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00:00:01
Insecurity
80 Plays5 years ago
K and I discuss openly and honestly some of our insecurities and how we are confronting them, learning from them, and handling them. It's all a work in process and we appreciate your time in joining us on the ride.
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Transcript
Introduction and Personal Greetings
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello. Hello. What are you laughing about? Nothing. Can you fix that tag on the back of your shirt? Yeah, doesn't that bother you when it's up like that? I don't feel it. All right.
Exploring Daily Challenges and Learning
00:00:18
Speaker
How are we doing today? Um, we're okay. We're, we're good, I think. Learning, for sure. Always. Yeah, we've had some challenges. Some challenges, yeah.
00:00:34
Speaker
in keeping with the going deeper and trying to avoid just being surface, I mean, I do feel it's important to share with people, like we really do, we struggle, we struggle as everyone else does. Yeah, of course. I hope that's never questioned, but I understand sometimes. No, but we're like, oh, how are we? It's like, we're good. Learning, it sounds so like, oh, wow, isn't that nice? Yeah. But, so today, kind of in talking about the podcast,
Impact of COVID-19 on Personal Insecurities
00:01:03
Speaker
sort of wanted to take a break from in some ways we wanted to take a break from talking about the current state but then again it is kind of the current state yeah so i guess we thought about you know last week or whatever that was we've sort of talked about our perspective on maybe like how people are responding or things like that and yeah observations yeah yeah
00:01:30
Speaker
And so then today in, I guess maybe it started with having kind of a little bit of a struggle point this morning. I thought, or we thought that kind of being open and honest about our own insecurities and I think the current state, whatever that is right now, it's, you know, COVID-19, whatever that is for people, they, those insecurities kind of get highlighted.
00:01:57
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of a, I think that's what.
00:02:02
Speaker
I think that's interesting to look at when things are removed, like what, what, what comes to the surface, you know? Sure. Or when there's added things like added stress, what comes to the surface? So both ways. For sure. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so that's kind of, so while it's still relative to like where we're at now, I think some of the purposes, one is to be open and honest with people and to share, like, and make sure it's clear that,
00:02:32
Speaker
You know, there have been people that have messaged you when you've been really candid and vulnerable and said, wow, it means a lot to know that you also struggle with whatever it is. People that have messaged me. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's. I guess that's one of the things that is, I wish we could have like a massive disclaimer or banner all the time on everything, but it, it really is about being shoulder to shoulder.
00:03:02
Speaker
I've had a post recently about that and like that's really how I want to lead between the ears or lead myself or interact with others and Very much a shoulder to shoulder scenario and I think what's unique about that and we were talking with this with someone this morning When if you were to line up 15 people shoulder to shoulder and
00:03:23
Speaker
right making one line left to right and I were to hold up like a pencil or one of those doctor eye charts we'd all be looking at sort of the same thing but the perspective and the point of view would be different right so what would be in my field division being on the far right would be completely different than somebody else's on the far left and so
00:03:44
Speaker
Yeah. Letting people know that we're in our own shit as much as anyone else. I think we, the key is like.
Public Sharing of Struggles and Solidarity
00:03:53
Speaker
as other people are, too, just trying to be aware of it, try to work on things, not just throwing your hands up and saying, well, oh, well, that's just who I am. So that topic today, we thought we would look at kind of our own insecurities. Yours, obviously, are a little different than mine. We each have our own. And then when you add a stressor or something going on that's sort of a catalyst, it can sure fire those up. And that kind of happened.
00:04:23
Speaker
Just recently, you know, it's, it's, there's multiple things that happen every day that can be those kinds of catalysts. So just your, you can't just wait for like, well, as soon as like those don't happen, I'll be fine. Like that's not going to happen. So changing how you can approach them and deal with your own insecurities, I guess that's it. So.
00:04:45
Speaker
So what's your problem? We should really like talk about each other. So I should tell everybody about yours. That would be terrible. And you can communicate mine. Yeah, that would be interesting.
Business Growth Amid Global Crisis
00:05:00
Speaker
I've been, I've been struggling recently with
00:05:07
Speaker
Okay. So between the ears has an image and I get this message quite a bit actually about how it looks like it's going so well and all over the place and doing all this stuff. And that's in some ways accurate.
00:05:24
Speaker
and in some ways inaccurate and misleading and I think the the glimpse that some people have and by some people just mean a random sample not good bad like skewed not
00:05:39
Speaker
They see what they see and they create a story and that's natural of everyone and I'm not gonna call that judgment. I'm just gonna call it like they're creating a story and they're thinking what they're thinking and that's totally fine. There's a whole bunch we can get into about how that gets produced, but it doesn't matter. It's just how people's brain works. Yeah, just how we think. Often what they think is going on or the growth or
00:06:06
Speaker
blowing up or whatever these things mean. Like that's not really the shared reality from my standpoint. Like if I said, how do you think between the issues going right now? You wouldn't say like, man, it is going so well. I'm like, I'm growing, I'm expanding. Like that would not be your perception.
