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Episode 28 :Returning to Sacred Self-Love After 7 Months Away
13 Plays2 months ago
After a 7-month pause, I’m returning to the Sacred Self-Love pod and sharing what this season away has held for me. In this episode, I open up about why I stepped back, the inner shifts that have moved through my energetic system, and what it was like completing Priestesses of the Rose.
I also share honestly about navigating perimenopause, beginning and stopping HRT, and the realities of midlife as a woman learning to honor her body in a new way. And on the farm, life continues to evolve—we welcomed bee hives & 2 kittens, bringing new lessons in rhythm, devotion, and working with nature.
This episode is a conversation about change, trusting the pauses, and allowing yourself to become who you are now—not who you once were.
Apply to work with me : https://www.quantumroseenergyhealing.com/
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Sacred Self-Love'
00:00:00
Valerie Vazquez
Aloha and welcome back to sacred self-love. This is a space for women remembering who they truly are. I'm Anye and I'll be sharing reflections on life on a farm in Hawaii, midlife, devotion, feminine healing, and what it means to walk as a modern day priestess in today's world.
00:00:28
Valerie Vazquez
This is also a space for the sacred rebel. The women ready to release what no longer fits, reclaim their voices and return to the truth of who you really are.
00:00:42
Valerie Vazquez
So take a breath, settle in and let this be a reminder that the path back to yourself is sacred.
Return After a Pause
00:00:54
Valerie Vazquez
After a seven month pause, I'm returning to sacred self-love and sharing what the seasonal way has held for me. this episode today, I open up about why I stepped back, some of the inner shifts that have moved through my energetic system, and what it was like completing year in a day spiral with priestesses of the rose.
00:01:19
Valerie Vazquez
I also share honestly about navigating perimenopause, beginning and ending hormone replacement therapy and the realities of midlife as a woman learning to honor her body in a new way.
00:01:34
Valerie Vazquez
And on the farm, life continues to evolve. We welcomed beehives, bringing new lessons in rhythm, devotion, and working with nature. Also, two kittens named Freya and Phoenix.
00:01:50
Valerie Vazquez
This episode is a conversation about change, trusting the pauses, and allowing yourself to become who you are now, not who you once were.
Awakening and Reclaiming Power
00:02:04
Valerie Vazquez
Well, aloha everyone. I'm back. I wonder if you thought I was ever going to return. I honestly didn't know myself, but with this new year, oh my gosh, it's already April. I feel like I'm ready to return to the pod and also just share some things that have been going on in my life. Like I, I said in the episode preview and how we together as women can reclaim our power.
00:02:41
Valerie Vazquez
So i don't know if you listened to my last episode seven months ago, but I was spassy. I was this sacred bitch priestess because at the time i was really like feeling what was going on on the world stage. And I mean, there's even more going on now.
00:03:02
Valerie Vazquez
Now it's like, A lot of women are angry and rageful and seeing, you know, what is going on in the world with all of this toxic patriarchal systems surfacing with the Epstein files in this recent rape academy and just seeing how.
Personal Challenges and Self-Alignment
00:03:22
Valerie Vazquez
The patriarchal consciousness really has this power over women and power over our mother earth and how it is affected. Not only women, it has also affected men too.
00:03:34
Valerie Vazquez
We are all affected by this consciousness, this patriarchy that has been separated truly from the mother, separated from goddess, separated from know who we really are.
00:03:47
Valerie Vazquez
We've been living in these power dynamics where it's just, you know, about money and power and warring and taking and, and not having any respect for women or children. And, and so I was really feeling that already seven months ago. And after I came home from Avalon, I was really just in a different frequency altogether. And when I got home to the farm, my partner and I were really not aligning. And so for about a month, you know, we have two different houses on the on the property and I'm always going to be real with you all because why not?
