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Managing Friendships: Bullying, Toxic friends + Exclusion
150 Plays2 years ago
If you are in a workplace environment, a school setting, or a tertiary institution or work with or around people, you NEED to listen to this episode! Tune in to hear Mary speak about her experience with exclusion and bullying, her personal and researched tips to combat and face bullies, ways you can encourage and promote positive friendships, and more!
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Stay educated everyone!
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Transcript
Introduction to All Things Education
00:00:05
Speaker
Hey, it's Mary Coleman, your host for the All Things Education podcast. If you don't know, I'm a student too and I'm currently studying psychology. I'm so glad you're listening today because we learn about study and lifestyle tips, chat with professional guests about a range of topics. We learn about the ins and outs of school and uni life, how to form solid friendships, actualize career aspirations, chat about relationships, moving, traveling, and so much more. We have a range of content on this podcast and it's all to help you be that much more informed about the world we live in.
00:00:34
Speaker
So, let's get educated, shall we?
The Focus on Bullying and Toxic Friendships
00:00:36
Speaker
Hello, hello everybody. Welcome back to another episode. I am super excited today to record. I'm actually recording Sunday night and I'm releasing it Sunday night, so that's fun. Today we're gonna be talking about bullying, toxic friendships, exclusion. We're gonna be talking about how to identify a friendship that may not be the best in your life and how to deal with one
00:01:01
Speaker
if you are struggling currently in a school setting or in a uni setting in the workplace, however it
Personal Updates and Academic Journey
00:01:08
Speaker
is. So just to get into it, let's talk about my weekly recap. So today is Sunday, so it has actually been a full week since the last recording, actually a little bit more than a week. In terms of my weekly recap, I haven't been doing too much actually. I have just been really preparing for
00:01:28
Speaker
my big move which is very exciting and I've also been completing a couple of assessments out of due next Friday so that is fun and I'll keep you updated about how that's going. In terms of, ah, really exciting, I got some of my grades back and I'm very happy with the grades that I got.
00:01:46
Speaker
that just goes to show that you can juggle a hundred things in life, you can juggle a podcast and an Instagram account and overloading study and still do well. So that's something I'm really excited to share with you guys and to share that I did well in a couple of my assessments. So that's that. In terms of my psychology update, I guess that is a little bit of psychology update. I have been doing well in my assessments and I have a couple more to come before the summer semester is over and then after that I am dropping back to part-time with psychology.
00:02:16
Speaker
just to ease into the liberal arts course a little bit better. So the liberal arts degree that I'm doing is a bachelor so it will be three years long and I love doing an arts degree because it just focuses on a range of things and it sort of is going to be helping me in my psychology degree in many different ways. Let's jump into the next segment.
Book Recommendation: 'Impostors'
00:02:37
Speaker
Let's talk about my favourite book of the week.
00:02:40
Speaker
Each week I'll give you guys updates on the book that I'm currently reading. Whether that's educational, fantasy, fiction or non-fiction, you'll hear about it all. Hopefully you'll be inspired to read some of the books that I'm reading so you can be more educated in different areas of your life. Let's jump into it.
00:02:55
Speaker
So my favourite book of the week is called Impostors by Scott Westerfield. I have read this a million times. It is the fifth book in the Uglies series, so the Uglies series is pretty much my favourite series in the entire universe. My favourite book is called Pretty's, but that is another Scott Westerfield book for another day. The book basically takes place in the Uglies' future so the protagonist of the Uglies series, Tally, she has this revolution which has basically changed everything.
00:03:22
Speaker
Tally once said, freedom has a way of destroying things, and the Impostors series is about dealing with the consequences of ending the pretty regime so people undertake surgeries to make them look perfect. The story starts in a city where things did not work out well, bad people earn charts, etc, etc. You get the gist. It is such a great book, it keeps you on edge the whole time, and you just want to read more. Go check it out!
