Transcript
Speaker: Everyone dreams of living an uncommon life. And the best asset you have to achieve your dreams is you. Welcome to the Uncommon Wealth Podcast. We're going to introduce you the people who are living uncommonly. We're also going to give you some tools and strategies for building wealth and for pursuing an uncommon path that is uniquely right for you.
Speaker: Hello and welcome everybody to another episode of the Uncommon Wealth Podcast. where I'm your host, Philip Ramsey. And I'm Aaron Kramer. Thanks for tuning in. Today we have a fun topic. I would say an interesting topic. And I think that Aaron and I are going to riff for a while. Now this could be something you'd be like, okay, check out, move on to the next week, fine. But I really do want to talk about this. And it's this concept, Aaron brought it up. I just want to be the first person to tell you that this is, Aaron's like, we got to do a podcast on it. I think this will be good. And it's a concept. we give it To be fair, I got it from my pastor. Oh, okay. Even better. I didn't know that part. It's good. Here's the topic. Trying to leave your kids off where you left off. So have your kids ceiling. No, have your ceiling be your kid's floor. I don't know how else to say that. Articulate that in a better way so theyre our listeners can have a different couple of ways to look at this.
Speaker: Yeah, so like I mean, like think about like everything you have to overcome, and there's only so much time in life to accomplish things, right? So you had to overtake things if you're building a business, if you're your family has never graduated from college, and then you go to college and graduate from college. like Now you got the debt thing, you got whatever it is. Well, you you want that to be an easy, thing to tackle the next time for your children so they can go one step further. Yeah, no, I think that's good.
Speaker: Okay. Another way to think about this is like trying to instill all your wisdom into your children. So they have that downloaded and so they can just keep going, right? Like, so you can go further down this path of life than you did. Yeah. I don't know how else to say it. That's all you get. So if you don't get it at this point, just hit next. yeah see there like We'll The one way like I've been thinking about this a lot lately, cause my daughter, I don't think she's any prodigy of any sort when it comes to athletics. But she she has found the sport she really enjoys. And you start reflecting back when you were an athlete, and you look at the guys that have, or gals, that have had a lot of success in their
Speaker: their time as an athlete. And you look at the people around them, and usually they have some very successful athletes and around them in their day and age. And so, because all of us can sit back and be like, oh my gosh, if I can go back and do it again, I would change these things, right? well that's you your mistakes, right? The mistakes you made, the wisdom that you gathered through that. Well, now you can better, you know, help your child through those things to avoid those mistakes yeah and make sure they can make it one step further because they didn't make that mistake or crucial step that was like very affected the outcome for you.
Speaker: Yeah, that's good. That's how I think about this. No, I think that's good. And I do think that it sums up an interesting thing that a lot of people have. It's called helicopter parenting. And like that's the downside of you trying so hard to get your kid to be something that maybe like you wanted to be, or living vicariously through your child, that you're just pushing all this pressure on your child, and you're just being a helicopter parent. So I think the the fear of trying to instill or trying to set the pavement down so your kid can run as fast as they can, is that you do a helicopter parent. Because I do know that each kid is different, right? you have the You're blessed to have one, I'm blessed to have three, and each each one of them are very different. And so to try to, it almost is, it's hard, because not only are they different, you try to figure out one for the first, like, you're like, okay, I think I got this, and then the next day it changes, and you're like, son of a,
Speaker: um But at the end of the day, like I think there is truth. like I do want my kids to... learn from my mistakes is really how I'm going to say it. yeah And then also like, like I started on Commonwealth partners. Like we started this business, we started this industry. If they do ever go into this industry, I hope they don't have to suffer like you and I have had to do. But now I will say, and there's been podcasts in the past, you can go to them that I feel like there's been character that I've built in the trials that I wouldn't like are priceless to me, that I wouldn't change
Speaker: ever because they've made me who I am. Now, is that wise to try to take that away from my kids? I'd say no, but how do you give them a path in order for them to go further down the path than you are? Because again, I'm 42 and I hope my kids aren't going to be where I'm at at 42. I hope they're further, right? Yes. Yup. I know that's the whole, I mean, making your ceiling their floor, they get to start off, but like with that, like with all the wisdom, when you're passing it off, like let's just say if it's a business, if you're passing it off, so you hit your ceiling and you grew your business as big as you can, now it's time to retire and and like,
Speaker: Enjoy what you've created, you know i'll step away from it And if your children if you're blessed that your children dont want to take it over in this instance, for example That they can take it and run with it. Like you would have Another 25 years to do. Oh, that's you know, right so you pass on all your wisdom all your trials they learn from it and Now they get a run even harder with it. And so that'd be the perfect ideal situation, right? Like yeah. Oh my gosh i I passed everything off onto them my all my knowledge I could of all my trials, all that, and now they're to they're just gonna keep taking it farther. It's like, that gives me goosebumps to think about that. I'm like, oh my gosh, if I could accomplish that, that'd be amazing.
