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Rethinking the Purity Ring
23 Plays3 years ago
Vernon takes us through a conversation around the purity ring, generally worn as one's commitment to remaining sexually pure and often given by parents to their daughters. What do you think about that?
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Transcript
Introduction and Health Update
00:00:03
Speaker
This is your host, Vernon Terrell with Grace Ministries International, and it's time for Walking Free. And welcome back. This is Vernon and today flying solo again. Michelle is out. We were both actually out with COVID.
00:00:33
Speaker
for about 10 days, two weeks. We just kept it safe, tried to isolate. We didn't have symptoms that were too bad. My son had it as well. He contracted it from his special needs day program and I think a staff person got it and it's just tough.
00:00:56
Speaker
And he had it. We tried to stay away, but it was just not going to happen. We all got it. And so we isolated and it was fine. Praise the Lord, it was not a severe case as some have had, but we did not have that severe case. So I'm glad that we made it through.
Grace Ministries and Counseling Privacy
00:01:20
Speaker
And I thought today,
00:01:24
Speaker
I would talk about something that we actually talked in one of our Grace Ministries International staff meetings. And we get together on a frequent basis, and we have staff in different states, not just in Georgia, but in multiple states. And we will often talk about
00:01:46
Speaker
ideas, concepts, concerns that are brought up in various either counseling situations or various training situations that we hear about. And of course we do it and discuss it with privacy as the utmost foundation of that discussion.
00:02:10
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Nonetheless, two heads are better than one, right? So we bring up ideas and get and kind of cross pollinate, if you will.
Critique of Purity Rings
00:02:17
Speaker
And someone had mentioned this idea of a purity ring. And I had some very specific thoughts on that.
00:02:29
Speaker
And I said, I think this would be a good topic for a podcast. We all want to, and the subject and thrust of this podcast is walking free. Stop talking, start walking. What does that mean? And this idea of walking free, especially as parents, we want our kids
00:02:55
Speaker
to walk free, right? We want them to experience freedom, especially for believers, for those families who have young men and women, their kids that are believers. Nonetheless, we want our kids to walk free.
00:03:15
Speaker
and we want them to be pure. And years ago, there was this, I don't want to call it a fad, but it was this idea of a purity ring. Let's give our young women a purity ring to remain pure. Isn't that interesting? And although some families gave it to,
00:03:41
Speaker
either child, often it was given to the young lady. Seems like a bit of a double standard, doesn't it? But for them to stay pure for the Lord. Good intentions, get it. But often what would happen or the instruction would go something like this, that wear this ring as your commitment to be pure to the Lord in all things around your sexuality.
00:04:10
Speaker
be pure unto the Lord. And if you're not, what do you do? You have to take off the ring, because you would be a hypocrite if you were wearing that ring. But that was the idea, and I think, again, good intentions was to give it to our kids as a symbol for them to wear as their commitment to be pure. And
00:04:40
Speaker
understanding those intentions, I really have an issue with that whole idea. Because although we say that's our commitment to be pure, if we mess up or that particular student messes up,
00:05:02
Speaker
They have to take off the ring. So now what does that tell them? Either they take it off and abide by the kind of the rule that was set and now they're what? Well, they're not pure. They no longer have a commitment. They broke their commitment and they are not pure.
00:05:23
Speaker
What a terrible message that sends to a young girl or a young man or a young woman. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Or you leave it on.
00:05:38
Speaker
And then you're a hypocrite. You're feeling like all this shame for messing up yet you've got, and you now you're building walls and you messed up once you got it on. Might as well do it again. And you know, you're just, you're putting up this fake and you're feeling like a hypocrite. And I think again, good intentions. It is destructive.
00:06:07
Speaker
That whole ring thing is just, it doesn't work. I don't think it, for those who really have this very strong personality and this very strong commitment type personality, maybe they can keep it. Maybe they do and they grit their teeth and teeth and they just really commit and they keep the promise.
00:06:36
Speaker
It's like the movement back in the day. I guess it's still around promise keepers.
Biblical Perspective on Purity and Righteousness
00:06:42
Speaker
Wow. That bothers me. That bothers me as well. The promise keepers. I I'm making a promise. I'm going to keep my promise. Um, good intentions. I think it's bad execution. Doesn't work.
00:07:01
Speaker
If you mess up, you are not impure when you take, you take the ring off and now I'm impure. It's like I'm unclean, unclean. You know, when Paul was writing to Timothy, he kind of summed up, uh, his whole instruction. He said in first Timothy one five, but the goal.
00:07:28
Speaker
of our instruction is love. That's the goal of our instruction at Grace Ministries, it's love. It's love from a pure heart in a good conscience and a sincere faith.
00:07:49
Speaker
You got that in Jesus Christ. He's made your heart pure. You have a good conscience. You have a sincere faith. Nothing will separate you from the love of God. God cannot dwell in anything other than a pure heart. You got it. Having a ring
00:08:21
Speaker
or taking off that ring cannot change the new heart that God has created for everyone who has believed. You have a pure heart. We need to start there. If you have kids or grandkids and you're working with them and encouraging them, if they've come to faith
00:08:50
Speaker
in Jesus Christ, if they've received his free gift of forgiveness and life, we need to let them know God has made you pure. A similar word is holy. Righteous. He has made you brand new. We need to start right there. And then we want to
00:09:18
Speaker
move on from there. Again, what is the tagline for this podcast? Stop talking. Start walking. We can talk about holiness and purity and righteousness. Now God wants us to walk in it. Not to get it. You already have it.
