Transcript
Speaker: Hello everyone and welcome back to the Still You podcast where we use the Enneagram as a tool for healing, self-awareness and becoming more fully ourselves, not someone completely different. Today we are diving into the childhood wounds of one of the most misunderstood types on the Enneagram, which we will find out why, the type seven, the enthusiast, the adventurer, the optimist, or more commonly known as the life of the party. If you've ever met a seven or maybe you are one, you've probably noticed something e immediately. Yes, they are typically easy to spot in a crowd because they are energetic, funny, and they're spontaneous, and they somehow can convince you to book that flight to the Keys next week.
Speaker: yeah They're the person saying, everything's going to work out. Let's just make the best of it. There's got to be something fun we could do instead. And honestly, the world needs people like that. Sevens remind us that life isn't only about responsibility. They remind us to laugh, to dream, to explore, and to stay hopeful, positive. But here's the thing.
Speaker: Every Enneagram type has a survival strategy and underneath every strategy is a childhood wound. So today's episode isn't about, hear me clearly when I say this, it isn't about taking away a seven's joy. It's about understanding why joy sometimes becomes a hiding place.
Speaker: Using positivity to mask difficult emotions or pain because the greatest misconception about um the type seven is that they're always happy and positive, but no, they're often running away from pain. And those are two. very different things. But before we dive in, thanks for tuning in and staying with me. This summer has been so busy and I have not been recording as often as I'd like, but we are still here with the slow burn. So please rate, review, and subscribe. And of course, share this with your type seven bestie. I have several and they they give this their stamp of approval, even though I think they may not ever listen to it, but...
Speaker: All right, let's go back to where it all began for my little spontaneous nuggets. Like every Enneagram type, sevens weren't born afraid of sadness, right? Children and naturally experience the full range of emotions. They cry, they laugh, scream, and then five minutes later, they're completely fine. So somewhere during childhood, something begins teaching the future seven an important lesson, that pain isn't safe, however they define that. Or it could be that having needs isn't safe, or having dependence isn't safe, of
Speaker: Of course, the exact circumstances vary depending on ah your family's dynamic. Like we've talked about with every other type, your home could be relatively normal and could be defined as functional.
Speaker: Or it may have been chaotic with unreliable parents, divorce, or actual real trauma. The Enneagram isn't saying your parents are bad people. It's describing the story your nervous system created because your parents worked all the time or they had they too had unresolved trauma that affected the way they raised you intentionally or not.
Speaker: Regardless, the child still interpreted reality in that if I stay in painful feelings, no one is coming. And that realization changes everything. Instead of waiting for comfort, the future seven learns to become their own comfort. Instead of saying, I'm scared, nervous, or anxious, they distract themselves. Instead of asking for help, they imagine something better. Instead of grieving, they move on very quickly. Psychologists sometimes describe this as developing an internal escape hatch, if you will. The child's imagination becomes survival. Fantasy becomes medicine. Planning becomes regulation. Hope becomes protection. And so the child begins creating a future that feels safer than the present. And if you've ever noticed, Evan, this probably sounds familiar. They're already thinking about tomorrow before today has even finished. Not because they're impatient, but because tomorrow somehow feels safer. So let's dive in a bit deeper here.
Speaker: Each Enneagram type carries an unconscious message that they're that they desperately needed to hear. For type seven, it's you will be taken care of. Think about how simply profound that is. Basically, it's you don't have to ah outrun life. Because many sevens subconsciously learned the opposite. If I don't create happiness, no one else will. If I don't find another opportunity, I'll get trapped. If I slow down, i feel something unbearable. So they become incredibly good at generating possibility. The world becomes full of exits, escape routes, backup plans, right? Everything is new and possible for them. So they seek out new relationships, hobbies, dreams, business ideas, friends, whatever that may be, even if it's everything all at once, which wouldn't be hurt unheard of for a seven. But while everyone sees this as a kind of confidence, inside there's an anxiety asking, what if I get stuck?
Speaker: I think in our deep dive episode, which go back to that if you want the full rundown, but I always describe a type seven as a classic dog, but the type that will jump the fence any chance he can get. But if the gate is open, he stays put. that make sense to my sevens? Let me know in the comments. But in the past few of these episodes too, I went over the ah deadly sin of the type, which I should have done for the others, but here we are. For our sevens, their deadly sin would be gluttony.
