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S2 episode 8 - Toxic traits 😈
29 Plays5 months ago
In this one Ben and Lewis talk about toxic traits that bottleneck your success.
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Transcript
Introduction and Casual Talk
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome back to Working It Out. I'm Lewis, and I'm an online coach. And I'm Ben, and I run a creative agency in Norwich. How you doing, mate? Yeah, not too bad. Good. Feel better now. We've had a little little chat at the start. Like we do. I was feeling a bit hot and drained um after this this intense heat. I told you before, I'm not a fan of the heat. So yeah, I'm feeling a little bit better now. It's been a very, very busy week. So looking forward to getting into this one and and having a good chat about I think quite a quite a tasty
Weekly Challenges and Client Management
00:00:31
Speaker
subject. I hope so. I hope so. You're a ah typical English person, mate. What in that? I don't do well in the heat. Well, we are. but I was wondering about it today as well. Did you know what the problem is? It just goes from like 10 degrees to 29 today. That's exactly what I was saying. It was, I think this time last week, I went out somewhere early with a fleece on still because it was about 10 degrees. I mean, it warmed up later in the day, but
00:00:54
Speaker
then today step out and it was like getting off a plane when you land in Spain. Yeah. So you just add a week of heart you can't get used to it. can No, no. Um, what have you been up to today? Have you like just working all day? Yeah. Yeah. It's been a busy day. um but had some, yeah, we've got some good projects that we're working on at the moment, so it's, ah yeah, just getting them turned out, but at the moment, it feels very much like we're ahead of the clients. So I think that's probably why I'm feeling a little bit frustrated. Yeah, so lots of people that we're waiting to get back to with various bits, and so we've done as much as we can with a lot of projects, so yeah, that's sometimes a bit frustrating, because it feels like you can't keep things moving through through the pipeline, but I
Pet Insurance Frustrations
00:01:38
Speaker
can't complain.
00:01:38
Speaker
Nice. Nice. I've been doing pet insurance today, which I'm looking forward to moaning about. Basically, dogs a year old, pet insurance renewal doubled for some reason. I think you said this last time, yeah. yeah but or right I've already moaned about it. Did I moan about it? You mentioned it, you said that it was coming up. So I rang them today um because I did like a quote and I found the exact same company that we're with, but for half the price. Right, okay. So I rang them and I was like, oh, and just wondering why it's half the price if I'm a new customer, like is this here a different policy? And they were like, oh no, it's because um
00:02:15
Speaker
I can't even understand it, but apparently you get like I can't claim for the first two weeks of pay insurance. I think it's to stop people that have already got an ill dog just getting insurance and then claim it. That makes sense, yeah. So she was like... So I think if we leave it two weeks, and they are playing that trick, the dog will be dead by then. So I was just like, okay, so why am I paying more then? Yeah. I honestly don't understand it. So I said like, so shall I just cancel and go with the new policy? And she was like, yeah, like as long as you know that your dog's not got an under underlying health issue.
00:02:47
Speaker
or I was like, yeah, but like you would know about it, wouldn't you? So you got a two week bit in between, have you? Yeah. So I guess he can't get ill for two weeks. Yeah. still they without claim yeah rough upff bowl wrap though was just like what the hell So it went from like, it's already expensive. It was like 35 pound a month, up to nearly 60. 60's a lot, isn't it? Yeah, and when you're not and you're not getting anything for that. No. Or it's not
Running in the Heat and Listener Shoutout
00:03:15
Speaker
warranted. No. Yeah. So I did that, went through some other ones. this They're so crafty. A lot of them, like they'll say like life cover, but they'll cover like
00:03:27
Speaker
say your dog could get something wrong with its back so like one vertebrae will count as the whole back so if it hurts itself in a different place they're like no no no claim terrible people that write these policies i know i know you have to look yeah otherwise you get um you get screwed yeah but hopefully that that's that's all good um a couple of sessions today. I went out for a run in the hottest part of the day, which was miserable. Okay. Well, just a 5k. It's just to punish yourself. I don't know what I was thinking, but yeah, that was fine. um
00:03:59
Speaker
Shout out to ah to Chris, friend of the po friend friend of the pod Chris, who called you yesterday or the other day for the the gales quote. Yes. You got done by gales mate. Yeah, so for anyone who heard the last one I thought gales was a really well done independent it turns out they're pretty big. So I maintain though, they've done well. They've managed to create the illusion that they're independent and they're still very local and give good service and all that stuff, good products without feeling big and
Identifying Toxic Traits
00:04:31
Speaker
corporate. So they've nailed their marketing. There you go. Shout out to Gales. Yeah, nice. He also said that the sound quality was a bit low last week. So hopefully we're going to fix that. I think I've fixed it.