00:09:39
Speaker
He wants you to walk in it from the source of life, Christ in you, the hope of glory. That's why he says when he's writing to Timothy, he continues in the letter in chapter four, verse 12, let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.
00:10:09
Speaker
You're a believer, that's who you are. Now show it. Be that example of the truth of who God has made you to be in your speech, in your conduct, in your love, in your faith, in your purity. Let what is inside come out on the outside.
00:10:37
Speaker
You know, it's funny and this is something that one of our staff said as we were talking about this particular scenario where a dad had given it to the daughter and this particular staff person said, yeah, most of the time, have you noticed they don't give it to the boys. They give it to the girls. You don't find it. And in some cases you do, but in most of the cases you don't find
00:11:06
Speaker
a dad or a mom giving a son a purity ring. Why? Well, boys will be boys, right? That's the culture, at least the Western culture. Boys will be boys. So it's up to the girls to remain pure while the boys will be boys. That's not what Paul, when he was talking about purity and instructing the
00:11:35
Speaker
young men. He said in chapter five, as he's going on this topic, this idea on purity, he says, hey guys, treat the older women as mothers and the younger women as sisters in all purity. And that's how you treat them. In fact, if there was a case for a biblical purity ring, it would have been given to the boys. Hey,
00:12:04
Speaker
Let this be a reminder of how you treat women in all purity. It doesn't work if you expect the women to be pure, but boys will be boys, right? I think we need to start with a foundation for boys, girls, men, women that says, believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. Realize the truth that upon that,
00:12:34
Speaker
Upon your faith in him, he has made you brand new. He has made you pure. Now, go be pure, because he made you pure. Go love, because you're loved. Go forgive, because you are forgiven.
Addressing Brokenness and Finding Truth in Christ
00:12:52
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Go be holy, because he made you holy. Go act righteous, because you're righteous. Just be you.
00:13:06
Speaker
And Paul knows, I mean, back then, nothing's really changed. He goes, look, there's gonna be, the world is broken. There's all kind of temptation and craziness in this world. Paul says, when he's writing to Timothy and second Timothy, he said, look, flee from the youthful lust and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace.
00:13:36
Speaker
with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. That's you, believer. He goes, yeah, flee that stuff. Get away from that stuff.
00:13:48
Speaker
It can stain our reputation. There are consequences to our poor decisions, consequences that can affect our reputation, consequences of poor decisions that can affect our finances, that can affect other relationships, that can affect our job,
00:14:15
Speaker
that can affect all manner of things in this life. So yes, we can make bad decisions because well, number one, we were deceived. We believed a lie that, well, maybe this bad decision will really work in my favor. We're believing a lie.
00:14:41
Speaker
Like, yeah, that tree in the garden, in the midst of the garden, God said, don't eat it, but it looks good to eat. The enemy told him. And the enemy told him, God's holding back. God's holding back on you because he knows if you eat of that fruit, you'll be just like him. And who wouldn't want to be just like God, except they were already made in his image. They had it all.
00:15:11
Speaker
But the enemy deceives them saying, but you don't have it all. There's something more. That strategy is still in play today. There's something more out there. There's something more. Go for it.
00:15:31
Speaker
Paul says, no, flee that stuff. Pursue righteousness. Why? So you can get more righteous, get a little, maybe just a little bit more. No, you already got it. Pursue righteousness because, well, that's you. That's in alignment with who you are. He says in Titus to the pure, 115, to the pure, all things are pure.
00:15:59
Speaker
But to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure. It's very binary. You're either pure or you're not pure. And that word pure, being free from defilements or impurity, you're either holy or you're not holy. You're either righteous or you're not righteous. You're either in Christ or you're not in Christ, you're in Adam. It's very binary.
00:16:33
Speaker
How does one become pure? Romans, Paul told us in Romans chapter five, everyone has to come through Christ. We come through him, through the cross, receiving his forgiveness in life, and you become pure. Now, I know there are many that would say, yeah,
00:17:04
Speaker
You don't know my situation. I got it rough. And I'm a believer. I'm in a rough spot. I'm in a rough context. I've had a rough upbringing. I've had trauma in my life. How do you deal with that? The world is broken.
00:17:28
Speaker
And I can't imagine, and I've heard a lot, some of the trauma that's out there is unspeakable. Don't even wanna talk about it, don't even wanna mention it. Where's God? He's right here. The world is broken. God came to deliver the world from sin.
