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Episode 15: Creating a Safe Space Within You
29 Plays1 year ago
In this episode of Sacred Self Love, I explore why nervous system regulation is essential to truly feeling safe in your body and your life. I share reflections on a recent viral video I created about the men in my life who are actively healing and learning to hold safe space for the women around them—and the unhealed energy and emotional responses that surfaced in reaction to it.
We’ll also dive into why so many of us—both men and women—have been cut off from our emotions, and how that disconnection impacts our ability to feel safe, seen, and loved. This episode is a gentle yet powerful invitation to return to the wisdom of your body, reconnect with your inner safety, and begin healing from the inside out.
2025 Astrology Talk by Kauakea Winston : https://open.spotify.com/episode/16pHFcB7oigrOU7J078cr2
Book an Astrology reading: https://vestamysteryschool.com/?srsltid=AfmBOopXdQdDhpk_1ve0vz1-H69KalqraaRKqory1LmMUfAeKvxb6zQ1
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Transcript
Introduction and Gratitude
00:00:05
Valerie Vazquez
Aloha and welcome to Sacred Self Love. I am your host and guide Valerie Vasquez. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode today. just wanted to give a huge shout out to all of the women that have been reaching out to let me know that you've listened to the podcast and yeah I appreciate it.
00:00:26
Valerie Vazquez
I also really just want to honor you that you're taking the time to you know be on this journey this is such a sacred journey and I know sometimes it's even hard to really truly understand like how immense and deep this work really is and the impact you will have on your own life, your own health, and those that are around you.
00:00:59
Valerie Vazquez
so I just want to honor you and send you love.
Astrological Events of the Month
00:01:02
Valerie Vazquez
i This month is a crazy month astrologically.
00:01:10
Valerie Vazquez
We are, you know, in Venus retrograde, march Mars retrograde, going to be going into Mercury retrograde. Also having eclipse season start. A lunar eclipse is, I believe, holy moly, like in a couple of days. Right?
00:01:29
Valerie Vazquez
Right.
2025 Astrological Insights by Kaoakea Winston
00:01:31
Valerie Vazquez
um lunar eclipse with a full moon in Virgo and there's just okay I'm not an astrologist but I do want to link my close friend and mentor Kaoakea Winston she just did a talk for um the 2025 astrological year and how it's unfolding already and what to expect in this year and it's just such a beautiful loving talk and
00:02:04
Valerie Vazquez
And it gives a lot of perspective into what we are seeing in the world right now and why it's exactly following along, you know.
00:02:15
Valerie Vazquez
So I want to link that. And if you've... never gotten an um astrology reading, think it's such an important thing to do to really understand like all of your birth chart and you know why you're here and what your soul's focus is and and there's just so much that you can learn.
00:02:43
Valerie Vazquez
and so yeah, I'm going to link her talk under this podcast episode And I'm also going to link her website because I just, I really believe that it can really be helpful on this journey to know that there are so many different forces that are going on at the same time that sometimes we make so much of our journey just about us.
Family Activity: Enhancing Emotional Bonds
00:03:12
Valerie Vazquez
But some days if you're feeling super, you know, just a lot of emotions coming up or And sometimes it's just reassuring to know like what the planets are doing because they do affect us and what the moon is doing because she also affects us. And so a lot of times I start these episodes by talking about you know something that goes on in the farm or something that I've tried recently But today I want to give ah little like, I want to share something that my son Logan brought forward to Chad and I, my husband, and it was just so precious.
00:03:56
Valerie Vazquez
He, we're all doing a healing journey. and um he said, why don't we all write down 10 things that make us feel loved that another person does or demonstrates or whatever. And instead of it just being like, oh, my love language is quality time and my love love language is you know, gifts or or whatever the love languages are, and it this was a bit deeper. So we all agreed. And the next morning when it was time for us all to share, we did a breathwork
00:04:35
Valerie Vazquez
to really bring us into our bodies, and into our hearts, for us to feel safe to express these things and to also just know that um we all truly want to get to know each other on a deeper level and want to truly be able to show up in a way that makes the other feel loved.
