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Marni Kinrys Interview Part 3: Romance Scams, the Manosphere and Confidence
928 Plays1 month ago
In part 3 of our exclusive interview with dating and attraction coach Marni Kinrys, we discuss romance scams, kissing on a first date, the manosphere, indicators of interest, what men can do to become more confident and more! Enjoy.
Marni's YouTube has great advice. Follow her on Instagram and listen to her amazing podcast How to Get The Girl.
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Transcript
Online Scams Targeting Women
00:00:00
Speaker
But with these apps, it makes it very easy.
00:00:03
Speaker
Okay, so it has really accelerated the problem.
00:00:07
Speaker
And it is incredibly sad.
00:00:09
Speaker
And I do think a lot of women are definitely targeted.
00:00:13
Speaker
I like mentioned it, I worked at a job where like women would call all day because they were scammed by some guy that they met online.
00:00:22
Speaker
So it's like it is a prevalent issue.
00:00:25
Speaker
And I do think men are some men are definitely taking advantage of knowing women want to find someone and are lonely, especially if they're more elderly and they're just targeting them and taking all of their money away.
00:00:40
Speaker
And there's no recourse for it.
00:00:42
Speaker
No recourse.
00:00:43
Speaker
I hear you.
00:00:43
Speaker
And even like the dating apps won't do anything.
00:00:45
Speaker
So I have, even just now, I have a client who has given $250,000 to a woman online over the past three years.
00:00:54
Speaker
And she lives in another country, right?
00:00:57
Speaker
And she's probably a big fat dude that lives like in, you know, Idaho.
00:01:00
Speaker
Like, I don't even know where.
00:01:02
Speaker
I'm just saying, like, yeah.
00:01:03
Speaker
We don't – I'm just saying, like, I feel for anybody who is taken advantage of for being lonely.
00:01:11
Speaker
That's a different kind of doormat, right?
00:01:13
Speaker
That is just somebody who is lonely and sad and wants companionship.
00:01:18
Speaker
And the thing is, it's so funny because I work with these guys who –
00:01:22
Speaker
They have women in their lives who come into their lives who are so nice to them.
00:01:26
Speaker
It's kind of like AI at first, right?
00:01:28
Speaker
AI is so nice and so friendly and so complimentary, like makes you feel so good.
00:01:33
Speaker
But then they're like, oh, if I'm going to talk to you, I have to have a babysitter for my child, but I don't have any childcare right now.
00:01:39
Speaker
Oh, here, I'll send you $1,000.
00:01:40
Speaker
Like it's just that they'll have these longer relationships with these women who keep asking for little bits of money.
00:01:47
Speaker
And these people who they're talking to have many men that they're talking to in that way.
00:01:52
Speaker
And they make a lot of money every single month.
00:01:54
Speaker
They do.
00:01:55
Speaker
It's really sad and horrible.
00:01:57
Speaker
It's really, really horrible.
Flirting in Relationships
00:01:59
Speaker
So how does flirting play a role in long-term relationship satisfaction and emotional connection?
00:02:07
Speaker
Okay, well, I'm going to throw that question back at you.
00:02:10
Speaker
How does flirting play a role in any long-term relationship for you?
00:02:15
Speaker
Do you need to have flirting?
00:02:16
Speaker
Are you okay with it just getting into deep connection and niceness mode?
00:02:21
Speaker
I'm a natural flirt.
00:02:22
Speaker
Like I tell people like I flirt in my sleep.
00:02:25
Speaker
Like I don't need people to like take it personally.
00:02:29
Speaker
I just I'm very compliment.
00:02:32
Speaker
I will compliment someone.
00:02:34
Speaker
It's just who I am.
00:02:36
Speaker
And I'm not really thinking about it first.
00:02:38
Speaker
But I do think for me, because words of affirmation is my love language, like I need to.
00:02:45
Speaker
I need the flirting, without a doubt, like I need it more than I need to like see someone all the time, have all these date nights, like if somebody is just expressing themselves in a way that makes me feel good, having nice things to say, then that means a lot to me, because it's easy to forget that somebody how somebody feels if they're not saying it.
