Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome to episode 85. Today we're talking about self -care for busy moms. Seems like the two can't coexist in the same sentence, doesn't it? But we're going to dive into four areas in which you need to care for yourself as a busy mom. And in each of these four areas, we're going to show you both ways to care for yourself and how to find time. So let's talk about physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self -care for busy moms.
Speaker: Hello and welcome to Outnumber the Podcast. I'm Bonnie. And I'm Audrey. We're experienced moms to a combined total of 18 children. Our mission is to help overwhelmed parents find peace in parenting and humor in the chaos. Come join us as we attempt uninterrupted conversation about parenting with joy and intention.
Speaker: Okay, we are back and we're so delighted to talk to you today about self -care for busy moms, which is basically every mom, right? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. This is something that Bonnie and I have talked about a lot through various different episodes and we'll reference some of them as we go through today. But we kind of wanted to gather all this information into
Speaker: one place because it's so important of a topic for us. So we wanted it all on one podcast to be able to refer people to. Yeah, for sure. And if you have followed either of us for any amount of time, you'll know that it's just a really big passion for both of us.
Speaker: We both have hobbies and businesses that we spend a lot of time on, and sometimes people wonder how we do it, but we're gonna kinda reveal the curtain a little bit today and just talk to you about how important it is to have things that you do just for you. All right, so I'm gonna start us off first with a funny thing that my kid said. So my three -year -old always has something delightfully funny to add to the conversation, and this is one that I actually remembered to tell you about.
Speaker: The older kids were sitting around and they were talking about what they're gonna be or what they're gonna do when they grow up and they're having this fun conversation and she's just wide -eyed watching them and her eyes go from one to the next to the next and she's just listening to all these grandiose plans that they have. And finally she peps up and she says, when I grow up, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be me.
Speaker: Oh, sweetie. And I love that that's like the biggest thing she can come up with. And really, wouldn't we all do well to remember that one? Yeah, yeah. It's super funny, but I thought it was a great segue into today's topic. Because as moms, we lose sight of me. And because we're living, we're spending so much of our time living for other people. And that's great and necessary, but we lose sight of me.
Speaker: Yes, yes, exactly. Perfect segue. OK, so we're going to divide this this topic today into four areas that we think that we need to take care of ourselves as busy moms, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. And we're going to dive deep into each of those and tell you about ways that we try to take care of ourselves. And you should try to take care of yourself in each of those four areas.
Speaker: We're specifically gonna tackle the maybe misguided thought that I don't have time to take care of myself or I don't have any extra time. You know, my plate is already full because we would argue that taking care of yourself in all these different four areas is the most important. So just keep that in the back of your mind.
Speaker: Yeah, Bonnie, don't you have a video that you did about put on your own mask first, and this is talking about an oxygen mask on an airplane? Yes, yes, for sure. That was the first time that really hit me. I'm like, oh yes, you are supposed to keep yourself alive for so that you can take care of your children. So yeah, we can link that too. Yeah, let's link that one.
Speaker: Okay, so we're going to start with the physical self. How do we take care of our physical selves? Now, we've talked a lot about this, and we've also done a lot of talking about how we physically take care of our kids, their physical needs. But we can't leave ourselves behind in this. In fact, we almost have to put ourselves first.
Speaker: in this because we've got to be in good condition to take care of our kids. Like oftentimes when my kids are sick, I'll joke, well, I'm not going to get sick because I just don't have time to get sick. I have to take care of all you guys. Exactly. Yeah. So, all right. So physical ways that I try to take care of myself are a nutrient dense diet. And you guys keep asking for us to do an episode about what exactly this means to us. So we'll put that one down on our list.
Speaker: for the future, but just good food, not a handful of goldfish crackers on the run, right? A regular exercise and then sleep. Super important to have enough sleep. And Bonnie and I did talk a lot about this aspect of taking care of yourself in our image, in our episode 64 on body image. So if you need a refresher, be sure to go listen to that one too.
Speaker: Yeah. You know, when we talk about self -care, I think physical self -care is the first thing that comes to mind for people. But you know, we'll be talking about how there's so much more to that. But it is honestly one of the first things that slip when you become a new mom, right? All of a sudden you're not getting out of sleep. You're not finding time to eat, even though you're trying to probably breastfeed a new baby and recover from labor and pregnancy. So these things are very, very essential.
