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Communication through a Gospel Lens - Webinar
115 Plays3 days ago
You can find the webinar on YouTube here.
How do we communicate the gospel in a way that serves the listener?
In this webinar episode, Larah explores a biblical theology of communication and introduces the LEARN framework, a practical approach for discipling autistic individuals and others impacted by disability. Drawing from the ministry methods of Jesus, Larah explains why communication is not primarily about the speaker, but about helping the listener understand and engage with truth.
Throughout the episode, you'll learn how to listen before speaking, enter another person's world, assume competence, respond with curiosity and patience, and nurture relationships over time. Larah also shares practical examples for parents, church leaders, and volunteers, including case studies involving a nonverbal child, a teen with social challenges, and an adult seeking belonging within the church.
Whether you're discipling your own child, serving in disability ministry, or simply seeking to communicate more effectively, this episode offers a gospel-centered framework that can transform the way you connect with others.
In This Episode
- Why communication is a ministry to the listener
- Examples of how Jesus adapted His teaching methods
- The LEARN framework for disability discipleship
- Why flexibility is a ministry tool, not a compromise
- The importance of assuming competence
- Coaching volunteers to respond with curiosity instead of correction
- Building trust through long-term relationships
- Practical case studies for children, teens, and adults
- Using visuals, routines, and sensory supports in discipleship
- Strengthening the partnership between parents and churches
- Resources available to support gospel conversations at home and church
Key Takeaways
- Communication serves the listener, not the speaker.
- Effective discipleship begins with understanding before instruction.
- LEARN: Listen First, Enter Their World, Assume Less, Respond with Curiosity & Patience, Nurture Relationships.
- Behavior should not automatically be interpreted as lack of understanding.
- Small accommodations often create significant opportunities for gospel engagement.
- Trust is often the bridge that allows truth to be received.
- Parents and churches accomplish more when they work together.
- You don't have to do everything at once. Start small somewhere.
Notable Quotes
"You can't disciple someone you refuse to understand.""Flexibility is a ministry tool, not a compromise."
"Assume competence until proven otherwise."
"Seek understanding before solutions. Respond with curiosity and patience."
"The truth travels best through trust."
"Start small somewhere."
Resources Mentioned
Letters to Lindsey: Seeing Your Child's Autism Diagnosis Through a Gospel Lens
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Webinar Excitement
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello friends and welcome back to the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. Lara here and I'm excited. Today's a little bit different. I'm going to use this podcast episode to present to you a webinar that I had the amazing privilege and joy to present to a group of brothers and sisters about communication and about how we approach a discipleship method when it comes to raising autistic disciples. And they wanted me to present on across the spectrum and across age and development. So I did that by God's grace. And so I just wanted to offer you the audio of that. Now, listen, I tell you that because, i mean, it's a webinar. So I'm hoping that you get are able to put the pieces together because I do show my slides and things like that. And so you can check out the show notes if you'd like those to kind of go along with this audio. But Nevertheless, um by God's grace, he gave me something to be able to equip brothers and sisters. And I hope it's also encouraging and equips you as well. And it's all about being a learner, how to learn our autistic kids for the sake of the gospel.
Family Background and Autism Diagnosis
00:01:11
Speaker
And so I hope you're encouraged today as you listen in to this webinar audio. Thanks, friends.
00:01:21
Speaker
I am blessed beyond measure. The Lord is so gracious and kind. i am married to Colin. he and i He's my college sweetheart. Met him at college, got married, and just started having a family, having some fun, moving here and there. We've been in Texas and grew up in Louisiana, and so but now in North Carolina, so that's why you'll hear my accent is kind of confused. So I'm going between all these different ah states, but ah a little bit of a draw in there. And so, but I'm grateful to be here with you.
00:01:53
Speaker
Kyle and I have been married almost 18 years and have three kiddos. Our oldest is Addie and she will be going into high school. I cannot believe it next year, a high school freshman.
00:02:04
Speaker
um Just a wonderful kiddo. And then our middle son is Graham. He's our autistic image bearer. And then we have a third. His name is Levi, and he is the one that keeps us laughing all all the time. And so I'll just go ahead and...
00:02:19
Speaker
show you my family there if you can see that there. Okay, so here's my folks, here's my people that y'all can see. And so um listen, if you're raising an autistic kid or a kid with um a disability, you understand um one of the things on our list that is probably the most, um how should I put this? ah Well, not fun, one, is taking Christmas pictures. It is absolutely one of the hardest endeavors to get a good picture. And so this year we just gave up and was like, you know what? Why are we stressing ourself out about this? We'll just just snap a picture and we will send the card to the people and they will get a real life example of what our family's like. And that's what this picture is. It's a couple of years ago, but I wanted to show you that. And so...
00:03:03
Speaker
ah Listen, that's our our Graham. He's our autistic image bearer. And we are just, we're grateful to the Lord to be able to be this kid's mom and dad. And so I want to share a little bit more about what the Lord has done just through his life and how he has equipped
Impact of Autism on Faith Journey
00:03:17
Speaker
us. I am also, ah Jolene said, COO of Keen Ministry. But you even before then, the Lord has marked my steps as a web and graphic designer. to be in the world of communications. So you all allowing me to teach on this particular topic, I i absolutely love because I believe that God has equipped me just in professionally speaking along these last 20 years of being able to understand how to remove barriers in communication so that the gospel can take root. And so I'm i'm so excited, but that's our Graham.