00:04:56
Valerie Vazquez
And it was just such a beautiful experience and i highly recommend this Even if it's, you know, with a friend or even if you just write these things down yourself and some of the things on the list you do for you.
00:05:14
Valerie Vazquez
It's so important because we all want to feel loved by another person, but we also have to love ourselves
00:05:26
Valerie Vazquez
and feel worthy of that love.
The Importance of Self-Love
00:05:30
Valerie Vazquez
And this is kind of where I want to go into today's episode about, you know, when we can give ourselves love, we also to do that, to really, really do that, that sacred self-love, we have to create safety within ourselves. Right?
00:05:52
Valerie Vazquez
And what does that safety do for us? It helps us get out of survival. And helps us know that like we are truly connected to Mother Earth.
00:06:06
Valerie Vazquez
And that all of these things that are going on in the world right now, all of these fears and separation and blame and all of these things that, you know, really like can affect us mentally, physically, emotionally, like those things will not affect you as much when you can create safety within yourself, when you can regulate your nervous system.
00:06:38
Valerie Vazquez
See, our nervous system is like this central channel and it has, it affects every single body system And we are actually really wired for survival.
Creating Safety for Women
00:06:56
Valerie Vazquez
And so this message came through after I recently posted on TikTok and then I posted on Instagram.
00:07:13
Valerie Vazquez
I am having some throat chakra activation right now. So sorry, I just, yeah. Sometimes i move so much energy out while I'm doing these recordings.
00:07:28
Valerie Vazquez
I don't know if y'all just heard me burp, but that was kind of embarrassing, but it just kind of came up. And things move through you energetically when you talk about things that, you know, can be a little bit uncomfortable or when you just really like accept that you are this vessel of energy and sometimes energy needs to come out. So, excuse me.
00:07:53
Valerie Vazquez
I, okay. So I was, Talking about that I posted a video on TikTok and then I ended up posting it on Instagram. But this video was ah video of Logan and Chad.
00:08:09
Valerie Vazquez
One morning when I walked by the window, I saw them out breathing together. And I just grabbed my phone because i was like, you know what? I just want to remember this moment for myself.
00:08:21
Valerie Vazquez
And i kind of forgot about it, honestly. But as I was going through, i i saw it and I was like, hey, I'm going to post this because I want to give...
00:08:34
Valerie Vazquez
So much credit to men that are slowing down and becoming safe spaces by healing and by honoring themselves and showing up in a different way.
00:08:47
Valerie Vazquez
So I put the video up and i did a voiceover and it said something like, My husband and son do breathwork every morning so that they can regulate their nervous systems to create a safe space for the women in their lives and the future generations.
00:09:06
Valerie Vazquez
And i just thought it was, you know, a sweet video. i have some loyal followers on TikTok and they're also on Healing Journeys. and But the video ended up going like kind of viral It reached a lot more people than I thought it would. And it had a lot more comments, shares, everything.
00:09:28
Valerie Vazquez
And what I realized, the reason why that it did go viral is because I said the words, creating safety for the women in their lives.
Reflections on Historical Injustices
00:09:42
Valerie Vazquez
And this is something that is so world. in hour world We need, as women, to be able to feel safe in a man's presence.
00:09:59
Valerie Vazquez
And vice versa, men also need to feel safe in our presence as well. But we know that there is a huge discrepancy in, you know, this the safety.
00:10:10
Valerie Vazquez
um Because we know what has happened to women. I mean, if we look back to the burning times,
00:10:23
Valerie Vazquez
Hundreds of thousands of women were burned, hung, drowned for carrying knowledge within them and for being connected to the earth and connected to the elements and connected as healers, as medicine women as midwives, as herbalists, they were carrying the truth and they knew their power and the patriarchy and the church and the government then, yeah the Roman Empire wanted to take all that away
00:11:04
Valerie Vazquez
and make women forget that power that they had.
00:11:11
Valerie Vazquez
So because of that, we were stripped away from the knowledge of just how extremely powerful we are as women. We are literally the birthers of souls into this physical realm that we're in, into this physical material world. We are birthers of souls. And And we hold so much knowledge when we ourselves are regulated and when we are balanced between our masculine and feminine energies.
