00:17:14
Speaker
If we were to just say failure and not to dive down the rabbit hole of failure and it being good or bad or whatever, but just as a, as an assessment and a test is failure. Is your approach to failure task focused or personal focused? So by that, I mean.
00:17:35
Speaker
I don't want to fail. Is it that you don't want to fail the movement? Like you said to yourself, I'm going to do this sled drag in 13 seconds, right? That was whatever expectation you put on, which is a whole different thing we can talk about. But I'm going to do this reverse sled drag in 13 seconds. And you came across the line and you knew, let's just say five seconds in that it was going to take you 23 seconds.
00:18:02
Speaker
and then you have this thought of fuck, I don't wanna fail. I'm gonna fail. Is the failure, is your concern about failure, is the issue of failure related to the fact that you are now going to go 10 seconds slower or what that says about you as a human being? So is it task purpose or personal, the task focus or personal focus? Right, well obviously you just described it, it can be both.
00:18:33
Speaker
I think I was, the absolute of what the task was, wasn't what like disappoints me or frustrates me or is a negative. It's yes, connecting that to something about me as a human because I couldn't get the sled there quick enough. I'm fill in the blank. So it's no longer task purpose. But I think that's where like, and when you're looking at failure, like failure for me at this point is, or I guess,
00:19:03
Speaker
Like, yes, I understand what you're saying about failure isn't necessarily a negative, but what I'm trying to work on, and since we're talking about being becoming better and what that means, is not having it be, you know, and it's just easier to compare to like how I was and like where I've improved, because I have gotten better as a human in this way.
Achievements vs. Self-Improvement
00:19:29
Speaker
You know, not letting that dictate, yes, not letting it dictate
00:19:33
Speaker
what I think of myself as a person and also not just like quitting. Quitting not like, oh I quit, I had to cease the workout because my legs couldn't physically go anymore. But like quitting in a way of, well forget it, I'm just not even gonna do this. I might as well not even try. And that I think was kind of my, I let those outcomes, those numbers, the data, the perception, like that had a huge control over my day.
00:20:03
Speaker
It's easy to talk about it in terms of working out, but obviously, which is why it's also kind of cool to look at that. And you and I know that how I am in workouts, you can really, I'm very much the same in life. It's not like that's how I am in this, but then I'm a totally different person when it comes to the, um,
00:20:32
Speaker
What happened? The video stopped. Card was full. So that's it? For the video. Oh, okay. We can pause real quick. I'll put a new card in. Okay. But you can keep talking. We're learning new things here. So should I keep talking? Yeah, keep talking. Okay. So yes, for me getting better is that can be, and I think everybody can probably relate to some area of their life, whether it's,
00:21:01
Speaker
the physical or their job or how they raise their kids where you wrap so much of, you put so much meaning about who you are into something that is that external piece. So I think getting better is learning to make that distinction between, it can be making the distinction between the external and the internal factors and what those say or don't say about you.
00:21:32
Speaker
So yeah, so I guess that's kind of trying to avoid going down the rabbit hole. But getting better, I think, does mean, at least for me, is identifying, being able to separate those things. Like, this is an external factor. It doesn't say anything about who I am. And then the next question is like, well, who am I? And that's the important thing to ask. Like, I know it's not that, which is great. That's step one. I am not my score on a workout.
00:22:04
Speaker
Well, who am I and I do think there is value when you're in a workout there are some things that it does say about yourself like continuing to try or What did I learn look like how you approach those things? Which is why when we look at the gym or between the ears you can glean a lot about yourself or I guess maybe someone else about how they are
00:22:29
Speaker
how they are in that effort. Yeah, and that's, I think, the big thing. And I think, unfortunately, CrossFit has led people down the path of, I did 150 wall balls, unbroken, in whatever, five minutes, or whatever the Karen score is. And then the accomplishment results in the validation of whatever.
