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FF 006 - Struggles and Advice
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On this episode of Fatherhood Friday our dad panel discusses their struggles in parenting and fatherhood. No father gets it all right all the time, and in this episode the guys help one another and give council on how to do things that are hard. Maybe you will find some valuable advice also!
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Transcript
Introduction and Purpose
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello everybody, welcome to the Preacher Dad podcast. I'm Jared and I am the Preacher Dad. And I'm glad that you found this dark little corner of the internet where maybe you can be encouraged.
00:00:12
Speaker
Today is our Fatherhood Friday episode. And I know you're looking forward to that. Today we talk about fatherhood struggles, things that we don't do very well, things that maybe we feel like we need to work on, we need to some some growth in.
00:00:26
Speaker
Things like how to teach your children to be brave. Things like how to have consistent devotions and and point them to Jesus better. and to help them to be excited about Jesus.
00:00:38
Speaker
So maybe you can find something to benefit your fatherhood journey, or if you're a mother, maybe your motherhood journey on this episode today. I'm looking forward to sharing it with you.
Community and Hosts Introduction
00:00:48
Speaker
But in the meantime, I also want to remind you that this podcast is brought to you by Cornerstone Fellowship. Cornerstone Fellowship is the little church with a big heart just a little bit north of Tombsboro, Georgia, out in the middle of nowhere,
00:01:02
Speaker
But man, we sure would love to love you if you'd like to come and join us. We love Jesus and want to share him with you. And we would love to pray for you. So please share your prayer requests with us.
00:01:13
Speaker
You can find us online at cornerstonefellowship.com. dash ga.org. That's cornerstonefellowship-ga.org.
00:01:26
Speaker
And we're also on Facebook. You can watch our services online and we would love to share that with you as well. May God bless you. And now it's time for Fatherhood Friday.
00:01:50
Speaker
Hello everybody, welcome to Fatherhood Friday. I am glad you are here. i'm glad we are here, because if we're not here, then we're probably not having as much fun as we are tonight.
00:02:02
Speaker
So we hope that your Friday is starting off great. Congratulations. You have found one of the most secluded and little known parts of the internet. There's very few people that find this particular corner, but you have.
Struggles in Teaching Consistency and Temperance
00:02:16
Speaker
So good job. I'm Jared and I'm the preacher dad and I'm here with Tony Russell, Nate Eisner and Matt Stewart. And we are just regular dads that want to be encouraging. We want to strengthen and sharpen other dads like us and anybody else that might find whatever we have to say valuable.
00:02:35
Speaker
But tonight we are going to discuss how we can help one another. So, you know, the journey of fatherhood is a lot about getting to know other guys and what works for them, what doesn't, you know, the iron sharpening iron. The the Bible says, as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
00:02:58
Speaker
I think that's the, you know, hint and paraphrase version, but essentially we are sharpening each other tonight. So we're going to share a little bit about our struggles and the things that we really don't do that well or that we need help with or we haven't figured out.
00:03:15
Speaker
um at least the other guys are, I pretty much have everything figured out. You know, I have plenty of practice. No, I'm kidding. But we're going to just share a little bit with each other and try to encourage each other.
00:03:26
Speaker
So to start us off and get us rolling, I'm going to throw it over to Mr. Nate Eisner. Mr. Nate. Yeah, time for confession hour, right? Yeah. Tell us all your deepest, darkest secrets.
00:03:38
Speaker
Yeah. So, so I think the format of this is basically, we just say what we're, you know, what we struggle with the most to teach our children. And then also just in parenting in general.
00:03:49
Speaker
oh I mean, so we've talked about this before. My kids are young, um one and a half and four years old. She's, Selah just turned four. um So probably the the thing that I've struggled the most with teaching um is a consistent Bible study for them that keeps her interest. Obviously the one and a half year old is, you know, it's her,
00:04:12
Speaker
She started to comprehend what a book is and that there's pictures on this page. So it's not so worried about her for now, but with Selah, you know, trying to keep her attention because it's easy to throw ah the iPad in front of her.
00:04:26
Speaker
And um well, it's not so easy now because I don't have good internet where I live. But, um you know, it's I guess what I have found is it's easy for her to comprehend what's going on in the princess story.
00:04:41
Speaker
but lose interest in what goes on in the Bible story. and Now she does enjoy reading the kids Bible books that we have, the Bible, you know, ah ah illustrated. The storybook Bible? Yes, yeah, those. Thank you.
00:04:55
Speaker
The storybook Bible. Yeah. But obviously, you know, the princesses seem to be a little bit more exciting at this point. And so finding ways to get her on that page with the same excitement has been kind of my struggle. And I will admit part of that has been just a lack of discipline on my part to maintain ah good regiment there.
00:05:14
Speaker
um But that is something I probably struggle the most with teaching. And then from a fatherhood standpoint, um I can get a little short and little short tempered. And so that's just something I struggle with in general.
Coping with Anger and Encouraging Bible Interest
00:05:28
Speaker
um yeah I wouldn't even necessarily say for, don't know, it's just all all the way around. i probably am a little short tempered as a dad. And so I'm seeing that more and more, um, as they learn how to be more annoying with noises and they, they learn how to push your buttons and what actually gets you going. So, um, that's, uh, that, that is something I have noticed recently.
00:05:54
Speaker
Uh, and so that's something that I've been praying about and, um, Yeah, I can see that being a struggle because now I, you know, I'm, I, I don't lose my temper in the sense that I lash out, but you know, in terms of probably being a little, um, probably quick to just send you to your room without, um, actually thinking through this and quick to just do as I say and not sit down and have a conversation.
00:06:23
Speaker
I think we talked about this in the in the last episode that I was on, because I've been gone for two weeks or the last two episodes, but um probably a little bit more of just don't do that and not actually take the time to pay attention to what's going on. Just allowing the, the chaos to, to get to me.
