Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Bi Men Unfiltered, a podcast for today's curious and bisexual man hosted by older, wiser bisexual men who were also once curious. From identity and relationships to dating, sex, community, and everything in between, nothing's off the table. Honest, authentic, and we're not afraid to get a little NSFW or more than a little. No shame, no stereotypes, just real conversations. On today's episode, it's the mailbag.
Speaker: got some listener. I almost said viewer. There's no viewer. Listener mail that we're going to talk about and share with you. And that'll be a lot of fun.
Speaker: i mean, it's entirely possible that there's viewers because we do distribute through YouTube. So they're sitting there staring at the show logo. That's true. While they listen. Maybe reading the subtitles. Yes, that that could be.
Speaker: But of course, let's start by talking about what we've been up to. Grayson, what are you to? I'm going to be a broken record. that There's nothing new here. We've got to find you a a guy or a couple so that you and the wife can we can do a swap, do a so at least a soft swap.
Speaker: We do, but real life has been in the way. in you when By the time this episode drops, ah there will have been a medical procedure involved. Okay, okay.
Speaker: Real life just being a jerk. you know there's if the real life is you know just being a jerk ah Hey, I'm right there with you on that. hi Real life can can definitely be a jerk and get in the way of all this fun.
Speaker: It can be almost as big a jerk as our landlord. Oh, did I say that? Did I say the quiet part loud? You did. You did indeed. How about you? What have you been up to?
Speaker: Absolutely nothing. No, I mean, i'm I'm still playing regularly with my female friend. We ah get together regularly. and But I haven't had any...
Speaker: guy-on-guy action recently so i'm kind of hoping to meet up with some friends soon and i'm talking with some new people as well you know the friend with benefits that i think i mentioned on the show had like broken contact but he's been in contact with me again recently We have been going back and forth and like trading pictures and sexting together, but there hasn't been any like meetup yet.
Speaker: So I'm just kind of like letting him determine what he's comfortable with. I put the invite out there. like If he is in need of my services, then to let me know. And I think that'll be good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But I think that means it's time for our word of the week. Word of the week. That was probably horribly off key from me. What is our word of the week?
Speaker: Our word of the week is edging. Edging. So that's like when when when you take that little spiky thing out and it goes along the sidewalk.
Speaker: Right? Right. No, I was going to say like ah when you bake a ah pan of brownies and you put the knife to like ah separate the edge of the brownie from the pan, you know.
Speaker: Is that edging? oh ah Well, see, I don't know because we cheat when we when we make brownies because we have a dedicated brownie pan that has nine little squares. Oh, you got one of those. It's kind of like a muffin tin except it's squares for brownies.
Speaker: So meetche all edge. Yes. Yes. Every friend brownie. Every brownie edges.
Speaker: Oops. All edging. yes I think I've seen that video. ah if If not, someone needs to make one with that title. Absolutely.
Speaker: Absolutely. Oh my God. Now I just flashed back. I, I had a former coworker that we talked about making, forming like an amateur porn company is like the producers and directors.
Speaker: All right. It never happened. It never happened, but we were like, yeah, we should do that. ah I've seen enough of it. I know how to make it. I mean, it can't be that hard.
Speaker: ah Oh, we were we were we were idiots. Anyway, what is edging? Edging is masturbation play over a period of time. So that might be an hour, a couple of hours, et cetera. But it's denying orgasm just before you reach it. So you're walking up to the precipice, that point of no return, but you stop right before you reach that point.
Speaker: And you kind of build that and ride that pleasurable edge. And I think you can not confuse it with gooning to me. I don't know. Like gooning seems very performative to me. Like if you watch gooning videos, it's guys who are edging, but like really like talking it up and riding that edge. I don't know. Like that doesn't really do anything for me personally. No, i in fact, it it's a word that just,
Speaker: It's my spine crawl. Yeah. But edging, that's real fun. It is. Yeah. I have never sat down and said, i am going to edge, but I have edged.
Speaker: It just happens on its own sometimes. Yeah. Well, it's it's a case of, okay, I'm close, but I'm not ready to be done. Yeah. And then just it's continuing with that feeling.
Speaker: Yeah, it's it's not it's not the goal in and of itself when I sit down to masturbate, yeah but it may be a a tool in in the toolbox, as it were.
