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A Knights Tale
63 Plays25 days ago
This week on Go Get Your Girl, we charge into A Knight's Tale—where peasant king William Thatcher lies, jousts, and somehow pulls it off (despite the white man dreads)
We’re breaking down bold moves, bad decisions, and Jocelyn… whose outfits we simply cannot defend (medieval chaos-core gone wrong).
Love? Questionable. Armor? Hot. Costumes? Jail. ⚔️✨
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Transcript
Weather and 'The Ministry of Time' Discussion
00:00:00
Speaker
ah Hi, Katie. How you doing? Hi. Hello.
00:00:07
Speaker
How are you?
00:00:12
Speaker
I'm good. The sun is still out. It's six o'clock and um it's still daylight out. I yeah i can't wait. It's snowed the last few days. It's crazy.
00:00:27
Speaker
Gross. I hate that. I hate that. i I will say today as I was walking out of work um pretending to have pinker titus all day. ah Um, my, um, ah walking out into the sunshine ah while it's like 38 degrees, i was like, ah, this reminds me of chicago April.
00:00:48
Speaker
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're hopefully we're we're out of the 30s. I don't know. Yeah. It's supposed to be 72 on Saturday. We'll see. Oh, that would be so nice. Oh, my God.
00:00:59
Speaker
I just cannot wait until I don't have to wear a coat anymore. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. ah I finished a book that I think you'd enjoy. oh yeah. the This is a different one from the one you've been talking about? i Yep, this is a different one So this one is The Ministry of Time.
00:01:17
Speaker
Oh, I've seen that. Yep. My mom recommended it to me and then she mailed it to me with with books that she's very excited for me to read, which I love because it's like free bookstore. Oh, yeah, yeah I recognize the cover of this. yeah Yeah. And then my boss, Megan, read it and she tried to give me her copy. And i was like, I'm so sorry, Megan. i already have a copy. My mom gave it to me and I've yet to read it. And she's like, you got to read it. And so I read it and it's really...
00:01:47
Speaker
It's really sweet. Yeah. And sad. But like, it's good. It's good. I had issues with the author's prose at moments because I felt like she was using too many SAT words for no reason. Sure. Which I just think, why why you doing that?
00:02:07
Speaker
what Why are you doing that? The first hit on Google is BBC's new series, The Ministry of Time, faces allegations of plagiarizing Spanish drama. Oh. This is from 2024.
00:02:19
Speaker
But it's a book. I don't know.
00:02:25
Speaker
I don't think it's it's come out yet. Absent. Well, no, this is from 2024. Absent from BBC's announcement was an acknowledgement of the Spanish TV drama El Ministero del Tiempo, which aired from 2015 2019 and shares both its title and plot elements.
00:02:41
Speaker
Instead, the British broadcaster attributed inspiration to an unpublished novel called by British-Cambodian writer Kalyan Bradley, set for release on 14th of May. Oh.
00:02:53
Speaker
Well, I read that book. Yeah. Huh. That's interesting. i'll have to look into it. Neither here nor there. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows?
Fun with 'Hump Day' and 'A Knight's Tale'
00:03:03
Speaker
Well, you know what day it is, Katie?
00:03:06
Speaker
um It's Night's Tale Day. I don't know if you heard that screaming from the next room over. Charlie just screamed, it's hump day! Happy for you.
00:03:18
Speaker
Yep. Yep. Happy hump day. Okay. Over the hump and through the woods. My God.
00:03:31
Speaker
It is also night's tale day. Um, Yeah. So like, I guess let's get into it. That's right. Hump days. Famously featured in today's film. um um Yeah. I don't know. i don't know that's not you know, most most movies don't really dwell on the days of the week. No. It's hard to stick to a specific timeline. I mean, there's exceptions, of course. Of course.
00:03:58
Speaker
But um yeah, I guess I guess there were some hump days in this. Did they have Wednesday in the 14th century? When did they create the days of the week? That's actually a really good question. Significantly before that. But I. um Oh, what's in French? It's Verdi.
00:04:16
Speaker
It's wait. It's Merredi. Merredi. Yeah. Hump. Hump day. In French.
00:04:28
Speaker
J'ai de Bois. Uh-huh. There we go. We're just a few episodes too late for that. That would have fitted well for our priceless episode. yeah yeah the but Although this movie this movie also primarily set in France.
00:04:43
Speaker
That's true, which you forget constantly. Well, yeah, they don't. It's not really. It's just kind of a general Europe, although they do go to Rouen. Yeah. I mean, the point is near France. yeah Yeah. And like the only reason why I knew it was France was because there were moments that Charlie was like, oh, been there.
00:05:03
Speaker
Oh, did they shoot it in France? No. No, mean like, that no yeah, yeah, yeah. He hasn't been, I mean, that's just proving how old he really is. He went to medieval France um on a childhood vacation. ah No, he he like recognized when they came up with like the titles of the towns or the cities. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That place, that's France.
00:05:26
Speaker
France is close to England. Yeah, it is very close to England. um But that's right. You guessed it, guys. ah France famously featured actually in today's film. It's true ah That's right, guys. You guessed it. This is go get your girl. This is the podcast where Emma and They just want they want to change their stars. And They're part of a a ragtag group of of squires to a knight. And that knight annoyingly dies. And they are hungry and poor. Shites himself to death, as yeah as as is mentioned. yeah He shites himself to death, which is British for shits himself to death. ah
00:06:11
Speaker
And um easier to get away with in a PG-13 movie. Exactly, because Americans don't know what shite is. At least the MPAA didn't. No, they did not. Not in 2001. And one and we we just, we lie our way to the top, ah pretending we fake it till we make a baby, and lie our ways into becoming a knight, even though we do not have noble birth.
00:06:35
Speaker
Along the way, we meet, you guessed it, actual historic figure Jeffrey Chaucer. Of course, yeah. He's he's about... Yep, he is about. And we fall in love with a pretty lady who's played by an actress with no charisma and has weird costume choices. And hair.
00:06:57
Speaker
And hair. um And is the only one in this movie that has the weird costume choices and hair. um Like that extreme. ah You guessed it, guys. ah Yeah, I'm Emma. And I'm Katie. And today we are talking about a Knight's Tale from 2001, written and directed by Brian Helgeland, or perhaps Helgeland, but it's probably Helgeland. It's probably Helgeland.
00:07:23
Speaker
um He's done lots of stuff. He is most famous probably for writing L.A. Confidential, but he didn't direct it. He won an Oscar for that, or maybe was just nominated. Who can say? It's impossible to know. There's no way to look it up. um umm um ah He also wrote a bunch of other less good things um like The Postman and Payback. Wait, The Postman? Is that the movie with... um um Oh my God. Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner. And it's about like a dead person, right?
00:07:58
Speaker
There's like... um It's like post-apocalyptic. Yeah. i remember watching it. as a child like it was a movie my parents got from the movie store and we watched it for movie night but like i didn't pay attention or grasp on to any of it yeah it's famously one of like the biggest flop ah biggest flops ever it was like you know kevin costner directed it and it was this huge like over budget thing and it made no money it was like after water world was gonna say it was a pre or post water world was post-Waterworld. It was like a – it was a spiritual sequel to Waterworld in that it was Kevin Costner almost bankrupting a studio. yeah I mean we're going to have to do Waterworld at one point. I'm just letting you Why would we do why There's a rum in there and there's cum. There's no rum. He abuses this woman and child for –
00:08:48
Speaker
Nearly three hours. They fall in love. who is is it Jean Triplehorn? Is that who it is? Yeah, it's Jean Triplehorn. Yeah. And um I love Jean Triplehorn. She's great. And little what's her name from. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. From Andre, the seal movie.
00:09:05
Speaker
Is it, want the viewers to know that Emma rocked back and forth like a seal. Tina Montagero. Tina Majorino, yes. Mac from ah Veronica Mars. Yes.
00:09:19
Speaker
or I don't know why you chose to go with the Andre as the reference for
Character Dynamics in 'A Knight's Tale'
00:09:22
Speaker
Tina Majorino and instead Well, I couldn't remember the movie with Whoopi Goldberg, which is my Sharona. Corinna, Corinna?
00:09:29
Speaker
Oh, that one. ha ha ha ha.
00:09:36
Speaker
My Sharona. No, my Sharona is... du and and um but but but My Sharona. Yeah. um Anyway, ah Brian Helgeland also, ah he wrote Mystic River.