00:03:52
Speaker
um This picture is the day that we are walking out of an appointment that we were told the autism word ah became our in our vocabulary. We were walking out of a ah it was either a psychiatrist's office or um the the school system giving us an eval. And that day, i will be honest with you, brothers, sisters, changed our life. um um it for the good, but also for the the challenging. I'm not a sugarcoating type of person, so I'm going to tell you some challenges here in a second. But that's the day that kind of started us off on the trajectory of understanding, first and foremost. um I will tell you, Colin and I
00:04:33
Speaker
grew up in church. I placed my faith in Jesus when I was six years old and then had amazing mentors and people who poured into my life ah in college and
Adapting Communication for Autistic Children
00:04:44
Speaker
and things like that. So I have walked with the Lord for almost 35 years now.
00:04:49
Speaker
And so, uh, and, and been discipled and things like that. And so what happened that day, the picture you just saw of us walking out, um, of the psychiatrist's office, we got back to our house, sat on our back deck and we, all these fear questions started coming up in our mind. Will he ever graduate high school? Will, will he ever talk? Will he live with us forever? All these things started rising over our mind. And then i remember Colin and I, you know, looked at each other and we're like, wait a second.
00:05:16
Speaker
We have given our lives to the gospel of Jesus. We we have just seen our older child just baptized a year before this all happened, and we were able to walk with her through discipleship. But will Graham ever know and love God forever?
00:05:33
Speaker
And it caused us to sit and think on that. Wait wait a second. And we we are students of the Bible. we I love teaching the Bible to women at my church. And now I'm able to teach online via Zoom to some autism moms. and so I love searching the scriptures. And so that's what it put us on as a trajectory of searching the scriptures to answer that question. And brothers and sisters, I'm here to you almost eight years later and can fully confidently say with 100% that my gram can know and love God.
00:06:04
Speaker
It is our responsibility as parents to proclaim the gospel and to saturate our homes
Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder
00:06:10
Speaker
with gospel truth. And so I would love to tell you how we got there. But that was day one, i would say in our book. And then here's how I describe it now.
00:06:18
Speaker
We were in DC last year and we got to spend some time at the Air and Space Museum. And that is an exhibit by the Wright brothers or or the Air and Space Museum put an exhibit by the Wright brothers. And you know what? I don't think there's a better way to explain the phrase, you're building the plane while flying it, other than this picture right here. of That is kind of what we're on as a family is we're kind of building this plane while flying it, meaning we're learning as we go.
00:06:45
Speaker
I think that's where a lot of us parents raising kids with disability and caregivers even get kind of trapped on is like, there's no book that tells us how to, other than the Bible tells us everything we need to know for life and godliness. And so we are, we are on that path of, of building this plane of what we're going to discuss today of learning how my son learns best for the sake of the gospel. So, It's about our approach to those endeavors when when it comes to ah families and individuals impacted by disability is the gospel message doesn't change, but our methods will have to. And we're going to discuss that today. And so, but before we do that, before we understand how to communicate with autistic individuals across ah age and development, we have to understand what autism is. Now, listen, a lot of things today you probably already know. You may have been taught different things.
00:07:43
Speaker
I can only, what what I like to say on Instagram or or when I'm teaching, I can only teach from my perspective. And if you've been around a long time with any scenario, not just explaining this topic, people have different perspectives. People have different lived experiences. I can only come
Gospel Discipleship for Autistic Individuals
00:08:01
Speaker
to you with mine. And so what we have learned. um So being able to know, let me back up.
00:08:08
Speaker
I love, like I told you to teach the Bible. And I want to be a good student of God's word. um So it was almost like at that point on the back deck with my husband and I were coming to this realization is we made a decision that not only will we search God's word to understand how he might help us raise an autistic disciple, we've got to learn what our how our autistic disciple learns best. So that means we had to become parents that did research, that asked good questions, that, that that you know, studied and researched. So that's why i'm i'm presenting to you today. Before we can learn how to communicate, we actually got to learn how, what it is. And so the...
00:08:49
Speaker
Autism, as you know, a spectrum called autism spectrum disorder refers to a broad language of um conditions characterized by challenges and social skills, repetitive behaviors, speech, nonverbal communications, and things like that. So once we have that understanding that it is, we are approaching it as a communication ah conversation, right? That's why I love that you're having this conversation today. So If we have that in mind, we can move forward with what I will say was the biggest um part of our discovery is learning that the autism spectrum disorder is not a linear line. Okay? Not a linear line. If you've heard, or I hope you've heard this, if you've met one autistic individual, you've met one autistic individual. Meaning that they're all different. i launched a Instagram video this past week talking about um that when you receive an autism diagnosis of a kid, it's really nice to have other parents who get it so that you can go over to their houses to to have play dates or whatever. And so last summer, actually the reason why and i I remembered this was because it came up in a reminder of we went over to a friend's house who also has an autistic kid, but he is sensory avoidant where my kid is sensory seeking medication. meaning my gram loves to destroy just everything. And we walk in the backyard and there, her sweet boy has built the most amazing sandcastle I've ever seen. I'm not, don't think sandcastles, think sand fortress. I mean, at least, you know, three feet long, all, I mean, just very precise, you know, pristine kind of thing. And I took one look at my gram and I thought this is not going to go well.