Speaker: Right. No, I agree. And also, like, how do you let your kids fail in the in in the confides of growing them to have character and endurance and steadfastness, all these things? How do you because I would say if I didn't have those things that happened to me and that I've had to go through, I'd be a spoiled rot git. i I'd be a little man child almost. like but Anyway, so so there is truth to be going through trials, but what you learn and how I think I parent through them are gonna be different because they're valuable. They're they're valuable to me. So how do you let your kids go through those things and yet still come out on the other side and still have more of a momentum than you did when you know right where we're at at 42? And having the grace for the people that don't have that ability, because they're still like, they're a generation behind, you know, right, right on something because I know we were talking about this not too long ago, I saw a quote on, you know, social media, it said that was it fast success ah um results in the ego.
Speaker: slow success results in character. Yeah, yeah something like that. Something like that. Like, cause it takes a long, like you always go through so many trials and slow success and you appreciate, you learn to appreciate everything along the ways. But if you just like blow up and have great success real fast, if you're not like your typical business owner that takes like 10 years to build something, like I see it every time like you talk to somebody and they just think they're like the next best thing to slice bread. You're like, uh -huh. It's entitlement. They're entitled. But it's brutal. It's brutal. It's brutal. It's brutal. Nothing to give. Like it's like, there's no good conversations. It's like, oh, this this is horrible. But then you talk to an old timer.
Speaker: that it they did the 10 year path or whatever. yeah time yeah You're like, Oh my gosh, can I grab coffee with you every day? Cause you have so much wisdom to give, but that's what you want for our children. Like your kids, you know, like you want them to be like, Oh my gosh, I want to learn from you. But. So how do you do that that? Now turn into a parenting podcast. Uncommon parenting, everybody. How do you yeah not be a helicopter parent and not raise entitled children yet want to give them a better foothold than you had at the beginning? Yeah. How do you do that? Because like you want to be engaged, but not too engaged.
Speaker: But you don't really want her to fail. Yeah. And here's this little thing that you've like, you love more than anything else. Like, you're like, Oh, I'm going to let you fall down and get hurt. Tell us this story because I think this is fascinating when your daughter was like, no, I want to hurt. Like I want it. I want to practice and I want it to be hard. And you were like glowing. You're like, this is the best. This just happened not too long ago. The lady has been swimming. She's a rock star. And I think this is, I'm going to edify your parenting because you're not like saying like, listen, as soon as you win, you're going to get a toy. No, you're like, Hey, get your personal record, like your personal best. Then we will celebrate. Like every time she steps, she, she dives into that pool. I don't know if she's diving at this point. She probably is. She's an Olympic swimmer at this point, but
Speaker: Every time she dives in that pool, she's trying to beat herself. That to me is a healthy competition. So, okay. Like, I hang my hat on that. I'm not the best parent. You don't want parenting advice from me, but like the one thing I feel like I can hang my hat on is like, I came up with the idea. We're in a sport that's timed. I am not celebrating like podiums. and Not that she's made the podium, but if she ever makes the podium, I'm not celebrating it. Right. Like I don't care. Like I only care about the PRs, your personal records. Did you beat your time before?
