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Episode 9: Braddock vs Leonidas – Sleeveless vs Shirtless
15 Plays3 days ago
What happens when a bronze-age war god stares down a jungle ghost with a chip on his shoulder and a roundhouse kick in his back pocket?
This week, it's Leonidas vs. Col. James Braddock in a brawl that spans centuries—and shirtless philosophies. We dig into 300’s most iconic battle tactics and what happens when the U.S. military forgets one of its own. Also featuring: Dollar Store Rambo comparisons, puppet shows and a discussion on how long is too long to hold onto a couch cushion.
Question: could the Spartan warrior pull off gradient sunglasses and feathered hair?
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:07
Speaker
This is the fictional fighting championship podcast, the ultimate battleground where Hollywood's deadliest warriors collide. We're taking 48 of the most ruthless, skilled, and battle-hardened fighters from movies and TV and throwing them into a no-holds-barred tournament to see who survives.
00:00:26
Speaker
You've seen the movies, you know the legends. Now it's time to settle the score.
00:00:36
Speaker
Don't step on any toes.
00:00:44
Speaker
I don't step on toes, little John. I step on necks.
Meet the Hosts
00:00:52
Speaker
I'm Jordan Guerrero. I'm Christian Doherty. And I'm Steve Sadler. And this is the podcast about the greatest fictional tournament in the history of the universe. And that is not an exaggeration.
00:01:03
Speaker
Chris, who do we have today? We have a great one for you today.
Matchup: Colonel Braddock vs. King Leonidas
00:01:07
Speaker
It's a second round matchup between Colonel James Braddock, AKA Chuck Norris from the missing in action trilogy and a returning fighter, King Leonidas from the 300 franchise.
00:01:21
Speaker
Been waiting for this one.
Cultural Impact of Chuck Norris
00:01:22
Speaker
You've had Chuck Norris facts, just burning a hole in your pocket, getting ready for this. That was such a fad. That was so awesome. That was like, it it was nonstop Chuck Norris facts and everyone was as hilarious as the one before.
00:01:34
Speaker
I only knew Chuck Norris from Dodgeball when he was the judge. I hadn't seen any of his films or TV series, but his reputation preceded him because of that fad. And everyone just knew universally that Chuck Norris was so badass and you did not mess with Chuck Norris.
00:01:52
Speaker
I think it's a weird scenario in that Chuck Norris played a bunch of badass fictional characters, but then it seemed like the older he got, Chuck Norris became the character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was just playing himself.
00:02:04
Speaker
Did you see in The Expendables where he walks in and introduces himself to everyone with a Chuck Norris fact? No. This is like he's talking to he's talking to Sylvester Stallone for the first time.
00:02:17
Speaker
Stallone's like, hey, didn't a cobra bite you? And Chuck Norris looks at him. me He's like, yeah, five days of agonizing pain. The cobra died. um I read that that was actually one of the first like Chuck Norris facts from the 80s that came up. Oh, my God.
00:02:35
Speaker
We'll get into that a little later. I think we're going to have to have a special segment just for Chuck Norris. Hey, before we do that, let's think about who we thought was going to win this fight before any research.
00:02:46
Speaker
I'll jump in. I thought that King Leonidas had this by a mile. I'd never really watched any of the Chuck Norris movies. I only knew him from the Chuck Norris facts, jokes, and memes. And so I thought that he was going to be a total chud.
00:02:59
Speaker
that's That's what I thought walking into this one. Chris? Definitely I'm a fan of Leonidas and because the movie 300 is much more recent and like I said I hadn't really seen many Chuck Norris movies I did think Leonidas just by a hair.
00:03:12
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's funny because even before the tournament, I kind of had in my mind what I thought this character would do, Braddock. And with that in mind, I had him ranked very high. I had him ranked higher than Leonidas. So if you would look at it that way, I had Chuck, ah I'm going to keep calling him Chuck Norris.
00:03:30
Speaker
I had Colonel Braddock as the winner of this before any research.
Engagement and Social Media Plug
00:03:34
Speaker
And if you like what you're hearing today, give us a follow Instagram, Facebook, Tik TOK, even better Spotify and Apple podcasts. I'm getting pinged all the time. We've got episodes coming out left and right at the day of this recording. We're on like episode seven. So if you haven't heard those get on this backlog right now, you're going have a sick work commute. You're gonna have an awesome water cooler conversation to talk about. All your coworkers are listening to the podcast anyway, so you're probably getting left out.
00:03:59
Speaker
So just pop this bad boy on and you're going to be in the know.
Character Analysis: Colonel Braddock
00:04:09
Speaker
let's do the tale the tape contestant number one is colonel james braddock from the missing in action movies he debuted in 1984 with the first of those portrayed by chuck norris and the fight stats braddock is about 5 11 he's around 180 and at the time of his debut we saw him uh in around his late 30s he's fighting out of the vietname vietnamese jungle that's sort of his specialty And for a signature move, even though this is not accurate at all in these movies, I just really want this to be a roundhouse kick so badly. Yeah, but I feel like we can't move on from his age here.
00:04:47
Speaker
You said in his 30s, this man looked like he did not look like anyone that I knew in their 30s. here You look like a hairy, hairy beast of a man. Yes. And he looked exactly the same when he was 60. This guy was born at age 50. Here's my new Chuck Norris fact. He was born 50, never aged.
00:05:05
Speaker
ah Why does it always seem like actors from that period, you know, maybe in the 70s, just were you know look the same? Yeah. Let me tell you what was going on then. No moisturizer.
00:05:16
Speaker
Aloe vera was not invented then. That's why I thought the man with no name was older than he, he, yeah you said he was, you said he was in his thirties. I said he was old, you know, he had old man energy.
00:05:28
Speaker
That's what i was talking about. Chuck Norris has the same thing. Same thing. Yeah. They're both younger than you. but league grizz All right. Hey, vibe check. I just got a one man army vibe from this guy. ah sleeve Sleeveless tank, sleeveless shirt, sleeveless jacket. There's no sleeves on anything he owns.
00:05:44
Speaker
And zero charisma again. One of those types. But yeah, yeah not because he's portraying the character. Well, it's just I think he's a dog shit actor. You know what? Let's take about 15 minutes extra at the end of this episode and we'll make it ah an extra long episode. Director's cut because I want to break down the training that Vietnam veterans are getting with the American military and why they're having no charisma. We had Rambo, we have Braddock, no charisma. and i just want to dig into this and find out why.
00:06:13
Speaker
That'll be a special bonus episode. Although I just realized i talked shit about Chuck Norris and I'm scared for my life. You only get one warning. Hey, I think there's no better time than to transition into the kill count.
00:06:25
Speaker
Oh boy. We have Colonel Braddock. We have three movies. Pretty straightforward. i I think this is somewhat easy one because each movie was very similar. I'm going to go with 90, 30 each film Jordan?
00:06:40
Speaker
I'm going to go 75. Okay. In fairness, full disclosure, you're in the range that I would have guessed, just under 100. And we would all be completely shocked to learn that his kill count, according to Kill Count Wiki or something like that, 170 180.
