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What Is This Podcast? (Meet the Hosts)
4 Playsin 7 hours
Welcome to Bi Men Unfiltered, a podcast for today's curious and bisexual man, hosted by two older, wiser bi men who were once curious themselves. In this first episode, Sam and Grayson introduce the show, explain why it exists, and lay out the format: part information, part real experience, and unapologetically NSFW. They break down the word "bisexual" using Robyn Ochs' definition, get into the stigma bi men still face, and each share where they are today — Grayson, married 20+ years and ethically non-monogamous; Sam, recently divorced and solo poly. They close with the best parts of being bi, what they're each attracted to, connection versus anonymous hookups, and a first pass at their "fuck-it lists." Honest, funny, no shame, no stereotypes. Newly curious and still figuring things out? Start here.
Disclaimer: The hosts are not medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice. Speak with a qualified provider about testing, medications, and your own health.
Terms
- Bisexual (Robyn Ochs): "I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted—romantically and/or sexually—to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree."
- Bi cycle — a shift in attraction between genders over a short period
- Heteroromantic — romantic attraction to the opposite gender
- Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) — having more than one partner at a time, with everyone's knowledge and agreement
- Solo poly — multiple relationships while keeping your independence, not built around one primary partner
- Cruising — anonymous, low-context encounters, often in public spaces
- Sapiosexual / demisexual — Sam uses these loosely for needing a mental connection before physical interest
- Fuck-it list — a sexual bucket list
Links & resources
Robyn Ochs
r/bisexualmen (and Discord)
r/bisexual
Grindr
Sniffies
Match
CDC — HIV prevention and PrEP
CDC — DoxyPEP guidance (2024)
Sex Positions Club
Next episode: Sam's Bi Journey — from the earliest questioning to where he is now.
Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.
Transcript
Podcast Introduction and Host Backgrounds
00:00:10
Speaker
Welcome to Bi Men Unfiltered, a podcast for today's curious and bisexual man hosted by older, wiser bisexual men who were also once curious. From identity and relationships to dating, sex, community, and everything in between, nothing's off the table. Honest, authentic, and we're not afraid to get a little NSFW or more than a little. No shame, no stereotypes, just real conversations. On today's episode, we are going to introduce this podcast. What the heck is it? Who are these people talking into my ears? We're going to get into all of that. So sit back or if you're on a walk, on a drive, listen in and we'll go through all of that. Join us.
00:01:00
Speaker
So what is this podcast and why does it exist? Well, it it partly exists because you asked me. I know, right? I thought this would be a good idea. we The two of us, I'm Sam, by the way. And I'm Grayson. And Grayson. ah we We talked with each other on various places on the internet and found out that we were both into podcasts. And I thought, well, especially since we were giving advice and guidance to some people who appeared in those places and asked, like, I think I'm bisexual. What do I do now? i don't understand. like
00:01:39
Speaker
am I bisexual? Am I straight? Am I just curious? I'm not sure. And inevitably, one of us would hop in and give our two cents. And I thought, you know, reading your ah guidance and then how you reacted to my guidance. I have no idea if you wanted any. That wasn't good, by the way.
00:01:56
Speaker
ah i thought well it It was awesome. Oh,
Exploring Sexual Orientation and Curiosity
00:02:00
Speaker
thank you. Let's let's try to like ah hop on. ah Let's do a podcast. Let's do a bisexual men's podcast and see if we can't bring some of that that we were doing already ah in various places on the Internet into the podcasting realm. So that's what kind of started things off here. And ah I noticed a trend.
00:02:19
Speaker
When people show up on a subreddit or any other sort of space on the internet, a Discord server maybe, that the first message would be, I i'm attracted i think I might be attracted to men or at least their genitals. And yes I don't know what to do about it.
00:02:37
Speaker
What are these feelings? So and everybody kind of starts from that place of curiosity, myself included. and I'm sure, Grayson, you did as well. And do you want to know more about what what this is? What are these desires mean? Maybe you saw a heated rivalry. Maybe you're a traditionally straight guy, but you're sort of heteroflexible, but you want to know more.
Content Mix: Informational and NSFW
00:03:00
Speaker
Like, what's it what's it all like? How do I find a guy for play if I'm not gay? If I'm married, what do I do about this? and What do I need to know? And how do I explore this feeling that maybe I'd like to be naked with another guy or touch a dick or...
00:03:18
Speaker
have my ass played with uh suck cock so we thought doing a podcast that's a mix of information real experiences and a bit of and nsfw body talk would be a good idea yup Yeah, because when you first approached me about it and with the concept, I was like, yeah, you know what? there's There's some podcasts out there that are informational, and they're purely informational. There's some that are NSFW, and they're more salacious, more about just getting you some dirty talk in there. Well, what you proposed to me was kind of exactly what I would want to hear, which is a mix of the two. Yeah.
00:03:59
Speaker
Give me the information. Yeah, give me some hot stuff, too. Right. I mean, we're guys. I find like, yeah, you're going to want to hear some of that. You're going to want to see some of that. you yeah No one's like, I think I'm bisexual without looking at some, you know, dick pics or well looking at the dicks in straight porn and thinking, oh, you know, I wonder what that's like. Yeah. Why not mix the two? There's there's a reason that Reese's are popular. Mixing peanut butter and chocolate is great.
00:04:30
Speaker
This is absolutely true. In terms of format, we're going to be informational, conversational. We're going to be a little bit and NSFW as well. But I wanted
Defining Bisexuality Inclusively
00:04:40
Speaker
to kick it off with a word of the week. And if you're new to being curious or bisexual, we're going to start off very basic. And that is with the word bisexual. So be sure to scream me aloud whenever we say bisexual, just like in Pew's Playhouse.