Speaker: at the meet, because that means it tells me how hard you worked all week at practice and things like that. Yeah. But for your story, though. Yeah. we So my neighbor has a pool and I was I bought it like this little thing that wraps around her waist so I can hold a string so she can swim. Oh, nice. And I know infinity. about like Yeah. I can't be a helicopter parent with swim because I didn't swim. I don't know what good point I was like. hello So I really enjoy her not like wrestling or anything like that. And so there's a key to not being a helicopter parrot. Just don't know what they're doing. Like my kids play lacrosse. I can't help you. I can't be a helicopter parrot there. yeah All we can do is I can still like effort, right? Sounds great. It looks great. You did great.
Speaker: ah yeah so Um, but the one thing I didn't know is like, okay, I know how to like get in shape, you know, that's the thing. So I, uh, and I always ask her cause I mean, she's young, she's going to be in fifth grade. I was like, do you want to work out today? And she like, she always says yes with excitement. I'm like, okay. I try to make sure like to be very mellow about it. I don't want to be pushy. And if she says no, I'm like, okay, I don't ever want her to feel guilt, but she's never said no yet. So, um, so we go over there to the pool.
Speaker: And so what we do is we do 30 minutes, so we go one minute on. So she swims as hard as you can for one minute, and then she stops for a minute, rest, and then goes another minute. And so anyways, we're doing this, and we get all the way to the last session, like the last go. And she gives up, from what it looks like in my perspective, because she stopped swimming with like five seconds to go. I'm like, well, this is weird. She turns around and it's like so proud for like, as dad, I love talking about this, but I like, it's all choked up. I'm like, uh, she turns around and she's like about to start crying. And she's like, dad, I can't go any harder. I'm like swallowing too much water and I'm like, it's too hard. I'm like,
Speaker: Oh my gosh, yeah, be done. But in my mind, I'm like, a 10 year old just pushed herself to almost puking in the pool and I'm like, super proud moment as a dad. I'm like, you go girl, take the rest of the time off or you're done, you know? right So, and I think that would answer our second question is like, how do you not raise entitled children and how do you pave the path for them to be able to go further or have their ceiling be your floor? And I think that is like just being there, like being there. Hey, do you want to practice today? I'm here with you. You know, like, or seeing that and being like, I'm super proud of you or, Hey, you've been working hard or there things like that, like instilling and kind of praising those things that you're all like, that's really cool. Like you're 10 years old and yet you're still in the pool wanting to practice pushing yourself very hard. Like yeah those are the right paths. And those are the things that like probably made you for who you are, but nobody other than a coach did that for you. Like it wasn't a parent, you know, like and yeah some of the best coaches could be your parents. ah Yeah. but like
Speaker: Is my parents that my dad my dad and my mom they became parents at 15 and 16 years old like my dad didn't know anything about I mean, he knew a little bit about sports. He learned as we went but he didn't know like right here you'll appreciate this because you you like these books and we talked about these books like I find these books to be so amazing, but, and I wish I could have read them when I was in college, but I have, at my daughter being nine, now 10, I think she was nine when she, we listened to it, but I have, she has already listened to Chop Wood, Carrie Water. I love it. You know, and now we're listening to, uh, Yeah, you know, so it's like she's already learning these lessons and what it means and then like another thing I'm doing Like again, I'm not saying these are right, you know, like there's a lot of this is my daughter in her own personality and I'm being blessed to have a daughter that loves to work hard, but like
Speaker: I'm buying her books of, like, swimmers that she really likes. Like, Katie LeDuckey is, like, one of the best female swimmers right now. She's one of the Olympics. And a book just came out. I saw it on Instagram because we follow her. I was like, oh, she just released a book. And she's like, Dad, can I get the book? I'm like, yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to say no. right And so now she's reading the book about one of the best swimmers ever. So she's hearing, like, it was funny. Like, you'll appreciate this. She, uh, last week, she, this is funny. So if you're listening, like this, I don't know, my 10 year old daughter, ah she got up in the middle of the night and she puked because she went to a birthday party and she just ate junk food. You know, so she puked in the middle of the night. And then we're like, do you still want to go to the, the meet we had the Iowa games?