00:06:43
Speaker
um I don't know if I'm articulating this well or not, um but you know, if, if but does is that making sense? Yeah. So I'm tracking with you.
00:06:55
Speaker
yeah so the good thing ah the The good thing about children is that that sandpaper tendency gets to be with you for the rest of your life. So you'll get there. It'll polish you out one way or the other. Yeah,
00:07:07
Speaker
doesn
00:07:10
Speaker
yeah I think that's pretty common, Nate. I mean, as far as you know struggling with, I guess you're saying temper. you know kind of lashing out just like you know i want to say i don't think my kids are annoying i probably sounded wrong but oh no i i what i mean by that is you know they they learn what pushes your buttons and so they kind of use that as as ammunition and so more so the the older one but uh no i get it it's still it's still cute it's still cute with the one and a half year old but that time will go away soon so
00:07:47
Speaker
I love my kids like I can't even imagine. I mean, every time I have a new child, it's like, wow, I got a new compartment of my heart. I got a whole bunch more love to get in there. But they also drive me absolutely nuts some days.
00:08:01
Speaker
Just drive me up the wall. Like, why in the world? I cannot comprehend your level of irritation. Sometimes I look at one of my sons and I go, what are you doing?
00:08:11
Speaker
Why are you just being annoying on purpose? Yeah. But I mean, I love them. Just I would die in a second for them. You know, that and and yeah i don't i don't think of my kids as irritating. I enjoy spending time with them. But there are times when I have to i have to confess.
00:08:30
Speaker
I bark and snap at my kids and I don't want to be that kind of dad that just flies out of me.
00:08:39
Speaker
yeah Let me ask you guys this. Whenever you find those moments. Do you. follow up with moments of repentance to your kids or, um, I, now there's, there's an enormous amount of value in that.
00:08:53
Speaker
Um, the, God gives our kids the parents they have on purpose, uh, warts and all. And the, I, my dad was one of those quick temper type personalities that would,
Reverence and Consistency in Devotions
00:09:08
Speaker
um, it,
00:09:09
Speaker
I think a lot of it was probably really related to blood sugar levels and some other medical things that were going on behind the scenes. But it didn't take much um to be able to oh for him to lose that that battle.
00:09:21
Speaker
But one of the things that I learned greatly about God's capacity to continue to sanctify people. And of course, I didn't understand this as a six year old, but it is a lesson that stuck so deeply into my bones that when I started to learn about those doctrines, it made sense.
00:09:37
Speaker
My dad would always come back. And a lot of times with tears, repenting to us kids um and to see my my dad, you know, recognize, hey, I screwed up. You guys need to know that I know I screwed up.
00:09:52
Speaker
I know, you know, I screwed up because you saw it. You were there. You experienced it. And I'm not too big of a person to be able to let you know that I recognize this as a weakness. That's good. And ah i that's a valuable lesson.
00:10:05
Speaker
it's It's a great thing um for a kid, i think, to see a father. repent. Most men don't, or at least not in a public way or in a way where they are exposed to accountability for that repentance.
00:10:19
Speaker
And I think that's a beautiful thing. So that's a great gift you're giving your kids. a hundred percent agree. And that's really good. I try, I do try to go back to my kids and say, look, I should not have reacted at you.
00:10:33
Speaker
I should not have lost my temper. ah I've had to do that. and And it happened to me because Tony, like you're saying, my dad did the same thing and it left a real big impact on me. And I think, honestly, that's one of the best things that dads can do.
00:10:48
Speaker
And really parenting in general is to admit when you're wrong and say, you know what? Yeah. Daddy got that wrong. Mommy, mommy was wrong when I said that. And you don't really lose anything in your kid's eyes. You, in fact, gain trust with that.
00:11:03
Speaker
You gain ah relationship when you're willing to say, I'm sorry, i was wrong. Will you forgive me? Yeah. up i am I have to remind myself all the time that they are kids, right? So I have, when they do something, I'm like, all right, now is that just them being a six-year-old boy? Yeah.
00:11:27
Speaker
Are they being disobedient or disrespectful or whatever? And most of the time it's just them being a kid, you know? So I have to remind myself of that all the time with all my kids. I got think about it before I respond, but, but I still blow it.
00:11:41
Speaker
Like, you know, just like y'all do. But do you guys have any, uh, tips for dealing with anger? Anything that has worked for you that has helped you?
00:11:53
Speaker
Lots of time at the gun range. It's good. Um, don't put their pictures up there though. No, that's, uh, don't do that. dont do that
00:12:04
Speaker
But there's one of the things that I my son is 11, so he's not quite old enough, but he's very close to something that I'm really hoping will help as an outlet for something like that is to try to get in to a lot of working out and exertion.
00:12:20
Speaker
yeah Men need to exert energy. That's that's part of how you cope with the world. And that's I'm not saying that every man has to be a power lifter, um but there is something like that, whether it's.
00:12:33
Speaker
Yeah. you know, uprooting a log in the backyard or you some, some, some form of conquest that's physical in nature that requires you to exert yourself. Yeah. um I think is an incredibly healthy aspect of how men regulate stress, how men regulate their capacity to ah even really digest emotions in, in hardship or yeah irritation or things like that.
00:12:58
Speaker
So I I'm looking forward to hopefully in a, in a, and ah the next stage of my son's adolescence as he enters it really um to start bringing that aspect into our relationship of how we can relate to one another. in the And well I think that ah in the meantime, while you're waiting for that, I think it's important not to not to neglect that, to allow yourself some space to to be physically aggressive against the thing.
00:13:27
Speaker
Get some of that out of you. That's a good one. Yep. Something that helps me is to make sure that I'm meditating on scripture, that I'm spending my quiet time with the Lord.
00:13:40
Speaker
that helps me to cope with stress better. And helps me to be a better dad because I find things, you know, things that will happen throughout the day make, make that anger flare up.
00:13:53
Speaker
And sometimes it's almost like the Holy spirit goes and sprays fire extinguisher on it or something. And it just dissipates. And what I feel welling up in me just goes two down.