00:09:51
Speaker
oh he directed a bunch of stuff nobody cares about. And then also he made 42, which is a movie about Jackie Robinson that people like, but I haven't seen. Yeah, I haven't seen that.
00:10:02
Speaker
I think it didn't do as well because of racism. um and Possibly, yeah. um This movie is
00:10:13
Speaker
Go on. it's it's it's a bit of a It's a bit of a tonal ah whiplash. Yes, it is. It's a strange film. It is two hours and 12 minutes long. when i start When I started watching this movie this morning, I was like, what the fuck? I was like, oh there's gonna be like 90 minutes, right? Like two hours and 12 minutes. yeah That is the exact reaction that Charlie had. And let me tell you- It's way too long. I do not appreciate that, Katie, because that is taking Charles' side.
00:10:40
Speaker
No, listen, I like this movie. I also saw this movie in theaters when I was, you know, a child. Yes. um And it made a big impression on me. Yeah. However, there are definitely, there's some things that we could cut. No.
00:10:57
Speaker
Okay. Fair enough. I refuse. I refuse. A perfect film, in Emma's estimation. ah Not completely. You know what I would have cut? All of Shannon Sossamon's fucking- Sossamon's.
00:11:09
Speaker
Fucking costumes. That is why did not like it. It would have cut Shannon Sossamon all together and have him had a romance with the blacksmith lady. I mean, that would have been way more interesting, right? But we had to have some sort of like class divide. Even though there wasn't like a class war with it, it sort of goes womp womp. It wasn't a problem for anybody. Her father never even in the movie. It's like, oh, yeah, okay, we'll get married. No problem. It's not going to be an issue.
00:11:34
Speaker
She's like, I don't really care. i don't care. i think you're hot. Let's bang. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. um So this movie starts with ah titles that say, In Medieval Times, which made me laugh. It's just a funny thing to say. um In Medieval Times.
00:11:55
Speaker
It's just very, like, casual for a movie to to say the phrase, In Medieval Times, as opposed to, you know, 14th century France or something. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. it Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:09
Speaker
It's a little, um. The whole idea about this film, the whole, if I remember my entertainment tonight correctly. Oh dear. Um, from watching all the behind the scenes from this movie. I too also loved this movie, but also hated this movie for Shanns Sassamon's costumes. That was my biggest problem with it. And I would not. Really mad at the costumes. I would die on that hill. opposed to her terrible acting. No, it was the costumes. The costumes, hideous, awful, horrendous. They're not good. They're not good.
00:12:38
Speaker
They're not good. And I actually, I had an entire conversation today with one of my my friends at um one of the places, one of the schools I SP at, because we were talking about how I was going to talk about this film this evening. And um she was like, I'm so obsessed with that film. I love that film. It's a perfect film. It's great. I was like, I know. It's great. I love it. And i was like, except for Shannon Sassamond's costumes. And she goes, yeah, there were a lot of choices. And like, she's a costume person. She was like, um...
00:13:05
Speaker
she she was like i just really want to know what the costume designer's vision for her character was because they're all such specific looks but they're not like modern enough to be like oh it's like a modern take it's just like there's there's a very specific look but like you don't know what they're referencing and it's sort of like what what it what was the vibe there like what what where were we going with this There's two costume designers credited. um One of them is Caroline Harris, who has very few credits. um Two of them are other Brian Helgeland movies, 42 and Legend.
00:13:47
Speaker
Okay. And, oh, no, no, no. She has a lot more credits. I'm sorry. Just not anything anybody's ever heard of. um And then the other one is Sylvie Michalova, who has... appears to be Czech, is going to be my guess. but The movie was filmed in... Czechia, yeah. Czechia. She appears to be Czech, and all of her get all of her credits are... This is the only movie that...
00:14:20
Speaker
is not Czech, it seems that she worked on. She was probably the local hire yeah to help out. But neither one of these people are like famous costume designers.
00:14:32
Speaker
Which is actually relatively surprising, because this movie This movie was a phenomenon. This movie. I mean, it was a phenomenon for teenage girls in 2001. It was a phenomenon.
00:14:49
Speaker
i mean, listen, I didn't say that was a bad thing. um I'm just saying that. It was femininomenon. It was a femininomenon. You're right. That's exactly what it was. Because this movie did not get good reviews. I don't think it was successful financially. We can find out. But every single millennial girl that you ask is like obsessed with this movie. Oh, yeah. Oh, big time. Oh, no, no, It didn't make its budget back in the U.S. Are you serious?
00:15:15
Speaker
Yeah. It would cost $65 million, dollars which is a lot 2001. That is a lot in Yeah. um And then it only made $56 million. It made $117 worldwide, but that's still, that's not much. That's shocking. um Because this movie, I just remember, was everyone's favorite movie for like a hot minute. And everyone was obsessed with it. so A lot of it, yes, it did have to deal with our main boy um and how dreamy Heath Ledger is. Oh my god, so fucking dreamy.
00:15:49
Speaker
Even with his white man dreadlocks. you Is this our first Heath Ledger? i think this is our first Heath Ledger. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is our first Heath. ah um ah Because we haven't done the Dark Knight and we haven't done the Patriot. um Or 10 things I had about you. the yeah I know. That was the joke. Yeah.
00:16:09
Speaker
That was the joke. Technically, we could do The Patriot because some might say it's a rom-com about Mel Gibson's love for the this country. Yeah, let's not do that. um
00:16:22
Speaker
We can do anything we want on this podcast, but we will definitely not be doing The Patriot. We will not be doing Roland Emmerich's The Patriot. um Damn, is that right? Is it the right director? I just pulled that out of my ass. I was actually very impressed that you pulled that out i think it is. I think it's the director of Independence Day and Godzilla.
00:16:40
Speaker
I mean, that's yes right. Yes, Roland Emmerich. Such a popcorn movie. It's a popcorn movie about revolutionary America. Logan Lerman was in The Patriot? Yeah, he was a little baby. He's a little boy, yeah. Okay. A little baby, little boy.
00:16:54
Speaker
Fun fact, Logan Lerman is one. Remember when, um before COVID, there were those apps where it was just like, see who your celebrity twin is. um Logan Lerman is mine, apparently. Wait, wait,
Romantic and Humorous Elements
00:17:09
Speaker
he's your male twin or he's your number one? Nope, just my number one across board. than...
00:17:14
Speaker
More than any woman, Logan Lerman is your celebrity twin. That's insane. My friend Johnny did like a short film with him or did something with him. And so he had his number and we were drunk at front bar. He's hot.
00:17:29
Speaker
He's hot. And we did it. Thank you. Thank you. I am hot. um and ah And so he texted it to Logan. He was like, my friend's your celebrity twin. Yeah.
00:17:41
Speaker
And he went, cool.
00:17:50
Speaker
That's very funny. That's very funny. mine mine the Mine make no sense because mine was Priyanka Chopra.
00:18:03
Speaker
i don't I love you. I think you're beautiful, but I don't see any Priyanka. No. Famously white Katie Coleman. Yes. It's like maybe it's like the, maybe and it's not even like anything in your face.
00:18:18
Speaker
I don't get it. That was, yeah, those things are bullshit. We can't go by those. You don't even have bangs right now. Like what we going on? Well, didn't have bangs then. That was, this was like six years ago when everybody was doing that.
00:18:29
Speaker
Makes no sense. Um, anyway, so in medieval times, uh, jousting was, i mean, again, so like the whole thing about this movie is that they're trying to make these jousts like modern sports, um, events. Equivalents. They're, they're, they're showing how, um, you know, popular entertainment of the time.
00:18:52
Speaker
is the same as popular entertainment of today. And that's why they're using modern... wellll we'll put We'll put modern in quotes because it's all from the 1970s. Yeah. modern Modern music in the um in the in the soundtrack there, which I think is cool. I mean, that was the trailer. The trailer was them, was Queens, We Will Rock You, and the audience all doing the... Yeah, and then little ah little clip of ah of baby Heath Ledger going...
00:19:20
Speaker
Someday I'm going to be a knight. Yeah. Really, really rough stuff. Like that those flashbacks with Baby Heath Ledger are hard to watch. Why did Baby Heath Ledger also have dreadlocks?
00:19:32
Speaker
He didn't have dreadlocks. He just had long hair. It's the baby that were also with dreadlocks. I don't know if they're intended to be dreadlocks or if it's just supposed to be like matted. Matted hair. Yeah. Well, the way they styled them, they styled them too stylishly to look like that's just matted hair. Yeah. Yeah. um So that's how we meet him. He is um he's a a squire for a night. Oh, the opening titles are like, but only knights could do jousts and such. Yeah. And you had to be of nobility.
