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136. Redefining Success on Your Own Terms: A Spiritual Approach to Well-Being
56 Plays1 month ago
In this episode of the Spiritual Fitness podcast, host Eric Bigger speaks with executive coach and author Keren Eldad about redefining success and breaking free from the deceptive allure of overachievement. They explore the metaphor of the "Modern Gilded Cage," revealing the hidden anxieties that often accompany outward success. The conversation challenges traditional beliefs around happiness and success, emphasizing the importance of authentic fulfillment and spiritual wellness. Eric and Keren share personal insights on overcoming societal pressures, the healing power of vulnerability, and embracing true purpose. Drawing from Keren’s book, they provide listeners with a roadmap to unlock their inner potential and redefine success on their terms, encouraging a shift towards holistic well-being through spiritual alignment.
Also in this episode:
- The concept of the "Gilded Cage" explores the facade of success overshadowed by internal struggles, urging individuals to align their lives with true purpose and meaning.
- Re-evaluating the definitions of happiness and success free individuals from societal pressures, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
- Investing in personal development and seeking guidance from coaches or mentors expedites growth and leads to meaningful changes in one’s life.
Work With Keren:
Ready to transform your success and break free from burnout? Explore coaching opportunities with Keren Eldad, where high achievers and leaders redefine success on their terms and achieve authentic, sustainable wins. Learn More and Work With Keren
Purchase The Gilded Cage:
Discover Keren Eldad’s groundbreaking book, The Gilded Cage: Breaking Free from the Cage of Ambition, Perfectionism, and the Relentless Pursuit of More. This empowering guide helps overachievers escape the trap of relentless success and find true fulfillment. Get Your Copy Here
Guest Bio
Keren Eldad, known as "Coach Keren," is a top executive coach who helps high achievers overcome burnout and find authentic success. With a client list that includes Olympic athletes, Hollywood stars, and companies like Nike and Estée Lauder, she specializes in guiding leaders and entrepreneurs toward sustainable success. Founder of With Enthusiasm Coaching, Keren has been named a Top Ten Executive Coach by the ICF, Real Leaders, and Goop. A global speaker and TEDx contributor with a multilingual background, she is also the author of GILDED, a book offering a roadmap for overachievers trapped in the pursuit of perfection and more.
Check out Miracle Season’s collection: https://itsmiracleseason.co/collections/frontpage
Work with me: https://www.ericbigger.com/workwithme?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=work_with_m...
Connect with Simplified Impact: https://hubs.ly/Q02vvMJ90
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Transcript
Introduction to Spiritual Fitness Podcast
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to the Spiritual Fitness Podcast. I'm your host, Eric Bigger, and each week we will explore powerful practices, inspiring stories, and expert insights to guide you on your path to holistic health. By blending spirituality and physical wellness, we support you in strengthening your body and soul. Whether you're a seasoned spiritual seeker or just beginning your journey, the Spiritual Fitness Podcast is here to help you unlock your inner potential and live your most vibrant, purposeful life.
Introducing Karen Eldas and Her Mission
00:00:35
Speaker
It's Miracle Season.
00:00:40
Speaker
Spiritual Fitness, Spiritual Fitness podcast. We're back again and I'm excited because he's a Virgo. but but We talked offline. Welcome Karen Eldas. She's a leading executive coach. She's an author and unapologetic voice calling out the toxic cycle of overachievement. And she has her new book out, The Modern Gilded Cage. Karen, welcome to Spiritual Fitness podcast. How are you today?
00:01:08
Speaker
Oh, it is such a pleasure to be here, Eric, talking about Gilded. I'm super excited for this conversation. Yeah. So let's just tap into that Gilded. What is the word? Where did it come from? How do we get to this opportunity to learn what's Gilded within our cage of life?
Understanding the 'Gilded Cage' Analogy
00:01:24
Speaker
Gilded was an analogy that came to me when I was watching a series about Truman Capote, and they were talking about how Truman Capote, the author, was friends with all of the most well-heeled ladies of the Upper East Side, the fanciest women on the planet. And then when you took a look inside their lives, you noticed that it was all a sham, that they were knowing this facade of perfection, but underneath it, there was anxiety disorder, overwhelm, affairs, serious addiction situations, and so on and so forth. And I thought this is a perfect analogy of a gilded cage. A gilded cage is a cage that looks golden, but is actually just covered in gold.
00:02:02
Speaker
think Donald Trump's toilet and the real metal underneath is quite rotten. The analogy is perfect for many of the overachievers that I have worked with over the many years and for my own life where everything looks really beautiful from the outside, but you're actually just trying to cling onto a suffocating environment of your own making and you feel trapped. You literally feel like a life that you're living is not the life you're supposed to be living and you don't really know what else to do because technically it is working for you.
