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S2 Episode 4 - How to deal with self comparison
36 Plays6 months ago
This week Ben and Lewis talk about the positives and negatives around self comparison
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Transcript
Introduction of Hosts and Weekly Recap
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome back to Working It Out. I'm Lewis, I'm an online fitness coach. And I'm Ben, and I run a creative agency. and So, how are you mate? How's your week been? It's been a challenging week. um I think the combination of having a little break at the end of last week, having a little bit of time away and then coming back in and feeling like I was having to play catch-up on a few bits and work at a million miles an hour, um means yeah I'm feeling I'm ready for the weekend today yeah for sure I know we we chatted a little bit before this or a lot before this and I know you've had like quite a challenging week and but do you feel better for having the time off I know you said that
00:00:43
Speaker
Yeah, no yeah i really it was it was um a really yeah nice trip um up to North Yorkshire. Beautiful. Yeah, so a nice part of the world. um And yeah, it was it was nice, it was quite remote, so lots of time outdoors, very lucky with the weather, so that was good. And yeah, just spending some really nice quality family time, which I don't get to do that often, so that was really good. um And then, yeah, as I say, I've probably then piled a bit of pressure on myself when I came back thinking, oh, I've had a little bit of time away, and but actually there's just a lot going on at the moment some really exciting things that we're working towards and Some sort of quite nice projects that we're working on, but it's quite
The Importance of Regular Breaks
00:01:20
Speaker
demanding. So yeah. Yeah, there's only so many hours in there. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's brutal. You need to you need to make sure you are Give yourself these little breaks every three months or so, mate many retirements. Yeah, it's important There's only so much bandwidth like we've got Yeah. How about you? How's your week been? My week's been pretty good. um To be fair, like I felt pretty. I had like a bit of a cold on the last podcast. um or I was getting a bit of a cold. It didn't really come to nothing or anything, but I felt like pretty fatigued. and and I did what I tell people not to do. I just trained through it.
00:01:55
Speaker
and So I felt pretty like just tired and just like a bit like burnt out. But I felt better. Like today has been a really good day, positive. So I think I'm through it. and But yeah, been ah it's been a good good couple of weeks. Took on a few new clients. I've had a lot of interest, a lot of like people reaching out and asking questions and stuff, which has been nice as well. So you've got some exciting potential clients. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which could be really cool. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, I guess like get towards summer, isn't it? People, uh,
00:02:32
Speaker
It's funny how people or we as as sort of a whole go through different phases of like thinking about the way we look after ourselves and stuff and it's a classic one isn't it with the summer like oh I want to get in shape for summer and and I think everyone sort of falls into that a little bit so I always start getting a few more questions and like a few more inquiries. and It's normally May time but the weather's been rubbish. Yeah, once that sun comes out and it gets a bit warm and everyone's thinking, all beaches, yeah holidays, swimming pool. Yeah, I think a lot of a lot people, especially women, will be like, get the summer clothes out. Guys have just got the same clothes all the year round, haven't they? But then they'll like...
00:03:10
Speaker
you know, perhaps they don't fit the same or perhaps they want to look even better than they do right now. So, yeah, been pretty good. I've been hungry. I don't know why. I was talking about that. I'm hungry now. I've been training a lot, getting ready for half marathon next weekend. We'll get through this quickly so you can go and eat. Yeah, quick one, 10 minute one this time. But yeah, all good. Thanks, mate.
Self-Comparison and Mental Health
00:03:36
Speaker
So, what we're going to do in this one is I well basically we've got a list of potential podcast ideas and ah we had written down the role of self-compassion and I read it wrong um and read it as self or self-comparison so I've done some prep on that so we're going to do comparison we're going to go through some negatives and I actually think there's quite a lot of positives so
00:04:05
Speaker
you know most people when they talk about comparison they see it as quite a negative and especially with like social media so people would be like oh you shouldn't compare yourself um and then there's there's that saying isn't there you know and comparison is the thief of joy yeah so we'll do some negatives first and then we'll go through a few like positives as well yeah so pass over to you in terms of negatives. Like what's your experience of maybe like in yourself, maybe you see in others like and like negative experiences in terms of comparing.
00:04:42
Speaker
Yeah. I think, I think it's quite easy to see, especially with how popular social media is and how much people use it now. I think it's very easy to see, um, more than you would have at one point in terms of people's, you know, lifestyle, um, material materialistic things. And even actually probably relationships is another one. Yeah, that is a great shot. Actually people see couples on there, you know, looking happy, for example, or, uh, people on holiday with even friends. and it definitely creates envy in people. yeah And yeah, it's dangerous because it's very easy and all of these platforms, as we all know, push the content which looks idyllic yeah and the more sort of perfect it looks, the bigger reach it gets. yeah So there's no surprises that people can come off social media having you know been on there for a few hours feeling very
00:05:38
Speaker
feeling very down yeah and um you know like they they're a failure of some sort or that they're not winning as much as other people because that's what it's basically showing them. and it's It's being aware of that and putting it into context. And I think I've had people say to me before, oh yeah, but you know you're um it looks like you know you're doing fine and you're doing great. This is when I probably used to use social media more yeah personally. um And actually at those times that wasn't the case. But then I was only posting the things which I wanted to show that made it look like that. of course And I think that's that's what I remind myself is that these people are doing the same thing.