00:20:02
Speaker
Noble birth, bitches. so
Plot Twists and Historical Depth
00:20:05
Speaker
we meet the knight, Sir ed Ed something. Yes. We don't really know him for very long. And by very long, I mean for like a hot second before he dies. He's dead. And we have ah his three squires yeah who are Heath Ledger, who's 22 in this movie. ah a Heath Ledger.
00:20:30
Speaker
Mark, ah yeah, i agreed. Mark Addy, yeah who is Robert Baratheon from Game of Thrones. Also and from, um ah oh my God, the Full Monty.
00:20:43
Speaker
Yes, yes, from the Full Monty. Yeah, audiences would have recognized him from the Full Monty at this point because it's just yeah here. And then the great Alan Tudyk. Yeah. Who, this is the first thing I ever saw him in, for sure.
00:20:54
Speaker
yeah yeah. I think this was the first thing I ever saw him in, too. And he was the comedic relief. Yeah, I think when when Firefly started, I'm like, it's called Alance. Hello. It's called Alance.
00:21:07
Speaker
um a So their knight is dead and they're going to have to forfeit, but none of them have eaten in three days. And they're very so they hatch a plan that Heath Ledger will impersonate Sir Eddard or whatever his name is. Yep.
00:21:24
Speaker
It's like it's like ah a normal name minus the first letter. It's like a connections puzzle. um Where- It's like a connections puzzle. You know those shitty ones that I never get where it's like, oh, it's like, these are all like trains, but added a consonant. I'm like, I'm never gonna get that. Fuck you connections. Can I find It's not even in the fricking IMDB. Like you can't even find this. doesn't matter. i this So- Sir Ector.
00:21:53
Speaker
So see, exactly. So yeah, Hector. Not Hector, but Hector. It's Hector. Hector Cooler. Nick Brimble. Okay. Am I supposed to know who that is? Well, he was Little John in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.
00:22:07
Speaker
Oh. I thought he already looked familiar. Yeah. He was also in Grandchester. don't know what that is. It's a British TV show. I know what it is. I'm just being dismissive. He was voice Oswald.
00:22:19
Speaker
He was the voice of Oslo and Watership Down. he He was the voice of who oh owls ah allula Oslo?
00:22:31
Speaker
Oslo? That's not a person. That's like a... that's a um ah that's ah Oh, okay, I get it. So the Oslo is like ah like a um a governing body. So maybe he's like just the, okay, nevermind. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to cut that out. I was like, you love Wireship Down. You should know this.
Emotional Depth and Themes
00:22:51
Speaker
Um, and, uh, he's been in a ton of bridge TV show, including many Dr. Who's and casualty. And which is like their, um, law and order. ah okay.
00:23:04
Speaker
He's been in. So he's a British actor. Yeah. This man works. Well, well, um And so he decides that he's going to take his place and finish the joust so that they can get paid. and Because he's he's basically already won. He doesn't have to do anything to win. And um as long as he shows up. But if he doesn't show up, he forfeits and they don't get any money and they can't eat or go home to England, which is what they want to do.
00:23:28
Speaker
Yeah, because we're in France. Yeah, so they man they do that. And they're like, but you can't joust. And he's like, it's fine. I'll figure it out. Yeah, he was like, well, i I train with him all the time. Like, this will be fine. Like, I can sit on the horse.
00:23:40
Speaker
Yeah. Boy. um And then this this is when we do that they do the We Will Rock You thing. Yeah. And we have a joust. He gets he gets the lance right in the face. And it bends his helmet in so they can't see his face, which lucky. It works out perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Because they're like, Sir Hector, remove your...
00:24:04
Speaker
covering your your helmet. There we go. Remove your helmet. And he goes, and he does this really awkward bumble with it. It's very funny. um They get a gold peacock feather, which they sell for money for food. And we get the opening credits, which are in a goofy font for some reason. Like it's, it's not comic sans and it's not papyrus, but it's definitely in the, like in the Venn diagram between those two things. It's a real goof.
00:24:30
Speaker
Peric pans. What is it? Peric pans. Peric pans. Okay. Okay. it's it's a yeah it's It all looks very, it looks like amateurish. It looks like somebody just whipped it up really quick in After Effects or whatever the title program is called. Well, there's a lot of money on this movie and it probably wasn't the titles.
00:24:50
Speaker
No, no, definitely not. um And then he gets the idea that they are going to, um he convinces them to continue pretending to be a knight And make enough money for them to like, you know, be okay because they're they're peasants in medieval France and it's not a good time. um I think I would say this movie is set in about 1374, 1375 based on Chaucer and based on the fact that Edward the Black is still alive because he dies in 1376. This is actually quite, quite a baller move. The fact that you just whipped out 1375.
00:25:32
Speaker
Well, I didn't look it up. I i mean, i didn't i I did look up when Edward the Black Prince died and i'm basically and based it on that. So it's not like I just came up with it off the top of my head. I was just like, wow, i you're such a wizard at medieval history. No, no, no. I didn't have that off i didn't have that that information locked and loaded. But I knew roughly that it was – and it was before 1400 because Chaucer was young – Um, I did take it. I have a um ah double major in theater and history and I did take it a medieval European history class, but it was um ah kind of clusterfuck. Ah, the there's a whole thing. I took the whole class and didn't get credit for it because the registrar at my college was not good at her job. Um, it was a whole thing. That's not your fault.
00:26:19
Speaker
Yeah, it wasn't my fault. It was a whole, I took the whole class before I realized I wasn't getting credit for it. That's bullpen. Listen, I went to a great school undergrad, but and the the teachers were great. um It was a good, like, academic-wise, but the um the administration was a joke and a nightmare.
00:26:38
Speaker
A joke-mare. Yeah. um And then we... ah Yeah, so Alan Tudyk says he wants dilled veal balls with squash fritters. And...
00:26:50
Speaker
He argues that they can have glory if they um make him a knight and figure out how to joust. So then we get training montage to Lowrider.
00:27:01
Speaker
Yes. Yes.
00:27:03
Speaker
yes but Why are all the songs from the 70s? Right. No. Because it was probably like this guy's, the guy that made the movies, like ah it was the soundtrack to his high school. So like we, if we were to make it now, we'd probably put My Chemical Romance in there.
00:27:21
Speaker
I was thinking My Chemical Romance would be good. I'm Not Okay would be a good training montage. yeah Exactly. Exactly. It would all be like emo music or like indie music from 2005. like I think that I would actually be good at selecting songs for a movie and not rely only on things that I liked in high school. But, you know, who's to say? Yeah, who's to say? Who's to say?
00:27:44
Speaker
um ah They cut those dreads out. ah And he like it looks like a person. He looks like um Mr. Heath Ledger again. Yeah. And they give him a new name, which is Sir Elric Lichtenstein. Ulrich von Lichtenstein. Ulrich von Lichtenstein.
00:28:01
Speaker
Ulrich von Lichtenstein. And they go their way to, from where? From Gladdleberg or something like that. They say where he's from. Glattleberg. Yeah, we'll get there. um ah And yeah, and then they're on the road and they immediately run into a naked Paul Bettany.
00:28:20
Speaker
Yep. A naked Paul Bettany. And he's like, I'm a writer. And they're like, I don't, what's, what's a writer? Yeah. Yeah. um And so um this is the first of Emma's fun facts, Emma's fun facts. So ah there was a period of about a year Geoffrey Chaucer's life when historians have literally zero records of what happened to him. So the writers of this film set this in that year.
00:28:48
Speaker
does it say it's 1375? Was right? um It doesn't say what year. okay. Yeah. I mean, I'd have to click on Jeffrey Chaucer, but I think it's just going to take me to an IMDb page for Jeffrey Chaucer. Yeah, that's fine. um So, which is really lucky. They would have been screwed if they hadn't run into Jeffrey Chaucer, one of the only literate people they could have run into. of the medieval lands.
00:29:14
Speaker
Yeah. um ah So... He agrees. He's naked. He's lost all his money. He says he's robbed. We find out later that he gambles away his clothes all the time, which is a problem. He has a gambling addiction.
00:29:27
Speaker
Yes. And um he agrees to forge patents of nobility for him, which is something that they need in order to compete in ah the tournament.