Speaker: Most people hear that word and immediately think of food, but that's not what it means here. Gluttony is the hunger for more, like more experiences, stimulation, options, ideas, et etc. It's the belief that if enough good things are gathered together, pain won't be able to catch you.
Speaker: Imagine it like a room. Most people walk into ah into the room, look around, be content with what's there. But sevens are already opening another door if what's in that first room isn't stimulating or exciting enough. Not because they're shallow, because staying still means eventually noticing the sadness sitting in the corner of their big giant hearts. Yeah.
Speaker: And they've spent a lifetime learning not to look there. This is why sevens often say things like, I'm over it. I've moved on. it is what it is. And sometimes they truly have. But most times they simply sprinted past grief before it even could introduce itself to them.
Speaker: I have a seven friend talk about this in great depth on her journey of letting ah sadness or grief enter the picture for her. And when she got to that place of allowing it in, she kind of wondered why she was running from it for so long. It seems like a big, scary monster, but in a lot of realities, it's not. Now, if you're seven listening to this episode, there's a chance you're already thinking, well,
Speaker: Okay, wow, this is a little too real. Can we move on to the healing part now? See, that's the seven in action. Even talking about pain for too long can feel uncomfortable. Your mind naturally starts searching for the next thing, the next topic, idea, distraction. And I truly say that with so much love. Remember, I'm your tough love bestie, okay? Don't you forget that. But here's what I want every seven to hear today. If you take away one thing from this episode, let it be this. Your optimism is a gift.
Speaker: It really is. The world desperately needs people who believe tomorrow can be better than today. We need people who dream big, who create possibilities where everyone else sees dead ends, who remind us that laughter can coexist with hardship. Your joy and zest for life isn't the problem. The problem is when those beautiful gifts become wonderful.
Speaker: armor. When optimism becomes emotional avoidance, when adventure becomes escape, when hope becomes a way to avoid grieving. You see what I mean? Because eventually the emotions you've been out running catch up, whether you like it or not. And when they do, it can feel like they've hit you all at once, like an actual big scary monster. um Okay. So we've talked about the child who learned to escape discomfort by looking toward the next exciting thing. So let's talk about what happens when that child grows up because the fascinating thing about the Enneagram is that your personality is not random. It's a collection of strategies that once worked really well, but the problem is that what kept you safe at seven years old Doesn't always serve you at 37.
Speaker: And for type 7s, many of the very qualities that make them magnetic can also become the source of their greatest struggles if they're left unchecked. Thank God you have me in this podcast, like honestly. So let's walk through what this can actually look like.
Speaker: This specific childhood wound often shows up most clearly in relationships. Sorry, guys. Sevens, like any normal human, usually crave deep love. They're affectionate, generous, playful, and they are fun and exciting partners to have. They're often the person who's plan, who plans spontaneous weekend trips, surprises you with the concert tickets, convinces you to try that new restaurant you've never heard of. Like we all kind of want that for ourselves, right? Life with a seven is rarely boring, but intimacy asks something of us that adventure never does. It asks us to stay.
Speaker: What do I mean? I mean to stay present during conflicts, misunderstandings, the boringness a good life naturally brings us, or to stay when our partner is struggling and you need to carry or ah carry a heavier load for the time being. And most importantly, to stay when we can't fix things right away. This kind of staying can feel incredibly vulnerable for a seven because staying means you can't simply outrun discomfort. If you ever ah if you have ever heard a Seven talk about a breakup, they may have said something all along the lines of like, I just lost the spark. Maybe we're just too different. I think I need something new, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes those things are true, but sometimes the spark didn't disappear. The relationship simply entered the stage where real
Speaker: Intimacy begins. Every relationship eventually trades novelty for depth. And depth requires patience and long-term relationships inevitably include conflict. Every single person hates the, we need to talk, you know, text, but for a seven, it feels like confinement and they will never, and they will have their ways to avoid it entirely or to sugarcoat it in the way that lessens the pain that they're trying to avoid. and exit the conversation ASAP.
Speaker: Either way, avoiding conflict really just creates the exact thing they're trying to avoid. Do you see that that toxic cycle the seven puts themselves in here? all right, so let's touch on the relationship sevens have with work.
Speaker: At work, sevens, they shine. They're innovative, creative, quick thinkers, excellent problem solvers. They're the people in the meeting saying, what if we tried this instead?