00:02:36
Speaker
That's what I was in for a good amount of time, especially in LA. I call it evil success. I call it success, not fulfillment. And going through a dark night of the soul, my soul couldn't keep up with that gilded cage that I was in because I was presenting to be this positive, happy, life is great, life is good, but I'm really sad inside. I'm really hurting. It's a lot of trauma. It's a lot of pain.
00:02:59
Speaker
But it was rude and emotional abandonment, right? I want you to like me, so Imma use my pain to be successful. And guess what? It did work. I didn't make money. I did have some fame. I was on several TV shows. I wrote books. But when it all came falling down last year, I was empty and guess who was around?
Experiencing Rock Bottom and Realization
00:03:15
Speaker
No one.
00:03:16
Speaker
Eric, that's exactly right. That's exactly powerful. You basically just told my story from 10 years ago, except it wasn't, no one was around. I was sobbing in the shower. yeah The only way out is suicide. That is actually something that happened. Suicide litigation is of course very common. so yeah I remember that moment of just understanding that I live in the best house I've ever lived in. Every picture on Instagram looks more desirable and chic. I technically married to a tall guy, which as we all know, that's the holy grail. Yeah, why do you want to love tall guys? What's that about? I don't know, whatever. And I had the C-suite prestigious job, but I mean, everything was empty. It felt empty. It felt aimless. The marriage was abusive.
00:03:58
Speaker
That my regard for myself as a result of that, because I was basically sacrificing who I really was for success, made me feel really bad about myself. It was all just nothing. From that nothing, Eric, you and I went, wait a minute, is it possible we've been doing everything wrong? And that everything starts to change, right?
00:04:20
Speaker
Yeah, and it's so interesting because went to school, graduated with honors, came to LA, took the risk, followed my dreams, did all the things. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. No, no, no. What is life? Why am I here? None of this stuff matters. What do I really want for myself? And the biggest thing that I learned, I didn't love myself unless I was successful, if I was achieving or I was making other people happy or I was helping them.
00:04:45
Speaker
If those patterns of my ego wasn't alive, I did not love Eric. Chained, guilt trip, put him down. It made him feel like you're nothing. You're nobody. You didn't accomplish anything. You're doing, you're running in the cycle. But I had no awareness. i If where I'm from, this you're doing it. It didn't feel the way it looked.
00:05:03
Speaker
You just said it was a cycle, so hard to interrupt a pattern. And that's why I talk about the toxic cycle of overachievement, because you're basically feeding yourself more dopamine.
Breaking the Overachievement Cycle
00:05:12
Speaker
And you know, all of us in society, we're wired to only take care of ourselves from the neck up, as if this brain is the only part that's useful or functional. Unless you start learning how to drop into the body, which is something you talk about all the time, really start to understand that spiritual fitness is holistic and about self-love,
00:05:32
Speaker
that has to permeate through the body and really grab your emotions, not your rational brain. You don't actually break the cycle. The only way to break the cycle is therefore to hit rock bottom, believe it or not. Yeah, let's talk about a rock bottom because you're so great. like You're so intuitive. They say Virgos are the most intuitive signs because last year, literally,
00:05:55
Speaker
That's all I was watching videos on. What do you do when you hit rock bottom? What do you do? How do you like, cause I was at rock bottom. I got to a point. I said, you know what? Fuck it. I'll just lose everything. I don't even care. No, I don't want to fight because it wasn't fear. It wasn't that I could lose it. It was the energy of losing everything that was taking over my life, my mind, my body, my soul. I was like, I still care anymore. I just want to let go. I don't want to fight, you know? But that's what's so wonderful about rock bottom. Yeah. Because for better or worse, there's nowhere else to look but up.
00:06:25
Speaker
Mmm. I think that rock bottom, severe trauma, I'm sorry to say this, this new offend people is one of the fastest ways to enlightenment. You can have Eckhart Tolle experienced it. Byron Katie experienced it. I have experienced it. And I hope you have experienced it too, oh yeah because it's the fastest way up. There are other ways, of course, coaching. Coaching is a magnificent way out of and away from that perpetual self catastrophizing cycle, which you're right is actually worse than really hitting rock bottom.
00:06:55
Speaker
trauma will really really crashing will head you in the direction of north much much faster and i got really lucky i mean in addition to the suicidal ideation i lost everything in a fire that month then i lost all of my belongings in a robbery so whatever was lost was gone in a robbery i divorced my ex-husband which was actually awesome but still technically in the rock bottom category and then both of my cats died which really sent me into real grief This sequence of events, I believe the technical term Eric is shitstorm. That makes you really confront and what's happening. I know that at the time I wouldn't wish that upon anybody was horrifying to live through, but I think it was the greatest grace God ever gave me.
00:07:40
Speaker
Amen. Do you talk about this in your book? Because I want to give people some tangible
Overview of Karen's 12-Step Program
00:07:45
Speaker
tools and things like, okay, let's scenario. You're at rock bottom. You're having a dark night of the soul. I've been able to help several women get out of divorces this year, you know, and get information and tools. But just say as a woman, she's at rock bottom. She's recent divorce.