00:04:42
Speaker
Anyway, let's get into this week's subject. Do you want to take it away, mate? Yeah, so we're going to be talking about toxic traits. So hopefully people have heard the term, are familiar with the term. We're not talking here about binge drinking or going to strip clubs and not telling your partner and stuff like that. um or even maybe binge eating food. It's because we condone all of those. We're fine with all of that. Yeah, that's all fine. They're not they're not toxic. No, it's just part of it. Just in moderation. It's normal, yeah. um No, this is sort of focusing more on things that hold you back from self-development, from
00:05:23
Speaker
It might be that you're trying to build a business. It might be that you're trying to build a property portfolio or get in shape. And there are things that you keep doing, um maybe subconsciously, some of them, which prevent you from then taking the steps to to actually get to
Procrastination and Goal Setting
00:05:37
Speaker
where you want to be. So a couple of examples before we get into too many of them. um You procrastinate too much. I think that's quite a big one a lot of people can relate to. Yeah. Definitely guilty of that sometimes, to be fair. Yeah, ah one that we've talked about quite a lot, we did a whole pod on. um You don't have clearly defined goals that challenge you. yeah That's another one for people. They think they're working towards something, but it's not measurable. It's not... Yeah, they they can't prove that they've actually taken the steps. Yeah.
00:06:04
Speaker
and And this one I see a lot actually, you see failure as a loss rather than a lesson. I think that's a big one. Lots of people just instantly think, oh well it didn't work out at that time, so I'll just give up yep rather than going, well it didn't work out because of this. so I'm going to take this action to learn that lesson and kind of go again. Yeah. So yeah, should we keep going through them? Should we cover that one? Let's cover that one. Okay. Yeah. So that's definitely something I've done. I think if you're a little bit sensitive, it's very easy to do that. And I definitely am. Well, I think everyone is. I think when you first
00:06:41
Speaker
get hit by failure, you're like in pain, aren't you? I think it's like the reflection that you get the growth from. yeah Because everyone like makes mistakes. I know that, especially when you like take a lot of pride like in business and stuff, if something slips up, you're like, God. Yeah, you go through the sort of stages of anger and then frustration, disappointment. yeah And it's then you've got to then allow yourself to get to the reflection stage. And a lot of people, I think, maybe miss that one. Yeah, they just they just hold on to the anger. Yeah, the failure or or just like, guilt and they don't sort of grow from it.
Overcoming Procrastination
00:07:13
Speaker
um How many examples did you did you give? Do we need to go back? Yeah, so the other one. What was the first one? So you procrastinate too much. I think some people procrastinate constantly. I speak to quite a few people now. um A lot of them actually who have started a business or they're quite new to business and they've taken that first step which is brilliant but then they're talking about things that they want to do in their business and it's I need to do this and when i when this happens I'm definitely going to do that but then you'll kind of see them week on week especially in like networking groups and stuff I go to.
