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Emotional Intelligence might Change your Life with Sharon Critchlow (part 2)
144 Plays2 years ago
In this episode we have the wonderful Sharon Critchlow back on the show to chat sbout emotional intelligence! Sharon is a qualified accountant with over 20 years experience, a successful coach and mentor, as well as a workshop facilitator and public speaker.
We discuss:
- what emotional intelligence is
- why emotional intelligence can help you secure a job in the future
- how to read a room
- how to manage hard emotions from yourself and others
- ...and so much more!
Keen to see more of Sharon Critchlow?! Check out her Instagram here. Want to learn more about ACCA? Check out their Instagram, website, and how to get started at ACCA! Check out Discover Your Bounce website, podcast, and join their Facebook community.
Don't forget to send a audio review! Email hello@allthingseducation21.com to be featured on next week's episode!
The merch store is opening soon! Get early access through allthingseducation21.com!
Let us know if you enjoyed the episode by giving a review and rating the podcast 5 stars! Don't forget to subscribe to this podcast and hit the notification so you'll always be in the know about how to succeed in your education. For more study tips and tricks, check out our Instagram @allthingseducation21
Want to learn in-demand skills, start a business, or learn how to succeed in the 21st century? Check out fiverr.com to learn more!
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Transcript
Introduction to All Things Education
00:00:05
Speaker
Hey, it's Mary Coleman, your host for the All Things Education podcast. If you don't know, I'm a student too and I'm currently studying psychology. I'm so glad you're listening today because we learn about study and lifestyle tips, chat with professional guests about a range of topics. We learn about the ins and outs of school and uni life, how to form solid friendships, actualize career aspirations, chat about relationships, moving, traveling, and so much more. We have a range of content on this podcast and it's all to help you be that much more informed about the world we live in.
00:00:34
Speaker
So let's get educated, shall we? Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I am very excited for this episode as always. If you are new, thank you very much for tuning in. My name is Mary Coleman. As I introduced myself before, we discuss a lot of different things in this podcast, particularly study tips, study tricks, study hacks, just a lot of things that are pertaining to the study lifestyle and particularly career aspirations as well. If you're interested in a particular sort of career or if you want to know a little bit more
00:01:03
Speaker
about things like emotional intelligence or how to feel more confident in yourself, then this is definitely the right podcast for you. We educate and I learn as well, but you learn a lot about just different areas of lifestyle and how to improve not only just your study life, but your life as a whole.
00:01:18
Speaker
Definitely binge
Launch of Merch Store and Charity Efforts
00:01:20
Speaker
all the episodes. I very much encourage that it's very fun And also we actually have a merch store that is now up and running So you are able to purchase everything and anything you can possibly think of from this merch store Anything that is relating to study that will help you in your study career and your study journey and 100% of the profits 100% so literally every single bit of profit that that we get is
00:01:43
Speaker
is donated to the Child Aid and Development Organization, Bright Futures Child and Development Agency, sorry, I should say. And that is an amazing charity that I will speak about in a little bit that helps and definitely makes a huge impact on kids in Uganda and Pakistan, et cetera. So I'll talk a little bit more about them in a second. But I just wanted to chat a little bit about this episode today.
Series on Emotional Intelligence with Sharon Critchlow, Part 2
00:02:06
Speaker
So this episode is very much, it's a part two of a previous episode with Sharon Critchlow.
00:02:13
Speaker
It's all about emotional intelligence. So we actually recorded this episode quite a few weeks ago, but I am just now releasing it now, which is really exciting. And Sharon is obviously an absolute genius. We sat down with our coppertees and we just chatted all about emotional intelligence. So I'm really excited for you guys to hear the episode and hear what information she has to share with you guys. And yeah, that's what I'm most excited for you guys to learn about this episode and in the discussion that you're about to hear.
Life Update: Move to New South Wales
00:02:41
Speaker
Rookadook you so as we all know just in terms of let's just like I'll do a little life update What has happened this week? So essentially As you know, I moved to New South Wales, which was a very big move about very big change in my life And I am actually as you know, I'm living in accommodation other people are living in so I do apologize if you hear any doors that are slamming or if you hear construction in the background because I
00:03:07
Speaker
there is construction that's happening on site right now or near us so yeah I do apologize and I thank you very much for understanding that that is going on and obviously I have to speak just the tiniest bit quieter because yeah people are around and they can hear so I can't be you know super super loud like I usually am but you guys get it which is awesome and very very grateful so thank you for that
00:03:31
Speaker
Um, yes.
Current Favorite Book: 'The Odyssey'
00:03:33
Speaker
So let's move on to the book of the week because I have been studying as one of my courses. I am studying literature and I have a really cool book that I wanted to share with you guys. Let's talk about my favorite book of the week. Each week I'll give you guys updates on the book that I'm currently reading, whether that's educational, fantasy, fiction, or nonfiction. You'll hear about it all. Hopefully you'll be inspired to read some of the books that I'm reading so you can be more educated in different areas of your life.
00:04:00
Speaker
Let's jump into it!
00:04:19
Speaker
Odysseus and also his son Telemachus and also his wife Penelope, Odysseus' wife Penelope and it's really cool, it's very intriguing, I would say it definitely keeps you on edge and it is, it is just an amazing book.
00:04:33
Speaker
Overall, I haven't read a lot of it yet, so I can't give you the full outline, but I can tell you this much that it is very intriguing and it's a little hard to grapple with, but I feel also, once you do understand it, it does make more sense eventually. And yeah, would highly recommend. So go check it out.
Deep Dive into Bright Futures Agency
00:04:51
Speaker
Okay, I would love to now chat about Bright Futures Child Aid and Development Agency.
00:04:58
Speaker
They are an amazing agency. I'll give you a little bit more about their philosophy behind their organisation. So Bright Futures believes that by empowering the poor and by encouraging and advocating for development activities that strengthen their capacity and sense of self-determination, the sustainable relief and eradication of poverty is very much possible.
