Transcript
Speaker: There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. Hey moms, today we welcome the ultimate cool mom, Aisha Hatter to the mom group chat. Aisha started building a following online, sharing her fabulous single girl life in NYC and is known for her honesty and authenticity. All of those things have continued to shine through her content as she transitioned into life as a single mom unexpectedly.
Speaker: Asha offers such a refreshing outlook on motherhood and specifically single motherhood. We talk about embracing life's curveballs, manifesting the life you want, maintaining a sense of self in motherhood, and dating as a single mom. This is such a fun and uplifting conversation. Please enjoy our convo with Asha Hatter.
Speaker: Welcome Asia to the mom group chat. We have been so looking forward to chatting with you on here because truly we are all obsessed with you and your content. You are hilarious and so real. The way that you share your life online, the way you share
Speaker: your daughter and motherhood. It's so, so refreshing. And your outlook on motherhood and specifically single motherhood is really nice to see. I feel like you don't see that a lot online. So I'm so excited for our audience to hear your story and get to know you a little better. So welcome, Aisha. Thank you so much for having me. Happy to be here. So just to give the audience a little bit of a background, Aisha, Shannon and I went to high school together.
Speaker: You are go Jags. Yeah. All girls, all girl Catholic school club forever. So we go way back, but you have had such an interesting like journey into motherhood and you've shared so much of it online. So tell us a little bit about you, who you are. Tell us about your daughter and how old she is. Just give us like a little, you know, rundown of you and who you are.
Speaker: For sure. So yeah, I'm Asia. I live in Tampa now, but I spent the better half of the last decade living in New York, just kind of living it up there. I grew up in Tampa, but moved there right after college to do some internships. It ended up sticking. I stayed. I fell in love with it. So I stayed for eight years about. And then towards the end of it, I was kind of getting a little bit
Speaker: And see what's my next move. I feel like I was doing a lot of the same stuff. I'm a huge creature of habit. So I fell into such a routine going out every weekend with my friends, just stuff that you do in your 20s and working a lot in marketing and production and advertising, specifically in fashion and beauty, doing a lot of content creation there, working with brands that I can't even believe wanted to work with me. It was truly pinched me living there. And it felt like living in a movie all the time.
Speaker: That's how I feel looking at your content, though. I was like, this girl is living the New York single girl dream, like. And none of it was like my dream, like, which is why it kind of like when it all kind of unraveled that way and unfolded, it just kind of felt like very natural to do those kinds of things. And then, you know, I really got into sharing a lot of my myself, like online, especially Instagram, and then now like even TikTok. And and so
Speaker: my journey into motherhood kind of like felt like something that I really wanted to share as well. And I mean, Candace, like, you know, my story really well, too. But I feel like it was really unexpected, super not planned, you know, and which not a lot of people talk about. So it kind of felt really isolating when that happened. But essentially, I was like, just kind of like living
Speaker: my life. Like it was right after COVID, you know, like coming off the back of that and you know, a year of like real true like isolation and quarantine in New York. It was really serious. I'd come back here and visit and it was just like not the same as it was in New York.
Speaker: Yeah, it was so crazy. It was like super strict. And I lived alone with my dog Sunny, you know, and so it wasn't like I was doing nothing for like a year, I was working. And then I was like, I didn't have a job for a little bit. So I was like, for three months, I did nothing. Like I just watched TV and slept and
Speaker: applied for jobs and stuff. And so I was in this phase of my life where I was really trying to manifest a lot of change in my life. And I got really hooked on this one TikTok affirmation. And it was, I do not chase, I attract, what belongs to me will simply find me. And I was just like,
Speaker: Who knows? What will happen if I just say this every day for a month? Let's just play and see what will happen. I do that too. I say a few things, and I'm like, I'm just going to lean into this for a little while. I'm just going to lean in. What else do I have to lose? Because at the time, I was trying to find my new job. So I was like, whatever is meant for me will just land in my lap. And maybe it's a boyfriend. Maybe it's a new city. I even considered moving to Wisconsin for a bit. I had a job offer in Wisconsin.
Speaker: There was like a lot of, and then I had kind of been like, no, I'm going to stay in New York. But I'll just like, you know, now that COVID is kind of dying down a little bit, I'll just see what this next phase unravels for me, you know, because at that point, like you're kind of at that time, I was like 28, a lot of your friends are starting to like fragment off into other
Speaker: forays, whether it's moving upstate to build a house or having kids or moving to a new city, there's everything is it's not the same as it was when you're like 23, you know, and like partying, living it up, everyone's priorities start to shift. And then as a single person, like I started to feel a little bit like what what is it? What's for me? You know, like, what is that direction going to be for me? And so I started saying that literally every single day for like a month. And then
Speaker: you know, what ended up happening at the end of the month is that I ended up pregnant. And so, like, that's the short end of it. And I feel like when that happened, it was kind of like, yeah, I wasn't outwardly trying to manifest a baby by any means. But, you know, like it kind of happened that way. And and so, yeah, the universe really, really decided to give you. Do you feel like
Speaker: that because you were manifesting something big, because the pregnancy was a surprise, were you like, okay, this is the thing I've been manifesting? Did you kind of have that thought right away? So that was kind of, yeah, I mean, also when you have an unplanned pregnancy, it's just like,
Speaker: I didn't when I when I took the pregnancy test, you know, because I also had been looking for a job. I was so stressed, like just trying to figure out this next stage of my life. And so I didn't my my gut wasn't like I'm pregnant. You know, when I was starting to feel tired or like sick, like you do in the beginning, I was just like, I'm probably just stressed. That's why my period is late. You know, you think of like everything got covered.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, anything, anything but a pregnancy. And so when I took that, it was more so, you know, like, you have pregnancy scares, everyone, you're like, I'll just take this for a peace of mind, you know, you're like, it'll put all my worries at ease. And then so I like literally take the test and then flip it over and walk out of the room being like, Oh, it'll say like, not pregnant, and you know, it'll be fine. And flipped it over and it was like pregnant. And I, you know, you watch all these videos of people finding out they're pregnant, they're like crying and super emotional. And I was just like,
Speaker: like empty head. Like I truly was like, I don't, I don't know. When you're not, when you're not expecting that it is such like a, let's be real. We've all had like pregnancy scares in the past and like, you know, take in tests and stuff. I feel like it wouldn't feel real. I'd be like, Oh, this is broken. Like this test is false.
Speaker: Well, that's even what my friend Sammy was like, it's probably a false positive. She's trying to keep me calm. She's like, just confirm that it's the end. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's probably a false positive. It was definitely not. The minute I took the test, the pee stick had barely touched the pee. And she's like, oh yeah, you are very pregnant. I was like, oh, cool.
Speaker: So I immediately like ocean panic or were you calm? Like the universe has handed me this moment that like this is what I guess I it's that's what's meant for me. Yeah, I feel like it was kind of the latter like it was this and my immediate reaction was like a sense of calm weirdly like you would think that the weeks the weeks after were like treacherous, you know, because then all the self -doubt starts creeping in. You're like, I am not.
