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Celebrate
84 Plays5 years ago
K and I discuss how this simple action can have a powerful influence on your life and those around you. Authentic celebration of something within and valuable in your life is an amazing display of inner strength, especially among challenging times. This isn't just finding the silver lining or pretending 'all is good'. It might surprise you how challenging it is to truly celebrate something, but hopefully this episode can help influence you to express this power.
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Transcript
Essential vs Non-Essential: Pandemic Surprises
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello. How are you doing? Okay. Okay. Are you sure? All right. Um, what do we got this week? You know, it's just random using. I was driving home earlier.
00:00:23
Speaker
It's still, yes, it still blows my mind that liquor stores were considered essential businesses. I actually thought about the same thing on my walk about Dunkin Donuts, right? Like we're hemming and hawing over like putting people in a parking lot outside spread out to get fit, but get your crawlers. Do like me a crawler though. It's just kind of crazy, but that parking lot was packed.
00:00:52
Speaker
Dunkin Donuts was? People going in there getting their donuts, getting their coffee with 10 sugars and creams. But we're talking about celebrating today. Oh my God, you just blew out everybody's speakers. It's making sure it's working. A hundred years ago, there was prohibition.
Celebration vs Health: The Pandemic Paradox
00:01:10
Speaker
Fast forward a hundred years in the midst of a global pandemic that is very much around your health and immune system. We're saying, no, no, no, by any means necessary.
00:01:23
Speaker
Let's not continue our rant. It was just to warm you up, just to warm up. Yeah. Anyway. Well, speaking of booze and libations, we'll be celebrating. We're talking about celebration today. I thought it would be a good episode to, or a good topic to, you know, we obviously talk a lot about, we talk about a bunch of stuff, but
00:01:46
Speaker
sometimes the introspective content can either be heavy or you know like you're questioning a lot of things and obviously there's value in that but we wanted to have something be a bit more lively as well as actionable to really have people
The Power of Celebration: Small Wins Matter
00:02:09
Speaker
Give them an incentive give them not an incentive but give them the Encouragement to like celebrate stuff in simple terms. What the fuck do you mean simple terms? How is that not simple? I mean just like yeah, we wanted to Bring something like you said like what could we kind of people need an uplifting? Yeah, is that not what I just said? Well, you said it in a lot of words Uplift people that's two words That's one word
00:02:40
Speaker
uplift. So, well, apparently, okay, so we're since like that, we were just saying that, yes, I think that we talked about we've talked a lot about the stress and that side of things. And for sure, how to use workouts to, you know, manage our stress and all these things and nasal breathing and blah, blah, blah. But
00:03:02
Speaker
The piece that, you know, I think we could all use now is how we celebrate and what does that mean? And in every sense of the word, um, not so much celebrate, although you can by like having your own little party for one or family party, but we mean celebrating like, you know, in the little things, how do you celebrate the small things? How do you have celebrate the small wins?
00:03:28
Speaker
because I think most of the time we don't tend to look at those things. We look at all the negatives, what didn't happen, what we failed at, what didn't work out. And it's really tough to sometimes come up with a win, let alone really like truly celebrate it. Yeah. And I think when we're, you know, the filter of what's not to be celebrated or what's missing or maybe the negativity bias that can dig you into a hole.
Action Over Outcome: Celebrating Progress
00:03:58
Speaker
and the way out of that hole, I think, is to celebrate with actions. It's not the silver lining, and it's not the sticking your head in the sand, just saying, everything's gonna be okay. It's really driving that action forward, which is important when we celebrate. Celebrate ourselves, celebrate something like finding something to celebrate that, you know, you have within you,
00:04:29
Speaker
through actions, right? I think that's how you kind of can dig yourself out of a hole or get, get, you know, kind of jump started or keep building momentum and stuff like that. So, I mean, what does that look like? What are some, I mean, I think for sure we, obviously this podcast, a lot of what we talk about is centered around movement fitness. So, you know,
00:04:56
Speaker
I think there's a lot of focus on what maybe isn't the right thing or did I get a good workout? Was that the right workout? Did I connect to what I should have all of those things? But I think for us, we try to find celebrations or one way to find a celebration is like, okay, doing it with your spouse, doing it with your friend, doing it, being able to celebrate, connecting to people, even if it's an online class. Like, what was that? What was that a small celebration that you could have?
Proactive Celebration: Intentions Matter
00:05:26
Speaker
Yeah. And I think when we look at if we just go really, you know, fitness, but everything else, too. Like when we ask the question, you know, OK, what is what did I what can I celebrate from what I did? I think that we're sort of setting ourselves up for a little bit, not a failure, but like we're just we're working uphill, upstream, and we don't have to.