00:08:00
Speaker
15 year marriage, she has a successful business, but she's not happy in her body. She's not happy in her life. She wants love and she doesn't know how to accept what's happening. Where in the book could we lead her down a path of enlightenment or just evolution of her soul?
00:08:16
Speaker
The entire book is wired and written for exactly that case scenario. There's a couple of things I want to say. The first thing I want to say is I don't just share my story. I share the case studies and the stories of many of my beloved clients, Olympic champions, supermodels, regular people. It doesn't really matter who you are. The world's going to do what the world's going to do. Your job is to understand that that's how the world is. Then I take you through what I like to call my very own 12-step program.
00:08:45
Speaker
Every chapter in its exact sequence will be useful because it's designed like a program. It's not designed like a book where it's just a mishmash of ideas that will hopefully entertain you and kind of blow your mind every now and again. For example, like one of my favorite books, You're a Badass.
00:09:02
Speaker
my book is literally designed to take you from the first initial moment all the way to the end i'll tell you about what how it begins it begins with the chapter admitted your life is not as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
00:09:17
Speaker
And this is really important it's the same thing as an alcoholic synonymous the first step to overcoming anything is to acknowledge that you do have a problem. How many people have you met how many women have you met eric who tell you even while their life is falling apart but here's how i've got this. And here's what's okay about this and i don't really need to change.
00:09:36
Speaker
Yeah, or it's my husband. You know, it's good point. thing Exactly. It's them and the circumstances. And I'll explain to you why I'm here. yeah And the job is to go, you're here because you have something that you need to face. And then you'll go through the entire sequence and hopefully by the end of it.
00:09:55
Speaker
you are going to reach the chapter called, Pray for a Shitstorm. It's where you're so resilient that you can start and you're so spiritually fit. Yeah, there we go. You are ready. Yeah, spiritually, spiritual fitness. You know, it's funny because I was in prayer was in my wheelhouse right before you said that, because I did go online and look at why you should pray and through or in a crisis, your TED talk. Yes.
00:10:22
Speaker
So I know it's outside of the book, but it's part of the book, perhaps. Let's talk about why we should pray and what is your meaning of prayer? Because I pray a lot. I prayed before we got on this episode.
00:10:33
Speaker
I treat you. I'm a person of faith. To me, prayer and faith is a certainty without any need for evidence. Beyond reason. I understand that my job in prayer is to turn it over to God, but not to demand of God. Or begging. They're not praying. They're begging. Do it for me. You gotta do it for me. You gotta come through for me. You will not fail our people.
00:11:01
Speaker
Mine is, how may I serve? What do you and I offer? Let me turn this over to you. You know what to do. You will show me what to do. It helps so much. It's called listening to the listening. Getting so deep in that super conscious spirituality, higher mind, divine intelligence, the infinite intelligence, and really listen with no resistance.
00:11:28
Speaker
Because I think we listen, but we have resistance to listening because it's something we might not want to do. Yeah, and leave the relationship. Yeah, I know you have everything material. I know kids will go to great schools and you make all this money. Leave the relationship. Leave the job. Yeah, and
Finding Purpose Beyond Success Ideals
00:11:43
Speaker
exactly. And you're only going to be able to hear that when your ego stops begging to stay where it is. Yeah. And that's really what's happening for most of us in prayer. It's like a petulant child. I don't want to go to sleep now. yeah And your job is to go. You're tired. It's okay.
00:11:58
Speaker
And why do you think as, you know, individuals, we have such a challenge with not only pain, fear, grief, but things that's negative, but in return are really positive. Like, I'm tired, right? And I'm like, yeah, it was just because it is because of that. It's like, no, Eric, you're tired, bro. You can go to sleep. Like, why are you fighting it?
00:12:21
Speaker
Now you're getting interesting, Eric. How are those conversations getting bigger? The real reason is most likely that you've bought into very flawed premises ah about what will make you happy and what will make you successful. The first thing is you don't really understand anything about happiness.
00:12:37
Speaker
but For most people, this is an abstract term. They don't know what they're aiming for. They usually think that happiness is being on a yacht with George Clooney and receiving jewelry. That is nothing even near happiness, even though I'm sure that would be lots of fun. and The second thing is their premises about success are complete garbage. They're the same nonsense that you and I bought into. Here it is. You work really hard. You get straight A's. You do everything the right way. You do everything at the right time. You're successful. No.
00:13:05
Speaker
Success is not linear and success is not dependent upon achievement both are completely flawed so now we have basically two targets happiness and success and we're completely missing them because all of our premises around them. Are we wrong so of course you're gonna hit a wall of course your nervous system is gonna get shot if you said to me karen.
00:13:26
Speaker
Big Macs and ice cream are your way to ultimate health. And all I ate was Big Macs and ice cream when I got morbidly obese and became a diabetic and said, what the fuck? Oh.