Speaker: Built for this I'm not I never wanted this like this was not my journey like I'm a big planner and so for that to happen I'm just like, you know, you think all the things run through your head You're like I deserve better than this like I deserve like I would want to do this with a partner someone I'm like really in love with you know, like those are the kinds of things that run through your head You're like, I'm just I'm not I'm just so me, you know, like how can I handle this? It's a huge thing especially when it's not something you really were like looking
Speaker: to do in your life at all. And so I feel like my immediate thought was like zen and I was just like, okay, we'll figure it out. But the weeks after were really hard, like just trying to decide what to do. And I think that's where that like isolation piece came in. Like you feel
Speaker: really like alone in that decision because every and then I have a problem of like asking everybody for advice. I'm like, what do I do? Like, can you guys just tell me what to do? Like someone else to solve this problem for me. And everyone's like, it's such a personal thing. Like this is a new thing to figure out. And like, do you want to take that on? And it's like, I had both ends of the street, like some friends being like,
Speaker: Let's just get this taken care of and grab a drink. You know what I mean? Like, let's go back to our fun lives. Like, we don't have to be like these serious people, you know? And then I had other friends who were like, you are like, this is the change. This is what you're looking for. Like, this is what you've been
Speaker: asking for from the universe, like you need a big change in your life. Otherwise, you're just going to keep doing the same thing forever and get stuck in the cycle. And so it was very much like weighing those two options of like it would be so much easier just to keep things the way they are. And yeah, yeah. Change is scary. Yeah, it is. It's so scary. Did it did it just come down to a gut thing of like my gut is telling me that I want this journey and I want
Speaker: What ultimately was the decision factor there? So I feel like the final things were, I think, my age. I was like, what if this is my chance? Because I've said before, when people have asked me about this, half the time I feel more comfortable committing to a baby than I would a man. I've never been really someone who has seen myself getting married or
Speaker: being with somebody like that, you know, I come from a fan, like my parents were divorced and things like that. So I think it's sometimes like, I just never pictured that. And so I was kind of like, it's kind of in like, Asia fashion to do it in a way that's like, this, you know, so maybe this is
Speaker: this is the way it was supposed to be set up for me, you know? And so I think the final deciding factors were like my age, I was like, well, I'm 28, you know, this is like, if it's gonna be happening, like, I don't want to wait another like five, six years to like meet someone, get engaged, like, be with them long enough to decide if I want to like raise a child with them, you know, like, then maybe my next chance isn't gonna be until I'm like 36 or you know, like, not that that's an issue. But I just felt like if that if there's a time I'm gonna do it, I have so much energy, especially coming off of
Speaker: quarantine to like take something like this on I had so much downtime during that time and I was like kind of searching for something to pour myself into besides myself, you know, I was kind of getting a little sick of myself and Yeah, so it was that it was the timing just like I feel like and then also the fact that I have a super supportive family like they were I
Speaker: all on board from the start, you know, like it was never a question of like, can you do this? It was like, we you can do that. Not only can you do this, but we all have your back 1000 % so amazing. It was it was really special. So it's like they everyone had everyone was confident in the beginning except for me. I was like it was like kicking and screaming to the finish line. I was like, No, like please don't drag me out of like my comfortable life with my like disposable income and all my like
Speaker: like I didn't want to like leave that world. Do you know what I mean? No, I was like, please don't make me do this. Yeah. But it was time. It was time for change and literally zero regrets. Like, I mean, everything has turned out amazing. I, and now I realize I didn't even like introduce Violet, but Violet is my daughter. I'm like, just let's make this about me. Like, let's just talk about me all day. But we were getting there.
Speaker: But yeah, all those things all those crazy things led to Violet and I just feel like she has been such like a catalyst for like just so many good things like I was so scared that you know because you there's such a stigma around single motherhood because a lot of people don't have a village and they don't have the privileges that I do to have people who support you to have you know a
Speaker: build up of a career that I've had like to be able to support someone on my own like that and so it's it is very tough for a lot of like single moms out there and I feel for a lot of people who don't have like any kind of support and so you know you see all these representations of single moms in media of like it's a struggle you're never gonna date again you're never gonna find anybody who even wants to even look your way because you're like used goods you know you're washed up and there's so much of that that's like
Speaker: fear -mongering of your life is over and no one's gonna even be interested in you because like you are used up. And so that's kind of like what I was worried about but my life has only like blossomed by like tenfold ever since Violet came into the picture and just between like moving and being closer like moving back to Florida and being closer to my family and like
Speaker: just getting to be around her every day. Things have just been so great. And so I just can't complain. And there's no regrets ever. There's never a day where I'm like, oh, maybe if I had gone back to that kind of time where I was weighing my options, I should have gone the other way. I've never thought that. Everything has just gone so wonderfully. And I'm just so grateful for that.
Speaker: Violet is truly the sweetest baby angel. She is so cute and sweet. As someone who's met her and been around her in person, she is just the sweetest. So you are an amazing mother and have done such an amazing job with her. And I think one of the biggest reasons I wanted to talk to you on this podcast is just
Speaker: your perspective and the way you present single parenthood to the world like through your content I think there is this narrative with single mothers where women fall victim to like they can't succeed at parenting without a partner and I feel like that is so outdated and I know we have single moms that listen to the show but it's not like talked about a lot and I feel like
Speaker: A lot of the single, at least when I think of like content creators that I know are single moms, it's like people who went through a crazy divorce and like hate their husband and like, you know what I mean? I don't know. It's like your story is so unique and you have such like an empowering approach around motherhood.
Speaker: and doing it on your own. And it's like truly you choose to see the amazing parts of it. And that really shines through on what you share, like in what you share online. So I just want to know, like, have you had other single moms or maybe even women who are pregnant and debating that big like life altering choice? Like, have you had people reach out to you and like be thankful for the content you've been putting out?
Speaker: Yeah, so I mean, I think that that's like the most rewarding part about sharing and like being vulnerable online, because it can be really scary, especially, you know, it was always so easy to do it for myself, but then like bringing someone else into it who like isn't really asking to be a part of it, you know, it's kind of daunting in a way that you're like, how can I
Speaker: position this to where it's fair for her and this is also her story. But I do feel like one of the most rewarding parts about sharing our story is that there are so many people who have come out and been like, I either just got divorced, I feel like my life is being pulled out from under me, how am I going to do this? And then you've given me that confidence to
Speaker: take control of my narrative and my story and feel empowered in doing this on my own. And that is just, there's no better feeling than feeling that sense of community. And I can still connect with people who have amazing partners as well. But I think that, yeah, I've had a lot of people just, or be like, I'm pregnant, what do I do? And I always just say, it is such a personal choice. Whatever you do, you're making the right decision for yourself, 1 ,000%.
