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Rethink How You F*ck with Queer Sex Tips
139 Plays2 months ago
What if everything you thought you knew about sex was just one version of the story?
In this episode, Nadège is joined by author and activist Lucie Fielding, whose groundbreaking work on trans sex is reshaping how we think about pleasure, bodies, and desire. Together, these two scholars explore how queering sex (i.e. breaking free from ideas of what sex should be) can make intimacy more exciting, fulfilling, and inclusive for everyone.
In this eye-opening conversation, Nadège and Lucie talk about:
- The real reason why the traditional sex script limits your pleasure
- How renaming body parts can transform intimacy
- What “muffing” is and why you might want to try it
If you’ve ever felt like sex was supposed to look a certain way, this episode will give you permission to rewrite the rules.
Show Notes
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Transcript
Exploring Sexuality Beyond Genitalia
00:00:00
Speaker
I made this bet with myself or this agreement with myself to say like, I'm going to decenter genitalia for a while. Not because I hated my body or hated my genitals. It's just that like, I had, I wanted to see what else was out there.
Introduction to Pleasure Science Podcast
00:00:33
Speaker
Welcome to Pleasure Science, a podcast all about teaching you how to feel healthier and empowered in your sexuality. And today I am so excited because I am joined by Lucy Fielding and we're going to be talking all about queer sex tips because here's the thing that you need to know. Queer sex is actually for everybody and we're going to explain why that is.
00:00:58
Speaker
Now, Lucy is incredible. She is an author, she is an activist, and she actually wrote the first book on trans sex for physicians and therapists. I personally read her book before I started doing sex coaching, and it was a game
Lucy Fielding's Book on Trans Sex
00:01:14
Speaker
changer. So if you are listening to this, and you are someone who is a therapist, you need to read this book.
00:01:20
Speaker
Also, if you're a doctor, and especially if you're a gynecologist or urologist. But that's not really what today is about. Today is about fucking. And how do we do that? And I am so excited to talk about this with Lucy because the last time Lucy and I hung out was at a sex party. Hi, Lucy. Hi.
00:01:45
Speaker
Hi. I love getting to see you and share space with you every time is is always a treat. So thank you for having me. Oh, I'm so glad to have you. And, you know, we always kick off this podcast by asking our guests this one question that I think we don't ask people enough. But out of all the episodes, I feel like this is the most important one for this question to be asked.
Redefining Sex: Energy and Intention
00:02:10
Speaker
So I would love to know what is your definition of sex?
00:02:16
Speaker
So I'm so curious to know what other people's definitions are, first of all. um But I think the way that I approach it is that sex is not technique. It's not about like what genitals are involved or if genitals are involved. Sex is an energy and an intention. It's like, what am i bring am I thinking of and conceiving of what I am engaging in as sexual. And if it is, then that's sex, you know? um and And I think that that is really um the kind of most expansive view on that in the sense that like, um and it I think it encompasses a lot of approaches from, you know, numerous communities like, you know, the Kink and especially the leather communities
00:03:16
Speaker
within kink, you know, we talk about leather sex and leather sex doesn't involve um necessarily genitals or chest tissue at all. And it's not about like who you're fucking, um you know, like, yeah, or like what what their gender is, what what your gender is, it's like, are you fucking? Are you deciding whether it's solo or partnered that you're fucking?
Queering Sex and Societal Norms
00:03:50
Speaker
And that decision is sex. Yeah.
00:03:54
Speaker
I love that. And I totally agree with this idea of expanding what it means to define sex. And that's one of the reasons why I am so excited to talk to you today. Because when I talk to people, whether they're students in our courses,
00:04:11
Speaker
people who come to our events or just people on the street when they find out they're like, wait, you're a sex scholar. Let me tell you my whole sex life, which I love. I love that. And I'm you'm so glad that happens to you, too. Yeah, right. Right. It tends to happen to us. And I'm always here for it. You know, definitely, if you see me on the street, you can talk to me about that. But one of the hangups that I see is that we're conditioned to view sex as a very specific formula, right? It's kissing.
00:04:38
Speaker
It's foreplay, it's penetration and orgasm. We have these four steps and that's it. And I mean, first off, that formula one centers heterosexual sex, and it also tends to center cisgendered men and penis pleasure, because we're thinking of something hard, sliding into something wet, and that everything is about culminating to this moment, right? And that when we see an erection in the room, all of a sudden it's sort of like, oh, we're now on a timeline.
