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Episode 18- How to Help Your Kids Live Out Their Faith
74 Plays3 years ago
Mentioned in this episode:
Faith Forward Family Devotional by Patrick and Ruth Schwenk
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This podcast is produced and edited by Angie Elkins Media, Inc.
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Transcript
Introduction to Root Like Faith
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, I'm Ruth Schwenk and I'm so thrilled you're listening in with us at Root Like Faith. It is our deepest desire to encourage and equip men and women to be rooted in God's word, transformed by the love of Jesus, and moved by his mission in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Reflecting God: Parenting Challenges
00:00:16
Speaker
Nothing is more important.
00:00:18
Speaker
Well, in today's episode of Root Like Faith, we are talking about how each of us are made to reflect who God is to the world and how we as parents can teach and help our kids learn to be a reflection of God in the world. And yes, I know that's a big calling. And yes, I know that can seem really overwhelming, but we are going there. We are doing this. Let's go.
00:00:43
Speaker
Well, as we continue this series on faith in the family, which, I mean, we are right in the middle of the series. Hopefully you've been listening. It's been great, hasn't it, honey? I've loved it.
00:00:55
Speaker
I don't know if we are the right ones to say, wow, this has been great, but. I mean, hopefully our Root Like Faith family has enjoyed it. Hopefully it's been beneficial. We could talk about parenting and family literally all the time, probably because we've been living it for the last 19 years. We've been living it. And I just love, you know, I love being a parent. I love being a dad. And so it's just so fun. Not that we have it all figured out. No. That's not why. But we just love what God has called the family to and love our kids. And it's just, it's fun. So hopefully this has been an encouragement.
00:01:20
Speaker
Well, I think the best thing is to say we don't have it figured out. That actually makes me want to help other people because we don't have it figured out, but there's definitely some things we've learned along the way. Well, and that is the beauty of being in community with other people, being involved in the church. And we just have incredible resources available to us in the body of Christ. And so we just, there's so
Self-Centeredness vs. Loving Others
00:01:40
Speaker
much wisdom that we can learn from one another.
00:01:41
Speaker
and from those that are further along in the journey than us. And so hopefully this is just one of those places that has been an encouragement blessing. So let's drive on. I feel like I'm chatty. Am I too chatty already? No, but I was noticing that your voice sounds especially radio-like today.
00:01:59
Speaker
I've been battling a little something-something, as you know. I don't get sick very well. So it's made your voice even lower or something. It is, I know. I don't do well. When I'm sick, everybody in the house knows. Everybody on the block knows about it. You know what I mean? So it just is only fitting that our root-like faith family should know that I'm battling a head cold. Right, although you've been feeling better. So it's just still in your vocal cords there. OK, anyways, well, as we continue on in this series on faith in the family,
00:02:28
Speaker
We today want to talk about how we can help our kids live out their faith and be a reflection of who God is to the world. And I'm not pretending that's easy. I know that's a massive task. But as we've said throughout this whole series, this is both our work that we are called to and ultimately
00:02:49
Speaker
It's God's work. We can trust Him with that. We don't need to be overwhelmed, but it's important that we learn about this because this is what God has called us to. And I think
Denying Self in Parenting
00:02:59
Speaker
that one of the huge obstacles to this, so we're like going to talk about character, teaching our kids, you know, godly character, helping them just be that witness to the world of who God is. I think one of the huge obstacles to this, the reality that we face today is the culture that we live in. Don't you think, honey?
00:03:18
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. I mean, just everything in our culture is built around the self. Right. You know, so we come out of our mother's womb, like just being the center of everybody's attention. And we get used to that. It's really nice. Yeah. I mean, we all as adults were struggling with this. Right. Yeah. So it really is a challenge, I think, from from the time we're born that we are that we see ourselves as the center of the universe. And so it is a lifelong journey that there's this process right of God turning us outward.