Call to Action: Support the Podcast
00:03:44
Speaker
Okay, so just before I get into it, I just wanted to say
00:03:49
Speaker
that if you haven't already, I'd really, really appreciate it if you rated the podcast. And if you ate five stars, that'd be amazing. And also just leave a quick review. It takes five to 10 seconds. Just say your favorite thing that you like about the podcast or how you started listening to this podcast. Maybe perhaps a friend recommended it to you, or a teacher, or a peer. And if you just mention that and just say, a peer recommended it to me, loved it, or something genuine, of course. I'm not trying to put words into your mouth. But if you rated it at five stars and left a review,
00:04:18
Speaker
You can do that on Apple Podcast on Spotify. You can only just rate five stars. I'd love for Spotify to actually make an update. You know, be able to like put reviews in. That would be really, really cool. But anyways, that's it. I just wanted to quickly say that. And secondly, if you haven't already, I would really appreciate it if you would be able to spare $5 or $10 or however much you can spare. And thank you to those who have already supported the podcast with financial aid. Big shout out to you guys and you know who you are.
00:04:47
Speaker
But pretty much in the show notes There is a link that says support the show if you click on that it would take you to a web page It says buy me a coffee pretty much the whole idea of that platform is just that you are able to support content creators podcasters like myself and give them $5 and you're donating $5 straight to me so I'm receiving it and I'm going to be putting that towards a better microphone better podcasting equipment a better mixer better sound quality so you guys can have a better audio experience and
00:05:15
Speaker
audio listening experience and also I'll be able to create some ads on Instagram and get better reach for this podcast. Another thing as well, and sorry I'm asking a lot of you, but three things is donate if you are able to and support the show. And two, rate and review the podcast. And three is if you could share this to a couple of your friends, this episode or this channel, I'd be very, very grateful. I think the biggest thing for me is just to get as much reach as possible. If you listen to another episode, I have recently released my 2023 goals.
00:05:44
Speaker
One of them was to get to 1,000 listeners and 1,000 followers on Instagram, and I'm very excited to achieve that. So if you are able to share it to 10 of your friends, that would be amazing. And if every person shared it to 10 of their friends or those 10 people shared it, you know what I mean. It's an exponential graph, and it will just continue to grow and grow, and the reach will just go further. And I really hope this podcast will get out there a little bit more. The statistics are looking great at the moment. I'm very happy of the progress that this podcast is making. So thank you so much if you're listening now, and you are enjoying it.
00:06:13
Speaker
Don't forget to rate it at five stars, leave a review, and share it to your friends. Cool. So, if you're listening to this episode, I wonder why.
Personal Experiences with Bullying
00:06:22
Speaker
I guess, I don't wonder why, but I'm glad that you are listening to this episode because it's something that I would love to talk about and I've been meaning to talk about for a while. I mentioned this in my most recent episode as well, the previous episode I mentioned I was gonna talk about this, so I am. And this, what I'm referring to, is bullying and
00:06:42
Speaker
Excluding and talking behind people's backs gossiping and friendship and toxic friendships really just talking about all of that I wanted to share my story with you guys, and then I wanted to really just talk about tips that you can manage and Use that I actually have done research on so it's it's it's a mixture of things I was googling like good tips to share with you guys
00:07:05
Speaker
just some succinct, great tips and also tips that I've also added on based off my story. So just in terms of the, just my journey, I guess, through my friendships throughout, you know, however long I've been friends with people, I guess the moment I've been born, right? But particularly in year eight, year nine, year 10, year 11, year 12, so high school, particularly senior school. I think for me, friendships have been
00:07:36
Speaker
have differed far and wide and I did just want to make a point and just say that you can't always control sort of the people that enter your life and come in and out of your life especially when you are in a school environment which is sort of the story my story I'm referring to today or if you're in a university or a workplace or wherever you have to interact with these kind of people like toxic or bullying or you have to deal with exclusion every single day or every week or every month or whatever it is you know like you it is in your life and you can't really escape it
00:08:05
Speaker
that's the harsh reality that Even though you might move school because you've been bullied you're still gonna experience bullying somewhere else at some place in your life You know whether this is minor subtle or if it's extreme and a very grand kind of scale bullying I think that I know that Bullying does occur. It's not just school. You know primary school is just or preschool is just where it starts and it is so I guess
00:08:36
Speaker
sad and a downer to say that bullying doesn't go away and bullying is in so many different environments and it is so terrible and it shouldn't occur but it's the need and want of you know maybe perhaps the person the bully is self-conscious or you know they are just like you know they're self-conscious or they are not self-aware that they are causing an effect and they're being mean to someone else
00:09:06
Speaker
or if they are intentionally bullying and excluding and being a toxic friend, you know, it's so hard to avoid and not to be a downer, not to say that you can't stop it and avoid it and confront it because you definitely can and I'm going to give you tips a little bit later about how to combat it but I think that it is something that you are going to have to deal with for the rest of your life and it's just something that we have to face
