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Not Your Daddy's Alpha Legion (Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War Book 1 - Part 1)
441 Plays2 months ago
We are back to start the new year! First up is Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War by CS Goto. It's got Space Marines, and Orks and Eldar! I think there was an Ogryn in there.
Book Synopsis
The Bone Ravens, Space Marine warriors with near superhuman strength, are sent to destroy the planet Cyrene and its heretical populace, but one of the warriors, Brother-Captain Angelos, is faced with a difficult choice because Cyrene is his own native world.
https://nogamesforgenocide.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Significance of Video Game Novelizations
00:00:00
Speaker
Video game novelizations. Hey, how about those video game novelizations? um What we do is important, Kevin. What we do is i might I dare say ah the most important thing. um And you know who else is threatening to annex Greenland?
00:00:22
Speaker
Who's that? Hey there, everybody. Welcome back to Pixlet. My name is Kevin. With me as always, Phil on today's show.
Exploring 'Dawn of War' by CS Goto
00:00:27
Speaker
ah We're starting a Dawn of War ah by CS Goto.
00:00:34
Speaker
Goto. Goto? Goto? I've always said Goto. I don't know why. Goto? That's where it in my head. And it's ah it's a it's a it's a book. It's a book. It's a book that was published.
00:00:48
Speaker
It was book that published. It's a Black Library book. Yep. Yep. it Yeah. Yeah. CS go to might be the least liked black library author ah in the long and storied history of black library, which has been around for decades. Yeah.
00:01:11
Speaker
his His kind of, this is this is by the way, one of the only authors we've ever done the show where I didn't have to look up shit. I was like, i know who we're dealing with here. I know who this man is i know who this is.
00:01:22
Speaker
yeah His era was kind of early to mid millennial. I think the last thing, the last, it might have been if mid 2010s, something like that, 2012 or 2015, something like that was the last time he had anything published for them. He wrote ah the this is his first book for Black Library. He had written some short stories of for them, and he and he continued to write some short stories, wrote a couple of novels after that. I read the
00:01:55
Speaker
two of his novels um that are not Dawn of War related. and And this was early on in my time as a as a Warhammer fan. I was just learning about it. And even then I was like, this is not good writing.
00:02:09
Speaker
This is bad writing.
00:02:12
Speaker
I'm not sure how this happened. i think I think that's, and if you Google this guy, ah that that is basically the stance of a lot of people. Like, how did, how was this allowed to happen?
00:02:24
Speaker
ah How does this work? um Having said all that, and we'll get into it more, this is not his worst work. Yeah.
00:02:36
Speaker
Good. Good to know. But I think the other thing the other thing that ah that kind of tells you a lot of what you need to know with Gotu's experience and a skill as a writer is the fact that normally with these four for hire writers that we cover here, they will have their novelizations and then they've got usually a pretty good collection of original shit that they they also do.
00:03:01
Speaker
up This is not the case with GoTo. He has never had anything non-black library ah published as far as can tell. Yeah. No, everything he's ever written was through the black library. um anything published he's ever written. i I have not found any evidence of ah his work outside of this particular genre. Maybe he's in hiding because people are pretty loud about how much they dislike his writing. and Yeah. It might be time to get back to the day job, that sort of thing.
00:03:34
Speaker
um and Maybe he did. ah But it's, ah yeah, this is this is probably one of our only writers who this is like literally the only work that they've Only thing he's done and not great.
00:03:52
Speaker
Mm-mm. um Not the only book he's done, but it's the only ah milieu that he wrote in. which only The only black franchise. Yeah, Black Library, Warhammer
Support and Community Engagement
00:04:04
Speaker
40K stuff. ah Before I talk about the game that it's based on, i just want to say that there's a wonderful website out there called patreon.com slash pixelitpod where you can also give us money. You can join us for free, but you can give us money.
00:04:19
Speaker
And $1 gets you access to Phil's blog post where he reviews the most recent horror book that he's read. ah Or other, I mean, he's he'll read other books. There's other things, but it's going to be mostly horror. Mostly horror. You know what you're getting. You know what you're getting. It says so on the tin. Phil makes monsters. um $5 gets you access to the bonus episode. $10 gets your name shouted out in the episode. To that end, I want to thank End You Are Hiding. Song 85, Jesus Loves You, Kyle Seaman, Ruthless Munder, Middle of Things, Sigma Salc, Sanguine, Fletulence, Beak's Dumbest, Vic and Friendly Friend. Thank you so much for being a friend. Patreon.com slash PixelitPod. Do it today. So the game that it's based on is
00:05:05
Speaker
ah I think there's a munchkin behind me. I think so it's blurred. So somebody's behind you and I hope it's the munchkin. There it is. VidCon. Hey, I like your shirt.
00:05:19
Speaker
yeah i stolet anything Yeah, it's my shirt. She just stole it. Yeah, it's a good look. I remember the days of wearing adult t-shirts and they went down past my knees and all that stuff. And now those same shirts fit me snugly, which is which is not always great.
Overview of 'Dawn of War' Game Series
00:05:40
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Yeah. I get it. The game that it's based on. Yeah. The book Dawn of War is based The game's called Dawn of War. Warhammer 40,000 Dawn of War.
00:05:52
Speaker
um It's a real-time strategy game. ah The first one came out in 2004. It was published by THQ. You remember THQ? The only thing I remember THQ for specifically was a game I played all the time. It was one of the was one of the wrestling games, one of the WCW wrestling games.
00:06:12
Speaker
um But yeah, so there's real time strategy game. The plot of the game is following pretty much what is happening in the book ah from what I can understand.
00:06:26
Speaker
And there have been four Dawn of War video games. The fourth one is coming out this year. Yes. And I wonder if it's, is it going to follow the same same group okay the game always hear They've always been centered around the Blood Ravens. Blood Ravens, yeah.
00:06:48
Speaker
This game is set on Cronus, the setting of Dark Crusade. At launch, the game features four factions, Space Marines, Adeptus Mechanicus, Necrons, and Orcs. um Interesting.
00:07:00
Speaker
That is interesting. Yeah, I'm i'm looking forward to this. um You know, it's weird to to put Space Marines and Adeptus Mechanicus as separate factions when they're really one, like two different units in one faction.
00:07:15
Speaker
and Well, in the in the ah in in the war game, in the actual game, there's an army for Adeptus Mechanicus. Space Marines. So they're on the same side, but it's ah they fight very differently.
00:07:28
Speaker
Yeah. Adeptus Mechanicus is crazy popular, actually. And and and what's funny is ah probably the army I'm the least interested in, ah except for maybe the Eldar. I'm just not an Eldar guy. And then i i've never liked I've never given a shit about Eldar. And then I so i was reading something online today, and it was like, fat guys never liked the Eldar. And I was like, well, that was a read, and I don't appreciate it.
00:07:52
Speaker
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:07:56
Speaker
Why do you think that is? is Because all else there are is they're thin and lithe. It's like ah a bunch of twinks running around with yeah with their shuriken shotguns.
