Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to the Spiritual Fitness Podcast. I'm your host, Eric Bigger. And each week, we will explore powerful practices, inspiring stories, and expert insights to guide you on your path to holistic health.
Speaker: By blending spirituality and physical wellness, we support you in strengthening your body and soul. Whether you're a seasoned spiritual seeker or just beginning your journey, the Spiritual Fitness Podcast is here to help you unlock your inner potential and live your most vibrant, purposeful life.
Speaker: It's miracle season.
Speaker: The men who thrive in relationships and life aren't without emotional patterns. They've built the bandwidth and awareness around creating specific skills to help them become a better man.
Speaker: And then today, I'm going to share those four skills that's going to change you as a man. But before I get started, I want you to know that you matter. You're more than enough.
Speaker: You don't have to always explain yourself. And you can get out of people pleasing. did That message for someone out there, especially a man. So stop over explaining. Stop the people pleasing.
Speaker: Be honest with yourself. Speak your truth with love and do not be afraid of confrontation. All right. I'm Eric Bigger, spiritual fitness expert.
Speaker: and today we're going to talk about these four skills. It's going to help you be more emotionally available. So skill number one, naming what you feel in the moment instead of numbing it. So a few days ago, a conversation came up and some things were said and I could have just brushed it off and not say anything.
Speaker: But I had an opinion and I knew my opinion probably would have ruffled some feathers or would have been challenge in the energetics of the conversation. Anyway, ah chose to speak up.
Speaker: Instead of numbing what I felt, I spoke on it. Had I not said anything and when it would came up later, you would have said, why didn't you say anything? And I said, this is me saying it right now.
Speaker: And I know sometimes it's not always easy to receive the truth. But because I love you and I care about you, I want to express this and not repress it or keep it and not say anything.
Speaker: And it was great and it was clear and it was phenomenal. The old version of me who didn't want to rock the boat, who didn't want no confrontation, who wasn't all the way evolved or evolved off in a way where y'all was more comfortable in that part of my being. would have just left it. would have just kept it. I would have not said anything. And some of you do that in your relationship. Some of you do that in your friendships. Some of you do that in your partnerships to keep the peace.
Speaker: But deep inside that peace that you think you're keeping is building chaos inside of you, anger, aggression. So learn, as it's safe, skill one, name what you feel in the moment instead of numbing it. You don't always got to numb your feelings, express it.
Speaker: And sometimes we can't express what we feel because we don't have the tools or we don't have the articulation to get it out in a healthy way. So have grace and compassion for yourself. Skill two, saying honest thing instead of over-explaining or people-please. I just said that, right?
Speaker: Because knew he was going to be one of the skill sets. Just be honest. just be If you don't want to go to your wife's, co-workers, friend's wedding, say you don't want to go.
Speaker: Right? If you're not in the mood to go bowling, don't go bowling. If you need rest, just communicate. I need rest. But don't over explain why don't people please. ah or And sometimes we got to sacrifice as men, right? You got to sacrifice. i mean, you're the man. got to sacrifice. That's embedded in us. But at times when you're doing things that's going to benefit your soul, your essence to be more available.
Speaker: Don't over explain. Don't people please. Be honest. Honesty is the best policy. Sometimes honesty people don't like. But the more honest you are, the more you set yourself and the other person up for success. If you just plan it cool, you're saying what they want to hear, you're not speaking your truth, you're going to cause friction on the back end because you're not being honest. Always be honest.
Speaker: Skill three, recognizing self-sabotage as a signal you're close to a breakthrough, not failure. So I remember when I met my girlfriend, I was amazed. i was like, wow, you're amazing.
Speaker: We're amazing. I love you. This is at the third. But I could feel in my body that, man, can I do this? Am I in this position to like be with someone on and take care someone, be responsible someone? I was questioning myself.
Speaker: I didn't think I had what it took, you know, because I was just in my head about circumstances, life, you know, because for some men, I can't say all men, there's this ideology and there's this paradigm of reality.
Speaker: I'll commit when I have everything in place. I got to get my money up. I got to be this. I got focus on my career. And guess what? I focused on my career for 30 something years and it was great. I had success. I made money, but I had no love.
Speaker: And I realized even in my career, it didn't come overnight. It didn't just pop up. I went through so many phases, right? So just like in relationships and partnerships, a perfect relationship or partnership is not just going to come when you you have everything in place and then you get into it. I think as men, because we are so logical, we think I'm going to do this and then I'm going to that, right?
Speaker: I hate to say it because I wish it did. It would be more better, right? But it's like people sign up for a gym membership and they go to gym every day for 60 days and you're like, i had nothing has changed.
Speaker: Yeah, your energy's changed. Your body's changed a bit, but my maybe not the way you want, but things take time. So instead of me sabotaging it and being aware of the saboteur in me at the time, I was coming to a breakthrough. I was turning a corner within a relationship.
