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Episode 28 Married with Kids- Now What?!
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Transcript
Introduction to Root Like Faith
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi, I'm Ruth Schwank and I'm so thrilled you're listening in with us at Root Like Faith. It is our deepest desire to encourage and equip men and women to be rooted in God's word, transformed by the love of Jesus, and moved by his mission in the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is more important.
Exploring Marriage Dynamics with Kids
00:00:19
Speaker
Well, in today's episode, we are talking about marriage and more specifically, marriage with kids. We're going to explore what we feel like the missing vow is and also the mission that every couple and family has. So this is going to be good. Let's get going.
Book Introduction: Marriage and Parenting
00:00:39
Speaker
Well, we are in week two of our for better or for kids series, which that was our very first book together that we released for better or for kids 2016. Is that when we released five years? Yeah. Yeah. About a love your spouse with kids in the house. And so this is a marriage and parenting book. We'll make sure that we put a link to it in the show notes so that you can check it out for yourself. You'll actually learn a lot, a lot about us if you
00:01:04
Speaker
That's scary. You know, when we were writing that book, it never occurred to me that our kids are going to read that someday. I mean, it should have. But like I think back to some of the stories that we tell and it's like, oh boy.
00:01:14
Speaker
It's actually pretty funny. I found myself reading it and laughing out loud at some of the stories that we tell. But we hope this book is really, really helpful to you. It's a marriage and a parenting book all wrapped up in one. So this is our second week of the series.
Biblical Principles of Marriage
00:01:30
Speaker
Last week we laid that foundation for marriage. Yeah, last week we really talked about
00:01:34
Speaker
what marriage is biblically. We talked about how marriage is really the coming together of one man and one woman who become one flesh for one lifetime. And so we talked about that idea that God has brought a man and a woman together, that we are different on purpose, that we complement one another, that we're even different sexually so that we're open to the bringing forth of new life and the building of a family. And so marriage in God's eyes is an incredible blessing. It's a man and woman coming together
00:02:01
Speaker
they become one flesh for one lifetime. And we talked about last week, we kind of talked about those four different truths from really Genesis chapter two, verses 21 through 25, and then Mark chapter 10, verses six through nine. I'll just highlight a couple of them. We talked about how husband and wife relationship is to be the priority relationship. That husband and wife, they leave their parents, they cleave to one another, and they begin to weave a new story that's uniquely theirs. I love that, by the way. Can I just stop and say, leave, cleave, and weave?
00:02:31
Speaker
leave Cleveland weave that that's what you're called to do but that you're like well of course you would come up with that. I'm sure I got that from somebody else but I just love the way that those I think are very helpful for a couple as they think about entering into a marriage relationship and then we talked about how that marriage relationship is to be the priority relationship it's to be the most important relationship for a husband and a wife and we talked about how they are to become one flash there to be
00:02:55
Speaker
committed to one another or cemented together, that Hebrew word. And then lastly, we talked about how marriage is good. It's good for you and I, but ultimately it's for God's glory. And that's Paul's point. You know, in Ephesians chapter five, that God uses our marriage relationship the way that we are.
00:03:13
Speaker
serving Christ and serving one another in Christlike love to really tell the truth about who Jesus is and the way he loves the church. And so marriage is an incredible blessing, but it really is also a battle that we have to fight for in love and grace and forgiveness, but it's worth fighting for. Yeah. And I think one thing that I love that you said last week was what one of your mentors told you years ago. His name is Abe.
00:03:37
Speaker
And he shared with you that marriage, I think, hopefully I get this right, that it magnifies your weaknesses. And then he went on to say, not only does marriage magnify your weaknesses, but marriage with kids magnifies that your weaknesses even more.
Challenges of Marriage with Children
00:03:57
Speaker
And I think that's like the perfect lead in to talking about marriage with kids, because wow, like if you- Just when you think you're kind of progressing in this virtual life.
