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They Did WHAT Now?! Funeral Fraud, Narcissists & Faking Death
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In this Unsolicited Perspectives episode, Bruce Anthony unpacks three viral stories that blend funeral home scandal, narcissist survival strategies, and a jaw-dropping marriage escape—making this one of the most emotionally charged, dark humor podcast episodes yet. We kick off with the Colorado funeral fraud, where 191 bodies were mishandled and families received cement instead of ashes—a cremation scam that’s shaking the industry. Then we dive into the therapist-approved “Narcissist Bingo Card,” a mental health hack for identifying emotional manipulation and surviving toxic relationships. Finally, Bruce breaks down the unbelievable story of a Wisconsin man who faked his death, rode an e-bike 70 miles, and became a Georgia passport bro to escape his marriage. #RelationshipAdvice #MentalHealthMatters #NarcissistSurvivalGuide #FuneralScandal #unsolicitedperspectives
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#podcast #mentalhealth #relationships #currentevents #popculture #fyp #trending #SocialCommentary
Chapters:
00:00 Welcome to Unsolicited Perspectives 🎙️🔥💥
01:55 Charlie Kirk: The Conversation You Can’t Miss—After Hours! 🎙️🌙
03:57 They Did WHAT Now?! New Segment Alert 😱🚨
05:02 Funeral Home Horror Story: 191 Bodies Found 💀⚰️
09:18 Trust Betrayed: The Dark Side of Funeral Business 😔💔
11:52 Drug Dealers vs Funeral Scammers: Who's Worse? 🤔💭
19:05 Dealing with Narcissists: Expert Tips Revealed 🧠🎯
23:02 The Narcissist Bingo Card Strategy 🎲🎯
27:23 Setting Boundaries: When Confrontation Isn't the Answer 🛑✋
35:47 Self-Care After Narcissist Encounters: Recharge & Recover 🧘♂️💪
37:46 Mental Health Matters: Get Support, Stay Strong 🧑⚕️🧠
40:36 Man Fakes Death to Escape Marriage 😱🏃♂️
44:30 The Great Escape: From Wisconsin to Georgia 🌍✈️
49:29 Love Gone Wrong: The Price of Faking Death 💔💸
52:46 Better Ways to End a Marriage 💑➡️💔
54:21 Outro: Stay Connected & Join the Community 🤝❤️
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Promotion
00:00:00
Speaker
death, narcissism, and marriage. We gonna get into it. Let's get it.
00:00:17
Speaker
Welcome. First of all, welcome. This is Unsolicited Perspectives. I'm your host, Bruce Anthony, here to lead the conversation in important events and topics that are shaping today's society. Join the conversation and follow us wherever you get your audio podcasts. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for our video podcasts, YouTube exclusive content, and our YouTube membership.
00:00:37
Speaker
Rate, review, like, comment, share. Share with your friends, share with your family, hell, even share with your enemies. On today's episode, we're going to be talking about a funeral home that went bad.
00:00:50
Speaker
We'll be talking about dealing with narcissists and what happens when you're unhappy with your marriage. But that's enough of the intro. Let's get to the show.
00:01:06
Speaker
I know a lot of people out there want to hear my thoughts on the Charlie Kirk killing, and I'm going to give them to you, just not on this show. I am going to talk about everything I feel, everything and I think, everything that's on my mind on an After Hours episode. when It's not really After Hours. It's my own episode, but I'm my sister an opportunity to Fill something with me as well.
00:01:32
Speaker
It's going be in after hours or my own show basically is going to be in our membership. The video will be out there for people that want to hear what we have to say, but we're not putting it on this show.
00:01:45
Speaker
I got a lot to say. I have a tremendous amount to say, and I have other things that I would like to talk about. And I want the space to be able to talk about that absolutely freely and not have an issue with it being put up on YouTube or with all the other audio platforms. I want the freedom, and I'm sure my sister does as well, the freedom to say exactly how we feel, what we think about the killing without causing detriment to our show.
00:02:19
Speaker
Not to say that it would, just a precaution. So sign up for our membership. Like you could join the membership for $2.99 a month, a month.
00:02:33
Speaker
And typically you don't get after hours uncensored, but I will put that video on that membership. So people can get an idea a little bit about the content that we provide on our pay behind our paywall and also get some of our thoughts that We can't say on the main show or that probably shouldn't be said on the main show for a variety of different reasons. Not typically, not solely talking about this particular topic, but just a variety of topics. We had the freedom.
00:03:05
Speaker
We don't have to watch our language. We don't have to watch our mouth. We can just say whatever the hell we want to say. We can't necessarily do it on this show, especially now that we're monetized. You know, we have sponsors and everything like that.
00:03:18
Speaker
We don't for the paywall. That's just us. So that's the reason why it's going to be on the behind the paywall and our membership program. I do want to say thoughts and prayers to them babies.
00:03:31
Speaker
You know me, I'm always for the kids, thoughts and prayers to them babies because they lost a father. And I've known people who lost the father at a very young age is going to impact them for the rest of their life.
00:03:46
Speaker
So thoughts and prayers for them babies.
Funeral Home Scandal Overview
00:03:50
Speaker
Now on to the show. And that was kind of like a downer. So I'm going to bring us up with this crazy story. Now, I decided to create an even newer segment that I hope that I'll routinely do because I think this is a is a good idea for a segment.
00:04:13
Speaker
And hopefully I won't ever forget about it. But y'all know how I am when I create new segment titles and say, this is what going to about for this segment and then forget about it. But this is... They did what now?
00:04:24
Speaker
That's the title of the segment. They did what now? And whenever I have a segment where they did what now, just know that it's a story that when I tell you, you're going to be like, they did what now?
