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Phillip's Interview on Live From The Path
251 Plays3 years ago
This week we're featuring an interview that Phillip did with the fellas on the Live From The Path podcast. His interview starts around 21 minutes in and covers how a chance encounter at a doctor's office led to the creation of Uncommon Wealth Partners, re-thinking retirement, and whether the uncommon path is only for mid-high income earners.
The Live From The Podcast podcast are just some guys who love Jesus and have a lot of fun talking about it. Apologetics, games, comedy (well, attempted comedy) and advice often make up the show. In this episode, in addition to Phillip's interview, the fellas discuss the challenges of having a ton of digital ways for someone to communicate with you (and how to get it under control). Also, staying out of cesspools, even if everyone else is in them, plus a segment where they compare their advice, with Phillip's help, to a secular advice-giver on some listener questions.
For more on Live From The Path, go to livefromthepath.org or email info@livefromthepath.org
To provide us feedback on the Uncommon Wealth Podcast, or just to say hi, you can find us at podcast@uncommmonwealth.com.
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Transcript
Introduction and Upcoming Interview
00:00:02
Speaker
Hey everybody, this is Ben Foost, chief knob turner and button pusher here at the UnCommonwealth podcast. We've got a special treat for you today. We're going to feature an interview that Philip did with the Live from the Path podcast here just a little while back. It's kind of a cool time to see him a bit out of his home field advantage, jagging some questions from people around and reintroducing you to how he sees the uncommon life. We're going to turn this
Random Topics: Taxes and Social Media
00:00:26
Speaker
over.
00:00:26
Speaker
to the Live from the Path fellas starting from scratch now it's a bit of a long show certainly longer than you're used to so if you want to skip ahead to Philip's interview it starts about 22 minutes in otherwise hang out and enjoy the show Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper you are
00:01:07
Speaker
And you're listening to Live from the Path. We're coming from the Pathway Studios here in Johnston proper. I love it here. Taxes are low, rents are high. Yes. Hey man, Dan's charging you tax. Yeah, no one else got that.
00:01:23
Speaker
uh... we have a secret you know no no i was under assess this year my god it's just that the thrift store priest has been paid on the news uh... i think for a hour this were glad to see on the uh... third show of the year here on life in the past uh... we have we have fun stuff going on as a little bit of a big news uh... move is not coming now that's a shocker that's the idea working man yeah that's what they got got legit work on it on a monday night at ten o'clock
00:01:50
Speaker
You know, I was talking to a guy earlier today that said, hey, man, we can't work too late today. I got a date tonight. I said, you have a date on a Monday night? He's like, can you do that? That's what I said. I mean, I can't decide whether I've been out of the game so long that I find this soap preposterous. Are places open on Monday? But I'm like, who goes out on a Monday night? You got to get up on Tuesday. I mean, these are terrible ideas.
00:02:11
Speaker
I've never heard of such a thing. I mean, he's like 25. So I mean, you know, like I've been married a long time. So I guess I thought I don't do nothing on Mondays. I might do some laundry. Spice it up, Mike. Yeah. Spice it up. Yeah. Yeah. So that's a good, good introduction here. So meeting the man who's always out on a Monday night, Philip Ramsey.
00:02:29
Speaker
Phil, thanks for joining us on Live from the Path.
Guest Introduction: Philip Ramsey
00:02:31
Speaker
Absolutely. Thanks for having me. So I'm excited. I'm excited to have Phillip Pawn. We're going to talk about, he's with Uncommon Wealth Partners, and given that it's the start of the year, right? All kinds of financial goals people have and whatever.
00:02:47
Speaker
And so I thought it'd be good to have someone, because we don't know what we're doing. That's why we're doing the internet radio. But we can get someone who knows what they're doing in here. And he's post-date Monday night, he's free. And so we're gonna bring him in.
00:03:02
Speaker
And so if you have any questions, we don't do the show live. So you're just gonna, you're gonna hear it tomorrow and say, boy, I totally missed
Social Media and Communication Debate
00:03:08
Speaker
out. I'm sorry, it's just the premise of the show. You can't ask. But you can hit up the complaint line with something legitimate. So if you got a question that you want us to pass on, but one, we'll give you his contact information. You can hunt him down on your own. But if you love the complaint line, that's 515-517-0085, 515-517-0085, sponsored, unbeknownst to him, by Bob Eisenhower with the Eisenhower Real Estate Team. Well, he's just the best, isn't he? Yeah.
00:03:31
Speaker
his generosity uh... i mean he doesn't even know about it but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but
00:04:00
Speaker
There was an article on Christianity about, like, people starting to stop answering their text messages. Yeah. Because, like, you got used to be, I don't answer the phone, text me. And now people are texting you, and you're like, meh, I may or may not get to that at all. This is, like, beyond ghosting. This is, like, just, they just don't. Okay. It's not like we were dating. Oh, shut the train down. I don't know what that means.
00:04:23
Speaker
I have no idea. People keep saying this, instead they're like, you ghosted me. I'm like, I have no idea what that means. Let's say you regularly grow up with someone on Monday nights. You've been dating for like six months. And then all of a sudden they think, eh. I got John I go out with on Tuesday nights, so they just stop responding to your texts. Yeah, they're just gone. That's ghosting.
00:04:43
Speaker
And you're like, oh, no, they still love me. They're like, they just don't respond. They disappear. They've chosen a bad term, right? Because like, when you think ghost, you think haunting people. Hanging around when you don't want
Social Media as a Ministry Platform?
00:04:52
Speaker
to. I think of a clay, what's that, potter's wheel. Or the movie ghost. Yeah. You're a 35-year-old woman then, is what you're saying. Hot date. Hot dates. What do you mean? I am what I want to be. So is the lady there? I just loved the pottery.
00:05:12
Speaker
so mike here's the question also we we talk a lot we've talked a lot about social media uh... and and boy it just is sometimes seems like a field you want to play in if it's a cesspool but the people are swimming in it is it still okay that you're out of it
00:05:29
Speaker
Are you asking for, because there's opportunity to bring light into a dark time? Yeah, so that was basically the crux of the article, was basically, hey man, for all the things that it isn't, you still have people who have needs and people who are going to places like, we talk about it like it's a bar, people are going to places like that for vindication, to feel better about themselves, because it's the only friends that they have, like whatever.
00:05:54
Speaker
That's not what they're using it for, though. That's the thing. I could see a little bit of that argument if we were talking about a playing field that lent itself to interaction and guidance, and it does not. Social media does not do that. The common premise of social media is, hello world, this is what I am, take it.
00:06:14
Speaker
Take it. Or I'm going to find five more guys that love exactly what I'm doing, but like any, but any type of descent, right? Like not even on, let's just take all the broad, huge topics that everybody fights about off the table. Some guy wears a yellow PGA shirt and they're like, the PGA is dumb. And they write it on your comments. And then all of a sudden the guy is just wound up tight over a shirt that he was wearing, right? Or that shirt doesn't fit you very well. Did you borrow it from your mother? Anything.
00:06:41
Speaker
It doesn't matter what you write of the smallest disagreement, now it's on, now we're going to battle. And so, like, it's been my experience through social media that that is not a platform of which people are open to critique, rebuke, information, really, or any type of
00:06:59
Speaker
objectivity. So the core thing would be that someone might say, well, look at all these people looking for attention and looking for connection or whatever. But what you're saying is the very premise of it, it's not actually opportunity. It just feels like opportunity.
Managing Communication Channels
00:07:13
Speaker
Yeah, and so and maybe I mean, I'm not trying to color all of social like I have healthy social media interactions, right? And there's plenty of that. But they're the people that you're talking about the darkness that you're talking about. Boy,
00:07:28
Speaker
It's hard to put it into qualms, right? Because we were just talking about this is like when Jesus interacted with people, a lot of it was physical touch, a lot of it was proximity, a lot of it was looking them in the eye, right? And there's certain things that you can't quite get done from
00:07:45
Speaker
miles and faceless and inability to detect sarcasm or inflection in a voice like the typed word doesn't give all of that and so like there's just so much room for error I just feel like you're leaving a lot of it up to chance I guess is what I'm getting at. On top of the fact you're having a conversation between you and another person in front of a thousand people.
00:08:05
Speaker
Yeah, that is awkward. In real life and social media, there's literally nothing that bothers me more than having a two-person conversation in front of five people. I absolutely can't stay. I don't know how people deal with that, but that's what most social media is.
Balancing Digital and Personal Life
00:08:22
Speaker
Text messaging and Facebook messaging stuff, I'm totally cool with that. That's just a way to get a hold of a guy, right? But like, when you're having a private conversation or a semi-private conversation on a public platform, I just can't think of any reason that you'd want to do that. Especially when there are people who just don't have filters.
00:08:41
Speaker
which is what you're talking about. Because I could have a conversation with, hey, I like bluebirds or whatever, and blah, blah, blah. But then there's always that person that just like, I hate bluebirds. I hate bluebirds. That's stupid. And you're stupid. That's why I have cats. So what was the premise of this article? Well, so the core of it was, it says, I love your neighbor in the new year. Answer their emails and texts.
00:09:01
Speaker
And so I started to read it, and frankly, it just got a little long, and I decided to bail on it. But I think one of the core premise is to say, we're not talking about becoming a Luddite here. But what we're saying is- That's the second time you've used that term. What does that mean? So there was a rebellion in the Industrial Revolution in England. Sorry, what? Yeah. Me and Dan already know this story, due to our deep-rooted history learning.
00:09:30
Speaker
I don't. So you can keep going if you'd like. If not, fine. During the Industrial Revolution, there was a group of farmers and other guys who were like, hey, man, this change in life is going to change the way that we live with this new technology. And so they actively tried to thwart it. So they were the guys showing up with cows and farm equipment to try to stop factories from running. They were Luddites. And they didn't answer emails. They refused. So they got tagged as anti-technology, basically. OK, I got it. OK.
00:10:01
Speaker
because we kind of went off on social media, which is not what this is talking about. No, no, no, but what it but it sprung to me that that like I was what I thought was is that it's basically using technology in a healthy way. Like it's that's the broad premise. Yeah. And so there's individual interactions. Like how do I respond to individuals who are trying to connect with me in some way or another? But it made me think that one of the cases that this is going to make is that in their digital lives, this is an actual place where people are going. It's the bar of the Internet.
00:10:30
Speaker
Right and so it doesn't mean like if we may say hey the bars not a great place, but if that's where people are going There's a ministry concept. We're like I mean people do this right they go out to bars to try to find and meet people and provide something positive in a place where there isn't anything positive going on and It made me think should we think of social media differently than that?
00:10:52
Speaker
So do you think that my perception of this is not necessarily that the platform itself is inherently ingrained to do this, but more of a cultural shift that says, look, on the whole as a Western culture, we're just not open to a lot of kickback onto what we're doing and what we think at the moment. And it's just amplified on social media.
00:11:14
Speaker
I'm going to, I'm weighing in on this. Have it. Here we go. Let's have it. So here, I didn't read the article, so I'm going to caveat the, yeah, so we can go that route. What I think that article is trying to get to is we are getting bombarded with so many ways that people can communicate with us, right? So it used to be like you would respond right away with a text.
00:11:35
Speaker
Or like, let's go back. Like it used to be, you used to be really quick to respond to emails, right? And now, I mean, how many emails do you have that you haven't deleted? Cause I'm, I just don't get to them. I think what that article is saying is text messages are starting to become that. I mean, I just wrote down what I have. I got Facebook messenger. People could communicate with me on, I got email, which we've just talked about that Marco Polo. Anybody know who that is? Yeah. Well that's like a video text message deal.
00:12:02
Speaker
Oh man. You got Slack, which might communicate there, Snapchat, and then you got LinkedIn, and then you got texts. So to me, that article is saying we're getting smoked by all these different avenues. It's almost like Bitcoin out there. You got all these crypto things. It just gets so lost in the shuffle. Yep.
00:12:20
Speaker
that sometimes, like, I'll just tell you my process, not like you care, but I won't even open the text message until I'm ready to respond. Because I know if I open that text message and I don't respond, that thing is good as gone, and I just ghosted somebody.