00:06:24
Speaker
No, it wouldn't. And I want to be clear that it's also, I also recognize that the work that I am privileged to be able to provide people and work with people is never lost on me. Yeah. It's not about taking away from the work you are doing. It's just, well, when it is regarded, when you're looking at, is it growing or do you think you're
00:06:48
Speaker
have arrived, the answer is definitely a no. Absolutely not. And most of the time it's a no. Most of the time it's a no. And it will, regardless of what the metric is, it will probably be that forever. Yeah. Or a long time. And I'm okay with that. The other side to that, though, is I do want to grow it. And I do want to have it be something that develops. And I have some cool ideas and some projects. I think that would be good. But they're going to take time and luck, frankly, a lot of it. There's going to be a luck element. Yeah, the right person seeing it.
00:07:19
Speaker
Um, so there's balancing the desire to grow a business and a business that is remote and online and within each of us, but impossible to put your finger on. And then there is the inputs that go into that.
Ethics of Providing Free Services in Crisis
00:07:42
Speaker
Um, and then there's the whole, we're at a global standstill.
00:07:49
Speaker
So I just try to help when you're, you are very good at speaking, but sometimes you make it sound really good. And so in normal speak, what are you saying in normal people talk, like what you're saying is what am I saying? I just feel like there's so many words that came out, but they sounded really good, but,
00:08:16
Speaker
The thing is that like in normal speech. Okay. If I were to boil it down. Yes. Boil it down, please. Okay. We'll boil it down. I just, I like to give context. Don't burn it, but just boil it down. I'm going to burn this motherfucker. I have really been struggling with trying to grow an online business amidst a global crisis. And I have struggled with, um,
00:08:46
Speaker
things such as exchange of money. Right. But here's what to go back to how we started this. It's not like you are all of a sudden struggling with the business now that we're in a global crisis. It has become that insecurity was there before. Yeah.
00:09:04
Speaker
now that there's this on top of it. And now there's the factor of like that feeling of like, okay, am I chart? Am I capitalizing? Now that's even more inflated. My entire purpose for between the years.
Business Goals and Building Better Humans
00:09:18
Speaker
And I think that this has taken a couple of years to get to. I'm about to sneeze. Hold on a second. And I talked about this at the seminar. I think it's a structure for everything I can do.
00:09:31
Speaker
Is the pursuit of building better humans through physical mental and emotional fitness Yeah, that is kind of what it goes into. I'm gonna make the seminar online I'm gonna do it and it's gonna be like, okay Well, that's what but how and why and what goes into that because there's a shitload that goes into it So it's like I want to help people yeah is what that gets boiled down to
00:09:56
Speaker
And I think that right now we are in a time, I don't think I know right now we are in a time where as a species, we could all use some help.
Reconciling Business Growth with Value Perception
00:10:05
Speaker
Okay. I believe I have a skillset, a talent, proven track record and a product that can help.
00:10:15
Speaker
But should you be giving it to people for free? Right. So that's the thing. So it's like, well, should I just give this thing for free? Give it out for free. And it's like, well, I'm also a small business owner who is a very small business owner in a house that's also a small business.
00:10:32
Speaker
with family and incredible uncertainty moving forward like many are. So what do I do? Do I, do I, I'm not, I'm not running a charity. Like that's kind of, and I think what's interesting in both of our businesses.
00:10:48
Speaker
that service. And I'm not really sure what goes into it because we know restaurants don't like. So if you owned a restaurant, nobody expects to come in and have you just give them food for free. Like that is a very clear, or if you were to buy a bag somewhere, you're going to go support the local gift shop online and they have Easter baskets for sale. You are paying them for that Easter basket. Yeah. Okay.
00:11:16
Speaker
If you were to go to a therapist right now, there are probably, and we know some therapists who probably are swamped right now because this is a traumatic time for people. Of course, they are probably working a little bit longer, taking people on odd hours that they might not normally, but they're not not charging people. But somehow, and this is where I wonder though, is it your insecurity? Is it reality?
00:11:38
Speaker
the gym business, your business, like personal growth, there becomes this weird, like, well, should that be just for free to help people right now? And I think when we look at it from that lens, no, of course not. And I think if people thought through it like that, like, no, that doesn't make sense. Just because you have something that could help people doesn't mean it inherently should be free, but your insecurity, I think is more so and deeper than that. Like,
00:12:04
Speaker
Like I don't want to feel like, I don't want to be like aggressively. I never want, I don't know how to do it. Like you're capitalizing or like you're taking advantage of like, okay, here's the, here's the time where I've been waiting for.
Managing Emotional Responses and Insecurities
00:12:17
Speaker
Cause now people are losing their minds. Now is the perfect time for between the ears. Yeah. And that sounds like I don't want to be the guy who, you know, sells water for $5 a water bottle during a fucking drop.
00:12:29
Speaker
Like like I don't like that's not you know what I mean? And so it's like, okay I'll go on the other end, you know, and I'll be honest like it really is disappointing It's fucking disappointing to me that I put up a thing givers get lucky buy one give one and nobody bought it that I'll be honest full honesty here that disappoints me and I lose I lose
00:12:52
Speaker
Sometimes I lose I don't have I've seen some shit I've done some things that I don't have a ton of faith in humanity I am fortunate to do work deep personal good work with with clients with individuals with teams of people and They'll say like look this this this improved my Relationship this saved my whatever whatever. I'm like geez. It's not about me It's about them showing up to do the work and that restores it that fills me up, right?
