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Your Leadership Says More Than You Think - And It’s Not Always Positive
37 Plays12 days ago
In this episode, I sit down with Sarah Langslow, an executive coach and leadership expert, to dig deep into the impact we have as leaders—both the intentional and the unintentional. Sarah went from competing in the Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race to a stellar corporate career, and now she’s the author of Do Sweat the Small Stuff, a book that takes a close look at how our smallest actions as leaders can have the biggest impact. Join us as we uncover some eye-opening truths about the power of presence, intent, and those “micro-interactions” that often go unnoticed.
Key Takeaways Include:
- Intent vs. Impact: Sarah reveals why our intentions, no matter how good, often go astray. How can we make sure the message we think we’re sending is what others actually receive?
- Unintended Consequences of Being "Nice": What happens when kindness becomes a cover for discomfort? Sarah’s story of a moment gone wrong might make you rethink how you approach feedback.
- Navigating Power Dynamics: Sarah shares how power subtly affects every interaction—and how even the smallest misstep can amplify in unexpected ways. Are you tuned in to how power affects your team?
- Breaking Habitual Responses: What if your quick-fix solutions are doing more harm than good? Sarah offers a different way to engage that could change the way your team sees you.
Resources:
- Explore Sarah’s website: sarahlangslow.com for her book Do Sweat the Small Stuff and access to additional resources.
Contact Me:
- Book your free 30-minute Leading Smarter Discovery Call https://calendly.com/visiblydifferentcorine/1-2-hr-discoverycall
- Download my Leader's Guide to Increasing Your Impact, Influence & Free Time https://www.visibly-different.co.uk/increasing-your-impact/
Got a question for me? I'm just a message away on LinkedIn.
Click here to get your free copy of my Leader's Guide to Increasing Your Impact, Influence & Free Time
And if you enjoyed the Podcast please share with someone who might benefit and leave a rating and review.If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who might benefit and don’t forget to leave a rating and review!
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Transcript
Understanding Communication Impact
00:00:01
Speaker
What does impact really mean? It's what happens when we come into a room. Building our awareness of what that impact is allows us to ah adjust it slightly so that we have the impact we intend. If we think we've communicated clearly, and we later find out that actually we haven't. That gives us that chance to reflect and be curious. It's dangerous to assume everything's fine just because we haven't happened to notice anything's off.
00:00:27
Speaker
Thinking about how it might land on the other side for the other person is so critical to not only understanding our impact but shaping our impact. The intent is not enough, it's the impact on the other side that actually matters.
Introduction to Podcast and Guest
00:00:42
Speaker
Welcome to the show. I'm Corinne Hines and this is the Visible Leader podcast.
00:00:50
Speaker
I take a practical approach to leadership,
00:01:16
Speaker
I once met Kate Moss. I took a vodka to her room when I was working as a waitress at uni, and she complimented me on my eye color. I was wearing bright green contact lenses. Now I recall that, and it was quite a few years ago, and I'm pretty sure Kate Moss doesn't remember me. But imagine if most of the strangers you met recalled everything you said to them and all your interactions years later.
00:01:44
Speaker
Okay, now I'm not suggesting that leaders are having this issue. However, your interactions have power and you might not even realize the impact you've had until it's too late. This week, I chatted to the wonderful Sarah Langslow. She's an executive coach and leadership specialist. She competed twice as a rower in the Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race.
00:02:11
Speaker
She had a 15 year corporate career and holds not only an MA, but an MBA too. And if that wasn't enough, she's written a bestselling book called Do Sweat the Small Stuff, where she explores the power of micro interactions in leadership. In this episode, we talked about how to tune into your impact. The top five unintended consequences leaders have when they get it all wrong.
00:02:37
Speaker
and some actionable steps to make sure you're more likely to be having the impact that you want.
Unintended Impact in Corporate Career
00:02:44
Speaker
a
00:02:47
Speaker
Sarah, really lovely to have you on my podcast today. Thank you for having me. It's good to be here. So my very first question for you is,
00:02:59
Speaker
When have you had an impact as a leader or as just a human that didn't go as planned, unintended consequence?