00:03:10
Speaker
So I think that it's really helpful for people to keep it going.
00:03:16
Speaker
Don't stop just because you've been with somebody for a while.
00:03:20
Speaker
I agree with you.
00:03:21
Speaker
And I think actually it's even more important as you get deeper into a relationship.
00:03:25
Speaker
So I agree with everything that you just said.
00:03:28
Speaker
I think it is essential.
00:03:31
Speaker
I think in the very beginning, like,
00:03:34
Speaker
This is the trouble that I see so many guys get into is that they'll go on dates and they'll have these nice connections with women, but there won't be any flirting.
00:03:43
Speaker
There's no sexuality.
00:03:45
Speaker
There's no.
00:03:46
Speaker
It's platonic.
00:03:47
Speaker
It's a platonic interaction.
00:03:49
Speaker
And the woman walks away saying, that was a nice night.
00:03:51
Speaker
Nothing special.
00:03:52
Speaker
I didn't feel anything.
00:03:53
Speaker
And the guy's like, oh, great.
00:03:54
Speaker
We laughed and we connected.
00:03:55
Speaker
We had a great night.
00:03:56
Speaker
And then they don't get a second date afterwards.
00:03:58
Speaker
And it's because there was no flirting.
00:04:00
Speaker
There was nothing sexual that was there.
00:04:02
Speaker
There was no ruffling feathers.
00:04:03
Speaker
There was no tension.
00:04:04
Speaker
There was no playfulness.
00:04:05
Speaker
There was no touching.
00:04:06
Speaker
There was no looking in the eyes and giving an amazing, sincere compliment, right?
00:04:11
Speaker
That was all void.
00:04:12
Speaker
And so it's essential in the beginning part of a relationship.
00:04:16
Speaker
But as you just said, it is
00:04:18
Speaker
I think 10 times more essential later on in a relationship.
00:04:23
Speaker
So that flirting always has to be alive.
00:04:24
Speaker
And it becomes challenging because life gets in the way.
00:04:27
Speaker
You have children, you have responsibilities, you have stress, you have work.
00:04:31
Speaker
And that seems to not be such an important factor because you've already got that person.
00:04:38
Speaker
But it's the first thing that leads to resentment, to tension, to anger, to frustration, to
00:04:44
Speaker
to lack of sexuality.
00:04:45
Speaker
So if that is not there, the relationship just completely crumbles.
00:04:50
Speaker
And that is weird.
00:04:52
Speaker
I don't think adults should be having platonic dates.
00:04:54
Speaker
I mean, it's funny.
00:04:55
Speaker
I know they exist.
00:04:56
Speaker
I know people have been like, was that a date?
00:04:59
Speaker
Because nothing happened.
00:05:00
Speaker
But I prefer to kiss on a first date.
00:05:03
Speaker
That's assuming I want to kiss that person because I don't really I don't get I don't see the point.
00:05:10
Speaker
I agree with you.
00:05:12
Speaker
I haven't dated in a long time, but like at the end I'm shaking a person's hand or giving them a hug.
00:05:17
Speaker
You're never going to see me naked.
00:05:18
Speaker
Right.
00:05:19
Speaker
So like that's what's happening.
00:05:21
Speaker
So if I'm not open to a kiss or if we're not making out by the end, at least a little bit, like I don't, at least in my opinion, I do not see it going anywhere.
00:05:32
Speaker
That's so funny.
00:05:33
Speaker
Like, yes, I do like to have that answer.
00:05:35
Speaker
It's funny, though, because I had this argument one time with a friend of mine who does not believe in that at all.
00:05:41
Speaker
He was just like, I don't kiss on the first date.
00:05:43
Speaker
And I was just like I said, I don't get the point.
00:05:46
Speaker
But.
00:05:47
Speaker
So how has, but if it works for him, right?
00:05:50
Speaker
Leave them wanting more.
00:05:51
Speaker
If he's still able to establish that, right.
00:05:54
Speaker
And then like in some way insinuate, I want to kiss you, but I'm holding myself back and we're going to go out again because I'm still undecided about you.