00:06:54
Speaker
What? shit.
00:06:57
Speaker
one shit Yeah. No way. Yeah. That's crazy. shit Definitely those people who wrote that are scared. I will say there were a lot of explosions. So somebody who took the time to find out how many people were in the buildings that he blew up was spending a little bit more time than we did. So I do appreciate that.
00:07:14
Speaker
But the winner is Chris. Hell yeah. Good work. I'll take it. Only a hundred off again. We seem to be. You got 50% of the total. Let's take it into account that in Colonel Braddock's wake are blown up buildings. He leaves, he leaves, he leaves a path of blown up buildings behind him. That's, that's how badass he is. Colonel Braddock is just fucking devastating to infrastructure.
00:07:36
Speaker
You see him in Missing in Action and he's just got a backpack and he just pulls out like a big brick of C4 and another one and another one. He's just got a backpack of bombs. Yeah, where where he didn't have it before. he was like, where was that before he got on the boat? Yeah, it's like a joke video game loadout. If you're going to go do some like 1v1 against your friend and something and you're like, I'm carrying nothing but grenades.
00:07:58
Speaker
In fairness, those were in his backpack. It's the same backpack he used when he was like nine years old when he went to a sleepover, and those just happened to be left over from that era.
00:08:16
Speaker
All right, let's go to the tail the tape for Leonidas. We know this guy. We are very familiar with him. He beat an absolute legend in round one when he beat William Wallace from Braveheart. But let's see what we have here for Leonidas.
00:08:27
Speaker
His debut was in 2006 in the movie 300, portrayed by Gerard Butler. His fight stats, about 6'2 and 200 pounds, which makes him an absolute beast in that era. And roughly around 40 years old, something like that. His home turf, of course, he was fighting out of Sparta, Greece.
00:08:43
Speaker
And his signature moves have to do with shield blitzing and just devastating with the spear. Vibe check. I got alpha energy here. ah Alpha and energy. I get that for sure.
00:08:55
Speaker
You can't argue with that. I feel like signature move. I know we were talking about Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, but does
Character Analysis: King Leonidas
00:09:00
Speaker
Leonidas have a more famous kick than Chuck Norris? Oh, that's my favorite scene. It's like one of the first scenes in the movie. It's my favorite scene. It's just a front kick to the dude's chest. And we talked about this last time and I talked about how much I loved it. He's like, okay, not only am I going to kill the messenger and destroy all etiquette apparently of the time where you don't kill the messenger.
00:09:18
Speaker
Maybe that's where they got it from. Just blast him. He didn't, he didn't stab him. He didn't throw him down. He just front kicked him. Just, just brutal and primitive. Loved it. Yeah, we're going to get into this a little bit later, but he did all of the choreography fighting scenes. There wasn't a stunt double and you can imagine like swinging swords and spears around and shields like flying everywhere. You'd maybe think that some actors would duck out of that, but he didn't. He went right for it. and Speaking of the roundhouse kick, I think the my favorite scenes is when they're first going into battle, they're charging at the enemy. It jumps between slow motion and then speeding up the frames.
00:09:53
Speaker
And ah you know each each person that comes at him, it slows down and he's doing his move. Looks really cool. And one of the moves is I think he does a full spin and then smashes the guy with his shield. So a roundhouse shield smash is definitely ah in in his repertoire.
00:10:09
Speaker
Hey, Kill Count. We already talked about it. 39. Extremely low. I would have thought way, way higher. We talked about this already. We don't have to dwell on it. But we also know that he wasn't he wasn't just racking up dead bodies. He was letting his friends kill them all too. so All right.
00:10:22
Speaker
Do we need to take a break here, guys? Yeah, I'm getting kind of tired. You're getting kind of tired? Yeah. No one gets tired on my watch. That's because I'm drinking Kill Count Energy Drink. Cue the ads.
00:10:35
Speaker
Ah!
00:10:41
Speaker
Low energy have you feeling like a dweeb? Then beef up the gusto with Kill Count Energy Drink. Each can is loaded with more caffeine than your enemies have bullets. Side effects include extreme focus, unnecessary backflips, and the sudden ability to reload in midair. But first, let's hear some testimonials from some of our customers.
00:10:58
Speaker
First up, we got Billy from Sioux Falls. Billy says, one swig and I felt like i could take down the cocaine bear. Ooh, We got here. Linda from Portland. She says, I may have gotten fired, but Kill Count gave me the confidence and energy I needed to make a move on my boss.
00:11:11
Speaker
Wild, Linda. Mark from Jacksonville, Florida. What does he say? This is the closest thing to meth my probation officer will allow me. Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. Wow. With accolades like that, I'm going to running out for an entire case. Hey, look for Kill Count in your local drink aisle because sleep is for hostages.
00:11:30
Speaker
Hey, what type of material is the can? Does it come in a can? Because I feel like this will burn through a normal Coke can. It will. It actually comes in glass bottles for two reasons. Number one, it would just burn through a can. And number two, then you can smash it up on the ground when you're done and scream, kill count.
00:11:46
Speaker
Nice. Is it true that they sprinkle just a tiny bit of arsenic in there to like spice it up? A little arsenic and you slowly build it up over time to become immune. Nice, nice. Do I detect a little nutmeg?
Fictional Ad Break: Kill Count Energy Drink
00:11:59
Speaker
Nutmeg, yes. And you might be confusing that with the meth, but there is also nutmeg in there. Thank you. Okay.
00:12:12
Speaker
Let's break this down. We're going to start with Braddock. Perfect. I feel like he drinks that stuff. Yeah, well, one of the side effects with Kill Count Energy Drink is uncontrollable stomach hair growth. All right. You know what?
00:12:24
Speaker
Let's start character breakdown with three Chuck Norris facts. Chris, you want to go first? So you may be interested to know that Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch.
00:12:36
Speaker
He decides what time it is. Okay. All right, Jordan, you got one? Yeah, you know, speaking of things Chuck Norris doesn't wear, did you know that Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom? Because there's no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
00:12:52
Speaker
All right. And mine is a classic. The boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris. Let's talk battle resume for this guy. We know he was a U.S. Army Special Forces colonel and a prisoner of war survivor, and we'll talk more about that.
00:13:06
Speaker
Character time period. This is a pretty big span because of the three movies and because there was a prequel, late 60s to early 80s, primarily during the Vietnam War and then the years following, thanks to some flashbacks and that and that prequel.
00:13:19
Speaker
Let's talk quickly about his background, his training, his skill set, things like that. We know that he has extensive training and experience in guerrilla warfare. He's very skilled in ambush tactics and infiltration. He's got extremely high risk rescue ops qualifications.
00:13:35
Speaker
Anything else that stood out to you guys? definitely a rambo type got a bag full of tricks i don't think he quite has like the guerrilla warfare that rambo has with all the traps and things but he does have more modern stuff like the c4 that he plants he's kind of like dollar store kung fu rambo that's the vibe that i get from him good good i call i was calling him rambo light but yes i like yours yes yeah like both like rambo in every way but just a little worse I also think I looked at online because I just assumed he's probably a Green Beret, something like that. I couldn't find absolute proof. It was not mentioned in the movie that he was specifically a Green Beret that I could ever find. But online, a lot of these super fans have assumed as well that he is a Green Beret as though it's a fact. So I think that we can maybe make that assumption.
