Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Bi Men Unfiltered, a podcast for today's curious and bisexual man hosted by older, wiser bisexual men who were also once curious. From identity and relationships to dating, sex, community, and everything in between, nothing's off the table. Honest, authentic, and we're not afraid to get a little and NSFW or more than a little. No shame, no stereotypes, just real conversations. On today's episode, we are going to be talking about first encounters.
Speaker: Close encounters. First encounters of the, I was about to say, of the first kind, second kind, third kind. Of the same kind? Is that ah something? Maybe? i don't know.
Speaker: I used to know what those three levels were after Close Encounters came out. Yeah. Because I was a nerd. ah Oh, wait, that actually, that title means something? i had no idea. Yes.
Speaker: ah Yes. Hang hang on. I'm not enough of a nerd. Now I will look it up. yeah Okay. Okay. Okay. It's called the Hynek classification scale. It's like a real thing created by an astronomer named J. Allen Hynek, and he divided UFO sightings into different categories based on how close and detailed the and the event is.
Speaker: huh So the the first kind is seeing a UFO in the sky or at close range without leaving physical evidence. okay ah The second kind is a UFO sighting that leaves physical traces such as burned ground, broken trees, or physiological effects on witnesses.
Speaker: And the third kind is seeing a UFO alongside an animated entity, alien being, or pilot. Okay. There's only three, right? Not a fourth kind? Apparently so. Apparently so.
Speaker: ah I see. And that wasn't just constructed for the movie. No, no, it was not. I wonder if they're going to remake that movie. I mean, eventually they remake everything, but.
Speaker: ah Apparently there is a fourth. The fourth is an event where a human is reportedly abducted or taken aboard a craft or experiences a profound reality shift. Oh, I see. Okay.
Speaker: Hmm. But well, i a lot of people thought and I was kind of buying into it until I saw the movie that Spielberg's latest Disclosure Day was a stealth sequel. Oh, really? Close Encounters.
Speaker: Oh, interesting. I've not seen that one either. ah It is not a stealth sequel to Close Encounters, although there is one part of the movie where you're seeing a bunch of different footage of different... um you I guess what you would call Close Encounters.
Speaker: And it's not footage from Close Encounters, but it looks like it could be that setting at the base of Devil's Tower. So it's it's not connected to Close Encounters, but it would...
Speaker: it would not be out of place for it to be connected. Okay. and And I just scratched my nerd itch so hard.
Speaker: We should get going with what we have been up to. Some updates. Ooh, updates. What do we have to update? I'll go first. ah Go. Well, it's kind of like a disappointing update, really. I mean, last episode, I think I said that I was going to be visiting a bathhouse with my lady friend, and we postponed that plan due to some health issues that I had a few weeks ago. So thought it would be better to like take it easy during the weekend instead of go to a ah a bathhouse by event. So yeah, haven't done that yet, but we have rescheduled it for later. So hopefully we'll I'll be able to report back on that. Hopefully so. But other than that, I haven't really been up to any anything
Speaker: anything too amazing. I've just been taking it easy. What about you, Grayson? I am still boring. I'm still looking. um The guy that had to cancel the second meet that we had scheduled kind of last minute is going to be back in town in a few weeks, but I'm going to be out of town.
Speaker: No, curse you schedules. ah Yes. So, you know, it I was you know talking to him online the other day. He's like, yeah, you've just been busy. you know They've been sending me all over the place for work and I'm going to be here for like three weeks, but then I'm going to be back in your area ah after that. And I was like, oh, cool. And I pulled up the calendar. was like, oh, shit.
Speaker: yeah You'll be here, but I'll be gone. so Schedules not aligning. yeah No, they are not. I see. Well, I hope you can meet up again soon. Hopefully. And i would hope that hope that all of your searching is fruitful soon.
Speaker: Hopefully so. Hopefully so. Well, I think that means we are doing the word of the week. Word of the week.
Speaker: Yeah. So our word of the week this week, it's actually two words. Two words. Because really you have to you have to explain both words at the same time for really it to make any sense, right? So we're getting a bonus word.
Speaker: A bonus word, yes. the The words are cut and uncut, which you may see in profiles on dating apps or in descriptions of men online. And what what does cut and uncut mean, Grayson? Well...
Speaker: Does it mean I have cuts somewhere on my body or I've gone under the knife? It does not mean what I thought it meant the first time I heard these terms. Okay. Which i I was thinking still in terms of physique, but I was thinking like, oh you know, how they how they say like toned people are cut. Right.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was thinking. Okay. That makes sense. Yes. But I was wrong because cut is a circumcised penis and uncut is an uncircumcised penis.
Speaker: There it is. Yeah. Just lay it out just like that. I mean, it's been... Pretty simple, really? ah Sure. and So like the with that misunderstanding, the first time somebody asked me like, well, you know, i'm I am definitely not not chiseled. So no, I am uncut.
Speaker: I am not chiseled. No. So. Yes. Actually, we I guess we haven't discussed on this podcast which one, which, what we are.
Speaker: Are we cut or uncut? I am cut. As am I. Yeah. I think in the U S that's typically what you find. Yeah. Typically, especially with, uh, you know, white folks like ourselves ah to go ahead and stereotype ourselves. Yep.
Speaker: But, uh, but you know, you have no saying in it cause it's done when you're very, very young and, uh, yeah, kind of that's, that's the deal. Although I like being cut.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't mind it. I do, too. i I don't either. It's yeah I mean, i i don't have a frame of reference to compare. So, yeah, well, that's true. That's true. But have you run into uncut penises?