00:10:36
Speaker
And he took off. I'm talking, they should tell you, um, I joke all the time about autism parenting school. It's not really a thing, but it should be, but they should teach you at autism parenting school that going to have to be doing a lot of running. So wear your tennis shoes at all time. And they should teach you about the right mode of tackling, because that's what I had to do because I saw my kid, my friend's kid's eyes get this big that his sand fortress he spent all the time on was going about to be destroyed. Anyway, long story short, I tackled my kid and then we had to go home because he was going to destroy the sandcastle. What I'm trying to tell you through that story is they're all different. Okay. The spectrum, you've got sensory seeking, you've got sensory avoided. As you can see here, it's not a linear line.
00:11:18
Speaker
It's not a linear line. It's more like some autistic individuals may struggle with transitions, but they may be okay with sensory stuff. So it's it's it's not a line. It's more of a sphere or a circle type of thing when it comes to ah the spectrum.
Teaching Adaptations Inspired by Jesus
00:11:35
Speaker
Okay, is autism a disability? This is a controversial subject with some parents, with some ah even, you know, those living with autism. Again, I'm going to go back to this is my perspective. um there There are some areas where it's helpful to identify what I'm seeing a lot when I interact with parents is is we just don't have the language. We don't know how to explain things. And so I'm just going to offer a helpful, ah my perspective, as far as disability, the word disabled means not able or apart from the ability. Meaning, in a sense, autism is a disability because it creates a difference in how someone experiences it interacts with the world compared to the societal norms that society has built. My gram cannot...
00:12:23
Speaker
go out in the world because society has built by neurotypical individuals in a way that he can't navigate. Meaning he's not next week, he's not going to be able to operate or to navigate the sensory experience called VBS.
00:12:39
Speaker
without a one-on-one. He's going to need someone to help him navigate that because some of our ministries, im I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but some of our ministries are built in a neurotypical way. Therefore, he is not he is apart from the ability to be able to navigate that. So and in some sense, this is helpful for parents and others learning um that That it is a disability in such that barriers are in place because it is more geared toward neurotypical thinking. So...
00:13:12
Speaker
what does this have to do with communication? Meaning what is the goal that we are having to, I love to accomplish things. And I want you to know right from the beginning, like ah there's a goal here when it comes to communication, when it comes to us understanding how to commute with autistic individuals, here's a goal. And I, and it's very simple. Here it is.
00:13:31
Speaker
Gospel discipleship. That is the goal of understanding how to communicate and how to interact even with autistic individuals and with kids like my son, because ultimately communication matters because discipleship matters.
00:13:47
Speaker
At the end of the day, this isn't merely just a communication communication conversation. The goal is not just like behavior management, although behaviors are something we have to talk about from time to time. The goal is helping autistic image bearers know, respond, follow, and worship Christ.
00:14:05
Speaker
That is our ultimate goal in removing barriers. So that is the case. Gospel discipleship. So from the very beginning, you're going to hear me say this next phrase over and over because I want to make sure it's clear. I want to make sure it's clear. And it's
LEARN Acronym for Communication
00:14:19
Speaker
this.
00:14:19
Speaker
The gospel message stays the same, but the method adapts to the learner. adapting communication is not compromising truth. The church, the church really, if you think about it, has always adapted methods for the sake of understanding. and I'm go show you those in a few seconds. But to be clear, the gospel message will always stay the same, right?
00:14:42
Speaker
Jesus came, Jesus lived, Jesus died. Jesus rose from the grave victoriously three days later, claiming victory over sin, Satan and death forever. And he sits at the right hand of the father interceding for us. That is the gospel message. It will never change.
00:14:57
Speaker
Praise be to God, right? Amen? Praise be to God. But the method in which we deliver that good news is going to adapt to the learners so that they learn best, okay? Paul says it right here in 1 Corinthians, have become all things to all people so that by all means possible, I might save some. I do this for the sake of the gospel that I may share in its blessings, right?
00:15:18
Speaker
Paul did not change the truth to fit people. It's very important. He didn't change the gospel much. He adjusted his approach so that people could better understand truth. In the same way, like communicating with autistic individuals may require flexibility from us, brothers and sisters.
00:15:34
Speaker
And how we teach and how we explain and how we connect. I'm sure, Jolene, when you were teaching elementary, this is the same type of application. My mom's a retired third grade teacher. I know that to be true, right?
00:15:47
Speaker
Again, not because the gospel changes, but because loves love seeks understanding. Love seeks understanding. um here's the Here's the truth, brothers sisters. I think one of the traps, this is just me observing. I've been in ministry long enough now, almost 25 years, and both on church staff and now in the nonprofit sphere. I think one of the traps for us in ministry is that we often desire immediate outcomes.
00:16:15
Speaker
And we won't we want um quick responses, like visible participation, obvious spiritual fruit happening right then and there. and But with many autistic individuals and and individuals impacted by disability, thats growth is going to look a whole lot different.
00:16:32
Speaker
it It just is. We have to realize that that that may be something we observe in ourselves, that we observe in ourselves and we ask the Lord, Lord, where is this a issue that you're exposing in me that I have to see outcomes of my teaching in a matter of he has to sit down to listen or to get the gospel. He has to do this yet. When is it becoming about me and not that we are serving each other?