00:05:54
Speaker
So instead of viewing a celebration as an answer to a question, view what you will or are celebrating as an assertive statement, not as an answer. So be more proactive. So if we're talking about fitness or we're talking about workouts,
00:06:19
Speaker
you know, before you do the action, before you do that, have the intention of, I'm going to celebrate this, right? So be more proactive with it instead of reactive, looking back and finding something that happened. Because when we do that, when we look back and depending upon, you know, who you are and where you're at,
00:06:38
Speaker
you know, there's all these little sort of contingencies and there's comparison and there's minimizing, you know, and people find it very, very hard to celebrate something they already did. So I think we can be more proactive with the celebration and take more of an aggressive approach to it. You know, and I think that that's
00:07:07
Speaker
in the fitness world, there's a lot of pitfalls with not being able to do that, because you constantly are sort of in this scarcity model or this rush to accomplish something. Yeah, I mean, I think one easy thing for people to do right out of the gate is to celebrate just that they showed up. Like, if you need somewhere to start, like, all right,
00:07:37
Speaker
I showed up today, like, and I'm going to move my body. Right. So, yeah, kind of whatever. If you need to start with some low hanging fruit, I mean, that's for sure one. Yeah. Yeah. And I was going to say the. I don't know if I just blacked out, but whatever. So, yeah, that's like fitness. You know, I mean, obviously you can get more complicated with
00:08:04
Speaker
as you go or depending on the day, you know, what a win looks like for you in terms of movement or connecting to a muscle or those kinds of things. But for sure, as you said, proactively approaching it with a little bit of a celebration, trying that out consistently and how it changes maybe, you know, your experience.
Fitness and Health: A Celebration of the Body
00:08:24
Speaker
Right.
00:08:25
Speaker
Yeah. And that's the thing where I think that the action, you're not celebrating the action. You're having the action be an expression and an honoring of what you're actually really celebrating. Right. So, so that's the thing. Like if you had your birthday at the beginning of the year versus the end of the year.
00:08:49
Speaker
So it's kind of like I'm celebrating the ability, I'm celebrating my ability to move my body and be healthy. And the action is like whatever that workout is. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So through the action, that is your celebration. That's you lighting the candles and blowing out the cake and all of that through your action, which is
00:09:09
Speaker
going to require you to be present for you to check in with yourself for you to really I think look within and be like yeah this is important to me and I will celebrate it and have that change it from a filter to a lens right so finding what's already there not changing what's there to be something else yeah and what
00:09:32
Speaker
you get as a secondary thing in addition to like that celebration is yeah your your experience in the workout like you said you probably are more present you're not your focus on why you're doing it and your action it's probably going to be a lot more impactful than if you're doing it because uh i ate those cookies last night i have to do this or whatever now you're missing out on the benefit of the workout yeah so i think you can ask yourself like all right what am i going to celebrate today and how am i going to celebrate it
00:10:02
Speaker
And that can be as... And so the action can be... Yeah, and the action will just be sort of the token, the symbol, the outlet through which you're, you know, celebrating and experiencing. So what are other areas, do you feel like, that are kind of like, so fitness is one action area, what would be something else you think?
00:10:24
Speaker
I mean, immediately what comes to mind is, um, whatever sort of opportunity you have to experience life.
Valuing Life Experiences and Relationships
00:10:35
Speaker
I think there's been plenty of times in my life where.
00:10:43
Speaker
The situation might not have been all that great, but I had something. Finding the inner strength to be like, I have this. That kind of goes to the Dr. Viktor Frankl stuff in a man's search for meaning where basically saying you can take everything away from someone but their ability to choose and assign meaning in life.
00:11:05
Speaker
And so that's where it's not about the workout or it's not about the food or whatever it might be, but with the meaning of that. And so within yourself, there's that. I think for people who have families, the opportunity to be with them,
00:11:29
Speaker
there might be things that you need to work out, smooth out, improve on, for sure, but don't lose sight of the opportunity and the blessing that you have and what that really means and can be. And don't take it for granted. And so then your actions being a celebration of togetherness, of in it, excuse me. Yeah, and the same goes for the opposite.
00:12:00
Speaker
spending time with yourself, being able to celebrate that, you know, and I think that's a navigating that space can be hard, the balance of other people and yourself. Yeah. So yeah, and with yourself, I think that's where that's where I think that
00:12:23
Speaker
celebrating who you are and the things that are important to you and the things that are valuable to you and the things that you do want, you know, to have in your life. And it's going to take, it's going to, it's going to require you to, to self reflect and to see it and to honor those and to, you know, kind of step into them and get, and, and have your actions express them. And so,
00:12:50
Speaker
Yeah. And it's hard to celebrate something and also be focused on the negative at the same time. So it is kind of like, what are you choosing to, to look at? And I think it is challenging. I hate to say this, but I think people are kind of wired to the glass half empty.