Speaker: They see opportunities other people miss, and they're often entrepreneurs because they naturally spot possibilities, right? They're energized by brainstorming, launching, creating, dreaming. The challenge comes after the launch, right? Once things need maintaining and consistency and emails to be answered or things to fix, the excitement fades. Something I think most people have probably experienced, but...
Speaker: That's when sevens begin looking for the next challenge. It's not necessarily laziness. It's that their nervous system has been conditioned to associate excitement with aliveness. Routine can feel like emotional confinement, which is why many sevens struggle with consistency more than creativity.
Speaker: Which is a huge growth point for a seven. My oldest brother has come leaps and bounds with sticking with some of his great ideas. And it does pay off. He is always launching something new. And through the wisdom of his life lessons, he has been able to refine which of his ideas he should follow through with. Which...
Speaker: is fine. Many of us, regardless of type, go through a trial and error phase to find our path in life, right? But anyway, what about um friendships? This is huge for sevens. They have a ton of friends because sevens are often incredibly easy to love. i don't think I've ever met one I didn't.
Speaker: Not only are they funny, but they are encouraging. They take you up on your adventurous ideas and drag you along with theirs. They're always down for a quick last minute happy hour or the new restaurant.
Speaker: I've said this before and I'll say it again. Everyone needs a seven in their life. Of all the types, sevens offer that variety and spice like no other type can give. And if you are new here, no, I am not a seven. So I'm not being biased. But again, i do have plenty of seven friends and I'm speaking from experience.
Speaker: But regardless, the type seven friend does come with their own challenges. okay The challenge here is that sometimes friends know that entertaining seven without ever meeting the hurting seven because vulnerability feels much riskier than humor. Many sevens become experts at making everybody else laugh while quietly carrying their own sadness. And if you've ever been told, i had no idea you were struggling, that's often why.
Speaker: You became so good at protecting other people from your pain that they never realized you needed support. I am very blessed to have sevens in my life, if I didn't say that already, but who are self-aware enough to open up to the select few in their circles and express their struggles and hardships.
Speaker: That's literally the first step for a seven's growth. When a friend asks you how you're doing or what's been going on, answer honestly. It's okay to...
Speaker: baby step those conversations to warm yourself up, but but start small, right? The right friends will sit and stay with you. Okay. All right. If you've made it this far into the episode, I just want to pause for a second and say something to every seven listening. I'm really proud of you. And I know that probably sounds funny because we're listening to a podcast. We're not sitting across each other from having coffee, but I mean it because staying in this conversation is already a part of your healing for a personality that instinctively wants to work.
Speaker: move away from discomfort, or has a short attention span, right? You've spent the last 30-ish, I don't know how long we've been going here, 30-ish minutes looking directly at it. And that takes real courage. And I don't care if that sounds corny. But it's true. That's what it takes to be honest with yourself and to do the the best thing for you, which is to heal. And I would argue that this is a the greatest adventure at type seven will ever experience. Not climbing another mountain, but learning that they don't have to climb over their emotions anymore.
Speaker: And guess what? You can still go climb that mountain, girl. Just don't invite me to that. Call me for the happy hour. Okay? Okay. Anyway, what are your next steps to heal your inner child? You can probably guess our first one is going to be,
Speaker: yep Learn to stay. This sounds almost too simple. Start to be more aware of yourself in conversations, ah in moments, et cetera. And when you start to feel that rise to Irish exit, to the more fun party or conversation you were invited to, or change the subject to something more funny or stimulating, just pause.
Speaker: And be where you're at just a little longer than you're used to. a big one is when disappointment shows up. Don't immediately reach for your phone. when ah And when you're lonely, don't instantly start making plans. When you're anxious, don't automatically search for another distraction. Instead,
Speaker: Ask yourself, what am I actually feeling right now? Not what you're thinking, not what you should be feeling. What are you feeling? Try naming it. Are you sad, embarrassed, disappointed, rejected, or are you grieving something? The simple act of naming an emotion actually helps regulate the nervous system. It's so amazing because when we put words to our experience, our brain begins to realize that This feeling isn't going to destroy me. So here's a challenge for every seven this week.
Speaker: The next time you're uncomfortable, wait five minutes before distracting yourself. That's it. Five minutes. Easy peasy. I don't want to see you doom scrolling, turning on the TV, planning something, whatever. Just breathe and notice what's going on inside of you.
