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Episode 8: How to Overcome Anger
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Transcript
Introduction to Root Like Faith
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi, I'm Ruth Schwank and I'm so thrilled you're listening in with us at Root Like Faith. It is our deepest desire to encourage and equip men and women to be rooted in God's word, transformed by the love of Jesus and moved by his mission in the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is more important.
Continuation on Anger Discussion
00:00:21
Speaker
On today's episode of Root Like Faith, we are continuing the conversation that we started last week about anger.
00:00:29
Speaker
Last week was so good, so I can't wait to continue this. Let's go. Well, last week we talked about anger and we answered the questions, what is it? Is all anger bad? What is making us so angry as a culture? So if you haven't had a chance to listen, be sure that you go back to last week's episode and start there. And we'll make sure that we put the link in the show notes.
Practical Approaches to Managing Anger
00:00:55
Speaker
So this week, what we're doing is we're getting really practical, which you know is my very favorite. So we're getting really practical when it comes to anger. Like, can we actually do anything about it? Can we change? You know, what's really interesting to me is over the last 10 years in online ministry, there is a couple of topics that I would call hot topics that whenever we bring them up, whenever we write about them or talk about them, a lot of people respond. And one of those, I would actually
00:01:23
Speaker
say the top one is anger. And that just tells me that there are a lot of us that really struggle with anger. And I think what we want is we want to learn how to overcome it. Can we actually change? And I know, I know, know, know it's a struggle. So that's what we want to talk about
Everyday Triggers of Anger
00:01:41
Speaker
today. Are there practical ways that we can overcome anger in our life? And you know, OK, as we get started, I'm just going to be really real here.
00:01:51
Speaker
You know, some things can really irritate me. I wouldn't say I'm like this explosive angry person because I know there's people that struggle in that way. I'm more like things can really kind of irritate me. Like when we get home from somewhere and the dog is barking nonstop and the kids are trying to ask me a question and the house looks way messier than I remember when I left. I don't even know whose household you're talking about right now.
00:02:18
Speaker
Is that ours? I, you know, I'm just actually, as I'm talking, realizing that that is becoming angrier. I feel angry right now. No, that that's one of the things that probably brings out my irritation and anger is when things feel chaotic. Like when things, when the house is a mess, that really bothers me and I'm not even a perfectionist, but there's, I think we can recognize there's things in our life that kind of make us angry. But anyways, we're going to talk about that.
Personal Experiences with Anger
00:02:46
Speaker
That's good to know. I'm so glad we're doing this podcast. I'm learning so much more about you every single episode. Okay, so I want to know, honey, I'm going to ask you this question and I'm asking you. Why am I getting nervous all of a sudden? And you have to be completely 100% honest, okay? Over this past week, was there anything that you felt really angry about?
00:03:09
Speaker
Wow. Boy, nothing like putting me on the spot. Yeah, nothing like getting really vulnerable here with our people. You know, I feel like I've really, I've had quite a streak here lately. Like a good streak. Yeah, I was going to say that could be bad or good. Okay, good streak. Okay. I don't know how long that streak will last, but I feel like I'm really, I'm really got a good streak. You're onto something. I'm onto something. But no, I think you're right. I think everybody struggles with anger in different ways and at different times. Of course, we talked about this in episode one, like most of our
00:03:38
Speaker
struggle is with unrighteous anger, not righteous anger. Okay, honey. And I'll get to it. I'm not
Anger in a Stressful World
00:03:44
Speaker
deflecting. You're trying to avoid the question? I promise I'm not deflecting, but you know, everybody's, and we struggle in very real ways. I mean, we live in a fallen world. There's great disappointment. There's great hurt. We're, we're send against. I mean, there's all sorts of, I mean, just think about
00:03:57
Speaker
the world we're living in right now with the pandemic that just seems like it's never going to end and families that are at home trying to work or maybe educate their kids at the same time, there's just a lot of stress. And so you can understand why a lot of people feel like they're at the boiling point at different times. But you know, it's sort of a silly example. You asked me the question, I told you I'd answer it. Yes.
00:04:18
Speaker
I don't remember what night it was, but I was so excited to sit down on the couch and read a book. I'm into several good books right now. And this one, I was just so, and it was one of those books. You act like you never have the opportunity to sit down and read a book. I know, that's true. You love to read.
00:04:34
Speaker
But I like I really need to read this one, you know,
Humorous Anger Instances
00:04:37
Speaker
and it requires it's kind of a it's a taxing one mentally. You need to be fully in. OK, wait, let me just stop you really quick, because I just need to set the I need set the stage so people can understand this. When you talk about this book that you were so excited to read and just, you know, I can picture you right now with your book light because, yes, he has.
00:04:58
Speaker
I'm over 40. Who doesn't have a book light? We are in a room that is fully lit, but he has his book light on. And he's so excited, you know, sitting in his yellow chair in the corner. I live a wild life. And the book that he's this riveting book is a book about Christian history. What could be more exciting? I mean, other than the Bible.