00:04:56
Speaker
It's a good thing that we're not making it a drinking game because given what the podcast is about and there's going to be people who are listening in their cars, that's a bad idea. it could get very dangerous. And we don't want to be liable for anything like that. So no drinking game on...
00:05:11
Speaker
The word of the week. The word of the week is bisexual. And definition that I really like is from Robin Oaks, who ah has given this definition. I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted romantically and or sexually to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree. I love that definition. I do too. It's so it's so great because, oh, I'm sure we'll be talking about this as we go, but as bisexual men, oftentimes you will have a bi-cycle. And we'll talk about that a little bit where you might be attracted to one gender more at one week and then it switches back to... Another gender, the next we can kind of, ah it's very
Personal Experiences and Misconceptions
00:06:00
Speaker
fluid. So the way that she ties all of that in not necessarily at the same time, in the same way or to the same degree, i think is perfect because I have certainly found that in my life, in my journey with the whole thing, that this is true for me. Oh, definitely. And something that I appreciate in the definition is the and or, especially the or part, because I initially had a fundamental misunderstanding of the term bisexual and did not understand that the or was part of it. i
00:06:39
Speaker
I presumed I was under the misconception that it was and. It's like, well, that's not me. Right. What if this week it's not that you are attracted to men and women or it's just women? Like, what does that mean? i oh this week I'm no longer bisexual. It's that or that's very key.
00:06:57
Speaker
Well, and it's it's the or also in terms where it's placed in that definition romantically and or sexually. Yeah, that's an important distinction because I think there are probably a lot of guys maybe that are listening to this and thinking, well, I'm not attracted to men romantically.
00:07:13
Speaker
So does that mean that I'm bi or not? Like I can't be bi because I don't like men romantically. I just like the dick. So what does that mean?
00:07:25
Speaker
Can I still be bisexual? And under Robin Oak's definition, yes, absolutely. This threat can still apply to you. Exactly. And that that's where my big misconception was and years of unlearning and relearning. Oh yeah, I am bisexual. Yeah.
00:07:41
Speaker
All right, let's get into who we are for little bit. Who are these hosts and why should anybody care what we have to say? Well, we we are not experts by any means. No, we're on our own journeys. Standard disclaimer, we are not experts. Or medical professionals or...
00:08:02
Speaker
you That kind of thing. what I don't even play a doctor on TV. so i did but I did briefly in the 90s, but that's a whole different thing.
00:08:15
Speaker
ah But I guess I'll go ahead and and start. I'm Grayson. I am in my mid-50s. I am married over 20 years, ah given the topic, probably important to say to a woman. um I am an out, ethically non-monogamous nudist by male. That is a lot. Yes. Yes.
00:08:38
Speaker
And for better for worse, I am also in the buckle of the Bible belt with all of that. So that's a good time. yeah I'll bet. I'll bet.
00:08:49
Speaker
But also, hey, bi men can be anywhere. it could be yes your next door neighbor. They're in the South. They're in the North. They're everywhere. They're in yes conservative areas. They're in liberal areas. Like it doesn't doesn't matter where you are. We're everywhere. We are everywhere indeed.
00:09:07
Speaker
Just like Elvis in the old novelty song. I've been everywhere, man. That one? No, there's there's one that used to get played on Dr. Demento, Elvis is Everywhere. Oh, really? Okay, I think I missed that one.
00:09:22
Speaker
Homework. Homework time, yes. Well, I'm Sam. I am in my late 40s. I am a recently divorced, ah recently separated and divorced. So i got divorced last year, but I was in a 15-year monogamous marriage with a woman. And now I'm a solo poly ethically non monogamous bi guy. And I live on the West Coast and in an in mostly a liberal area.
00:09:49
Speaker
But yeah, that's kind of my background. And I've been bi or realized that I was attracted to at least some aspects of men from a young age. From a young age, so i will get into it when we're going to do an episode that is like our own journeys with the whole thing. So that'll be episode two for me. So you'll get to hear all about my journey.
00:10:11
Speaker
But yeah, it was definitely like early teens that I realized hey. hey, I'm having some kind of attraction or desires towards members of the same sex. And what that meant at the time, well, I only knew the terminology straight or gay. So it was very black and white when I was growing up. Like, if you were having thoughts about about penises, then that must mean you're gay. And that was... tough thing for somebody who myself growing up like i knew that i had attraction to women also so what does this mean right that i have these desires and for me it was it was teachers it was like older older men so at the time so i was having these thoughts and it's like yeah what do i do with that how do i how do i solve that and i knew i wasn't gay i knew i wanted to be straight or at least i wanted a relationship with a woman what does that what does that all mean so yeah that's when i realized i was by at least not straight early teens and Yeah, about the same here with me, although it wasn't as pronounced in my early teens. It was my, when I say late teens, you can't get much later teens than 19, that it started to become more more obvious and noticeable to me. And you when when we get to my journey, we'll see that it was very obvious and noticeable. ah But the same kind of thing. It was like, well, you I'm not gay because I like women too. And I i don't want a capital R relationship with another guy. But boy, this sure is fun.
00:12:06
Speaker
And so, i it like I said and hinted at a few minutes ago, it took a lot of years of a misconception because all of those years, it's like, no, I'm straight. I just happen to
Stigma and Preferences in Dating
00:12:20
Speaker
enjoy doing stuff with guys. And we'll we'll get into a lot more of the details a couple episodes down the line. But after years in online spaces of getting tired of explaining how I could be straight, but like looking at touching dicks, it's like, well, because I am.