Speaker: Right. Sometimes it's fun. Like if you are sexting with a partner or sexting with somebody or doing some naughty chat somewhere, ah it is fun to just kind of, yeah, keep it going and keep riding that edge. Like if you're not saying you're going to go ahead and come, then, you know, ride that high for a little while.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. All right. It's mailbag time. Mailbag. Mailbag. Mailbag. Yes. And just to remind everybody, you can send us email podcast at by men unfiltered.com. We read all of those and sometimes reply, sometimes not.
Speaker: And you can send us your stories, your recommendations for sex toys or your amazing blowjob technique or the prostate massager that gets you off the most or ah the cock ring that you would recommend to anyone and everyone, 18 to 88, that kind of thing. You can feel free to email us that kind of thing.
Speaker: Or if you want to email dick pics, that's fine too. We still have not received any dick pics, by the way. We have not. um I am disappointed because we we are now 12 episodes in. Sam, we are in double digits for like three episodes now. 12 episodes. Yeah, i can't I can hardly believe it. We made it to double digits. I'm very happy that we did.
Speaker: so you know, dropping weekly, we've been going for three months now and not a single dick pic. Not a single dick pic. What is up with that?
Speaker: That means our listeners are people who are actually refined and have taste. It means if we were women, we would be getting a ton of dick pics, right? like Yes. Unsolicited. We are soliciting the dick pics and we can't get them.
Speaker: This is how things go. Yeah. I mean, it it's the it's the story of my search. Yeah, I suppose that's true.
Speaker: ah like, i want some dick. And then a tumbleweed blows by. Yeah. and and
Speaker: We will get we will will get you. This podcast has got to get you some dick. i mean, come on. We've done 12 episodes. We've done 12 episodes. ah According to some people in online spaces, that makes us celebrities.
Speaker: i' Yeah. It does, right? We have tens of listeners. hey Whole tens of listeners. We've heard from all of them.
Speaker: I actually, i do wonder if there are any women listening. I know my lady friend listens, so I know we have one, but I wonder if we have any other ah female listeners.
Speaker: but I know that there is my wife has followed us on one of our social channels, but has suggested that she is not planning to listen. Okay.
Speaker: I think we do also have some transgender women listeners as well. So, yeah. Yeah. So we do, but I'm, I'm wondering, uh, if, if more want to reach out, that's fine too. You don't, yeah you don't have to send us dick pics. You don't have to send us any explicit pics.
Speaker: So just to be clear, yeah we, yes, we, we are half joking about so wanting to receive. We are only half joking about receiving dick pics. Yes.
Speaker: All right, let's let's dig into this first message. Coming out as by has increased the size of my underwear drawer. I am absolutely addicted to wearing jock straps, and I am now venturing into thongs, which I didn't think I'd like, but damn, I feel extremely sexy in them, and my wife likes buying random things for me.
Speaker: You guys are absolutely great to listen to. Keep it up. Thank you for that note. Yes. I thought this was kind of interesting because it's a reversal with the ah wife purchasing the sexy underwear for her partner. Yes. Instead of how it normally goes where the man buys the sexy underwear for the female partner.
Speaker: Yeah, that does not happen often. I mean, there's not. Well, traditionally, there's not much out there for us to choose from.
Speaker: Yeah. There's there's an entire industry built up around sexy underwear for women. And this is true we're kind of limited in in our options there.
Speaker: Yeah, I think men broadly think of sexy underwear as that's for women. But it can be something for men too. And there are brands that make underwear for men that are more akin to ah what women might experience. And so like Aussie Bomb, Coyote, Cell Block 13, Coyote.
Speaker: Those are brands that are perhaps targeted more towards gay men, but they have a lot of great stuff for all men. And if you have not entered the sexy underwear ah Pantheon, encourage you to i see encourage you do so Because it can be really fun. Like I have rediscovered that I like briefs and I like the sort of ringer briefs. Those are fun, like fun colors and things.
Speaker: Early on, I did buy like a pair of mesh underwear and I realized that was a mistake because... I don't like mesh lined bathing suits. Oh, same.
Speaker: Same. My penis always gets like caught on them, and it it's very uncomfortable. And so I got this pair of mesh underwear. And it was just that the entire time. it was very uncomfortable. like caught on things and yeah this was not good. So and now i know no...