00:13:22
Speaker
I feel like I'm going to point right now where there are people who could benefit from this work and financially cannot afford it. And I, that, that saddens me. And you have gifted, you have identified some people and you've gifted it as well where you think it's appropriate. So yeah, I guess I'm just saying though, like that's part of it where it's like, yeah, here's the thing. This is the thing. So we're talking about our insecurity. So your insecurity, I think is,
00:13:53
Speaker
But yes, it is value. And that goes beyond also the
00:13:58
Speaker
dollar. Like it goes deeper as to and it's been this and I think you did have what's kind of tough is like right when you did the first seminar I thought that was like a huge breakthrough kind of to another level for you for Between the Ears and that was really great and then it was right before this kind of stuff happened. Yeah and there was about three or four that were gonna get booked that we were working with and I was like wow this is really cool this is kind of starting and and and of course and look I mean but but what I'm saying is prior to that
00:14:27
Speaker
you had struggled for a good four years with the insecurity of like, what is this? How do I define this? What am I doing? So I think that is where that insecurity of like, am I actually, am I providing, am I, is this valuable? Is this what people want now? I think you know, and I know, and other people have experienced know, like now you know, like, yes, it is valuable. But then when this happens and when the exchange isn't there or the,
00:14:56
Speaker
um, purchases or, or attention isn't there. It plays on that question of value. Again, you go backwards into that bad spot. So, and currently we can, that's the thing with insecurities. You can sit down and rationally understand that. Okay. People right now are in a scarcity and but it still doesn't make it feel, I mean, there's people selling too weak. I saw yesterday.
00:15:24
Speaker
you know, like looking for like a couple more ladies who want to feel sexy and lose 10 pounds right now. And I'm like, really? Is someone really buying that right now? And they're not holding back now.
00:15:37
Speaker
The difference there is like that person and you are very different people. Things are still being bought and sold in the world. Things that offer zero value to people. So what I'm saying is rationally, we can go through the whole list and it's like, yep, I got it. I got it. I got it. But that's inherent in insecurities is it's an emotional thing that you can't just rationalize away that feeling.
00:15:58
Speaker
I guess it's like, so, you know, the whole thing about putting yourself out there and, you know, trying to provide value and whatever, you know, there's that. Our listeners just got a shake of ice. There's.
00:16:20
Speaker
It's more than just the exchange of good. It's about something bigger. And for me, it's about something deeper. And then I think, you know, am I pushing too hard? Am I being misjudged? Am I being, or maybe not misjudged, am I being judged? Am I, I don't want to feel like I am misrepresented. Can I ask you something?
00:16:49
Speaker
Yeah, that'd be a good question.
00:16:52
Speaker
So we alluded to like New Year's Eve being a tough kind of point for us, for you. So like how much of all this insecurity and the value, and I understand all that, but like you've had a hard time for the last four years being like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? So when, and while it's not about the money or whatever, if you had,
Purpose, Family, and Personal Dilemmas
00:17:20
Speaker
100,000 people doing the practice, would it feel like, okay, I have value in this world and I'm doing something purposeful and I'm not just flailing around because at Christmas or New Year's, that was kind of you'd hit the rock bottom of feeling like, what the fuck am I doing?
00:17:39
Speaker
because you didn't feel like the growth was where it needed to be. I mean, I think that's a factor of it. I would, I would say that, sure. I'm sure if, if there was, if I had, if like you, you kind of threw some cold water in my face and I've said it before, I'll say it again. When, you know, you kind of told me that like, you know, I would tell a client if I was me that you're a struggling veteran, personally struggling veteran who can't really provide for his family.
00:18:11
Speaker
and that's well that was that's your that's what i feel like you that's what you were taking on that what that's like okay so absent of the gym uh-huh like do you feel like you could provide for our family right okay so that's like a i'm just walking through this from a factual place and the point of me saying that and you being a veteran is
00:18:35
Speaker
you are all about the veteran space and helping people. And if somebody was in your position, you would want to help them because there's a set of things that go into both of those categories. Being a veteran who's struggling to find their way and what needs to happen to help that person. And also being a veteran man person, it feels like they can't provide for their family. So it wasn't in a like, it just sounds kind of like I was just trying to be
00:19:02
Speaker
Wait, are you defending what you said? I'm just trying to explain what that statement was about. Yeah, but it was a great statement. It was a very honest. It was very direct. It wasn't a... No, there's no... You do not need to defend that statement. That's not...
00:19:18
Speaker
And I don't, I'm not like, fuck you. What are you saying? Like, no, that's not, that was what I needed to hear about. So yeah, what is the, like, if you were to peel back, cause you've done this for like, well, okay, the, the five questions are like, what do you think? Okay. The feeling valued or if the, the, the very surface is about the money exchange, right? Which we know it's not, then it's like, okay, well the value in what I'm providing, then it's like, am I even providing value in the world? Then it's like, what is my purpose? Like what's at the very bottom?