00:08:06
Speaker
They're a bunch of fucking elfie boys. and Yeah, yeah, the light, lithe gliders of the Warhammer world. All these Legolas's out here. Mm-hmm. Although the Eldar do have are a lot. The Eldar, I have to give the give them credit, are less human in appearance than traditional elf.
00:08:26
Speaker
ah Yes. Because they have like ah they have a bit of a longer face. <unk>s They're very elongated. it's it's When you're dealing with something like 40k, you're allowed to make them gross. So they're kind of gross in their own way.
00:08:40
Speaker
Yeah, ah except for the Eldar in Rogue Trader, who is everybody's, everybody's ah well, no, you killed her. I killed her. Yeah.
00:08:51
Speaker
I killed her. I didn't, i I found out after the fact, it's like, oh, no, everyone loves her. i don't know. Oh, no, no she's she's dead. I didn't. She's dead. she's mike My character's a sniper. I don't need another one. We're good. don't need Sniper I have a sniper oh like that that one could go out the airlock yeah that's i fuck the old are man I don't give a shit we have a we have a heretic sniper a heretic a psych or aboard now airlock you know airlock out your lock straight guy look yeah straight to the airlock straight to jail ah
00:09:29
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, gosh. But what the original Dawn of War was very much like, you know, You remember, a I was about to say last year, but i guess the year before last, when Space Marine 2 was released, and that became instantly the greatest 40k game. It brought in a yeah shit ton of new people into the world who had never you know known it before. ah Dawn of War was the original version of that.
00:10:00
Speaker
Dawn of War was so loved and so so, you know, kind of widely popular that it it it really gave Games Workshop a shot in the arm at a really important time. So, right yeah, it's a very important franchise.
00:10:15
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And I mean, there's so many more options now with 40K gaming, 40K video gaming.
00:10:27
Speaker
um But yeah, Dawn of War is is definitely from, you know, my recollection. i never played it, but I do know of it. And that it's always been like...
00:10:40
Speaker
For a long time, it was kind of like the flag bearer of like, oh, it's the best forty k video game. Not that the bar was super high. No, no. and and it got And that was the thing. It started getting lower and lower because Games Workshop was just like, yeah, you want to make it 40? Yeah, fucking do it. Whatever. I don't care. And we got a lot of crap out of it.
00:11:02
Speaker
and But then every now and then you'd get like Mechanicus yeah or something like that, which is just this kind of diamond in the rough. yeah um and Yeah. And now, yeah, totally. ah Space Marine is... i They're totally making Space Marine the flagship yes video game franchise because of the video games. I believe it's the only one with canon story in it.
00:11:27
Speaker
Yes. The stories in Space Marine 1 and 2 are like, are considered like... It's like a black library entry, you know, it's like a, because Captain Titus is now in the, in the new stuff that they're rolling out. Now, Captain Titus is like, yeah he has his own figure now that you can get for the tabletop and all that.
00:11:49
Speaker
Exactly. Which is, it's usually the other way around. And, and yeah, this, this, the, the, the new ah storyline, the big campaign storyline that they're releasing is centered around Titus and the Ultramarines. yeah And that ah was at the three 500 worlds of Ultramar or something like that. 500 worlds. His whole goal is to take back the 500 worlds of Ultramar, which is just like this colossal goal, which is perfect for that kind of thing, because it means that.
00:12:19
Speaker
Geeks all over the world can play and, and and you know, yeah there's there's so many different places to. Yeah, it's it's pretty great. it Yeah, it's like it's a huge ah campaign. It's like it's a huge, really unwinnable campaign. But, you know,
00:12:37
Speaker
Reboot Gilliman doesn't care. doesn't care about your unwinnable status. No, he only cares about the codex. He wants his 500 worlds back. And I watched a video recently where ah I think it was Arbiter Ian talking about the 500 worlds of Ultramar. It's like, it's an interesting idea to have this as the next big campaign because like a bunch of the 500 worlds like don't even exist anymore.
00:13:01
Speaker
Right. Yeah, they're gone. It's like there's nothing to to get back. Yeah, yeah they're gone. ah It's so funny. When I when i first got into 40K, I want to say it was fourth edition. ah yeah it was And Ultramarines, everyone always loved the Ultramarines. Don't get me wrong. right There's a lot of respect for them. They were always the, you use that term, they were always the flagship fighters.
00:13:27
Speaker
ah chapter that Anytime Games Workshop was showing off Space Marines, it was probably the Ultramarines. They just had a slick look. But I didn't know, we didn't know a lot of people actually played them.
00:13:39
Speaker
um And in fact, we called them Smurfs. ah So hilarious. This sudden, like, deep love and respect for the Ultramarines, I find to be very funny. No no no shade. I just think it's funny.
00:13:55
Speaker
yeah
00:13:57
Speaker
but But we're not talking about the Ultramarines today. We're not talking about that. We're going to put the body in the marsh. When I tell you to dump a body in the marsh, you dump them in the marsh. Because we're talking about we're talking about the Blood Ravens. Yeah.
00:14:18
Speaker
What color is their armor? it's there Red and trimmed with bone. Red trimmed with... That's bone. That's bone. Nice. Very nice.
00:14:30
Speaker
The font's called Cerulean Braille. Now show me Rebuta Gilliman's business card. Oh,
00:14:40
Speaker
ah God.
00:14:45
Speaker
Conrad Kurz, when did do you become such a tasteful bastard? Oh, curse. I love you. You emo cutter boy. You I just teased he's my kind of serial killer. I just love that guy.
00:15:01
Speaker
I love the Night Lord so much. It's so bad. so bad it's so bad they are the they are the worst and i love them i just this just great great stuff would conrad kerz be the be patrick bateman which of the primarchs is patrick bateman oh no no that's fulgur it's fulgur oh fulgur yeah Yeah, yeah. He's a real dandy. chin and Yeah, all that. Real prima donna. I heard someone once refer to ah Conrad Kurz as ah Ed Gein as Batman, and that's about the most accurate thing I've ever heard. ah yeah know That's pretty much it. so I was going to say just for for like, but because Patrick Bateman is very pretty, i was going to say also like sanguineous. Mm-hmm.
00:15:51
Speaker
But yeah he's got the wings. That might be a little bit too much. Sanguineous, he was also this pure kind of figure and yeah all that shit. so yeah Yeah, it's Fulgrim.
00:16:02
Speaker
I agree. Fulgrim. Fulgrim, 100%.
00:16:06
Speaker
yeah We're going to do this a lot. ah it Guys, look, it's only um all we need is more paying Patreon subscribers and we can make enough money that we will start a 40K podcast. We're happy to do it. And we'll take all of this. even And that's the thing.
00:16:24
Speaker
Even if you don't like 40K, especially if you don't like 40K, you want to do it because we'll take all of this that we're doing now and we'll put it over there. We'll move it. We'll box it up. We'll box it up for you.
00:16:36
Speaker
Yeah, leave in the garage where it belongs. and and And so, so pixel it dot com or what is it? It's pat patreon dot com slash pixel pod.