00:03:12
Speaker
hit me. Come on, Sarah. and The one that actually springs to mind is less a single moment, but a sort of series of moments leading up to something, which is actually the only time I think I've, or one of the very few times I had to let somebody go from a job during my career. And in this particular case, I remember the look of shock when they received that message. If I remember correctly, it was a decision not to either extend or concern from a probation.
00:03:42
Speaker
And I remember the look of shock in that meeting and the realisation that I thought it was not going to come as a surprise.
00:03:53
Speaker
I thought I'd had clear conversations in the lead up. I thought I'd been giving reasonably direct feedback and that that person would have received the message that things weren't going brilliantly and that passing probation and becoming full-time wasn't the given.
00:04:13
Speaker
And it was a great moment for me to reflect at the time and realizing that I hadn't actually been clear enough. I hadn't been direct enough and that in my efforts to be sort of kind and positive, which I think a lot of us do when we're giving tough feedback.
00:04:28
Speaker
we sugarcoat it, we don't really address the core things, or we wrap it in so much, oh yes, but this is good, and and that part's great, but this over here, and the message gets lost. And with hindsight, I think that message had been getting lost repeatedly, actually, over a period of time, and it was a really good lesson for me, because I realised that While there will always be some shock when you're delivering that message, it's it's kind of inevitable, though we sort of never really believe it's going to happen to us until it happens to us, I think. It made me uncomfortable and I realized that I needed to look hard at myself and that actually I could do much better at giving clear, direct feedback to people, particularly when they're not really performing.
00:05:11
Speaker
It's showing that communication is a two-way thing, isn't it? It's not just a one-way message. It's tuning into what's really being heard right now. and Exactly. And it's not enough for me to think I've delivered a message.
00:05:25
Speaker
I have to actually, especially for things like that, really be responsible that it's landed to check what the other person has heard. It sometimes feels weird to do in the moment, sort of, can i can I just check what you just heard? That kind of question, or even if it's not that direct, using reflective questions and challenge to see what did land and what didn't from the feedback that's been given.
00:05:53
Speaker
Yeah, it's definitely a two-way thing and the intent is not enough, it's the impact on the other side that actually matters.
Intent vs Impact in Leadership
00:06:00
Speaker
So this is what we're covering today, intent and impact and times when those two things can really miss each other.
00:06:09
Speaker
Lovely example, reminds me of um radical candor in the example that Kim Scott gave which was about her feeling like she wanted to keep giving this employee chances and didn't want to say something that would upset him to the point where he wasn't performing and then she did have to let him go and he was utterly shocked exactly like your person and it had been going on and on and that similar feeling of It wasn't landing and me being kind wasn't actually what was required right now. ah Yeah, exactly. It's not in service of the other person. We're actually doing it usually for our own comfort. We think we're doing it to be kind over there, but it's actually more about us and our own discomfort and unwillingness to say the hard thing.
00:07:03
Speaker
And the other phrase that always comes to mind for me around this is Bruno Brown and saying, clear is kind, unclear is unkind. And actually, if we're not willing and able to deliver a message, especially a hard to hear message clearly, we're actually not being kind to the other person. We're being unkind because we're denying them the chance to really hear it. We're denying them the sort of gift of that feedback.
00:07:27
Speaker
It feels like another book in your background, I noticed when we talked earlier, the difference between being nice and being kind. Very much so. The people pleasers are in that. Not that people pleasing is inherently a bad quality because it's comes from a, you know, obviously some of the times the intent is coming from a good place, but You get stuck in the room marked nice and you can't really be kind because you can't do what needs to be done sometimes. And it's a place you have to look at yourself. I'm recognizing this in myself, so I'm not going to pretend. Look, I think we all have it because I...