00:16:56
Speaker
by help by understanding that ah adapting to the learner is necessary and so I just wanted to offer that to you that it's going to be different than what we expect from our typical setting or our the way a typical brain learns and processes information because again remember what we learned autism is a way of processing information okay so we don't teach we We don't change what we teach. We may have to change how we teach it. We don't change through truth. We adapt our communications. We don't compromise the message. We contextualize the delivery of it, okay?
00:17:34
Speaker
All right, I'm gonna kind of go through a little bit fast just for sake of time. So again, a preschooler and adult hear the same gospel message, but the delivery is different. ah Autistic child and neurotypical child may learn the same biblical principle, but the visuals may need a change. Concrete language, repetition, or sensory inputs need to change. a This is true across the board if you think about it. my My second grader right now is not going to learn the same method of delivery that my high school kid is going to learn in youth group, right? Right?
00:18:06
Speaker
They're going to learn the same truth, but different methods of that. Okay. Here's the part I'm praying for us today. Communication serves the listener, not the speaker.
00:18:18
Speaker
We are called by God gives us what, but by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and reading his word, we want to speak the truth of the gospel, but it is to serve the person who's listening. Again, going back, like we need to make sure we ask the Lord, you know, is is it, is it me wanting immediate ah gospel fruit, though we we do.
00:18:40
Speaker
that that's not going to say that that's wrong, but it may be God working on their heart through us. And so we just want to we want to go in a posture of we're serving by taking the truth of the gospel and presenting it in such a way for the a listener or the learner. Jesus did this.
00:18:59
Speaker
He is the best teacher ever. We learn from him. He did this with fishermen, with his disciples. He talked about fish, talked about nets and stuff. I won't even try to go that I know what I'm talking about there, but he did that, right? Farmers, seeds and soils. When he was around shepherds, he talked about sheep, right? With children, he used illustrations and with the woman at the well. He did it with water sitting right beside him.
00:19:25
Speaker
Okay, we learn from Jesus and how to communicate the message of who he is with his audience, with the learner sitting right there beside
Case Studies in Adaptive Strategies
00:19:35
Speaker
him.
00:19:35
Speaker
So. If a child cannot process a 30-minute verbal communication lesson, we adapt, right? If visual supports are needed, we adapt, right? If sensory overload becomes so great, we adapt the environment so that the gospel can be heard and received and they can respond to it in a way their mind learns best. I will say this. Let me stop here. Jim, I'm so glad, and and Julie, I'm so glad you introduced me to Kara because here we have friends in the field right now, and we were able to watch them. going to start crying. Sorry, guys. um I was able to watch them through the whole and entire years, two years at least, process of them preparing to go to the field.
00:20:15
Speaker
And Jim, correct me if I'm wrong. I watched them toil and strive on learning language, on learning culture, on learning everything. Everything they could possibly do so that when they get to the field in that unreached people group, they were able to remove barriers so that the gospel message could be heard.
00:20:36
Speaker
I'm telling you, friends, the same is true for our friends impacted by disability. And specifically, my son with autism is that I will do whatever it takes short of sin to ensure that I know how Graham Roberts learns best for the sake of the gospel.
00:20:55
Speaker
Just like my missionary friends are doing for unreached people groups and learning culture and learning language. That is my desire as a mom is that I want to do whatever it takes to learn how Graham Roberts learns best for the sake of the gospel. It's the same as true. It's the same. We can take the same playbook of our missionary friends. So Jim, thank you for sharing that.
00:21:13
Speaker
um So moving on really quickly, I love that we get to talk about this. A biblical theology of a theology of what we know to be true about God, right? And taking that in ah and learning how to communicate. Because communication in scripture is not primarily about expressing ourselves. It's about serving others. we've already We've already discussed that. Love considers the other person. We see that in Philippians. Wisdom listens first. We see that in Proverbs. Speech is tailored to the listener, right? Words are to be...
00:21:43
Speaker
build up the body of Christ. And so we want to learn a good, solid foundation of how to approach our brothers and sisters impacted by disability, specifically autism in this context, and how to do that. And so the measure of effective communication isn't how well we speak. It is whether the person understands. I think we've already made that that clear. What is the goal, brothers and sisters?
00:22:06
Speaker
The goal is gospel discipleship. So here we go. Are you ready? All right. So how do we communicate with our autistic image bearers, brothers and sisters and friends impacted by disability? Okay, here it is. We're going to be a learner. We're going to be a learner. Good disability ministry, Jim told us, start is a joy. Good disability ministry starts with humility.
00:22:29
Speaker
With us taking on the posture of being a learner and learning how our friends process information differently than I do. Okay, here's one thing I'm asking the Lord and praying for myself is,
00:22:42
Speaker
I cannot disciple someone I refuse to understand. I cannot disciple my Graham unless I know how he learns best. I cannot disciple someone who I don't know their lived experience and why they may be reacting or why they may be asking questions.
00:23:00
Speaker
You cannot disciple someone you refuse to understand. Therefore, Scripture tells us over and over again, Jesus displayed this in the Gospels, we move toward people, not away from them. We are to be learners when it comes to this. So let's learn how.
00:23:15
Speaker
good act gonna give it to you as an acronym so l-e-a-r-n we're gonna learn to be a learner to this morning i mean this afternoon sorry first off l we're gonna listen first the one who gives an answer before he listens is foolish and disgrace for him right we're gonna learn how to listen first Friends, I'll give you a great example. I don't know about you guys in your church or things like that, but but in August, maybe early September, we have something called Promotion Sunday. Can you shake your heads yes or no if you have that? Promotion Sunday where the the kid moves up. It is the worst day of the year in my house.