Speaker: but like if you did want to do it like you have got this you know like you will figure it out like everyone you just do that's what you do and you figure it out and you adapt and you change and um but also there's also nothing wrong with admitting like maybe it's not the right time in your life to do that or like you know i think there's also such a stigma around abortion and like
Speaker: making that choice for yourself too. So I try to like be really neutral when anyone comes for advice. And then I also, my best advice for people is like, don't get too many people involved. Like just make a choice. Listen to your gut. Like because everyone has their own agenda that they're pushing, you know, whether it's your family being like, yeah, we want you to have a baby or your friends being like, no, we want you to stay in this space with us, you know, and we don't want you to like evolve and change into that. So
Speaker: Yeah, it's really nice to connect with people on that, but I do try to stay as neutral as possible and just know that just because this is our experience doesn't mean it's going to be your experience. I do come from such a place of privilege, whether it's my job,
Speaker: being able to afford the fact that I can support Violet, my family. Today, my mom's picking Violet up from daycare, so I can finish up some work. That's something that a lot of people don't have, and it gives me the space also to be able to focus on my work and to
Speaker: you know, to continue to develop my career. And I think that just because that's my experience and I feel like a sense of calm dealing with that, like not everybody is going to have that. Some people it might be like they feel more alone or they don't have that. And it's going to stress on themselves and then their potential kids like, you know, and so I just try to just always position it as like, this is me. Like you have to make a decision that's like going to be good for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love your platform because
Speaker: Candace, you said earlier like it felt like you were in a movie or like your your New York life was a movie, but I also feel like your Florida life is a movie like yeah, I it's it's a different movie, but it's like so fun and like quirky and just like you we
Speaker: We did go to high school together, but we weren't in the same grade. And I didn't really know you in high school. So I feel like I'm getting to know you through your online platform. And I'm just like, this girl is so genuine and authentic and hilarious. And I want to be as cool as her. And you've just really held on to your own identity, your own story.
Speaker: You're not like pushing any agenda on your profile or like, you know, hammering any messages other than like, you love Disney, like McDonald's, like, um, I don't know. It's just like, it's so genuine. And I, I love that. And I think all you, you are like attractive to mothers. Yes. Single mothers, of course, but like all kinds of people. Totally.
Speaker: Yeah. Like all kinds of cool girls, I would say. And cool guys too. Probably mostly females. Mostly females. Yeah. Yeah. But I just wanted to... Oh, go ahead. Sorry. No, I just wanted to say like, we're talking a lot about like the motherhood journey and like Violet I'm obsessed with, dog mom as well to Sunny. But what I love so much is like how it seems like you've really held on to your own identity as well in motherhood.
Speaker: and wanted to ask you a little bit about like how you connect with your old self, how you don't get like bogged down in the identity of motherhood because it can be like very consuming and like hold on to your old spark and your spirit.
Speaker: So I think a huge, huge example of that is my mom. She is just so her through all of it. She has four kids. She has her own business. She used to be a model back in the day. She's been married a couple of times. She's just very her. And she's maintained that throughout my childhood. And I've been able to look to her as an example of, it's something I admire the most about her, to be honest, is just
Speaker: how she never let that like fully, you know, because it is easy to like get that mom blanket over you. And you're like, this is who I am. And this is my only part of my identity. It's really easy when you're routine. And that's all you're doing. And you know, some people just all they do is talk to other moms and stuff. And I feel like my mom is a huge example. Also, like
Speaker: like, maintaining my friendships of, like, people who aren't moms, I feel like has really helped to ground me, and, like, I am me still, you know, and I still can laugh about the same things. I can still go to fun shows. I can still, you know, be interested in all the stupid things I was interested in before, because I think sometimes when you become a mom, everyone suddenly expects you to be, like, so responsible and buttoned up, and it's like, there's someone's watching you at all times. Like, how are you behaving like this? And I think, like,
Speaker: there's room for both. Like, of course, you're an example and you want to lead with a, you know, compassion, kindness, like strength. But at the same time, it's like, I think that something my mom's also always done has been silly, like she has a fun side. And I think I really admire that I've always wanted if I was like ever going to become a mom, I wanted to be a fun like a fun mom.
Speaker: not in like the mean girls way where it's like, I'm a cool mom, like you can do whatever you want and like not have structure or boundaries. But I think like, there's a balance like you can still show them that like you are yourself like
Speaker: you are their mother. It's your responsibility to guide and lead, but at the same time, you're a person, first and foremost, you are yourself. And that's so important. And I think that that's why I've cultivated, even the people I follow on Instagram, it's all moms who are doing it on their own terms. They're still hot as
Speaker: I don't know if I can curse on here, but yeah, so hot and fun. And I'm like, and that's the kind of like, those are the moms I want to surround myself with. Like, yeah, you know, no shade to moms who just kind of like, do it their way. That's fine. But it's like, I just so admire moms who are able to do it.
Speaker: be moms, be amazing moms, but also still be like hot, fun, cool, like capable, like, you know? And I just think that that's - And treat yourself like a person with interests and talents. And it is so, like there is a, there's a part of like the motherhood culture where it's like, you become a mom and then it's like, you're a mom. Like that is who you are. You're a mom. But I feel like,
Speaker: for a lot of people who follow the traditional path or it's like, okay, I'm going to like, I have a boyfriend and now we're getting engaged. Now we're getting married. Now we're going to have a baby. You kind of just like set your, some people, I think maybe I'm a little bit guilty of this sometime. So you're just like, okay, I'm following the plan. Like this is like part of my identity now. And if you're someone who's really like been wanting to be a mom and thinking about it and like
Speaker: planning for it. I can see how like those people sometimes like really take on the persona because they're so excited about it that they're like, okay, this is where I am now. And I feel like I don't want to like put words in your mouth, but like
Speaker: maybe the fact that like she was like kind of surprised you. You were like, Oh, well come on into my life. Like this is my life. This is who I am. Welcome. Yes. And that's like why it seems like you guys have so much fun together on your platform. Like I feel like she, you guys together just like have so much fun. She like seamlessly fits into your life. Obviously you've changed some things, but
Speaker: The joy that you guys share together really seems genuine and like, kind of like, yeah, like you are a mom, but you're also yourself. You're Asia. Yeah. You're Asia and you're having fun with it.
Speaker: Because I feel like some people fall into that trap of adapting their life to a kid's life. And I feel like, which is fine. There's a lot of that you have to do and will do by this proxy of what it is. But at the same time, it's like they also need to integrate into your life. This was your life and you had a full life before you became a mom.
Speaker: bringing them into the fold of that and showing them your interests and showing them that you are an independent person with your own thoughts and feelings and things. I just feel like our kids will respect us even more for that of not just completely just giving our entire being to motherhood and just being like, I'm now just a servant to this life. It's more so it needs to feel like, to me, it just needed to feel fuller of an experience of just this is now
Speaker: how we're going to integrate into each other's lives and it feels like a lot more reciprocal and like natural to me that way instead of me just being like I'm not allowed to do anything fun anymore because this is now my job you know like I don't know yeah
Speaker: Cause that gets old and then you're like pissed. Yeah. And then you're like mad at your kid and they're like, what did I do? You decided to invite me to this. Yeah. And so no, it's, it's good. And I feel like we have struck like such a great balance and I mean, things are going to continue to evolve. She's only, she's about to turn two next week. And so, um, we're going to be entering toddler bill and I'm like a little scared to see how that go. You know, everyone,
Speaker: loves to scare you with like terrible twos, like three nature, you know, like all these like scary psycho terms. And so I feel like I'm like a little scared just because we have she's so like happy go lucky, chill, like fun. Obviously, she's a baby. So like she will cry and like have temper tantrums and things like that.