00:22:56
Speaker
Go to the games So I'm this that and the other and it's like I'm gonna throw the bullshit flag and say you're broken you're unhealthy and you're potentially jeopardizing your ability to raise your kids later, so who really are you then and That's something that if you did a hundred and fifty wall balls unbroken in five minutes or whatever some fast-forward a 40 pound med ball and
00:23:24
Speaker
Every single one of those squats looked like crap and you didn't extract the movement and that was actually like you weren't going to full capacity or whatever like there's just so much more than what the Nate what what the score is and You know how is always greater than what the problem also is as we know when you You know, I think we talk about this all the time like it's easy to be
00:23:52
Speaker
to put things into place and to be working on yourself and applying what you've learned when things are good. Yeah. And I think in that, in that situation, when you're doing, you're hitting a number, you're getting a score, you're going to the games, whatever those things are for you, you're, you're such and such body fat percentage. Like then your people are delusional and saying like, yeah, I'm doing great as a human. I'm better. I'm, but it's really,
00:24:21
Speaker
Not because when those things then get stripped away, you realize like, oh, like actually I, that wasn't me being a better human. That was just me, you know, having these external pieces. So I think the real struggle, and there are people who have done CrossFit, been high level athletes.
00:24:39
Speaker
now who are sort of lost when that's gone yeah i mean and that goes for every sport without doubt i mean it goes in the military right so it's like well that was the that was i was delusional to think like yeah i'm crushing life right now because of all these things i can point to but you don't really know until they're gone like okay shit now without being in the best possible scenario
00:25:04
Speaker
can I still be better? So I think we see that a lot, even with people that aren't even close to high level athletes, like people in our gym, recreational people coming in to get fit, get really wrapped up in the weight they moved that day, the score, well, I used to do this, I can't do this. It's very much, you know, connected to,
00:25:30
Speaker
like some arbitrary data and not really about like, well, how can I take this opportunity? Yeah, my deadlift went down from four years ago. Okay, like how can I take this opportunity to get better? And that's like, yeah, maybe not the deepest thing that you can look at in your life, but
00:25:49
Speaker
Starting with that, like, well, I'm frustrated. And that's when we talk about like, how do you get better? It's simple. Like, yeah, I'm getting pissed. I'm getting frustrated. I'm telling myself it means this and that. Okay. In this moment, I can get better by telling, by working through, it's not about what I can do or the weight I can move, like, and asking yourself that question, like, well, what is it really about? Who, what is really important to me? And I think that's the process of like,
00:26:14
Speaker
Like we said, it's a personal thing. I don't know what that answer is. No, no one's walking around with a thought bubble. Like we can't see that. Right. But it's a chance for someone to ask that question. There's like that gap and like, okay, let me pause and ask that question. Most people I think though, don't, they might not get really pissed off or let it impact their day. Some might, but they're not really using that opportunity.
00:26:40
Speaker
to dig a little bit. And I guess that's kind of the rub, and that's kind of the part about
00:26:50
Speaker
what are you doing to get better? Because, you know, and we've talked about a lot, there's a lot of people that want that tell me they want to get better, that tell me they like my stuff that tell me all this stuff. Where are you? What are you doing to get better? What opportunities and it doesn't just have to be between the ears. And this is not I don't know the answer to this. This is a rhetorical question.
00:27:18
Speaker
You can read a library of books.
00:27:23
Speaker
And I will say that is not going to get you better until you action any of it. And that's, you know, that whole thing where I guess I'll finally put it out and write about it more. But, you know, the acquisition versus application and these three identities that I see very often happen with the old guard being the person who acquires no new information.
00:27:48
Speaker
Only does the same thing and has been doing the same thing forever because that's the way we do it around here. That's what worked in the past and really is just like the ultimate constant and isn't changing. Then there's the hoarder. And I think the hoarder is generally what we see. I don't know how what the percentages is. I'll just be making it up. But the hoarder.
00:28:11
Speaker
is somebody who can't get enough, who has this insatiable just consumption of the latest and greatest and the next best thing, and reads all the books, and listens to all the podcasts, and follows all the things, and bop, bop, bop, bop, but doesn't do a damn thing. We know a lot of those people. A ton of those people. And they're good people. They're not bad people. But unfortunately, the books don't give an in-person live
00:28:41
Speaker
opportunity or reason or appointment or whatever. The book is a one way communication. I think I shouldn't say like, we know, we've been those people as well. I've read books and in the moment, wow, that's amazing, like really moved or, or like something resonates with me and the next day. Well, that's I think, I think that
00:29:02
Speaker
Yeah, without a doubt. And it's like, because we want more, it comes from a good place. It's like, I want more, I want more, I want more, because you're looking for something and it's like, yes, but we also find it by doing. And I think that's 100%. It comes from a very good place.
00:29:23
Speaker
There's also the pressures and the fact that people are really good at marketing and this whole thing of like FOMO and fear of missing out and all of that. And like, you know, you talk to anybody in Silicon Valley.