00:14:07
Speaker
And I'm able to respond in a more measured way, even to a you know a challenging situation. The child needs correction or something.
00:14:19
Speaker
God helps me. And it just it's just like the power of the Lord that helps me to do it. And I don't have any other way to explain that. I mean... that I just seen that in my own life, that when I'm, I'm walking with God the way that I ought to be when I'm meditating on scripture, when I'm spending my quiet time with him, he helps me to control that temper.
00:14:45
Speaker
I think we need to answer the first part of his question. his um No, I mean, who cares about the Bible? I don't care about the Bible.
00:14:54
Speaker
Nate, I just want to say, I just want to say that you mentioned the iPad, and I'm assuming you you meant Bible stories on the iPad? are just Oh, so, yeah, what I was saying was, like it's easy to get her excited and ask for, hey, can we watch you know this princess movie?
00:15:13
Speaker
but you know and I will say this. There are mornings that she's like, Daddy, we need to read our Bible. and that's those morning Those mornings are fantastic, and it's also convicting when she thinks of that before I do sometimes, or when she has to remind me that.
00:15:26
Speaker
But um that we didn't do that this morning. But, um you know, at least from my experience right now, she gets more excited about the princess movies than Bible stories. And I would love to see that flipped. Yeah, but I got you.
00:15:42
Speaker
And I think that's a natural part. now But that's the thing, you know, the world of fantasy is also huge for a child. And so. yeah um And you know that's where things like you know the Chronicles of Narnia, I finally found my copy of it after hunting for a month in the the used bookstores, the the the the box set. but So like you know avenues that way are kind of some ways that I'm trying to combat that a little bit um because there are so many good Christian truths that we can pull from stories like that.
00:16:11
Speaker
I'm going to be honest with you, Nate. I don't think you're going to flip-flop that for a while. yeah If she's four years old, You know, flip-flopping that kind of excitement for the Bible story as opposed to the Disney princess story, no endorsement,
00:16:30
Speaker
um is ah is a long journey of consistency for you and your wife to be faithful, to praise these things and to share them with her.
Bravery, Work Ethic, and Fairness
00:16:42
Speaker
it's not gonna It's not going to turn around overnight, and that's okay. That's just the way kids are. It's not a not a failure. yeah I was just going to say two things. Go ahead, Matt.
00:16:53
Speaker
I've already talked way too much. Two things real quick. Again, I don't know if it's the best way to to do it or not, but when they're younger like that, I would let them watch Bible stories on the iPad yeah in the morning. I know it's easy.
00:17:09
Speaker
It's probably better if I sat down and read it to them and explained it to them. But when I got to get out the door at 710 or whatever, it's like at least they're Well, I will say, that another you know we do like VeggieTales before they went woke.
00:17:22
Speaker
So, you know, not the newer stuff, but old school VeggieTales. You can actually get Bible stories, though, like actual Bible stories and little characters and stuff. But that's probably better than VeggieTales. But anyway, and I'll say at least my old that endorsement at least the my oldest three um that are eight and up, they it seemed to kind of transition from once they started They are able to read. They went from the iPad Bible stories to to reading and they kept up with it for the most part.
00:17:54
Speaker
And we don't think one other thing we do, too. and And yours is a little bit too young, but we set goals for ours every year. um And it's always one of their we have like a physical goal, like whatever.
00:18:06
Speaker
Yeah. Running sports, whatever. And we just go through all these different categories. And one is Bible and we have Bible goals for them. And again, she's she's four, but still something to keep in mind. simson Seems like it works pretty decent for us.
00:18:20
Speaker
So that's what I got. I think it is somewhat of ah of developmental importance, too, that your kids view Bible stories and fairy tales as different things and differently there as a different bucket.
00:18:35
Speaker
That it's not as good. We're not we're not reading the Bible because this is entertainment. We're reading Bible because this is how we understand the real world. we're almost like we're stuck in the fairy tale as it is now. And this helps us see what's really on the other side.
00:18:49
Speaker
Right. Because with my kids, I struggle with that aspect of it of like, hey, this is a really cool story about, we're going to talk about the Nephilim because you're six and that's a good time to bring that in.
00:19:02
Speaker
And, you know, that's, it's hard to, hey, this isn't fantasy. This is part of of Bible history. This is part of how God ah rebuked and judged the world because of of these types of things. this isn't This isn't quite as funny or as entertaining as you know ah The Hobbit or something of that nature.
00:19:23
Speaker
it's there's There's something more serious to this aspect. And because of that, it's not going to be entertaining. and It's going to be charged in some capacity. Now, that's that's not to say that over time you want that bucket of the things that are real to become more meaningful And for them, their energy to shift towards wanting more of that and less of the fantasy.
00:19:43
Speaker
Right. um But at least whenever they're young and and way young, it's it's going to be, I don't think it's necessarily bad that they don't see those things alike. I think that's going to help them better to understand how to relate better to reality through scripture later.
00:19:59
Speaker
If it's not the, not the entertainment vector, but the growth vector and the learning vector. Right. Yeah.
00:20:09
Speaker
Good thoughts. Good thoughts. Let's, uh, let's go to Tony. Tony, do you have some, uh, fatherhood, uh, struggles that you want to share with the group? Hi, Tony.
00:20:22
Speaker
Just, just one or two, not 10 Tony. Okay. holidayies Man, I got to go through the Rolodex here and figure out which one's the most family friendly one. Uh, the, uh, my kids, one of the things I'm struggling with now is trying to, um,
00:20:39
Speaker
instill a sense of reverence. um Whenever we're in church, whenever we're praying, whenever we're reading scripture, oh how do you block out everything else, all the distractions, everything that you want to be doing, and just sit and quietly listen and try to suck in the meaningfulness of the nature of what we're doing.