Speaker: So, for me, when I get overwhelmed and I've realized that everything has fallen apart and I'm not caring for my basic physical needs anymore, I'll try to choose just one priority to start with. So, let's say everything's fallen apart. I'll just think, okay, you know what? I could just do with having three square meals a day. I have been really bad about just eating my kids' leftover peanut butter and jelly crusts and goldfish crackers or whatever and not actually feeding myself.
Speaker: that's a really, really simple basic place to start is that you make a plan because without a plan, we're just gonna fail and eat the crust, right? You make a plan and then you eat that plan. That's a good solid breakfast, a good solid lunch and dinner. And my kids are very, very familiar with me saying, I would love to help you get seconds, but I haven't eaten my first. And I dig in the sand and I say, no, I'm not gonna run around like a crazy person trying to fulfill everyone else's whims when I haven't yet eaten my first
Speaker: Serving and that's really essential. I think it's very important to teach my children that that you know, yes Sure, I serve my kids first, but then I sit down and eat before I do anything else because I'm just you know Not functional without some food. So another thought is maybe you're okay with food, but you would really like to incorporate some exercise and
Speaker: Well, how about 15 or 20 minutes of stretching or yoga? Or I mean, it doesn't have to be training for a marathon. What about you do it after kids get in bed? Or I know before they wake up, it's hard for a lot of people, but what about in that time you lock yourself in your room? You do a little exercise video on YouTube or something, but that's just my key is to just choose that one priority.
Speaker: Yeah, such a good idea. I find it pretty ironic that I am drinking a cold cup of tea. We're recording this at four o 'clock in the afternoon and here I sit drinking a cold cup of tea that I made myself at ten o 'clock this morning. So...
Speaker: I'm still working on that. It won't be perfect. Let's just put that out there. And then sleep. Oh man, sleep is so important. We should just plan to go an hour to bed an hour earlier because we know how much our sleep is going to get interrupted in the night.
Speaker: my kids, it just is. And, you know, maybe not every night. So maybe, you know, wow, I didn't get interrupted at night at all tonight. So I get to wake up an hour early in the morning because I, you know, you just naturally wake up an hour earlier because you went to bed an hour earlier. But sleep, goodness, that's so important. Like if I get behind on sleep, whew, everything starts falling apart. Yeah, totally.
Speaker: Yeah, so how do you find time? Well, I was for physical care. I was just addressing the sleep part of it a little bit, but schedule in that exercise or make that nutrient dense lunch or snack or whatever happened because every time you skip it, you're gonna feel less like it the next time. The first time you exercise is the hardest because after you exercise, then you feel more like exercising. After you eat a good meal, you feel more like eating good meals.
Speaker: So the first time you do it, it makes it easier every time after that. But if you skip it, boy, the next time it's just not going to feel like at that time either. Right. And I will say this about physical self -care. It just takes a little bit of time and a little bit of preparation.
Speaker: And so if you find yourself, like say for example, I really wanted to do the salad thing that you did Audrey, where you just ate fresh salads all summer long, right? Yeah. But I found that it was taking me just a few minutes too long to put it together and that I wasn't gonna keep it up. I could just tell right at the beginning, this is not gonna work without some preparation from me. And so on the weeks when I do really good and I eat lots of salad, it's because on Monday I've chopped the lettuce,
Speaker: I've chopped the bell pepper, I've chopped the tomato, I've made the dressing, you know what I mean? If you go into a portion of that physical self -care and right at the outside, you're like, this is a lot of work. You're not going to keep it up. We can't fool ourselves, right? Definitely. It's like Jordan Page talks about in her productivity bootcamp. One principle she has is maximize. So if you're making
Speaker: If you're cutting up lettuce for one salad, cut up lettuce for three salads and all your vegetables. And then tomorrow, all you do is just put it together. Or there's this really cool salad in a jar thing where my sister, I think, makes salads for every day of the week on one day, and then she just grabs her jar salad the next day, and it's all ready to go. So definitely maximize your effort.