00:29:39
Speaker
Yes. Now tell me, what are patents of nobility? That's like a passport for showing that you're noble. Yeah, it's been so here's the thing. like i mean Before 1970, fraud was so easy. You could not do Have you seen Catch Me If You Can? You could become a pilot if you wanted to. You just walk in and you go, doctor, doctor?
00:30:05
Speaker
Yeah. You could just get away with so much thing so much before the internet and before like good security measures and stuff. um I would have been such a good con woman in the 1930s. I just know. I believe that too. But so yeah, in the medieval times, in order to prove that because anybody could just say if you found if you got some nice clothes, you could just say that you were ball. You had to have ah patents of nobility, which would have been basically like a a parchment written by someone, which again, like most people can't read or write. So having something written at all is a big deal. But also it looks official. It's it's um it's a document like ah like a passport that you know shows your heredity heredity. Yeah. And, you know, Europe is big and, you know, you could just make up a whole country if you wanted to. And if you had a paper saying you're from there, nobody would disbelieve you.
00:31:03
Speaker
Yeah. Especially if I had little, little medals on it, little medals with little, like connected to little ribbons. Yes, exactly. yeah It's a, it's a, um, and, um,
00:31:17
Speaker
we And so he does that in exchange for clothes um and patent passage. And he agrees to be his herald, um which is like the announcer. And he announces him like a wrestling person. That's his yeah or a boxer. Yeah. Yeah. Which is a really fun thing because all the other heralds suck. And then they try to like steal his stuff throughout. Because he like. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's it's really fun.
00:31:46
Speaker
um And it's Paul Bettany and we love Paul Bettany. And this is, love him this is the same year that a beautiful mind came out, I believe. um So this is a big year for Paul Bettany. I don't, I'm pretty sure I hadn't seen him anything before this.
00:31:59
Speaker
Yeah. Good job. Paul Bettany. Yeah. And, um um and then we also meet the sauce. Yeah, we meet the sauce. She's walking along in one of her stupid costumes and Heath Ledger is like, my stuff. Do you want to describe the costume? She's wearing like a white. all fucking blend together. It's a habit.
00:32:21
Speaker
Yeah. She looks like a nun. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. She looks like a nun and it's stupid. And it's like this little like bell of a hat. And like, i can get sort of, this is like the most historically close to like medieval outfit that she wears throughout this entire film. Everything else. We just, we go off the deep end after that. Um,
00:32:43
Speaker
And she's walking along. He ledgers on his horse and he goes, my stars. Who is this pretty lady? And then he follows her around on his horse and he follows her into a church. And everybody's like, dude, you can't bring this horse to the church. You're desecrating so the land of God. And he goes, oh, my bad. Can I get to number? And she's like, no.
00:33:05
Speaker
doesn't talk like Charlie. We should point out just real quick. He's very dreamy. I mean, Charlie doesn't talk like that either, but neither of them talk like your impression of Charlie. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm giving the, the like too long didn't read.
00:33:18
Speaker
Yeah. I'm looking up the sauces credits here. We did talk about her because she's in the holiday. Oh, wish she's in the holiday as well. Oh, so this is our third sauce a month.
00:33:29
Speaker
This is our, our third ah serving of sauce. um we've Our third serving of sauce. Yeah. She's in 40 days and 40 nights and the rules of attraction. yeah Both. We're probably going to do her her again.
00:33:44
Speaker
Would be strange movies for us to do, but I suppose we could do. i mean, if you want to do another film where orgasms happen without touching. is that 40 days and 40 nights? I've never seen 40 days and 40 nights. Oh, I, I just remember the scene where they take a feather and like, she just like comes from him touching a feather to her. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's a time.
00:34:09
Speaker
ah That, of course, was directed by Michael Lehman, the same person who ah directed The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Ah! Well, there you go. 40 Days and 40 Nights is in this. um Also, i want to point out that um Shannon Sossaman named her child Audio Science.
00:34:25
Speaker
So... I hate that. there's any... I'm not going to make fun of a child on this podcast. she a Scientologist? I don't know. I i i closed the page. that Her child ah is named Audio Science. Jesus fucking Christ. Audio Science. Yeah.
00:34:45
Speaker
So. um So, yeah. And then she's like, so no, dude, you can't have my number. Bye. And then he's like, OK, well, I'm going to She won't tell him her name. That's what wants, her name. Yeah, exactly.
00:34:59
Speaker
Which was the medieval equivalent of, hey, what's your number? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And um so they ah we do taking care of business yeah montage. Taking care of business.
00:35:15
Speaker
And he enters two events. He enters the joust and he enters the ah the sword. Yeah. like competition, yeah which is not the melee because the melee is the thing where they have like a bunch of people fight and whoever is left standing wins. It doesn't seem like they did that in, in this movie. This is like one-on-one sword fight, like broad sword fighting competition. Yeah. Yeah.
00:35:38
Speaker
um And he's good at that. like he's yeah Yeah. <unk> But he doesn't get as much money from it. And you don't win. Whoever wins the joust wins the whole tournament. I don't. The rules aren't clear. I don't think that's how they these tournaments actually worked.
00:35:53
Speaker
Um, there's also, uh, there's, there's stuff about like the, the maidens would like do, give the tokens to the knights and we don't really, we they do that little bit of that, but they don't have like make a big deal out of it. There's a lot of stuff about like medieval tournaments that aren't really,
00:36:09
Speaker
um um aren't really illustrated here at all. No. Which is because, I mean, there's there's a lot of interesting stuff that happened in medieval tournaments, but yeah there is, but that's not really what this movie is about. This movie is about like, hey, what if we took the sports drama but made it for nerdy tweens who love Renaissance festivals?
00:36:29
Speaker
Yeah, that is what it is, really. You're so right. Yeah. We walk in the garden of his turbulence is what um Paul Bettany says about him.
00:36:39
Speaker
And the audience doesn't understand. Ulrich von Lichtenstein. um so he he needs his armor his armor gets busted and he needs his armor repaired but none of the he doesn't have any money yet because they haven't won tournament and none of the blacksmiths will do it and they report him to they they all send him to the lady blacksmith yeah and um he convinces her to repair his armor on spec by byke saying that the other blacksmith said she could gaslighting gaslit her He typical man. He doesn't gaslight her. He just lies to her. all right He negs her. He negs her into doing it. Cause he's like, all the other guys were like, don't waste your time with that lady blacksmith. And I was like, I guess I might try. And I guess my time is wasted. Well, here's the thing, because actually he said, is she she says, well, because I'm a woman. And he said, oh no, no. They, they said that you were great with shoes, but could wear shite on armor. Then the fact that your woman didn't come up, which is like,
00:37:41
Speaker
him charming her right i mean okay yeah she knows that that's he she she knows that that's not what they said but he is is you know being nice to her and charming her and that's why she agrees to do it yeah oh i took it as she she still felt like she had to prove herself um well i mean she she does i think that's that's naturally part of part of it but i think that You know, him being charming is is helpful. um he's not He's not an asshole treating her like she can't do it because she's a woman, even though um he does, like, have some of that a little bit later.
00:38:14
Speaker
Yeah. But her name is Kate, and she's great. Kate's fabulous. We love Kate. She's a Scottish lass, and she's fab. um Don't forget, we've also, by this point, we have met our villain.
00:38:26
Speaker
Oh, yes. um Lord Adhemar, who is Rufus Sewell, which is like the go-to British villain that you needed in every movie from 1995 to 2010, really. like You betcha, baby.
00:38:40
Speaker
Boy, oh boy. Because you just want to punch that face. he is he's he's He is attractive,
00:38:47
Speaker
He's such a dick in like, I'm trying, is there any movie where he plays a good guy? Like surely there is. He's a big role in, um, the man in the high castle in which he plays a fucking Nazi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. He's in the holiday. he is the guy. Yeah. Again, he's in the holiday with Shannon's awesome holiday. And he's Kate Winslet's, the crush that she has that, yeah um,
00:39:14
Speaker
but He's attractive in a cover your drink kind of way. Oh, Jesus. Yes. Yes. That's a good, that's a, it's a good if, if frightening um analogy.
00:39:27
Speaker
There's gotta, he's gotta play a good guy in something. um He's in the mask of Zorro, which I don't remember him in. i don't think he's a good guy in the mask of Zorro. Yeah. Yeah, probably not. um it's another co He's in Dark City, which I've never seen. Yeah,
00:39:44
Speaker
um yeah anyway. I think ru knows he knows his type. He knows his vibe. He's probably a very lovely man in real life. As most most character actors who play villains typical tend to be. um He just has a punchable face.