00:04:31
Valerie Vazquez
If things go on in my life, I know they go on in other women's life because I have conversations with other women's, but we have two houses on the property and that time I needed space. So for about a month, we both lived in the separate houses because i just really needed to be in a safe place within my nervous system. And I didn't feel that with him, not in a physical harm type of unsafe, but just like,
00:04:57
Valerie Vazquez
I really had a lot shifting within me and i was also navigating through perimenopause with this year and a day spiral with priestesses of the rose, when you go into a container that it is, i honestly don't have words for the magnitude of all that went on during priestesses of the rose each month, having these different initiations and opportunities to look further into my own shadows and in the darkness, you know, go in and
00:05:40
Valerie Vazquez
and take accountability for the ways that I'm showing up in life for myself and my relationships and everything, but then also being able to embody these teachings and these frequencies, there was just, I mean, it was such a beautiful and rocky, rocky is not even the right word, but revealing year And i going through going through going through perimenopause and really knowing that that's what I was going through within my body and all the fear behind the change perimenopause brings ah about within the body for a woman.
00:06:27
Valerie Vazquez
Even though I have journeyed through explanting and shaving my head and stopping Botox and, um, just really honoring myself.
00:06:39
Valerie Vazquez
There was a deep rooted fear that I was dealing with internally.
Hormone Therapy Journey
00:06:44
Valerie Vazquez
of aging still yes i'm i'm really going to admit that because was everything was happening all at once these energetic shifts my body changing i could you know my skin was getting drier and i was more fatigued and i was getting hot flashes and i wasn't sleeping at night and partner and i were just like not seeing eye to eye on things and so how much went on that I just really had to step back from anything extra.
00:07:15
Valerie Vazquez
And my heart always wants to be in service literally to other women. um But I just, I didn't have the capacity for it. And as you know, if you've listened and you're, you know, you know who I am, i i do live on a 10 acre farm and we have a lot of animals and plants and an orchard to steward. and so I really just gave myself permission to step back and to allow myself to get through 2025,
00:07:53
Valerie Vazquez
twenty twenty five you know, and get through and a yeariny day spiral with three stitches of the rose and really allow what excavations needed to happen within. also,
00:08:05
Valerie Vazquez
also um while i I was taking a step back in all the whirlwind that felt like that was going on, I hit a point where I didn't feel that I actually was able to move through it with the ways that I take care of myself with either yoga or breath work or just being out on the land and grounding.
00:08:34
Valerie Vazquez
I just couldn't like, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm crying every day and I'm mad all the time. And that this is just not me. And I'm like, how am I, so you know, all of the ways that I was just not allowing myself to just be in this initiation of where I'm going as a woman.
00:08:56
Valerie Vazquez
So i got desperate in this was like October, I believe late October, And I made an appointment with one of those online doctor platforms that you see all over Instagram, think MIDI or something.
00:09:12
Valerie Vazquez
And I made an appointment with a doctor and the next day had a prescription for hormone replacement therapy. And I ah really doubted myself and I doubted like,
00:09:29
Valerie Vazquez
I can't believe I'm going and getting a prescription. Cause I hadn't had a prescription. For at least three years since I had my explant, there were i do not really go to doctors unless it's necessary. And please woman, know that I am not shaming you for whatever choices you make in your life. I will say that on every episode. i love you exactly where you are. And I hope that you also feel the same towards me and the ways that I move forward as a woman in the world that we've been raised in.
00:10:02
Valerie Vazquez
So I did start hormone replacement therapy. And the moment I stood in the line at the Long's Drugs in Hilo, who was like, oh my gosh, this feels so weird.
00:10:18
Valerie Vazquez
But I was desperate and i started on the hormone replacement therapy and within the first week I was sleeping through the night. I was not having as many hot flashes. i was not having as many hormonal ups and downs. And so I was like, okay, this isn't so bad. Like how can this be bad? You know, and it's not bad.
00:10:42
Valerie Vazquez
I don't even like to use that word bad, but Then I was like, wait a second, I'm working on healing my liver and I'm swallowing a pill that has to be processed through my liver. That's not right.
00:10:55
Valerie Vazquez
Anyway, the whole time I was on hormone replacement therapy, I just really started to reflect on why did I start this?
00:11:06
Valerie Vazquez
I was in fear. I had listened to this podcast of these doctors talking about how, you know, just... just I just went into a fear.
00:11:19
Valerie Vazquez
I went into a fear that I would get heart disease and that I would, you know, um get Alzheimer's and I would look older and feel older. Like all of these things that just, I'm going to be honest, I am human. I'm still on this journey of remembering and I went into fear.