00:20:57
Speaker
That's, I know that's hard for kids. I know that their brains are not particularly wired young to want to focus or want to sit in on any particular thing. But one of the things that makes me probably the most irritated is whenever I'm sitting there trying to pray with my kids or doing devotions or we're trying to read scripture and I have to stop reading every three verses to tell my kids how to sit in the seat and you know to get their heads out of the cushions or to quit beating each other or whatever it is that they're doing because they're kids and that's what they do.
00:21:31
Speaker
That's one of those things where and I don't know yet. like it's It's not just a matter of let me put you in leg irons so you can't move. And then that will teach you reverence.
00:21:43
Speaker
It's more of a, how do i get them to understand the, you know we're, we're sitting before a holy God, reading his precious word. There's a high value of importance to that.
00:21:54
Speaker
How do you relate to something that's of high value importance? And I'm not quite there yet with any of them. yeah The, uh, the 11 year old boy uh, with us this last Sunday, we did our graduation Sunday and he standing next to us in church and dang near flipped over the front seat, the front little aisle of chairs in front of him.
00:22:17
Speaker
I have no idea what he was doing or how he even did it. We're in the middle of singing a song and I see his feet come up in the air beside me as his head goes lunging forward. like What did you even do? Like, it's what were you trying to do? Were you trying to jump over this thing in the middle of the song?
00:22:35
Speaker
But it's just the most random chaos that happened in the middle of our ah of our our worship song. It's
Self-Discipline and Family Involvement
00:22:42
Speaker
that kind of stuff. It's like, okay. like How do I get you to a point where this is as inconceivable in your own mind as it is in mine, that this just happened in the middle of praise and worship songs in the middle of a church service?
00:22:55
Speaker
You know, I bet that every parent since the beginning of time could have a story like that. yeah about how their kids just do not take this the way they ought to.
00:23:06
Speaker
yeah And, you know, i don't know. The worst is when you're having devotions and they start asking really good follow-up questions and then the other one's like, that reminds me of the time when Elsa zapped the lake with her ice powers. It's like, I've, okay. Yeah.
00:23:25
Speaker
just like that. Right. Yes. The plagues of Egypt are like whenever Elsa decided to express her powers. All right, let's start over.
00:23:38
Speaker
my only advice would be like we learn at work, you got to, you know, previous job talked about, you know, you got to set those clear expectations at the very beginning. They have to know, you know, so we do that. I do that when my kids are trying to, and it lasts for like a minute.
00:23:53
Speaker
But at least for that first minute, they're like, all right, this is important. We're going to sit on our butts and not, like you said, flip off the bed or whatever, you know? So yeah. yeah it one I can tell you right now, the strategy that doesn't work because it's the only one I've employed so far is, ah is to read scripture very inconsistently and read it really for a long time whenever you do.
00:24:15
Speaker
So we, last night we were going through three chapters of Deuteronomy together. And there,
00:24:25
Speaker
Four chapters. I'm sorry. Because we were behind. because i yeah I'm very inconsistent on my schedule. So why this 11-year-old and this 60-year-old could not sit and pay attention for 45-minute reading? I have no idea.
00:24:38
Speaker
Oh, my goodness. I'm laughing because I experienced the same thing. It's like, come on, we're going to read the Psalms. And it's like, No, please stop jumping on the piano. Get down. ah Can't you even sit still for 10 minutes?
00:24:56
Speaker
I'm not asking to read five chapters of Deuteronomy like your Uncle Tony. i just wanted you to sit still for one psalm.
00:25:06
Speaker
and they start wanting to act out everything they're hearing. It's like, okay. And then God killed this group of people. And then the giant og was destroyed by the powers of God.
00:25:17
Speaker
Okay, maybe we shouldn't act all these out. You guys should sit there. you know what's he You know what's helped me sometimes is to just pick a section and just start reading through it.
00:25:28
Speaker
So like, you know, what's the story part of the book of Joshua? Well, let's read the battles and let's read the, you know, let's go through the story things in the Bible. Because that, I think, tends to keep children's attention more and helps them to understand the entirety of the story. Those Those historical stories are in there for a very good reason. It teaches some very good lessons.
00:25:52
Speaker
And so, you know, to start reading, maybe start reading in David, reading about the story about King David, but then keep going and continue the story. There's some really interesting, at least to me, they're pretty fun stories that are there, you know, and and I'll get them into the ah doctrine of things another day.
00:26:12
Speaker
And, you know, we memorize scripture together and try to read more than just the stories, but that has helped with the little ones. Another thing that we do is we give them like a coloring book when they're very little before they can read, give them a coloring book and say, okay, you can color quietly while daddy reads the Bible.
00:26:34
Speaker
And the older ones that can read, they have to, they have to put down the other books they're reading and get their Bibles out. And then when it's time to pray, everybody has got to put those things away to close their eyes and concentrate. But,
00:26:46
Speaker
That helps the little ones sometimes to not be so fidgety if we give them something quiet to do and they can pick up a lot from yeah the reading at the same time.
00:26:57
Speaker
I really liked that idea of having, having them read along. Cause I, and that's definitely something I should incorporate a whole lot more to make it a little bit more of their own involvement and their own engagement and doing that thing.
00:27:10
Speaker
And I, at the very beginning we have, of we we kind of thought we were going to read through the whole Bible together as a family because that's one of those wonderful things you can put on the punch card of this is how religious and strong I am.
00:27:22
Speaker
And then you go through Leviticus and you read your first set of rules about circumcision and harlotry and all that kind of stuff. It's like maybe maybe my 11-year-old is not prepared fully for a deep dive into oh some of these things.
00:27:38
Speaker
so Son, if you ever want to carry a heart it. yeah if you're ever tempted to marry a harlot boy you need to make sure you don't do it yeah all the all the rules about who who you can and cannot lie with and the kids like i don't get any of this okay daddy yeah so yeah so yeah Hey folks, I want to tell you about 7 Weeks Coffee.
