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A Righteous Man - Family Series
93 Plays2 years ago
Welcome back to another episode of the Grove Hill Church podcast. Today, we are diving into a powerful topic as part of our Family Series: "A Righteous Man." In this episode, we will explore the key aspects of being a righteous man and how it impacts not just our families, but also our community and culture. We begin by examining the scripture that reminds us of the husband's role as the leader and head of the home. It is a call to action for men to submit their will to the Father in order to guide, love, and free their wives to be who they were created to be by God. Our speaker provides trustworthy words from the Word itself, encouraging listeners to unravel the mess caused by their unwillingness to embrace their true calling as men.Throughout this episode, we will address various aspects of being a righteous man, including the importance of repentance, justification, and redemption in approaching God. We will also delve into the holy command of Ephesians chapter five, emphasizing that it is more than mere suggestions for a happy marriage, but a divine directive from our Creator.
Episode Timestamps:
00:00:49 Church reclaiming culture sets revival in motion.
00:05:39 Loving our wives, families, and God properly.
00:10:20 Understanding the impact of marriage on change.
00:11:33 Jesus obeyed God's command, sacrificing for humanity. Love should come at a personal cost.
00:15:35 Husbands love wives to develop their potential.
00:19:50 Invest time in her, prioritize relationships.
00:23:10 Teachers can teach, but not contradict values.
00:25:44 Discipline enforced to curb foolishness in childhood.
00:28:25 Show consistent love, encourage growth through conversation.
00:31:35 Responsibility, plan, lead, support, create space
00:37:19 Taking control of finances is important. (7 words)
00:40:38 Public education no longer teaches important skills.
00:42:28 Federal government molds children's thinking through education. Real education teaches critical thinking, independence. No trust in corrupt government's influence.
00:45:58 Guide, love, submit, unravel, change, culture.
00:48:33 Encourage and pray for those in need.
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Transcript
Introduction and Lincoln's Philosophy
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, I'm glad you are here this morning and thankful that you're worshiping with us today. I want to start by doing something just a little bit different as part of our prayer time. President Lincoln once said the philosophy of the schoolhouse in one generation becomes the philosophy of the government in the next generation.
00:00:17
Speaker
In other words, what you tolerate now eventually becomes accepted practice as part of the culture. I would take that one step further back. I believe that what is the philosophy of the church in one generation becomes the philosophy of the education in the next generation.
Church Influence on Culture
00:00:32
Speaker
In other words, when the church has done what has done for, I would argue, decades by abdicating the culture and allowing the culture to be dictated by somebody else,
00:00:41
Speaker
Then the education has come in and taken that and has run with that culture and has turned the culture against Christ and turned it into a secular America that we live in. So the first step in getting what we desire as far as seeing revival in our country and revival in our families comes with the church reclaiming the culture.
Men's Role in Christian Culture
00:00:59
Speaker
We have to set the standard by which the culture is done. What does that look like? Well, it comes by practically living out the Bible moment by moment, day by day, and what we do.
00:01:10
Speaker
and that starts with men. No disrespect to any of you ladies. You're fantastic. You're in fact, I would argue that America may be as good as it is because the women have hung in there and done their job. But guys, if the army of Jesus Christ is ever going to be what it needs to recapture the culture in our country, it's going to start with you stepping into your role as Godly, righteous, holy men of God, not only leading your families,
00:01:36
Speaker
but putting your foot down and standing against the culture and saying, we're not going to take this anymore. I'm going to be a lot about that this morning, but here's where I want to start our prayer time. I'm just going to be real clear with you. I did this eight o'clock service. Nobody's going to single anybody out for not doing certain things or doing things a different way. But right now I'm just going to challenge men who are ready just to stand wherever they are. Let me tell you why.
00:02:02
Speaker
because true disciples of God stand and say, I will obey before they ever hear what God has to say to them. In other words, they don't wait to hear what the word from God is. They say whatever that word is, I will obey. No questions asked. So I'm just asking you to stand right where you are. If you would be that man. And then I'm going to ask that the people around you, whether it's your wife, your, your children, a friend, whoever it is,
00:02:28
Speaker
If they would just put the arm gently on your back, your shoulder, grab you by the hand or whatever, and then we're going to pray for you guys right now as we continue. I'll make sure everybody's covered. Phil, come over here, brother. Can't stand over there by yourself. I didn't put him in the corner, by the way. All right, let me pray for you.
00:02:59
Speaker
Father,
Submission in Relationships
00:03:00
Speaker
we're in the mess we're in because we've forgotten you. Maybe even worse, we have intentionally set you aside believing that we have control of our lives and we have control of where we're going with our lives. But it's exactly for that reason that we are in the mess we're in because we have removed you from our
00:03:25
Speaker
Our vision, we have removed you from our planning. We have removed you from our dreams and our goals. We've removed you from our everyday life and somehow thought that would turn out okay for us and our families. Father, I thank you for these men who stand right now.
00:03:43
Speaker
I pray that they didn't feel pressured to stand just because somebody next to them stood or because the pastor asked them to. I pray that they're standing right now in a full sign and show of commitment that they will choose to obey whatever the Lord commands, whatever the Lord commands.
