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Building (True) Wealth: Part 1 - Time
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When we think of "wealth", our minds often turn to monetary terms. But the things that truly define a rich life are usually those things that money can't buy: time, health and connection, to name a few. In this first part of our "Build Your Wealth" series, we reflect on the issue of time in today's world: how we spend it, how our perception of time is influenced by our seasons of life, and how we can invest in what is one of our greatest gifts and treasures. "Time is money," Benjamin Franklin once quipped in an essay he wrote in 1748. Hundreds of years later, his metaphor still resonates, but we can still unpack the deeper sentiments that lie underneath. Come and join the discussion!
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Transcript
Introduction & Favorite Things
00:00:00
Speaker
hmm. It's time talk about what we're loving this week. Yes. I never throw to that. And so I that is very uncomfortable. You're going to still need to wrap it up in our proper way. and i know. Well, I I'm listening. I'm editing. And my head is we're talking. The music is coming in Yes. Yes. We need the little musical.
00:00:23
Speaker
but So we'll fade to that now and we'll come back with what we're loving.
What is Real Wealth?
00:00:39
Speaker
Welcome back to the Modern Lady Podcast. You're listening to episode 157. Hi, I'm Michelle. And I'm Lindsay. And today we are discussing what we think real wealth is.
00:00:51
Speaker
Building up wealth is a trendy term that often pops up in our culture today. But just what does it mean to be wealthy? And are there different kinds of wealth beyond the physical and the monetary?
00:01:04
Speaker
We here at the Modern Lady Podcast believe that there is undeniable treasure in our lives that we can invest in and be grateful for, and that have the potential to provide purpose and fulfillment in a life that is truly rich.
00:01:18
Speaker
But first, the best way that you can support The Modern Lady is by subscribing to our podcast on whatever app you use to listen to podcasts and by sharing us with your friends. We also appreciate it when our listeners take a few minutes and write a review of the podcast on whatever app you're using.
00:01:34
Speaker
We read each and every one and pick one to give a shout out to. to This week's shout out goes to Julie, who sent us an email and said, quote, I am a huge fan of your podcast. I love how passionate both of you are about the little things that make life meaningful.
00:01:49
Speaker
And of course, your beautiful intentionality and friendship is just a joy to witness. End quote. Well, thank you so much, Julie, for emailing us and for your kind words.
00:02:00
Speaker
It means so much to us to be able to walk this journey with so many like-minded friends like you here on the podcast. And your message truly made our day. And if you would like to leave us a comment or message us about today's episode, the best way to get in touch with us is on Instagram at The Modern Lady Podcast.
00:02:19
Speaker
But be sure to stay tuned to the end of the episode for other ways to connect because we would love to hear from you.
The Coin Flip: History & Impact
00:02:30
Speaker
But before we get into today's chat, Lindsay has our Modern Lady Tip of the Week. A few nights ago, one of my kids held out his hand to me and I spotted within his palm a coin and he asked, heads or tails?
00:02:44
Speaker
Before I could play along, I asked, where does that even come from? Knowing that tails are not often on the flip side of coins, that Canadians could ask, heads or schooners or heads or antlers? Perhaps I was, once again, taking something far too literally.
00:02:58
Speaker
Today we will look into the history of the coin flip. I guess it's technically a tip of the week because coin flips are often a great way to settle a little everyday task dispute, like who gets to change that stinky diaper or who empties the dishwasher today.
00:03:12
Speaker
In ancient Rome, the coin flip was called Navia at Caput, which means heads or ships, referring to the two-headed god on one side and the ship's prow that was on the other.
00:03:23
Speaker
Their rules were slightly different. The winning side was always heads, because who can argue with a godhead or the emperor's head, and the ship always lost. You didn't call out the coin as it was being flipped.
00:03:35
Speaker
It was determined ahead of time if you were heads or ships, and if it landed on heads and it was predetermined that you were heads, then you won. In middle-aged England, it was cross or pile due to the head side featuring a cross, and the pile was referring to indentations made during the coin pressing process.
00:03:54
Speaker
Today, most coins have a head on one side, and silly me, tails don't refer to a literal tail. Tail just refers to the opposite, non-head side. To finish up, I want to share the three coin tosses that changed history.
00:04:07
Speaker
There was a bit more weighing on these decisions than just who puts the kids to bed. The first one is that a coin toss is what determined the name of Portland, Oregon. The two New Englanders who founded Portland, which was called The Clearing at first, both wanted naming rights, one after his hometown of Boston and the other after his hometown of Portland, Maine.
00:04:27
Speaker
Well, Francis Pettigrove the best two out of three coin tosses, and The Clearing became Portland. That penny, the Portland penny, is on display at a local museum. Did you know that brothers Orville and Wilbur Wright used a coin toss to determine who would take the first flight in their brand new airplane?
00:04:45
Speaker
But in typical brother fashion, the clear winner didn't exactly win. Wilbur did win the coin toss, and he made the first attempt, but it was a fail. Orville fixed the plane, and three days later, on December 17, 1903, despite having won the coin toss, Wilbur was famously photographed running beside the plane as Orville ended up flying it for the first time.
00:05:07
Speaker
Finally, the event that has been immortalized as the day that music died was also the result of a coin toss. The plane crash that killed three rock trailblazers, including Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper, had one extra seat on it, and it was a coin flip that placed La Bamba singer Richie Valens in that fateful seat instead of a guitarist in Holly's band.
00:05:28
Speaker
So here's a tip. Bring back the coin flip when you and your husband are at a standstill over who is meant to do a chore that neither wants to do. It's fun, it cuts the tension, and you are participating in a practice from history that goes back thousands of years.
00:05:42
Speaker
Hmm. And really hard to dispute a coin toss. Truly.
00:05:50
Speaker
I can see how it just cuts that tension as opposed to other maybe methods of debate over having to do a task. but Well, I was like, should I do rock, paper, scissors next?
00:06:01
Speaker
Because I was like, I need to know the history of that one. Yeah, actually, that would be fascinating. And that even, like from the coin toss, has a little bit more of an element of argument like, oh, are we like rock, paper, scissoring on the three or on the, you know, you know what I mean? I feel like it's definitely, can cause more fights. I feel like the coin flip, clean, simple, classic.
00:06:25
Speaker
Exactly. Iconic. I-coinic. I-coinic. Oh my goodness.
Defining True Wealth Beyond Money
00:06:39
Speaker
If you were to only look at our society based on news or pop culture, you would think that what every person is chasing is monetary wealth or fame or power, etc.
00:06:51
Speaker
But if we really looked into each of our lives and into our deepest desires, our ideas of what being rich means actually takes a much more profound direction, right Lindsay?
00:07:03
Speaker
That's so right. And, you know, social media, again, right, it's great in some ways, but it's really, really, i think, changed what we're all looking for because it's just in our faces constantly, right? The beautiful homes, the clothing.
00:07:17
Speaker
but We say this having come off our our fall trends episode. Yeah. just Purely materialistic. um So I am chuckling to myself about that. But that's the kind of pivoting that you can expect here the Modern Lady podcast.
00:07:33
Speaker
It truly is. You know, there's a lot happening in the culture right now. We all know that. and And just on a personal note, um we have had one of the hardest years we've had in our marriage, right, with Charlotte, our eldest, being sick.
00:07:45
Speaker
Yeah. And this year, and that was a huge wake up call. We all know that when poop hits the fan, um that the way we respond to it, um we can learn lessons that can radically change our lives for the better.
00:08:02
Speaker
And so i'm I'm really seizing on that opportunity, um just in my own personal life. And i think you and I both um want to respond to what's going on in the culture and in this positive and uplifting way and understanding and reinforcing for ourselves that, again, we have so much more control over things than we think we do um because so much of what shapes the culture starts in our own homes.
00:08:27
Speaker
And this these things that, again, like you're saying, we're told by pop culture and social media that are important, we know they aren't important despite they're being drilled into our heads over and over and over again.