00:07:51
Speaker
And you sometimes think, ah you you told me that two months ago. They've not taken the action, they've not sort of done anything. yeah And because they're kind of getting their own head, I think about stuff. And it might be money, it might be that they don't feel they're ready for that next step. So I think this is a big problem for people. um And it is, it's hard, especially if you're on your own. yeah You said before, haven't you found this? Yeah, so like, I actually know someone pretty close to me, I'm not gonna name them, that has really good ideas, but never like, wants to start up their own business, has all these like bright ideas, bit of a dreamer, but never, unfortunately, takes action on them. yeah and In terms of procrastination, like for me, my like i get a bit I can get a bit blurred, like if I've got a lot to do,
00:08:40
Speaker
just starting because you're like oh my it's like overwhelm isn't it yes because you're like oh my god like all this stuff got to do and then you almost just sort of freeze it used to be a lot worse with it like i've got like systems that i use yeah to get me through that now but yeah procrastination i think a lot of people in this boat like if you if you're going to take it like weight loss the same applies like someone that's got a lot of weight to lose might never get started yeah because they're like, wow, this is going to take so long. But you you get it all the time because I've been there and I've spoken to a lot of people and I still speak to people now who even like extended family, it's always want to come back from holiday. Yeah. Or, oh, well, I'm just going to get this done or we're doing this and then I'm going to start. People think that they're suddenly going to not be busy yeah or something like I always try to save the kids, get back to school. When was the last time you were not busy? And they're like, oh, actually, I don't really know. And you're like,
00:09:33
Speaker
and plus the facts like say you had six months now where you didn't work and you could completely focus on your exercise and get in shape at some point your normal life is going to get back together and if you haven't got a system in place to get you to keep your results, then what was the point in doing it? Do you know what I mean? 100%. Yeah. so i think So I think procrastination is something which a lot of people struggle with. Have you got any top tips on how to sort of help with that? You obviously mentioned having systems in place for that. Yeah. So for me, it's like,
00:10:05
Speaker
So from ah from a business and or like work perspective, I have themed days. So I have like certain certain days where I do certain things, like you would if you had a proper job. yeah and And I write myself lists. So something I can't remember where I heard it. And I sort of recommend to people is like write a list of your like most important things you've got to do. put the most important thing at the top of the list and then just start with that and then it feels a little bit less overwhelming for me. I think my procrastination comes from overwhelm. I can relate to that one as well with lists we use. It's something I encourage everyone in the team to do as well, make a list because
00:10:43
Speaker
Throughout the day, you get bombarded with things. Things just get thrown at even more angles. yeah You haven't got it written down, even you've got a really good memory. We talked about memory earlier, weren't we? Not everyone has a great memory anyway, especially short term. So it is very easy to then drop the ball on things. If you don't write them down, make a list. It's just something really nice about ticking things off and putting a line through it. Yeah. I think another one is just making a start. yeah So like, for example, like weight loss. Okay. I know I was bringing it up, but you know You don't have to join the gym, get your diet all input. like You don't have to do everything at once. like You might just start by like, wow, I'm going to track my steps um and taking a step in the right direction in whatever you want to do. Maybe it's like, I don't really like my job and I need to start learning something new after work.
00:11:26
Speaker
just paying for the course, do you know what I mean? It's momentum. Do you think sometimes, because people maybe don't understand too much about the subject, so it might be weight loss or you know getting into fitness, there might not be someone who's had much exposure to it before, they think you have to have all the equipment, you have to have the gym membership, you have to have whole the whole, the nutritional worked out before you're just making a step? With with fitness and exercise, I actually think it's the opposite. I think people will learn as much about it instead of actually doing it. I think they're putting it off. yeah I think it's much easier to sit and watch YouTube of like how to design the perfect workout or design the perfect diet rather than just making a start. yeah um And they're trying to get it, trying to get perfect before they start in my opinion. And it's the same for things like, I did this on my story today. So like yeah and supplements and
00:12:19
Speaker
you know like AG1 and all those sorts of things, much, much easier to take a few pills a day than it is to work out your routine. yeah or It feels much easier. It's like a much easier but barrier to entry and then people feel like they're doing something. um So I feel like it's it's a little bit the opposite. I think if it in in terms of education, in terms of starting a new career, then I think you're probably right. I think a lot of people don't know where to start. But also, I
Fitness Industry Insights
00:12:43
Speaker
think you're right as well. People feel good when they're buying things. So if they're buying something which they think is going to make them healthier, like ah like a supplement yeah or a product, or even a pair of trainers. I'll go and buy a really nice pair of trainers and then I'll buy some issue one. yeah And I'm already you know halfway there. Halfway there. But no, they're not. But they feel probably psychologically like you know buying things is nice.