00:08:06
Speaker
to some extent. Anyway, I try and keep quite a positive view. I think most people have good intentions. I think there are very few people out there who actively go around trying to be unpleasant people. But it's sort of not enough by itself. And within that, being willing to sometimes say something that might make a bit of a mess in the short term, it might be uncomfortable. It might upset somebody. It might cause a reaction or a response that makes us uncomfortable and makes them feel bad in the moment, but it might still be the right thing to do or say in the long term. It might still be to your point, the kind thing to do or to say, not to string it out, not to avoid the conversation, not to six months later, find yourself in a conversation saying, I need to let you go and have that person be in a state of shock. We're using this word impact.
00:09:01
Speaker
And I noticed from your book, you had a little picture of a person with impact and lots of different aspects of it, which was interesting to look under the surface of it because it's a word that gets used a lot. So what does impact really mean?
00:09:17
Speaker
It's a great question. If I was to summarise it, it's the sort of how we show up, what happens when we come into a room almost, that's when it starts. So it happens before we even speak. Now, of course, our impact includes what we say and how we say it. Our tone of voice, it includes our emotions, which seep out of us, whether we really realise it or not, we're actually quite bad at hiding them. It includes also what we're listening to.
00:09:48
Speaker
and what we're ignoring. It includes whether we interrupt, whether we allow space and hold the silence, but it's also how we stand, how we sit.
00:09:59
Speaker
You know, are we leaning forwards towards someone or we leaning back? Is our voice loud or is our voice quiet? There's such a range. There's a whole sort of presence we have, which is made up of all of these different components, both the sort of direct communication components, but also the much more intangible, indirect communications. And that has an impact everywhere we go. We have an impact simply by walking into a room. You know, I talk at one point in the book about almost our being.
00:10:27
Speaker
Some people have quite a sort of loud being. They walk into a room and you cannot help but notice them. Sometimes that's a good thing. Sometimes it's less helpful. You know, there are moments when you sort of wish people could enter a room quietly, both literally and in that wider sense.
00:10:45
Speaker
But when you start to notice it with people, it goes far beyond what we say and what we do, although that's obviously important. It's even bigger than that.
Self-awareness in Communication
00:10:54
Speaker
And understanding that we all have that kind of impact on people, we don't have to be thinking about it. We don't have to be trying to have an impact. We are having an impact.
00:11:05
Speaker
And so building our awareness of what that impact is, allows us to start to shape it or adjust it slightly so that we have the impact we intend to come back to that point. We can start to adjust it a little bit and think about the situation or the person in front of us or the conversation we want to have, or simply the result we want to get on the other side and think about, therefore, what do I need to do as far as I can control to actually make that happen?
00:11:33
Speaker
So we're having this impact everywhere we go and then any room we enter. And some of those things we could point to, people will have a sense of how they might be received in different situations, but some of it we're blind to, or probably quite a lot of it we're we're a bit blind to. So it it sounds like in order to do anything in this space, you need to understand what impact you're having.
00:12:01
Speaker
Yes and no. There's always that risk, it gets taken too far. and We almost get very self-absorbed with what impact we're having. and you know so I'm not suggesting that. Where I look is is the impact I'm having, what I intend.
00:12:16
Speaker
And sometimes we will see that directly because sometimes we will do things and notice an unexpected response perhaps, or something that just doesn't feel quite right. We can sort of sense when the energy shifts in a room or in a conversation often.
00:12:33
Speaker
And so sometimes it's just about being curious about that. It might be about us. It might be about something completely different. It's not about jumping to conclusions and assuming we are all powerful and we are controlling everybody around us kind of thing, but it's we can be curious. And so if we have a sense, a message doesn't land well, or we think we've communicated clearly and we later find out that actually we haven't, that message hasn't landed or we haven't seen the behaviors or the followup that we might expect from it.
00:13:02
Speaker
That gives us that chance to reflect and be curious. If things are largely going well, yes, it's a good place to keep awareness and keep reflecting on and and not just assume everything's fine. You know, that can be a place where we're seeking feedback or simply sometimes dialing up our curiosity for a bit to just sort of double check. We're not assuming it's all good and there's actually something else going on we haven't noticed.