00:11:39
Valerie Vazquez
And I also convinced myself that like as popular as it is, how can it be wrong? Blah, blah, blah. But then I went, wait a second. I did this with breast implants. How could they be wrong when everyone else is doing it? And and I just was like, no. and so in December, I just really like got this message very clearly when my prescription ran out before my next visit, which is literally what I said, i said, goddess universe, you know, whatever you want to say.
00:12:14
Valerie Vazquez
I was like, give me a sign that I really need to stop doing this because it's just not, you know, Yeah, just give me a sign. And I literally turned my computer on, opened up my email, and it was like, your next prescription has been denied. you have no more refills. And of course, yes, could have I emailed the doctor and probably got some? Of course.
00:12:35
Valerie Vazquez
But I just let that be it. And I weaned myself off for about a week. And some of the symptoms started returning. i started feeling more emotional again. And I started...
00:12:51
Valerie Vazquez
having earn a little bit of break in my sleep. And then I had gotten some natural, more natural support, some wild yam cream, red clover tea, some Vitex berry, a supplement and vitamin E. And I just, I started doing things more naturally and I really went in it with the knowing that yes, of course, as your estrogen goes down, your you're you are gonna change, your body is gonna change and that's okay, it is supposed
00:13:34
Valerie Vazquez
That is what our bodies are supposed to do We are not supposed to stay young forever and have energy forever. just like the seasons in the year, our lives have seasons too.
00:13:48
Valerie Vazquez
And I'm by no means ah midlife for you at the end of your, you know, we're like in fall, we're not quite to winter yet, but we are slowing down. We're no longer in spring. We're no longer in summer. And we are at this time supposed to nurture ourselves and take care of ourselves and say no let go of things that are no longer in full support to us.
00:14:16
Valerie Vazquez
And our bodies do do change. That's okay. Like, we are not meant to stay young forever. And I mean, who wants to, honestly? um so yeah, I got off of that. And I just really am, you know, with with my partner, I'm like, i really, part of healing from some of these patriarchal wounds that men can do is to be able to fully embrace a woman's emotional rollercoaster, not
00:14:59
Valerie Vazquez
when a woman like takes out things on their partner, but maybe for, you know, a little bit, I'm crying. Maybe I'm mad. Maybe I'm just closed off.
00:15:10
Valerie Vazquez
and Not because I don't love you, but because I just need a little bit of space. Maybe I need to take a nap or two or, you know, so...
00:15:19
Valerie Vazquez
If you don't have a partner that can fully hold you in all of your emotions, it makes it even harder. And so that has been something that we've been working on is that however you were raised, you know, a lot of men were raised in this way of, well, most men are completely shut off from their emotions. A lot of women are, but as you know, men have really been closed off from their emotions, closed off from, um from that feminine energy.
00:15:48
Valerie Vazquez
So when their partners have emotions, they don't know, like they get uncomfortable with it because they don't know how to like handle it within themselves, but how can they handle it with you?
00:16:00
Valerie Vazquez
So we've had to have a lot of conversations and a lot of You know, just sitting with one another and leave and say, Hey, this isn't about you, but today i am just in my feels. I don't need you to try to fix me.
00:16:15
Valerie Vazquez
i don't need you to try to like make it better. I might not be super like high and happy today. And like jovial, I am happy. And I, I mean, that word happy.
00:16:28
Valerie Vazquez
Internally, I know that I'm just going through hormones, but I do feel happy with the life that I have. So it's not you. And you know, it's like this explaining and and I'm not always good at it.
00:16:41
Valerie Vazquez
Sometimes I suck at it. Sometimes I'm not great at it, but I'm trying. So that was the, the couple months on hormone replacement therapy and really the reflection of myself going, whoa, um, I really was in fear and also forgiving myself for going into that space of, you know, the, what the world shows us. And, and so then during that, that timeframe, we got two kittens, um,
00:17:21
Valerie Vazquez
We already have the two older cats up on it and Jimmy. and then there was just this feeling of like, we need two more cats because we have, you know, rats and, and things on the, on the property that cats are really good at helping with pest control.
Beekeeping and Divine Feminine Wisdom
00:17:41
Valerie Vazquez
And so i thought about that one day and then Chad actually said, hey, do you think we should get two more cats? And I'm like, yeah. So Chloe came to visit for Christmas and we went in to look for kittens and we weren't able to find any. And then at the last moment we were at Petco, went in and there was these, oh my gosh, this brother and sister,
00:18:07
Valerie Vazquez
a little orange tabby and a Siamese girl, and they were just precious and their names were Reiki and Rico.