00:14:22
Speaker
We also saw him pilot a helicopter, so we know that he's got that kind of skill too. And mostly just survival skills, jungle warfare, those things are just nearly nearly elite level. And we mentioned Rambo since he's not fighting Rambo this week, of course, so it doesn't matter.
00:14:37
Speaker
But I would say that he they give the impression that he's nearly to that level. Preferred weapons. Yeah, he likes to blow things up. yeah He's pretty lethal with throwing knives.
00:14:47
Speaker
I saw that too. It's like a friggin' Rambo knife, and he's able to fling that thing and stick it straight to the guy's chest. Well, Chuck Norris
Martial Arts and Chuck Norris
00:14:56
Speaker
doesn't have to throw knives. His enemies just fall into his knife.
00:15:00
Speaker
By choice, they'd rather take the easy way out. It's like Steven Seagal in Machete. I have that he was using M16s and M60 machine guns. I don't know what those are. So maybe Jordan, maybe you can confirm that. Yeah, he was just blowing everyone up with all of his fucking machine guns and everything. He had his knife in there.
00:15:18
Speaker
I couldn't see in the movie. It kind of looked like a Buck 119 knife as well that he had out there. okay And then, of course, Fists of Fury, all of his Chuck Norris kung fu. Probably closer to Rex Kwon Do than Bruce Lee, but it's fun to fun to see.
00:15:33
Speaker
I mean, he wasn't a Bruce Lee movie. I did look up, and this is really just what Chuck Norris is known for. It's not necessarily Braddock, the character himself, but Chuck Norris himself is a martial artist. And the list of martial arts that it says that he has at least practiced is extremely long.
00:15:51
Speaker
Let's do it. We wanted to talk about this anyway. We can't assume that Braddock has all of these, but let's yeah do it. Okay. Sure. ah Karate, Taekwondo, Tang Soo Do, Chun Kuk Do, Judo, and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
00:16:09
Speaker
Did you guys know that I i do Brazilian yeah. Okay. He did work with Bruce Lee, who is Jeet Kune Do, who actually learned his shit from Man. And there's a movie about Ip Man. He was a real person. Badass.
00:16:23
Speaker
Also in the tournament, potentially. I don't know.
00:16:32
Speaker
All right, let's go. Chuck Norris, Colonel James Braddock, let's run the gauntlet. First, let's start out, Keyboard Carnage. Steve, you have any good quotes? I have one I like, yes.
00:16:43
Speaker
Here's the quote. Braddock doesn't sneak into enemy territory. Enemy territory accidentally finds itself around Braddock. and And that is from IMDB user Delta469. Hell yeah. No kidding.
00:16:56
Speaker
So basically, they've just taken Chuck Norris facts and changed the name. Yes, that's what it seems like, but I love it. There was once a street named after Colonel James Braddock, but the name was changed as nobody crosses Colonel James Braddock and lives. Sorry, I should have said that.
00:17:15
Speaker
That's awesome. Hey, what what about scenes where they've gone too far? And I'm going to go first because I have one that just fucking jumped out to me. Yeah, they've gone absolutely too far. So this is in the first movie missing in action where after he's doing this kung fu fight that ends in him stabbing this guy in the second floor of this building, he looks across the street and there is enemies right there. They're holding an M79 grenade launcher.
00:17:39
Speaker
They point it at him. Boom. They blow up the entire second floor of the building. Not just the room he's in. They fucking launch it through there, blow up the entire second floor of the building. He has not a single scratch on him and he just walks away. That's Chuck Norris for you.
00:17:52
Speaker
I had one that's not quite as blatant as that. I found it interesting that there was more than one scene in these three movies. There were multiple scenes where he's hanging by his arms and in some cases by his ankles. Now, I don't know if they've gone too far to have this dude hanging from his arms for hours at a time, but I can tell you this.
00:18:09
Speaker
If I sit on the couch and i have my arm resting on the back of the couch for more than like seven or eight minutes, all of a sudden I cannot feel my fucking arm and it takes me out of commission usually for the rest of the night. So you're saying they went too far with yes how long he could hang. Yes. The blood would rush out of his arms and he'd he'd be like, ohw man, let me, ouch. That's true. No human is capable of holding onto something such as a couch cushion for more than seven minutes. Seven minutes is the maximum. And as we've already determined, I'm i'm a goddamn athlete.
00:18:42
Speaker
I don't have one in particular, but I do have some funny moments. But these movies, I don't think were made particularly well, if I'm being honest. and there was Yeah, when do we get to talk soon? Yeah, can we should we just have that as its own category? All right, i'm starting I'm starting that category right now. We can just talk about that. So many, so many. At the very beginning, when he's... It's showing him first fighting in Vietnam. They're going through the jungle, shooting Vietnamese soldiers. And one of his soldier buddies runs up beside him. And just as a Vietnamese soldier is about to take Braddock out, this guy puts a bullet right in the Vietnamese soldier's chest. And Braddock shows a sigh of relief. He looks over to his soldier buddy. His soldier buddy gives the most corny thumbs up you could ever imagine. And Braddock turns and does the exact same thing. Courtney thumbs up. like And it like the length of time that it cut to these moments where they were giving the thumbs up was just hilariously long and so unnecessary. So if you if you get a chance to watch it, just think it's like right at about five minutes into the movie. It cracked me up.
00:19:41
Speaker
I was also dying when I saw that. That was yet to continue shitting on these movies. I'd seen a decent amount of 80s movies and I'd never seen these Chuck Norris ones. Now I know why I hadn't seen them. They do not stack up. I was looking into this. Apparently missing an action came out like two months before Rambo 2 was released. Rambo 2 being basically the exact same plot as missing an action, but better in every way. That's pretty wild how these two can come out at the same time. And this one can be so much worse than Rambo 2.
00:20:11
Speaker
yeah It did make me wonder if for some reason they were competing or they were trying to bring out Missing in Action from a competitive angle. It wasn't just the plot or the acting, though. Even the camera work looks so juvenile. Like they handed it to someone's, I don't know, someone's nephew and just gave him a camcorder and told him to just run around.
00:20:28
Speaker
Like the way they framed the scenes was Terrible. As long as we're talking about this, I have a major regret about these movies. I rewatched all three of them. They were way, way worse than I remember. And Chuck Norris is a way worse actor than I even remember. I feel real safe in saying this. We're only like seven or eight weeks in. He's got to be the worst actor in this entire tournament. 48 contestants. He's terrible.