00:09:34
Speaker
I know I have been bullied and I've been a bully-er so I've experienced both sides of the coin and I mean I hope you've never bullied someone but in reality it is more likely you know that most people experience both sides of that coin and it's just it's not good so not to rant on too much about it but you can't really control the kind of people that are in your life all the time
00:10:01
Speaker
because if they are in your environment and you're seeing them every day you might have to sit next to them or near them in class or you see them in the hallway or the building or the institution or they might be in your friendship group or you know you might have to work with them and it is so annoying to be put in those situations where you are at the detriment and it can really really impact you, your mental health and your state of being but sometimes and only sometimes it can be a lesson and a great learning experience that you
00:10:31
Speaker
you can develop through these people and you can grow as a person and even though bullying and toxic friendships, exclusion and gossiping and the whole lack of it is not good and should be stopped people do become stronger because of it and I know I've become stronger because of it I know who I am as a person and now I know who to avoid what to avoid saying and speaking and thinking and who to avoid to develop friendships with like close friendships with
00:10:58
Speaker
So just to talk quickly about my story, when I say I was a bully-er and I was also bullied, I sort of mean that I went to an all-girls school and I guess there was a lot of sense of entitlement because it was a private school. I just wanted to put it out there, not in any way am I trying to diss the school. It was an amazing school and I had so many opportunities there. I was really, really grateful for what I learned at the school and everything about the school was great.
00:11:28
Speaker
I'm really not trying to put the school down and I'm not going to mention the school just to keep anonymity just a little bit in case people do take what I'm going to say the wrong way and it's not the school it was just the girls that happened to be in my U level so an all girls school did mean that it was a little bit more toxic the girls were a little bit more without swearing I guess there was a little bit nastier because there was no relief of a co-ed environment if that makes sense so it was just one
00:11:56
Speaker
just one kind of group of girls and I guess being a private school it attracted a certain kind of people as well and I think that's where a lot of the toxicity came from because a lot of girls were not very good friends to other girls and it was always who could fight for more power and a better position and who could be the prefects and who was going to be the head prefects you know like it was always about
00:12:26
Speaker
who was going to be what and who was doing what and like knowing every little bit about everyone's lives and who's dating who and knowing all the gossip about the teachers and you know just that whole environment was just not a great culture to be around to be honest though a lot of different schools are like that and there are always hierarchical groups and hierarchies in those groups and you're always going to have to deal with toxic friends and everything of like that you know so not just to say it's just this school it is probably many schools and if you're listening and you didn't go to my school you'll probably
00:12:56
Speaker
you can probably relate this to your school as well. So, in your rate, I didn't really have a friendship group, I just kind of had a couple of friends that I knew and I sort of found myself becoming too clingy and too attached to this one particular friend so I thought I would branch out and I would explore different groups and I would try and sit with new people. So, I left for about two weeks and just every day I kind of sat next to a new group where I kind of went back to a couple of groups I liked sitting with and just enjoyed people's company. No one was really, I guess, super welcoming and
00:13:25
Speaker
I sort of felt a little bit excluded in that sense because I was new. I didn't know anyone in that school. I was coming by myself from a primary school no one knew of and I guess I was just different in that sense. Whereas all these girls sort of came from the same sort of primary schools that at least had two or three people they knew. They already had started forming groups and I was a bit late to the game in the sense that I was trying to find a friendship group and it was already, you know,
00:13:52
Speaker
April, May of that year and you know school started in February so it was a couple months in. So I left this particular friend and I said I'm just gonna go I didn't do it in a mean way I just said I'm gonna go check out some other groups and I didn't really find a group that I liked there were a couple groups I was interested in but nothing really fit like suited my fancy. I came back after two weeks to back to this friend and it looked as if she had found a new friend
00:14:16
Speaker
And her new sort of best friend and they were attached to the hip which is totally fine But I did feel a little bit excluded and it was a trio and I was on the out You know I didn't feel so I could fit in with that group with those two friends and they were really good friends I was very happy for them, but I did feel excluded and I think it was innocence like an innocent sort of exclusion but I just didn't feel like I belonged so
00:14:44
Speaker
I went back around and I kind of sat with the groups that I did like and I did enjoy and I did find one group in sort of by segment like term two, term three. I was sort of in a group that I liked and I stuck with that entire group for five years. Basically I chose my group and I stuck with it. And I'm glad I stuck with that group because the girls in there I'm still friends with today. We did catch up just the other day and this has been two years since we graduated or a year and a bit. So I'm happy that I stuck with that group.