00:05:10
Speaker
Right. Like, I don't know if you've ever felt that way, but I felt that way where it's like, oh, I can physically see someone's aroused. This is a cue to go to the next step. But is it? Right. And so when we think of queering sex, what does that mean to you? I think it's it's precisely about breaking out of. The scripts that are um
00:05:42
Speaker
that are present and that are always you know our bodies. One of the definitions of the word embodiment you know is is about you know like embodying ideals, embodying stories, being a body that is moving through the world and being impacted by it.
00:06:03
Speaker
um You know, so it's not just having a body and being about it being in a body it's it's also like the fact that we are constantly being bombarded by stories and myths and metaphors and You know and these ideas about like what sex is what good sex is what bad sex is what too much sex too little sex um You know valuing um you know, sexual and romantic intimacies over other types of intimacies um and other types of relationships.
Challenging Sexual 'Shoulds'
00:06:43
Speaker
and um And I think when we're talking about queering sex, we're talking about saying that, like, who should is that? Whose ought is that? You know, like, um i I say to my clients sometimes when they
00:07:04
Speaker
you know, come in and they say, well, you know, I've, ah it's always been this way. And, and, or I've always been like, you know, and, and with this implicit idea that I will always be like this because I was always like this. And I always want to say like, you know, it's, it is not a matter of, you know, um of,
00:07:35
Speaker
you know, a fix a fixed point, you know, you are we are always our bodies are constantly in transition. um Quite apart from gender transitions of any of any sort, you know, but we're aging and you know, like, things are contexts are changing for what feels good and what doesn't feel good. And what is arousing and what isn't arousing. And, um and ah so like I always want to tell clients at that point like who who told you that story about you that this is who you are and who you will always be where did you learn that um because typically that is you know a set of stories that they're getting from
00:08:34
Speaker
you know, um members of families, particularly caretakers, they're getting from their prior relationships, they're getting from various forms of media, um and, and just kind of like what is, and they're getting it from history, you know, and so it's this idea that um
00:08:58
Speaker
Sex is essentially the same and and is unchanging throughout time. Sexual essentialism is the fancy term for that. Yeah, no, but that's so true. And you said something earlier, too, how with clients, you you say, like, the are you shitting or are you aughting? Can you describe that a little bit more? What does that mean? Well, like, I think i will I'm often trying to tune to a question You know, when when a client is saying, I should be like this. I ought to do this. I um should want this. um I should be able to come faster. You know, and I always want to say like, who should is that?
00:09:49
Speaker
Yeah, I love that. You know, I often say to people, it sounds like you're shitting all over the place. And but it's I love that even more. We hear that all the time. Sexually, we should be a certain way. We should be heterosexual. We should like this. We ought to do this. And when it comes back to queering sex, I mean, stepping outside of, of course, if you identify as queer,
00:10:15
Speaker
in any way than you're queering sex by existing.
Queer as a Political Stance
00:10:19
Speaker
But I love what you're saying where queering sex is also fundamentally questioning what you've been taught you should do or should be sexually. Yeah, because I think, you know, a lot of queer folks, you know, have have their we have their our own shoulds around sex like, you know, that, um you know, that that sex for certain people has to you know involve a penis going into an anus you know or that um you know it has to involve a strapon or that it has to involve to involve going down on somebody. Yeah, that's a big one. I've heard a lot of people say, well, I don't think I'm gay or a lesbian because I don't want to eat someone out. And it's like, well, if I told you that that that means you are or are not, but that's a huge
00:11:16
Speaker
message that we get, absolutely, which even just shows no matter where you are at, we're all kind of needing to queer sex, which I think also I'd love to hear even your definition of queer, like what does that word mean to you?
00:11:32
Speaker
because I think a lot of times people now think it's just a sexual. I love the smile on your face. um the People now I but think, you know, that they see it. We've reclaimed the word. It's a sexual orientation. But I think it's so much more than that. And it's so important when we're understanding how to have good sex. So what does queer mean to you?
00:11:53
Speaker
Queer to me is a political energy and a political stance, um i I think it's what I call in my work a gender mercurial term. it resists It resists being pinned down to particular sex acts, to particular um genital or gender configurations.