Speaker: I have. I have a not very many, ah shall we say, up close and personal. Sure. But I have, you know, both you in pictures and videos, but also in person. Just, you know, like we said, we've the odds of not if you've been to like going back at an episode or two to the JO clubs. Yep.
Speaker: You know, you're bound to run into. You're most likely going to see one. Yeah. Yeah. At least one uncut. Yeah. Do you have a preference? Do you like cut or uncut penises?
Speaker: I personally, I prefer cut because visually i like now being able to see the head.
Speaker: This is true. Although, you know, you can work the foreskin back and see the head on an uncut penis as well. You can, but i i just I like being able to see it full time because I find it i find it a very pleasurable sight to see.
Speaker: I'm right there with you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, i like both cut and uncut. like I don't really have a preference, ah but I also like to see the head. Although you get into things like docking. I don't know if you have, this is another word, bonus word, docking. It is sort of frotage thing where you use ah the other person's foreskin over your own ah penis and kind of play that way. And that can be pretty interesting too. I haven't had a ton of opportunity to do that, but I have heard good things. I have not had opportunity to do that.
Speaker: Yeah. I had someone chatting with online many, many years ago who kept saying, Oh, I want to do that. But you know we were not anywhere near the same location.
Speaker: Not geographically ah possible to do that. Right. Yes. Right. I see. And a bonus question, since we're talking about bonus words and everything, ah you know, down there, you often hear like ah ah sort of trimmed, shaved, or not at all ah hairy. Like, what what do you prefer? And I guess, what are you for the listeners? um So the listeners can imagine For science. Yes.
Speaker: um Preference wise, I don't have much of one, but I would say trimmed or shaved simply because simply for the same reason that I am. i So long story short, I trim the bush, shave the the balls.
Speaker: Okay. Because at one point I was looking at one picture that I had had plenty of positive response to that was a go-to for me to send out.
Speaker: And I looked at it and this was year this is like probably 15-ish years ago. Okay. I looked at it one day and i was like, oh my God, I wouldn't go down on that jungle.
Speaker: Why would I expect someone else to? And so i just I just started tidying things up down there a little more, which, you know, seemed to get a positive response in practice. So, okay. you okay few few Fewer stray hairs, if you will.
Speaker: Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I also, so I trim, i don't shave completely. i did only do that once where I like use a razor and then I got a horrible razor burn and it was very uncomfortable and decided I was never going to do that again. So now I just trim, i use like a beard trimmer and just trim instead. And that is perfect.
Speaker: And, i I actually, i mean, shaved is fine. i like there to be a little growth down there, a little and a little underbrush in the undercarriage.
Speaker: So when when it comes to men or women, I have this kind of weird way that I that i put it when the conversation has come up online in that I think...
Speaker: Hair down there is just like hair on people's heads. Some people can pull off different styles better than others can. That's true. Yeah.
Speaker: And so what looks really great on one person may look kind of odd on another may look out of place. So, yeah you know, I, that's why I say I don't have much of a preference, a strong preference, but you know, for practical reasons, trimmed and or shaved is.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yep. True, true story in college. My girlfriend and i once both completely shaved and, um, we could not grow back fast enough for either of us. Cause we were sitting in class going like, Oh my God, it itches. It itches. Oh my God. Yeah. And we were sitting there and just completely fidgeting in class. It's like you got ants in your pants.
Speaker: Yes. ah To be young and stupid again. Yeah, it's itchy if you shave it all the way down. But like trimming it, it's it's nice. It doesn't itch. yeah And yeah, i i I prefer that. Especially in like the summer months or even the winter months when I have to moisturize.
Speaker: I have to moisturize down there during the winter as well. The summer is when it's a hundred plus degrees outside yeah every day.
Speaker: I i was like, how, how did, how did I do with, how, how did I go completely natural for as many decades as I did?
Speaker: Right. Exactly. Yeah. Cause it gets hot down there. You have extra hair. Over your most intimate area. All right. Let's head to the main encounter. i mean, main topic. The first encounter, which is the fourth encounter, fifth encounter. No. um Yeah. So we have done episodes previously about finding a guy. And so I assume that you've found the guy or if you haven't listened to that episode, go back and listen to that now and come back.
Speaker: And assuming, of course, that you did a vibe check just because that is always good to do with a new potential partner. And i wanted to talk about first encounters.
Speaker: So Grayson. Oh boy. Your your first same-sex encounter. i think you talked a little bit about it ah in yeah yeah your story. So it was more, I think it was more impromptu, right? Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, I mean, in hindsight, as other people have said, probably not on his part. Right. Yeah. It was just, you know, watching porn and both getting worked up and. And you're whipping it out.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. But what about first encounter with somebody that you had not already like ah established a relationship with in terms of like first buddy encounter? Like, this person is coming over and we're going to strip down and and do this.
Speaker: So that that was early-ish days of the internet. Mm-hmm. And that was going to a porn theater. Yeah. and And meeting there and the entire time, even, and this is like even no smartphones, no webcams.
Speaker: So it's like, okay, I'm going to be wearing this. What are you going to be wearing so that we can identify one another? Yeah. And also because you did it at an adult theater, then you don't have to like clean the house or like put some blankets down or right have a towel at the ready or anything like that. Like meeting at this sort of neutral place makes that a little bit easier. Yeah. Or or have the anxiety of, oh my God, this person's going to know where I live.
Speaker: Right. Yeah. Which is another thing. Yeah. You kind of skipped over that part. Yeah. There's no nerves for that. Or if he ghosts, it's not a big deal because. Yeah.