00:13:40
Speaker
oh I'm sorry, it turns out those things are not very good for you. And this is exactly what's happened to most overachievers. Most of us think happiness is a shiny prize, usually money or prestige. And number two, we think that the path to it is to just work ourselves to the bone to sacrifice our entire essence and to obey so that we can get there.
00:14:02
Speaker
What if I told you and that's what gilded is about so that you can unlock that cage and fly out that happiness is actually very different it's an inner experience that you can create right now and number two so that pursuing that experience rather than any of the external is what will actually ultimately make you quite rich what is that was true. Is where everything starts to turn on its head.
00:14:27
Speaker
Listen, let's get into anxiety, right? I didn't even know I had anxiety for one, because I'm always busy. I'm always got something going on. And I realized I'm afraid to be still. I'm afraid to pause and do nothing. Like when there's nothing to do, I feel off that I have to find something to do, right? And so over the course of the last 18 months, I really even realized the thing about my life, the biggest things I've come into my life when I'm not doing anything. When I'm pausing, when I'm relaxing, when I'm not thinking about anything, my biggest wins in life happen.
00:15:05
Speaker
Better rewire in order to get there because I mean, again, let's go back to the cultural premise. Then the dominant cultural premise of our time, Eric, is work hard. Period. Hard work is the most important ethos in American society. So if that's what you're taught, then busyness is a virtue. And of course, busyness is a virtue. Then you have two free hours in the day. And if you're not reorganizing your closet and shopping for groceries and answering all your emails, you feel that you are a lazy, unproductive soul.
00:15:34
Speaker
Unproductive. Exactly. And this adds to your anxiety. What if instead we started to understand what you have, which is nothing needs to happen this red hot second. The universe does not depend on cleaning your closet right now. Right. Relax. Relax. It's okay, buddy. You don't have to hustle. It's so true because I had a therapist tell me, he said, would you talk to your nephew like that? Yeah.
00:16:02
Speaker
So why are you talking to yourself like that? And I have to really go in and like protect the inner me and say, listen, man, it's all right. Go to sleep. You're tired. There's no emails. There's no more books you can read. There's no more meditation. There's no more prayer.
00:16:18
Speaker
you're not even allowing the things that manifest you too in the way. Exactly. And that's actually the most interesting part for those who are listening in who are a little more woo and interested in manifestation of the law of attraction, which I'm obsessed with. That's when you really start to understand why things don't work out for overachievers, why it ends in divorce instead of in happy marriage, why it ends in bankruptcy or mediocre results instead of extraordinary abundance and so on and so forth. It's because you're crossing your own signal.
00:16:45
Speaker
You're asking the universe for ease, but all you're serving it is stress. So all the universe can hear is stress, hustle, work hard. Great. They clearly don't want abundance. They're going to just keep zapping you again and again and again. The concierge is in the sky.
00:17:02
Speaker
One of the things that i hope to teach in the book is first completely overwrite your scripts on what makes you successful because it's not working for you it's clearly making you miserable and it's not hitting the results you want and then to help you reframe and rewire so that you can start allowing. All of the things you ever wanted to actually come to you.
00:17:22
Speaker
Yes. It's the extension of receiving. I had a really strong block in receiving. Oh, I'm great at getting. Can't. And think about what an overachiever is doing. An overachiever is basically telling themselves in their like little nervous system situation, you are not worthy. You have to beg. You have to take.
00:17:41
Speaker
You cannot receive, you do not deserve. I mean, if you're operating from that nervous state, which is like parasympathetic to the max, you can't receive anything. You can't even receive a compliment.
Letting Go of Societal Expectations
00:17:53
Speaker
Yeah, I was telling a client, I said, you don't have a problem in receiving, you do well in business. Do you have a problem receiving love and affection from yourself and those who want to give it because your nervous system doesn't feel safe receiving, only feel safe to give and control and do. That makes you feel like you're doing something. But then when it's all smoke clear, your left side of your body is off, you're injured, you feel weak, lack of rest,
00:18:19
Speaker
And I think you're tapping into this new truth consciousness, spirituality, spiritual fitness, spiritual currency that we need to embody and integrate, not only with the book, the gilded cage of getting over burnout and overachieving, but understanding what do I want? What does my soul want in this lifetime? I don't want to deal with mainstream wants me to do like, some people was like, I just shouldn't have got married. I'm like, why did you get married?
00:18:45
Speaker
I don't know, she's something I thought I should do. I want this clue for four years where I should do honors. I wish I could take all of those years back, Eric. Doing everything that I thought I was supposed to do instead of doing what I actually wanted to do. But that's exactly the cost. That's what we're paying. The cost is enormous. Many people will say, even after listening to this magnificent conversation, yeah, but I mean, it's still safe here and it's still pretty good here. No, it isn't. Anything less than living a life that feels really good to you is not worthy of you.
