Transcript
Speaker: Ladies, gentlemen, folks beyond the binary, grab your husband, wife, partner, mistress, your championship trophy for shooting with small arms and gather around the radio.
Speaker: It's time for this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club.
Speaker: antithesis, mysterious and dangerous, and oh yes, they've got all the sexiest movies out of the ages. So if you're fatally attracted to the race, do you stop?
Speaker: A riot film clone, basically instinctively craves the salacious.
Speaker: A murder is on the loose, often poem-writing mattress humpers. An alcoholic police officer is now going to have to go on 30 to 50 dates until he courts the killer.
Speaker: Can drunk Al Pacino safely fall in love with his prime suspect without winding up another dead mattress humper? This week on the Erotic Thriller Club, Sea of Love. Hey, everybody. Welcome to this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club. As always, Garrett Callender and Kit Ryan here.
Speaker: And this is where we answer the genre's three most important questions. Was I aroused? Was I thrilled? And would I ruin my life for this person? Loved this movie.
Speaker: Honestly, I feel like half the fun of this movie was just, what famous person am I going to see Slum next? Not even slumming. I mean, this movie was, this kind of ended a bad run of Val Pacino movies. This is the first, like he, this was his first run of like five movies in the eighties that didn't get nominated for a Razzie and was actually enjoyed by people.
Speaker: And then nearly every character actor in goddamn Hollywood showed up for this thing before they were as famous as they eventually would become. I kept writing things down. I just kept seeing people. Samuel Jackson's in two two minutes of this movie, at most. So femme.
Speaker: he said He looks great, honestly. And I love that even when he's only here for two minutes, I don't know if he was even famous um at this point.
Speaker: He still manages to get F-bomb dropped in there. Good for him. Good for him. And I mean, we have some erotic thriller club alumni, a bunch of them coming back in this one. We have Pacino. We have Ellen Barkin. Doing great.
Speaker: Doing great. We got ah John Goodman. And you're not going to believe this. There is an erotic thriller club alumni that played his fucking wife in this movie that got cut from the movie. No, who was it? She's in the TV edit of the movie though.
Speaker: Dr. Melfi. No way. Yeah. Really? It's playing what? Pacino's ex-wife? Yeah. Wow. Wow.
Speaker: That bitch, Denise. That bitch, Denise. Pacino. This movie made me realize that you and i have been fixated so long on Nicolas Cage that we have a wealth of Pacino that you and I have never dived into together.
Speaker: And we want people screaming for literally no reason. Absolute nonsense. ah Pacino has always been a giver, man. He is here to provide.
Speaker: This might be my favorite protagonist we've had in any movie we've watched. My favorite? Do you mean the one you were most kind of hoping, like just maybe might get killed just at Teensy Tiny Tiny little bit?
Speaker: It wasn't even, honestly, I think I wanted him to live. So I think the thrill, because he needs to continue on so he can be a bumbling alcoholic. Cause I mean, we're watching Gutenberg try and be Batman, but he's just shitty Batman in a different way where he's not that interesting.
Speaker: this peci like Pacino's a character. This is a fleshed out guy with problems. Yes. So many problems. God, when he is drunk at like the policeman benefit dinner thing and he's stumbling down the stairs, doing karate, getting yelled at by everybody,
Speaker: and And saying things like, this lady who's apparently out murdering people, I respect her because she just straightforward, direct, shoots them in the back of the head. You know what other evil women do? Divorce men. Like my ex-wife Denise, isn't that right, Richard?
Speaker: who Who's now married to Denise. i love The wildest reveal that his partner, wife, married to his wife is married to his ex why would the chief leo from the west wing by the way ah is here letting a guy be partners with the man who is married to his ex it's insane it's insane
Speaker: This movie, we don't even meet the female character of this film until 46 minutes into the movie. There's so much to establish. We have a lot of work to do. I wasn't mad about it. It wasn't even mad.
Speaker: like We have a lot, a lot, a lot of Pacino to set up. If you... told me this plot and then told me it was the plot of an upcoming Netflix Adam Sandler film where Adam Sandler has to go on dates with 50 women figure out who a killer is. Which one is the murderer? Yes. Yes. I really thought we were going to get more of I don't know. Do you remember, you seen Deuce Bigelow, male gigolo? Garrett. I can't say that I have. Well, he goes a lot of dates with women in that film. And, you know, he's dating a lady who's very tall. He's dating a lady who's really buff. He's dating a lady with narcolepsy. We're meeting a real cast of characters. Like classic montage where you meet a bunch of people who are wrong. Like a classic audition montage where you have to watch a bunch of people sing and dance badly. My only complaint is that we didn't get more of his dates. Yeah.
Speaker: Same, same. Also, I wanted to see more of John Goodman's dates because John Goodman also gets to go on dates and Al Pacino clearly resents being forced to be the waiter instead of the guy going on the dates.
Speaker: Loved it. Loved every second of those dates. Kit, this movie opens with a man's ass humping a mattress. There's no woman under him. And I almost want to say this up front.
Speaker: I'm not going to like spoil it yet. but then you will eventually eventually we'll get there but the whole movie we're watching men fuck a mattress and then get shot in the back of the head and it left me wondering the whole movie why all the mattress what is happening and i thought is this just a dumb erotic thriller thing that i'm gonna get to goof on they even they fucking tie it up with a bow They knew exactly what they were doing with that mattress something. um and And the men all being so sweaty and just repeating the same bad lines over and over again. Like, is this okay? Is this okay? um Also ends up making sense. They're not just um bad at sex and humping a mattress. This is all purposeful.
Speaker: It's crazy that I think people, some people have an issue with the ending. I was actually more impressed that it tied everything up with a bow and filled any loose ends that I would have had.
Speaker: Really, my main one was the mattress. up in see Here's the thing. as though i was disappointed because i i i never once thought Ellen Barkin was the killer.
Speaker: Just never. It never even popped into my head that she might be the murderer after we saw that she doesn't even carry a real gun in her purse. She carries a starter pistol. I was like, that ain't no murderer.
Speaker: I don't believe it. um The only question was, I was like, so who is it? Law of conservation of characters, right? It's got to be someone we've seen before. And I really, really wanted it to be one of the random people on the dates. I really wanted it to be like the older woman who caught Al Pacino going on a second date after her date when he had said he was going to pick up his kid and that's why he had to leave the date.
Speaker: um I wanted it to be her so bad. Or maybe the balloon la lady. balloon lady was perfect. We'll get there, folks. We'll get there.
Speaker: But yeah, I mean, it it it opens with mattress humping and a shot to the back of the head. then next thing is we see them. I love this because this is something that I i know was a real based off a real thing. Yes.
Speaker: Where they do like a fake where you get to meet the special invite only. You get to meet the Yankees breakfast and And it turns out everyone that's been invited as an outstanding warrant.
Speaker: It was a trap. I swear we've seen this in another movie. well I've seen the Simpsons. Yeah, i I know The Simpsons did one, but i swear I would swear on a stack of Bibles that another erotic thriller with a cop character had this exact same setup, including the part where someone shows up with their kid and the cop says, go home, you don't want to be here.
Speaker: I swear, I could not name it for you, but I know we've seen it. I believe you. That does sound... i think it was like a free car giveaway or something like that.
Speaker: Yeah, I think in The Simpsons it was a boat. But yes, it is based on a real thing that happened. but What was bizarre in this one is when they find, this is where we see Sam Jackson. He's one of the people that's going to be arrested and not meet the Yankees at this Yankee brunch they're having for bad men.
Speaker: Yes. But he said, do you want the good news or the bad news first? It's like bad news. The Yankees aren't coming. the good news. And the good news is that they all the police officers walk around and pour vodka into the men's orange juice before they arrest them.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't know if they even got to actually really have a chance to drink any of that. I didn't see anybody partaking. And they they offer up a toast to Al Pacino's 20th year as a police officer, and everyone boos him, and I found that to be absolutely hilarious. And then going outside and seeing the guy, this guy is walking up late with his kid and Pacino lets him go. He's like, yeah he flashes the badge discreetly. says, I'll catch you later.