00:23:52
Speaker
It just is awful because he got so used to this classroom and this teacher. And now we're going to shove him the moment in one Sunday, though I have now learned to ask if we could go and see the classroom so Graham gets used to it. But that's how I learned. For us approaching individuals impacted by disability, we want to listen first as we become a learner. You can't understand what you haven't heard. So we are to... um break down these communication barriers that happen when we interpret behavior before we understand the person.
00:24:26
Speaker
Scripture reminds us that listening comes before conclusions. And so when we're when we're communicating with autistic individuals, no matter the the age or development here, we are constantly asking, how can I understand? By listening. Now, sometimes this is going to be your parent. The parents are going to be the best. The caregivers are going to be the best place to start. And a question you may ask as you as you listen first is,
00:24:50
Speaker
Help me understand what you,
Misconceptions and Assumptions
00:24:53
Speaker
as the if if this person is um is ah ah being able to communicate with you, help me understand what you may be trying to communicate with me right now. Ask the parent that. what when When this individual or this image bearer, your child is doing this, what could this be communicating? Can you help me learn? It's about posture, brothers and sisters. It's about humility and the posture by which we move toward people. But listening is first as we become a good learner. Second, enter their world, right? Enter their world. Philippians 2, 3, 3, 4. Everyone should look out to his own should not look out to his own interests, but rather the interests of others. We're moving toward people. Flexibility is a ministry tool, not a compromise, okay? Man, I'm telling you the church leaders who have moved toward us when it comes to flexibility and adapting, I can't tell you how much as a parent it is such a blessing.
00:25:44
Speaker
that they are not like, nope, you know what? We've done this for years. We're going stick with this. We're going to do it this way. But yet they're going, you know what? Graham Roberts, I want him to know and respond to the gospel. what well if it caught If it's a bubble machine that needs to happen, we'll put that in the sensory room. ah You know, things like that. I remember um I did...
00:26:03
Speaker
I was a staffer at a summer camp when I was in college and they taught us, they did like, you know, kind of webinars like this before we ah got students in our group and they taught us different techniques. And and one of it is this, enter their world. But I remember I had a conversation. It was probably Friday at this point. I had a conversation with every single kid but one.
00:26:24
Speaker
um and And it was a middle school boy and I didn't really know how to connect with him. He was kind of quiet, but he was talking to his friend. So I'm like, why isn't he talking about me, talking to me? I was like, I got to figure something out here. And in my training, I remember them talking about enter their world. Well, I noticed he had a t-shirt on that Friday and I was like, I'm going to get this kid to talk to me and I'm going to find out something that I can encourage him with.
00:26:44
Speaker
Well, friends, his teacher, his t-shirt was a Star Wars t-shirt. And Lara Roberts to this day has never watched an episode. I'm i'm sorry, not an episode, a movie of Star Wars. So, but here's the deal. i i I was smart enough to know. i knew there was this thing called a lightsaber in the Star Wars movies. I know some of you probably like, oh, come on. I know I have not watched them. um And so i asked him, can you tell me about this thing called a lightsaber in Star Wars? And let me just tell you, the kid lit up. And from that moment, I couldn't i couldn't get him to stop talking.
00:27:22
Speaker
And i was able to enter his world and in in his special interest. and And then guess what? We led to gospel conversations with that. So enter their world. If my Graham loves to talk about cars, talk about cars.
00:27:36
Speaker
Enter their world. This is how we move toward people to be a good learner. A, assume less. This is such a big one, right? The Lord sees the heart, right? May not be obvious to us as, you know, 1 Samuel tells us. Assume competence until proven otherwise. This one gets us in trouble often. But if we just assume less and pursue understanding by being a good learner,
00:28:02
Speaker
We often can come to figure out through different means what they really are um processing in their mind. So always assume competence first until proven otherwise. R, respond with curiosity and patience.
00:28:18
Speaker
Therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion and kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another. If anyone has any grievance against another, just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Seek understanding before solution. So we are to take a posture of curiosity when it comes to communicating ah with our autistic friends, right? is that That's what i'm I'm asking the Lord to help me um when at times when I don't understand is to be more curious.
00:28:48
Speaker
to be more, ask more questions, seek understanding before I jump to a conclusion and don't have patience on something. And let me, let me be very careful here too. This is, this is for parents also. We have got to link arms with church leadership. It is not one versus the other. It is a gospel partnership when it comes to discipling our kids. Now I will say, i will tell you, i clarify all the time. Us as Christian parents are the primary disciple makers in our home.
00:29:18
Speaker
Okay, partner with the the local church in that endeavor as they equip us to be Christian parents at home, but we are the primary disciple maker. So we must also, as parents seeking to partner with the local church, respond with curiosity and patience when we don't understand maybe a decision that's been made. We also take on the posture of learner when it comes to that ah ah partnership with the local church. I just wanted to mention that.
00:29:47
Speaker
N, nurture relationships. Same applies here as well. Encourage each one there daily and building each other up as you're already doing. Paul says there in 1 Thessalonians, people learn best, brothers and sisters, people learn best from people who care and the truth travels best through trust.