00:16:48
Speaker
That's right. I i knew that. The glass you're drinking it from, by the way, looks like a glass that I've had with that has like a candle in it. So every time you pick it up, I think it's like, are you are you just drinking candle wax? What's going it does it I mean, i've I've been at points in my life where that might have been ah the case. ah These are very nice. ah My my. ah My sister-in-law, my family, we get we do ah Secret Santa every year. And my sister-in-law got my wife. So the two women who married into the family, she got her. And and she always she has the best damn taste. And she sent Emily this set, these these kind of beaded rose gold...
00:17:32
Speaker
Cocktail glasses. It's, it's, and it's, and it's just Emily style. Like it's perfect. She was so happy. Um, and they're, they're just really, really good glass. So anyway, on with it.
Book Analysis and Key Themes
00:17:45
Speaker
Uh, we start with a prologue, um, a group of Eldar elites called the guardians of the storm are fighting cultists and some demons. Um,
00:17:58
Speaker
this is basically the beginning of what is kind of the theme of the book where all it is, is this is a good way of learning different unit types. Uh, everybody's going to be included, even units that are not in the game.
00:18:13
Speaker
Uh, so they're going to be included just so you go quick and look it up and go, Ooh, that's a model. Maybe I will. That's a model I can buy. They've got it. They've made it out of plastic for you. Um,
00:18:26
Speaker
So the Eldar have come back to this planet Tartarus every 3000 years to stop a chaos demon from spawning. So it's every 3000 years. We got to come fucking stop this guy. um You kind of trim the weeds. Yep, exactly. And and the quote unquote recent arrival of humans ah has complicated things.
00:18:49
Speaker
um For those of you who don't. aren't into this world. The Eldari are, they're elves, they're space elves um and they are functionally immoral. ah they They live for a very, very, very long time unless they get their head blown off, which it happens. And and So they they have a very long view of history and they see ah humans as as a very young race, which in in the spacefaring sense, they are. yeah So that that becomes a thing. So if the humans are young to the Eldari, what are the Tau?
00:19:24
Speaker
o Babies. Babies. They have no respect for them. But at least the Tau have like a plan. ah Yeah. the tower like hey we're gonna we're gonna uh let's do some space communism and everybody's like shut up you Gundam freaks i'm going to Join the gene stealer cults. Fuck you. ah So you you get a lot of the condescension from the elves, basically. yeah um ah So we have a death watch kill team that stalks the forests. We get an Eldar attack. We learn about soul stones, which is important, um but will not come up again ah in this part of the book. a Eldar where the soul stones that carry that basically if they die, their body will go into the stone, their soul will go into the stone and they'll be protected from the warp. So ah they they take very good care of them yeah outside of like wearing them on their goddamn chest. Yeah, it's it's there's a sequence later like about dealing with the soul stone. Like, why is it out?
00:20:31
Speaker
Right. yeah Right. It's like it's like a lich's phylactery. It's like, why don't you just, you should probably hide that. ah you're You're just going to wear that phylactery around your neck? Okay, I guess. Right. Yep.
00:20:44
Speaker
So the do we get to the Eldar defeating the demon and ah the space marines get the fuck out of there. Basically, we find out that they are waiting for a The Wailing Doom of Beel-Tan.
00:21:02
Speaker
They're waiting. It is a sword. The Wailing Doom of Beel-Tan. A sword wielded by one of the Eldar avatars, which are these gigantic a gargantuan robot ah beings that are infused with the souls of of ancient Eldar. They're dreadnoughts for all intents and purposes. Right. um But way more elegant.
00:21:25
Speaker
And the weapons that they use are made out of this strange bone material. And the Death Watch want to steal at least a piece of this because a piece of it would be good enough ah to make a weapon that'll be great at killing demons. ah So ah as questionable as that might be, ah because a lot of people are in the Inquisition, for example, are not down with the Xenotech.
00:21:50
Speaker
So they might want to they might have ah have a question or two. But that's their plan. And um so the avatar and ah the far seer named Matcha, ah delicious, they kill another demon.
00:22:08
Speaker
ah The avatar is almost dead, and the Death Watch manages to steal a shard of the sword. And as they run away, they hear a voice saying, you know not what you have done.
00:22:19
Speaker
ah That's our prologue. ah Part one, chapter one. ah We are introduced to Gabriel Angelos of the Blood Ravens chapter. He is the captain of the third company, I want to say. He's praying and he has been having these visions where like the astronomic choir is filling his head with like the sounds of angels singing and stuff. And it always kind of twists and warps and and turns into them accusing him of being a failure.
00:22:48
Speaker
um He's woken by Isidor, the librarian ah in his team. And that what we find out, they're flying into Tartarus. As far as they know, they are there to kill orcs. There is human settlements there and or invasion going on for invasion. So we're here to take care of the orcs.
00:23:08
Speaker
That's the whole thing. o But it's never that simple, of course. um We get a quick lowdown on Ork vehicles. It never goes fully into ah the beauty of Ork vehicles. No, I was little disappointed where I was like, yeah, most Ork vehicles are just repurposed like Xenos and Imperial ah vehicles. yeah And I'm like, yeah, but which ones are red, man?
00:23:36
Speaker
like Like, give me something. Give me some whimsy with what you're talking about. Yeah. So, yeah, we never get into the fact that they're basically, like you were saying, they they are cobbled together vehicles from everything. there and it's And it's their belief that it will work that makes them work.
00:23:59
Speaker
Right. That's for as grimdark. go Go on. Yeah, yeah. They have this weird... um I don't know. They have this weird because, you know, there's there's the psychic abilities of every race. Right. You know, like humans have psychers and not all humans are able to wield it, but all humans are suceible susceptible to psychic stuff. That's why humans are susceptible to the warp.
00:24:28
Speaker
ah Eldar, same thing, right? um little bit more in tune with their so their their shit and they have to be because sort of like so like the Vulcans actually with in Star Trek is basically kind of what the Eldar are. like The Eldar have to be like they have to be like locked the fuck in on their emotions, uh, less they, uh, uh, summon the God that they created, uh, Slaanesh.
00:24:55
Speaker
yeah Um, um, and, uh, the orcs on the other hand are, have this weird collective, a collectivistic psychic thing where if a bunch of them believe a thing is the truth, then um it is or it's more likely to be. And it's it's it's not like...
00:25:24
Speaker
And that was that was the thing. I remember watching a video on it. It's like, it's not like, you know, a couple works, believe it, you know, and therefore it works. It's like, no, they, they, it's like, they all have to believe in something and then it works.
00:25:37
Speaker
Um, it needs to be a really big, like, like, Of course, that makes it, red makes it go faster, you know? Yeah, yeah. It's just understood.
00:25:48
Speaker
it's yeah It's, yeah, common sense, basically. Orc common sense is ah is is something that causes things to happen. Right, and and that's why war bosses are so damn important, why it's so important for a war boss to inspire and that kind of thing, because you need everyone's support for this thing to go any kinds of non-sideways. Yeah.