00:12:43
Speaker
right At the end of the day, too, you realize it's just a label. Yeah. You know, like, I think when when you're on this journey, it's like, or when you're like, I've been straight up until this point, you start thinking like, wow, if i if i append to this other label on myself, then that means all of these other things, too. And how are people going to perceive me if I say that I'm buying? I think there is a stigma around bisexuality in men, especially very much from ah straight women, potentially. Like, I think you I have run into straight women that have not been cool with it for sure.
00:13:26
Speaker
And, of course, there are men who are also very intimidated by a Pi guy. And really, it's just a label, right? Like, being Pi doesn't mean that you're attracted to all men or all women the same time, right?
00:13:41
Speaker
Exactly. There's still an attraction. Like, if you have a type that you're attracted to, like no, I'm not going to, I'm not into Timothee Chalamet. Sorry. you Like, no, that's not...
00:13:53
Speaker
I may be bi, but no thank you. Right? so I wanted to ask about your current situation. So you said that you're married. And of course, we are going to do an episode on your journey as well. But how can you be bi, bi guy and married to a woman?
00:14:13
Speaker
That's a more complicated question than it might sound in that here here's another word of word of the day, heteroromantic.
00:14:23
Speaker
But you know like I mentioned a couple of minutes ago, i don't, never say never, but I don't see in myself the capacity for a romantic relationship with another man. right And my wife is just kind of awesome.
00:14:40
Speaker
Yeah. And it is not my situation is not hurt by the fact that she is also bi. So very nice. So, you know, I'll I'll do the longer version of the story in a couple episodes. But once I finally you fully came out to her,
The Role of Communication in Relationships
00:15:00
Speaker
her reaction was a shrug and fine by me. Mm hmm. Because you it it would she even said at one point, it'd be kind of a double standard if I said, well, no, because i am. So why can't you be? It doesn't change anything about us.
00:15:20
Speaker
Well, there you go. Yeah. And we will dig into how all of that came to be, because I'm sure there are guys out there listening to this right now that are like, damn, you're right. Your wife is awesome. And I would love to have that same situation. Maybe I maybe I do. Maybe I don't. I'm not sure. But like having that conversation has got to be tough, got to be very tough. I spent years chickening out. Yeah. So it's almost like that could be a topic later on down the line. I think we are going to do. i think we decided to do an entire episode on telling your partner. Yes.
00:15:58
Speaker
Yes, we did. And what that what that means, because curious guys who realize they're curious about same sex sexual encounters They got to have that in their head, right? Especially if you're married, it's like, I don't want to cheat.
00:16:11
Speaker
I want to have that conversation. i want to be forthcoming. I want to communicate with my partner. Like, how do I do that? So I think, yeah, listening to your story is going to be great for that. Because while I don't think all men are in the same situation to have such a ah ah great wife as you do, and you can never exactly tell how this information will be received. Exactly. Exactly. We can talk through it and hopefully prepare, if not encourage other men to to have these kinds of conversations and communication with their partners. Most definitely, because, you know like you say, you do want to be forthcoming. This is the person that
Navigating Open Relationships
00:16:50
Speaker
supposedly you can tell anything to, right? And yet a lot of men you know feel a sense of, well, this is something that I can't because I know it's not going to go over well because of all of those same stigmas and preconceived notions that we were talking about. It's not going to go over well. It's going to be the worst conversation that ever happens. And it's going to blow up my life. Yeah. Yeah. So in your current situation, you're married, but you are playing with the men on the side. Yes. Yes. Yes. Long story short, when she first came out to me, we started looking for ways for her to explore. Spent many, many, many, many many many throw a few more minis in there, years trying to find the right opportunities. And you know they just weren't
00:17:44
Speaker
weren't turning up. And early last year, as we were ah revisiting that and updating a profile is when I finally said like, Hey, you know what, as long as we're updating our profile, I would like to explore again too.
00:18:00
Speaker
Cause I had told her years ago about some experience in college and that's when I got the fine by me. we're We updated it. um Originally, our agreement was going to was that anything with anyone else would all be in the same room. But at the same time, she also said that she was not...
00:18:23
Speaker
ready to actually see me with a man. So we sat down and it's like, okay, well, how does this work then? Because you're good with me exploring. We have finally found someone that you've explored with. You loved it. You're not ready to see...
00:18:40
Speaker
me do that but everything is supposed to be same room how does that work and so we at that point we found a i like to call it low impact entry point found a local men's masturbation group it's like okay here's this are you cool with me going to this Okay, yeah, sure.
00:19:02
Speaker
So did that for a few months. And then as online, we would be contacted by couples where the man listed himself as heavy air quotes lifting here straight, who then would it immediately like two messages in turn to start trying to get into my pants. Oh, and and she was saying, you know, we're texting back and forth because you i'm telling, hey, we got more messages. Here's what's going on. Ha ha ha ha. ha ah yeah Well, you're very popular. Ha ha ha ha. ha It's like, well, we while we try to find the perfect couple for both of us, maybe I should just, you know, find a semi regular friend with benefits.
00:19:46
Speaker
Okay. Are you sure? Yeah. Okay. But it's all very transparent. She hears as much or as little as she wants to hear. ah And mostly it's just a matter of, hey, do we have anything going on on such and such a date and or such and such a time? Because there's a guy I'm interested in meeting up with.