00:05:19
Speaker
and they extend assistance to all people in need and they do not discriminate based on religious, political, social, cultural age or gender grounds. And the first thing I love about Bright Futures is it's an Australian-based aid and development agency which is committed to providing simple and direct effective means for Australians to contribute to the sustainable alleviation of poverty. So Bright Futures works in partnership with established agencies in developing countries to provide vital education
00:05:49
Speaker
health and development programs that address the causes of poverty and offer the prospect of a better life. So what I really love is Bright Futures. I spoke with Paul Madden who is the executive officer and speaking with him it was so great because I was really just able to hear the amazing stories.
00:06:07
Speaker
and real life experiences of people who have traveled to the country like Pakistan, Uganda and just hearing and hearing about the impacts that Bright Futures is having on the communities that are in poverty and it is really fascinating and very inspiring to hear how much a change that donations can bring and of course this merch store that I have opened up
00:06:31
Speaker
It is really great because you are able to gain things like, you know, there's there's hoodies, there's tracksuit pants, you can purchase study marks, you can purchase a throw blanket to, you know, study in if you want to be a woman and everything like that. And there are so many other things that you can purchase on the website. But the best thing about it is that 100 percent of the profits from your purchase will be going to the Bright Futures Child Aid and Development Organization.
00:06:59
Speaker
And the best thing about that is not only are you getting something to wear or use, but you're also giving back to a community at the same time. So the prices are a little bit increased because of the fact that it is a donation.
00:07:17
Speaker
and it is important to note that none of the items that you buy I would be returned because your profits are going directly to charity and the best thing about it is I will be getting maybe like buy I'll probably be getting bi-monthly updates about
00:07:35
Speaker
where the money is going and there a bit of a report on that which is exciting so I'll be able to update you guys about how that money is being used in what particular countries if we're focusing on particular countries per purchase or per product and yeah I'm really excited to keep you guys informed particularly I will be explaining on the episode on the podcast but also I'll be sharing on the
Connect with All Things Education
00:07:56
Speaker
Instagram
00:07:56
Speaker
So if you haven't already, go check that out. Please definitely go and support. Go give it a follow. The username is allthingseducation21, and that's the same on TikTok. It's mostly the tag line. So the tag for most social media platforms. So if you search up allthingseducation21, that will come up.
00:08:15
Speaker
and if you're wondering how to access the website and to look at and explore some of the merch the website is allthingseducation21.com so all things education and then the number is 21.com so yeah definitely go check that out um i it's still a little bit of a work in progress like the website is up there and it's all ready to go and you can definitely purchase and everything is good
00:08:38
Speaker
but I am updating some of the case studies and the stories of the individuals in third world countries and really just like working a bit more on the Bright Futures page that is featured on the allthingseducation21.com website so that is a bit of work in progress so just bear with me because obviously being a solo team it is a little bit hard sometimes to be able to
00:09:03
Speaker
do 100 things at once. But again, thank you for your understanding in doing all this. And of course, it's a really big shift for all things education and the direction that it's going in. So thank you very much for your support in that matter. And I would definitely recommend, even if you don't buy anything, just go check out the allthingseducation21.com website. And the best thing I've got for you guys is I actually have a code that will get you 20% of all items. So this is a code that you can only use one time,
00:09:31
Speaker
But it is a code that will never expire. So you are able to get 20% off all items by using the code study 20. That is in capitals S T U D Y and the numbers two and zero. I'll put it in the show notes below. So you guys are able to get 20% off your purchase. Again, it is a one time
00:09:52
Speaker
offer but it does not expire so remember that code study20 go check out the website and go buy some merch it comes roughly in about two weeks it should come for the drop shipping and i would recommend i'm also going to be doing a giveaway on the um instagram as well so again another reason you should go follow and i'll be doing a giveaway of a hoodie and a tote bag so get keen for that and um yeah very very exciting stuff
00:10:19
Speaker
Just another quick little announcement is review of the week. So every single week someone is sending in a review that I'm able to put into the episode. I'm not gonna do one this week because the episode we've got today is quite hefty. But I would highly encourage you guys to email me hello at allthingseducation21.com. That's the email. And just record yourself in a voice memo and
00:10:46
Speaker
Literally just do it right now. Why not record yourself in like a 30 second voice memo You don't have to say your name send it through and just say what you like about the all things education podcast Would you recommend it to other people? And then I will be putting that into each and every episode and giving you guys a little bit of a feature Which is very exciting. All right, so
Understanding Emotional Intelligence with Sharon Critchlow
00:11:07
Speaker
Cheyenne Critchlau, she did actually come on to the podcast a couple episodes ago. We did record this, you know, pretty straight after the other episodes. So even though we mentioned it being two weeks later, it's a little bit longer than that now that I'm releasing it. But nonetheless, I'm very excited to share this episode with you guys today.
00:11:30
Speaker
All right, so let's talk a little bit about Sharon. So Sharon is a popular conference speaker and writer on the subjects of emotional intelligence, mental health and wellbeing and the social aspects of the future of work. So today we're particularly going to be speaking about emotional intelligence and it's going to be an awesome little seminar about emotional intelligence, which is very, very exciting. So as an international best-selling writer and speaker, Sharon is a vocal change maker.
00:11:56
Speaker
She brings passion to the subjects of the future of work, diversity, emotional intelligence, and environmental social governance. So Sharon is also the director at Discover Your Bounce and is a qualified accountant with over 20 years of experience in senior leadership roles and growing successful businesses.
00:12:13
Speaker
If you haven't listened to our previous episode where Sharon and I are having April last, we're having such a great time talking all about her career journey, her career pathway and her tips in if you want to study accountancy or if you're interested in that. And particularly if you don't want to take the traditional route going through university, she really explains it quite well and her story is very unique. So I highly encourage you guys to go check out that episode. I think it might have been four or five episodes ago.
00:12:40
Speaker
Nonetheless, just on top of that, Sharon is also an experienced conference speaker, as well as regularly creating and facilitating workshops. And she is also a qualified coach and mentor. And Sharon is very, very passionate about people becoming the best that they can be and allowing their true talents to shine. The most interesting thing I think about Sharon is that she actually left school struggling to read and write.