Speaker: they all as they do. But I do feel like I've gotten so lucky with her. You know, like people ask me like, how did you sleep train her? I'm like, I don't know if she likes to sleep. Like, I just like I really, I got really lucky with her. Like, she's just been such an easy baby. And I don't say that to make it seem like I'm doing something like she's just great. And so sometimes when people are like, do you want another one? Like, would you ever have another? I'm like, I'm a little scared because I got so lucky.
Speaker: And now I'm like, this is what it is to raise a kid. And then I, I hear from my friends and their kids are like having a hard time sleeping or like not eating anything that they want them to. And Violet like literally eats everything. And I just, you know, I feel like I got really spoiled with her. And so now I'm like, this is just what it is, right? It's what like, it's hard. And people are like, yes, it's really hard. It's actually very challenging for me. And so as someone who's pregnant with their second, like Alice was pretty good too. Like she's such a happy, like good baby.
Speaker: people love to tell me now that I'm pregnant. Oh, well, this one, you know, they love it. They love to say that. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Like literally, you're, you're annoying me. Yeah. Yeah. And also I am a huge believer in like, this is going to sound so woo woo with me, but I am
Speaker: A big believer in like energy. I feel like if I have a chill, happy energy, like Alice has given that back to me. And I feel like that's, I feel that way with you and Violet, you and Violet have similar energy. You guys have like spunky sunshine energy. That's what I agree. You know? And so I feel like even if you had a second someday, if you want that for you, like.
Speaker: it would be the same. Like, I think it's like, whatever you put out, they're gonna give back to you, you know, right? I think what I'm a little scared of is because like, I only know this journey, like not having a partner. And sometimes I do wonder, like, how would that have changed things? Like, would her personality be different? Like, would my pet would my parenting style be different? If I had to do it in tandem, and like lockstep with someone else? Like, I asked myself that all the time. And obviously, if I ever had another baby, I would only ever be doing it with like a
Speaker: partner, you know, like I wouldn't be doing it, I would not consider having another baby like as a single mom, like one is enough, I don't need to be outnumbered in any way, you know, like, yeah, I would need to be doing it like with a partner. So I do feel like sometimes I'm like, if I did have another go round, like
Speaker: what would that be like, you know, like what would even pregnancy be like, like having someone there to pick food up for you or to like rub your back or like, you know, things like that, it would just be such a different experience versus this like independent like girl boss, like robot pregnancy I had where I was like, I can do it all like I can
Speaker: manage it all on my own and like even motherhood like just being in the trenches like of that in the beginning on your own it's kind of nice because no one's in your way you have no expectations zero disappointment because the only one to be disappointed in is yourself yeah and so I feel like if I had
Speaker: to do with someone else, how would that feel? How would I be having all these expectations for them? Would I be disappointed if they weren't stepping up in other ways? Would that make me more resentful? I don't know. That's a whole other dynamic. You have put some of your stories before have made me think, damn,
Speaker: This is gonna sound so bad. Maybe I should cut this out after. But sometimes I'm like, would it be easier if I didn't have a husband? Cause sometimes I feel like I'm babysitting my fricking husband too. You know? And I feel like it would be incorrect. I mean, or I don't know. I feel stupid saying that there's like pros and cons to both situations. No, there are no. Yeah. Well, I was going to say, I often fantasize about
Speaker: living in like a tribe like the tribal times where there were no men and they just like went away and like were hunting all the time and all the women like banded together and it was just like female town most of the time everyone like taking care of each other's kids because like in a sense back then everyone
Speaker: was without their fathers all the time. But the women were just like very good at banding together. And I feel like single motherhood is hard now because we've become very siloed in our households. So it's like each household becomes its own little tribe. And then you're like looking to your husband to be so much for you.
Speaker: And that becomes difficult. But yeah, that's why we have like, I love my support system here, like the friends that I've found and like the nannies and whatnot. But I was thinking about like, how like Asia, you have your parents, your parents are local, right? Cause you ended up moving to Florida. So maybe tell us a little bit about like,
Speaker: that decision, I'm sure you were like, well, I don't know. Candace and I both spent time in New York and my plan was always, I'm not gonna send my kids to school here because I don't wanna deal with the public school system and figuring out school here. But I was like, maybe I can have a baby here. But now that I visited my friends who have babies there, I'm like, I could never have a baby here. So how did your thought process work and finding your tribe after having a kid?
Speaker: Well, even just to your point on like kind of having that, that women community, like my mom came right before because I had a plan C section with Violet because she was a breach. And so my mom came like we knew exactly when she was going to be born. So my mom came like a few days before and you know, she's
Speaker: there she was so excited to be like a grandmother and everything so she came and she stayed with me for like a whole month after Violet was born and I literally kept saying at that point I was like why don't more people just like have babies with like platonic women friends like I just
Speaker: Even if they're not in a relationship, if you're a straight woman and you want to have a baby, do it with your friend. I literally feel like women coming together, it's just so rich. And there is a lot of intuition that comes along with it. Me and my mom were just like, not even, yeah, we weren't even talking at some points. I would just look at her and she'd be like, and she would just go and do something that I needed her to do. And where I feel like if you're dealing with a man, not a stereotype, but I feel like you'll be like,
Speaker: you couldn't even look at someone and be like, you know what I need? And they'd be like, no, no, you have to write it down and put it on the fridge. No, literally, you have to be like, I need you to do this now. And then sometimes it still doesn't get done. Something I hear a lot about like a buzzword on TikTok, if we're gonna go there is like weaponizing competence. And just like people just, you know, having these partners who like will not
Speaker: bring half to the table or like, you know, and it's like, I feel so bad because they're basically single mothers in a marriage, you know, and it's like, and I, that was something I was like, if I ever do have another baby, or if I have a partner, like I need to know that that person is like, in it to like, I'm not looking for like a silent partner who's like, gonna sit there and just be like, just here to like, you know, provide for you. Like, I need someone who's like, gonna be an active participant in parenthood, because like, I've done it on my own, I do not need anybody weighing me down.
Speaker: Like if it was ever going to be that situation, I'm like, I need someone to step up or not have it at all. Because if I had somebody who was, oh, it would not be, it would not be a good situation. I'd be like, listen to me. No, you'd be like a CEO, like CEOs who have done the job already, you know, like they're the most.
Speaker: they're the best leaders. You're like, I did this all by myself. Like, what are you doing? Yeah, literally. And so I'd be like a nightmare. But anyways, so going back to your question though, about Florida and everything. So that was like a hard choice just because I loved, I did love New York, but I always knew that if I ever found a partner there, I would never want to raise a kid there. Like not saying that anybody who has, like it's not a good place because it's so full of culture. It's
Speaker: I just personally for me, it's such a fun town to live in. When you're like 23, you have no responsibilities. You can go from work to dinner to drinks. Like that is the New York I am here for and want to live in. I do not want to be there schlepping like a baby around stroller.