00:12:28
Speaker
um it It resists being kind of captured within an identity category. Like, I always think about queer, and there are other words like, you know, dyke and fag that I think do similar work, you know, where it's it's like they there are these you know political terms and they have in common that they were all, they're all reclaimed terms, you know terms that were hurled nastily at us at various points in our lives. I mean, I've i've certainly been you know an epithet using, all three of those have been used as an epithet for me over the years.
00:13:18
Speaker
um And, and so I think that there's a political dimension to it. There's a, there's a non-identitarian element to it where it's like, it's not about like who you're having sex with or if you're having sex or, you know, that,
00:13:44
Speaker
that it is or what genitals are involved, what genital configurations are involved.
Polymorphous Perversity and Pleasure
00:13:49
Speaker
It's just like, again, queer resists being pinned down.
00:13:55
Speaker
oh And I think that's really the first and maybe biggest queer sex tip is, what do you think you should be? Question that. And unless it's kinky and fun, let's resist being pinned down to one definition of what we think our pleasure should be.
00:14:15
Speaker
I mean, I feel like that is just such a root of so much lack of pleasure, right? The shitting all over the place. The shitting all over the place, you know, and and, you know, the the embracing the full. I think. Multiverse that is queer, you know, is is such a um a powerful move because it opens up a set of strategies, you know, like um I like to think about what are this kind of
00:14:54
Speaker
strategies that are not like cis-heteronormative or ableist or, um you know, um because I think about like crip sex, I think about leather sex, I think about queer sex and of course trans sex, you know, as like I i see those as as transcending, um you know, the cis-heteronormative scripts um you know because these these we are all members of these communities that have um that have been you know labeled as deviant or have been desexualized or over-sexualized or um you know and um and
00:15:51
Speaker
certainly we don't have like comprehensive, medically accurate, all the things sex ed um you know in in our schools and and in um in our daily lives. and so you know And what is there is so cis-heteronormative. So
00:16:16
Speaker
So, but we, like, you know, disabled folks, kinky folks, queer folks, trans folks, we've had to extrapolate and to MacGyver our our sexual being, you know, like um the The late, great femme icon and um Amber Hollabaugh, an activist, talks about how ingenious queer folks are when it comes to
00:16:56
Speaker
to sex and, you know, like the activist and and art critic Douglas Crimp ah in this wonderful essay that is so very, ah you know, on point ah for the last five years, um you how to have sex in an epidemic. and And he talks about, you know, how queer folks invented forms of safer sex. we We had to and we did and you know and because we recognize and this is I think the term he uses the multiplicity of pleasure and what you know so like um I think another element of queer sex is um
00:17:52
Speaker
is polymorphous perversity.
Embracing Body Changes: 'Crip Sex'
00:17:56
Speaker
Yes, find that. What does that mean? so so um Polymorphous perversity is a term that that we find really first elaborated and in Freud's work, in particular the Three Essays on Sexuality from 1905.
00:18:17
Speaker
and In those essays, one of the things that he does is that he talks about infantile sexuality, and that it's not just that like sex happens when you're an adult, and that sex is purely involving a penis,
00:18:41
Speaker
a vulva, and um and contraception, ah sorry, ah conception. um And, um and he, you know, so he talks about these kind of what we now call psychosexual stages of development, you know, it's where we get like, oral anal, genital, etipole, all those things. And, um and
00:19:12
Speaker
what that speaks to is, and we don't have to keep all of you know all the the stuff Freud writes about. you know because like He said some genius things, and he also wrote some really silly things. yeah but But polymorphous perversity you know is this beautiful acknowledgement that um our bodies are playgrounds of wonder and that any part of our body can be an erogenous zone if we invest it with that sexual energy that we talked about with the first question. Like, you know, if it's, it's, um, you know, if it's a pleasure zone for you, then, and you're, and you're placing a sexual energy there, then it is sex. And, um,
00:20:08
Speaker
And I think that that's so exciting, you know, and so revelatory of like, you know, like like just touching somebody's pulse points in a particular way can be deeply pleasurable. And, um you know, it's, and I think like what opens up when we throw away the shoulds, throw away the cultural scripts,
00:20:38
Speaker
and approach our ourselves, our sexualities, those of our partners as with a beginner's mind of saying like, I don't know what this is. I'm really excited to co-create something with you.