00:29:39
Speaker
they're disgusted by the general what generally comes out of incubators, which is to how do we maximize and how do we manipulate to get a click or to get a subscriber to get a like or to get to get a purchase and like that's that is dangerous.
00:29:56
Speaker
So that's the third. And then the third identity is the student. And the student is a, is about 50, 50 acquiring new information and applying that and monitoring the results and acquiring and applying and acquiring and applying. You know, the other two are about 90, 10. So the, the, the old guard acquires about less than 10% new information and applies 90% of, of, of what's been old, the hoarder.
Identities and Mindset in Personal Development
00:30:27
Speaker
acquires 95 90 95% of information applies not 5% the student is finding in that range in that balance and you know, that's where That's where I think if we if we look at what are we doing to get better? And just and be curious with ourselves and ask ourselves, you know and I think that also lends itself to look at like I
00:30:54
Speaker
building better human beings is that's what we provide. That's what we do. That's what we believe in. Yeah. And I think, you know, you and I have like some of the most, some of the hardest moments, but like most impactful is when we've
00:31:15
Speaker
had conversations and we've been honest with each other, whether you're telling me like, yeah, I don't know that you're really trying to get better. And I think while that's really hard to hear, I think not everybody is in or has a person that can give them feedback like that.
00:31:36
Speaker
not whether you're open to taking it or not, that's another thing. But that is why having a tool to do that for yourself is really important. Because you're not always going to have someone that really can hold that mirror up for you. And so that's definitely something that we have that is really unique, I think, for relationships. I don't know that everybody's fortunate to have that.
00:32:06
Speaker
But yeah, for getting better, I can say I want to get better. I do. And there might be a list of things that I know I can work on. And that might be relative to our relationship or how I am in a certain scenario. But yeah, just wanting that, as you said, unfortunately that's not enough. And that's great. Intention is fine. Intention is good.
00:32:35
Speaker
you know, I think we say that a lot. That's something that I've really changed my perspective on. Um, cause I always felt like, but my intention was good. And so your intention can be great to get better, but that only takes you so far and you can't just fall back on, well, like the intention was good, but I didn't do anything about it. So, um, yeah, the actioning and for me, it, it is like, it's amazing too, how we,
00:33:01
Speaker
do things like whether it's the writing or you know the physical and the writing or just whatever it is that is that action it also has to be consistent and it can't just be you know this one I think I think people put a lot into some one crucible or one event or one weekend or something and as you say often at the end of your events like that is fleeting and it's great to learn something from that but
00:33:30
Speaker
Things change, you change, some of that fades, and so it's really important to keep, keep actioning things, keep obtaining new information, but also to keep, to keep actioning it. And there's never like a point where you get to that is sort of like you got it figured out and you're good and no more action is needed. Like that's just not, I think that's also part of it is knowing you're never, you've never arrived.
00:33:56
Speaker
Yeah. And not in a self-defeating, self-deprecating way. Cause you know, I've battled with that. That has been that never being good enough, never arrived. Like you haven't earned it yet. Even when there's a bunch of accolades and whatever that has been a fuel. So we started watching Chernobyl and the first episode of the core blows up and like that fuel.
00:34:26
Speaker
radiation, whatever, uranium, all that crap, can power cities. And it can melt your face off as well. And so that fuel that I used for pretty much my entire life, having a relationship with that and understanding that, yeah, my mindset of I've never arrived,
00:34:54
Speaker
can be positive and can drive towards things, but too much of it can be incredibly self-oppressing. And that has been the case. And I am now just, I think, I mean, as of yesterday, really, I mean, it's constant. Like, but digging in and doing the work. That's for you is what it is being better. That was like a part for you. So like, you're being better.
00:35:21
Speaker
is like recognizing where that line is, you know, that's a very delicate balance. You know, so that's like, that's getting better. And I think that does lend itself back to the learning. If you look at it from a learning, like, what can I learn? And in terms of like, I haven't arrived yet as like an opportunity, like, wow, there's so much out there in the world.
00:35:47
Speaker
that like how could I possibly have, how could I possibly know it all? Not just like internal, but just as a bigger like an opportunity to grow, not in a self-deprecating, like I'm never gonna get there. I'm never gonna read every book in the world. Well, I might as well just quit now, you know. So I think that's- And that's failing. Like that's like, you know, bad failing. Cause let's be honest, like we're not always gonna use failure in a pot. Like, oh good, yes. And we understand that.