Meaningful vs. Superficial Connections
00:12:35
Speaker
Not out of, like, despite, it wasn't doing that on purpose, but it's because it was, I'm getting bombarded by all these different social media things trying to communicate with me. I lose the fact that, oh, I'm supposed to respond to Ben, he just texted me.
00:12:50
Speaker
Does that make sense? Yeah. I think that's really the premise of that article of like, hey, don't be a loser and not text people back because that's like the first line of communication. They have your cell phone. They know you. And so I think all those are valid points, by the way, on social media and not not going out and having a two person conversation in the media. Like, I think that's valid. Thanks, buddy.
00:13:12
Speaker
But I think that that article is saying, don't be a tool. Respond to people. I've got some of that waiting on right now. We had a couple of spots open up for our Zimbabwe trip and actually met him and...
00:13:25
Speaker
Kansas City, and then they live in Atlantic, and we had a meeting last Sunday. This is like over a three-month period. Anyway, like over the past few weeks, I have a Facebook message, I've emailed, I've texted. Like, I just need to know, are you interested or not? All I need to know is, are you interested? I don't need any money. I mean, we have a meeting. Do I plan for you? They still haven't responded. Even for the no. If it's a no, no problem.
00:13:49
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's fine. I just need to know. Please, please respond. Do you think we reach a capacity as an individual, like how many people can we actually interact with, right? I mean like in a healthy way, right? I don't have a number in mind. I know that some people are more apt to be able to handle this than maybe others are, but I mean to have an actual relationship that is not top layer only, I mean it's got to be 30 people. I can't do any more than that.
00:14:18
Speaker
Like, I just cannot have that type of actual relationship. Because there's just a ton of stuff going on, right? Like, I mean, you're trying to raise kids and love a wife and work an honest job. Take them on date nights on Monday. And go on and fail at date nights on Monday. Sometimes it is exhausting. I can have like six conversations going on with the different media types. And I'm just like, I just want to turn everything off. Just stop it.
00:14:45
Speaker
Yeah, that's interesting, I suppose, when we think about engagements and being able to interact with people on how many people it actually is. And this is the danger of looking at, even broadly, connections or social media as opportunity. Like, opportunity that you can't actually realize is not valuable. Like, I was just having this conversation at work with somebody this week.
00:15:04
Speaker
We're trying to bid something out and the thought was, hey man, there might be $3 million worth of opportunity here. I'm like, if there's $3 million hanging off a mountain that we're unable to climb, it's worth the same amount as me as the $0 I have standing here on the ground. And so the thought that, oh man, we have a wide sphere. I can connect with people all over the place. And Dan's got valid connections across the world. I have guys in Pakistan I talk to, right?
00:15:29
Speaker
legitimate things of which you can connect with people across the world. But the concept of there being a vast sea of opportunity is not the same thing as actual, tangible, realized value. Something that actually creates value. It's the count of, hey, I got 5,000 friends. That's fantastic, dude. Do you know any of these people?
00:15:51
Speaker
If they just want to get the newsletter and this is the cheapest way to do it, fine, Facebook it up, I don't care. But as long as we've quantified it correctly and realized, or qualified it correctly and said the value that is actually here, you shouldn't look at this sea of opportunity on any of those platforms and go, this is all at my fingertips. That's not value.
00:16:09
Speaker
That's, that's a pamphleting, right? That's advertisement. That's not creating the same thing as valuable connections. And like, where we don't recognize the difference between that and valuable connections, we start to measure the world poorly. And then we, then we, then we say, well, this thing is failing without realizing that it wasn't really creating value in someone's life. And back to the, the text messages and emails and stuff. I think that goes to the broad point, right? Like I intend to respond to everybody that contacts me because that's value.
00:16:35
Speaker
This isn't just an opportunity of, oh hey, maybe I have an opportunity to have a conversation. This is a valuable conversation. That's why they have some personal connection to me in some way or another, email likely aside. But like, am I spending other times on doing things that aren't actually creating any value, they just seem like opportunity and not actually engaging in things that I know are valuable, including turning the phone off and going on a date with your wife on a Monday night.
00:17:01
Speaker
You know, actually, if you put that in correct perspective, it's like a guy that built a garage and then looks at it and goes, you know, I could build a flying car in here. Now, wait a minute. You just had a garage, right? Like you've built, you've done something, but you've seen this like outrageous opportunity that in all reality, just as flat out doesn't exist. You could use it for barbecuing stuff or fixing your own car.
00:17:24
Speaker
or having your neighbors come over and drink beer in it with you or whatever. There's plenty of options here. But you went with, oh man, this is going to blow up. It's going to be the craziest thing ever. And like you and every up and coming rapper I've ever met have the exact same thought. Oh man, it's going to be crazy in here. Here's the next date of when the craziness happens. Hey man, that's not what's going to happen.
00:17:46
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? You've built this up in your own mind. That's not what's going to happen. Well, and like, there's a number of folks that I've been talking to about house plans. We've been trying to figure out whether we can build a house or whatever. And like, when you look at a wide open landscape and you go, look at all this opportunity, we're going to entertain. We're going to have people over all the time. And like the totally legit question is to look honestly yourself in the mirror and go, do I entertain
Being Present in Real Life
00:18:09
Speaker
them? Exactly. Am I entertaining to the limits of my own joint?
00:18:12
Speaker
because if I'm not, I don't need a bigger joint to entertain people. And that's the same thing with friends, right? I'm gonna hop on this thing and I'm gonna gain 50 friends. You likely have a place of work and maybe there's six people there, maybe there's 6,000. But I'm sure you can make a friend there. You probably have a church community. You probably have a family of people you could interact with. And I like growing your world, but don't blame it on the environment.
00:18:38
Speaker
something else might be going on. Let's bulge at the seams first and then burst into the world. That's great. But don't have to, if you build it, they will come. False. Build a flying car here, Ben.
00:18:51
Speaker
Don't dash my dreams. Alright, so if you're listening out there, answer my text message. I think it was the core deal. We have a valuable connection, you and I. I kind of like not reading it until you intend to respond. Help me not ghosting people if we're going to use that verbiage.
00:19:10
Speaker
Well, I suppose it also, too, actually gives the attention to somebody that's in front of you, right? Like, it happens a lot. I've become more guilty of it now that I got my Apple Watch, right? Because it vibrates, and you look at it, and you're like, oh, what's this guy want, right? And I'm legitimately talking to one of my kids. They're telling me about their school day, and I'm looking at my watch like I got better stuff to do. And their story was dumb. And like, I still wasn't my intention, but that's exactly what it looked like. And I'm almost certain that's exactly what it felt like. I've handed out more apologies to my kids.
00:19:38
Speaker
because of that phone, then I should ever have to. I'm not so far to say, look, it goes in a drawer and you forget about it as soon as you get home. Our world is different than that. It's been getting there and it's used to be able to just say, look, when the phone rang, if someone was home, they answered. If they weren't, they weren't. No big deal. We just don't quite work like that anymore.
00:20:00
Speaker
But, I mean, to call back to a little bit of a simpler time, I mean, when people had my intention, they had it. And they had it until I decided to let it go, not until it was interrupted and taken from me, which I allow. Well, it's even different, right? Like, let's say you're sitting there talking to your kid in your living room and some guy comes and yells at the door. That guy interrupted both of you.
00:20:19
Speaker
It entered into your shared space, and you both can react to that. The vibration, the haptic feedback on your wrist that you got, that your kid didn't feel but you did, you're not even sharing the interruption as a moment. You're the only guy that got it. And it could be nothing. You're like, look hon, I understand that your play's coming up, but there could be a good deal coming up on this text message. Somebody liked my post. Or it could be a complete waste of everybody's time. I don't know, but I gotta find out.
00:20:46
Speaker
And the perception, when you look at your clock, it's like, are we done yet? Are we done yet? No. And that's what my wife's amazing. And I had an Apple Watch. And I would keep looking at my phone, or my watch. And she was like, you got to get rid of that. Because the perception looks like you are disengaged, and you've got better things to do. And I was like, oh, that's such good feedback. And it's hard not to when you know, well, that's not something you have to look at now.
00:21:14
Speaker
It's just a reaction. It absolutely is a reaction. Yeah, I mean you do the same thing if you felt like a bee
Financial Advising: Personal Goals Focus
00:21:21
Speaker
walking on your arm. You look at it immediately and go, what's this? What's going on? And so it's not like the human reaction is poor, but like at the end if you put the whole package together, I mean you know what's going on here. This is not what you intended, right? I mean if this is not like the metaphor for every Christian I know, right? Like they end up doing this and this and this and they're like, this is not what I intended. How did I get here?
00:21:41
Speaker
Well, you just look behind you and realize that it was paved with good intentions, but you made a poor decision. You looked at your watch, and it's not a direct sin against the Holy Lord to look at the watch, but it did have these consequences, and now you've got to suffer them. So, like, it does take an honest, like, making an honest look at some of the stuff that you take for granted and go, what am I actually doing here? What am I actually allowing, you know, without being, you know, Johnny crazy, get me swaggered on the deal, but... Okay, good. I think we rolled that up.
00:22:12
Speaker
Hey, you're listening to Life from the Path. Again, thanks for hanging out with us. Hey, if you're listening, well, shoot. Is it all right to listen to the podcast, Mike? Yeah, I do it. Yeah, OK. Just tell people that you're going to, hey, I'm going to be out. That's not social media. That's me just you telling you what the deal is. Yeah, it's like an instructional video. I think, though, they need to respond when we say we have a complaint line. Yeah. Or they're not answering our texts.
00:22:34
Speaker
they wouldn't have been yeah yeah i mean i don't do a blast marketing campaigns true new very poor actually yes yeah i think it's a money together and get a new damn yeah i've been on that same program
00:22:49
Speaker
All right, thanks for hanging out with us. You're listening live from the path. All right, big, big, awesome news. Phil Ramsey is in the studio. And so here's what I want to talk about. So first, just a quick introduction to you and maybe how you got into being a financial advisor with UnCommonwealth partners.
00:23:05
Speaker
Yeah, that's a great, great question. So thanks for having me. I'm, I'm super happy to be here. And so yeah, how I got into uncommon wealth partners, man, it was, it was a journey. But what I found was in my grand grandiose career path, I realized that
00:23:22
Speaker
financial advisors weren't really out there to help me. And I was thinking about, this is kind of a long story, but I was a pharmaceutical rep at the time, and I was a pharmaceutical rep for Abbott Laboratories. And I went away for a three-month, really intensive training. And at the end of that, I went to a doctor, my first doctor, and I started showing up and throwing up, as they call it. And I was telling him all this stuff that I was learning from this three months of high-intensity training. And at the end, he's like, huh, that's what they're teaching over there. Where do I sign? And that was the conversation.
00:23:52
Speaker
And I remember thinking, wait a second, there's two perceptions here. There's one from Abbott that are trying to make me go sell more drugs for I guess everybody, but really they're bottom line, let's be honest. And then there's another perception of the doctor, right? The doctor has a different perception and I think that's valid. So the next doctor I went to go talk to, I was like, Hey, this is what Abbott just taught me. What's your side? And we had a 20 minute conversation. And so
00:24:19
Speaker
flash forward three years down the road, Abbott Laboratories had huge layoffs, and I thought to myself, what other industry out there is kind of like Abbott Laboratories? A big company's telling sales reps to go talk to people, and really all it is is helping the big company make more money, and I thought financial services, I've never talked to somebody that actually wants to help me.
Redefining Retirement
00:24:42
Speaker
They want to either kill me off, sell me more life insurance,
00:24:45
Speaker
or talk to my five family and friends and bring my LinkedIn profile. We're not doing that. So I thought, I'm gonna figure this out, I'm gonna figure out how to be different in this space and really try to help people by listening to what their goals are and really try to work through, because this financial whole deal, like you talked about at the beginning, is daunting for a lot of people. And I don't know if we've ever had curriculum out there as parents to teach our children,
00:25:11
Speaker
finances, but my parents did it in ways that they weren't just sitting me down and like, hey, this is how this works. So that's how I got in the industry, and so the Uncommon Wealth Partners is just that. I feel like we have to really do a better job of redefining retirement.
00:25:29
Speaker
because I just don't feel like it's sustainable how it is. And if you looked at it, this whole retirement thing is a 100-year-old experiment. Like, it's not really something that we've our 50-year-old experiment. And pensions are going away now. And so people really have to be savvy on where they're going. And so that's how I got into it. Let's stop there.