00:04:39
Speaker
Exactly. All right. So John Hawford, faces multiple federal and state charges related to mishandling of nearly 200 bodies at the Return to Nature Funeral Home in Penrose, Colorado, as well as fraud involving funeral payments and COVID-19 relief funds.
00:05:00
Speaker
So, Halford, is charged with 191 counts of abuse of a corpse after investigators discovered 191 decaying bodies improperly stored at his funeral home.
00:05:12
Speaker
Charges include allegations of providing families with dry concrete to mimic cremation ashes and burying the wrong bodies. Hallford and his wife also faced federal wire fraud charges for defrauding funeral clients and the SBA, the Small Business Administration, of COVID-19 relief funds.
00:05:35
Speaker
Hallford was sentenced in June 2025 to 20 years in federal prison in order to pay over $1 million dollars in restitution for wire fraud and other related crimes, including forgery, theft, and money laundering.
00:05:48
Speaker
Now, that was his wife. Hawford originally pleaded guilty to state corpse abuse charges, but the judge rejected his plea agreement, leading him to withdraw the plea and head to trial.
00:06:01
Speaker
The initial plea deal would have allowed Hawford to serve 20 year sentence concurrently with his federal sentence. But this was rejected after an emotional testimony from victims' families who demanded a longer sentence.
00:06:16
Speaker
Prosecutors reportedly offered Harford a 30 to 50 year plea deal, which he also turned down. So the case will proceed to jury trial scheduled for February 9th of 2026. Harford's worth.
00:06:28
Speaker
offer work Carrie Hawford is also facing similar charges. She pleaded guilty in the federal court, but withdrew her plea in the state court and is awaiting further hearings.
00:06:40
Speaker
Y'all. So when I just say that, because there's more details that I'm going to get into. When I just say that, you understand why this new segment is titled, they did what now?
00:06:54
Speaker
Because he did what now? Uh, he, he, you know, he was a funeral home person. And, and when your loved one passes, your loved one could be anybody, right?
00:07:07
Speaker
This was human bodies. However, I've told the story of my dog passing away. How much that affected me. There was actually a couple of weeks ago, as I was talking about crypto, there was a long soliloquy in one of the podcasts. I cut that shit out because it got too damn emotional.
00:07:26
Speaker
And I opened up my heart a little too much to you guys out there, the public. And I was like, I'm not posting this. But it was an emotional ordeal for me. And i I got him cremated.
00:07:38
Speaker
And he's on my TV stand right now in his little box with his little name tag, crypto. And I got on the other side, a little paw print and clay and a picture of him.
00:07:50
Speaker
That's my man. As I got this though, I was thinking to myself, I don't technically know that's him. I'm assuming that the company is on the up and up because the hospital, the emergency hospital, I took them to the vets. They were wonderful. And,
00:08:08
Speaker
I know they're on up and up. So I'm going to assume that they have a partnership, a business agreement with another up and up company. But I don't know for sure. And you can get DNA testing on the remains, which is what I'm sure a lot of these people did.
00:08:24
Speaker
But you don't know. Now imagine it's your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, your son or daughter. Your grandparents, your grandchildren.
00:08:36
Speaker
Not only. Did they give you ashes that were dried cement?
00:08:43
Speaker
But the bodies are decaying off behind the house. Yeah, off behind the house. Yeah, I'd be furious. 20 years and enough time. I understand why the people that were victimized in this situation. I talked about victimization the other day, right?
00:09:03
Speaker
This wasn't anything where they had any kind of accountability or responsibility. Like, the they they are completely, absolutely victims. And they are calling for justice for being wronged.
00:09:16
Speaker
And they are absolutely right. I would call for the chair, personally. The bodies, but dig this here, the bodies were stored from 2019 to And families received the fake ashes instead of proper cremation.
00:09:32
Speaker
Hawford and his spouse used the defrauded money for personal luxuries, including travel and expensive cars. The scandal has also exposed Colorado's weak funeral home regulations and led renew calls to oversight reforms.
Regulatory Issues and Call for Reform
00:09:51
Speaker
But not only, take this here, not only did you send me dried cement, instead of my loved one that right there means i gotta whoop your ass that alone that alone means i gotta whoop your ass immediately urgently and be due diligent in that ass whooping that's that's the first thing i gotta do the second thing i gotta do when i'm done beating that ass
00:10:28
Speaker
is I want my damn money because you took my money. But not only did you give me dried cement, you took my money and you was big balling with it.
00:10:42
Speaker
In the words of Baby and Drake from the great 2010 song, they had money to blow because they was defrauding everybody, not just people that came to them to take care of their loved ones, also the government.
00:10:57
Speaker
They got such a scam going on, but still defrauded the government with them PPP loans. Now, the PPP loans was going all over the place. you know I should have grabbed me one, but I don't want to defraud the government cause I don't want the government after me.
00:11:10
Speaker
And maybe one day I might decide to run for office, even though that's highly unlikely because I got a past and but let's move on. But you live in lavish.
00:11:21
Speaker
While there are bodies, the part that I really didn't want to bring up and that I brought up earlier, but I'm not going to go into great detail about it, is that these bodies were almost like in a backyard area, just kind of like decomposing.
00:11:39
Speaker
And did y'all hear the other part where I said, even when they weren't cremating and they were burying bodies, they'd be burying the wrong people? Like just foul all the way around. And there is a record of Colorado, as I said earlier, having bad regulations as far as oversight for these funeral homes.
00:12:02
Speaker
Because there was another case where it was like 20 bodies were misplaced or something like that. Now you hear, you hear stories of funeral homes having mix-ups every now and then. It's not a common occurrence.
00:12:17
Speaker
I was talking to a friend the other day and I was like, you know what? Through technology, this shouldn't happen anymore. But I believe, and I'm sure there are multiple cases, that in the olden times, I'm talking about like before my parents were born, even maybe when my parents were born. My parents were born in the late 50s.