00:06:00
Speaker
I mean, that can work to his advantage.
00:06:02
Speaker
It's, it really is about like, I'm just saying as a woman, I want that first kiss and I am open to that first kiss if I've had a good time.
00:06:10
Speaker
Yes.
00:06:11
Speaker
I want to know.
00:06:11
Speaker
I want to know if something's there.
Influence of Manosphere Content
00:06:14
Speaker
So how has content from Manosphere creators affected how some young men view women and think they should approach and treat women?
00:06:25
Speaker
Because I did watch the same documentary and there's absolutely no way that...
00:06:31
Speaker
that that content is not harmless.
00:06:33
Speaker
There's absolutely no way.
00:06:35
Speaker
It's the same thing when the pickup artist world existed.
00:06:39
Speaker
I mean, it still kind of exists.
00:06:40
Speaker
That's like the manosphere is like the new pickup artist world.
00:06:43
Speaker
There's some guys who just have
00:06:47
Speaker
They're angry or they're bitter or they're frustrated.
00:06:50
Speaker
And this is how they express or regain their power is by being super harsh and super dominant towards women in demand things.
00:07:00
Speaker
And I just think like, yes, it can be attractive at first being around a man who is so selective and so in his own world and doesn't give a shit like that.
00:07:11
Speaker
It's alluring.
00:07:12
Speaker
I get that.
00:07:13
Speaker
But it can be very damaging to both people later on if that doesn't start to shift.
00:07:20
Speaker
Like there are so many things, even Andrew Tate, right, who I think is horrendous and awful.
00:07:25
Speaker
There's certain videos that I watch of his where I'm like, he's giving really good advice.
00:07:29
Speaker
It's just the way that he's expressing it that is so horrendous.
00:07:34
Speaker
And so I said the same thing about the pickup artist world.
00:07:37
Speaker
It's like the intention behind the advice, right?
00:07:40
Speaker
Right.
00:07:40
Speaker
If the intention is to belittle, manipulate, objectify or regain power and control, then I'm not a fan of it.
00:07:49
Speaker
But if the intention is like I'd like to date a cool woman who I get along with really well and I I'm an awesome guy and I want to be with somebody else who's also awesome.
00:08:03
Speaker
Like game on.
00:08:04
Speaker
Let's have fun.
00:08:05
Speaker
Let's be playful with each other.
00:08:07
Speaker
Like that, that I'm, that I am on board with.
00:08:10
Speaker
So like, I just, I just think that it's a bit of a reset and a reframe for many of the guys who come in.
00:08:18
Speaker
I mean, most of the guys who really resonate with the manosphere are not coming to me for advice.
00:08:24
Speaker
I don't, I don't believe they are, but I think, I think the guys who were like on the cusp who just want information, they're
00:08:31
Speaker
They come to me and they see what I have to say and they have like some limiting beliefs or false beliefs.
00:08:36
Speaker
And we help them shift those and tweak them and have their eyes be open to seeing like that's how women work and here's what really does.
00:08:48
Speaker
So I haven't seen it being a huge problem for me and for my audience, but I think real Manosphere people are not going to resonate with my materials.
00:08:58
Speaker
No, they're not.
00:08:59
Speaker
They're definitely not.
00:09:01
Speaker
I see where you're coming from, but it is frightening.
00:09:04
Speaker
It is really, really frightening because it's popular and I just...
00:09:11
Speaker
But it's so young and stupid.
00:09:12
Speaker
And I honestly think that young and stupid was there before.
00:09:16
Speaker
We're just seeing it so much more.
00:09:18
Speaker
And it seems bigger because it's on the Internet.
00:09:21
Speaker
And yes, it is influencing way more people.
00:09:25
Speaker
I don't know.
00:09:26
Speaker
I just think like younger people are just they're just trying to figure themselves out and they'll.
00:09:32
Speaker
And there was even guys I remember when I was younger who maybe they didn't speak about this on a YouTube video or on Instagram.
00:09:40
Speaker
But I know that they were talking this way behind closed doors in the locker room.
