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00:00:01
Your Best
66 Plays5 years ago
How do you know if you are doing your best? What if there was nothing to compare your effort or outcome to? We explore these questions and more in this episode. Hopefully it empowers you to explore how you can give your best.
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Transcript
The Need for Rest and Recovery
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello. Hello. You're having a rest day. Yup. Somehow he got me to make you a cup of coffee. Still walk the dogs, the laundry. Full rest day for K animal mandatory shut down rest day. How's that going? It is one 45 exactly.
00:00:31
Speaker
It's not going too badly. Oh, I thought you were gonna say not going too well. I mean, I definitely need a rest day. Why? Why do you say you need a rest day? I feel like I haven't probably like slowed down. I feel like if I'm a car, let's use an analogy, like analogies. I've been going
00:00:57
Speaker
Somewhere between 80 to 120 miles an hour. In a school zone. In a school zone. I've gotten down to... But you've also been texting while driving. Only when going 80. Only when kids are present. I've probably gotten down to like 60 a couple times.
00:01:22
Speaker
Unintentionally because of the texting though. Cause I almost did something. Right. But yeah, so I, I definitely feel tired, feel tired. I need to like stop and refuel. How do you feel tired? What does that, you know, last night I felt sick. You felt sick. Yeah. Yeah. Like my body actually felt sick. I felt so you had some nausea. Yeah. Like nauseous, just like, like total fatigue. Do you think you're at, do you think you're experiencing symptoms of COVID-19?
00:01:53
Speaker
Um, you know, I don't know. I mean, I can be kind of a hypochondriac. Sure. But you don't think it's your, is that the direction you're going with it? Or are you going, of course, anybody now who starts feeling a little under the weather, there's that like, Oh my God, you know, I'm not concerned about my
00:02:13
Speaker
health in that way like in an extreme way i mean if i was sick with that i feel like of course like i'm not dismissing how serious it is but it would be unfortunate but it's not gonna
00:02:28
Speaker
We've also been pretty respectful of the guidance. Yeah, I mean, I have gone to the store. Yeah. I have worn a mask. I wash my hands. I use wipes. I, you know, so, I mean, sure, is it possible? Yes, anything is possible, but... But I'm saying your behavior has not been
00:02:46
Speaker
Risky no in regards of well, I kind of been right. I haven't been like lax about it, right, but I think also like outside of Covid 19 when I get
00:02:58
Speaker
overrun work like run down I Do feel sick and I often push myself to that point. Yeah, so that's kind of and I think that's more common for you. Yeah So taking a day off but you know Not just working out but trying not to Fill that space with something else like I'm gonna organize the entire
Mental vs. Physical Exhaustion
00:03:25
Speaker
So the purpose of you taking a rest day is what? To stop moving. I mean, physically I need to like rest my body. Right. I mean, that's number one. Yeah. Number two is yeah. I mean, mentally, like there's a lot of multitasking and onto the next and thinking about the next while I'm still doing the present and
00:03:53
Speaker
you know, focus out on other people, whether that's members, the kids, you, the dogs, like there's a lot of just activity. Right. And so giving my mind and just me a break from taking care of all those things. So that's a lot.
00:04:15
Speaker
Your workouts every day have not been, you're not rich from running. You're not training. Right. I'm not over training, but I have moved every day. You've moved every day. Varying intensities this weekend was a lot. You know, there's been, there's certainly been movement, but your need for taking a rest day,
00:04:38
Speaker
is not the result of an excessive amount of volume, physical workout training. No, it's the combination of everything. So when we think about taking a rest day and why it's important and looking at the mental and emotional activity that you've also been experiencing,
00:05:01
Speaker
If we were to put that on one side, if we were to make two columns, that's on one side. Second column is physical activity. Right. Which one would you say is greater? That I've been exhausting more? Yes. Yeah, the mental side. Yeah.
00:05:21
Speaker
But it's also, yeah, it's the combination. And I think the physical, what's interesting is like yesterday, when we went to work out, I could feel starting then, like the physical manifestation of that exhaustion, like had no get up.