00:12:37
Speaker
But before that, How often you think they messed up them babies in the nurseries when the babies was getting bored in the hospital? How many times you think one of them nurses that was in there caring for those babies were was was slipping on their job and put the wrong tag on the wrong baby and families went home? It's happened.
00:12:55
Speaker
It has happened, right? So just know that that in particular with babies probably not going to happen today, right? But you don't know.
00:13:08
Speaker
what goes on in a funeral home behind the scenes. If you decide to have, you know, an open casket viewing, then yeah.
00:13:19
Speaker
And even my family members who were cremated had an open casket viewing. So we knew it was them, but we don't know. Like, I mean, I mean, we trust the funeral home, but we don't know that the loved ones that decided to get cremated that after we did the viewing,
00:13:35
Speaker
That what we got was actually their body. ah This is a fair mind. Because I want to be cremated. I don't want to be buried. What happens if I come back to life. And I'm buried underneath the ground with spiders. And snakes. And I got to try and crawl up. I just seen that movie.
00:13:52
Speaker
Trying to bury alive. I don't want that. Go ahead and cremate me. Take me out. Just look. I don't want to be undead. Anyway.
00:14:04
Speaker
I want to be cremated. and And for those that are my loved ones that want to keep a piece of me, cool. But I already told everybody I want to be cremated and I want my ashes spreaded over the ocean in Hawaii because that's my home.
00:14:21
Speaker
that's That's where I feel the most at peace. That to me is is heaven. That area, just I love it so much. And to think that these people we're throwing bodies in the backyard or burying the wrong bodies, getting dry cement.
00:14:38
Speaker
Why wouldn't they just cremate the bodies? Like you, you have the equipment. How lazy do you got to be? And you live in lavish and you live in lashes, lavish, double ass whooping.
00:14:52
Speaker
Not look. I don't agree with men putting their hands on women. But she got to get ass whipped too. Because she right along with it. And they said.
00:15:06
Speaker
Lavish lifestyle. Lavish trips. Personal luxuries. And expensive cars. You can go out there sell drugs. Before messing anybody else's body up.
00:15:19
Speaker
And not cremating them. And not burying them right. I feel like that's more of a crime. That's more of a detriment to society. Is what these people did.
00:15:31
Speaker
with the trust of the people that hand you their loved ones than drug dealers. Drug dealers, the idea that drug dealers are out here, remember when we was kids, we used to watch them after Saturday afternoon specials, or not Saturday afternoon, after school specials, right?
00:15:48
Speaker
And they'd be the drug dealer, like, hey, man, you want to try this? Look, I done lived in every socioeconomic area that you could think of besides the super ultra wealthy, right?
00:15:59
Speaker
And I've No drug dealers, okay? And not a one has ever walked up to anybody and be like, hey man, you want to try this? You should try this. They don't have to push drugs. oh Nobody has the a drug. The idea that somebody is a drug pusher is not a real thing.
00:16:17
Speaker
They're a drug seller. People are coming to them because they want drugs. I feel like these people are more of a detriment to society than the drug dealer. Because people are coming to these people to give them money to take care of their loved ones.
00:16:35
Speaker
Other people just go on a drug dealers to buy some drugs. And I bought drugs before, marijuana. Marijuana, I ain't never tried anything hard because I'm scared. Marijuana. And then nobody ever tried be hey man, you want to try that?
00:16:47
Speaker
Friends and peer pressure, friends have, but not drug dealers. Not drug dealers. These people, the Hoffers, are more of a detriment to society than drug dealers.
00:17:00
Speaker
And because of that, The victims are absolutely right. 20 years served concurrent. Because see, people don't get it a lot of times when people are charged with something or or sentenced to something.
00:17:11
Speaker
When they say concurrent, that just means that all those charges, you you had seven charges and all of them carried 20 years sentence. You're not getting 140 years if they serve concurrent.
00:17:24
Speaker
You're serving all of those 20 years concurrent. At one time. So you get 20 years and you don't serve 20 years. Because typically you don't get out of parole with good behavior.
00:17:37
Speaker
Now, now, now want them served consecutively. That means one right after another. The victims is absolutely right. I support the victims and I don't support the whole first man. Let me tell you the triple ass whooping.
00:17:50
Speaker
Triple ass whooping.
00:17:53
Speaker
That's crazy. This came across my, you know, my algorithm is crazy. This came across my algorithm. And that's the reason why I asked. They did what now? And I know you asking the same damn thing.
00:18:08
Speaker
They did what now?
Coping with Narcissists
00:18:19
Speaker
All right, now transitioning from ah crazy stores story, which included narcissists. I'm going to assume that the Hallfords were narcissists because good God.
00:18:32
Speaker
I did a show, I don't know how long ago, but I've done a show on narcissists because I feel like that term is being thrown down too much. Everybody's accusing everybody to be a narcissist, but there's a certain set of guidelines or principles that narcissists not follow, but but have that designates them as narcissists. Just because somebody is selfish doesn't mean that they are a narcissist.
00:18:53
Speaker
So I've already broke that down in a previous episode, but What I found interesting is this article. It was on today.com. It's the best tactic to use when talking to a narcissist, according to a therapist. And it's written by Caroline Key.
00:19:08
Speaker
And it's talking about. You know, this person is legitimately a narcissist, not you diagnosing them. They're a narcissist, right?
00:19:20
Speaker
And you have to interact with them. And this article is about how you interact with a narcissist. And I thought, oh, this is this is extremely interesting because though the term is being thrown around really loosely,
00:19:36
Speaker
There are definitely more than a few narcissists out there. I used to think I was a narcissist, but narcissists don't typically have empathy and I have a little bit too much empathy, not to make this about me, but this was legitimately a fear that I had What I found out is I have a propensity to date narcissists and they were gaslighting me.