00:19:15
Speaker
Yeah, it's not worthy. Let's play devil advocate right now. So because I have this thing, say for instance, we don't have those experiences. And what is our mindset and where's our psychology stands in life? If we don't have the success, if we don't do the things we always want, we don't follow and chasing, capture our dreams.
00:19:33
Speaker
What is the right mindset or mind frame or paradigm that we can live from to be more of a whole complete being and not so off and so more into the toxic part of our being or just wounded in our expression? How do we live life from such a wholesome space and place where we can just have a fulfilling, abundant lifestyle and just overall, how do we get there?
00:19:58
Speaker
The answer is pretty simplistic, but it's the correct answer. And that is you have to find a sense of purpose or a sense of meaning. Success is it varies enormously. It really varies hugely from person to person, what that looks like, what that feels like, what that entails. But to understand what you came here for, what gifts you have, and to share, and allowing yourself to be always evolving and of highest good to your world,
00:20:23
Speaker
yeah the most important thing for us to discover. One of the reasons for the midlife crisis is it's a crisis of identity. The identity of middle age is built around what do I do?
00:20:35
Speaker
But you really want to evolve into what do I have to give, which is completely different. And that's purpose. That is really, really worthwhile work to sit and do the work, do the reading, work with coaches. Really make time to think about this will help you to redefine your entire experience of life, not just redefine success.
00:21:01
Speaker
To wake up eager for the day is to wake up with a purpose. God alone cannot fulfill that. Children alone cannot fulfill that. Purpose is about your unique gifts and your ability to channel them through yourself to the world. Yeah. And how does one get to their purpose? I think that's where everyone's challenge is. What's my purpose? What's my purpose? What's my purpose? How do I know my purpose?
00:21:22
Speaker
I still want you to read the book because it'll give you a really, really great, very concise process within chapter five. But to narrow it down to two questions, Eric, I really think these are questions people don't ask themselves often, don't answer very honestly often. But if you're willing to ask them today and answer them as honestly as possible, you will get very close to your purpose. Are you ready? Let's get it.
00:21:46
Speaker
Number one, what would I do if I had no money problem? What am I obsessed with? What would I do if money wasn't the issue? No answer is stupid to this question. I will in a second tell you what I came up with when I was being real honest. Because a lot of people say, I'm a project manager. No, you wouldn't shut up.
00:22:05
Speaker
Number two, what am I doing this for? What is this in service of? And if you can find A, something that you're absolutely obsessed with, you would do it no matter what. You're clearly obsessed with it because there's usually evidence around you that you're obsessed with it. And number two, you're being something through this interaction. For other people, it is in service of something bigger than you. You're in the zone, man.
00:22:29
Speaker
When I had to go do that deep dive and I knew those answers, the second answer was, oh, I wasn't doing this for me. My family, the people I come from to love and like me for what I was doing and not for what I am or what I'm being. And it's funny story. I had an opportunity to get my grandmother to move her into like a new house. And, you know, I try to do like all the resources to do it and they can get it.
00:22:55
Speaker
Right? But I started the process when a younger sister was in a position to take over and rebuild the house, but would realize God's like, no, because you're not doing this from an authentic place. You're doing this to be the savior of the family so everyone can love and like you. Exactly. You have a martyr situation. That's not really you. Yeah. Now it's like, yeah. OK, God, you're right. Sis, you got it for yours.
00:23:20
Speaker
I used to think that my obsession was leadership. Nonsense. Absolute nonsense. When somebody asked me that question for the first time and said, literally, what would you do if I gave you a billion dollars? I said, well, there's only one thing I really love to do. And it's talk. Why am I chatting, little bunny?
00:23:39
Speaker
Get it on our own talk show right now. I love talking. I love to talk. I love speaking to people. I'm funny. I love to entertain. And I never for a second thought about this because are you sitting down? Are you ready? It's not just as parents. And what they expected of me is because it didn't make money. In my head, I could not make a connection between gift and livelihood. So I just traded on whatever would make money.
00:24:04
Speaker
Yeah. And that's how so many people end up in terrible jobs like consulting. Instead of doing something they genuinely love, an author, a speaker. And that would be transparent with a lot of people listening because I don't want you to get it twisted because I think a lot of times people look at things and they don't really know what's behind it. I've been for years doing the things I love. And the challenge is how do I do it at scale?
00:24:29
Speaker
Right. And that's been the biggest challenge. It's not that I couldn't do it and I couldn't make money. It's like it's a challenge. And I think that's what people are afraid of. But I love talking to people like you. I'm holding space because I'm reading the books because this is my life's work. I don't have this podcast. like Oh, no, I'm a podcast. Oh, we're going to make all this money. No, we're going to make all this impact.