00:03:47
Speaker
and learning to love God and to love others and not to learn, not to love ourselves, which just comes naturally. And yeah, there's some unique challenges, I think, in the culture that we're living in. And so, I mean, just everything built, everything's built around that. You know, I was reading this morning, I've been reading through the gospel of Matthew, just my own God time, my own devotional time, and was just reading about, you know, Matthew or reading in Matthew 16, where, you know, Jesus begins to predict his death for the very first time. And he's talking about the cross
00:04:14
Speaker
And the disciples, of course, don't understand that, and they don't like it. And then he turns, and after he talks about his own death on the cross, he calls us to our own death in terms of following him. And he essentially says, if you want to be my disciple, if you want to be my follower, then you're going to have to deny yourself. Take up your cross and deny yourself and follow
Godly Parenting, Not Perfect Kids
00:04:34
Speaker
me. And so there's this death that we all face as followers of Jesus. And I was thinking about that word deny, like how often
00:04:42
Speaker
in the last week, how we denied ourself. And probably as a parent, we do that more often. You deny your own needs, your own wants, your own comforts for the sake of your kids. But parenting is hard, primarily not because parenting is hard, but because we're geared around what we want, our desires, our comfort. And so there's this, in so many different ways, this dying to ourself, this denying of ourself, so that we might follow Jesus, we might love him more and love others more deeply and freely.
00:05:12
Speaker
Yeah, and I think that is just a reminder, at least to me, I think, okay, I don't need to be discouraged when it feels like my kids will never not only think about themselves, right? Because we're thinking about ourselves every day. Exactly. So I hope that's an encouragement to you as you're listening that, you know, if you're wondering, oh my word, you know, my child seems so selfish.
00:05:33
Speaker
We're still struggling with that as adults. It is funny how many times as a parent, you just sort of stop and you go, oh, wait a minute. Why am I getting so upset at Junior? Because I'm doing that. Everybody has a junior, right? So it is. It should be an encouragement that this work of God is a work of His grace, you know, through the power of His Spirit in our lives. He's changing us from the inside out. It's a lifelong journey. And so we shouldn't be discouraged as we are.
00:05:56
Speaker
Parenting our kids, trying to pass on faith. Our goal, first and foremost, is to be godly parents, not to raise perfect kids.
Teaching Character and Virtue
00:06:05
Speaker
Honey, that's amazing. That was the perfect statement. Every once in a while, I come through with something important to say.
00:06:15
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Anyways, so I just, you know, I think here. So as we're talking about being, you know, learning to deny ourselves and helping our kids understand that, I think it all begins with building character in our kids. And I guess that the thing that I noticed today
00:06:35
Speaker
is really how foreign that is. How many parents are not being intentional about just even the little things as we build character in our kids. Yeah, I think this idea of passing on faith and then cultivating the life of God in our kids so that one day when they leave our home, when we release them,
00:06:54
Speaker
They're like arrows of life and truth and goodness and beauty. Well, that starts with really forming who they are and cultivating what you're talking about virtue or character. And so as we release them into the world, we want to be releasing them so that they look like Jesus, that they've had the heart of God.
00:07:13
Speaker
Um, shaped in them or cultivated in them by, by the spirit. And you're right. I mean, I think there's, there's just a lot of basic things that are not necessarily always taught. Um, and it maybe is important for us to make a, just a distinction here between natural formation and spiritual formation.
00:07:29
Speaker
And so natural formation is really just that idea of parents teaching kids things like good manners, you know, shaking somebody's hand, looking them in the eyes, or when they go over to somebody's house, you know, not jumping on their couch and, you know, doing crazy things. Saying thank you after somebody gives them, you know, a meal to eat, you know, things like that. Yeah, there's, I think, you know,
00:07:49
Speaker
this idea that there is a grain to the universe. And when we walk according to that grain or live according to that grain, things go well. It's what the ancient philosophers called the flourishing life or the abundant life. And there's just simple things like that virtue character that is not necessarily being taught. And this is why oftentimes a non-Christian can actually look like a better Christian than a Christian.