00:36:15
Speaker
that's failure. Like that's bad failure that you don't grow from is saying like, you know what? I'm making a decision right now to stop, to not invest in myself. Cause what's the point? Cause what's the point? And that's quitting. And like, I think that's why people, I think that feeling of being overwhelmed, you know, and it's, it's just like anybody starting, it's kind of like when you start, um, like if somebody has a really big goal, say they're gonna, yeah, like train for a,
00:36:43
Speaker
Ironman or something that's challenging or they're gonna Lose they need to like lose hundreds of pounds for it to for their health to to be able to continue to live I Think a lot of people get stuck or it could be something about yourself. That's really you've you've been this way for 40 years there can be that that
00:37:08
Speaker
temptation to be like, what is the point? How am I every, why even bother starting? But that's where like those little daily actions, like just like the, you know, weight loss is kind of an example. Like, okay, I'm going to start, I'm going to do today. And then the next day I'm going to do today, you know, same thing with training and how can I be in that process? And versus I do think people just, it's, it's like, why bother? And, you know, we talked about this,
00:37:35
Speaker
Just a small local race that I did on Sunday, this triathlon, and people who had done it in the past, even the medal says, like, conquer the hill. I didn't even realize that until you pointed it out. But like, it was very clear before starting the race, everybody knew there was a hill. There was a big hill that started out the three mile run that was at the end of this. And it was really kind of amazing, like watching when I got to that hill, almost everybody around me
00:38:05
Speaker
stopped and walked. It was like, here it is, here's the hill. Not even going to try. And it's kind of back to that thing of people want to do these things. Or someone mentioned to me, oh, you look incredible. What do you do? And obviously, this is ridiculous. But I wanted to be like, well, we're on the hill, for starters. So it's like, what would it take to just not thinking about, wow, this hill is a mile long, and there's no way I'm going to make it. And I'm not even going to try. And what's the point?
00:38:34
Speaker
I'm like, okay, I'm gonna run up the hill until I can't. Just like the sled. And what did we talk about before? Well, yes, you said there's a hill. Good, good, there's a hill. And I, you know.
00:38:48
Speaker
And yeah, and that was part of, and I told you about when I was in selection. Right. And that whole thing. But it's also, there's also a tremendous amount of trust and belief that is required for you to run that hill. And look, do you run up every hill as fast as you can? No. Yeah, but it's the trying. It's the not counting yourself out before you've even begun. Before you've even begun. And being in that process. And it's like, you see the hill, and you've already, the hill has already defeated you.
00:39:19
Speaker
And when you think about it, it's like, well, why is that the case? And, you know, it makes absolutely no sense to defeat yourself in a way
00:39:32
Speaker
that you never even try. That's the difference. It's okay to fail, fail, fail. Run up the hill and be like, oh shit, I need to slow down and I might need to walk, great, right on. Well that's, yeah, it's like the sled. I'm gonna run until I can't run this fast and that's what I have. And that's, yesterday you were supposed to coach anyway, so deciding to make the class a little bit of a between the ears experience. And there were people, probably,
00:40:03
Speaker
maybe didn't go or maybe were nervous to go because they already made up in their mind what something was and I think that is a general like you know that your theme was like projection and I think there's when you say like well what does being better mean there are some things and that's where
00:40:21
Speaker
What's funny is if you look at the practice and your mindset focuses, like you could string all those together. And if you can, I don't mean master cause there's never mastery, but if you can answer some of those questions, like I find it hard to believe after doing 12 weeks of mindset focus, considering these things, you're not better for whatever that means for you. And so that's part of it. Not, there are some common themes. I think when you look at being better that,
00:40:48
Speaker
not projecting. So not projecting that I can't even run this hill. I can't lose this weight. I can't do that. And we hear those. Oh, I can't. Every time we go somewhere and someone says, what do you do? And I, half the time I really don't even want to say what I do. Oh, I want to cross the gym. Oh, I could never do that. And it's almost unbelievable. It's like, wow, what else? Like, how could you be better if you just said, Oh yeah, you know what? Like,
00:41:17
Speaker
I don't mean like come to our gym or, but like people just, if you just started with that as like, how can I be better by saying like yes to trying things a little bit or investing in that process? Like that is, is a start. Well, and that's the thing with projections that is, that's the thing with projections that is really, um, that I wanted to share with the group yesterday and
00:41:47
Speaker
You know, the thing about a projection is it takes something, takes something small and makes it big. And when we look at how we project in our lives, we take a fucking snippet of information. Like we look at life through a straw. We look at a painting, the corner of a painting through a tiny little stirrer straw, not even like a drinking straw, a stirrer straw, and then say to ourselves, oh, I know what the whole thing looks like.
