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Podcast 13 - Cell Phones and Scoial Media
34 Plays2 days ago
Come join us as we discuss the impact of the "always connected" lifestyle
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Transcript
Introduction
00:00:09
Speaker
Hey, welcome back to the Grove Hill podcast. We're glad you're joining us today. i Got a full array of folks here around the table. Should recognize everybody's faces and names, but John Baller, associate pastor, minister of everything. whatever get danger Whatever rolls into his office. To my right, the better looking of the staff, the Lori Harbor, Ms. Children's minister, kids life person. And then Kyle Hess, our student pastor.
00:00:34
Speaker
Yep. That's just, yeah, it's just, put the period there. Yeah.
Impact of Phone Addiction on Interactions
00:00:40
Speaker
um So I am excited about the subject today, and I want to start by just telling you some things, and I know many of you have seen this, but one of the things when Lisa and I go out in public, go to restaurants, I'm a people watcher. It gets on her nerves, but I love to watch people.
00:00:54
Speaker
And one of the things obviously I noticed a lot of places is the number of times people obviously be on a date together, sitting at a table across from each other, not talking, not paying attention. They are, of course, attached to their phones.
00:01:08
Speaker
ah Recently at a ball game that we all attended, i watched a young teenage couple sit on the sidelines, supposedly there to watch the sister of one of them play, and the entire time on their cell phones. We are a culture that has become addicted to social
Dangers of Social Media for Families
00:01:25
Speaker
media. And one of the questions we want to deal with today, and this may turn out, Kyle and I think mentioned this last week, we might want to have several weeks of conversation about this.
00:01:33
Speaker
But it's a conversation i want to ask, what is all this doing to our souls? What is the dangers that we face? How do we protect ourselves being parents, being adults, and then what do we do to look out for our kids and our teenagers? And that's why I've asked all of them to join me at the table today. So this is a topic that matters. um It's re rewriting the the face of our culture. It really is and and is bringing danger into our household. So Kyle, kick us off a little bit. What are your initial thoughts on this? what why is My initial thoughts is this is probably going to turn into a PG-13 series. Yeah, absolutely. Because of things that are going to be explained. Absolutely. so if if that's something you're wanting to protect your kids from at this point, yeah maybe have them step away.
00:02:14
Speaker
But if you are handing your kid a cell phone, 11, 12, 13, 14 years old, and not giving restrictions, you're handing them the darkest points of the world. Mm-hmm. and allowing them to navigate it. The deepest darkest sin, people having sex, drugs, alcohol, all the things are at people's fingertips and you're handing that to maybe your 12 or 13 year old. And so it's very dangerous and it's something we need to be very aware of as we navigate electronics with our kids.
Parental Influence and Responsibilities
00:02:42
Speaker
And so I see it all the time where a lot of the struggles that my students have
00:02:48
Speaker
come from the usage of electronics. and So if it's something we can get a grasp on and understand how to navigate it, um it's something that could help us out as parents or even as individuals. You said the people in the restaurant, um on the phones, my wife and I were heartbroken the other night. We went out to dinner yeah and all the way around us and as we were describing on the way home and I said, that's what I do in our home.
00:03:10
Speaker
And so more importantly, not just out in public, that's right but I will tone out my family and my kids for my phone. And so it's something we need to be aware of in all aspects of our life.