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00:29:39
Speaker
We were doing, Tegan and I do, we we teach our youth at our church on Wednesday nights, and we've been going through the Ten Commandments over the summer, and this this last week was, you shall not commit adultery. And so just to gauge the room, I said, all right, who here knows what the word adultery means? And I had two students, so it was a very vague— i was prepared for that. I was prepared for that, so I made sure it was you know appropriate, but, yeah. The whole point of that is I'm giving myself grace to skip a few of the of the more difficult passages for now. think
00:30:11
Speaker
Maybe focus on a little bit more of the the age relevant stuff. Hey, you know, guys, we talked a little bit already, a good bit about family devotions and what a struggle that is.
00:30:24
Speaker
And, yeah you know, I think it's a ah really, really important thing to do. But being, well, I just want to say this. I read a book once called 10 Peas in a Pod.
00:30:39
Speaker
And it was about this family that would travel around and do singing and some preaching, a lot of traveling ministry. And it was written by one of the children in the family. and And all of the children in the family followed Jesus.
00:30:57
Speaker
None of them turned away from God. Some of them became ministers. They didn't all go into the ministry, but they all loved Jesus and continued to serve him. And the author says, you know, people sometimes ask me, how did that happen? Ten children.
00:31:13
Speaker
It was a family with ten children. or Maybe there's eight children. It's ten people. um But they all traveled around the country in this little car and um played instruments. And they and that they asked him, people asked him, how did that happen? That all of his siblings all continue to follow Jesus and love Jesus. And he said, he said, basically, it comes down to this.
00:31:37
Speaker
My dad would read the Bible with us every night. And sometimes people were falling asleep. Sometimes he was falling asleep. Sometimes it wasn't very convenient. Sometimes we were getting in at one o'clock in the morning and they were carrying in sleeping children.
00:31:53
Speaker
And yet he would sit them down and say, okay, we're going to read. And they would it might be five minutes. It might be barely anything, but it was consistent. And he attributes the success of his father passing on the lifeblood of his faith to his children because he was consistent with the word of God, consistently pointing them to.
00:32:17
Speaker
the scriptures and he didn't he didn't say you know my dad didn't have these amazing lessons and everything figured out he just yeah took us to the Bible and hey we're gonna just we're just gonna read a little bit just before we go to bed let's just do a little bit in my family I'm not very good about reading the Bible I'd just be honest we don't read the Bible as much as a family as we really need to but we we try to pray together as a family every night yeah And before the kids go to bed or go their separate ways or stuff, we say, look, let's pray.
00:32:53
Speaker
We're going to pray as a family every day, every night. We might not be able to have the bandwidth to handle cracking open the Bible and sitting everybody down. But at least I'll pray with you. Even if you're already in your bed, I'm going to pray with you as a family before we go to sleep.
00:33:10
Speaker
And that's that's something that we've tried to make important and a consistent thing. But I think that that is incredibly valuable for a father to make um make it consistent.
00:33:22
Speaker
It doesn't have to be great. You know, you don't have to have a Bible study lesson. You don't have you know, have three points and an outline and stuff. You just got to just sit them down and and, you know, read the Sermon on the Mount.
00:33:34
Speaker
Just five verses. You know, anything is going to make a difference. That is planting seeds in those little hearts that will make a difference. It's
Responsibility and Discipline in Chores
00:33:43
Speaker
good. ah Faith comes by hearing, hearing the word of God.
00:33:47
Speaker
One of the chief things we pray for for our children is that they grow in faith and in their understanding. It would make complete logical sense, therefore, that we would try to be pumping them full of the word of God.
00:34:02
Speaker
That's a really, really a good challenge there. yeah I'm with you on that, Jared. like we We try to read as often as we can, and I'm terrible at it. and you know I'm not as consistent as I want to be, but we do pray every night.
00:34:14
Speaker
and but It's not bedtime until we've prayed together. And i I love that aspect of our family culture. just want to, i i want it to grow and flourish into other things like the Bible reading, like singing together and and things like that.
00:34:30
Speaker
You guys know how awful I sing, so I don't. But that's one of those areas where I'm, we're talking about, you know, personal failures and personal challenges. That's something that I'm trying to surrender back to to get better at, to try to understand that my lack of singing is an example and a worse example than my poor singing when it comes to you know trying to worship God and especially incorporate ah worship and things like that. I sit in there and don't participate.
00:34:59
Speaker
I'm telling my son this isn't all that important. this is you know there's There's nothing really to this. This is just part of the ritual. That's not the the message I wish to communicate at all. And I just because I don't feel like I can do it very well is no excuse not to try to at least give an example to my kids. And I think it would be a better example if they could hear somebody could do it poorly, unashamed to do it still, because that's what the Lord desires of us. And it's not about me. And it's not about trying to make you know a good image of myself across the congregation. It's about being submissive to lifting up my voice and pray what God has done and worship for what he's done.
00:35:40
Speaker
Amen.
00:35:43
Speaker
um Well, guys, we're starting to run short on time, but I still would like to keep this going a little bit longer. So, you know, if our listeners out there got other stuff to do, hey, you know, pause it.
00:35:54
Speaker
It's a great invention called the pause button. Pause the episode. Come back in a few minutes and hear a little more because I'd like to hear what Matt Stewart has to say. Oh, my gosh. Yes. I'm taking notes.
00:36:06
Speaker
I'm ready.
00:36:09
Speaker
Share a little bit with us, Matt. like failure Go. So before we before we get there, though, because we've been talking about, you know, reading every night, praying every night. And obviously that's something that as Christian fathers, we should we should prioritize. But in case someone listening failed has failed in that area, which we all have, and I do a ton, I just you know, i just want to remind.
00:36:36
Speaker
Remind them that Yes, we have a a vital role to play in our kids' um salvation and their spiritual walk. But it's ah it's obviously it's in God's hands, too.
00:36:50
Speaker
Right. And we trust him um and him alone for their salvation, even though, you know, obviously we need to do our part. But just want to say that because I know I failed a lot, but I just trust, just pray and trust in God. But it's a good word.