00:20:54
Speaker
Yes, I love that. and you know also want to give space to like We always talk about the orgasm, but there are ear gasms, nipple gasms. Your feet have so many nerve endings, almost as many as a clitoris and more than the tip of a penis.
00:21:13
Speaker
So like there are your body is truly an area like the whole thing you can just go ham and you should. And you said something earlier that I wanted to touch back on like when you were talking about Crip sex, leather sex, kinky sex. And I think a lot of people are not familiar with the term Crip sex. And for anyone who doesn't know, ah people in the disabled community who would the slur term cripple would be used against them, started reclaiming that word and started saying, well, we have great Crip sex. And that's what that means. But I think when it comes to querying sex, thinking about ableism and our bodies is also really important. And thinking about Crip sex is really important because
00:21:57
Speaker
We're all aging, even if you are not currently living with a disability. If you have the privilege of getting older and living a long life, some point in time you will be in the disabled category. And how do you want people to treat you? And how do you want people to view you sexually? And you said something so brilliant about how there are so many people who get de-sexualized, right? And so thinking of Crip sex and our bodies aging, I mean, it's bringing to mind how we should be using pillows and another level of like centering pleasure,
Ensuring Pleasure: Avoiding Pain
00:22:33
Speaker
right? Like, is your back hurting? What positions feel good?
00:22:37
Speaker
um What are some things that you think of when you think of gripping sex? Well, I think about, um again, ingenuity, polymorphous perversity. I think about, I also think about a recognition that um that sex is inherently unruly and messy and awkward.
00:23:06
Speaker
Yes. and It is so awkward. but It's part of its magic though, isn't it? Yeah, but like we want it to be like, you know, I think because, and this is again a cultural script, this this this should that says sex should be seamless, sex should be spontaneous, um you know, all of these things. And, you know, I think those of us in in communities that have um broken out of those shuds um you know are are imagining into like you know well what is let's start from first principles what what is pleasurable here in this moment and like if something
00:24:00
Speaker
is not working, you know, um the way that we might want it to on a given day. Like, okay, great, let's move on. Like, there's no there's no worries, you know? It's it's like, um you know, i i I think, you know, like whether it's chronic pain or, you know, like I experienced chronic fatigue Um, and, and have for decades. And, you know, and it's like, um, and I also know that like some days my body is like, not only do I want something, but my body is able to, to engage in it. And then some days it's like, I may really want to, and it's just not happening. And I think like approaching it from this place of,
00:25:00
Speaker
It's okay, let's just try something else. Or like, let's let's pause for a second. Let's get a pillow. Let's get a, you know, um what kinds of accommodations can we make? And then, you know, um and you know proceed as as you were. You know, um it's not it's not the end of It's not the end of the sexy times if like, you know, your hip is really hurting, you know, where you're having, um, you know, a pain flare or something like that. Yeah, absolutely. And as someone who used to have pelvic pain for years, I completely relate to that. And a reason why my pelvic pain.
00:25:50
Speaker
lasted for so long was because I just assumed I had to power through it. And I didn't assume, well, why don't I change positions? Why don't I take penetration off the table? Why don't I try to use lube? Why am I so hung up on the fact that I should always be wet, right? Like all of these things.
00:26:10
Speaker
And so, you know, thinking of just all the different ways our body can experience pleasure um or even pain and again, not the fun kinky pain, but the like muscle cramp or the hip hurting. What are some of your favorite sex tips that are outside of the standard formula and outside of these shoulds? I think. um
00:26:38
Speaker
Being playful. incorporating, you know, like it's incorporating toys, incorporating, um incorporating um whatever kind of tools make whatever you're wanting to do um more accessible for you and for any partners involved, you know, like,
00:27:07
Speaker
Does it require a liberator blanket or a wedge or pillow or several pillows? And, you know, and I think um something that that you just mentioned, you know, about like genital pelvic pain, you know, and. um And. You were saying, like, you know, I thought that I had to power through, you know, like um
00:27:38
Speaker
Sex is not something, um I can't remember which sex educator said this aloud to me, but, you know, sex is not something you should endure. You know, it's, um and like, if it, if it's painful, not, again, the good kind of yummy pain. Yeah, the fun sexy kooky. Yeah. But, you know, if it's painful, stop it.
00:28:08
Speaker
or like pause, pull out, um you know try something different. you know And maybe it just doesn't work. you know um But like if you move through the pain and endure it and just soldier on, or as Queen Victoria said to one of her daughters, and one of the crappiest things to say to somebody, lie back and think of England.