00:13:28
Speaker
So it's a balance, it's not something to sort of obsess about, but it's also dangerous to assume everything's fine just because we haven't happened to notice other things off. So there's a balance to be struck in the middle around that. It feels like when you were talking about that, I was thinking about power and the power dynamic.
00:13:50
Speaker
and that being maybe quite a blind spot for some people. Yes, it's such an important one to remember. Because we see the well-directed from our own point of view, typically. It sounds it's obvious, but we that's our inherent. We say, well, I wouldn't mind doing that. I wouldn't mind saying that. I would speak up if I noticed that happening. Or I'd tell them if I didn't like the way they they explained something or if I didn't get it. So obviously, the other person would, right? Not necessarily. Particularly when we're in positions of power or authority, it fundamentally shifts that dynamic. You know, a position of power might be a sort of
00:14:29
Speaker
formal power in terms of the power to reward or withhold opportunities, you know, in that sense, or allocate somebody's bonus or determine whether they get a promotion or a pay rise. But it can be a more informal power in terms of do we consider them for projects? Do we make introductions? Do we support them or do we suppress their contribution? Sometimes it's even just are we louder and confident or are we quiet and and more reserved can can affect the power dynamic. But power magnifies the significance of all of our interactions. It sort of adds that layer in and it magnifies it because when we're in a position of power, others add significance. Well, they did this, therefore. They said that, oh, that must mean the people around us add these layers of meaning that we don't even realize is happening.
00:15:23
Speaker
And so if we're not considering that, we may be seeing unexpected behaviours or not getting the response we expect and not understanding why. And when you sit on the other side and you're the person who feels powerless, it can be much harder to speak up. It can be much harder to ask a question and often maybe perceived even as unsafe.
00:15:45
Speaker
you know, what judgment will someone have on me for doing that? I don't want to show my boss that I don't understand this. So I'm just going to say that, yes, yes, I understand all of that. And then go back to my desk and try and figure it out on my own because I don't want to admit it. It doesn't feel safe to you. So considering that power dynamic, it's always a layer in our impact.
00:16:06
Speaker
are we in that relationship? Are we the one that maybe has or is perceived to have power or do we not have, or do we perceive ourselves not to have power? And how is that influencing how we respond? Yeah, yeah. It's it's an interesting dimension to it that maybe it's a bit subconscious with it. You know, you know when you're in that kind of relationship with somebody that does have more power and the impact it has on you and It feels like it lands a bit more with them to allow for that feedback and that that shift. I'm not sure if that's right, but if I'm just imagining those different power dynamics and thinking the onus feels like it's more on the person with the power to shift things and enable the right kind of questions or right kind of environment for that to happen.
00:17:01
Speaker
I mean, it's the cheesy quote with great power comes great responsibility, right? It's that sort of, if you are in that position of power authority, I do generally agree. It's not that the other person is abdicated any power at all. They obviously still have things they can do, but yeah, it's it's kind of on you. The really simple example I always think of in this is the boss who sends a message to one of their team at right at the end of the day, 5.36 PM and says, can we have a chat in the morning? No context.
00:17:31
Speaker
Now, when you lie power on that, you lay uncertainty, no context provided. I think it's Isaac Liddstein in his TED talk talks about this idea that our brain replaces the unknown with the awful. and So because we don't know what that chat's about, our brain says, well, it's probably something bad. I've messed up. I've done something wrong. I'm going to be fired. I'm really in some deep trouble.
00:17:59
Speaker
And at one extreme, that may cause a sort of sleepless night for that team member, because my boss wanted to talk to me about, I don't know what's going on. What have I done wrong? Can't I'm about to be told off? Maybe I'm going to be fired. Whereas the boss just wants to, I don't know, chat about something completely innocuous. Or maybe it's even good news, right? We don't know. It might be, wow, thank you very much. That was a brilliant piece of work I wanted to tell you in person.
00:18:23
Speaker
That boss taking that extra two seconds to say even just it's something good don't worry or it's about this makes a massive difference to that person.