00:13:11
Speaker
not wired, but like it is easier for us to identify all the things or that are wrong or even like when you get in that mood, like it is so hard to step out of it. Yeah. It's much easier to fall into a ditch than it is to get out of it. And so by practicing that every day, this, it kind of sets you up for, yeah, whatever that celebration is about yourself, but your family, like whatever your, like I said, the action, not the action following helps to,
00:13:40
Speaker
guide your day and set you up for success versus, and to your point, trying to find a celebration when you're in the hole is tougher. It is. So if you can start, you know, with that practice it, you know, that's kind of a good place to
00:13:57
Speaker
Yeah. And the celebration isn't just like, you know, the rose color glasses or whatever. The celebration is not absolving the fact that there's a problem or there's an issue or that there's a challenging situation. You know what I mean? Like that's, it's not creating a fake reality.
00:14:16
Speaker
Sure. No, it's, it has to be authentic or else it's not going to work. Right. And so, um, I think that's really an important thing where to your point as well, like if you're really celebrating something, you're not, you're not going to focus on the negative. You're going to focus on what is there. Right. Yeah. And then, and I think that that's tough to do when you're in the hole, but
00:14:39
Speaker
inner strength, man, it's not convenient based. We've talked about it a lot, but it's easy to celebrate when there's no challenge or the high five or the winds and all of that. It's the real stuff of value. It's the real strength that in the presence of adversity, in the presence of challenge, in the presence of stress, in the presence of whatever,
00:15:01
Speaker
having that internal strength to be able to say like, look, this is something of me that I have whatever and not let that, you know, get washed away with perhaps the challenging situation. Do you have an example of something for you that you would celebrate a way to like your own personal experience?
Celebrating Work and Purpose
00:15:26
Speaker
What do you mean? Like right now or in the past? Yeah, right now or something the last couple of days or something that you've. I think for me, looking at celebrating, celebrating the experiences that I have been fortunate to have, the friends I've been able to make, the mentors, the coaches, the trainers, all of that, the memories, right?
00:15:54
Speaker
those have forged me to be where I am today. And I'm always adding to that list. And that includes the highs and the lows. And so celebrating those through sharing some of my thoughts or how I want to teach or serve others through, obviously between the ears,
00:16:22
Speaker
and being invited into people's lives. And that's how I really kind of view it now, like people who do interact, people who do engage.
00:16:30
Speaker
Like it's an invitation. They're inviting me into their life. I'm not forcing it on them. They're not bound to doing it. They didn't get tricked or whatever. It's truly an invitation. And I think for me, you know, really focusing on, okay, this human being who has a very complex and unknown story is inviting me into their life. And in, and part of that is because of my past experiences, my ups and my downs. And so.
00:17:00
Speaker
celebrating that through, you know, through gratitude, through appreciation, through hard work, through, you know, providing, trying to provide value and service. I mean, that's a big one. Right. Like, I mean, that's something that then every day there might be a different action that takes that on. Yeah. Yeah. For some people, it might have to be smaller. Sure. Like it might be,
00:17:29
Speaker
celebrating, yeah, like we said, like just the ability to move. Well, for sure. I mean, it could be the ability to, you know, I think for people in their work and that's something that's come up a bit with like even the monotony and even work that's not really monotonous. Like you take fitness, for example, you know, what we do or coaching people in movement will say like, you know, inside the gym walls,
00:17:58
Speaker
Certainly not monotonous. It's always different. The movement's different. You know, it's not like you're sitting typing into computer numbers, but there can be at this point that sort of Groundhog Day feeling. And so like thinking about connecting to like for me today, working with somebody, for me, the celebration is like getting to connect to people and impact them
00:18:26
Speaker
help them express themselves in a positive way like be that
00:18:31
Speaker
expressing, I guess, what the passion is for why I do this. And then it doesn't make it feel like, OK, another class or another. It definitely makes that experience unique. OK, I'm going to action that. And that always happens for me if I feel like I'm getting a little bit overwhelmed with, like, you know, in the beginning of this, coaching four classes a day. Like, there was a lot of repetition. But connecting to the real, like, why I love to do this or the essence of it, it does reframe, then,
00:19:00
Speaker
when you go to interact with people and like it's now a very unique experience that comes alive versus another another set of air squats same shit different day so um you know could just be with your work like why did you what is it about your work that you can celebrate yeah
00:19:23
Speaker
Yeah. So, you know, I think looking at internal, like yourself, um, you know, and then looking at what you do, work, family relationships, whatnot hobbies, you know, yeah. I mean, I guess kind of, it kind of comes all back down to extracting the essence out of the things and what value they provide and reframing how you engage with them as a way of like your, you are extracting the essence out of that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:53
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, even yeah, and you could really apply that to, you know, we talk a lot about nutrition and stuff. And I think that's where not to go down a different rabbit hole, but like, when it does become about the form, and we've talked about essence over form, but like, really, like,
00:20:12
Speaker
you know, when you connect to celebrating your, your body or being healthy or things like that, it does reframe your relationship to food a little bit and how you're choosing to fuel yourself. And it also connects to like what we talk about with taking a second to pause. So inherent in finding something to celebrate, there's that like, okay, let me stop and pause for a second and consider that versus just sort of
00:20:40
Speaker
off you go and there's, you know, head down. So, um, yeah, I think, you know, I, I know there's a lot of people challenged with families like people with their kids home now, smaller kids or older kids. And I think it's a great thing to think about, like, truly like celebrating plus you, um, yeah, extracting like what is a celebration about being with your family or, and that can help direct,
00:21:10
Speaker
and sort of set the tone for the day. So. Yeah. That's one of the things just because it was just Memorial Day, you know, that was, that's obviously part of, you celebrate the lives of those who have passed. Yeah.