00:08:12
Speaker
because they've been naturally formed. They've developed virtue or character. It doesn't mean that they've been spiritually formed,
Spiritual Growth: Patience and Trust
00:08:19
Speaker
but they've been naturally formed. And so I think to begin with, just making that distinction, I think just one of the things as parents we ought to be doing is just teaching those very, like you said, very intentionally, you know, character, virtue, I mean, to be naturally formed and to develop what we would say is godly character. Yeah, and thinking of that, I'm thinking of when our kids were little,
00:08:42
Speaker
And how many times I had to say, like I'm thinking about Noah, for instance, he was painfully shy when he was little. And it was difficult to get him to look somebody in the eye just when we would introduce him, just to smile. And we were gentle with that, obviously. But I just kept reminding him
00:09:08
Speaker
You know, after the fact, if I noticed he didn't look somebody in the eye, I would just say, Noah, you know, make sure that when when we say, you know, this is Noah and they say hi to you, that you at least just look at them and smile. You know, I understand if you're uncomfortable or but I always would point him to how that other person might feel like, you know, that it might make them feel uncomfortable if he didn't just look them in the eye and smile. And I just think it's those simple things. And it was not. I mean, it took forever.
00:09:34
Speaker
for that to like sink in but i just kept reminding him and i think i don't know why we why we don't do those things i think it's hard it is hard it's sometimes tedious sometimes it feels like you're getting nowhere but i think as your kids get older it's so incredible to watch them those things develop in them and become natural to them because you've been intentional
00:09:58
Speaker
Yeah, I think you've done a phenomenal job with that. You are so patient and consistent and intentional with our kids, or you have been. I've tried, but you're making it sound like it was all like, you know, it was not as wonderful as that sounded, but I tried. A far better job than I have. But I think it's so important, wouldn't you say, especially in those early years, when kids are young,
Natural vs. Spiritual Formation
00:10:20
Speaker
that when you do that hard work of forming kids, teaching them, I mean, teaching them with their siblings to be kind or not to talk that way,
00:10:28
Speaker
That's so important, you're laying that foundation, you're building character, and that character is really gonna protect them in the years to come. And it's so important, it's like if you don't do that when they're, you know, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, if you wait till they're teenagers to start doing some of that, you've waited too long, you know, it feels like sometimes, or it's much more difficult. And so I just think for those of our listeners that have young kids in the home,
00:10:54
Speaker
It's so important to be consistent and intentional in that area while your kids are young because you really do reap the benefit of that as they get older. And I would say that's probably the hardest time though to do it right because you don't typically see it's not like you tell them one time and the next time you know they
00:11:10
Speaker
automatically follow through with whatever you were teaching them so that's probably why we give up so often but I think if we can just be intentional and consistent as much as possible it'll be it's such a blessing when all the sudden you're like oh my word the light bulb came on you know it worked
00:11:27
Speaker
Well, that really is maybe what we would call or what some have called natural formation. Again, just sort of those basics, those parenting basics, that character virtue training basics. And so that's sort of one area. And of course, really what we're talking about ultimately is spiritual formation. Now, that's a work of the heart.
00:11:45
Speaker
that is a work that by God's grace he does in a child's heart. And so again, somebody can be formed naturally. They can develop character by practicing the right habits and still not know Jesus. And so we're really talking about both of those things, the importance of building character and virtue. But ultimately what we want
Vision for Children's Greatness
00:12:04
Speaker
is to see God convert a child's heart. We want to see real vibrant faith birthed in the heart of a son or a daughter. And of course that's the work of God's spirit, work of God's grace.
00:12:15
Speaker
But that's really the distinction there, natural formation and spiritual formation. Really what we're after as parents is seeing God do that work by His grace in the heart of our children. And really, I love how one author said it, read this recently, talked about how at the core, conversion is beginning to listen to someone else.
00:12:34
Speaker
And so at the very core, this idea of following Jesus, believing in Him, trusting Him is for the first time not listening to ourself, not listening to our own desires, our own wants, not listening to myself as my own God, but now beginning to listen to Jesus as my own Savior, my own Lord. And so at the heart of what it means to be converted is to begin to listen now to someone else, namely Jesus.
00:13:00
Speaker
And so I love that language, that idea, and that's really what we're trying to help our kids develop, to turn to Jesus, to turn from their sin, and to turn to Jesus is now to begin listening to God, and to live the life that he wants, and to develop the kind of character that he wants. And that's a work of God's Spirit, that he's now changing us from the inside out, that spiritual formation.