00:42:11
Speaker
And it's like, you don't. You have no idea. You have no idea. You don't know if it's the Mona Lisa or whatever. You have no idea. And so we take a little bit of thing. And yet, we look at this little bit of information. We project and we make it big this entire picture. And then, without even really thinking, we lock that in as the absolute truth.
00:42:41
Speaker
And don't even consider it to be something else. Don't even consider the fact that maybe we were kind of wrong. And again, we can go like that's, that's definitely a rabbit hole. The way I project, the way you project, the way anyone else projects is totally different. The common theme is that we all project. And that's, I think part of, again, how do we make people better? How do?
00:43:06
Speaker
how does between the ears make people better? How do you know, how does my coach make people better? It's not by saying, this is what I do, do this, or this is what happened to me, don't like avoid this, because it's like, no, actually, you know what, fucking have the pitfall. And if because that's what you might need. But it's being able to through life experiences and coaching and person development, all that stuff, be able to identify common threads, common themes,
Creating Learning Experiences for Growth
00:43:32
Speaker
and create experiences for the individual to action it as it is in their own life and see what it comes up. And that's like the big thing. Cause there's no template to it. Right. And the one thing it does require, and we've talked about this a lot is like slowing down and like pot, like you have to, you can't do any of this stuff. Like,
00:43:59
Speaker
I'll just, I'll deal with that. I'll think about it like when I'm asleep. I mean, you have to stop during your day at some point. And like, I hate using that word, the word present, like, cause we, it gets like, just like anything so overused, but, and that was a big thing for me. Like you have to at some point stop to take a second to like ask yourself questions or do like, like, where am I at? What, where am I at right now? Because any of these concepts, like you can't improve if you're just,
00:44:29
Speaker
doing something else, simultaneous. So, you know, that's a big one too and that's a challenge. I mean, I said I had a moms group yesterday and one of the things I told them was like, you know, especially as moms or new moms being in that like survival mode, that's gonna have an impact. And like this area, everybody's busy, busy, busy. We create our own busyness and like
00:44:57
Speaker
that you're not gonna learn anything. You're not gonna get better if you are on just like a constant being pulled along through your day surviving. And only you can make that decision. So it's not something, it's not a sacrifice, but we always say if it is worth something, something really important in your life will probably require, it will probably be a challenge and it'll probably require sacrifice. So in this case, getting better, improving who you are as a human,
00:45:26
Speaker
It probably can't be like a side job, like a hobby. Like, yeah, I'll just kinda do it at the same time that I'm working a 15 hour day and this and that. Like, it's just not gonna happen. So the sacrifice is like, yeah, I'm gonna make the commitment to whatever. You know, in the morning, get up 15 minutes early to write. Or I'm gonna stay after the workout and journal a little bit. Or I'm gonna take that weekend and do that seminar. But I think people want,
00:45:55
Speaker
like step one in getting better is stopping and saying like where are my priorities here and where can I make a shift and it doesn't have to be quitting your job, but to like allow that time and I think not, and it's not about like plugging the practice, but it has been like so impactful for me and I think there is so much value to it as a system because you know one of the things you say about the workouts is like
00:46:23
Speaker
it does kind of help people with that in terms of like moving and that's like the time you're making an appointment with yourself to at least focus on once a week like thinking about this and unfortunately people
00:46:39
Speaker
you know, like we do have other commitments and people have busy lives. And so step one is like a little bit of help and support in carving that time out to do that. Um, and you know, like that's had been a huge thing for me. Like I just don't have time. I didn't have time. Yeah, I'm too busy. Like just going to get it done. You know, I was chatting with someone yesterday that that I heated working out past
00:47:02
Speaker
10. I mean, you know this, like if I don't do in the morning, like, cause I just got to get it done. Like, I feel like that was like my mantra. Just get it done. I just got to get it done. And I do hear people say it now and I'm like, Oh my God. Like it, it, for me personally, for how, where I know I've come from, like, like just that way of thinking, like it just doesn't end up serving you. So really looking at it from a different way of like, I, you know,
00:47:31
Speaker
wanting to improve, not just it being a yeah. And just getting it exactly. And just getting it done is checking the box. And that is task accomplishment. That is outcome based. That is what you do. And that shit doesn't work. In the short term, in certain scenarios, understood. 100% like understood.