00:05:37
Speaker
You know, I was thinking about it too. Like I have been, and this goes back to like, you know, you did the no fix November and just looking at which stimulants kind of keep you away from being aware kind of coverups of your signals. Yeah. Yeah. And for sure, like I'm not drinking an excessive amount of coffee, but I went from allowing myself one cup to now two cups. That's double. And then if I have a cup of decaf, which we know isn't a hundred percent like decaf has some caffeine,
00:06:08
Speaker
So I don't know, you know, some of that's like, I was thinking about it yesterday. Um, you know, it's like, well, I'm tired. I need coffee. Well, you're tired. So like you should honor, so you're tired. Yeah. But it's kind of been, I asked you yesterday, like, well, what are tired people do? Yeah. It's like, well, they rest. Yeah. But. And there's a lot with that. Like I feel this about, I have these pre like,
00:06:36
Speaker
I have a lot of my own story that I make up about things that make that complicated. So it's practice. But it's also, I think, goes to show that you could say, all right, my left column of mental-emotional, there's
Balancing Responsibilities and Roles
00:06:56
Speaker
you do 90 of the gym now in the beginning it was closer to 50 50 who knows what the actual thing was i know i did it tally and recorded it that's why you need an exact percentage
00:07:11
Speaker
Um, but now you do most of that, you know, with the, and the system is up and running. Like basically the system's running. We've got it and iterate and whatever, but there's not a lot of the manual grinding of the gears that was required. I'm saying to build the system. Now it's a platform, but it requires updating everything. But what I'm saying is it's not like, what are we going to do? No, we don't have to create the wheel.
00:07:36
Speaker
Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Now we need to keep it in motion and refine it and whatnot. But I guess what I'm trying to say is.
00:07:46
Speaker
That at the time that this whole thing happened, it was much more even, evenly split. I was doing this, you were doing that, but it was all pretty much about the gym. That has shifted towards you pretty much. I'll coach a class here or there. Depends on what we've got going on, but like you're 90, 95% doing the gym. I'm trying to step away and focus more towards between the ears now because it's been a month and we're like, all right. So.
00:08:16
Speaker
you could easily look at that and say, okay, the, on the mental and emotional side, the activity that I'm doing, the workouts that I'm doing is coaching classes, emailing with people, coordinating with the team. Doing the Instagram, doing the Instagram, doing the programming, updating. Like there's a long, long list. And today is your, is like, Hey, you need to force it. Cause last night you were, you're, you're shutting down. Yeah.
00:08:46
Speaker
But you could very easily rationalize that and say, okay, I'm not going to do any of that. The Instagram, the updating, the programming, all of that, but I'm going to work out. You could essentially separate, we'll just say the body from the mind in that logic or that story, that form of the story, that tale.
00:09:09
Speaker
However, you cannot separate the body and the mind. And so while you are not maybe physically exhausted from physical movement. I am physically exhausted from the objective. Yeah. And your body, which exists to support your mind and feeds it information, and it is one and the same,
00:09:34
Speaker
also needs a rest day. You need a good night's sleep, multiple good night's sleeps. You need to not have that intensity revisited and not just Fran, but all of the things like in that mental emotional column. Sure. I think it's also a day to sort of reset. I'm taking some action steps so that tomorrow doesn't just go back to the same pace. So
00:10:02
Speaker
Yeah, kind of having to look at what I'm doing and.
00:10:08
Speaker
So yeah, so that's that. Cause I certainly don't want to end up, I don't want to end up sick and we do know that the body and the mind are not separate and stress and all that will impact your immune system. And so it would be foolish to be doing a cold shower every day and this and that and working out and eating right, but then just overloading my system with stress. And it's like, well, right. You missed kind of one of the major things. Right.
Measuring Progress and Self-Worth
00:10:37
Speaker
Yeah, but my, one of my stories with it, which does tie into what we're talking about today is kind of like, well, you know, like, well, I'm taking a rest and I'm not giving my best. Like, so there's that thought we talked about last night on the between the ears call, like what, what is that notion of like best and am I doing less than today? Have I deserved that? Is that okay? There's a lot of that going on.
00:11:07
Speaker
Yeah. So let's just get into it then. Can I have a sip of your decaf? I thought you said you were, I can't give this to you. Give it to me or I'll spill it off. Okay. Um, so we wanted to look at, so we had a very, a very powerful discussion on last night's between years.
00:11:32
Speaker
weekly call. And one of the topics that came up was like, how do I know if I'm giving my best? And I think anybody that's ever asked themselves, seriously asked themselves that question, understands how difficult it is to answer. Right.
00:11:53
Speaker
And so it's a very big question. It's a challenging question. And some of the challenge, I believe, is that the word best is a comparative word, right? It posits that there's nothing else better. It is supreme.
00:12:19
Speaker
So in the absence of any sort of comparison or any sort of measurable outcome, how do you know if it's your best? And that's sort of one of the exercises with between the ears very early on is to look at that because it forces you to, well, it creates an involved learning experience that combines the body and the mind to
00:12:46
Speaker
look at, learn, and question this notion of giving your best because we know the workout part is easy. You can kind of be like, no, I know I kind of slacked off. It's really about giving our best in life. Well, the other thing is the workout parts, what's tricky about that is, and we know people get wrapped up on the numbers.