00:25:50
Speaker
It'll never work. I'm interested because you said that by listening to people's goals and what they want to accomplish is how you walk them through and help them achieve those, I'm guessing, right? Yep. So if you were to ask me right now what my goals are, I would have nothing to say.
00:26:07
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? It doesn't come to the top of my mind, what's my goal for my financial whatever, or let's even take financial out of it, right? I think most people have this perception in their mind where like, look man, as long as I'm not hugely in debt or injured, I don't know, as long as I can pay my bill, I just want to be harassed.
00:26:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's a really good point, Mike. And a lot of people don't even know where to start with this. Like how to dissect this thing. And so what I would say if we were meeting one on one, Mike is like, are we going to have a two person conversation? Are we doing this right now? Are we doing this? Okay. I'm going to give you a freebie because that fits along with my question. People say, look, I, I, I just know that something doesn't feel right or I feel like I should probably take some level of responsibility here. I wouldn't even know where to start on getting some things under control from financial
00:26:51
Speaker
So this is how we do it, and I'm telling you this is backwards, okay? So I would say, like, what do you love to do? Like, what gets you up in the morning, and if you could do this for the rest of your life, you woke up and did X, what would it be? And you would say something, Mike, probably something amazing, probably like building flying spaceships in garages.
00:27:12
Speaker
So to me, there's passions and there's unique gifts that we all are uniquely gifted. And I think that God's given each one of us, right? And so our job is to be a good steward of the time, talents, and resources that God's given to us. And so is that time, talents, and resources going to work at Wells Fargo and being a customer service rep? Maybe, maybe not. Does that make sense? But really, how has God uniquely gifted you personally?
00:27:36
Speaker
That's where I like to start, no matter what. And to do that is just get to know you. And, Mike, I would say, and everyone in here knows about them. Does that make sense? They know what they like, they know what they don't like. So, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but I'm trying to think. So, if you actually were to ask me that question, I would fall back to what I've always known or maybe always been taught is, I just don't have the luxury to think like that. You know what I'm saying?
00:28:02
Speaker
And I think that's what keeps you where you're at, right? Yeah, maybe that's what you're getting at. You're the common dummy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so if somebody's like, listen, I absolutely love singing. I just can't get enough of it. My question would be like, well, what are you doing now, right? Well, it's not singing. Okay. Well, then we've got a gap here. We love to sing. You're not getting paid to sing now. And you work at Wells Fargo.
00:28:26
Speaker
Is there even an avenue that you can even see that you can sing? Well, maybe, maybe not. Maybe you need to coach other people singing. I don't know what it is. Does that make sense? Everyone's different. And so that's how this whole uncommon wealth, I guess, would start, is really trying to figure out who they are. Because it's really not about rate of return. When you start talking about rate of return, it disconnects people from their money. And then they're throwing it at a retirement account where they, I hope that goes up, and I hope I have enough money by the time I need it,
00:28:56
Speaker
to then do something I want to do. Which, like your point earlier, have you been really doing a good job serving other people and building a house and hosting well? Does that make sense? And a lot of people want to go through this whole financial path and say, as soon as I have this amount of nest egg, that's when I want to live my life according to my will. Does that make sense? Or according to the way God's gifted me. I think my point to hold all this is we're kind of made to work.
Cultural Expectations of Retirement
00:29:25
Speaker
We really are. And if we're doing what God's uniquely gifted to us, it's attractive to other people. And we can start talking to more people, and we're all differently wired, and so we can reach more people. So I just don't think retirement should be go sit on a beach and go sip piña coladas, or just go on the golf course.
00:29:43
Speaker
I think you can go on the golf course and be a witness too. So can you coach other people golfing? Can you caddy other people? Can you serve other people by this whole golf thing that you love? And the people that just want a high rate of return, we're not a good fit for because we want you to actually invest in people. And so we've really broken this whole thing down into phases that people can start dissecting their own life in because this whole, I'd say philosophy is attractive, but it can also be scary and it can be abused.
00:30:12
Speaker
By puffing somebody up and then letting them fall. Yeah, that's that's that's seeing an example is a good one, right? Everyone's seeing the American Idol where the guy gets up there and he's terrible and this isn't actually his path race, but he says I really love it and so like there there is there is there is a level of honesty that says look here's what I love and
00:30:31
Speaker
absolutely and then there's a level of honesty that says look no one's going to pay you for that it doesn't mean you can't love it and maybe what we're creating is time for you to love it on your own in the basement but like either way it's still a focal point it's still okay for us to start the conversation there because like that problem doesn't get solved or even addressed if the first thing i do is great hello faceless person i just want to manage your money like it if it doesn't matter
00:30:57
Speaker
If I'm reading you right, what you're saying is if it doesn't matter who's in the room, just what they have, you've started from the wrong perspective. Absolutely. Like what's in your wallet is what I always say. Like every time I sat down with a financial advisor, they always want to know what's in my wallet because they wanted to know how much they can get of that and try to put it to work.
00:31:14
Speaker
And what I like to say is, no, no, I don't even care what's in your wallet. I want you to know what gets you excited in life. And once we figure that out, we can say like, listen, you are a worship pastor, you probably shouldn't be opening up a miniature golf course, probably not wise, like you don't have any experience of that. And this, that and the other. And so I'll give you an example. So we had this psychiatrist
00:31:38
Speaker
that came to us and had this emotional shame, financial shame about where he was at. Him and his wife were in a truckload of debt for student loans, and he wanted to get a doctorate. He had all these goals, but at the end of the day, he's like, I gotta wait 10 years to get my student loans paid off. And then at that point, then we can start maybe thinking about a side business of the psychiatrists and try to open up the business. He's like, the only thing we've done wise and correctly is we have this Roth IRA for $11,000 that we have.
00:32:08
Speaker
And I'm just clinging to that, that's the one thing we did right. And my business partner looked at him and he said, listen, we'll work with you, but you gotta cash out your Roth. And he was like, I'm sorry, what? He's like, that's the one thing I did. I did right. And so he ended up doing it. I'd say he went down this uncommon path. And in that, we started his own psychiatrist business out of that $11,000. And this was six months ago, but it was generating $1,000 a month.
00:32:37
Speaker
And he loves what he's doing. Now, tell me when he wants to retire. He'd be like, I don't want to retire. I want to go keep impacting people the way God uniquely gifted me. And that was $11,000. Now, even if this is my point, let's say it went to zero. This was his experience. This is what his training was. And he had the funding. It went to zero. My point to him is like, what did you learn in that process?
00:33:02
Speaker
Was it worth eleven thousand dollars because we were very honest with them at first like this could go south pal And are you willing and his wife was right there is like we've got to do this And she was a huge support anyway you guys and talk, but you have a cool job. We I have the best I'm like hey your things broken gonna be big money What's in your wallet
00:33:29
Speaker
The honest truth, though, is I could have taken that Roth and invested it, and it could have lost all of it. And what'd you learn? Not to put your money with Philip. Not wise. Not wise. It is interesting to think about what you're saying.
00:33:44
Speaker
I mean, everyone's pretty much brought up the same way, you know, that basically look, you go to school and when you eventually get done with school, either you get done after high school or get done after college, then you work. And then by the time you're 60, 62, 65, whatever, you bail and then you go and then you relax, right? And like it's, it's, it's beat into you, into your head. And like what you're saying is so foreign to that, that it sounds ridiculous.
00:34:08
Speaker
Right. How do you create a life that you don't want to bail on? Right. Yes. Right. To the point where we're talking about a retirement scheme that like, I mean, let's be honest, how long has this thought been that you go to school, work till you're 65 and then retire? How old is that? A hundred years? Two hundred? No, it's not more than a hundred. I'll tell you, it's not more than a hundred.
00:34:26
Speaker
So we're talking about there's been a ton of people that lived before us, right? And retirement wasn't even a word. They didn't even have it. They're like, yeah, I bake bread. And then you bake bread until you're 95 and keel over. And that's it. And that's even localized, right? Think of culturally, no one's in Zimbabwe going, yeah, I can't wait until I...
00:34:45
Speaker
turn that clock at 65, we're gonna flip this thing over. Like, it's a very, when your cultural center is so unique in that, like, we're basically plotting for a way out, we're basically, we looked at this equation and go, yeah, you know what, I'm gonna plot to, not waste really, but like, not get the most out of the next 30, 45 years, and then my life's gonna kick over right when I got back pain, and I'm living on, not very much,
Financial Independence through Passion
00:35:14
Speaker
because I stopped working.
00:35:14
Speaker
Statistics show seven years after you retire, you die.
00:35:17
Speaker
Oh, man, that's rough. And I think it is because you disengage. You're not really pushing yourself to be better than what you are. You're just kind of complacent. Complacency is always bad. You know, Vincent Barty, you're either going up or down. You're not staying stagnant. And that's the hope and dream is that I'm going to go sit on a golf course and rot. And hopefully I make it. That's not even a guarantee to either. So my thing is like, hey,
00:35:46
Speaker
let's start enjoying your life with the finances you currently have and let's maybe reorient them a little bit. That's not a bad thing, but you've got to be thinking about this in a different way because I'm not even sure you're going to make it how you are living now. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, then we can go into more traditional advising of how much
00:36:06
Speaker
rate of return you need to get to actually live off of, and the interest rate that that needs to accumulate. It gets really messy quick, and people are like, I don't understand that, but I know what I want to do tomorrow. If I could do, and money were no object, this is what I would do. Right. And if you think about it from that premise, think how unattractive the cheap alternative of entertainment would be.
00:36:26
Speaker
Right? Like, I mean, you spend, you know, most folks will go home and spend the last two hours of the day just chilling out watching TV. You know why? Because they can't afford to do the other crap that they want to do, right? They're like, but I can't afford TV. So I'll watch other people do cool things. Right? Like, think how how where
00:36:42
Speaker
So if you spend your life doing this right like you build a culture within yourself and within your family and and and as you progress and as you get older and as retirement comes I've watched I've watched five guys in the last two years retire from where I work at and die within a year because they just didn't have anything to do.
00:36:58
Speaker
Their whole life was this X thing that they went to every day and unfortunately it wasn't something that was ever rooted in their benefit, right? Like they got paid to be there and then you start to love it and then you start to have to have it and then all of a sudden you don't know who you are without it.
00:37:15
Speaker
Right? So, like, the job that I have or the job that most people have, they're like, if when they say, hi, what do you do? The first thing they ask is, what do you chain to? What job do you have to go to? Otherwise, you'll default on everything you own. Oh, yeah, 7-Eleven. That's me. Right? Like, that's how people answer the question. What do I need to know about you? Well, where I work, that's what everybody's going to want to know.
00:37:35
Speaker
Right? And from what he's saying, well, that's a wild flip thing. I'm hoping it'll stick with me because I feel like I agree with 100% of what you're saying and then tomorrow I will be sucked right back in to the things that I've always been told. It's so easy to do. Yeah. And here's at the end of the day, we all want to be financially freedom. Like we want financial freedom. Yet when you put it in these accounts that you can only access them when you're 59 and a half, it puts a time lock on it.
00:38:00
Speaker
And so my point to everybody is, what is your monthly expense that needs to come in that you feel like you can still live your life according to the way you want to? Mike, you would know that number right now. And that's what's coming in every month. Now that's our number to start with.
00:38:17
Speaker
That's our number that we are going to go after as fast and as furious as we can, and I want to do it as most uniquely gifted as you can do so you can now bless the world because of it. And I want you to get paid for it. Now, are you going to quit your job right away? No. I'd probably say that would be unwise. And your wife wouldn't be on board either, so let's not do that. I don't even take her out on a Monday night now. Well, if I quit my job, we'd really be in the straight line.
00:38:42
Speaker
And so that's that's where we start with people is like hey, what's your monthly expense that needs to come in? That's the number that's your financial freedom number Let's get that however we have to get there My point to a lot of people will be like let's do it the way you like it because at the end of the rainbow You want to kind of love what you do?