00:05:21
Speaker
Anyways, so that was a moment like I was just really looking forward to that and I and it turned out that You know the kids wanted to talk and which is you know completely fine? I didn't you know love that or want that but it was just one example of like I felt
00:05:36
Speaker
They kept talking. I just felt that like, oh, there's something in my heart that is being exposed that I want that I'm not getting. Something's become more important to me than loving God and loving my kids, loving others. And we're going to get into that in a little bit as far as what anger reveals in the heart. But for me in that moment, that's one example. Well, that's that that was pretty minor. Like, I feel like I'm doing pretty good. And that happens often. I feel like you get the book out, your book light is you flick it on and you're all excited. And then I hear a sigh and you close it all up.
00:06:06
Speaker
Put it away. Because at some point, I'm like, what's the point? You know what I mean? Like, I can't read a sentence, have a conversation, and then read the next. Like, my brain is not sharp enough. Because it's like, dad, dad, dad. And then it's quiet for a minute. Or it's me going, honey. And I have to tell you something. I didn't want to bring that up, but since you did. Maybe it's not just the kids. OK, anyways. Moving on. But that's, like you said, a little bit of a silly example. And what I shared, I feel like it's sometimes silly.
00:06:35
Speaker
the things that
Parenting and Anger
00:06:36
Speaker
I let overwhelm me and bring out the irritation. But, you know, this is serious, too. And I think this can be a serious issue for people. You know, some people really struggle with anger. So we want to talk about how we can overcome that. Yeah, I mean, I just think about I'm struck, you know, by how many times the Bible describes God as being slow to anger. And, you know, we, of course, talked in the last episode about how God, when he gets angry, it's a righteous anger. And certainly there's lots of examples in the Bible of God.
00:07:05
Speaker
getting angry, but he gets angry for the right reasons and Jesus got angry. But I'm struck at how many times the Bible talks about God being slow to anger. Exodus 34 verse 6 talks about God who is compassionate and he's gracious. He's slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness. The psalmist in Psalm 103 verse 8 says the Lord is compassionate and gracious.
00:07:26
Speaker
slow to anger and abounding in love. Joel 2, verse 13, same thing, uh, rend your heart and not your garments, return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. And that's really what we're after in the Christian life is one of the reasons why, uh, you know, growth and transformation is so hard and challenging is because we don't yet love what Jesus loves.
00:07:50
Speaker
And I think, especially as we're in this time of Lent and we're leading up to Easter and we've been talking about this theme of dying to ourselves so that we might experience more of the life of God. I mean, that's what we're after. Like we want the Holy Spirit to continue changing us from the inside and giving us the heart of God. We want to become more and more slow to anger. We want our anger to be an expression of what's right and not what is unrighteous.
00:08:14
Speaker
Yeah, and when I hear those words, compassionate and gracious and slow to anger and abounding in love, I'm like, oh, I want to be like that. I feel like that's so inspiring and I think that we can be like that. Of course, it's never perfect, right?
00:08:33
Speaker
Well, it's that process, right, that we've talked about before that this is a long road, right? I mean, Jesus invites us to come follow Him and He's changing us, you know, day by day, week by week, month by month. And what the enemy wants to do is discourage us and to say to us that we're never going to change. We're just going to always struggle with these outbursts or raising our voice or whatever. And so, yeah, I think just to be encouraged that God is
Deeper Issues Behind Anger
00:08:54
Speaker
going to finish the work that he started in you or in us. And so this is not something that we have no power. The power that we have comes from God, that he gives us his grace, gives us the power of his spirit, but we just need to be encouraged and not discouraged. We can actually change with God's help.
00:09:12
Speaker
Yeah, so one of the things that we want to talk about today as we lead up to the practical ways to overcome anger is that we want to first recognize that our anger always reveals something underneath. It's a state of our heart. There's something that we want, maybe that we're not getting. It's this fallen desire or this lie that we are believing.
00:09:36
Speaker
Yeah, I think you're exactly right that anger reveals something going on in our heart. And so I think that's one of the really practical things that we can do as we're thinking about overcoming anger. One question I think that we ought to ask ourselves
00:09:51
Speaker
when we do get angry is what is it that I want that I'm not getting? What am I not getting that I think I deserve? And I think that can be a really important question to help uncover what's going on in our heart. And like you said, what are the desires that I'm after? What's become more important to me than loving God and loving others?
00:10:10
Speaker
Is there some kind of lie that I believed about who God is or about how life works? And so I think that question can be just a really simple practical way of inviting God's grace into our anger and And asking him to help us see what it is that we wrongly believe about him or about our life And I think God can use that to continue that transforming
Parenting Challenges and Anger Management
00:10:30
Speaker
process. Yeah, and like I was sharing, you know when when I feel irritated
00:10:36
Speaker
By the state of the house or you know, the chaos around me or maybe if the kids aren't listening whatever it is That you know that reveals something about my heart. Maybe I want control, you know, I want control I want why aren't they listening? Why are they not following the things I've taught them and instead of handing that over to God? I take it into my own hands and that's when I feel angry about it. I
00:11:02
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I think about, I think that's a great example. As a parent, sometimes our anger, it on the surface seems justified, but if you sort of poke at it a little bit and ask that question, you begin to realize that, oh wow, like my anger when we were doing family devotions wasn't righteous anger.