00:08:37
Speaker
And the allure, right, of beautiful things. and It's definitely an allure. And that's it's okay to desire those things, not to covet after them, but to to want to work towards those things. But that's not what true wealth is. And so that's what we're here today to talk about.
00:08:51
Speaker
Mm-hmm. It's so true. it' Sometimes it's, well, not even sometimes, but often it's beneficial to take a step back and like look at things, like not see the forest for the trees anymore, right? Because a lot of, ah I think what you're saying is we look at those spheres of control. Do you remember we did an episode on that like a few years ago? yeah it's a great episode.
00:09:17
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. Like really taking stock of what exactly can I affect here in my own life, right? And build out from that and put things in their proper perspective and their proper order.
00:09:31
Speaker
And um so much of our life is a distraction for those things that are on the outer ring that sphere of control, that sphere of influence. And so it is sometimes, sometimes we choose to take a reflective approach.
00:09:47
Speaker
dance or a reflective stage on where we're at in life and where we're putting our priorities and our focus and our energy. And sometimes um ah you mentioned the kind of year you guys had which was like just a huge year with but everything going on. And for us too, we had...
00:10:07
Speaker
like things coming out of left field for our family as well. Yeah. Sometimes those seasons are brought to us. Yes. That cause us to pause and reflect on really what's going on. Where do we have influence? Where do we have control over what truly matters? And so it is hugely beneficial and and essential really that we pause and reflect on this a little more often. Yeah.
00:10:32
Speaker
Yeah, you're so right. Okay, so just a brief overview. um What I have found, and I i know you agree, Michelle, but um I had these three things that kept popping up in my heart um as we were navigating everything with Charlotte and some some big things in our family this year.
00:10:49
Speaker
And I kept thinking that, well, Wow. These things matter more to me than type of house someone lives in, the car they drive, the vacations they take, all of those things that are distractions.
00:11:01
Speaker
um These three things to me are true wealth. if If I know somebody in my life has these three things, I am more in awe of them and inspired by them than by any other material thing.
00:11:14
Speaker
So these three things as an overview are time, health, and connection. And we're like, okay, well, let's break these three things down and and and see what this the the studies say about them.
00:11:26
Speaker
And there is a ton of data, like I said. And so we're going to start right now with time.
Time Management: Free Time & Screen Time
00:11:31
Speaker
And so the first question I asked myself was how much free time Does an average woman have in her day?
00:11:38
Speaker
Now, I want to start by saying you're all going to listen to this and be like, that's not me. That's you know, this is so not reflective my life. It can't be reflective of everybody's individual lives. This is a very complicated subject. Right. yeah There are so many individual traits and nuances, um but we're just going to take the data that has been collected from these studies. OK, so the free time um that an average woman has in her day is about four to five hours.
00:12:07
Speaker
And this is from a 2022 Gender Equity Policy Institute analysis of the American Time Use Survey. would just stipulate that I believe that this is an average working woman.
00:12:20
Speaker
But even a mom who's homeschooling or home with her kids, I still say when you actually look at leisure time, four to five hours still seems pretty realistic um for most women, regardless of what their other duties are during the day.
00:12:34
Speaker
And that can be either shocking to you and you may be like, four to five hours, I don't have that. Or four to five hours, yeah, that seems about right. Now, for women with children under the age of 18, there's only about 3.5, so just slightly less hours of leisure time a day.
00:12:48
Speaker
And again, we know your life might look very different. Michelle, right now, right, you're a homeschooling mom of four who also takes your kids to all of these sports every night. so you're probably like, wait a second, where is my 3.5 hours?
00:13:01
Speaker
But but this is this is just the data we could find. Yep. Well, actually, as you were saying that, im um i think my knee-jerk reaction is always to be just a little bit... um I don't know if critical is the right word to to say, but my knee-jerk reaction is to think like, hmm, I bet you that's true. And I've piddled away so much of it. Right. So as you were saying that, and that was it my exact thought was I'm like, I've.
00:13:28
Speaker
I feel like I have very little free time, to be honest, my these days. But I was just on my way to check my um my time online. i bet you it's much higher than i realized. So yeah all that to say, like, yeah, it immediately already right out of the gate, I'm being a little bit introspective on my own life. And I'm like, huh.
00:13:51
Speaker
I do wonder how much of that pertains to where I am and if it's going to require a little bit of that harsh look or hard look yeah into what's true. Well, I'm about to detonate a truth bomb with that. Oh, so yay. talk about.
00:14:09
Speaker
Let's do it. Let's talk about the amount of time we're all spending on our phones. um So according to studies... The average time spent on social media or on our phones a day is around 7 to 7.5 hours for adults and 9 hours for Gen Z. I will say, I kept thinking it was so fascinating because Gen Z is really starting to pop up on these studies, right? They're not children anymore. They're starting to make decisions for themselves. So they're really starting to reflect in a lot of these studies.
00:14:38
Speaker
So i had to do the math, which was very complicated. Thank you, ChatGPT, for breaking it all down for me because it's much more complicated than you think to try to figure out how many years of your life That takes away.
00:14:50
Speaker
I don't know if you came across this, Michelle, but here we go. If you're on your phone, the average amount of seven hours a day to 7.5, that is 22 years spent scrolling. on And that's based on someone living the average lifespan of 77 20. have goosebumps. 22 years?
00:15:06
Speaker
22 years. I have goosebumps reading that. oh do you know what this reminds me of um i can't even remember what the name of the movie is uh but do you remember it starred justin timberlake you remember the one where they had to pay they they paid for everything with time like no currency do you remember that oh my gosh i might have to i might have to actually google it in a second the ship in your research was that This should have been my research.
00:15:36
Speaker
was watching that movie, but it was like ah their currency was minutes and time. And so like something was expensive if it you had to scan your arm. So everyone had like a clock in their arm.
00:15:49
Speaker
And they had to scan it and it would take time away from you. And when you're out of time, your time is up. Right. So that but wow is kind of like a weird like, yeah yeah, like a sci fi meets reality kind of like you said, wake up call in terms of it could be like an actual spending of time. We're cashing in years yeah um for something else.
00:16:17
Speaker
Yeah. And then another wake up call is I thought, OK, what about watching TV? And when I say TV, ah I still learn that most people over 60 have like cable, but the rest of us have subscription um channels. Right. So let's say Netflix, whatever.
00:16:33
Speaker
Michelle, do you know how many years of our life we spend watching TV?
00:16:39
Speaker
No. 14 years. Oh, wow. ah So let's I didn't even add that simple math, but I did not add up 22 plus 14. But it's a lot. It's a lot to make my stomach turn.
00:16:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.
Parenting: Time with Kids & Burnout
00:16:55
Speaker
OK. And then I'm like, OK, well, how much time are we spending with our kids? Now, this one is very, very, very interesting. Yeah. I was shocked to learn that moms are spending over double the amount of time with their kids versus moms in the nineteen seventy s Like, why what? spent...
00:17:14
Speaker
ah twenty fifteen study found moms of three to eleven year olds ben 11 to 30 hours per week in what they called engaged or nearby time, right? You're in the other room, but you're available.
00:17:27
Speaker
You're listening to what's going on. And moms of teens spent 11 to 20 hours weekly. On average, 1975, spending... I can't even get over this. They were spending just over seven hours per week with their kids. Really? And i guess this is the whole come home when the streetlights come on parenting style. Okay. Yep.
00:17:47
Speaker
Okay. So then I had to, again, with the math, I had to find the middle of 11 to 30 hours. Jason had to help me with that seemingly simple math. So let's say the average mom is spending 20.5 hours a week engaged or nearby her children.
00:18:03
Speaker
And I rounded it up to 21 because it's divisible by seven. um There's already too much math in this episode. um That is the three hours a day. So I've been trying to figure out where that three hours a day is coming from for a working mom.
00:18:15
Speaker
I Googled it trying to figure out if those three hours come from her 4.5 hours of daily leisure time that we already talked about. And it's no surprise that there isn't a clear answer for all of this, right? There are just too many factors to consider.