00:03:20
Speaker
Or we give the phone to the kids so they'll leave us alone. sure That makes me really sad. I mean, literally 45 minutes ago, I was in a conversation with our church members where she was talking about this very thing, how she has caught herself just out of boredom, filling space by picking up the phone. And it's become such a habit. Commercial comes on, pick up the phone. Somebody walks out of the room, pick up the phone. and And it's just who we are. I've been asked many times the question, how do I know that my child is ready for social media? And the answer is your child's never ready for social media. yeah
00:03:52
Speaker
um Children's expert, talk to me a little bit about how how you help parents navigate those kinds of
Educating Parents on Digital Risks
00:03:59
Speaker
questions. Well, first of all, they have to understand that if they're, it's like what Kyle said, if they're gonna give their kid a phone, their kid is smarter than we think they oh yeah They know how to work ah work around all the things. There's hidden apps, there's all the things. They have to be aware of that. We have to be educated as adults on these kind of things so we know what to look for. but don't do it. I mean, like, I don't know why you would give your child, my my kids are teenagers, they both have phones, they both have restrictions, they both have rules, they know that I pay that bill, that phone is ours at any point, but you can't expect your nine-year-old to have self-control or to know rules when you're just handing them a phone. If you want to know if your child's ready for social media, put four Oreos on the table, walk out of the room and tell them they can't have them. Right. See what happens. They have no self-control yet at that point. That's a discipline they're having to learn. Right. But I do think though, we we can't shield them from everything. We have to teach them how to do it and what its purpose was.
00:04:59
Speaker
It's just like everything else. wherere Unfortunately, it's it's part of who we are. Like you said, it's part of who we are as a world. So we have to teach them, okay yeah, this is, you can do this when you're 16, but i mean it's just like a car, you know, here's a car, but let me teach you how to drive Exactly. That's a great analogy. You know, John, here at our church, what, two or three years ago, we did a
Parental Guidance and Biblical Insights
00:05:19
Speaker
series. We took the whole church through sexuality and gender identity and all those kinds of things. And one of the statements that was made to us that shocked me was that in our country today, the average age of exposure to porn is like eight years old.
00:05:36
Speaker
So here you are, you're a dad. two with three on got on the way. I've got one at that age. Yeah, yeah. At that age. So it's it's very sobering, like, oh, wow, it's here, you know. Right, right. And I don't think that any of those eight-year-olds, seven-year-olds, whatever, that any of parents said, hey, let's go just expose them to porn and see what happens. It was always because something snuck in beyond the parent's ability. And I think i get it. Parents are overwhelmed. they're uninformed. It comes at you faster than you can even possibly imagine. So John, what do you do? who
00:06:09
Speaker
speaking specifically to your area. What do you do to help prepare young adults who are at that stage where they're starting to think about marriage? Some of them are married, starting to think about children. How do you start to disciple them to become disciples of their kids? I think to Lori's point, uh, you're not because our culture and, and this is one of the things that I was thinking about as we prepared for this conversation at all income levels,
00:06:32
Speaker
from the lowest of the lows. And I say that in to someone who may make $0, they can go and get a phone and have access to social media. So from that aspect of our country, all the way to the highest of highs, everyone has access. So you're not taking away the access. It's about educating with the access. And I say that from a biblical perspective, because we have to train up those who are in our care, whether it's our kids, right? family members, those at our church, we get the opportunity to say, it's not just what you pull from your life because you're not going to pull this from every aspect of your 24 hour day. We know that if you pull it, your friend's got a phone and he's right next to you. How do you input the things that are of value in scripture into your life so that then you can combat
00:07:21
Speaker
Oh, what happens whenever I see this half naked person that says they want to be this, that they want to be this gender, that they want to be this gender?
00:07:32
Speaker
How do I answer that question? You know, and I answer it from a biblical perspective because I'm rooting myself in this. I'm being renewed by this. Not just the, how are my feelings doing? Because there's a lot of, you know, we have to give a guide to these things that will inevitably hit all of us. I'd say kids and adults alike.
00:07:54
Speaker
So I've got ah and and y'all kind of feel free to just jump in here, but I got a little bit of a list here of some of the spiritual dangers that come from social media. Number one, identity distortion. Our worth is measured by what others think of us.