00:21:28
Speaker
And I think it doesn't need to be said, but I'll say it. That doesn't mean it's easy. It's not discounting the life. It's not anything sort of negative, but it's really a way to have that person's spirit live on. Yeah.
00:21:49
Speaker
Well, and to your point, the people you do know, and of course, like honoring them and remembering them, and it's not just like all day, just without awareness, but those people would certainly not, you know, as hard as it is, like
00:22:10
Speaker
thinking about how they would want life to be celebrated since that's not an option anymore and even for their families. But to our point, it isn't easy. And so it does require, I think that's where a lot of this stuff, to be honest, why don't more people do it? Well, because it's not always easy and nobody's gonna listen to this podcast
00:22:39
Speaker
and say like, and I think this is kind of what happens is people tend to say like, okay, this is great. Yep. That's going to be, that's good. I'm going to do that. I'm going to celebrate. I'm going to start my day with a celebration and, and then let my actions follow. And one day good, two day good. And then third day is like, maybe not as easy. And then the fourth day is really hard. And then that's it. And that was the end of that. Right.
00:23:03
Speaker
And so really practicing it. Yeah, for sure. Getting back up. OK, like, actually, that was tough. I had a hard time finding a celebration or, you know, and same thing with Memorial Day that every year that day is going to come. And obviously, all the days in between. But the practice of this. Yeah. That was kind of a good transition into a couple of questions because there's some questions that are being asked that I think are
00:23:30
Speaker
that can be answered through, through celebration. And just because of that, what are some of where, what are your best practices for managing expectations of clients that choose to do between the ears? And I think what you were just, why I thought about that with what you were just speaking about was.
00:23:50
Speaker
not expecting this this work to be a magic pill to be a magic pill to be a cure all to be handed to you you have to take it you have to do the extraction process you have to
00:24:10
Speaker
check in with yourself about is your approach to this going to be the magic bullet? And if that's the case, just, I'm not going to say like you're wrong, but just like we need to, are you, are you going to, I'm trying not to be like kind of harsh. Well, it's the difference between, it's kind of like if you want to change your body,
00:24:38
Speaker
Okay, someone wakes up and they're like, I am tired of being severely overweight. There are two options. One is surgery. And the other is like, changing your diet. And I'm not this isn't about like, whether it's right or wrong to have surgery. But it's kind of like, if someone removes your skin, like that got done, like if they sucked fat out of you and removed part of your body, like,
00:25:07
Speaker
That process happened. That is kind of a magic pill versus the other way where you really have to like change. Yeah. And do the work. Yeah. And that's the thing. Like it's this work is, and I, you know, I know you're not, you know, talking down upon that, but it's about the active involvement.
00:25:25
Speaker
Like you're the active participant in the change you want to make and If the approach is this is the magic pill. This is what's gonna fix me one Don't believe that the whole like this is gonna fix me approach is healthy, right? I think it it's already setting you up for for failure and it's telling quite a bit about your view on yourself and
00:25:49
Speaker
don't you think most people look at that's like a tendency this diet this person who this this four-week plan this challenge that thing this is it I finally found it yeah yeah but this is not about external salvation mm-hmm this is about like internal liberation and internal
00:26:14
Speaker
Work. Yeah, obviously. So expectations with that, and just the other thing, if you approach doing, we'll just say between the ears or inner work, with the same approach,
00:26:30
Speaker
that six-week challenge is the latest and greatest book, course, podcasts, you know, all of these things that can be very, very helpful. But if you approach yourself in this stuff with the same approach that has failed to deliver results, then you're just repeating of a flawed mindset of this is the thing. Yeah. And it doesn't matter what it is, a book. It could be you could work with
00:27:01
Speaker
Tony Robbins. I mean, you know, it doesn't matter the like, whatever the top of whatever is, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter what that it's not the exercise. It's not the diet. It's not the number of calories. No, it's you. Yeah. So the external isn't and it is interesting because a lot of people continue to do that, but not and I don't know. Do you think it's that they
00:27:31
Speaker
It's just a defense mechanism to say like, Oh, like that was bad. That diet was like terrible. Or do you think, like, do you think they actually know, do you think people have the awareness? Like, wow, my approach is wrong. In many cases in my experience. No. Yeah. They just think they just haven't landed on the right.