Speaker: Yeah, totally. And just, and just to, you know, you have to realize that on, let's say you do have a Monday and you're able to prep and do all these amazing things. That's fantastic because chances are good by Wednesday or Thursday, something is going to come up and you're not going to be able to do it. So don't, don't act like every day is going to be the perfect day because when you have just normal stuff, junk up your life, then you're going to get frustrated and quit, right? Yeah. You know, if you are not a morning person, don't plan your workout for 6 AM. Like you're just setting yourself up to fail and then get irritated at yourself. So, um,
Speaker: When I am going through a rough phase where I can't get up early, which is like 80 % of my life, then I just plan on exercising at nine. I get up, I make breakfast for the kids, I put on my exercise clothes, and then they know that's my time to exercise. And do they come and climb on me and be annoying sometimes? Yeah, they do, but whatever. We figure it out. We do it the best we can.
Speaker: All right, so let's move on to maybe what's not so obvious or maybe we don't make as much time for is caring for these other aspects, these other three aspects. So let's dive into ways to care for your mental self. You're a mom and you spend a lot of time with people who are not as not challenging you mentally, unless you've got teenagers. Right. And then you're being very challenged mentally.
Speaker: No, but okay, so how can we take care of ourselves mentally? Challenging books?
Speaker: You know, sometimes I do, we all do read a book that's just like some downtime in a mental escape and that's fine, that's okay. But also include challenging books because you can use that as your mental self care. So for example, I know we're gonna do a whole episode, we did our episode last week on book recommendations, that was for kids. We've got another one coming at you for book recommendations for older students and adults.
Speaker: So we'll include some specific titles in that one. Watch for that episode. Continue your own education. This doesn't mean, well, I'll talk about this more in Finding Time, how to do this, but continue your own education. Like our school's motto, our homeschool motto is learning to learn. When my husband and I created that motto for our homeschool, we didn't.
Speaker: necessarily intend for it to mean us, but we have totally continued to learn right along with with our kids. And that's part of our mental care. So intelligent conversation with adults is definitely mental care, make that happen. And then one
Speaker: One way, you know, those are all kind of like adding two ways, ways to add to mental self -care, but then also subtract. So eliminate strain, eliminate things that stress you and strain you and cause your mental, I guess this also carries over into the emotional, but it causes you just to be strained and stressed. Let's just work on saying no and finding things to eliminate that are hurting us mentally.
Speaker: Oh man, I love that you added that. And you're right, mental and emotional go right hand in hand with this because so many times when we talk about self care or improving ourselves, we just talk about adding. And most of us just get stressed out because we think my life is already full, I can't add anything else. But we need to stop and say, but what is still a part of our life that should not be?
Speaker: that's adding this undue strain and stress, et cetera. With each child, I've had to learn how to say no to more and more things. And sometimes it's hard, especially if you're a people pleaser. Like, I want to make everybody happy. I want to help everybody. I just want everyone to sing Kumbaya and hold hands. And when I'm not in a position to do that, it stresses me out.
Speaker: And yet, it doesn't stress me out quite as much as saying yes to something I can't complete, right? That I'm just bitter about because I said yes under dress or whatever. So I love that you shared that. So many of us need to just learn to say that's not going to work for me.
Speaker: So, ways that I think about caring for myself mentally is I like to remind myself that I am more than a mom, okay? So, I think there are years of motherhood. They tend to be those early years when you are just like the poopy diaper changer and the rocker and the kisser of owies and you're doing all the things without a lot of overt
Speaker: reward right sure your kids come up and hug you and love you and you love them so much but but it's just really really overwhelming and so I like to stop and just think okay who was I before I had my kids this is really helpful to keep this is one of the reasons it's really helpful to keep friendships from high school or college or your single days because they can remind you right you can get together you can just go to dinner you can have a FaceTime chat or a Marco Polo chat and and just by talking to old friends you can be reminded that hey
Speaker: This pajama -clad, greasy -haired mom that I am is not who I always was, and it's not who I always will be either. This is just a short period of time. Think about who you want to be once your kids move out, and they don't need you as much. Obviously, everyone always needs their mom, but once they have their own lives, who are you going to be then? What are you going to do? What are your passions? What do you like?