00:24:49
Speaker
The second question is absolutely integral. It's who am I doing this for? This has nothing to do with me. This has to do with we. higher purpose because when you get all the selfish thing that you think you' e want you feel empty because then what happens is you're lonely you lonely you' just no one here's like
The Power of Coaching and Self-Investment
00:25:06
Speaker
oh man you just did it boy didn't you You were enough anyway, right? But livelihood, then all that ever happened was I just needed more. It's one of the biggest diseases of our time. When was it going to be enough? What do you want? A gold door? And then a pearl door? The diamond door? I mean, seriously, at what point do you go, I'm good. We have a door.
00:25:30
Speaker
The funniest thing about it all, when I lost everything as far as relationships, so I'll put it that way and some other things. The only people that were really there were my childhood friends. The people that knew me when I didn't have anything. They're the only ones who are meaningful anyway, right? They know me for me, not for what I can do and what the world knows me as. So thank you for saying that. And I think people just need to know it's okay where you are right now.
00:25:56
Speaker
But we got to get out of this egotistical, I have to do this because of that. No, that's a choice. I like to say you're under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago. It's silly to be so committed to an identity that's not working. How do we really get comfortable with that gilded cage? How do we really get in there, and be comfortable with it to like accept it and not fight the darkness?
00:26:22
Speaker
to admit that we are in a gilded cage. We never get comfortable. That's the enemy. The enemy is to be comfortable, is to recognize you've been too comfortable to move. You're miserable. You need to face that you're miserable. And you have to admit the fact I am miserable. I still think that for overtures is extremely hard to say that because the next sentence that will come out of your mouth is going to shock and appall you. And that is, can you help me?
00:26:46
Speaker
We not only like to admit that we are miserable. We do not want to ask for help. It makes us feel and look weak. But I remember the moment where I went, this life is garbage. This is nonsense. This is beneath me. I met my first coach after reading my first ever self-help book and finally being open to it and saying, whatever I'm doing isn't working. Can you help me?
00:27:12
Speaker
I think those were the most important words that ever came out of my mouth because even before doing the work itself just your openness to admit that what has happened has not worked what you've been doing is not working and asking somebody else to fill in that spot that blind spot for you.
00:27:30
Speaker
is going to be extraordinarily useful. And then the next thing, the next tactical step that you must take is fill that blind spot, reframing your beliefs and recreating a life that you really love. And you can do that. I mean, luckily we live in a universe where there are so many books. Books cost 25 bucks, guys, or 15 to 25 bucks. It's nothing compared to an investment of a coaching program, let's say.
00:27:55
Speaker
Videos are free podcasts. I think about this all the time. Like Eric, there's so many resources just through your platform. It's just insane. And then on top of that, you can also find exceptional teachers. And exceptional teachers are here to take you the rest of the way. When you're ready, we will appear.
00:28:14
Speaker
and Yeah, and because I wanted to talk on that because you're an executive coach, you help some very highly successful people, great people who've been through a lot, done a lot, and still probably see a lot. What I've noticed in my lifetime, who I get to be in front of and around, the most successful people have coaches. The most successful people are willing to invest in themselves. And I think people who haven't reached that level or they don't have the proper perception because a lot of these people are do you have imposter syndrome as well. But the behind the scenes like they have coaches like they have spiritual people that got healers astrologers numerologists they don't acupuncture so can you speak on a benefit.
00:28:58
Speaker
of investing in yourself and why it's important because a lot of people like, oh, I don't have the money. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. no Listen to what you're saying you're saying. You don't have the money because you don't want to invest in something that doesn't make sense to your brain right now. You'll go buy those $250 tickets to that concert.
00:29:14
Speaker
So I'm obsessed with Michael Jordan because like so many people I discovered the last day. Luxury mindset. I did study that. You know, I love that guy. That guy taught me everything I need to know about everything. And the thing is Michael Jordan was the best in the game period before he met Phil Jackson.
00:29:31
Speaker
After he met Phil Jackson, he became exceptional and his whole team became exceptional. He became a team player who could then take his wins to real glory, lasting MVP level. That's when he starts winning those six consecutive championships. Coach Phil Jackson, the right coach, the right superstar.
00:29:51
Speaker
I think coaching changes your life in 30 ways. Number one, obstacles. Number two, optimization. And number three, time. What do I mean by that? The first is you can't see your own obstacles. You cannot see your own blind spots. Most people can't. I'm sorry, but you and I are trapped in the same head. You and I really need coaches too. And a coach from the outside can see very, very quickly, here's your problem, adjust here. Rather than you spinning around your tail for another seven years. Number two, optimization.
00:30:21
Speaker
Coaches understand your game and they can understand how you're going to play it a lot better. The best thing Phil Jackson did, I think, was understand that Scottie Pippen was in the wrong position. This is the triangle. You do this. Keep playing this way. Scottie is not designed for this position. He would be massively amazing in this position. Moved it around. Magic happens. And the rest, as we know, is NBA history. And the third thing is time. I think the best thing about coaching is not just that the investment returns on itself, but it returns fast.