00:13:05
Speaker
And I'm on that journey and I'm working towards it. How many people then actually do what they need to do? and sir That's tricky bit, isn't it? So I said this in my story today. So basically, I used to take not that many supplements anyway, but I would take like magnesium. and like zinc, ashwagandha, like a few different things. Vitamin D because we don't get enough of it in England. Fish oils and that sort of thing. And I was like, oh, you know, I need said ah need to get back on that. So I was like, oh, I'll order them. And then I was like, maybe I can like, you know, optimize.
00:13:36
Speaker
but by getting like a green supplement. they You know, they're pretty popular at the minute. yeah everywhere um and then And a lot of them will advertise that they've got like a whole day's worth of vitamin D in them. So I was like, well, maybe I can just do it as a shake and I can get most of them. Cause for me, it's ordering the ordering all these different items that's the obstacle. yeah So I was like, if it's just one drink, then I can be like, you know, I can easily remember to do that. Like yeah I remember to do like take creatine every day, for example. So I'd look at a few different ones. and A lot of them are really expensive. yeah um I think AG1 is like 80 quid a month, 85 quid a month, yeah which is a lot, isn't it? I've just this week, um as a side note, been looking at their sales funnel. Oh really? I actually found their whole sales funnel and someone had mapped it all out.
00:14:22
Speaker
I mean, it was incredibly... They're smashing it. Yeah, they are. Yeah, and it and I can see why. They don't leave any no any stone unturned. And I've got to admit, you go on their website, or Huel were pretty tempted. Yeah. Okay, I'm not ah im not a massive Huel fan just because I prefer to like eat food. But if you're in a pinch, I think it's pretty good. And and they've bought out a like a rival to AG1. And is it like you are drawn in because website looks awesome. It shows you all the things that are in there. But the problem with things like this, for me, is that they don't, I don't know what like how I got off the subject, but they don't contain a huge amount of the ingredients. Like, yes, they might have like 1% of something. yeah But anyway, I ordered one, a pretty good one. I think it was from The Protein Works. It's rated like two or three best ones to take in 2024. Ordered it, managed to get a good discount. And then I was flicking around on the website and I was like, I haven't looked at the, the like the
00:15:19
Speaker
like the amounts of these ingredients. So I had a look on there, and it's got all these ingredients, but a lot of them are like five to 10% of your daily intake. And I'm like, it's not gonna push the needle. You'd be better to buy that as a proper individual supplement. So like, I already eat quite a lot of fruit and veg, so I don't think I'm too bad there. Just like having another apple. Yeah, and then I'm like, In terms of like, vitamin D, I still need to take a supplement with this. Still need to take the magnesium. So I was just like, I'm gonna cancel it. yeah So, ah yeah. but On the subject of fuel, they have gone huge with their marketing recently. They've been giving away free drinks through Tesco. Really? Yeah, the new cans, the energy drinks as well. So they've done a real big push. I keep seeing them everywhere. Yeah. Maybe it's because I'm more conscious of it. The branding's good for them. It is, yeah. yeah And I do think that I do quite like some of their products, but... Are they vegan?
00:16:11
Speaker
Yes. Oh, cool. Yeah. I've never tried one. The yeah energy drinks are good. Is it? Yeah. They don't really feel like an, they don't feel like a monster to or Red Bull. It's probably because they've got a normal amount of caffeine. Yeah, exactly. They haven't got taurine in them like Red Bull does. It's the taurine that gets you here. Yeah. um Cool. Well, yeah, I think, I think you've covered very, very well there, obviously, why people don't get started with that stuff. And I was just going to say from a business perspective as well, I know a lot of people get hung up on, things like the logo or the name. I get this one a lot. so So there's a couple of people I spoke to in the last few weeks who they have a business at the moment, but they're maybe transitioning or they want to take it in a different direction. um And one guy was looking to start a painting and decorating business. He's looking like buying a franchise and he had kind of some really good ideas. I said, oh, so where are you at with it? I just can't decide on the name. I don't know what my logo to look like.
00:17:05
Speaker
and No one cares. No one cares. Just you.