Speaker: This is canceled. And he goes, I got it. And it's just like, that's a little thing where like, oh, maybe Al Pacino's not such a bad guy. This is a good cop. but What's surprising to me is that that that man didn't immediately peg him as a cop and that all those people didn't immediately peg him as a cop because multiple people throughout this movie take one look at Al Pacino and say, you're a cop.
Speaker: Fuck you. You're a cop. I'm walking out of here. He's so insane in this movie and I loved every acting decision he made. I loved all of the characters. I was reading, so this apparently was based off a book by the guy who wrote the movie, but it got changed enough that the book didn't get credit because they wanted to make the lead cooler than he was in the book.
Speaker: Al Pacino couldn't have been less fucking cool. No, no. He looks, he seems very pathetic at every turn. And I didn't, i don't think I ever realized, maybe we discussed this during Cruisin' and I just don't remember, he's so short.
Speaker: He is a little guy. It's really funny, they had him doing his little karate ah move against a guy that was just as short as him, as if to make it like, so that it would be a fair fight. But it means that everybody standing around, these two tiny guys fighting each other, was really quite a pleasure to see.
Speaker: You see him standing next to Richard Jenkins at one point. and I'm like, holy fuck, he's like a foot taller. And then they're next to each other in the elevator, but like forced perspective to make them look close.
Speaker: No shade to Pacino for being a short king. None whatsoever. Obviously, dude fucks. Not a problem. Yeah, his his dick works, folks.
Speaker: Clearly. but i yeah So, yeah, he meets up with John Goodman because John Goodman has caught another case where a man was ah shot while humping a mattress. um and They don't know about the mattress humping.
Speaker: This is only for the viewer to know. yeah Fine. Another man has been shot while naked face down on a mattress after ah um and doing a singles ad in the paper.
Speaker: Oh my God. These singles ads too. These are, this was, they have a lot of fun with these. I had a lot of fun. we were all having fun. Um, yeah, the, the, especially because they find out that whoever is, um,
Speaker: is is starting to kill people, is choosing ads that have rhyming ah at verbiage. So clearly ah that meant that somebody got to come up with a bunch of of fun... ah Poems. Poems, yeah. Poems is what we'll call them. Yes.
Speaker: Oh my god, I mean just... Even the the first time like we see Pacino go home by himself, he's wasted, ripping cigs in his bed. You see the trophy next to... you don't even see what it's for yet. You just see it's a trophy with a little guy holding a gun. No, I didn't even notice that.
Speaker: i I noted that the first time I saw his room where was like, what is the trophy with gun guy? hide Ellen Barkin comes over? He doesn't until after she, like, they've already fucked all night. She has been up and around his house. And then, like, he looks over.
Speaker: he's like, oh, no. And then he puts it under the bed. So, like, she just didn't. get I clocked it. The first time I saw his bedroom is there's a trophy with a little gunman. Well, you're not drunk and trying to fuck Al Pacino. He calls his ex-wife in the middle of the night.
Speaker: God, it's so sad. God. It's so sad. Calling her and then he tells her, I think I have appendicitis. And then she hangs up on him.
Speaker: And the next day he's going to a crime scene and his partner's like, Look, um if you're going to call Denise, you're going to need to do it at, you know, like reasonable hours. Incredible reveal. Like the reveal that his partner is his ex-wife's new husband is beautiful. And this little argument they have yes over a face down ass up naked dead guy corps yeah yeah yeah it's so good and you're like maybe this is why the department should have uh partnered you with other people this is the and nypd i think they can find other guys for you to team up with because it doesn't seem like you're getting a lot of work done right now um i think my nightmare currently is that that's how i'll die
Speaker: Face down on the mattress shot in the back of the head, completely naked, and two cops are arguing about their shared um fuck lady um over your corpse. Yeah, like his ass was just too exposed, and i don't know. And like the problem is when I go out, they'll be able to tell that I was humping the mattress. Yeah.
Speaker: More so than what I would have sworn when I first saw ah the guy humping the mattress at the beginning of the movie. I would have sworn it was ah George from Seinfeld.
Speaker: He looks exactly like him. Oh, my God. love love it I love it. movie is... i love this movie is Trust me, like there's a lot of these movies we watch that you're not seeing any dude nudity, but this is very man-ass humping on a on a mattress. Isn't that what you were looking for, Garrett, this whole time? That's what you were really missing. We found it. This is the last episode, folks. It only took 67 movies before we just got a enough cheek. that i To satisfy our our cheek lusts.
Speaker: oh my god yeah so he doesn't have to stay with a shitty partner who's fucking uh his his ex-wife because he is now being partnered with john goodman who is very impressed with al pacino's martial arts moves and then says god gave fat guys guns to handle that kind of stuff folks while he's doing his martial arts they're at a police banquet and a man's giving a speech yes who has to be like what the fuck is going on over there please stop him and this asian fellow are just doing karate together in the corner as they've now got a crowd around them yes yes and then uh he uh is talking to john goodman about the case and they're trying to find you know commonalities and And Al Pacino mentions that there was a song playing, a Sea of Love, you know, when this guy was killed. And that's why the body was found, because the neighbor was tired of hearing this one song on repeat constantly for what had to have been two days. Yeah.
Speaker: It took her a while to go over. It took her a while. They, they estimate that that body's been there for 36 to 48 hours. That woman has the patience of a saint.
Speaker: Yeah, she didn't honestly go over angry enough when she went to knock on his ajar door. Yes. But I love there's a little moment where you get to see Pacino and Goodman sing the song together. Yes. Goodman's such a nice singer. that Yes.
Speaker: but Put it this way. His voice was nice enough that for a moment, my dumb, dumb brain thought, maybe I should give Blues Brothers 2000 a second chance. Wow.
Speaker: Wow. Garrett, wow. what ah Wow. I mean, his voice is very nice and they're very cute together doing their little duet. And you know, John Goodman is a natural showman. He's, you know, singing into the beer bottle and flipping his coat around when they tell him he has to take something off while he's singing.
Speaker: I'm just saying, maybe it doesn't suck as much as we remember it sucking. It probably does. yeah There's a child in it, Garrett. Adding a child to a sequel never improves it.
Speaker: that's But yeah, Pacino's so drunk at the end of this banquet that he just yells, FUCKING WOMEN! walks out.
Speaker: He's trying to get into another argument with his, ah you know, his old partner about how, ah like, does she- I think they're talking about, like, has she fucked you in the ass? Is that what it's about? Yeah.
Speaker: Which is funny because there is a lot of like, it seems like, I don't know the the mattress humping and then a sexual position that Al Pacino's in later makes it seem like this movie is a lot more pegging forward than it actually is. It does. It does. And honestly, there are many things in this movie that make it seem like it's more... um uh progressive sexually than it probably actually is at one point um when they're on their their big uh mission to have a bunch of dates uh one lady says uh you're a cop i know you're a fucking cop you said you were a printer if you're a printer then i've got a dick and walks out and john goodman says
Speaker: Did you fuck a ah girl with a dick? And Al Pacino says, depends on the personality. And then, yeah, isn't there like a later part in it too where he even like references being a little bi? Yeah. Yeah, he's talking to a lady on the phone and she says she's bisexual. And he's like, what's that mean? So wait, like you like girls?
Speaker: Wait, but you also like guys. And she's like, yeah, what about you? And he's like, yeah, you know, I like I got ah I go for both, but mainly girls, women, So casually, too. Like you could tell that there wasn't even panic on his face. That wasn't cop conversation. He was having a real heart to heart with a woman on the phone while he was getting 50 dates.
Speaker: Absolutely. I think he went to each of those dates thinking if this woman comes back clean, I might go on another date with her. If we get her fingerprints and they don't match the murder scene. Maybe because he mentions having a son. He talks about being divorced like he uses his real life sad story the whole time.
Speaker: i I mean, we're not there yet, but you just know that this guy who is such a fucking alcoholic loser thinks he's the shit. And, you know, going into these dates, his main concern is that he's going to be too charming and handsome and that everybody's going to want to fuck him. And it couldn't have been more opposite. And just such a fucking ego shot for him. It truly is.