00:20:10
Speaker
No, we're good. Okay, cool. And um the first the first one that I had scheduled, ah this was like one of those moments that you're like, am am I living in like the greatest movie ever, the greatest fictional story ever? yeah Everything is is wonderful because i was off of work that day. She was heading out to work and on her way out to work said, ah text me when you leave, text me when you get home, let me know where you're going to be. So just in case something goes horribly wrong, be safe and have fun.
00:20:44
Speaker
And that's pretty much the conversation every time. That's a pretty great conversation. And I got to say again, let's just reiterate, your wife is awesome. Yes, she is. She is incredible. You found you find a good one there. Don't let that one get away.
Enjoying Diverse Attractions
00:21:00
Speaker
ah did I remind myself of that many, many times. Yes. But yeah, it's, you know, it, it's not something that I'm, you know, I'm not running off to screw around with some guy like every night.
00:21:13
Speaker
It's not frequent because, you know, you want it to be somebody that you actually want to do something with. Yeah. Not just, not just somebody who has a who is ready, willing and able. It's like, you I actually, you want to feel like we're going to have some fun.
00:21:30
Speaker
And so it' it's not frequent, but it's it's always the same. Hey, do we have anything going on at this time? We don't. Great. Do you mind if I go do this? that Good. Okay, cool.
00:21:41
Speaker
Great. That's a great situation you got going. there it it is. i I'm not complaining. Yeah. On my end of things, so after my divorce... And again, I said that it was a monogamous marriage and it was like no cheating or anything during that entire time, 15 years. And I had told my partner ah when we started dating that I was bisexual and I had dated men prior to that. So I told her,
00:22:11
Speaker
two weeks into dating. I didn't, at the time, it was like the early, well, it was the mid-2000s. And at that time, even now, if you put bisexual
Dating Apps and Safety
00:22:20
Speaker
on a profile, women, especially straight women, will just, you know, skip over your profile. It says, you're bi-man. And so, at the time, I wasn't putting that on my profile. Instead, I was Disclosing it into dating when it was clear that there might be some physical chemistry or physical encounter coming up. And I should definitely say something just so that she has all the information. I'm not hiding anything. And we'll we'll get into how all that went. because it was a very nerve-wracking situation to tell even somebody you've only been dating for two weeks that, hey, you also like men. So that's quite a conversation to have. But after I got divorced... and left a little space in between just to kind of feel my own feelings. I started going to men's masturbation club as well, which we'll have a whole episode on those. So stay tuned if you want to hear more about that. Yay!
00:23:25
Speaker
And I had been to one 20 years earlier, so I kind of knew what to expect, but began experimenting ah on that end again and getting on the dating apps, which was a whole new thing for me because the last time that I had been single was the mid-2000s where there were no apps. It was websites, so Match.com or eHarmony or any of those types of things. So it was a completely new world for me and it turns out um now i have several partners both men and women and that i that i play with or make dates with and everybody knows that they are not the only person i am physical with and if they want to know more details i'm willing to share those details with them you know some people would want to know everything some would don't
00:24:20
Speaker
would not want to know anything. um But also I'm, you know, sharing any STI testing information with them. So everybody's like in the know about everything. There's no hiding any of what I'm doing from anybody that I play with. So that's basically my current situation, being a solo poly guy. and again, like you you mentioned, like almost having to pinch yourself, like, are you in the greatest movie? Yeah. Everett's like, yeah, you look back at at some things realizing, well, damn, I have four partners and they're all awesome and they all know that I also play with other people and it's all good and... Everybody's cool with it. Yeah, it's just kind of amazing. i didn't think that was possible. And when I was... when i was
00:25:11
Speaker
married, I was very into monogamy. I've always been into monogamy. And the last two years has been a real shift for me in my thinking, because I didn't think I would. You know, you hear stories about people cheating on their spouses And I would just wonder, like, how do you even keep that going?
Sexual Exploration and Goals
00:25:30
Speaker
Like, how do you keep two relationships going? Or like, how do you have time to play with two different people? And now I'm like, oh, OK, I can do that. All right. I kind of see how that works. Calendaring is very important, by the way, in all of that.
00:25:48
Speaker
But yeah. Yeah, so that's my current situation. And i I do, I have partners, I go to play parties, i go to the masturbation clubs, and occasionally other things too. We'll talk about all of that. ah But also, I wanted to talk about the best thing about being bi. Because, you know, if you're listening to this, you're on the fence, you're like, I don't know if that's me. Personally, i like all the parts. And i but Like being able to explore with all of those parts, right? Like that is right pretty excellent to, you know, not be afraid or find any of those things taboo anymore and to just enjoy what you enjoy and be transparent and out about it. It's freeing. It's a very very different mindset and very ah nice way to move about the world. What about you? What do you think is the best part Well, you kind of stole my answer because all of the parts are good.
00:26:47
Speaker
and And I try to figure out, I've been trying to figure out ever since we first put together our outline for the episode. And I knew this question was coming. It's like, How do I verbalize it? And i guess a good way of putting it is i like a good steak dish and I like a good chicken dish. Just because I like steak doesn't mean I can't also like chicken. Right. And what I like about the two of them is completely different. Although both of them are firing the same taste and pleasure receptors, but they're doing it in different ways. So I can look at a look at a woman physically, and what I find attractive there is its own thing. Same with a man.
00:27:41
Speaker
And a nice side effect of being in the awesome situation that I've been trying not to brag about is that like um about a week, but just a couple of several weeks after coming out and I started, um you know, wearing like I got a couple of, you know,
00:28:04
Speaker
bi-flag colored bracelets. And we were out with a, a woman friend of ours who is pan as very open, very out.
