Transcript
Speaker: Like there's no right way to do it. Oh, we're gonna get into it. What up bosses with breasts? That's what I said I would say. What up bosses with breasts? I love it. What's up? It's Shannon. I'm here with my two best friends, Candace and Whitney, and this is the mom group chat podcast. What up? Episode two. Once again, very happy to be here. Yes, it is Friday.
Speaker: Only getting happier and happier, I would say. Yeah, 100%. The later it gets, I'm like, ooh, Friday. It is 3 .52 PM, Friday, March 10th. I took today off, guys. We're not working right now. We're playing. We're playing. And I am counting down the seconds so I can pour myself a glass of wine. Actually, I'm a liar because I've already had two or three glasses of wine. Yeah, we had a little photo shoot this morning. Honestly, though, what's stopping you? I don't know. Listen, I've been day drinking today.
Speaker: Can you drink our wine prop at the photo shoot? It was a gentle day drink. Yeah. I mean, I've done worse. Yeah. So gentle. And I am jealous. And you know what? I'm on vacation. I traveled. I flew on an airplane here. I am off of work. It was hard work getting here so hard by ourselves on the plane.
Speaker: Traveling without a child is luxury now. Yeah, it is. I'm a celebrity. When I order a wine on the plane. Miss Iglesias. Main character energy. Yeah, 100%. I know that I can do whatever I want. It's so nice.
Speaker: Chapel Hill also is like party capital of the United States. For those of you who didn't know, it's poppin'. Should we go out to a college bar tonight? Oh my God. I am so scared of that. I just got intimidated for real. Every time we talk about doing it, we don't, because we're scared.
Speaker: I remember when we came here for Shannon's wedding, there was like where we were staying, the hotel was like on campus, and there were just like golf pros and tennis hoes. We're really close to campus. Running the streets and my husband and I were like, oh God, remember those days of just dressing up and walking down the street. And then the next morning I went on a walk to get coffee and there was a puddle of vomit in the street.
Speaker: It's a nice place. No, it's so nice, but it was definitely like we were like, oh, it was like a college drag. Why do they look so young? We saw people yesterday. I thought they were in high school and she was, oh, we're close to UNC's campus. And I was like, I'm sorry, these people are 15. I know. I see people in college and I'm like, you look. Is that what we looked like? Is that a baby? Is that my child walking around? It's crazy.
Speaker: Yeah, the wires start to get crossed, because you're like, am I you, or am I your mom? Do I want to date you, or do I want to be your mom? But we also saw a group of young college boys, and we both got nervous. We talked about that. We said, why are - I didn't hear this. You revert back to being 18. When you see a group of teenage boys, I'm immediately like, I'm 14. Do they think I'm cute? And then I'm like, wait, I'm 32. Or do they think I'm their mom? They can't see me.
Speaker: They look right through you. They literally can't see me at all. But we're still scared. Oh my gosh. Oh my god, that is funny. So catch us in about five hours. We'll be hitting up the bars. Just kidding. Today's episode is about Candice.
Speaker: We wanted to do a little bit of like a deep dive on each of us and what career perspective we're bringing to the table.
Speaker: kind of just give you the sitch so you know what you're dealing with. And I feel like for all of us, work is a big part of our life. And for probably a lot of our listeners, it is too. Yeah, I also feel like being a mom and working and do you go to work? Do you take a break? What do you do? It's so like,
Speaker: charged right now, that conversation is just people have really hot takes. And what I love about this is that we all have a different setup and we are so accepting and supportive of it. And that's how we roll. So Candace is going to talk about herself, her career, and we're going to ask some questions. She's an entrepreneur. Spoiler alert. It is amazing what she's done so far. Oh my God. Thank you so much.
Speaker: I love that all of us have different perspectives and setups. And the other thing I want to say is that there are 1 million ways to structure your life, your childcare, your work. And this is a no judgment zone. All moms are amazing and doing amazing. And no matter your setup, we want you to know that you're incredible. We're all just trying to be sane here. We're all surviving. Everyone is doing an amazing job. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Especially you. Oh, thank you. It doesn't feel like it a lot of the time, but we'll get into that. Okay. So to start, how about you tell us about your company and what it is you do? Sure. I own my own virtual assistant business. I started it in July of 2020. So we're going on three years now.