00:13:03
Speaker
but despite all of that she still became a qualified accountant at the age of 23 which actually was helped through mind mapping and at 30 years old she received her first directorship and sold her multi-million pound business at age 45 so
00:13:20
Speaker
You can definitely see Sharon has a lot of accreditation, a lot of fame to her name, you could say. And I'm really excited to share the episode with you guys today. We're talking all about emotional intelligence. If you're not actually sure what emotional intelligence is, and this is literally the perfect episode for you guys. I'm very excited to share it with you. And once again, grab out a pen and paper.
00:13:40
Speaker
get ready to write some notes down as I say every single episode because I do think that these episodes are very content rich content heavy and there's a lot of stuff that is very useful and I definitely found I learned a lot actually and I found a lot useful so I hope you guys find it useful as well so without further ado let's jump into the episode welcome back Sharon thank you for joining me once again hello two weeks later I love it back at it
00:14:08
Speaker
Yeah, totally. I'm so keen for this episode, but you're just going to talk everything and anything about emotional intelligence. First off, I'm not skilled in knowing what it's about. I mean, I know a little bit from our chats, but not extensively. So let's dive right onto it. What is emotional intelligence enlighten me?
00:14:30
Speaker
So it's the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control and evaluate and use your emotions to communicate and get your best outcome. So this is about your emotions. It's about your ability to understand what's happening to you as it's happening, to interpret that, to demonstrate a level of control over that so that you don't just impulsively do things and to evaluate what it is you want next and then take action.
00:14:57
Speaker
So this isn't about suppressing your emotions, this is about using them to your advantage. So we've all had situations where someone pushes you buttons and there's always something in everybody's life where they just say the thing, you know, they're going to say the thing, you get wound up about it even before you've entered the room where you think they're going to say the thing. They then glance upon the thing, whatever that is,
00:15:20
Speaker
you know for me love it a bit but for me it's my mother and my weight always she always has a comment and you sit there and you're waiting you're waiting for the thing and then she says it and they're like that's it and now you have a choice that's it you have a choice yeah and explode
00:15:36
Speaker
you go not this thing again you can really you know it's just a matter of whether it's charging your room you know the state of you know because you've just tripped over you know half a dozen things and probably hurt yourself but so you know it needs to be done but you know but it's that reminder that just goes right and then you just flounce out and completely lose it and so you have a choice in those circumstances when somebody pushes your buttons
00:16:02
Speaker
as to how you respond. And the great thing with emotional intelligence is that it can be the, if you can really get on top of this, this is something that will be as useful in your career as your qualifications.
00:16:18
Speaker
So what happened sort of back in the 1990s is some Harvard professors wanted to know why it was some of their students did really well. And some of them, they kind of did all right, but not so well. So expecting obviously everybody to fly. They're thinking, well, why wasn't this happening for everyone? And what they worked out is that people with the highest intelligence outperform everybody else about only about 20% of the time.
00:16:46
Speaker
and that's that actually that the people who outperform the majority of the time so 90% of high achievers have this what they call emotional quotient or emotional higher levels of emotional intelligence so they're able to control their emotions which means they're able to understand other people's emotions and this isn't as a psychologist but they're able to empathize with other people's situations which means that they get further
00:17:09
Speaker
in their careers and they do it more quickly. So not only will mastering a bit of emotional intelligence help you to maintain healthy relationships at your stage of your careers but actually helps at every stage of your career because there is always a flash point, a difficult situation, there is always these things keep happening as your life goes on and this is about what you do in those circumstances.
00:17:36
Speaker
So getting into good habits early and actually thinking about, okay, I know that I have to take a different approach. And it's all about having the outcome, thinking about, and then what? Okay, so you've got a scenario where your room's a mess, your mum's going to remind you again.
00:17:57
Speaker
And then you have a choice. Do you say, yeah, I know, but I've got some assignments to get in on Wednesday and I'm going to do it at the weekend? Or do you say, will you help me to do it? Because it has got a bit out of control. Or do you say, what do you say? Because the outcome is, do you really want to have the two hours after that where you're stropping and sat in your room and you're hungry and you're not really planning on going down for dinner even though you want to?
00:18:24
Speaker
What do you do? Where's your outcome here? Where's your win-win situation here? So it's not to say that you have to give in every time somebody throws something at you. It's quite the opposite. But this is about understanding what the outcome for that situation is. So if you're not going to be doing something, then confront it. Don't just shout and run. Confront, say, well, actually, if it's the you've missed soccer practice for the third week running,
00:18:53
Speaker
is to actually rather than go I'll stop going on at me and then flounce out the room is to actually say actually I've been thinking about that and I'm not very happy with how it's going there and I don't feel comfortable there or I don't want to do it anymore. But actually take that emotion out of the situation and think about the outcome that you really want.
00:19:15
Speaker
And did you know that only 36% of people can recognise their emotions as they happen? Which means two thirds of people are not skilled in using their emotions to their advantage.
00:19:31
Speaker
and emotions at all. And that when you think about it. Yeah, so they've got emotions, but they respond, they react rather than respond. So things happen, but it's like they don't have any control over that. It also means that two thirds of the people that you come across in your life, your career and everything else are probably like that. So don't take it personally because, I'm not saying it's not their fault because everybody has the opportunity to grow, but
00:19:59
Speaker
they're not in control of that so if you're looking for a different outcome or thinking well that wasn't very fair acknowledge it wasn't very fair but if you like put the onus on the fact that that's not very fair so it's for them to sort out rather than they've now given me this problem and it's not very fair so the thing is is to think about this um
Elements of Emotional Intelligence
00:20:20
Speaker
about when you're having high levels of emotions or when you when you think you're going to just sort of react to something is can I respond differently and can I how do I respond differently to this and how do I get a better outcome for me from this situation and then of course as emotional intelligence grows
00:20:39
Speaker
They say that there's four elements of emotional intelligence. So the first is self-awareness, which is what we're talking about here. It's about understanding your emotions as they arise and what you're going to do about it. This is about self-management, which is about that slightly broader aspect of making proactive change in how you respond to people. And then the third one is social awareness. And we've all had situations where mum and dad have had a falling out.