00:47:56
Speaker
But that was kind of back to yesterday's thing too, with projection. There's a difference between surviving and thriving. And checking the box in a survival scenario will potentially save your life. If your life is always threatened, or you are like, I just need to survive today, there's a greater issue there. And a lot of people are living that way.
00:48:18
Speaker
I mean, maybe they don't think about that way, but like when every day, and I know we have lived that way. I mean, when you think about, and that's obviously a lot of the strong fit stuff, like resonates so much with us, like, wow. Like, yeah, being in that survival state, what that does to, even just from a physical standpoint, I mean, your health, you're just banging your head against the wall, but a lot of people are,
00:48:48
Speaker
doing that and so step one is to like it's kind of a little bit of chicken and the egg like because you need to create some awareness to be able to see wait I need to stop and like I need to reevaluate and then to get better but I don't know like do people have that ability to stop and have that awareness that they need to get better without the awareness of getting better yeah and I think that's right and it's that's what's not
Enhancing Self-Awareness
00:49:16
Speaker
That's what that's where a book comes in. Hey, here you go. And it's just like, it's like a false solution. So yeah, that cycle, it is very much, it is very much kind of a blended solution where there's a little bit of, of that, um,
00:49:36
Speaker
But I remember one time you, I was driving down to wherever I was driving down to recently and you called me and something happened and you were like, not in a good place.
00:49:49
Speaker
And it was something like with, with you, you identified that like your approach and your way of being with something, and I honestly don't know what it was. Obviously it wasn't that important. Um, but, and it really had nothing to do with anybody else. Like there was no blame going on there. It was your own doings. And you said like, I am just like, I just feel like I am so unaware. And of course there was a whole bunch of other emotions that got wrapped up in that.
00:50:18
Speaker
And you were like, well, how the hell, how the hell do I work on my awareness? And it's kind of like, well, no idea. Like, cause I don't know, but like maybe consider this or that.
00:50:32
Speaker
And it's as, I think the frustrating part is that the answer lies within the question. Like, well, I mean, like, what is aware? What is your, what is awareness? And so that's a tough one to, I think sometimes to be like, okay, fine, I need to be aware of it. How do I do it? And it's like, we'll be aware. It's like, okay, this is like not happening.
00:50:52
Speaker
So one of the things that I recommend to people as a tool, it's in a tool, just like a crutch, and we talk about this all the time, like a crutch can provide you the ability after you've snapped your femur into fib can provide you the ability to walk again.
00:51:08
Speaker
At a certain point, if you don't ditch the fucking crutch, you are going to lose your ability to walk again. And that's just the evolution of it. So having a tool of what do I, in this order also, what do I see? What do I think? What do I feel? That's how you can improve your awareness.
00:51:31
Speaker
And not like, what do I see? No, like, what do I see? So right now, if you're driving another road, I see a red suburban in front of me. I see green trees, I see whatever. And what it's doing is it's focusing you in on being present. And that's the big thing. Because if you're not present, you will not be aware. It will not happen.
00:51:53
Speaker
And you go from it's a progression going from pretty much like easiest requiring very little to like just eyes. What do I see? This is what I see. What do I think? Okay, now you're sort of like
00:52:07
Speaker
you've kind of also calmed down a bit and what, so like, what are you thinking? And the thought, like what is the thought? If it were to be one of those texts to like, you know, when you see like on the 911 calls and they have the transcript, like that's your thought. What do you think? Boom. So if it was just to be the text about letters, letters, words, sentences, blah, blah, blah. This, those are your thoughts. What do you feel?
00:52:32
Speaker
Finally, you got to get there though. It doesn't start. What do I feel? I'm fucking like, no, like you have to get there through what do I see? What do I think? And then finally, what do I feel? And be specific with trying to name your emotion. That shit's not easy.
00:52:48
Speaker
Often, it's incredibly hard to actually name the emotion. Because what we start doing is we start making the story. It's like, that's not the emotion. Anger, jealousy, resentment. Those are the emotions. Can you name them? And it's tough. And that progression, though, is how you can improve your awareness. But what's amazing about that progression is
00:53:18
Speaker
Yes, you can do it driving down the road when you're, when you find yourself in a situation, but you can also use it, not in the emergency scenario.