00:04:01
Speaker
I believe there's something new and different you want to do for our nation. There's something new and different you want to do in our world I believe that Ephesians 3 20 is true So I'm gonna claim it over these guys that you will do exceedingly Abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine if we will just place our trust in you. I Pray that these men would walk out of here today different men because of having been here this morning
00:04:27
Speaker
that our families would be different in this community because of a group of men who have committed themselves to obedience and that this nation would be turned back to the God who blessed us from the very beginning. Father, help us to be salt and light, starting right where you've put us, right in our own sphere of influence, Lord. Thank you for Jesus and the cross. It's in his name we pray. Amen.
00:04:55
Speaker
So Ephesians chapter five, I wanna start first of all by saying I'm proud of you. I warned you I was preaching to the man and you still showed up. So that's good.
00:05:05
Speaker
Ephesians 5 21 last week or two weeks ago We started this series and we started with this conversation about submission how every relationship that Christians have is based on submission of some kind Submitting our desires and on behalf of the person that is in our relationship with us whether that's a spouse or children or just other family members maybe friends that God put in our sphere of influence and
00:05:30
Speaker
But God has given us the ability to have these relationships based on our willingness to submit to one another. And so that's where we're going to start today, the conversation. We're going to unpack a few things in this verse. I want to talk specifically about some ways that we can love our wives and our families, and then talk a little bit also about some of the objectives I think God has for righteous men today in this culture.
00:05:50
Speaker
So, Ephesians 5, verse 21, it says, and further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now that word reverence, if you remember, we talked about it last week and the week before, the Greek word reverence there is the word that we get phobia from, okay? Like a fear. Not a fear like you're scared of Jesus Christ, but that there is awe and wonder at who Christ Jesus is. Can I submit to you that part of the issue for most of us in the church today is we've gotten too comfortable with the idea of Jesus?
00:06:20
Speaker
We've gotten too comfortable with the idea of God's holiness. We sing songs about God is our friend and how God loves us and all that kind of stuff. And that's true. But we emphasize that so much the feel like that we can just walk up to God and his holy presence, bringing all of our sin and not expect that there be some kind of requirement for repentance, some kind of justification, some kind of penalty paid or redemption required.
Biblical Commands in Marriage
00:06:50
Speaker
In other words, we don't have the right to approach God on our own goodness. We approach God because of Christ's goodness in us. And so when we lose that reverence, that holiness, that set-apartness of God, when we forget how holy He is, then we become so comfortable with Him that when He calls us to something, we take it as a suggestion rather than a command.
00:07:13
Speaker
And so when we're reading Ephesians chapter 5 here today, I want to remind you that this is the holy inspired word of God being written by Paul the Apostle. It's no less of a command than if Jesus himself had said it. It's not suggestions that Paul's making to us. This isn't how to have a happy marriage in three easy steps. This isn't how to fix your wife or how to fix your family in four easy steps. It is instead the commands of God that says this is how a righteous man will live.
00:07:41
Speaker
So follow these commands. So let's keep reading Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
00:08:03
Speaker
For husbands, this means love your wives just as Christ loved the church. Read that last phrase with me. Just as Christ loved the church. Guys, that is a high mark. It is a different kind of love and I would argue is very, very different from anything that the culture calls love.
00:08:24
Speaker
If you've been around here any length of time, you know we talk about the Greek, the original Greek that this was all written in. Greek had an incredibly precise, eloquent language. It had better words for things that are better than our English forms of those words. Love is one of those examples.
00:08:40
Speaker
The Greek words for love, there are several of them, but the three that we talk about primarily are eros, which is a physical kind of love, almost like a sexual kind of love. There is the phileo, which is a brotherly kind of love, which is, I love you because you love me kind of love. And then there is what we call the agape love. It is the love that is most closely assimilated or affiliated, excuse me, with God himself. It is God who does agape love. But hear this.
00:09:09
Speaker
Agape love is not limited to God. It is expected of believers of Jesus Christ. And the only way that you and I can agape love somebody is by the power of Jesus Christ being lived out in us and through us.
Understanding Agape Love
00:09:26
Speaker
He says for husbands, this means agape, your wives, just as Christ loved the church.
00:09:35
Speaker
And as I said, that's a very high mark and it's why I feel like I am disqualified to preach this sermon this morning. I love my wife very dearly, but I'm not to the level of agape love yet. I've got to grow. I've got to be more of a man that is pursuing righteousness. I've got to pursue the holiness of God without compromise. I want to be this kind of husband for my wife because she deserves it and Christ commands it.
00:10:05
Speaker
and I hope that's what you feel this morning. Here's a definition of agape I saw in part of my studies. It says, choosing to give another person what they need the most when they deserve it the least at great personal cost.
00:10:20
Speaker
Let me just read that to you again because I want you to understand that we're going to pull it apart just a second. It says, choosing to give another person. Let me remind you that the woman you call wife is the woman you chose to spend your life with. Who she is now is in part because of who you are in her life. She's a different woman than you married yesterday, but the question is, is she better or worse because she's married to you?