Speaker: You're at this place and he either shows or doesn't. I nearly ghosted because we were going to meet in like the magazine and video section. And as I walked in, he was already there and you know identified by what he was wearing. Yeah.
Speaker: And he was looking at, you know, a magazine video, something. I don't remember, but his back was to me. And the entire time of the walking, i was like, oh my God, am I really doing this? Oh my God. Am I really doing this? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Speaker: Yeah. You could just turn and walk away now. You could turn it and walk right now that you you you could walk away. You could delete that particular AOL profile that you use for all of your dirty stuff. You know, just...
Speaker: You could turn away, but I didn't. so Okay. But yeah, nerves were through the roof. um even Even now, a first encounter with someone new can still be nerve-wracking because even if you've talked online for quite a while,
Speaker: you've done a vibe check. Yep. Um, it's still kind of nerve wracking because you you're about to, you know, crossover from, i guess you, okay, this would be really cool to, okay, now we're doing it.
Speaker: Now we're doing this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have any questions in your head once you got to that bookstore and once you were about to do this thing? Other than i could leave right now, I could just delete all my accounts and be the wiser.
Speaker: Um, kind of ah be given the setting of that one. How is this going to work? Yeah. Cause it was hey quote unquote public place.
Speaker: Yeah. And so that yeah we, we went into the theater and I think I might've mentioned this in my story that, yeah, there, there were house lights on very dimly.
Speaker: hmm. But they felt like spotlights. Where we were sitting was more or less directly underneath one. And I know it wasn't very bright. It was just bright enough that you could see.
Speaker: Sure. Because they they know what everybody's doing in there. Right. Exactly. No. No. He went ahead and unzipped and took it out.
Speaker: I didn't. Okay. Because like I said, I, it felt like a spotlight and you know, we, so he made the first move and did you, do you know if this was the first time he had met up with anybody or was this, I don't, I don't know. A more regular thing for him.
Speaker: Okay. I don't know. Um, and he, he played with himself a little bit. Mm-hmm. And, you know, again, i I felt like this was just like the bat signal right on us.
Speaker: Right, right. So I'm like, I'm just going to say, I'm going to like, ah I'm going to watch him. And we did, we left there and we did go to an empty house that he had access to.
Speaker: And again, The whole drive there, I'm like, this dude could be an ex-murderer for all I know. Right. This is why women don't do this.
Speaker: but Yes. ah But. Eat for sex in the same way. Yeah. Once we got there, it was a little less nerve wracking, but you know there there's still that whole, like you know this is the first time doing anything with this person.
Speaker: So yeah, we've talked about stuff that we're we're into, what we like and all of that, but talking about it is different than practice.
Speaker: Completely. Yeah. I feel like you can talk a lot of things in chat and then after you actually meet in person, it's almost like a reset. You have to kind of forget what you've already talked about. Like if there's been some bawdy talk or hot talk or whatever, like once you're actually in front of somebody, it's like, okay, now you're you're real. We have to like wind it back just a little bit.
Speaker: to go forward i'm here with a person, not a, not a screen. Right. Exactly. It's like, I, there, there was, there was one instance where, um I had, I had gone to, um a, a different jack off group and kind of hit it off with one of the guys there. He invited me over ah at a later date to his place where we could go, you know, beyond the, uh,
Speaker: the rules of the group sure i'm talking this big game like oh yeah you know i'm you i i'm a nudist so you as soon as i get in the door in the door i'm just gonna strip down blah blah blah did i do that hell no
Speaker: It sounds better in your mind when you're chatting. Well, isn because you you get there and it's like, okay, I just walked into this person's home. So what? I'm going to just get immediately naked.
Speaker: Is that the polite thing to do now i'm right I'm just going to start unbuttoning my shirt and pants here. Yeah, right. So in the foyer.
Speaker: so you know, i you it it it took a little bit of of a warm up there, but it's always, okay, how is how is this going to go? I know what we've talked about. I know what we've agreed to do.
Speaker: But how are things going to go? we did Is one or both of us going to be exceedingly nervous? You know what? What's going to happen here? Right.
Speaker: Yeah. And that doesn't go away when you're meeting new people, like from the first time to dozens. if you've yeah met people dozens of times, like the first meeting is always nerve wracking. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: For real. Mine was a little bit different. i lived with my parents at the time and my brother had his own place. And so my brother had like, uh, recruited me to watch his apartment.
Speaker: And I was like, Oh, okay, this is good because now I will have a place that I could go. yeah. if I were to meet with somebody. So I had been chatting, i think on AOL also, this is like early days of an internet.
Speaker: So I decided to meet the person for like a quick vibe check at a restaurant that or a bar that was like nearby. And this again was non-smartphone days, like...
Speaker: Couldn't get a message on your phone or anything like that. So we had exchanged phone numbers. And he ended up calling me while I was in the drive-thru ATM, like getting some money out.
Speaker: And I was like fumbling for the phone that actually looked kind of like a brick. It was just like a huge cell phone, like flipping the thing open and then having to hit like accept on it. And the ATM machine ate my card.
Speaker: It ate my card, and i didn't get any money either because I had left it too long, apparently, while I was trying to fumble with the phone. and so now See, the most unforgivable thing about that is that you just hit one of my linguistic pet peeves.
Speaker: Oh, what's that, the ATM machine? Yes. What's the M stand for, Sam? Machine. The ATM machine. The automated teller machine machine. Yeah. Yes.