00:26:12
Speaker
So, yeah, so we get we get a lowdown on the org vehicles we without, as you pointed out, without the whimsy, which is a little disappointing, but OK, we learn ah a little more about the Blood Ravens chapter, a very psycher heavy ah chapter, ah very involved in documenting every little detail ah of their of their journeys and what they're doing. We get the first quote.
00:26:36
Speaker
from the game. Knowledge is power, guard it well, which is one of the things, just like in ah Warcraft, when you click on a character or something and they say, you know, Zatu or whatever, you know, like that's, it's the same kind of thing. ah and And you click on Isidore and he'll say, knowledge is power, guard it well.
00:26:56
Speaker
ah Over and over and over again. um ah Chaplain Prathios will join them. this is This is where I, so at first I was like, oh this isn't the best, but this isn't awful. This is where I started to to get a little pissed off. um Prathios is the the chaplain and a chaplain in the space Marines. It is what, it is ah ah a spiritual leader, like the name suggests, but they are also the most vicious, dangerous ah space Marines. They are awesome.
00:27:31
Speaker
murderers. They are straight. They're some of the greatest combat warriors in the team. right and they're And they're also like drill sergeants. So ah we get our first look at the chaplain and we get a lot of like, well,
00:27:47
Speaker
He's old and a bit past his prime, but he's still a great... he's still go we We still like him. He's a little past his prime, which is bullshit. That's not how this works.
00:27:57
Speaker
ah Space Marines, because of their enhanced physical anatomy, are essentially, like the Elder, immortal. they they they they As far as we know, they can live forever. ah But they just die so violently, so frequently that we... we It's kind of hard to say.
00:28:15
Speaker
but But a shit ton of like chaos, for example, is made up of people who were there during the Horus Heresy. So they're 10,000 years old. Yeah, the traitor primarchs that are still kicking are all from...
00:28:30
Speaker
ah the that the original heresy. Absolutely. Or if it's not, if it wasn't a Primarch, it was like one of their captains, like Abaddon. Abaddon? Abaddon? Abaddon? Abaddon, yeah. Who is Horace's like first.
00:28:50
Speaker
He's part of his circle. He's part of his inner circle. If you haven't read ah the Horace Heresy books, I recommend them, especially the ones by Dan Abnett. Everything by Dan Abnett is bookmarks. He really is probably book for book the best black library yeah author.
00:29:10
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. but we're not here to talk about good writers. We're talking about go-to. go-to. CS go-to this point in the field.
00:29:23
Speaker
Wait, you cut out what did you say? I said, CS, go to this, go to the point in the field. Yeah, yeah, that's that's what we got. ah So, yeah, so so this whole like, oh, he's a bit past his. That's not a thing. That's just not a thing.
00:29:39
Speaker
ah That's not how that works right in this world. Yeah. So we ah we find out that there are records of the planet that actually go past the initial human colonization, which they find odd, which is a very colonizer thing to way of thinking things. um Meanwhile, ah the Tartaran Imperial Guard led by Colonel Brom, they are trying to fight off the orcs.
00:30:04
Speaker
um A guardsman tries to run and Braum caps his ass, which is a very standard thing in the Imperial Guard. There is actual rules ah for commissars specifically that if if you sacrifice a member of your team, you can get some bonuses. Yeah. So they don't fuck around. And they just added that into Rogue Trader as as part of the Commissar. One of the reworks for Commissar is that he can now shoot ah people on the team ah to get to give bonuses to everybody else.
00:30:38
Speaker
I love it. it making Making an example of people. I fucking love it. ah That's why I played a commissar. um So it doesn't stop people from running, though, as as we find out a bunch of the guardsmen run, but they still ultimately hold their ground.
00:30:54
Speaker
um We get some shots of Orc Among Us, who is our Orc war boss. It's such a good name. It's a great name. I love it. I can't help but imagine him and in ah in ah and a hockey mask yeah and ah i got a loincloth.
00:31:11
Speaker
He's in a hockey mask. As far as I know. He has a hockey stick strapped to his back. yeah ah He is the Orc version of Casey Jones from T.N. Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yeah.
00:31:23
Speaker
just oh but Yeah. So ah the space Marines show up at which inspires a lot of the Imperial guard. And they, and they finally push the line back ah for the first time. And as a Astra Militarum player, as an IG player, this narrative is, is pisses me off because they use it all the time. It's like,
00:31:46
Speaker
common men fighting in the trenches ah and they're losing because they're just men. And then the space Marines show up and, ah, we bolster our our courage and morale. We screw our courage to the sticking place and and make our ways because of those great fucking, fuck you, space Marines, you guys.
00:32:05
Speaker
Fucking assholes. Condescending pricks. Um... Chapter two, ah Tartar city. Tartar is the city. Magnum bonum is where we're at. That's a weird name, by the way. Magna bonum.
00:32:22
Speaker
I don't. It's like magna boner. More or like. Yeah, I don't. I just. I'm not always an an immature idiot, but every time Mag Bonum came up, I was like, guys, there had to have been a better name.
00:32:36
Speaker
um So an overly excited grunt who was survived ah the whole thing before ah asks the Braum about the space Marines that are there because and they do a good job of because space Marines are so ubiquitous when you're playing the game, whether it's video game or the war game, that it's easy to forget that in world, most people have never seen a space marine space. And will never.
00:33:06
Speaker
And never will. Yes. And as far as they know, they're like rumors. ah They're these stories and people actually literally will think of them as angels when they show up. Right.
00:33:19
Speaker
And they do a pretty good job of that. um We get a brief reference to the Sirene affair, which we'll find out about later. um So we're finding out that this fight is a little different. the The guardsmen are being affected by, quote, some sort of voices on the wind. um And that's little chaos shit for you. Yeah.
00:33:42
Speaker
Brahm asks Isidore, the librarian, about the planet of Cyrene and the the rumors. The story is that the Blood Ravens had to perform an exterminatus on ah that planet, which is a literal. It's an Alderaan. It is. You are literally destroying the planet. There is no hope.
00:34:04
Speaker
There's no saving this planet. get off of it and every man, woman, and child down there, they are sacrificed for the good of the Imperium. Sometimes, usually the planet's just left as a barren husk right after the fact.
00:34:22
Speaker
So ah he he he doesn't confirm nor deny it, but says, but you might want to keep your goddamn mouth shut with that word when you're around ah Mr. Angelos over there. um We get a group of scouts. They report ah that a group of orcs, ah they found a ah dead group of orcs. ah and they are killed by the Eldar. They don't say that, but we know that's what it is. They've been... they've been ah Death by a thousand cuts is basically how the Eldar shuriken were. Yeah, they love their shuriken guns and yeah their their swords. so Yes, and this is another thing that will annoy me. um
00:35:00
Speaker
Any Space Marine would go, would take one look and go, oh, fucking Eldar. They know who the Eldar are. are they They're very, very well versed in the Eldar. Even a scout. Yeah.