00:10:44
Speaker
That's a hard question for us to answer, guys, but it's one that's necessary that we answer because our wives will change just like we will change because of relationships that we are in. But it says in that definition to give another person, that person you made vows before God to love, cherish, honor, and respect the person that you're married to. It is your choice.
00:11:08
Speaker
It goes on. It says, give another person what they need the most when they deserve it the least. Some of us have said, maybe have thought it in our heads, but we have said, oh, she can't earn that kind of love. No. Did you earn the love of the cross?
00:11:27
Speaker
She's not good enough for that kind of love. If only she were this kind of person, I would love her that way. What if Jesus Christ had sat in heaven when God commanded him to come and just simply said, they can't possibly earn this. They don't
Husbands' Responsibilities
00:11:40
Speaker
deserve this. They're not worthy of this, so I won't die for them.
00:11:44
Speaker
That's why it's so important we hear the words where Paul commands, Christ commands through Paul to us. Agape your wives just as Christ loved the church. And then it goes on to say, at great personal cost. If your relationship with your wife is not costing you anything, I'd question whether you love her at all. And that's hard to hear.
00:12:08
Speaker
Because we all like to think we love our wives the way they deserve. We like to think that we're good lovers of the one that's in our life. But the question is, is it caution you anything because you can't really say you love something if it doesn't cost you something? Just ask Jesus. Verse 26. To make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of the Word.
00:12:35
Speaker
What does that word holy mean? It means simply to be set apart as something special and unique. When we talk about the holiness of God, we acknowledge him as being the one true God separate from every other existence there is. Holiness is a goal we should have for ourselves. Here it says we can make her holy and clean. What is he saying? He's saying set apart your wife as something totally unique from everything else in your life.
00:13:02
Speaker
I said this, and I think in the 11 o'clock service last week, didn't say it in the others. When we call our wife and our culture our best friend, we like to think that's a sweet thing. We like to call it an accomplishment. I would argue that it is a demotion for our wife. You see, being a wife is the highest, most incredible relationship you have as a man in your life. To call her your friend is to put her on the same level as everybody else who's a friend in your life.
00:13:27
Speaker
But to elevate her into that role as wife is to put her in a special, unique, and holy place. And it goes on to say, washed by the cleansing of God's Word. That word there, the literal Greek word for word, is not the normal word that she's there. Logos, which you've heard so many times, it's a different word than the Greek that she used for the word word, which is hard to say. It is ramah.
00:13:51
Speaker
which is the spoken word. So what Paul is telling us that in our words we can build our wives up to the place where they are holy and unique in a relationship with us. We can elevate our wives to where God wants them to be. We can free them up to be what God created them to be. We can give them the confidence to believe they can do whatever Christ compelled them to do. All of that happens by us speaking words of affirmation and encouragement into their life.
00:14:21
Speaker
Godly husband can give life to the soul of his wife through affirmation in ways that nobody else can and in some translations when you get to this next verse it says he presented her to himself as a Glorious church some translations talk about the word splendor here. What they're saying is this most women have some kind of hurt or rejection in their life and
00:14:43
Speaker
If I were allowed to take the microphone and go around and let you share, ladies, many of you might talk about past hurts from broken friendships, broken past marriages, broken relationships, maybe authority figures who let you down. Most women, because they are delicate creatures by nature, have some kind of scars on their heart.
00:15:05
Speaker
So to order to get women back to that place of splendor or brilliance, or in this case in verse 27 called glorious to get them to that place. A man has to use words to encourage and bring out the brilliance in the radiance of their life, much like a diamond that's being polished. Guys, that's an extreme responsibility. It is an extreme responsibility for you to have that kind of power and influence in the wife of the woman you are married to.
00:15:35
Speaker
Let me continue the verses the rest of the way through. It says, in the same way husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it just as Christ cares for the church. To make her holy and clean washed by the cleansing of the word. That's an important reminder there of the power of our words and the lives of people and the lives of our wives.
00:16:02
Speaker
So a husband is challenged by Paul with intentionally developing and maintaining the wife's ability to become all that God created her to be. He is given that responsibility on multiple levels. All of us, every individual, has multiple layers to their life, right?
00:16:18
Speaker
So here's five layers that I would submit to you that we have to deal with this on. The spiritual, the mental, the physical, the emotional, and the social. Your wife as a well-rounded creature, a well-rounded human being experiences life on all five of these different levels. So spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially, you are given the challenge of connecting with her in intimate ways that nobody else can and encouraging her to grow in all these areas.
00:16:47
Speaker
Now guys, we have a problem with this and here's the reason we have a problem with this. We're out of touch with our own emotions, right? Walk up to a guy at work tomorrow and go, tell me about your feelings. Watch what happens. Look your best friend in the eye and say, how does this make you feel? And you're probably going to get hungry or something like that.
00:17:13
Speaker
You get about 50 guys in here once a month and we're having fellowship together and we'll talk about everything in the world except for our feelings. Why? Because men don't connect well with their feelings. We're not emotional creatures, which is why what we're talking about requires greater intentionality than most men are willing to spend on their wives. But if you're going to have a healthy marriage, you have to be able to listen and really hear what's going on in the heart of your spouse.