Critique of Chuck Norris' Filmography
00:20:50
Speaker
But look. we know the writing's terrible there's no good dialogue in this thing the acting is terrible i'm i'm actually kind of fine with that this is an 80s action movie right so there is an absolute minimum a lower bar that i absolutely need i need an evil villain i need creative kills i need suspenseful scenes but more than anything i need something that is unique to this time period i absolutely need some really decent one-liners they could even be corny i need some one-liners we got nothing man we zero cool lines a very very few that even qualify as a good line let alone a zinger and i i hate that about this movie hey i i think this is a good transition into for your collection and if you want to continue talking shit about stuff chris usually when we have an actor like this you're just going to go on and on about their luscious locks what do you think about chuck norris's haircut i mean put him up there man and he's he's my brother from another mother if you what i'm talking about we're both ginger
00:21:48
Speaker
Yeah, just one of those great 80s looking mullets. It does at the front look a little more like a bowl cut. You know, I think I'm going to knock a few points off there. But overall, yeah, pretty luscious locks.
00:21:59
Speaker
This haircut preceded the mullet and it was more shaggy. And when you see it, when you see the shaggier hair, like the feathered, but it comes down over the forehead and then over the ears and it's a little longer in the back. Pair that with the the kind of a full beard. That's fucking Michael McDonald. Looks like he's the lead singer of the Doobie Brothers right now.
00:22:17
Speaker
but I'll add to my collection. You know, I always pick an article of clothing. You want me to take the camouflage vest? I'm not going to. Jordan is wearing one right now. I'm taking the badass. This is when he was a civilian. He's wearing these gradient aviator sunglasses, the kind that's darker on top and lighter on the bottom. In the early 80s, that was the mark of a really cool dude. There was a guy, eighth grade, when I was in sixth grade, his name was Mike Beach, and he had glasses like this. This fucking guy, if Mike Beach listens to this podcast, I need him to reach out to me. I wasn't friends with him.
00:22:51
Speaker
I didn't know him. He didn't know me. He was way too cool for me. I wish that I had those gradient glasses that that dude was wearing. And now I see Chuck Norris wearing them in this fucking. You know you can go out and buy something like that, right? Do that. I feel, I still feel like I can't pull it off.
00:23:07
Speaker
yeah don't Don't spoil his Christmas gift for this year.
00:23:11
Speaker
What about you, Jordan? ah For my collection, i feel like I'm going to take his headband. It's got to be his headband. It stands out to me as an 80s classic, but I think the reason that I want his hairband is because I also took Rambo's headband and I would display his headband just below Rambo's.
00:23:29
Speaker
Oh, like a flag, like the American flag is the highest and the state flag is under it. Yeah, exactly. He's going to be the Idaho to the United States. Or even less, like there's the American flag on top, then the state flag, and then another tear down is like the McDonald's logo flag.
00:23:46
Speaker
He's the Hamburglar. All right. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. Any one-liners that jumped out to you? I know he was not known for this, but anything you picked up? Don't step on any toes.
00:24:04
Speaker
I don't step on toes, little John.
00:24:08
Speaker
I step on necks. The dramatic music is the best part. Oh, yeah, the music. Oh, man. That is his best line. That music in the background was so 80s. Yeah. It's great.
00:24:21
Speaker
I wish there was more good ones. There's there's one other one. I don't have a clip for this, but there was one where the general or somebody asked about the bounty that was on Braddock's head when he was a POW. And Braddock says, you know, well, tell the committee why there's a price on my head. And the general says, for your war crimes. And he says, yeah, for killing assholes like you.
00:24:41
Speaker
And it took so long to develop, as you could tell by my rehashing it, that it kind of took the luster off of it. But yeah, that's about as close as it gets. All right. I'm going throw him one bone. there There was one other good one out there that I heard.
00:24:54
Speaker
And it's when they're doing the BS press conference about there being no POWs out there. And he goes, if I wanted to see a puppet show, I'd go to the circus. um Okay. It's hilarious. It's hilarious.
00:25:08
Speaker
ah I'll give him that. I'll give him that. He had three quotes, that and three quotes, three movies. think he backloaded it. Two of his quotes were from the third movie, whatever. puppet show is a great reference in any scenario although how inaccurate if you seriously if you want to see a puppet show are you going to go to the circus it's pretty shitty circus all right we're having some fun here that was a long gauntlet because i think the character deserves it and the actor deserves it to poke some fun here but we do have to talk about actual skills he does have actual skills so we're going to get we're going to really break that down
Leonidas' Warrior Spirit
00:25:48
Speaker
Now let's talk about his opponent, King Leonidas. We know that he beat William Wallace from Braveheart and controversial. That was a pretty big battle for an early round and probably one that we would do differently if we had to reseed everyone, but we didn't. And now it's ah it's just a goddamn fact. How did Leonidas beat William Wallace?
00:26:07
Speaker
I think we just discussed that he absolutely lives to kill and was trained and was around that for his whole life. Whereas William Wallace had a you know more soft side to him where, you know, he didn't grow up in the same circumstances necessarily. And he definitely politicked a little more. um So, you know, Leonidas, like I said, he's just an absolute killing machine.
00:26:30
Speaker
i I agree. i'd say I'd say William Wallace rose to the occasion, whereas King Leonidas was the occasion. That's what he was there for. Good, good. I actually wrote this down too when I was going over the victory over Wallace. I think Leonidas might actually be the best example of a true warrior that we have in this entire tournament.
00:26:48
Speaker
Just the definition of a warrior, right? He wasn't trained by the military. he didn't turn into a killer because of some type of vengeance or retribution. He was just born to be a warrior. That made a huge difference in me choosing Leonidas a couple of weeks ago. And of course, we talked about that Agoghi fighting style too, where says he started when he was seven years old.
00:27:06
Speaker
There's one other thing that I wanted to point out, too, and then I'll let you guys have a chance here if you want to add to it. I rewatched this scene again. As a young child, he didn't just kill that crazy cougar or bobcat or wolf, whatever it was. He analyzed the wolf's movements. He recognized the wolf's game plan. He kind of used that to strategize for himself on how he would outfox this beast, you know, just with his brain. And then he made him pay dearly for it, right? He kills it eventually. But he didn't just go out and brute force stab it with a spear. He watched it. He judged what's going to happen next. And then he he lured it into his trap and he got it. And I think that's a pretty big factor also as to why this guy's a great warrior and he's not just brute force as you as you might think that he is.
00:27:47
Speaker
I think that draws comparisons to later on in the movie where he has his soldiers set up in that canyon in in the corridor and they set up in there and have the army come to them so that they can't be flanked on either side and they you know they can only be attacked from the front. So yeah, again, like master strategist.
00:28:06
Speaker
There's one other good example I want to bring up here before we get to the gauntlet. A lot of the competitors, even in this tournament, are great killers, right? And that's what they're doing. But they fight with the goal of seeing the end of fighting, if that makes sense.
00:28:19
Speaker
So they want to fight so that the fighting can stop. Leonidas does not do that. And a good example of is like Maximus, even like William Wallace. They want the fighting to stop so that they keep killing, hoping that the fighting will eventually stop. An example of Leonidas' stance on this, the God King suggests that they stop fighting and that Leonidas, he should call a truce. He offers him riches. He offers him power. All he has to do is kneel at Xerxes' feet.