00:08:07
Speaker
That's a big one. I mean, we've got grown adults who are still dealing with that issue. was going to say, I've struggled with it. Yeah. Just in the last few years, like, well, why did so-and-so get 347 likes and I have 112? But then it's like, okay, this addiction doesn't matter. get 112? Yeah. No, but you catch yourself as to the comparison game a lot. It's like, why in the world would they comment on that post but not comment on mine? I mean, you get caught up in it and then you just have to remember None of that actually matters. None of that defines who you are. a lot of it's not even real. Right. Oh, 100%. Yeah, absolutely. It's a fake book. And then again, remember, you're you're getting the highlights of everybody's life. right You don't get to see the low moments. You don't get to see the points where they're frustrated or discouraged whatever, except for on I Heart Chapel Hill where everybody's discouraged and frustrated. That's why I'm not on that group. Yeah, absolutely. um
00:08:58
Speaker
Comparison and envy. This whole idea that my life doesn't match up to what everybody else has got to. And again, that's that's hitting the highlights of people's lives. And it goes back. and I pulled up this passage of Scripture, James 3, couple places actually. James talks about this. In James 3, 14, it says, But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don't boast and deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come from above. And then you get down to James 4, 1. It says,
00:09:25
Speaker
What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don't they come from your passions that wage war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. So James kind of nails it there that many of the problems we have is just completely out of selfishness. so yeah And that selfishness is only stoked and fired by, hey, look at what so-and-so so
Social Media and Youth Engagement
00:09:46
Speaker
got this week. Look where they got to travel. um Well, a lot of times people are posting that because they are insecure about what's really going on at home. right Somebody told me one time, the healthiest sign of a marriage is no sign of it at all.
00:09:58
Speaker
Ooh, that's good. And I was like, oh man, because when you think about it, it's like, oh yeah, I don't have to prove to people that my marriage is okay or that my kids are okay or whatever. It was an interesting quote somebody told, or don't know if it's a quote. I think to the comparison game, it is, I mentioned this couple days ago, but this phrase of a book that my wife read, love your life, not theirs. That's good. It's good.
00:10:25
Speaker
We need to cherish the uniqueness of the position that we have that God's given us. And we're always wishing it away. Right. We're always looking for the next best thing in our culture. Yeah.
00:10:36
Speaker
It infiltrates us with, Hey, Christmas this season, you need to get this. You need to get that. Um, anything that goes on social media, you need to have this. And that's, that's what it is. It's a trend mindset. Like you need to set the trend. You need to set this now and life is not about highlights. Sorry, but 99% of your life is not going to be highlights. It's those 1% things, uh, that are the highlights. The 99% is the obedience that God desires from us. And I think those are the the sweet moments. It's the process. Yeah. need to follow along. You know, one of greatest antidotes to this too, and I know you speak to this a lot, you did even last week in our our podcast session, go on a mission trip, take your kids to a third world country and let them learn to appreciate what they've been given. But even more so, um you talked last week specifically about kids being kind of forced for 24, 48 hour period to leave that phone behind and how much it changes their life. Absolutely.
00:11:34
Speaker
Yeah, there's ah there's an addiction aspect to it. yeah And so I believe the attorney general actually went forward with a study and said that it was like alcohol, yeah ah nicotine, all that kind of stuff for social media.
00:11:46
Speaker
And so if we're addicted to something like that, our immediate thought is to get rid of it, right? But we can allow our phone to be an addiction and and to keep it around. And so we need to shift the mindset to be, and this is a resource to me, not who I am. And so um separating the kids from it through fall camp or student admissions week, we see an instant change.
00:12:07
Speaker
that day, yeah changing their attitude, changing their behavior, yeah changing their engagement with other people, changing their conversation level. And then they hear from the Lord because they're undistracted.
00:12:18
Speaker
And so why not? Why not other times, right? Why do we pick two times a year to
Reducing Phone Dependency at Home
00:12:23
Speaker
do this thing? And so be mindful of that in your own life, that that if your phone's in your hand, your Bible's not. so mean, just simple things like at dinner, don't have your phone even at the table. I mean, that seems like a simple concept, but a lot of people, a lot of families struggle with that. Don't turn the TV on. Don't have your phones. Don't bring a toy. Just sit at the table and talk to your family. i mean...