00:18:27
Speaker
Yeah. Well, that's interesting. that That study about parents spending so much time nowadays with their kids. Yeah. I believe it. i I guess, like, I can see if you just take a ah broad look at the differences in generations, how involved yeah we all really are um with our kids' lives.
00:18:48
Speaker
um that That makes a lot of sense. um By the way, that Justin Timberlake movie is called In Time. Yeah.
00:18:58
Speaker
Thank you very much. Okay. All right. Adding it to my list. Yep. You're not the only one with data
00:19:05
Speaker
in this show. Thank you for bringing the facts to this episode. You're welcome. You're welcome. Here to serve. No, that's super exciting. That sounds like a really cool movie or like a Black Mirror episode. um I'm really yeah interested in watching that this weekend. So.
00:19:19
Speaker
What you're talking about, um there's a term for it, um this this type of hands-on mothering that we're doing, and um it's called intensive mothering. There's an excellent article from the University of Pennsylvania that addresses this topic on how motherhood has changed over the years.
00:19:33
Speaker
And we will link the article in the show notes because it's it really fascinated me. So a professor of sociology named Paula Fomby discusses this term, intensive mothering, and it was a term coined in 1996.
00:19:46
Speaker
This type of mothering, the type in which a mom invests her time in her children's social activities, sports, education, a mom who acts like an executive planner. Well, this type of mothering was a response to the social anxiety that popped up when women started to enter the workforce in the nineteen seventy s Women felt like they needed to up their game at home in order to prove that working outside of the home wasn't going to negatively impact their families. Right. You can imagine that this was a huge discussion going on at that time.
00:20:14
Speaker
There is no doubt. And the data shows that this has left moms more burnt out than ever. Right. And there's also no doubt that moms today are very intentional about spending with their kids like never before.
00:20:26
Speaker
So I think we should just address that, that on paper, right, I think kids are definitely benefiting from all of this extra time. There's no doubt about that. But it also also very, very clear that i'm I love looking at history and being like, how can I be more tired than my great grandmother? Right. who was handwashing all the clothes and all this stuff.
00:20:43
Speaker
But the truth is they weren't doing this very intentional mothering on top of their other duties. And so we can just fully admit that moms today are more burnt out than moms in the past.
00:20:56
Speaker
The data shows it. huh And also recognizing, too, that the kind of time that you're putting in it it's increased in its variety, right? So, like, it's not just physical time. Yes. You know, that has definitely increased. But with the physical time, it is also, like, emotional or, like, we're always talking about wanting to be intentional, which is a mental aspect.
00:21:26
Speaker
um input right and so yeah like it's you're right it's no surprise that we're um seeing burnout a little bit more common in motherhood nowadays than in the past it's it's a different style of parenting that has come with uh new requirements in order to do it and maybe we haven't just kind of figured out how to balance it all yet like time management is such is such a big thing in the corporate world that But it it is hard when you're dealing with time management in the context of emotion and relationship and all these other things we're going to talk about. So it's it's something that needs figuring.
00:22:08
Speaker
Yeah. And you're right. It is still so new. We're only talking about like two generations in. yeah Right. So this is really a new thing. I don't think my great grandmother Vida was like, be present in the moment. Trying to tell herself all the time, be present. The time is fleeting so quickly. Pay attention to your children.
00:22:23
Speaker
Yeah. She was just trying to survive on the farm, right? and And we know moms wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks about their to-do lists and things that they can't forget for school in the next day. This didn't happen in the past.
00:22:35
Speaker
So you're right. There's a very different level of physical exhaustion that I think our our ancestors dealt with um and taking up a lot of their physical time. But yeah, this this new level of mothering, which still involves a huge amount of physical time and exhaustion, coupled with this new intentional living and being present and um Yeah, I'm tired just talking about it.
00:22:56
Speaker
ah hu And all of that takes takes time. yeah So even with those four to five hours of leisure that that study was saying that we have on average, you know what, maybe like the physical minutes are there. like Yeah.
00:23:11
Speaker
Yeah, you're right. yeah Throughout the day, right? yeah Spread out throughout the day. So you don't like have maybe five hours altogether. Right. It's harder to notice. But perhaps like the physical minutes are there, but a lot of these other um things going on in our minds um kind of ah take something from that.
00:23:30
Speaker
Yes, totally. And you know what? I think we've been talking about working moms and giving them their their credit. And let's also talk about homeschooling moms, right? A lot of our audience are homeschooling moms. You are a homeschooling mom currently. And we I looked at the numbers for that.
00:23:44
Speaker
And over the course of an entire childhood, homeschooling families gain ah about 16,380 hours with their children compared to public school families. And I'll just say again, i have been both a working mom and a homeschooling mom. So we i we're really coming at this from understanding where so many of you are coming from.
00:24:03
Speaker
Yeah, I was the same. Like, our kids have done both. They've gone to public school and now we're homeschooling. So I've seen both sides, too. And there is, like, a huge difference in terms of time.
00:24:15
Speaker
And on the one on the one hand, it's a really beautiful thought that we gain so much. Yes. um Especially giving so much. It seems like a reciprocal thing and that you get back.
00:24:28
Speaker
But it does, oh my goodness, it does add, like, a whole... Another level. Yes, 16,380 extra hours with your children sounds lovely.
00:24:38
Speaker
And it also does it all the time. Well, the thing is, is that it's great so um until you start... parsing out your time. but That's right.
00:24:50
Speaker
And it actually helped me in a way I saw recently, ironically, on social media ah where a homeschooling mom was saying like, you know what? it It is a job.
00:25:02
Speaker
but like It is a job. If you think of it like a it's your professional job. of Of course, we're not being paid for it when we're teaching our own our own kids. um But if you structure your day as if it is work,
00:25:15
Speaker
um Then that made a little bit more sense to me in my head. yeah And I was like, oh, okay, because I'd be trying to like multitask, trying to get things done and everything like that. So, right you know what, like it it is such a mind thing. And then it changes all the time. There are different seasons, different busy times of the year and and things like that. It is another level of...
00:25:37
Speaker
managing your time. And it's interesting we're having this conversation coming at coming at time from so many different
Managing Time & Intentional Living
00:25:44
Speaker
perspectives when the truth remains that we all still have 24 hours, but how we allocate those things.
00:25:54
Speaker
minutes really depends on where you're at and what stage and season you're in. um But it's just it's just an interesting note that I was thinking of just now as I'm like, and yet we all the day still ends for us all.
00:26:09
Speaker
Yeah. At the end of it. And I have said many times that even though um three of my kids are out of the house during the day, I do have Charlotte at home with me. And yes, she's a young adult, but that's still, it's more fun hanging out with her than getting my duties done.
00:26:24
Speaker
I don't feel like I've gained any extra time. it's like it is It's this weird phenomenon where I don't feel like I've gained this considerable amount of time with having kids not in the house all day. i tried to wrap my head around this versus when they were all home and being homeschooled.
00:26:38
Speaker
um But it is like time is truly this fascinating phenomenon. And I will say the one thing, the one thing that finally convinced me to homeschool and that I will forever be thankful for, because what we're talking about right now is these gifts, right? True wealth. And the wealth that I found in homeschooling was the slow mornings.
00:26:55
Speaker
I, ah but when I decided to pull my kids from school at that time, they were um maybe eight or nine, six, three and ah baby.
00:27:07
Speaker
And I would get everybody out the door in the morning and it would be that like, come on, we got to go. We got to go. We got to go. Like talk about time, right? It's that constant like rushing, carrot like trying to carry their backpacks for them and to get to school as quick as we can. And I'd be like, I love you. I love you. I love you. Trying to like imprint upon them that even though I was stressed in those mornings, I wanted to leave them with my voice in their ears as they as we were being separated for those hours.
00:27:28
Speaker
And that really weighed on me. And so one of the most beautiful gifts of homeschooling was the fact that ah we could just have these slow mornings. And I was really looking forward to my first winter being a homeschooling and walking watching all the people walking in the middle of a blizzard while I was like sipping my hot coffee.
00:27:43
Speaker
And then, of course, it was like five years of the mildest winters we had ever had. And I was like, well, I don't even get that selfish satisfaction of not being out in a blizzard.