00:11:51
Valerie Vazquez
But because of so much that has happened through generations and we've been cut off from that and we've been dominated We don't really know of that power.
00:12:04
Valerie Vazquez
And so because of that, because we are, as women living in our, know, wounded masculine and wounded feminine, we don't really have the voices until we do the healing work to speak up and out against this treatment.
00:12:23
Valerie Vazquez
And also men So men for generations were the ones that were protecting the village and protecting the resources and having to, you know, go into wars and go into battles and fight to protect their women and children at home.
00:12:49
Valerie Vazquez
And so they didn't have time to have emotions. You you couldn't have emotions. And then as we know, like you've heard these types of statements, like men don't cry.
00:13:03
Valerie Vazquez
Stop being a bitch. You know, you not there's no safety for men to express their emotions. um You know, my own father took his own life.
00:13:15
Valerie Vazquez
And many men do take their lives because they do feel these emotions and they do struggle, but they who can you turn to if everyone has this belief system that men are not supposed to cry, that men are not supposed to feel their emotions?
00:13:33
Valerie Vazquez
So... When they feel this and then they have a woman come to them and a woman who is feeling her emotions because she's a, you know, cyclical by nature. They don't know how to hold space for that.
00:13:51
Valerie Vazquez
So they call us crazy.
00:13:54
Valerie Vazquez
But we're not crazy. We're just kind of having like our own emotions plus a reaction to not having a safe space being held for us. So both men and women in this day and age right now, all of us need to really, really understand that not only do we have these things that have been passed down in our DNA that are having our nervous systems feel like we're in survival, but we also have these things
00:14:34
Valerie Vazquez
these actual lived experiences and these things that we've heard and these things that we've been put through. So we have a lot around this subject of being safe.
00:14:49
Valerie Vazquez
So it's so imperative that we take our nervous system regulation So like, this is the top priority.
00:15:02
Valerie Vazquez
and don't care what kind of spiritual practices you do or how spiritual you are or how connected you are, how much esoteric knowledge you know, you must be regulated and you will actually channel more.
00:15:17
Valerie Vazquez
You will get more downloads. You will get more insight. You will see more into your own consciousness and awareness if you do that. But yeah, yeah it is so imperative. And it's also men who are on this healing journey. And there are men that are healing.
00:15:37
Valerie Vazquez
There are. I have two of them in my life right now that are beautiful examples. And there are so many more that are out there that are understanding they too want to be able to live in a more calm state and be able to the safety for a woman who's on a healing journey.
Men's Roles in Supporting Women
00:16:02
Valerie Vazquez
It's like this. The men are the protectors of the physical world and the providers.
00:16:10
Valerie Vazquez
And when they can be that for us, if we're in relationship, we as women who are on the spiritual healing journey, we can like go down into the spiritual realm or up or wherever, just go into that realm and we can we can help clear karma and process.
00:16:28
Valerie Vazquez
We can do our work in the in the spiritual world while they do their work in the material world. And it's a beautiful, beautiful process when that can happen.
00:16:40
Valerie Vazquez
But absolutely, as a woman, ah will tell you that you also must not only create the safety within, but start to understand how important it is to not take any just crumbs from men or be treated less than from a man Or ah allow any type of like
00:17:13
Valerie Vazquez
talking like misogyny or any kind of things that are that men say because this is so programmed in like the moment I'm the moment Chad or Logan say anything that's derogatory towards a woman which they really don't and it's never really that derogatory but you know these jokes that sometimes are made or whatever I immediately call them out on it I'm like no we're not talking about that anymore We're not saying that about a woman anymore.
Healing Past Traumas with Compassion
00:17:46
Valerie Vazquez
<unk> We're just, that's not what we're doing anymore. Like we have to be able to call out this type of boy energy, this unhealed boy energy.
00:18:01
Valerie Vazquez
But please understand, if you're in a situation where your safety, like your physical safety could be compromised because you do speak up, please have discernment with what I'm saying right now. I never want you to be in an unsafe situation.