Exploring 'Muffing' and New Erogenous Zones
00:28:35
Speaker
um so
00:28:39
Speaker
ah Yeah, great, great um marital advice, Victoria. um But like, you know, it's, it's this thing of just like, just power through, stiff up or lip it, you know, and, and it's like, it's never going to feel better. Yeah, never ever is it going to feel better.
00:29:01
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And there's one queer sex tip that I learned from you that I absolutely love, and that I think more people need to know about, and that is nothing. So would you like a little bit about the background of Muffin for one. um And then two, I mean, we if you're watching on YouTube, you get to see us beautifully in person. But Lucy teaches incredible classes on nothing as well that I feel like everyone should take from you. But I love talking about Muffin because I think this is one profound way to just show again, the polymorphous perversity of the body. the abundant pleasure for the body. And just to really show people, you might think you're thinking out of the box, but you don't even know what the box is. Right? Yeah. So what is muffing? And, um and just as much as you also want to share with tips for it, but I would say I've taken Lucy's class and I highly recommend it. But what is muffing?
00:30:13
Speaker
Muffing, simply put, first of all, the term was coined by Meryl Bell Weather in her indispensable scene, Fucking Trans Women. It's a practice, by the way, that has been around for hundreds of years um in in certain cultures, particularly as part of genital massage.
00:30:37
Speaker
um and But what it involves is basically finger-banging somebody from the front using two holes that are not entirely obvious but that everyone has, which are the inguinal canals. The inguinal canals are like if you're thinking about the V of of um ah the crotch, you know, um but some gay men apparently refer to as those those kind of grooves as the cum gutters.
00:31:14
Speaker
i I love such an evocative term. i know but know ah but so that v Running parallel to the V is basically the inguinal canals, and there's one canal on each side. For folks ah born with external gonads, sometimes referred to as um testicles, um the um they pass through the inguinal canals when they diss descend.
00:31:42
Speaker
Um, and so, um, and so if you think about it, they are that kind of width where they can expand to that type of width. It's fascial tissue. So it's not muscular. It's not as flexible as say other holes that have like sphincters like the anus or, um, or that, um, or like the vagina or the mouth that ah you know have a lot of muscles that allow a lot of expansion. But basically what you do with muffing is that it involves kind of like taking some of the excess um tissue,
00:32:31
Speaker
um either the tissue ah the the skin that is covering the external gonad Or for folks who have enough kind of tissue available, um folks with outer labia can also do this. But it basically it's a um ah motion that kind of collects it and uses that skin as basically a finger cot. And why do people do this? People do this because it is and it can be intensely pleasurable.
00:33:06
Speaker
um because there's it's a um The canal is a passage um from the from the pelvis through the abdominal wall. And you can't access the the abdominal wall um you know if you're actually engaging in muffing. But um but what you are doing is um you are stimulating all of those nerve endings that are around there.
00:33:38
Speaker
and you can And the inguinal canals are pretty close to the surface, so you can even like do some um massage of that area. And just that can be intensely pleasurable. um Because you're you're just like touching those nerve endings from the outside instead of the inside.
00:34:05
Speaker
But yeah, it's it it can be fun and um it can also be really, really gender pleasurable in the sense that like, for those of us who were born um with external gonads who may not have a front hole, like, um you know, um
00:34:30
Speaker
it's intensely pleasurable to find to be like, oh my God, I am being finger-banged from the front. you know um yeah And so like you can get i get, I've gotten about like two fingers in each hole and um and there's a feeling of immense fullness there. I don't know what it is to be fisted from the front,
00:34:52
Speaker
but um But that stuffed feeling feels good. I know what i know what we're talking about. like There are times where i like you know penetration isn't really my path to orgasm, but there are times where it feels so good to just be stuffed.
00:35:09
Speaker
from the front. And so I completely understand like what you're saying with Muffin feeling so pleasurable of like one that feeling of being stuffed to let's massage these nerve endings because hello, they are there. Why wouldn't we, right? Let's think outside the box. um There are so and so just, you know, Muffin is such a wonderful, yummy thing to play with that people don't even think about, you know,
00:35:37
Speaker
And like we see the external gonads and I think so many people think, Oh, that's too sensitive. You know, don't, don't touch that area. Or if you do be very soft and which can be totally true and definitely listen to your lover. Don't, you know, we're not saying not to listen to someone and say, no, I'm going to go hard now, but you can play with these areas in ways that are so much more expansive than we previously thought.