00:13:06
Speaker
If you got a second faster than you've ever gotten, you're like, okay, cool. That was my best data attached versus life. There's not a number attached. There's nothing. So, you know, in the absence of everything, how do you know if it's your best and nobody like that's for you to have, have a, have a chat with. Do you think though, also, and I don't think we talked about this necessarily last night, but don't you think there's also a pressure like,
00:13:37
Speaker
in my mind like okay well today should be better than yesterday like there should be this constant today's the best and then tomorrow's the best and then because then there's this notion like well last Monday was my best so what does that mean about today well there's always a comparison within your own that's I think
00:13:58
Speaker
the challenge I face. Yeah. So I guess that's interesting. So this will be, so then his progress and his improvement, direct and linear and plottable. Well, of course not, but in my mind it is. Well, I think, sure. And I think that there's a quote. Like who wants to be worse today than they were last year. Right. And it's an often quoted quip.
00:14:28
Speaker
Which I do believe in that we can try to like getting, you just want, you just want to try to get 1% better every day. If you can get 1% better every day, then like think about how great you can be.
00:14:42
Speaker
But is there, is there a ceiling? Well, can you give more than a hundred percent? Well, how dare you ask the question? So just as a little aside, one of the very first weeks, I think, I don't even know if I was allowed to talk. Actually, I think I was asked the question. So when I first got to my special forces team, I was asked, or there was a conversation, Nick, Nick, whole Nick and kinger of, is it possible to give more than 100%?
00:15:13
Speaker
I would be scared of answering that question. Yeah, maybe a little bit. It was quite a bit and there was two in there anyway. What's the answer? It's not appropriate for this podcast for me to respond. I'm glad that you're censoring yourself finally.
00:15:32
Speaker
Anyway, um, yeah. So if you can get 1% better every day. Yeah. So, but I think that, and I like that. And I think what that does is it says, look, let's try, let's try to look at getting better and improving, not as.
00:15:47
Speaker
Not as destination. Yeah, not as the destination or not as this like massive thing. For example, somebody who's not fit right now. Don't worry about being the world's fittest human being. Just be a little bit fitter than you were yesterday. Somebody at cooking, somebody at reading, like any sort of development. I think it's very important to say, hey, don't worry about like summoning the mountain. Just tie your fucking shoes. Just start the journey. And that's I think that is
00:16:16
Speaker
I think that's the essence of the quote. And I think what's interesting about that is you you're using examples that people might have something like if you're going to start learning to use a bow. That's like your new thing. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. So because that's totally new to you, I feel like you can accept and say like, I'm just going to get one percent better every day, right? If I said that about like your business,
00:16:47
Speaker
Would you have the same acceptance? Like, yep, just going to get 1% better. Or do you feel like, no, I should be. I can't have that much. Like, do you know what I'm saying? Something you're already proficient at, or you feel like you should be better at versus something that's like brand new to you. Like, like you was cooking or me with cooking.
00:17:09
Speaker
Yeah, it's appropriate for you to say I'm just going to get 1% better at it because it's newer to you. But I would actually disagree on that a little bit. I understand. You're not good at cooking? No. I mean, you agree with that. How can I possibly disagree?
00:17:25
Speaker
i would disagree with that only because of and it's not like the beginner's luck but the rate at which you develop when you begin something is exponential yes so i think going into something as a beginner you're like i suck i'm going to suck because i don't know this i guess i meant the patience piece yeah i know but what i'm saying is but then as a beginner
00:17:47
Speaker
It's like, Hey, here's how you hold the bow. Here's how you, whatever unpack the chicken, whatever it might be like, like seriously, you know what I mean? Like here's how you do these very, very basic, basic things. And all of a sudden then that rate of improvement and progress is much steeper than 1%. Yes. Okay. All right.
00:18:08
Speaker
as you progress and as you get better at things, like for Michael Jordan to get 1% better because of how good he already is versus somebody who's who just doesn't know how to hold the basketball. Sure. And I guess 1% is like the point is get better every day. That's what I'm saying. Just look at trying to get better. That's what I'm saying. But I think that directly answer your question. I feel that there is pressure to continually get better.
00:18:36
Speaker
be it by 1%, 5%, 10%. I don't really know. But one of the things I often struggle with is feeling like I'm not making progress and not getting better and maybe getting worse and just tumbling around and being lost. So would you say for you, you struggle more with just not getting better and not worrying about so much being the best? What?
00:19:06
Speaker
Like for you, is it more about do you, would you say you struggle with less with like, is this my best and more with just the notion of getting better? I think I struggle with my best.
00:19:23
Speaker
I think, I think that somebody asked me last week, Christina on her podcast, like what's something you're afraid of? And it's just not ever, it's just not doing my best. So for me, that's a big personal driver. Like I don't want to waste life.