00:13:23
Speaker
relationship with Jesus, as we've said before, is inherently transformational. God is going to now bring about a great work of growth and change over the course of a child's lifetime, but that's the work of God's spirit now as we're cooperating with God's grace, cooperating with God's spirit who lives inside of us.
00:13:41
Speaker
And, you know, I'm thinking about this is so interesting, but again, this is an area where we just have to be consistent and trust God that he loves our child so much more than we do, because again, we do not see our child's faith really become their own until they're older.
00:14:03
Speaker
And that's really hard, I think. It's hard and scary, and yet when you start to see that growth, it's so exciting. It reminds me just yesterday, because we're old, we take walks through the yard and look at the gardens. That's what you do when you're over 40, and you see if the hosta's grown any since yesterday. You look at the catmint and you can't believe how big it's gotten.
00:14:22
Speaker
And so I remember, I mean, yesterday we were out in
Modeling and Teaching Faith
00:14:24
Speaker
the garden and I was ready to pull that rose bush out of the ground because it's not showing any signs of growth. And so I'm feeling a little discouraged about it. It's supposed to be a climbing rose and it's climbing backwards, I think. I would not let him, you guys. I was like, what are you? No, you have to give it time. And that's why you're a better parent than I am. That's just one evidence of, yes, your superiority. Because you literally said to me, we could just go to the
00:14:50
Speaker
I was ready to go to the nursery and buy one that was twice the size. And put it in place of the other one. And I said, give this one some time. Oh my goodness. Anyways, all that to say. That is actually a really good example. The spiritual application is, I was thinking about that as you were talking, that God is so patient with us. And as a parent, we need to be patient with our kids, that there is a work of God going on in them. And so as we're forming them and doing all that we can in our own power, our own strength, and our own wisdom,
00:15:19
Speaker
God's at work too, by his grace. And that can be a really slow process. And all of a sudden, there's times where God's grace, we see the growth or the response of that. And so I love that. But I think it's such a reminder that when we think about spiritual formation,
00:15:36
Speaker
what we're really looking for are those fruits of the Spirit. Paul talks about in Galatians chapter 5 verses 22 and 23, the fruit of the Spirit is love and joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. I mean, those are all fruits of the Spirit of God. And so we're trying to cultivate that kind of character, that kind of life, which is the life of God.
00:16:01
Speaker
in our son or daughter, again, so that one day when we release them into the world, we're releasing them as image bearers of God, that they are accurately reflecting who God is to the world. So that's, again, the work of a parent as we're thinking about discipling our kids, teaching them, modeling what it looks like to follow Jesus, is we wanna cultivate that in them so that one day when we release them, they are an accurate representation or picture or mirror of who God is.
00:16:28
Speaker
Okay, well, let's close with some practical application here. Like, because as a parent, especially I'm thinking back to when the kids were little, I'm thinking, okay, but how do I actually do this? It sounds great. And it does sound overwhelming at times.
00:16:43
Speaker
So practically, and I know we've shared some practical ways we've done it in our own life so far, but how can we teach and model faith and help our kids live out that faith? And so we want to kind of close with some practical ways to do that. And I think it's, you know, we can make this simpler than we do. I feel like over the years, if there's anything I've noticed, especially in online ministry and like feedback and questions,
00:17:09
Speaker
that I get, it's that we make it too complicated. You don't have to be a pastor. You don't have to have a Bible degree. We can make this simpler. So I think immediately what comes to mind is really just, first of all, casting that vision of greatness for our kids, how God made them. That God has a plan for them in this world and in their life.
00:17:38
Speaker
And he wants to use them to reach a lost and dying world and give them hope. And I think I know that sounds so simple, but how many times do we remind our kids that that's what God wants to do with them? No, I think you're exactly right. I know we've talked a little bit about that before, but yeah, I mean, that just that that simple idea of just telling our kids early on you were made in God's image, that God created you. He has a purpose for you.