Speaker: no mesh stuff see with with swimsuits it's not the material of the mesh that i don't like it's the fact that it's there that i don't like um after i i think i've mentioned on the show before that uh with a few very specific exceptions i am commando full-time So ah I once, just because I liked the design of it, I didn't notice I was, i needed a new, new swimsuit, got one because i liked the look of it it. It was a Superman swimsuit. It was like the Superman blue. It had, you know, red and yellow trim stuff and the Superman shield down near the bottom of them. They just, they looked geeky and and nice.
Speaker: So got that swimsuit and it turned out to be board shorts with no liner. Hmm. And I was like, oh, hey, I like this. So ever since then, that's the style of swimsuit that I've made a point of buying.
Speaker: I see. Because it was much more comfortable, much more akin to what I wear or don't wear on the daily.
Speaker: Uh, now I have like just through Facebook ad feeds and stuff like me undies a year or so ago popped up some men's lace style underwear. I was like, you know what?
Speaker: Even though I am not an underwear person, that would be nice for like a special occasion, you know, something like that. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: And I went and looked, I'm like, yeah, I'm not spending $30 a pop for a pair of underwear. Right. Because you know you won't, you in particular won't get $30 worth of use out of it.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, I mean. More novel. It would be more novelty, but perhaps. Yeah. I might get $30 of use out of them because they would last a long time. That's true.
Speaker: But um ed was having a similar conversation um on a discord server earlier this week and somebody, um, linked me to, I don't even remember the brand.
Speaker: Um, and I looked at that. They were more expensive or not more expensive, less expensive, but still the stuff that was attracting people,
Speaker: my attention was still pricier than I wanted to spend. But I did notice that, you know, we were talking about, you know, different styles and things that they had some that did look,
Speaker: The best way to describe them is they looked like um a men's equivalent of lingerie because they almost looked like garters.
Speaker: their ways okay a there There was a brief part and then straps that went down to like a lacy like bit around the thigh. Oh, okay. I was like, that doesn't look comfortable, but I see what they're going for.
Speaker: yeah they're They're going for the vibe of, you know, here's something you more than just some fabric to put on your crotch.
Speaker: Right, right. Have you tried thongs? Once. Once. Yeah. Once. What'd you think? Uh, I give, that's why you go. crimando i I give much respect to anyone who can spend more than the hour or two that I did with a string between their butt cheeks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was so damn it.
Speaker: It was uncomfortable. I will be glad to put the qualifier and condition on there that this was early 90s.
Speaker: So the the options to find anything like that for men were slim. um we We had at the time, we basically had briefs and boxers and looking for something wear, know, to something equivalent. you know, my girlfriend had lingerie.
Speaker: I wanted to kind of return the visual favor. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm looking. The most I could find, I could find silk boxers, big whoop.
Speaker: And looking around, I found men's thongs at Walmart. Okay. And they were cheap as hell because Walmart.
Speaker: Absolutely. Walmart in the early 90s. Yeah. And super cheap so that can absolutely be part of why they were not comfortable.
Speaker: but they were not comfortable. I see. And I wore a pair of them once um as we as we went to some kind of ceremony thing that she had for an honor that she got and our in one of her classes at our college.
Speaker: And I'm sitting there through that ceremony going like, oh my God.
Speaker: I cannot wait to get home and get this string out of my ass. Yeah. Yeah. You have a lot more respect for women that are wearing thongs. They're guys. bought Absolutely. Absolutely.
Speaker: absolutely Yeah. Yeah. I've never tried thongs. I like a little more fabric coverage in general than a thong would provide. Although, I mean, I wear jock straps too, and those are not very much material coverage either, but I i like them more. I feel more masculine in them. so That brings me to the another question. What is your image of a sexy man in underwear? Like, I know you are a nudist, but if you are looking at a man in underwear pictures, like, what do you find sexy?
Speaker: Oh, there're there are absolutely sexy pictures of guys in underwear. um see It's all going to come down. It's not so much the style, really. It's um how he wears it. Okay, we'll cut to the chase, the bulge.
Speaker: How he fills out the package. Yeah. you yeah um But I mean, there's there's not a particular style that I look at on a guy and say, um you know, oh, yes, that style on a guy. Yes. Give me more. Give me more. Give me more. Right.
Speaker: you know it and you know I joke that it's the bulge, but you know they' a nice butt in underwear. Yes, a nice butt in underwear.