00:27:55
Speaker
Oh, my goodness. It's so true. Like you're waiting for the the um that romanticized reward. Yes. Yes. to come continue Because the last winter when they were still in school was one of our worst winters we had had in the last decade. And and I was, you know, bundling up a baby and I'm walking on the ice and all this. so I was like, oh, it's going to be so nice next year. no it was like basically green. Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:16
Speaker
yeah
00:28:18
Speaker
No, that's so true. You do find time. And I know we've talked about this, too. I think around the time when we flipped, when we switched and we started homeschooling and your kids started going into school.
00:28:31
Speaker
And about this phenomenon that you're saying that, like, there there didn't seem to be, like, ah much of a difference in terms of that free time we're talking about, right? Yeah.
00:28:41
Speaker
And I kind of feel that now with homeschooling and when my kids were in school, it was always watching the clock. Yes. um When they're already at home with me and we don't have to be somewhere, um time feels like it stretches a lot longer. But when they were at school, it was always like, what can I fit in before I have to ah get them?
00:29:01
Speaker
yeah You know, and so even our perception of time, um depending on what is going on with the day, it can either kind of allow us a little bit of a stretching of it or it's,
00:29:15
Speaker
Yeah, even how we treat it can make it seem a little bit more compartmentalized. Totally. And then I wanted to look into how much time we're spending with our spouses. um Again, these numbers are all over the place, but it does seem like on average, married couples spend three to four hours per day together.
00:29:31
Speaker
And there is very clear data demonstrating that couples who spend their leisure time together usually stay happily married. And then finally, I was like, what about getting outdoors? I know you've done, is it like the thousand hours outdoors? Yes, we have attempted.
00:29:47
Speaker
so and i i admire nothing more in people than the people who attempt that challenge.
00:29:54
Speaker
I'm like, ew, why outdoors that much? um And I'm not alone because the majority of Americans spend an hour or less outdoors every day. I i can't even believe that the majority spend close to an hour. um But again, in my neighborhood, and I'm sure in yours, we live in a subdivision where I can look out and there are people walking and biking and playing in our playground and field and stuff a lot. So I guess I'll trust the data on that one.
00:30:17
Speaker
But yeah, the majority of Americans spend an hour or less outdoors every day. And I just want to say that this math is stressing me out. So if you guys are stressed out hearing all these numbers, I was like trying to add it all up. And I'm like, this math isn't mathing. Because if you're spending an hour outdoors and three to four hours with your spouse and three to four hours with your children and you have your own leisure time, I'm like, again, I'm not good at math. But something seems the 24 hours doesn't quite make sense. Does that equal 24?
00:30:45
Speaker
Yeah. Does that mean people aren't sleeping? um Yeah. it's It's just I found that fascinating. Yeah, i I do wonder if some of those things are being done together. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like but time spent outside with your family, with all your kids and your spouse.
00:31:03
Speaker
No, it's it's true. um And I think this is maybe a classic example of what our grandmothers did not, why they did not have this stress. Yes. I can't see them trying to add up the day and pinpoint that.
00:31:17
Speaker
where their time is going necessarily. um But there I think there was a little bit less pulling on them yeah um in that sense. And so a lot of these things probably just came ah a little bit more with the territory, ah just based on what else was going on, what else they had to divide their time up amongst. There's unquestionably more now than there would have been then. And so not to be too not to be too down on ourselves. um Society and culture has changed, and we're just trying to keep up at this point.
00:31:52
Speaker
And there's there's no shame in the process of trying to adapt. It its sometimes just takes, ironically, time. Okay, so we know the facts. We know the data. And um I still wonder, what does true wealth look like when we talk about time?
00:32:06
Speaker
So I found an article on something called Luxonomy. I guess like luxury economy, luxonomy.net. Yeah.
00:32:15
Speaker
and my research um someone named pablo gu terra rave viillalan and i must have said that over and over again last night because i just loved it so much um says in economics luxury is often defined by its scarcity and exclusivity time by its nature is inherently scarce And then looked at a
00:32:40
Speaker
continues true luxury can be interpreted as the ability to live time fully and consciously and then i looked at a stu a substta written by a woman named leta nelson And she just wrote that time is valued above all else for the freedom, flexibility, and enrichment it gives us.
00:32:59
Speaker
So we know this, but it's this reminder that time is our scarcest resource. It isn't guaranteed. It truly is a gift minute by minute, day by day. Mm-hmm.
00:33:11
Speaker
And that is so interesting because that's exactly the next thing I have write written in my notes too. Yeah. um That ah I was coming across that it was Benjamin Franklin who said, time is money.
00:33:23
Speaker
Yes. Oh, I wonder. Yeah, I never even thought about that quote. Yeah. yeah Yes. Yeah. And he wrote it in it in an essay in like one of the journals at the time. um But I think in his context, he was meaning more like your time has economic value.
00:33:37
Speaker
like if you're lazy, you're not like... Yeah. earning anything basically yeah but it's also a reminder of just what you said that time is our greatest currency we're talking about wealth right so like to follow the motif and the theme of money and currency time is the greatest currency exactly for what those people you quoted said because of its finiteness yeah Like there's only a limited number of hours in the day and that makes the hours more precious to us.
00:34:07
Speaker
And so we want to be more intentional. I think maybe that's where our like desire and maybe sometimes the anxiety of wanting more time and where we spend our time comes from is because on a subconscious level,
00:34:21
Speaker
We recognize how valuable it is because we can't produce any more of it. What we've got. We've got. but Right. Yeah. And after all the obligatory things that we have to do, um we're left with like, ah again, with the money theme, like pocket change.
00:34:37
Speaker
Mm-hmm. and it's that question of what do we do with that how much of it do we have are we managing it well um it's interesting to see how these questions can still be relevant with the currency of time and ah then building wanting to intentionally build a wealth of time and i think that when you look at it that way that time is money this is where ah We can learn ah what what we can outsource, right?
00:35:03
Speaker
Because again, we are doing more. ah Despite my knee-jerk reaction of thinking that our ancestors did more, I think the truth is, I think that the the truth bomb for me in this episode is that we are doing more than our ancestors.
00:35:14
Speaker
And so, but we also live in a modern age where there is so much availability of things that can help us, that are our time savers, that we can spend a little bit of money on to earn back time.
00:35:25
Speaker
And so this is where you can hire a house cleaner. You know, maybe it works into your budget. I have plenty of single income families with a lot of kids who have gone, who have decided like, this is worth it. This is worth putting the money aside even once a month to have somebody help you with your house.
00:35:39
Speaker
Meal prep kits, babysitting help. We can outsource some of the things that um we just can't have on our plate right now. And learning to do that guilt-free is a really important step, I think, that we can work on um Because like what you were saying, I think that when we're left with pocket change, we also want to reflect on the hard truth that our family deserves the best of us.
00:36:02
Speaker
they They do deserve more than what's left in our pocket at the end of the day emotionally, right? um We use the term first fruits. They deserve the first fruits of our harvest every single day.
00:36:14
Speaker
And I looked at into that a bit more and I actually was really at first I was daunted by it. But then I was really encouraged by the the understanding that what matters most is quality time over the quantity of time.
00:36:27
Speaker
And so if we're like, I can't give my first fruits, I'm literally getting kids out the door and having to go to work. And my job and our mortgage depends on me giving my best at my work. Right. That is a reality in some ways.
00:36:39
Speaker
um I think that by understanding that even 20 minutes of time spent with your kids where you are fully engaged, where they have all of you, that can still be an element of your first fruits.
00:36:52
Speaker
And there are lots of low energy activities that you can do. So like even the most tired mom, and trust me, I've been there, right? You've been there. um I have found that when my kids come home from school, if they lay in bed with me and want to just tell me about their day and I don't have a phone in my hand, right?
00:37:09
Speaker
That is connection. Reading that extra book, sitting down with your spouse. um These things are a way that we can give a bit more than what's left in our pocket at the end of the day. And I just want to finish this way by saying I read a suggestion that in times of plenty or when you're feeling like you' you're in a good headspace, doing a little meeting with your spouse and coming up with a list of things. It's like how to parent when you're exhausted.