00:28:16
Speaker
And we were all at a burlesque show and my my wife pointed to the bracelet and she's like, Oh, well I saw the other one that he was wearing at this other thing that were a group that we're a part of
Online Resources and Community Support
00:28:30
Speaker
totally vanilla.
00:28:31
Speaker
thing. I saw it you know last week, but it wasn't my place to say anything. And so my wife goes to get a drink and she's like, so we know, we already know how much your taste in women overlaps. How much does your taste in men overlap? it's like, you know what?
00:28:47
Speaker
We haven't had that conversation. And so we were out to dinner a couple of nights later and I mentioned, Hey, you she said this. And so that was our dinner conversation. We were comparing hot guys.
00:28:59
Speaker
And we will go to the grocery store, and the grocery store that we go to is near the local fire station. We always share a lament. Occasionally, the the fire station has sent firefighters to stock up on the groceries for the week. And we're like they never send the good ones.
00:29:17
Speaker
They never send the calendar ones. They always send Wilford Brimley. And a few weeks ago, we were at the grocery, and we turned down an aisle. After we turned down aisle, she's like...
00:29:28
Speaker
They sent cute ones this time. like I see what you did. You waited till they were out of my sight because you're greedy. i missed it. Now I got to pretend to go down the cereal aisle again. But that's one of the things that is so great is that we can have these bantery conversations. Totally. And yeah we can we can be out and about and point out, oh, she's hot. Yeah, she is. Oh, he's he's cute. Yeah, he is.
00:29:56
Speaker
yeah it It's just it's nice. It's fun. I love that. Yeah. After I came out to my, well, then we were dating, uh, I had the same conversation with her. Like, what's your type? And, uh, that's probably a good, ah segue into another question. Yeah. What's your type of guy? Right. And,
00:30:20
Speaker
For me, and ah i even from a young age, I happen to like older men physically, right? And also body hair very much. And and so that is my type in men is like older dad types, dad bods. uh, you know, masculine guys, although sometimes a feminine guy can be okay too. I'm not like discriminatory in that way. It just depends what kind of goes past my eyes. Uh, but yeah, I like, I'm not going to say burly, but like, yeah, not thin guys, uh, with, with hair that are now, it's funny because now I'm around that same age. So they're around my age. Right. This is actually great for me. They're age appropriate now. They're age appropriate now, thankfully.
00:31:14
Speaker
Yes. So i I like that. And then in women, I like almost the opposite, really. Like i have like women that have a strong character. And also i like nerdy women and men, too.
00:31:31
Speaker
Let's let's be honest. And ah so a little nerdy is good. Also, not too thin. I'm not into that. Like, I could never date models. I do know. like And also, I'm very sapiosexual, which is another word of the day that we'll have to do, like demisexual, where I need conversation first. Like, I need some kind of connection that isn't just physical attraction and physical attraction is obviously very important and i feel that with women and men obviously uh i i don't know if i'm i think i'm a breast man if i had to be if i had to nail it down i'm a i'm a boob guy and i in in men i might be a little bit of a size queen like a little bit like i like a bigger A well-endowed guy, like, I think is good. um
00:32:22
Speaker
I'm not too focused on the, but like, I know a lot of guys are like, oh, guys' asses are are sexy. I'm not really an ass guy, to be honest. But, but yeah, I have a wide swath of within-in men that I can be attracted to. If they're nerdy, even better. If they're, like, an yeah, not too thin, but active, I like that, too. So, yeah.
00:32:45
Speaker
but Those are my types. But what about yourself, Grayson? So if we're looking at just, okay, here' here's the ideal, because what what i have what I have found over the years, and this is even before you coming coming to terms with attraction to men, just in general with women, is that what what I say is my type is generally not who I end up truly attracted to. And in in a relationship with necessarily, they may be adjacent to the type, but they're not the type, if that makes sense.
00:33:23
Speaker
I think that makes perfect sense, yes. That huge disclaimer out of the way, with women, I am a fan of what I have taken to calling cute hot.
00:33:35
Speaker
Cute hot. I don't like cute hot, where you know it's it's not like the model you actress you bombshell beauty, right but the the quirky, nerdy, cute girl. Yeah, I'm into that too.
00:33:53
Speaker
and would you Would you call that like girl next door, guy next door? and thing i don't know. and it's It's close, but i that's why it never felt quite right. That's why I coined the cute hot phrase.
00:34:09
Speaker
Because like if if you if you want to go if we want to go down the rabbit hole of you know actors, you famous people, and characters, I noticed that I have a a subtype.
00:34:22
Speaker
You know that for a while, all of the shows, be they like the Buffy the Vampire Slayer type shows or the crime procedurals or whatever, they all had the cute, hot, nerdy tech whiz woman. Every single one of them.
00:34:41
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, yeah. well, Alison Hannigan on Buffy, Alison Scaliati on warehouse 13, um, um, Emily bet records on arrow. It's like, I have a type to, I have a subtype.
00:34:58
Speaker
And, and we also, you know, had a, had a nice long laugh that half of them are named Alison too. Apparently that's one of your triggers there. i i get Like, yes, like Alison's all right. But, you know, redheads and blondes. And yeah I would say, like you, I am a boob guy, but not a stereotypical boob guy. I don't want large ones, average and nicely shaped. Yes, I'm with you on that. Yeah, absolutely.
00:35:29
Speaker
They don't have to be comically large yeah or anything. Just a nice, natural breast. Yeah, and it's kind of funny. My wife's type in women is completely diametrically opposed, yet we used to go to a strip club regularly, and all of her favorites were my type.