00:06:19
Speaker
Influencers celebrities tend to share the good moments the highlights the highlights. Yeah Yeah, and and this is a generalization because there are a lot of people that do more so now It's become a bit of a trend as well actually to share the real stuff, which I think is good Yeah, but a lot of accounts especially a lot of influencers are trying to climb the ladder and want to you know Get brand endorsements and things like that. They are going to show you a whole load of aspirational things and be it their bodies, be it you know clothing, shoes, whatever it might be, or um supplements, all this stuff. And it it would be easy because they're good at what they do and they're good at making content to look at it and go, oh, that's their life in a nutshell. yeah When it's probably not. They probably actually had a really stressful morning trying to get that content right and trying to get the lighting right and all that stuff just for that moment. And that's without all the other stuff they've got going on in their life.
00:07:10
Speaker
But social media um is is very good at hiding all of that and just focusing is on the on the on the good stuff. 100%. I feel quite lucky because I definitely have like, obviously I'm not immune. Like all of us will see something that we wish they had that wish we had um and almost like have some like like a little bit of envy towards people. But I feel quite lucky because I, I'm quite resistant to it. I can definitely look at the like the big picture. yeah So when I see stuff online, I'll be like, oh, you know.
00:07:43
Speaker
This looks great, but what have they had to do to get that? That might not be so fun.
The Cost of Fame and Social Media's Impact
00:07:47
Speaker
Do you know what I mean? and A couple of like examples. So like, I don't know why this one's just coming to my head. I can think of two. So like, and have you seen all this stuff like Taylor Swift having to take a private jet and like how much like greenhouse gases she's using and stuff? No, I haven't seen that one. So there's like, I don't know. There's like TikToks going around or reels like, showing her private jet flying around America and how many trees they're going to have to plant. But then I was like, she's so famous that she cannot travel in any other way. Do you know what I mean?
00:08:22
Speaker
and would you want that like no one would want that you know you might want to look as great as her or like be as famous as her yeah but you know on the other on the other page like she can't just pop into tesco or she can't take a train do you know she has to book her own plane yeah um so it's like i don't know why i've thought that as an example really and then there's another guy that ah me and Zoe watch who is just funny so he started out on tiktok and then like instagram you ever heard of mashtag brady yeah yeah so he's just basically like a chav isn't he yeah um he just does stupid stuff but like seems quite nice bloke deep down but he just like
00:09:05
Speaker
drinks beers and basically he travels around the world and does, he he goes to like the worst places. Anyway, he does YouTube now. And ah you love YouTube, don't you? I love a YouTube, yeah. um But he posts daily. now for like you and I, realizing how much work that is. So to the normal person, you're like, it's just some chav, he's dumb, you know, he's just drinking beers. It is a lot of work to edit and post a YouTube video every single day. And the strategy that he must have behind that, you know, for the ideas, for content and all of that stuff. He does all of it on his own. Yeah. That's like he's working, like it's a lot of time. Yeah.
00:09:46
Speaker
and And I think when we see stuff online, you know, at face value, he's just probably earning quite a lot of money now by just. He went to India and he's just bowling around India, giving kids money, yeah moaning about how dirty it is and drinking beers. That seems great. But trust me, like sitting down and editing a 40 minute YouTube video every day. Yeah, that's a lot of work. That is just time. Yeah, and that's the thing. It goes back to sort of what we said before about not knowing, not having the full picture. Yeah. So, but yeah, I get it all the time when people sort of talk about social media and what they should be doing and how they approach that. And it would be very, it's it's quite a common thing for people to look and go, oh, well, just a few posts here and there and just get some stuff out. Yeah. It's like, well, no, there needs to be more to it than that. And yeah, you've got your strategy. And then there's the whole content creation side.
00:10:44
Speaker
And as you say, the hours that he'll be putting into that and perfecting that and editing that will be huge. And it's very easy to overlook that, yeah um especially as we all walk around with a fantastic camera in our pockets. If you've got a smart phone, people think, oh, it's easy. But actually. the editing that needs to go into afterwards to turn that from just some raw footage, how good your camera is, and making it you know watchable. yeah That's the key, isn't it? um Because anyone can put anything out at any point, but it's it's difficult to try and make it resonate with people and for people to want to watch it.
00:11:16
Speaker
um I still, there's, we've sort of spoken about it before, but Stephen Bartlett, he has somebody who works for him, I don't know if he's still accurate, it was as of last year. He had someone who worked with him who just, their role was to just um research for reals, um thumbnails. Yeah, he said about those. Yeah, yeah, and um and then to focus on transitions, they had a purpose just for that. And that's the thing, when you're taking it seriously and you're working to that level, that's the detail that goes into it, like any yeah industry. But because we all just watch it and consume it all the time, people aren't seeing that. It's a snapshot, isn't it? Yeah. yeah And you know from you the videos you do, yeah yeah sometimes, because actually some of the trends at the moment are to make it look like it's quite a, I've just thrown this together, it's really authentic. yeah
00:12:02
Speaker
it's not It looks that way, but there's a lot of work that goes into that, isn't there? To make sure it's got the right tone and it's got your voice. And yeah, that's what we try and do do for our clients, obviously, but I can tell you that it's time consuming. So yeah, I completely agree with what you said. um I think ah think the real tricky bit with um with the way that we kind of live now is that, it It's quite an individualistic society. um People don't necessarily grow up in a community thinking like um'm I'm part of something. People are quite ah they want to have their own ideas, they want to have their own kind of voice and even political views like most people these days haven't grown up necessarily being behind a particular political party.