00:30:07
Speaker
I think we all know that just as people. So this made this is this is a universal design, right? I think we all want to be treated and nurture relationships. And we all know that even in our own lives that people learn best when when we know that people care and that that the truth of the gospel can travel when we trust the other person has our best interests and doesn't think that we're a behavioral issue all the time.
00:30:30
Speaker
You know, I say all the time that it and it does it it does hurt my heart a little bit as a parent. um Just to be vulnerable and honest with you, when church leaders approach my kid based on one bad day that he's had.
00:30:45
Speaker
And that's the that that's the thing. And I think if you as parents, we can kind of see that happen. Like like we all have bad days. And so we are nurturing relationships by understanding and moving toward one another of like, I'm not going to put a label on someone based on one really bad Sunday that may have begun yesterday. And it's just a domino effect that's happening. And so I wouldn't want somebody to treat me that way. And so that's how I would want to approach ah that type of scenario. So We are to be learners, brothers and sisters, learners. And so, Jolie, I know I'm i'm entering into my time. So I just want to quickly go through, fly through this a little bit, what we how we can apply this. Let's just do one case study. I have three and I can send Jesse my my slides so that ah you all have them. But just take a ah young boy.
00:31:35
Speaker
Yes, ma'am.
00:31:38
Speaker
Do I really? Oh, girlfriend. m Okay. Well, let's do all these case studies. All right. I love it. Okay. Good deal. um ah So a young nonverbal boy, non-speaking boy, what you observe here. So if you can open the chat, I think I can see it right there on my side. I would love this portion to be a little bit interactive. Based on what we learned about being a learner, how can we apply these in these type of cases? Okay. You got a seven-year-old boy in your ministry.
00:32:09
Speaker
He attends
Collaborative Support Approach
00:32:10
Speaker
children's ministry. He doesn't speak, you know, communication there during worship or during Bible study or during small group or however you may do it in your local church context. He walks around the room. He occasionally flaps his hands. He rarely participates in group discussions.
00:32:27
Speaker
Okay, when asked questions, he doesn't respond verbally. How can you be a learner? Just give me the the first thing that pops into your head in the chat. um Tell me what what would be a wrong assumption to make about this young boy.
00:32:44
Speaker
Boom, right there. Timothy, thank you. Do not assume he's not listening. Absolutely. Right. Other wrong assumptions. He's not listening or he's not learning.
00:32:55
Speaker
That's another one.
00:32:58
Speaker
So you're already applying the a right? You're already doing that. Later on, ask parent what he enjoys. Absolutely. You're moving toward him that way. Don't assume he doesn't want to make friends. Absolutely. Man, y'all are awesome. Absolutely.
00:33:14
Speaker
Ask the parent how he communicates. Yeah, use visual supports. You're entering into his world, right? Don't assume. Absolutely. Respond with curiosity, meaning observe what captures his attention and then adapt that. Cool deal. Let's move on to another one.
00:33:30
Speaker
Um, or real quickly. So the discipleship outcome with this particular, uh, uh, uh, as we're learning about that young boy, instead of measuring discipleship by spoken responses, leaders can discover a child who understands far more than they initially realized and is engaging with God's truth in his own way. Absolutely. Like what you all put in the chat. Absolutely.
00:33:50
Speaker
All right, number two, you've got a teenage girl, no social cues, okay? 15-year-old girl attends youth group faithfully, okay? But she interrupts conversations.
00:34:02
Speaker
She kind of dominates discussions about her favorite thing, her special interests. She misses sarcasm or, you know, kind of thing. um Other students occasionally find her awkward or even annoying. that that That happens. How would you approach this scenario as a learner,
00:34:19
Speaker
What would wrong assumptions be? That she's actually trying to make trouble. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. that's That again is we're learning that assume competence meaning don't rush to assume, oh, she's just trying to interrupt because she's trying to create some chaos. No, that that's not the case. Okay. Don't assume that she doesn't care about others. and the people but Absolutely. Great, guys.
00:34:45
Speaker
um Assume she wants to be there and she is there. Andrea, yes. She is there. Listen, friends, that's a miracle in itself. When you see a special needs family or is a family impacted by disability there at church, it's a miracle that they got in the door. It's a miracle that they got out the door from home first. So absolutely that she's actually there and wants to participate.
00:35:10
Speaker
Man, consider that just a huge blessing on your on your ministry, that you have people inside your church that look like your community and want to be there.
Strategies for Inclusion and Belonging
00:35:21
Speaker
That is an indicator, friends, that you are a safe place.
00:35:26
Speaker
That you are a safe place for both families and their children and individuals impacted by disability, that they can come and not be all the assumptions that that we mentioned. Absolutely.
00:35:38
Speaker
um Absolutely. Hey, can i can I land on the respond with curiosity and patience, that first one, coach rather than criticize? This is going to be really big when you're dealing volunteers.
00:35:51
Speaker
Okay, the whole learner aspect too is going to be really big when you're dealing with volunteers is coaching them also. to be a good learner. And rather than criticize the things that you mentioned in the chat, coaching them to understand also is that we're not going jump to conclusion and criticize here. Let's try to approach them in understanding ah rather than assume bad intentions. And so our our discipleship outcome when it comes to this 15 year old girl is this, instead of becoming isolated, she gains relationships.
00:36:20
Speaker
If we put learner to practice, if we put what we've learned, she gains relationships, develops social awareness, you know, as understanding comes and and when patients come. And, you know, can I be honest also?