00:18:20
Valerie Vazquez
And the lady who had found them was there and she was so sweet. And anyway, it was just, it was a long story, but it was absolutely like perfectly divinely meant to have these two kittens and they are the sweetest cats ever.
00:18:39
Valerie Vazquez
They, and all the cats have integrated and it's just like, it's crazy to have four cats, but I love it. We love it. And then we also got bees and this is an interesting story.
00:18:55
Valerie Vazquez
so my husband had taken a bee course about eight or nine months ago and I really wasn't quite ready you add anything else to the farm. We weren't quite ready to add anything else to the farm because we have a lot of animals already.
00:19:19
Valerie Vazquez
As you know, or don't know, we have cows and chickens and ducks and sheep and cats and a dog and a rabbit. And 10 acres, we really honestly take care of it all by ourselves.
00:19:34
Valerie Vazquez
And i just wasn't ready. And I just said, hey, let's let's wait until the timing is right and not try to force another thing. Cause it's just at some point, you know, in your life,
00:19:49
Valerie Vazquez
You really do have to stop adding things and and maybe start actually taking things out that don't serve you so that you can open up more space for what you want.
00:20:04
Valerie Vazquez
And we were were on a walk one day and there was an owl that had just passed on the side of our property.
00:20:18
Valerie Vazquez
and The owl has been huge spirit guide for me. Through my entire journey, I've had multiple in-person experiences with with live owls.
00:20:35
Valerie Vazquez
I've found owl feathers on the property and taking walks and walking. dreams and so this owl i was like i mean she had just passed and so that evening i went on to youtube and i was just watching a video about if you find a bird that has passed you know what what to do with it and the medicine that it can bring forth and i found mary isis
00:21:13
Valerie Vazquez
And I don't know if you're familiar with her music, but I was literally listening to her music that that day. And then when I saw her on YouTube, I was like, wow, okay, cool.
00:21:23
Valerie Vazquez
And so I went to her website because she has some free guides on there. And when I went on there was a flyer for this in-person, in-bulk,
00:21:40
Valerie Vazquez
event and it was the beginning of this bee woman course. So we were going to make beeswax candles and do some other things with bees. And I was like, whoa, that's so cool. Oh, and it was literally in Takalao, which is the town I live in.
00:22:03
Valerie Vazquez
I'm like, what? I had also been talking about how I really, I've been, well, not talking, but like sending prayers out that I really wanted to bring in more sisterhood connections in person.
00:22:18
Valerie Vazquez
So then I just kept like going down the rabbit hole of like, okay, well, what is this bee woman chorus? And then I found this lady who has wise women beekeepers and was just like, oh my gosh, this is so amazing. i mean, do you see that you all like you have a guide, you send out prayers.
00:22:41
Valerie Vazquez
And then when you're open, these things come in you can't make it up. So of course I signed up that night to do the event and I was just so extremely excited about it.
00:22:56
Valerie Vazquez
and I went to the event and it was so amazing. And we sat with bees and we made um the candles and we tasted honey from all these different places in the world.
00:23:09
Valerie Vazquez
And I learned more about bees and I learned more about the wisdom of the bees and women were the original tenders of the bees.
00:23:24
Valerie Vazquez
So the Melissa and how the bees are connected to the goddess and connected to our wombs and connected to so much more oracular wisdom, even the Rose lineage.
00:23:41
Valerie Vazquez
And i was just like, okay, well, this is amazing. and so We ended up getting hives and I've been doing this bee woman course now with the ah local, you know, community of women.
00:23:56
Valerie Vazquez
We have the hives on the land. I sit with them and I am obsessed. I'm obsessed with just bees and the smell of the hive the queen and the maidens who are the female worker bees that do all of the work.
00:24:17
Valerie Vazquez
And the, just the consciousness of the hive and the wisdom. and unfortunately beekeeping has and another factor of patriarchy has been this like controlling of the bees with the way a lot of beekeepers keep their bees and the things that they do to the queens and the things they do to the hives to control them and they spray them and they treat them. And all I gotta say is not all honey is the same.