00:04:07
Speaker
Well, just when you bring children into the world, right? Just when you get your marriage figured out, then you bring kids into it. And then there's even more, you know, it's funny that like in Mark chapter 10, you know, we always think about, you know, at the end of that passage that we read last week, letting no one, you know, what, what God has joined together, letting no one separate. And we tend to think of that from the perspective of an outsider, somebody who's not your husband, somebody who's not your wife.
00:04:31
Speaker
And the reality is that sometimes that person that threatens the unity of your marriage is not a co-worker or a neighbor, it's your own offspring. And a son or daughter comes along and just the affection they need, the attention they need, the time and energy they need, has a way of separating a husband and wife, which is what we're talking about today, that marriage is good.
00:04:54
Speaker
But God calls us also to build a family and that's a challenge. It's a challenge to be a good and godly Husband or wife and a good and godly parents and so that's really talking about today is how to maintain a healthy God honoring marriage in the context of family right and this is the shift I think going because we've been talking so much about
00:05:14
Speaker
We're in this together, we're for one another, and we're living on purpose as a married couple, that God has a purpose for us. And then we bring kids along. And I think the shift here is that not only now is this purpose, not only are we living on mission as a couple, but now we're going to live on mission as a family. And I think that's a really good perspective to have.
00:05:41
Speaker
You know, because it isn't just like us and them. It's like we're all in this together. And so now we are we were we're living on purpose as a couple. We bring kids along. We're going to live on purpose altogether. How can we keep our marriage strong in the midst of all of that? And that's what we want to talk
Personal Reflections on Marriage
00:05:58
Speaker
about. We just celebrated our twenty third wedding anniversary and we were talking about that in the last episode on August 8th.
00:06:03
Speaker
And so we got married on August 8th, 1998. We got married at First Baptist Church of Northville in Northville, Michigan. 8898. 8898. And that was your parents, was that your parents? 25th wedding anniversary. So their 25th wedding anniversary? That's right, because, okay. And so, yeah, I mean, that's, you know, that seems like yesterday. And so... It does?
00:06:25
Speaker
I don't know. In some ways it seems like yesterday, and sometimes it feels like another lifetime. Right, it feels like another lifetime, but it does go by so fast, because all the sudden you're like, oh my word, 23 years? Like when you stood at the altar that day, I don't remember anything. I shouldn't say I don't remember anything, but I remember crying a lot. That's not very nice. I don't mean it in a negative way, I just mean it's just a blur. No, I'm just kidding. It's a long time ago. It was a long time ago, and that day is just so packed, and there's so much going on.
00:06:54
Speaker
and you're emotional. My dad was a part of that ceremony, and your pastor at the church you got saved at, who was the senior pastor at First Baptist there in Northfield at the time, was doing the ceremony. My sister sang a song. There's just all sorts of things going on.
00:07:09
Speaker
And so I'm just glad I didn't pass out. Like I just, I stayed upright for it and it was just an incredible day. But with all that said, were you thinking about kids at all at the altar? Okay. Well, this isn't a fair question. No, no, it actually, I feel like it's different for everybody because there's a, this is a whole nother topic for a whole nother podcast episode about motherhood, but there's a lot of women who don't really think about being a mom.
00:07:36
Speaker
And then there's a lot who do dream about it. And I actually had already thought much about it. I couldn't wait to be a mom one day. So you were thinking about being a mom back when you were like seven, eight years old.
00:07:46
Speaker
No, I don't know about that. I don't know exactly what age, but definitely you were young. I was young and I couldn't wait to one day be a mom. So, yes, I probably I had already thought about kids and knew that I'm an only child. So I knew for me, I wanted lots of kids because I always thought about what it would be like to have lots of siblings. So I guess, yeah, I had thought about, you know, wanting to have a lot of kids.
00:08:12
Speaker
But I don't think I was standing on the altar that day like, okay, I can't wait to have kids. No, I mean, I don't mean it that you were just thinking about me. I mean, I was probably the bulk of what was going on. But I think my point in that is that I mean, most couples are not, you know, and even if they do, I mean, well, they're thinking about it, but they're not really like exactly, you know, all the details. Well, I think that that's what we mean by the missing vow. Right. I mean, I think when a man and a woman stand there,
00:08:38
Speaker
at the altar and they make those vowels to one another. I mean, you do make vowels, you know, I'm going to love you in sickness and health and, you know, on through the different vowels that are, you know, those traditional vowels that you hear. But one that we talk about, which was sort of the motivation for the book, is that there's this missing vow and that's to go on loving one another.