00:09:46
Speaker
Like I know that that message was out there.
00:09:48
Speaker
And some guys were like, yeah.
00:09:49
Speaker
And other guys were like, OK, that's kind of interesting.
00:09:52
Speaker
But I'm not sure I really believe.
00:09:54
Speaker
I don't know.
00:09:54
Speaker
I don't fully know my opinion on that.
00:09:57
Speaker
Yeah, I just I know I'm terrified by it.
00:10:00
Speaker
And I know that and I know that the apps are incredibly they're so much harder for men.
00:10:08
Speaker
You know, women are the ones who get all the messages.
00:10:12
Speaker
Men do not.
00:10:13
Speaker
And so that all contributes to a lot of their views.
Misogyny and Dating Apps
00:10:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:18
Speaker
you know, because they are struggling in ways that it just didn't exist before.
00:10:25
Speaker
There weren't these apps where you could send a hundred messages and maybe three girls will respond to you.
00:10:31
Speaker
So, I mean, it's just an, it's a very ripe environment for a lot, a lot of misogyny and it,
00:10:38
Speaker
It is very scary.
00:10:39
Speaker
Well, it's a ripe environment for a lot of anger too and frustration.
00:10:44
Speaker
Why aren't I getting this?
00:10:46
Speaker
And then usually there's like an answer and solution that's provided with some YouTube video or Instagram videos and you're not getting this because women suck and here's what you got to do.
00:10:54
Speaker
So I like I I understand.
00:10:56
Speaker
I feel the same sort of fear.
00:10:57
Speaker
I'm actually really I have two sons.
Raising Sons in a Digital Age
00:10:59
Speaker
So it scares me that that's what's going to start coming into their algorithm at some point.
00:11:04
Speaker
And I'm like, luckily, they have me hopefully to balance
00:11:09
Speaker
I know you're gonna I believe in you I already know they're gonna be two princes they're definitely not gonna be any manosphere idiots but the thing is I don't really want them to be princes I want them to be like confident awesome guys who are a little bit cocky who know how to joke around and like I want them to be the guys that I know I'm attracted to that pull in women
00:11:37
Speaker
And who are also just like their dad, who are the best people, the most loyal people in the entire world.
00:11:44
Speaker
But it has to be earned.
00:11:45
Speaker
It's not just given out to anybody to be that wonderful.
00:11:50
Speaker
So there's a little bit of finessing that I get nervous about.
00:11:56
Speaker
I don't want to sway them too much in the...
00:11:59
Speaker
I see direction.
00:12:00
Speaker
I see.
00:12:00
Speaker
Yeah, you you sound so knowledgeable about this.
00:12:04
Speaker
So I'm I'm happy, though.
00:12:06
Speaker
They're in good hands.
00:12:07
Speaker
They're in good hands.
00:12:08
Speaker
OK, they are better.
00:12:10
Speaker
So what are some signs that a man is socially disconnected or struggling with confidence in relationships?
Recognizing Negative Self-Talk
00:12:19
Speaker
I mean, when they come to us and they are struggling, it's because I can hear the things that are coming out of their mouths and the way that they're talking about themselves.
00:12:31
Speaker
That's the first sign for me that something is going on.
00:12:37
Speaker
It's either the way that they're talking about themselves or thinking about themselves or seeing the world, right?
00:12:42
Speaker
So there's like that negative spin, kind of like what you were talking about before, that there's all of this negativity around dating online.
00:12:48
Speaker
Like, I really believe if you're angry, you're going to find angry people.
00:12:52
Speaker
If you're sad, you're going to find sad people.
00:12:54
Speaker
And I think the men who come to us, we can see that there's lack of confidence.
00:12:59
Speaker
Just we'll ask them a couple of questions and in the way that they respond,
00:13:03
Speaker
Those are clear indicators that there is something deeper going on.
00:13:10
Speaker
Either they're socially removed, either they've been beaten down by their ex-wife and have all of these horrible beliefs about themselves as a man that they're not anybody of value.
00:13:19
Speaker
And they're literally telling it to you, too, in the way that they frame their statements, either about extreme negativity about women and how all women are out there to get you or about how they pretty much suck.