00:12:46
Speaker
yeah like i I'm not yeah, but but a lot of a lot of people now find it harder to almost relate to things because they've got their own world Yeah, know and a lot of that will be based online and you can almost if you want to you can take yourself somewhat out of the day-to-day Yeah, and so in and absorb yourself into
Information Overload and Perception
00:13:04
Speaker
an online world and online relationships and all this stuff. And when you put yourself in that and you're taking yourself out of the day-to-day reality a little bit more, it makes it even more, you're kind of more susceptible to living through what you just see online. Do you see what I mean? it's Yeah, when we if you live, you know, like 50 years ago,
00:13:23
Speaker
you your reality was based upon what you might hear or see on the television, but that was pretty limited. yeah And then everything else was based around what you would see in the people you'd just interact with in person. yeah So you didn't have this, yeah it's great. Obviously it's amazing we can learn and educate ourselves on loads of stuff now because of the internet and all the digital stuff and we can travel and all of that. But actually it comes with its negatives because you're instantly thinking, well, like how are they going to do that? or It's not fair, I don't have access to do that. You wouldn't have known at one point. Do you know, I find that it's like the amount of times in a day that I'll think about something completely random like, oh, I wonder who, I don't know, I don't have to think of an example. I'll just like randomly Google something. And back in the day, you just never have known. You'd never known, yeah. Or you'd ask someone and they could have just completely lied to you. You'd be like, yeah. You'd have to go to a library, get a book.
00:14:22
Speaker
read through the book and find what you're looking for. yeah The amount of information, that's just kind of infinite information at your fingertips. And that's the thing, isn't it? For our our brains, it's not a long it's not really been a particularly long time when you've got such a dramatic shift, our evolution hasn't caught up with that. yeah And it is I think that's why so many people feel overwhelmed after you know if they are working in ah in an online industry or they're working very much um in a sort of world where they need to be Kind of constantly engage with all that stuff because it's so much going on all of all the time and it's 24 hours Yeah, you could literally just spend Every minute of every day on your phone watching wheels and they would just keep coming. Yeah, for example Yeah, there's no it would just give it out to you. Do you know when Instagram first come out and it used to run out? Yeah, like you'd watch all the stories Yeah, at least to say you've caught up for today. Yes
00:15:13
Speaker
That's no no more. No. And because, ah you know, the platforms always want to keep you on there anyway. So if if you can consume, you know, an infinite amount, it will basically give you an infinite amount. And I think, as I say, that's what makes it even harder now for people to try and step back and almost distance themselves and go, Oh, well, actually, no, I need to base this in reality. I need to understand there's some context to what I'm seeing because people spend so much time on it. I don't know how I would have. felt in a society like maybe if I grew up in like the late 80s early 90s where I don't have all this information available because i'm very react like I'm very reactive I'm very easily distracted like when I have to do my deep work I have to put on noise cancelling headphones I have to put my phone like slightly out of reach so that I don't think about going for it
00:16:01
Speaker
I can't have, if I'm distracted, I'll lose 10 minutes. And if I'm bored, if I've got nothing to do, I find it like excruciating. yeah So I wonder like how I would have felt. Would I have just been like bookworm or something? Just like going through books maybe. I think you would have found, if you have that in you, you probably would have found another an outlet for that. But yeah, it would have you just probably wouldn't have found us out as much information as quickly as as you do now. but um As I say, it's definitely there's definitely huge positives to it. This isn't to make it sound like we hate social media or anything. I think it's an incredible tool. but i I struggle to see the negatives. I know they're there. That's an actual problem for me. Yeah. it's It's more so that um basically no one has to do a psychology test to use social media. No. And that's I guess that's the danger.
00:16:51
Speaker
um people can access it very easily. you know You can sign up, you can make an account and connect with huge amounts of people within minutes. But is your brain ready for that almost? I think as well for like for like kids, people that aren't emotionally developed. like and some adults. Yeah, well, yeah, true, true. Do you know, like, how mind-blowing must it be to just go on Instagram for the first time as like a 16-year-old? I mean, you're on there way to fall out, aren't you? But as a 16-year-old to go on there, I remember getting Facebook. I was like, it was like, wow. Yeah. Wasn't it? Beeburn Myspace before that. do I remember getting Tinder. That was like, just like, how can you have access to this? Yeah. It's like serotonin button, literally. Yeah.
00:17:40
Speaker
and These people say they like me already like that is like when you when you want to be liked by other people It's just like there isn't it? Yeah, and But yeah, like as if as a as a kid, like you've never gone for a heartbreak. You might have never lost someone like Yeah, you're not like prepared for for social so you're gonna compare yourself You're gonna think that you should be a certain way basically And as we've identified before, you go on there and usually it's the most divisive things yeah that tend to come up. So if you're onto Facebook, there'll be an outrageous story someone shared and you know they're pushing it because they know it gets clicks and they know people watch want to watch whatever it is. um But as you say, that can if if you start to use that as your sort of source of information and you become reliant on it,
00:18:27
Speaker
ah that you're then more likely to sort of trust what you see on there and then you see other people posting things and you again think well that must be they they're they're living a better life than me and why don't I have that yeah and and when you're then reading things as well that are quite negative on there a lot of the time it probably reinforces something that doesn't it and you know fuels a bit of anger or envy or whatever that might be. yeah But yeah, definitely a lot of negative emotions yeah can be born out of that. So I think the key is is to try and is to try and keep it in context. yeah So from like a fitness side, like it' ah especially with bodybuilding, any fitness, any athlete,
00:19:10
Speaker
obviously looks absolutely incredible. And there's obviously a lot of money to be made for people that go, oh, I can make you look like this. You know, they never will. The people you see like, you know, Chris Bumstead is one in a billion. Like you cannot, no matter what you do, you will not look as good as him. Like you just won't. But you will feel like, you know, if I do certain things, can I do that? Do you know what I mean? And that's why I like, you know, steroids are a massive thing now. And I don't know, surgeries and all that, all that kind of thing. So in terms of like how to avoid it or how to like, it is difficult. If you're going to scroll reels, you're going to see this stuff on you. So I guess you've, you've got to build up some tolerance. But what I try to do is if I'm following someone that I know that I'm not
00:20:00
Speaker
And it could be anyone that I know I'm not really getting a per ah positive feeling from, either unfollow them or mute them if you know them. I've definitely, especially when I was starting out, like other coaches that I just felt like were doing way better than me, yeah but providing the same service or yeah potentially worse. that used to, be I thought it used to find that quite frustrating. So I just unfollowed them. and So that that sort of thing um helped. Or maybe someone that I like find it's like a role model and they're absolutely killing it. You go through ah phases where I just want to blinkers on because I just don't want to see their like, I don't know what it is, whatever social group or whatever. Their perceived success. yeah Yeah. Or even if it's real, even if you,
00:20:50
Speaker
Even if you've got a lot of respect for them and you believe them, sometimes you just need to be like, look, it's not doing me any good seeing this right now. yeah You know, i'm and I'm doing the best I can with what I've got available. That's what it comes down to for me. That's exactly what I was going to say. I think, I mean, I've looked at other businesses that do similar things to us and you see how active they are. And I'm like, oh, yeah I need to be doing that. But I know we are doing literally as much as we can. with the results that we have available and with the time we have. And that's just what you have to remind yourself. We will get there, but you know a lot of these people are much further in their journey and you just have to remind yourself of these things. And it's the same with individuals when they're sharing things, you know like you say, Chris Bumstead, how long has he been training for? And then you know if you're if you're just entering into the world of fitness and you're comparing yourself to people like that, then you you're are setting yourself up for a fall.