00:19:48
Speaker
Your insecurity like if you peel back all of that stuff. What's the core insecurity there? Man There's two things that I kind of just just that just kind of came to me one would be worth mm-hmm self-worth yeah, and The other would be
00:20:15
Speaker
I don't know if it's like potential reaching that fit not reaching or trying to be everything you Yeah, I guess I don't want to waste anything. Yeah, I'm not really the second one I kind of have an image for but it's tough to think where you feel like sometimes you've missed something or bad timing or whatever it always kind of being in the wrong not having things aligned and just
00:20:45
Speaker
Yeah, there's been that for sure. Um, picking the wrong thing, making, you know, I guess, I guess, yeah, part of it is like, I just, you know, on, and I had a, when I was very early onto the, onto my SF team, three, four, the guy left who I, you know, it was a good dude and, um, he, it was an emotional farewell. And he, and he said like, earn your fucking Beret every single day. And I'll never forget that. And, um,
00:21:15
Speaker
you know, that wasn't the first time I was introduced to that concept. Um, when I was in Montclair, especially my senior year, because of just having been through four years now and understanding the temporariness of it all. I think that's kind of what part of why I like Buddhism as well is because of the, the universal truth of impermanence. And so I guess I just want
00:21:40
Speaker
what I do to be worth it. You do have that daily, like, am I doing enough? Am I doing enough? Yeah, without a doubt. There's always that, like, when and understanding when will it be enough? Yeah, and we talked about this years ago when I was still in, very much in.
00:21:57
Speaker
um you asked me like well when would it when would it be enough because right it wasn't enough for the deployment like okay how many would be it what would that be yeah and you know where the game that that game ends when i come back in a box right and i don't know if that's how i'm wired i don't know if
00:22:17
Speaker
You know, I don't, and I, and I obviously don't mean that by with any glorification or disrespect to my friends and brothers and sisters. Okay. That's the ultimate sacrifice. Then I gave it all. Then I could say I gave it all and I, and I stood for something and I fought for
Balancing Aspirations and Responsibilities
00:22:36
Speaker
something. And what more can you give than yourself? And that's, that's fucking a big driver for me.
00:22:44
Speaker
So talking about the, what is it? 200 bucks, 300 bucks for the product or something? It ain't about the fucking money. Like it really, 100%. It's not now. There is then the, the, the daily, you know, Western how we live thing, which is like, yes, I would like to help, you know, provide security at a roof. Well, not that long ago, I guess it was maybe.
00:23:10
Speaker
within the last year, six months, you, when I think we mentioned it on the podcast, you considered like closing up shop, getting a corporate job. And we actually talked to a friend of ours who has a corporate job. Yeah. Said, yep. If you want to do that tomorrow, I can like, yeah, get you a job. You're good to go. You can provide for your family. But I took that road and I kind of wish maybe I hadn't. And so,
00:23:38
Speaker
You know, that's the thing that would be the saddest is just not being, I guess for us, it's like having that awareness of where that insecurity is coming from. And right now I do think the challenge for us is not to get it off track and back to last week, but
00:23:58
Speaker
It is crazy to see how many posts and things in people's current state is about how crazy they are or the boredom or the liquor store and it's like, or, you know, went to the grocery store today again and saw the cart just filled with so much shit food.
Societal Reactions and Ethical Business Operations
00:24:16
Speaker
And it's like that, like you're looking in the wrong place and like, while it's not about capitalizing on it, I guess, yeah, it's like to use your desert analogy, if there's a drought,
00:24:29
Speaker
And there's like, I mean, there's like a place for water. Why wouldn't you be going to the water? Like that's how simple it is. And so there is a somewhat of a like.
00:24:44
Speaker
Yeah. It kind of like takes the wind out of yourselves when you go on. And I know it's like social media, but just the general vibe is not, we're not seeing this influx in the media and everything. Cause we know if it wasn't uptick, the media would take hold of it. No, I'm just saying like there's not out there, this other than people walking, this uptick, it doesn't seem like.
00:25:11
Speaker
And you're not experiencing it. And people saying like, let me grab hold of this right now. Cause I want to be better. I want to feel better. I want to be healthy. So, and that's sort of just the disappointment that surrounds the insecurity too.
00:25:23
Speaker
Well, I think the challenge also is like, if you were to be like, okay, can you justify your claim? Can you go to exhibit A, exhibit B, exhibit C? What do you got there? And it's not something that I think we can, on the micro level, like specifically point to and be like, well, you know, but it is a general sense. And so then it's kind of like, well, is that just then your skewed reality? And maybe it is. And that's possible. You know, we were, uh, what was that? Was that yesterday we were walking with a thing with a lady?
00:25:56
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, it was extra. So it was a beautiful day here. We've had a crap winter. Yeah. It's been cold. Previous 10 days have been rainy and gray and gloomy and beautiful day. Hey, how's it going? Bored. Haven't seen her also in years. Dad, dad. I'm so bored. Okay, so here we go. Let's, we'll give you two minutes to go on the tangent and then we got to bring it back.
00:26:26
Speaker
The point is I guess people need this right now. And so that's in addition to the I guess I would just I guess I guess here's the thing. A couple of months ago, I put up a whole little challenge that people love better than better than busy. Yeah, because everybody's talking. Hey, I'm busy. How's it going today? I'm busy. I'm busy.
00:26:46
Speaker
Well, busy just went out the fucking door. But now it's like I need to be busy. OK, and I understand. Yes, you need to be active. You need to keep your mind check. Roger. Got it. But now it's like bored. Here's the deal. My challenge to everyone and and I don't and I want to also say like the people listening to this, they're probably they're not going to be the ones who are likely saying it. Yeah, it's almost like preaching a choir. So I apologize for that. But nonetheless, maybe you guys can tell someone else if you're going to tell me you're fucking bored, then don't open your mouth.