Speaker: But yeah, before that happens, um Pacino gets ah drunk at the banquet and then decides that the best place to go sleep it off is going to be the crime scene.
Speaker: Awesome. He goes back to the place, to the bed where the man was shot, now stripped of its sheets, which have been collected of evidence, and just lays down on that humped mattress. Next to the blood.
Speaker: Next to the blood, falls asleep. And then a lady with balloons shows up at the door to answer the sex ad that the dead man had believed.
Speaker: And this is like, there are so many absurd, surreal moments. This woman has balloons like tied to her arms. And, you know, ah he brings her in and explains to her that this guy's dead and she's crying about it And she's like, I don't know why I'm crying. I never even met the guy. He's just sad. And he says, maybe you'd feel better if you took those balloons off.
Speaker: And she responds, they're the only things keeping me up. They're the only things keeping me up. Silver balloons, old rock tunes.
Speaker: Let me put it in your moon.
Speaker: that was And that's how they find out that like both of these guys were had put rhyming ads in the paper, and therefore they can lure this woman murderer out of hiding by putting their own ad in the paper.
Speaker: And they go on a bunch of dates, and um and then take every single woman's wine glass or whatever and check it for prince why they can't just check all of the letters for prince garrett i do not know Not as fun, Kit. Not as fun. And I love so much that Leo from the West Wing is there as their lieutenant to be like, no, I'm not funding you idiots going out on dates. Why don't I hook you up with my sister-in-law instead? She's got big tits, divorced, no kids, no cats.
Speaker: as they're walking out of the office and John Goodman says his sister-in-law sounds nice. She sounds nice. Why don't you give it a shot? I love that when those two become partners, the first thing John Goodman does is invite him to his daughter's wedding and tries to set him up with one of his daughter's bridesmaids. Like bridesmaids. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: A man that he just met. Just met. and all he knows about him is he does martial arts and gets too drunk. And you're like, yeah, let's get this guy.
Speaker: Let's get this guy a wife. Sounds like the worst guy I know in college.
Speaker: it's the It's the guy who's going to bring his katana to a party to impress. Apparently. Yeah, oh obviously. But so so eventually the the lieutenant does say, like, you can do this, but you need to have a wire and we need to have like cops placed there.
Speaker: um and And Pacino's like, what are they going to Shoot me in a restaurant? Like all these guys have been killed back at the apartment. That's stupid. And it's like, no, idiot. The wire is is a pure cover your ass to make sure that you're not secretly using this just to hit on women.
Speaker: Which, you know, they don't make it seem like he's doing that. But you know he's doing that. This guy. Yes! There's just full vibe of, I'm gonna, every one of these dates, I am going to fuck.
Speaker: How bad did you feel, though, for the lady who, when he was like, I'll call you, I'll call you, I'll call you. She was like, no, you won't. You're not. i'm a thousand years old and you're Al Pacino and his prime. felt awful for her.
Speaker: i did And then when she saw that he was going on more dates after that date and had lied to him and he, he, you know what? He feels a little shitty about it. He does. This is the beginning of all of this going wrong. Is the first date makes him feel bad. The second date calls him a cop. Yes.
Speaker: Because this is a running thing in the movie is that nobody likes cops and it hurts his feelings. Nobody likes cops. To the to the point that like he gets...
Speaker: um Treated like absolute shit wherever he goes by everyone. Like two guys in like Brooks Brothers looking suits spit on the floor when they like in front of him when they realize he's a cop.
Speaker: And yeah they're just like five, seven cop face. but Absolutely insane. So we have old lady. Then we have the lady who you had mentioned. You're a cop. If you're not a cop, then I'm a lady with a dick. and oh we should mention, though, where they got the poem from. Because they try to come up with their own poem, and they're all bad at it.
Speaker: Kit. Yeah. There is a whole... It is important for our audience to know. Yeah. that you get to see all of the cops get together at Al Pacino's house, rip cigs, and basically do a writer's room and yeah try and collectively write a poem that isn't just about dicks.
Speaker: Roses are red, violets are blue, my dick is yay big, can I put it in you i that may You may have just made that up. I don't know if that's one that was in the movie. It was pretty close to one that was in the movie. I remember them all laughing about yay big being a really, really funny.
Speaker: And when the poem that they use is just being spoken from the corner of the room from a raspy voice and it's fucking Uncle Lewis from Christmas Vacation.
Speaker: See, I know him best as the voice of the scientist from Nightmare Before Christmas. He's Sally's maker. Yeah. He's amazing. um But yeah, he's got this beautiful poem. They're like, did you just make that shit up? And he was like, no, your mom did. Because it's Al Pacino's dad Yeah. She wrote it like in high school. And we're like, oh, that's so sweet. Well, guess we're using that.
Speaker: Now we're at the Ellen Barkin date. Yeah. And have been saying a line from this date all day long. Kiss my tiara, bitch.
Speaker: don't even know what he fucking meant by that. I don't know what he means by a lot of things he says, honestly. Don't spoil the big one.
Speaker: i know we know the big one. ah We'll hang on to it. But like that one in particular, I was like, what are you... Your tiara? Your tiara? Yeah, she looks so cute and sassy in her red leather jacket.
Speaker: She says, like, immediately, like, I'm not into you. Sorry. I believe in animal attraction and you're just not my type. And of any person we've had in the movie who has correct instincts. Yes. He wants her to touch the glass and is coming off as an absolute date rapist in the process. Absolutely. A hundred percent. I would not drink anything that man was. He was like, come on, let you haven't you haven't had a drink. Don't you want to loosen up? You haven't touched your Come on pick it up. Have a little sip.
Speaker: We'll have a toast. Let's do a toast. ah You want to have a toast? Is he no only time in the movie isn't drinking booze has a glass of water. So he's not even Garrett incorrect. Both he and John Goodman drink booze at every single one of those dates.
Speaker: They did not even for a second consider the fact that they did not have to get real alcohol for themselves. I swear to God, he had a cup of water because he's been on three straight dates at this point. at the That's why john Goodman is absolutely hammered at the end of his session is because these guys just were like, yeah, it's on the, it's on the the police department's dime. Of course I'm getting real alcohol. Even though your, your partner is the waiter, you could order alcohol and he could bring you not alcohol.
Speaker: um yeah But no, and so by the end of these dates, they're fucking hammered. he's Which is so unprofessional, by the way. No wonder everyone hates cops. He shows up to work hungover every day. Every single day. We see him drink nearly every minute of this movie that he isn't directly in the police headquarters.
Speaker: Yes. um So they go off on some obvious red herring where, um what's his name? The guy who was in Guardians of the Galaxy as like. It's Michael Rooker.
Speaker: Yes. Yes. He's great. um He plays Yondu in Guardians. Thank you. I think of him from Mallrats. Of course. He was in, yeah, he's in a ton. He's great.
Speaker: Um, he's like, I don't even remember what, like why they were interviewing him in the first place. He's like a janitor. ah He was the janitor at the building where one of the people got killed. Got it. They were asking the janitors. There was a table of four janitors, Rooker making crass jokes.
Speaker: Um, And they asked him, like, did you see anyone going in and out? He's like, yeah, I was the one working that building that day. um I didn't see anyone. Give him a card if you think of it. yeah And he's like, oh, I did think of somebody. It was a black kid with corn holes.
Speaker: I mean, cornrows. Yeah. Which is a Beautiful fuck up. That's obviously a red herring. That's not going anywhere. um They just needed to reintroduce the character. We have a racist side mission.
Speaker: Yeah, we have a little racist side mission where we got to go to the supermarket. um And um ah guess who he then gets to run into later that night? Ellen Barkin's here. She goes to supermarkets too. what ah What a coinkydink here in this small town of New York fucking city Manhattan.
Speaker: They live three streets apart or some shit. like there's Some shit like that. I feel like you could live three streets apart from someone in Manhattan and literally never see them. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: However, she's very charmed to find out that the poem, he didn't write it, but it was a poem his mother wrote and that... That's it' sweet. Yes. Because she's like, obviously you didn't write that. Somebody sensitive wrote that a lady wrote that and you ripped it off a lady. and He's like, yeah, you got me. i ripped it off my mom. And she's like, oh,
Speaker: so I like that in all of this, his only the police chief, when he gives in and gives them like the OK on this mission is like you cannot fuck anybody. That's the only rule you can do this mission. You can't fuck anybody.