Marriage as a Path to Holiness
00:17:43
Speaker
Now our instinct when we hear a problem is to what? Fix it, solve it. Yeah. My wife sits me down in the couch says I need to talk to you and already in my head, I'm going here's four easy steps to take care of that. And if you give me a little bit of time, I can get it down to three. I mean, that's my mentality. I want to fix the problem for her. Part of that is normal. It's natural. It is the protector in us, which is one of the responsibilities we are given as men.
00:18:07
Speaker
But most of the inner stuff, most of the things that are in our heart guys and in hers cannot be fixed overnight because it didn't get that way overnight. That hurt that she feels didn't happen just yesterday. It's built up over time.
00:18:24
Speaker
And so I would suggest to you as you are thinking through what we're talking about today, these commands from Paul, as you're thinking about what it means to be a righteous man, don't go home this afternoon and try to instantly reclaim every role that you've abdicated in your life. Because it'd be like trying to turn the Titanic ship right side up immediately. It's going to be a heavy, heavy load.
00:18:48
Speaker
So what you do is you begin to go home and you have conversations with your spouse and you talk to her about this is where I feel like I need to grow. Here's where I need help from you and trying to be the man that God has created me to be. Here's how you help me to become more righteous. And after all, as we have said over and over again, marriage isn't about your happiness. It's about your holiness. It's about encouraging each other to be more like Christ Jesus.
00:19:13
Speaker
So I want to talk to you about three ways that we can love our wives. And we get this from the perfect example of Jesus Christ and the way that he loves his church. Number one, we love sacrificially. We love sacrificially. The love that Christ has for the church has cost him something. Ours for our wife should cost us as well. It's demonstrated most often by our preferences.
00:19:41
Speaker
When you choose her over other loves that you have in your life, you say to her, you have value to me. You mean something to me. You invest time in her. It says that you are worth my giving of my time because everybody knows how precious time is. Taking her on a weekly or a monthly date and having a set time that's protected in order to make sure that she knows that she has that value in your life.
00:20:08
Speaker
undistracted conversations, not can we talk during the commercial break? Can we talk when I finish what I'm doing? Can we talk later on guys, we've been helped by technology I do is get the pause button on the ball game, go take a 30 minute walk with your wife and come back because then you get to miss all the commercials anyway, right? Does it right through it? That was a helpful tip for me.
00:20:33
Speaker
Listen, there's nothing wrong with guys hanging out with their buddies. I'm not suggesting you can't have an occasional golf game with your friends or go watch a movie with your buddies or whatever it is you like to do. But I would suggest that you be very careful in the way you monitor the use of your time because if you spend more time in a deer stand than you do talking to your wife, you've got big priority problems.
Father's Role in Child Education
00:20:58
Speaker
You choose her, it sends a strong message of what kind of love you really have for her.
00:21:02
Speaker
Is it a love of convenience? Is it a love just built on filet kind of love? If you give this, I'll give that. That transactional love that we've been warning you about. Another sacrifice that we have as men is this. We have to sacrifice the possibility of rejection from both her and from the kids because you have to be the one who's in charge.
00:21:25
Speaker
Now, here's where we get on some sticky ground, guys, because many of us, many of us as leaders have stepped back from our role of leading because we're scared of the reaction we're going to get at home. And sometimes it's easier just to walk away from that responsibility instead of being the man that you're supposed to be in your home.
00:21:44
Speaker
It's not always popular to enforce the rules. It's not always popular to be the one that has to draw the guidelines around the family to protect the family. But guys, you have to take responsibility for this. The war on your family, the war for your family's life is going on every single day, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You don't get to take a break just because you're a little tired. Satan won't stop.
00:22:10
Speaker
He is coming after you, he's coming after your family, he's coming after your kids, and it doesn't get changed by accident. It's changed by the intentionality of how you take your role as a leader. Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about. There are teachers in this room who probably can confirm this. You get a phone call tomorrow. Teacher calls from the classroom and says, Johnny's being terrible. First of all, don't start the conversation by going, my little Johnny would never do that. If she says he's terrible, he's terrible, okay?
00:22:40
Speaker
You go have a conversation with that teacher. You enforce what that teacher has said. You draw the boundaries around where your child should be behaving. You have conversations with her. But that conversation should not be the first conversation that a dad has with a teacher. This day and age, if it were me and I had children in the public schools, I would first week of school ask to have a conversation with the principal and the teachers responsible for my kids. I would sit down with them and say, I am the father, you are not.
00:23:10
Speaker
You're given permission to teach my child what it means to add, to read, to multiply, to do science, but you don't ever tell my kid to contradict my values for my family. And you don't have permission to tell my son something at school and then tell him not to tell me when he gets home. That's literally going on in our public schools today. Teachers, principals telling kids, don't go home and tell mom and dad what we've talked about.