Speaker: What will retirement look like, right? It's never too early to think about these things and think about how to maintain those strengths that you want to develop even more when you have more time on your hands, right? That's like I'm something I am so passionate about. I'm so glad you brought that up because who do you want to be? That is like that forward -looking vision is really a passion of mine to
Speaker: to focus on the future instead of get so caught up in right now and what's happening right now. But who do I want to be in the future? So how do you find time for this mental care? Like you're, you know, we're talking about adding in this and adding in this. How, how
Speaker: How do I do this? How do I find more time? Well, okay, so you can take a class. Yes, sometimes you can go physically leave the house and take a class, but you can take an online class too. The nice thing about online classes or courses is many of them, once you buy them, they're yours and you can do it at your own pace.
Speaker: or some of them have a year expiration date, but it's your own pace kind of thing. Definitely a date night with your spouse is good for your mental care. And I know that oftentimes my husband and I will go out on a date night and we'll be like, we're just talking about the kids. We need to talk about something a little more intelligent and just take advantage of this time. Not that talking about your kids isn't intelligent, but I hope you're getting
Speaker: And then like Bonnie and I have both talked about how we schedule work time or if you don't have a side hustle that you're doing, schedule me time, just schedule it in. Like I've noticed that I honor my commitments and my scheduled events with other people so much more than I honor my commitments and my
Speaker: scheduled things that I'd like to have in my life for myself. So that's all adding in and then definitely subtract. Let me just say this question. What would happen if you subtracted social media from your life? How much extra time would you have for fitting in? Yeah, seriously. Yeah, you know, it's really just a matter of priorities. It really is. And I know it's painful to make yourself a priority because it doesn't feel right sometimes. It feels selfish.
Speaker: but it's not selfish, it's just not. And I will share that just like the physical priorities, you can just choose one thing. You don't have to like start a class and a book club and all these things and stress yourself out and you know.
Speaker: stretch yourself to the max. You can just start with something as simple as reading a book for pleasure and maybe you don't have a lot of time to sit and read or you fall asleep as soon as you do so you turn on an audio book and you do it while you're doing laundry and all of a sudden you look forward to laundry and you have something to talk to adults about and maybe you choose after the book is over to Marco Polo your favorite group of friends and say you guys have to read this book and then get on and tell me what you thought about it and you guys can have a fun discussion about it.
Speaker: That takes almost no extra time out of your schedule. And yet all of a sudden you have something to look forward to. You have an intelligent conversation to have with other adults. You're connecting emotionally as well. So it takes creativity for sure. But you have to treat your own mental health and emotional health and every one of these as importantly as you would like a child's doctor appointment. You know, your kid has to go get surgery. You're not going to skip the appointment. Don't skip your own
Speaker: things that you've scheduled for yourself because you were just as important as those essential things that you do for your children. Yes, that is amen. Hallelujah. I agree with it so much. Okay, let's move on to ways to care for your emotional self. And as Bonnie and I have been saying, this is very closely connected to
Speaker: ways to care for your mental self. And I have a lot of similar thoughts on how to find time for it. But okay, so ways to care for your emotional self. Bonnie and I have been mentioning recently thought work. And I know that we've both been listening to the Life Coach School podcast and some others that just help us work on the way that we think because our emotions are all connected to our thoughts.
Speaker: Okay, so if you work on your thoughts, your emotions will also improve. As your thoughts improve, your emotions will improve. I just have to mention this because it was in one of the early episodes of the Life Coach School Podcast that I've been listening to. So I have found so much value in this that I have gone back to episode one and started there. But she was mentioning a thought that she got from actually her mentor, Katie Byron, and it is,
Speaker: No one can hurt my feelings. That's my job.
Speaker: Yeah, the idea behind that is that the way that we think about things is completely affecting the way that we feel about things. So, yeah. All right. Moving on, a wide variety of friends is really good for our emotional self because we can't, it's not healthy. And it's not a good idea to have like one friend that we rely on for 100 % of our emotional and everything else.
Speaker: So just a wide variety of friends. So maybe, you know, to one friend, you can discuss this topic and another friend you can maybe exercise with and then with another friend. So a wide variety of friendships and also as a part of this.