00:37:33
Speaker
Like you will clearly set boundaries on like what your level of exhaustion or like or you can communicate to your spouse what the clues are when you're getting to burnout mode and you don't realize you're on your way there.
00:37:44
Speaker
um And then you can clearly outline what you can do and what you're willing to do, which is kind of having that as a reference point for when, again, things get harried and you are exhausted. um Having that plan in place to be like, you know what, I know I can read a book tonight.
00:37:56
Speaker
We actually forget those things, right? yeah So, yeah, I do feel like this part can be overwhelming, but I actually felt really encouraged with the reminder that quality matters more than quantity.
00:38:08
Speaker
Mm hmm. That's so true. I'm reminded of some of those clips I see online, which I just laugh at because it's exactly what we're talking about right now when we're so tired. But you want to spend time with your kids. and it's like they um I saw someone who printed a T-shirt with like roads on the back of the shirt so they can lie on the floor and their kids can drive the cars on their backs.
00:38:35
Speaker
ah My kids will tell you, and it's embarrassing, but they'll tell you about how when I was pregnant with our third and I was so tired, right? And they would rub lotion on my belly then they loved it. They had the little pump, which kids loved playing with the pump of lotion. So I got to lay there and they thought it was so much fun just like coating belly or my back whatever with lotion, which sounds traumatizing in a way, but they loved it So I'm like, there are lots of creative things we can do when mama just needs to lay down for a minute.
00:39:05
Speaker
Oh, it's so true. And I think what you, for us particularly, um in today's world with our unique challenges is something you just said um when you're talking about some of the things we can do. You mentioned time without our phones in our hands. Mm-hmm.
00:39:22
Speaker
I think it's a lot easier for us to pick up on those um little moments that are sprinkled throughout the day. Because you're right, scheduling in like a massive block of time where you are just dialed in yeah yeah um and holding yourself to that can seem very daunting. But if you're just like, I'm just here and available...
00:39:45
Speaker
then you kind of catch things little bit more frequently. And those moments of connection themselves add up over the course of a day. And it's just much easier to do that if you are in a place where you're just open attention-wise. You know what mean? Disconnected from your phone in order to connect, right, in a real way with people. I think that's such great point. Get that on a t-shirt. Woo! On a mug. Our merch that we're going to release Monday.
00:40:10
Speaker
Our merch shop. Yes. Yes. Which we don't have time to do. yeah I know. i know. But it reminded me even something too of like, um it it doesn't even have to be doing something like what you were talking about, like find other ways to connect that maybe if you're feeling low energy, it doesn't necessarily have to be something you're outputting a lot for.
00:40:33
Speaker
yeah And for me in homeschooling, a lot of our moments now that I'm thinking of it come from like really kind of geeking out over connections. Yes. yeah in our studies or if we see it like last week i spent good twenty minutes in in the middle of math which may not be wise i don't know but my ah one of my other kids was writing a paper and he wanted to be silly and i allow it and so he wanted to name one of his characters jeremiah jr
00:41:05
Speaker
And I immediately looked over to him. I'm like, did you know he was a bullfrog? And he was like, what? And I'm like, Jeremiah, he was a bullfrog. And he's like, well, no, because in my story, he's like, and I said, I'm like, this is where it's coming from. And I explained the song to them and I played it on YouTube for them and I sang along with it and I was all into it. And then I said to them, I'm like,
00:41:28
Speaker
Here's my challenge to you. I'm like, I bet you anyone, if you ask like grandma or papa or dad or auntie or any of these people, just say something like, oh, I named my character Jeremiah.
00:41:41
Speaker
I bet you the next words out of their mouth is going to be, did you know he was a bullfrog? And so he has spent the last week stalking. subtly trying to ask our family members about Jeremiah.
00:41:52
Speaker
And every single time it has happened the the way I've predicted it. And it's this moment of connection yes between the two of us that doesn't take a ton of deliberate time.
00:42:05
Speaker
But the the quality of the time makes it seem like more time than we actually give it. if it Does that make sense? Yes. And you noticed it, right? You picked up on that moment. And then not only is it a connection with you, he has engaged in that conversation with extended family on this one thing.
00:42:21
Speaker
Right. Yeah. And who knew? Yeah. Who knew? and you're also just reminding me that there was a pub Jason and I used to frequent all the time in downtown Toronto called Jeremiah Bullfrogs. And now I've got to look it up and see if it's still there. was one of our favorite pubs.
00:42:35
Speaker
Oh my gosh, maybe Wendell will have to take son there. little pub night. Connection. We'll make the time to go and fulfill the Jeremiah thing.
Balancing Free Time & Family Interaction
00:42:48
Speaker
So then i asked Google, if you could only do one thing to change how busy your life is, what would it be? And it said learning how to say no to people. And you and I have talked about this in previous episodes, right? You are a people pleaser in recovery. yeah may i May I say it like that? Yes. Yep. The recovery is ongoing.
00:43:07
Speaker
ah But it's going. It's going. And it's like we have to learn how to say no to things that are stealing our time and energy and how to do that guilt free. It can feel awful at first.
00:43:19
Speaker
But as someone who has no problem saying no to things, I can promise you, you get better at it with practice. and and And when you start to free up those little pockets, you, oh my goodness, it is truly a gift back of time. You don't even know how much you could value like a free Tuesday night, right? If you've always had to go on this board or participate in this thing that you just can't do at this season in your life.
00:43:39
Speaker
It changes all the time, but it feels like a gift when you reclaim something, a little block of time. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's such a great point. um Because we do have so many obligations, right? And I was actually just talking to Phil about this the other day about how every one thing asks so much more from us.
00:44:04
Speaker
Yes. Yes, I saying. yes everything feels like they think they And and i'm I'm guilty of this, too, because I am on leadership and planning teams and stuff for some of the some of the things we're involved in, too.
00:44:19
Speaker
And you can get into this trap as the planning people yeah that, like, this is all any of your people are involved in with their life. yeah So let's, like, flesh it out to be and all-encompassing. But the problem is, is that everyone else is doing the same thing.
00:44:36
Speaker
So even if you're involved in only like two things, but there's so much within those two things now. And I think that's a ah difference that's happened, like even in the last decade or so, um where everything seems to be all encompassing in and of itself.
00:44:51
Speaker
Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah. And then the other thing I was thinking of, too, is just how we're spending our time. I i actually came across an article in The Guardian that and says too much free time or the the title is study links too much free time to a lower sense of well-being.
00:45:11
Speaker
And I was intrigued by that because here we're talking about wanting more time, right, um for this freedom. And it says, like, subjectively, um well-being rose with free time up to about two hours.
00:45:26
Speaker
But then after five hours of free time, ah yeah um well-being started dipping again. Yeah. And so... And that kind of goes like correlates with what you were saying about how we kind of have, on average, the study said, four to five hours a day ah free time.
00:45:41
Speaker
So to think about it in terms of it's not necessarily this like unmitigated chase for unlimited free time. right But perhaps a more fulfilled usage of the time that we have it within which leisure has its yeah place.
00:45:57
Speaker
Our leisure episode, that's what is popping. That was still you oh one of our favorite episodes ever. If people want to understand what we need by a true leisure who Yeah, because it we need it. Like it's so essential as we learned from that episode.
00:46:12
Speaker
um And what it really boiled down to in my head was that like we're talking about we can't expand time. yeah We really want to, but we can probably only give ourselves the illusion of it, right? Because it is so finite.
00:46:25
Speaker
But what it may come down to is, um and what you're saying too, it's about being intentional about where it's going. yeah Because at the end of the day, you could fill like all your time. You may not even have free time some days. The days just get ah away from you. i know I have those kinds of days.
00:46:43
Speaker
yeah But if I'm doing the right thing at the right time and the right order, yeah then I still... End the day feeling deeply satisfied.