Speaker: but I'm sorry, what were you about to say? I was going to say, yeah, the, the bulge, it it is largely about the bulge. So yeah, I don't, uh, yeah, don't blame you on that. Mine. i like, uh, I tend to like more traditional underwear, like tidy whities I think are awesome. Uh, you know, I've just rediscovered them because of course,
Speaker: Growing up in the 90s, they would say, oh, if you wear a tighty-whities, then you're going to totally kill your sperm count and you'll never have children, et cetera. So I started wearing boxer shorts and then boxer briefs after that. But now that I've had a vasectomy, I don't care about that. now I can get back to briefs and wear are the tighty-whities that I have not worn for years and years. And I like i like those. I like a jockstrap.
Speaker: A thong, eh, I don't necessarily find that visually enticing for me personally. But I totally get it. ah Guys do.
Speaker: And of course, that accentuates the bulge, too. Yep. And the the last time I bought any was specifically when I had my vasectomy. Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, right. That's right. Yeah. because Because you have to have a secure package. Yeah, because i I have underwear for those rare occasions. They're boxers and boxer briefs because that's what I happen to have.
Speaker: Right. And, well, needed literally underwear. doctor's orders to have you know prescription briefs basically briefs or or a jockstrap and and i would get more use out of out of briefs so i went and bought a pair wore them for that purpose and haven't had them on since there you go
Speaker: All let's read this next one. Do you want to read it? Sure. Let's do it. All right. Hi there. I've been quite enjoying your podcast. And as a Gen X buy guy, a lot of your topics really resonate with me.
Speaker: But I was a bit surprised that your Finding a Guy episode didn't mention Bait World. I've met several local buddies and friends with benefits on Bait World in the short time I've been a member, about one and a half years.
Speaker: I think it's an especially good platform for guys who are just starting to explore their buy side. Better than apps like Grindr and Sniffies, because you know that everyone you meet is okay with just masturbating together.
Speaker: Anything more like body contact, oral, et cetera, is something you can negotiate. Plus there's a nice mix of guys. I have buddies who are bi, gay, and air quotes straight.
Speaker: And everybody respects each other's boundaries. And you get a lot with just a free membership, messaging, chat, friends, posting your pics and vids, but no video chat that requires a paid membership.
Speaker: Of course, same as the apps, it helps if you live in a bigger city so that there's a greater chance of meeting a guy who you click with. Your mileage may vary. Yes. Are you on Bait World?
Speaker: I am not. Might have to go. i'm kind of surprised by that. i mean, Bait World is a large community based around masturbation.
Speaker: Yeah. Jerking off. and well i mean just realize kind of my competition i suppose that's true suppose that's true from a certain point of view right right right right right um i had an account i've had an account on big world for about a year and a half as well and uh I am you know posted a profile but didn't really like stick around too much. I leaned into apps more than Bait World. Although, as our listener says, this kind of leans into the fact that it's you know only...
Speaker: people looking for masturbation and that might be a good thing. And I certainly like that as well. So I actually like went in and updated my profile and um yeah, I might try to meet some play partners that way. I do agree with our listener, though, that masturbation is a great way to explore. And whether it's you know sexting or chatting, pick trading, video chatting, you know that's a great way to pretty safely explore.
Speaker: Obviously, though, if your partner does not know that you're bi and you have same-sex desires and they find a link to Bait World or a Bait World membership on your credit card or something like that, although I think it I think that kind of thing is hidden fairly well.
Speaker: But if they find it, they might have some questions. So you might have some explaining to do. So maybe before you do that, go to our telling your partner episode and listen to that.
Speaker: Right. So I think we should go to the next letter in the mailbag. And I shall read it now. Yes. I've been listening to the pod and really enjoy the candid conversations. It has helped me as I navigate some internalized shame to hear you talk about sex so openly. I haven't listened to all the episodes yet, so I apologize if this was covered.
Speaker: I've been out to my partner for several years as bisexual and recently came out to my closest friends. My partner and I have discussed having a threesome and she even brought up me dating a man.
Speaker: My question is, what are the most effective ways you have found for finding a third? Is it the same process as your finding a man episode? If and when you participated in a threesome, is there anything you wish you had known? A conversation you wish you had had before with your partner?