Speaker: healthy relationships is good for your emotional self. You know how interacting with other people, you know that interacting with some people just kind of makes you feel drained and sick. And then other relationships make you feel so invigorated and inspired. And emotional self -care means you have healthy relationships, those that build you and help build other people too. Oh, yeah. I love that you added those two connected because
Speaker: I've had relationships where on the outside nothing looks amiss. It looks like a great relationship and yet when the person calls or I think about texting or getting together or whatever, there's just kind of a pit in my stomach.
Speaker: And I've finally been able to have the courage to just let those relationships go. And it doesn't have to be dramatic, and it doesn't even have to be something that involves the other person. You can just be less available for this relationship because it doesn't you no good. And that is completely okay. It's more than okay. It's necessary for you and your emotional health.
Speaker: And the variety of friends is an interesting concept, too. I hadn't thought about that, but I've realized that I've created that because I have a lot of aspects to my life. So I have one friend who has a lot of kids. It's not Audrey, but it's another baby.
Speaker: Wait, are you saying that I'm not your friend? Is that what you just said? I have another friend with a lot of kids too. We talk a lot about big family stuff that other friends wouldn't understand, right? Like, oh my gosh, what's your grocery budget now? Are your kids eating you out of house and home? Or another friend that is like my business buddy that I talk about all the time when I'm trying to come up with a business plan or a motivational thought to get me through work stuff.
Speaker: So that is totally, totally healthy and normal. You can't expect one friend or like three friends to be everything for you, you know?
Speaker: And of course, your spouse should probably be one of those friends that you're talking to a lot, right? Definitely. So yeah, I would also highly recommend Life Coach School Podcast, Jodi Moore's podcast for rooting out those negative thought patterns. And sometimes, like you said, we're not even aware of them. We're just aware of the negative feelings surrounding something. But if there are negative feelings, then that means there's negative thoughts fueling them. And so that's a really powerful thing to be able to find and
Speaker: crush, you know, to fix, to fix. I'm also a big fan of therapy. Professional therapy is also extremely helpful for those relationships and issues that you just can't seem to get a handle on yourself.
Speaker: And I really, truly believe that we have the power to overcome any obstacle in our life with the right tools, even the ones that just seem completely impossible. I've seen friends and family members go through things that were just unspeakable, horrible, horrible, tough times in their lives, and yet with the right kind of emotional tools, they've been able to come out on the other side just healthy and happy and vibrant.
Speaker: And that's what I want for all of us moms, that there are some really tough things that are a part of motherhood and some wonderful things. But if we have the right tools, we can get through those tougher times. Okay, now we're going to move on to finding time for this emotional care that we know is so important to all of us. So Bonnie was talking about listening to podcasts while you're folding laundry, and then you actually look forward to laundry.
Speaker: or listening to, you know, while you take a walk every day or a couple times a week, you schedule a walk and use that time also for listening, listening to a podcast, listening to whatever, whatever you need to listen to, to help your emotional care. She also mentioned Marco Polo with Friends, that one I really like because, you know,
Speaker: Time is a big issue. So like I found myself in early motherhood letting a lot of friendships go because I just did not have time like really good healthy friendships. I just didn't have time to you know spend time physically or over the phone or whatever. But the beauty of like Marco Polo or you know choose your favorite app that you can communicate with is that like a WhatsApp or something that you can leave
Speaker: a message or a video or a text or whatever, and then respond to it in your own time. You know, watch their video or yeah, yeah. So it's, you have to adjust how you do time. Like again, referring to Jordan Page on her Instagram, she often talks about how while she's cleaning up her kitchen at night, she's catching up on Marco Polo's with her friends. And so that's the beauty of it. We can do it on our own time. And then another thing for emotional self -care is,
Speaker: Develop a fulfilling hobby, something that you really love and that you make time for. You know this feeling, how you just love doing something. For Bonnie and I, it's often sewing and we just sneak away five minutes here, 10 minutes there, you know, half an hour there, or maybe every, you know, a whole Saturday, once a month.