00:46:54
Speaker
Michelle, that is fire. Yes. Yes. Preach it, girl. all Yes. That's so true. No, that is so true. You're right. You can, there's a difference in quality again, right? Of, yeah, you can fill in the day with the tasks. You can get that to-do list done.
00:47:08
Speaker
But you're right. If it is not properly ordered in terms of fulfilling um our duties and our relationships in a loving way and giving of self and doing things that you find interesting and all of those things, it totally changes how you feel when you crawl into bed at the end of the day.
00:47:23
Speaker
And so that's an element of discernment that we can take into relationships. I want to just go back to what you're saying with like planning committees and being a part of so many things. And I know that this is really common, especially i would say in and like Catholic households and religious households where you we do feel like we need to volunteer and spend time.
00:47:43
Speaker
Right. It's corporal acts of mercy and giving back to our communities and helping out at our churches and all this. stuff I know so many of us are involved with those things. um And I think that you made a really interesting point with people who are usually like heading up those volunteer things.
00:47:57
Speaker
They're often they've usually worked their way up to the top, like to the planning or management spot because they've been doing the other work for years. So I think that they might forget that you're at home with all of these little children. Right. And so um I think that just innocently they might might forget how much your time is being pulled.
00:48:14
Speaker
I want to just talk again, just touch on um what Jason and I did. You'll remember this, Michelle. As my older two kids were entering into their teenage years, at that time, Jason was part of many volunteer boards. I was as well. And we were super busy.
00:48:28
Speaker
And I realized it hit me like a ton of bricks right as my kids were becoming teenagers and I was feeling This knot in my stomach that I'd never felt before about desiring so much to build a new type of connection and relationship with them as they entered this very tumultuous season of life um that we needed to to be present again like they were newborns.
00:48:51
Speaker
i It was so clear to me that I needed to put a wall around my family. i called it cocooning at that time. That we needed to step away from anything that was making us not available for our kids.
00:49:04
Speaker
And it's it's not like they're like coming and wanting to hang out with you all the time. It's the complete opposite with teenagers. However, I wanted to make sure that I was available for those moments when they did want to come and talk. Whether it was midnight, of which happens a lot with teenagers. Mm-hmm.
00:49:17
Speaker
And so um Jason and I found that we were really on the same page with that. And so we actually resigned from a lot of the extracurriculars we were doing at that time. And we really poured ourselves into several years of being fully available for our children. And it made an almost immediate difference in the way our family felt.
00:49:36
Speaker
Now we have this kind of in-between time where my older kids are quite old now, right? They're young adults and they i can they've weathered the teenage years phenomenally. I've got two kids who are like, ah one is 13, right? One is 11.
00:49:49
Speaker
eleven So they're rate entering that. So we have a bit of a period right now where i feel like we can go back to those things and give our time out a little bit more. But I will shut it all down again. Yeah. When my younger two, I can feel that tension arising of wanting to to focus on my relationship with them. So, yeah, I can just say from experience that caught having seasons of life where you put your family into a cocoon, ah that you really develop and come out of it on the other side a butterfly.
00:50:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:21
Speaker
You've having good illustrations lately. Thank you. Thank you. oh my goodness. But yeah, it's always it's always worth it. Investing in your family and in your time ah is always worth it.
00:50:34
Speaker
Right. You again, i always think to deathbed because I'm macabre. And no when you were on your deathbed, you're not going to be like, I'm so glad I picked up that extra shift. And it doesn't, I hate to say, okay, this is like so in your face, but this is something I say to everybody and to myself. It doesn't say on your tombstone where you worked.
00:50:55
Speaker
It says wife and mother. And so you have we have to just keep that as a focus and do our best to really use our time well. And again, we're saying that knowing how heavy it is to say that.
00:51:08
Speaker
um But I feel inspired by this and wanting to reevaluate a again my use of time. Yep. Well, that that's the whole memento mori point of it, right? Is yeah remember that you will die.
00:51:23
Speaker
yep And that's that's the one thing that Justin Timberlake said it in the movie.
00:51:31
Speaker
The skull on the edge of the desk of every one of those paintings says it too. And our faith says it. Everyone's in agreement. One day we'll die. Justin Timberlake. Yeah.
00:51:44
Speaker
To the church fathers.
00:51:47
Speaker
ah One day we will die. That's what they all say to us. Right. And and but when I think about that, too, I know what you say. I know what you're saying. and i feel it, too. And I I would recommend it if anyone hasn't tried it yet to Memento Mori, especially in this season.
00:52:05
Speaker
Right. October, November. This is naturally in our faith. Our the church tells us to do this and so we're naturally in that headspace already um but it it takes a load actually off your shoulders huge to think about your death yeah because you're like you're right a lot of this really doesn't matter and in the end it's like oh my gosh a refocusing it is such uh an important meditation to to participate in
00:52:38
Speaker
We did that whole episode on this topic. So if people want to hear us talking more about Memento Mori, again, it's one of my favorite episodes. And I will have you know, I just sent a link to Charlotte to get me a but baseball cap, a black baseball cap that just says Memento Mori in Gothic um font that I want for my birthday because I want to wear it at the school for drop-off. You startle the sweet moms, right, who are like, oh, what does that mean? And I'm like, remember, you will die.
00:53:05
Speaker
yeah Have a nice Tuesday. That's the type of mom I am. So no, I think you're right. and And we really go into depth on this topic and that episode because we we acknowledge that it is a really hard thing to wrap your head around, but that it is not scary. That it's actually, like you said, incredibly freeing when you start to like think in that perspective. So we don't know if we all in our heads can sit here right now and be like, yes, when I'm 85 and I'm on my deathbed.
00:53:31
Speaker
But we have no idea when that day is going to be. And so this is just that reminder that every minute is a gift. Every day is a gift. And to just really keep your eye on that.
00:53:43
Speaker
Yeah, I do remember when you guys cocooned. I remember that because that was the first time we took a longer break. Yeah. Podcast too, right? um and And that I remember talking to you ah throughout it and seeing in real time how it was benefiting your family. And it's one of the things that inspired me as that recovering people pleaser.
00:54:07
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Inspired me to be like, you can, you can just do that. You can just take a step back. Oh my goodness. Oh, wow. Thank you. You can just say no. Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:18
Speaker
um And, and so I've been paying a little bit more attention to that. And I also noticed that when I am feeling the strain, we'll say of lack of time, I have tended to, more recently, withdraw a little bit from the world.
00:54:33
Speaker
um Notably for me, the first thing that goes is socializing. yeah yeah um It's kind of instinctual but yeah for me and not always something I'm aware of doing until sometimes I'll just think about how long it's been since I've seen someone or talked to someone.
00:54:48
Speaker
yeah And it is, like you said, it's a phase. And that has helped me... um visualize it as well that it comes and it goes and sometimes I'm more withdrawn and then a time later I'm suddenly more social again ah but in light of our conversation today it's during those times I'm realizing I'm probably starting to see what you're talking about that um You know, that time is more something to protect than to fill those free moments. Right. And that has changed ah from when my kids were younger, when I think I saw those pockets of time more as opportunities to fill. to get out, to explore, to adventure together. they're always They were often filled with good things, visiting friends, outings as a family.
00:55:37
Speaker
But yeah, just as the kids get older and maybe it's because their schedules get busier too, it's no longer just my own and they're along for the ride. um That yeah, you start to see how valuable the those moments are because of their increasing rarity.
00:55:55
Speaker
um Our perception of time and where and how we're investing it can change and look different from season to season. So I guess it's more about paying attention and adapting to where you're at than any real specific rubric, you know, of proper time usage someone could give us.
00:56:14
Speaker
Yeah. And you and I've talked so many times about the rhythms of life, right? And really just being dialed into those rhythms. ah You said so many things I want to talk about here. Because the first first thing I also withdraw from is social time. But I think that there's something really interesting that happens.
00:56:28
Speaker
um So when our kids are really little, we need to, and I say, I don't like this word, but escape from the busyness, the chaos, the being touched out from the kids. We want to go see a friend for a coffee. We need to get out for a little bit.