Personalized Financial Strategies
00:39:00
Speaker
And if you do it right you're gonna go back and redefine it re like you're gonna get more efficient at it Yeah, so anyway, so let me ask you this is this
00:39:11
Speaker
if this may hit the years is some people's lofty right like like really i get to say what i want to do in there and there is there's definitely a path for it like uh... that i'm gonna come to ask the question and it's gonna i'm asking you intentionally crassly but like you can get that right yet uh... is this a middle-income or above conversation
00:39:28
Speaker
Oh no. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Yep. Not at all. So, so because here the person that doesn't have a much income doesn't need that much to produce. That makes sense. Like we have a surgeon who has a lot more coming in, but he has a lot more going out. Yeah. Then we have a person that just, he has a mobile home, like with his family, super excited about it. He has a lot less coming in, but a lot less going out. And so for people who are like, I don't have a million dollars,
00:39:55
Speaker
to retire with. Well, do you need a million dollars to retire with? Like, maybe, maybe not. Like, I don't know. And so to me, it's not. And that's what kind of levels the playing field with all these is it's a percentage basis of what your income is currently, right? It's a savings rate. It's all this kind of stuff, which, again, gets technical. So we got to just pull it out and just say, what do you know? And what are you good at? What's God uniquely gifted you at?
00:40:21
Speaker
this is a relative thing it's it's not saying uh... it's using your money to support uh... the life that you actually want as opposed to make you're gonna lose you're gonna lose the compounding interest game on ten grand versus ten million ages you are it's a that's that's not gonna happen i think people look at that equation ago i'm losing and i don't have a way to win because i can bridge the gap to get all this free money that's coming out of the company interest in just let it sit somewhere but it's the wrong press uh... the the fact is is that uh... we're all relative
00:40:49
Speaker
to what we make and what we owe. And our dream, the question of how we want our life to be, then becomes related to that. And it's not related to what I make, it's related to what you make and what you currently owe and it's a unique conversation, but it's not a balance sheet. That's one thing we're talking about just before the show started, like if your first reaction is to take out the spreadsheet, we're missing it. We're missing it.
00:41:12
Speaker
It's okay to run the spreadsheet once you know what you want, because I mean, there are numbers in here and there are people, it is helpful to have folks who can see the broader landscape, things that maybe you're not seeing, to try to help support that. But ultimately, if you don't know what you're doing it for, one, it's not gonna stick anyway, because no one has fealty to a spreadsheet.
00:41:33
Speaker
And I'd like to say we have fealty to even the concept of what it looks like to serve God and our family but like a Good intention still make broke people Who say look I really I really want to care for my family boy We've been making the same decisions year over year, and we say we're not going to and we still do like making them spreadsheets
00:41:52
Speaker
Right, because ultimately, that's what I'm beholden to. I'm beholden to this list that said, look, are we doing the thing and we're not doing the thing. And then we as a group have sympathy with each other because it's hard to do the thing. And we're like, maybe we're not going to do the thing. And you're supposed to do that till you're 59 and a half. Yeah. Usually at 65. Like, are we really doing that? I mean, that's.
00:42:09
Speaker
daunting. I'm not doing that. And so I'm not saying those spreadsheets are wrong. Doing a budget, and my uncle Dave Ramsey, which isn't really my uncle, but I like to say that, I think he does a really good job of helping people understand their budget and help them get out of debt. That's what I'd say he does a good job at. Building wealth, run for the hills. And I will say that
00:42:32
Speaker
I would say it to your face, Dave. I'd say it to your face, Dave. Exactly. And I just think that I'm not going to put this as a stamp of approval, but I don't know if he's doing the church any justice either. Like, start putting it in retirement accounts that get 12% rate of return year over year growth. Like, ugh.
00:42:51
Speaker
I think that you can invest in the kingdom. There might be some why out there, and we have some clients like, my biggest thing is I want to give 40% of my income every month to my church. That's a why, friends. That makes you get out your spreadsheet like, hey, let's knuckle down here. This is really important to us. And so once you understand what you get excited about,
00:43:13
Speaker
then I think it's okay to go back and understand your monthly expenses, because we all can, let's be honest, cut some stuff out of our monthly expenses, Netflix. I'd like to have a list of some of those people so that I can plan my retirement. We have some openings here at Netflix. I think that comes, this brings up an interesting point, because I would say 95% of the people I would advise them not to retire. The only people I would advise to retire are pastors.
00:43:43
Speaker
Because you pour out your heart and soul every day of your life. There's got to be some kind of respite here. That's the passion though. That's what you do. Here's always been my plan since I was 20. I'll do whatever church, whatever that looks like. Well, I guess it looks like this. It's a little something like this.
00:44:03
Speaker
But there'll come a time, I'm realistic enough to know that people will go, I don't want to hear you anymore. You're the old guy on TV that no one watches. I'll get there. And then I'm like, well, crap, but I'm not going to retire. They're like, no, you really will. So I always figured then my next step will be some little rural church that's desperate.
Future Plans and Practical Steps
00:44:20
Speaker
So sad. I mean, you know, Ben was like, well, I'll still get to do what I like to do. I just play it as to wait for a coup.
00:44:29
Speaker
Hopefully I'll be wise enough to realize it before other people do. But I always assumed that'd be my thing. I'll just probably go to a rural church that needs it because they can't afford some young guy with a family. And so I'm helping them, they're helping me. And I also don't have the week-long responsibilities that are in a setting like this. And then I'm gonna build a wedding venue.
00:44:56
Speaker
Let's go. Now we're talking Yahtzee. My mom tells me not to do it this way. Say it this way. My mom. My wife. Did I say my mom? Yeah. It's been a while. Holy cow. The dimension is setting in. I'm also going to start a puppy mill.
00:45:13
Speaker
not a mill, it'll be half a month. Because I can play with puppies. And they make big bucks. And so do wedding venues. So I've got a plan. So you have exactly what Philip's asking for, you just don't have a way or means to get happy. I have no idea how to make that happen.
00:45:30
Speaker
My dog is spayed. Your current plan is to wait for a coup. It's so sad to me to hear that. Like, how much you've poured into your congregation to think that they can't put together some kind of pension to make sure that you can always stay on staff and your wisdom can always be there. Yeah, you might not be in the front of the house preaching. In my mind, I'd like to see that happen, but I don't know. I'm also realistic enough. I've seen it happen. Does it feel like to ask for that as a pastor and be like, look, we got to do something about my pension, fellas.
00:45:59
Speaker
I don't think so, but again, I'm... We're an independent church, like there's no... Yeah, I've never had a pension from a church. Totally. And not a lot of people do, but I think the wisdom that you put in this church, well, that's actually true. I was gonna say, my grandpa followed very much that
00:46:20
Speaker
path. He pastored two or three different churches. And then what you would call his retirement, he took on a church that was a country church. Maybe there's like 30, 35 people there. And then, but he's SBC. So like, he's got a, he had a new coming in, a new way that he could take.
00:46:36
Speaker
Sure. And so if you really think about your plan, like it would probably have to buy some land. I don't know if you have land in your family. Okay.
Structured Financial Planning
00:46:44
Speaker
So then, then you're starting to think about tangible things that are meaningful to you. Does that make sense? And then we got to really do due diligence of like, is a wedding venue in Des Moines, Iowa, or rural Iowa, something that could be something important? I'm telling you, it probably can. From the wedding venues I know, they're packed out, Dan.
00:47:03
Speaker
out. We did a Thursday night wedding. Yes. And all the other people are packed. That's probably why you did a Thursday night and the same money. So then I think then it gets exciting for Dan to think about, okay, what are the things I have to think through? I'm not saying you to do this right now, but what are the things that you have to think through and having somebody there to be like, this is a great plan until we hit a roadblock and make sure that you still have some income on the side to make sure this plan goes. But now you have a retirement plan. Does that make sense?
00:47:30
Speaker
That really is exciting to you, that's personal to you, that I think that you can really pour into other people with, with your puppies. So just listen to Dan talk about it though. This seemed like a good shape of a plan, like a good start. Absolutely. And something that's realistic. It's not my plan. Like I've had a client come to me and was like, I want to invest in heifers. And I'm like, move?
00:47:50
Speaker
He's like, like moo. Like big ladies. Like the big ladies. Like the big ladies. And big dudes. Like in LA. Yeah, and I was like, I was like, you know, that's, that seems to be a little far fetched, the whole heifer deal. Oh no, it wasn't red heifers, was it? I don't know. I don't know anything about it. The second temple. Bringing the temple back.
00:48:15
Speaker
He came to I want to invest in heifers and we were like not there in no way We're letting you invest in heifers, and I'm like where are you gonna store the heifers and he had an answer? What are you gonna? How you gonna feed the heifers and you had an answer and at the end of it after like 15 really like I was like okay How much are heifers he was like six grand, and I'm like let's get shit heifers. Yeah. Let's get a heifer good idea Long story short that stinking heifer they they've like
00:48:42
Speaker
done, it's just really disgusting, but they do things to it and then they sell things, eggs and stuff. It's been worth 40 grand right now. I'm telling you right now, I could invest in all the heifers in the world, I can't get that thing to go 40 grand, but he knew what he was talking about. He had the experience of doing it and at the end of the day it was kind of like, well,
00:49:01
Speaker
I get the risk reward, you get it too, let's try it. And he kills it. And that's not always what happens. But every time at the end of this uncommon path, they know more about themselves than they ever have, and they know that this is what, I gleaned something from that investment that I did. And right now in financial services, there's not a lot of that. So that's how I started on commonwealth. I really like this approach. I really like it.
00:49:29
Speaker
How do people get a hold of you? Yeah, so we have uncommonwealth.com that you can reach out to us and all of our contact information is on there, our emails. It's better to reach me in some other way. I'm just kidding. The email is probably the best. I won't answer it. Email is the best. But at the end of the day, guys, this is a very attractive philosophy. And it's one that's a little bit different than Dave Ramsey. And I'd say back to the Dave Ramsey, without the absence of vision,
00:49:57
Speaker
It's never bad to shred debt, to get rid of debt. But if you do have vision, this is where I would vastly disapprove of what his message is. Sometimes it's wiser to go after the vision, because if you do it right, that'll kick off enough cash flow to get you out of debt. And you did it the right way, like our psychologist friend. He doesn't care what is in his retirement account at all.
00:50:19
Speaker
because he's actually doing what he loves to do. And I'm like, how much is in your student loan debt? He's like, I don't care. He's like, because it's getting paid for by something I really like to do. And his plan with him and his wife before he met with us was a 10 year plan that he was going to eat rice and beans, beans and rice. So that's how you can get a hold of me. And we're writing a book about this philosophy because what we found is like we can't take
00:50:43
Speaker
each individual through this
Applying Financial Philosophy
00:50:45
Speaker
process. We've gotta be able to scale this thing in such a way that we break it into very simple processes. So the first phase is, what's your budget? First, are you bought into the process? Are you bought into the philosophy? If you are, you gotta know your numbers.
00:51:02
Speaker
And it stinks sometimes, but you just gotta know it. Phase two is like what's in your emergency fund. Dave Ramsey would say we call it a capital fund. Because you do need on this uncommon path, you need cash to fall back on. Because I'm telling you right now, it will not be perfect. It will not be exactly how you envision it.
00:51:19
Speaker
So the third phase is one of my favorites. And if you don't have what you're invested, like excited about, get rid of debt. It's a great idea. The third phase for me is what are you gonna invest in? What is that why in your life that you're excited about, that God's uniquely gifted to you? That's the investing phase. Then the fourth phase is you're kicking it off enough money to cover your monthly expenses. Remember in phase one, what is the monthly expense you need? You get into time freedom phase, financial freedom phase.
00:51:48
Speaker
And this is my favorite part about this whole philosophy. Once you get into this financial freedom phase, you kind of want to do it again. You want to go back into the investment phase and say, I can do it better. I can be more efficient. I can hire somebody to do this in a way that this are the things I don't really like to do in this. And you can be more efficient. And you can go through it and start doing a better job of running a business than what you've created or make that investment more efficient.
00:52:17
Speaker
And then once you do this so many times, you're like, I'm sick of it, then go mentor other people through this process. Because we need people to help people down this uncommon path. Because there's so many advisors out there that aren't doing that. So that's it. I think that book would be awesome. Yeah, I agree. We're almost there. We're almost there. So by the end of this middle of this year, we'd have that book done. That's great. All right, so here's the things that you're going to do. You're going to keep an eye out for this book. You're going to contact Philip.