00:23:36
Speaker
And it's because we have abdicated our role, abdicated our role as the head of our homes, the protector of our families. We've allowed that to happen. Teachers confirmed this for me. You called them and say, hey, we're having problems with the kid 99% of the time. It's the mother that shows up, isn't it? You know what that says? Mommy's in charge. Mommy's the one that's setting the rules.
00:23:59
Speaker
Now, I'm not sitting here to say that there's not any situation where the mom shouldn't. And Lord knows, if it hadn't been for classroom moms, most of us would have never made it through elementary school, right? But what I'm saying is, guys, you have to be actively, intentionally involved in the lives of your kids. Let me give you another example. I know this from personal experience. I've coached in high school. I've coached a volunteer for years since. Coach Little League around here. Dads, do not walk up to a coach and tell them why your son is right and he is wrong.
00:24:30
Speaker
Because instantly what you do is you take away all authority of the coach in that kid's life. And what you do is you teach that kid that he has more common sense and wisdom than the elder he's supposed to be respecting. Go to that baseball coach, you want to have a conversation with him? Number one, you don't do it in front of the kid.
00:24:48
Speaker
You express those concerns, you have those conversations, and then you look at the coach out of respect for him and say, hey, I respect you as a coach for what you're trying to teach my kid. If my kid needs to sit on the bench to learn the lessons, then put him on the bench. Y'all aren't liking this because some of you are the ones who are sitting in the stand screaming at the coach, put my kid in. He's the best player out there.
00:25:12
Speaker
That's why every year when I coach, first thing I do is have a conversation with the parents and say, less than 1% of your kids will ever make it pro. Don't try to make it today. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work. I want your kids to have fun and the best way we can have fun is to take the pressure off of them and let them enjoy the game. That's what it was created for. And if they wind up going pro, that's great. We'll celebrate with you. You can write me a 10% check for all that I taught them and then we'll be done with it.
00:25:42
Speaker
Gotta love him sacrificially and that means that we sometimes have to be the bad guy. Listen, my dad when I was growing up, and I'm not perfect by any means, but my dad had a two for one policy. You get a spanking at school, you get one free at home. My dad also was a very, very adamant supporter of the proverb that says, foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child and the rod of correction will drive it far from him. And he made it his personal goal to drive it as far from me as he possibly could.
00:26:13
Speaker
My first nightmares were not about spiders or snakes. They were about leather belt popping open down up the hallway as he came to the bathroom. In fact, until I was about 14 years old, I thought that the benediction at church every Sunday was, son, you go straight to the bathroom when we get home. That's just who I was. And my daddy was determined he was going to teach me values. And hopefully some of it has stuck now.
00:26:38
Speaker
You got to be real careful how you deal with your kids.
Supporting Wives' Growth
00:26:40
Speaker
You've got to be intentional about how you interact with them. You've got to learn their personalities. My two kids, when they were much younger, Harrison, he was hard nosed. He is hard nosed. He is stubborn. He's got his own way about him. And if I would spank him, he would go, daddy, a little more to the right. That feels better. That was his personality. So I had to learn how to engage him and discipline him so that it mattered to him.
00:27:04
Speaker
My daughter, on the other hand, all I had to do was look at her the wrong way and she would fall on her face in repentance for everything she'd done in the last month. So it was different in how we dealt with each one of those kids, but I didn't know that until I got to know my kids. Guys, you cannot know your family if all you're doing is popping in at the end of the day, checking out and watching TV, online, getting to bed and getting up in the next day and starting over again. You've got to make time for these things and it requires sacrifice. Secondly, you have to love intentionally.
00:27:35
Speaker
You have to love intentionally. Man, you are the cheerleader for your wife. You are the encourager. You are her biggest fan. There should be nobody else who applauds your wife more than you do. In fact, research tells us that for men, vision is a real big thing when it comes to us.
00:27:55
Speaker
falling out of faithfulness in our marriage, committing adultery, those kinds of things. Vision's a big thing. We lust after things we see. For women, it's things that touch them and connect with them. And so if you're not feeding your wife in encouragement and support at home and she's going to work, she's getting it from somebody there, you're asking for trouble.
00:28:17
Speaker
Now I'm not, I'm not saying that means that the wife has permission. I'm not saying that it's a validation or excuse for her. I'm simply saying as a man, you should be the one she shouldn't ever, I have to even doubt whether or not you love her. You should be telling her ad nauseam every day. I made a commitment to my wife that every single day of my life, at least once she would hear me say, I love her. Now all I do is say I love her and she rolls her eyes, which I'm sure is woman married language for, okay, I've heard this before, right?
00:28:49
Speaker
You should be their biggest fan. Now, here's the thing and why that's so important. You are encouraging her to be a better, stronger, more mature and still growing follower of Christ Jesus. You want her to be more holy. So that means you've got to ask some questions and sit and have real conversation with them. Questions like, what do you feel like God has gifted you to do?
00:29:14
Speaker
You see, when you get married, you don't become identical twins, so don't assume that what God called you to do is what she's been called to do. Ask her what she's been called to do. Ask her how you can serve her to free her up to get to that place. Ask her where you can lead her better, and then sit down, shut up, and don't be defensive. Listen to what she has to say. Women are like plants. You can't make them bloom, but you can create an environment that makes it more conducive.