00:18:36
Speaker
But it might take a quite high degree of confidence from that team member potentially to go back in that evening when they see the message and say, can I just check what this is about? They're probably more likely to stay silent. So that both making the extra effort makes a huge amount of difference to that team member. Now, so the team member with this awareness they can do a bit because they might also challenge their own narrative and say, why am I assuming this is something bad? This could just as easily be something good, right? I'm not going to steal on this. I'm going to choose to be fine with it. And maybe if I'm feeling really brave tomorrow, I'll say to my boss, actually, next time it would really help me if you'd let me know what it's about, because it did make me a bit worried, right? So there are things both sides can do.
00:19:20
Speaker
But that boss to just take that extra second, think about the impact of that message. Think about how it might land on the other side. Okay. Do you know what? i'm yeah I'm just going to confirm what I'm talking about. And frankly, if it is something bad, wait till the following morning. Absolutely. Just do it the same day. Don't do that before. Could you just let me know what it is? Oh, what it is. I just want to give you notice. I would like to follow you. Right. I want to reduce your pay.
00:19:48
Speaker
Thanks. Exactly. yeah so But again, that level of thinking it through of how the message lands yeah and you know and when you deliver it. It's bad news, just do it there and then. Yeah, absolutely.
Promoting Leadership Programs
00:20:00
Speaker
Don't leave ni people hanging.
00:20:03
Speaker
so Hello, it's Corinne here. Before you get stuck into the podcast, I wanted to tell you about something I've been working on recently that could help you get better results with key leaders in your team.
00:20:17
Speaker
Perhaps they've been in post a while, or they're one of your rising stars who you've promoted because they were great at the job they did before, but now they're not really getting the results you expected. Whatever the story, the knock on effect is you're getting dragged into decision making that really shouldn't involve you. And you're frustrated because you've probably said something already, but nothing is changing. If this sounds familiar, then my leading smarter program is for you.
00:20:47
Speaker
I run individual sessions for you both where I will create a roadmap to success. We'll look at where they are now, where they really need to be, and what's actually holding them back. And then, and I think this is where the magic happens, I bring you together and facilitate a joint session where we get really clear on what success needs to look like and how you're going to measure it.
00:21:11
Speaker
you'll both be clearer by the end. They'll be happier and more engaged, and you'll be able to put your efforts into the parts of the business that really need you, like growth planning or visiting key clients. If this sounds like something you need, I'm offering a free 30-minute discovery session where we discuss your specific situation and find out how the Leading Smarter programme can help you get better results.
00:21:40
Speaker
Find me on LinkedIn, search for Corinne Hines. Also, the link will be in the show notes and I look forward to speaking to you then.
00:21:52
Speaker
So it's clear that self-awareness and reflection, pausing, not over obsessing about it, but noticing power differences,
00:22:04
Speaker
What would you say from your experience of this are the kind of top five most common intentions impact misfires?
Misalignments in Leadership Communication
00:22:17
Speaker
I don't know if you can do that, but it would be great to list off some that you've noticed and you think these are happening enough to to make it into my top five. No, I'm not sure if this is fun. We want five.
00:22:33
Speaker
I think where I'd start with this, there's there's so many different layers to this, different ways you can answer. But I'll give you kind of five examples and each has almost branches of it in different ways it might manifest. I think one is... the way we ask questions. So an example of this is I had one client who used to ask her team at the end of the meeting, does it does everybody clear? Does everybody understand? And she would, she would get in here. That's fine. I'd go away and within a few days it was blindingly obvious that people didn't.
00:23:09
Speaker
But the way she had framed that question, it took real courage for a team member to put their hand up and go, no, I don't understand. And so they didn't. When she shifted the question and asked it in a different way and said, what questions do you have for me? Or what support can I offer you?
00:23:28
Speaker
as you're moving forwards with this, so suddenly she was getting questions. Suddenly she had reframed it through the way she talked, but just hadn't thought that her impact power together with a yes, no question together with a do you understand? So that's one example. Lovely. I love that one. I think another area we do it is a mismatch between what we say and what we do.