00:52:46
Speaker
It just seems like, now it's, going back to the level of income, again, I just think it's a hang up for folks to say, look, we don't, this guy sounds like a nice guy and I feel like he's trying to get the right things done. I feel like I'm gonna waste his time. If I show up and try to have this conversation, like, I know what my house looks like, I know my general point of behavior, I'm not sure what I wanna do, I don't wanna waste the man's time. Is there things that you feel like they would need to know or think before they contact you? Or like, you say, look, let's just talk to him.
00:53:16
Speaker
Yeah, so we have a podcast, I think that would be a good place for those people to talk to. It's called the Uncommon Life Project and in it we highlight people who are doing uncommon things that are going down this path.
00:53:27
Speaker
And then I would say the people who don't know what they want, we are not good advisors for. Because I can't tell you what you want. I'll never come up to somebody like, you need a Roth IRA. No, you don't. That's actually the last thing you need. And the bank system is really good at getting you in just enough of debt that you can't think of anything other than just going to that job and just staying where you're at. And so sometimes you need some people to kind of work through some ideas with you, like Dan had.
00:53:56
Speaker
And that's what we're really good at. So if you know what you want, you just don't know how to get there, that's our jam. That's our client.
00:54:04
Speaker
So how do you get paid? Because you just get a piece of that somehow. Yeah. So we have a financial planning fee that we charge, and depending on how level of what you need from us. But really, it's accountability, you guys. This is the 800 pound girl. It's the accountability that somebody's walking you through to make sure you're doing what you said you were going to do. And you can't tell me there's not enough people that need that. We all need that. And so it just depends on the level of engagement you want from us.
00:54:33
Speaker
If you want it monthly, it's going to be a different price point than if you want it annually or twice a year. Those varies right now are $365 if you want to meet with us twice a year. If you want to meet with us four times a year, it's $1,000. If you want the whole 12-month, all hands on deck, that's $2,500.
00:54:51
Speaker
It's almost as much a life coach. Oh, you guys, it totally is. It totally is. And I hate saying that because my wife would be like cringing, but it really is like... I'm married to a life coach. Yeah. When somebody can really talk about what you really want and then help you put a financial plan together to get you where you want to go, it's powerful.
00:55:11
Speaker
Well, yeah, think of how much of your life that actually makes up. The things that you dream about and the things that worry you put in the same bucket. I mean, that's 90% of your life. Yes. I mean, I have all kinds of wild ideas that never happen because I just don't know how to get there. But it's a great idea. Whatever it is. Yeah.
00:55:29
Speaker
We get paid on the same traditional stuff that other people do like finance, you know assets under management and all that stuff We do that too, but it really doesn't like none of our relationships come to us at first Like what's my rate of return last year?
00:55:44
Speaker
It was like, let me tell you what I've been working on over here. Yeah. Well, hey, here's your rate of return to like, Oh, thanks. Like that's amazing. You know? And so it's just complimenting, but it's taking the emphasis off of these accounts that you really don't know what you're doing. And hopefully that we do and we do. Yeah. But what you really get excited about is why you're doing this thing over here and helping them with the path. So that's it. I'm so sorry to talk so much.
00:56:08
Speaker
That's right. That's why, again, that's why we run the internet radio.
Anecdote: Cows and the Pope
00:56:11
Speaker
We got time. I feel like I would be... I'm super interested, like, if somebody comes in with a... it's a terrible idea. I'm saying, like, their ideas are stupid. We've had that, for sure. You know? Or the people that, like, look, I need more accountability. I need you to call me and yell at me. I need you to really amp it up a little bit, because your current soft tone is making me go, eh.
00:56:35
Speaker
I need a cattle prod with the hammer. Usually when people say, hey, I really need accountability, I look at their wife and they're almost weeping. Does that make sense? They're in a bad place. A lot of stuff, what we do
00:56:49
Speaker
is just like getting shoulder to shoulder with their clients and having them get like kind of a video game approach saying hey here's what we're trying to get to where we're all in unity this works both the wife and the husband are like finally looking at something proactively together in unity and and getting them to get to that point that makes sense and a lot of I mean I'd say we do more marriage counseling than anything it's just walking people through like hey let's talk about it right makes sense
00:57:17
Speaker
might be in what it is like yeah yeah let's go let's I was thinking when you were talking I thought if my wife were sitting across from you and like what's your dream she'd be like yeah I want Dan to stop screwing up calm down a little bit he's 99 yeah yeah he keeps talking about buying a puppy mobile we don't need a puppy mobile
00:57:41
Speaker
What's the charge to get him off that puppy thing? 365 years? Yeah, I'm in. But honestly, I mean, she's not really a dreamer. I can't even get her to get a hobby. She just goes to work and does her thing. And I guess she probably just figures I dream for the both of us because I'm always come up with wild ideas.
00:57:58
Speaker
And I don't know, that could be a fun conversation. What an amazing lady. That make sense? There are people that that is just what they want. That's totally fine. But I have a feeling if you're like, hey, money, no object, and we're retired, what do you want to do? She'd have something. She said, I want two days a week with the grandkids.
00:58:15
Speaker
Yes, and I bet you your grandkids are probably don't have any yet, but okay when it when it happens Yeah, that's it's a puppies and it'll be great. I'll have the other puppies. I'll find grandkids This puppy thing isn't related to how much you had to pay for your puppies is like did you think hey man? Look, that's expensive. I can make big money on this our puppies were cheap Oh our puppy, but I have family members who yeah, no, no, no Shanna's was kind of That's our memory. I was like a little stiff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, never mind
00:58:44
Speaker
I just, I was 200 bucks. Just wonder if that's stuck with you and you're like, uh, I can make big money like this. You can get in a thousand. I think, oh, he needs three or four of these. That's crazy. Cause that fits Ben's life, life philosophy, which is I can do this better than the worst guy that's currently getting paid to do it. Yeah. That's so true. Yeah. So true. Somebody out there, like I, anybody, absolutely anybody, I can do the thing that they're getting paid to do at least better than the worst guy who's making money at it.
00:59:12
Speaker
i don't care what it is and i had a hundred percent you know i've said that to a few people that like you know what about being a brain surgeon i said if it's the worst brain surgeon out there he probably should go look i'm not set up for this i probably shouldn't do it totally i know enough to say that i'm yeah
00:59:28
Speaker
All right, hey, you're listening to Live from the Path, so Philip's gonna hang out with us with the rest of the show. Again, you can go to uncommonwealth.com, is that right? That's correct. It's a way to find the connect action for Philip, and you can dig on that podcast. So I've listened to the podcast, it's good. In fact, I listened to, there was the guy from Thelma's. Oh yeah, Derek Lewis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you talk to the guy who makes the Thelma's ice cream sandwiches. It's true. Those are great. Yeah, it was a good show.
00:59:56
Speaker
And it was super interesting to listen to a guy who, again, you don't get to see things kind of behind the scenes and from the ground up, like what's it like when we think, hey, is it time to go bigger or is it time to, you know, to take a shot at a dream and see it come to fruition and the challenges of like a normal dude. You meet this guy 15, 20 years ago, like he's you. So true. Yeah. So anyway, it's a cool show. So definitely check that out.
01:00:21
Speaker
They have a cooler. One of the places that I go to work, they have a cooler full of these Stellman sandwiches and ice cream sandwiches. And you can take one, right? And then every once in a while, the cooler will be completely empty. And man, people just get to angry. They walk in, they're like, I'm going to have a man.
01:00:37
Speaker
Where's the Thelmas? And then they're just mad. They're throwing cups. I mean, people are just getting all spiteful in there because the Thelmas are gone. And the thing is, is like, they're really good sandwiches, but they're, I mean, blue-collar-wise, they're a little per-spending. You know what I'm saying? You're paying for good quality stuff, right? But then some guy's giving away for free, and you thought, what my luck? I've never lived like this. This is the best day I've ever had, only to find out. They're cleaning the fridge that day, and all the Thelmas are gone, and you're super angry.
01:01:04
Speaker
I blame Derek. My dreams are dashed. Speaking of, that heifer story reminded me of something. So I was driving, we've been looking for, like I said, we were thinking about building the house. This is not a great idea, but we're thinking about it. And so we were out looking for land, and we were down in like, my kind of ear neck of the woods, so like Indian oil area, outside Indian oil. And like, there were all these cows, we had to stop because there's these heifers. Cows, is there a difference between a heifer and a cow?
01:01:32
Speaker
I don't know. Okay, heifer's like a breed, isn't it? Okay, I'm gonna say heifer because it sounds cooler. Anyway, so we're stopped by these heifers, right? And there must have been 50 of them crossing the road, just walking across the way. And like I'm sitting there, and it's like, like you've been stopped at a train, it's that action. Like you're sitting there, the car's running, you don't really quite want to put in park yet, because you're not giving up that this thing's gonna end soon. But like, there are a line of heifers here.
01:01:54
Speaker
So they're rolling across the way, and I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on. And finally, this farmer comes from behind, he's on like a tractor or whatever, and he's pulling across the road, and he stops right in front of the road, in front of us, so we can't go any further. And the cows kind of keep on moving. And he's just kind of sitting there. And so, I don't really do this, right? I don't have these types of conversations. But I park the car, and I say, hey man, what's going on out here? And he's like, the Pope is in town. I'm like, what?
01:02:21
Speaker
The Pope is in town. What do you mean? And then, of course, thinking my brain's turn is like, one, the Pope is definitely not in town. And two, what does that have to do with these cows? And so this is what's funny, right? Because we were Mike's neck of the woods, this guy starts to talk to me, and he's like, yeah, we heard that the Pope is at this place just outside of Pleasantville, and we wanted to bring
01:02:40
Speaker
these cows to show appreciation because it's all we have. And I'm like, I'm not connecting these two things as to why you would do this. But I said, I'll be doggone it. So I followed him. I said, as you were going there, he's like, yeah, we're going there. I said, whatever, man, if the Pope's in town, I'm going to go check this out. So I follow and I'll be doggone it if they don't go to Mike's house. And somehow this guy has caught wind and had a rumor that Mike is the Pope.
01:03:02
Speaker
And I said to myself, that's just weird. Like, I heard people was taking boba for the Pope, but this mic business is just way out of hand. And so I walked in, I talked to him, I said, Mike, you're in a real pitch here, man. There's gotta be, you know, 1,500 cattle outside and people coming from all around because they think you're the Pope, what you
Prayer: Communication with God
01:03:19
Speaker
gonna do?
01:03:19
Speaker
And Mike Riley goes, hey, I think I got to give him some Pope-style advice. That's how the Pope gets him to go away. He walks out on a little balcony, and he goes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then they go. And then they burn a handkerchief, and everybody's happy. And then he slaps them all on the hand, and then they leave. And so that's what happened, Mike. And so you had to give him a Pope-style advice, but they got a feeler, right? It's got to be emotional, something that's attached to you. I can't wait for this, Mike. So what did you tell him?
01:03:43
Speaker
So, thinking back on a couple things that we hold in a reality, which is that we have an active Holy Spirit, that when we have a hard time figuring out what to pray or how to pray or what to say, that the Holy Spirit, it takes over with groans and just sends it up, right? And then on the other end, it's met by
01:04:07
Speaker
our Savior, who is the mediator between us and God, right? And like they are constantly communicating and pleading to God on our behalf and sending our prayers to Him and presenting them in a way that I just don't have the ability to do.
01:04:23
Speaker
I don't have the ability to even walk in the throne room humbly enough to even get in the conversation, right? So the Holy, we've been given the Holy Spirit to intercede on our behalf and as He talks to Jesus and Jesus talks to the Father and like there's this just amazing communication thing and like I was thinking about it the other day that I don't start near enough of my prayers saying, what are you guys talking about?
01:04:48
Speaker
But what do you guys have been talking about? I know what I want to talk about. I've got this list of stuff, this big old pile of junk that I'd like to bring to your attention, obviously, that I was concerning to me.