00:27:15
Speaker
don't do not do not just say hi or so I don't care do not say I'm so bored say this I am a shitbag instead all right so that's so that rounds out your insecurities
00:27:37
Speaker
So that's what your challenge was. I don't even know what that, where that left us, but yeah. So what do you got? We need a, a series. A transition, a transition.
Coping with Insecurities in Leadership
00:27:47
Speaker
So anyway, yes, that's kind of where you're at, what you're dealing with. And that's a daily. I guess what I'd like from you, cause you do help me with this and this might be a little bit of a transition. So what do I do?
00:28:00
Speaker
How do I like help me move forward? Cause I think that's the, the intent of this podcast between the ears, the gym, all the stuff is always to make forward progress. And so say, I'm going to give you your own coaching. So they'll just be ready for that. It's like a fun house mirror. No, but I think the, the reality is like, there's two things. One is acceptance and two is awareness. So I don't think you can just like,
00:28:31
Speaker
Okay, I'm aware of my insecurities and now that's it, good, goodbye, tomorrow, I will not have those anymore. That's highly unlikely for anybody. But being able to, and I think you have gotten better at this when they flare up, being able to, as you've said, do the rational and the emotional highway and looking at the arch and stopping to say like, okay, I'm recognizing I'm having this insecurity,
00:28:59
Speaker
And I just need to like pause and acknowledge it and have awareness about it. That doesn't mean it's going to go away and you're not going to feel what you feel about if somebody didn't make an offer or purchase something, but just being able to at least contain it. Speaking of viruses, contain it. So it's not just like a virus that like takes on everything in your mood because, and we'll get to me in a second, but like you have had that where.
00:29:25
Speaker
something happens, maybe there is nothing and then you kind of spiral. And I can tell by the next day, like when we talk about it, like, okay, that was because yesterday something happened. You felt like it really pulled at your insecurities about value. And, um, and then it kind of took you down into spiral. So being able to sort of just at least contain it. Yeah. And I do want to, I don't know, maybe this is going to say, maybe this is defensive, but,
00:29:56
Speaker
The real issue, the core of the issue, so the whole Givers Get Lucky thing, that's straight from the due lectures, David and Claire Hyatt, awesome people, very influential on us, on me, gave me a chance, like gave me a, you know, like talk about gifts, like yes, they've given more than I can ever give back. So I wanted to kind of do something in honor of that.
00:30:26
Speaker
The disappointment I have with folks not participating in that, not enrolling, not buying the practice, doing it for themselves and then getting a free one and being able to gift that to someone else is that
00:30:44
Speaker
If we all gave a little bit more right now, that will go a very long way. Okay. And stop you. Okay. Two things. One, first of all, David and Claire Hyatt, when they started the due lectures,
00:30:57
Speaker
nobody came remember they've told us that they've told everybody like now it sells out in a day okay that's not how it started right right right they could have put something away that and like crickets secondly i think the challenge of what you're talking about if you were selling but let me if you were selling a candle
00:31:19
Speaker
Yeah, I can give someone a candle. It's a candle. It's like, here's a nice candle. I think it's a challenging thing and you have to consider if I'm buying someone a sort of self-help thing that also includes movement and workouts, it's a lot harder to just give that to someone. What does that mean? Do you think I need help? Do you think I don't have workouts? Are you saying I need to lose weight? Like there's a whole thing.
00:31:41
Speaker
So those are all very valid. Yes, very good Rational reasons and I and I do understand that and I do accept that
00:31:52
Speaker
One of the biggest things people say to me is like I'm just not ready. It's just crazy I'm like you you are I mean the one week you go for a goddamn walk Are you telling me you cannot walk if you cannot walk then correct? I know that but what I'm saying is the under the unknown presents this I can't and I guess that's like sort of the root of between areas or part of it too is like no the unknown produces the opportunity to say I will and I can Because you step into it
00:32:19
Speaker
the disappointment side is sort of about like, man, really? Like people aren't giving it or, and then, and then the layer deeper is like, I'm not creating something valuable enough in the eyes of people to say, Hey, this is worth me giving. This is worth me giving. Yeah. So you asked about moving on and I'm just saying that's that tug of war about having the awareness about all those things in the rational and being able to just at least contain it.
00:32:48
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. All that to say, I also do fully understand that we are in crazy times. Yeah. And you know, look like people's priorities and it's there. And I know for, and I know 100% my intentions are good. Um, I know the reality too of like the work, uh, for sure. And I know I have, I'm not going to get on here and speak about all of the giving that I've done. I'm not going to do that.
00:33:19
Speaker
I know who I am in presenting these opportunities. It really is how it goes. I just did a quick calculation just looking at some budget stuff and all of this and it was like, wow, yeah.
00:33:35
Speaker
Gonna take a hit on that and and that's okay because it's worth it because if it means someone can be like wow I learned one to then then that's what it's all about and so kind of the juggling act of you know Ironically enough like physical mental and emotional like those the three balls you're juggling you only ever have really contru- anyway bad analogy, but hopefully we've Off-gassed a little bit to transition. So what do you got? We tried to transition and it was worse than the first transition. Oh my god
00:34:07
Speaker
Well, my attempt at a transition. Uh-huh. What was your attempt? Are you asking what my insecurity is for you to talk about me? Or do you just want to talk about you the whole time? Excuse me? What? I... Man, see that? You're scratching at my... Scratching at my stuff. I thought we were gonna... I thought we were gonna alternate. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, the podcast is almost over now. You talked about you the whole time.