00:23:54
Speaker
that can come up as the boss who says, yes, it's really important that you set boundaries. you know I want you to be able to switch off. I want you to take your holidays. And they send a request late in the day. And then by two minutes past nine, the following morning, they're chasing asking why you haven't done it.
00:24:10
Speaker
or says it's really important that you're on holiday, but then they're either sending you emails where you're away or they're sending loads of emails when they're on holiday or within, again, an hour of being back, I expect you to be fully caught up and back on top of things, you know? So it's a sort of saying one thing, doing another. A third area I think would be where our emotions get involved.
00:24:37
Speaker
And our emotion or what's going on with us may be about something completely different. If I've just read an email that's made me really irritated and I'm sort of internally seeding or frustrated about something and I have a conversation with someone without being aware of that, they will sense the frustration.
00:24:55
Speaker
And again, particularly if there's a power dynamic there, chances are they'll assume it's about them. It's not, but we sort of think we're good at hiding that stuff. And I can't remember the phrase, I was was reading about it last night, but it literally, it sort of seeps out of us. We can't actually... It's like congruence, isn't it? Congruence with your actions and your emotions. And when there's incongruence, people can sense it.
00:25:21
Speaker
And like, you know, if there's a gap, we fill it with awful. We assume the worst. Exactly. We assume the irritation is about us. We assume we've made a mistake. We assume we've screwed up, whatever. So that ability to simply pause and sometimes, sometimes we can acknowledge out loud. So I'm really sorry. I just read an email and noticed I'm a bit irritated. This isn't about you. I'm just going to take a deep breath.
00:25:42
Speaker
Right. Talk to me kind of, you know, that just acknowledging it can be really helpful. Or if you really can't postpone the conversation, just don't, don't get your stuff all over other people, your emotions and your feelings. Certainly when it's not about them, but actually frankly, even when it is, you need to work on keeping a bit of a lid on that.
00:26:04
Speaker
A fourth area that I would highlight is probably on listening and within that on responding. We've probably all come across those people who there's the emails they respond to immediately and then the ones that appear to go into a black hole and never ever been replied to. And, you know, you've had an email sitting with them that you really want to reply to and then you send something else and it gets an instant and it's like, okay, so you are actually avoiding me.
00:26:35
Speaker
And again, whether we're avoiding that thing from our own discomfort or not having an answer or whatever it is, it's, again, and the reason doesn't matter so much. It's that it's sending a message and we're not thinking that that avoidance, even if it's for, might be for benign reasons, just, I don't have an answer yet. But if you don't communicate that,
00:26:56
Speaker
person on the other side is making up all sorts of stuff as to why you are responding to them. and So that would be another area. So it's that sort of we're not realizing we're communicating by not communicating, but no answer is in fact an answer.
00:27:14
Speaker
The best one I would say is not recognising our habitual behaviours, if you like, or our habitual response patterns. To give an example is ah the best way to explain it. So we tend to have a sort of ah tendency when we reply. So say a team member comes to us and they're struggling, there will be the people who leap in and try and fix it for them.
00:27:38
Speaker
That person may not have asked you to find a solution for them, but we're like, oh, I know the answer to this. Let me tell you, let me, oh, you just need to do this, this and this. Now, if that person has come to you just wanting to talk it through or think it through rather than be given the answer, they'll probably be frustrated. And there are different variations of this. There are people who want to fix. I sometimes have a tendency because I am a coach is that I always coach. I'm like, no, maybe they don't actually want to be coached on this. Maybe they just want to help.
00:28:08
Speaker
Especially if they're a teenager. I imagine that would be true. They just want the answer. Right. Well, one of the things I try to do with this is particularly in that situation is to say, what support are you looking for? Sometimes they just sort of want to be almost observed and given space to think it through and for you to reflect to them. Sometimes they might want suggestions or ideas. Sometimes they just want to vent. Sometimes they don't even need to solve the problem right now. They just want to vent and get it off their chest.
00:28:41
Speaker
So if we have that sort of habitual response and we don't realize we have it, at a client I was working with recently who just like, do I know how to fix it? So I just, it's much faster if I just fix it. i Well, that's great. And when you leave the organization, which will happen eventually, what then? Oh, right. Okay.