00:15:13
Speaker
The thing was, I guess there were a couple of friendships that were a little bit toxic and it was a little bit hard and I did know there was gossiping behind my back, especially because later on in the senior years of high school, a number of those girls started to get boyfriends
Identifying Toxic Friendships
00:15:31
Speaker
and started to date people and I wasn't really into that as much because I was prioritising my studies and I knew I couldn't handle both.
00:15:40
Speaker
just with my personality I have to give attention to one thing and one thing only. So I didn't kind of follow in the same path and lifestyle as them and I felt excluded and I was talked about because of that. Anyway, that is my story. There was obviously a lot more to it and that is a very brief summary. I don't need to dwell on it too much but you can kind of see that.
00:16:05
Speaker
I have experienced exclusion and bullying and I did have some toxic friends I'm going to talk about in a second what like what kind of characterizes a toxic friend and that's based off research as well but in terms of me bullying I guess I in primary school so I guess it was a very long time ago but I did um I there are a couple people I really didn't like and I was I guess the
00:16:33
Speaker
if there were, so the school was just so small, but there were group hierarchies, and I guess I was number one, you know, and I really sort that power out and that position, and I became someone I was not, and I was not true to myself, and I was not genuine, and yes, I was only 10 or 11, but there doesn't excuse the fact that I cultivated that kind of part of myself that actually isn't worthwhile keeping and is not the kind of person that builds long-lasting friendships, and anyone who tried to challenge, I guess,
00:17:03
Speaker
my status and kind of the position I put myself in, anyone who I thought was a threat, you know, it was just, I bullied them and when I say bullied, I was just not nice and I wasn't inclusive in any sense and I'm very, I think, ashamed of that and
00:17:27
Speaker
You know, I'm not happy with myself for being like that kind of person. And since then, since, you know, when I was 10, I decided that I'm never gonna be like that person again because I matured and I realised, and I guess we all have sort of that phase, but it really did stick with me and I'm glad it did because I can remember that is a person I am capable of being and it's not something I ever want to be again. Anyway, if you have friends in your life who may seem toxic but you're not really sure who they are, like if they are toxic,
00:17:57
Speaker
There are some telltale signs I'm about to give you that may suggest that they could be a toxic friend. The biggest one is they put you down. So it's not your usual, you know, you're joking with your friends and they kind of put you down here and there. And they're just, they kind of make a comment that kind of makes you feel like, oh, that kind of sucks. But, you know, it's not really that bad at the end. You kind of, like, five minutes in, they're still joking. It's not making you constantly feel like crap and miserable for being who you are. And that is,
00:18:28
Speaker
obviously a very telltale sign of being a toxic friend because putting someone down is never something you'd have to tolerate and Yeah, I just think that is a really really short sign Another thing second thing I guess is gossiping. Okay. Look especially in a girls school It is impossible to not gossip about someone here and there but I guess someone who you know is openly talking smack about you behind your back and saying things and
00:18:53
Speaker
far worse than just put downs is again another way that shows a toxic friend because Everyone's probably gonna talk about someone once in their life once or twice and they're gonna say something that you know, they might not be proud of But someone who is talking constantly bad about someone and you know it Yeah, that's a sign third thing I guess is just apologizing without really meaning it so if they kind of say sorry after doing something and
00:19:19
Speaker
Or they kind of say sorry in the moment or whatever it is, however they express it. And they don't really mean it. And they say over and over and they don't really put a second thought to it. It, you know, it doesn't really mean that they're actually truly genuinely sorry. And that's another sign that they could be a toxic friend to you because they're not meaning what they say.