00:19:39
Speaker
Mm-hmm, and if I'm not giving my best if what I'm doing isn't my best because there's been a lot of times You know when I was younger I wasn't my best and I didn't happen for some things I didn't have to give my best and I could get pretty good results but you know and then later in life it was kind of like yeah, I I don't want to waste this because and with recently a lot of the presence and appreciation and
00:20:04
Speaker
I recognize how much, how many gifts, blessings and how fucking lucky I really am. And so to squander that is a major fear of mine. And so I want to always do my best, which kind of goes into the point of this, well, how do you know it's your best? Right. And, and what's funny about, as you're talking, like thinking about, it can't be a,
00:20:32
Speaker
Like, is today taking a rest day my best? So there we go. I mean, I think that that's the thing. So the ebb and the flow, the ups and downs and peaks and valleys of how you experience life and who you are. It's not a staircase. And you said last night, and this was like kind of, it has to be relative to like how you want to be. So if how I wanted to be today was like, you know, like,
00:21:03
Speaker
representing how strong I am, how fit I am, wanted to really make it about a day where I'm physically, my physical pursuits, then I guess today isn't my best. But today, how I wanna be is calm and at peace and restful, so it is my best. But you can't compare, I can't compare two months ago what my best was at that time.
00:21:31
Speaker
to my best today because what I'm doing on a day-to-day basis are completely different and how I need to be are completely different so there's just not an absolute about it. Yeah and I think for you and for me and I think for many the pressure to do your best because look it's something that I hope hopefully every kid has been told hey I don't I don't I don't care how it goes don't worry about how it goes just just go out there and give it your best.
00:22:01
Speaker
Be that a game, be that school, be that a play, be that whatever it might be. Which now when you realize it, it's like, geez, it's a lot of pressure. It is a lot of pressure, but yeah, it is a lot of pressure for sure. And I think that a way to maybe shift that because best is going to be like, okay, good, then I have to beat Timmy.
00:22:27
Speaker
is, you know, hey, go out there and just be you. Like whatever that is, be you. And as a kid, I don't think you really get that. Like I don't think authenticity, like I think the kids probably more naturally have maybe a little bit of that, but that's not really how it goes. And so I think what I'm trying to say here is
00:22:55
Speaker
my best today, your best today, it's rest day. Like it's not going to be what your best was maybe or what you're fully capable of or your top performance.
00:23:10
Speaker
Yeah, they're certainly different. And so, well, how can I be my best today? And that requires you to check in with yourself to pay attention to what you have been doing, how you have been feeling, what the environment is that you occupy, what have the signals and sensations and just conversations in your mind been like.
Balancing Energy and Well-being
00:23:36
Speaker
And you're going to change because there's going to be 40% days and that's the, there's going to be days that I call, we call them 40% days, but like where your best is going to be comparatively at 40% of your, of your best or your capacity. But that's what it is for you in that day because of the factors at play. Yeah. And I think it's interesting too, like what your measuring stick is. So for me, I get very focused on
00:24:05
Speaker
okay, um, work or cooking or things that I think are expectations. I have capabilities I have of myself. I'm capable of cooking a really good meal. I'm capable of cleaning our home. I'm capable of doing what's needed for the gym to serve people. And then there's nothing wrong with those things.
00:24:28
Speaker
So doing all those things, sometimes I get caught up in like, okay, good, I'm doing my best. I'm like, I'm doing all these things. At the same time, though, by doing them, I'm not being my best in another way because they're exhausting me. And then what's left for you or the kids isn't my best. So, you know, that's where like, to your point, like checking in and seeing like, how am I being? So if I'm doing all those things and that's sort of like, oh, I'm being my best as a gym owner.
00:24:57
Speaker
But it causes me to be really shitty as a mother and a wife Okay, how can I? How can I adjust those so that?
00:25:07
Speaker
But some of my priority is, you know, there's no right or wrong answer. Right. But just seeing the whole picture that it's not so myopic, like because you're different roles, you might be doing great as a mom if your family needs you right now. And it might mean not being your best at your job. Possibly. So that could change depending on, again, like you said, the situation of people right now whose kids are home and they're having to tend to them like, yeah, they're probably not being their best as a teacher.
00:25:35
Speaker
Yeah. And I think, I think that's where when, when folks get into like, I need to end your example is great. So we'll just take a teacher. You're a teacher. So your job is to provide education and support for kids. Right.
00:25:55
Speaker
And you're a mom, which is to take care of your family and hopefully, you know, whatever, whether you have somebody else caretakers, a single mom, it doesn't matter. Like you're, that's the thing. So those are two sort of labels, but the only thing, the commonality in that, that's really important is that like who you are as the human being, as the individual. Right.
00:26:20
Speaker
And I think that if you only do your best as per your label, your profession, your title, your role, others by very definition will be neglected because you're only focused on that. And there are things that are contrarian.
00:26:36
Speaker
And that was like, that was my entire life. Well, that was my life in the military, for sure, every single day. It was this or it was that? World A or world B? There wasn't any like world AB.