00:29:01
Speaker
Or frankly, if you just go out sick and somebody else has to do this in your absence. Plus, Ingres overworked. He was working far too many hours. His team were frustrated because he never really let them do anything. So it it causes all of these unintended consequences, although he's just trying to be helpful and trying to be efficient. Again, we've got this intent. Impact mismatch, exactly.
00:29:26
Speaker
They are a beautiful five. I feel like if all the leaders are listening to this, could just listen to that last one.
00:29:35
Speaker
I feel like it's a good percentage of them that have an unhelpful response to, can I ask you a question? And we could do good work, Sarah, if we could just get everybody to just notice what your response is to that. And great if you have got a well-developed antenna for fixing or being overwhelmed or whatever your natural place is.
00:29:58
Speaker
brilliant. And if you're not naturally checking in on that one, I think that could have a massive impact. And to be honest, this is another massive area for improvement.
00:30:11
Speaker
If you're married or in a long-term relationship, take that fifth one because I am so bad. i'm i As a coach, obviously, I'm faultless for not fixing people, but my poor husband, Steve, I'm jumping in and sorting out problems all over the place. much you get You get your fix there.
00:30:34
Speaker
Yeah, you've got to use it up. You've got to use it up somewhere. Yeah. Bad listener, fixing, you know, I've got to do it somewhere. So yeah, I'm, you know, hands up, admit that. But yeah, the really, really great points. Yeah. And I, on that, I think the sort of simplest thing, the simplest point, which is people do nothing else.
Reflecting on Leadership Actions
00:30:55
Speaker
It's that point about slowing down, pausing, taking a beat before we do something to just think, yeah, my instinct is to jump in and fix this, but is that what they want? Perhaps I could ask, like, what support are you looking for? Rather than, here's my support, here's the answer. And it's a theme throughout the book because so much of the impact we have and the behaviours that we exhibit and how we say things and what we listen to is habitual.
00:31:25
Speaker
we have this enormous brain capacity, but actually relatively small amount of it is the intentional, planned, thoughtful part. And much more of it is our sort of autopilot, our automatic behaviors, if you like, which we need. Because the fact that I can have this conversation with you while I'm resisting the force of gravity and breathing and regenerating cells and digesting breakfast or whatever else,
00:31:51
Speaker
So we need that ability to multitask, but it extends a bit too far. And our brain just carries on and does the things because, oh, I've seen this before. This is what I do. Oh, I know how this is going to go. I'm going to behave like this or say this or do this. wait There's no thought or interruption of that to go, hang on, is this the same? Is that what they want? Is that what this situation calls for? This person is asking me for right now. And that tiny pause.
00:32:18
Speaker
is what can help us get out of that autopilot, if you like, doing the thing because it's the way we've always done it. And to just ask that one question, what does the situation need? What does it call for right now? Is it that or is it something different?
00:32:34
Speaker
So that slowing down, that tiny moment of pausing is is so critical to not only understanding our impact, but shaping our impact and actually thinking about how it might land on the other side for the other person.
00:32:49
Speaker
So this is a something doable. This is what I like to leave people with. they they' They're reflecting on their own habits and they're thinking, okay, so what? So yeah, I know sometimes I have a tendency to do that. So one tip is to try to work out how to insert that pause and reflection and ask yourself some questions when you notice you're leaping in or you're getting an unintended consequence, so you're pausing.
00:33:16
Speaker
Do you have other actionable things that leaders can do when they're trying to address this intent versus impact alignment? What other things can we leave them with?
00:33:31
Speaker
I'm a big fan of taking a little time to think about the impact we want to have in the sense of what kind of leader do I
Experimenting with Leadership Approaches
00:33:41
Speaker
want to be? What do I want to be known for? What are my values? How would I like to be perceived? And where that gives us is almost a, I don't know, like a compass direction or a thing to sort of check back with is what I'm doing, how I'm behaving in alignment with that.