00:29:46
Speaker
And by doing that, you again open them up to the ability to be everything God created them to be.
Strengthening Marital Relationships
00:29:52
Speaker
Thirdly, love them sensitively. You see, little things are big for most women. Am I right, ladies? Am I wrong, ladies? OK, you have me scared there for a second. Yeah, little things are big for women. It's not the four or five big events that you have every year is all the million little things.
00:30:15
Speaker
In fact, great marriages aren't made in the big events. They're made in the millions of little moments. What am I talking about? Picking up the phone and calling her at lunch just to say you love her. Giving her homemade notes for no reason. Don't panic guys. You don't have to draw flowers or hearts on them or anything like that. Just a note. Have dinner ready for her when she's going to be home late that night instead of her having to rush in the door and try to prepare food for the family.
00:30:46
Speaker
Take the kids, say I'll have the kids today so you can have some friend time or some alone time, because women need that, they recharge by that. Guys, can I just tell you something? Here's a little side note for you, a little rabbit to chase. I cannot stand when a man says, I can't do this, I've got to watch the children. Like it's some kind of burden. Build me a bridge and get over it, guy. That child is your responsibility just as much as it is the woman's.
00:31:16
Speaker
And it's not a responsibility to be carried around like a burden. It is a blessing and a joy that was given to you by God the Father. If you didn't want the responsibility of children, you shouldn't have done what you did in the first place to get it there. And if you're not ready to have children, make that decision now before the child gets here. But if the child is here, whether you're still married to the mom or not, it's your responsibility.
00:31:46
Speaker
actually plan a date for her. Instead of doing what most of us do, get in the car and go, where are we going to eat? Because that usually leads to a different kind of conversation than the ones you're going to get if you say, I've planned a nice dinner at so and so for us tonight. So and so is going to watch the kids and she's going to look at you and go, what did you do wrong this week? But once you get past that point, it'll be a great evening. Again, the goal is to create space for God to do his work in her life.
00:32:13
Speaker
and for her to respond to God's leading in her life. Sometimes the best leadership you can give is to take her to a point and step aside and let God take it from there. You are uniquely made to serve God just like she is. So let her find out what that looks like. Let her pursue those things.
Providing Stability and Security
00:32:34
Speaker
So I wanna close by talking about this. I called it five objectives that free your wife and provide security at home.
00:32:41
Speaker
And the reason I called it that is because I remind you the number one need of a man is respect. The number one need of a woman is security. These five things that we're going to talk about, I think help provide security and stability for the woman at home. And little side note for you, man, help gain the respect you want in your home.
00:33:01
Speaker
Because if you do these things for your family, if you do these things for your wife, if you do these things for other members of your family, like moms and dads and brothers and sisters, then people will respect you for being the righteous man that you claim to be. Number one, work and don't be lazy. Now, instantly your mind goes to your career and that's part of it, but that's not just what I'm talking about. Work at the relationship you call your marriage.
00:33:29
Speaker
Loving your kids and teaching your kids right from wrong work on your own heart Because you are in the sanctification process. You are not like Jesus yet. Your goal is to get there So keep on working work out those things you see if you work and you quit Then suddenly you stop your growth as a believer your growth as a father your growth as a husband your growth as a career man all those things stop if you stop working so work and don't be lazy and
00:33:58
Speaker
Don't give up.
Financial Discipline and Responsibility
00:34:00
Speaker
Don't quit before it's time. Number two, honor God first. Honor God first. If you're going to be the man that you think God wants you to be, it starts with your complete and total submission of your life to God right here, right now. And by the way, it's not a once and done thing.
00:34:20
Speaker
I got saved when I was eight years old at Vacation Bible School at a church in Columbus, Georgia. If I had stopped there, I would not be the Christian I need to be today. I had to get up this morning and submit myself to the authority of the Father in my life all over again. It's a moment by moment thing. Tomorrow at work, you will be forced to make choices based on whether or not you're going to submit your life to the Father.
00:34:43
Speaker
Tomorrow night, when you come home from work, you're going to be asked to make choices. Do I submit my will to the Father? Those are difficult, sometimes really, really difficult conversations to have, but every time you submit to God, everyone in your sphere of influence is blessed by it. Everyone. So find out what looking at God first looks like.
00:35:07
Speaker
I'll give you a hint. It's not my work plus Jesus. It's not my hobbies plus Jesus. It's not my goals plus Jesus. It's Jesus and everything else is a far, far distant second. Number three, live within your means, even if you must be the bad guy. What do I mean by that? Well, I'm not going to ask you to respond to this question because you know the answer to this. But how many of you are living with debt that's become an unnecessary burden on your family?
00:35:40
Speaker
Now what you do, what you do is when you do that, when you put that kind of financial burden on your family because of poor choices you make, you invite evil into your home. Because think of all the things that happen when we have those financial pressures, envy, jealousy, the temptation to steal. Think about this. And you're going, well, I would never go rob a bank. I didn't say anything about robbing a bank.