00:34:35
Speaker
Yes, what's funny about the transition, I guess, is what's interesting is, you know, everybody's insecurities are so unique. So when I look at your insecurity, I don't experience that from like, if I look at, okay, the gym, not that the gym is mine, but if we're saying, okay, between the years is you and the gym is me.
00:34:57
Speaker
I guess I, you know, I, I question, I'm always questioning like, what's the value, but it's not from an, it's not an insecurity. I don't, I have questions about my worth, but it's not in the same place. What I think has come to the surface for me, and yes, a lot of it does come down to a business like because of the business, because of what I do for work, it's not,
00:35:23
Speaker
Like your value isn't when it's not pulling at your question of your worth as it relates to the kids or me. It's about between theirs. Right. So for me in the same regard, my insecurity that is kind of coming to the surface is my overwhelming
00:35:46
Speaker
like being consumed by wanting everybody's approval, needing to, and I guess what's the insecurity there? It's that what if, I mean, yeah, you could say it's like being perfect, but it's more so the like not pissing anybody off, not just making sure that everybody is happy and inherent in leadership. As we've said, like I understand rationally that is impossible. I mean, you can make some of the people happy some of the time and all of it, like we all know that. Yeah.
00:36:13
Speaker
And I also know that like good leadership inherently is also like doing what's best for the, for everyone. And that just because we're all unique, it cannot possibly provide everybody the same contentment at the same level all the time, but it's consuming. And so then it's, um,
00:36:35
Speaker
Yeah. Just then it does spill over into personal life because then I questioned myself because it makes me question a lot. So say, okay, we put out a policy. Let's just, okay, here's a policy for the gym. X, Y, Z. Sure. 90% of the people, cool. Great. Not another thought. 10% of the people, I don't like that policy. I disagree. And I think, you know, you guys are really insensitive for that policy. Sure.
00:37:03
Speaker
I'm not thinking my insecurity and you on the other hand in this regard, I think are better at saying like, Hey, that's normal. That's the appropriate statistic for being a good leader. Like, yep, on paper, like that's kind of the deal for me. I'm consumed by that 10%. And then I question the policy. Is the policy right? Am I right for it? Is this correct? Am I serving people? Am I providing them? Like, what did I do wrong because of the 10%? Yeah.
00:37:31
Speaker
And then it spills into like on a personal note, questioning everything I'm doing. And I think you've experienced that. Like so this morning, then it becomes like, I feel like I'm being questioned by you, by the kids, by the, by my choices that have nothing to do with the gym. If I want to go bike, if I want to take the 10% you take in this example, the response of the 10% and you extrapolate that to the 100% or those closest to you. Yeah.
00:38:01
Speaker
It just becomes a whole of self doubt. Yeah. And then feeling criticized by everyone. Anyone that's in my space. You make up those. Yeah, it's a story. So, um, and it, and it's, like I said, it's a balance between feeling criticized and then questioning myself. So what is it about being criticized that, or, you know, having people not approve of you that, that questions
00:38:30
Speaker
I mean, I guess that ties into, yes, this quest to, like, be perfect or to not upset people or to please everyone. And just by nature, like, I don't want anybody. I don't want to. I'm unable to just look at that and say, like, it's OK that this person is 100 people. Right. It's got to be 100 people that.
00:38:55
Speaker
or are in or yeah or i severely go into a beating myself up questioning myself if there's that one person because because there must have been some flaw in what i'm doing if not it's not unanimous or something i missed or something i didn't see or you know what does that say about you though that flaw that miss that thing like what do you own what do you take on what do you say is
00:39:25
Speaker
Right, then I, it was less than, I didn't, I wasn't, whatever the situation calls for, empathetic enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't thoughtful enough, I didn't consider enough that there's this person or people that kind of got left out of that agreement. And I understand the same thing, rationally, like,
00:39:51
Speaker
you know, we've talked about this, like everybody doesn't think like me, I can't assume and that's people are just different. And so it's just, it's a ridiculous thing to think you're going to get that. But I think the danger in it, like I said, is that sort of going down that hole of
00:40:10
Speaker
questioning then everything and that doesn't feel like good leadership I don't think that's a good attribute and it you know so today we had a little thing today and we've had several things ping yeah for sure yeah you know ironically yesterday I was talking to my mom and I was like well we've had a
00:40:34
Speaker
we kind of like have had a day of like no whatever I'm calling them the little complaints or pings or some sort of flare up or drama or whatever and then I kind of spoke too soon because then something happened last night but and again it's not
00:40:52
Speaker
I'm not even saying that the person, I'm not criticizing that person. No. Whatever happened, that person had their experience. They, yeah. I had my experience. Yeah. What I'm owning is that I let those things just take me down. I have, you know, and it just completely buries me. So my insecurity is just, yeah, wanting full on acceptance approval. If, if person, I mean, we've talked about this. It could be a stranger.
00:41:23
Speaker
Like, like I had that example with the woman with the dog at Natarar. This was like months ago, over the winter. And like the dogs kind of like, you know, they sniff each other, but then like they kind of started barking and Charlie got like playful or whatever he was doing. Right. But it scared this woman. She didn't like it. We pulled the dogs off each other. It was fine. Everybody was fine. But she was like full on appalled.