00:21:38
Speaker
But you don't know it. but Exactly. yeah um and And often now as well, you know sometimes it used to be that people would have a lot of content on their page. Now sometimes people only have just the recent stuff. you know They don't have the whole back catalogue. So you might scroll through 10, 15 things. And you think, oh, well, yeah, they've they've always been this way. And actually, it's quite interesting with with accounts, if you go back a lot further, sometimes you see actually there where the journey started to happen and the stages they've gone through. Yeah, don't go through mine. It's the most awkward videos and stuff.
00:22:13
Speaker
but you'll be But people will watch that. And this is what you have to remember with other coaches who are starting out or looking at it and going, this Lewis guy, he's absolutely killing it. like Look how he's developed his content. He's posting every day. Yeah. How's how's he at this level? that I should be at this level because I'm a really... So other people are looking at you in the same way that you're potentially looking at the people above you if you want. So, yeah. And you know we still look at the people that we aspire to be like. and And it's interesting, isn't it? Because you never look at people that are behind you, do you? You never look at someone that's like, I never, I never looked at other coaches that weren't posting every day or maybe had less clients than me or, you know, you just don't see them. Yeah. You look at the ones that you aspire to, don't you? Yeah. Yeah. And then you, you're like, Oh, everyone's doing better than me. Oh, it's so easy for them. Um, but yeah, it's just, um,
00:23:06
Speaker
my tip would be if you're if you are again struggling with that with social media and you think actually I've sometimes come away from it feeling negative might not be all the time but if you feel like too much of the time you come away from Yeah, a platform that you choose to use, then it probably is worth, as you say, kind of auditing the people that you follow yeah and spending some time, because they might have served a purpose at once, but a lot of people just end up following the same people for a long time. And it might be worth going through and just saying, actually, do I get any value from that account? Because even if you have done before, you might not know. You almost get attached. And I've definitely found that I will, like even some people that I see their content all the time, and then I'll just suddenly be like,
00:23:47
Speaker
What am I doing? You're almost feeding off the negativity. It's almost like a hit. You see it, you're like, oh, that twat. And then a couple of weeks later, you're like, what am I following this person for? There's some accounts which I've followed for a long time. and Continue to follow because I feel I feel they give value and they're still really authentic Even though if I actually look back at how they've developed and where they are in their career. They've absolutely smashed it Yeah, um and the one that always comes to mind. I'll give him a shout out. Maybe he'll listen who knows um I don't have you have you heard of gas Oakley?
00:24:25
Speaker
So he basically, he's like a plant-based chef. He's quite big. I might know it from my sorrow. Yeah, he's quite big on social media. His content's incredible. During lockdown, I got one of his cookbooks and cooked some really great stuff from it and then kind of just started following him from there. And his YouTube videos are really, really good, really engaging. and I started following him on Instagram shortly after that and I've continued to follow him because he still, he travels around, he's super passionate, he's very humble in the way he delivers things and he still continues to provide value. I'm going there and I go, oh wow, I didn't know you could do that or cook that in that way. yep
00:25:02
Speaker
So I kind of, yeah, like, tick. There's no reason for me not to yeah kind of follow him. But there are other people that I probably followed during lockdown, maybe like fitness people and stuff, who I was trying to pitch myself against and go, oh, right, well, yeah, similar age. Like, seemingly, you know, they live in the UK. There's no reason I can't be like that. And actually just a million miles apart in our lifestyles. Yeah. So why why bother following that, you know, that person's journey? I think some people you see, like, And again, I've definitely done this. I followed the rocks diet once. It was like an hour of cardio every day, lift weights five days a week. I felt awful, lost loads of weight, but I lost loads of strength. But I'm not the rock. Do you know what I mean? He has to look that way. He's on gear as well. And he's always, he probably come out of his like,
00:26:00
Speaker
Mum's stomach with muscles. Do you know what I mean? Like genetics play a massive difference. And when you see your favorite like influencer, athlete online, that's their job. Like they've got nothing. Well, they have got other stuff to do, but they are devoting so much time. Like you've got a normal job. You might have kids, like you've got other stuff that's going on. They're devoting everything to look in the way they do. And they've got amazing genetics. and I remember the first time there was, again, this is like late 2010s, oh sorry, early 2010s, there was a particular guy when I was first kind of getting into, like going to the gym and and you kind of try and immerse yourself in the yeah the culture. And it was around that time where everything was like all about aesthetics, you know, like really carved abs and all this stuff. And Instagram was still quite early on, but we'd just kind of still pump out this stuff. yeah And there was one particular guy I followed
00:26:53
Speaker
And I just kind of assumed everybody had abs like him. They were like, you know, the perfect, yeah like G.I. Joe style abs, where, um yeah, like everything was perfectly aligned. And I remember when I got down to obviously like below 10% body fat and my abs started to come through. I was really disappointed because mine weren't like aligned. Oh, and I just, I just assumed they would be. And that was probably the wake up call. I just remember thinking. Yeah, actually, everybody's genetics are so different. yeah Where you hold weight, how quickly it takes you to put on weight and lose weight, everybody is different. And everyone hates the place where they hold fat. So that guy, I bet that he felt really insecure about one part of his body.