00:36:06
Speaker
You can steal a lot of other things. You can steal time from your workplace by not putting in a good work day. You can steal time from your family because of other things. So everything is impacted by your unnecessary struggle. That's why the Bible says that the love of money is what? The root of all evil. And so we start to love money because guess what? We're desperate for it. So here's my budgeting tip for the day. If you don't have it, don't spend it.
00:36:38
Speaker
If you don't have it, don't spend it. Learn to lay down the credit card and live within your means. It's okay to look at your kid and say, no, you don't need the latest game system. You're okay with this one for another year.
00:36:50
Speaker
It's okay to look at your child and say we're not doing Disney World. We'll go somewhere closer We'll go to a state park and we'll spend a little bit less money because mom and dad don't have that kind of money It is very necessary. It's not just a nicety It's very necessary that you and your spouse have serious conversations about where money's coming in and where money's going out A lot of guys will talk to me during marital counseling and go I'm just not good with money and I'll go no duh That's why you're sitting here having a conversation with me
00:37:19
Speaker
But you're not going to learn how to be good with money by abdicating that role to your wife and going off and doing your own thing. And by the way, guys, we don't spend money on as many things as women do, but our toys are expensive. I knew I'd get some women. Amen. And eventually, I mean, isn't that true? Our wives, they'll go get their hair did and they'll go get their fingernails done and all that kind of stuff. I got a basketball, baby.
00:37:49
Speaker
Why are you spending so much money on your hair? My bass boat needs to be paid for. That's a nervous laugh from every one of you. You know what I'm talking about. My wife says, hey, I'm going to go have lunch with my friends. How much is that going to cost? Oh, about 15 or 20 dollars. Well, I'm going to go play golf. It's going to be 60 bucks.
00:38:11
Speaker
My wife laughed at me and she said, you play golf, you know what that means? I said, what? She said, you're paying $1.50 for every golf ball you hit into the woods. I'm like, what are you doing? Some kind of total here on the side? She's not wrong, by the way. Learn how to draw lines for your family, not just in the area of finances.
00:38:34
Speaker
in so many areas, but finances is a big one because the love of money is the root of all evil. Money isn't the root of all evil, the love of money is. There's been lots of people who've had money and did good, okay? The story of King Solomon. King Solomon, one of the wisest kings in the history of the world, had more wealth than anybody else in the world, did good until his attention became about money. And as soon as he started to fall in love with money, it was his downfall.
00:39:01
Speaker
Same thing's true with you. So go home today, sit down and have that hard conversation. You don't have to watch the ball game right now. You don't have to go fishing this afternoon. Go home, sit down, get out the checkbook or whatever. By the way, did you even know you have a checkbook? Turn on your computer screen, go online, whatever it takes, and say, let's talk about what we're doing. Let's see where the money's going. Let's figure out how to work a budget. If you don't know how to work a budget, there's lots of Dave Ramsey people in our church. We'll get you in touch with one of them, okay?
00:39:29
Speaker
There's a couple of bankers in our church. We'll get you in touch with them. But it's a simple process of figuring out where the money's coming in, where the money's going out and being man enough to say, you know what? We're okay. We don't have to have the latest clothes, the latest shoes. We're all right doing what we're doing right here right now. There's no shame in going to the Goodwill and buying some good clothes. In fact, it's trendy now to do that.
Preparing Children for the Future
00:39:52
Speaker
So you can be cool. All right. Number four.
00:40:00
Speaker
Prepare for and talk about your future. Here's the reality. The future is going to happen whether you're prepared for it or not. So why not get prepared for it? Right. What does that look like? Well, you know, it starts by teaching your kids some really important lessons about what's valuable in life. Friendships are valuable. Right. Relationship with God, valuable.
00:40:29
Speaker
Commitment to your church, valuable, honesty, a fantastic characteristic to have. There used to be a time when many of the things that our kids would need for the future was taught to them by the public education system. That's no longer the case. They're no longer taught those things. I'm reading a fascinating book that probably will come across as a recommendation before it's over with.
00:40:55
Speaker
Started it last night and I'm already like a third of the way through the book, maybe even halfway at this point. It's a really, really good book. Education system, the public education system in America, believe it or not, has been run by the progressives for over 100 years in our country. And so the reason we're not doing as much as we should be doing in education is because that part of our culture has been commandeered by people who do not know God, do not honor God and have no desire to know God. And so they're taking our kids in that direction.
00:41:25
Speaker
Take an entire generation. In fact, they're probably three or four generations deep in this movement to take kids away from where God wants them. I don't blame the local individual teachers. I blame the system. You know, the Department of Education wasn't started till 1979. Some people think it's been around forever. It hasn't. Jimmy Carter.
00:41:44
Speaker
I apologize, I'm from Georgia, he was from Georgia, should have never been president. 1979 started the Department of Education, and the whole goal of the Department of Education has to be a tool to capture the hearts of our children ever since by progressives. Many of the things that we do in our schools today, like changing class at the ringing of a bell, started by progressives to train and teach kids to do certain things. Now why is that important?
00:42:12
Speaker
I figured this out last night. Listen to this. By the time your child completes kindergarten through 12th grade, 16,000 hours, they will be under the influence of the public education system. 16,000 hours. That's a long time to teach a child to think a certain way.