Speaker: Write it down in a mini journal maybe and start to notice those patterns, okay? All right, next. The one thing i think we forget is that healing isn't just mental, it's physical. Remember, your nervous system learned very early that discomfort meant danger. That pattern doesn't disappear just because you understand it intellectually, you know? Your body has to experience safety. That's why practices like slow breathing, Raw dog and a walk.
Speaker: meaning like no headphones, okay? Sitting outside, stretching, prayer, silence, whatever these things can be, ah whatever, these things can be incredibly healing. These aren't just wellness trends. I know it sounds cliche and I think we write it off way too quickly because of that, but they're always but there are ways of teaching your body, we're safe enough to stay here, girl.
Speaker: Okay, thirdly, I want to challenge the one question sevens ask themselves, All day long, what's next? Whatever that is to you, the vacation, goal, project, thing to buy, whatever. Instead, try asking yourself, what's here?
Speaker: What's beautiful about today? Who's sitting in front of me? What conversation am I rushing through? What ordinary moment will I wish I had appreciated 10 years from now?
Speaker: Again, cliche. Because like we went over in the relationship portion, the richness of life and relationships come from the most ordinary, boring parts. Enjoying a good meal that that you cooked really well. the The phone conversation with your mom, right? The small moments that pass by an instant. Healing for a seven often begins when they realize this moment doesn't have to compete with the next one, okay? Okay.
Speaker: Okay, last one. Remember, ah the message seven's most needed to hear is children. You will be taken care of. Here's the difficult part. As adults, someone can ah only care for the parts of you they're allowed to see. If everyone only sees the funny, entertaining version of you, then who gets to know the scared, exhausted version? or Part of your healing often looks like ah when you can say to yourself or a trusted person that you are not okay, or to word vomit on a friend because you needed a listening ear. And that kind of vulnerability will feel terrifying, but it also creates the connection you've been longing for all along.
Speaker: Trust the process, right? ah But before we touch our lips before we wrap up, i want to touch on Something real quick that is actually the whole reason i named this podcast what it is. Some people...
Speaker: Now, back up, sometimes when people begin learning the Enneagram, they become afraid that growth means losing the very things they love about themselves. So for a seven, they might think, so am i'm supposed to stop being fun? Absolutely not, literally, please don't. Your laughter and enthusiasm is a gift. These qualities make you contagious. You remind the rest of us that life is worth celebrating. The goal isn't to become less joyful. It's to become more whole.
Speaker: Because imagine how powerful your joy becomes when it isn't covering pain. Literally, just think about that for a sec. That's your literal superpower.
Speaker: Also imagine how encouraging your hope becomes when it's rooted in reality instead of avoidance. That's what maturity looks like, not becoming a different person, becoming a fuller version of yourself.
Speaker: If I could summarize today's episode in one sentence, it would be this. The freedom you've been searching for isn't found by escaping your pain. It's found by discovering that your pain doesn't have the power to destroy you.
Speaker: That's the invite for every type seven, not to stop dreaming, but to stop believing that your healing lives somewhere else, not another city or relationship or that vacation. it begins right here, right now in this moment.
Speaker: Okay, well, that up that is today's episode, folks. Thank you so much for listening and fueling your soul over here. If this episode resonated with you, I'd encourage you to share it with a seven in your life. If you're enjoying the podcast, of course, leaving a rating review is one of the best ways to help more people discover these these conversations and to support my podcasting dreams, right? It truly... Makes a difference. And I'm so grateful for every single person who takes the time to do it. And I will say, if you're still trying to figure out your Enneagram type or you're ready to go a little deeper into your personal growth journey and you know your type, be sure to check out my website where you can schedule one-on-one with yours truly. Also, big announcements, huge actually. I will be launching an app.
Speaker: Like what? What? Very, very soon, you'll be able to take the test if you haven't already. Learn everything there is to know on your type. There's a section where you can connect with other people who are your type, kind of like a little message board. once Once a lot of people start joining, that will be really cool. There's also an Enneagram AI coach. what else? else. There's a love section where you can match yourself with any other type and learn all there is to know about that pairing, right? So if you're a seven, you can select the type nine and figure out what your relationship dynamic is.
Speaker: I think there's more, but it's it's just going to be so awesome. I'm so excited. And I will be giving um my listeners exclusive free access. So stay tuned, Bessie. But until next time, besties, stay with yourself. This is the Still You Podcast.