00:40:02
Speaker
Yeah, he dated Kate Winslet. Oh, really? Yeah. That is a surprise. That's what this says. I don't know. um Yes. So he is a um an evil man. um Of nobility.
00:40:16
Speaker
A knight who is can yes who is competing in the events. And he has taken a shine to Shannon Sossamon. God knows why. Who knows why? And because she is she's just so boring in this movie. Like this is ostensibly like a romance movie. And it is like, you've got, you know, a lightning in a bottle with one of the most charming character, like actors of, of his generation, um who only made like what, seven, eight movies and is still like,
00:40:54
Speaker
a sex symbol yeah um even posthumously and the wettest like newspaper of a woman no it's worse than a blanket it's a newspaper because it's falling apart yep um shannon's awesome on just kind of blankly staring off into space in every scene like She's pretty, um which I guess is the appeal, but my God. It's just What a boring performance.
00:41:24
Speaker
Her lady's maid has more charisma than she does. Oh, yeah. um ah Berenice Beha or whatever her name is. Yeah. Yeah. She's got way more charisma.
00:41:35
Speaker
And you're just like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. And the blacksmith and Kate the blacksmith, like any of them would have been better. um ah Pops off the screen. She pops in this movie. It reminds me of Keanu Reeves in Bram Stoker's Dracula, where it's like, that movie is nearly perfect, but one of the key roles is such a problem, it brings the whole thing any time...
00:42:02
Speaker
Either of them are on screen. It's like, oh what are we doing? This is how did you not like solve this a few days into shooting? Like yeah in Bram Stoker's Dracula 2, like Carrie Elwes is right there. Carrie Elwes has a small part in that. It's like, oh, man, can you imagine if you would just swap the two of them out? Like, oh, masterpiece.
00:42:22
Speaker
Right. Right. Right. And it's not that I don't love Keanu Reeves and other things. yeah He's just so miscast in that. um He's yeah. Yeah.
00:42:33
Speaker
yeah And like, I can get it with Bram Stoker's Dracula with like them trying to go off of his, like his name for box office points. But like Shannon Sossaman wasn't enough of like a and household name for them to be like, and Shannon Sossaman. No, no. She's again, like she's only, she's only in like four movies anybody's ever heard of. And none of them were, were big hits. This has got to be her biggest movie. Yeah. um I mean, I know and the holiday would be bigger, but she has a tiny part in that. I don't know. if she but She doesn't hardly have any lines in that movie.
00:43:06
Speaker
She has like two lines um it gets cut off by a montage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. um Anyway, um so he humiliates Heath f Ledger um in front of Jocelyn, which is what yeah the sauce's name is.
00:43:21
Speaker
And she he hates him more than anything in the world for the rest of the movie. He is willing to sacrifice everything to beat this man at jousting, which is like very male, um yeah very believable. um I mean, technically, you can look at the joust as their literal dick measuring contests.
00:43:45
Speaker
It very much is, yes. That is what the rest of this movie is about. um And he's like, he could he's mean to her. he calls her a silly woman because doesn't care about the ah the jousts because he is so desperate to beat this man. Like, yes it's he's like borderline homoerotic. Like...
00:44:05
Speaker
and maybe Maybe that's what it should have been. maybe like Maybe that's what it should have been, Katie. Maybe it should have been him and um guy from Man in the High Castle, like an enemies to lovers. like You're describing ah heated rivalry, but for medieval knights.
00:44:24
Speaker
Honestly, you should write that. You would make millions. Millions. Millions upon millions. um I think that it would bring in crossed lances or something like that. Right? Right? Like, they're, like, you can have sex scenes blurred in with, like, jousting scenes. like Yeah. Like, I mean. Like, they're secretly in love, but they're, like, bitter rivals out on the field. and Yeah. And he finds out that he's not a knight and has to struggle with, like, I don't want to ruin him because I love him, but also, but, like, I want to beat him, and this is the best way to beat him, and then it's a whole thing. Yeah.
00:45:02
Speaker
Yeah. And then he has his like come to moment, come to Jesus moment after he's like made the public aware that he's not of noble birth. And then he has to save the day by getting the prince involved. See, if we've weren't rewritten this movie.
00:45:18
Speaker
Look at this. Did we just make millions of dollars? um I think we did. We just made millions of dollars. We just made millions of dollars. Yeah. Um, yes. So a a good fonging is on the way. Alan Tudyk keeps threatening to fong people.
00:45:36
Speaker
What is fonging? Which I looked it up and it means to attack or to seize or to kick. So, i mean, he's using it correctly. It's just like, you know. Also, you know, we should say that they wouldn't be speaking modern English in this movie. Far be it from me to, you know, being this movie for um not being ah period appropriate. the Accurate.
00:45:59
Speaker
Yeah, which is not intended. It's not intending to be. It's intentionally anachronistic. um But yes, they would not have been speaking. they They all would have been speaking Middle English, which is like they in the blurdy slur and the turn. It sounds like Swedish. why blurish disturb I will say I was very disappointed from what we learned from Knight's Tale. Or sorry, A Knight Before Christmas.
00:46:21
Speaker
This is a Canine's Tale. This is Canine's Tale. That was the Canine Before Christmas. There was no mention of Mead once in A Canine's Tale. That's true. That's true. Very disappointed by how often it came up in the children's holiday classic, A Canine Before Christmas. I don't know if A Canine Before Christmas is a children's movie. I mean, it's closer than... It's just PG, you know? Yeah.
00:46:46
Speaker
It's more than this. So everybody is telling Jocelyn they're win the tournament for her, but she doesn't care about that, and she wants Sir Ulrich to win her heart. That's what she tells Christiana, the lady in waiting. But she seems to barely care about that.
00:47:06
Speaker
um ah but but no no that's the thing she doesn't care about the joust she wants to she wants to fuck him that's the point yeah but like she gives cares a little bit but like she doesn't really fight back that much where she's like okay whatever you're like being a dick she this is when she starts from this is one of many absurd hairdos she she does in this movie where she has the what are they called there was a peock i remember i remember in high school there were some some some of the the weirder girls had this thing where it was like and her hair isn't short but like the hair would be really short and in the back it would be like sticking out like that called a cockatoo it's was it really no it just looks like okay okay
00:47:53
Speaker
It does. It does. It's like the hair is like stuck out in the back of like on the crown. And it's um like, I, it's called the um John and Kate plus eight.
00:48:05
Speaker
And flat iron. It is very John and Kate, let's say. Yes. Because that's the thing. It was like a, it's like a, it's like a middle-aged woman haircut, even in, 2000. I mean, now nobody, you wouldn't see anybody with it, but in 2000, it was like a middle-aged woman haircut, but there were definitely girls in like, in my school, like 2001, 2002, who had that haircut.
00:48:24
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And I don't understand it. Yeah. I don't understand it either. But Shan Sassman at one point has it with like bright red hair. Like her hair is like got dark.
00:48:35
Speaker
And it's these bright red extensions that make no sense. um Have we gotten to the ball yet? I mean, they make sense. That was a thing. Lots of people were doing that, like getting the different color, getting like purple or red, like extensions put in like yeah temporary, like they're clip ins, you know, you can take them out. you Yeah.
00:48:54
Speaker
Have we gotten to the ball yet? i'm a and Sure, let's do number the ball. Yeah, because the ball is fun. The ball is really fun. So like he has to go... This is after his like big first win-win-win. And Shant Sossman's lady-in-waiting comes over and she's like, um my lady would like to know what Sir Knight will be wearing to the gala this evening. And they go, what why? And um they're like, so that she might wear something to match him. Which...
00:49:24
Speaker
is This is another moment, Katie. This was another moment where I wanted to bang my head against fucking wall. She took her glasses off. for yeah's At the costume choices. Because we have this very cute, adorable scene where Guy from Full Monty is like describing the tunic that Heath Ledger is going to wear. He's like, it's like a mint green surrounded by other green. He's looking at the tent. Yeah. Yeah.
00:49:53
Speaker
yeah it's It's like Scarlett O'Hara. Yeah. Exactly, because he's going be making the tuna guy of the tent. And then we have an adorable little scene where everyone's trying to teach him to dance. And the lady, um the lady, um Smithy, comes in and she's like, um you guys suck at teaching him how to dance. And oh, yeah, this entire time. This is where Kate.