Self-Awareness in Toxic Relationships
00:19:39
Speaker
The fourth thing I guess is just putting themselves in the front and center above everything else. So this is disregarding you and your feelings and really only thinking about your feelings and in relation to how it affects them in their life and in their sort of bubble. When I say their bubble it's sort of like their vision and their world, their bubble. I guess, sorry I keep saying I guess because I just don't want to be certain in what I'm saying because of course
00:20:08
Speaker
I have not researched into this myself but I do just want to make the point and say that just because I'm saying this doesn't mean that this is a toxic friend and if you have any of these qualities and you are a toxic friend and you need to cut out everyone who's a toxic friend like I'm not saying that I'm more just saying these are signs that I have researched into just before and done a bit of searching on it to find some indications
00:20:36
Speaker
And if you are experiencing any of these with your friends, maybe it's something just to keep monitoring and maybe talk to them about at a future date. So, these toxic friends are very much present in school, in your tertiary studies, in the workplace, and sometimes even your family. And there may even be parts of yourself that are a little bit toxic. No one's perfect. Like, seriously. I know that when I say sorry, sometimes I don't actually really mean it. And that's something I'm really trying to be self-aware and improve on.
00:21:05
Speaker
and just trying to fix and it's just all about the self-awareness. If you know that about yourself then you can try and build on it. As in build on it to fix it and combat it overcomer. If you truly do not want to be in the same environment with some toxic people though who may have the above traits that I just said, you can consciously remove yourself from the environment that you're in and it does take effort and it is a conscious decision.
Strategies to Distance from Toxic Friends
00:21:28
Speaker
But I'm going to give you some tips on how you can do that and how you can distance yourself
00:21:33
Speaker
from people who cultivate a toxic friendship and potentially even bully you. So the first thing is just to create new habits. So choose new environments that you are not with these people. It's quite, it's, you know, I guess simple in concept but hard to practice. If, you know, you're in a, okay, I've got to get an example here. I guess if you are in a school environment or a uni environment and you keep seeing these people in your class and you know that before and after class they purposely will bump into you
00:22:02
Speaker
they tip over your water bottle or whatever it is you know that's obviously just very childish examples but um if they do that and you I guess the this example is to create new habits and choosing a different place to sit where they are not sitting or arriving after them or making sure that you are not around these people in this environment choosing new environments
00:22:27
Speaker
if they keep showing up and they keep invading your space or they just keep just happening happening to be there at that time and you can't get rid of them examine yourself and examine yourself deeply and just honestly and think about is there something that you are doing that is encouraging these people and bringing these people into your life that you don't want to be doing so for example perhaps
00:22:56
Speaker
you just maybe arriving to class before them and giving them the opportunity to sit near you or to annoy you and distract you. Or perhaps you are involving yourself too much in a certain club or society that you actually don't want to be but you somehow just always end up being dragged into. I don't know, there's really bad examples but you guys just examining yourself and
00:23:19
Speaker
thinking about is this something that you are doing that's actually stimulating and encouraging these people to do what they are doing to you. Being aware of this and your emotions and the physical environment will help you understand this as well and if you do find that you are responsible for actually encouraging these people to bully and exclude or whatever to do that to you, act in a manner that will change this and if there really is nothing you cannot do anything about it
00:23:46
Speaker
that you wish to change just accept they are going to be in your life except they're going to be in that environment and learn just to be just work around these people and figure out a way that you are able to maintain some sort of acquaintance or engage with them in a way that will not result in bullying or exclusion etc. Another thing is just to talk to somebody new.
00:24:08
Speaker
It may be very daunting, I guess, to speak to somebody in your school who you haven't really spoken to before or someone in your university or tertiary institution, especially if you tend, yeah, you know, a public institution where there are a lot of people on site and constantly around you, but you never know who might just find someone you might find really special in your life who will compliment, you know, who will, I guess, compliment your personality really well and you might just become best of friends and, you know, just culture a great relationship.
00:24:36
Speaker
However, if you are, I guess, in a smaller year level, like mine was at my private school, it can be very difficult to find new friends and you feel as though you know everybody. But my best tip for you guys here is just to really select people in your year level that you enjoy spending time with in and out of school. So it doesn't matter if they're a part of your group or not, just find those people that you really enjoy spending time with and create a beautiful friendship with them.
00:25:04
Speaker
and you never know maybe a new friendship group may arise from spending time with different people and maybe, you know, you can organise something just with those people and bring them together and you honestly never know what will come out of it.
Confronting Bullying Effectively
00:25:16
Speaker
I think talking to someone new, it is scary, it is very something that perhaps you don't want to be doing all the time and it is very introvert, it can be very daunting, very very daunting and something that takes a lot of courage, a lot of boldness to do.
00:25:33
Speaker
But once you've done it, I think it can just be a great boost of self-esteem. Know that you do have the courage and the guts, I guess, to talk to somebody new and to be able to share and share your interests and your hobbies and maybe you have mutual hobbies. Which actually brings me to my third point, which is be friends with everyone in extracurricular activities. And this is very important because you've got something to bond over with that person.