00:30:50
Speaker
Coaching is a fast forward. If I did the work by myself, I did the work by myself because I didn't have any money in the beginning. So it took me like four years to get to a point where I was chugging along. Then I hired my first coach and I'm like in six months. And that's exactly what I like to say to everybody. What's your time worth to you? It took Brene Brown eight years. And now because she can save you those eight years. That's the whole point of mastery. And that's the whole point of working with a coach.
00:31:16
Speaker
The second question is, well, what do you do to stay in your zone? I'm a suicide counselor and a coach. I need the support too. This is not an easy job. What I'd love everybody to know about what Eric and I do is the podcast looks super duper fun. The actual work is really hard work. It's not just about holding space. It's about giving enormous pieces of yourself.
00:31:40
Speaker
and also about being witness to very, very difficult things. Just because people are successful does not mean that they have not encountered suicide or affairs.
00:31:52
Speaker
or grief, and to even just be part of that is really hard. For that, we need the support too. And I always say, because I'm a master coach, I coach other coaches, if you don't have support, you're going to have a real tough time in this industry. And I especially mean that for psychiatrists, especially those who work with grief. My sister is a psychiatrist. She only works with kids with terminal illness. Eric, can you imagine what that job is like?
00:32:20
Speaker
Still matching. If she didn't have a therapist, she wouldn't be able to do her job. Period the end. And grief is so important. I'm learning it now. Grief is so important. It alchemizes your life. Because my challenge, been I don't want to be in my bottom. I want to be in my mind. I can figure out how to get out of this pain. you know And so then I say, now and I want to cry. I'm crying on the spot. I was watching a documentary called The Work. I think it's prison inmates at the outsiders. They come together, men.
00:32:46
Speaker
And one of the guys like, I don't want to fight no more. My sister died three years ago. I just want to grieve. I want to grieve. I want to be strong. And like he was fighting. The guy came in his face and said, do you trust me? Do you trust me? I will let it go. Let it go.
Grieving and Emotional Release
00:33:00
Speaker
And he was fighting. He was fighting. And then this man just dropped to his knees and just broke down and was screaming like he was a kid, like he was a baby because he has so much pain in his body.
00:33:11
Speaker
But how much better that is than allowing his body to continue to fight that and which would have produced disease? We got to grieve people. We got to grieve. You got to get in that cage and see what you can work on and how you can get out. What has been one of the greatest turning points in your life and what has been the deepest fulfillment in your life up to this point?
00:33:35
Speaker
The biggest turning point in my life that moment in the shower was idle and the without a doubt, by the way, when I snapped out of it, it was a moment of extraordinary clarity. My life would not change. I wouldn't put my life back on track, if you will, for probably five more years after that. But that was the moment that kind of set into motion the process and the way of thinking that ultimately changed everything for me.
00:34:04
Speaker
The biggest thing that's happened since then, the happiest thing, isn't actually just the fact that I get to work and live the way I really want to, which I think is the biggest privilege in life. But I think it's actually my marriage. I've become one of those freaks who actually likes their partner. How good.
00:34:27
Speaker
I like to say that I hope Ryan never dies because I love to be in the same space with him. I wish if I had one regret, it was that we didn't meet earlier. We only met in our forties. So congratulations. a How long we can write it out. I also think that that's a manifestation, right? How sweet things are. I don't think you can access this level of intimacy until you're really intimate and fulfilled with yourself.
00:34:55
Speaker
Let's talk about intimacy. That type of intimacy is this you're saying, because I've been learning a lot about intimacy as a man. This is a running thing. Men want respect, women want love. I said, hmm, I beg to differ. Men really want peace beneath respect and women really want intimacy beneath love. If you get a guy, love I love you, I love you, I love you, but there's no intimacy.
00:35:15
Speaker
What is being in the really fully committed marriage partnership that has full embodied intimacy? What does that feel like look like?
00:35:26
Speaker
I think most people when they aim for marriage, when they aim for a relationship, when they aim for a partnership, are doing the same thing they're trying to do with success. They're essentially solving for externals. They want them to be successful. They want them to be a certain way. They want things to be in place that sort of align with what their image is of happy marriage or makes for stability. This is absolutely way off. There's only one thing you should look for.
00:35:51
Speaker
only one and and it's ease. The first time I had an epiphany around this was I was watching Oprah and Jerry Seinfeld was on. He was 45 years old at the time and he was about to get married and Oprah said, what's up? And he said, well, after buying my hundredth Porsche,
00:36:09
Speaker
and selling Seinfeld for 250 million dollars and having a lot of issues with dating issues he says that he was enjoying very much meaning a lot of great sex. He met this woman and he remembers the moment she came into his house and it was the first time he says that it felt like she had always been there. It did not feel like somebody new came into the house.