Speaker: So much love being I don't want to be on the train with my baby. I don't want to be like, I don't want to be without a car. I don't want to be you know, just carrying my groceries home alone by myself without anybody else was like such a treacherous experience. And then yeah, so I just feel like it's and then also towards the end of it, like I you know, I was like mugged in New York before baby and everything like that. And so I had like,
Speaker: gosh, I forgot a lot of like PTSD like related to that. And so like, I anytime I was on the train, and I would even like catch a glimpse of like a, you know, unstable looking person, it would just give me so much anxiety. And I was like, I don't want to be here. Like, it's one thing to like run off a train by yourself and like switch a car, but you have a stroller, you have this, you're carrying that alone. It's just like, yeah, it feels really scary. And so like, yeah, I just knew that I'd never wanted to like have a baby there.
Speaker: and that I would want to be close to my support system. Because otherwise, she would be in daycare longer. It would just be a lot of not having a hand. I have no problem raising a flag and being like, I need help. I need a break. I need a weekend. I went to New York recently for a belated birthday trip.
Speaker: that was so refreshing to go and visit and like do all the fun stuff that you do but like you know people are like are you bringing violet i was like no i'm not like she is not invited to this like this is for me i'm recharging and then i will go back and be happy in my routine but like i i just knew that it wasn't a place that i was like wanting to
Speaker: have a baby, you know, so it was hard to leave my old life behind and to change. But it I don't regret moving at all because it's like made my life I am able to pour time into things that still matter to me, I'm able to take breaks, I'm able to focus on my work and not know that violet isn't going to be at daycare to like the last second that they're open, you know,
Speaker: And and she doesn't have to go there at like first thing in the morning either because I have like flexibility of like working from home So I really have a life that's set up like for our lifestyle right now and I'm so grateful for that and you know just even having enough space like for her to play or like being able to go outside and take them for walks and not be afraid like Some homeless person is gonna you know, like just jump around the corner at us Like it just feels nice to have a little bit more of like a sense of community and just
Speaker: a little bit more of like a peaceful calm energy and she loves being outside and things like that so it's just it's worked out really well for us since we moved back. Yeah and tell us about like I assume your family was thrilled that you were moving back with Violet.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, they were so, so happy. Like they were, I mean, my parents are in real estate. So they were like looking at places before I even moved down. And they're like, what about this? What about that? They were like going and looking at showings and things like that. And so they helped me find my condo that I'm in now. And it's like five, I can literally walk to my parents' house. And so, and I grew up in Carroll Woods. So it's just nice. It feels, it feels sometimes like I stepped into like a time warp and I'm like,
Speaker: wait, I'm like right back to where it was 10 years ago. But then you, you stop for a second, you realize so much of my life has changed. Like I've accomplished so much. Like sometimes I think that's the only downside is like sometimes it can feel like those eight years didn't happen. You know, sometimes if I'm on a low day, it feels like, wow, I made so much progress. And then I came back and I'm just like around the same kinds of people and my family and things that I like tried so hard to like escape or run away from because I thought that that
Speaker: if I stayed that like that would mean I wasn't you know valuable in some sense of the word you know like you really get what you're saying feel like you lose a sense like your edge like oh I escaped that like I got out of my hometown I left I made something of myself and then like I got pregnant moved back and then it's like I'm you know
Speaker: not creating the same kinds of content and things like that. So I think on my weekdays and when I have a down day, that can definitely creep into my mind of like, I'm a loser now. I'm back in my hometown and I'm not cool anymore. And I can't go to all these PR events and I can't just meet my friends for drinks after work and stuff. And I don't have my community of friends. I have my family, which is great, but it's different. It's just different.
Speaker: For sure, it's like, yes, like a lot of life feels like sunshine and rainbows and butterflies, and it feels really fun. But there are definitely times where I wake up and I'm like, Oh my God, like I, I like, I gave up so much of like, yeah, this life that I was curating, you know, and so that can be hard sometimes.
Speaker: Yeah. There's such an, and we've talked about this on this podcast before, like the identity shift of like stepping into motherhood, like, and that this is why we've said so many times, like taking those trips by yourself and going back to New York. Like I know I always try to go to New York at least once a year to like visit my friends that are still there and to like, it's almost like stepping back into that life for a weekend or a long weekend.
Speaker: But I don't know about you, but almost always when I'm leaving there, I'm always happy to be coming back to my life now. And that is something that's always like a reassuring moment for me. I'm like, okay, if I ever feel like I left my cool life behind somewhere, usually I take a weekend and I go somewhere with by myself. And usually when I'm coming back, I'm like, God, I love my life.
Speaker: Yeah. And take the girls trip. I feel like every three episodes, we're like, go somewhere. Go on a girls trip. It's the best. I always remember too. Yeah. Like I've gone back to
Speaker: the places I used to live in California and New York. And then I remember I was sad here too. There were some days I woke up and I was like, I don't like it. I don't like my life. It's helpful to remember that where you live doesn't define your worth. Because I felt a lot of that when we left New York during COVID, I was like, we're unrelevant.
Speaker: Yeah, no one gives a shit about what us or what we do. And I was like, no one gave a shit about that before either. So like, it's okay. It's accepting that. But yeah, on the days where I just feel extra gloomy, I always look back and I'm like, Oh, you know, it was better before. But
Speaker: I really just need to drink coffee and go outside. Yeah, exactly. Get some sunshine. Yeah, it's easy to romanticize. It's so easy to sit down. But there were so many times, especially when I was unemployed and really trying to manifest something good, I was so depressed and so sad and felt like my life had no purpose and no direction. And I just was like, God, what am I supposed to be doing? I can't continue doing this, going out every single weekend, getting fucked up.
Speaker: it's just not working anymore. Like it's not working for me. And so there's so much of that that like it's easy to romanticize and like look back at pictures and be like I was so cool and like all my jackets and like my things like all my stuff like jackets. Yeah, like all my stuff like you know, my life before like felt but it was just
Speaker: Like I literally got served an ad the other day for like a t -shirt or something. It was like one of those targeted Instagram ads. And it was like, I'd rather feel empty in New York than fulfilled anywhere else. And I was like, no, like literally no, you know, like I was, it was like, and people in the comments were like, this is not it. And it's like, that's the mentality people have about New York. It's like,
Speaker: It's so hard on you. It's like rough. It's expensive. But like, you're living in a movie. So it's like fun, you know, and it's like, you can feel empty, but it's fine. It's like, no, like, I might have maybe had like a little bit of that mentality at some points. But now that my life is so like fulfilling and then like enriched, I'm like, absolutely not like, yeah,
Speaker: I will move back here any day and be with like my village and be with Violet and like have my maybe boring routine to some other people but to me like I've never like I'm truly so happy you know like and I feel like people around me can see that like they're like oh my god you know like you smile so much more like you're just so much lighter like you have this like effervescence about you and I feel that inside too like where it's like in New York for sure.