Business Setbacks and Execution
00:17:10
Speaker
No one cares as much as you do. And that's just going to drag on now. I was in that place. I did that. What people don't realise, you can change the name whenever you want. yeah And you can change the logo. but I've got bored of mine, really. And there's some brands out there who have absolutely killed it with really basic, even even in some i'd say some bad logos and some bad marketing. But if you do the rest of it well and you get it out there and you actually have even just a minimum kind of minimal viable product, then that's much bigger than getting your logo perfect or your name perfect. Because you could spend forever doing that. You could ask thousands of people and it would only make you more conflicted probably.
00:17:49
Speaker
yeah Yeah, it's it's knowing the yeah the kind of where to put things in the list of priorities and logo brand names and that stuff. It doesn't need to be right at the top. Temple brown, simple, effective, perfect. But when we first started, we were trying to be really clever about it and think of, oh, what's ah a Greek, a word from Greek mythology, which sums up, you know, design and you're like, no. Because you could just keep going with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah um So that one procrastination take action instead don't procrastinate. Just start. It's not gonna be great like and and if you're just starting out You're gonna be rub it like you're gonna be kind of rubbish at it anyway. Yeah, so like if you had the perfect ah I Don't know if you had like the perfect brand yeah You're not ready for that anyway, so you just start
00:18:39
Speaker
And this is another thing I found is actually on that subject. And this sounds this sounds horrible, so it's not going to come across this way. Sometimes when you start off, where you want to be and where you're pitching yourself. The people you work with aren't there. They're not that level. And it might be because of your pricing. It might be because of, you know, your portfolio, your experience, whatever it might be. Which means you... You haven't built the authority. Exactly. You can't access the brands or businesses you want to work with or the people you want to work with straight away. So you have to almost sort of start at a bit of a lower level. And you're trying to deliver things or trying to aim your brand still at
00:19:16
Speaker
a kind of wrong person. Exactly. Yeah. So it's not a bad thing. There's loads and loads of brands that have started out under one thing and they then pivoted. And then when they can, they've got the authority, they then move or rebrand or wherever it might be. And even big brands do all the time.
Facing Uncomfortable Situations
00:19:30
Speaker
Yeah. So yeah, don't don't procrastinate. Don't just get started. um So in terms of that next one that we we we covered before, you don't have clearly defined goals that challenge you. Should we, we've done a whole podcast on this. Yeah. So go and listen to that podcast basically. Yeah. Yeah. But the bit I think which is just key there is that challenge you, having clearly defined goals is one thing, but make sure that they are pushing you to some extent. We talked about this with fitness as well. Make sure that they're achievable. Yeah. Yeah. Or if they're not, make sure you're cool with that. Yeah. So I said before on that podcast, I've got loads of goals that
00:20:07
Speaker
I won't complete this year that I've wrote in. yeah I'm fine with that. that is the ah sedalll It's basically the, it's it's not the actual goal. It's the direction that it points you in, isn't it? Yeah. Cool. Okay. So here's another one. You avoid doing things that make you uncomfortable. Yeah. I mean, and everyone is guilty of this, aren't they? Oh yeah. Big time.