00:21:04
Speaker
and uh and you've walked in the room and you don't know what the argument's been about but you know there's been one just from the body language that you can feel it yeah it's it's there it's happened and so that's social awareness you know not everybody can notice that i have worked with people who are very senior in organisations who couldn't act who didn't understand social cues and were forever saying the wrong thing at the wrong time yeah
00:21:29
Speaker
So having that social awareness again grows your empathy, it grows that ability to understand other people and to be able to support other people because whatever job you end up in, it's all going to be with people. Even if you want to do, you want to learn how to do games, you know, create games and stuff like that online.
00:21:50
Speaker
you will still you will end up you get really good at it they'll give you a team you'll have to deal with people yes you have to do with the bosses you have to do with your boss so wherever you end up you will be that there are people and so that social awareness is really important and then building on that is relationship management is how you actually then turn the conversations around turn bad situations into good situations using these sorts of techniques
00:22:15
Speaker
so it's a really good place to start and particularly at the start of your career to focus on your own self-awareness and I think it's great that you know we do talk more these days about mental health and even though this isn't absolutely about mental health this is the continuum of mental health so this is understanding and your emotions and being happy with where you are and then being able to control them to the extent that you get the outcome that you want.
00:22:40
Speaker
So I think emotional intelligence is a really useful skill to have and in fact if you have a look online for all of these things, if you want to do some further reading, Daniel Goldman is a good place to start. He was one of the first people to write about it and also it's a really easy read by a guy called Travis Bradbury who's another really good one to
00:23:02
Speaker
you know to look at and to sort of explore. So I'd say when you get into a situation or when you've got to, when perhaps you've got to approach a subject that is not easy because you know you've got to go break the news, you're not going to college anymore or something. Right so whatever that thing is,
00:23:23
Speaker
is to stop. And rather than just burst into the room and go, I'm not doing it, you're waiting for the flashpoint. It's actually take control of that. Observe how you feel and then start to describe and reflect upon it. So this description reflection makes it a lot easier for somebody to meet you halfway and then consider your outcome. So the description reflection
00:23:43
Speaker
We use very broad terms like stress. I'm just really stressed. When you say that to somebody, they can't help you with that because it could mean that you've got too much work. It could mean that you don't know what to do next. It could mean so many things, these different things to everyone.
00:24:00
Speaker
whereas if you can actually say I feel under pressure because then somebody has the opportunity to step in and go okay well we might be able to help you with this and this or we can support you in this way so think about rather than using those broad terms can you break it down can you reflect upon it and go actually it's this
00:24:21
Speaker
and if you can't go and have a chat with a friend and just say I don't know why I'm feeling like this and start chatting through different parts of your life and you might find a common thread in there that says actually I think this is what it is.
00:24:33
Speaker
yes then consider your outcome you know so you've got this that makes sense you get the the describe reflect on it and then it gives you the words to be able to to actually go to somebody and say i don't want to do this because this is how it makes me feel or this is where that scenario is now leading me and the outcome i actually want is this
00:24:56
Speaker
So it could be that you've started a college course and it's not what you thought it was going to be. So rather than getting more hat up and going, the reason I've got bad grades is because it's not right, is to say, what I really want to do is this. This course isn't leading me down the right path and I'm getting really frustrated with it.
00:25:14
Speaker
and the frustration means I'm now losing my temper with you and I don't want to, so what I need is a solution. I want you to help me to find a solution so that I can get back on track or so that I can leave this course and find a better course that's more suited to me.
00:25:30
Speaker
So have a think about being that more descriptive and not waiting for a flashpoint to come about. And what I would always say is, do your thoughts reflect your actions? So what's going on in your head is what you're actually doing. Is it reflecting what's going on in your head? And do your actions reflect your values?
00:25:50
Speaker
So think about that continuum and if your gran always says the wrong thing and always shouting at her, have a think about what do you want to be known for? Do you want to be that kid who always shouts at his nan? There's a really interesting thing that my grandpa actually told me, surprisingly enough, and he said that
00:26:18
Speaker
People in 10, 20, 15, 100 years, people in history or family members, they won't necessarily remember what you said, but they'll remember the way you made them feel. That's such an interesting point as well. That is a quote from Maya Angelou. That's what it is, yes. People will always remember what you said or what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel.
00:26:45
Speaker
And it really got me thinking. And I guess coming from, you know, my grandpa, like when he said, of course, yeah, he didn't invent it, but coming from Kim saying it, it was so like, I really look up to him and it was just this amazing, like, wow, like that's so impactful. And when people tell you those kinds of quotes and inspirational words in your life, it sticks to you. And that as well was just a great addition to on top of developing things like
00:27:16
Speaker
emotional intelligence and those soft skills and things like that as well. And just another element. Yeah. And again, when you think about that quote, it's all about the outcome. It's about that lasting impact. It's all very easy to let off a quick quit and make someone feel bad. But wouldn't it be so much better if you could say something that gave someone something positive in their life that they could hold on to?
00:27:44
Speaker
Yes, yes, that's so true. Yes and quite often if you find that for example you've just won something and somebody else looks really disappointed or hurt because they didn't win it, then have a think about what can you say that's going to be kind to that person.
00:28:06
Speaker
So if it's tennis or something like that and you've got to the final and you've won and they haven't, it's to say, well, I may have won today, but you've got a really awesome backstroke. I'd kill for that backstroke. What can you say that would mean something to someone else? Yeah, it's all about those meaningful words. I know. Coming back quickly to
00:28:32
Speaker
emotional intelligence and those four things you were saying. I was scribbling them down and the first one was self-awareness. Self-awareness plan. And the next one is that bigger piece of self-management. So how are you going to use that self-awareness? And then we've got social awareness and then we've got relationship management. And I'm going to give you some top tips if you like. Yes, I would love to. That's actually going to be my next question. Top tips. Here we go.
00:28:59
Speaker
self-awareness plan so the first thing obviously is this stop and reflect and describe but the other thing is get to know yourself under stress so when you're under pressure what do you do and be honest with yourself about that so and if you're not sure ask the people closest to you and they will tell you what happens when you're under stress
Managing Stress and Feedback
00:29:18
Speaker
and it can be the most bizarre things but it's having that that handle on it means that you acknowledge it in yourself so when you're under pressure you can do something about it and that might mean that you've got to squirrel yourself away and get on with the stuff you've got to do and everyone that but tell people you know when I'm under pressure you can support me by doing this
00:29:42
Speaker
And at least then you're not constantly fighting the thing of, are you going to go to this? Are you going to go to that? Are you going to do this? It's to say, look, when I'm under a deadline, what I really need is this. Yeah. And then most people go, all right, I can do that.