00:50:11
Speaker
Yes. And this is where Kate like kind of joins their team. This is where she really. Yeah. When she's like, okay, these guys aren't half bad. um ah But also you get some more of my favorite C-plot, which is Alan Tudyk keeps trying to... Or Paul Bettany keeps insulting Alan Tudyk, and Alan Tudyk keeps beating up Paul Bettany. It's very funny. i would ask Alan Tudyk is very violent in this movie. He's very violent in a very adorable, funny way. um
00:50:42
Speaker
But so So we get to the ball and Heath Ledger walks in with this gorgeous tunic that Full Monty boy has made him by hand because it's medieval times in the like blink of an eye.
00:50:56
Speaker
And he looks fabulous in it. um And he walks up and there's Shannon Sassamon, who is to the costumers credit wearing green, albeit lime green.
00:51:10
Speaker
Brightly lime green. There is no way. Even the nobility didn't have unlimited clothes at that point. Like, you know, it's probably the best that they could do. But like, this is a movie, man. at least it took better to match the shades. Like that bothered me so fucking much that it was just like, we had this whole scene about how she was supposed to match his tunic. And we have him describing the tunic in detail. Yeah.
00:51:36
Speaker
And they pick nothing close. Not even close. Were they colorblind? No offense to colorblind people, but like, were they colorblind? It would be hard to be a costume designer and be colorblind, I would imagine. um But not impossible. the um Yeah, so the point is, he has won the sword competition, but he lost the joust to Sir Adhemar, the Rufus Sewell's character. And he is like,
00:52:06
Speaker
He's like, fuck this. I'm not doing the sword anymore. um No more swords. He says, yeah, but you're best at the swords because it doesn't matter. It's the whole tournament or nothing. I'm going to do the joust only. And it reminded me just like season four of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
00:52:20
Speaker
Where Midge says that she's not doing opening acts anymore. She's headlining only. She's going to do what she wants. And that turns out to be a terrible idea. And it um ruins her career. ah for At least for... for Briefly. ah part of Briefly. And that's just one of many ways this show this movie is like The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I mean... um So... um Then we have ah Paul Bettany has lost all his clothes again, and we find out he is a um an inveterate gambler. He's gambled away his ah clothing.
00:52:59
Speaker
and We meet the partner and the summoner, which like, ha ha, those are more of the Canterbury's Canterbury tales. Yeah. That's, that's another fun fact. Yeah. They have, um, they need, they need the gold. So Heath Ledger tells them I'll win the, I'll win the the tournament and I'll get you the gold. And this is where Chaucer tells them, listen, I'm going to get back at you in fiction. I'm going to create Two of the the most repugnant characters of all time. And I'm going to name them after you. And that's the partner's tale. And he does.
00:53:32
Speaker
Which also we should say. the Knight's Tale. Which is supposedly what this is. Because at the end he's like i'm going to write this down. Has nothing to do with um with this really. it's The Knight's Tale is about two different knights. Competing for the love of a woman. But it's not about tournaments. It's not about jousts. I mean they're dueling to the death over her.
00:53:52
Speaker
Yeah, well, he's got to amp it up for for the audience. Well, no, they're no, actually, they're not doing to they're specifically not doing to the death. They're doing like fake army battle. Like it's been a long time since I've read the Canterbury Tales. Yeah, they're doing like fake army battles, but one of them dies like accidentally, even though they're not supposed to be fighting to the death is what happened. He like it. I don't know. It doesn't matter. yeah it doesn't It has nothing to do with this.
00:54:18
Speaker
Um, and yes. Oh, then we have a flashback to which is, the flashbacks are so cheesy. It's this little boy being like, can I be a knight one day, daddy? dad's like, you can be. He's like, you can be just us.
00:54:36
Speaker
You can change your fate. Um, And it's, it's just, there's something about the little boy and the father both. It's just, yeah it's, it's like from another movie. It's very cheesy. It's hard to take seriously. I mean, I will give you this. I mean, and Charlie made this point. So Charlie also thought this movie was too long. I was so excited. I thought Charlie was going to love this movie. I thought Charlie, this is right up Charlie's alley. I was like, we get, we get seventies rock.
00:55:05
Speaker
We get medieval jousting. Does Charlie like seventies rock? He loves 70s rock. He loves it. and the only thing i know ah but The only music I know that he loves is post-hardcore, as he calls it, or what we would call emo. Yeah.
00:55:17
Speaker
Yeah, no, he ah he loves 70s rock. um and he And so I was just like, he's going to love this movie. It's going to be great. It's fun. there's like It's British actors. He's going to eat this shit up. We get to the end. He goes, that was all right.
00:55:34
Speaker
It was a bit too long. ah You could have cut the whole thing with the dad. And I was like, and cut out the emotional heartbeat of this fucking film? That...
00:55:44
Speaker
that is the internal That is the internal conflict. Yeah, that'd be hard to cut. um I feel like we the flashbacks with the kid were were a lot, and I would i would have cut them, and we could have we could have built more on the scene between him and his dad later to replace that, but...
00:56:02
Speaker
You had to like get the fact that he loved his dad so much and the sacrifices that his dad made for him. Because his dad sells him off to a squire in France so that he can become a squire. So that he can change his stars.
00:56:15
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's... Um, so then, um, then we meet, ah Colville. So, um earlier in the film, this Colville guy comes up to him and like, they have a couple, break they break a couple of lances and he comes up and he's like, I'm finished, but I've never, uh, abandoned a fight before. Yeah. Uh, and, ah um, Heath Ledger's like, okay, I understand. And they all, they both just raise their lances. Yeah. Meaning the match, the match ends in a draw.
00:56:48
Speaker
ah But Ledger gets to advance and the other knight doesn't, but he doesn't lose any honor by forfeiting. Yes. So then in this next tournament, Colville is there and immediately Adhemar forfeits the match against him. And he's like, why has everyone doing this? And Chaucer runs off and finds out that it's not really Colville. It's really the Prince of England, the Prince of Wales. It is the heir to the throne of England.
00:57:14
Speaker
um Edward the Black, who is real prince, ah who died ah young and never got to become king. And he wants to, he wants to, to, to, to compete in the jousts, but everybody is going to forfeit against him because they don't, you don't want to injure the Prince of Wales. Yeah, exactly. That's, you're going to die.
00:57:35
Speaker
And so, um he fledger ignores them and decides to do it anyway, because he's like, he wants, he doesn't want me to forfeit. He wants to compete. And so he um, he competes, he, they, they joust against each other. They draw again.
00:57:51
Speaker
And he comes and says to him, you recognized me? he's like, oh, that makes you honorable or something like that. And he's like, good for you, buddy. And that's how that goes. he's like, you recognized me, but yeah, you still fought. And goes, well, I mean, won yourself in this tournament. But this causes him to win this tournament.
00:58:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:13
Speaker
Oh, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah Adam are forfeited. So he wins the tournament, but he didn't compete against Adam are. And so he's butthurt about it. And this is when he it becomes an asshole for 15 minutes of the movie.
00:58:27
Speaker
Where you're just like, come on, dude. ah And Sassaman is like, well, I see you at the thing. And he's like, you're a silly woman who only cares about wearing clothes.
00:58:38
Speaker
She's like, you are on a a a horse with a stick. What are you talking about? Silly. Like, yeah, don't be ridiculous. And this is when Alan Tudyk says, hello, it's called a Lamps. Hello. Yep.
00:58:53
Speaker
Um, and they, then we have like a montage where yeah the Prince of Wales calls Adam are to the war, um, which I guess is the, oh boy. I think it's the hundred years. It's the hundred years war. Um, one of those. Yeah.
00:59:13
Speaker
And, um,
00:59:16
Speaker
They are, um so he's called it taken to the front so he can't um compete in a bunch of tournaments. and so Yeah, but he's doing homework while he's at the front. He's trying to figure out, he's like, is this night really a night? I bet he's lying.
00:59:34
Speaker
um No, no, he's not, not yet. He doesn't do any that. Those papers that he's looking at are are tournament receipts, like who won the tournament. finds out. Oh, thought he was doing research about the lineage. Okay. Those are bills stating who won the tournaments.
00:59:50
Speaker
um And it's like ulri Ulrich, Ulrich, Ulrich. Ulrich is winning every tournament and that pisses him off because the only thing he cares about is winning tournaments, I guess. And fucking Ulrich. Yes, exactly.