00:36:02
Speaker
And I know with so many people and especially cisgendered men who struggle with erectile dysfunction and feel like, oh, well, if I have a erectile dysfunction, sex is over. And my thing is literally just proof that, you know, no matter what your sexual function ability is, you can still have pleasurable sex. And in fact, I remember one time you said to me, you know, when we were talking about erectile dysfunction, how it can be sad to hear And people say, well, you know, i'm I'm struggling with ED, I can't have sex. And it's like, well, actually, all the nerve endings are there. And that was something you had said to me. And even me as a sex educator, I was like, I didn't even put two and two together, because I'm so thoroughly indoctrinated in heterosexual surroundings and language, even as a queer person, right? And like, yeah.
00:36:56
Speaker
It's just this is why it's so it's so important to be open-minded, just about your pleasure. yeah the you know um When we're talking about genital arousal and we're talking about and all of our genitals have erectile tissue, um tissue that becomes engorged with blood um when blood flow goes sucked down to the crotch.
00:37:23
Speaker
um and um And it's just like what it does is it increases and flattens the surface area so that like it's maybe a little bit more accessible. Those, those nerve endings say of on the shaft of a penis, it doesn't mean like that the nerve endings suddenly are closer to the surface and that they are, you know, like suddenly there and that they go away when
00:37:56
Speaker
somebody is soft. yeah like I've said this before, you can have mind-blowing sex with a flesh-set penis. yeah um you know And um I mean, I certainly have. you know it and it's and ah and um yeah like i And I think something that I say to my um to participants at the Muffing Workshop is,
00:38:24
Speaker
even if muffing isn't for you.
Debunking Myths: Genital Arousal
00:38:27
Speaker
It doesn't feel good. um It's not something accessible for you for whatever reason. Like if you've had, um you know, ah if there's mesh or scar tissue that's that's in that area from say like a hernia, you know, like it may be inaccessible. But I think what muffing is a kind of proof of concept of is like, what other holes are hiding out in our bodies? Like, um you know, i I say to folks like, have you ever fucked an armpit? I mean, it's so fun.
00:39:10
Speaker
It's so fun. So fun. And again, another super erogenous zone. And it's so funny because I think, you know, something too, when we think of queering sex is reconnecting to smells and the natural body. Like this is something we see a lot in the queer community, people rejecting the idea that we have to shave um under our arms or our legs. You know, we see body hair coming back, which is just a really beautiful thing in the sense that like, you can be hot, no matter what your body looks like, right? But, you know, the idea of fucking an armpit, I mean, some listeners might be like, Whoa, what? But don't knock it till you try it. First off, I actually personally love it when my lover will lick my armpit. It's like one of my favorite things on this planet. It's so because of all the nerve endings, it's so sexy.
00:40:00
Speaker
but um But it's just so fun to reclaim these areas and to queer sex because you truly realize that there is so much you can be doing. When what when did you realize that like armpits were a fun and pleasurable experience for you? So when I was an early part of my transition,
00:40:26
Speaker
um
00:40:29
Speaker
i I think I made this bet with myself or this agreement with myself to say like, I'm going to decenter genitalia for a while, not because I hated my body or hated my genitals. It's just that like, I had, I wanted to see what else was out there, you know, ah for me.
00:40:56
Speaker
And so it's like, OK, let's completely deprioritize this part. Not forever, but maybe for a little bit. And let's see what else is possible. And you know and then then you find all these other things you can do that are intensely pleasurable.
00:41:21
Speaker
um you know like um um something that I've been doing for a little over a year is is lactating. And, you know, and and it's one of my but the great pleasures of my life, you know, is like all that um yummy nipple stimulation and like it is it is positively orgasmic when somebody is like
00:41:52
Speaker
playing with my playing with my breasts and you know and with the milk. And you know and and um so like there's there's so much of that. And um yeah, so like it was like, OK, well, a lot of times it's like it's like fucking around and finding out.