00:27:51
Speaker
But it's almost like people who move around or change jobs and the job is always the wrong job. It's always this place, that thing.
Inner Work vs External Fixes
00:27:59
Speaker
And it's like, OK, while there are things that are better than others, there are quote unquote life coaches that are probably not very good at what they do. And there's others that are great, just like there's.
00:28:10
Speaker
Jobs that are great and jobs are not so great You still have the choice to show up and get what you want out of it by the intern So yeah, so your expectations with people is that they have to understand that they're they're doing the work You're providing tools and guidance But that's really I think That you don't have a lot of expectations beyond That and being be open and be willing to do the work
00:28:35
Speaker
Yeah, there's minimal expectations. But I think that sometimes the lack of distinct expectations, the lack of spelling this out in how I internalize it is, then I think I might have misled people. I don't want to mislead people to think that all of a sudden there's some switch that's going to get flipped. Or I'm going to flip the switch. You're going to do the work.
00:29:04
Speaker
Sure. And I think it's like with anything that you're like you have you have cultivated and you have developed certain tools and your experience just like you said before the people that you've learned from like there's there is a unique set of things that you bring to the table that if someone's willing to like that that you bring that they can so there's nothing wrong with
00:29:29
Speaker
putting that forward and saying, like, this is what I do. This is how I help. Yeah. I'll say it. I'll be very clear about it. If you show up and do the work. Right. What's their work? Your life is going to get changed. If you're looking at me to change your life, it's the wrong approach. That's just not how it goes. We had a bunch of questions, so that's a good thing to. That's a good one.
00:29:50
Speaker
Um, i'll just kind of reverse this one What is a valid reason to not engage in between the ears? As well as what are the wrong reasons to engage in between there? So I think we kind of addressed that looking at it. So a valid reason not okay, so wrong reason Magic pill, right? This is gonna fix me. This is the one thing the box if I do just yeah, like just
00:30:15
Speaker
Yeah. Check this box and it'll all be better. Distraction. Yeah. So the wrong. Yeah. So wrong reason. I think. I think.
00:30:26
Speaker
Proving something to others is a wrong reason to do it. Obviously there's the status thing. I was actually gonna go on a rant about the status. There's so much promotion and marketing of status elevations. Look around. Everything is trying to promote status. It drives me nuts and I hate it. Anyway, I think in the past, that's how between years kind of was. When it started, it was like, oh, this cool thing, this thing. If you know, you know.
00:30:55
Speaker
Yeah, and people don't like the underground roots and all of that is still awesome. And that's cool. But it should be not something that's the Cool Kids Club. No, absolutely not. I despise the Cool Kids Club. Just keep your reindeer on this one. Just keep me reindeer on this one. Next. A valid reason to not engage in between the ears. I think this is a good one. I think if you're not ready to look within, then it's...
00:31:22
Speaker
And some people aren't quite ready to open that.
00:31:27
Speaker
to open it up, to go there and so. Yeah, for sure. If you don't feel, if you don't feel like you can trust yourself yet and you need, and you just need some time and need some stuff forever, for sure, I think that that's a valid reason. Obviously, somebody asked about- There's almost like a precursor to that where it's like, but if you're having that realization,
00:31:55
Speaker
then there's almost like some work to do to get you to that starting point. Yeah. Like, so it's like, okay, I'm seeing that, but how can I get to the starting line? What would be required versus just like, well, I'm not ready today either. And it's like, okay, but there's a need to get there. So what is that? And that would almost be, and this isn't a plug. It's just saying like, that might be a place then to do one-on-one coaching. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Um,
00:32:24
Speaker
Yeah. Unwillingness to look within, I think. And that's fine. I'm not going to judge anybody. I mean, most people are unwilling to do it. So that's whatever. You know, that there was another question about therapy.
00:32:36
Speaker
about do you think it's possible to actually be your own therapist or is it outside I needed? I think that, you know, one, obviously I'm not a therapist, between the years it's not therapy. There's a time and a place for that by experienced professionals. And I have the most respect and value that what is truly needed there. And I'll be the first one to refer out if I think that somebody's beyond my scope. Um,
00:33:03
Speaker
But I think in terms of just not necessarily therapy and quotes, but I think there's always value to
00:33:13
Speaker
getting other getting out like I think there's there's both there's the value to adjusting yourself to developing your own you know doing the own work on yourself your own instincts learning about yourself but certainly we also can benefit from that outside without a doubt perspective challenge like that would be like just and you kind of do this but
00:33:37
Speaker
like only ever doing your own programming without any other input, learning anything. Like you're probably going to be a little biased. Without a doubt. And it's only going to get you so far. And, you know, so in the military, we would have a thing. It was self care, like self aid. So if you got shot, you'd put your own and you could, you'd put your own tourniquet on. You would address, you address your own things. You would take care of yourself.