01:00:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So um then we go to Paris. And so and um saw the sauce is mad at Heath Ledger now and has not been coming to the tournaments either because he was an asshole to her. Yeah. And he's starting to feel bad about it.
01:00:19
Speaker
Yeah. And he's – so he writes her letter they crowdource a letter. a letter. Yeah, it's really cute. everybody. Like, in part, something like Kate's like, oh, my late husband used to say this. And then, like, Alan Tudyk's like, oh, there's this girl that i that I loved and we said this. And they add all this stuff to the letter to woo her.
01:00:36
Speaker
Yeah. And –
01:00:40
Speaker
ah He sends a letter to her and she forgives him. yeah And they, she says that she'll meet him at the tournament in Paris and they go to Paris and they bet a lot of money that he is going to, he can't lose to a French person. That's the bet that they make. Like an English person can't win the tournament in France is what these French people want to bet. And they're like, fine, he'll, he'll win. And then he meets ah Shannon Sossamon.
01:01:11
Speaker
And she's like, if you really love me, if you want to prove that you love me, if you want to say that you're sorry, you're going to lose this match. And he goes, what? But why? and she goes, you're going to lose this match. You're going to lose every single tournament. And he goes, all right. And so then he starts losing. And they're like, what are you doing? And he's like, I've told her that I'd lose for her. And so like at the halfway mark or like at the like,
01:01:35
Speaker
you know, i don't know what you call the fourth quarter and jousting. um She goes up. point where he can still win. Yeah. yeah The point where he can still win. um The lady's mate comes up and she goes, my lady says she's noticed your efforts. And she says, if you truly love her and you want to win her heart, you will win all these matches. And he's like, well, come on. Yeah.
01:02:00
Speaker
for fuck's sake um also this is a bit in the tavern and this is going to be a fun fact for very few people yeah um but uh they're singing um they're singing a song which i assume it's got to be a melody for a lot of football songs um where they're like he's blunt he's tan he comes from galderland which is the same as he's there he's ah it's every fucking way a roy kent from ted lasso yeah that's how i know it Yeah, yeah it's it's a it's a footballer's chant. Yeah. And then it turns into the Stars and Stripes Forever as the song keeps going, which is like... Luchtenstein, Luchtenstein, Luchtenstein. Yeah, that's the Stars and Stripes Forever, which the Stars and Stripes Forever is a very specific thing. So do you know about this? There's a... The the Stars and Stripes Forever, if you're at a...
01:02:50
Speaker
um A live event, like a sporting event or um or a play or um or a circus or something. And the band starts playing the Stars and Stripes Forever. That is the key the cue to the backstage people to get out.
01:03:05
Speaker
Oh, problem I've heard about this. yeah Yeah. There's some sort of problem. Like there's a fire or like there's something happening to where like you need to like duck and run. You don't want to panic the audience into a stampede, but she but you want everyone who works there to know that there is an emergency and we're about to like stampede the audience out of here. The band starts playing or or you put turn on the sound system at this point, stars and stripes forever. That is the the cue for, for that. Yeah. yes Yeah. Yeah. just thought it was interesting because this is about like a sports arena. Yeah.
01:03:38
Speaker
Yeah. That is very fascinating. And that is something that I completely forgot. I had also had a fun fact in the back of my brain. um But yeah. So then, so then he wins the tournaments and he wins and nobody loses any money and hooray. Yeah.
01:03:57
Speaker
Then what happens? actually am forgetting. And then they fuck. Oh, yeah. And then they fuck. And then they bang. She she goes to his tent and Geoffrey Chaucer's watching and is like, bed him well, my lady. Bed him What the fuck?
01:04:11
Speaker
Right? And she's just like, hey. It's weird, Geoffrey Chaucer. And then they And she goes, and I am your prize. And I said, heavens. Right? It's like in the new, have you watched the new season of Bridgerton?
01:04:26
Speaker
I watched any season of Bridgerton. Oh, okay. Well then this won't be a spoiler. ah Well, spoiler for any anyone that listens, but there's a scene with um the mom where she's having her, um her first love scene post her husband being dead for like 30 years. And um she invites this guy over for tea and she's in this gorgeous little lingerie number. And he walks in, he was like, I was told I'd be here for tea. And she goes, Yes, and I am the tea. Oh. That's you who been drinking. Exactly. Jesus.
01:05:00
Speaker
um ah And um yeah, so he's all fucked up also. He's got like broken ribs and he's all bruised. Yeah, he's kept losing all of these freaking matches. Gotta be one of the most painful ah first times to have sex of all time. Well, she's obviously on top.
01:05:16
Speaker
Well, like obviously, yeah. Oh, dear. The man across the courtyard well, I don't think he's naked, but he's mostly naked. Oh, dear. um Just looked up and saw in the window across a 75-year-old, mostly naked man. you guys make eye contact?
01:05:35
Speaker
No, no, no. I don't think he saw me. I'm in the dark. His light's on. Okay. That's not weird. Nobody, it's the thing. It's like nobody closes their blinds. Like I don't, like I walk around naked in here and just assume nobody's paying any attention. um They've, ah so yeah. So then it's off to England and they get to England and they're like, when iss last time you were here? And it's like years and years and years. And then we have the second flashback.
01:06:00
Speaker
Yeah, where we learn that the last time that Ulrich, or whatever Heath Ledger's actual name is, was in England. was William. The last time William was in England was when his dad sold him off so that he could become a squire, so that he might change his stars.
01:06:18
Speaker
um Which I thought was a very sweet scene, and Charlie thought was dumb. It is sweet except for a couple of lines in there where he's like, but I'm afraid. How will I get home? and he's like, follow your feet. like and that's As he's going away on a boat.
01:06:35
Speaker
Yeah, the kid is the problem. The kid is the problem with those scenes, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said flashbacks pretty cringe. And it plays the boys are back in town when they hit like, hell yeah. It's so good. The ball is a fact of care. Also, the song they dance to is Golden Years, which you gotta love that, too. Oh, yeah. The ball song is fun.
01:06:59
Speaker
That's very, very fun. Atamar is back. And we there's also this line where it's like, oh, yeah, he was, like, burning churches and killing a bunch of civilians and women when it was at war. it's like He like sucked.
01:07:13
Speaker
So evil. Yeah. They made him even worse with stuff we don't see on camera. There's no reason for that. play Exactly. um it's like It is like a sports movie where it's like, yeah I hear the other team is just eating babies over there.
01:07:32
Speaker
Jesus Christ. Anonymously evil other team. Right? Jesus. Well, I guess gotta go fight him now. Yeah. The Iceland team is fucked up, man. um So he is there. They're at the tournament and he goes to visit Cheapside, ah the neighborhood that he is um that he's from. And it's pouring down rain and he meets a little girl. yeah And she tells him that his father is still alive, but blind. And so he goes to see his father and they have this very touching scene and his father is making fishing nets. um
01:08:11
Speaker
And ah his roof is leaking. And he's like, you're a Thatcher. Like, how is your roof leaking? He's like, I can't go on the roof. I'm fucking blind. I'm a blind Thatcher. What use would that be? Then I'd be dead, you dumb fuck.
01:08:23
Speaker
So he goes up on the roof to repair his father's roof. And this is when Atomar sees him and finds out who he is and asks around the neighborhood to find out who he is, that he's William Thatcher.
Revelations and Climax
01:08:35
Speaker
Yeah. um And then they're like, hey, they're going to arrest you. Like you're, you know. You're found out. Oh yeah. And it should be said that like, went before he and Chan Sassaman started banging, he was like, I'm not who you think I am. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just a poor man from cheap side. And she goes, don't care.
01:08:57
Speaker
He doesn't tell her that when they when they bang. he She says, is it true that they call you William? And he is like, yes. And he's she's like, I don't care what your name is. She doesn't find out that he's poor and from cheap side until here.
01:09:08
Speaker
Oh, I thought that like that was like a much like more. Oh, that makes it even worse. Yeah. Yeah. Because when she finds out there, she's like, okay, well, you go run. I'll find you. Bye.
01:09:22
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't care at all. um jesus Yeah. It's absolutely not. Him being, him being um ah not being noble matters to no one except Atomar. Yeah.
01:09:35
Speaker
Um, and, uh, so they're like, yeah, you're going have to run. Like you're a bitch too bad. Like you're, you're smoked too hard. Like they'll, they'll kill you. We love you, but like you're yeah fucked. And he's like, I'm not going to run. And they're like, no, seriously, dude, you should run. And he's like, Kate, do you think I should?