00:42:17
Speaker
and and just kind of being open to that. um And sometimes it's really intuition for me of like, I just feel called to a particular place,
00:42:29
Speaker
um you know, and and I'll like check in with, you know, if I'm having partnered sex, I'll i'll check in with them and say, you know, like, think about this, how would you feel about this? um and And then,
00:42:45
Speaker
Um, you know, sometimes they're like, Oh yeah, go for it. You know, um, and, um, and I think that that's, you find all sorts of surprising things when, im so lee when you do that.
00:43:06
Speaker
Yeah, you know, I really relate in something that you're like reminding me of a ah moment in my journey where I was always really ashamed of my feet. And it was just so amazing when I finally realized, actually, I want people to play with my feet. And I was always running. I always felt like, oh, my feet are kind of smelly. They have calluses. No one's going to want, but I wanted it. And what you just said about listening to your intuition is just so powerful because your body knows.
00:43:34
Speaker
Right? Your body does know. And so, I mean, I'm just loving this conversation. I feel like we could talk forever, but um I'm sure people also were loving it. Where can our listeners find out more about you, find out more about your work? Let us know. like what yeah And if you have anything fun also coming up, like any of any workshops. Yeah. um So,
00:44:03
Speaker
ah First of all, you can find me probably most readily at sexbeyondbinaries on Instagram. um I'm probably most active on Instagram. I tend to avoid what was the artist formerly known as Twitter, um but um and instead ah tend to focus on like um Instagram and blue sky, but sexbeyondbinaries at both.
Lucy Fielding's Workshops and Engagement
00:44:30
Speaker
and um Also, please subscribe to my newsletter. i I don't send them out very often, but I would love um for folks to stay in contact that way. A lot of stuff coming up. I've been really enjoying um teaching, ah I'm neurodivergent and um and i I figured out a few years ago that sex is my special interest. um You know, it's like, what is my special interest? What is my special interest? And it's like, oh yeah, sex and kink. Right. And so like now i I teach, you know, courses on um
00:45:12
Speaker
on lactation play, on um and muffing, psychological edge play. I'm really wanting to do a COVID cautious kink class. So um yeah, so um I'm always trying to develop new classes and do new things. I love that. Amazing. Well, I think we'll definitely put links to your newsletter so people can stay up to date on all of the different workshops that you're doing. Because like I said, I've taken your workshops and they are absolutely incredible. So thank you so much for being here, Lucy. It was so good to have you.
00:45:54
Speaker
Thank you for having me. And it's always fun being in conversation with you. Yeah, same. That is it for this season of Pleasure Science. And I know you cannot wait for season two. I can't either. But in the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram or TikTok at Pleasure Science.
00:46:17
Speaker
And please remember to subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen and leave a rating or a review. And this isn't just to help Pleasure Science and to help us specifically. Actually, when you subscribe to sex-positive publications, you are showing the world in general how important it is for us to get this kind of knowledge. You're a part of a movement, okay? Not just the Pleasure Science community.
00:46:43
Speaker
although I am so glad you're here. And I also hope you watch these episodes on YouTube. You can see Lucy's beautiful face and amazing cleavage.
00:46:55
Speaker
And of course, you can go to PleasureScience dot.com to check out our incredible courses where I teach you how to trust, love, and learn about sex using your natural strengths. Because in this episode, you may have learned how to queer sex,
00:47:11
Speaker
But did you also know that you have natural strengths when it comes to sex and natural talents that you can be tapping into? So you can use the codeword Pleasure Science Pod for 10% off all of our courses and Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for joining us for season one. This has honestly been a true delight and pleasure for me to provide this knowledge to you guys, to interview these incredible guests. I was so intentional about everybody from Lucy and this incredible episode today, all the way back to episode two with Vi Johnson.
00:47:51
Speaker
So, I just want to thank you for listening to this season, and of course, remember to do something pleasurable. Maybe that's listening to another episode of this podcast. Maybe that's eating a donut. Maybe it's telling someone how grateful you are that they are in your life. Go out and add some pleasure to your day, and I will see you next season for the Pleasure Science Podcast.
00:48:19
Speaker
This podcast is a Pleasure Science production hosted by me, Nadej, your resident sex scholar. The Pleasure Science podcast is produced by Laura Moore and edited by Camille Furman-Cullo.
Closing Credits
00:48:33
Speaker
Our music is by Octasound and is licensed under the Pixabay content license. To find out more about Pleasure Science and to sign up for our online courses,
00:48:44
Speaker
please visit www.pleasurescience.com.