00:36:35
Speaker
Not only is is, and this is where sometimes it gets a little bit tricky, is um our desire is not to make these individuals neurotypical.
00:36:46
Speaker
OK, want to be very clear about that. it It is yeah you're don't try to make my kid neurotypical in the hour that you have him on Sunday morning. Ain't going to happen.
00:36:57
Speaker
OK, don't want it to happen. What I do kind of want to occur, though, if I can be truly honest, is I want my eight year old, ah ah my my third kid, Levi, to understand how to move toward others that are different than him.
00:37:12
Speaker
So it's not all that this, this instead of the discipleship outcome for her, instead of becoming isolated, she gains relationship, develops social awareness, and experiences the body within the body of Christ. It also applies to the image bearers around her.
00:37:27
Speaker
Right. We want them to understand, too. These are major hurdles for our our friends impacted by disability to be able to to withstand sensory inputs from all angles. That's why next week at BBS, we're trying to do our best this week to help our gram understand. It's going to be a lot.
00:37:45
Speaker
Right. It's going lot. But here's how we're going navigate that. Because you are you are allowed, not only allowed, you should be able to participate, too. And so one more. Okay, so we've got an adult man, a brother, seeking belonging.
00:38:02
Speaker
Seeking belonging. Here's what you observe. A 35-year-old man attends church regularly. He's faithful to attend church. He sits alone in your worship center. He struggles with small talk, most likely looking down the whole time.
00:38:14
Speaker
Doesn't want to make eye contact kind of thing. He joins groups but rarely returns. People describe him as quiet, awkward, or difficult to connect with. What wrong assumptions can be made here?
00:38:29
Speaker
Loner. Yep. That he's a loner. Doesn't want to fellowship. He wants to be left alone. he doesn't He doesn't want you to move toward him in conversation. Doesn't want to make friends. ah Yeah.
00:38:43
Speaker
Karen, that's a great one. That small talk is a necessary part of forming relationship with church. Woo! Man. Yes and amen to that. Absolutely. Y'all are doing great in the chat. Thank you so much. Yeah. That he's not interested. That he wants to be left alone. um That he doesn't want to serve. Yeah.
00:38:59
Speaker
that's that That's oftentimes not the case, brothers and sisters. Listen, I am married. I'm married to a production director, okay? Meaning he's the guy that everybody does this to when the sound is off or the slides don't come up, you know, and it's like, you know, he's the guy that that lets us have, you know, that enables us to have lyrics on the screen and and sound kind of thing. um He could not do his ministry without individuals that do not think like him. or individual serving in the production, in the audio, in the lights, in the different aspects. He could not do it without him. He wants them to serve. So don't think for a minute that this this man, this brother is struggling and just doesn't want to or want to serve. He does. He just he may need...
00:39:45
Speaker
to some serving areas to be adapted to where he can do that um successfully. Okay, great, great. So also take time to learn stories.
00:39:58
Speaker
Learn, learn, like, learn, where did you, where'd you come from? us You know, and oftentimes, here's the thing I think we struggle with. I think, which is why I'm trying to help parents understand that it's okay naming things. Now, we're not trying to be rude, but it's okay to ask him, I see you sit alone. Can you tell me your story?
00:40:18
Speaker
I would love to sit with you. Right? like like Like, enter into time to learn his story. Like, do you have family in the area? Kind of thing. And he'll tell it to you in his own way. And that'll be just fine. But you move toward him. That that that is God working not only in his life, but in your life as well. And so... um ah ah um Ask intentional questions. Give time for responses. Don't immediately go, okay, well, that that got a little bit awkward space. ah No, give it time. he may Remember, aut the processing is different. The processing may, you know, he's he's processing, okay, did she ask me that question and I should respond this way?
00:41:00
Speaker
Give it time. Give it time for responses um when you're interacting So our gospel discipleship outcome here is instead of remaining invisible in a crowded church, he discovers genuine community and begins using his gifts as a valued member of the body of Christ.
00:41:19
Speaker
Praise be to God that those barriers were removed because we were a good learner and we asked the Holy Spirit to help us know how to move toward our brother ah ah and communicate with him in a way and a posture of humility. And so, and and and brothers and sisters, here's the thing.
00:41:36
Speaker
It is not about us. we want to We want to glorify King Jesus in everything we do. So when these things happen and we get to celebrate wins, we honor God. God, would you be praised and glorified by allowing me to enter into a conversation with with someone who doesn't think like me? And then we were able to communicate and gospel conversations happen. And we get, Lord, that is all you're doing. That is nothing to do with us. So that's what we are about is is being able to glorify forever.
00:42:05
Speaker
By being able to communicate with with our brothers and sisters in such a way. And so remember, brothers and sisters, communication serves the listener. It serves the learner, not the speaker, right? bridges gaps. It bridges conversations if we come to it in a posture of, I'm not trying to get something out of this.
00:42:26
Speaker
um I want the learner or the listener to be able to respond to the gospel. That is what it's about. It's about gospel discipleship. It bridges gaps and helps people move toward um from isolation.
00:42:41
Speaker
to belonging. that's that's That's another goal here is a part of gospel discipleship is moving from isolation to belonging. um And so we're helping, we're partnering, we're linking arms with um our our friends impacted by disability to do this. And so I also wanted to to share with you something. um This is kind of a little bit different, but a little bit the same. This is how I'm preparing parents who are raising autistic disciples and really any diagnosis to understand the process. And I love to use sports analogy. So we're trying to move the ball up the field. Okay. From isolation to belonging. And so when I talk to parents, we're starting off on the line of, you know what? Isolation doesn't do anybody any good.