00:34:05
Speaker
before, hopefully didn't get to this point, but before you had to get passed on to higher care. Like you're going to put your own tourniquet on. You're going to patch your own. You're going to do all that stuff. You're not going to perform surgery. Right. And so it's sort of a similar thing though. So, so we want to be the self, we're the self kind of self self aid. Um,
00:34:26
Speaker
So I think this was also the one we kind of talked about, but how to keep a good mindset or attitude at a workplace with low morale and toxic workers. And that one, that's a tough one. Yeah. I mean, at some point, like you can do all the right things, all the inner work, but that's like, if you're in a toxic relationship too, at a certain point, the answer is probably looking to like, get out of that situation.
00:34:55
Speaker
I would say, I would agree to an extent. And I think that there's always, this is where there's the balance because there's the balance between the internal and the external environment. And you can do all of this work, the internal celebration, you know, not having what you celebrate at work be about being at work, but for something else, right? So if you're in a company where it's low morale or it's toxic leadership or it's whatever,
00:35:23
Speaker
don't go to that source to find the celebration. Cause you're kind of like setting yourself up to lose. Right. I mean, it's going to be really challenging. And then understanding too that there's.
00:35:36
Speaker
There are still situations, the external environment, that any amount of inner work celebrations, like it's not gonna change. And so then it comes to the point where you do get to that point of it starts to work itself backwards. And it's like you're celebrating who you are, you're celebrating what you want to do, you're celebrating this thing about you.
00:35:58
Speaker
yet you're unwilling to leave the, to, to, to separate from this situation that if you got to that point and hopefully you don't get to that point, hopefully your actions can influence those around you and be a leadership and all of that. But it does get to that point of like, what can, what are you unwilling to celebrate about yourself and honoring that through finding an organization or finding a team or making a change that allows you to fully and more express that versus just staying trapped in, in,
00:36:27
Speaker
Cause at a certain point, like got it. You can't change everything. Right. And some of the work might be preparing yourself to say like, okay, I'm going to take that step and find a new, and that might be some of the work you have to do. Yeah. Um, yeah, my, the, the whole definition of mindset is, is what also comes to mind with that. Like how to keep a good mindset, you know, viewing, looking at your,
00:36:55
Speaker
Self-communication. That's driving the actions for what you believe in. And I think that could be enlightening. How to deal with some... How to deal with something big or life-changing you want, you want to do, but can't do it yet because it will hurt others. Well...
00:37:19
Speaker
I mean, I think that's kind of a general thing. What, what does that mean hurting
Tough Decisions: Growth and Authenticity
00:37:24
Speaker
others? But, you know, they're sometimes what you need to do. Yes. It's going to have an impact that is not favorable on someone else. And for sure it's tough, but everything has an impact, a ripple effect, you know, to a small degree or a very big direct degree, but
00:37:49
Speaker
being a self-sacrificing, like pretty much your existence, I don't think that is, because then you're hurting yourself. So, you know, I mean, I'm just thinking of from personal experience, like, and I know there was a couple of people talking about separation recently and those kinds of things. And, you know, like, that was a really hard thing, like,
00:38:16
Speaker
in my personal life, like making that decision, it wasn't really favorable for the other party. But like, at a certain point, I had to make the choice to like, this sounds like extreme, like save myself. Yeah.
00:38:33
Speaker
And yeah, it's not easy and it doesn't often go like, okay, well that's disappointing or that's hurtful, but I understand. Like that's not usually the way it goes. But if it truly is the right thing and you've done the work and done the inner work to know that that action is an expression of what needs to happen, then I don't think it can be quote unquote wrong.
00:39:00
Speaker
I mean, that, you know, and sure, it might have an impact on someone. But that's kind of then on that. That's now their territory to do their own work, right? To look at, okay, how do I how do I get through this? Yeah, you're not responsible for every person in their state. Well, I think that's the big thing. I think it hurting others.
00:39:29
Speaker
Obviously the person asking this isn't completely self-absorbed and a bad human being Life happens in whatever ways, you know decisions are made that have short long-term impact if you if you do Like you're saying that inner work right and you do look at hey I need to live my life in a way that is
00:39:55
Speaker
honoring who I am that isn't entrapping me or having me, you know, not fully be me because you owe it to everybody else around you to be you. And you're the only one who can do that. And if everyone else is determining how you are, you're not you. You don't have that sense of self. You don't have that internal belief.