00:27:32
Speaker
You know, for me, I remember being like, oh, if I just get to 80 kilos, I'm gonna have six pack. Oh, if I just get to this, if I just, I have to get so lean to get abs that everything else about my life is awful. yeah And it's just like, not worth it. It's just not worth it. And then, you know, I was saying to someone the other day, like, everything that you do has some kind of consequence. Like, if you want to look really good, you're going to feel really shit. yeah And if you want to eat shit food all the time, then... the that tastes good, then you're not gonna look or feel very good. like Everything's got some kind of cost. yeah and So like right now, to be fair, like in a dream world, like in it not a dream world, in an ideal world, I'd like to be three or four kilos lighter, but like right now I'm strong, fast, like i I feel good. like And you're enjoying your food. Yeah, perform well. i get to like
00:28:29
Speaker
eat whatever I want to some degree, I eat well, but I get to have what I want when ah when I want it to some degree. And and i will I will slowly, which really get those like four kit for a performance perspective, I think it will make a little bit of a difference, but like, it's just not that much of a big deal. And for me right now, getting a six pack, like not worth it. Yeah. and think And things change over time, don't they? When at certain points in your life, that becomes a really big thing and you can dedicate time to it and There might be a reason that that's important to you. Yeah, but you're doing photoshoot or something. Yeah, it changes over time, doesn't it? And yeah so it's how it fits in the grand scheme of things. And I think that's the other important thing, isn't
Evolving Goals and Mentorship Benefits
00:29:08
Speaker
it? is Sometimes it's really powerful to compare yourself and the things that you held, which I guess you thought were valuable or important to you, even five years, 10 years ago, because sometimes it just bases you more in reality now when you go, well, actually, yeah, I was really
00:29:23
Speaker
yeah I wanted a supercar when I was 21 or whatever, and now I kind of look at it and I see that as just, you know, a car that's a functional item, not to sound boring, but it's, you know, your your perspective on things change. yeah Your goals change, don't they? Yeah. Yeah, and I think that's the thing, isn't it? um People who haven't maybe realised or their goals haven't changed, thus that can be more challenging when you you end up comparing yourself to people even more, don't you? Yeah. Because you're still almost like, if your if your goals are still based on what they were 10 years ago, and you haven't achieved them yet, you're going to feel really miserable. Yes.
00:29:57
Speaker
yeah Especially if you see other people who it's sort of compounds then as well. Yeah, so like I've said this to again, we're talking about like fat loss and like coaching but I think like a ah lot of people that have tried and failed many many times like their confidence just gets a little bit eroded every single time that that could mean anything that could mean like maybe you applied for the same promotion like five times like
00:30:25
Speaker
you're going to go into that sixth time just thinking, well, I'm never going to get this. Yeah. It's self fulfilling prophecy. Yeah. Um, so moving into like positives, something that people never talk about the positives. I don't, I mean, from what we've just said about like, Instagram or all the risms and stuff. People don't want to hear the positives. Like people don't want to hear good news, but I think there are a lot of positives to take from comparison. You know, if you, like you mentioned that guy, uh, the, um, yeah, yeah. Um, like giving you value and maybe you wanted to be a chef, you know, you could take a lot of positives from, from that. You can be like, well, he's a role model. Yes. He's way, he's doing way better than I am right now, but you know,
00:31:11
Speaker
maybe he does like a mentorship where he explains how to do it and how he did it and he offers support. Um, so something you can do if you find that you're comparing yourself to people and you're comparing yourself to something that's a good thing rather than, I dunno, they've got like better clothes than you, then you can actually start working towards that thing. Um, so yeah, like,
00:31:41
Speaker
Yeah, so like role models or... I'm trying to think of like the right... I think even, yeah, role models is one way, but like you said, it's kind of like a mentor, isn't it, as well? Yeah. If you if someone is allowing you to somehow access what they're doing, um And hopefully he's going to be on here soon. But a good friend of mine, Ollie, who I know has obviously you've spoken to us about social media and and we hope to have him on here very soon. um if you If I was to go onto his Instagram right now, I think for memory, one of the first posts I would see is about how he's built his property portfolio. yeah And it is literally, this is the number of properties I have and this is how long it's taken.
00:32:22
Speaker
And that for him was a big milestone moment which he wanted to share, which is great. If I just went on there straight away and I didn't know the context and I didn't know how many hours he'd put in to that and the weekends that he'd given up and the stress and all of that stuff, it'd be very easy to just look at the outcome and basically just compare myself to that and go, oh, well, we're the same age. You know, why haven't I got that? But I know when I was probably you know working in a much less stressful job, he was putting in hours and hours of hard work and you know stress and taking on yeah a lot of, ah just a lot basically in every aspect. So it's easy though to look at it now and go, oh well, you know.