00:56:40
Speaker
But I have experienced that if you have poured your time and attention into your children and you've fostered good relationships with them, by the time they get to my older kids' ages, um you don't want to escape from them at all. Like, they are my social time. Not in a way where I'm like, they're my best friends. It's not like that. yeah It is a... They fulfill every desire I have, a natural human desire to be social.
00:57:05
Speaker
They fill it. i By the time I've hung out with them and we're laughing and we're talking about movies or what they're interested in. And same thing with Jason, but I'm talking specifically about the kids. I have poured the time into building those relationships and now I'm enjoying the fruits of those relationships.
00:57:21
Speaker
And so as I pull away, as they get a bit older, it's like I just don't need like that time away from them. um Maybe in the same way that a a mom with little kids does. And I can just say like the pleasure I derive from my social time with them is is huge.
00:57:36
Speaker
So I've always said, like, I don't really have more social battery, right, if that's what we want to talk about. By the time I've talked with all of them as they're older, and those are heavy conversations, right? We debate politics. We talk about world events. Like, it is not like talking with a four-year-old.
00:57:50
Speaker
um And then I put in my time with Jason and I might check in with my mom. Mm-hmm. I don't really have more social battery than that. So, i but yeah I feel so deeply fulfilled. Right. and And so I just want to encourage the moms that um that the fruits of the efforts you're putting in now to build relationships with your kids really does pay off as they get older. Yeah.
00:58:10
Speaker
ah hu Yeah, it's the change of scenery i i found yes that I needed when my kids were younger. yeah yeah it was just that it was just like I didn't have a commute per se yeah at that time. And so I needed to get out so that my physical environment looked different. yeah And yeah so you're right. like once ah Once kids start growing up too and you begin to socialize in that like very real sense of kind of conversing.
00:58:40
Speaker
Yeah. With them. Like it does fill something that younger kids are just not developmentally like are you able to give you. ah Yeah. At that season of life. Yeah.
00:58:51
Speaker
And so when I think about something else I've been really intentional about with that is something you suggested to me when I was deeply grieving homeschooling. Like I was, it was not something I wanted to give up on. it There was, we've done episodes on this, so I talk about this more in depth on our decisions in the past. But you said to me, then what you need to do is pour yourself into their homecoming.
00:59:12
Speaker
Do remember that? Yeah. Yep. And you were like, make the homecoming. loved that. Michelle, that was so great. that was That was exactly the advice I needed. And that's something I really try to do. So I really try to get my stuff done um during the day.
00:59:25
Speaker
i try to have a snack made or something in the oven so they walk into a good smell, um you know, ambiance on the TV. Like right now we have fall garlands plugged in throughout the house. So the house is glowing with fall leaves and And my kids have asked for this. I want to say, again, as an encouragement to moms of young children, when you think, are they ever going to appreciate my efforts? Like, I do so much. We try to do all these things.
00:59:48
Speaker
My kids now, ah two weeks ago, my younger kids, as I was walking them to school, and that's story that's another thing I do. They can walk on their own, but I will forever walk my kids until Ellie graduates grade eight. Mm-hmm.
00:59:59
Speaker
I will forever walk my kids to school because it is a bit of that extra bonding time. um But they said to me, Mom, could you get out the fall stuff and maybe have warm cookies in the oven? And i in my, again, knee jerk is like, oh, gosh, I have to crawl through the crawl space and pull out our broken dollar store fall decorations and just whip up some cookies.
01:00:19
Speaker
But I did it. And the ah joy, they squealed with joy when they walked in the house that day. And I was like, this matters so much. They do notice. They do care. They are appreciative.
01:00:31
Speaker
um So those are the ways that I connect with them, right? Paying attention to the things that make a difference in their everyday life. That really, that took me 20 minutes to put up the decorations. Yeah, making cookies from scratch takes a little longer, but not not where it derailed my whole day.
01:00:47
Speaker
But the payoff was huge. So one of those ways of connecting um is is the homecoming. And I'm so thankful that you encouraged me to really focus on that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That was so, it's so funny because that was one of the things that I was really sad to give up and when we started homeschooling. Because you got to miss each other a little bit. Yeah, well, it kind of was like a little bit of, well, my dad jokes with us all the time because we're still really close. Yes. um As siblings, even grown-up siblings, right? And my dad often, we're always there his house.
01:01:22
Speaker
And he's like, how can I miss you if you never go away? Yeah. I love you too, dad. And laugh because we're we're literally in his kitchen but yeah right now. That's the dream. That's the beauty. But I was going to say, I'm like, and we're talking about time in terms of true wealth.
01:01:40
Speaker
yeah that so That is the wealth. that's So what you are doing with your time is you're making deposits and investments. Right. And the outcome of it is the wealth, right? Yeah.
01:01:54
Speaker
And I know, it and it's just trying to find, it because again, like to go with the theme of wealth, and if you think of it it in monetary terms, we don't often, at least ah least we don't really, have massive amounts of huge money Like to just invest all at once. yeah If we're investing and saving, it's little by little. yeah It's like putting a little bit here and a little bit here and a little bit here. And time wealth builds the same way.
01:02:24
Speaker
and so, yeah, like I love that you focus on the homecoming. That's a worthy investment of your time. And that's what makes it satisfying at the end of the day. And for me, with homeschooling, I've actually just started.
01:02:38
Speaker
So what I've noticed is the piddling away. So monetarily, you can also piddle away money without realizing Piddle makes me laugh.
01:02:48
Speaker
It's all those fun terms we need to bring back. yes I just like piddle away my time. And so I started putting my phone on Do Not Disturb. For most of the day and it will you can set it to still let certain phone numbers come in. Yeah. um So I do that to be smart and safe with my husband being able to get in touch with me.
01:03:09
Speaker
um And then i I leave it in the kitchen. Yeah. and when we're talking, we were talking about being exhausted by things that are not really aligning. Right. With where we're supposed to be spending our time right now.
01:03:22
Speaker
yeah This is what I thought of because I noticed when I do this, obviously i gain physical time by not getting sucked into checking my phone, but also better ah better amount of that quality of time we were talking about too. Because it's been surprising to realize how not even having my phone in my pocket removes so much of like, I don't even know, it's something.
01:03:44
Speaker
I don't even know what it is, but it's just gone from my mind. And I feel lighter. i have that openness we talked about to everyone else who's just physically around me.
01:03:55
Speaker
And it's just been a great little hack. Like if I could offer a hack that I've been experimenting with lately, I think I'll continue it because it has greatly improved that quality of time and has made that investment of little moments that much more ah significant.
01:04:12
Speaker
What I'm hearing from you, Michelle, is the heart knows what it wants. If we really pay attention to what our heart is longing for, we know how to fill our time, right? It wants connection. It wants to stop and slow down. I was already thinking and laughing about how it's already built into our vocation as wife and mother.
01:04:31
Speaker
Like, all you have to do is go for a walk with toddlers and they're trying to slow you down. They want you to look at the ants on the sidewalk, right? They want you to notice the things. And if our, when we stop and really think about it, that's what our heart wants too. And so it's like really just paying attention what your heart is longing for, thinking forward to the future, giving yourself this exercise of perspective.
01:04:54
Speaker
And it becomes very clear what we should be doing with our time. And you don't need to come away from this feeling guilty at all about time spent on our phones. It is designed to be the most addictive thing that has ever been given to humans.
01:05:06
Speaker
um We all want to unwind with some funny reels. There is connection in that, right? Sending reels to our husbands or now that I can do with my teens too. But I don't want anyone coming away from this episode and feeling guilty about wasted time, because as long as you woke up today, you have another chance.
01:05:24
Speaker
And so really listen to your heart, what it's longing for, and it should become abundantly clear how what Where you can carve out those little 20 minute investments and really have that quality time as you as the seasons shift and you can build on the quantity of time.
01:05:40
Speaker
But it is truly a gift. And now we're talking about
Episode Conclusion & Future Series
01:05:43
Speaker
time. We've been watching the time as we've been recording. yeah I was just about to say, I'm like, perhaps we should note the time.