01:05:01
Speaker
I feel like sometimes I really miss this gift of relationship I have, right? Like I have a communication and a connection and a relationship with, I mean, the all-knowing, holy, set-apart, righteous, king-of-the-world creator, just, I mean, take every synonym you can think of, right, and put it all in this bucket. And I show up and go, hey, man, dig on this thing I'm doing. What do you think? Are you going to help or not?
01:05:29
Speaker
That's my general approach. And I know that's my general approach. And even when I know that I'd like to know more about what they're talking about, I get about 10 seconds in and I go, yeah, I don't know if you guys are talking to me or not, but here's the things. I want to know what you have to say, but I really have this bucket of stuff that I want to talk about that I feel like I want to run past you. And none of that is a bad approach. If I have a problem,
01:05:54
Speaker
then, no, I'm not going to do it. Are you going to say you're all sovereign? I thought about it. If I have a concern, if I have something that's weighing on me, I don't know what decision to make, these are all things within Yahweh's purview, right? Like it's His world, I am a loved son of the King. There's no reason not to bring it to Him, right?
01:06:14
Speaker
It just seems so ridiculous to me that most of the prayer time that we see, even when we pray together, is a group. It's like, dear Father God, here's our list of wants.
01:06:25
Speaker
Here's our list of things we're concerned with. Here's the list of stuff that we think is going on. We could really use your intercession. And it's all true, right? But like, the way that the world has been designed, the way it works, and all the spiritual aspects of how God moves and talks and speaks and likes to be in His world and has agreed to be in partnership with us in the world that He's created, and I just got no time to listen to anything He has to say.
01:06:50
Speaker
He has time to listen to me, but I don't have any time to bow my head and go, what have you guys been talking about? What's been going on? And
Prayer as a Relationship
01:06:58
Speaker
just hanging out and waiting to see if he answers. I don't know, and I think that's maybe my Pope-style advice. As much as we've been taught that prayer is our language that we use to talk to God,
01:07:12
Speaker
Sometimes I think that it really is an open communication thing. There will be times when I will be talking to my wife and I will just sit and stare at her. Because we are talking to each other. We are looking at each other in the eye. We are in the same room. And that is how our relationship operates. And sometimes there will be long pauses before one of us speak or whatever. And I just feel like we don't give God the chance to speak.
01:07:35
Speaker
or to even deliver the peace that we're asking for. God, I'd like peace over this thing. I want peace over this thing. I'm having a hard time coming up with this situation. I gotta go to work. I love you. Goodbye. Right. He's a short order cook and you didn't wait for the meal. That's right. I put the order in and I didn't wait to see if it came out right. I just said, I've given it to God. He'll handle it. You know, it's not an altogether horrible thought, right? I mean, if there's someone that's going to handle it, it would be him. That would make perfect sense to me. But once again,
01:08:02
Speaker
God craves way more than that from us, right? Like He craves the relationship. That's what He wants anyway, right? He could have spun
Challenges in Prayer Focus
01:08:10
Speaker
a world into motion, put Adam in an evening, and never came and strolled the garden with Him, right? Never to just walk the cool of the day and say, how's it going down here? You know? But He did. But He did.
01:08:21
Speaker
And he chooses to get almost all of his work done, not through his mighty right arm that can certainly do it, but through his people. He uses his people to do those things, which means almost everything he does is relational. And so I don't want to use the cliché word convicted, but it has been rolling in my mind for probably the last two days now that, like, I just
01:08:43
Speaker
I'm not even giving them a chance to speak. I'm not even trying. And a lot of it has to do with our ability to quiet our minds and just be. And so that's a two-pronged attack. If you can't do this right now, I don't think it's because you're not a follower of Christ, right?
01:08:59
Speaker
I think you're not even programmed to sit for five minutes in the peace. You just can't even do it. You probably have to work yourself up to it. But realize it's a good investment. It's to be able to sit and just be with God and let that peace come over that you're asking for or let that decision, you know, give God a chance to speak his way into it and stop looking at billboards or the clock on your radio or a thing a guy said and go,
01:09:23
Speaker
I think that's the Lord speaking to me, right? Like, I mean, I'd not say that He wouldn't do that, but like, would you even know? Would you know what His voice sounded like? You just barked an order at Him and then shut the door and walked out. So, the Pope-style advice is, as much as a prayer is our way of communicating with God, it is just as much His way of communicating with us. And if you're, I feel like you're as guilty of this as I am of not doing this. Well, that's harsh to me. That cuts my deep, Mike.
01:09:49
Speaker
Yeah, I find it so I find this interesting, especially this could sounds bad coming from you. Yeah, I'm not generally I'm really not a charismatic dude in that aspect. Well, yeah, and you're super you tend to be wary of things that don't feel tangible, right? Right. So like sitting and waiting and listening.
01:10:07
Speaker
and being open to hearing from God, recognizing that it's not likely to be booming voice. Like that seems like a space that traditionally you might not feel comfortable. You're like, what am I supposed to do with that? Oh, no, I definitely struggle there. There's no doubt. Yeah, that it's like I said, coming for me, like I, I get the struggle.
01:10:24
Speaker
I tried to do it on the drive-in. I was just trying to tell, like I was trying to focus on walking into the throne room of God and then talking to Jesus and watching Him talk to Yahweh. And I thought, yeah, I can do this. And like, boy, I mean, I bet I got 30 seconds in and I'm gone. I couldn't do it. I've tried to get up in the morning and do this in the quiet of the day and I can get a minute or two in and then I'm just gone. I'm just gone. And then I end up so disappointed with myself that I can't pull it off, then I just avoid it and then I don't do it at all.
01:10:55
Speaker
And so, like, that can't be. I can't abide that, right? Like, that's foolish. There's no way I'm going to give up that easily. There's a God that didn't give up on me for nothing, right? And I'm like, 30 seconds in, I can't do this, I'm out of here, right? I'm going to go back to the comfort of my Bible, which I can't screw up. I sit down to read it, I do read it, and then I leave. I can't screw that up. But the peace and the quiet and the relationship part, boy, I mean, I really struggle.
01:11:16
Speaker
I think there's an intermingling there, like when we hear in Scripture that Jesus goes to a desolate place and prays, right? I think the wrong thought is that He hits up to the top of the mountain, you know, climbs up there sweaty and whatever, and then talks for five hours. Right? Like, it's just not likely.
01:11:33
Speaker
the average Jew in that time, like if they're praying, a lot of times they're repeating, they're repeating Scripture, right? Like they're reaching for words that God has heard from his people before and saying this, I identify with this, and saying it back and it could be just, it could be whispering, it could be just letting them fly, roll through your head and let, I mean, sometimes God will just, like some will jump out and you're like, what? Okay.
01:11:55
Speaker
All right, I can focus on that, and you can just sit and focus on it. And this is where people get weirded out, because this starts to feel like empty-your-mind meditation. But it's not. It's filling your mind. It's filling your mind with things with either talking to God, with God's words, or there is an emptying time that says, look, I will not let anything else in. I'm going to sit here in the quiet and in the patience. And it becomes a bad mitten deal.
01:12:20
Speaker
Like, stuff's flying in. You're like, hey, this is due today. I don't care. Hey, I'm supposed to be up in an hour. I'm supposed to go to work. Not today. I'm fighting for space, even if the empty space itself is the thing that rises to the throne root of God and says, look, this was for you.
01:12:38
Speaker
That's okay too. I'm dedicating this space in my head, in my day, in my time or whatever. With all of the faculties, I'm going, look, I'm dedicating this time to you because I want to. That's what I want to do. I want this to be your time and my time with you and whatever. Maybe we won't accomplish anything.
Relational Nature of Faith
01:12:56
Speaker
except for that i gotta sit with you and that's an accomplishment right i mean that's it and and and this would be silly example right but like i mean i used to just cherish those times like when my daughters would fall asleep you know as at on the couch right and like and and your tv show would be over and they'd be dead asleep in your unit watching some stupid for an hour because you don't want to get up yet than right you just are to sit here and watch patty duke and patty duke is stupid
01:13:19
Speaker
But I'm not going to move, and the volume's already turned down. I just want to live here. This is where I want to be, right? Like, there's no way your Heavenly Father doesn't think of you like that. And there's no way that you can't enjoy nuzzling up as a grown man to a Yahweh that loves you. Like, and I'm just, I wouldn't trade that time I had with my kids when they were younger for anything. And even, and they're not so old right now that I still couldn't pull it off, but like, I just,
01:13:43
Speaker
I love that, right? And God is a relational God, and we are relational people because we are a reflection of a relational God. And so, like, I just feel like I'm not giving it a chance. I'm answering him like I would a text message or 10,000 emails. I'm like, whatever. I just want to make sure this guy knows that I listened to him, so I'm going to fire off this answer. And out it goes. It's like, yeah, dude, I saw your email. I'm on it. Out the door, right? That's all the more thought that I give Yahweh on a majority basis.
01:14:11
Speaker
Yeah, you know, some of that comes, again, take this well, because I'm going to say it might sound wrong, but like, when we treat the process transactional,
01:14:23
Speaker
only, we tend to treat our relationship with God as transactional only. When we recognize the cross is a culmination and expression of a relationship that was walked
Daniel's Prayerful Example
01:14:33
Speaker
out and lived out and created and born through, and there's a much deeper thought there, it brings you to the place to say,
01:14:41
Speaker
our relationship with God is not a transaction of thank yous, bless me, save me, I'll see you there, right? It's not that. And I think it's right that it starts to create that burden that says, look, I don't know what it's like to live in a close relationship with a creator that is God, that is sovereign and bigger than I ever will be, but seems to have this deal where he loves me like a father. And so I don't quite get that from a human perspective. Like whatever that feeling is, it's the same
01:15:09
Speaker
attempt that John is trying to describe what he saw in Revelation using human language. It's not going to cut it. And our feeling there, I think, is not going to cut it either. But you just start to feel this need that says, yeah, I want deeper than this. And I think God's doing that. And I think that's okay. And I think, frankly, looking for human things, we always try to express it in relationship-wise.
01:15:28
Speaker
because it's as close as we got. We do the best we can here. And trying to be in a close relationship with your wife and spend time, you're like, how does this translate? This can work with God. And it's the closest thing we have, but you have to get used to it, because he's not literally standing in front of you. I get it. But I think you're right. I think that's the right burden, the creation, for that type of relationship. I was actually thinking about this today. We have a 24-7 prayer room coming up, and oftentimes I'll
01:15:57
Speaker
It's been a week or two, I'm going to do three weeks on prayer and I thought, I don't want to just do the mechanics. And so I was thinking, okay, it's the deeper relationship thing. Anyway, I went to Daniel, I thought, Daniel, he's the guy who he saw things other people didn't see, experienced things other people didn't see, and was it just because he was this magical guy? No, it was because he had this
01:16:17
Speaker
incredible relationship with God. And so I was reading through the first several chapters and just trying to try to, what can I pull out of there to communicate what you're saying right now? You know, that I mean, he prayed and then like days went by and then like an angel would show up and say, hey, I got the answer to your prayer. You know,
Growth in Prayer Practice
01:16:36
Speaker
I don't think he was like set there 24 seven, you know, praying. Right. It was it was a thing of
01:16:45
Speaker
There was this attitude of prayer that this prayer thing was going on. It was constantly in his mind. And at some point, God, this angel breaks through and says, oh, here's the answer. I thought, well, how much does that happen in us? But we put in the mechanics, yeah, ABC, I'm out, because now I'm going to go do this. And a couple weeks later, we're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I've got to do that. ABC again.
01:17:11
Speaker
By the way, haven't got the answer. What's going on, God? It's like, well, that's the last thing we thought about was two weeks ago, as opposed to being in that mood or whatever. And it's a growth process. I think it's a spiritual jump to go from the mechanics and saying a few magic words to, hey, let's hang out God.
01:17:37
Speaker
I got questions. And at one point, Daniel's just this big prayer of repentance for the people. And he's like, just pour it out. God, we're messing up. And how can I help this? What can I do? And anyway, I'm still turning through that to see how that looks like in a really big series. So it's a super interesting question. What Philip asks is, what do you want to do?