00:12:45
Speaker
Well, actually and we've got an entire generation that does not know how to have communication because they have not been taught that. You know, one of the simple things that I have tried to do at home, I've not been consistent with it, got to get better at it, is walking in in the evening and laying my phone on the other side of the room, not next to me on the chair. So I'm not tempted to just reach over there and grab it, which I am awful at. I mean, middle of a football game, commercial comes on, that's the first thing I want to do. Something I started doing is I charge it in the kitchen. i don't even have it in my bedroom yeah or my bathroom at night because I'm tempted just to be like, oh, did somebody...
00:13:17
Speaker
i mean why And this may shock some people out there to know this, but social media in itself is not a neutral thing. It is engineered to cause addiction. Oh, yes. Because they make their money off the ads. And so the longer they can keep you on there, the greater the chance is you're going click some button that's going to make them some money. So bill the whole point is we want you to become addicted to this thing and carry everywhere you go.
00:13:40
Speaker
ah You know, i I know I'm old and I'm telling my age. I grew up in a generation... um where there were no phones. Mom and dad didn't know everything that was going on with me. They didn't they didn't have that ability to track me that way. If I had an emergency, i was gone. I either borrowed somebody's home phone or I went to a pay phone. no You ever heard of those? I have, yeah. put a quarter in it. But this day and age, I think we've created a different kind of anxiety in parents because they think if my kid doesn't have a phone, something horrible might happen to them. Yeah.
00:14:12
Speaker
And I think not only have we created parents who are anxious about things they shouldn't worry about, but now we've created kids who are frantic about, oh, no, what's going to happen if I don't have my cell phone? yeah I will say our middle school here, they don't allow them to have the phones in the classrooms anymore. They don't let them text their parents, nothing. So I don't hear from him, which is fine, until the end of the day when practice is over, you know, and whatever. And that's how it should be. That's the whole purpose of a phone for a 14-year-old is, hey, tell me when I need to pick you up. Exactly. i don't need to know how exactly you can tell me later how your tests went or whatever. no
00:14:45
Speaker
Another spiritual danger, formation of our values by the world instead of by parents. Well, there's a lot of confusion that happens too. Go ahead. Yeah. I think the the value setting, the value establishment is put it in there as if it's the gospel and they'll sprinkle it with stuff that sounds eloquent, stuff that sounds pretty, even stuff that sounds Christian and they'll wrap it in a beautiful looking present and then they'll say,
00:15:14
Speaker
But really, at the end of the day, it's how you feel, you know, so these values get established by fluff, you know, and by feelings and not by substance and things you can stand on that go be way beyond feelings. It just it it breeds itself to a very.
00:15:31
Speaker
Sissified culture. Right. mom Yeah. Did you say sissified? Sissified. Sissified. Do not conform to the likeness of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Set your mind on things above, not on things of the earth. We say all those things, but we just 100% focus on what the phone offers and ah it offers the world, if we're going to be honest. um One of the things I did in student life one night is we were talking about phones and usage and social media.
00:15:56
Speaker
And I had all the kids who didn't have phones go on this side of room and all the ones that did have phones go on this side of the
Youth Perspectives on Phone Restrictions
00:16:01
Speaker
room. These are automatically felt like jealousy. They felt like left out. They felt concerned that they didn't have something that the others had.
00:16:10
Speaker
After the night was over, after we had talked about all the usage, what it did, looked at the the hours of usage on most kids' phone, it was average six to eight hours a day. um The ones who didn't have phones no longer wanted phones because they could see that the phones were consuming their lives. I asked if they had restrictions on their phone and about 10% of the students had restrictions on their phone.
00:16:30
Speaker
The other 90 desired restrictions but weren't getting restrictions. Wow. And then they don't have the ability to put those restrictions in themselves. yeah And so for a parent, we are called to be the bad guy. Yes. We're called to put those guidelines, put those structures, put the communication in place.
00:16:46
Speaker
so that we can put these guidelines on the the phones and the students can get upset most likely, but we're called to protect them from things that the world is offering. And so it really is ah a portal to the world. And how how much do we want to focus on it? Well, and I think a lot of these kids are modeling what they see. sure So we as adults have to be honest with ourselves to say, we got to put our phones down too. And we got to quit looking at that mess that's not healthy for our marriages or not healthy for our whatever. They're going to, anyway. So if you're watching this or listening to this and you're asking yourself that question, are they talking about me? Yes, we're talking about you. We're talking about us. yeah Yeah, we are. And the reason I say that is because we all have a tendency to go, you know, that's horrible that that family is going through that, but that's not my family.