00:35:11
Speaker
they but They probably fought the Eldar just like, you know, a year ago whatever. Exactly. like exactly they They've all they've dealt with this. They've got those scars from the last time someone blasted them in the face with a shuriken. It's it's it's silly.
00:35:26
Speaker
um But again, i i try to give it some leeway because I recognize that this is this is going to be, you know, baby's first 40K book for a lot of people. I think that's how this was written. So I try to be cool, but I can't because I'm a nerd.
00:35:42
Speaker
um So ah the Blood Ravens are pretty dickish about the local guard. They're really unimpressed by them. they They showed up when a lot of them were at their lowest point and and and said, you know you know what? You guys just stay here and play defense while me and daddy go hunting for the big bad orcs. Yep.
00:36:04
Speaker
So we we get a shot again of Orc Among Us is orc. Basically, they need to gather in greater numbers before they can do another Zerg rush. ah So they're biding their time.
00:36:16
Speaker
um The ah Blood Ravens start tracking the orcs. We get more signs of the Eldar, more. who What is this? um Yeah, and this is this isn't one of the enemies I would know from a fucking mile away. No, but just constantly failing their investigation checks. Yes, like like embarrassingly. So um there's a lot of tension within the Marines. it or and Gabriel are snapping at each other?
00:36:45
Speaker
And we find out that the exterminatus on Cyrene was especially hard for Gabriel because that was his home planet. ah So he he gave the order to destroy his own planet. It would be like if Princess Leia pulled the trigger on. head to Yeah, pulled the trigger on Alderaan, you know? Right.
00:37:04
Speaker
Right, exactly. Which, you know... That's an interesting twist. It's an interesting twist. And also, could... Is it... If Leia had given up ah Yavin instead of Dantooine, would Vader have been like, no, she's telling the truth. Don't pull the trigger?
00:37:26
Speaker
don't know. or and don I think they knew. I think they already knew. think Tarkin was going to pull the trigger regardless. It was going to happen. Yeah, I need... He's like... Turrican's like, I gotta murder like a billion people. get the itch. Yeah, we gotta make an example of you. Yeah.
00:37:43
Speaker
So ah we cut to Braum overseeing the fortifications ah and he's boiling over about what a bunch of pricks the space Marines are. And this is where it kind of feels like everyone's been dunked in the anger slime from ah Ghostbusters 2. You know, they've talked about they've talked about the voices on the wind. And so I think the idea is that chaos is whispering in their ears and making them more likely to fight amongst themselves. Yep.
00:38:10
Speaker
ah We get a big space marine versus orcs fight. We get more of the angelic choir that Gabriel hears. ah Excuse me. he ah He starts basically seeing and hearing the faces and voices of the people on his planet that he fucking exterminatist.
00:38:28
Speaker
ah And he screams and he screams It gets everybody's attention. They win the fight, but Isidore, a gentle, thoughtful, insightful soul that he is, is concerned. Uh...
00:38:46
Speaker
yeah it's like what the fuck are you what the fuck are you doing buddy yeah yeah what the fuck is going on get your shit together um yeah god damn it uh chapter three ah the alpha legion and i have here in parentheses in name only uh I was like, Alpha Legion? Are they going to be like doing the Alpha Legion stuff of being like sneaky? What's going on?
00:39:13
Speaker
And I was like... No. Alpha Legion are a really great chaos chapter ah because they...
00:39:26
Speaker
are all about subterfuge and infiltration. They, of all of the chapters, make the most use of humans, ah mortals, to go in and infiltrate and spy and and and get themselves stuck in with different organizations. And they use that to drain morale. And there's also, if you read Legion, I won't i won't spoil it, but the the big reveal...
00:39:54
Speaker
It tells you a lot about the Alpha Legion's motivations and why they're completely different from most of the other Chaos Marines. They are very complex and interesting. I'll say, yeah, I'll say ah the well ah Alpha Legion. ah yeah Ask yourself, hey, what Chaos God ah do they follow? because i'll And the your answer will be like,
00:40:22
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. And that's the way they like it. Because Athleagian, are they traitors? Yeah. Alpha Legion is very, at at best, Alpha Legion is very clandestine and cool and and complicated. At worst, they're a goddamn mess. But ah they're they're they're a lot of fun. and
00:40:54
Speaker
And the primer their Primark might still be alive. How is that? Right. Because they were twin brothers. Yeah, there was 21 Primarks. We always just say there's 20, but there was 21. 21. It was twins. ah ah Apparently we count we count Alpha, Alpha, and Omega on as one person for some reason. yeah But yeah I think Omega got killed. But but but Alpha. I thought it was all about.
00:41:19
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? But that's the thing. That's the whole thing. We don't know because it's don't know. o Now, this is not going to come into play at all.
00:41:30
Speaker
This doesn't matter. We just have generic chaos. That's what this is. But they chose Alpha Legion. I don't know why. It's in the game, too, for the record. um So it's not completely Goto's fault, ah but it's it's weird. um We meet Lord Bale. It's just the worst chaos chaos Legion to pick for this story. Right.
00:41:56
Speaker
It could have been just... It could have been, you know, World Eaters or Black Legion. It could have been any number of other. It would have been more appropriate for a lot of other chapters. But anyway, moving on, they basically sacrifice one of their own ah to the the dark gods. Yeah.
00:42:17
Speaker
ah We cut back to the blood ravens. They return from an orc fight and give the Imperial guard an orc head as a souvenir, which I thought was thoughtful. It's like paying that up over your bed, I guess.
00:42:29
Speaker
um Gabriel prays. He has another vision. It's again, it's suggested that the dead are accusing him of being a ah piece of shit, which is fair. Yeah.
00:42:40
Speaker
We get more of the details on the exterminatus. It sounds it's here's the thing. Exterminatus, as grimdark as the 40K world is, it is not done lightly. They don't just blow up a goddamn planet because they're like, ah, it's not worth it. It's a very big deal. They recognize the gravity behind it. And i and they like they basically say a matter of like three days. They were like, yeah, yeah.
00:43:07
Speaker
Yeah, we're going to have to exterminate this planet. i just got I just got done with the siege of Vrax, which is a pretty good book about a 14-year campaign on a single planet where they literally lost millions of soldiers and they knew they were going to lose them and they knew it was going to take them.
00:43:30
Speaker
they they I think they predicted 12 and it ended up being like 15 or 16 years. um yeah and they And they never did exterminatus in the end. Right. We thought about it.
00:43:40
Speaker
So this feels like we could have avoided it. ah Yeah. Like three days. it feels like a hasty, ah you know, time to to make a decision on an exterminatus. Yeah.
00:43:55
Speaker
little bit of a jump. little bit of a short window. Short window. Yeah. That was that seems I feel like especially if it was your home planet, we could. I don't know. We could have given it a little more time. i don't think anyone. It's just like, it's a shame we'll have to blow up the planet.