Speaker: Fuck my sister-in-law instead. I offer her to you. John Goodman's trying to get you to fuck a much younger woman than you at his daughter's wedding. His daughter's friend. we get And I like that when John Goodman finds out he's dating one of the suspects, he goes, what are we going to do? Send your dick to the lab.
Speaker: Yes, he's like, what? Maybe I'll get her Prince. And yeah, that's his response. That's not, although he does later ask, like, are we gonna need to dust your dick for Prince?
Speaker: This date, they go on the date, get back to his place. They're making out. This scene is top tier of anything we've heard.
Speaker: we have watched in any of these movies this scene's fucking bananas I was so crying oh my god it's batshit so it's going so well right like and then she's like i gotta go to the bathroom where's your bathroom Against God's will, Pacino's finally able to fuck somebody. Yes. And he's like, this is the best day of my fucking life ever since that bitch Denise left. um And he sees in her purse that she has a gun.
Speaker: And then from the bathroom, she's like, get in bed. and he's like, panicking you would not think this man was a new york city cop he is freaking was like over and over repeating holy fuck holy fuck oh shit fuck shit fuck shit As he wanders around his own apartment looking for some sort of weapon with which to defend himself. He's like, do I take my clothes off? Do I fucking kill her? What do I do right now? I shouldn't have drank so much tonight.
Speaker: And so she opens the door. She's in ah his robe. And he just grabs her and throws her in a closet and fucking locks her in it.
Speaker: I snorted thinking. Oh!
Speaker: And she's screaming. She's so upset. She's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? Why you have a gun? You're going to fucking kill. me he's just So you've never seen, i i don't think I've seen anyone act this uncool at the face of their killer in one of these erotic thrillers. like No, absolutely not. We have seen people in far more dangerous situations keep their head far better, but he is useless. And I give think it's partly because he's like, I'm going to be in so much trouble.
Speaker: When they find out that I'm fucking this lady, I'm going to get fired. So I'm either going to get killed or I'm going to get fired. And I don't like either of those options. And then Richard Jenkins is going to go home and tell my bitch ex-wife Denise that she's going to laugh at me. They're going to be laughing and she's going to be pegging him while she's laughing. Every woman in this movie is broad, a bitch, a piece of trim.
Speaker: it is women are not spoken well of by the police. he He really doesn't care for women. Yeah, no, he doesn't. I loved when um he was telling his boss that like, I'm pretty sure that this was like a first or second date with, you know, the guy that got murdered. And he's like, why is that? And he's like, because of the records. and He's like, well, records. He's like, du the guy pulled out his forty five s Like,
Speaker: you wouldn't play, you you wouldn't pull out your old records for a lady unless it's the first or second date, because that's when you're trying to impress her with your cool old record collection. And I was like, so on the third date, what, fuck you?
Speaker: If you're dating Al Pacino, yes. when When he finds out it's a starter pistol in her bed. Yes, it's not even a real gun. and he has he I believe he says the sentence ah as he lets her out of the closet.
Speaker: I can't apologize enough for that. I'm so sorry. I was scared. I was scared. And she's like, you were scared because she got like shoved into the wall and then locked in a closet by a man that she thought was going murder her. And he's like, I was, I was really scared.
Speaker: How'd the date go? Well, I was going to get sucked off. And then I stuffed her in a closet at gunpoint and then somehow still got sucked off. Yeah, he... I... Ellen Barkin is so beautiful. And the idea that she needed... That she was willing to forgive this man so much. Because he fucks up so many times.
Speaker: Like, he does absolutely unforgivable things. If I have just gone on a first date with a man, I come back to his house, and at any point... For any reason, I get locked in a closet. Accidentally.
Speaker: I'm not fucking you. Accidentally even. Date's over. Oh my God. it it was honestly in this moment that I considered, is Al Pacino the killer the whole time? And he's just so drunk that he doesn't he doesn't remember doing all of these crimes. Absolutely possible.
Speaker: Um... So, yeah, she forgives him. She bosses him around a little bit and pins him up against the wall while she's naked behind him. It's very cool. It's it's nice.
Speaker: I liked it. Well, she did ya she takes all her clothes off, so she's full naked behind him. And I don't know where this is going because this is like normally the position we see a boy in in these movies. Yeah. And she starts kissing on his neck and I don't know, fingering his ass or something. And he is just moaning.
Speaker: he's so into it. He's in, he' he's become that sex turtle we were talking about an episode or two ago. hu And so, ah you know, she has about two minutes of bossing him around. And I guess after that, all is forgiven. so from behind. That's great. You love great.
Speaker: Um, and so we get to see your boobs. They're great. Um, and then the next morning he like, to try he takes her glass to get her fingerprints that she drank out of, but then decides against that. Like, no, not no way. She's the killer.
Speaker: No way. She's the killer. Well, and anytime he has to even do police work, he can't get it out in a way that is discreet. Like when he finds like, wait, you smoke cigarettes?
Speaker: What brand? Like he's just immediately like. That's why everyone knows he's a cop all the time. Ellen Barker is the only one who doesn't know that he's a cop, apparently.
Speaker: And the fact that he took her home and didn't hide his cop shooting trophy until she's already been around your whole damn apartment while you've been napping.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. That's a good point. She could have seen it at any time. I'm surprised he didn't just leave his badge out on the nightstand.
Speaker: um Okay, so he goes to see her at her shoe store because she's a shoe store manager. let's Let's do this shit. And that's where he's like wanting to tell her stuff and wanting to ask her questions, asking her about like some of the other dates she's been on. She's like, that's none of your fucking business. How could you date people like this through a ad? She's like, what, like Like... you like That's how we met. Also, it's none of your business. And then in come the two Brooks brothers looking dudes ah who just clock immediately that like Pacino is staring at them while they're talking to her about a shoe they're looking for. and
Speaker: I understand why they got mad at him because he was staring at them. It was too much of a mean mug. it's ah It's the kind that if you got on the train and somebody was staring at you from a seat, you know, a few seats down that hard. few seats down?
Speaker: You might move. Yeah. You might just go to another car at that point. Absolutely. um And so they're finally like, what? And he's like, what? And they're squaring off against each other.
Speaker: And ah then one of the Brooks Brothers guys is like, that's a cop. Let's not fuck with him. Let's instead spit and and tell him what a piece of shit he is.
Speaker: Yeah, gross, right? We're not animals here. Yeah, seriously. And then they walk out. And she's like, so wait. are you a cop?
Speaker: And he's like, what? He gets so defensive it's amazing so quickly. like And she rightly says at one point, like, why are you turning this around on me? You lied to me. i have the right to be upset. But he's out here being like, you let scum like that in here.
Speaker: Scum like these two men dressed in Brooks Brothers outfits. Yes, I allow them to come into my shoe store and purchase shoes. What the fuck you talking about? You got people coming in here in rubies and diamonds. Everybody's mad at cops all the time. You wouldn't get it to date these a mim from the ads, but not a cop. You you know, they get- be the cops too much.
Speaker: He said, everybody, you know, they're getting raped and murdered and and then they need me to come be their daddy. Come the wet ass hour.
Speaker: I'm everybody's daddy.
Speaker: That one, I tried so hard to wrap my brain around and I really just couldn't, you know? i think I figured it out later in the Yeah, what hour is the wet ass hour? I think yeah i think it a little, like I'm thinking of it as a little kid falls in a puddle and like what needs their parent.
Speaker: I thought that three in the morning was the wet ass hour. Cause like the three looks like a butt.
Speaker: And I guess the zeros are like the wet. You really dissected this as if you were like fucking young Sheldon.
Speaker: no didn't you're just an autistic genius who's taking it too literally like the wet ass hour the wet ass hour at what hour of the day is an ass most likely to be wet and he's talking about like when people get raped and murdered and i'm like that's the wet ass that's the wet ass It's a jarring line regardless. Like it didn't immediately come to me what that meant because it's not a thing anyone's ever said before.