00:17:32
Speaker
we it it's just like any other addiction. You don't know it's an addiction until you wind up in a desperate situation. Exactly. Pure research. I just looked at it. i was thinking, I was curious, how many people use certain platforms?
00:17:46
Speaker
We have what? little shy of 300 million people in the United States? It's actually closer to 370 million people right now. I need to refresh my... They grew overnight. Over 81% of all Americans...
00:17:57
Speaker
eighty over eighty one percent of all americans use YouTube over 81%. The people, and you mentioned, we grew up, I mentioned this to to some kids the other day. I said, guys, I didn't have a phone whenever i was your age. I didn't know what the remote possibility was like to get that. Yeah. But you guys have grown up in a culture that knows what that is. And now even the person that's 70, 80, 90 years old, they're like, oh I'm never going to touch a phone.
00:18:27
Speaker
they're even getting attached and addicted yeah and their minds are being trained to go that way. so I'm thinking, man, we think we are so removed from the situation, but every piece, and I said it from the low income to the highest of incomes, we're all exposed to these dangers. And if we don't really evaluate our our true circumstances, we become part of the issue as well. Yeah.
00:18:51
Speaker
It's really good. um Over the next several weeks, we're going to be dealing with a lot of different stuff. I want to give you ideas of some things we're going be talking about because I hope you're going to come back and that you're going to bring a pen and paper and take some notes. Maybe bring your spouse back, sit down and listen to this together a couple of times because I think there's going to be some helpful stuff for you and for your kids. Yeah. And I want
Phones as Tools, Not Identities
00:19:12
Speaker
to be clear here. I don't hear anybody here saying that a phone in and of itself is a bad thing. But you use this analogy. I think it's great.
00:19:19
Speaker
yeah A car is a great thing, too, but you wouldn't hand it to your 12 year old and say, here, have fun. You would definitely give some guidelines. You wait to an appropriate age. You would make sure that they were not doing stupid things with it. I mean, there's just all kind of great comparisons and. Unless you want to wake up one night and find out your kids on the side of the road, you don't do something stupid like that. So we're going be talking about anxiety and depression. Studies out there today that tell us that especially in teenagers and especially teenage girls, their anxiety goes through the roof because of their comparison on social media. In fact, just a few weeks ago, we have ah a mom's group that meets here and they had a prayer request that were shared. The number of grown women ah who shared one of my fears is my anxiety and my worry and those kinds of things that were showing up. I don't think that started today. I think it started 10 years ago yeah you know because of things that they saw and heard. We're going be talking about FOMO. We've all heard about FOMO, the fear of missing out. Afraid that we're going to be the one who doesn't know something. you know and what that does to contribute to greater peer pressure problems. We all feel like we got to be the next person to wear this, do this. All I have to do is mention the numbers six, seven, and everybody knows what social media can do this. Quit laughing. So Studies out now you're speaking about the the Surgeon General that says that Social media messes with your sleep it messes with your peace it messes with your blood pressure All kinds of things I mean just the physical act of having a phone in your hand messes with your sleep Yeah, a lot of the issues I had we were at fall camp in this girl said
00:20:53
Speaker
I can stay up late. I don't go to bed till 2 30 every night anyways. And I said, what do you mean you don't go to bed till 2 30? She said, yeah, I just scroll on my phone till 2 30 in the morning.
Effects of Phone Usage on Health
00:21:02
Speaker
Uh, wow. Right. Like, yeah, that messes up sleep habits. Then you bring in the anxiety, the depression, plus you're filling it with things of the world. And so something that's just like the physical aspect losing sleep because you have your phone in your hand. rather than melatonin, lights out, going to sleep. That's probably the reason I had to move mine, because I wasn't sleeping. When I was awake, I would just get on my phone, and then it would keep me up even longer. They recommend not even looking at a screen hour before bedtime because you're messing with blue light stuff just messes with you a whole lot.