00:33:03
Speaker
That looks like he managed to do that really quickly. Yeah. It's really like, this is, this is a problem with a lot of stuff, isn't it? Like I could sit here and go, Oh, you know, he seems like he's got a great life. I'm sure he's got a lot of stress. I'm sure he's worked long hours and stuff, but you know, he's got a nice car. It looks like he's got a nice house. Like he shares some of his personal stuff. I could sit here and go, Oh, I want all that. But do I, have I got an interest in property? No. Am I interested enough to start right now? No, you know, you've got to ask yourself these questions like ah social media. Like I challenge anyone that's listened to this to post on your social media every day for 60 days. Just post. Don't even think about what you're going to write. It's really, it's not that easy, you know? So like when you're comparing yourself to someone, you can't just go, I want the outcome. You've got to compare like,
00:33:55
Speaker
the work. Yeah, that process has happened. yeah I don't know how many years it's took him, but I reckon it's quite a lot. Like that YouTube guy I was talking about earlier, that Mashtag, he's been doing it for years and that no one was listening like to start with. yeah He just kept going. Yeah. Yeah. That's the big thing as well. I think a lot of people just give up yeah and they and sometimes maybe they give up just too soon. Sometimes they give up way too early. and and and that's quite sad really because there's some really talented people out there who for whatever reason they just didn't have the motivation to keep going and yeah there's definitely something to be said for that and that's where I think it can be hugely positive because if you take the time and you find out the context and you can see someone else's journey and then even better if they offer a mentorship
00:34:37
Speaker
like Ollie now does that type of thing. He does consulting doesn't he? Yeah, if you want to get into property and but you don't know how to get started. That is the quickest way to do it. It's the quickest way to do it. He's made the mistakes and he's learned from other people that have made the mistakes. And it is interesting to give you the best advice. Exactly. And that's the great thing because imagine 15, 20 years ago. We should get some permission for this podcast mate. 15, 20 years ago though you wouldn't have had That opportunity you might have just come across someone down the pub who you know is in property But that's where it can be so beneficial you go on there right now say I want to get started in this industry and I want to like start right now and You can find people who are willing to share all that information and Yeah for a cost obviously But it'll be much cheaper than if you just try to work it out for yourself and all the mistakes you make on your own It's a return on investment, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I am I know coaches that have
00:35:29
Speaker
just plugged away on Instagram or wherever that have not had a paying client for like six months a year and have made it where they've just just stuck with it. Like it's such a saturated market. And I used to, again, I used to think there's not going to be anyone left, you know, never going to be able to do this full time. There's so many new people getting into it, but I don't really fear that anymore because one, it makes you want to do better. Like you want to provide a better service, you want to help more people, etc. But two, I just know that if people aren't good, they're just like the barriers to entry because of the competition.
00:36:08
Speaker
yeah It's so difficult, it's difficult you've got you know you've got to commit to like, you're not just a coach, you're like a social media, I don't know, person, producer, yeah. Yeah, it's definitely, you can you can just flip the coin either way, it's very easy to look at it as, say, oversaturated, in in a lot of industries you can do that, can't you? You can see people producing great content and just go, oh, well, what's the point of me starting? Because yeah they've already they've already done it. But if you genuinely believe, and it should be the reason you're doing things, hopefully, that you are going to supply something which is going to give value and probably do it in a better way than a lot of other people, then you might have to just keep going with it for a little bit longer than you thought you were.
00:36:54
Speaker
But if you truly believe in what you're doing, then it's worth it. Yeah, you've got a i some people can be motivated enough by money to love what they do. But in my opinion, like you've got a really loved it, like whatever you didn't love the grind, whatever that is. Like, again, let's go back to Olly. Like, I don't even know if I like property. I have no nothing about it. So there's like, you know if someone said to me, you can make loads of money doing it, there's no point in me trying tomorrow because I don't think, I don't like i know I'm not gonna make anything for the first couple of years or whatever, maybe even more. yeah So I'm very like unlikely to stay consistent and and get it done. Like whatever your thing is gonna be, you've got to really like it yeah or be like, you know, Yeah, just like it, basically. Yeah. and Otherwise, you're not going to be successful. Yeah. Yeah, I 100% agree. And I think that you have to, it's is like you said, it's kind of being realistic that what you're working towards is achievable. That's the other big thing, isn't it? It's like, if you said to yourself that, well, you know, like, you're in the first few months of training, and you said, I want to do a competition, like, in the in like three months from then,
00:38:09
Speaker
You're going to go on stage. Well, you're not going to win. Yeah, you know you're probably not going to. If you want to you know go and do a marathon after only a few months of of running, you're probably going to like fail halfway through. yeah but And I think that's the other thing, isn't it? When you look at and you hear other people's stories and you see what they've done, it just because that time frame worked for them, it might not work for you. so I think this probably goes back to one of or our other podcasts where we were talking about goal setting, breaking it down and actually knowing what you can commit to so that it's sort of like bite sized chunks as opposed to like, just, this is what I want to do. It needs to be a little bit more detailed. Yeah. Like day to day, it shouldn't be very hard, but it's time that makes it difficult.
Consistency and Scaling for Success
00:38:52
Speaker
Like you should only have a few things you need to do each day, but can you do that for X amount of days or year or months or years? Yeah.