01:18:06
Speaker
my brain just does not promise it, right? But as you promise it, it doesn't provide me that answer. I couldn't answer it. Practically, I can't answer that. I don't actually know, you know? But then it occurs to me, as we're having that conversation, that I've never actually had a relational enough
01:18:23
Speaker
conversation with God to say, what did you create me to do? What did you build me for? You know, I think I've had a guess of it over the last 38 years of what I thought it was. And maybe I've taken those to the max potential of that I can steam on my own. But boy, you know,
Fulfilling Divine Purpose
01:18:39
Speaker
let's rewind the clock a little bit and go, actually, what did you create me for? Right. And like, all I can do is see this big old smile coming on Jesus' face and go, I've been waiting for this question. I'm ready. I'm ready to show you if you want to know. Let's do it. Right.
01:18:52
Speaker
Just like Philip's all jazzed up excited trying to get you by the embers. Jesus gets the same amount of excitement. He's like, I've been so wanting for you to ask me what I created you to do. It's just so exciting, but you never stuck around for the answer. You never once stuck around for the answer. Hey God, I'm going to build this business. Make it go well. Did you ask God why you should be in that business?
01:19:14
Speaker
Right. Did you ask him whether you were created to do that or are you just trying to take a shadow of what God created you to be and push it to its absolute limits, which turns out is about as far as you can get on your own accord, which is okay. You know, you might get some worldly success out of that and whatever. Okay. But like, boy, did you miss the big thing or whatever God had designed for you that you were just specifically built for. And like, I don't know if you've ever had a moment like that where like you knew God had you somewhere doing a thing with a person or whatever. And you're like,
01:19:44
Speaker
Holy cow, yes. If my life can feel like this, I'll do whatever. I'll be poor and do this. Talk to Paul. Paul's taking beatings left and right. Man, got no money. He's starving. He spends the last couple years shackled to a guy before he gets beheaded. And he's like, hey, this is what God built me for. Right on. Right?
01:20:02
Speaker
You wonder how people could live like that and why people would die. All the disciples would die for a faith of the story of one man. This is why. This is why. Because they knew what God had them doing and they were doing it. And like, boy, that feeling you just can't recreate on this earth without them. You just can't do it.
01:20:20
Speaker
So anyway, that's the Pope-style advice. Give God time to talk. Give Him time. Just blank time. And you're going to want to be religious about it, and you're going to be like, it's got to be at five o'clock every morning, and if I miss one, I stink bad. Don't do that. You're going to lose at the fives. You're going to lose it at the noons when you're supposed to do it at your lunch. You're going to lose it at the twos every once in a while, and sometimes right before bed, you're going to fall asleep. So don't put it in a religious bucket and act like it has to be this thing.
01:20:47
Speaker
You need to give God time in a day. Find it. Right. I guess to that point, right? Like you ever been on the couch and one of your kids wants to come and snuggle up and you're like, no, that was two, two o'clock. It's two forty five. We snuggle at two. Not going to work today, babe. See you tomorrow at two. Yeah.
01:21:03
Speaker
Yeah, it's not transactional, right? Like if God starts knocking at 8.30 and the voice is coming on, maybe you're skipping the voice today. I don't know. But you didn't make it at 5, you didn't make it at noon, and now you're getting sleepy. So if you're going to have this conversation with your wife, you better do it right now. Same thing with God. All
Live Advice Segment: Family Dynamics
01:21:20
Speaker
right, get off the lawn. Yeah. All right. Mike, hold on. Let me see. Let me see if I got anything else. Otherwise, you got some deer live from the path? I got at least one. OK, hold on. Let's see here.
01:21:31
Speaker
I'm trying to say, nope, nope, nope, nope. We'll talk about that. We're good there. My social media is a cesspool. No, Mike was fine. We're going to skip that. Ghosted five people in text. Yeah, I don't care about the rest of that. All right, Mike, what do you got? Here we go. Dear, live from the path. Oh, no. I don't like when they start out like this. Yeah, it seems sad. I married someone who turned out to be very abusive and controlling of me and the kids. I felt powerless to leave with them because of the emotional control, and I had no way to make a living to support them.
01:22:01
Speaker
They're all adults now, and three of them have been in unhealthy relationships. I know their example of a good marriage or a long-term relationship was awful because of how their father treated me. I live with the guilt and pain of that, but beyond that, seeing three of my four kids in similar abusive relationships is painful. When two of my girls reach out to me when things are not going well, I'm supportive and I try to be helpful. I guess my question is, given my example of an unhealthy marriage, will any advice I give them fall on deaf ears? Should I just listen? I don't feel like anything I say will help.
01:22:34
Speaker
Yeah, that's tricky. Well, maybe one of the questions that I would ask back is to say, how often did you not take your own advice? Just realistically, that's not a sass. The question is, in a similar situation, you obviously thought these same things and you didn't follow through with them.
01:22:58
Speaker
And so having shared that, just recognize what you wouldn't have listened to and maybe ask yourself, like, what would have taken? What would have it taken for something to actually land or to change? Is it possible that someone in that position, your own mother, could have said something and it would have mattered? Or like, maybe think about it that route, not because I have an answer for you, but like,
01:23:19
Speaker
You have more experience in this than they do. You went through it longer. You knew how it was. And that guilt comes from not having listened. And so maybe you're the best person to say what it would take to have heard.
01:23:33
Speaker
And that was my first thought. This is bigger than advice. I mean, advice honestly isn't going to do anything as it didn't for you. There's some professional counseling that needs to happen in here for them to reprocess what they learned, because they learned some self-harming relationship skills that they're not just going to, advice won't get them out of.
01:24:00
Speaker
to really get into some professional counseling to be healthy. I mean, I'm not saying they're broken. I'm saying that's how they'll be healthy. They can teach them how to be healthy, and they need help that way. And never discredit your experience that you've gone through. Never discredit what God can do through you. And so, you're their mother. So, I mean, they always will want to hear your input. You don't want to nag them. It's their life and their choices too. And so, the experience that you've gone through
01:24:28
Speaker
Who knows how God will use that or not use that, but that's not your job. Does that make sense? Your job is to learn through the experience that you had, and then also give people wise counsels of like, hey, this is what honest feedback, like this is what I wish I would have done, but this is probably why I didn't do it. And this is what was tough in this situation for me, and I totally agree with professional counseling, and that's a sticky situation. But never discredit your, one, your their mother, and two, the experience that you've gone through.
01:24:57
Speaker
I think there's a lot of power in being able to say, look, I've been where you're at. And if someone said the same thing to me, obviously you know that I didn't follow it. And it's a regret that I have. And when you feel like you, when you're on the other side of that type of thing, or when your kids are in that, it's not like they don't know it, right?
01:25:17
Speaker
People aren't dumb. People who are into positions like that always know it. They just don't feel like they have the agency or the power to do something about it. And I think, Philip, to your point, it may or may not work. Well, actually, it works the wrong word. You were faithful in the means.
01:25:35
Speaker
People will make their own decisions just like you did. You can hope that they will change. You can pray that something, that this will land. You can be faithful with the information you have and your experience, but ultimately, the hard part about engaging with someone is being okay, or at least knowing that there's a limit, that you can't walk their path for them. Your words aren't gonna make their way into their legs, or into their mind, or into their mouth, and get them to say the thing that they should.
01:26:02
Speaker
And so, am I okay saying, look, my limit is I can be faithful in what I have, the experience I have, and the words that I have. I pray they land on open ears. Ask that, like, you had the freedom to make your mistakes. They're gonna have it too. Let's just hope that they can use it differently. And then, ultimately, right, if counseling gives a good place, that's why I like counseling. Even if you're someone who goes, look, I don't even know if that works. It's kind of like an accountability thing. You put a stake in the ground and said, look, we're willing to change.
01:26:32
Speaker
And even if you're having the same conversation you had on the couch last week, but you're having on somebody else's couch, and they're not even saying anything, which is what you'll think. You'll think those guys are just sitting there. They're not even doing anything. I'm guessing that shows up kind of in your line of work, too. Like people will talk their own dream out, and you're just supervising. They're like, well, what do I need you for? Well, you didn't get this far sitting on your own couch doing it.
01:26:53
Speaker
And so there's a means to put that into play. And then, of course, valuable things follow. But yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's the wise path is just try your best. And never, I don't think it's ever bad to just say, how can I support you in this? Like, what are you looking for from me here? And never, I think sometimes that's asking what the right answer is. But each person has their own right answer. And to clarify, hey, what are you looking for me? And that's something I could do with my wife sometimes, like, hey, do you want me to fix this? Or do you want me to listen right now?
01:27:23
Speaker
because I could totally fix it. Actually, that's a really good point because a lot of times, even your gut reaction to that, to someone's question,
01:27:37
Speaker
yeah could just be talking about something that they're not prepared to hear and frankly that might have landed way differently so like what what are you what are you looking for here and they're like well do you have any advice and then they've actually opened a door for you of which it may actually go as opposed to you chucking advice at the door and it bouncing off and all it took for you is to ask like what are you looking for I think that's a good call I think somewhere that you communicate you grew up in a home where this was normal and you need to know I handled that poorly as a mom yeah and this isn't normal and and you can find
01:28:07
Speaker
A better way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Secular says, uh, the question was, uh, should I give the advice? Right? Yeah. Yeah.
01:28:20
Speaker
Well, my advice fall on deaf ears. Should I just listen or is it better if I don't say anything? Secular says, of course you should listen, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't also weigh in on what is happening to them. It could be very helpful if you point out to them what they witnessed while growing up was not normal and explain what is acceptable behavior in an adult relationship. He's been cheating. Nailed it. You nailed it. Wow. You might also apologize for not being stronger earlier on and explaining that their father had eroded your self-esteem to such an extent that you were paralyzed.
01:28:49
Speaker
If their experiences mirror your own, point that out, too, and offer them the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline. If you do, it might not only open up their eyes, but also give them the escape they need. There is a catharsis
Complexities in Giving Advice
01:28:59
Speaker
in that, too. I don't know that everyone would accept it, right? Like, if you were on the opposite end or the other end of someone who didn't handle the things right, and then there's a sense of blame there that said, Mom, if you would handle this differently, I wouldn't be in this position.
01:29:15
Speaker
But again, you can do what you can do here. And being able to say, look, I owe you apology, and I wish I had been stronger, I think there's a vulnerability to that. And they may not receive it all that well.
01:29:27
Speaker
It's still right. It's still the thing that you would want to be able to say. This is what I love about Christianity. We just deal in true things. The true thing is I am sorry. And I wish I had done this differently. And we're not perfect. Yeah. And that's just how it is. And we might as well just embrace whatever that is. And you've got to hope that you're dealing with people who can take that in too. But ultimately, the higher calling is just to be honest with whatever happened and wherever you're at now and just deal with that reality. Yeah.
01:29:52
Speaker
And I think one of the hardest things with helping people in this way, especially when they're in the straits, is like, you're going to want to give some advice, and then they're not going to follow it. And then you have to not take that personally, and then let it crack the relationship that you have with them, right? Like, it's irritating, right? People are like, hey, I need some advice, but what should I do? And you tell them, and then they do the complete opposite thing, and their life is in shambles and ruins and ashes. And you're like, what the flying heck? We just talked about this, right? Like, you completely did the
01:30:20
Speaker
opposite thing, no wonder you're in the straights, right? I was hoping you would just validate what I was going to do anyway and you didn't, so... Yeah, so the problem is, is generally you've brought in your own irritation that they didn't listen to your advice, right? Like, you do care for them and you do think that your advice would have helped them, but they didn't take it. And now you're letting it both crack the fact that they aren't in a better situation and it's cracking your relationship with them because they didn't listen to you and you don't like it. Nobody likes to give advice and have it ignored.
01:30:49
Speaker
it's irritating boy that's that's hard like it's it it is like next-level gold star humility to be able to give advice have someone ignore it have them have it not go well and your first reaction not be they should have done what i said right like even if it's true and just say boy i'm really sorry it's too bad that they're going through this my heart hurts for them and not have the fact that they didn't take your initial vice be a the barrier of which they then also have to overcome in addition to their bad whatever they did earlier on the second one
01:31:16
Speaker
I definitely struggle with this. I think that's legit difficult because you recognize it's always difficult to say pain could have been avoided and yet they jumped full arm in and it almost feels like it's directed at you. Screw you, I'm going to do this anyway. It wasn't that. It was basically screw me, I'm going to harm myself regardless. And for that, the frame of mind you have to be in and the destructive nature of how you look at the world that causes that, every divorce is this.