00:34:01
Speaker
Because otherwise we tend to be in this, what should I be doing? What is right? and Well, that gives us a sort of, as a the foundation, the compass bearing, this is who I really want to be. This is my values and what's important to me. And then what we're layering on is the situation. And it's saying, what's going on? Who's in front of me? What's the situation I'm in? What might that call for? What's the outcome I'm looking to get on the other side?
00:34:32
Speaker
Where do I want to get to with this person, with this situation? And how can I therefore, bearing in mind the kind of leader I want to be, achieve that result? I think that the final thing I would say would be to embrace a sort of mindset of experimentation. Oh, lovely. Yeah. Sometimes it's just about playing with something different and it might work and it might not. And that's okay.
00:34:57
Speaker
There's no right way. There's no single answer. And nobody has a mythical rule book of this is the correct thing to do in every single possible situation. But if we're willing to experiment, say, well, look, this isn't working very well. or There's something not quite working here.
00:35:15
Speaker
OK, let's try this instead for a week or two and see what happens. OK, so that improved this, but not so much that. How could I tweak it or adjust it or try something else? And that experimentation sort of gives us a freedom. So we're not seeking a single right answer. We're just sort of building a range of ways we could approach things.
00:35:39
Speaker
and finding out what works for now. Lovely. I love the ah experimentation and safe to fail and reflecting already great traits to take on for any leader and human being.
00:35:57
Speaker
Interestingly, I feel like there's a book in your background that my listeners could get even more ideas from. There is indeed. There's two of them. Weirdly, you've got two of the same books. Do Sweat the Small Stuff is your fabulous book. And I noticed there was a review by David Marquet of Turn the Ship Around, which I am very impressed by.
00:36:24
Speaker
Yep. He was definitely a fan. Yeah. So do sweat the small stuff is my book came out this summer. It's about harnessing power of your micro interactions to transform your leadership. So.
00:36:36
Speaker
The first half is quite a lot of what we've talked about of that awareness. How do you start to understand the impact you're having, which then takes you into the second half, which is a lot about, okay, great. Now I know the impact I'm having. How do I understand the impact I want to have and how do I reshape, realign, or play with those micro interactions to actually have the impact I intend.
00:36:59
Speaker
Yeah, I'm really proud of it. And so if your listeners are interested to explore any of the stuff from this further, I think it's a good place to start. Well, it was a good book, so I'm giving it my thumbs up. Well worth thinking at. I'm going to put a link to it in the show notes. How can people find you, Sarah? Two main
Connect with Sarah Langslow
00:37:20
Speaker
places. Firstly, come find me over on LinkedIn. Sarah Langsler, I have an unusual surname, so I'm quite easy to find on there.
00:37:29
Speaker
I will also link you in the show notes. Thank you. Please do come and connect on there. The main thing I want to do with all of this is generate conversation and that's a great platform for debating and sharing ideas and exploring everything related to this. So come find me there. You can also find me at sarahlangslow.com where there's a bit more information on me and on the book.
00:37:50
Speaker
And for those who do get the book, you can also access some downloadable resources that sit alongside it. So there's a lot of practical exercises in the book to actually get you thinking and hopefully acting differently. And so there's a sort of online workbook that sits alongside those, because if you're like me and you hear is not the kind of person who scribbles in your book and would like to do it somewhere else, then that provides all those places for you to do that. Brilliant.
00:38:17
Speaker
Well, it was an absolute pleasure to have that conversation and I know that my listeners will also have enjoyed it and there's lots to take action with, which is really important. It's not just a nice conversation. It really does help people shift the dial a bit. So thank you very much. Thank you.
00:38:40
Speaker
As a leader, considering your impact is an unselfish act. It is so much easier to walk around unaware of any power imbalance or blind spots you might have. It is so much harder to be intentional about your language and your interactions. So if you change one thing as a result of listening today, then DM me because I love hearing about the things you're trying and the results you're getting.
00:39:05
Speaker
I invite you to share this episode with
00:39:26
Speaker
I'd love to hear what you think, so please leave me a review. If you have any questions or comments, reach out to me.