Speaker: To clarify, we are not looking for a one night stand. I wish that there was an easy answer to that. Yeah. um I mean, for starters, i i don't have an answer from personal experience because I have not had a threesome.
Speaker: um But I would say that, yes, a lot of the same principles would apply. You might have open up to a additional platforms ah depending on on what you're looking for in in terms of the dynamic, that is. yeah In terms of which order the letters are.
Speaker: are going to be arranged. Yeah. ah So you might have a few additional platforms in there. um Clearly in, in their case, it sounds like that they are looking for, as we arrange those letters and MMF threesome,
Speaker: So a lot of the platforms that we talked about are going to apply. ah You might also have a degree of luck on quote unquote swinger or quote unquote lifestyle apps and sites. We did mention one or two of We did mention them on the finding a guy episode, but when you are looking for a threesome dynamic that might turn up a little better luck.
Speaker: But as I think we mentioned on that episode, there is also the bi male stigma within that community yeah so it's slightly getting better slightly improving but i sound more cynical and critical than i mean this to sound uh when i say it but that is a community that is still built on an incredibly solid foundation of straight male fantasy.
Speaker: And man on man contact is beyond incidental is not a driving focus in that community.
Speaker: Yeah. And by community, you're talking about the swinger community. Yeah. Lifestyle. I mean, the quote unquote lifestyle. Yes. I mean, it, like I say, it's getting slightly better.
Speaker: um And you can more frequently than even just, even just, you know, 10 years ago when we started looking ah for women for my wife to explore with.
Speaker: you can find more openly bi men now than you could just 10 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Um, that, but it is still outside the norm and there is still, ah a fair amount of bi and homophobia.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think you've kind of talked about it as well. Like when you are looking for a third or even looking for a couple, you end up getting in in the net that you have put out there. You end up catching single men who are, let's say, focused on the female partner in the couple. and Yeah. And it depends. Like if you are, uh, looking for a threesome where you want a guy to play with your wife, that might be easier to find than one who wants to play with you or both of you. um
Speaker: so it's probably going to take some time to find the right guy. ah I think you probably can find them. is you have to be You're going to have to be patient and probably ah have a lot of duds come your way before you find somebody that you both click with. And that's the other thing too. Both of you having to click with this person, right? It's even more, it's challenging, but it's I guess it's not looking for a couple as well, which is like everybody has to be into everybody else. Yes. That can be very challenging too.
Speaker: I've only ever had one ah threesome that I think I've shared this on the air. I found them through field and they were my only field success. Hmm. I have not had success on field at all generally, but, and I didn't think that they were real. I thought I was ah being, not being scammed, but I didn't think they were real cause they were too attractive. And so we met for coffee and it was like, hey you're, you're real. That's, that's good to know.
Speaker: and then you know We set up a play date after that point. But even getting to that point, I had been a member on field for like eight or nine months before i having contact with this couple. And I had had several...
Speaker: contacts with couples that didn't go anywhere and just kind of died on the vine. So be prepared for that. Be prepared for this to be like any other sort of app search where it's going to take a while and it's going to depend on the amount of connection that you're looking for.
Speaker: ah in terms of how how things go. i do ah wish you luck in your search, though. like And I think ah you've kind of mentioned this before, like there is a single man stigma in the lifestyle, but some of that is earned.
Speaker: And you, dear listener, are looking for a third that's a man, you're going to run into that. you' You're going to run into oh a lot of a lot of guys who are going to just shoot their shot indiscriminately, um yeah who will see in however that site or platform indicates that your interests in what you're looking for in dynamics see that you are looking for a single male and they will say i am a single male i have a dick and i am willing to uh let at least one of you use it therefore i am a shoe in and you will accept me right exactly exactly you have found your diamond in the rough you can use my dick yes
Speaker: yeah and Your wife can use my dick. Wait. Yeah. ah Yeah. So, i you know, um just that i I can offer the advice that we have followed that we no one gave us this advice. It has just it seemed like common sense. And as we have gone on, I have seen it as advice elsewhere.
Speaker: determine what your wants and boundaries are and stick with them. yeah even if it takes a while to find that third, um, don't find yourself saying, you know what?
Speaker: We haven't had any luck finding anybody. This guy's good enough. but he's not, you know, not what you're looking for. Don't say, you know what?