00:39:01
Speaker
and There's that saying isn't there with like with like training and like fitness where it's like, go to the gym tomorrow, you won't see any difference. Go the next day, you're not gonna see any difference. Go for two months, you're probably not gonna see any difference. It's not it's not like that. yeah It takes, you know and and with business as well, it take there's a lot of parallels to be fair. and It just takes time of like like grinding. I don't know how many yeah actual, I'm trying to think of like, actual positives and in comparing yourself on socials. But I guess that would be like, it's just trying to be inspired, isn't it? Yeah. Either. Yeah, going well, like I said, you can actually flip it and just go, well,
00:39:45
Speaker
I don't know, be the same age or we live in the same town or wherever it might be. yeah And therefore knowing that theoretically you're not at a huge disadvantage. If you're working kind of in the same area, at the same market, then there's potential that you could achieve the same things, um not even the same things, probably better yeah if you wanted to. But yeah, you need to have some sort of basis for it, but the key is just not to compare the outcome, isn't it? I think that's the absolute takeaway. Alex Helmosi always says, doesn't he, like, it's just about time. Just can like, doing more over more time beats anything.
00:40:21
Speaker
Yeah. In anything, we know if we like, we both sat here now and and reached out to a hundred people to say, you know, do you want to, do you need our service? Yeah. We might get one person. If we reached out to a thousand, we'd hope to probably get 10. Yeah. It's just, can you, do you want that? Yeah. Do you want to do that? I mean, right now I don't want to, I don't want to DM a thousand people. Yeah. But if you scale things up, then you know that it's likely you'd get better results from it. Yeah. Likely. Yeah. I wonder how many like, God, Yeah, that's that's interesting, isn't it? Do you ever get those, we were talking about this before, so I always get these target like DMs, like what if I could get you 50 qualified sales calls per
00:41:08
Speaker
per week. yeah So I couldn't take on 50 clients in a week. like on a Where are these people coming from as well? like how how are they How are you going to deliver on this? I always reply sometimes thinking, okay, yeah, show me that. I'd like to know more yeah because I couldn't ah can't take on 50 clients in a week. Yeah, I know some of the some of the numbers that get quoted. It's mad, isn't it? Yeah. But but maybe, ah you know, they've they've built up 50,000 people in that database. Maybe the company's just
00:41:46
Speaker
I don't know, maybe there's like, maybe they just have a load of people that answer the phone and they're like, oh yeah, I'm interested in whatever you've got. You see, it's just one big fake scheme. Or some bloke that does 50 different accents. Yeah. Yeah. Possibly so. Yeah. You used to see this stuff all the time. It's like we were talking about Forex and stuff, didn't we? Do you think they're cracking down on that sort of thing? I think so. I think because it it obviously gives bad press to those platforms. If people feel that they've been duped into something and a they've been scammed by yeah an online course or whatever it might be. and
00:42:22
Speaker
their entry point was through Instagram or Facebook, then I'm sure people must report this stuff on there quite a lot. um And then it's just not in their interest to have it on there, is it? No. Because they they want to keep you, again, they want to keep you on that platform. They don't even have a negative experience, say that in quotation marks. They want to, yeah, keep you happy as such and feed you the positive stuff. What do you think like, I know we're going off topic here, what do you think like the future of like DMs on socials is going to be? something I've not thought about that much. But when you think, even if I think about when I first started like running in a business through Instagram, obviously most of my like inquiries come from either referrals or people that reach out or I reach out to on Instagram. But obviously now it's very easy just to ignore a DM. And people are a lot more cautious because of,
00:43:21
Speaker
yeah Yeah, because because of like scams and you know when Instagram started Everyone would have reply if you message someone even if they didn't know them they would reply wouldn't they yeah And now obviously now even if they say they wanted coaching they won't reply people are conditioned aren't they? Yeah, just going. Oh, I'm not um it's easy to ghost isn't it? Yeah, um I think Well, ah from a technical perspective, I wouldn't be surprised to see some form of merge between, you know, the platforms under meta, yeah you know, some kind of connectivity with something like WhatsApp, yeah where things get filtered into there. And again, if you've got your primary tab, it goes straight into your WhatsApp. Or if it's just people sort of fishing for stuff, it gets, I don't know, maybe left on the sc Instagram side, but you don't miss out on the the key stuff. There's probably things like that, which I imagine they'll be looking at.
00:44:09
Speaker
to try and tie that all together. To try and build trust. Yeah. Because they want people to hear me, don't they? Exactly. A little bit like, you know, a few years ago, they introduced with ah most email providers, you know, focused or other yeah primary and social, yeah just as ways to try and filter out. Because again, we just get bombarded with so much stuff all the time. Yeah. So yeah, i it has such an important function, though. you know the the direct messaging yeah side of things because that's how you I met you yeah through through using that function, through reaching out. and
00:44:43
Speaker
If you can offer people, while they're on the platform, the opportunity to directly contact someone, it's so important. Because before that, you're just hoping if people saw your content, if they couldn't directly your message, you've got to hope as they leave the platform, they don't get distracted yeah by a million other things. And they then go to message. Your website or something. Yeah, which I'm sure it must have been proven that that that happened a lot, that a big drop off. Yeah. So the fact that they see something and they can instantly try and get involved and get connected is key. It's kind of everything that we talk about with our clients is all around that. Whatever platform they're on, if they're on socials, if they're on your website, they need to only be one scroll or one click away. As soon as you start adding in multiple yeah buttons or you have to go to another page and you're going to lose people. I do that all the time. yeah i I will go
00:45:31
Speaker
If I can't find the information out, I'll just be like, oh, don't worry. Exactly, just give up, don't you? Because again, there's ah there's so many other options. You'll just go and find it somewhere else. We're just so impatient now, aren't we? Yeah. I find that's like a ah really difficult thing with and with coaching because I need quite a lot of information from someone to like provide answers.
Challenges in Coaching Communication
00:45:47
Speaker
Yeah. So like you know cost depends on certain answers or how I'm going to work someone's program. but Yeah. And I totally get it. They want one word answers or just like yes or no. But and yeah, it's difficult because I obviously need quite a lot more information. Yeah. But I guess that sort of filters out people that are ready to go, like committed, yeah ready to change.