00:29:56
Speaker
You know, that's fine. So get to know yourself under stress. When it starts to build up, go and talk to the people you need to talk to and say, this is how I'd like you to respond. This is what would be really helpful for me. Know who and what pushes your buttons and try and minimise it. Now, if it's a family member, that can be quite tricky. It can't it, but...
00:30:16
Speaker
The thing is, you can minimise the impact. So if it's your cousin and your cousin just drives your bonkers, then just decide that you're still going to see your cousin on a Saturday, but you're only going to see him every other Saturday, or you're only going to see him for an hour, or you're only going to see him when your nan's there because they behave then, or you're only going to, or whatever. But know who or what pushes your buttons.
00:30:36
Speaker
and then figure out a way to minimise the impact of that and either minimise the impact as in how you feel about it or minimise the impact as in the time that you spend in that scenario. So minimising the impact about how you feel about it, get a bit of perspective. If your nan says things that winds you up, just remember she won't be around forever and just enjoy the rest of it and just let it wash over you. So acknowledge that you think, here we go, there's that, she said it.
00:31:06
Speaker
The thing. She said the thing. And let it go.
00:31:12
Speaker
You know, let it go because you ain't going to change her. And she loves you. So just focus on that and not on the thing. And she's saying it probably because she loves you. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And remember, people say things because I can always remember at the start of my accountancy career, a member of my family said people like us don't become accountants. And well, as long as you're not going to be too disappointed when you fail. Well, I didn't fail. Yeah.
00:31:38
Speaker
and I just very much should not what that person said as a reflection on his life and and the fact that he wanted to protect me and he didn't want me to feel bad so rather than sort of thinking how dare you not support me I just thought I wonder if you hadn't had that that attitude yourself I wonder what you could have achieved in your life
00:31:59
Speaker
so just you know take some of those things with the attitude of the overall person in mind and just bear in mind that we all have off days we don't always say the right thing and let it go so know who and what pushes your buttons and decide how you're going to respond to that lean into your discomfort a bit as well because we can end up with this just sort of going straight back in the comfort zone only doing the things that we've always done not trying anything new
00:32:24
Speaker
So lean into that a bit, try some new things and if it doesn't feel so great don't do it again. That's what life's about, it's about having experiences so have a think about how you can do that and if you're having difficulty sort of describing your emotions.
00:32:40
Speaker
or how you feel about certain scenarios spot them in books on the tv and music or whatever use that as the catalyst and go so then you can say to your best friend you know this is how i feel about that boy that song that is it or you know that character and then that is me that is so me and it gives you then that leverage that that perspective so somebody else can go oh right i get it now
00:33:04
Speaker
So yes, that's another thing. And stop and ask why you do the things that you do. So sometimes we can get stuck into negative patterns of things that don't really help us. And the emotionally intelligent thing to do when it comes to self-awareness is to know when you're doing it and either stop or at least acknowledge it. So for those of us who are much older than you, the temptation to have a glass of wine every night that leads to two glasses or three glasses of wine every night,
00:33:34
Speaker
I know people who go, yeah, I know I do it, I know I do it and I'm under stress. I always stop at two. Before I didn't really acknowledge this, it used to be a bottle or two. So it's that thing of, okay, what are you doing that's not really supporting you? And at least acknowledge it. And then if you can change it or change it a little bit, then all of these things will help you. So this is all about self-awareness. It's all about you in your body and what you're doing. Right. So yeah, so what do you think to that?
00:34:01
Speaker
There's just so much there. I love it. That was awesome. I really love how it's so practical as well, the tips that you've given Sharon. Honestly, I think it's just a matter of thinking and sitting there and being honest with yourself and having a good think. Sometimes people don't want to acknowledge it, that they do have a tendency to
00:34:25
Speaker
I don't know like you know drink too much like you have had too many bottles of wine and yeah too many glasses and you know just like little tendencies like that and sitting down thinking and asking people even though it is the hard truth as you mentioned before yeah like asking people and people that know you and perhaps see you every day or live with you or whatever
00:34:45
Speaker
yeah really can help outline that yeah yeah they really can they really can so then once you've got your your self-awareness plan um then you've got to manage it so what are you what's the other things that you can do externally that's going to help you to keep this this thing going and grow your your emotional intelligence so the first thing is before you lose your temper count to 10 which i know is a very awful thing and it kind of works it so works
00:35:11
Speaker
So breathe, count to 10 and quite often the impassioned response will be dampened. So if you've got a temper, and in my youth I most definitely have a temper. So this is a good one, that's a really good one because it also gives you that space to think about what outcome you really want from it. And it's not childish at all, I don't think. In theory it sounds childish, you know, count to 10 and breathe but
00:35:41
Speaker
It does help, save me from any arguments. And the other thing is to talk to somebody who's good at self-management. So I know in my life I've come across quite a few people who they get the mood in the room, they understand all this stuff and they're really good at it. So if you're constantly tripping over your words and you're finding yourself in awkward situations, go talk to somebody who doesn't.
00:36:10
Speaker
and ask them okay so when someone pushes your buttons when somebody has a bit of a go when you're in a stressful situation what do you do and go take some advice because if they know you then they'll probably be able to give you some advice that fits for your personality because this isn't all about everyone being the same this is about getting the best out of you so talk to somebody who's good at self-management so that's a really you know that's a really good one another one is sleep
00:36:34
Speaker
sleep on it is always a good thing but also um oh i quite often say in business when um if you've had an email from a client and it's not very kind clients do that sometimes you're after response and then sleep on it and don't send it to the next day because then it gives you that again it takes that passion out of it you can be more objective but sleep's a really good thing generally so if you are under pressure and you're not getting the sleep that that perhaps you need acknowledge that and do something about it
00:37:04
Speaker
And even if you can't do anything about all the other mental health conditions and everything else and it's all getting on top of you, the one thing I would say to concentrate on is your sleep. Getting good quality sleep because that improves your mental capacity. It will also mean you're less likely to fly off the handle. So all of these things are improved by a decent night's sleep. And I know it's really basic and I know it's really boring and we do it all every night. So come on. Yeah, if you need it anyway, do it well. That's what I say. Obviously.