Speaker: Sorry. That just, i i I, I get it. I get it. That that would hit me too, but I did it anyway. Local DJ hell for that one time.
Speaker: They, he said it on air and they had a thing at the time where you could text into the studio and I texted in and I was like, Jagger, what does the M stand for? And he read it on air and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
Speaker: Amazing. Amazing. ah So I ended up meeting that guy ah for a drink and then we went back to my brother's apartment and ah we had like ah agreed upon what we were going to do. So was mainly ah jacking off and maybe oral if the mood struck.
Speaker: Right. So we did end up doing oral as well. And ah yeah, nerves off the charts completely. But ah it ended up working out.
Speaker: The other thing I wanted to ask is post-nut clarity. So now you've had that first meeting. How are you feeling? For me, anyway, I felt guilt, shame. Like...
Speaker: uh overdoing this like because you know i had these desires i at this point i knew i was bisexual but it was still like is this really is this really me is this really like what i want or desire and so that was a bit of post nut uh clarity and shame. And of course, like I went home where I lived with my parents at the time. Cause I was only like 18 or 19 and, ah I felt like they were going to know,
Speaker: even even though there was no way for them to know. so yeah And this was before a time when like my brother could have had like cameras in his apartment or anything like that while I was house-sitting to see anything that happened there. So, yeah, anyway.
Speaker: See, i I've never really felt guilty or shame or anything. More, it's like... okay, now that this is done, do we chit chat for a little bit and decompress or does this guy want me the hell out of here or, or yeah what's the aftercare Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. and So what, you know, I, I personally have no issue. just you know, we, we have clearly established that I, I don't give a damn who sees me naked for the most part.
Speaker: So it's like, okay, you know, I'm not feeling a huge need to hued do that stereotypical movie post-sex thing and immediately grab clothes and pull them on.
Speaker: Right. Because for the most part, I spend most of my time without clothes on. so Right, right, right. I kind of leave it up to the partner, like let them set the tone with that. yeah I had a friend with benefits where right after it was over, they would get up, grab a towel, throw me a towel, and then immediately put their clothes back on. So it was like, okay, I guess we are wrapping this up and it is time to say goodbye.
Speaker: kind of thing yeah but i i kind of let the other person if if i'm feeling it i guess there's also that like if i want to stick around or or not yeah i generally like let uh well and whoever's hosting even kind of set the tone even if i'm not super feeling it it's like do i want to be that rude guy who okay well i just busted my nut so yeah okay i'm i'm gone bye That's the stereotypical guy thing, though, right? like Yeah.
Speaker: You come and go, just like the ah the chain of convenience stores in the Midwest. that's That's just you know not necessarily me.
Speaker: Right, yeah. so it's like, you know if if all I wanted to do was get off, I have a hand. Yeah. but So that's where the biggest degree of awkwardness comes in because yeah, there's nerves going in but yeah, we're going in for the same reason. That's right. right one But once everything is done, it's like,
Speaker: Okay, and now what? Yeah. Because, you know, okay, we screwed. We screwed around. What now? yeah Shall I go? or right I mean, I'm not expecting flowers or anything, but, you know, are we going to be normal about this or is it going to be weird?
Speaker: This is true. on the first time with any new partner, it's a little it's always a little weird. Yeah. Then hopefully like you get the vibes from the other person and, and as hes write you, I, if you're developing a kind of friends with benefits type thing.
Speaker: Yeah. You, you develop the pattern of, okay, here's what, what we both kind of expect. Yeah. Before, during and after. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's something to discuss beforehand too. Like after the vibe check, i well, you could even do it before the vibe check, I guess. Like the what are you into conversation and the sort of what are your boundaries? And I think if you are a new person if you're new to bisexuality, if you're new to exploring same-sex encounters, ah and you're also meeting up with somebody who is also new to it, you definitely want to discuss those kinds of things. ah You know, what kind of...
Speaker: play is okay. And I don't know that you have to go so far as to do like a safe word, but, uh, personally it's one of those things where, you know, if there, if anyone crosses the line, like feel free to stop their hand or stop, stop them. Right.
Speaker: Yeah. In terms of experience level, like if you're new and the person you're meeting up with is new to it to expect some fumbling, like it's okay. Or if you're new to it and the person you're meeting up with is very experienced, maybe you want to tell them that maybe you don't need to like,
Speaker: depending on what you're going to do together, of course, like if you're jumping straight to having penetrative anal sex or something, then maybe you want to have...
Speaker: discussion that you're completely new to it because whether you are a top or a bottom like if you're completely new and don't know what you're doing or have only learned about it from watching porn you may have a little bit of a skewed view of what all of that entails no pun intended yeah What? You you mean it it's not real life isn't like in porn where everything just you know fits in everywhere at a moment's notice?
Speaker: Right. There's no discussion to be had beforehand. Yeah. I would also say, so when you post and so ah something like a profile on an app, or if you're looking on Sniffies or Grindr or something like that, there will ultimately be the who is going to host discussion.
Speaker: maybe it's nobody's hosting and you're meeting at an adult bookstore or a hotel or something like that. Or in your car, there are people who do CarPlay, which... I've never, well, I shouldn't say I've never done it once. Okay. Twice.
Speaker: ah Twice in my late forties. And it was fun. But anyway, um yeah, you may want to prepare. The idea of CarPlay always makes me think of,
Speaker: ah This old, old song that I heard on Dr. Demento called Making Love in a Subaru. And it it's all about how uncomfortable it is because it's a cramped space and ah you know the the controls and everything are sticking everywhere. always feel around the steering wheel.