00:28:43
Speaker
Not only does he not kneel at his feet, he had the option to see the end of the fighting, right? But here's what happened. It's an offer only a madman would refuse. But the idea of kneeling, it's...
00:29:01
Speaker
You see, slaughtering all those men of yours has left a nasty cramp in my leg, so kneeling will be hard. for me BC sarcasm.
00:29:14
Speaker
Actually, I think I brought that up in the first episode and it it got got left on the editing room floor by myself. Oh my God. Yeah. so I think he's just so proud. Like he's he's not going to just give up his country and give up rule of his people because you know that the God King isn't going to treat the people well as well as Leonidas does.
00:29:39
Speaker
Should we run the gauntlet 2.0 on Leonidas? Let's do that. At what age could we take him? At what age could we take King Leonidas? I mean, God, he was like seven when he was taking on that wolf. I couldn't take him now. So five?
00:29:56
Speaker
This is our lowest ever. That's our lowest ever. Usually I'm the youngest, right? I'm the one who's taking them the youngest, so I have the least confidence in my own skills. I'm going over Jordan's head here. We saw this dude at the age of seven in a kill or kill, be killed scenario. After watching this for the third or fourth time, I have to admit he's definitely not seven when he kills that animal. I think he's probably more like 12 or 13. So if that's accurate and he wasn't just a giant seven-year-old, I'm going to say I could take him as a nine-year-old. And I feel like I'm really pushing my limits here, but I think I could take him as a nine-year-old.
00:30:28
Speaker
I'd pay to see that fight. What about you, Chris? I was trying to, you Jordan said that he he would get taken by a five-year-old, which is actually hilarious. I was at, believe it or not, jujitsu practice.
00:30:41
Speaker
Not long ago. And they have kids, you know, coming for kids' classes and stuff. And so I was messing around with this kid who came on the mats ready for his class just as I was finishing. And, you know, I messed around with him and I sort of threw on the floor and then let him wrestle up. And then he jumped on my back and started to, like, choke me and shit. And I was like...
00:30:58
Speaker
I was like, Jesus Christ, where did that come from? And like, he was actually really fucking good. And I wasn't expecting, I definitely, I tapped, you know, to make him feel good about himself. But I can imagine that if there was a you know, a young Leonidas who had already begun a Goji training, I'd have my work cut out for me. So I'm going to go with seven.
00:31:17
Speaker
Seven. Okay, good. Chris, I feel like you've got to challenge more children at Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to try and try and just get a ah bead on how good you are against seven-year-olds. Definitely. you never You never know when you're going to get attacked in the street, you know? That's right.
00:31:31
Speaker
By three six-year-olds in a giant trench coat all all on top of each other. You think you're taking on one big guy, the next thing you know, it's three six-year-olds. All right, next up, Hell in a Cell.
00:31:43
Speaker
This would be a very interesting one. yeah This is one of my favorite categories now. This is a really difficult one to, I think, to pick. Do it. Oh, man. Don't waffle. Don't waffle. Just do it, man. Do do what feels right.
00:31:56
Speaker
I'm going with Braddock. How many times out of 10? I'm going seven times out of 10. I think maybe Leonidas relies too heavily on weapons. Okay. And maybe his hand-to-hand isn't as great.
00:32:08
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Fair. Chris, i'm I'm right with you there. I'm going to say seven out of 10 are going to Braddock. I mean, when it comes to hand to hand, that's his thing. He's Mr. Kung Fu out there. And even though i don't know if it's just the movie showing its age, it looks hokey as shit when he's doing it. I got to give it to him. It's his thing.
00:32:24
Speaker
I have Leonidas winning three out of 10. So Braddock, seven out of 10. We're all in agreement here. But you're right. I think the strength advantage goes to Leonidas. But honestly, Braddock is a tank too. I don't think the strength difference is what we think it is. I think Braddock would hold his own there. And we just don't have any knowledge of Leonidas beating people as bare hands that I can recall.
00:32:45
Speaker
And in this type of a scenario, I penalize him for that. I say Braddock wins this. I'd say Leonidas wins three times out of 10. Next up. Let's move over to the casting couch, shall we? It's kind of creepy. Why do you have to say it like that? Because that's, I don't know, that's what it is. It's funny.
00:33:04
Speaker
Could Gerard Butler play Colonel James Braddock? Yeah, of course. I think 100%. Yes. i wish I wish he did. Easily. Yeah. yeah yeah Please. can it can Can he go back in time?
00:33:17
Speaker
It would be a better movie. Yeah. Chuck Norris is the worst actor. We've already determined that. He's the worst actor. And Butler's a good actor. Of course he could do it. he's He has the strength. Yeah, of course. Easy. All he has to is rip the sleeves off his shirt and he's in it. There'd be so many better one-liners or even you know more one-liners than Zero. Yeah.
00:33:38
Speaker
Hey, okay. go ah Go ahead and announce the next one. The other favorite category. The other favorite category of ours that is coming up right now, who should have Leonidas killed.
00:33:51
Speaker
Yeah. That little fucking shit with the humpback. Should have killed him way sooner. Yeah. Should just fucking off that guy. He was sketchy from the beginning.
00:34:04
Speaker
Yeah, it makes me question his judgment when I see stuff like that. Oh, yep.
Strategic Decisions and Mistakes of Leonidas
00:34:09
Speaker
We're really getting into yeah details now. He should have given him some other role in the army. Like he knew too much. He had to keep either kill him or keep him close.
00:34:20
Speaker
But to just piss him off and then send him away in the wind when his enemy was just down the street. What the fuck, Leonidas? Yeah. Bad decision making.
00:34:30
Speaker
And I'm going to throw this guy out there too. He should have killed Theron. the the yeah The dude from The Wire. oh That guy is such a chump. Dude was an a-hole. He forced himself on Leonidas' wife.
00:34:41
Speaker
you know She got her revenge on him, which was great. But now I kind of dislike his his character on The Wire because of this. And his stupid goddamn beard. I don't like it.
00:34:53
Speaker
Yeah, these wet noodle politicians just arguing while the Spartans go out toward doing the real job. Another great one I think is, you know, starting to become one of my favorites.
00:35:06
Speaker
Another gauntlet category here, ideal tag team partner. What do you guys have? I got one. What about Conan the barbarian, the Arnold Schwarzenegger character?
00:35:18
Speaker
You got two prehistoric powerhouse warriors as a tag team gimmick. This would be totally awesome. Old school 80s WWF style. No guns, no weapons, just brute force.
00:35:28
Speaker
I'm going to call them the gods of war. Love it. I'd watch that. Awesome. Yeah, they both look good in speedos. as well. Loin cloths.
00:35:39
Speaker
You know what? They could be wearing loin c cloths where it's just kind of peekaboo. That'll really get you going, Chris. If they had long hair, that'd be even better for you. Why me? brought the loin cloths up. All right.
00:35:50
Speaker
Yeah, bad.
00:35:53
Speaker
All right. Well, you two are daydreaming about Conan the Barbarian.