Speaker: just a little bit of background about what I was doing before because I feel like it's relevant. I was an executive assistant to a CEO, and I was part of the COVID Let Go. I got Let Go of my job in May of 2020, and I literally thought my life was ending. I loved my job. I loved my boss, and I really thought my life was ending, honestly. I had a really great flexible setup there, the whole thing.
Speaker: July of 2020, I was like, you know what? I could do this for other people, do everything I did for my old boss, but on a more contract basis. And so I did. I dived head first. I got an LLC. I started an Instagram. I got a website. I took photos. I just started my business and it honestly took off. I was making more than my corporate salary within four months. And it's been really successful. I have a full -time employee.
Speaker: To go a little deeper about what I do now, I do a ton of marketing, digital marketing, social media. But I also do a lot of general admin stuff, a lot of what entrepreneurs and other executives need, like calendar management, email management, all sorts of things. But I would say over the past three years, I've niched down a little bit to really focus on social media marketing, marketing strategy, social media strategy, content creation, et cetera.
Speaker: So when you created your own path versus following a typical career and job searching online, I feel like the LLC stuff and all that is so intimidating. What drove you to think, I'm going to research and look at all this. Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but it was a TikTok.
Speaker: That's not crazy. We all remember TikTok exploded. Right. The pandemic was like the birth of TikTok. It was the funniest thing, at least for me. Doing the dances. Yeah. I had a girl come up on my TikTok page that talked about how she got let go. It was basically my exact situation. It was almost like the feed literally gave me this video of this girl who had the same exact situation as me.
Speaker: And she talked about how she started making more than her salary. And she kind of gave a very brief overview of how she started her business. And I was like, I could do that. I also like you guys know because you're my best friend and I'm not saying this in a braggy way or anything. I've always just been like pretty confident in myself.
Speaker: in that if I just decide to do something, I just decide to do it and I know that I can do anything I put my mind to. I think part of that is good parenting. Shout out to my mom and dad. They just always made me feel like anything I want to do, I can do. I don't know. I saw that TikTok and I thought I could do that and I think I could be really good at it. Truly, every answer you need is in Google.
Speaker: I mean, he's always been quite a work for me, honestly. You just have to, you have to have the mindset. And I think that part of this is like having that like entrepreneur like mindset, but you have to just be willing to do the research and put in the work. You can work for yourself. You can create the life that you want to have.
Speaker: Were you ever scared? For sure. And I, one thing I, I almost said this a second ago was like, I'm making this sound all rainbows and butterflies and amazingness, but it's not always like there's, there are cons and there are scary points and there are peaks and valleys just like with anything for sure. There were times I was, I was terrified or I was like, will this even work? Or do I even like this? You know, there's a lot of pressure that comes with owning your own business and owning your own
Speaker: Like success in that, you know, you can't believe anybody, right? You can't get anybody. Nothing like, you know, in the corporate world, if, if something doesn't get done, you're like, well, that's something for another day. Or like, it'll fall on someone else. You don't have that option. If I were to let something go or something didn't get done, it technically falls back on me and someone could fire me. It's not like my pay stays the same. It's my, my own. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker: That was in July, 2020. Then you had your wedding and then you had Alice about nine, wait, about nine months later. Yeah. From January, 2021 to July, 2021. I knew that we were trying, like we were trying, I knew that we wanted to get pregnant and working for myself. It's not like I get a paid maternity leave. And I feel like this could be a whole nother episode. Cause there's so much like,
Speaker: with that and like setting myself up, but I started to kind of lay the groundwork of like, okay, I'm going to have to plan for this a little more than someone else because it's not like I get it paid maternity leave. I have to kind of set myself up for this and I'm lucky that my business has been so successful. I was able to hire an employee, train her and basically
Speaker: have her work with me with clients so that I could take a maternity leave. I was putting away extra money so that I had a savings to take a maternity leave and continue to pay myself. But it's been a huge shift since having the baby and having Alice because I am a workaholic. I am a Capricorn through and through, okay? And that is not always an option. It's no longer my priority. Alice is my priority.