00:11:20
Speaker
That sounds funny. Well, it happens sometimes. Not all the time. This is real life. I think we hear about a family doing family devotions around the dinner table or in the living room after dinner or something, and it sounds so wonderful.
00:11:36
Speaker
But what parent hasn't gotten upset in the midst of, you know, there's no revival happening. You have to explain this. Right. So sometimes when we're doing family devotions, it feels as if, you know, maybe they aren't paying attention or you're just not getting through to them. And I feel like that's where the frustration comes in.
00:11:58
Speaker
Yeah, and I think that that's what I mean. Sometimes we can get angry and those moments are upset and go, what in the world? Why am I getting upset in that moment? And when you ask yourself the question, it's like, oh, you realize that maybe what was more important to me was control or I wanted respect. I asked my son or daughter to do something and they didn't do it and so I got really angry. Now, some of that anger is justifiable, right?
00:12:23
Speaker
you want something good and you know kids ought to obey their parents and listen to their parents but you realize how easy it is to get to get angry for the wrong reason and take it into your own hands and so I think it's really important you know whether it's in parenting you know in just different situations to be asking that question what is it that I really want like what caused me
00:12:44
Speaker
to get angry. Did something even good become more important to me? I think about when I was diagnosed with cancer. I struggled at different times with anger and I had to come to grips with maybe there were wrong beliefs I had about who God is or wrong beliefs about the way life was supposed to work. We're not guaranteed
00:13:06
Speaker
80 years on the planet. We're not guaranteed perfect health. We're not guaranteed comfort for our entire existence here on the Earth. I mean, those kinds of things. And so I think there's a lot of different ways that we can we
Trusting God's Justice
00:13:19
Speaker
can get angry. You think about in a relationship, maybe in a marriage or
00:13:22
Speaker
in a ministry context where you feel like you've been wrongly accused or somebody's blaming you for something and they're not hearing you. I mean, you can get angry in those situations. And again, sometimes the anger seems justifiable, but I think asking yourself that question, like, what is it that I really wanted?
00:13:42
Speaker
in that situation, and how do I invite God into that? How do I make loving God and loving others in a Christ-like way the most important thing? And so much of our anger really exposes that I just wanted something selfish at times. Yeah, and exposes what we believe, and I think
00:14:00
Speaker
You know, sometimes our anger is justifiable. I mean, people do things to us. Things happen to us that we have a right to be angry about, but it's how we handle that anger. And ultimately, it's God who is sovereign over the situation and over our life.
00:14:19
Speaker
No, you're exactly right. I think that's so important because there are so many real painful, hurtful things that happen and it is completely natural at times to be angry at that. And yeah, this is kind of, it goes back to what we talked about, you know, a previous episode of forgiveness, but also that idea where, you know, in Romans Paul says that, you know, he's quoting the Lord where he says that vengeance is mine and that God is the one that repays, that he's the one that writes the wrongs.
00:14:47
Speaker
And so I think even when we are unfairly treated or we are deeply hurt, of course we ought to work towards reconciliation and forgiveness, all of those things, healing those broken relationships and those wounds. But at the end of the day, there are some things that only God can rectify. He's the one that ultimately rights those
Is it Okay to be Angry at God?
00:15:10
Speaker
wrongs. And so I think where it becomes sinful,
00:15:12
Speaker
is when we try to repay the evil that maybe has been done to us or the hurt that has been done to us. And so we vent our anger towards somebody. Sometimes we can withdraw from somebody and punish them in those ways. And so when we know that God is a good, just God and He's righteous, that allows us to love Him and to love others in a Christ-like way and not to pay back.
00:15:34
Speaker
Yeah, and as we're talking about some of these really, these deep wounds and hurts and health diagnoses and maybe we have a listener whose spouse left them, whatever it is that has been done to you or has happened to you in your circumstances, I think a question that we should answer, and I'm not gonna answer this, honey, you have to. Wow, you really put me on the spot in this episode.
00:16:02
Speaker
Oh, is it ever okay to be angry at God? Because I think that, I mean, that's just reality. Think of how many of us could struggle with that. Is it ever okay to be angry at God? Yeah. Well, I think, you know, we've talked about in the past
00:16:18
Speaker
the importance of the Psalms. I always encourage anybody that's walking through a difficult time for whatever reason to just immerse themselves in the Psalms. And the Psalms are just these honest cries of the soul and they really express every sorrow that we feel. And yet the Psalms also
00:16:35
Speaker
not only give us language for that, but they also really have a way of rectifying our emotions. And we come to God and yet the Psalms tell us how to come into His presence and to feel in the right way. And so I think the answer to the question that you're asking is I think it's okay to bring our anger to God, but it's not okay to be angry at God.
00:16:58
Speaker
And so I think those are very different. I mean, I think it's okay for us to bring our anger honestly before God, but I don't think it's ever right for us to be angry at God. Right, because that's what we see in the Psalms. You do. The anger is brought to God. You see the honesty, but not an accusatory or an accusation against God. And I think sometimes in our Christian culture, it's true that God is big enough to handle