00:35:58
Speaker
I'm seeing that King Leonidas. Two things that stand out to me. Trust. Trust is huge with all of his fellow Spartans and how they wash each other's back and discipline.
00:36:09
Speaker
Who brings trust and discipline more than anyone else? Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid. hey he's going to He's going to go with him. It's going to be Mr. Miyagi and their team name is going to be, I know he doesn't use an axe, but wax on axe off.
00:36:26
Speaker
Hmm. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's, that's, that's out of left field. That one. It's a, it's a take. I like it. It's unique. And I like that. Yeah. I like, I like that. It's not in the tournament because it's, it means we're branching out.
00:36:41
Speaker
I love it. Nice. Yeah. Really threw a curve ball there. How would Mr. Miyagi do in this tournament? Do we think? Well, he'd probably win. He'd probably be, um, who could he beat?
00:36:52
Speaker
He couldn't beat anyone. Walter White? Maybe, yeah. Better hand on him than Walter White, I bet. For me, it's a very simple cut and dry, you know, nothing flashy, but the story behind it is pretty cool.
00:37:09
Speaker
I'm going with William Wallace. Whoa! Yeah, so, you know, just the initial battle between the two, you could imagine them having a fight.
00:37:21
Speaker
Leonidas wins, but then They come together after the fight, they make up rekindle sort of a ah relationship, both very similar fighters all around. We talked about that in that episode, how similar they were. So I could see them becoming brothers in arms and their team name would be ah old heads.
00:37:43
Speaker
Okay. Nice. Just cause they're both from, ah you know, but way back in the day. Age old wrestling gimmick storyline. Perfect. I like that one too. Yep.
00:37:54
Speaker
Former adversaries have to come together for the common goal. Beautiful. I like it. Nice. The unholy alliance type thing.
00:38:10
Speaker
All right, guys, we're again, we're having fun with the gauntlet. um Let's get to some you know drill down facts here. Some things about who is going to win this battle.
00:38:21
Speaker
Start an open discussion here. Toughest opponents, crucial moments and signature scenes, things things like that. Let's just rapid fire points that'll help us drill down and find a winner
Combat Experience of Braddock and Leonidas
00:38:33
Speaker
right here.
00:38:33
Speaker
Anything you want to talk about toughest opponents for either one, Braddock or Leonidas? Leonidas just seemed to have run the gauntlet on pretty much any type of warrior that you could think of.
00:38:46
Speaker
So again, not any one particular opponent, but he's faced them all. And interestingly, there was an opponent that threw grenades at him. So as far as you know him facing more modern weapons, um I think he would fare pretty well against Braddock who maybe would use grenades and and other things.
00:39:06
Speaker
And yeah, like I said, just stacks up really well against any type. And I think with him being so savvy in combat, he would think pick up a machine gun pretty easily.
00:39:17
Speaker
That would be kind of interesting to see Leonidas with a machine gun. You got one, Jordan? For Braddock. mean, there's the there's the guys running the POW camp there. i ah General Tran, I guess, was his name, running the North Vietnamese prison camp there. That guy was a huge dick.
00:39:34
Speaker
That's kind of about it It's mostly the Vietnamese. he God, he killed a lot of Vietnamese, didn't he? Did you guys talk about Colonel li Yen? No. I feel like that was kind of like ah one of the tougher ones just because ah of his attitude.
00:39:47
Speaker
He's what the wwe WWE insiders would call it, a chicken shit heel. He doesn't really do much fighting himself, but he's ah he's never shy about ordering other people to do his dirty work for him. So that's one.
00:39:58
Speaker
Is this the main general or the general he kills on the boat in the first movie? Because i did want to talk about that. I do think that was is one of his main adversaries.
00:40:10
Speaker
this guy came at him with a knife on the boat in the first ah film. And there was some hand to hand. And ah eventually Braddock turns the knife against this general who from back way back in the the beginning of the movie, the general um was someone who was torturing Braddock. So Braddock was getting his is revenge. But what I thought it was absolutely hilarious for this scene was Braddock turns the knife back against this general. So the general is holding the knife.
00:40:42
Speaker
Braddock grabs the guy's wrist and turns his hand and then starts to force the knife into the guy's chest. The guy could just fucking let go of the knife. Just drop the knife. He could just drop it. But he doesn't drop it. He just keeps hold of it.
00:40:56
Speaker
and then And then Braddock stabs him in the chest with it with it with his own knife. So I thought that was absolutely hilarious. But think that was um definitely like a ah favorite moment in Braddock getting his revenge on this asshole.
00:41:08
Speaker
Yeah, can can we do some, everyone give a favorite moment or a signature scene? Yeah, definitely. All right, let let me throw out there. My funniest moment from missing an action. This is where Braddock teams back up with Tuck.
00:41:21
Speaker
And so he's going to save all the POWs, right? He's getting in Tuck's boat. You see it rolling down the river. The boat's covered in camo and scrim. He's all in camo.
00:41:32
Speaker
Everything's in camo out. And then you got Tuck cracking beers in the back in a bright Hawaiian shirt, just going, losing all of the element of surprise that you possibly had from everything else trying to fucking blend in.
00:41:45
Speaker
was pretty funny. That's how I would see you in that situation wearing a Hawaiian shirt, cracking beers, just being dumbass. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers. There's a great scene for Braddock. It's one of the boating scenes. The enemy thinks they killed him. They start celebrating. They're on a boat, I believe.
00:42:03
Speaker
And then they're kind of almost high-fiving whatever. He's dead. He kills him. And then all of a sudden, he just emerges out of the water like a phoenix rising from the ashes. His eyes are open, and he just starts unloading rounds and kills them.
00:42:16
Speaker
Just absolutely brutal and also points to the resiliency of this character. i thought that was a ah good, a great moment for Braddock, but it was hilarious how long and drawn out it was that those guys were laughing about killing him.
00:42:29
Speaker
It was just, they just kept on going. The rat scene was pretty badass too. If you remember the rat scene in in number two, which was the beginning, the prequel, they string this dude up by his ankles this time so he's upside down. They put a burlap sack over his head with an agitated rat, a big fat rat, and they're poking him with sticks to get him all agitated. They put the rat in the bag, tie the bag around his neck. He's upside down and he's just twitching and everything. You can't see what's going on Eventually there's just blood coming out everywhere. He's he's like grunting and groaning and like, oh my God, this rat is just chewing his face off.
00:43:04
Speaker
And then he stops moving. He goes limp. They take the bag off and he's got the rat in his mouth. He killed it and just chopped his head off with his teeth. Badass. We're obviously we're having fun with a fun character here for good reason. But I do feel that this guy could escape any situation. His escape success is 100%.
00:43:23
Speaker
I feel like he could get off Dexter's table. I feel like he could escape from any prison. He could escape from any anything where he's restrained, some tied down, being held captive, anything like that. I think there's nothing that could stop this guy from escaping.
00:43:38
Speaker
Yeah, he's a bit of a Harry Houdini. Greased pig. Let's talk about close calls, brutal injuries, things like that, that also, again, points to who's going to win this thing. There's one I wanted to bring up. I don't know. If one of you guys wants to go first, that's cool. But I do have one that I want to bring up for Leonidas. Jump in.