00:37:04
Speaker
Yeah. I think you were predestined to share that word with us. Yes. From the foundation of the world. I think you're correct. I know you're correct.
00:37:17
Speaker
Go ahead. share some so Share some of your struggles, Matt. I was really curious to know what you would say. Yeah. So three things jump out at me and we and we don't have to discuss all three. You can pick which ones you want to talk about.
00:37:33
Speaker
Seriously. um One is I'm trying to to work with my my son on bravery, you know, i um'm um he, he just gets scared of a lot of things. Six-year-old, he just, every little thing, he just gets scared. He won't, he won't walk out in the yard by himself. He, a lot of different things, but, um but I think part of that's just gonna, it's gonna change as he grows up.
00:37:58
Speaker
I'm hoping so. um Another thing with him, he's a lot like me in the sense that he does not want to get outside and do any work. And i I can think back so many times my dad was asking me to go help him in the garden, help him um helping build our house at the time he was working on, so you know, and I would always complain and whine. And he would he would finally say, fine, just go inside, you know.
00:38:24
Speaker
And and i did, and I was happier. And so I'm trying to figure out, do like, how much do I ah do i force it? Like, you know what, buddy?
00:38:37
Speaker
i don' I know it's hot. I know you don't want to, but come out here and do it with me and be miserable. you know I just don't know. And the last thing, and I know anybody that's got more than one child deals with fairness.
00:38:51
Speaker
Well, that's not fair. That's not what she got to stay up 10 minutes later. is yeah She ate one more piece of pizza. What all the time. And I know that's normal. And so feel free to jump in and talk about any of those because it's,
00:39:06
Speaker
just Just give up on fairness. It doesn't exist. It can never happen. I And I tell them, I'm saying, look, okay, if you want me to be fair, I know you've all ever we've all done this. If you want to be fair, I'll put all of you to bed at eight o'clock because you're going complain if so-and-so stays up 10 minutes late, you're going all go to bed at eight.
00:39:23
Speaker
and don't care what time your bedtime is. they They get that for a minute. Oh, never mind. I'm fine. yeah yeah It's not fair because I love them more than you.
00:39:35
Speaker
If you would obey better, then I would love you more. And we try to and we try to tell them, like, listen, yes, we will we buy we buy you new clothes because you need you need new clothes.
00:39:48
Speaker
You don't. You do, you know. um we You act out when you eat sweets, so we're going to try to limit your sweets, and you don't. You can really manage it all. and So anyway, it's just you treat kids differently, you know, and they just can't.
00:40:04
Speaker
They can't get that. But I think really the main, I think if, if y'all would jump in on the, um, the, the hard work, like getting my boy outside and trying to get him to get his hands dirty and do some stuff. I think that might be the one I want y'all to, to jump in on, but feel free to say whatever.
00:40:23
Speaker
i was never successful at getting my six year old to mow the yard. Like I told him to, but, um, it was, I think when it comes to some of that kind of stuff, like as a, as a, As a six year old, I think you can give yourself an enormous amount of grace.
00:40:38
Speaker
This little man has still got so much more to figure out about himself before work ethic is even really comprehensible. But i I do think that that general drive that you have to try to want to push him towards work, push him towards what's uncomfortable, not because you don't like him or because of a sense of punishment or sadism or anything like that, but just because you have to conquer these things. If you're going to become a man and be successful,
00:41:03
Speaker
running your own family and being you know prosperous, you're going to have to be able to put yourself in uncomfortable places, even if nobody's telling you to, because that's what's required to get to the next step.
00:41:16
Speaker
That's a good desire. that that's That's a good aspect of where your heart is pushing you. And I i think you're going to see the so the circumstances when they come that are going to best present themselves to be able to deliver that solution. I think if you have that heart,
00:41:32
Speaker
You already have that lens sitting in front of you and the way that you're trying to look at how to raise your son. I think you just need to pray and trust God for the wisdom of those circumstances when they appear to know how to apply him without having to worry that you've missed the one that was really going to make it set in. And now he's just going to be a wuss forever.
00:41:52
Speaker
That's not going to happen. He's got your blood. He's not going to fall that far. you You have plenty of chances to be able to help him to see and understand. And I think because it's in your heart already you're not going to have too hard of a problem seeing it whenever the circumstance avails itself but not every situation is going to be required to be able to push him into turning into a workhorse at six years old yeah yeah that's a good point thank you matt do you uh do you guys do chores for your kids do you have chore lists yes and things they have to do yep every day yeah and extra extra chores on saturdays yeah we try to
00:42:31
Speaker
be consistent with that. Okay. Well, that's a good way to help them to learn responsibility. um You know, I would just say, maybe think about a reward.
00:42:45
Speaker
Like if they do, hey, if you will come out and work with me for this project, you know, maybe I'll take you out for ice cream after that. Or, you know, maybe, you know, you get to do something special with dad later this week, you know, ah kind of make it ah you're not bribing them exactly.
00:43:02
Speaker
ah There's a difference between offering a reward and giving them a bribe.
00:43:09
Speaker
That difference might be kind of a thin line, but it's still a line. and I think it's fine for you to say, you know, Hey, there's a reward for good behavior here.
00:43:19
Speaker
There's a reward for fulfilling this task. And then, and you know, as like Tony's saying, as he grows older, he'll, he'll catch a hold of that cause and effect a lot faster and and a lot easier.
00:43:32
Speaker
um But there is a time and a place for saying, Hey, you got to do it because I said so. And we, we forced them into service so that they experience the joy that comes, the satisfaction that comes from doing a job well and say, Hey, wow, I really did that. So, you know,
00:43:53
Speaker
let let them do more, you know, let them drive a screw in or let them, you know, participate a little bit more than is necessarily efficient.
00:44:05
Speaker
Does that make sense? Like I can do the job so much faster, oh yeah but I want them to participate in it sometimes. So I'm like, Hey, okay. You want to do the drill? Okay. You do this one. Okay. You hammer this nail in.