00:18:21
Valerie Vazquez
But it is very important, like some of these comments on this video,
00:18:27
Valerie Vazquez
Anytime you go viral, you're going to get both positive and negative comments. That's just the way it is. Whatever. I've been there, done that. It's happened. So I wasn't surprised that I was going to get some, you know, clap back with certain comments.
00:18:43
Valerie Vazquez
What I chose to do with those comments is respond back to them from a place of alignment within myself, from a place of not reactionary, but but to call out this energy.
00:19:02
Valerie Vazquez
from a space of love and compassion because I'm certain that these men that left these negative comments, I am sure they have endured pain from women or just don't understand that it's okay to create safety for women.
00:19:24
Valerie Vazquez
I don't know what their lives are, but I'm sure they've experienced pain.
00:19:31
Valerie Vazquez
And so I brought forth
00:19:37
Valerie Vazquez
my, I didn't do the, oh, love and light. I know you're just hurt and la, la, la, la. Like, I didn't try to tell them what was wrong with them, but I just told them that
00:19:51
Valerie Vazquez
this unhealed energy, you know, it makes sense. Because we we haven't really been taught how important it is to feel safe within ourselves. So yes, it's it's easy to lash out or get triggered when you see new things that are different that come across.
00:20:13
Valerie Vazquez
So yeah, I just... really wanted to share that it is all of our responsibilities to create safety within ourselves. It's all of our responsibilities to speak our needs from another person.
00:20:32
Valerie Vazquez
It's all of our responsibilities to stop conversations that are negative towards women or men. Like we are the change makers. We are the cycle breakers of these toxic patterns.
00:20:49
Valerie Vazquez
And so we really have to not allow that in our spaces.
00:20:57
Valerie Vazquez
And I just want to also say that it has taken years of my own healing and inner work for my husband and son and those around me to truly take their journey seriously because I really believe they saw a change in me. And I'm not going to There were times, i mean, with Chad and I, like that there's been some rocky, rocky times.
00:21:28
Valerie Vazquez
well, before my awakening, but since my awakening, and there's been a lot of like, you know, ego wants to hold on to pain. It wants to hold on to survival because that it's it's hard to want to open the heart to love when you've been hurt.
Healing and Its Impact on Loved Ones
00:21:46
Valerie Vazquez
So
00:21:49
Valerie Vazquez
I believe that the more that you open your heart and you come from love but you also use your voice, you will be able to have your loved ones join you on this journey if that's what you want.
00:22:09
Valerie Vazquez
And maybe not. like it We never know, but we can try. and we can at least offer love and space, and but we just can't force it because the forcing doesn't work.
00:22:28
Valerie Vazquez
I cannot force anyone to do anything that they don't want to do. I can definitely recommend it pretty hard and say, just try breath work. You'll feel better. I promise. Just keep trying it.
00:22:41
Valerie Vazquez
But ultimately it's their choice. So let me know in the comments if there was anything in this, this messaging that hit for you or that, you know,
00:22:53
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, resonated. Please share the episode to anyone you think it could help or inspire. if you haven't yet subscribed, please definitely subscribe. i am putting these episodes out at least once a week when I'm able.
00:23:09
Valerie Vazquez
And if you haven't reviewed the podcast and give it a five stars, that would be And also... and so
00:23:20
Valerie Vazquez
there is a little something on the table that I've been, that Logan and I have been discussing, my son, that we might be doing a podcast together. And um so, yeah, I don't know.
00:23:32
Valerie Vazquez
I'm going to see how that that goes and flows. And um if that happens, I will let you all know. and As you know, if you know this, Chloe and I, my daughter, had a, had a podcast and we're just taking a break for now spiraling together um with her in California and working. We're just kind of like on pause right now.
00:23:55
Valerie Vazquez
um And that pause can be for years. um I don't know yet, but not trying to force it, trying to honor where she's at, where we are. And um yeah, so sending you all so much love and aloha and just,
00:24:13
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, until next time, sending you that love so, so, so, so much.