Speaker: yeah let We'll, we'll just, we'll take it. Right. Because right um the, the way I always put it in when you're in a group situation like that, or even just one-on-one, if even one person isn't having fun, there's nobody having fun.
Speaker: Yeah. I think that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, stick to your boundaries, stick to your wants, make those clear. And in your communication with a third, restate those things and you know find out what their boundaries are, what your boundaries are.
Speaker: Stick to those things. ah If you believe that STI testing is important, be sure to get that all taken care of. And of course, do the vibe check meeting before. I think it's even more important in a threesome situation to do that.
Speaker: um And yeah, I think you both have to be comfortable with whoever this is going to be and whatever you're going to do. And you don't want any surprises. But while things are going, feel free to you know have a safe word, take a time out,
Speaker: That kind of thing, because if you are a monogamous couple and you're you're now inviting a third in, you don't really know until you're doing it what kind of feelings you're going to have and how it changes the dynamic with your current partner. So be very aware of that if you can, and even check in with them while things are going.
Speaker: Yep. Check in while things are going. Check in after things are done. Check absolutelyically check in periodically during the search. yes um you know our our dynamic ah If someone contacts us, i and this is pretty common in the space, I handle all of the communication. It's pretty common for the man in the couple to handle the communication because
Speaker: let's face it, we're the ones who are most likely going to be sitting at the computer or on our phone going, do we have any bites yet? Do we have any bites yet? oh who or are we going to get to do it?
Speaker: I'm just, a beat I don't mean to stereotype or make light, but even when both parties are invested, we're the ones who are like, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: So, you know, if someone, even if someone doesn't look like they're going to be a match, if a couple doesn't look like they're going to be a match for us, and I know that that this listener is looking for just a third, um not a couple.
Speaker: But if someone contacts us, even if I'm like, yeah, no, she's not going to go for for them for them, I'll still, unless it is an absolute, oh, hell no, there's no way, like way outside of our age range or clearly not.
Speaker: clearly not looking for the same kind of dynamic. um I will take screenshots. you know If we're not in the same place, I'll take screenshots of the profile and the message and send them in text and get back a, yeah, sure, you know reply back to them or a, oh no.
Speaker: yeah And it's absolutely fine to go ahead and come up with a boilerplate thanks, but no thanks response. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, don't, don't knock yourself out trying to come up with something original or, you know, you you don't need to be rude, but you also don't need to be super kid gloves and soften the blow because ah thanks, but no thanks is part of the system.
Speaker: Yep. Pretty much. Yeah. And I would say try a number of the these services and see what fits your vibe and what's popular in your area. You may want to do some searches around like Reddit to find out like what has worked in your area for other people looking for thirds. um I was about to bring that point up.
Speaker: The free trials are like a free account and try each one for a little while, whether that's SLS, SDC, Field, DoubleList, any of the adult friend finder, Tinder even. I've seen couples on Tinder looking for thirds and I don't know how successful that ends up being, but...
Speaker: I have seen it. Although I think there are a lot of straight men on Tinder, so that might get a little overwhelming. Yeah,
Speaker: yeah I was going to bring up the ah the location thing. it It seems counterintuitive, but um the prevailing wisdom is that with the various lifestyle sites, different ones have better or worse success rates in different regions.
Speaker: Yeah. It seems counterintuitive because they're all doing the same thing and they're all online. But for some reason, there seems to be a better success ratio on some in some regions than others. ah we I discovered this years after paying for a lifetime membership on one and learning that another seems to be more successful in our region.
Speaker: So it absolutely happens. Absolutely. But i wish you luck in your search for a third. And if you're in the Pacific Northwest, reach out.
Speaker: ah if If you're in the South, reach out. There you go. All right, let's do the next topic. You want to read this one?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: suggestions for a possible future topic bisexual versus pansexual. I personally carefully evaluated the definitions for both and chose bisexual because i like the bi flag better than the pan flag on sites that allow for multiple labels. I often list both.
Speaker: Yeah. I, well, i think your preference of flag is good. I don't, I'm not even sure I'm familiar with the pan flag, honestly, but, uh, pink, yellow, blue.
Speaker: Pink, yellow, blue. Okay. ah But pansexual is definitely a term that is used less than bisexual. And I think...
Speaker: Bisexual, to me anyway, is just clearer. Like, I think more people who are reading a ah profile on an app are going to know exactly what you mean by bisexual versus pansexual. And pansexual is attraction regardless of gender, and that can include transgender partners or non non-binary partners. Yeah.