00:41:46
Speaker
didn't speak, just kept staring at me, not moving. And I kept speaking and saying like, I'm sorry, like the dogs, nothing, nothing. I just stared at me like they're kind of like a psychopath, but that's fine. And then finally, I started walking away and she just kept staring at me and like,
00:42:01
Speaker
It consumed me that this, this stranger, this person that I will not see again. I mean, I saw her probably the next week and avoided her, but I'm never going to like have a relationship with the relationship. Why do I care like this woman? And it consumed my neck the next two hours. I had to really stop myself and say like, okay, rationally, this person had this experience and it doesn't impact your life. So sure.
00:42:29
Speaker
Not everybody is a stranger that you're never going to see again, but there's something because, because, because there is something in our DNA.
00:42:41
Speaker
that makes human connection very, very strong. Like that's a very strong force. Humans are not meant to be isolated away from other people. We teamed up way back when we were, you know, club thumping Neanderthals.
Evolutionary Responses and Coping Techniques
00:43:05
Speaker
And we're like, look, if we can work together, we can beat the lions. And we did that. Then we're like, look, if we pool our resources, if we protect each other, we can make it. And so the development, the evolution of humans and how we established tribes created that adaptation to seek that behavior. Not all animals do that. Most don't. Even the very smart ones, primates, they're just like, fuck you, I don't care.
00:43:36
Speaker
So within our DNA is this language of human connection. And so this absolute stranger who has provided nothing and will not provide anything to your life because they're not in it significantly
00:43:57
Speaker
influenced it by this violation of human connection. And I've done that to others and others have done that to me. And we've all sort of probably maybe wittingly or knowingly, unknowingly done that to others. But it's like, I think that that response, there's that threat. It's a threat. You're being threatened because now this person who looks like me, who speaks like me, who walks like me,
00:44:27
Speaker
is threatening me. Yeah, and that's the normal and I agree there's a normal degree to it. We're just talking about though like taking it to the extreme where it really becomes consuming and so that was
00:44:40
Speaker
Well, right. Right. That's my experience for some people. Like, yeah, of course it's a threat and nobody likes that stuff. But then to let it have you questioned so much more. Yeah. And I guess how was I? Did I do this? That's where it's like not healthy. And so in our current environment right now, for me, I feel like I have to realize, and you know, I wrote about it this morning, like,
00:45:03
Speaker
the part about what I can control. So I can't control the 10%. No. I can control making. You can't control the 90%. Right, but the only thing I can control is I can't be anybody else but me either. So I can try to think about how would someone in this position see this, how would someone in that position see this, and try to account for all those things as you should when you're running a business or being a leader.
00:45:34
Speaker
But, you know, ultimately, like, I can't control what someone's going to think about me, about my decision. And, you know, so that's kind of what I wrote about today. And yeah, and I'm not going to like, I guess it's not about winning, but like, I'm not going to win every. And I guess that's something with like you and I, when we get into arguments, like, it's not it's not about winning. I just want.
00:46:05
Speaker
Like ironically, just like what you said is to not be misunderstood. I just want to be understood and heard. Yeah, for sure. And so I do think the situation that just recently came up, like there was a hearing each other like that happened. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I guess I just have to also stop and have awareness. And then what happened today was I took it on to a sort of like defense mode where then I recognize that I'm letting this
00:46:33
Speaker
infiltrate myself and like have doubt. And then it's like, well, fuck everybody. I'm going to do me to try to like protect myself a little bit. And then in the process, I isolate the people in my family who are on my side and are on my team. And that's where it's kind of the problem. Right. But we worked through it.
00:46:59
Speaker
Yeah, it's challenging. But, you know, that's the thing. Like, what are you learning? Yeah, learning quite a bit. And I think that's where looking at, you know, and to kind of follow up from last week, it's like whether or not you join between the ears or you join the gym. Yeah. Right. Well, our messages is that how are you learning through this? You know, and
00:47:23
Speaker
And where are we at there? And we've were chatting with other affiliate owners and friends and other people in other businesses and those who are
00:47:38
Speaker
I guess paying attention to the actions of others and aren't just completely secluded and just don't know. Um, and especially those in sort of whatever client service customer support, whatever that might be, the unanimous agreement is that people are starting to go crazy. And that's the scary thing for me, if I don't recognize this insecurity,
00:48:04
Speaker
So am I really going to take responsibility and put myself in a hole because of people going crazy in their actions? Right. Well, and the other thing, yeah. And I think the other thing to, to, and I try to remind myself of this as well. And this goes back to the podcast we did about the power of story and how you don't know anyone else's story. Like let's just take it. Let's just make up an example. This did not happen, but let's just say that this happens tomorrow.
00:48:32
Speaker
somebody shoots us an email, sends us the message, does whatever, be it the gym, be it between the ears, be it whatever. And basically lose fucking just attacks us. Right. This is, this is, you're making this up. This is a hypothetical. This is a hypothetical. It has not happened. Okay. Somebody attacks us and it's just like, whoa, like just crazy attack.
00:48:58
Speaker
They could have lost their significant other. We don't know what happened. It took over. You have no idea. But like you do know your reality and your reality is well, maybe not. But nonetheless, you know that all you do know is that you are being attacked by this person. And it is really fucking hard.