01:09:51
Speaker
He's like, Kate, do you think I should run? And she's like, uh, yeah, you need to run. And he's like, what is, what is Alan Tudyk's name? Like hat or something. He's got a dumb name. Yeah. Yeah, something stupid. He's got a name that's not a name. And he's like, do you think I should run? And he's like, yeah, bro, you gotta run. And he's like, Mark Addy, do you think I should run? And he's like, yes, everyone thinks you should run. Everyone thinks you should run I'm not gonna run. I was like, well we spent three minutes on this scene.
01:10:18
Speaker
Alan Tudyk's name is Watt. Watt. Hat is pretty close. I was two thirds of the way, right? yeah that's That's pretty close. I'll give you that. Yeah. um and And so they arrest him and they put him in the stocks and everybody's up there defending him from people like throwing stuff at him. and not that is when Prince Edward shows up and he's like, I know that you're an honorable honorable person because of the way that you treated me in the tournament. And therefore I'm going to knight you, Sir William Thatcher. now get to the tournament and go win. And it's like, man, Deus Ex Principia. Right?
01:10:57
Speaker
um ah but um Also, I don't know if you noticed, but in the establishing shot of London, there is a a model of a wooden London eye, which I thought was hilarious. I didn't actually notice that. now and It's still pretty cute. yeah Fucking love it. That's adorable. um ah So, um yes.
01:11:19
Speaker
i He's so annoying. um Everyone tells him to run. and i but no I've got honor. And then we see a da um Adamar has a sharpened lance because he's evil, you see. you He's like, we have to make him even more evil. So he has yeah not only sharpened his lance, he has sharpened his lance and then disguised it, had had some lady disguise it with like sponge sugar and glue yeah so that it looks like a normal lance. so that Because his lance also is like a weird fist.
01:11:52
Speaker
So it looks like he's punching you. Because also we have to really drive in the fact that he's evil. um Right. yeah And he does this. Which is illegal. Like lances have to be blunted. Yeah. yeah You can't just kill someone. He's breaking the rules. yeah Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. It's not ancient Rome. Christ.
01:12:12
Speaker
he So he stabs him. Yeah. Essentially. um So he stabs him and then he fucks up his arm and that he can't carry the lance. Like his the next round he drops the lance. He gets hit again. He's losing. He has one more shot. The only way to win is to unhorse Atomar, which as we know, Atomar has said he's never been unhorsed before.
01:12:33
Speaker
Yeah. And so he he takes off all his armor. Yep. Because he's like, I gotta to take this off. This is in the And they're like, you're insane. What the fuck? My dude. And he's like,
01:12:47
Speaker
tie the lance to my arm so I can hold it up. And they're like, this is crazy, man. And they do it. And when he does the lance, he screams his own name like a Pokemon.
01:13:00
Speaker
It's like slow-mo and he's like, William! like what do you doing man i didn't even put two and two together it's very dramatic but it's very pretty silly yeah um jesus christ man and he and he unhorses them and here there's this very strange shot which i think is a it's a fantasy of or it's a hallucination by adamar Where he's on his back, which is what um William had told him repeatedly. It's like, the next time I see you, you're going on your back at the tournament.
01:13:32
Speaker
He's on his back, but he's very clearly on a platform. Yep. Like, as the shot is down on him, you see he's, like, at least a foot off the ground. And I don't understand why.
01:13:43
Speaker
it was a very weird shot. And then they had to get the... Because they also then got the, like, opposite shot of, like, everyone popping in, which, like, looks really cool. But, like... Yeah, it does. What...
01:13:55
Speaker
um he It had to have been some some like some way the way they had to shoot it or something. he's yeah But it's not disguised at all. It's very clear that he's not on the ground. Yes. um And maybe he's supposed to be floating because it's not real. I don't know. Anyway.
01:14:09
Speaker
He gets on horse and then we never see him again because Heath Ledger runs on or Shannon Sassamon runs onto the field. They make out hard, hard, hard making out.
01:14:22
Speaker
And then we're we're credits. Yeah, it is over. Like we are yeah out after two hours and 12 minutes. It is a hard out. Yeah. I mean, hey, what a way to get out of there.
01:14:35
Speaker
And then there's a post-credits scene where they're all farting. yeah um oh I missed that. Did you see this? No, I didn't see that. It's all the way at the end of the credits, and it's um it's the the it's Kate and Mark Addy and Jeffrey Chaucer and um ah Alan Tudyk farting, having like a farting contest. That's it.
01:14:57
Speaker
So dumb. So, so dumb. I mean, we had to have one little joke in there. Like you do. And ah that's a knight's tale. Or as you yeah may call it on this podcast, a knight's tale.
01:15:09
Speaker
A knight's tale. Yeah. yeah Any other thoughts, feelings, opinions?
Ending and Podcast Conclusion
01:15:13
Speaker
um ah No, I think that's pretty much it. Yeah, um um it's great film. Yeah, I've seen this movie a million times. Yeah, yeah. um Love this movie. it's It's super fun. I don't mean to... to Any of my my criticisms don't take away any joy for it for me. um it's ah It's a great time. It's super fun. yeah I don't know why it has a 58 on Rotten Tomatoes. That's stupid.
01:15:36
Speaker
Everybody loves it. Yeah. It's a great need to pull more... girls who were teenagers in 2001. Exactly. And go on Rotten Tomatoes and, or as William would call it, Rotten Tomatoes.
01:15:55
Speaker
Okay. Yep. Yep. Anyways, Katie, what are we doing next week? Next week, we are doing Austin Land. Oh!
01:16:06
Speaker
i've wanted to see Have you seen this? no I've never seen it. never seen it? Okay. It's fun. Yeah. I've been we're cute. Carrie w Russell. Yeah. Yeah. It's cute. Fantastic. Well, shall we outro then?
01:16:18
Speaker
Let us outro. Outro. If only i had had the forethought to translate this into Chaucer's English.
01:16:30
Speaker
To make it more on me. turn to tool for drissing into her to go get your girl. ah shop Every time. Listen, when i think I've told this story on the podcast before, but in AP English in high school, we had to memorize the ah prologue to the Canterbury Tales in Middle English. And it sounds just like that. It sounds like the Swedish chef. I don't know why. And maybe, you know, it's possible that we weren't 100% accurate in high school doing this, but that's how I remember it.
01:17:03
Speaker
It's very possible. Anyways. yeah Thank you for that. Dr. Hall. Take She was on Jeopardy.
01:17:15
Speaker
she was on Jeopardy, my AP English teacher. And um I think that she, she won one game and then lost the next time, but she showed us the tape of her on Jeopardy, which like, what an ego trip for a t high school teacher to show her students.
01:17:31
Speaker
That's, that's a choice. She was knew not my favorite. Yeah. Thank you for listening to Go Get Your Girl. If you like us, tell your friends and please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It helps out a lot and we would really appreciate it.
01:17:48
Speaker
Thanks to Andrew Milliken and Nick Savota for our theme music and Elena Henderson for our artwork. You can follow us on Instagram at GoGetYourGirlPod or email us at GoGetYourGirlPod at gmail.com. You can follow me and only me on social media at emilympizza.com.
01:18:04
Speaker
And not me. And not you. And not Katie. Because Katie is sane. Until next time. Excuse the thing. I was thinking the whole time about, I was trying to remember. um So i I didn't like Dr. Hall very much. and i want but she But she taught AP English. And Dr. Champney. didn't teach AP English. So she taught um like regular like honors English. And so I dropped, a like a lot of people dropped AP English after the first semester and took um the regular English with, or regular honors English with with Dr. Champney the second half of the semester. um because she was just so much better. And I just wanted to, because I shouted out Dr. Hall, who I didn't like. I wanted to shout out Dr. Champney. And the whole time I've been trying to think of Dr. Champney's first name, oh and I can't remember it. So that's what I was doing instead of paying attention to the script. Until next time, we're just two girls standing in front of the internet asking it to love us.
01:19:10
Speaker
There were a lot of PhDs in my high school. Yeah.
01:19:19
Speaker
I don't know why. I guess because they get paid more. a lot of people would go and get it so they could get paid more. But yeah, disproportionate number of PhDs teaching at my Eastern Tennessee high school.
01:19:32
Speaker
I had zero PhDs teaching me English.