Speaker: There seems to be so much that we can do. i'm I'm unfortunately tall, so CarPlay doesn't always work out ah that great for me. It did, i guess, the two times that I did it.
Speaker: but It worked out well enough, at least. That well enough. In terms of hosting, like if you were the one hosting, you might want to think about preparations. You know, do you need to grab a hand towel or two?
Speaker: Maybe like a bottled water or something. Is this going to be the kind of encounter where you're expecting just to mutually jack off to porn? you know Then maybe that's something you set up beforehand and you have a playlist of scenes ready to go.
Speaker: ah That's something to talk about beforehand as well, whether that's needed or not. Some guys need that. I ran into one guy on... sniffies that was like, okay, what what porn are you going to have playing? And i was like, I was not thinking about having any porn playing.
Speaker: So I had to like very quickly load up Pornhub and find some... scenes that we could play on the tv while we were playing for him than me even and even doing that what what genre what flavor that's also true yeah because you know what if what you pick isn't their their jam you know isn't their bag Yeah. If it's only going to be you jacking off together, are you going to jack off to straight porn or do would they rather have lesbian porn or specific types of ah penetration or they want to see some transgender porn or something like that? Like, yeah, you definitely should ah talk about that and clear it up beforehand.
Speaker: Yeah, and I mean, in that respect, it's not much different than any other movie night that you plan with friends. Right, it's basically planning a movie night with friends. Although bodily fluids may be involved in this case.
Speaker: Well, I mean, think about it. If if you're planning a movie night in October, when we're when this episode is dropping, it's are you Is everybody expecting a horror movie or are you counter-programming?
Speaker: right The same kind of thing. And if it is a horror movie, different people have different tastes and tolerances of horror movies. Yeah. you're like Someone might be good with, say, um you know a more suspense thriller horror movie like The Sixth Sense,
Speaker: Whereas they're not going to be good with an evil dead movie. Right. and And if they walk in and you've got Evil Dead running, know, but there's yeah i I say that to you make the point that it's the same kind of principle. If you're you want to make sure that the entertainment is matching the tastes of everybody that's in the room.
Speaker: Right. And if you're hosting, you want to be a good host to your guest, make them feel comfortable and at home. Maybe you are going to be playing on a sofa in front of a TV. It might be a good idea to put a blanket down just in case.
Speaker: Like if you are going to be naked and you don't know the hygiene of the other person, it could be just a ah good idea to have that yeah at the ready. And I mean, that that kind of thing is is standard default for me. you I jokingly refer to it as the nudist courtesy butt towel.
Speaker: yeah Absolutely. Yeah. Also, are are you going to be cleaned and bathed? God, I hope so. i mean, there are some guys out there, you may run into this, that love the kind of smell of guys that are unshowered.
Speaker: And there are people who are really into pits. I'm not into pits, but I have run into men who are and want to like really get in there and so and sniff. And ah I'm like, oh, I'm not really, I'm not into that. But you go, you go ahead.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Uh, if you're going to be doing any sort of like close kissing or anything, you might want to, you know, brush teeth, mouthwash, mints, have some things at the ready just in case.
Speaker: Always a good, always a good plan. Yes. All right. First moves. They're, they're in the door. First moves for, for me, if I'm hosting, i like to make the first move. Although the first move doesn't,
Speaker: varies depending on who it is and what we're going to do. ah And sometimes I don't make the first move, which I i chalk that up to nerves as well. But ah yeah, you know, like you say your pleasantries. Hello.
Speaker: oh isn't the weather outside and great? Or, oh, it's getting too cold. Come over here. Let me warm you up. In December, oh, the weather outside is frightful.
Speaker: The fire is so delightful. And it helps to have one of those like ah fireplace things on the TV when you when you say that. yes And since we've no place to go, no one will be looking for your body. What? no
Speaker: And that's when the other guy runs out the door. Yes. Makes the cartoon like dashing sound and then splits.
Speaker: and And create makes a hole in the door in the shape of his body. Exactly. Yeah. So yeah I mean, a lot of it term is determined by what you are going to do. Like if you begin with a hug or a kiss, or is that not something that the person you're meeting up with wants at all? There are some men who are just feeling they're by desires and all they want is to play with a penis and that is all they're going to want do. so a hug or a kiss probably out it maybe out of the question here,
Speaker: And maybe you've got the porn already playing if that's ah going to be a thing that you do together or you want to go ahead and unbuckle your belt and pants and kind of let it ah let it all out.
Speaker: Personally, I like to not strip all the way down at the beginning. I like a little, I don't know, tease and a little clothed body contact if if that's a thing. But yeah, and through all of this, you should feel empowered to check in with your partner. Like, is this okay? Is that okay? If something...
Speaker: is gonna feel good or you get the vibe that maybe they're not feeling it then you know read the room and try to act accordingly yep All right.
Speaker: So you're both naked. You got your dicks out. And this is a sort of stroking kind of situation. If you've never touched a penis, you've probably touched your own.
Speaker: So you probably know what feels pretty good. And although it it is different because the angle is different, ah touching somebody else's dick than your own. Yes. So you may have, there may be a little bit of a learning curve there, but you've already had experience touching yourself. You probably know how to make another person's penis feel pretty good. Yeah. I'm just guessing. Yeah.
Speaker: Maybe, hopefully. ah One thing that the the first time that I did, one of the things that I found, and this is why we why we brought up even jacking each other off,
Speaker: Was you don't even know at a subconscious level what kind of motion is going to come next, which yeah makes it a little ah intense, I guess, is the best word. It makes it a little more intense yeah because...