00:40:18
Speaker
And ultimately then you won't be the person that they want anyway. So it's sort of like, right. And it's just not now, you know, of course there's others that are that can influence and like, like your opinion of me matters, how you view me matters, how the kids view me matter, how you can't completely be what we only, what you think we want you to be or else who are you? Right. And if you want me to be somebody I'm not,
00:40:44
Speaker
And here we are after however many years, like, and you still want me to be somebody I'm not. I'm like, Hey, this is who I am. This is, and you know, I think that the, one of the, there's another question here, but change happens. People do grow together, grow apart. Um, you know, all of that. And I don't know the context of the question being a relationship, but that's just what we're talking about. But I think the part about it too, that, you know, you have to kind of check yourself is,
00:41:14
Speaker
um You got to let go of how other people like you can't you can't live other people's responses for them, right? And you sure as shit can't control theirs and it does come down to I think not to say it's like a split decision and very binary or easy but like Is is what you are going to do or not going to do?
00:41:38
Speaker
based upon your desire, want, ability to control other people's experiences. And it can be with good intentions, of course. Of course. I'm not saying. Yeah, when you do look at that. So, yeah. But that, I mean, and that's a, that's a challenging one. Um, I think, I think for sure, patience and compassion with yourself. I think, um, belief coming from within, knowing yourself,
00:42:08
Speaker
Yeah. Are ways I think you have to deal with that. And it's a brave and courageous bravery and courage are going to be required. Yeah. You know, for sure. What was another one here? What benefits of this quarantine will you keep after restrictions are lifted?
Quarantine Benefits: Simplifying Life
00:42:35
Speaker
What do you got?
00:42:39
Speaker
um this is an interesting question for me because the quarantine situation didn't really have a huge change for us right i mean you more than me yeah but for us we weren't as i would say impacted us but you know you know i think strangely enough just i not like wow that fits perfectly but
00:43:10
Speaker
like probably the need to have those small wins and celebrations every day because of some of the, not the monotony, but kind of stripped of some of those things you might go to normally to kind of give you that little boost or like a weekend away or go to a restaurant or get out or see a friend. Like it can kind of feel heavy and it's like, well, how do you not overcome it or combat it, but like, okay, how do you,
00:43:40
Speaker
deal with that and that is the celebrations and the small wins. So I would like to maintain that awareness to not just divert to like distractions.
00:43:50
Speaker
Yeah, I think, I think that's kind of where I was going to where I think by reducing a lot of the external stimulus now, again, sometimes I think that it actually just dialed it up in some ways for us, but the essence of the quarantine and the simplification of life and of activities, um, brings to the surface what, what is important, what, what is valuable. Um, you know, and I certainly think that,
00:44:21
Speaker
a benefit of the quarantine being like, I think actually one of the biggest things like, you know, just like recognizing that the kids, like just trying to check in with them more too and be like, Hey, like really? Like, how's it going? And not like, Hey, how's it going? Hopefully you say good. So I don't have to answer anything else. Um, but I guess just really continuing to focus on the, yeah, I guess like the essence of the life and what really those kind of simple pleasures are.
00:44:54
Speaker
Okay, there was another one. One or two more, I think. Hold on, let me get to it. Sorry. Oh, this one. What is your go-to coping mechanism to deal with all types of change?
00:45:24
Speaker
That's a that's a big question I think because the inevitability of change is obviously something that is
00:45:35
Speaker
providing, change can provide room for growth. I don't know though if I were to personally, how I view, how I operate and engage with change, say that I have a coping mechanism. You know, like a coping mechanism, just the way I'm interpreting, how I interpret a coping mechanism is a way to sort of be
00:46:02
Speaker
Non non-conflict But not really involved with like it's like coping mechanisms in my mind keep things at arms distance Prevents them from coming in if they don't come in they can't create a change or they can't not like say hurt us, but you know kind of hurt us so I
00:46:24
Speaker
So I'm not sure if I'm answering that question actually effectively or not, but I think that looking at how we deal with change could be a very good topic for a future episode where kind of looking at some struggles with change, I think we talked a little bit about change before. Does that make any sense? Did you hear anything about what I said? Yeah. And I think the coping mechanism isn't quite like by inherent in that phrase is kind of like,
00:46:55
Speaker
probably not like resolving where it kind of alludes to. Yeah. But I think that I think I think actually in looking at that and thinking about it a bit more, I think the coping mechanisms are things I don't do intentionally. I think the coping mechanisms are disengagements, right? And so, yeah. And so I think for that, you know, I'll, I'll tend more towards like maybe emotional distance or turning off or going numb. Um,
00:47:25
Speaker
Right. Kind of. Yeah. You know, and I don't. Yeah. And so those are those are things that obviously I don't want to do. But I think change is a great topic for especially now as things are changing. Yeah. I think that that would be.
00:47:45
Speaker
I think that that would be a good topic. How can BT help your help improve your communication skills? Good question. Yeah. And I think that the essence of the root of mindset is kind of that that communication, that mode of self communication. And so looking at
00:48:07
Speaker
awareness of how you're communicating. Right away you'll be able to improve. Because when you have, when you don't know how you're doing something, you don't afford yourself the opportunity to improve.