00:26:02
Speaker
It's a great conversation starter and you have a mutual interest and you can just talk about, for example, if you're playing volleyball and maybe you play volleyball with someone in a team and you just high five them and you engage with them but you don't actually really know them super well. If you take the time to know them, you already have that acquaintance level friendship based on your mutual interest of volleyball.
00:26:24
Speaker
maybe the opposition team that you play every single week and you somehow see them maybe just go up to them and say hi and and just say hey you know great game I really love when you spike the ball but I'm gonna get you next time like something like that like just something funny and interactive and it's just a great way to engage with different people now let's move on to how to deal with people who are bullying you so perhaps um perhaps you just can't get away from the bullying and maybe like
00:26:52
Speaker
you just can't like you're in the environment and people are just constantly bullying you or whatever the reason or whatever reason they're bullying for it's not okay um bullying is really subtle and it is still present even in the adult workplace and I hate to say it but it's true it's a challenge you never really grow out of and you either the bully or the bully-er um I mean sorry I didn't say that right you either the bully or you're being bullied um
00:27:20
Speaker
So you can't really be both at the same time, you're either the victim or the attacker. And it's very much, yeah, it's something you can't really escape. And I hate to say it. Perhaps if you can't get away from bullying, there are lots of different strategies that you can do to fix this problem. First of all, speak to somebody about it. I think that's a great option. Just speak to a peer counselor, school counselor, or university counselor, or
00:27:47
Speaker
your parents or friends, family, someone that you can trust, someone that you can vent to without gossiping, but someone you can able to communicate your problems to, that you can ensure confidence in confidentiality. And instead of just ignoring the bully and hoping the problem will just disappear, it is also great just to discuss issues that arise
00:28:17
Speaker
instead of just, yeah, avoiding them. So, you could just go up to the person that's bullying you and just say, oh, actually, instead of saying that in front of the whole group because that will definitely be harder to achieve, um, because they have the support of their entire group around them, but a really good way, or a great thing that you could do is just to pull them aside and just say, hey, I don't know what's going on, but you're really treating me like rubbish, or like this and that. Your words are really hurtful and I don't know what's going on, like, talk to me, or don't talk to me, but don't do that again.
00:28:45
Speaker
you know, that sort of thing. And it is very hard to have those conversations with people, so having the mediator of a peer can be great. Speaking to the person individually, I think, yeah, pulling them aside away and out of earshot from other people can allow people to be themselves. It takes away that peer pressure of having to be a person, perhaps they're not. Maybe they'll be like, I'm so sorry, I did not mean to, I didn't actually realise, or
00:29:10
Speaker
Yeah, I know I've kind of been rude to you, but I'm trying to fix it, and you're kind of just an easy target or whatever it is, you know? If the person's not in your group, it is kind of hard to achieve this, but it can also be, you know, instead of just avoiding them, I think a good solution is just to simply not be in the same room as them. And yeah, that is not just to avoid the situation, but rather just to minimize the chance of being bullied, bullied face-to-face.
00:29:35
Speaker
Another great thing is just to deal with the conflict or the bullying confidently in a very confident and effective manner which will pretty much just minimise the stressful situation and if you do have some sort of friendship or acquaintance or connection it does preserve it a little bit to that person or those people or the group and again speaking to someone privately one on one
00:29:59
Speaker
is,
Leaving Toxic Environments
00:30:00
Speaker
I mean, maybe the word will get out, you're spoken, maybe you'll be bullied because of that, but I think it is something that, I mean, I really hope not, but it is something that is great just to ensure that you are speaking to them in private and it's just, you're just pulling them away, you're just attaching them from any kind of moral support. A mediator, like I said before, is great.
00:30:24
Speaker
Another thing is just to give the person a chance to explain themselves. You never know what their story is, whether this is an excuse or a genuine response or a genuine apology. Just listen to them with the intention of understanding their perspective, where they're coming from, instead of just intending to tell them off, win them over and whatever, or win the argument and just be right about what you're trying to say. It's very mature to listen to them as well. Don't talk at them, talk to them.