00:20:00
Speaker
Now, was I selfish in my youth? Hell yeah. Am I still a little selfish now? Hell yeah. I try not to be, but you know, sometimes in life to make yourself happy, you got to be a little selfish. I'm not talking about doing anybody bad.
00:20:14
Speaker
I'm just talking about creating boundaries for me. And sometimes creating boundaries for me means that you are selfish with your time. i'm very selfish with my time. I need to have my recharge time. If I don't have my recharge time, it's going to be hell for everybody because I could be a holy terror when I'm tired, annoyed or aggravated.
00:20:30
Speaker
But I tend to date narcissists. Part of being a narcissist is gaslighting you, making you feel like you're the problem. Sometimes I was a problem. A lot of times I was not the problem. It was the people that I was dating.
00:20:43
Speaker
So in this article, the licensed therapist is... Please excuse me. Y'all know I'm not good with names. Romani Duvassila. That's the best that I could do. And it was a complicated, it's a complicated name.
00:20:58
Speaker
ah But she suggests that coping strategies and include a narcissist bingo card. This is a good way to handle interactions with narcissists, especially in unavoidable situations like families, holidays, and colleagues.
00:21:11
Speaker
And let's talk about some of these unavoidable type of situations because A lot of people will just say, well, if they're a narcissist, just don't deal with them. Sometimes you ain't got no choice. Sometimes they're their boss.
00:21:22
Speaker
Sometimes they're your coworker. Sometimes you're they're your family member and you're in their house for the holidays or they're at your house for the holidays, right? Sometimes it's an ex-spouse, but you're co-parenting and you don't have any choice.
00:21:37
Speaker
Just because they're narcissist doesn't mean that you can cut them out because there might be obligations surrounding it where you have to deal with them. And that you don't got no choice.
00:21:48
Speaker
And unfortunately, the life that that we are presented with is that sometimes we have to interact and deal with people that we would necessarily not want to, but situations dictate that we have to.
00:22:03
Speaker
And sometimes those people are narcissists. So the doctor says, that of the person I said their name earlier, I'm not going to try to say it again, said, you should create a narcissist bingo card.
00:22:19
Speaker
And what does that mean? So, The narcissist bingo card is a list of harmful or triggering behaviors exhibited by a narcissist, like what I used to have to deal with with some of my exes, gaslighting and belittling and comparisons. The more I read this article, the more I was like, damn, I really am attracted to narcissists.
00:22:42
Speaker
And like bonafide narcissists, like not me just diagnosing them by myself, just reading the list of what a narcissist and their traits and being like, yep, that reminds me of so-and-so, reminds me of so-and-so, reminds me of so-and-so.
00:23:00
Speaker
And I always feel like I'm the issue because they gaslight, they belittle, and they compare. So the doctor says, put this on your narcissist bingo card and track the behaviors during conversations and set a target like five occurrences, right? Just to give an example.
00:23:20
Speaker
And then once they hit that marker of five occurrences, disengage from the conversation and then reward yourself afterwards for setting a boundary. And I thought that this was really, this was really a dope thing.
00:23:34
Speaker
concept, right? Because once again, you're in these types of situations and you got to be in the situations because they're your boss. They're your coworker. They're your professor, right? there They're your teacher. They're your student who you're teaching, right? They are ah your co-parent partner, right? There's a family member and it's the holidays and you ain't got no choice. Like there are situations where you can't avoid, right?
00:24:02
Speaker
And when you make this narcissist bingo card and you have to interact with them, once they hit, and it could be any number, it's up to what you can tolerate. I personally, because I've got great experience with this, can tolerate a whole lot before I need to eject myself from from the conversation.
00:24:20
Speaker
But it's whatever, it works for you. If it's one, as soon as they come out with one and you got to and eject from the conversation, so be it. I would say,
00:24:32
Speaker
especially when it's your boss or co-worker or a family member or co-parent, yeah need that you need to develop just a little bit, not tougher skin, but a little bit more teeth because it can't be one because then you're going to be ejected from the conversation a lot.
00:24:49
Speaker
But this, the therapist said, you know, as an example, five. And once it gets to five, you remove yourself from the conversation and maybe give yourself a little reward for setting a boundary.
00:25:01
Speaker
But you got to set realistic expectations for narcissists and acknowledge their limits. So it's not about just your limits. You got to acknowledge their bare limits as well. And using these grounded exercises to mentally prepare for their interaction.
00:25:16
Speaker
So like it if you know you're co-parenting. you know your ex-partner, absolutely a narcissist. And that switch off of switching to children or planning a birthday party because, you know, grandparents want to be there and you can't have separate parties. Maybe you can.
00:25:38
Speaker
All right. Or, you know, soccer practice or basketball practice or football practice or games or what have you. Because I always tell parents all the time. if They say, you know, me ah me and my mom split or man me and my baby daddy split, you know, 18 years. don't got to deal with him no more.
00:25:55
Speaker
Wrong. My parents are split. Me and my brother sister grown. My brother, my youngest brother is about to hit 40 and not too long. Right. And in a few months, my youngest brother about to hit 40.
00:26:08
Speaker
If a major event happens for either one of us, both of our parents are going to be there. They're not together any anymore, but both of them are going to be there. They're stuck with each other through us. They don't really have a choice.
00:26:21
Speaker
So the idea that you would be like, hey, at 18, I don't have to deal with that other person anymore. Wrong. You have to deal with that other person. That's just what it is. so In this article, the therapist is saying, look, you know you're going to have to have interaction with them.