00:08:58
Speaker
with kids in the house, that missing vow is to love each other, yeah, in sickness and in health, whether you're rich or you're poor, but also whether you have kids or don't have kids. It's a vow to love your spouse with kids in the house, because I don't think there is any way to have any inkling of an idea of how that changes your home, you know, once you have kids. So, yeah, that was the purpose, you know, with this book is just helping couples kind of navigate that time in
Healthy Marriage as a Gift to Children
00:09:26
Speaker
their life.
00:09:26
Speaker
I think one of the things that we talk about in the book and other people have certainly said it, this is not unique to us, but I mean one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is a healthy marriage. And so I think that's why it's so important for us as we're talking today about being a good and a godly husband or wife, but also being a good and godly.
00:09:41
Speaker
parent. It's so important that both of those things that we pursue both of those things. But we really do as we transition from married to married with kids, it's so important that we guard our marriage, protect it, continue pursuing one another, that we're intentional about building a God honoring marriage that even when kids come along,
00:09:58
Speaker
We're focusing on having a really rich and healthy God honoring marriage because it's true. I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is a healthy marriage, a security that comes along with that, a warmth, a nurturing environment that comes along with having a healthy God honoring marriage.
00:10:15
Speaker
Yeah, and I think, you know, last last episode I talked about the sacredness of marriage and how I feel like in our culture we've kind of lost that. I also think there is this sacredness in family, you know, and in having children and
00:10:31
Speaker
That's another thing we've lost. Children have become a burden. And we complain about all the time it takes and all the, just the distraction it is and all this. And yet there's a sacredness that I think that it would be so easy to miss out on.
00:10:52
Speaker
that there's a purpose here for children, that the Bible has a lot to say about children. We've talked about this before, but it's so important for us to remember that God loves the family. We were talking about in the last episode that it was God's idea to bring a man and a woman together, that he's the one that blesses that first marriage and that it is a sacred union. It's a covenant that we enter into.
00:11:15
Speaker
And it's not something that we should enter into lightly. And there's so much confusion in our culture today around sexuality, around marriage, and there's so much confusion, like you're saying, around family. And the reality is that God has given us this beautiful design, and it expresses his desire for a man and a woman, but also for a family. And you see that at the very beginning of Genesis.
00:11:39
Speaker
marriage and family is the bedrock of a society.
Marriage and Family as Society's Foundation
00:11:43
Speaker
It is the core of any civilization. And as the family goes, so goes the culture. If you have a strong marriage, a strong family, then you're going to have a strong culture, a strong civilization. When a marriage goes, when the family unit goes, the culture or the civilization is not far behind. Marriage and family is that important in God's eyes.
00:12:03
Speaker
And we are seeing nothing short of the breakdown of marriage and the breakdown of family in our culture today. And so it is absolutely important for us, even as Christians, to understand that. I mean, we don't expect the world to get that, but even Christians are struggling to see that and understand that. And so it's so important for us that we understand the sacredness, God's desire and his design for marriage and family.
00:12:24
Speaker
Genesis 1, verse 28, I think is a great place to go as we think about God bringing a man and woman together and then telling them to be fruitful and multiply. And He's essentially telling them to build a family. Again, we've said that man and woman are different sexually for a reason, that we complement one another.
00:12:40
Speaker
so that we might be open to bringing forth life into the world. And God intends for a man and a woman to come together and to build a family. And obviously, there are situations or circumstances where that's not possible. But we see God's desire and his design for a man and a woman to get married and to build a family. In Genesis 1, verse 28, we read, God bless them, instead of them, be fruitful and increase in number. Fill the earth and subdue it.
00:13:06
Speaker
rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground. I mean, this is God's intention for a husband and a wife and for a family. He blesses them and he tells them to build a family. Now, Psalm 120, we've written about this in multiple places, but I love this because again, it gives another example of God's love for the family, just as we read in Genesis chapter one.