00:43:55
Speaker
We mentioned the uber immortal in the first episode that we did with him, right? The giant seven-footer played by a former wrestler, in fact, known as Kurgan. He was in the oddities.
00:44:06
Speaker
But I want to bring this up again. And the reason of the significance of this is that we see Leonidas outdueling most of his opponents with his exceptional spear work, of course, his melee type army combat, and serving as a leader of probably the GOAT army of all time. They're like a team of piranhas. You can't avoid them.
00:44:23
Speaker
They're just all on you and they just start killing people. That's all they do. But this is one of the few times that we see Leonidas grappling for his survival in a one-on-one matchup.
00:44:33
Speaker
This is him and the uber immortal. He almost decapitated him. Remember his buddy saved him and he just chopped off the top of his hat
Leonidas vs. Uber Immortal
00:44:41
Speaker
basically. So that was a close call, but he stabs this beast through the arm. He just pulls it out and keeps fighting. He stabs him in the eye. He pulls that out. He keeps fighting. he had to be in his brain.
00:44:52
Speaker
And then finally he chops his fucking head off and I almost expect him to get up. I think we talked about this scene a little bit. This is one of the things that left an impression on me because despite his 300 partners and him killing just thousands of enemy armies, this one left an impression. based on how will this play out in a tournament scenario, which is a one-on-one battle. And this is the battle that we saw, the only time that we saw it. And i and it left, ah obviously, a positive impression on me.
00:45:18
Speaker
Yeah, I think with most other characters, if you take that giant hulking beast and you say who would win in a one-on-one, lot of people are looking out saying, ah, their chances don't look too good. King Leonidas, I mean, it was close, but goddamn, he took that thing down.
00:45:31
Speaker
Let's talk about X-Factor. We're talking about what makes these guys the most dangerous. What makes them dangerous in this battle, Leonidas versus Braddock, and what makes them super dangerous moving forward in the next couple rounds of this tournament?
00:45:45
Speaker
I think we talked about it earlier in the episode is Leonidas is strategizing experience with war. Not to say that Braddock doesn't have that, but I do think Leonidas is always thinking like three, four steps ahead.
00:45:59
Speaker
He's planning out how he's bringing it to the Persian army he's I think he's really ready for anything. When you compare him to Braddock, Braddock is more reactionary and Braddock seems to be going into his fights without a plan. He's just sort of running into where he thinks the POWs are and he's just sort of jumping in and relying on his his skills in the moment rather than thinking a few steps ahead. So I could see Leonidas, I guess, outsmarting or being multiple steps ahead of Braddock if it came to them having to hunt each other down.
00:46:30
Speaker
Jordan, you got an X-Factor? I feel like what yeah what what makes James Braddock dangerous, it's got to be his kung fu. I feel like that's what stands out when I'm seeing him versus all the other action characters here.
00:46:43
Speaker
is You'll see him go in these long, protracted, hand-to-hand combat battles. and God, it looks so fucking hoagy, but he he does take them on and he does beat these people. ah so For him, I'm going to it's hand-to-hand.
00:46:56
Speaker
He's pretty good with guns and shit like that. But like it was that really hokey 80s action movie thing where he just fucking hit fires and knocks 100 people down. So like I guess that was pretty cool.
00:47:07
Speaker
But yeah i'm gonna I'm going to say it was his hand to hand. That's going to make him dangerous here. especially going up against King Leonidas. And, you know, we'll eventually get in what setting would these two possibly meet?
00:47:19
Speaker
Obviously not a setting where he's going to have a fucking M60 machine gun and Leonidas isn't where it's really coming down to who is the best. fighter here. And I think that type of fight is going to lean on the hand to hand. So maybe Braddock, we already gave him seven out of 10 hell in a cell. That's going to make him dangerous.
00:47:37
Speaker
One thing i'll I'll say about Leonidas is that he, he doesn't fear death and kind of expects it. And I think that makes him super fearless in the tournament. And in this matchup, he doesn't need to survive. He just needs to win. And I think the most important thing for him is honor, martyrdom, and the legacy that he leaves.
00:47:54
Speaker
So it's almost like if he dies a dramatic death and he's defending himself and his army and his cause, dying in that way is a positive for him. So the closer he gets to death, maybe I'm going to die here. This is going to be super dramatic. And he just turns into a whirlwind and gets even tougher.
00:48:11
Speaker
And I think that's going to be a real tough thing to beat in in ah in a tournament type type situation. seemingly got nothing to lose. That's right. Right? Yeah. Because if he dies, it's okay. As long as he put has his name on a plaque afterwards, I think. I'll say this too, because Braddock has a lot of ah skills that that we need to talk about and we have.
00:48:29
Speaker
He survived just unbelievable levels of mental and physical torture, prisoner of war. But one thing during this entire time is that he was never beaten down. He always kept his edge. He was just plotting his escape.
00:48:41
Speaker
He never shows a showss weakness. He's not chasing glory like Leonidas is. He has an ah an objective, and that's to complete the mission, period. If that mission is beating Leonidas, in his mind, that's what he's going to do. He's not theatrical and in any way. but He's just a total one-man army.
00:48:59
Speaker
Should we talk about a path to victory? And we've got to pick a winner here. Does anybody want to pick one? I'll start out. So ah a path to victory for King Leonidas. Chris, you touched on this a little bit. He sets himself apart with his strategy and his thinking. And that's something that you don't necessarily see it at the same level in Colonel James Braddock. So I think King Leonidas is going to have to use his brain before his brawn.
00:49:22
Speaker
I think he's going to set up a situation. He's going to set up an advantage. Whereas Colonel Braddock just relies on being I'm goddamn Chuck Norris as his X factor here. Yeah. I agree with you. I think Braddock almost has plot armor in a way where he's just taking out enemies really, really easily. um You know, he's given he's bitch slapping them and they're going down, not getting back up. And you've spoken about the hokeyness of the film before. And again, it it does come down to that's the film. That's not necessarily the character himself, but it's it's hard to to get past that when it's so obvious that Leonidas is just
00:49:59
Speaker
way stronger and seemingly at least with a weapon like a spear and a shield he's just so much more experienced and could you know i think could easily take any man down and we're gonna rule out a simple and boring sniper attack it's just not possible in this tournament I was thinking about that and in that Leonidas doesn't have a gun or you know, a machine gun or a sniper rifle, but he's just as goddamn good at throwing a spear. And that could equally resemble any kind of gun. If he's able to throw a spear from, yeah from distance. That's a good point. um
00:50:33
Speaker
You know, he, he could take somebody out who had a machine gun on him. No, that's that's a good point. It does not have to be within five feet of each other for Leonidas to win. Leonidas' range is much greater than, for example, William Wallace.