00:48:22
Speaker
You recognize, okay, yeah, everything I'm saying is negative. That's why, like, one of the things, and I know sometimes people are, like, very hesitant now with saying should around me, and I get it. Like, we say the word. I'm not saying never say it. But that, to me, says, like, okay, yes, you're now more aware. And you recognize that, like, yeah, there are times when I'd be like, oh, I should really do this, or I should really do that. Like, how that drives an action that, oh, I should really work out today. Like, for example, smashed, crushed, physically, just, like, whatever.
00:48:51
Speaker
I should really work out today because of something else. Then you're gonna maybe do a workout, which is gonna also though, that workout that might be that expression of something that you believe about yourself, that is, I'm not fit enough or I'm not good enough or I'm not. Yeah, so looking at how the cycle of mindset kind of works and that's why I wanted to define it because otherwise it's just whatever, been on that rant.
00:49:18
Speaker
Um, and then practice, you know, practice in the forms of practice are going to be huge journaling, but encourage people to do video, like selfie videos just to themselves. Like don't publish it or anything. Um, just paying attention. What am I hearing? You know, like, how is my body posture? All of that bit. Um, all those forms of communication are things that between the ears directly and indirectly develops.
00:49:45
Speaker
Yeah. Helps raise your awareness for it. But again, it's going to be, cause if I just tell somebody, Hey, don't say should like they're still going to say should, you know what I mean? Um, yeah, I think that's a good one. Uh, I think we got one more. Actually, I don't think we have any more. Is there a between years book club on the horizon? Yes. That's going to be part of between years fitness for sure.
00:50:12
Speaker
Yeah, I think that was a good one. So homework for the week is to practice the
00:50:19
Speaker
small wins and celebration, but not like, I think sometimes it can get very like, okay, now I have to do this, but like wanting to have that guide you versus like, oh shoot, like did I do it today or did I miss a day or whatever? And just seeing how, just kind of being curious about it as you say. Yeah, for sure. Being curious. And I think just the question to, cause I never said like celebration isn't really a question, but it's not a statement.
00:50:49
Speaker
But before you do that though, the question to check within, how will I celebrate, insert something of value in my life today through my actions?
00:51:02
Speaker
how will I celebrate it, identifying that, and then allowing what that action is. And then the flip side of it is pay attention to how it feels. Pay attention to if it was really challenging to find something worth celebrating, we've got some work to do. Yeah, just something to notice, not to judge it. No, no, no, no. Don't judge it. Yeah.
00:51:23
Speaker
and I think you can look at that with your expectations, too. Like, is your expectation of celebrating something, celebrating this monumental win? And that's not it. The small wins, like you're saying. And all of that to kind of raise the awareness of stuff, so.
00:51:46
Speaker
What else have we got announcements between your seminar? I'm working on it. It's deep. It's, it's good. It's going to be good. Um, yep, that's been a process. That's been a journey, uh, between your fitness, obviously. So I think in a week or two, early June kind of open up for online memberships. Um, and then the practice.
00:52:16
Speaker
is possibly getting reworked, re-launched. So I'm going to probably actually close entry to the practice. And then you have a special announcement. Yeah. I'm going to do a four week online kind of women's only, I guess it's sort of similar to the practice.
00:52:42
Speaker
in that it's, it does kind of help women navigate the movement piece, some mindset topics. We'll have some guests coming on, you know, doing like top, you know, talking about different topics that are relevant to women. Do you have to be when you say the move? You don't need to have any prerequisite fitness. Okay.
00:53:09
Speaker
Um, I, there are some, and this is a between nearest thing. Yeah. It's a between nearest thing. I mean, it, it combines the movement and the mindset. Like it's definitely, it is not a four week challenge. It's not about, you know, that, um, but we'll talk about, you know, there will be a fitness piece. It does ask us to look at a lot of the things that underlie our relationship to fitness, to food, you know, um,
00:53:36
Speaker
So I think it's a really important time for that. And I'm going to, it's going to start June 15th. Um, so, uh, I'll have stuff out next week to kind of promote it. And, um, yeah, I think it's kind of, it's, it's a good opportunity to people who aren't geographically close to the gym, to us, to between the ears, they can hop on from wherever. And I think it's a really important thing to have opportunities for women.
00:54:07
Speaker
women-specific topics, to uncover them, to hear, to normalize some of the things, and to specifically work on ourselves with regard to those. Yeah, I think that's great. So that should be out early next week. Should I do a man's only? I think you have enough going on right now.
00:54:33
Speaker
Uh, yeah, so that'd be cool. So you said early next week. Awesome. All right. Uh, all right. Thanks for the questions guys. Appreciate the, uh, you know, appreciate the engagement. Appreciate the interaction. So until then we'll talk to you next week.