00:13:29
Speaker
Psalm 127 is another great example, verses three through five, about how God sees kids and the reward, the blessing that kids are to a husband and a wife, to a family. This almost says this, children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is a man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.
00:13:55
Speaker
Now, this is just another example. We could look elsewhere, but again, God calls children a blessing, a great reward. And I love the imagery. He's saying that children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. That as we are raising kids and by God's grace, shaping them and molding them according to God's word and God's way, someday when we release them into the world, it's like an arrow being released, an arrow of life and light and truth and beauty.
00:14:25
Speaker
That's something that God invites us to be a part of, and He calls us to be faithful in our home and our marriage. But ultimately, it's an act of God's grace that He is saving our kids and changing them, transforming them, and we release them into the world. And I just love those two examples from Scripture that God calls us to build a family.
00:14:43
Speaker
And he sees kids as a great reward, a great blessing, and they're like arrows in the hands of a warrior. And that reminds me, you know, because I can't help but think of how many families or individuals, they come to this point and this is so foreign to them because it isn't what their past is.
Changing Family Narratives
00:15:01
Speaker
and how God, how that narrative can change, like we can change that narrative and what our past had, we can change that moving forward and how God can redeem any situation because of course we know that there's circumstances that we may be a part of that we can't help.
00:15:21
Speaker
you know, that, you know, maybe we were left alone. Maybe somebody, maybe the spouse left and it's a single parent. But you can change that narrative moving forward and God can redeem anything. And I just think that's really important to remember that no matter what your past is and no matter what your current circumstances are, that that narrative can change moving forward. Well, I think, you know, it's really important to, yeah, to keep in mind, too. I mean, you see lots of examples, both within the scriptures
00:15:50
Speaker
And even throughout church history where God uses a parent to do what we're talking about. We've shared before the example in Timothy's life that it was really Timothy's mom and grandmother that did exactly what we were talking about, that passed on faith and that shaped him and molded him. And we see that in the life of
00:16:08
Speaker
of some of the saints throughout church history. It was a mom, it was a sister. And so, yeah, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of what our situation is, you know, God does love the family. And we see his desire and his design, you know, laid out for us in the scriptures. And yet God, by His grace, works through all sorts of different situations and circumstances to pass on faith and to shape another generation.
00:16:30
Speaker
and praise God for that, because none of our families are perfect, none of our marriages are perfect. And I think it's so easy to lose hope and think, oh, this isn't my story. Like I can't, you know, this could never be our story, but no, God can redeem anything and he can use anyone. And so I just, I love that when I think about this, of course, God's design is for husband and wife to raise kids, to love him and be a light to the world, but it doesn't always look like that.
00:16:57
Speaker
I think one of the dangers that we talk about in the book is that our desire to be great parents can sometimes replace our desire to have a great marriage. And so, you know, you bring a child into the world and, you know, hopefully you want to be a great parent and you want to be a good mom or good dad, which is a good thing.
00:17:15
Speaker
But the problem with that is that sometimes that desire to be a great parent kind of overshadows, you know, that focus of having a great marriage. And obviously God intended for us to have both, you know, a God honoring marriage and a God honoring family.
Balancing Marriage and Parenting
00:17:29
Speaker
So let's talk just for a minute, like what are some signs that a couple has slipped into a child centered marriage? Because I think that's one of the things that can be so hard. I mean, obviously you have kids and God, you know,
00:17:42
Speaker
as we've already been talking about, I mean, God desires for us to build a family and kids take a, they burn a lot of gas, as they say, right? It takes a lot of time and energy and resources and rightfully so. But the challenge then becomes as we're trying to be a good parent and honor God in our home, sometimes the marriage gets kicked to the back seat and a child can have- Takes the front seat.