Speaker: And yeah so that may require a little more explanation, whereas I think ah bisexual requires less explanation. Although you may have to say you're heteroromantic or biromantic or or whatever. You may have to explain more in that sense, but not so much are you not as much as you would have to explain with pansexuals.
Speaker: I've been with ah transgender partners and ah those have been, yeah I've met them through profiles that said I was bisexual and i haven't had too much of an issue there.
Speaker: Yeah, i I have, my wife and I have a a very good friend who is pansexual. ah She is actually the first person that, after I came out to my wife, we that I actively came out to as opposed to passively. Okay. You know, as opposed to just, you know like wearing, you know, like...
Speaker: the bracelet or shirt or whatever around um and know she has said over the years before and after that that know when when she was choosing she she chose pansexual because she felt it um was more accurate for her okay But occasionally she wishes that she had chosen by because we do have the better flag. There you go.
Speaker: There you go. I mean, in the end, these labels are just labels and you could pretty easily switch between them if you wanted to. I look at it more as it's information for somebody that I'm talking to, to know who I'm attracted to or what I'm attracted to.
Speaker: And yeah, for me, that meant bisexual because it requires a lot less explanation. Well, it's harder for it would be harder for our friend to to change the label because she does have a tattoo that part of the tattoo is in the pan flag colors.
Speaker: Oh, I mean, yeah, if you have it it's tattooed on your body, that's a little more difficult than just changing profiles. it's It's a case of it's not a pan flag tattoo. It's a tattoo of something else. But the color fill is very specifically those the colors of the flag.
Speaker: Okay. Yeah. So it's like, well, you know you you went and you um you're the one that picked the colors. You picked the wrong flag. I'm sorry. That's right. I feel like the buy flag is having a moment. like I feel like the colors of the buy flag are just all over, ah which is good. i like to see it.
Speaker: So true story, a friend of mine who runs a YouTube channel um who is a very religious person. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: the colors of his channel and his channel's Discord icon, because of the subject matter of his channel, is kind of a a red to blue gradient, and it ends up looking like the bi-flag.
Speaker: Yes. and And I often wonder, does he realize... Maybe not. I don't think he does. And I don't want to be the one to tell him because it's still a cool design. There you go. colors And it fits.
Speaker: It fits the theming and subject matter of his content, but it just is a happy accident. And I sit there giggling.
Speaker: Very nice. And, you know, using the pansexual label, I mean, maybe that's a good conversation starter as well. Like, put that in your profile, and maybe that is where you can start off the conversation. Like, what does that mean to you?
Speaker: In the end, yeah use the label you are most comfortable with. In the end, there can be only one.
Speaker: I'm sorry, I just flashed to Highlander there for a second. Hey, that's that's that's what I like about you. Flashing to Highlander. Yep. Every so often. All right.
Speaker: That is our mailbag episode for this week. But I encourage everybody listening out there to email us with a question, a comment, a preference on underwear, ah anything that you feel like talking about. We will totally listen and may talk about it on air as well. Or if you really don't want it to be talked about on air, you can tell us that too.
Speaker: ah But yeah, where can they send us their emails and messages? They can send those emails to podcast at bymanunfiltered.com. And like you said, if you okay if you're okay with us sharing it on the show, add okay for air. You can also...
Speaker: reach out to us on Facebook, Instagram threads, and X Twitter at by men unfiltered and on blue sky at by men unfiltered.com. And, uh, we haven't mentioned this before, but, uh, we occasionally prowl around Reddit under our by men unfiltered account or our individual accounts. Um,
Speaker: That's true. Yeah. Whenever we do an episode, there's usually a topic posted in the bisexual men subreddit. And you can usually find either myself or Grayson talking in that thread. Yes.
Speaker: Yes. Those are all of the places to find us. Our next episode, we're going to talk about our favorite bisexual characters in media. Should be an interesting topic.
Speaker: are. Yes, because there there are few that i I might have to... I will resist the urge to stand up on a soapbox about some of them.
Speaker: Indeed, yeah. And I've been watching yeah a couple new shows that have bi-characters in them, and we'll talk about all of that next week. But until then, i hope everybody has a good week, and see you later.
Speaker: So long. Thanks for listening. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Speaker: you