Speaker: No, no, that's a brand new sentence right there. Like, I don't think we can include that in our, you know, sign off at the end. But I'm going to figure out a way to work it in. I don't know how. But, you know, we're your daddies now. You and Kit are your daddy. Wet ass hour comes. You come to me and Kit. Don't call the cops. You where to go. Wet ass hour. That actually might be the new name of the podcast. The wet ass hour with Kit and Garrett.
Speaker: i don't know that i want that necessarily but yeah she forgives him he's like look i just i only lied because if you tell people you're a cop they they get you know they they act weird and so i i tell him on the second or third date you know once we've had a connection and she forgives him and is like don't lie to me about anything else though well it's a little late for that
Speaker: How much things escalate so quickly from this point where he shows up at work and he's like, my girlfriend bought me these shoes. Look at these leopard shoes. I mean, my girlfriend got them. So I got to wear them. Hey, hey, guys, who's who's married to my ex?
Speaker: Do you see these shoes? My hot girlfriend got them. you Frank, do you mean a um ah piece of trim, a bitch, a broad? No. My good girl. My best girl. We don't have those.
Speaker: We're like... He treated this as if they were a lesbian couple where he's just like, he is moving He is so ready to move in. She has a daughter ye that he has not, that he has not met, does not know her name. And he's planning on inviting this woman to come live with him after like two dates. They have another date where,
Speaker: um They do some sexy grocery stores store shenanigans. Cute. And she she fondles some some some yellow peppers. And then he steals her social security card. And then he steals her fucking social security card. Yeah. Yeah, we're great. She's like wearing this black trench coat with nothing underneath and a big slit up the leg. And it's this cute. Slit, another name for women. That's my pet name for my best girl.
Speaker: That night when they're back at her house, he sees that she has a collection of 45 records and it includes Sea of Love, only a number one hit from the year it came out. So like, not that weird. And he's like, obviously. So it is kind of weird, right? Like I'd never heard of this song.
Speaker: you I had heard the song, yes. okay Okay. um But yeah, um so he obviously has to steal her social security card, which implies to me that this cop, this police officer, can't just look at a card and memorize nine numbers.
Speaker: He's drunk. No, never mind. You're right. This man is literally never sober. as fucking like... Oh my God. Sorry. I'm like my, I was getting ready to call him like his Mr. Bean ass. But then I was like, Oh, that's way later that his Mr. Bean ass thing happened. He gets fucking beamed up later.
Speaker: he does. right Let's we'll wait we'll wait. So far instead he's, he's having an awkward conversation about fatherhood where he, you know, um, she's like, do you see my daughter sleeping in there? And he's like, yeah, she's beautiful. And she's like, you didn't even really look at her.
Speaker: He's like, I just didn't want to wake her up. and she's like, I wonder what a father, how good of a father you would be. This man has a child, doesn't he? Or did he just lie about that? It's not made clear.
Speaker: I don't think he actually has a child. Okay. i Because he that never comes up again. Like, he maybe said that to one of the dates or something. Just one of the dates? Yeah, I think he was...
Speaker: not being sincere there. He doesn't seem like a, a man who is, I don't know that Denise ever let him come inside. Yeah, no, she probably did. yeah. And, uh, he's like, basically like, why are you asking me about how I'd be as a father? Does that kid not already have a father? and You said you were divorced now that he's dead.
Speaker: And she doesn't really answer. She doesn't answer the question, which is. what Why did you just say. Basically the moment that I kind of pieced together what was actually. oh yeah. That's when you solved the whole fucking mystery right there.
Speaker: Kind like a little like so a little bit later than that. But like that line going going back into my head was like, OK, here we are. Yeah. So, ah yeah, he steals her social security card because he's a real nice guy. Back to dates.
Speaker: Love this. John Goodman is is is the one who gets to be in the hot seat tonight. And who should show up but the balloon lady? poor Poor gal.
Speaker: Who is like, hey, wait a minute. This waiter is a cop. Did you get fired? And Al Pacino has to explain that, like, no.
Speaker: This is Gina. she's she's She's a nice lady. I'm pretty sure she's not a murderer. He has no way of knowing that. He has no way of knowing that. None whatsoever. Literally no way of knowing that. Other than the fact that she showed up after ah the dude was already dead, which means nothing. Don't people return to the scene of the crime? Isn't that like a thing?
Speaker: yeah you show up with a shit ton of balloons because no one's going to suspect the balloon lady. No one ever suspects the balloon lady. She went in She got to leave some prints. You know, that's why her prints were there. She came in with the cop.
Speaker: That's a good point. It would have been great. Mm-hmm. So, um, the you know, after the series of ah dates, um our our boy Al Pacino wants to go on a date with his best girl because he wants to ask her something really important.
Speaker: And he is the biggest dick on this date that you have ever seen in a movie where the whole joke is not, this is the worst man to be on a date with, and then she never speaks to him again.
Speaker: he gets really drunk when he's about to ask her this really important move-in question. Yeah, which again is a stupid question. You've never met her kid. It's... i How his brain... like You've been on two dates, one of which was just you um feeling her up in a grocery store.
Speaker: a hundred percent. i That's why I love this character. like he is This is a truly a troubled man. truly. He is mentally unwell. he The alcoholism...
Speaker: is Is a problem. Is a big problem. he's he's They're at this nice restaurant. There's a guy playing violin. and he's so mad that like the waiter hasn't come by with a menu. He's had too many drinks already. ready She's like, not you can see her glass is barely touched. He is at the bottom of his and is demanding another. And she's like, you maybe want to slow down a bit?
Speaker: Nah. listen he is slit he wants to get up and leave he is over this place oh my god and then he has the he's so shitty as they're walking down the street and he's just like everybody fucking hates cops and you see me and you walk down the street this is the way a cop sees everything and this is the way a regular person sees it they see nothing Yeah, you live with a cop. You're gonna, you know, see things differently. And she's like, what are you talking about living with a cop? Why am i do you mean me? Are you talking about me living with a cop? And he's so drunk that he casually mentions that he was wearing a wire and on a job when he met her.
Speaker: And also he's so insecure. He's judging her and being like, why'd you go on all these dates with these people? And she's like, that's how we met. And he was like, yeah, but I was on a job. She's like, back up. What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, it was bad, Kit.
Speaker: It was bad. this is This was maybe the worst date we've seen in a movie. Ever, ever. He's judgmental. He's insecure. He's ah yelling at strangers. He's rude to wait staff. He's like just being drunk and annoying in public. And then when she's like, i don't want him to talk to you anymore. You're a bad person. He goes to a bar, has more drinks, then shows up at her house at one in the morning.
Speaker: my God. Her mom answers the door. i was just like, send this man home. Send him away. Send him away. Don't bring him in He's not well. He's not. He's not well. And ah he tries to turn it back around on her. Like, you never even told me your daughter's name. Like, that's equivalent to i never told you I was wearing a wire and treating you as a suspect when we met. Well, you didn't ask, did you?
Speaker: I would have told you anything. I love you, Ellen. <unk>s And then he starts lying. He's saying, like, I wasn't wearing a wire when I met you. It wasn't on a job. I just said that to push you away because I actually wanted to move in with you and I got nervous.
Speaker: which is So he's lying again. He's being horribly manipulative. um and is This is not what every girl dreams of.
Speaker: No, but this is what it's like to marry a cop. At least she's prepared. yeah Ask Denise. You can tell why Denise left. I am on Denise's side 100%. Denise's only mistake was in leaving him for another cop.
Speaker: There needs to be a deleted scene where we get to see him going through the AA steps. It's like, Denise, i owe you a couple apologies.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. It seems that I, in fact, was ill be bad husband.
Speaker: It's And then he's like, I can't sleep if you're not in the bed with me. Like, oh, great. So you've been on two dates and he's just like, I love you. technically Technically, this was the third date. so Third. Okay. This is the third date. And by the way, um ah it's going terribly. Hey, no, no, it was technically three. The first one I had the wire. The second one I fingered you in the produce section.
Speaker: Then there was the one. Wait, there was also the one where I locked you in the closet. Don't forget that one. Okay, maybe that was all the same date. You know, I i was drunk. It's hard to remember. All the days blend together.