Speaker: Yeah, it's like you had that like glam life or whatever that you think people care about, but they don't really, you know, and yeah, you think it's like, Oh, you're ticking off all the right boxes. You're this independent like girl boss. But it's like, I don't know, my life is just so much more fulfilling in a different way now. And I'm just so it everything just happened for a reason. And I it all worked out the way like it was supposed to. And I feel very confident about that even on like the darkest days.
Speaker: Okay, so let's switch gears here a little bit. I wanna talk, cause we've talked about you moving back to Florida and like kind of regaining your village. Talk to me a little bit about, cause you said like, so a lot of your friends are in New York. How has making friends been in here in Florida? And then also I wanna talk about dating as a single mom and how that's been. Cause I can only imagine that's its own like beast of a journey.
Speaker: Yeah. So I feel like making new friends has fallen on the last of my priority list between work and Violet and my family. I just don't think I've even tackled that part yet. I'm friends with people that I knew before, like you and everything like that, or people I knew on Instagram from before. But even that, there's so much that's been untapped. And I just feel like, especially when you're dealing with other parents, everyone is so busy. I feel like you and I have been like, let's go to the aquarium. Let's go to the playground. I know.
Speaker: So I feel like it's really tough. And I feel like, you know, on the weekends, I'm either like, just like, I'm just gonna rest with Violet, you know, or I'll be doing these with my family, like going to Busch Gardens or something like that. But I just feel like any friends that I have here I like knew from before, like I have not at all been except for Violet's best friend from school.
Speaker: Um, Neil, Neil, everyone knows Neil. She loves Neil. Um, but his mom, she like moved down from like, uh, Pennsylvania. And so we've become, you know, we literally, sometimes we'll just take him to the playground. She actually texted me today, invited me to go trick or treating, which was really sweet. You know? So like, she's like the only other mom like that I didn't know before. And even that I've like clung on to that and like sunk my little like claws into her. I'm like, I know one person like this is amazing. And our kids get along. That's all you need.
Speaker: I was like, should we move in together? Should we get married? I feel like, yeah, so that's kind of my approach to friendship. I find one and I'm like, no, we don't need any more. We have enough, we have one friend, yeah. So, yeah. I feel like you might relate to this. I have so much family here and we're so close, but I feel like my social time is family now.
Speaker: oh you know if like I don't know a football game the Bucks game is on and mom my mom will be like do you want to go like to a to a brewery and watch the game and I'm just like yeah sure and it's like that fills my social cup with my family that it's like I'm the same way sometimes my friends like fall in the back burner it's something I'm trying to be conscious of moving forward because I know I need
Speaker: to be a better friend and make more friends. But it's hard when your family's here and you're so close. It's like a default fun time, you know? And also, like, there's season seasonality is a thing. Totally. For sure. Violet's not even two yet. Yeah. And your life changed. Like, you there's always time to make friends in the future. I feel like when kids go to school, that's a really big time that you like because they want to start doing more social things. But like,
Speaker: I spend a lot of time with just TJ, like, you know, like we're buddies. Um, I have made some, I don't have family here. So like had to make some friends, but like you have to put the work in. But anyways, I also feel like one is great. Yeah. No, I know. Yeah. But I feel like I fall into like a weird category of like, I.
Speaker: I can't fully relate to my friends who don't have kids, but I also can't fully relate to like my friends who have partners. Like, so I'm kind of like, so I'll get invited to things. And I'm just like, just me and Violet like showing up and all their husbands are there and stuff, which is great. Like, I'm so happy to see that. But like, sometimes I'm like,
Speaker: You know, you feel like a little bit like out out of it. Yeah. And so I don't know. I think that's like even even the first time I hung out with like Neil and his mom, like she I don't know if she like fully knew that I was like a single mom because we kind of just like we're brushing shoulders in the hallway and stuff. And the first time we hung out at the park, like she brought her husband and I was just like I just showed up like by myself because I don't know if she thought I was going to ring my husband. And I was just like, just me like wearing some stupid outfit like my giant sunglasses. I was like, what's up?
Speaker: And so I feel like yeah, sometimes I don't relate to that dynamic. And so I can feel I feel like I don't want to like pretend that I know what that's like, you know, and so I kind of just stay in my own lane or I feel like I
Speaker: feel maybe like, I don't know if it's an insecurity thing, but it's like more so just like, I don't know, like, I just, I'm just gonna do my thing. But I do need to venture out. I think it'll it will be good, especially as she gets into school, like real school, I think it'll just come more naturally, like them gravitating towards other friends, and then you gravitating towards their parents. And so, like you said, it's a seasonality thing, that time will come. But I've been leaning a lot more into like family or I'm so grateful to have friends who are
Speaker: Really receptive to violet like my best friend Helen she comes like she'll make trips like you know every few months to come just hang out with us and like veg out with us you know like I saw like some article I think it was on the cut and it was about like losing your friends as like moms are like you know I feel like my none of my friends are around anymore and stuff and
Speaker: Someone actually sent it to me. I was like, what's your take on this? And I was like, I don't know. I'm really lucky to have my friends who don't have kids have been so accepting of like me and my new life. They're still there. We're still sending each other stupid TikToks. We still talk about other things. But I also feel like I don't make our entire conversation about my kid also.
Speaker: You know what I mean? It's like I still talk a lot about and I think maybe that's because I don't have a partner. So I still kind of feel like I'm like my own person. I don't know. I have no idea. Yeah, for sure. It makes sense. And yeah, I think it's great that your friends have been so receptive. And I think for me personally, sometimes it's hard for me not to like fall into instant like mom life talk.
Speaker: to be like, someone asked, how are you? And I instantly answer how Alice is, not how I am. Have you guys ever done that? If that's something I've been noticing recently, to be like, if someone asked me how I am, I'm like, oh, I'm good. Alice slept through the night or whatever. They didn't ask about Alice. They asked about me. I still...
Speaker: they're still like I can still answer how I am, you know? Yeah, right. And it doesn't have to because I think sometimes as a mom, like you feel like if you don't make it all about your kid, it's like you're like either excluding them or like you're not paying attention to that part of your life. But it's like I do think there's enough room for both and for you to be taking care because you know, people always say that to you when people have new babies and stuff. They're like, hold the mother like not the baby. But sometimes I feel like moms also don't give people the opportunity to do that.
Speaker: you know, like they don't give them the opportunity to like really care and they it's easier to just be like, this is how the baby's doing like focus on this, you know, but it's like, how are you doing? Like, are you okay? How is your marriage? How are your friendships, you know, like, and just doing something like what you guys do and like talking about how you really feel about things and like how you're connecting with motherhood, like but from your perspective, not just like how you're connecting to it in relation to however your kid is doing.
Speaker: I think that's really important and valuable. And so what you guys are doing is amazing work because a lot of these people aren't even asked those questions. No one thinks to ask those questions to moms. It's always like, how's the baby doing? It's like, not how are you doing?
Speaker: Yeah, mom's lives matter. I am curious about the dating though, because as someone who is married, I love talking to people about dating. So tell us how it's going. Yeah, and as a single mom, it's got to be daunting. I don't know. Tell us how it is.