00:44:11
Speaker
Well, actually, Gabe, we we don't have to. It's just such a shame Uh, sir, we don't actually, we don't actually have to do. Well, it's, I'm going to miss everyone so much. So much. i am already press your my button now yeah that true like who with You're not breaking up with me, Debbie. I'm breaking up with you.
00:44:38
Speaker
Gabe the incel. ah ah that's that's one way to read it that's i mean you know a lot of i would say a lot of space marines have have the the incel uh you know depending on their on their primark brand right into them there's part of it yeah that's part of it there's there's also a very uh by god the army is my wife uh attitude in there so ah it's also a thing um
00:45:11
Speaker
ah We get a a little more the Eldars, whatever. um ah The orcs start bombarding ah Magna Bonum. who um Bonum.
00:45:23
Speaker
Gabriel says they're going to wait for the orcs to charge ah instead of going out and meeting them in the field. They're going to wait for them to attack Isidore and Brom both don't seem to really care for that plan. Yeah.
00:45:38
Speaker
They blow up the spaceport in the city to kill a bunch of the orcs that are in there. They like they sacrifice this spaceport, which it's a space. that I think we need that, guys. I think we need the spaceport.
00:45:52
Speaker
Yeah. but but And that's the thing. It would be one thing if it was like this won the war. it's They make a point of being like, this is a drop in the bucket. This is nothing. Right.
00:46:03
Speaker
Right. ah We see a rank and file soldier get brainwashed by these whispering voices. ah And he ends up killing his own heavy bolter crew.
00:46:15
Speaker
More fighting. The gates of Magna Bonham fall. ah Gabriel gets ambushed and somehow pinned under the motorcycle that he was driving.
00:46:30
Speaker
Sure. Sure. Yeah. Here's the thing. That's how that happened. here's Here's the thing. if If a human being had their motorcycle on their leg, they they'd be able to scramble out from under it.
00:46:47
Speaker
Space Marines should just be be like, eh. Yes. And yes, the motorbikes are way bigger to accommodate. Yes, sure. Yeah. but it's a space brain. So that's stupid.
00:47:01
Speaker
Uh, it's like, Oh no, my motorbike is pinning me down. How, how explain how that doesn't make any sense.
00:47:12
Speaker
Um, if If a bike is holding you down, you have no business killing orcs. now So we get some street fighting against ah the ticking clock of an orbital bombardment.
00:47:24
Speaker
ah and And during this part of the chapter, we get appearances from all of your favorites. We get the assault Marines, Terminators, Devastators, Dreadnoughts, everybody. We got scout bikers. We've got all kinds of shit that is not in the video game. I cannot emphasize this enough. Every single unit that you cannot play with that you cannot play with. And there's some great shit in the video game. ah But like the bikes, for example, are not. And think it would be fucking sweet to have some fucking bikes. ah Yeah. Anyway.
00:47:55
Speaker
The city gets blown up ah ultimately, and Braum is pissed about it, ah which. Yeah, i I really like the if if there's one thing I enjoy about the book is Braum going from like, oh, oh, great. The space Marines are here to like by chapter four. It's like these fucking space Marines. Yes. Yes.
00:48:17
Speaker
but yes I agree. I will give full credit to the idea. And it's not just because I'm an IG guy. Excuse me. I will give full credit to the notion that's like not we're not all in love with you guys. And I and I think that's a nice detail for this. I think that's really cool.
00:48:37
Speaker
Yeah. um We get to chapter four. We get another glimpse of the orcs. Every time we get a glimpse of the orcs, I fucking shudder. and It's just there's been some really kick ass shit written by the orcs. They've had some really cool stuff. And they they're just kind of a generic dumb boy barbarian army yeah in this, in the same way that Alpha Legion is just generic chaos. Right. It's it's a shame.
00:49:04
Speaker
ah Anyway, the orcs have struck an alliance with chaos. ah And to be fair, this actually does seem like something that Alpha Legion would try to pull off.
00:49:16
Speaker
Right. um if If there's any space ah chaos marine army, that would be like, Let's give an alliance with the orcs to try. i Let's give the. court What if we gave the orcs guns?
00:49:31
Speaker
That's some Alpha Legion shit. To be fair. That's that one. That's spot on. ah They'd be most. They'd be the most likely to do it anyway. Yeah. um so and then And then Lord Bale of the Chaos Marines says something to ruin it, basically saying we're going to use our strength to intimidate them, and that's how we'll win. And that is not something an Alpha Legionnaire has ever uttered ever, ever. Ever. Fucking yeah ever.
00:49:58
Speaker
ah That is... So that's, that's some world. It's also not how you, not how the orcs work. No, no. Orcs are in it for the fight. They want you to be a big, scary, intimidating army because they don't want to, right.
00:50:15
Speaker
Cause they want a fight. They don't want to, yeah they don't want to just loot and pillage. They want, well, they do want that, but that, but after a day of fighting
00:50:26
Speaker
anyway, so, uh, The Chaos Marines end up getting ambushed by a bunch Eldar Rangers who get away. ah Then the Chaos are attacked by ah Scout Marines who they promptly kill.
00:50:39
Speaker
ah We get an important fight in the valley between the Marines and the Orcs. This valley is the it's important because it's the only place where they can transport vehicles and and their water supply comes through there. So this is this is a very important logistical area.
00:50:55
Speaker
They cannot find the war boss, which is what they're aiming for. But they do find the dead scouts. um And one of them, ah before they apparently one of them died like babbling incoherently, which for once they get it right and they're like, oh, that's chaos. That's fucking chaos. That has nothing to do with orcs. It looks like he was, they say something weird. It looks like he was burned from the inside out. Yeah.
00:51:21
Speaker
yeah or And I was like, yeah, that's a chaos thing right there. Yeah. yeah And and they and and then unlike looking at the shuriken blows and being like, what's that? I will give them credit. They're like, oh, this is chaos. That's easy. Yeah. um So Isidore, the librarian, searches for some sense of the warp or chaos, and he kind of finds it, but he doesn't say anything. He's got some misgivings about all this shit they find. And then they find Axel. evidence of the Alpha Legion. And they know for sure that this is about more than just the orcs. And that's the end of part one.
00:52:02
Speaker
And that is ah what we're covering today. So, Kevin, what do you think so far of Dawn of War?
Critique and Fan Perception of 'Dawn of War'
00:52:10
Speaker
um it that Nothing about it has really hooked or interested me so far, especially because...
00:52:20
Speaker
My favorite Warhammer books and stories that I've read are about like the war, the the fighting is not necessarily the meat of it.
00:52:34
Speaker
but The fighting is kind of the thing that... transports us or generates tension or is used to move the story in ah ah in a new and exciting way.
00:52:49
Speaker
But otherwise, the the the meat of the stories is kind of like... It's lot of interpersonal drama that kind of runs like jealousy. Like Horace Heresy stuff is all jealousy. It's all based on the jealousy. It's daddy issues. It's all daddy issues.
00:53:11
Speaker
or you know fear of one's past or guilt or remorse or all those things, because that's the thing, is there's just so much bad shit happening.