Speaker: so So he's so drunk that he starts knocking shit off the fridge by accident. And he notices that the ads are up there. the And they're circled, the the specific ones, with the names and phone numbers of the dead guys. And I was like, you idiots, I have this solved.
Speaker: It's her mom.
Speaker: 100% it is her mom who knows that all of these men are trash and her daughter deserves so much better but her daughter has the worst taste in men and this is the only way to save her daughter from getting married to another piece of shit Not a bad ending. Because you know what? If she had double tapped Al Pacino in that apartment right then.
Speaker: i would not have blamed her one bit. 100%. No court could convict.
Speaker: So now he's like, oh, no, maybe she is the murderer. And he stumbles back to his apartment. This whole this is the longest night ever, by the way, because these guys have have done their like 50 dates thing earlier in the night. And those were going to like 10 something p.m. but Now it's he's left her house. It was one in the morning.
Speaker: um And he goes back to his house where John Goodman was crashing. Okay, I was confused. So they were at... Yes, they were at his apartment.
Speaker: But I didn't... Because he's married... ah John Goodman is married and has a daughter and Al Pacino is, but when John Goodman's done with all his dates, he's like, I'm too drunk and it's late and I want go home and make my wife upset. It's closer to your place.
Speaker: Can I just sleep at your place since you're going to go sleep at your girlfriend's place? Yeah. And Al Pacino's like, yeah, sure, dude. It turns out that was actually John Goodman trying to borrow Al Pacino's place so that he could bring Gina back and fuck the balloon lady.
Speaker: Balloon lady needed a nice night and she did not get it. She did not get Yeah. And then... and then God damn it. If after she leaves, Helen doesn't get another terrible piece of night.
Speaker: Wait, is that is the same? This is the same night, right? It's all the same night. And it's such a long night. Wait, yes. Ellen in the morning, four in the morning, she puts that tight ass dress on and walks. She puts on a new outfit. Yes. And goes to Al Pacino's place with hit. What she thinks is his favorite record. Sea of love because he mentioned it.
Speaker: comedy of errors and our lead is drunk as fuck honestly this movie is ah dancing the razor's edge of being a rom-com it's so close it's so close And he's like, fuck Stop it.
Speaker: Because she turns the music on and she's doing a sexy little thing and just trying to dance with him. and he's let me see where it is done he's like, yeah, they're, they're dancing together. And he's like, did you bring me some special tonight? And she's like, yeah, I did. And he's like, where is it? And he's feeling her up, trying to feel where she's concealed a gun. In that tight ass dress. I'm wearing your shoes.
Speaker: Yes, that's the worst part. He's like, tell me you did it and tell me why you did it. I'm wearing your shoes. like You can't lie to a man who's wearing shoes you bought him.
Speaker: Look at these. These aren't even my style. They're obviously not my style. and he's like i don't want to wait just shoot me and she is so bewildered once again this whole fucking comedy of errors rom-com-esque subplot of her just being absolutely baffled by why a man is screaming nonsense at her
Speaker: finally throws her out he doesn't get the answer she wants she's like yes i went on these dates with these guys why are you asking me about them have you been stalking me that's terrible and he's like no i'm just a cop she has literally no idea what he's he's talking about she did not even know these men were dead she just assumed they never called her back Which is incredible.
Speaker: Yeah. And so he throws her out and is like, he rightly points out that like, I don't know that anyone can even convict you on this because um you were fucking that chief fucking guy who was in charge of the investigation. Like this is nonsense. Any judge is going to throw this the fuck out.
Speaker: And she leaves. This last little bit now that we've entered the grand finale. The grand finale.
Speaker: Surprise, it's Michael Rooker. Yeah. Her husband has just been stalking and just killing the men after she fucks. Gets in I really wanted it to be the mom. I wanted so badly for it to be the mom.
Speaker: ah for For some reason, the line about the husband and it just getting full drop, just like, it was clearly like something she didn't want to talk about because they didn't even follow it up with a line. So it it turns out she'd had like restraining orders on him and shit.
Speaker: Which you'd think he'd know when he ran like the information on her at the database with her social security number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I look, I only searched for criminal record, our name and social security number. It doesn't show you anything else.
Speaker: Rooker puts fucking Al Pacino down on the bed tells him, show me how you humped my wife. Yep. And that's what this was every time.
Speaker: Oh, you tied up that thing that I thought was just going to be a stupid thing. Nope, they actually did They had to do it. They had a plan. he reaches under the bed, grabs his trophy that he hid under the bed earlier in the movie. Chekhov's small arms competition trophy.
Speaker: Wax Rooker. I don't remember the series of events that happened that leads to this, but Rooker hits Pacino and he goes into the corner And it felt like for two and a half minutes, he just fell down and tore everything off the walls and just continued. It felt like I was watching either Mr. Bean or Chris Farley fall down for the longest amount of possible time a single person could fall down. Was before or after they were like hitting each other with free weights, which just ow, man. Holy shit. Yeah, if a guy's gonna throw a 40-pound weight at you, what looks like effortlessly... Yeah! And he does fucking shoot him, and it does nothing.
Speaker: Yeah. The bullet goes through him. And he doesn't care. He's too mad. um i can't... I need to see the scene again. Cause I was like, he just, he falls through a desk, stands back up with the desk, pulls more shit on top of himself, somehow stumbles over like another table and then like pulls curtains down and it's all a single shot. And it's just so, it's a goddamn thing of comedic beauty.
Speaker: But yeah, Yeah. Sorry. I love that this guy, by the way, had been like questioned about one of the murders. Like, did you see anybody? He was like, no, didn't see anybody. And then he felt like he needed to call the police again to tell them, no, I saw a black dude, dude, you know, come by. So that then they had to go chase that fucking lead down, which went nowhere.
Speaker: And I know that for movie purposes, it was so you'd remember that he was in the movie and that was, you know, a potential suspect. But in terms of criminal behavior, it's just like, could this dude just not leave well enough alone? They already stopped talking to you.
Speaker: He just spent the whole day like, I should have told him a black guy did it. Yeah, shit, why didn't I just say a black guy did it? Which is extremely funny because at one point um Al Pacino was like, see, we don't have to worry about it being my new girlfriend because this black guy probably did it. And John Goodman's like, you know a black guy didn't do it just don't want it to be your girlfriend it can't be her she bought me shoes she bought me shoes you wouldn't do that if you were gonna shoot a man in the back of the head while he fubs a mattress Rooker gets thrown out a window like the dog and fate in um and single white female single white female yeah squishes fine my only issue is
Speaker: I felt like Pacino needed a one-liner. He was drunk enough that I feel like he would have... This is the man that said, kiss my tiara, bitch, when a woman didn't want to go on a date with him anymore. And that was when he was decently, I would say at least half sober. Here, he is so many drinks deep.
Speaker: You're telling me that the wet-ass hour guy didn't have a quip? For when he squished a guy? i don't believe that. I don't believe it Recycle the tiara line. Recycle the wet ass power line.
Speaker: I would have heard either one of those again and been happy. I would have loved if instead of the like... um you know, the, the resolution of this movie being him, you know, trying to get back together with Ellen Barkin, if it instead just been him going through all the paperwork to try to explain to his boss, why the, the guy who did all these murders was in his apartment. Yeah.
Speaker: I would love that. But instead we see him. It's weeks later. He's sober now. um And John Goodman's basically like, God, you should go back and go get her tiger.
Speaker: That was crazy when he's just like, you know what? I've grown as a person. I'm sober now. I'm seven weeks sober and I just need to let her go. This is for her.
Speaker: I got to let her go. And John Goodman just gives that little smirk like, no you should go bother her. You should go bother her. I'm your friend. As your friend. as your woman best friend.
Speaker: That that you have assaulted, locked in a closet at gunpoint, and then... Accused of murder. and later Accused of murder twice, by the way. um And both times been extremely erratic. um Honestly, even when you didn't think she was a murderer, you acted extremely erratic. I don't think the fact that you don't drink anymore um is going to make you a tolerable person to be around. And let's face it, your relationship with her mother is going to be an uphill battle.