Speaker: It's taken me until very recently, I would say until she was 10 months old, for me to really accept that I'm not the same employee that I used to be. I'm not the same business owner I used to be because my priorities have shifted. I think this is something we'll talk about with all of us in all of our situations.
Speaker: because there's a huge priority shift that happens that really alters your whole makeup as an employee, as a business owner, as a mom, as a person, as a daughter, as a wife. It changes everything that you are. I have a question on that. Yeah. I did not go back to work after having TJ, but I did have this
Speaker: thought that after becoming a mom, I would become so clear and more, almost more confident in myself because I had this notion that I would become like a real adult and people would like start respecting me more or like something would click in me and I would just feel more confident in my day to day, which
Speaker: I think I do, but I also am not back in the working environment. Do you feel like having Alice gave you any... I was going to say, did it impact your work in a super positive way in any way? With your clients, do you feel like it gave you any type of edge? No. No. No.
Speaker: Wow. Yeah, I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but I feel like becoming a mom made my brain scrambled eggs. Like, especially in the beginning, like with being sleep deprived, Alice was not a great sleeper. She did. She didn't sleep through the night totally until she was 10 months, so.
Speaker: I don't think I knew that. I'm shook. Really? She just recently started. I mean, yeah, she didn't. What time was she getting up before? I never complained about that. Yeah. Really? I feel like I have. I don't know. You're off the pod. Like between any time between 1 a .m. and 4 a .m. she would wake up to eat pretty much. And you were feeding her? Mm -hmm. What? Are you kidding me? My husband don't wake up for no one. Jesus himself could show that he would not get up.
Speaker: So only two months ago, you started sleeping through the night. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Like every night or just here and there? No, pretty much every night she woke up once. We got, we got to table that. Yeah. We'll get back to that. But now to answer your question, I do not think, wow, I feel bad saying this. I didn't feel like it gave you any kind of like superpower in yourself to like get stuff done faster or no. I think it actually made me a lot less efficient.
Speaker: because I was split into two places. I was never fully focused on either aspect of my life. I was completely split the whole time. I've just recently figured that out that that is why I feel that way, that what I had to do was to set the boundaries to fully focus on work for X amount of time and fully focus on home. When I try to split it halfway all the time to do it all is when I'm scrambled egg brain.
Speaker: And you're working from home, which makes it harder, which pros and cons, yeah. I feel like that, I've heard that said a lot, like you never feel like you're your best when you become a mom because you're split with everyone, husband, I'm not a good enough wife, not a good enough mom, I'm not a good enough worker, you're just, I don't know, something changes in you.
Speaker: For sure. Where your priority number one is your child. Yeah. You can't help it. Yeah. For the audience, so you guys know my mom watches Alice from home. I work from home. Which can be tough. It's very tough. So how do you set those boundaries with your mom?
Speaker: at the house. I think I'm still figuring it out, to be honest. We've had a couple. I wouldn't say like it's not like we fought or anything. My mom and I are super close. I mean, she's she's an angel. She is an angel. Shout out to care. Karen. I know. The world's best Karen. Yeah, the world's best. That is true. For sure.
Speaker: I think we're still figuring it out. I think it's really tough. It totally shifts her and I's relationship also because now it's almost like she works for me kind of, even though that's not really how we like to look at it. But it's tough when I'm in the same house with her all day, but I also kind of have to ignore her in order to focus on work.
Speaker: So sometimes she can take it personally if I'm like trying to be short or quick with her when I get up to get coffee or something. She sometimes takes it personally and it took us a while for her to understand that like, no, I'm just trying to work efficiently and be focused so that I can get off earlier or I can shift back to mom mode quicker.