00:18:08
Speaker
takes a front seat, demands all of our attention, and so couples can slip into having a child-centered marriage. Yeah, and there's going to be attention. And I think we need to be OK with living with this tension, because it's a lot of hard work raising kids. And if we're really raising them for the right reasons,
00:18:26
Speaker
And trying to train them in godliness and then just everything that they're a part of, there's gonna be this constant tension. And we talk about this so much and so much of what we write about just kind of managing that tension and continuing to look at values and priorities and all of that. But I think here are some things that you can, here's a few questions that are signs of a child centered marriage.
00:18:50
Speaker
Do you often feel too busy, over committed, or worn out because of your child's activities? Do you ever feel as if your children have too few responsibilities because you and your spouse are doing it all?
00:19:01
Speaker
I have talked to couples that their kids don't have any chores. I remember talking to a couple and they were just completely worn out from all that they were doing, and so I was asking them, well, do your kids have any chores? Who's in charge of doing dishes or helping with laundry?
00:19:21
Speaker
Oh, our kids, we have the, well, it's a big help when they are doing lots of things. And so they kind of, everybody has, in our house at least, and they're grown. I mean, we have a 19 year old, a 17 year old. They love doing the dishes. You know, they get out of bed in the morning and I think it's just today my dish day. Exactly. Maybe today. A 15 year old and a 12 year old. And since they were little, they've had, you know, age appropriate chores.
00:19:47
Speaker
right right and and now like especially dishes I don't know I think at some point I realized oh my word we have so many dishes all the time I cannot handle this and so I just gave everybody a dish day and now I don't have to think about the dishes except for I do have to remind them but it just brings such
00:20:05
Speaker
Anyway, sorry, I didn't mean to cut in there on the list. Do you and your spouse struggle to find time for date nights because of your child's activities? Do the two of you find it difficult to make time to go away for a weekend? And this doesn't mean like every weekend you're getting away, but once in a great while. But it could. It could.
00:20:23
Speaker
Honey, I don't think that's going to happen. Has your physical intimacy lost some of the passion because you have given your all to your children's priorities to the extent that you feel too tired, busy, distracted, or just not interested in engaging with your spouse? Again, this is attention. We're going to be tired. But these are good questions to ask yourself. I have a whole list of questions. I'm not going to go through them all. Do you ever feel surrounded by family but lonely in your marriage?
00:20:52
Speaker
Have you not gone on family vacations because of a child's sport or other activity? So this list of questions I'm reading from is actually in our book for better or for kids about a love your spouse with kids in the house. And again, these are normal things that are going to happen, but we have to continue to ask ourselves these questions.
00:21:12
Speaker
and kind of gauge where we're at and and make some choices right depending on you know what's going on in our life and if there's if we're too child-centered it's a way to say wait a minute because I think of how many couples honey have come to you over the last 20 years and they are completely burned out
00:21:30
Speaker
they their marriage is you know it's falling apart they they don't even know what to do and really a lot of times it comes down to the fact that they are running themselves ragged with every their child is in every sport every activity everything or they're you know they have multiple kids and multiple things
00:21:48
Speaker
And they haven't done a fair assessment of where they're at and just their priorities and being okay to say yes to some things and no to others. So that's why asking yourself these questions, it's just a really good habit to be in and something good to go through. I think, you know, one of the things that is so unique about the culture we're living in right now is just the vast majority.
Cultural Pressures on Parenting
00:22:10
Speaker
the amount of opportunities that exist for a family and maybe something that's listening would say well that was true 30 years ago or 40 years ago and I was really I don't know but in my experience it feels like like when I was a kid like you didn't have like I don't remember travel leagues and like travel sports meant that I got on my bike and rode down the
00:22:30
Speaker
the street, you know, to to the water company so we could play football in the backyard with all of the other kids. And now it's like you've got kids that are that are as young as I don't know. I mean, they're in elementary and parents are paying thousands of dollars to play travel sports. And they're they're in these travel leagues, you know, for four or five months out of the year. Now, I'm not I don't want to sound like the grumpy old guy because I'm not I'm not like anti travel leagues. And our kids are involved in
00:22:59
Speaker
in sports and they've played in travel leagues. But my point is that there is such an incredible opportunity that exists for parents today that I don't remember existing for us when I was that age. To be a part of everything. To be a part of everything. And so it's not just A League.