00:21:32
Speaker
you know what One of my greater fears right now is the decreased intention attention span with people. Oh, yeah. You know, Sunday morning you're trying to teach truth from God's Word and you got somebody who can't pay attention for three minutes, much less 25 minutes as you're trying to teach. It shows up in the kids' classrooms. It shows up with teenagers you're trying to teach them. Even young adults, you see those oh yeah ill effects from what's coming across there. There's just a lot of stuff to be aware of. And so my encouragement to you... um Before the next release, which is a week obviously later of this of these episodes, sit down with your spouse, have a conversation.
Family Discussions on Social Media
00:22:10
Speaker
Let's talk about these things. Let's talk about maybe some areas where we have questions, where we have concerns, some things that we want to pay attention to. make sure you're on the same page because this can cause problems in your family if if you don't agree on how this is going be approached.
00:22:24
Speaker
Ask yourself this question. What fruit is being produced in my life because of my social media usage? And then magnify that with your kids because they don't have the self-discipline that you hopefully have as an adult. And just know that's going be a greater problem. Am I seeing the fruit that the Spirit's supposed to give? Or is there a fruit that comes from this culture that's causing problems for us? And then be prepared to sit and have a conversation with your kids.
00:22:51
Speaker
Talk to them about what's next. Any final words from my board of experts here? No expert here, but as we approach Christmas, be present.
Being Present During Holidays
00:23:01
Speaker
A lot of cool things are happening, but we've got our phone in our hand. And so as we approach the next couple weeks, just really rely on just now being present with your family.
00:23:09
Speaker
I love that. anything Anything from you? I echo what he said. The best vacation I ever took, I've told you guys this, I forgot my phone. oh yes I loved, loved that vacation. and I would encourage you to do the same thing I mean, if you need to get a hold of somebody, there's gonna be a phone. Somebody's gonna have a phone.
00:23:28
Speaker
forget your phone somewhere. Even if it's for ah a dinner party that you're having with work people or, um, that you're going on a vacation, maybe you and your spouse just use one phone and forget your phone and see how it changes things. Yeah. I like that.
Personal Well-being and Social Media Reduction
00:23:43
Speaker
That's great. I have not, I don't, I may not have even mentioned y'all, but I have not announced this publicly, but i I'll share this two, two or three years ago, I got off of Instagram and Too much temptation, quite frankly. ah Even as a grown man, a pastor, a that's trying to follow Jesus, too many half-dressed women showing themselves to me. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. um About a month ago, I stepped off of Facebook.
00:24:08
Speaker
Still have my account, so if you're out there clicking like and wanting to know why I'm not responding, I'm not there, okay? Occasionally my wife says, hey, you might want to see so-and-so's post. It's very sweet, and I will go to it.
00:24:19
Speaker
Last month, I've had very little problems sleeping, something I've been having for the longest time. My emotions are not amplified the way they have been, I am noticing a severe drop in the amount of anxiety and worry I have in own life. That's great. So I'm your test case right here, man. The gray hair is going to go away. hair is going to start growing back. Maybe. I want the hair to go away. You're asking for a lot there, Laurie.
00:24:47
Speaker
ah ah So, yeah, ah to your point, try
Closing and Future Topics
00:24:51
Speaker
something new tonight. Go home, take your charger, put it in the guest bathroom to charge your phone, and then go sit down and have a conversation with your family, do dinner with your family, enjoy your evening without that evil device.
00:25:03
Speaker
Put it right up there with the mouse. All right. I love you guys. I appreciate you for watching. Again, like, share, follow, invite friends to come and be a part of this conversation over the next several weeks. We'll probably take a little bit of a week or two break to talk about some holiday things in the midst of it all. But but by the end of the year, i mean, the first of next year, 2026, we'll jump back into this and kind of wrap this up because it's it's important enough. It deserves more than just one conversation. you see So ah see you next time.
00:25:32
Speaker
Thanks for watching.