00:30:54
Speaker
This is obviously coming up and just confronting the problem head-on and I think that these are very much It's a very confrontational manner to You know alleviate bullying and exclusion, but I do believe that it is the most effective because you are coming face to face to the problem another extreme and I wouldn't This is something I can never I just can't recommend because I'm I don't know you and I
00:31:23
Speaker
It's something that I would suggest please speak to people first. Don't just make the decision by your own. These are things that you need support. You need your support network. You need your five people that you are able to have on speed dial and call up whenever you can and talk to them about these problems. And this is an extreme but it's to leave the school.
00:31:47
Speaker
know that just because you leave those bullies doesn't mean that they won't be others and I think the main thing is just to be confident in yourself. Don't change yourself just because someone doesn't like it or someone doesn't bully it. I think that is the worst thing just to say, you know, if someone comments and says they don't like you or they don't like, you know, you're too fat or your skin's not clear enough or you're weird or you're
00:32:14
Speaker
I don't know, you're religious, you're too spiritual, you're too nerdy, you play too much sport, whatever it is, you know, I think don't change yourself just because someone says they don't like it, because if you like a part of that self, yourself, you should keep it. Because you, that's like the most important thing is that you like that part of yourself. And at the end of the day, in 10 years time, those bullies will still remember how bad they treated you, or maybe they don't remember,
00:32:40
Speaker
And that just goes to show that they probably didn't actually truly mean what they were saying, or if they do remember, maybe it means they really regret it and they are apologetic, but it's something you can have a conversation in at your reunion or something like that, you know?
The Impact of Positive Interactions
00:32:54
Speaker
I was bullied, I didn't actually stand up for myself, and I regret not standing up for myself. I regret not being able to pull someone aside and say, hey, I really don't like this, I would just talk about it with other people and talk about how I didn't like it, but I didn't talk to the actual person that was doing it to me.
00:33:11
Speaker
That hasn't been resolved, and it may never be resolved. I don't know, maybe in my 10 year reunion, maybe it will be resolved, but it's something that has stuck with me and something I remember, and sometimes the bullies don't actually remember what they've done, but I can't remember who said this, but it is an amazing quote that you won't really remember specific memories, but you'll remember how people made you feel.
00:33:32
Speaker
And I remember how people made me feel and I have associated emotions to certain people because I know this person doesn't really bring joy into my life or this person brings so much happiness into my life. People will remember how you make them feel. And that's something it's really important to remember. Something really important that you should try and cultivate that you want to try and make people feel as happy and as positive and good about themselves as possible. And you don't want to make people feel as though they are
Closing and Support Resources
00:34:01
Speaker
you know trash and not worth it and to this or to that or to little this or to little that you know that's the most important thing and who make people feel good about themselves and good about the being around you and the environment that they're in they'll want to spend more time with you and they'll want to cultivate a beautiful friendship with you anyways that is all from me today um that's my little half an hour talk to you guys hopefully you enjoyed this episode
00:34:26
Speaker
And again, please rate and leave a review. And if you're not already, please subscribe to the podcast. That would mean the world. Hit the notification bell and then basically you will be in the know about how to succeed in your education. Thank you so much guys for listening. I hope you really enjoyed this episode, truly. Like it is, it is crazy to talk about all this stuff. And again, please speak to somebody in your life that you can trust, a peer, a mentor, someone who will be able to have
00:34:56
Speaker
confidentiality and really just be able to have your confidence and Someone who will be able to help you with your specific situation if you are going through this Counselors psychologists are great, but if you don't want to spend money, of course, there's always a school counselor, etc, etc Anyways, hope you guys having a beautiful week Definitely go check out the Instagram at all things education 21 if you're not already following this
00:35:20
Speaker
You're getting quite a few followers lately, so I'm super happy about that. I will see you guys next Sunday evening. Stay educated. Bye.
00:35:31
Speaker
Thanks so much for listening to the All Things Education Podcast. If you enjoyed the episode today, why not support the show? Head to the description of this episode and click on the support the show link to donate in increments of $5. Don't forget to subscribe to this podcast on your favourite platform. And remember, the advice given on this channel and on our social media is general information only. If you have any specific personal health, wellbeing and or educational issues,
00:35:52
Speaker
Reach out to professionals such as your GP, school counsellor and or a trusted person in your life before making any final decisions. Please do not take this episode as specific personal advice and hopefully you now have more information about the topic you've listened to today. For more study and lifestyle content head to our Instagram at allthingseducation21 and the link in the bio will direct you to many helpful resources. Stay educated everyone and see you next time.