01:31:46
Speaker
Someone just decided that this was the path that they were going to take, and you're like, boy, it didn't have to be that way. And by the time that they realized that, they already put the weight of the world back on them. The fact that they didn't listen to your advice is way low on the totem pole, especially to them. And so, again, I think it's one of the harder parts of humility, but if you can figure that out, all the other humility stuff starts to really flow in.
01:32:08
Speaker
and become nice. Think how easy it is to deal with people if you don't have to deal with your own pride in the middle of it. Like, holy cats, I don't carry as much weight, right? The weight that I carry around with trying to help people in any situation, most of it is my irritation that they didn't listen to me in the first place, and they're still in the straights because they didn't listen to me. And so, like, when I see their number on my phone or their face in my rearview mirror, I go, oh, great, it's that guy that don't listen to me. He keeps making bad decisions.
01:32:34
Speaker
Right? And like, these are not part of my personality that I'm proud of, right? It's just true. And so instead of seeing them and going like, hey, I have a relationship with this person. Man, I hope they're not in the straights. I think, by the time they didn't listen to me, no wonder they're in the straights. Who's not in the straights? Me, because I listen to me. Right?
01:32:52
Speaker
It's terrible, but it's the truth. It's what I think, and it creates so much more of a burden in being able to help people. If you drag that into every situation where you're not struggling in the same way they're struggling, and you come at it from the pious way, like, I'm going to tell you how to do it, and if you don't do it, then you stink. You're the one that's bringing the weight into the relationship, and you're missing the opportunity to continue to have it. Right. It's the common church person's advice on someone who's got a meth problem.
01:33:21
Speaker
I mean, you don't have to have a meth problem to point people to good solutions. That's why Celebrate Recovery works. They don't care what your problem is. However, the thought is that I came with this answer on the table, and this person who's got a meth problem didn't follow the way I said it was going to, and now then they suck.
01:33:37
Speaker
I mean, let's just be clear here that you have to recognize, one, follow the human, and two, it's not really about you. Like, whatever decision they're making or ignoring of you, it's not about you. They didn't go, I'm going to do this anyway just because that guy said not to. Right. Screw Brian. Yeah, I'm going to take the message.
01:33:53
Speaker
That's not what it is. They're dealing with bigger things and it takes
Sibling Gatherings and Uninvited Guests
01:33:57
Speaker
a real turd to make yourself the center of that problem. And think how easily you do it. Hey man, you ever considered not committing crimes? Well, that was his only motivator in life is to go, well Mike says to stop committing crimes, I'm going to commit crime. Screw you Mike.
01:34:15
Speaker
That is terrible. Okay, last one. We got time for one more. Dear Life from the Path, my siblings and I have always enjoyed spending quality time together, and every eight to ten weeks or so we get together for a, quote, siblings' day. There's no set schedule or a particular date. One of us will call with the others and say, hey, man, I need some siblings' time. There are five of us all over 60. Oh, boy. Yeah, it's a blue hair kind of deal. Okay, okay, I'm ready. I'm ready. They mean it to Perkins.
01:34:40
Speaker
and they wait for hours because the Perkins is terrible. Sometimes we meet at one of our homes and play board games or cards or dance in the living room and enjoy the laughter that comes with it. It's a time we just enjoy being family. Our brother's lady friend, a very nice person, has arrived uninvited the last three times we have gotten together. Talk about a party pooper. We have explained, as graciously as we know how, that these times are very important to us. Our brother has asked her to please allow us this time for family, but she just laughs and says it's silly for grown people to be so needy of each other.
01:35:10
Speaker
She has six siblings who live close by and with whom she keeps in good contact. We all love each other and are aware that life is truly short and that we are very lucky to still have this close bond with so many families do not. Holy cow, did you buy a soapbox before you wrote this letter? Can you suggest what we could do to make her understand what this time together means to us and that she is the ultimate uninvited guest? I've got so many questions.
01:35:37
Speaker
Did I hear this right? That it's the lady friend of one of the siblings. Yeah, one of the brothers. Five brothers. And this gal, the last three times, she has showed up uninvited. This was the classic line to me. It says, we've explained as graciously as we know that these times are very important to us. Our brother has asked her to please allow us this time for family, but she just laughs and says it's silly for grown people to be so needy of each other. Well, that should put you at home, shouldn't it?
01:36:06
Speaker
If you didn't need other people, you should be at home, party pooper woman. That doesn't make any sense at all. Here's the thing, because they're 60, this whole situation's hilarious to me. I don't know why. Like some crazy old bitty that refuses to stay home when she's supposed to, and there's nothing you can do. I mean, just don't tell her.
01:36:27
Speaker
I mean, hey, go in to get some bread. Tell a lie, then. Well, OK, you could do it differently. Ben says, Christian, steal it on his steaks. Dan goes, tell a ruse. Get some bread and take it to the siblings' house. I mean, when we say it, we're saying lady friend. Are we saying girlfriend or just? Yeah, I kind of. That's a good question. It's a blue hair. She said lady friend. OK. What do you want? I think probably girlfriend. OK, I'm going to say girlfriend as well. OK, so core principle here.
01:36:55
Speaker
it doesn't seem like this is funny right like you could have a footy-duddy around who like kinda soaks in the corner where everyone dances in the living room happens to be like i get it and maybe it's alright like all that person's the footy-duddy and everyone still enjoys you in the company and this doesn't sound like what's going on here right given given how often this is happening how close you are to your family i guess my first question would be
01:37:17
Speaker
This is the person you want to spend the rest of your, what it seems to be short in life with. Like, I just, I just not sure that, uh, if this is something you see that is so important to you and it's not important to her, like, I don't want to overdo it on a key indicator, but like, this seems like a substantial problem. Right. I'm going to go hang out with my siblings. Uh, I'm going to come too. No, you're not going to come. Yes, I am. Yeah. And I'm going to come and I want to make fun of you the whole time and say your sibling time is not valuable.
01:37:43
Speaker
That seems pretty hard, like a deal breaker here. Seems like someone you shouldn't be with. Yeah. Like what? She's a great person. There's definitely some communication between the lady friend and that guy that needs to be worked on. There's that. Wouldn't you be more mad at your brother? They're like, hey, man, you need to handle your business over here. Your lady friend keeps going around. Why is she here? She's showing up. Tell Virta she can't come. Yeah. The lady who brings the vegan nachos to the bowling night,
01:38:10
Speaker
It's the guy who said she could come who has to deal with that. Yeah, that's right. Like, no one's eating these vegan nachos. It's not even cheese. It sounds like they're pretty close, though, too. So if they're like, listen, hey, Virgil can come to Thede's, but not Thede's. Like, hey, let's have two a month or whatever. These are just specifically for our family. This one is like, you need to come and we're going to be excited about it and we're going to enter you in to the family in the fold.
01:38:35
Speaker
Like, there's two ways to think about it, right? Sometimes it's a perception thing of, like, because you know right now all of them are bitter, and they see Virgil, or what are we calling her? Virgine. They see her, and they all get bitter. You can just see this harboring, which is... The little jealousy may be going on. Something there, right? And probably also this is hurting the relationship with the brother that keeps bringing Virgine in. Or doesn't it say, though, that... I like Lady Nacho's. So doesn't it say that Lady Nacho shows up uninvited?
01:39:04
Speaker
yeah like she's finding it on his calendar and showing up that it doesn't say it doesn't say how she's arriving
01:39:10
Speaker
If he shows up in the same car as the brother, I mean, that's ridiculous. John, you brought it. I didn't know she was back there. Shut up, John. You knew she was back there. You got two shoulders and a cup holder, and you're a liar. Yes, so a lack of clarity, number two, I think, is that when he says she's uninvited, does it mean nobody wants her there, but John keeps bringing her? Yeah.
01:39:35
Speaker
Or like, nobody wants her there, including John, but she shows up on her own accord and tuts people in the living room. Who goes to stuff where you know they don't want you there? It's bold. That's weird, but it also is like, is there something going on with her? Does that make sense? We need to really, hey, what need is this fulfilling in your life that you feel like you need to be a part of this? And let's work through that.
01:40:00
Speaker
And these fellows have diagnosed it, right? They're like, well, she has a close relationship with her family. Because I think they're trying to head that off at the past. Does she have a need and not know how to interact with her family or whatever? But at least they're making it sound like she does. Well, I mean, if I wanted to be right and make someone else look terrible, I would also write the same thing. So did you notice there? What was the core question? I mean, they're leading the witness here. It was like, hey, do we
01:40:25
Speaker
how do we tell her to kick her in the curb like they were open it up for a how do we resolve this problem in amicable way whichever one is having that's right when when when people are great like myself and i'm surrounded by dirtballs what do i do love this person
01:40:40
Speaker
I think you nailed it on the head. There's a bigger issue between the brother and this lady. Like, if she's not going to respect that, there's some issue there. OK, so back to advice for the number one is, first of all, this is a communication problem, primarily between John and Lady Nachos. It's got like, this shouldn't be something where your whole family is trying to ask around you. Your family should be going, John, what's going on here? You know this time is special to us. And like, we'd love to have her here. But she's really dragging the joint down.
01:41:10
Speaker
Can you figure out what's going on? Because I feel like I don't want to get up in your grill. But I mean, this seems like it might cast into other business. So and if this is like the soul thing of what she's all feisty about, I still think that's a deal. Like there's just something weird about it to be happening. Who gets upset with 65 year old people dancing in the living room?
01:41:28
Speaker
That's amazing. That seems awesome. It's just weird that she wants to be included in it. If she finds it silly but she shows up all the time, it is. There's definitely a deeper issue going on. The question is, coming from one of the siblings, I think the advice is you need to talk to John. Your conversations with John and say, look, John, I don't know why you're allowing this or what needs to happen here, but she's not invited, so that's it. Do something.
01:41:57
Speaker
Okay, ready? Techular says, what gall? Your brother's girlfriend? Yeah, that's how I get off, I say the word gall. What gall? Your brother's girlfriend does not have the right to judge your family's spending time with one another as, quote, silly. It is the height of rudeness.
01:42:14
Speaker
Please point out to him that her behavior is an important red flag for him to consider. The next time she drops by uninvited, your brother should put his foot down and not let her intrude. Yeah, that'd be funny. Like what, physical barrier? Yeah, bar to the door. I'd like to be there for that actually. Yeah, that's gonna be awesome. Sorry, the door's locked. Watch a couple of Dick Van Dykes try to keep an old lady out of the door. Yeah, I'll stand
Wrapping Up and Future Guests
01:42:37
Speaker
centering. A domestic altercation at the brouhaha.
01:42:43
Speaker
We're trying to Foxtrot and Lady Nacho's trying to post her way. Yeah. What you're doing is silly. Silly! As you cart her away.
01:42:56
Speaker
All the law units I will Okay, that was it. That was that's the glitzy bus. That was the advice just tell me it's the height of rudeness boy I mean that type of confrontation only comes from people about this is the height of rudeness Well, this is a height of rudeness
01:43:17
Speaker
Okay, I think we've handled this. Hey, thanks for listening to Live from the Path. We very much appreciate you hanging out with us on the show. Make sure you go to livefromthepath.org. That's where you can get the podcast full-time. You can catch up with the show. You can check out, I was gonna do secular solo tonight and I decided we did it a couple weeks ago, so I'm just gonna have to wait. But anyway, you can catch up past episodes, clips from the show, lots of musical guests coming on. Hey, Aaron Dale's gonna be here. Aaron Dale's got a new album coming out. He's gonna be here first week of February.
01:43:44
Speaker
Day after the Super Bowl, Arendelle's coming in. It's been a late night, too. All right, big thanks to Philip Ramsey from Uncommon Wealth Partners. Philip, great having you in here. Very much appreciate it. Make sure you go to uncommonwealth.com and you can sign up for their podcast. Dig on that. It's good stuff. It's good for your drive in and out and also to get a hold of Philip and put those dreams in action. And look for that book coming out this year.
01:44:07
Speaker
In fact, maybe when it comes out, we'll have you all back on. We can talk through it. We'll love it. Sounds great. Alright, we will see you next week. In the meantime, be faithful in the means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to Life in the Path.