00:20:32
Speaker
Where do we start? I think there's a whole lot of things which we can talk about in terms of personal stuff. But I think I know from a work perspective, there's a whole lot of times where you know you have to have a conversation with a team member or um just have that a lot actually at work because I could always convince myself that there was a reason not to have that conversation on that particular day especially if it wasn't something really serious it was just like you know you'd notice something you knew that there was something that needed addressing but you didn't you could you could tell yourself oh well I'll do that another day because they're doing this or I've got this on today and you could just talk yourself out of things so
00:21:09
Speaker
and And it's the same now with I find a lot of the time with clients, you know, I'm thinking, oh, I'm going to have to have that conversation or and um in my mind, I try and put it off for as long as possible, especially if it it's an uncomfortable conversation where you might have to, you know, change their expectations about things or say, you know what, if you want that, that's going to cost a bit more or whatever it might be. So it's something I'm getting better with, but it's hard. Some people just it's like water off the ducks back. I know and they just but i'm sure they struggle with other stuff. Yeah, exactly One thing that I i've been having the dilemma the dilemma of recently I think about is like Like the way that you will like talk to yourself so like for example Um, i'm quite an introverted person quite happy like I mean I obviously I talk to my clients all the time Maybe that's the difference but i'm quite happy just sit around at home and like I feel fine with that sort of thing but then i'm like
00:22:05
Speaker
Am I, am I actually like that or am I just sort of doing that because that's my comfortable place? Yeah. and And a lot of people will be like, so for example, you know, you might, with clients, I'll have someone that's like, I'm just addicted to food, or I'm a massive all or nothing person. And I'm like, you are right now. Maybe you need to like sort of it's at some point you've got to challenge that if you don't want to be like that anymore You might be like that sometimes But you like it the more you sort of tell yourself something the more you are that yeah. thing Yeah, so self-fulfilling prophecy Yeah kicks in and you said this actually as well. It relates to um one thing. I saw you talking about the other day
00:22:47
Speaker
where you were saying about people who always say it's like down to my genetics, yeah um when actually a lot of the time it's not. There will be people that have things, of course, which are going to make it more challenging for them potentially, but it's very easy to just put it down to that and then not push yourself and not take yourself out of your comfort zone. Touching on that more, I was thinking about this in the gym today actually, which I think will be a good bit of content.
Valuing Time and Personal Growth
00:23:13
Speaker
is that you shouldn't focus on the things that you've, obviously, you shouldn't focus on the things that you can't change, but a lot of like a lot of people are like, oh, I'm this age now, or I've had a baby, or I have very little spare time, and you're like, great, but you can't change them. like you're not You can't make yourself any a younger. yep You have to make the best of like what you've got available to you. yeah You might work 70 hours a week, great.
00:23:41
Speaker
two workouts, one workout. like that yeah oh That's the only choice you've got. and then maybe Maybe that comes down to the procrastination thing again. yeah But yeah. Yeah, definitely. Okay. You see failure as a loss rather than a lesson. Can you relate to that one? and Yeah, I am, when something bad happens, you only, die I think in the, like we we talked about this in the immediate term, you do feel like it's a loss. Yeah. And it it kind of is. Yeah. But it is about, I think if you bounce back, you normally take it as a positive in the end, don't you? Yeah. Um, I guess as well, it depends on how big the consequences are, right? It's like a relationship, isn't it? Like when you break up with someone, you're like, Oh, that was really sad. But then maybe in a year's time, you're like, Oh, that was actually the right thing. Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:29
Speaker
it's usually time that is the side of it. And I guess the problem with people like from like a career or like a business perspective, you know, maybe they apply for a job, they don't get it, never apply again. yeah That's where they're not taking it as a positive. yeah Whereas if they apply for another job, they get it, it turns out to be a better job, it was a win. So I think it's like how you behave next, that's the important bit. Yeah, definitely. And I think it's easy with with that one as well if you say, yeah for example, if you had a client that left and that client amounts to a third of your income yeah and that client leaves because they said, oh, i well, I didn't like what you did for me, yeah then that's going to be quite hard yeah to overcome that because if they're saying that's directly the reason.
00:25:15
Speaker
And although you might want to learn from that at the time, so that doesn't we ever happen again, it's going to be raw. It's had a big impact on you financially, your confidence. So... Ego. Exactly. yeah So if this isn't just to say, oh, when these things happen, it's just easy, just think of it differently. Oh my God, no. it's It's about trying to remember all of those things and trying to rationalize it. But some things will be much harder to overcome than others. And as you say, relationship losses, for example, is a big one. um and And again, it can be, as I say, work-related as well. There will be things which happen. You might have gone for promotion and you don't get it and someone gets promoted above you. And that's going to really sting. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. any any sort of Anything else on that one? I'm trying to think of any other examples I've had recently. I think I'm getting better at this. I used to, being quite sensitive as well, I used to take things to heart straight away.