00:43:25
Speaker
So we are moving away from that. When we receive a diagnosis, we tell church leadership that. So many times parents want to hide that information because of denial, number one, but also because we may not know how to explain it.
00:43:38
Speaker
But it does. know Our pastoral leadership cannot serve us if we don't tell them. They cannot be pastoral if we do not tell. us So I am trying to help parents understand when you get a diagnosis, you may not know how to describe it. You just need to let your pastor and church leaderships know because if it's not setting anyone up for success, including volunteers who are serving your family on a Sunday or Wednesday or whenever you go to church basis. If they don't know, hey, you know what?
00:44:04
Speaker
we're We're navigating some things. And if you would just give us grace, that would be awesome. So I'm trying to, you know, tell parents, but this goes for anyone impacted by disability too. The next, you move the ball up the field, prayer.
00:44:15
Speaker
Start praying and how and how to approach ah ah different things that you're going be able to navigate. I've talked several times in this time about VBS. We have kind of done the work to pray over some issues so that our our son can participate and can belong. Then I'm encouraging parents to identify teammates, meaning those who can partner with us in this endeavor to raise autistic disciples to be able to attend church. Right. So we're identifying teammates who understand. Then we're teaching them how to come alongside of us in our family dynamics. um And then I'm just completely honest with parents. You're going to have issues at church.
00:44:55
Speaker
You're going to have issues, you know, ah even so in this conversation and communication with autistic individuals, um um I tell my autistic brothers and sisters who message me often, um you're not going to, you're going to have occasions where you have to communicate and there are going to be issues. Those issues are barriers, but we're trying to move the ball up the field from isolation to belonging. And so when you experience issues, we have to learn how to express needs.
00:45:23
Speaker
that's what's That's what I see even as a as someone who grew up in church is the barriers because we just don't talk about it. And we just either talk about other people and then we leave the church.
00:45:39
Speaker
It's not doing anybody any good. We've got to learn how to rightly approach each other, both families and church leaders, in a way that's honoring to the Lord and honoring to each other, moving toward each other like we've been talking about. And so we've got to learn how to express the need, right? Express a need that's happening both from the church leader's perspective is you may not can do everything. Actually, you you probably can't. You may not have accommodations that you can't, you can't just go knock down walls tomorrow, right? And build a sensory room. So you're, you as a church leader in expressing the need of, you know what, this is what we can do in what God has given this local church in this season of ministry. We can move towards your family, instead of saying the age old line that I want to, I'm asking the Lord, I'm asking the Lord, if I could see two things accomplished in my lifetime, it would be that the Roberts kids come to know and love God forever. And that too, I would be able to partner with church leaders to forever eliminate the sentence.
00:46:38
Speaker
I'm sorry, we cannot serve your family because we're not equipped to serve you You'll have to go find another church. i Please, Lord, can can I see it in my lifetime, being able to equip and partner with church leaders to eliminate that sentence?
00:46:50
Speaker
Because you can do something. You can do something, whether that's a buddy or just a simple fidget toy or whatever. But expressing that both on the family side and the church side is important. We've got to learn to articulate it to each other. And then we approach leadership rightly. That's what i'm trying to teach parents to do is you don't come in there or with a list of 10 things they should do better tomorrow. You don't come in there blasting with words. Because you you feel unseen and unheard, though that is such a thing to navigate.
00:47:21
Speaker
There's a way to approach yeah approach church leadership rightly so that we're all we all benefit from this, right? And watching God work. And then parents, I'm trying to encourage them to be part of the solution and to then serve their church in their capacity. So this is this is kind of this slide is a little bit of an offtake of what we've been talking about, but I just kind of want to explain where I'm taking the approach of equipping parents when it comes to you belong in church. you you You are absolutely the church leaders and church need to know how to communicate with your kid and to communicate with you as a family, but also you as a family need to approach rightly too and have this is a mutual partnership. This is not a one person team. We are a team.
00:48:03
Speaker
It takes a team to do this and praise God it does. I would not want to do this by myself. I need my pastors and my, my friends and my small group and things like that to partner with
Conclusion and Resources
00:48:13
Speaker
me.
00:48:13
Speaker
So, um, listen, brothers sisters, so grateful. Um, I'll take questions here in a second. Just wanted to kind of give you this. I did like Jolene said at the beginning, my husband i have a book out called how to advocate and stay Christian. Also just launched these three with two remaining books, volumes, because I wrote like a thousand words and my um my friend who's also raising autistic disciple came to me and said, Lara, I love you, but nobody's got time to read this.
00:48:37
Speaker
So I was like, oh, praise God for that feedback. And then I just cut it into four volumes. And so I just want to equip families to recognize that raising an autistic disciple can be done.
00:48:48
Speaker
And praise God, he has given us what we need in his word and with people to do that. and So I just wrote some letters to my friend, Lindsay, after she texted me and said, hey, we just got our sweet girl's diagnosis. And your first person I thought of, would you help? And so I thought we're states away, but I can write good old fashioned letters. And so just compiled them in a book. And I just pray and hope that they are helpful. And so again, brothers and sisters, thank you so much for letting me be here and just share my heart with you. And I just love the conversation and grateful for it.