00:26:36
Speaker
You know how they are. You also know you can't change who they are because, hell, they can't really change who they are. You got to set realistic expectations for this interaction. And you got to mentally prepare yourself to know that you're going be dealing with some ish.
00:26:50
Speaker
You are. You know it. That's the reason why you got this narcissistic bingo card. Once they hit that five, you eject from the conversation. Go reset. Get yourself a little treat. I don't know what the treat is. What the treat would be for me?
00:27:04
Speaker
Well, I don't know what the treat would be for me because if it was back in the day when I was in relationship, by but now I'm really good at picking up on that stuff.
00:27:15
Speaker
And I remove myself from that situation relatively quick because I'm good at picking up on the signs. but a little treat for me what's a little treat i did a little i did a little shimmy when i was thinking about it what's a little treat like a snackers bar Snickers or Mr. Goodbar. I love Mr. Goodbar candy bars. I love Mr. Goodbar candy bars. But then I'd be a fat bastard because I'm dealing with a narcissist. So I got to take a bunch of little breaks. So maybe something, you know, a little bit healthier for you as far as a treat.
00:27:43
Speaker
But understanding that you're not gonna change them. You got to mentally prepare yourself for this interaction that you're about to have and recognize that. That confrontation is rarely productive productive and focus on managing personal reactions and actions.
00:28:01
Speaker
Look, you already know they're narcissist. You already know if you feed into that confrontation, it's not going to the way that you want to go. Because a narcissist, though they are sensitive and then they're going to play dirty, they're going to say dirty and you think that you can go low is going to hurt them.
00:28:20
Speaker
Not as low as they go. So just realizing that confrontation is not going to be productive for this situation. and And the most important thing out of this situation is you get in, get what you need to get taken care of and get out with the most attention.
00:28:35
Speaker
of your mental and emotional capacity still intact. Okay? This strategy helps maintain the presence and prevents emotional overwhelm or disorientation.
00:28:49
Speaker
So you know that you're dealing with these people that can get a rise out of you. Don't let them get a rise out of you. Do this narcissistic bingo cards. If they hit these couple things, you remove yourself from the situation and you know they're going hit those couple of things because they never change. They are always the same person. They're always going to react the same person.
00:29:11
Speaker
They're always going to react the same way. They're not going to change. How you handle them needs to change. And so how you handle them is do this little narcissistic bingo card.
00:29:24
Speaker
Wait till they their limit. back out of that situation, realizing that you can't confront them. It's gonna escalate the situation. That's only gonna make it worse.
00:29:37
Speaker
Just remove yourself from the situation. Go gather yourself, give yourself a little treat, come back, re restart or continue where the last conversation ended to get to the point where you handle what you needed to handle with this person.
00:29:55
Speaker
And then step away, like I said, when you reach that bingo threshold to compose yourself and reduce distress. Because dealing with a narcissist is overwhelming mentally and emotionally.
00:30:12
Speaker
You need to step away to recenter yourself. And then treat yourself kindly throughout the process. Remember that recovery from interactions and or relationships with a narcissist takes time.
00:30:24
Speaker
It does. Don't let it mess up your whole day, but it might. But be kind to yourself by preparing yourself to deal with this person who you know is the absolute worst.
00:30:36
Speaker
But you got to deal with them because of whatever situation that's presented a itself in front of you. Just be kind to yourself.
The Case of Ryan Borgward
00:30:43
Speaker
Don't beat yourself up. Don't let that gaslighting and that manipulation and the personal attacks and the comparison bring you down.
00:30:52
Speaker
Keep your head up. And then also make sure to seek professional mental health support if needed. Like um ah if you listen and watch this show regularly, you know how big of a proponent I am for mental health.
00:31:09
Speaker
we're going to talk to somebody, I talk to people, it's off and on. It's not as consistent as it should be because my egotistical ass, we feel like I'm cured. And that's not how that works.
00:31:20
Speaker
Okay. It's, it's delusional. Uh, it's not how that works or I get wrapped up in work or things of that nature. And you know I'm like, okay, I'll get started again. And I forget, but when I'm on it, it is the greatest thing that I could possibly have because it gives me an opportunity For somebody who really isn't that open.
00:31:40
Speaker
Now, you guys may think that I'm open because I talk about a lot and I talk and I'll talk about my life. me and my sister would talk about our lives and it's all surface stuff.
00:31:51
Speaker
Very rarely do I get down and deep about what's going on. Emotional case in point. I told you on the previous segment, there was a show that I recorded. i don't know, maybe a month ago, two months ago where I went into this long, this long speech.
00:32:08
Speaker
about how my dog's death affected me. And as I was editing the show, I said, nah, I'm go and cut that out. It was like a good three to four minutes of just me talking about how I felt. And I was like, nah, I'm cut that out. They don't need be knowing all that.
00:32:23
Speaker
So I'm not as open emotionally in public and even with people close to me as I should be. It's easier for me to talk to a stranger. It helps me regulate my emotions and gives me mental clarity.
00:32:37
Speaker
clarity And so if you're dealing with a narcissist, a true narcissist, not somebody that you labeled a narcissist, a true narcissist, yo, you need to talk to somebody, a professional, not your home go girl, not your home boy, not the pastor at the church, unless they have a degree, a doctorate, right?
00:33:00
Speaker
Somebody who actually went to school for this. because they know the steps that are necessary to help you through these tough times.
00:33:11
Speaker
But going back to the narcissistic bingo card, what it does is it empowers you. to set clear boundaries without escalating conflict. That's the most important thing.
00:33:23
Speaker
It's going to be conflict when you're dealing with a narcissist. You don't want to escalate it, but you also want to set your boundaries. And it offers simple, actionable framework for self-care during unaffordable, difficult conversations.