00:35:51
Speaker
Yeah. I was like, I can deal with this. um and Then when it comes to men, not quite the same kind of cute hot, but basically i i am a fan of the swimmer's body to the point that long, long, long before I was out, we were having a poker night at our place. The summer Olympics were on.
00:36:14
Speaker
My sister-in-law walked in and was pointing at Michael Phelps. And my wife walks up to the screen and is like indicating his V. And it's like, I don't know what this is called, but it's fucking hot. And I had to stop myself from saying, yes. Yes.
00:36:33
Speaker
But you know in general, what i generally end up truly attracted by in real life is personality. The nerdy personality, yes.
00:36:45
Speaker
So physically, the people that I end up... We'll say attracted to because obviously i am attracted to them because I get physical with them, but they don't necessarily fit into the pigeonholes of the types that I like to look at when I'm, you know, when I'm browsing the online, you know, supermarket as it were. When you're browsing porn, completely different. to a shit You can go off type.
00:37:12
Speaker
you can go all over the place with browsing online porn but in in real life it's like you know it would be great if you were like my fantasy type but you're not i like you right and that's the big thing yeah but yeah nerdy is a huge thing with me because i am a gigantic nerd me too but also i and i feel like we're gonna have an episode about the dating apps and how to find somebody but for me it's also i need i need banter i need connection i need to be able to have a conversation with this person that i'm gonna get physical with and of course that's different if you're at like a play party or ah a masturbation event something like that little different but um i still like to have that kind of conversational like are are we friends like i i like to have that friend connection before anything just happens like it's so important to me to have that i and that's why i can't do the whole cruising thing and we'll talk that see we're just like shooting out all these words all kinds of stuff
00:38:21
Speaker
Like cruising being the sort of like anonymous sex that, you know, Grindr or Sniffies, if you look at those apps or sites, like those are kind of built around that, right? And i found early on, I just, I cannot really, like I can do that, but it's not, it's never like a really great experience. It's not, it's firing on one cylinder, not on the rest of the cylinders, right? Yeah.
00:38:48
Speaker
yeah no Yeah, it's like, some I don't even remember, i picked up this phrase from a sitcom when I was a kid, I don't even remember what it was, but and and I've kind of altered it a little bit to be more bi-appropriate, but they those apps are focused on finding Mr. or Ms. right now, as opposed to Mr. or Ms. right now.
00:39:13
Speaker
Yeah, and there's a difference between like somebody you're going to meet for a one-time thing versus like building a friends with benefits type thing yeah with somebody, which I i find much more ah fulfilling and much more beneficial. Yeah, much more fulfilling, much more enjoyable because...
00:39:32
Speaker
Otherwise, it's really kind of mechanical. it It may scratch an itch, but, you know, I'm going to have that itch again in a little bit. And i get a back scratcher. Right.
00:39:45
Speaker
Not to mention also the Mr. Right Now. kind of thing, you don't know what sort of risks you're opening yourself up to, which is another thing that I think anyone exploring this curiosity, anyone thinking that a same-sex encounter would be for them, I would encourage, and we'll talk about this too, using all kinds of things, like the testing involved and some of the medications that you may want to ask your doctor about first before you go playing with somebody who you don't know their medical history.
00:40:15
Speaker
You really can't solve for their medical standing. You can only worry about what you've got going. And I don't like to put myself or my other partners at that kind of risk. And if I was married or in a long-term relationship, I definitely wouldn't want to put that sort of anchor partner or in any kind of right risky situation either because that's not cool. It is definitely not cool. is you don't want to You don't want to come home with Forrest Gump's box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. ah Yeah, you don't want to call out all the bumps on your penis. Forrest Gump's box of chocolates, no. Yeah.
00:40:59
Speaker
All right, well, I thought we would ah close out this opening episode with a mini topic. And, you know, one of one of the things just sort of exploring over these these last two years that I ah ran into one another term is ah the idea of a fuck it list. So it's a bucket list where you just change one letter and it's your sort of sexual bucket list, right? What you would want to do sexually before you kick the bucket. And I thought it'd be kind of fun if we would share share ours. ah And maybe if we had any recently checked off the list ah items, we could explore that as well.
00:41:42
Speaker
I'll let you go first, Grayson. All right. ah Okay, so what is on my list is finding a another bi couple that everybody just clicks and whoever wants to fuck it can fuck it in the fuck it list.
00:42:06
Speaker
oh I've heard anecdotally that that's very hard to find when you are a couple looking for another couple. That's all four people that have to like and be attracted to every other person in the group. And that's exactly that can be challenging. i have not had to deal with that myself. but mean, it's challenging enough for one person to find one person. This is true. eat Each person you add to the mix exponentially makes it more difficult. Right. So, I mean, this is part of why it's on the fuck it list, because while it is a goal, it is also one that we understand may never be reached. Yeah.
00:42:51
Speaker
And to be clear, you have not found this situation. have not. We are still in search. We are still in search. Hmm. yes What else you got on your list?
00:43:03
Speaker
You know, i still I'm pretty boring otherwise. It's like, you know, just like, yeah, you know, it's everything else that you know has kind of crossed my mind at one point or another, I've probably had a chance to give it a try and have. So one way or another, I've tried most everything and everything that I can think of that isn't on the list. I don't want to. It scares me. There you go. Yeah. It's good to have that kind of thing, too.