00:46:15
Speaker
Yeah, and that's i've seen in art in our industry, I've seen a lot of the time people will have fairly lengthy contact forms whereby you know they'll try and qualify people just through the form, yeah which is fine. But personally, i prefer it sounds old fashioned, I prefer always if I've got a potential lead, I'd much rather go and see them face to face, at the very least have a phone call. I just feel you can get so much more in that conversation. than you could if I went back and forth over 50 emails. yeah And we like to go and actually see somebody in their own business, you know, actually get a feel for it, see what the environment's like. Because, you know, weirdly enough, it can often translate into how you would then build a website for somebody. If you go there and they've got this really beautiful open space,
00:46:58
Speaker
and you want people to have that connection that when they go to the shop or the premises when they're using the website it feels similar on an emotional level or physical level then that's really really key yeah and makes a difference isn't it a huge difference um just like anything, isn't it? If you had, if you've got consistent branding, you look much better than if you had, you know, one color on your logo, a different color on your van, your business cards were rainbow. People are going to look at it and you you can't join all the dots together. The thing is when you offer like, so I do calls as well, um, like zoom calls, but people, it's, it's very easy to see it. It's like a sales tactic, isn't it? But like you said, you need, you'd literally need the information. Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:40
Speaker
And actually, one thing I've started to do a lot more now is being like brutally honest with people and almost sort of trying to hold them to account with what can you commit to and you you know, you need this as well, this is key. Be honest with me, like what what amount can you give me in terms of your hours, your content, all of this stuff because if you tell me it's one thing and then we start working together and it's not, this won't work. yeah and And I know that is hugely probably the most important thing for you. yeah People need to be really honest with that commitment. and I've found from experience people aren't, and it's best intentions. But oh, that's fine, I've got loads of stuff. We've got like thousands of videos and photos to send over. And then you start working with them and it's like, well, I've got 15. And is there any more that you can supply us with that we can use and cut some stuff off? See, for you, it's more difficult because everyone's so different. Like for me, if someone's like, I don't know, I want to do 20,000 steps a day. I'm like, okay. Well, you know, I've worked with hundreds of people now.
00:48:41
Speaker
Not many of them have done 20,000 days, like you sure, but for you, it's difficult because you can't be like, okay, like, have you really got all this? yeah Because if they're saying they have, they have. Yeah. And that's that's actually where we try and position it now is say we were we were sitting with a client yesterday talking through everything and It's a very honest, natural yeah sort of natural conversation, but it's very much, okay, so what's your day look like in the business? And okay, so would that be the opportunity you'd have some time maybe to have a look at you know X? And it kind of flows like that rather than just like, right, how many are, but it's really, really important because often in that moment, people get the chance to reflect on it yeah and go, oh, you know what, actually, yeah, see, I tried this before and I tried dedicating some time, but you know someone's always popping into the shop and
00:49:27
Speaker
they kind of realize as well that maybe they don't have as much time and then that changes the way that we're going to work together and it's really good because I think people can then decide most people aren't going to say that to them they'll just go well this is the price and this is what we'll give you whereby we can sort of go well based on what you've said this is where we think your time or money would be invested best yeah and kind of build it that way. um Because otherwise you're setting them up to fail, aren't you? Yeah, essentially. Yeah, absolutely. If they think they can commit to something that they can't, i yeah it would be kind of your fault as well. Do you know what I mean? Because people are just going to go, well, you know, why haven't I achieved the results yeah that you sort of suggested I could do? Well, yeah, you haven't really been giving us the time, but equally we've then not done anything about it. So it's just, it's kind of doomed to fail from day one, isn't it? Yeah.
00:50:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, mate. i think we've ah I think we've covered this one. Just to clarify, social media is a great tool and I encourage people to use it to to its best. Yeah. Something I did want to say actually that I forgot. and Some people take like social media breaks, don't they? Have you ever done that? No. I think Zoe has. Yeah. I just don't feel the need. No, me neither. that's That's a personal thing, I guess, but I can see why some people, there's a lot of people I think should. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. There's a lot, there's a lot of people that you look at. Um, if you go on Facebook, you know, people used to work with, for example, or I don't know, you know, you have people made from school and you think, Oh, you need to have a day off. So there's this, um, group in Sudbury where I used to live called the Sudbury Monas group. Okay. And it is just like,
00:51:04
Speaker
Like Karen's if anybody if anybody wants to have a bit of fun And they haven't tried this platform before have you heard of next door? No, so This is this is not a spot. This is not an ad for next door But um the premise of next door is is a really good idea. It's a local social media and very much like Facebook probably was originally um And it's all about you do it based on postcode so you would join your neighborhood and And I remember when it first came out, there was some really good stuff shared, like, oh, such and such is having a like a charity raffle or whatever, and people just wouldn't have known otherwise, it would have got lost on bigger platforms. yeah It is now, because I just get like ah an email digest of it. It's just people moaning, someone parked on my verge. ah They haven't emptied the wheelie bin. Like, it is just an absolute moan fest. That's what subconscious is like. Yeah. It's like, oh.
00:51:58
Speaker
I saw the police in the local spa. Bloody kids have been stealing loads of stuff. Literally, yeah. Probably horrible single mums. It's just like, oh my God. So much venom and opinion on there. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they you need to pop a message and tell them to get on next door because they'd fit right in. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah. Okay. and We need to decide what we're going to do next week, but that is the end of this week's podcast. Thanks for listening, everyone. As always, if you've got any ah ideas for topics and we are going to get guests, if you've got ah if you've got some interesting story to share, we'd love to get you on. But apart from that, we will see you next week. Take care.