00:26:09
Speaker
being like destroyed if a client didn't want to join, or like if a client left. That sort of thing. Yeah. It does get easier. And I think... It's just normal. Some things that play into this though, if you have had to deal with rejection before as well, again, it could be a relationship, it could be from a whole different, load of different things. And that plays into it as well. It's where those emotions start merging. So it's the fear of failure, but also the fear of rejection. All of these things come together and that's what amplifies it. I understand. Yeah, okay. This is, I'm trying to think, as I read through these, got quite a few here too. Maybe we'll do this in two parts. Oh, that'd be cool. Because there's ah there's some good stuff here. I don't want to ah don't want to skim over anything. Okay, let's see like two more. Okay, so you're scared to make mistakes and risk looking foolish. Okay, this was definitely me. Yeah. and So and ah and and unambitious due to that, basically. Yeah. and That was like personal life as well. Yeah.
00:27:07
Speaker
uh, never doing any sport or anything at school, probably tied into why I was so unfit and overweight. And a lot of that was just because I was scared I'd be rubbish at it. And then like I've said before, I just didn't realize that you had to practice stuff. Um, so yeah. Um, and then, you know, not applying for jobs or the fear of failure, the fear of rejection. Yeah. It played into like my youth a lot, a hundred percent. I think we're big decisions. I kind of have not struggled with that, but there used to be lots of little things throughout the day or yeah across a week where I'd look back and go, oh yeah, I probably was worried about what people might think, or i was yeah I might have made myself look silly and therefore I didn't do it.
00:27:55
Speaker
And it might've been that I wanted to speak up even even when you know I worked before um John Lewis, you know you'd be having like a ah team meeting or leadership meeting or whatever. I think I've got a really good idea, but I don't want to put my hand up and say this because someone might disagree with it. yeah And in that moment then I would feel really uncomfortable, really small. Yeah. And that very rarely happened anyway. Most of the time it was quite a, you know, a place open for debate. But it was just little things like that. And even at school, you know, some kids at school are really pushy and they're really like always wanting to be selected for everything. I was quite happy to just sort of, if I get picked, I get picked. If not, I'll just kind of keep my head down here and... Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't even put myself in for it. I'd be like, no.
00:28:36
Speaker
See, I probably was, I was ambitious enough in that I always wanted to play football. I wanted to do lots of the activities, but I was just like a chubby, chubby kid. So I was never going to get picked, you know, for like the first, first team football or anything like that. Because I just loved it in Harry Rose too much. Yeah. Back at the time. But in my head, I still wanted to be involved. Yeah, yeah. But that yeah, there's lots of other things, probably as I got older and you are maybe a bit more conscious of how you're perceived in a workplace or amongst you a social group, especially when they become sort of more meaningful relationships. I think that's quite an easy one to to fall into. And as I say, even now when I go to like network things or you meet with other business people, you sometimes get a feeling that they're not, maybe they're feeling it. yeah people Lots of the time it's the same people that speak up.
00:29:26
Speaker
Yeah. And other people just sit there kind of keeping their head down. Yeah. And then you'll have a conversation with them in ah in a one-to-one environment and they say some great things. And you think, why don't you contribute that to everybody? It's just different people's personalities, isn't it? Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. I don't know if it just comes from being shot. Like some people... yet Maybe it's for some people it is a fear of like looking silly or like getting shot down but some people just don't want to, they're not interested in putting their point across in front of a load of people. They're quite happy to just kind of keep that within themselves. yeah And I also find then there's some people though who they are, they appear very
00:30:05
Speaker
you know outgoing, it's very bold with their opinions and that kind of stuff. But actually underneath, they kind of use it as a little bit of a... It's like a shield. Yeah, yeah. And it is interesting. you I think you start to see that as you get older. Yeah, this whole plays out this whole subject like has got easier as I got older. Yeah. yeah you can't You can't substitute experience. I'd hate to be in my old brain. love Yeah. I always say, like, and If I could know what I know now, yeah and have another ten rule the world, right? Yeah oh my god Side subject right. I Said the what what would you be willing to give up to to be? If they take one 30 what would you be willing to give up to have your brain now, but be 20?