Exercise as a Tool for Growth
00:53:27
Speaker
So like, okay, I'm coming in and today we're doing a sandbag carry and a sled push. You can use that and you can practice and train that, that mechanism in something like that. Um, and that's the same with,
00:53:46
Speaker
You know, that's obviously like an environment or a safe, not like safe, but like a, a place that is, you know, a practice ground to do that. Um, and we know that unfortunately most people come in and there's no, it's a very disconnected experience, not even from a physical, like how do I feel my hamstrings? Hmm.
00:54:12
Speaker
Like just, I don't know. I'm just straightening my leg. I'm bending my leg. Don't ask me about that. And so like, even in those, and I think that's what we've encouraged in, you know, out of what we do, like the gym is probably the, the space that can be more about the physical and you know, people aren't signing up to come into the gym necessarily to humans, but it's a challenge for us because
00:54:40
Speaker
we know that just bending your leg, doing the 150 wall balls, getting that time, it's a waste of time. At some point, just flexing the muscle isn't enough. And so that's probably ironically, as much as it's the place where it's the trickiest, where that stuff isn't maybe as present, it probably needs it the most because
00:55:09
Speaker
And that's where we struggle. Like we know people are coming in just checking the box and it's almost like you'd be better off. I don't know. Like now that you know this and it's like, it's hard to see people just come in and check the box because it isn't benefit. I mean, someone says to me the other day, like, well, yeah, at least I'm like exercising. And it's like, it's a tough, it's a tough like thing. It's like, well, yes, you're,
00:55:35
Speaker
You know, it's better than, I guess, sitting and never leaving your house. Like, sure, there's physical benefits like your heart rate and your body, but if it's perpetuating a survival mode and disconnection, then
00:55:49
Speaker
it's actually probably not good. Right. Right. Um, that's okay. We can hear our okay. Yeah. And I think that's, I mean, maybe that's a good place to end because it's coming up on an hour now. So I will say before we end that it is, I was thinking about this just sitting here. It is funny that we're doing a podcast, but this is kind of like, we have,
00:56:17
Speaker
coffee in the morning or in the afternoon or whatever we do and like we do part of our process is like talking about this stuff for each other for ourselves not to you know sure to continue to learn and get better to share with other people but this is not like
00:56:32
Speaker
Just because we're recording it, it's not like this thing we set up to do. I mean, we are constantly asking these questions and chatting. Yeah, I mean, I don't know right now, it's not gonna get into it, but the conversation we had yesterday afternoon was, and it was me basically, I mean, I don't know what you would call it. Was it an apology? I don't know what it was, but it was like,
00:56:59
Speaker
It was awareness. It was also like pausing even at this point and to our point, like it's never, you're never done. Like there's been a lot of like revelations or kind of not revelations, but like moments of growth over the past month for you, two months, three months. But then even yesterday, there was like,
00:57:18
Speaker
this awareness that you hadn't had yet that was really important for us. And that's I guess the thing it's like because it's not and Gareth's email about you know my newsletter email which was awesome and appreciated that that was what kind of kicked us off. It wasn't because I went too strong with it. Right.
00:57:39
Speaker
Like go ahead and anyone can go to the seminar. That's not going to give you what it gave me because I don't like, that's just not how it's going to go. It's not because I went to the due lectures or gave a due lectures. It's the culmination of the experiences and taking the opportunities and deciding this is, this is, this is something that we're going to be open to learn to be.
00:58:07
Speaker
to not be cynical, to not be looking for the holes. Oh, this is, yeah, oh yeah, like that's what you're saying? Well, I'm gonna look for things to prove you wrong. I mean, and not that that's, you know, what you would do, but
00:58:23
Speaker
you know, there are scenarios where as humans, like, we are looking for the holes, we're looking for that. And it's yeah, and it's hard because when you question when when who you are, what you've or who you've been or whatever comes into question. Yeah, that is incredibly that's that's changing your world, your world is getting rocked. So, you know, and that's the thing where I think to end it on like being better is
00:58:48
Speaker
Not necessarily just being in that, you know, when you're talking about the identities, like the old guard, some of that's like, not even about accumulating information or, you know, not accumulating information, but like who you are as yourself. Like we know, like it may be it's generational. Like if you never, if you never stop and look like you're just going to carry through life, like my personality being the old guard, like there's the old guard Cariana and like, I don't want,
00:59:18
Speaker
that forever, you know? And so yes, I think when you get to a point where you're faced with like having to see that, there's one of two things. You're at a fork in the road, you can see it and be like, wow, okay. Yeah, I, I want to move on. I want to progress. I need to be open or it's like a very strong resistance and like, no, no, no, no. Don't tell me, don't teach me something new. Don't tell me that I don't want to see it.