Speaker: And we just spend it sewing because that fills us up so much emotionally and mentally and helps us feel so good. And when you love something and it really fulfills you like that, you make time for it. You put aside other things that aren't filling you up and you make time for these things that really do help you out. Yeah. And I love that you said it's both emotionally and mentally fulfilling because the nice thing about a hobby is that you're learning things
Speaker: So yeah, definitely by incorporating an awesome hobby into your life, you're definitely helping yourself in so many aspects. And it usually gives you a little time away from children with it, which is really essential. Yeah. Yeah. A while ago in the sewing community, there was this push to move away from the hashtag selfish sewing and use the hashtag self -care sewing because just changing the whole mentality around it. Exactly. Exactly.
Speaker: at the same time.
Speaker: Okay, so for emotional care and some of my tips are going to roll right into spiritual self -care as well. But that is, these include listening to uplifting messages. So this could be something like a podcast. It could be a speech from a church leader. It could be scripture. It could be reading uplifting blogs or just really interesting articles, audio books, which are always easy to incorporate when you don't have time to read.
Speaker: friend time is so essential like we said Marco Polo or just in person time I know that can't happen quite as often but what about once a month or what about once a quarter you make a time to have lunch with a friend you haven't seen in a while and having safe places and people to talk with about your fears and anxieties and like I said this ideally would be a spouse or a number of friends but if that's not the case or if you need somebody else in addition to those people
Speaker: then a life coach or a professional therapist are all wonderful people to have on your team to help you sort through feelings that you can't deal with on your own. Absolutely. And motherhood brings up a lot of self -examination that we need to work through. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker: All right, rolling right into our last aspect of self -care is ways to care for your spiritual self. We have a whole podcast on prioritizing what matters. And so in this, go listen to that episode to listen to how a lot of ways that we make what matters to us priorities. But so for me, spiritual self -care, this is
Speaker: My daily, the first thing that I do is I spend time in prayer and studying, reading the Bible and meditating. So besides just reading these things, I do take time, and this can cross over a little bit into mental self -care for myself.
Speaker: I do study the Scriptures, not just read them and meditate on them, but I'll choose one topic and I'll go through the whole Bible and I'll study this topic in the Bible. A recent one study that I'm currently in the middle of is the word
Speaker: and topic of free and freedom through the Bible. So I'll just get out. I got this little notepad that I do my studies in and I just go through the Bible and I just start finding every scripture reference that mentions free or freedom. And so just like a deeper dive, a deeper study. And this really does things for me spiritually. I also make sure to spend
Speaker: some quiet time in meditation. So on some of my walks, I don't listen to a podcast or music or anything. I just have the quiet out in nature, the quiet time. And I definitely need to be connected to a higher power than me, connected to the divine, because there's a part of me that is spiritual, and it has to have that spiritual care from its creator, its maker.
Speaker: Oh yeah, I love how you put that. For me, it's drives. Like when I drive alone, I get in the car and I'm just so tired of noise that I don't turn on the radio and I don't turn on any podcasts and I just sit and think and allow myself to be open to, you know, spiritual promptings or thoughts or sometimes you just have something that's been causing you trouble or anxiety and you just kind of mull it over for a while and all of a sudden pieces just start falling together.
Speaker: I'm not doing that, right? I'm gaining these solutions from a higher power because I'm allowing myself to be silent and still.
Speaker: And that is so hard as a parent, I get it, like just non -stop noise. But when you're starting to feel that barrage of like stress because it's just one thing after another, that should be our clue to step away, lock yourself in the bathroom, go for a walk, whatever it takes, drive to the gas station and back and allow yourself some of that quiet time to just think and ruminate and pray if you need to, but I love that.
Speaker: So I covered a little bit of this in emotional self -care, some of my tips for caring for yourself spiritually. But I will say right up front that I have to remind myself that everything starts to fall apart when I'm not grounded spiritually. When I'm not taking time to both get more spiritual inspiration through scripture or whatever, and also to pray, then all of a sudden everything seems harder.
Speaker: My relationships are harder. I'm more tired and overwhelmed. I'm emotionally tapped out. Every time this happens, I'm like, what's going on? Oh, it's been a week since I've read my scriptures or it's been some time since I've had quiet to just think and receive that spiritual nourishment.