00:18:04
Speaker
He loves you. He wants to use you in your life. He wants to work through you in your life. That your life is so much bigger than just going off to college someday and getting a good paying job. That, you know, God wants to do more than that, you know, in your workplace, whatever that is. And so you're exactly right. I think just casting a vision for our kids early on, that they are loved by God, created by Him, made in His image. And as we talked about before, you know, Psalm 127, they're arrows.
00:18:30
Speaker
that God is sending them out or will send them out one day. And they're like arrows in the hands of a warrior. They're weapons of life and light and truth and beauty. And so I think that is a great place to start very simply and very practically. Yeah, and I think that reminds me that we just don't even realize how counter-cultural that is. To start with what God wants to do with you in this world versus
00:18:56
Speaker
Hey, you know, grow up, get a great job, you know, have a have a good family, you know, that type of perspective. So I think if we can cast that vision starting from when they're young, we just don't realize how ingrained that becomes. And I think just even helping kids to see that, you know, that even at a young age, they can do that, you know, in their neighborhood with friends, whether it might be something as simple as encouraging your son or daughter to invite one of their classmates to youth group.
00:19:21
Speaker
or inviting one of their friends from the neighborhood over for dinner and for family devotions. I mean, there's all sorts of very simple and practical ways. I think you can help a son or daughter do that right now. It doesn't have to be something that they begin doing when they're 18, 19, 20 years old. And so I think that's one of the, yeah, one of the first things. Yeah, we have always, I feel like, been like, just kind of alerted our kids to the friends that they have around them and how they can be an impact on them.
00:19:49
Speaker
So yeah, so casting that vision for greatness. And then I would say next is just really cultivating the fruits of the spirit and forming character in them. And we talked a lot about this already, but it's the whole idea of being intentional. And you know, honey, you were talking about how you feel like I was so patient with them and always reminding them, you know, to say thank you or look somebody in the eye or think about how somebody else is feeling. But I feel like what you've, this is my time to build you up.
00:20:20
Speaker
I'll take it, I'll take it. My spiritual gift is receiving. I feel like what you've done a really good job of, even when our kids were little. I can't wait to hear what you're gonna say. And I think sometimes they were just sitting there trying to figure out what you were going to say to them. I feel like when there was something going on that you felt like needed to be addressed, you would gather everyone together in the living room, you'd pull out the Bible, and you'd tell them
00:20:49
Speaker
Give a mini sermon. Right, give basically a mini sermon. But you would explain to them how God wants them to live their life and why it's important.
Christ-Centered Living as Parents
00:21:01
Speaker
No, I appreciate that. I think that there are all sorts of ways that we can do that. I think that's that idea of just sort of
00:21:08
Speaker
staying attentive to all of life's lessons that are all around us. There's so many different opportunities where we're driving to a practice or we're on our way to church or coming home from church that, yeah, are teaching moments. And so I think that idea of cultivating character or virtue is just that.
00:21:26
Speaker
wanting to develop specific character traits, qualities in our kids that are going to set them up for success in life. And by success, we just again mean that abundant life of loving God and loving others. And it might be things like taking initiative or honesty or courage, you know, self-control. I mean, some of those fruits of the spirit.
00:21:46
Speaker
I loved what you know we did we never we didn't get through all of them because there are a lot of them but I love the character cards that we that we did you know there's maybe we can link to those okay in the show notes and so I think even as a family like just taking a character
00:22:03
Speaker
quality of virtue, you know, one week at a time in memorizing what that virtue or character is and where we see that in the Bible. That can be a great way of just teaching character, cultivating the life of God in our kids. And my point in bringing that up was that
00:22:19
Speaker
you use the Bible to point them to how God wants us to live. And I think it's not just what we are saying as parents, but this is what God says. And so I think that that's really important as we are looking at the spiritual formation of our kids.
00:22:39
Speaker
I think just one of the other practical things we can do is just when you think about the Sermon on the Mount, and again, those values, those things that Jesus calls his followers to, and they do, they stand so opposed, they're so counter-cultural, and we're exposing our kids all the time to worldly values, whether it's through
00:22:56
Speaker
social media or TV. I mean, they are being bombarded. We're being bombarded every single day with different cultural values of what the world says. This is a man. This is a woman. This is what success looks like. And so in the absence of that, in the absence of us teaching godly character and virtue, it will be filled by the world. Yeah, that's true. I mean, our kids are being formed by someone or something. That is a really great one.