00:44:18
Speaker
Okay. You know, You go get this board. deal You make the mark on it. Okay, you made the mark. Good job. And as they grow older, it's kind of like, okay, now you run the power saw. And now you tell me the measurements. you know I mean, as they grow older, they grow into more of that.
00:44:34
Speaker
But yeah, I think it's okay to push them sometimes, but it's also sometimes okay to say, you know what? you've You've helped me really well with a good attitude all week.
00:44:46
Speaker
You can go in and spend your and you Saturday inside today with mom. You can be a mama's boy today, buddy, if you want to. Go grab him. Just pass him aggressive and tame him into hard work. Part of the problem is 100% my fault and I get them a Nintendo Switch and so he wants to play that instead of being outside with daddy, which completely makes sense because I would want to as well if I was a six-year-old boy or a 10-year-old boy or
00:45:19
Speaker
12 or whatever. But you do is you you take the power plug to your switch, you put it in a box and you bury it deep in your garden. You tell them, okay, this is our project. We're going to go work the garden until we find your switch controller or your switch plug. and go watch You find it.
00:45:37
Speaker
ah yeah yeah So ah I've got a one-year-old, four-year-old, so I can't really speak from experience here, but I can point to some guys that seem to have good fruit in this topic.
00:45:48
Speaker
ah So we've talked about Joel Salatin before, but his son Daniel is basically, I don't know, I wouldn't say he runs Polyface now, but I know he is heavily involved in, you know, has kind of stuck with the family business after being raised in that. And so he speaks, Joel Salatin speaks a lot on involving your kids in your work.
00:46:06
Speaker
um And obviously they're all farming. So he's got some really good stuff. um I know if you look up his name at like the Homestead Conference on YouTube, he's got whole seminars on the topics. Justin Rhodes has a lot on that as well, um, about involving your kids.
00:46:21
Speaker
And the main thing that, that I hear them talk about is not expecting too much out of them. Um, you know, because, and you even alluded this earlier, kids are kids, you know, how much is disobedience and how much is just them, you know, being wired little kids that have so too much energy and they know what to do with. So, um, that's a big thing, but both, both cases, both Joel Salatin and Justin Rhodes. Um, when I say that, you know, you look at the fruit, uh,
00:46:46
Speaker
Joel Salatin's children are grown and running the business now. And Justin Rhodes, um I think his kids are early teens, but when they had that, he's North Carolina. So when that big hurricane blew through their whole farm, got essentially destroyed and his 15 year old was out on an excavator, rebuilding their pole barn and like
Spiritual Engagement and Parenting Wrap-up
00:47:05
Speaker
digging it out. So, um you know, that's, the he, he's, he, they got a lot of good, you know, obviously a lot of theory, but it seems to have worked out for them. So,
00:47:15
Speaker
maybe some good, good content to check out there. Good. Good suggestion. ne Thank you. Good. Thank you. Well, guys, I, I pretty much, I have everything figured out. Jared's got it all figured out.
00:47:30
Speaker
So, no, I actually have a complicated. Read all about it. and this we can read all of it And this, we can read all of it. Pretty long. What did you say, man? I'm sorry.
00:47:41
Speaker
i my the For some reason, our synchronization there was always perfect where I could only talk immediately as you were talking. So I apologize for that. But I had some stupid joke that it matter.
00:47:55
Speaker
Well, honestly, the people probably keep coming back to hear you, Tony, because your jokes are funny. And that's what, I mean, it brings them back. I'm sure it does. All seven.
00:48:07
Speaker
and ah That's some bitter honey right there. So mine is a little ah little complicated. um So we are really involved with our kids. We're with them a lot.
00:48:21
Speaker
We are um controlling, I suppose, their behavior to some degree. Like they know what we expect and what we require of them. And they, you know, generally do it. ah I wouldn't say they all the time do it, but they generally do what we expect them to do, or they they understand the way we want them to behave, and they do it.
00:48:47
Speaker
And what we've run into lately is that as soon as parental presence is no longer there, they immediately succumb to every fleshly desire or impulse that has ever flowed through them.
00:49:05
Speaker
They just like go immediately to fighting and selfishness, And impulsive wrestling and and attacks and screams and and wars for power. It's just as as unbelievable. just And you can imagine with eight kids, you know mom and dad are gone for an hour. I mean, not even an hour. but one dot One time recently, my wife walked out of the house.
00:49:33
Speaker
She was going to be gone for just like a short time, like 30 minutes down to the neighbor's. Before she was out of sight of the house, there was a screaming match inside with people that were fighting and there was this horrible breakdown of order. And it just, i I'm struggling to understand or to know how to teach my kids to have self-control and to discipline themselves, even when the outward, the outside discipline is not there, when mom and dad are not there you
00:50:07
Speaker
you know give you the evil evil eye or you know, wag their finger at you if you're not doing right all the time. And then suddenly, you know, mom, dad aren't here anymore. Wow, I can do anything I want to do now, it seems like.
00:50:22
Speaker
And so I'm struggling to help them learn how to discipline themselves. Now, my older kids, you know, they're not quite that way. But as a group together, even the older kids sometimes are not responding very well in those circumstances.
00:50:38
Speaker
and so I'm struggling to know how to teach them to control their impulses when mom and dad are not around and you know my my older kids are old enough to be able to watch the rest of the family I know that the world is different and people are different the culture is different but I was babysitting my siblings at 12 years old for like two hours and by the time I was 15 or 16 years old I was doing overnight babysitting My parents were going off on you know overnight trips and I was taking care of everybody at home.
00:51:13
Speaker
Now, maybe I you know think the statute of limitations is expired on that if that was child endangerment somehow. I don't think my dad will get trouble. But um you know that's a struggle for me that my my kids are struck are having a hard time.