00:26:51
Speaker
So if we look at like, OK, for my best, I need to look at who like who I am and how I want to be from within. Not what is the best teacher doing today? What is the best mom doing today? What does that look like? So I think that's easy to say, like how how I want to be, who I want to be. But what does that mean? So give me a real life example of that. So you
00:27:22
Speaker
want to or me like it doesn't matter who we use like we can use me as an example or you okay
00:27:33
Speaker
So I want to get all these things done. I want to be really great at serving the gym, doing my job, providing a value for that. I want to make food that's delicious and healthy for our family. I want to make sure I'm doing my workouts for myself, for my fitness. Okay. I want to be a really good wife. I want to spend time together with you and give you attention and you know,
00:28:04
Speaker
So those are all like roles and things I want to do. So now the question is, well, who do I want to be and how do I want to be? So you mean like, okay, well I, who do I want to be? Well, not like, who do you want to be necessarily? Okay. So like, who are you first? And not answering those with mom, husband, small business owner.
00:28:34
Speaker
like not answering who you are with what you do. Right, so I am, you mean like I am creative, I'm passionate, I'm hardworking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So if those are the things, if those are the attributes and the values that you understand and connect to about yourself,
00:28:56
Speaker
or the things that you want to exhibit and express and be, I would say that that's a great starting point because let's just take the creativity thing. That's going to empower you and invite you to explore ways of being in a variety of situations, right? Yeah. How?
00:29:26
Speaker
can I be creative is asking, how can I basically express who I am? And how do I want to feel when I am expressing who I am? And it could be like, well, yeah, I want to feel peaceful at home. And I would submit that feeling peaceful at home is a major part of why you're taking a rest day.
00:29:55
Speaker
Cause it, I mean, I'm not going to answer for you, but have you felt. Peaceful isn't really a word I felt for a while by my own doing, but like, you know, like relaxed, peaceful are not words that have come to mind for the past month.
00:30:12
Speaker
So looking at yourself and trying to connect with who you are, not because a label says or a role or a title says so, understanding how you want to feel and how you want to experience life. And then looking at, all right, what do I need to do? That, that, that gets me there. Right. And that's a daily thing. That's a daily thing. And that's also where it's like, yeah,
00:30:41
Speaker
Because we're not going to just be like, don't judge me, don't label me, don't whatever. Well, that's sorry. It's impossible. That's not how this, that's not how it works. So then it's like, well, for me then to feel peaceful at home where I'm a mom.
00:31:00
Speaker
wife at work when I'm a caring for the gym or whatever. Yeah. Like in order to do that, I need to do this, which is take a rest day or not multitask or not multitask or just slow down or just pay attention, you know? And so. Yeah. Then I would say, great. And that's your if if that's what you're doing,
00:31:24
Speaker
for these things that are important to you, then how is that possibly not your best? Because if you're doing, if you're still doing gym work, if you're doing your workouts and they're shitty and they're not giving you that feeling of peace that empowers you and fills you up and fuels you, then are you really doing your best? And I would say, no, you're not. It's like any sports team knows. Right, the data's saying yes, but the... And I always bring, and I think sports, and this is the last thing I say before you go,
00:31:55
Speaker
The team that doesn't always play the best, the team that plays the best does not always win. Likewise, the best team doesn't always win. And those are two different things. And so if it's just like, Hey, we played a team that we were better than. Heads and tails better than.
00:32:16
Speaker
And we won, but we played like crap. We didn't play our best. Right. Yeah, sure. You got the result, which of course, and whatever, but where are you, how are you getting then better? And how are you growing and what's that 1%? And so that's where I think looking at, yeah, the outcome to, to, to say it and I'll, and I'll always say this about the
Redefining Self-Worth and Internal Strength
00:32:36
Speaker
outcome and stuff. And sometimes this is a very blunt question to ask people, but it's like, what is the outcome or the result saying?
00:32:46
Speaker
about you that you don't have the internal strength to say about yourself. Right. And I think, and what I was going to say, which is very appropriate for that is like, one of the things that comes to mind is when we've gotten an arguments and I, what's your record? What's yours? And I can really,
00:33:08
Speaker
I know for me, I often get frustrated and I say, or I, my sentiment is I'm doing my best. I am doing my best. And like whatever's happening at that point, clearly it's not enough. We'll put that in air quotes. But in that case too, it's kind of like, okay, well I can point to a lot of things this and that and this and that. And I did these things.
00:33:33
Speaker
See, it is my best and you're not accepting that. However, as you're saying, well, if the outcome is we're in an argument or you're feeling whatever fill in the blank. Okay. What are the, how like there's, you're skipping over. There is usually me skipping over how am I being in those things? And so that looking at that outcome, I just think a disagreement is kind of a good way to, a good example of that because you're sort of, um,
00:34:03
Speaker
Somebody is obviously not feeling that now. You know, I, and I think if I said, if we were having a disagreement and I said, I'm like, I don't think I can recall a single time where I was aware and being, okay, I'm being patient. I'm being all these things. And then we got in an argument and you're literally saying, well, how you're being isn't your bet. Like, do you know what I mean? It's usually because the focus is on the outcome.