00:33:39
Speaker
I got a lot of friends. know I got a lot of friends who are on one side of the aisle politically. And they got family members, close family members, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, who are on the other side politically.
00:33:54
Speaker
And things are extremely contentious politically.
00:34:00
Speaker
And they don't like going home for the holidays. It's uncomfortable because they know certain conversations are going to be brought up. Even when they say, hey, look it, I'm not trying to have this conversation with you.
00:34:14
Speaker
The boundaries have been set, but the people are not honoring the boundaries, but this is your family. It's the holidays. Everybody's going to be there. Me and my family is a little different.
00:34:27
Speaker
Well, me, my sister, and my brother. Nope, my mom and dad as well. Like we all, the five of us get this honestly. We are not going to be inconvenienced. We don't give it a damn if it is a family member.
00:34:37
Speaker
We don't give a damn if it's one of the five of us. If we have an issue, we're going to talk to you about it. If you can't respect our boundaries, then you don't get to enter our boundaries. That's just us. But I know a lot of people out there can't do that emotional cutoff that we're so good at. Or at least I'm really, really good at.
00:34:56
Speaker
ah Not a lot of people could do that. and And not a lot of people have the situations where where they can do that. Everybody could do that if they wanted to. But, you know, you love the people you want to see them. And I get it. I'm not faulting you for that.
00:35:11
Speaker
But this this idea of dealing with not only narcissists, I think this is good to just dealing with difficult situations or difficult people. This bingo card and to eject yourself from a situation, mentally prepare yourself for for a situation and then eject it yourself from the situation. The moment it starts going left,
00:35:34
Speaker
and still keeping to maintain that healthy mental and emotional balance and wellbeing. ah This, it it does help you. When I read this, it was, I was like, this is, this is really good. This does help you maintain your mental and emotional balance and stability when dealing with people.
00:35:55
Speaker
And I would say, yes This is great for narcissists. This is great for anybody that you have difficulty with. I was supposed to have a meeting a couple of days ago.
00:36:07
Speaker
I canceled that meeting. I knew certain things that were happening in the world. The person that that was going to, one of the people that was going to be at the meeting was going to want to talk about the things that was going out there in the world very aggressively.
00:36:24
Speaker
And I was not interested in having that dialogue with that particular person. Not at all. So I canceled the meeting. I said, no, I'm going to go ahead and cancel the meeting.
00:36:38
Speaker
and And we're going to reconvene next week. But here's some things that needs to be taken care of. And we'll meet next week. Because i I didn't have the mental and emotional capacity to deal with what I knew was coming.
00:36:54
Speaker
I read this article after I posted canceled that meeting. But even if I had read it before, would have been like, this person, I know this person. Even if I set the boundary, hey, we're not talking about this.
00:37:05
Speaker
They're going to find some way to weave it in. Just some people are just like that. Some people are just like that. They have a fire up their ass and they need to talk about something. need to tell you their opinion. And I can't fault them because here I am with a podcast.
00:37:18
Speaker
Right. But just because you got so a fire up your ass and you want to say something does not mean I need to listen to it. It doesn't. And when I canceled that meeting, there was a huge weight that came off my shoulders. And I was like, yeah, that was the right decision.
00:37:38
Speaker
That was the absolute right decision because I know me. This is before I read this article. I'm going to go in and I'm going to be confrontational because that's just kind of who I am.
00:37:49
Speaker
I'm a confrontational type of person. And that was just going to escalate what was going to be a meeting that had nothing to do with that. The point I'm trying to make is, yes, the premise of the article was dealing with narcissists.
00:38:03
Speaker
But this bingo card works with dealing with any difficult situation. and i And I really think that people should really start doing this. You know you're about to go into a different difficult situation.
00:38:16
Speaker
Set your bingo card. And when you know it hits that those certain occurrences, go ahead and remove yourself, regather, recenter, and then go back in and move forward.
00:38:29
Speaker
It'll be healthier. You'll be happier, hopefully. And then also get some get some help. Get some help. But speaking of getting help, people out there need to get help if you're in an unhappy marriage.
00:38:49
Speaker
There are multiple ways that you can handle not being in a happy marriage. But what this gentleman did that I'm about to talk about next um segment was not the way you handle being in an unhappy marriage.
00:39:04
Speaker
And I'm going to get into exactly what he did next
00:39:17
Speaker
Now, this could be another segment of they would they did what now? This could legitimately be another segment because when this story came across my timeline, I said, what?
00:39:30
Speaker
Look, as a person that was in an unhappy marriage, I wasn't even really married that long, but as a person that was in an unhappy marriage, there are ways in which you can get out of the marriage that are pretty,
00:39:44
Speaker
pretty customary or pretty normal, right? You don't have to do no off the wall, crazy stuff. Not unless, you know, you're being physically abused or something like that. you might have to come up with a crazy scheme to get out of a situation.
00:40:02
Speaker
But what this man did to get out of his marriage was nuts. So who am I talking about? The man I'm talking about is Ryan Borg ward.
00:40:15
Speaker
Borg Ward. He's 45. He's my age. And he's a cabinetmaker from Watertown, Wisconsin. And he's married to Emily.
00:40:27
Speaker
And he faked his own death and lied to his wife to get out of marriage. Now, we've heard of this before. People faking a death to get out of a marriage. But this story was just a little bit different.
00:40:40
Speaker
So what did Brian do? Ryan staged his disappearance about a year ago, August 11th, 2024, during a kayaking trip on the Green Lake in Wisconsin, ah USA.
00:40:56
Speaker
He sent final texts to his wife, promising to return to shore soon and telling her that he loved her. Then he vanished. So what he did was he told his wife, hey, look, baby, I'm gonna go out there and check out these Northern Lights. You know, just let you I'm be home a little late.