00:13:31
Speaker
Like they will literally spit out all of their limiting beliefs without knowing that they're.
00:13:38
Speaker
And that's the first sign that there's a huge confidence issue and that there's work to be done.
00:13:44
Speaker
So how can men rebuild their ability to read social cues and negative and navigate conversations with ease?
Improving Social Situations for Men
00:13:54
Speaker
So there are things called indicators of interest, IOIs.
00:13:56
Speaker
That's from the pickup artist world.
00:13:58
Speaker
And really for a lot of men,
00:14:01
Speaker
They are so confused about what is saying, approach me, interact with me, talk to me, kiss me, whatever it is.
00:14:09
Speaker
So we walk them through what the indicators of interest look like.
00:14:14
Speaker
So it's proximity is one of them.
00:14:17
Speaker
So if a woman is doing something to be close to you on a continuous basis, or even if you're out for the night and a woman is
00:14:24
Speaker
kind of close to you at a bar, laughing really loudly, being extreme with her expressions.
00:14:29
Speaker
That's an indicator of interest in some way that she's like open to you coming up and talking to her.
00:14:34
Speaker
Not that she wants to go home with you, just that she's open to being approached by you and then finding out more.
00:14:39
Speaker
And there's a million other indicators of interest.
00:14:42
Speaker
If a woman is, I know you can't see me on video right now, but like scratching the inside of her wrist, that's an indicator of interest.
00:14:50
Speaker
It's a slight indicator of discomfort, but it's an indicator of interest that there's like nervousness going on.
00:14:58
Speaker
There's slightly biting her lip.
00:14:59
Speaker
It's playing with her hair.
00:15:00
Speaker
It's applying lip gloss.
00:15:02
Speaker
It's batting her eyelashes.
00:15:04
Speaker
It's getting her face flushed.
00:15:05
Speaker
It's talking in a more feminine tone, like softer way of speaking.
00:15:12
Speaker
These are all the things that you look for.
00:15:14
Speaker
So even just making guys aware that these things exist so they can start to notice them, then they can start to stop focusing on themselves so much and look outwards to see, oh,
00:15:25
Speaker
She did just touch me on the shoulder right now.
00:15:27
Speaker
That's another one too.
00:15:28
Speaker
Or I touched her and she touched me back.
00:15:30
Speaker
Okay, that's kind of cool too.
00:15:32
Speaker
Or she's playing with her hair right now.
00:15:34
Speaker
Okay, that's cool.
00:15:35
Speaker
Or her cheeks are flushed.
00:15:37
Speaker
It's just for them to be able to see, okay, she's doing a few of these things and she's responding well to the things that I'm saying.
00:15:43
Speaker
All right, now I'm going to escalate to that next level and see how she responds to this next thing.
00:15:46
Speaker
If I flirt and she flirts back with me, that's also another indicator.
00:15:50
Speaker
If she pulls back when I throw something semi-flirty out there,
00:15:53
Speaker
then I know that she's either not up for it or she's not ready for it yet.
00:15:57
Speaker
Interesting.
00:15:58
Speaker
Phenomenal.
00:15:59
Speaker
I love those very relatable, useful insights.
00:16:04
Speaker
So have you always been comfortable talking about sex on camera?
00:16:08
Speaker
Because I did look through some of your or I did look through your YouTube.
00:16:12
Speaker
No, I have not been comfortable and I still am not comfortable.
00:16:14
Speaker
Because I think it takes a special kind of person to give detailed sex advisor, do sexual type of content.
00:16:23
Speaker
Um,
00:16:25
Speaker
If you haven't always been comfortable, you fooled me.
00:16:28
Speaker
Oh, I did?
00:16:28
Speaker
Okay.
00:16:29
Speaker
I'm a good actress.
00:16:30
Speaker
I've always been comfortable talking about sex.
00:16:32
Speaker
Okay.
00:16:33
Speaker
So in the very beginning, when I was like in doing PR for myself, Ask Men, who used to be like a big online location for like men's lifestyle information, they, or my publicist, I contacted them and they said, oh, we're actually looking for like a sex expert.