Speaker: So for a long time, I was just like, No, like, like, that was the bet. I was like, No, thank you. Like, you know, obviously, when you're pregnant, you know, you're not going to be out there, like, nine months pregnant, like, anyone want to go on a date with me, you know, like, for a long time, there's just like a no play zone, you're just like, and so I was like, honestly, pretty much like, celibate for the better half of like two years, like my whole, and honestly, like, you know, just getting unplanned pregnant, you're like,
Speaker: It's a little traumatizing, you know what I mean? You're like, I don't want to do that again. Like I'm good. Like, no, thank you. I've had my fill. Um, but so I was kind of like just celibate for two years. I was like really just pouring everything I had into Violet, which I was like great with. Cause I was like, even if I met someone right now, like I don't have the time, you know, especially when they're not like sleeping regularly, you're like breastfeeding. There's like really nothing sexy about that. You're like, Hey, like what's up?
Speaker: Like, you know, there's like, yeah, your body feels like it belongs to somebody else. Still, you're still recovering from like postpartum. And so it just wasn't even on my radar. And honestly, for a long time, I was like, really kind of bitter towards men, like there's a bit of like a hatred underlying.
Speaker: Um, where I was like, they're useless. They're trash. I could do it myself. I literally they will bring no benefit to my life. And so I was like, I'm not in the headspace to be like kind to somebody or like receptive of this at all. And so yeah, yeah, like when you hate men, like you're not interested in dating them.
Speaker: I literally hate you. And so it was just not of interest to me for a long time. And then at the beginning of this year, I just like woke up and I don't know if it was like something happened in my body, but I was like, I'm horny. Like, let's go. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, like, can we just get some action flowing? And there's like, it's just the cobwebs off. Like we need to feel something outside of just like feeling love for like my child, you know, or like my family. Like I need something that's like for me, you know?
Speaker: And I felt like I had done a lot of self -work and a lot of internal work. And so I was like, OK, let's see. But I was also, even then, looking back, I was still not positioning myself for success in that. I think my bio on Tinder was like, I don't want to date any of you losers, but maybe we can kiss.
Speaker: Like that was literally my bio. So it's not really giving like, it's not really giving like charming warm energy. It's like, okay, she's like mean, you know, like she's scary. And so I wasn't really like, super approachable. But yeah, and then and then in Florida, you know, it's like the caliber of men just it's not really my type, not really my taste, not really for me at all. And so like then coming off of a New York or Brooklyn, like everyone's like creative and like,
Speaker: you know, artsy and stuff. And yeah, you come here, like, and everyone's like, conservative, like, scary man, fish holding, like killing a deer, like, you're like, you're like, I don't like this, like, I don't like it at all. Like, and so I literally, yeah, I mean, I was just kind of swiping around for a little bit. And then
Speaker: Like I met, I met one person and then that was it. Like, you know, I was like, let's just do this, like one and done. You know, like I was like, I don't really. So yeah, we met like earlier this year, we went on a date and then we just kind of kept seeing each other. We took a little bit of a break and then we started like seeing each other a little more seriously, like in the summer and everything's been like so great ever since then. And I feel like, gosh.
Speaker: started going to therapy, you know, like just to kind of like work through some of those things of like why do I like dislike men so much or like where is some of that like trauma coming from and I feel like that really helped me like approach it from a better like more healthy perspective and it's just like feeling more ready and like feeling like more like myself and Things have been like so great ever since then and he's wonderful and and so we did take a long time to just kind of like do things just him and I because I was also I'm so protective and
Speaker: of the life that Violet and I have. I was like, I'm not just going to introduce anybody into her life. It has to feel really serious. I have to literally love this person. Everything has flowed really naturally.
Speaker: Yeah, like he's met my family like I've met his family like they've met Violet and so it's just like everything just really flowed like we waited until after because I brought him to New York with me and so we waited till after that to like kind of do all the family stuff because I was like that will I was like we're gonna go on this trip and either we're gonna leave like hating each other because it was like really the first time we had spent like traveling with someone
Speaker: is a it's telling yeah because you know i dated him for such like a while and we had like maybe like one sleepover like it you know like the whole time because it's like i'm not yeah like the logistics of it i'm like the logistics of it are like tough because you're also when would you do that you
Speaker: right like you're either like going on dates having to figure out who can watch like come and stay there mom can you watch the babies so I can literally like I need you to watch her you know like so I feel like you have to like really view it like from now and I'm like I didn't
Speaker: you know, or like, or he comes over when she's asleep, you know, and it feels like very much like Shrek, where it's like, oh, you wake up in the morning and you're like a different person. Like, you know, it's like this like hole that you're like shrouded and like, it kind of feels like very secretive. Like you're living like a triple double life or like, you know, okay, now I'm going to put my girlfriend mask on and my mom mask and my friend mask and my family mask. And it just felt kind of like really disjointed. And so like for a while I was like, okay, like we need to get to know each other enough. Like before I feel comfortable introducing him to like anything. And then so I brought him to New York
Speaker: introduced them to my friends. And so it was either like, okay, we're gonna leave this trip, like either hating each other, because we haven't spent like more than like a day together. You know what I mean? Like, so yeah, spending four days together uninterrupted, like, we're either gonna leave hating each other or become obsessed with each other. And like, luckily for us, it was like truly the latter. Like we were just like, Oh my god, like it was so much fun. It was like such a blast. And
Speaker: Yeah. And then after that, it just kind of felt like much more natural to be like, okay, like I think, you know, especially for him too, I'm trying to like put myself into his shoes. Like he's not really dated anybody who had a kid before, you know, like, how will they take to him? Like, how will he take to them? You know, like, I feel like it's really scary, like even from his perspective. And so I tried to be like really like understanding and like gentle about that. And he knows what like a bond that we have.
Speaker: And so he doesn't want to disrupt that in any way. And he just wants to be there for me. And so yeah, it's been great. And then introducing him to my family and Violet and stuff was so special. I was going to say, did you feel like the craziest sense of relief after to just be like, oh, all these things that are like, all these parts of my life can finally coexist together? Yeah, yes. Yeah, exactly. It was a huge sense of relief and a sense of like,
Speaker: you know, even meeting his parents like they're so amazing like with kids and stuff too. And you know, they have like step grandkids too. So it's like they're kind of used to that dynamic. And they're like so accepting of that. And so it was so great like to see them together interacting with her and just like knowing that like that's like even more people to like love Violet and to be there and support her. It just felt really nice. And
Speaker: I don't know, I just feel like so grateful to have found that especially when I am like such a picky person and I was so anti that for such a long time and then like meeting somebody who can like change your mind about a lot of things and like have you like kind of rethink how you feel and like
Speaker: show you also that like, not all men are bad. Like some people are just good, you know, and like, that's okay. And, and some people just do genuinely care and like want to be there for you. And you are deserving of that love. And also like, you can accept that, you know, and that's okay. And it doesn't have to, there doesn't have to be another shoe that's going to drop. And there doesn't have to be like something that's going to happen, you know, it's, it's okay. So I'm very grateful to have found that and, and like, and not had to, you know,
Speaker: like, date a lot of losers to find that here, you know, it's kind of like, yeah, like down trodden. Yeah, exactly. Because I feel like Florida is like, there's a lot of, you know, I will I am like very much enjoying your life here with like, it seems like you
Speaker: open yourself up to things and then once you're energetically ready, they arrive and you haven't tried to shove anything into your life based on some arbitrary timeline or because you think it needs to happen, it's just like when you feel ready, you open yourself up and then the things happen.