00:41:13
Speaker
But, you know, don't worry you ain't got to wait up for me. But I just want to let you know that i love you. just going to check out these Northern Lights. You know, they're going to look beautiful at night. All right, baby. I love you, too. Be careful. That was a text message exchange. exchange of paraphrasing.
00:41:25
Speaker
I'm paraphrasing. But that's basically what they said. I'm not paraphrasing that much. I'm put, you know, I put the little hip hop in it. mean, I put a little little Barry White in it.
00:41:38
Speaker
But that's basically what they were saying to each other. Then he vanished. She wakes up the next morning. He's not home. She's texting.
00:41:49
Speaker
Where you at? He ain't there. So after there a few hours, she called the police. Like he was out there at the lake going to see the Northern Lights.
00:42:02
Speaker
He ain't come home. He ain't answering his texts.
00:42:07
Speaker
We need to find him. So let me tell y'all what he did. He deliberately capsized his kayak offshore and left an overturned kayak and his life jacket behind to make it seem like he had drowned and make it seem like it was credible.
00:42:24
Speaker
Then he had an e-bike nearby. He paddled a child-sized inflatable boat back to the land and then rode that e-bike 70 miles through the night to Madison, Wisconsin.
00:42:40
Speaker
From Madison, he boarded a bus to Detroit, crossed into the Canadian border into Canada, and ultimately flew to Georgia, not Georgia, the country Georgia, to meet a woman that he had been conversing with online.
00:42:59
Speaker
that he fell in love with. Her name was Katya. Now they said she was from Uzbekistan. They said she was from Ukraine, whichever one. He fell in love with Kat.
00:43:14
Speaker
Both literally and figuratively. He fell in love with Kat. Look at what this man did. He faked his own death pretending that he had drowned. He rode an e-bike 70 miles. Look, I used to ride bikes.
00:43:29
Speaker
All the time. Right. riding Pedal bike. Riding 30 miles is tough. You got to be in shape to do that. Now, he got an e-bike, but the e-bike's charge goes for only so long. You got to pedal.
00:43:45
Speaker
OK, you got to pedal. This dude traveled 70 miles, took a bus, took a bus to Detroit, crossed over to Canada.
00:43:56
Speaker
um Oh, I forgot the the next thing. Took a flight to Georgia. From Canada, took a flight to Georgia, right? He had been prepared for months. He didn't change his email. He inquired about moving money to foreign banks.
00:44:08
Speaker
He bought himself a new passport. He cleaned up his browser history. He even took out a $375,000 life insurance policy
00:44:19
Speaker
All to get away from this marriage. Now, once again, I can say there are easier ways to get out of the marriage. Before I go into how he got caught, he gave an explanation after he got caught. I'll tell you how he got caught in a minute, but he gave an explanation afterwards.
00:44:42
Speaker
And what he said was is that he just felt distant at home. that that he felt distant from his wife and his kids. He was like, yo, I like to do all these things, all these activities. My kids don't want to do nothing with me. Case in point, I want none of his kids with him to go out there to see the Northern Lights kayaking.
00:45:00
Speaker
Now, I'm not a big fan kayaking. I'm not a big fan of getting in the lakes because lakes are dirty and disgusting. Now, I'm not a big fan kayaking because them bad boys can flip over and you can fall in the lake. I know some people go swimming in lakes.
00:45:15
Speaker
That ain't going be me. That's some dirty water. I'm not going to swim in no lake. Okay. That's just me. But if he had a boat, even if it was a paddle boat, if he had a boat to go out there see the Northern Lights, I'd do that in a minute. That seemed dope.
00:45:32
Speaker
I'll go out there with your daddy. You know, if that was one of his kids, I'll go out there with your daddy. Can we get a six pack on the way or bring some tequila? That's like a dope time to see the Northern Lights. Oh, I sound like a dope time.
00:45:43
Speaker
But he's saying like, look, my kids don't like doing none of the stuff that I like to do. I'm out here by myself, raw dog in life. My wife don't even want to do the things that I do. I feel lost at home.
00:45:55
Speaker
I get online and Kat out here in Georgia talking about she want to be with me, talking about that I'm funny, talking about that that, you know, i have interesting things to say, giving me some attention.
00:46:11
Speaker
That's basically the reason why he said that he went all the way to Georgia. Once again, ladies and gentlemen, not Georgia, USA, Georgia, the country. So how did he get caught? Because he went through all this stuff. I mean, my man cleared his browser history.
00:46:26
Speaker
Wasn't that good enough? He got himself a new passport. He got that e-bike road to 70 miles to get away. Okay. Went into Canada, took a flight. From Canada to Georgia, he actually landed in Paris first and then found his way into Georgia.
00:46:42
Speaker
Right. He went through all that. How could the plan go wrong? Well, police and volunteers searched for his body for weeks using boats, sonar, and divers, but found nothing.
00:46:54
Speaker
Why? Because he wasn't there. By October 2024, authorities had noticed Canadian law enforcement enforcement checked Ryan's passports days after his in his disappearance, raising alarms.
00:47:12
Speaker
So they out there looking for a body, don't find nobody. Don't find nobody. So they just doing little hits all over the place. Maybe, you know, somebody stole his ID, a credit card or something like that.
00:47:26
Speaker
maybe Maybe it wasn't, you know, an accidental. Maybe something happened. Maybe this isn't, you know, a simple death. Maybe it's a homicide. We got to do more investigating, you know, good policing, good policing.
00:47:39
Speaker
And when they did this, they found out, yo, His passport got checked in Canada after he disappeared.
00:47:50
Speaker
We need to look into this. So investigators discovered his online communications with Kat and obtained forensic evidence from his laptop that he was alive overseas. See, this is a thing that people don't get. Just because you clean some cookies off your laptop, don't mean that bad boy is clear.