00:23:15
Speaker
something that you know kids are you know they're they're in travel league for part of the year and then they're in this and then this and so literally the entire year is just jam-packed I know couples have talked to couples of council couples over the years that haven't been on vacation for five six seven eight years because they don't have time because their kids are involved in so many different activities and I just feel like that that's I don't know it feels like that's a unique challenge that parents are facing today having to wrestle with
00:23:41
Speaker
And it has, I think, really devastating consequences for a marriage because you have now a husband or wife who they have to kind of split up and one spouse goes this way and the other spouse goes another way and their entire calendar year is being booked by
00:23:57
Speaker
all sorts of different activities. And I think one of the things that might be unique for our culture today is that parents feel this pressure to have their kids in all sorts of things because they're afraid that if they don't, their kids are going to somehow be left behind. They're not going to get into a particular school. They're going to somehow be at a disadvantage. And so I think parents really face a lot of pressure from the surrounding culture to be involved in so many different things.
00:24:26
Speaker
because they fear that their kids aren't going to be sort of as advanced or as cultured or as educated or as experienced as other kids. And so there's this competitive nature that exists within our culture today. And again, many Christian marriages, many Christian families are being shaped by those worldly values and it's affecting Christian parents, Christian husband and wife in a way that it really shouldn't.
00:24:49
Speaker
And I think the focus is on the experience. The experience is happening outside of the home instead of inside of the home. And so like I'm just going to try to get really practical here, but something that was that one of the priorities in our family that we made long ago
Family Dinners and Relationships
00:25:09
Speaker
was that we wanted to be able to have dinner together as often as we could. Now that does not look perfect. Again, it's not every single night and there are seasons where it's a couple times a week and that's it because we're a part of different things. However, if we see that we're never able to have dinner together, that's a red flag to us.
00:25:30
Speaker
You know, that's wait a minute, what are we a part of that we need to let go of because this dinnertime together as a family is a priority in our life. And this is going to look different for everybody. But again, that's focusing on the experience inside of the home and recognizing that that dinnertime for us was an is an important time.
00:25:48
Speaker
in our children's lives and for us as a family to again help shape our kids, you know, and help build character in them. That's a time for us as a family that we would miss out on if we weren't continually coming back to our priorities and our values and what's important.
00:26:05
Speaker
When you're surrendering your influence to somebody else or to something else. And so where God intends a husband and a wife, a mom and a dad, and you know, within the context of home to be that primary influencer and shaper. Shaper, is that the right word? I don't know. I like that word. I'm going to use it. And so, you know, when you're running from place to place and you are so busy every single week, every single month of the year,
00:26:27
Speaker
the influence, you lose that influence in your child's life, and you lose that time, you lose the opportunity, and so all of that gets minimized. And so really as a parent, especially with young kids, you're trying to protect that time, protect that unique opportunity that you have to shape your kids, to teach them, to be together, to create that sacred space that the home is meant to be.
00:26:51
Speaker
And again, coming back to marriage, the reality is that when we're being pulled or when a couple's being pulled in so many different directions, the impact that you have is that it affects the husband-wife relationship. So we're really talking about how do you have a godly, healthy marriage in the context of family? Well, one thing you have to do is you have to really set boundaries for what your kids are going to be involved in or what they're not going to be involved in.
00:27:13
Speaker
because there's just so many opportunities, so many great things that exist.
Setting Boundaries for Kids' Activities
00:27:18
Speaker
And if you're trying to build a healthy marriage, a God-honoring marriage that is God-centered and not child-centered, then it's going to mean saying yes to some things for your kids, but also saying no to them. And so I think setting those boundaries early, that expectation early, is really, really important.
00:27:35
Speaker
not only for your kids' sake, but also for the sake of your marriage. And that's something we did early on. We allowed our kids to be involved in different activities. But as they got older, we tried to minimize those things and asked them to choose one thing that was more of a time commitment. And so it's so important.