00:42:34
Speaker
Maybe you understand why the federal government is trying to push for K4, K3, all kinds of earlier education. The earlier they can get your child, the sooner they can mold them the way they want them to think.
00:42:46
Speaker
That's why we've got to get back to real education of our kids, teaching our kids to read and to write and how to think for themselves, how to know the classics and read the classics, how to study important things that are going to give them the ability to move through life and be decision makers and not just mindless sheep that follow whoever. Guys, we are past the day where we can trust our government for that kind of stuff anymore. It's being run by corrupt men and women who have fallen in love with the love of money.
00:43:17
Speaker
So let's talk about your future. What does future look like as a believer? How do we live in a world where everything in this world is counter to how we believe? How do we participate in the world, but not be in the world? I mean, participate in the world, but not be of the world the way the scriptures tell us. That's going to be not taught by your words. It's going to be modeled by your life as a father. Lastly,
00:43:42
Speaker
That's a good song. Train your children on godly principles for all areas of life. Godly principles. Teach your kid how to sit down and have a quiet time. Teach him how to read the Bible. Teach him how simple the act of prayer really is so that they're not confused about it having to be something eloquent or dramatic. One of the things I did with my kids when I was younger, they were much younger, I went to the store and I bought three Tupperware containers that had screw-off lids.
00:44:13
Speaker
I wrote on the side of each one of them. One of them was tied. The other was savings. The other one was my money. And I cut a little slot in at the top. My kids did not get an allowance when they were little because nothing's allowed in my house. You earn it. So I said to them, when you complete your chores, come to me, we'll pay your money. The first 10% goes in the tithe and I would make them physically put it in there.
00:44:35
Speaker
The next 20% goes into your savings account. The last 70% goes into your fund money. You can use it for whatever you want to. You can buy sweet tarts, you can go to the movie, you can buy a new pair of shoes, whatever you wanna do. That's the way I brought up my kids. Those are principles I wanted to learn early in life that you can control your money or your money can control you.
Righteousness and Community Change
00:44:59
Speaker
Maybe my kids get up and go to church.
00:45:02
Speaker
I did for my kids the same thing my dad said for me. Unless you're bleeding or dying, you're going to church. Don't care how you feel right now. Don't care if you're sleepy and tired. You know what? You can sleep this afternoon when we get home from church. Plenty of time for now. You're going to church. Teach them the principles that the scriptures teach us. So here's where we are. Your wife, your children, your friends need you to be a righteous man.
00:45:35
Speaker
They need you to be a righteous man. They need you to choose the godly way and quit making excuses. They need to choose the righteous way and quit saying, well, I'm too tired or I'm overwhelmed or can't you handle it? You can't look at your children and say, oh, they're independent. They're tough. They can handle it themselves because they weren't created to do that.
00:45:58
Speaker
Your wife, while she was created to be your helpmate, was also created for you to help guide and love and free her up to be the person she was created to be by God. All of that centers around one key thing and as you submitting your will to the Father as the leader and the head of your home. Many of you guys stood up just a minute ago and said you would obey whatever Christ commands. My hope is that I've given you trustworthy words from the word itself.
00:46:27
Speaker
that you have heard things in your life individually, because not all of us are the same, but that you've heard things in your life that you feel compelled to go home and begin today to unravel the mess you've created by your unwillingness to be the man God created you to be. It's time for that to change. If you want to see this community change, it starts with you. You want to see our culture change, it starts with you. If you want to see your family changed, it starts with you.
00:46:57
Speaker
Will you pray with me? Father God, I thank you for the word as a challenge to our hearts yet again today. Thank you for Jesus, who modeled all of these characteristics for us, all these traits for us. Thank you that through Paul, you've given us what it takes to be the righteous man you want us to be.
00:47:22
Speaker
So, Father, this morning, my prayer is that as men we have heard and have accepted the challenge. Regardless of the stage of life we're in, regardless of where we find ourselves right now, obedience is obedience. It doesn't require any further explanation than just do as the Lord commands. So give us the strength and courage and wisdom it takes to do that. I pray for the women in our lives.
00:47:52
Speaker
It's a heavy task. It's a heavy burden. Sometimes they have to put up with things that we should have never done. Sometimes they have to clean up the messes behind our choices. Sometimes they have to step in and do what should have been our responsibility. We thank you for these people you put in our lives. Your command, Father, to all of us, not just men, but to all of us is for us to be holy as you are holy.
00:48:23
Speaker
Would you speak words of wisdom to us today and let us know exactly what that looks like? What does that look like in practical terms? Day to day, Monday through Saturday as we get up? As we go about our businesses, we go about our relationships. In this moment, if there's someone here who just needs a word of encouragement, someone who needs a little bit of prayer, I pray that they would respond in this moment, that they would reach out and ask for the help
00:48:53
Speaker
that's needed, but most of all, I just pray that these words that Paul has shared with us across the centuries have challenged us, have provoked us to new thoughts and new actions as we truly try to follow after you, Jesus. It's in his name we pray, amen.