00:48:07
Speaker
but You know what? you can't You can legitimately wipe computers, but you need to get professionally done. He didn't get his computer professionally wiped.
00:48:18
Speaker
So they found they found all his communication with Kat and found out all his search history of him, you know, looking for ways and banks to transfer money and things like that and looking up areas. And he out there playing picnics in Georgia and stuff like that.
00:48:34
Speaker
I'm exaggerating. He probably didn't do that, but maybe he did. Right. And they were able to obtain that forensic evidence from office laptop. The Green Lake County Sheriff's Office established contact with Ryan via a Russian speaking woman who was probably cat who they thought was probably cat and even sent police a video confirming he was safe.
00:48:56
Speaker
With persistent detective work. including tracking digital trails and appealing to his sense of responsibility, he returned willingly to Wisconsin in December 2024. Ryan pleaded no context to obstruction and officer and was sentenced to 89 days in jail equal to the number of days he was missing in order to pay $30,000 in restitution because they didn't spend $50,000 searching for him because they thought he had drowned. And this was all because
00:49:29
Speaker
He wanted to leave his wife and live in Georgia with Kat. Now, he could still go back. And I told you that after he came forward, he came he returned willingly and pled guilty at no contest.
00:49:43
Speaker
You know, they was like, yo, man, like, why do you do all this?
00:49:48
Speaker
Like, why did you do all this? He's like, yo, look, feel like I wasn't getting love. You know, felt like I wouldn't get love. And I found me a woman that, you know, wanted to, you know, love on me.
00:50:02
Speaker
He basically became a passport bro. He's just a cabinet maker from Watertown, Wisconsin. I like going and looking at the northern lights at the lake.
00:50:13
Speaker
I met a woman from Georgia who was either in Pakistan or Ukrainian and fell in love. and went all the way out there. And they was together.
00:50:24
Speaker
This is of crazy times where it wasn't a catfish, because that that catfish episode would be absolutely crazy. wait i What if he did all that? And he went out there, and it was a dude named Gerald.
00:50:40
Speaker
He was British and just had moved to Georgia and was like, I thought you fell in love with my personality, not my body. That would be a crazy catfish. That should be ah skit. Either Dave Chappelle or Key and Peele could do that, but that would be funny as hell.
00:50:55
Speaker
But my man felt lonely. Now, I don't that don't give you no reason to go through all of this because even if your kids don't want to do no activities with you, that don't mean that they don't love you. So you're going to fake your own death. You thought you was better off You thought they was better off with you faking your death and moving to Georgia with your boo. All right, well, you can still do that.
00:51:15
Speaker
Oh, by the way, Emily, his wife, divorcing his ass. It didn't take her long. It didn't take it long. She filed for divorce four months after he returned it, which is I guess is what he wanted, right? So going to get what he want.
00:51:29
Speaker
After he paid that $30,000 restitution and spent that 89 days in jail, he can go right back to Georgia and go be with Kat. If that's what he wanted to do, But people out there, if you're in a marriage or in a relationship, you don't want to be with that person anymore.
00:51:45
Speaker
You could just have a conversation. It's really not that difficult. It's a conversation. Better than avoiding it. Better get that truth out there. Hey, look, I just had to do it a couple a couple of months ago. Hey, look, I don't think that this is working out. i think you're a great person.
00:52:03
Speaker
but I don't think this is gonna work out. I feel strongly that this isn't gonna work out long-term, not in a romantic capacity. Maybe we could still be friends, but in a romantic capacity, this just will not work out.
00:52:17
Speaker
And I feel like it's best to go ahead and address that now than try to carry on just because we enjoy each other's company. Because enjoying each other's company isn't enough.
00:52:28
Speaker
Now, granted, it has to be a different type of conversation when you're in a marriage. But there could still be a conversation. I've had that conversation too. It's just like, hey, this is not working out.
00:52:41
Speaker
It is better for us to be happy separately than miserable together.
00:52:50
Speaker
And it's not about putting in the work. Sometimes things have just run its course. But that doesn't mean that you go through an elaborate scheme to go meet your online boo in Georgia.
00:53:03
Speaker
This was crazy. And Ryan, you crazy for it. Maybe it was a midlife crisis. He is 45. I don't know. But there's a lot of easier ways to leave your wife and kids than this.
00:53:14
Speaker
We should go back to the olden times. y All you had to do was go over to the next town and have a family. That's a joke. That's a joke. Don't come for me. That was a joke.
00:53:25
Speaker
But anyway, ladies and gentlemen, whoo.
Episode Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:53:28
Speaker
I tell you, the world is crazy right now, but every now and then to get through the madness, we need a little bit of laughter. And Ryan definitely gave us that with his riding an e-bike. liy At least he was smart enough to get an e-bike and then try to ride 70 miles. He would have threw up on that bus to Detroit.
00:53:47
Speaker
freedom That's just crazy. There's so many other ways that you can leave your wife and kids. You don't have to go this crazy route. talesnezed and safe But on that note, ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for listening.
00:54:02
Speaker
I want to thank you for watching. And until next time, as always, I'll holla.
00:54:12
Speaker
That was a hell of a show. Thank you for rocking with us here on Unsolicited Perspectives with Bruce Anthony. Now, before you go, don't forget to follow, subscribe, like, comment, and share our podcast wherever you're listening or watching it to it. Pass it along to your friends. If you enjoy it, that means the people that you rock will will enjoy it also.
00:54:31
Speaker
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00:54:46
Speaker
But the real party is on our Patreon page. After Hours Uncensored and Talking Straight-ish. After Hours Uncensored is another show with my sister. And once again, the key word there is uncensored. Those who are exclusively on our Patreon page, jump onto our website at unsolicitedperspective.com.
00:55:03
Speaker
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