00:37:34
Speaker
So yeah, think about the environment you're sleeping in, think about, you know, not going on all your devices and your phone and everything else for a good couple of hours before you're trying to get to sleep. Think about... That's such a bad habit. And we all do it a bit, don't we? We all do it. But you know, so that things and actually, you can get nice apps if you have your phone in your room.
00:37:58
Speaker
calm or rain rain which is a good one which is natural sounds and that will quite often that will get you into a better place to sleep. Could be wrong but brown noise I think on Spotify they've got quite a few things. Yeah it's normally sort of they call them like white noise type things so they're sort of like natural sounds that will help you to yeah just to just to sleep and you get things like this on YouTube as well but have a think if you're
00:38:26
Speaker
having difficulty getting off to sleep then yeah you need to unwind a bit and and that's a that's a good way that's a good place to start yeah the other thing is to smile more i know we've talked about smiling in the past but you need to smile more because you've been you know quite often i'd walk into quite difficult business meetings with a big grin on my face you know just being kind and nice and rather walk in thinking here we go i've got a fight on i would walk in with the
00:38:52
Speaker
How are you? You're looking really lovely. How are the children? How are they so like a big smile on my face? And then you sit down and then that person now has to tell you how bad they think you are.
00:39:08
Speaker
What are they going to say? Do you think that it's not going to be as bad, is it? That's true. And people tend to mirror. So when you smile, other people smile. And in fact, I had a wonderful experience of this in a supermarket a few years ago where I walked in all jolly, bouncy me. And there was a man who looked totally miserable. And I just did my big grin and said, good morning. And he looked at me, looked a bit shocked and then smiled.
00:39:34
Speaker
And then I saw him two aisles later and he was smiling at other people who were smiling back at him. And by the time he got to the checkout, he was having a much better day than when I first saw him. So it's contagious smiling. The best contagious thing you can get. Don't do it. Smile, laugh more. If life's getting you down, go find some fun stuff.
00:39:58
Speaker
I love watching funny videos like
00:40:13
Speaker
just babies cracking up for 10 minutes straight and just, it's the cutest thing. And it will just be them playing with a toy or just seeing a cat sneeze or something and they lose it. And sneezing pandas. I mean, amazing. Everything like that is just so nice. Oh, it makes my day honestly, dopamine and everything as well.
00:40:37
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. So self management, you know, this is what this is about. It's accepting that changes around the corner that just because something's a bit bad at the moment, it's not always going to be like that. Yeah, you know, so so accept that. And sometimes you've got to just plow on through it, but plan something nice for the other side of it. So if you're under pressure with exams,
00:40:57
Speaker
then you know rather getting gnarkey with everyone else just set up set out your stall and go right this is what i need to survive this this is what i'm going to do to get my best thing i'm going to get some good sleep and then i'm going to accept that i've got three weeks and it's going to be it's going to be the freshers on and then in week four we're going to have these great things i'm going to do so yeah you know this is this thing is like set the changes around the corner so so they're moving on from that because the next thing is this social awareness thing now we'd said about
00:41:26
Speaker
the mood in the room, walking in and you know, something's kicked off. Definitely mispicked it sometimes. Walked in and just cracked a big joke. Just been happy about it and everyone's like, Mary, what it? Wrong time. Not that one.
00:41:44
Speaker
No, but this is but you know this and sometimes actually you need somebody like that to break the atmosphere but um but yeah this is the thing is to be aware of those things so go go people watching not to judge them but just observe
00:42:00
Speaker
you know what's what's the human dynamics going on between people get yourself used to being able to spot when somebody's not happy or when someone is happy or when someone's getting frustrated because it'll it'll modify your responses to things and it'll make it so much easier for other people to meet you halfway or you to meet them halfway so um catching the mood in the room is really good um stepping into their shoes is another another one i don't mean literally get the shoes off their feet because that
00:42:27
Speaker
that's not it that's not what we're talking about here but the other thing is is to try see see things from somebody else's perspective so just to sort of have a think about okay so you know my mum keeps going on about this if i had a child
00:42:44
Speaker
was behaving as I'm behaving, you know, how scared would I be? How concerned would I be? What actions would I take in that situation? And it may not be exactly the same ones as your parents are doing, but it gives you that perspective of, okay, from where they are, this probably looks really scary. From where I am, it looks fine. Well, okay, have a conversation about that.
00:43:06
Speaker
don't just leave them hanging thinking this is a big problem if it's not really a big problem yeah or acknowledge or ask them why this is you know what it is that upsets them about this thing so having that thing about other people's perspectives don't be too afraid to actually go up to another adult and say
00:43:26
Speaker
and say well you know you keep saying i've got to be i've got to come back at this time i've got to be this and i've got to do that what what is it that why is that what what is it that's that's making you fearful of that situation what is it i haven't spotted
00:43:42
Speaker
what is it I need to know about and it could be that actually you know exactly what that thing is but by having that conversation you're able to acknowledge each other's feelings so acknowledging other people's feelings is a really important thing you want them to acknowledge your feelings you need to acknowledge their feelings so stepping into their shoes is a really good a really good thing and ask more questions
00:44:04
Speaker
and practice the art of listening which you know I have I've just been babbling on here but asking more questions rather than assumptions is a great social awareness thing you know so rather than thinking you know you've had a go at me because of this this and this well do you know that challenge that assumption go ask them go ask them why
00:44:24
Speaker
Ask them what that is, because it could be something completely different that you don't know. And then that means that your responses after that could be totally more appropriate. And I've got a really embarrassing example of this. So I have a business that does wellbeing and things. So I was stood in a bank. I was invited to stand in this big banking hall with a table and all the rest of it with some stuff on it and talk to people.