00:53:25
Speaker
And the war is the ongoing grimdark forever war that they're in is ah part of it but so is the reaction to all these things and I think yeah sure where the captain is like he's feeling terrible about the sirene stuff um but don't know if we're really it it doesn't feel we're like yeah he's he regrets it or whatever I get it is we're in chapter 2 of 12 chapters um yeah yeah following you we got it we got it um
00:54:01
Speaker
I don't know if I'm i'm necessarily there. I'm not in it. ah Yeah. and I'm not i'm not i' not hooked into whatever the story is supposed to be. It just feels like, okay, this is a level in the game.
00:54:16
Speaker
This is a level in the game, like the spaceport, the city outside the city. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
00:54:27
Speaker
um Yeah, I agree. i i i have ah I've had a lot of moments. I will say that even a shit ah black library novel is is better than a lot of, you know, mediocre movies.
00:54:41
Speaker
shit that I've read. ah But that's mostly and that's where the problem comes from, because it's mostly because I just like this world a lot. I know that's a huge comes as a huge surprise. what I know. I know. we never talked about it before, especially not on the show.
00:54:56
Speaker
ah and but ah But that got me to thinking like, how much of this ah criticism that I'm laying down ah is simply because I am a black library fan and I've been reading these things for decades and, and, you know, this just doesn't cut cut the mustard. How many beginners will really enjoy this? And that's the thing. Ultimately, i think at best, at best, this is a, this is actually a fairly competent baby's first space Marine novel.
00:55:31
Speaker
Sure. At its best moments. At its worst, it's fan fiction. Yeah. it's there is like There is like, and apparently, i i did a little research on other stuff that he's written, but apparently GoTo's known for this. Like, he he's very fan fictiony with his shit. i does a lot of like, wouldn't it be fucking cool if this was happening? And then this happened. It's like a kid playing with his action figures. Yeah.
00:55:57
Speaker
Yeah, um it's it's he's just jamming his minis together. That's exactly it. and and And so we get some stuff where I'm like, you know what? OK, it's not the most complex kind of thing.
00:56:11
Speaker
And you're right. Like the reason for there's no difference outside of like the grim, dark attitude of it. there's very little difference anyway between 40k and a telenovela like this is that's that's what this is it's it's all drama all the time it's just what flavor of drama do you prefer and it's character driven and all that shit so it's got the requisite stuff in here but it also has these details to make you go why this here right what it's bullshit uh So, yeah, having said that, that's that's the first third of the book. And by the way, ah you beautiful Marshies, ah this is the first of three Dawn of War novels all written by CS GoTo. And me and Kevin both bought the Omnibus edition. we got all of them.
00:57:04
Speaker
So we have all of them and we're not letting that go to waste. So get ready for more of this over the years. ah this This ain't ending. And I'm not passing up any opportunities to read 40K on the show. i'm just no Of course, of course, of course. yeah So now that that's all figured out and settled, Kevin, I have one final ah question for you.
00:57:26
Speaker
What are you playing? okay. um You know, ah and nothing new since last episode, to be honest. i ah have been playing Hades 2, continuing on ah ah with that during my evenings, and also occasionally still playing...
00:57:49
Speaker
Tayshawn Grail of Fall of Avalon. <unk>m I'm in the second act of it ah now. and I'm like, okay, I think I'm enjoying it more than last time. I realized what happened last time.
00:58:01
Speaker
ah The reason I but ended up bouncing off of it, I was kind of like, I'm bored. It's because there was... like there's something crashing or whatever at the end of act one.
00:58:13
Speaker
And instead of like trying to figure out a workaround to get it to work, i was like, whatever. It just hadn't inspired you enough to even that It hadn't inspired me to keep going. So, you know, now I, I, I just, I'd go into it and I put in a little bit of time and, uh, 2026 is going to shape up to be the year I try thin out this backlog of mine anyway.
00:58:35
Speaker
I know, me too. I've really got get rid of these. I've got to thin it out. I've got to get rid of some of these things that have just been sitting there. Steam sales that have been drowning me over the years with, you know, I've been like, I can buy it.
00:58:52
Speaker
15 games for a dollar. come Why not? Why not? like yeah um with We'll talk about a game and I'll be like, i've I've never heard of this game. And I look at my Steam library and be like, oh, I have all of them. That has happened to me.
00:59:08
Speaker
So frequent. It's embarrassing. It's it's so embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. yeah it's ah it's It's wild. So um anyway, ah that's that's pretty much, you know, that's all I've been playing. ive nothing Nothing really new to report home on that. But ah I will be talking about some older games this year as I as i go through my my library.
00:59:32
Speaker
Phil? Yeah. Yeah. What are you blaming? Oh. Actually, it's kind of the opposite. yeah That's a real strong bad. are playing? What are you playing?
00:59:46
Speaker
<unk>h Things about to get crazy going on. Crazy going on. Crazy going on. I've been putting some stuff underneath me. ah The kid got sick again. So ah during the days where he was... ah literally doing almost nothing but sleeping. for For those of you who don't have kids, it is alarming sometimes when they get sick at this age.
01:00:12
Speaker
This kid woke up long enough for me to give him some water and change his diaper in the morning, slept until deep into the afternoon where he woke up long enough for me to give him some water and a chicken nugget, which he ate and then promptly fell back asleep. Oh,
01:00:33
Speaker
and And after I gave him some meds and they're not drowsy meds, it's just it's just to help, you know, with fever and stuff like that. And and then woke up like right before what would normally be his bedtime. And I was like, oh, boy, he's going to be up all night now. Nope.
01:00:50
Speaker
Another another ah mouthful of water, another goddamn shot of, you know, amoxicillin, another chicken nugget. Boom. This kid was ah awake for maybe a total of an hour ah for the whole day. and and But I can't just leave him here. So I'm i'm at home ah putting a bunch of demos underneath me. ah So I have I finished ah Knights the Old Republic.
01:01:18
Speaker
Still love it. Still wonderful. Still so lovely. yeah Really enjoy that game. um And I also finished i finished the Winter Assault ah expansion for Dawn of War ah in preparation for this. i tell myself that, but I just fucking love it.
01:01:38
Speaker
Played a few demos. ah Nothing that really jumped out at me. Played a creature capture game called Deck Tamer. ah It's a a deck builder creature capture game. um The only thing it's just the same.
01:01:55
Speaker
It's the same. It's like... uh, slay the spire, with monsters and stuff. And got it I think the one thing that I can say for it is that some of the monsters have a very weird, uh, creepy vibe to them.
01:02:11
Speaker
Not all of them, but a lot of them. And I think that's pretty cool. And that's definitely, that's, uh, you look at their, their page and that's definitely a direction they're trying to go in. Uh, but the gameplay wasn't enough to, to make me want to finish even the demo.
01:02:24
Speaker
Um, I played ah the demo for a clicker called Cult of the Yellow King. It is a, a you know, the king in yellow ah clicker, which actually has some really good writing.