Speaker: And she's like, yes. I'm like, well, I know, but you don't feel good. Like, was it being like hungover on junk food or is it like being sick? She's like, does it matter? Kayla Ducky qualified for the Olympics when she was sick. I'm like, okay, that's, that's amazing, but we're not peeking in the pool, honey. We're 10 years old. yeah right We're not going to look at the Olympics, yeah so ah but she's learning those. Like she's already learning from the best already at, you know, yeah and seeing what it takes, you know? right
Speaker: But right. i wish That's a good. That's good. And I think the I at the end of the day, like we're not giving parenting advice because you probably shouldn't take it from us. But I do think that there is something to be said about a parent that is present, although we don't have all the right answers. We're right there. you know And we're gonna encourage the things that we think are good and and and then try to shy away from the places of like, okay, that's a pitfall that I know I see myself in her or them. yeah I would say this is my this is my story, our personal story. So when LeRae was little, she was like, man, six, let's say.
Speaker: And she had this thing called H. pylori in her tummy. And the diagnosis or the thing that you're not supposed to do is just don't eat sugar and then take vitamins and all this stuff. And she was gonna go to her cousin's party, birthday party. And she asked my my mom, or my so I'm sorry, asked my wife, like, hey, mom, can I eat cupcakes and you know ice cream? And I'll never forget this, Aaron. My wife goes, oh honey, absolutely. You can eat whatever you want when you go. She's like, but I just want you to be mindful of how your tummy feels after you ate, you know, just be mindful of that. But you can absolutely, and she was genuinely saying that. I guess who got to the party at six years old and didn't eat a single sugar granule, my daughter, right? yeah Guess who ate her seven cupcakes? I did. so yeah um But I do think there's wisdom in that. like I think I'm still trying to get over my my parents saying, like you got to eat everything on your plate. like To this day, I eat everything on my plate. That isn't healthy. You know oh yeah get something ingrained in you. And from an early age, at six years old, my daughter was making the right decision of, like I think I'm good.
Speaker: And I was like, that is amazing. And I bet you it wouldn't have gone that way if my my wife would have been like, no, honey, like absolutely not. You can't eat any of that. And then in the back of her head, she's like, well, I want it. Instead of like giving her responsibility, um and saying like, yeah, this is your body. Yeah, like think about how i get you and your wife are going to have to like, how long it took you guys to learn the cause and effect of actions, right? Oh, yeah. And now you're starting this whole, you know, you're as a ceiling as her starting point and yeah teaching her at a young age that like this cause and effect. Yeah, of course you can't as long as you're OK with the effect that comes from it, you know, and she's going to have to be responsible for that. Right.
Speaker: Yeah, i mean that that's how you get your kids to beat like take off like our ceiling as their starting point because you're instilling lessons that we we're like, oh, we finally got there. Finally learned this lesson at 36 years old. you know I love it. Okay. So you probably got more than you bargained for this. I hope you stay to the end because I do feel like it's kind of helpful. It was helpful for me. Okay. You have any feedback for us? You can always reach us at five one five four four six eight one five eight. You've been listening to the Uncomma Wealth Podcast. I've been your host, Phillip Ramsey. And I'm Aaron Kramer. Until next time, go make good parenting decisions, which means just be present. Yeah. If you get good parenting stories, share those too. I'd love to hear this. All right. Thanks for listening. Until next time.
Speaker: That's all for this episode, brought to you by Uncommon Wealth Partners. Be sure to visit uncommonwealth .com to learn more about our services. Don't miss an episode as we introduce you to inspiring people who are actively pursuing an uncommon life.