00:43:34
Speaker
Right. like Yeah. Not every buy guy is going to be open to everything. Yeah. Not every person wants to do everything. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And worth mentioning, too, you you may want to try something. You may try it. You may like it. And then down the road, say, you know what?
00:43:52
Speaker
No. It happens with something as simple as your your lunch. you know if you're If you're working in an office, you're taking something in for lunch.
00:44:02
Speaker
A lot of times you're limited in your time, so you're taking the same things over and over again, and you get tired of it. It's like, I can't even think of eating that anymore. Phrasing. Yeah.
00:44:13
Speaker
right but you know it's no that's not even really on my bucket list i was gonna say maybe somewhere not even sexually related but a piercing no that's not me piercing but that's not me like a prince albert no no more if ah if i were to do anything or like a nipple Yeah. If I were to do anything, but that's just, it's totally not me. Yeah. And have you, so I assume you've shared what's on your list since yeah it seems to be a shared yeah goal to find that couple. Yes. And you I, I'm basically the logistics man in the search. I'm the one that, that prowls the sites because I know her tastes and everything and I will flag profiles and then every couple of months like okay sit down and look at what i flagged you know block whoever you don't like who doesn't pass the test and then whoever passes the initial round of evaluations right then then i was like okay let me reach out and see see if there's a response and you know as often as not there's not even a thanks but no thanks but you know that's the nature of the game okay
00:45:26
Speaker
Okay. Is there anything that you're curious about that hasn't made it to your list? Not that I can think of. nothing like Like I said, everything okay has either I've either haded had an opportunity at some point in my longer-than-I-would-like-it-to-be life,
00:45:47
Speaker
or I've said, like you know what, no, that just does not sound good to me at all. I've had that too. Like there there were times in my journey where like I would be watching gay porn and the inevitable rimming scene would come up because that is a thing that is largely in gay pornography. And I would fast forward through it.
00:46:08
Speaker
Like, I'm not interested in that, you know, fast forward next chapter whatever. But now I'm in my season of exploration i was like you know what maybe i should reevaluate i like it's got to be it's there's this scene in every gay porn video you find online there's a rooming scene inevitably in there ah if it's in every scene it's got to be pretty good right like there's got to be something about it there's got to be something to it f And then you like find somebody who's like, yeah, I'd like to, I could try that on you. And you're like, you know what?
00:46:43
Speaker
Okay, let's, let's give that a shot. And then that goes on the list and you check that off. Yeah. And I, and I can totally relate with the whole, you know what? Not into this. Let me fast forward. Yep. Because on on both sides of the, the sexual highway, there've been things that like, okay, you know, nah, nah, nah, nah.
00:47:06
Speaker
And then a situation comes up, you have a chance to give it a try, you give it a try, either then it just, it has immediately gone from not even being on the list to being on the list and either checked off or crossed off.
00:47:22
Speaker
If you catch the the difference there, it's like some stuff you're like, nope, not again, cross it off. Yeah. Other things are like, okay, we need could be a repeat we need yeah we need to remember this for next time. Yeah, we need to expand on this, perhaps. Yes. Or you'll find a partner who's into something that you never really had an idea for or an inkling of. And you're like, you know what? as we're talking about this, this seems kind of interesting. Maybe you could show me how that whole thing works. Yeah.
00:47:52
Speaker
or and um And, you know, with without telling tales out of school, you know, we've had that kind of thing and that there's been a few things that, you know, I've had a ah partner say like, hey, I want you to do this. Like, It's not really my thing, but if you dig it, okay. And and it's not it's not something that necessarily you know impacts me in the situation, but you it's like, okay, you you dig it and it doesn't take any effort for me to do and it it isn't a deal breaker for me. Okay.
00:48:29
Speaker
There you go Have you ever taken one of those like tests, like the partner tests where like you put what you're into and then they put what they're into and you compare notes?
00:48:40
Speaker
Maybe ages ago. It might be due for another one because those can just be fun. That's true. Yeah, that can give you some ideas. we We did it one. Actually, I think it's still on my phone, but I haven't opened it up in years. We had a, it it called itself Kama Sutra app, but it was really just an app of positions.
00:49:00
Speaker
Okay. And you could go through and mark them, did it, not interested or interested. and We were going through, okay, we did that. We did that. Have we done that? Well, we've kind of done that. Oh, there's no way that physically we would be able to do that. Yeah.
00:49:17
Speaker
That's a really good activity too. Like, yeah, going through a sex position site and just like finding something new to do with a partner. That's fun, right? Oh yeah, for sure. Because sex is fun. Like, and it should be fun and everyone should be enjoying it. And yeah, That's crazy talk. Haven't you heard? it it's for It's for procreation only, which which which which makes half of what is so much fun just plain just plain fun because can't happen.
00:49:48
Speaker
Yeah, there you go. On my fuck it list, I have a couple of things that I've had a couple of things on there for years. One of the things was a recent checkoff ah is ah the cream pie.
00:50:01
Speaker
So actually eating cum out of a woman. after sex and I had never done that before and of course that's something that's very like held up on a pedestal ah in in porn sometimes or at least in erotic stories and I definitely wanted to do that and very recently got to do that so that with a partner that was very good I really enjoyed that Right on.