01:02:39
Speaker
There's some really cool writing in it, ah which is appropriate if you know the the king in yellow. Right. But... the visuals, the visuals are very cool, but they don't really change much. There's not much to them. So it's kind of hard to keep you there.
01:02:57
Speaker
um Right. it it could do it It could do with the ah some updates as far as I can tell, but but interesting idea. Interesting idea. And then I played ah the prologue for a ah game called Dark Memories. This is super indie shit.
01:03:13
Speaker
It's supposed to be an episodic ah kind of adventure thing. They've suggested that there is ah it's based on like old slasher movies and stuff. I will say the atmosphere is fucking excellent. ah the The designers did a great job with it. This is a very scrappy kind of team.
01:03:29
Speaker
um It's got it does a very good job of capturing that it's late at night and I've been driving for way too long and now it's snowing and I'm freaked out kind of vibe.
01:03:41
Speaker
Sure. Yeah. The prologue takes about 15 minutes and nothing much happens in it. buddy But I will say it did a good enough job introducing me to the atmosphere that I would be genuinely interested in seeing what else...
01:03:59
Speaker
where they go with this. it's There isn't much to it, but honestly, there's some promise. I think that's pretty cool. They haven't released anything since, ah but they only just, I think they only just came out with this in December. So it's little fun.
01:04:15
Speaker
Road to Empress 1. Is Road to Empress 1? They added the 1 later after it was- Okay, okay. So was just Road to Empress for a while. And then they added the 1 after it became a hit. As if they were like, okay, we're going to make another 1. I thought I was losing my mind. I was like, when the fuck did that happen? This was a Christmas present from Kevin that I began playing.
Phil's Review of 'Road to Empress'
01:04:44
Speaker
What a delight. ah what ah Holy shit, they put some money into this. like there's like the the the The production values are crazy. it's it is It is like the highest production value FMV game I've ever played.
01:05:00
Speaker
It's nuts. The actors are actually very good. They all know what they're in They're all campy enough. And it's very, again, very telenovela. Yeah, it's like this is a soap opera. You know, it's fine.
01:05:12
Speaker
That's all it is. It's great. And I get the impression that if I knew more about Chinese history, I would be doing better because this is based on ah the only female a Chinese emperor that the ah that the the country has ever seen.
01:05:27
Speaker
Right. And that's pretty cool. Yeah. I was like, oh I'm going to play this very slowly. This is very silly. I'm really enjoying it. And I'm like, just one chapter at a time. Really? so It's die about a dozen times in a half hour session. It is the most guards seize her coded game of all time.
01:05:54
Speaker
You are getting seized so often. the one The one thing I will say against it is that the the problem with that is You get the distinct impression. I don't know this for sure, but it's like I think there's only one way to actually win this game.
01:06:13
Speaker
Like ultimately, there's like ah there is a single narrative path you can take, and it's based on history. So I get that on a certain level, but surely not all of these little details like have been kept over time in the history books. Right. ah But despite all that, it is is a lot of fun and and it really does make me nostalgic for the old FMV games. There is that yeah there's a similar quality to it that I'm really appreciating it. I love all of the beautiful Chinese girls and just some of the most and boys, some of them some of the most attractive FMV actors I have ever seen.
01:06:54
Speaker
The boys, girls, the boys, they're all there. It's everybody. Everybody was really pulling for for the for the the gay boy romance. and and And, you know, you'll have to play the game to find out how that ends up.
01:07:06
Speaker
ah But yeah really interesting stuff. I'm really enjoying it. And this this is something that I was like, OK, here we go. I get it. I get it Let's really savor this motherfucker. That's what I'm doing. i I understand what's going on here. I see what you're doing.
01:07:24
Speaker
this is This is soap. This is Stella Novela. This is... Bingo. You know what's funniest about that? I don't like visual novels.
01:07:35
Speaker
i don't I don't care for that type of game. and not that this is a visual novel, but... when it When it comes to a game, I don't usually like it when there's too much time for me just to sit back and watch.
01:07:48
Speaker
Sure. i found myself going, oh shit, I need a cup of coffee. And I go up and get a fresh cup of coffee and like did didoooo it hit it and just go and go. Just sit back and play me my stories. Just play my stories. Play me my stories. It's funny because like I realize i was like, oh I would watch this shit if I knew where to watch it. This is something that I would watch. Yeah.
01:08:17
Speaker
um i would watch this period like like fucking i don't know what period is but it's like ancient chinese historic soap opera yes i'd watch the fuck out of that 100 make that happen uh finally i did play one free game this is a very interesting i i think you should try this kevin i think you'll get a kick okay out of this this is called date boy one word um This is a free game. It takes about 10 minutes to play, ah but there are like a bunch of different ways you can end it and stuff. It is you as a nerdy guy on a date with a And you're trying to that yeah yeah you're trying to navigate the date while also winning the video game that you're playing on a Game Boy. Yeah.
01:09:06
Speaker
ah So ah you are with with one, with with with like the, I think it's the, i've it's been a minute since I've played it but like the arrow keys, I think you're using as it's a basic platformer. And then with the mouse, you are like choosing dialogue options and stuff like that. And you're trying, I mean, honestly, I was trying to ah make her think that that i was that I was not playing the game, but there are plenty of opportunities just to be completely completely apathetic and shitty. And I didn't take all the opportunities for that.
01:09:41
Speaker
Sure. But again, it's it's totally free and it takes... What do I have? Playtime. Seven minutes. Took me seven minutes to play this game. um It's very fun. it's It's a great kind of ah demonstration of what you can do with this sort of thing. I think the the designers haven't made anything else.
01:10:03
Speaker
ah Looks like they're brothers. Anton Pazzi and Henry Pazzi. Yeah, this is it. This is their first thing. It's really clever. It's it's a great idea.
01:10:15
Speaker
i i like it i i really enjoyed my time with it and it's awesome for your shit so you might as well you might as well pick it up guys it's it yeah so yeah so that's me i i hit a lot of them this week hell yeah hell yeah all right uh well thanks for listening to everybody uh if you can like us follow us and uh in real life i mean come and follow up oh oh no That's always foreboding, by the way, when your co-host starts reading what is clearly an error message and then fucking disappears.
01:10:52
Speaker
ah That's beautiful. Hey, there he is. and i was just telling everyone how it's like so foreboding when you're clearly reading an error message and then you just disappear. Free up space to click. And then it just like Chrome just crashed. And i'm like, okay. Okay. It's like hearing something like, hey, there's a guy with a hatchet coming towards me. Really?
01:11:16
Speaker
Is that a gun? ah yeah likeac Pulled a gun on me. So i'll wrap this up quick just in case it's like ah not going to. Anyway, ah send it to pixelitpod at gmail.com. Let us know if you there's any live events that you would like us to go to. And we will discuss...
01:11:36
Speaker
trying to do a thing yeah this is is just the year five years it's time it's time to do it um so we we love all of you we love we love you marshes uh yes we do bye bye marshes i'm gonna miss you so so yeah that's yeah that's that was good that was good