00:59:44
Speaker
don't you know and it is challenging but if you can just be open to that like yeah maybe I could be yeah cool this was fun yeah the video thing didn't really work out no
01:00:01
Speaker
But that's failure on my part to prepare. 64 gigabyte. Let's talk about failure next time. Back to failure. Did you fail personally? Or was it a... It was a task. If you want to get better. If you want to jump down. If you want to take the red pill. Honestly, that's really what it is though. That's really what...
01:00:26
Speaker
And, uh, only you can really actually take it and, and say like, I'm going to do this authentically and I will know.
01:00:37
Speaker
Like there's plenty of people that have done between the ears that have no, absolutely no idea what the real value is. And
Embracing Responsibility After Self-Discovery
01:00:46
Speaker
there's people that have done things and had no idea what they were doing and discovered it. And so like only you can really do it. But the red pill is if you choose to take it and really like say I want to get better, it's not all
01:01:06
Speaker
It's hard. It's hard work. And like kind of, you know, your thing with the matrix is like, you can't unknow things. So once you also learn things about yourself, that's great, because you can grow from them, but you can't ever unknow them. So now they're there. You can't unsee it. You can't go back. You can't be oblivious anymore. Now you know it. And so it's kind of a responsibility then to yourself to continue to, to, to improve. Yeah.
01:01:35
Speaker
So we start September 1st. Right. That's
Promotion of 'The Practice' Program
01:01:40
Speaker
the practice. Yes. 14 weeks. There's going to be four group coaching calls every four weeks are going to have one. So we're going to kick off with one. Um, it'll be via zoom or whatever. I'll try to record them. So if, you know, for my friends in Europe, maybe send it over. Um,
01:01:58
Speaker
So one at the beginning, one at the first quarter, second quarter, whatever. So then each week, workout, mindset, and the general thing. And the workouts are not, it's movement. Like I think it's important for people to not get hung up and I don't do CrossFit, I don't do this, I don't have this. Yeah, it's not CrossFit. It's for everybody. It's literally for everybody and anybody. And if there's a technical logistical thing, I think that's important to note that
01:02:28
Speaker
Just like yesterday, the row, people were kind of nervous. Like, what is he going to make me do? It's not like that. It's not about the hardest human effort at all. So I'll be honest. One of the things like, I'm not going to let, maybe I will let this out of that. I'm not really sure. I've thought about having a between the years event where, um, people just sit down for the entire time.
01:02:48
Speaker
Well way harder than that way fucking that will be that is agonizing so anyway, but anyway, so don't let the work so yes the hesitation or I don't really do cross anymore. I don't want to It's not good. Yeah, it's really just like we said the benefit of that is
01:03:05
Speaker
moving your body and also it's kind of nice because you do people are more likely to make that appointment and yeah and and do that so and we'll be in there in the group so within the practice there's a group there's a private page it's not Facebook it's it's within the the back end it's like an online course software system that that that I built it on so
01:03:31
Speaker
message board kind of deal like almost it looks like a so it's like a social media feed but it's way more productive. So we'll be in there also like interacting and to the extent that
01:03:43
Speaker
questions are asked like that's where a lot of the value is and one of our beliefs is everyone's a student everyone's a teacher and we can learn a lot from each other but we have to you know give give ourselves the opportunity to do so so that's that if you want to sign up for it the link is in the bios it
01:04:05
Speaker
Sign up for the newsletter. Also. I send out a weekly newsletter the BTE insider honestly Shoot me a note message me send me an email all of those things the the door is always open communication wise and Those handles are Bill Anthony's Carianna Anthony's
01:04:29
Speaker
Spell that because you're going to mess it up. K-A-R-I-A-N-N-E-A-N-T-H-E-S. There we go. He looked at me like I was going to misspell my own name.
01:04:42
Speaker
Anyway, uh, that's where we're at. And so between the years, BTW and the years, and yeah, hopefully, uh, looking forward to working with you guys, doing some good stuff. And I don't know, let me know how, uh, the first guest, this is my first and last appearance or, uh, we'll let the people decide. Yeah. All right.