00:16:52
Speaker
But we don't want like psychiatrists or psychologists.
00:16:54
Speaker
It's too technical the way that they deliver.
00:16:56
Speaker
We want somebody kind of loose and fun.
00:16:58
Speaker
And I remember my publicist was like, are you comfortable doing videos about sex for Ask Men?
00:17:02
Speaker
I was like, yeah, I can.
00:17:03
Speaker
And I didn't know anything about that stuff.
00:17:06
Speaker
I wasn't an expert on sex.
00:17:07
Speaker
I was just giving like my point of view.
00:17:09
Speaker
Again, just giving the female point of view.
00:17:11
Speaker
And then I would research them and I would record them.
00:17:13
Speaker
So I just quickly became very comfortable talking about it.
00:17:16
Speaker
And I wanted to talk about it in the most natural way possible because sex is fun.
00:17:21
Speaker
natural and easy.
00:17:22
Speaker
But it's funny now when I do videos for my YouTube channel, I write them before I have a teleprompter.
00:17:28
Speaker
And the guy, Jesse, who's been like filming me for years, I'm always like, okay, another sexual one, plug your ears.
00:17:36
Speaker
Like it's uncomfortable, you know, with somebody else there.
00:17:39
Speaker
I'm like, I'm talking about fingering or squirting.
00:17:41
Speaker
But I think it's really important information.
00:17:44
Speaker
I want it to be as normalized as possible.
00:17:46
Speaker
But
00:17:46
Speaker
No, it's not 100% comfortable for me, but I know that I'm doing goodness when I'm putting the information out there, so I feel okay with it.
00:17:55
Speaker
And I'm sure you're going to tell your kids to keep away.
00:17:58
Speaker
Oh, my God, yes.
00:17:59
Speaker
Or they're going to want to.
00:18:01
Speaker
Actually, they're going to want to.
00:18:01
Speaker
Or their friends are going to find it.
00:18:03
Speaker
That's the thing that I'm so nervous for is their friends are like, oh, my God, your mom's doing a video on threesomes.
00:18:08
Speaker
Yeah, it's going to be horrible.
00:18:10
Speaker
And they'll be like, why'd you do this video?
00:18:13
Speaker
How do you think you're eating?
00:18:14
Speaker
Shut up.
00:18:16
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:18:18
Speaker
I'd like to think that if someone was raised confident that they could hold on to that confidence throughout their lifetime, but does your clientele span from men who haven't had a single relationship to those who've had a few divorces and kind of getting back to the confidence thing?
00:18:39
Speaker
Like, do you think
00:18:41
Speaker
That somebody could just be confident and hold on to that or that some of your clients were never confident.
00:18:50
Speaker
I mean, it's a mix of both for sure.
00:18:52
Speaker
Like some of them were never confident in this space of their life because they haven't had great experiences.
00:18:57
Speaker
So they get all of this negative reinforcement.
00:19:00
Speaker
or negative experiences and they're like I'm not good with women and I never will be but I want to be but I'm never going to be there's those guys that I work with and then I work with like a huge group of guys who have been in a relationship for a long time who are divorced I'm like okay now I'm in a new world how do I navigate this I used to be really good with women and now I don't know if I'm good with women my my ex-wife's been telling me I'm horrible with women for the past
00:19:25
Speaker
20 years.
00:19:26
Speaker
So there's like those men who just need a few tweaks who are like, oh, yeah, I remember how to do this.
00:19:31
Speaker
Right.
00:19:32
Speaker
It's like riding a bike again.
00:19:33
Speaker
There's other guys who are so successful in so many different areas of their lives, but this is something they never focused on before.
00:19:40
Speaker
So for them, it's like completely starting from scratch.
00:19:44
Speaker
It runs the gamut for the men that we work with.
00:19:46
Speaker
But I will tell you, the 95 percent of the men that we work with are some of the best men that I've ever met.
00:19:52
Speaker
the kindest, most respectful, most giving, most like just like the best men.
00:20:00
Speaker
They're the best men who just need a few tweaks.