Speaker: Yeah, and I and I literally was telling someone about that the other day like even before I when I was looking for that job right when I found out I was pregnant like I had been interviewing for a bit before then obviously trying to manifest like what job I was gonna get and stuff and Literally the week I found out I was pregnant. I was like still technically unemployed. So in my head. I'm like I
Speaker: I don't even have a job. I can't have a baby right now. This is not looking good on paper. It's not looking good. Things are not looking good. And literally that week, two job offers came in. And then literally even that, I accepted one, started in March. Violet was due in October. And to get New York paid family leave, you have to be at your job for 26 weeks. And almost down to the day, it was I qualified for that.
Speaker: And then I ended up getting like 20 weeks of maternity leave because I had her in New York and like with my job too, I had like short term disability. So it's like one thing after another in my life has just like unfolded in a way that was like, this is the plan. Like these, your life is giving you this, like every tool that you need to take care of it. You have the job, you have the maternity leave, like you have
Speaker: you know, oh wow, this like amazing condo just like opened up exactly when you need it. Like here you go, move in like, you know, and this just everything. Oh, you need to work from home drop. Here you go. Like, and I don't take that for granted for a single day because I see a lot of people struggling really hard right now, especially like single moms and like, and so to have things just like flow into my life, like when I need them to,
Speaker: I just I don't know what I've done to deserve it, but I do not say Do you have any advice for someone who like is trying to claim that energy or like yeah? Well, I mean I guess you use that manifestation because literally I do not chase I attract what belongs to me will simply find me like sounds crazy but like ever since that stupid tick tock like everything has just
Speaker: really like unfolded in a way that has just been like sometimes like I'm like, how did this happen? Like, you know, you wake up and you're like, this is my life now, you know, and, and I'm so grateful to have had all of those things happen and with such ease, not a lot of like, heartache, pain, you know, trauma in relation to it. And so
Speaker: Yeah, I don't know. I pinch myself every day like just realizing this, this, everything has unfolded the way it needs to. And I think it's just because I trusted myself and like I, at the end of the day, that's what you, that's all you can do is like trust yourself. Know that you're capable. Know that you are strong enough to deal with whatever's in front of you and also ask for help. Like reach out to the people who are in your community, whether it's your friends, your family, and don't be afraid to like
Speaker: throw the flag and be like, I'm drowning like I need you don't have to do it all on your own, you know, and I think when people are like, you're a single mom, like you're doing all I'm like, I'm not like I have such a supportive like family, like my work is understanding of my schedule, you have to create craft a life for yourself that supports the lifestyle that you want to live. And I feel like I've done that. And it's the only reason I'm able to remain positive and like happy, because I've been able to have the privilege of having a life that supports
Speaker: what I need at any given moment. Yeah. Yeah. And then on the flip side too, like you are a positive and happy person. So like you're giving that energy back to your job. You're giving that energy to your family. So I think it's like putting out what you want to receive into the world as well. And
Speaker: On that note, I would say like everyone needs to go follow Asia. Like she is such a good follow and like such a fun follow. So positive. Such like a happy place on the internet for me. Um, like I always go to them. So you're like, you're high on my algorithm on Instagram and I'm always seeing your stories. So entertaining. So sweet. Violet and Sunny are like some of my favorite characters on my head.
Speaker: Um, tell our followers where to find you. Yep. So I'm on Instagram and it's, I'm so boring with my like screen names. It's just my name. So it's just Asia Hatter and same on Tik TOK. So those are my main two guys. Yeah, that's awesome. Such, such strong branding. Yes. Yeah. But it's scary because then people Google you or you'll go like Google yourself and it's like,
Speaker: you know, people are, it's weird, like, they can find everything about you immediately. Sometimes I'm like, I wish I had like a Sarah Smith or something, you know, it's like really hard to find anything about my name. And it's like, it's like my entire like history of anything that's ever been published about me on the internet. I'm like, okay. Yeah, you can get away with more. Yeah, with your friends, but it's like, then you do like work stuff. And you're like, Oh, I hope no one sees this tick dock of me like ranting about this random thing, you know, so
Speaker: Yeah, it'd be a little hard to say. I love your stories. Same with, same as Shannon said, you're like high on my algorithm. Cause I, every time I open Instagram, you're first. So I'm always so excited to see your stories. I think you have such a great sense of humor about motherhood and is one of my favorite things. Like I feel like you truly.
Speaker: make normal everyday things so hilarious. And you're truly one of our favorite follows. So if you're listening, definitely go check out Asia's pages and follow along with Violet Sunny. And I feel like all three of you are main characters. Like Sunny is the main character, but also Violet's the main character. Yeah. Yeah. It is like.
Speaker: There's all that stuff about romanticizing your life, but I feel like what Asia does is normalize and then make hilarious. That's what I'm getting from your content. It's a bit romanticized, but it's very real. It's like you and Violet going to the pool, eating lunch, playing Play -Doh, but everything is so sweet and then hilarious. It's just so authentic and cool. I love your profile so much.
Speaker: Thank you. Yeah, there's something in there for everyone, really. Like if you like playlists, if you like children, if you like dog music, clothes. Yeah, there's something in there for everyone, really. So I appreciate that. Thank you. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming to chat with us. Thank you, Asia. Yeah, we've loved having you here. And I'm sure we'll have you back on to talk about other things. So anytime you two need to go to the aquarium.
Speaker: Yes, on the calendar. I know we've never been to the zoo. And now that it's getting cooler, that is on my radar. I'm like, I need to go. I need to take Alice to the zoo.
Speaker: But oh, also, I know you do Disney, but I am going for Violet's birthday next week, well, mostly to see Sugar Ray. Violet's birthday is a secondary occasion. My mom was like, well, that is on Violet's birthday weekend. I was like, and she loves Sugar Ray. You know she loves Sugar Ray. And so we're going there. But I have an annual pass. So if you ever want to go to Disney, we could do a Disney weekend. Oh my gosh.
Speaker: I also just got my, convinced my boyfriend to get one. So he's coming with us. So we could always do like a couples thing now. Like I can do that kind of stuff now. Wait, I'm texting you about this immediately after this. We definitely have to do that. Oh my gosh. So fun. We do our Disney episode. Maybe we can have you join our round table.
Speaker: Yeah, we are going to do like a Disney episode where we talk about taking kids to Disney, so maybe we can have you back as a guest. Yeah, I can give you some tips of how not to have a panic attack. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you guys so much.
Speaker: Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right, gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.