00:50:46
Speaker
That spear is as deadly as anything. It makes the battlefield much closer than it it would appear, right? The other thing now that I'll bring up is that they're similar in that they both excel in guerrilla warfare, even though, you know, Braddock's turf is the jungle. His path to victory is to use some type of a detonation device, you know, some type of a grenade trap, C4, something like that. If he's if he's using that, we see he's just blowing the shit out of everybody. So that's how Braddock is going win.
00:51:16
Speaker
Now it's time to settle the score.
00:51:29
Speaker
Do you guys think that we have a winner? Yeah, I think so. Okay. Before we do, do you remember General Tran, one of the villains that Braddock faced? I'm going to play a clip for you and see if you recognize it.
00:51:41
Speaker
It's the same actor. I'll be five, ten minutes. He's the Chinese restaurant maitre d' in the Seinfeld episode, the Chinese restaurant, where they can't get their seat. They're standing there waiting. and Oh my God. And the dude kept saying,
00:51:58
Speaker
I'll be five, 10 minutes. You have to get the Seinfeld reference in there. Oh, I need to look this up. What was this? James Hong. let's see. James Hong Seinfeld. i'm looking this up right now.
00:52:11
Speaker
Get the, oh my God. And he looks just like him. That is hilarious. It wasn't that far apart. That was like in the mid eighties and Seinfeld started in the late eighties. So it was maybe five, six, seven years later.
00:52:22
Speaker
Guess where he was born. Where? Minneapolis, Minnesota. Steve spent some time there. You know when we're going to announce the winner? Five, ten minutes.
00:52:34
Speaker
You have too much power with that soundboard. Let's get to a winner. Okay, guys. We went through this. We had some fun, but also we needed to dig down, talk about their actual skills. We did that. I think I have a winner. it Sounds like both of you guys have a winner.
00:52:47
Speaker
Chris, you want to go first? Let's Said at the beginning, Braddock slash Chuck Norris. his reputation precedes him. He's just known as this badass, tough guy character who knows a million different martial arts styles.
00:53:01
Speaker
Seemingly a formidable opponent for Leonidas. At the end of the day, think just think that If you're talking about strategy, Leonidas takes it. If you're talking about martial weapon combat, Leonidas takes it.
00:53:15
Speaker
We talked about having a gun against Leonidas doesn't necessarily give you an advantage because he can take you out with a spear, um you know, maybe throw an axe. I would assume that he is pretty good with a bow and arrow as well. so Leonidas takes it there.
00:53:30
Speaker
We did give Braddock the the win in the Hell in the Cell, but I just don't see Braddock being able to to even disarm Leonidas if it were to come down to them being that close to one another. And so basically, yeah, i give this one to Leonidas. I think he just ticks too many boxes.
00:53:49
Speaker
Chris, I'm right with you. I'm giving this to King Leonidas. King Leonidas is a warrior. I feel like he demonstrates so much grit in going through all these hard situations and almost like plot armor.
00:54:01
Speaker
I feel like any situation that Braddock is in, it's like it just bounces off him. Like it doesn't even affect him. Like like he's never had to be through a truly hard experience.
Final Analysis: Leonidas' Triumph
00:54:10
Speaker
Like he spent years in a POW camp and he'll say something like, oh yeah, you know, the that the showers were a little cold, you know, that that'd be the kind of thing he would say about it.
00:54:19
Speaker
But I, feel I feel like he doesn't have that real gritty warrior mindset. He just walks into situations like he owns the place. And I think with a character like King Leonidas,
00:54:33
Speaker
He's used to people walking into situations like they own the place, like Xerxes, for example, walking in like I've got this in the bag overconfident. I think King Leonidas is going to look at him, let him feel like he's overconfident and then serve him up a big Spartan sword.
00:54:48
Speaker
Very nice. Two for Leonidas, zero for Braddock. Now I'll chime in here. If I had to simplify this into one sentence, it would be that Braddock fights to rescue, he fights to survive, and he fights to complete a mission.
00:55:01
Speaker
I don't know if that was one sentence with commas or three sentences. You get my point. But he succeeds. He succeeds at completing the mission, surviving and rescuing every single time. And you can't dismiss that.
00:55:15
Speaker
For Leonidas, he does not fight to survive. He fights like a warrior trying to become a legend. He fights to create a legacy so that people remember him, not just next year or the next decade, but centuries from now.
00:55:28
Speaker
And that's what he's fighting for. He doesn't care if he dies. Now, to pick my winner, this was the final straw for me and the final factor. There was a scene in Missing in Action 2. He has the opportunity to kill Colonel Yin, and instead of killing him, Colonel Yin dictates the rules.
00:55:44
Speaker
He kind of pulls the old, hey, no weapons, let's see who's a better man, just one-on-one, mano-a-mano, and Braddock accepts it. He puts his weapons down and they just fight hands and feet.
00:55:55
Speaker
If Leonidas pulls this on Braddock and Braddock can't resist that challenge to show that he's better than Leonidas, I am sorry. This fight is over. Leonidas would never show that restraint or allow someone to dictate the tempo.
00:56:09
Speaker
He would kill that fucking guy. And of that is why I take Leonidas. Unanimous decision. And I'm just going to say this to wrap up my commentary is that when we set these up, I really did remember Braddock having not seen this movie in 20, 30 years, probably I had Braddock as Rambo light, almost to that level. I had him not in the elite tier, but right under that. And that's how I remembered him as an absolute killing machine that almost rivaled Rambo.
00:56:38
Speaker
After watching it again, I started to see a little bit of the flaws. little bit of rose tinted glasses when you're 10 years old watching it gradient glasses. I wish any parting shots before we head out for the evening. Do bet. Go to, go to acting school. Chuck Norris.
00:56:54
Speaker
Do you think that Chuck Norris uses the same clipper setting for both his beard and his chest? I feel like you see all those scenes and they're like almost at the exact same length. I'm like, does he just take the same clippers and start from the bottom and work his way up?
00:57:10
Speaker
I don't know how he does this. I'm not a hairy guy myself, but it's like he's covered in fur from his neck all the way down the back of his neck, the sides of his neck, all the way down his chest. There is no part where there is a distinction between. It's almost like his leg hair and his beard are the same. There's no stopping point to it. It's just one long beard.
00:57:37
Speaker
I've never seen anything like it. He's just jealous. Guys, what a great piece of analysis on the body hair of Colonel James Braddock to end this podcast. I think that was his downfall.
00:57:49
Speaker
I don't know if we're going to cut that. We'll see. I hope it stays. Leonidas doesn't have any. All that baby oil. They they were they didn't they didn't allow any hair on those guys. It's drawn in. Yeah, it's only drawn in with a Sharpie. Leonidas or Braddock's greatest enemy would be like the loop side of Velcro.
00:58:08
Speaker
He would just get stuck. All right, guys. A lot of opinions tossed around today, but the fact that this podcast is over means it's not an opinion anymore.
00:58:21
Speaker
It's a goddamn fact. The winner is Leonidas. And we'll see you guys next week. Outro and credit song. Explosion.
00:58:36
Speaker
Thank you for listening to the fictional fighting championship podcast, the world's premier destination for very serious conversations about completely made up fights produced by Chris Doherty against his better judgment.