Speaker: And what helped me was I expressed that to my partner. And then we had a conversation and it felt better about it opposed to me keeping it again and not being honest and just moving forward as if everything's good. So, you know, and some of us, we got to go to the next level. Some of us about to get married, have kids. Some of us are about to buy homes, buy a car, you know, like, you you know, or you just had your first kid.
Speaker: And it's <unk>s a lot, right? Because psychologically, Nervous system-wise, you don't have experience of that. as It's your first child, moving in with someone. All this is new. So don't don't sabotage because of fear.
Speaker: Just take a deep breath. Pause. Have a conversation around it. And just know you're going to have a breakthrough. Because when you're in new territory and when you're in a new story of your life, you're going to feel fear. You're going to want to not commit because it don't feel safe in that way, right?
Speaker: But it's okay. It's part of your psyche. It's part of your brain. It's part of being human. But that's why I'm on here saying like, listen, you're not alone. We all experience it. You know, we all are having different molds of challenges as we grow, as we become, as we age. No one has life figured out.
Speaker: No man, no woman, no one. But when you can be honest and say, look, this is getting uncomfortable. i don't feel safe. I need some help. Then you'll feel better. And this is why I'm telling you, don't feel like you got to do it by yourself. Reach out for some support.
Speaker: Sign up, go to my website, ericbigger.com slash work with me. Let's connect. and Let's get on a call and I can help you move through some uncomfortable territories so you can feel safe in your body and in your life.
Speaker: ah Skill four, choosing steady connection over intensity. And I really want to talk about um intensity, especially with like friends, right? Like say buddies.
Speaker: Sometimes growing up, depending on where you grew up or how you were raised, it was very competitive or you feel like you got to prove a point. Intensity doesn't mean connection. Right. Sometimes we don't need to be intense to have a connection.
Speaker: And connection can be, hey, man, did you see the game the other day? Did you see LeBron James has went to the Philadelphia 76ers? Hey, man, nice watch. Where you get that watch from? Right.
Speaker: Because the steady connection allows you to be more available and more relatable to all people, especially yourself. And you don't have to project what you think another person wants. So say like, for instance, ah where i said where I live, I might be walking past and my neighbor were just like, hey, man, what you doing?
Speaker: Like I'm just shooting content. He's like, what, you got a podcast or something? But, you know, that's a connection. But if I'm in an intense space of I'm focused and I don't want to be open to talking to anyone, i don't don't I'm not available for connection. So to build strong emotional patterns within yourself, steady connection over intensity. Also, when it comes to intimacy, right? I think some men think the physical part of intimacy is how we get connection.
Speaker: But honestly, the real connection to intimacy is conversation and being available for all conversations, deep conversation, intimate, real conversation, because conversations allow a person to feel safe in your presence. But if it's always just a physical act or something, got to go on a date, we've we got to go out.
Speaker: How about a walk in the park? How about, you know, coffee and, you know, sit in the grass? How about just? chilling on the couch and watching your favorite movie.
Speaker: Those little moments of connections are so important over the intensity of life, right? Doing all the intense things as men to get the connection we think we want. I want to share something on that I've saw on social.
Speaker: It's called bits of connection. And I think as men, we're not as aware, unless you're really aware or available, man, but I'm just talking to the men who are not. So say, for instance, you're out with your partner.
Speaker: And it's summer, it's nice out, and, you know, it's almost, you know, sunny. And then, like, some birds go by. They say a red cardinal.
Speaker: And your wife, your spouse, your partner says, babe, look at a red cardinal. And you're like, oh, that's cool. And you keep moving. But you're not thinking nothing of it. You're like, oh, yeah, it's a red bird. It's a cardinal. God.
Speaker: Well, what if your partner said, babe, look at that red cardinal? And you say, wow, like that's so that's a it's a nice, I've never seen a red car around What do you think that's about? that Where do you think they're going? She said, I don't know, but it is interesting because we don't see those type of birds around here.
Speaker: Boom. Now you're having a connection. You're having a moment. So always look for those bits of connection or even your kids. They could say, dad, why do you come home so late?
Speaker: And you'd be like, well, you know, I got to work. And then they keep, well, why this? Why that? They're trying to have those bits of connection. They're trying to connect. So always be aware of the bits of connection that wants to come through your family, your friends, and people close to you.
Speaker: And um yeah, you'll be emotionally strong. You'll have a strong emotional bandwidth and you'll be emotional aware, mature and evolve because you've done the work.
Speaker: That's all. That's it today's episode. But if you would like to connect and build these emotional skills within yourself to become more emotionally available for life, to tap into your spiritual fitness, sign up, get on a call, let's connect and book a session.
Speaker: And I can help you get to the other side of your life. So it is Be great. And look for those bits of connection. Because you deserve it. Peace.
Speaker: Thank you for joining us on the Spiritual Fitness Podcast. We hope today's episode has inspired you and provided valuable insights for your holistic health journey. By blood to spirituality and physical wellness, you can strengthen your body, mind, and soul.
Speaker: If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Until next time, stay strong, stay inspired, and remember, it's miracle season.