00:20:03
Speaker
And then they're like the best men who also have a bit of an edge, who are charming, who know how to be great dates, who know how to plan dates, who like can rock your world in the bedroom.
00:20:12
Speaker
So the men that I work with are unbelievable men, but they come from a myriad of different backgrounds.
00:20:18
Speaker
So have you had any clients who were a lost cause?
00:20:21
Speaker
I mean, you mentioned 95%.
00:20:23
Speaker
So I'm assuming most people.
00:20:25
Speaker
And it's a lost cause only because they're not ready yet.
00:20:28
Speaker
That's the only reason that they're a lost cause.
00:20:30
Speaker
There's some people who either have addiction issues, who have mental health issues.
00:20:35
Speaker
And like, we'll usually say you have to get that sorted before we can do anything.
00:20:39
Speaker
We can't, we can't.
00:20:42
Speaker
None of our tools are going to work if you've got these things going on.
00:20:46
Speaker
And there's other guys who just have a huge anger problem or like limiting belief problem, which means they have a barrier and we can't work past that barrier.
00:20:56
Speaker
Like I say this to every guy who's in our program.
00:20:58
Speaker
This is a done with you program, not a done for you program.
00:21:02
Speaker
We can't do it.
00:21:03
Speaker
If you're not willing to show up, if you're not willing to do the work, if you're not willing to try things like this is not going to work just because you read something doesn't mean you're you're different and you're cured and you're you're going to be successful.
00:21:17
Speaker
You have to apply the things you have to practice to follow your face and try again.
00:21:23
Speaker
But I will tell you that the guys who do go through our program, I have a whole bunch of programs at the main live program that we have, which is called the inner circle.
00:21:32
Speaker
they're all successful.
00:21:34
Speaker
We have a Slack.
00:21:36
Speaker
We have Slack that we use for work.
00:21:38
Speaker
And we have a Slack channel called Success Stories, which is just, I could just scroll on forever of pictures of guys who are engaged now, who have girlfriends, who guys, yeah, it's amazing, who like, my wife hated me and now she's like wanting to have sex with me all the time.
00:21:52
Speaker
Like just unbelievable story.
00:21:54
Speaker
It's great.
00:21:55
Speaker
It's awesome.
00:21:56
Speaker
So my last question before I want to say a few things off record.
00:22:02
Speaker
So what are some practical exercises men can do to become more socially fluent and comfortable in conversations?
00:22:12
Speaker
The other, the things that they can do.
00:22:14
Speaker
I have two tools.
00:22:15
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:15
Speaker
So one is called OSA, O-S-A, and one is called L-C-A, Listen, Confirm, Affirm.
00:22:22
Speaker
So OSA is for engaging for the first time, and you can use it on repeat even throughout conversations, but it's a way to engage a conversation, start a conversation without making it feel forced or
00:22:35
Speaker
or like you're trying to sell something.
00:22:37
Speaker
It's a way of talking to women as if you already know them.
00:22:41
Speaker
Because when you talk to them as if you already know them, their barriers to entry drop a lot faster.
00:22:48
Speaker
They feel more comfortable with you and they feel safer.
00:22:50
Speaker
So it's OSA.
00:22:52
Speaker
So instead of saying like, hi, my name is Todd and I saw you from over there and I wanted to talk to you.
00:22:56
Speaker
You just, you use an observation.
00:22:59
Speaker
So if you're at Starbucks, you go, oh my God, those muffins smell amazing.
00:23:02
Speaker
Right.
00:23:02
Speaker
That's an observation.
00:23:03
Speaker
Right.
00:23:04
Speaker
And then you do a share.
00:23:06
Speaker
OK, those muffins smell amazing.
00:23:08
Speaker
I'm disgusting, but I have those every single morning.
00:23:11
Speaker
Right.
00:23:11
Speaker
Like I'm that's your share about yourself.
00:23:15
Speaker
And then the ask, what are you going to get today?
00:23:17
Speaker
Or what are you here for?
00:23:18
Speaker
So it's just, but it's a way to engage with everybody where it's like, I know you, I can tell you I'm disgusting because I eat muffins every single morning.