00:34:29
Speaker
on the tasks, I'm pointing to look at the score, see, this is my best, and neglect is in how I was doing all those things. So, yeah, I think that's, but I think not to change course a little bit, but last night, a lot of people that sign up for Between the Ears, so last night's call, now there's a weekly call that anybody that's doing the practice, one or two,
00:34:59
Speaker
there's a call that's open to everybody. And it's been really cool because they've been pretty big. I mean, 15 to 20 people hopping on at different times. And, you know, I think there is a certain person that's drawn to between the ears. Someone that obviously wants to learn about themselves, wants to be open, wants to be vulnerable. I mean, you kind of, sort of a prerequisite. Well, if you know it all, then don't waste my fucking time.
00:35:28
Speaker
But inherent in that kind of person, there's also that drive to want to be better. Yes. And so then there's this sort of compulsion a little bit with your best. So that resonated, I think, with a lot of people because there is that pressure and to like
00:35:49
Speaker
it's maybe even now more so than ever because there's this sort of like make the best of this situation. Like don't be that person that's just being lazy in this. Like how can you overcome this adversity by being your best? And so I think a lot of people are experiencing that because there are, there is some adversity and I mean right now for a lot of people. And so of course then it really highlights like how, you know,
00:36:19
Speaker
What's happening? So I think that pressure is a very real thing always but Kind of dial that it helps alleviate the pressure a little bit with how am I being and not just focusing on the outcome? Because yeah, and there's a lot of people that I think because of the type of person that is drawn to between the ears and
00:36:42
Speaker
And the type of person that does do the work, there's plenty of people that sign up and don't actually do the work. And that's for, that's for their reason. And I have no idea what that is. And that's just for them to have that chat with, you know, and everyone's different. And, and that, that is the case. And it is challenging work and there is pressure when you sign up and you say, I want to learn about myself, like there that, yeah, that's the inherent amount of pressure. And right. And it poses many, many questions immediately, immediately.
00:37:13
Speaker
And so one of the reasons I think that it might catch people by surprise at first is because it's like, hey, you need to be more compassionate with yourself. Like the fact that you're here says way more about who you are than, hey, I didn't get the workout in this week. It's okay.
00:37:42
Speaker
Like that is okay. I didn't journal every single day. Hardest thing for people. Well, not just like, what do you mean? I should do more and I need to, I should journal five. I should journal every single day. I should read the mindset and you know, and they're, they get quite a bit of good feedback and people are like, wow, like that makes sense. Now I understand that this, that the other, and I should read it. It's like, no, I am not between the ears. It's not about obsessing over this stuff.
00:38:12
Speaker
Yeah. And I think that people that are driven. Yeah, I get it. The Steve Jobs and the Gary V's and you know, these these these Titans and whatnot. And I understand how they're influential and whatever. And there's that. Well, you just need to be obsessive about it. Mm hmm. OK, I disagree. Yeah, I disagree. I just can't imagine that that has ever ended in. I think there's certainly times in your life like
00:38:40
Speaker
Like when you were writing your seminar, you kind of got into this place and it was a little bit of that. Like I'm just kind of just like you were having this creative time and like once you started going, it was kind of an obsession to like finish the seminar. Oh, yes. Yeah. But, and so everybody has those periods, but it's not sustainable.
00:39:00
Speaker
And that's kind of like today but it's also a different energy Like I'm not I guess here's the thing like I so and I've said like and I've become Obsessed with things and been obsessive over things and I would submit that I probably am still obsessed with stuff obsessed with learning
00:39:17
Speaker
But I think if I just kind of frame it a little bit more accurately when I'm trying to articulate, the energy in the action is like a big thing. And the energy behind the action, the energy that drives the action. So being obsessed about stuff is not always doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, doing. Like by action and by what and by what and by what? You know, being obsessed with something. You can be obsessed with improving, but if you constantly
00:39:47
Speaker
trying to do something you don't let anything sit and you don't see because in that pause where you just observe you get to then like reflect and see and when you're when you're always doing doing doing you don't have that and so yeah yeah it's kind of also like there's a thing with like the streak
Engagement and Energy in Actions
00:40:08
Speaker
Well, that's game theory too. No, I know, but like I definitely relate to, for me, like the streak is big. Yeah. And it's like, I don't want to break the streak. Okay. I'm on day. Okay. What about the shower? Yeah. So the shower, like, so we've been doing the cold shower three minutes, right in the morning, three minutes, right in the morning. And.