01:05:52
Speaker
We're supposed to talk about the other two things of wealth, um health and connection. And I think we both decided that this is a great episode on its own. We don't want to overwhelm everybody with more information. And so this is unintentionally becoming a trilogy. So what what do you want to call it, Michelle?
01:06:10
Speaker
ah ah The Wealth Trilogy? Yes, perfect. The Wealth Series? Yes. ah build your wealth with the modern lady podcast you're please call it that real time real time production guys but yes and you know what people are going to be like oh i really want to build my wealth and aren't they going to be shocked when they find out that we're not actually talking about money yes unless you're justin te he's like i saw this coming i tried to alert people years ago i turn No one knows about this movie.
01:06:41
Speaker
Oh my goodness. But yeah, I know what you mean. Like, so hopefully this has been a worthy investment of yeah all of our times being able to chat about this today. I think these are the kinds of things that what you were saying are hopefully meant to inspire all of us and motivate us to just make the sometimes even the mind frame shift.
01:07:03
Speaker
That's going to bring massive benefits to our day-to-day lives. And time is such a crucial thing for that. And we just want to thank you guys again for spending your precious time with us um coming back. And you guys were all so excited.
01:07:17
Speaker
It does take, I mean, my notes for this, and I can't say how much you spent time you spent, Michelle, but I'm at seven hours of just researching and writing this episode. and um But I'm happy to do it and we are so thankful that you guys spend your precious time, whether you're up in the middle of night with your newborns or you're washing dishes or you're cooking or you're on a walk, um that you spend your time with us. And we acknowledge that and we're really thankful. So we will come back with the next two segments, but we're going to wrap this one up here.
Listener Recommendations & Podcast Info
01:07:58
Speaker
Okay, it's time for our What We're Loving This Week segment of the show. So Lindsay, what have you been loving this week? Well, this week I want to share a YouTube channel that I was lucky enough to stumble upon when its creator launched the very first video um of this current series that they're doing.
01:08:14
Speaker
So I've been along for the ride since the beginning. um Maybe you've come across them already. I know I've shared it on Instagram. But the creator is named Jacob Harrell, and his channel features him alongside with his lovely wife, Amber. And they're truly crazy, but also entertaining dog, Muddy.
01:08:30
Speaker
um In true celebrity fashion, people have already been calling Jacob and Amber Jamber, like when you create a celebrity spliced name. Yeah. um On their channel, they've been sharing their journey renovating a mostly derelict and unlivable 500-year-old cottage in the Cotswolds in England.
01:08:47
Speaker
And this has always been Jacob's dream, and Amber reluctantly has supported him in this. um It has been a brutal job for both of them. And especially considering they both have full-time jobs during the day and then they head to this house at night to work on it.
01:09:00
Speaker
um So aside from history and my love of history and my love of British houses, what I have really grown to admire is the love of this young married couple. They, I think, ah are just turning 30 years.
01:09:13
Speaker
I so badly want them to succeed in this renovation. And I love seeing how they're supported by and surrounded with friends and family who volunteered their volunteered their spare time um to help them.
01:09:25
Speaker
Just seeing a young married couple working together to make their dream home, um, It reminds me that this is normal and it's a beautiful part of life, these early stages of marriage.
01:09:36
Speaker
And I don't think we see enough of that anymore. Young couples working together, right? Like towards a common goal. And so them giving a little glimpse into their marriage and how hard this renovation has been, but how excited they are, it's just been so life-giving.
01:09:49
Speaker
So again, his name is Jacob Harrell and his last name is spelt H-A-R-R-E-L-L on YouTube. And please subscribe. um they are They're using the money that they are making from YouTube to help with these renovations. And if you're just starting now, there's quite a few videos to catch up on. Are you typing it in right now, Michelle?
01:10:10
Speaker
Can you hear that? Oh, my gosh. So embarrassing.
01:10:17
Speaker
I'm so embarrassed.
01:10:21
Speaker
Well, good. I don't want you to lose it. Yeah, well, I didn't want to forget. It's like I got my hand caught in the cookie jar. I was caught...
01:10:31
Speaker
I love it. I'm glad you're excited. You have a lot to catch up on and your kids, I think, will like too. And um the dog is adorable. This dog has like this medical condition where it can't calm down.
01:10:43
Speaker
It's like the hyperest dog I've ever seen. And um Jacob's filming and music choices and editing. It's just awesome. It's like the perfect thing to watch right now is we need to cozy down at night. So it is your Hygge watch if I can recommend it as that.
01:10:57
Speaker
Perfect. Okay, I'm so excited. I love the YouTube channel recommendations because they are, like, becoming series in and of and themselves. Yeah. it's It's TV.
01:11:08
Speaker
i could talk for an hour on how YouTube is my favorite thing, I think, ever created in this modern and digital world. it is... and providing us with a chance to see into people, real people's everyday lives from around the world that TV never gave us.
01:11:22
Speaker
It is it just, I really think it is something from like an anthropological point of view that is really going to shift our ways of feeling connected um with people around the world, everyday people. So i and again, this is long form content.
01:11:36
Speaker
His videos are about a half hour. You can really sink into it instead of scrolling on your phone. Yeah, it's ah it's a great channel. So I wish them all the greatest success. That's awesome. I can't wait to check them out.
01:11:48
Speaker
And so what have you been loving this week? Okay, so here's a recommendation that you can enjoy with or quite frankly, without your kids. um This summer, we have been binge listening to the Greeking Out podcast by Nat Geo Kids.
01:12:05
Speaker
It is an absolutely fantastic podcast. podcast it's so well produced it's funny it's well written there are 11 seasons out so far and we have finished all of them it was what we listened to driving around all summer so each episode focuses on a story or a character from greek mythology and it deep dives it in narrative form so storytelling Now, some episodes will go outside of the Greek scope. So there are a few that are Norse mythology or Egyptian mythology, for example. But most of it features like those classic Olympians. um And also, too, the works of Greek classics.
01:12:48
Speaker
Like they spent a whole season on the Odyssey. Mm-hmm. And another on the Trojan War. And so they just really dig deep into those stories.
01:12:59
Speaker
it's It's beyond entertaining. Like the host is funny. He's very charismatic. And his co-host is maybe my favorite character on this show. um She is the oracle of Wi-Fi.
01:13:13
Speaker
Just the best. Wi-Fi. I know. She has a very robotic voice and she pops in with interesting side facts or what I find so helpful definitions or context of things. Yes, yes.
01:13:26
Speaker
And she has this like sassy personality that also adds fun and humor to the episodes in her own way. um But it's also very educational, right? Like we've learned so much about many of the aspects of ancient Greece, the ancient world in general.
01:13:44
Speaker
And there were times like I would ask the kids if we could listen to the next episode in the car or when we would just arrive home and sit in the driveway until there was like a natural break or a natural pause rather than just cut the story off. Mm-hmm. So, you know, if you're looking for a podcast that you can just enjoy for its fun, engaging storytelling and one that everyone, like all members of your family will love, then I highly recommend the Greeking Out podcast by Nat Geo Kids.
01:14:15
Speaker
um That sounds awesome. So I will definitely be looking that up. I really lament that Greek mythology isn't taught like it was in the past. I actually have my grandmother's Greek mythology little their textbooks back in the 1930s were like the size of your palm. And I have her Greek mythology textbook that has her a little cursive handwriting in it with her name at the front.
01:14:35
Speaker
And that's how I first was introduced to the the myths when I was a child was reading her book. And so I just they were like a part of like rural Ontario elementary school education enough that they had textbooks for them back of the day. So I love it. I love that you guys are learning about that.
01:14:54
Speaker
Okay, that's going to do it for us this week. If you want to get in touch and chat with us about our topic today, you can find us on our website, www.themodernlady1950.wordpress.com or leave us a comment on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at The Modern Lady Podcast.
01:15:12
Speaker
I'm Michelle Sachs, and you can find me on Instagram at mmsachs. And I'm Lindsay Murray, and you can find me on Instagram at lindsayhomemaker. Thank you so much for listening. Have a great week, and we will see you next time.