Speaker: I don't know. I don't know why it works that way, but it just does. And I love how you put that, that we're spiritual beings that need to be fed and nourished from our creator. And that's just, regardless of what you believe, it's just a fact. We have to figure out the way that works for us to get that.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. So how do we find time for this spiritual care? In our episode on everyday intention, I did dive a little bit into how I make sure my kids don't interrupt me when I am having my morning quiet time praying and reading my Bible. I just don't allow interruptions. And because they see and know that I value it so highly and I will not let them interrupt, then they also begin to value it, you know, as they age.
Speaker: It does mean that I get up early in the morning. In fact, one of the studies that I did in the Bible was people who got up early in the morning and what they did. That was an interesting study. Yeah. And then we do have a dedicated day for our spiritual care. We take Sunday and we don't do a lot of things on Sunday that we do other days of the week so that we can have more time for attending spiritual services, worship services and
Speaker: you know, maybe writing letters to people who are spiritual elders to us and things that we do that help feed our spiritual part of ourself. So we dedicate a whole day of our week to it because it's that important to us.
Speaker: Yeah, you know, if anyone out there is looking for a way to improve their spiritual connection to God, I would highly recommend that last one that she just talked about, having that dedicated day. And maybe you have a crazy work schedule or maybe that's something that's not super feasible, but what about an afternoon?
Speaker: What about you have an afternoon once a week where you don't work outside and you don't work at home stuff and you don't do school, you just dedicate that time to introspection and study. And sometimes for us, a big portion of Sunday is just rejuvenating family relationships, right? Because we're all going a million different places during the week. And I feel like that really fills my spiritual bucket as well because that's what those,
Speaker: relationships are for, right? So anyway, yes, I love having a dedicated day for my spiritual nourishment.
Speaker: When I was thinking about ways to make time for this, the first thing I thought was, well, this should be easier, right? Because really we owe this time to God rather than ourselves. And yet it's not. Sometimes it's still difficult to make time for this, maybe because there is no outward measure of it, right? Maybe if we skip exercise, we feel tired or we gain a few pounds or something. Maybe if we skip eating, we get lightheaded and feel miserable. But if we skip our spiritual nourishment, it's not immediately evident and it's definitely not physically evident.
Speaker: usually see it on people. And yet, like I said, everything just starts to fall apart when it's not there. A few ideas I have for fitting this in is doing scripture study with kids. Let's say you've tried to do your own and it's just, it just is not happening. What about just doing it with your kids and being an example of making that a priority for them? What about listening to, like I said, in the emotional part, listening to scripture or other uplifting talks and things?
Speaker: instead of reading them because you don't have time for that. Or just like you said already, Audrey, just quiet time and listening for those thoughts and writing them down. A resource I wanted to share that I'll put in the show notes is I believe her name is the Red Headed Hostess. She's a blogger who has lots and lots of journals and manuals for guiding you through scripture study. You can really set it up however you want, but it's like
Speaker: write the chapter in verse and then write what your thoughts were or what you were study or study by topic, like you're saying. Anyway, really great resources that help you get started on spiritual study. All right. So wrapping it up, I was just thinking that, you know, we owe it to our kids to take good care of ourselves and we owe it to our spouses and we owe it to a lot of other people to take care of ourselves. But we owe it to ourselves to take care of ourselves. Like,
Speaker: We've been talking about our spiritual self, and one thought that I've been meditating on lately is that we didn't create ourselves, and so we can see ourselves as something wonderful that God created, like this is also mental self -care, not having negative thoughts about yourself.
Speaker: So, we can view ourselves as something wonderful, created by a wonderful Creator God, and He doesn't make anything imperfect, so we are perfectly created. And we need to take care of this thing that God has perfectly created. And that's okay, that's a good thing. So,
Speaker: And when we take care of ourselves, this is why I say we owe it to others. When we take care of ourselves, then the way that we interact with others is healthier all around. It's healthier physically. Like when we feel better, we can make better meals for our kids. When we're in a better mental frame, we can
Speaker: help our kids be in a better spot mentally. When we are more upbeat and have our emotions under control or we are in control of our emotions, then we can help our kids. If their emotions are out of control, we can also guide and help them.