Speaker: But it's tough and it takes good communication between her and I. It also took me a long time for me to realize that it's okay for me to not do it all in the sense that I don't have to be half and half and half mom, half employee at the same time.
Speaker: It took me realizing that taking Alice to her house for two days a week is the best and having that distance and her not being in the same house as me and me being able to fully focus on work. It also took extreme, and this was uncomfortable for me because I am a little bit of a workaholic, setting those time boundaries.
Speaker: I don't start work until nine or I am shutting down my computer and closing my phone at five p .m. and I'm letting go of work and I am in mom mode then. But I didn't get the perspective to have set those boundaries and have that focus until I would say seven or eight months after having her. It took that long for me.
Speaker: Well, I feel like I know this, but you were also working out in the open, right? I was. You switched to moving your desk to a closed room, which I think is something you learned through all of that as well as you were having to create that kind of boundary at first.
Speaker: You were leaving the house to work at Starbucks and all that for a while. So I feel like I mean, I'm the same situation. I work from home. I just don't think I could be locked in my room. Yeah. Yeah, that's hard. It took me trying on a couple different ways to work for me to find out what's working for us now. My office used to be out in the open without a door. It was like it's if you know my house, which
Speaker: Obviously, listeners, you do not, unless you follow me on Instagram. It's really cute. I've been for you. But there was a side room off of our living room that did not have a door, and that used to be the office. I learned very quickly that that does not work when you have a baby. I needed a closed space. I needed a closed door. And then that became even more apparent when she started crawling and really understood, when Alice started to understand that I was behind, she could know where I am. She'll find you.
Speaker: Oh, she will. I think it also it's just understanding that you can try different things on and it's OK to change up what's, you know, as they grow, you move and you know, with them. So what would be your number one piece of advice to a mom who is or maybe someone who's pregnant, who owns their own business or wants to own their own business to prepare themselves for those
Speaker: I, let's say for the first year. Yeah. How can you best prepare? What would be your tips for somebody who's trying to prepare themselves for it? Okay. I have a couple. My first is to really sit down and reflect on what your dream day would look like as a mom, as a working mom.
Speaker: And this is going to sound woo woo, but to really sit down and journal about what that day looks like. When do you get up? When do you spend with your kids? When do you work? What does that work look like? Where are you working? And to build a schedule with boundaries around and to set time blocks of when you're working and when you're spending with kids and to really try and disconnect from whatever thing you're focusing on. So if you're focusing on
Speaker: mom life at the moment, like disconnect from work. And when you're working to try and disconnect from mom life, I spent too many months trying to split myself in half and do both at the same time. And I think that did not serve me. Um, the other thing that really helps me, I'm going to shout out like a influencer slash person is there is a like productivity coach I follow on Instagram called, or her name is Jess Massey. She's also in Tampa, actually I'm living Tampa.
Speaker: She has an amazing course that is about creating your dream schedule. And I bought the course. It's not expensive. It's like, and it was so helpful for me to really structure my day and get an understanding of what I wanted that to look like.
Speaker: And then I, I know this is like the mom advice everyone gives, but to just give yourself some grace and to know that, yeah, to know that you're not going to figure it out immediately. You, it might take you seven, eight months to figure out what's working. Like I truly, my daughter's going to be one in two or three weeks. I didn't figure it out until like two months ago.
Speaker: Well, I like what you said. You had said it in passing, but you're like, even if I get one task off my list for the day, that should be good enough. Yeah. I mean, yeah. And a lot of times it doesn't feel like it when you're overwhelmed on a Monday and you have so much to catch up on. Knock out one thing and then it kind of spirals from there. I felt good about knocking that one thing. It didn't feel overwhelming. Now I'm going to tackle number two. Yeah. So it's like I loved that piece of advice and I use it to the day. Yeah.