Speaker: Oh my God, yes. Yeah. Yeah, it is Also, with the daughter, when you have to explain that you threw her dad out a window.
Speaker: What happened to dad? Squished. Squished. um And honestly, so he he goes and tracks her down at her shoe store and is trying to like...
Speaker: convince her to give him a second chance but some of the things he says are still incredibly manipulative and horrible he's still awful he's just not drunk yes because he's like look i could i i was only like half myself when i was with you before you owe it to yourself to find out who the real me is you owe it to yourself ah I beg your fucking pardon?
Speaker: Why? it just, I hate so much that she bought that shit. Yes. Then again, there is the one moment where this truly is a rom-com, which is when he's like trying to to to tell her that like, oh, you're moving home that you know to where you used to live back in York? ah Well, I just got a job in York, Pennsylvania. And he's like doing this motor mouth thing and a guy slams into him and he falls behind her several steps and then without missing a beat just keeps talking and keeps like running up after her was so adorable it would not be out of place in a Meg Ryan movie 100% that was a real New Yorker
Speaker: That was not an extra. And i I did read that as I was reading about oh i love that. That was a real moment of a guy who just slammed into him being a dickhead on the street. And Pacino didn't miss a beat. He didn't miss a beat. He's so good. He's so on. And his smile is so cute that I was like, dad.
Speaker: Damn it. You, you, oh my God. at all You're leaving with him. I think it worked. No, I'm not. You kid, your face lit up. They can't see you. I see you. Your face lit up. You had a big ass smile on your face. Here's the thing though. It never would have gotten to this point because I would never have gone out with him in the first place. I would have said just as she did. Hmm.
Speaker: I'm not feeling it You're pressuring me to drink this drink and I don't like that. And then never spoke into him again. No, I didn't. I i i could run into him at the cabbage and be like, oh, there's that creep. I'm glad I'm not on a date with him. Nope.
Speaker: Two days later, you're getting fingered at that cabbage.
Speaker: And you know what? Bodega Cat saw it all. Bodega Cat is here for your true love. And then the movie hits the credits with a really great cover of Sea of Love by Tom Waits. Yeah, it's they're having a lot of fun.
Speaker: the That song made me forget that I didn't really like the ending I got. because i sat there and listened to the whole song. I let the whole credits roll and listened to the song.
Speaker: Why? What did you want from the ending that you didn't get? her to be like this is insane you're a bad person he didn't he didn't learn charmed by the one moment oh he learned that he should stop drinking that's the one thing he learned he didn't learn that he should be less of a shitty person if i drink less women will be less bitchy to me what do you want to bet it wasn't even his idea to get sober? It was like mandated by the and NYPD because like you fucked this one up so badly. Like if you don't get in a program and get your ass sober as some way that we can prove to the higher ups that this is never going to happen again, then we are. Listen, we're only giving you this chance because you've been here for 20
Speaker: But seriously, dude, you are on thin ice here. This was a paid suspension in rehab. A hundred percent. Yeah. I mean, as much as like, yes, I'm shitting on this character because he's a fucking dickhead. He's a bad man. Pacino played him so well. i So well. Pacino was so good in this movie. And it's one of those things where like,
Speaker: I don't know. Like, I do genuinely think Raul Julia should have been nominated for an Oscar for playing Gomez Adams. Because throughout the whole movie, you can see in his eyes he believes everything he's saying. Everything he says. you That love between him and Morticia, I've never seen anything more real in my life.
Speaker: He'll say crazy shit throughout that whole movie, but you're like, Raul Julia believes the things he's saying right now is this character. Pacino believed all the dumb shit he said throughout this movie, and it was a phenomenal acting job.
Speaker: There are so many choices made in this movie. Like, to have the lady show up with the balloons and the line about the balloons. um his Al Pacino, a grown man, has a shower curtain that is of cartoon alligators playing jazz.
Speaker: It's just, you barely even see it. But, like, someone made the choice that, like, this is what he would have. Wait a minute. Let's look up real quick and see who directed this. Was this the same fucking director as Big Easy? Because Alan Barkin and Goodman were both in that. I'm pretty sure that Gator Shower Curtain was in Big Easy. I know there was Gator Shower Curtain. Was it the same Gator Shower Curtain? Let's take a little gander real quick and see if this fucking guy did the Big Easy.
Speaker: Harold Becker. He is known for, let's see, domestic disturbance with Travolta, Mercury Rising.
Speaker: i don't i don't think so. I don't remember what year Big Easy came out. can look up Big Easy for you right now. It's Jim McBride, different guy. Okay, okay. Was it the same writer? don't know. And wrote has shower curtain of alligators jazz.
Speaker: jazz Holy shit, this was ah written by one of the writers of The Wire and The Color of Money. Well, that goes to show why it's also perfectly plotted out.
Speaker: The Shaft remake. The Michael Jackson bad video. Wow. All right. All right. i Kit, I really had fun with this movie. This isn't a bad movie.
Speaker: This is a movie about a bad person, but I don't think it's a bad movie. I think it's a bad person playing puperfection. Yes, a bad person that... Let's go ahead, Garrett.
Speaker: Were you aroused? No. No. You saw Alan Barkin's boobs. You saw a lot of man-ass. Yeah, but it was, like you said, it was like mostly like Costanza.
Speaker: It was a lot of Costanza. I'm going to go two on Aroused. Though, like, her from behind, like, I mean, he was squealing. That looked fun. Yes. And, I mean, you know, the the produce aisle.
Speaker: She's cute in that. That was fun. I'll go for a two with you. I'll go with you on that one. Yeah. thrill Thrilled? Thrilled? Four.
Speaker: this guy Wow. like even I was never worried for a second that Ellen Barkin was the killer, though. like I never thought he was in any physical danger other than possibly being so drunk that he just walked into traffic and was hit by a taxi cab.
Speaker: There's a scene earlier in this movie we didn't talk about because he is like getting slightly stalked by Rooker before we know it's Rooker. and Oh, really? Because remember, it like he goes into his building and like the lights are unscrewed. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes to lean out a window and gets punched in the face by five pigeons. and Yes.
Speaker: He's like, someone's been in my apartment. Oh, shit. Pigeons. Can you believe that in that final scene with Rooker, it started with him punching Michael Rooker in the dick?
Speaker: It starts with a dick punch. At one point, he's humping a mattress. The next thing, he has that two and a half minute fall down. then he shoots him with the weight. Someone gets hit with a, free yeah, the free weights, the the squish out the window, the gunshot that does not even slow him down.
Speaker: once Okay, it's been a while since we brought it back, but when that gunshot did not even, that was through his fucking chest. That could have been through his heart for all I knew, and he was still going.
Speaker: Ghoul? Do we call him a little on it?
Speaker: Um, no, Garrett, and I'll tell you why. um It's because he's not a ghoul. He is, in fact, a Terminator. What? like Okay. Well, fuck. No, I'm just saying, like, the vibes I got off this guy were not ghoul vibes.
Speaker: They were Terminator vibes. The man was on a mission. He gets thrown out the window. we get the Donald Pleasance moment from the end of Halloween. She's crying. She's like, was that the boogeyman? And he's like, yes, my dear. it was. And he's not squished anymore. He's just gone. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if that had happened. and if that had happened, yes, 100% cool.
Speaker: You need to date me for protection. I'm not drinking anymore. I'm a good shot again. He did toss that weight really easily. God damn, he did.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm going to stick with four. I know it's too high. I gave the movie itself five stars on Letterboxd. Of course you did. Because it deserved it.
Speaker: um I spent so much of a so much of this movie is not... a thriller it is just a sad man um and and then his with a problem with a serious problem who then is going on uh dates with this very nice lady who deserves better so i would say that for the vast majority of the movie i was not thrilled um i was i was entertained but i wasn't thrilled What was he going to say next, though, was the thrill. You know what? Yeah, I guess the thrill is like, how's he going to fuck up this date even worse? Oh, my God. no way.