00:40:27
Speaker
It's, it is really hard for me to navigate because same thing with the workouts. Like, okay. So right now, because we're not moving around a lot during the day, like I have done many more days in a row than I would ever do normally to a few days cigarettes. Yeah. So.
00:40:46
Speaker
But I have to like really stop sometimes and ask like, what is the intention? Yeah. And I've gotten much better at that. Yeah. It's not, I'm not cured of my, but like I am now stopping and saying, so I think yesterday it was that you said like, well, maybe it's not three minutes. Yeah. Okay. So like I didn't do, I didn't start the timer. I got in, did like front to back, like, okay. Like woke up a little bit. Sure. Got out. Yeah.
00:41:14
Speaker
So just kind of. I went in for three and a half by the way. Yes, but you took two days off. Well, because I was. So, and clearly we need to do some work on ourselves. But yeah, I mean, and the same thing with the workouts, it can easily, the rationalization, what's funny about it, that's where like understanding that rational and emotional side, I am so good with rationalizing. Yeah, for sure. And it enters in, it's like, well, but like, well, I'm doing this because of this. And you kind of start to,
00:41:44
Speaker
make these things up for yourself and you have to, and I have to stop and say like, okay, like what's the intent and am I honoring that and how am I being? So, um, but I think that's that obsessive, a little bit of like, you know, it can be so easy to fall into the cold shower, check, do the lymph check, do the workout, check, did my journaling check. I'm going to meditate, check. And all of a sudden it's like, you're not showing up at all for any of these things.
00:42:11
Speaker
you're just doing them. And again, it ends up in, you know, just kind of. I have a thing on that too, where you look at today, right?
00:42:24
Speaker
you need a rest day, all of this. And this goes for anyone too, where there's this obsessiveness, there's this pressure, there's this drive, there's whatever it is to be your best, crush it, be better than yesterday, do, you know, just always grow, always improve. And it's like, okay, well, and I've said this before, like then is it perfection you expect? Right. Or striving for. And then there's the streak and it's like,
00:42:51
Speaker
And I'll be the first one to say like, I'm not, I'm not enabling people to be slackers or lazy or not care. And in fact, quite the opposite. Sure. There's a big gap between being way crazy obsessive and being a slacker. But here's what I've noticed with people who, who do between the ears, who are clients or you or myself or others.
Embracing Rest and Self-Contentment
00:43:15
Speaker
Um, you shouldn't feel bad about feeling good.
00:43:22
Speaker
And I think sometimes it's like taking a rest day or being like, yeah, hey, like go to this, whatever, go to the spa or working on your, doing whatever it is that you feel good about. This is where I think the workouts can get challenging because there's that, you know, endorphin dopamine hit. But.
00:43:43
Speaker
And obviously food can be abused with this, but like really what I'm talking about is the stuff really within you. Like, man, this is good. Like I'm good. I feel good about this. There's this like, I feel bad about that because you, you compare that to, well, I feel good not doing anything. I feel good. Like taking a rest day and it's like, well, then. But that's where too, it ties into like the identity and what's it saying about me because
00:44:13
Speaker
Well, that's where the day off. What's am I, am I lazy? Like, so that's where learning about yourself to your point. I mean, it sounds so simple, like, but yeah, learning like where those pitfalls are and who you really are. And, you know, what is the point of this and kind of being familiar with asking those questions because the more you ask them, I mean, and that's something I said last night, like I'm learning a lot about myself and it's,
00:44:43
Speaker
Of course the answers are always changing, but it's not as the recall is much quicker. Do you know what I mean? Like, Oh yeah, that's right. I, okay. This is something to be aware of because that is how I am and it's okay to accept it. Just having awareness of it, just knowing where your tendencies are.
00:45:03
Speaker
Yeah. And I think the, um, the part, I guess, about like, you know, not feeling bad about feeling good about yourself is a huge one to just sit with an unpack and, and, and visit that. And, um, again, the energy behind the action also is, is where, and I think it's like, okay, well, then again, how do I do? How do I know it's my best? It's like, well, how were you? How were you being? Right.
00:45:35
Speaker
And with the emotional drivers with things like, yeah, I want to feel productive. I want to, it's not about like accomplishing tasks, but I want to feel like I'm contributing. I want to feel worthy. I want to feel whatever. Okay. That's going to, that's going to provide a bunch of different action. But when we look at, um,
00:46:03
Speaker
Like being okay with feeling good. There's also that relinquishing what the things are saying about you. So for example, and there's one of the weeks in the practice 1.0 where it's about letting go. And that's like a, that is for most people a very, very powerful one. And for some get very emotional and for those who go there, like go there.