00:23:26
Speaker
And they're like, I think these ones smell amazing today.
00:23:28
Speaker
And then it's just like bringing you into my world.
00:23:30
Speaker
So that's the one tool for conversation.
00:23:33
Speaker
The other tool is called LCA, which this is where a lot of men have difficulty with.
00:23:41
Speaker
It's that they can ask a lot of questions, but they can't really listen and show that they hear what's being said to them.
00:23:48
Speaker
And one of the most magical things that you can do in conversation and to make her feel special, one of the S's, and to have you seem selective, which is one of the other S's, is that you tell her that because of what she said, you do this in a subliminal way, there's something you like about her more now.
00:24:05
Speaker
She's got like five points in your book, right?
00:24:08
Speaker
So LCA is listen, confirm, affirm.
00:24:10
Speaker
So you listen to what she said.
00:24:12
Speaker
So you make eye contact.
00:24:13
Speaker
You confirm that you've heard what she said.
00:24:15
Speaker
So you can nod or you can even say it back to her.
00:24:18
Speaker
Oh, wow.
00:24:18
Speaker
You were a dancer when you were younger.
00:24:20
Speaker
Right.
00:24:20
Speaker
Whatever it is, you just are repeating it back to her.
00:24:23
Speaker
And then you affirm.
00:24:24
Speaker
And the affirm is saying that.
00:24:28
Speaker
And this is the meaning behind it, but not the words that you say.
00:24:32
Speaker
Like, now that I know this about you.
00:24:35
Speaker
I like you a little bit more.
00:24:37
Speaker
That's what you're trying to say in the words.
00:24:38
Speaker
So it can be like, oh, I was a dancer when I was younger and I really liked doing it because it made me closer to my mother because she was a dancer too.
00:24:45
Speaker
Whatever it is that she's saying to you, it has to be a landing moment that has impact.
00:24:49
Speaker
And then you listen, then you nod your head that you heard that.
00:24:53
Speaker
That's pretty amazing that you did something that was challenging to you, but because you knew it was important to your mom, you pushed through it
00:25:05
Speaker
And you made it into your own passion.
00:25:07
Speaker
That's a badass in my mind.
00:25:09
Speaker
Like something like that, right?
00:25:10
Speaker
Where you're just appreciating her, not just because she's pretty or because she danced, but because of something she did and that showed you who she was as a person.
00:25:20
Speaker
And because of it, you're like, I like you more.
00:25:22
Speaker
You just got some points in my book.
00:25:25
Speaker
All right.
00:25:25
Speaker
Well, it does be Marnie, the phenomenal Marnie, the very pretty, very smart, fun.
00:25:34
Speaker
I like being on your show.
00:25:36
Speaker
You're so complimentary.
00:25:38
Speaker
No, I'm serious.
00:25:38
Speaker
I know your words of affirmation, too.
00:25:40
Speaker
So I will say that right back to you.
00:25:42
Speaker
I can't see you.
00:25:42
Speaker
So I don't know how pretty you are.
00:25:44
Speaker
But I saw your picture in other places and you're very attractive.
00:25:49
Speaker
But you're just like really easy to talk to.
00:25:50
Speaker
So thank you.
00:25:51
Speaker
And like, thanks for having me on and making this really comfortable and putting me at ease.
00:25:55
Speaker
Well, I wanted to say, do you have a preferred platform that you like people to follow you on?
00:26:00
Speaker
Yeah, I would say go listen to my podcast.
00:26:02
Speaker
Go to go to anywhere that you can listen to podcasts.
00:26:06
Speaker
But I would say Spotify.
00:26:07
Speaker
But go and listen to Turn Her On with Marnie.
00:26:12
Speaker
OK, awesome.
00:26:13
Speaker
Well, thank you so much.
00:26:15
Speaker
I want to talk to you a little bit after.
00:26:16
Speaker
But yeah, thank you.
00:26:18
Speaker
This is just absolutely incredible.
00:26:20
Speaker
OK, thank you.
00:26:22
Speaker
All right.