00:51:33
Speaker
I'm having a hard time teaching them or figuring out how to teach them to be self-controlled. I think the best way to approach that would be about 45 minutes before you're getting ready to leave.
00:51:46
Speaker
Start reading the book of Deuteronomy. And they all fall asleep, then you can go do the thing you need to do. And then when you should be able to get back before they wake. That's excellent advice. Thank you, Tony.
00:51:59
Speaker
You solved it.
00:52:03
Speaker
As soon as they wake up, they say, hey, that's a chandelier. I can swing from that. Yeah, exactly. So let me ask you this. In in the scenarios that you're in, there may not be a common thread here, but is it predominantly your sons that are picking on your girls or the other way around?
00:52:20
Speaker
No, actually. and it I mean, it is my sons that are... um some A lot of times causing that struggle, but I have daughters as well yeah that are also being resistant or rebellious to, you know, hey, the oldest is in charge.
00:52:38
Speaker
And the younger ones sometimes will say, and some of the younger girls even will say, you are not my boss. I don't have to do what you say. yeah And so it's hard.
00:52:49
Speaker
And so they're just kind of just whatever I want to do at this moment, I'm going to do it. Because mom and dad are not here to control my behavior.
00:53:02
Speaker
Well, it's hard. See? told you. It's hard. Well, you're further along into this. i mean, you've been having kids for about 100 years now. So I don't – I'm not going to be able to give you any wisdom at all compared to you know our our giant age gap. So – um ah
00:53:21
Speaker
Okay. Well, I guess I'm stuck. Okay. Yeah. yeah yeah i mean I'll be with my kids forever. All I can think is maybe like, obviously consequences still exist even when mom and dad are not present. Right. You know, the, the concept, you know the outcome of your action is the same regardless of if I was here to witness it or not, because especially if you have older ones that can be the witness for you, unless they're getting involved in the,
00:53:50
Speaker
in that conflict as well, then it's just a, I, I, I hear eight children. That's, that, that's, I can see that being a struggle, but you know, I'll have to say like, okay, if, if, if the consequence for X is Z, then if I find out that you did X, then your consequence is still Z regardless of whether or not I was here to do it. So putting some of that responsibility in that, at least putting that in the bag their minds, you know, you might do that two or three times, but you know,
00:54:18
Speaker
If I get the same consequence over and over, i don't know. that's That's all I can think of. but No, that's great because actually, you know, if my wife and I haven't done it that much, then they haven't had the opportunity to experience, well, wait a minute. Mom and dad weren't here. I still did X. I still got Z. yeah They haven't learned that lesson. So maybe we just need to kind of go off and come back and do cleanup. Yeah.
00:54:45
Speaker
And, you know, basically say, just because I wasn't here doesn't mean yeah you didn't disobey. Yeah.
00:54:53
Speaker
Jared, one thing, I mean, it might help a tiny bit, but have you all done any, read any books or done any studies on self-control? Like, given them, like, there's, we've had some books where um the characters, you know, in it are,
00:55:12
Speaker
not joyful or not that they don't have any of the fruits of the spirit and, and this happens to them as a result or whatever. Just look, I don't know any little things like that you can do with them. I mean, teach them that it's and why it's important.
00:55:25
Speaker
Have you guys ever heard of cat and dog theology? Yeah. Yeah. Cause that that's right here, right here in Richmond. Yeah. Well, we had a, had a, have a couple of those books and the kids love to look at them and it's all about, you know,
00:55:40
Speaker
the guy The dogs that follow and love Jesus do this, and these good things happen. And then the cats that are selfish and self-centered, you know they have bad behaviors and bad things happen to them. So I don't know. I think it might be an oversimplification, but I do kind of like that dogs are the good guys and cats are the bad guys. I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine today. were talking about pet funerals.
00:56:05
Speaker
and what the music would be like for a dog, you know, you sing stairway to heaven for a cat. You sing highway to hell.
00:56:13
Speaker
Perfect. Perfect. Well, thank you guys. um I have really enjoyed talking about this with you. um Just being able to hear each other's struggles and the things that we're working on, but also to challenge each other, to give each other advice.
00:56:35
Speaker
is valuable to me. And so I hope that maybe somebody out there in podcast land has also been blessed by ah some of the things that we've shared tonight, maybe giving you an idea, ah something to help you out.
00:56:49
Speaker
So, and if you've listened this long, then I hope that you will subscribe to this podcast because we need people like you on the team. we
00:57:02
Speaker
so Guys, do you have any final thoughts before we close up? Yeah, i want I wanted to say one thing, Jared, just because, you know, sometimes we end the episodes with something people may not know that they should know or whatever.
00:57:15
Speaker
And I just wanted to say earlier, before we started recording, you stood up for a minute or whatever. And just wanted to say you had great genes. Oh, thanks. yeah I'm glad to have those good genes.
00:57:28
Speaker
yeah Jared, could you explain to Nathan exactly what that means? i think right Blue jeans, is this what we're talking about? We're talking about jeans, yes. yeah yeah Blue jeans on on me, a man.
00:57:41
Speaker
A very ah relatively overweight, unattractive fella. I'm a Levi's kind of guy. you know I don't know. but um I wanted to tell you guys that my wife and I watched three movies back-to-back last night.
00:57:59
Speaker
and gracious thanks Thankfully, I was the one facing the TV.
00:58:08
Speaker
Okay, thank you, Matt. Appreciate that laugh. all right I'm still processing that. I'm trying to think through that one. I'm sure it's going to click here in just a second. I'll explain it to you once we're off the air.
00:58:22
Speaker
Got it. I was homeschooled, so if this is over my head, it's over my head. I mean, you know. Say that in Latin.
00:58:32
Speaker
I speak English and gibberish. Okay. I thought all the homeschoolers spoke Latin.
00:58:41
Speaker
Anyway, love you guys. I hope you have a great night, and thank you to all of you listeners out there. And we hope that you've been blessed, and we'll catch you next time Fatherhood Friday. Good night.