00:30:56
Speaker
I That's a good question. I said that I would give up everything and I would take on like 50 grand debt. So when you say everything, are you talking relationships as well? I can't, brutal. Because you made it sound like you are. When me and Zoe spoke, I said no. Right, so you're sticking to that? Yeah, of course. Yeah, because I was going to say I wouldn't do that. I meant like my whole business. Oh, I see. Okay. I thought you were saying like mothball your life and just not speak to your family again and stuff like that. You're considering. I'd go back to live with my mum. I'd give up having your own place now and kind of some of that independence.
00:31:40
Speaker
yeah um Yeah, apart from the relationships the relationships I've got now, I'd say the most important thing. I have everything. yeah The people I spend time with and see and interact with, I wouldn't change that. So as long as I could maintain that, everything else, I'd probably be willing to start again. yeah my The point of the question is like how important time is, isn't it? Yeah.
Delegation and Seeking Help
00:32:04
Speaker
There's that saying, isn't there? And I really do value time. Yeah. yeah yeah I always just think, oh my God, I'm running out of time. yeah yeah yeah every Literally every hour of every day I'm thinking that. Mainly because it always feels like I'm doing so much but there there's so much to do and so much other stuff I kind of tell myself when I get time I'm going to do this, I'm going to speak to that person, going to go and do that activity. yeah yeah so It would seem very strange now to have time and think, how should I feel it?
00:32:36
Speaker
Yeah. I can't imagine that. Yeah. I do wonder if I was like 20, I'm 32. So if I was 22, would I think, oh, I've got loads of time and do less? I don't know. Probably. I was of that mindset. I think yeah thats I'm only 22. Yeah. I was like, yeah, basically are just still a teenager. Yeah. Yeah. I think that is, I think you're right with that one. Okay. So you're, you're embarrassed to admit that you can't do it on your own.
00:33:05
Speaker
I'm not, no, I got help straight away. So like, um yeah I paid for courses, I got mentors, obviously you've got a business partner. Yes. I'm not afraid to ask people to help me with the things that I don't know. I think big, ah top level. I agree and I'm the same. But then in day-to-day things, I've probably still fall into that trap of thinking, no, I can work this out myself and I will find the answer yeah rather than asking an expert. And that's but that's just because I try and I like to educate myself on things and I'd rather know
00:33:41
Speaker
But actually sometimes it would be much easier if I just picked up the phone, called someone and said, rather than me reading through all this stuff, can you tell me the answer to this because you're an expert in that field? Do you struggle to like delegate to your staff or team? No, I enjoyed doing that actually. Okay. Yeah. I think I would struggle with that. Yeah. Because I'd be like, oh, I could just quickly do this on my own. not Yeah, this this isn't ah that's not a blanket approach. It's not like everything. But yeah, in general, I quite like giving things to people because I think it gives them an opportunity to of course to learn it. Of course. That's good. ah When you were a manager, weren't you? Yeah, um I was going to say I've been used to that mindset. um that was It was an adaption though, because I went from being someone who used to just kind of get it done.
00:34:21
Speaker
and pride myself on being like one of the most proactive people in a team. So then when you have to do, suddenly manage a team, you still want to be doing it all. And some people I know really struggled to step away from kind of, oh I'll teach you by showing you, but actually they're just doing it. yeah So I used to work with people that just go, oh, we'll just pass it here. And they're just like blitz it. And their team would be standing there like twiddling their thumbs thinking, all right, well, I still don't know how to do the next time I'm not here. yeah Yeah, so we we became all about like, not do as little as possible, but empower people yeah so that we are always able to step back, oversee things as opposed to being in the detail and then you can't see what's going on from a top level. That's good management, isn't it? Yeah. Well done, mate. Thank you.
Conclusion and Next Episode Teaser
00:35:06
Speaker
Thanks very much.
00:35:08
Speaker
Um, cool. Well, there's, there's a whole load more. Okay. So maybe we call it that. I think we'll save those because I want to, there's some, some other ones here, which I think we could definitely get stuck stuck into, um, around discipline and things like that, which we probably haven't covered too much before either. So cool. Cool. Alright, thanks for listening everyone. We will see you, well we won't see you, but we'll... We'll be in your ears again soon. Hopefully you found some good value in that and can reflect on those and we'll cover the the second half of that next week. Take care.