Speaker: Okay. One more piece of advice. I have an amazing therapist. Shout out to them. I went through a really hard time. I think seven or eight, seven, when Alice was seven or eight months, I was really overwhelmed. I felt like I was not good at my job anymore. I felt like I was bad at being a mom, a bad, a bad wife, all the things. And she really helped me work through it. But one of the things that we talked about is she drew me this
Speaker: important versus urgent matrix. Maybe I'll share it on our Instagram stories. It was talking about the tasks and where they fall because there is a difference between important and urgent. I had put all of my tasks, all of my work tasks, all of my mom tasks in the important and urgent.
Speaker: to where everything is important, nothing is important. I love that so much. She helped me realize that there's so much that can wait until tomorrow. There's so much that can wait until next week and it's just learning how to categorize your tasks and your work into those
Speaker: sections into what's important, what's urgent, and then maybe what's neither. What can wait until next week? I wish I had learned that six months earlier. Something that I read, I think this is kind of like common wisdom, but oftentimes the important things are not urgent. Also, it gets important to spend time with your child who's only going to be an infant for six months. It's important to catch up with your husband when you haven't like seen him and
Speaker: 48 hours, but those things rarely are urgent. And then all of a sudden it's been a month and you feel sad and you're like, why? I all of a sudden felt sad for my husband. Like he's on the back burner a little bit. Right. And then you're like, well, I haven't been doing any important things. I've only been doing urgent things. Right.
Speaker: And I feel depleted. So I'm going to go through that exercise. Let's do that tonight. Yeah. I'll share the matrix with you guys on Instagram. Cause it was really, I'm a visual person. So it's really, it was really helpful for her to like draw out, you know, where things would fall. And it was, I literally tacked it above my desk and every day when like I was feeling super overwhelmed with
Speaker: work or with housework. That's something that really overwhelms me. We'll get into that in a different episode. It's really helpful to just sit down and categorize your tasks.
Speaker: Yeah, I had a great boss and I work for a manufacturing company, but I work at the corporate in marketing and he was like, Whitney, we work in wood chips and glue. It's not like we're doing fucking brain surgery. To this day, I just, I love that. He said that it just made for like, yeah, it's like, it's not that serious. It's really not. It's really not. It's not that serious people that are doing brain surgery. That is urgent and important. Thank you. Yeah.
Speaker: So good. I loved getting to hear about your career. I mean, I think we're both impressed with all things. We're so proud of how you carry yourself and your business. Um, it's amazing. We love you. We're so proud of you. Love you guys. And you're setting such a great example for Alice. Oh my God. I could cry. Oh, one thing I didn't touch on, which is an important part of like.
Speaker: Is it urgent? It is urgent. This is urgent. One of the biggest motivators for me owning my own business is the flexibility. I really wanted to be able to take her to music class on a Thursday afternoon. This kind of goes back to the journal thing I talked about. When you sit down and you think about your dream day as a mom, flexibility was number one for me. So you can create a schedule if you set the boundaries and
Speaker: I feel like we should have another episode where we dig a little further into like the specifics of getting started because owning your own stuff when my husband's an entrepreneur, it is not easy. But you know, after a while you can set yourself up for a lot of flexibility. And I know a lot of moms want that.
Speaker: corporate life is not for a lot of moms. Because my opinion is it's not set up to set you up for success. So I think a lot of listeners would just love to hear like, how do I become someone who can work for myself? And maybe people are scared. I'm sure a lot of people are. It's intimidating. You mentioned sounds intimidating, but you did it.
Speaker: But you did it. It's doable. I'm also an open book. So if anyone listening is really interested in what I did or how I did it, send me a message on Instagram and I will, like I said, I'll spill the beans. I am an open book. There is enough space for all of us and enough room in the business world for all of us. So if you have any specific questions or want any more information, just shoot me a message.
Speaker: And if you're starting out, let us know. We can give you some shout outs, have people and our guests follow you. We all want to support each other. We all want to set up the best lives for ourselves and our kiddos. Yeah. Love you guys.
Speaker: God, I love us. All right, we're going to go make an urgent versus important list. And urgent and important is wine. Urgent, wine. Amazing. All right. Love you guys. Thank you. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.