Speaker: And we can, like Bonnie was talking about, be an example of our kids. When we have a good spiritual relationship with our Creator, we can be a good example and teach them how to have good spiritual relationships. Like we can be something that they look to and we can
Speaker: I don't know, it sounds a little arrogant to say we can point our kids to ourselves as an example, but isn't that really what we're trying to do, is be a good example to our kids of what we want them to be? And that thought always helps me, is like, what do I want my kids to be, and how do I want them to behave, and what condition do I want them to be in, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and then try to do that and be that myself.
Speaker: Yes, so good, so good. I think that the beginning has to start with understanding and fully believing that self -care is essential. So if it's hard for you to look at yourself and think about fulfilling these self -care necessities, look at the future and imagine you're seeing your grown daughter or son, but you know, daughter's her mom, so they're kind of in the same position as us. And look at her as if she were you and she's running her life the way you are. Are you just like,
Speaker: horrified that she doesn't get three square meals a day. Like if you look at her as maybe God or your own mother would look at you, are you treating yourself with kindness and the love that you deserve in order to positively bless the next generation, right?
Speaker: And it's very easy to make excuses for yourself like, well, I don't have time for that, or that's not a necessity. It really is a necessity to take care of ourselves. And so if we can fully understand and comprehend that those things are essential, then step by step we can incorporate them into our lives. And one last thought I wanted to say is, this is something that can't be done alone if you are part of a family. You have to communicate this with your spouse and children.
Speaker: And so one quick example I'll share is just having a blog and a business. Now I'm not saying that that's for everyone but I've realized that when I don't have a business or a blog or something that takes me away from my kids for a few hours every day, I'm a much worse mother. I'm not saying that's true of everyone. I'm just saying that is me and I know that when I have something that I'm passionate about that I spend time on.
Speaker: I am just better. I'm happier. I'm more fulfilled, etc. And so I have had to sit down with my husband and say, there's going to be some sacrifices, right? We're going to have to hire a sitter occasionally. I'm going to have to finish some work in the evenings when you'd like to spend time with me. But this is essential for me to be the best person, the best mother, the best citizen I can be and the best wife I can be.
Speaker: What do you think? And I believe that most spouses will say, sounds great. I don't want you to go crazy. Let's do what needs to be done. Right. And I have to communicate that with my kids too. Like I would love to help you with that. But I've been spending all this time with you all morning long and now it's my time and I'm going to go work on this project. And sometimes they get frustrated, but I think most of the time they respect that and they understand that I have needs just like they do. And I hope that I'm teaching them those positive life skills for when they grow up and have a family to take care of as well.
Speaker: Yeah. Yes. Those are all amazing, amazing thoughts. And the final thing that Bonnie and I wanted to mention is that if you are having extreme duress in any of these areas, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, please reach out for help outside of yourself because you are important and you are needed.
Speaker: for your family and for your children. And so please, please reach out for outside help if you are having extreme duress in any of these areas. Listening to us is not enough. You might need additional help. We are not professionals, that's right.
Speaker: Thanks so much for tuning in. Did you know you can help the podcast in several ways? First up, we're on Patreon, and there are three different levels to support us there. Just head to patreon .com slash outnumbered. Next up, if you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a written review on iTunes. It helps other parents find the podcast and receive the help you're enjoying. And finally, you can follow us on Instagram at Outnumbered the Podcast. We're always having fun over there too.
Speaker: As usual, if you have any questions or ideas for future episodes, you can reach us at outnumberthepodcastatgmail .com. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week.
Speaker: Okay, pause. I wish I could pass you through the microphone here. My kids, you know, out in the orchard, we have apple trees. And the kids took it upon themselves and noticed the apples were starting to fall. So they got out the cider press in the garage. We got one of these old time, 100 year old ancient cider presses.
Speaker: And they just brought me a cup of mug full of apple cider. I can't believe apples are falling already. Yeah. Some of the early ones are. Wow. Okay. All right. I forgive them for that interruption because they brought the apple cider. I love apple cider. I have so many awesome memories of living in Michigan. We go to the orchard, buy donuts and drink cider and oh my gosh, delicious.
Speaker: Yes, yes, that's what we are doing. That's getting on that time of year. All right, going back to spiritual self -care here.