Speaker: you When you're playing with yourself, whether you're thinking consciously, okay, I'm going to go do this next, your body and your mind are working together so you kind of know what to expect.
Speaker: Yeah. And there's that extra layer of taken away of that. when you're playing with somebody else, which, which can occasionally be overwhelming.
Speaker: if you are touching someone or they're touching you and they don't know, they they can't know how you are feeling the, at that exact moment.
Speaker: I feel like being vocal is good and just yeah like sharing whether it's feeling good. um if they need to stop for a second, like yeah having being empowered to take those breaks. Like, I don't think you want to come too quick.
Speaker: No. And also like reading cues and being able to like sort out the sounds the other person is making and also just how their dick is feeling. And, you know,
Speaker: Sometimes you can tell when someone's about to come. Sometimes you can't. And it's it's good to stay communicative throughout the whole thing. Yeah, I have no problem saying, hey, I i need you to to stop for a second.
Speaker: Yeah, because I'm getting I'm getting close and I'm not ready yet because I'm having too much fun. Yeah, exactly. That's a good way to put it i hear You are so hot, you're getting me to the edge and we have to back off for a second.
Speaker: And I would hope that they would feel comfortable enough saying the same to me. they were bundle of nerves,
Speaker: if they were still bundle of nerves Up until that point, hopefully me saying that, if they didn't already feel comfortable enough to communicate, hopefully that will allow you know give them that final thumbs up to, ah yes, tell me. Tell me what is good. tell me what Tell me to you know pause for a minute. you know Whatever. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: tell me Tell me to not pause because... damn it, I need to come now. you know Right. That's the other thing. Yeah. If you need a sort of rhythmic pleasure, if you need to be faster, like you should say all of those things.
Speaker: Let's move on from stroking to oral sex. Yes, please. Let's say, i let's say you have never been confronted with a dick.
Speaker: What do you do? i'm I'm also guessing, similar to stroking, that you probably know what you what you yourself like in that department.
Speaker: And it's pretty easy enough to so at least start at the level that you know you like. Maybe they'll like that too. So the first time I went down on a guy...
Speaker: I had not been with a girl yet. So I was flying blind ah okay in terms of going down on him. Ah, all right.
Speaker: And now apparently, Apparently, you know, what my instincts were, were good.
Speaker: ah At the same time, I can say with 100% certainty from experience that he did a very good job of copying his girlfriend's technique.
Speaker: Okay. There you go.
Speaker: Or, of course, if you've watched any amount of porn, you can yeah also try that. although Yeah, you can get an idea of what to do. Just you know remember that that is not a how-to manual. That is optimized for camera angles and the viewer's pleasure.
Speaker: Correct. Over time, i have learned that it is not a sprint. It is a marathon more. Yes. I always sort of treated oral sex as i this is like the moment when I want them to to come.
Speaker: And I haven't like savored the moment as much. And I think it is worth savoring that moment. And yeah.
Speaker: Personally, I like a lot of head work. I think that is good. Shaft work with the hand. I think the hand is actually like the the blowjobs secret weapon because you use the hand in addition to the mouth.
Speaker: And that's very, very good for me personally. Like I know in porn and a lot of people have the desire to be deep throated.
Speaker: i like, Anyone who is performing oral on me, they don't have to deep throat me. Like, that is not like... I just... I don't necessarily get anything out of that. I would much rather you pay attention to the head than try to stuff my dick in your mouth balls deep. Like...
Speaker: Yes. Like I, same here. Part of it is if you do have a gag reflex and I'm going to like hear that, or like have your muscles tense up that, that just kind of takes me out of it a little bit at that moment. And I don't need you to do that.
Speaker: It's not necessary for me. Although then when I'm performing oral and it depends on, it depends a lot on size, i do I end up doing deep throating because I kind of like it at the same time. So I just said, yeah, you don't need to do that on me, but I'm going to do that.
Speaker: Probably, depending ah on the size of the endowment. Like, ah you know, it depends. i generally, if if you ah aren't that girthy, if you're nice and thin, i can deep throw no problem.
Speaker: And that's fun. But githier the girthier it gets, the more difficult is. that is to do and that's fine too i i still enjoy working the head working the shaft and of course you want to pay some attention to balls as well don't forget that yes do do not uh i i will be the first to say that when i am with another man oral is my favorite thing to do oh okay yeah
Speaker: yeah i I love giving head. ah is I think part of it is one of those things that it's one of the few things that can be done only with another man that I can't do with a woman.
Speaker: Yeah. I can get oral from either. can penetrate either. Mm-hmm. penetrate either I, know, pretty much everything else that i can think of can be done with either. Right.
Speaker: But you know, if I want to suck a dick, then, know, for the most part, that's where I got to go. and you're going to have fun. yeahp Let's talk about teeth because that of course is something you have to worry about as well. And again, kind of depending on how big a dick you are working with, it can be very easy to kind of wrap your lips around your teeth or it can be a little more challenging to do that.
Speaker: And hey, some people apparently like teeth. I'm not one of those people. Yeah. And I haven't met any of those people. so
Speaker: So i I think sooner or later, a degree of at least incidental you teeth contact. That's going to happen.
Speaker: It's going to happen. yeah But at the same time, I'm not sitting here like you gnawing on you a beef jerky or something. no. no Although, hey, maybe if some people like that, sure.