00:36:34
Speaker
That is love. I always say, I remember when I met Ryan, even when I was just getting to know him, there was nothing foreign there. There was nothing phony there. There was no reason to pretend anything there. There's no reason to worry about anything there. It was just, oh, there you are. I know you are. Where you been? Oh. Very warm. I didn't know you. I know you. Damn, it's so good.
00:36:58
Speaker
And a lot of people are like, but how do you know? I promise you, I know how frustrating it is to hear this. You will know. And by the way, let's talk a little bit about what it's not. Okay, for the young people out there, it's not, oh my God, I have to have sex with this right now. The drama, the high emotion, the excitement, no.
00:37:19
Speaker
Yeah. And the B2B Craig Frank as a man. It's the first time in my life I experienced not having lust over a woman. It's beautiful because it's light. It's easy. It's peaceful. It's calm. It's quiet, but it's so authentic and so intimate. Thank you for being in my life. I really appreciate you. kind of ah Exactly.
Podcast's Purpose: Authenticity and Vulnerability
00:37:42
Speaker
And it's not even like overly sexualized. It's just very simple and easy and we just have a good time together. It feels like home. Feels like home. There you go.
00:37:56
Speaker
So I think, I don't know if you take it all in relationship clients, but maybe a relationship back to work. I know that this is going to shock you, Eric, but most overachieving are definitely not functioning very well in their relationships. Yeah. Because they're so controlling. That's natural. Again, that's how you learn to behave to get what you want. In love, that does not work. The harder you cling, the more they're going to run.
00:38:23
Speaker
through the wall like in a cartoon, a human-shaped hole in the wall. Yeah, that's so true. and I don't know, it was beautifully put. Man, people. Listen, if you ever have a challenge when it comes to love or dating or even in that guilty cage, first of all, get her book.
00:38:41
Speaker
Karen Eldas, she's amazing. She's incredible. She's such humorous. She's everything. But she's done the work. She continues to do the work. She's hold space because of the work. But more importantly, she's our most authentic self in every way. And I think on this podcast, for me, the intention is how can I be more valuable right as a speaker or listener. How can I be authentic? How can I share some of my weak points and vulnerabilities? And how can I tap into the intimacy of the people listening to let you know? like We're all human. We're all having a human experience. We all have struggles. We all have plights and we all suffer. I don't have all the answers. I'm not perfect.
00:39:21
Speaker
I don't want you to think that I am because what you see, yeah, I smile a lot, but it's a lot of pain behind my smile, but at the end of the day, life is good. Because we get to do this, and we get to listen, and we get to be, and we get to learn, and we get to earn wisdom from our highest expression, our soul, and we get to connect to God and just surrender to every moment. And Karen, I just want to say I'm grateful for you. I felt like I've known you for a lifetime. You felt like a kindred spirit that like, that I know you, how's life?
00:39:50
Speaker
Thank you for coming around, but here's the thing, people, I want to be clear. I couldn't attract this type of energy onto my podcast and to my life if I didn't go through what I went through a year ago. If I didn't go hike Machu Picchu and Duke Plant Medicine and open up my heart and get out and let my divine feminine come in and soften a little bit and just kind of receive and trust more.
00:40:11
Speaker
I couldn't have these experiences on my podcast. I don't want one moment for you to get it twisted. It takes work. And a lot of the work that happens is off camera behind the scene when no one's looking. So I'm just happy that you are who you are in this lifetime and that you shared some of the truest things I could take in as an individual, as a person, that people listening and watching will take home and they will integrate this in their subconscious because it's that authentic and it's that real.
00:40:39
Speaker
But how can we find you and how can we get more of who you are and how do we tap into the frequency of what you offer? I mean, I know you got executive coaching. I think I was watching something on YouTube about 10X success.
00:40:53
Speaker
Thank you so much, Eric. I want to say first of all, that it's always a delight to have a real conversation, just a real conversation. I also really love podcasts that are just not about nothing. The book is called Gilded and you can get it on BreakFreeWithGilded.com or of course on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and wherever books are sold. And I only offer one program, which is private coaching, one-on-one coaching through the end of this year. And that's on KarenEldad.com. And as we discussed, Karen is spelled with two E's.
00:41:23
Speaker
And I believe if I'm not mistaken, maybe we can do some research. Karen, K is the 11th letter to alphabet. And 11 is a master number, so. I never thought about that. I personally really like the number seven. And you know what that number means, right? Perfection. It's a spiritual number.
00:41:42
Speaker
So listen, this was incredible. Go follow her, get her book, um put everything in the show notes, subscribe, share, like, and just tap into the consciousness of Karen. Karen, you're amazing. Thank you.
00:41:57
Speaker
Thank you for joining us on the Spiritual Fitness Podcast. We hope today's episode has inspired you and provided valuable insights for your holistic health journey. By blending spirituality and physical wellness, you can strengthen your body, mind, and soul. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Until next time, stay strong, stay inspired, and remember, it's miracle season.