00:50:26
Speaker
It was my own. So I i have not yet gotten to ah eat somebody else's out of a partner. That might maybe that's like the advanced cream pie course that I have not yet gotten to yet. But at least I have like checked off the OK, did this thing. And maybe there's like a couple more variations of that that open up after. But I've got the the base one down. Now that you mention it, that one hovers around the list, but has never made it on. Right. But that's that's a whole personal hang-up thing. so Well, and because, of course, post-nut clarity is a thing, once you nut, it's like, well, I'm not in the mood to eat that out. Yeah. like yeah especially if you're a curious guy or a bi guy like if you haven't yet then the type that swallows or eats eats cum then it's going to be very hard to do that after you after you've nut it right you're gonna be like i don't want anything to do with anything sexual right now like i'm done i'm ready for sleep like Yeah, you you you can be you can be sitting there, whether you're with somebody else or by yourself. This is the time. This is the time. I'm going to do it this ah And then as soon as you pop. Yeah, no, next time.
00:51:46
Speaker
I'll do that later. Got plenty of time. I just want to clean up and go to bed now. Exactly. Exactly. on my list, I have up against the wall or standing. So yeah, this has always been something in porn that I've been interested in, like just from a standing position, the woman or partner against the wall, like that is just hot to me.
00:52:08
Speaker
So it's on my list. I have not gotten to do that yet. I have glory holes on my list still. So I've been to a couple of glory holes. and just haven't quite had the situation that I wanted to out of those. And those are more anonymously coded because a glory hole, of course, is usually either like a bathroom situation or a place at a bathhouse or a doll bookstore where a guy that you cannot see sticks their dick through a hole and you go to town on that or vice versa. And my last and first time that I'd ever been to a bathhouse, I...
00:52:46
Speaker
rented the glory hole room at the bathtub because i i was like okay i'm gonna do the thing this is gonna great like i am here i i am at disneyland i'm gonna ride all the rides because i'm at disneyland for the first time i have the fast pass it's ready to go like highest tier and then nobody showed up to the glory hole as it was very disappointing like i was already there the door open nope the the pirates of the caribbean was broken down hey exactly it sure felt like it yeah uh and then let's see outdoor i've never done anything outdoors uh oh that's checked off
00:53:28
Speaker
I've been to parties that have like an outdoor component. So I've been to nudist events where we're outdoors, but there's no sex happening there. So like, so outdoor sex is really yeah on my list.
00:53:40
Speaker
And also I have never done anal with a woman. That's on the list as well. That's checked off. You've checked that off. Okay. Yes. And outdoors? you' You've done outdoors too? Yes. That's checked off? Okay. Yes. Outdoors is checked off.
00:53:55
Speaker
So you're ah ah no wonder you only have like one thing on your fucking list because you've got my list, but you've checked everything off. And now I'm jealous.
00:54:05
Speaker
I'm still boring. I don't think so. i ah During this podcast, we're probably going to add a couple things to your fucking list. I know we will. And I probably will add a few more things to mine, too.
00:54:19
Speaker
All right, before we close out this episode, I also wanted to mention a couple of other resources on the internet that if you are curious and you want to continue this journey, first of all, I hope you continue ah listening to this podcast because that would be excellent. That would awesome. Yeah.
00:54:38
Speaker
But I also want to point you to a couple of places online. Let open... I should have actually gotten the URLs for this stuff. That's too simple. Well, given what our resource is, can get the URL for the Reddit, which has the the invite to the Discord. There you go. Okay, so reddit.com.
00:55:00
Speaker
If you visit any subreddits, there's a bisexual men subreddit that I think is a great resource. It has a lot of men asking very similar questions like, I've noticed this, and what do I do about it? That's like a daily occurrence.
00:55:15
Speaker
But you do get a lot of like great advice, lot of people jumping in with thoughts on that. At least once a day there is, am I bi? Yeah, exactly. Which is part of the genesis of this podcast.
00:55:30
Speaker
Everybody jumps in with that question first. Like, here's my situation. Does this mean that I'm bi? And then, ah so the bisexual men read it subreddit, which also has a discord. And then there's another subreddit. That's just plain old bisexual. That's men and women discussing this. And so it has twice the amount of, am I bi posts per day? Yes. Genders. Yeah.
00:55:54
Speaker
And it's also full of really good advice, too. And yeah, if you want to read opinions from bisexual women, that's also a good place for that. So yeah. And of course, if you haven't ah surfed Reddit for just various NSFW pictures, you could do that, too, while you're there.
00:56:14
Speaker
there's yeah If it exists, you can find it on Reddit, sometimes regrettably. Yeah. Very much so. We would also love to hear any questions that you might have for us, any topics you would like us to cover, anything along those lines, because we want to answer them because we know that the questions are out there. So if you have those questions, send us an email to podcast at by men unfiltered.com. It'll get to us. We will read every email that we get. We'll
00:56:47
Speaker
um You dick pics are not required. But you can include them if you want. You said that, not me. But we we will be glad to read them and answer any questions that anybody might have, especially if our answers will help you answer those questions for yourself. So just shoot us that email, podcast at bymenunfiltered.com. Any place they can follow us on social media? Oh, there's all of the social medias. There's Facebook, Instagram, uh, threads and X slash Twitter, whatever they're calling it this week. Um, friend of mine, that same pan friend that I mentioned earlier calls it shitter. Uh,
00:57:30
Speaker
I love that. ah But on all of those, we are Bymen Unfiltered. And on Blue Sky, we are BymenUnfiltered.com. Excellent. And i will so as the podcast is getting out there, I will start you know interacting more. Please interact with us. Follow us. Talk to us. We want to hear from you. Indeed. All right. And now a tease for the next episode. You tease.
00:57:55
Speaker
we're going to be talking about my five bisexual journey. Uh, so from the early days of questioning to where I am now, we'll talk about all of that fun stuff in the next episode. So please subscribe and come back and talk with us again the next week.