00:23:22
Speaker
Amen. And so I think that we need to remember that we are called to really shape who they are, according to God's word, what he values, what he counts as success, what will matter for all of eternity. And that every single day, our kids are being bombarded with different messages, different values. And so we're working against that. We're cutting through that. And we're saying, no, this is really what matters. This is what's going to bring you life. This is what's really going to change the world. And this is really what lasts for all eternity.
00:23:48
Speaker
That's awesome. I was maybe saying amen in the middle of that because wow, that that's so true. So true. And lastly, I would just say with as parents, we have a responsibility to model this in front of our kids. It starts with us. And so we model as parents caring about what God cares about. And I don't I think that at times we can under underestimate the impact that that has on our kids.
00:24:15
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I think this third point is, again, just modeling for our kids what it looks like to live an other
Faithfulness in Small Steps
00:24:21
Speaker
-centered life. And so we've really been talking about how we help our kids someday live out the life of God. And that starts with cultivating the life of God in them right now.
00:24:31
Speaker
But yeah, I mean, I think that even long before our kids leave our home to go off to college or to move for a new job in a new city somewhere, it's modeling what it looks like as a family to care about other people. And we live, again, in such a self-absorbed culture where everybody, for the most part, is concerned about their own needs, their own desires. And so as a family to model what it looks like,
00:24:58
Speaker
to serve together at the church, to be involved in your community, to love your neighbor. All of those things are living a counter-cultural lifestyle in front of your kids. It's showing your kids that what matters most in life is not what you possess, not how much you have, but it's the people that you are investing in, that people will last for eternity. They'll either spend eternity with God or apart from God.
00:25:22
Speaker
And so to live that life in front of them, to model what it looks like, to care more about the people around you and to invest your time and your treasure and your talent in other people than just yourselves, I think can have a powerful impact on your kids. Because again, we're living in a culture that is telling them just the opposite, that the abundant life is about getting more, having more, being more. And so to live the Christian life, this life of loving God and loving others in front of them right now is so important.
00:25:52
Speaker
That's so good. Well, I hope this has been an encouragement to you and I just want to remind you that this does not look perfect. And I just feel like, you know, I think about the last 19, almost 19 years of parenting and
00:26:07
Speaker
and how there were so many times that I felt like I was just kind of stumbling along and doing the best I could. And I feel like one of the greatest rewards is when your child becomes 18 or 19 and they have the opportunity
00:26:26
Speaker
to make their faith their own. And you watch it happen. And it's so rewarding. And so I just want to encourage you with that because it didn't always like we use we talk about casting a vision for greatness and cultivating these fruits of the spirit and helping form that spiritual character in our kids and living this counter cultural life in front of our kids to really have an impact on them. It sounds amazing. It didn't always feel
00:26:51
Speaker
Amazing. You know what I mean? It didn't always feel like it was really making a difference. And so I just want to encourage you with that because God is just calling you to be faithful with that next step, with that next decision, with that next day. And so don't be overwhelmed by the big picture. Just keep being
Engagement and Closing Remarks
00:27:09
Speaker
faithful in the little things and in those moments that you feel like maybe don't really matter.
00:27:15
Speaker
Well, friend, we are so grateful that you have joined us. And if we haven't met, we want to get to know you. So be sure to follow us on Instagram at Patrick W. Schwank and at Ruth Schwank or on Facebook. Also, don't forget that everything we talked about will be at rootlikefaith.com forward slash podcast.
00:27:36
Speaker
Again, we welcome you into our family here at Root Like Faith. Would you do us a big favor and leave us a review or rating and share this podcast with your friends? It just takes a second and it is a tremendous help to us as we spread the word about Root Like Faith. And be sure to tag us on social media when you do that. We're so, so grateful for your help in getting the word out. All right, friend, well, we will chat soon and we hope you have the best week.