00:46:33
Speaker
One of the things I think in that, and this is sort of from Buddhism as well, is about the non-attachment. And so
00:46:44
Speaker
I'll take today for an example. So we, whatever we did in the morning talked, um, in this online, I'm taking this online course. We do the podcast. I'm going to upload it. I would like to work out, but if I don't work out today, but I felt good today, like I feel good, like body feels good, a little sore, whatever mentally, emotionally. Okay. We had some good, we had some good conversations you're resting. So like, if it was like a good day, but I didn't work out.
00:47:14
Speaker
It's like, is it a blemish? Is it a blemish? Is it a pebble in the shoe? Is it a thorn in the side? And in the rational thing, it's like, yes, you did less then. Right. But it's like, but that's all the rules. Yeah, but I felt exactly. Yeah. But if it's like, yeah, but I felt really good doing this. Yeah. I feel good today. Right. I was like, can you fucking accept that? Yeah. And not be attached to. Yeah, but I worked out. Well, I feel good only if I. Right. I'm only allowed to feel good.
00:47:42
Speaker
I feel good, but I'm only allowed to really feel good if I checked all my boxes. And that's not really about feeling anything. It's just about seeing the boxes checked. You could check them.
00:47:52
Speaker
And I think that it's like, you know, and this is where people, I think get tripped up, anybody that's sort of read or studied or is interested in the Buddhist teachings, where they speak about this with love, to be not attached to the love. You'll be like, well, hold on a second. It's like, that's not for who I'm in love with or my wife or my husband or whatever, my kids. And it's like, yeah, but it is. It's not conditional.
00:48:19
Speaker
And so to have that, it's actually a higher form of that very thing because it's then you step into like really wanting it and understanding it. And that's like more of, it gets a little bit more. Yeah, I feel like this is probably a whole other thing, non-attachment. Yeah. The essence of it is to say,
00:48:46
Speaker
Except feeling good except feeling good, but also Understand that like if I were to then to go let's just say do a quick workout I think I probably will but if I didn't mm-hmm That doesn't necessarily say one thing or the other sure because how I was and how I wanted to experience the day is Over the grand scheme of things going to be more important, and I'm not somebody who
00:49:14
Speaker
Is lazy in a ship bag in a week and doesn't work out It's not like all of a sudden i'd be like I didn't work out today And I didn't have any quote unquote good reason not to but I felt really good today It's not gonna be like i'm never gonna touch a weight again. I'm never gonna it's like no, it's not that so just let go of that part of it where
00:49:34
Speaker
You've just made that up. Yeah. Yeah. And so there's a bit of, I don't know if I, I don't know if that made sense. It did, but I think it's, that's a whole other topic in itself. So, but yeah, but I think, what? Nothing. I was just breathing. Yeah.
00:49:54
Speaker
Yeah. So you're going to work out and I'm just going to be a lazy ship. The number one, I think I'm going to make bread and reorganize the basement. No, you can't. I have to not work out the reason I'm not working out and monitor me. No, I do. I would like to just feed my sourdough.
00:50:15
Speaker
So that tomorrow I can do a million things and make my breath. No, but that's fine. Like I'm being relaxed. I'm probably going to watch some television. Oh my God. What are you going to watch that home show? No, I heard a new series to make millions. I heard that was really good. You don't know what it's about. I do know what it's about. It's about McDonald's and the whole lottery thing. Yeah, but it's the story of it.
00:50:40
Speaker
Yes. I, you hate when I'm right. No, I just don't think you know what it's about. I do know what it's about. It's the story of how that lottery thing, they kind of, it was like a scam. Nobody ever had to, nobody ever won the McMillion lottery thing. No, wrong. All right, whatever. I don't know. I'm going to watch the home show and it's really fascinating and it's a learning show. Right?
00:51:08
Speaker
So yeah, I think that was good. So how, so, okay. Yeah, it's fine. So I think it's good to have people reframe their best and how you explore it. I think that's the number one thing, you know, and, and again, that's where the, the power of curiosity, um, is, is huge. And only you can answer that and, uh, people like that's a rabbit hole. So tumble on down it.
00:51:40
Speaker
There's an online seminar coming. Yes. I'm excited about it. Wow. You can really tell. Listeners, can't you hear the excitement in Phil's voice? I'm excited about it. I think it's going to be really good. I'm excited too. It's going to be different from the in-person seminar also. Yeah. And not focused on fitness so much. Fitness, physical fitness. No, but the in-person seminar wasn't either.
00:52:09
Speaker
No, but for people listening who don't know that the in-person seminar wasn't really about- Or I had one. Yeah. Yeah, it'll be cool. I think like a, like a, yeah, it'll be, it'll be, it'll be really, really cool. So hopefully in a week or two? Couple weeks? Couple weeks? Hello, Charlie. Get that out there. Charlie's up in the hatch. Okay. The dogs are being unruly now. All right. We'll see you guys next week. Just when you made your debut, mister.