00:44:49
Speaker
And this woman came up to me and said, how can you stand there doing what you're doing when you look so fat? Oh, I know. So now 27 year old Sharon would have probably hit her to be fair. The 37 year old Sharon would have been in tears. Fair enough. I would have been both of those. So the 37 year old Sharon would have been in tears. 47 year old Sharon said,
00:45:19
Speaker
So what is it about fat that you don't like? And she said, well, she said, well, and she was stupid. She said, well, I'm not the size of you and I can barely leave the house because I'm so fat. So what's this about? Is this about me? Is this about her? This is about her, isn't it? This is her problem, this poor woman, you know?
00:45:42
Speaker
Yeah it's a reflection of her thoughts that she's just projecting onto you and attacking you because of it. Exactly and how many times in our lives do we end up in those things so just by asking asking a question or asking some questions around that you can really get to the bottom of what that that thing is and now how bad would I have felt in that scenario if I'd hit her now knowing what I knew.
00:46:04
Speaker
at her. Or if I shouted at her or something, you know. You're like how did you? All of those fucking have been, you know, right? And instead we sat down and had a coffee and had a chat about it. So ask more questions and listen. Don't just listen to respond but listen to understand. And that's a really biggie, to actually take that time to listen.
00:46:25
Speaker
So um so that's social awareness and then the last bit of course is relationship management so this is where this is where you say take control it sounds like a really bad thing but but it is taking control of a scenario so when things aren't going so well or when things are and you want to make things you want to progress something in a certain direction this is a good model to follow so acknowledge other people's feelings I mentioned it earlier
00:46:51
Speaker
just even if even if all you can say is I'm sorry you feel that way acknowledge that that is how they feel because how they feel is how they feel it's valid yeah same as how you feel is how you feel and that's valid too to acknowledge it you may not be able to change it you can acknowledge it and that goes a hell of a long way to
00:47:08
Speaker
for bridging a gap in a conversation or a gap in an opinion and make feedback direct and constructive so if you're saying something's not good enough say why it's not good enough and what what you would like to see instead of that or what would make that better rather than just say it's rubbish
00:47:28
Speaker
yeah okay what the person what's the person going to do with that where's your outcome here think about making it direct and constructive so rather than saying you know my tutor's rubbish she might well be rubbish but say my tutor is not getting my my marks back on time i'm not getting enough feedback i don't know what i'm doing on my course
00:47:48
Speaker
Now, a head tutor can do something about that. Saying my tutor's rubbish, you're not even having a conversation here, you know? Yeah, it's just a complaint. Exactly. So make it direct, make it constructive and explain your decisions. So you'll go to times in your life where you'll make decisions, people won't understand why you're doing what you do and if you become a manager,
00:48:11
Speaker
often you are you have access to more information than other people so it seems logical to you it may seem very unfair to them so where you can explain your decisions and wherever you are actually in your career if you're at college and you want to change subjects explain your decisions
00:48:28
Speaker
You know, don't just say, I just don't want to do it. Just say, this isn't the subject I thought it was. I'm not enjoying it the way I thought I would. I want to do this. Explain your decisions like that. Ask more questions, be open, be curious about the things around you. So rather than just saying, right, I'm comfortable doing this, I'm going to sit doing this.
00:48:49
Speaker
have a think about okay well maybe I'll give that a go and I'll sit in that space for a bit and I'll ask some questions about that and I'll join that club and if it's not for you it's not for you but think about expanding out your circle a little bit and do try some different things because the more experienced you become in different things the more things you'll see and then the easier this all of this will be because you will have a whole bank of things and examples and whatever in your head where you can go I know how to deal with this another one is um take feedback well
00:49:19
Speaker
eek difficult so isn't it d-minus could do better and you're thinking that was i gave it my all what do you mean yeah i've had lots of those i know it it happens it happens
00:49:35
Speaker
So try and take feedback well, try and take the emotion out of it and think that person just doesn't like me. And try and glean something from it because this is about you and you having the best life. So try and find something in there that you can improve, something you can change, something that is right. And if that means you've got to sit there and keep asking more questions and asking more questions to get it, then do it.
00:49:56
Speaker
um yeah so take feedback well yeah so next time somebody does something and you think i'm livid go be livid somewhere go shout at a tree or something and then come back and go can you explain a bit more about this feed
00:50:11
Speaker
Which leads me to my other thing, which is get mad on purpose. So don't get mad for the hell of it. You can get mad, but do it on purpose. And as somebody who's, I can be as feisty as you like, but I tend to only get mad on purpose now. So there have been times in board meetings where people have said things and we've been understanding, we've tried everything we can, and then eventually I will just thump my fist on the table or slap my hand on the table and go,
00:50:41
Speaker
We need to really sort out this problem. And because I don't do it all the time, it's massively impactful. If you do it all the time, people ignore you. If you don't, if you save it for when you really want to make an impact, everyone goes, oh, oh, right, well, we must pay attention to this and sort this out then. So if you're going to get mad, only get mad on purpose. So think about what you're going to do and then do it.
00:51:09
Speaker
So it's not that you're never going to get mad again, but you're going to funnel this and you're going to make it mean something. So yeah, so it's quite often said in business that nobody ever wants to cross me because I'm the nicest, nicest, nicest person. But if it's not going somewhere, then something will happen. That's a good reputation to have. It's the way it goes. Yeah. And if I can't go, if I can't go any other way. So it's not that you'll never get mad, but you've got to think of the outcome of that.
00:51:38
Speaker
and how you're going to control that outcome and how's that outcome going to help all of you. So getting mad can still happen, but you've got to do it in a controlled way when you know what the outcome of that's going to be. So yes, that's my top tips on emotional intelligence. I could sit here for all day. I could listen all day. It's so fascinating. I do want to explore and yeah, could totally be wrong, but
00:52:06
Speaker
Is there a difference between emotional intelligence and emotional maturity? Is there a slight difference? Well, I would say that emotional maturity to some extent comes along with experience in life generally. So your attitude towards other people in your life will change as you get older because you've seen more things and so your responses will be different. Whereas, and that is a part of emotional intelligence, but emotional intelligence is about being conscious.
00:52:36
Speaker
it's about consciously using your emotions rather than just allowing them to evolve if you like, which is what I would say is more emotional maturity.