00:49:16
Speaker
to pause to breathe and to rationally say I don't know where this person is coming from because Emotionally you are going to have the same response to the lady who stared you down with the dog, right? Yeah, and that's going to be I'm under a threat and it's gonna be all right motherfucker Then let's fight and that's not gonna be good because you don't know so
00:49:43
Speaker
when, you know, when you're looking at those, okay, how much does this impact us? You can't, I would say like, you can't put the round back in the tube. You can't, you can't, once you fire it, you can't take it back, but you can always learn from, okay, what happened, where that impacted, how can I adjust? And so with this stuff, um, I think it's very critical to look at,
00:50:08
Speaker
not knowing, we don't know, but we do know that yes, it is challenging to operate in this environment right now. There is global stress levels. We have to recognize that that matters. Ordinary things. We just took a dial and dialed it up. Right. So for people listening, I think taking a second to
00:50:34
Speaker
just have that pause as you're saying and look at the impact of the stress on, yeah, maybe your insecurities normally live at a four, a level four, but there's a good chance now.
00:50:49
Speaker
because of that additional stress that they're up to like a seven or an eight. So without you doing anything. Right. That's the crazy thing. So just like taking a little bit of a like, okay.
Learning from Challenges and Self-Awareness
00:51:00
Speaker
And like you said, shifting the perspective, just being able to identify that and then kind of disarming. So, I mean, that's something I'm, and again, like not to be like, well, the silver lining, but yeah, like we did learn something.
00:51:13
Speaker
I learned something today and this isn't, this sounds ridiculous and like a plug cause so, but I don't really care. I will say that like the stuff I've done the between the years work, the tools that I've done that you've presented, but I've done the work. Yeah, of course. Have been like really.
00:51:33
Speaker
like critical. Like I know I'm still like today. I still had a reaction. I still jump, but you're always going to, and I'm able to not also have it, have that physical three day, like, like, I don't know, maybe three years ago, two years ago, like something like what happened. You know, one of these like blips, it could consume me for days and, and really put me in a bad place. And now I'm able to like,
00:52:02
Speaker
beware move on learn from it and kind of reframe so that is huge and I did say like I am grateful for that and I'm grateful for those tools and you know having that so that is of course like yes again I don't really care in this regard
00:52:23
Speaker
about people's thoughts on that if they think it's a plug, but it's true. So that's just like your fitness has been so much more improved by working out with me. Not a plug on me as a, you know. It just sounds like a rubbin. A what? A rubbin, rubbing it in.
00:52:45
Speaker
That's a very weird word. I don't think you should use that again. We won't use rub. We'll never say rub again. So that is, I think that's a good place to start. Yeah, I think that's good. I think we've done enough.
Reflecting on Personal Growth and Advice to Younger Self
00:53:00
Speaker
So we had some questions come in. Okay. I'm gonna put up the thing. Good questions. Questions like, what's the best gift you've ever been given?
00:53:13
Speaker
Um, and I'd like to answer that. I think that's a really good question for everyone listening to come up with as well. Like what's the best gift you've ever been given and not putting any parameters on how you choose. I know how I'm going to go through that exercise. Um, and are we gonna, is that our homework? Yeah, that's our homework. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to that. Um, that's, that's definitely, I thought you were going to ask me and I'm not prepared.
00:53:40
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no, maybe we can do perhaps like a One or two in one or two. Maybe we can talk about that Once you know give people some time to listen and do it on their own But that was really cool. Yeah, and so that was That was cool. Yeah, there was another question that is
00:54:03
Speaker
What advice would you give your younger self? That's a pretty cool one. Again, that's one that you can definitely go through. Ironically enough, I think that question, what advice would you give your younger self? And I think advice kind of changes it slightly, but
00:54:20
Speaker
That's the essence that is part of a lot of what i've seen with people doing who do between the years or who I do coach where you know, there is usually this kind of anchor point of self and the the the challenge is that
00:54:36
Speaker
There's multiple anchor points and they're very very convenient anchor points. There's not like one solid anchor point So for a lot of times like well, you know 14 years ago, I was this Okay, and then in another situation maybe with work or something. It was like well four years ago. I was this
00:54:53
Speaker
And it's like, okay, well, how many anchor points are we dropping here? And if you drop, if you're on a ship and you drop multiple anchors, you're not going to be able to move or you'll be contained and you won't grow. And so I think looking at some of those and what, you know, nonetheless that was a, that was a cool question. And then another question came through, which was very deep, which is essentially the hardest thing you've ever had to deal with. Hmm.
00:55:21
Speaker
And how did you sort of deal with it? And I'm gonna have to spend some time on that one.
00:55:29
Speaker
and I'm not going to make any commitments to sharing it. Yeah, I think that's a good... But that's an interesting one too. I think it's interesting to look at how you dealt with it and extract some... to look at like you did do something came up that was hard and you persevered. Yeah. How did you approach it? Yeah, and also perhaps you're still dealing with it. Yeah, yeah.
00:55:52
Speaker
looking at the present now and you know I think that sometimes we do want to look at when did I stand on top of the podium when did I rain victorious and it's like well we might still be playing the game yeah for a lot of that stuff so those were three questions that kind of came in that certainly gives you some some some thought but the homework is going to be the best what is the best gift you were ever given sounds good
00:56:19
Speaker
So think about it, journal about it, write about it. Um, I dunno, connect to it, find it, let us know. And, uh, yeah, a little, little gift, a little gift for everybody. That was a gift to us. So that's, that's all we got. Have a good one. Talk to you next week.