00:24:54
Valerie Vazquez
So regenerative beekeepers, it's a really important thing to learn about where your honey's coming from and make sure that you're not getting it treated with things that people treat or just the way that they treat the hive. So that can be a whole nother episode. Sometimes I, sometime I might actually get my, my friend Jenny, who has wise wisdom beekeepers on an episode so that we can share more and just how this reclaiming of this
00:25:28
Valerie Vazquez
divine feminine wisdom goes hand in hand with the bees. And then lastly, i just wanted to share, I introduced myself as Anye for the first time on the podcast.
00:25:45
Valerie Vazquez
And i know a lot of you, and I've had a lot of people like, where did this name come from? Why are you changing your name, Valerie? Well, at the very end of Priestesses of the Rose,
00:25:58
Valerie Vazquez
The last month there was an initiation. And so during this, these initiations, the way that I feel energy through my body is I do feel that, that Kundalini spiral that, that goes up.
00:26:15
Valerie Vazquez
And I actually feel my chakras. I can feel each one of them a, and they move differently within me. that's how I know they're open for me. And then when I work on people and do energy healing, I also can feel that type of energy.
00:26:36
Valerie Vazquez
So during initiations that were shared, i the energy that goes through your through my body, I could feel it and it would shift.
00:26:47
Valerie Vazquez
And this last initiation was to reveal your priestess name. And of course i I, was in my head a lot before, and I was just like, this is so weird. Like, how am I going to get a new name? And like, I had all these preconceived notions of what it might be or what I would want it to be or whatever.
00:27:11
Valerie Vazquez
but the, the, the difference in using your head and then allowing your body's wisdom to actually tell you or to spirit to move through you and give you something is to really trust and allow during this meditation or these initiations to allow what comes through. and obviously for me, it's been years and years of being able to work with the energy within my body and knowing that there is this ancient technology, this divine intelligence that runs through all of us and to just trust that.
00:27:52
Valerie Vazquez
And so as this activation was happening
00:27:59
Valerie Vazquez
i not only could feel it but it was coming out of my voice so it started low and it was just like oh yay and I can feel it in my body right now so it's like I think now I'm like turn on a switch on and then yay on yay and i just i feel that power within me this priestess name it's like knowing that it's been there before and i'll always love my name valerie and you can still call me valerie if you don't want to call me on yay it's fine i have
00:28:41
Valerie Vazquez
groups of people, you know, when you change your name, it's like when you meet new people, it's kind of easy. But when you know people and you're like, I changed my name, some people get it, some people don't.
00:28:52
Valerie Vazquez
It's okay. But this is the frequency that I'm embodying. So that's how that came about. I just want to thank you all for listening. This was a longer episode than what I normally do, just because I was almost recapping, not all of the seven months, but some of the of highlights or some of the things that just, I really wanted to share where I was and how I navigated through.
00:29:18
Valerie Vazquez
I am offering one-on-one energy healing sessions on the farm in my Rose Temple for anyone that's on Big Island.
00:29:32
Valerie Vazquez
It's in Hakalao. and I am working with mainly women. i can open up to work with men as well. It's just going to really depend. and um right yeah And so I also do remote distance healing, which I am trained for through Sacred Path Healing School.
00:29:55
Valerie Vazquez
So i I work with clients both in person and online. i will put my website in the show notes for you to check it out. I also offer a ah free discovery call just to see if we're the right fit.
00:30:11
Valerie Vazquez
My appointments are really limited because being a steward of this land, i really always want to give my fullness to she whoever I work with.
00:30:30
Valerie Vazquez
And in order to do that, I have to honor the capacity I have in my life. And I'm not desperate. but um i I am walking into this sacred service in a way that I had never had in a business before, where I truly am honoring totally my needs and also the needs of my life and for me to be fully present as an energy healer.
00:31:01
Valerie Vazquez
i have to do all of the things to take care of myself so that when we work together, you will feel the safety and the groundedness within me as your energy healer. So I'll have my, again, website in the show notes.
00:31:18
Valerie Vazquez
Welcome back. Thank you so much for your support. If you found this episode helpful, or you just want to share it that I'm, I'm back with someone, please share it. And until we meet again over the airways, the, why i didn't need it I'm just going to send you so much love for whatever you're walking through right now, woman, and know that you're not alone and Just have a beautiful rest of your day or night, wherever you are.
00:31:54
Valerie Vazquez
love you.