Speaker: I really, truly want a remake of this with Sandler. Because. And you brought. Where they lean more into the rom-com vibes. well because you brought up that sometimes it just felt surreal, like with the balloon lady. And there's a moment when he's at the the John Goodman's daughter's wedding and he's not dancing with anybody. He's just sitting there getting drunk. And it goes into this like almost drug trippy kind of moment where he has this epiphany that he needs to go on 50 dates.
Speaker: And it's just like, are we in a David Lynch movie at this point? Like, what are we doing here? No, he's just a very, very drunk man. Which is also, side note, the idea that like you could just add someone to your daughter's wedding at the last minute, like that is so fucked. He's paying Like this is my brand new partner that I know for a fact um gets unruly at large gatherings with alcohol.
Speaker: You kidding me? You get a couple drinks and this guy's doing karate. Everybody's going to love him. Everyone's going to love it. Especially that bridesmaid. Oh my god. um Yeah, no. I'm gonna put this at a two and a half or three.
Speaker: Maybe three if you include as as far as thrills. the The thrill of never knowing just how badly this dude is gonna fuck up. He's your daddy, Kit. He's your daddy now. He's my daddy now. Apparently he's everyone's daddy when it's the wet ass hour. so what what can I say?
Speaker: you next time you fall in a puddle you are going to immediately think of Pacino you'll never yeah you're gonna sit in water just like he the wet ass hour will forever be a line I remember like I there's no chance I forget the wet ass hour like this that is a that's a top tier line from any movie we've watched permanent part of your vocabulary yeah it' my Well, are you going to ruin your life for Ellen Barkin if you're a New York City cop um who's chasing after a murderer lady? Are you going to fuck Ellen Barkin when you know you shouldn't?
Speaker: I guess if I'm an alcoholic and like I'm an alcoholic. garon I'm Garrett. Um, no, no. Like, I mean, she seemed like a nice enough lady, but also all signs point to, this is the scariest person I could possibly, like the moment where she shows up with the 45, just assuming he really likes the song. And he's just like, that bitch is going to kill me. That's so funny.
Speaker: No, no, though, I'm not. And I'm not going to ruin myself my life for Pacino, and she shouldn't have either. Absolutely. She shouldn't have either. Honestly, um i understand...
Speaker: um that it's a movie and we... That it's a movie and you have to. And also he looked very, very charming in that one shot of the last scene.
Speaker: but like, lady, you should never have let it get to that point. you should have dumped his ass after he locked you in the closet on the first date. He's obviously an unstable man. He's a cop and he has no idea what to do in a like life or death situation.
Speaker: She's lucky he didn't just fill that closet door with bullets. Yeah, he is. She absolutely is. fucked him after that. yeah If I'm the cop, am I gonna date Ellen Barkin, though? Like, am I gonna... Am I gonna date the late... Because I'm divorced in this scenario, and I haven't had any nice action for a while. I've just been hearing my goddamn partner talk about fucking my ex.
Speaker: I can see it, you know? I can see it
Speaker: okay I'm going to say yes for Elle and no for Elle. You're going fuck Elle, Pacino. I saw you lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree when you when he was joking about York.
Speaker: I just like the way he deals with New Yorkers bumping into him. What can I say? like, yeah. He's got some charm to him. Not in this movie. He does. but No, and that's because for a brief moment, he wasn't the character. He was Al Pacino. He was Al Pacino getting hit in public.
Speaker: Yes. Well, I'm happy this movie was the start of an upswing for him. Apparently, it had like five bad ones, and this was the first one that he didn't even get Razzie nom for.
Speaker: So good on him. got a Golden Globe nom. he really I didn't look that up. He really got like an actual award nomination for this? Yeah, I think so. That's awesome. Good for him. I yeah genuinely had a very fine time watching this film.
Speaker: Yeah, same. um Good for him. good Good for everybody, honestly. And then it's really funny that Al and Ellen got back together in Ocean's 13 where she plays his little right-hand man through the whole movie. That was fun.
Speaker: That was fun. That was one of the good ones. Yeah. 12 wasn't. They weren't in 12. They put them in the 13. That's why it i was so good. man. That's why it's good. We need to look and see if there's more Pacino erotic thrillers. There has to be because this, I mean, I would put cruising towards the top of the best ones we've watched. i don't think this is absolutely one of the best movies we've watched, but I really enjoyed the performance and the character. Yes. And the, the, the moments of absolute absurdity.
Speaker: Yeah, this was ah this kind of a hard week. the One of my The guitarist of my favorite band died this week. I was very sad about it. This movie just really hit the spot for so glad the performance I needed right now to to mentally deal with that. I'm so glad that Al Pacino could be there for you in your hour of need. Yeah, and I told you I was interested in... um And famous people slumming. They weren't slumming that bad, though.
Speaker: Yeah, it turns out. there sure were a lot of them. We got, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think would be the giveaway or the incentive that would get you trapped in a warrant? Oh, by cops? and By cops in a warrant raid kind of situation.
Speaker: yeah.
Speaker: It definitely wouldn't be Yankees meet the Yankees. That's not working on me. um Well, you can make more Chicago specific if you need. No, even even then I'd be like, that's nice. i don't care.
Speaker: um
Speaker: Honestly, they could just pick me up at any old Ren Faire or something. Not that hard. It's not a real Ren Faire. Oh my God. Can you imagine the cops setting up a fake Ren Faire and they all have to wear the little outfits and they're eating the, you know, the turkey legs just waiting for me to show up in in costume so they can arrest me.
Speaker: I'm trying to think what all of these fucking Renfair nerds did to get warrants. that I know. was like but i like that answer, though, that you're going to be like a court jester is going to cuff you and make little quip as they put you in the back of ah a wagon being pulled by a horse.
Speaker: Can't I go see the joust first? Why? What's going to get you, Garrett? Something wrestling based or something music based? Oh, man. I'm trying to think what they could.
Speaker: I mean, yeah honestly, like if they just told me like any yeah um honestly, a wrestling show would probably get me. And you know what? Probably several criminals, too. I was going to say it's going to be a lot easier. You're going to get more bang for your buck with your fake wrestling show than with your fake Ren Faire.
Speaker: Yeah. i fit Well, I don't know. It's both nerdy in the same way. It's like a very similar way whererere Yeah, but there's a lot less money that goes into getting, you know, the setup for your wrestling show, which could just be in a basement somewhere with a ring.
Speaker: yeah where they're obviously lying that, yeah you know, whoever I'm excited about in this basement. It's just coming. yeah Whereas for me to show up at the Ren Faire, it's going to have to actually look like a Ren Faire. gonna have to be a lot of cars there's gonna have to be parking attendants other people that are you yeah dressed up you're gonna get people just showing up but like you gotta to get the fuck out of here this is an invite only ren fair yeah what that'd be the part where uh it's a big tip off anything that's like this is invite only and you have to show your id to prove it's you it's like why
Speaker: I don't even know what you could do that they'd spend that amount of money. it'd have to be some something really heinous, but even the most heinous crimes in this country just mostly go on.
Speaker: Yeah, the problem is i'm not i'm not rich enough to get away with the crime, but i I'd have to do a crime that's pretty pretty significant for it to be worth the expense to catch me.
Speaker: What is today? I was going to say, is it the one? I'm not even going to make the joke. I'm not going to make the joke because we'll get flagged. I was going to say you shot Charlie Kirk.
Speaker: Bleep that.
Speaker: AI is going to pick that up and then we're going be just another news headline that's like dickhead podcaster mocks best guy to ever live best guy to ever live we're all super sad about it oh that's really good yeah no that one would be worth them I think you know from their perspective setting up a fake Renfair to catch me All right, everybody. Well, thanks for listening. This was a fun one. ah Rate, review, subscribe, at eroticthrillerclub on Instagram, eroticthrillerclub at gmail.com. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, ah recommendations, whatever.
Speaker: We love recommendations. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. ah Tell your ex who's now ah married to your a partner. ah you know, spread the word.
Speaker: Yeah. What's going to get you, what are they going to capture you with? I'd like to know, but until next time, what's your snails Fidelio pig man.
Speaker: The wet ass hour, baby. Where your dad is now. Where your dad
Speaker: is. Father's day.
Speaker: It's antithesis, mysterious and dangerous. And oh yes, they've got