00:17:55
Speaker
So what, where is God? He's right. He can't, he, God came and he suffered. He died and he took all of that sin for the entire world upon himself, paid the price and buried it was raised to a brand new life. And when you come through him,
00:18:25
Speaker
That's when you enter into that new life. The enemy doesn't just go away at that point. The enemy says, lost that one, but now I need to keep him down. I want them to believe that they don't even have new life. If he could get you to believe that yet didn't work, or it doesn't work for you, or there is something more,
00:18:50
Speaker
And there are so many churches out there that I think misrepresent, unfortunately, misrepresent saying, you need something more. You need more of God, more of this. Folks, you've got it all. If you've got Christ in you, you've got it all. You don't need more. How can you get more when you have it all?
00:19:21
Speaker
Why don't we experience it? Well, number one, we're still in this broken world. We're still subject to deception and that's hitting us through the world, through well-meaning friends and family, sometimes through the enemy coming at us with lies. We need to go back to the truth.
00:19:50
Speaker
And the truth is Jesus Christ.
Redefining Purity Rings and Final Encouragement
00:19:54
Speaker
He is the way, he is the truth, he is the life. No one comes to the Father except through him. So that's where you start. You start with the truth. And you begin to take captive all these thoughts that come at you that we're not quite sure about, and you bring them to the truth, and that's Jesus.
00:20:19
Speaker
That's his word, bring it there. See, the wisdom that's from above is first pure, then peaceable and gentle and reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering without hypocrisy, James tells us. If you're dealing with conflicting ideas,
00:20:48
Speaker
on living the Christian life. Ask if it's wisdom from above. Is it pure? Is it peaceable? Is it gentle? Is it reasonable? Is it full of mercy and good fruits? Is it unwavering without hypocrisy? That's the wisdom from above. John tells us in 1 John 3,
00:21:15
Speaker
Verse three, everyone who has this hope fixed on him purifies himself just as God is pure. You see, we do get stained in the world. That doesn't make us any less pure. It just means, yeah, we're just subject to this humanness on this planet that we're all a part of.
00:21:48
Speaker
Our job is to have our hope fixed on Him. As we walk in the Spirit, we don't fulfill those lust of the flesh. And that flesh literally is the humanness that we're in. That's our flesh from a physical standpoint.
00:22:14
Speaker
But the flesh is also, as Paul described it, the ways, the things that we depend on, whether it's our genealogy, our heritage, born of the eighth day, the tribe of Benjamin, as Paul was rattling off things he depended on in Philippians. It's the ways that we have coped in life, tried to make life work,
00:22:44
Speaker
strategies that we think work, and maybe they worked for a while, but ultimately they just don't meet that core need that only Christ can meet. The answer is not figuring out what to take away and what to stop doing. It's having our hope fixed on Him. It's walking in the Spirit. When we walk in the Spirit, by definition, we're not walking after the flesh.
00:23:17
Speaker
It's a fool's errand, if you will, to try to stop walking after the flesh. What you want to do is walk as who you are. That's walking after the spirit. Walking after the spirit is understanding who you are and walking in that truth of who you are. And as you're doing that, guess what? You're not walking after the flesh. You're walking in truth. I want to give you this. I want you to know that you are so radically
00:23:47
Speaker
transformed, that you have to choose against your very new nature, brand new holy righteous nature. You have to choose against that new nature to sin. And when you do, guess what? The cross has already taken care of that one. Forgiven. That's how righteous and holy you are. That's how pure you are. So I want to rethink this idea of the purity ring.
00:24:17
Speaker
If you do just really, if you're dead set on giving something like that, then give it with this context that I'm giving you this ring to represent that you are pure and nothing can take away from that purity. This is something to remind you that even in the midst of your failure,
00:24:42
Speaker
God's made you pure. Go be who God's made you to be. That pure, lovely, holy, young woman and young man that God has made. Never take it off. You are pure. And if you give it in that context, go for it. Don't give it as a conditional behavior oriented symbol
00:25:13
Speaker
to keep somebody in check. Give it if you do as a reminder of the truth that God has made you pure. And I want you to realize maybe you need a reminder that you are pure, undefiled, brand new heart, brand new spirit.
00:25:44
Speaker
You know, that's what it's all about. Walking in who and the truth of who we are. And when you do that, you can walk in love. You can walk. That's the goal of the instruction, Paul said, is to walk in love. So from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith,
00:26:16
Speaker
So be encouraged with that, that God has made you pure. If you need a symbol to remind you that you can say, thank you, Lord, that you made me pure. You know, every thought that comes across your mind, don't own it.
00:26:33
Speaker
Don't squabble of, well, why did I think that? Deal with it. Make a decision. Cast it. Bring it into the light of the love of Jesus Christ. Say, is this true? Yes or no? No. Then just cast it aside. Every thought that comes into your mind is not your thought. It's an opportunity for you to recognize, well, is that true or not? Then take it into the obedience of Christ.
00:27:05
Speaker
Your new heart generates new loving thoughts all the time. That's the only kind of thought that your new heart can generate. Every other thought is either brought up from an old programming or put in by the world or by the enemy.
00:27:27
Speaker
It's not you because you as a believer in Jesus Christ are brand new. You are pure. Purity ring or not, you are pure. So I want to stop talking about it. I want us all to start walking and start walking in love and purity.
00:27:58
Speaker
You've been listening to Walking Free, a production of Grace Ministries International in Marietta, Georgia. For more information, go to our website at gmint.org. That's gminc.org.