00:52:45
Speaker
Yeah. And something else, I was just scribbling notes as you were talking and I was going to bring them up after. The other thing was soft skills. How does that sort of link into emotional intelligence? Yeah. So soft skills are, they're all around ability to network, ability to talk to other people, to link with other people. And this is, emotional intelligence is an amazing soft skill.
00:53:10
Speaker
So if you can really bear these things in mind then that is a huge amount of soft skills if you like there because in there you've got listening, you've got asking questions, you've got how you decide to greet people even.
00:53:26
Speaker
you've got how you acknowledge people, you've got all of those things which are all really great soft skills to have. So emotional intelligence is an access point, if you like, to developing your soft skill set. Yeah, and soft and soft skills are incredibly important. They are the thing that will
00:53:44
Speaker
push you up the career ladder, far more so than technical skills. Technical skills get you in the door and we all need to have our job we can do, absolutely. But if you want to be the chief exec, if you want to really go up the ranks, then it's the soft skills that's going to do it for you.
00:54:01
Speaker
And that is, I mean, are there such things as hard skills? Is there another opposite to that? I suppose hard skills is the technical skills. So it is in accountancy, it's how you put the counts together. In psychology, it's going to be how you run assessments and how you do the nuts and bolts of that technical job. Whereas soft skills are about relationships.
00:54:26
Speaker
about how you relate to other people, how you build those relationships. Yeah, how you get your team to be the best they can be, how you become the best you can be. So they're all the soft skills. And you said that emotional intelligence is as useful as the qualification that you get.
Emotional Intelligence vs. Formal Qualifications
00:54:43
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Amazing. So if you can, if you can add that on to the qualification you've got, you've got to have an awesome career. And I honestly think
00:54:56
Speaker
or perhaps just my thoughts are just brain dump right now but just soft skills I feel as though they're not as talked about in schools or especially in the school I went to it was all get into the degree you want get the qualification and you'll be fine like you'll be right um but you know as you're saying if you want that top position you need other skills like it's not you gotta stand out because anyone can get any degree you know if they work hard enough then they have the intelligence for it you can get there but it's the soft skills that pull you through
00:55:26
Speaker
it is and it's the soft skills that will help you to be able to communicate with everybody around you to make it less stressful and more enjoyable as well but it's also it is those soft skills that that will push your career forward so you can understand that schools have to say go and get these qualifications because yeah you know you again you could be you can have all the great soft skills in the world but if you don't have a your technical base if you like then you're it doesn't work need both but
00:55:54
Speaker
But schools will say go and get your academic qualifications because that's what they do, isn't it? The same as, you know, your mum fusses after you, you know, your brother is always nicking or your sister's always nicking stuff at your wardrobe and schools always tell you that you've got to get an academic exam because that's what they're measured on.
00:56:13
Speaker
So that's true. That's very true. Yeah. If you went to any of your tutors and asked them about soft skills, ask them about emotional intelligence or ask them about how useful it is to have those communication skills, then I'm sure that they'll tell you exactly the same things. But yeah, absolutely. You're going to need to develop those too. But when you're at school, the first thing they try and give you is that really strong technical base. Hmm. Yeah. Wow.
00:56:40
Speaker
Do you have any other tips or insight to share Cheyenne before we wrap up the conversation for today? Well, so what I'd say is I'll take it right the way back to the beginning, right back to self-awareness, because I've talked about loads of stuff today. And what I would say is if you were to make one change, is get more descriptive about how you feel.
00:56:58
Speaker
and to take that pause between feeling a strong emotion and absolutely just reacting and think about your outcome, think about your response and think about how you describe how you feel to the people around you. So if you were to just take away one sort of nugget from that, I would say that that's it.
00:57:18
Speaker
yeah wow and and just on top of that where can people find you or where you work ACCA and all those yeah so um so my my website is uh it's Sharon Critchlow.com but it's also discoveryourbounce.com so that's where we have all of our stuff uh we also i also do some free events actually uh once a month i do a free personal development event um
00:57:44
Speaker
and they're normally at the lunch times in the UK but we normally send a recording out as well and you can find all the events on our website discoveryourbounce.com as well and I have blogs on there so if you're interested in these sorts of things then there's some more reading which has often got other reference material to other things that you can read as well and I've got a podcast
00:58:05
Speaker
Do you believe? I've got a podcast called The My Wellbeing Show and that's me and Nicky chatting about all sorts of well-being type things and we get some special guests on there and we have a bit of a giggle. Love it. Please everybody check that out if you're listening right now. What? Go follow and subscribe. Yes, all the good things. Thank you Sharon once again.
00:58:31
Speaker
Part two, the second episode recording. It was so much fun chatting, thank you so much. Thank you for having me on here. Of course, any time. Maybe part three, who knows? Who knows? Easy, take care. Okay.
00:58:46
Speaker
wow that was absolutely awesome i don't know about you guys but i really really enjoyed that episode and Sharon is so lovely please definitely go check out everything that she was talking about um i will link her website discoveryourbounce.com in the show notes
00:59:03
Speaker
so definitely please go check that out and guys I would highly encourage you to rate the podcast five stars it means the world to me when you do that because it goes to show that the information that you're finding is helpful and it allows more people to get more reach or that the podcast gets more reach so
00:59:18
Speaker
more people can discover it. So we'd highly encourage and very grateful if you have already rated the podcast five stars. And the last thing, but not least, once again, go check out the online merch store. You get 20% off by using the code study20 in full caps, study20, and you get 20% off. I'll be putting the website into the show notes as well, but if you wanted to do a quick search now, it is allthingseducation21.com, 21 being in the two and one numbers format.
00:59:48
Speaker
And yes, best wishes everybody. Hopefully everybody has a lovely week and I will see you all next week for another episode on the All Things Education broadcast. Stay educated everyone and see you next time.
01:00:02
Speaker
Thanks so much for listening to the All Things Education Podcast. If you enjoyed the episode today, why not support the show? Head to the description of this episode and click on the support the show link to donate in increments of $5. Don't forget to subscribe to this podcast on your favourite platform. And remember, the advice given on this channel and on our social media is general information only. If you have any specific personal health, wellbeing and or educational issues,
01:00:24
Speaker
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