Speaker: And then of course, kink shaming. It's just no no kink shaming at all. you You want to not forget about the balls and you may want to give those a lick. You may want to play it with those with your hand. i like that.
Speaker: ah And then we should, of course, talk about the ejaculation, the orgasm. our Have you already agreed whether you are going to swallow or not? Because that is important too, because hopefully the person that you are giving oral sex to is going to tell you when they're coming.
Speaker: And you have either said, yes, I want to swallow. like if they're telling you that you're close and you're going to keep going with it in your mouth, like that is sort of like a green light go That it is okay then. Yeah.
Speaker: to come in your mouth versus I'd rather have that on my chest or on my face or somewhere else. Right. Right. Yep. That, that's, that is definitely, I have found you something that you absolutely want to get established way in advance.
Speaker: yeah Don't, you know, it, don't leave it is quite the moment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, don't be like, oh, by the way, here I come. Yeah. you know and assume that they are good with it.
Speaker: Right, yeah. Actually, i was at a an all-man's party event at ah at a house and was playing with a guy that really liked to give oral, and he wanted his face fucked. Right.
Speaker: And which I'm not really that person. Like, I don't like to be rough with people in general. Yeah. But he wanted that. And so I, ah I obliged and I thought that meant it was a green light to go ahead. And that's what he wanted.
Speaker: Like he, he didn't mind, mind if I came in his mouth. and But that was not the case. He did not want that. And so I apologized after all. i I'm so sorry. like i i didn't know that you didn't want that because we had been going half hour. Yeah.
Speaker: a half hour And I thought that's what he wanted. And it turned out not. And I was very apologetic, but that's a reminder to me that I should always communicate, Hey, I am going to come.
Speaker: And with my dick in your mouth, that means you might want to take it out if you're not ready to swallow. So, right. Exactly. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Do we want to talk if if if we swallow? i swallow. i do. i and i enjoy it. generally do not. Yeah.
Speaker: And that is more a matter of those formative years with my roommate. That was one of those hard and fast lines in the sand.
Speaker: Yeah, I could see that. and And so that set, that that being my my first real you bisexual male sex experience, that kind of set my my default settings, if you will.
Speaker: Okay. Yeah. And so, and then when you go from that and then it is years before you do anything with another guy and this is not someone that you know as well as someone you've known since high school, someone you've known for five, six years.
Speaker: Yeah. Then it's like, okay, this could be like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Yeah. So let's just take that off the table, shall we?
Speaker: Okay. that's That's good to know. So you like giving oral, but you don't want to swallow. Right. Now, that is not to say that it has never crossed my mind and never been something, never been or is, for that matter, something that I am conceptually interested in. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: But then as we as the opportunity arises, those default settings click in. Right. Yeah. So I think there's also a bit of post not clarity involved, at least for me, if I have already come, then i am less inclined to swallow.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. And I've, I've tried to condition by say, you know, trying my own. m And it's ah it's a matter of while I am in the process of jerking off, it's like, okay, yeah, this time.
Speaker: This is going to be hot. Yes. And then you're like, yeah no, i'm good. This is going to be the time. Yeah. And and as soon as I finish, okay, you know what? No, next time. Yeah. No, I'm like that too. And it's so funny because, yeah, I do swallow with other men. And when it comes to swallowing my own, if I have it in my hand or something, I'm like, no, I'm okay. I'm good.
Speaker: Now, i I would like to think that um you when and if I should happen to find the ever-elusive, ongoing, semi-regular, regular friend with benefits as that comfort level establishes, then like, okay, you know this is this is not someone that I've only met two, three times.
Speaker: Right. this This is someone ongoing. I kind of know what their situation is outside of when we get together. So I'm not saying never, but I am saying that default settings are a hell of a thing.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. I have default settings also because for me, if i'm meeting with a new person, it's only side activities. We are not going to do any sort of penetrative anything. like But that may change after we have...
Speaker: met a few times and gotten a comfort level, developed some kind of connection, then i might be interested in more. And that just kind of develops from there for me personally.
Speaker: Right. Of course, there are people who want to dive right into the deep end and go into anal on a first encounter. And I just have one question for you. Are you really going to do that on your first encounter? Really?
Speaker: That doesn't seem like a great Yeah. No, no, I don't think so. I mean, there are, there are men who, especially among the cruising scene, know, cruising parks or public places, like that's part of it for them. And okay. More power to you on that front, but I am not interested in that, uh, personally.
Speaker: So the other thing I wanted to bring up is kissing. Because that is a very intimate thing. i you know I talked in my story about how it wasn't until I was at a Jackoff Club event and somebody asked me ah that I actually kissed another man.
Speaker: And it's a very intimate thing. It's more intimate than having penis in your mouth, oddly enough, because it feels different. Yeah. Yes, it it is ingrained in us, built up in us through cultural osmosis, through media, through interaction with others, that that is a more...
Speaker: Intimate, romantic, this is someone that I'm going to be with for the long haul activity. Yeah. And if you don't have if you are bisexual but heteroromantic, maybe you are not interested in kissing at all.
Speaker: And hopefully that is another one of those things that you've communicated beforehand. I did have a friend with benefits that we met up maybe three or four times with no kissing. And then I just asked him like, Hey, would you be cool if we kissed also and did a little more foreplay ish stuff. And it turns out he was cool with that, but I ended up asking about it after it just didn't, didn't happen the first few times that we got together.
Speaker: Yeah. your Story that I think I've teased on here, but I don't know if I've told the whole thing. ah i was meeting up or maybe I did. Did I tell this already, Grayson? Did I tell the story about me making that guy cry?