00:27:52
Speaker
Not only for our kids well-being but but really for the well-being of our marriage and we have I it reminds me We have a free download that we created. I think for our family devotional maybe Called my family map will make sure that we put a link to that in the show notes because that really explains a little bit more in well a lot more in-depth are Like setting up values and priorities as a family which ultimately will affect your marriage and be a positive effect on your marriage so
00:28:19
Speaker
And we're not, I just want to say really quickly, like we're not anti, like we're not saying you should just lock your kids up and never let them out of the house and never let them be involved in anything else. I just want to clarify that publicly. We're talking about setting appropriate boundaries that are good for your kids, but also really good for your marriage. No, we've said how that our kids are involved in lots of things. But, and again, this will, this should be a tension we continually live with because
00:28:42
Speaker
There are good things to be a part of. You know what wasn't great for our marriage was when I got asked to help coach basketball. I was so under qualified for that. Like, what a great thing. Like, our kids, you know, well, all four of them have played basketball. But it was when our son, Tyler, was playing basketball a couple of years ago. And I got asked to be the assistant, which I shouldn't have been called the assistant. I was like a glorified chaplain. Yeah, honey. I was a glorified cheerleader. You were an encouragement to those boys. I was an encouragement.
00:29:12
Speaker
That's what I was. I wasn't encouraged. But you know how to play basketball, so it's not like you couldn't give any insight. No, but I just remember that probably wasn't great for our marriage, only because you were gone a lot for that. I was gone a lot, and I, you know, I wanted to be a better coach.
00:29:29
Speaker
OK, anyways, that was only for a season, but we do have that free download. But let's let's end here talking about specifically marriage and the priority that, you know, marriage is even
Strengthening a God-Centered Marriage
00:29:42
Speaker
in the home, even in the midst of kids around and how because we already shared the questions that you can ask if you're if you're married, if you're afraid it's becoming more too child centered. And then there's a few questions that you can take some time to talk about and focus on.
00:29:42
Speaker
It was only for a season.
00:29:57
Speaker
for more of a God-centered marriage instead of a child-centered marriage. And so I just wanted to read those really quickly. These are questions that could help make your relationship stronger and more healthy. What good things have we made a priority for our kids that might not be good for us as a couple? So I think the key word there, both of those things are good, right? Because our good is not always our best.
00:30:22
Speaker
The second question, what can we do to pay better attention to our marriage and balance that priority? And the third question, in what ways are we each sometimes me centered? How can we gently prod each other away from selfish behavior? I'm glad I don't have to work on that. I think I might cross those questions out. I don't like those.
00:30:44
Speaker
Oh, so those are some good questions just to practically be thinking about. And again, those questions are in our book for better for kids.
00:30:53
Speaker
Absolutely. And so again, I think, you know, the transition from married to married with kids can be a real challenge. And yet God desires for us to have both a God honoring marriage and a God honoring family. And it really does require us, you know, keeping our eyes on Jesus and remembering that one of the greatest gifts that we can give our kids is a good and healthy marriage.
00:31:15
Speaker
And so that requires us setting appropriate boundaries and being wise and discerning, being intentional about going on and cultivating our marriage and keeping that as a focus and a priority while at the same time pursuing being a good and godly parent. Yeah, and it's not easy. It's not easy. It is not. But it's worth it, and it's good. And we just hope this has been an encouragement to you today. We are so, so grateful that you have joined us
00:31:43
Speaker
If we haven't met, we want to get to
Connecting with the Community
00:31:46
Speaker
know you. So I know there's some of you who have already messaged us on Instagram to introduce yourself. Do that. We love hearing from you. So we are on Instagram at Patrick W. Schwank and at Ruth Schwank or on Facebook. And don't forget that everything that we talked about today, including links to, I'll put a link to that free download I mentioned, as well as a link to the book will be at rootlikefaith.com forward slash podcast.
00:32:11
Speaker
We welcome you into our family here at Root Like Faith, and we would love for you to leave us a review or rating. That really helps, and we love to read those. It just takes a second. It's a tremendous help to us as we spread the word about Root Like Faith. Be sure to tag us on social media when you do that as well. We're so, so grateful for your help in getting the word out. All right, friend. Well, we will chat soon, and we hope you have a great week.