Speaker: um I can't remember if you told it on air or not. on air off there I'll tell it again.
Speaker: So I was so a female friend with benefits that I was ah playing with had another male partner who was interested in a threesome.
Speaker: And we all kind of discussed it. And we decided, hey, we'll meet for dinner and do the vibe check thing. And their schedule, scheduling this whole thing between the three of us was very difficult. And we ended up having to wait like a couple of weeks to do it.
Speaker: But we met for a vibe check and that went really well. And this guy had been texting my female friend with all kinds of dirty things that he was going to do to me and wanted to do and explore. And he had never been with a man before, but was really turned on by the thought.
Speaker: So we did the vibe check and the vibe check was good. And then we ended up going back to his apartment and ah we were sitting on the bed, kind of all, you know, not really in a pile, but just sitting on the end of the bed kissing each other and that was super hot and my lady friend had this smile on her face like she was just let loose in a candy store with
Speaker: unlimited ah gift card or something. Like she was really digging it. And I leaned over and kissed him. And at first, like it seemed fine.
Speaker: Like he was fine with that. And then he excused himself. And keep in mind, everybody still has their clothes on. He excused himself and went to the bathroom. So I was talking with my lady friend and it was like, okay, he's been in there for two minutes, five minutes, seven minutes. Is he ever coming down?
Speaker: And he finally did come out of the bathroom and sat down and he said, like, I don't think I'm okay with this. And it was the kiss. And he started crying.
Speaker: And he said the kiss had unlocked some past trauma that he hadn't realized was there. And it just killed the whole thing for him.
Speaker: And I realized in that moment that even though he was texting, with my lady friend all of this dirty stuff that he wanted to do including kissing right uh that i shouldn't have like led with that or e maybe even like gone there maybe i should have like checked in more verbally and made sure that he was okay with it he may have been okay with he may have said okay but then still ended up still been overwhelmed. Yeah.
Speaker: But it would have been a good thing to communicate. And then that just like killed the entire vibe of the whole thing. And we never ended up doing anything. And, uh, but I made a guy cry after I kissed him.
Speaker: that was It was job saying good job a fun thing. Right. I know my kiss makes Ben cry.
Speaker: yeah
Speaker: I'm going to put that on a t-shirt. Yes. Hey, we should make merch and it can say that can be one of them. but Absolutely.
Speaker: I think that is all for our first encounter episode. Is there anything we missed that we should go back and talk about? kryson I can't think of anything. I think we covered it all that we had had down to go over.
Speaker: Oh, there's one more thing, I guess, with the but with the oral sex blowjob thing. We did kind of touch on face fucking. And that is something that might also be something you communicate. Because if you are new at oral sex and then the guy wants to, like, jackhammer your mouth,
Speaker: maybe that's like not the greatest thing. Like, unless you're into that, I suppose, which some people totally are and that's cool. But if you are not, that might be something, ah you know, to get up, up front. Or if you're totally cool with that, then ask for it.
Speaker: Yeah. I did not my thing. Or my thing? No? um i guess it depends. like with ah With a partner I know, I might be into that. But if I have never played with you before, then probably not.
Speaker: ah I suppose that could play into it. With with me, it's a matter of ah the the one time that it did happen. I couldn't breathe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: There is that. I couldn't and I'm going to paint a real pretty picture here, everybody. i couldn't breathe. Snot was running out of my nose because and I was like, and no, no, we're done with that.
Speaker: done with this and it's like yeah i i'm not sure i even want to go back to the way i was sucking your dick before because now i just you know i have snot all down my face and in my facial hair and yeah this is gross It's not nearly as cool as they make it look in porn. Which I don't think it looks all that cool there either. No, I don't either, actually. ah
Speaker: Yeah. ah Well, i hope this has helped a few men out there with their first encounter and given you some things to think about, you know, whether you're hosting, not hosting, uh, the kinds of things you want to negotiate beforehand and talk about and make sure everyone's cool with.
Speaker: But we definitely want to hear how your first encounter went. And you can, of course, reach out to us at At podcast at by men unfiltered.com. all right.
Speaker: ah I went full radio voice. Excellent. Yeah, we want to hear you about your first encounter, your nerves, what kind of questions you had in your mind, like is there anything we didn't cover.
Speaker: it would be awesome to hear all of that. And we've we've got a mailbag episode coming up right after this one next week where we're going to answer some questions and topics that we have already received via email. So Uh, you can send us questions. You can send us stories. You can tell us about your favorite toys or your favorite, uh, your favorite way to perform a blow job. That's fine too. email that to us at podcast at by men unfiltered.com or you can reach to us out on socials. And what, where do they get all of that? Grayson.
Speaker: They can follow us on Facebook, Instagram, threads, and X, Twitter, whatever it's being called this week, at BuyMenUnfiltered, all one word, or on BlueSky at BuyMenUnfiltered.com. So anything awkward, amazing, unexpected, great, awful, spill the tea for us.
Speaker: yes and if you have a story to tell and you want to just tell it to us that's fine or if it's okay for air you can add okay for air on your story on the yarn that you've spun and we will yes either read it or not all right i think that means it's time to go away for another week but next week we've got like i just said a mailbag episode so you'll want to tune in for that Yes, tune in and we will go over the mail.
Speaker: We will maybe have some fun stories, some feedback. Maybe so. And I'll be my usual unhinged, non sequitur self.
Speaker: I'm counting on it. Yes. All right. Until then, everybody, goodbye. Bye.
