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The Right Amount of Positivity
36 Plays9 months ago
A conversation about how to keep your mood and life on track.
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Transcript
Introduction and Playful Exchange
00:00:04
Speaker
Why don't you go get one of them P's, boy?
00:00:10
Speaker
I want one of them O's.
00:00:15
Speaker
Now go get me one of them S's. What's that spell? POS. It doesn't stand for anything.
00:00:37
Speaker
You feel me, motherfucker? P to the O to the S, you know. P to the O to the S, you know. P to the O to the S, you know. You stupid motherfuckers ought to know.
Positivity vs Negativity
00:00:56
Speaker
We're live. Who's starting this bitch? You starting? Why don't you start so I can listen to you fumble around? i think we had a nice run where I was kind of like, whatever, dude. And now I have to be, I'm the cheerleader, I think, of POS now.
00:01:11
Speaker
Upbeat, positive guy. And I wonder if the reason why you're you're so in the doldrums and everything's spiraling out of control in your life
00:01:25
Speaker
is because all your negative energy, bro. It could be. It's what comes first, dude, the issue or the negative thoughts. And then can you just will, like, do people will things with positive energy? I don't, I don't, I can't go that far. People that are just like, just said just be positive. Good things will happen. It's like, I don't know, dude. Like, I don't think Jewish people stuck in gas chambers and during the Holocaust could have positive energy their shit out of that.
00:01:52
Speaker
You know, that's an extreme example. But like, Can I wake up and be excited to face the day? Like, I know today's going to be a storm of shit flowing downhill at me, but I can i can be positive about it.
00:02:06
Speaker
You know what's better than that? Is wallowing in it and being being grumpy. Like, I love it as well. Do you? being like just his on As long as it comes with some humor and self-deprecation. But first, I want to acknowledge...
00:02:21
Speaker
What a long-winded intro, but that's not what I wanted to do. It's minute 26, dude. I just wanted to get that out a little bit because mine are really tight. and There's some positive energy. I like how you I'm the identified patient here.
00:02:36
Speaker
like I'm the miserable one.
Viktor Frankl and Reframing Situations
00:02:38
Speaker
and Oh, by the way, Matt, Viktor Frankl did survive Nazi concentration camps with positivity and reframing.
00:02:48
Speaker
you know that, Viktor Frankl? that I don't think you could go the ones that survived. It's because they were positive and the negative ones were just so grumpy when they're faced with starvation in gas chambers. Come on, guys.
00:03:00
Speaker
Be positive. Same with slaves. Like anyone who's had ah atrocities. Is it because they they didn't they didn't use the power of the secret? That's why they they got stuck there?
00:03:12
Speaker
Come on, man. Come on. i just wanted to make up some conflict to have some podcast entertainment. No, i positive thinking generally, you're right. if If you don't have some of that, I don't know how you move forward in life.
00:03:27
Speaker
Right. I really don't know how you forward, it but what was the term? This isn't a hot take, but the the term toxic positivity and people that are just ignoring reality to give off this aura of, I can do I can get through anything. I can do it.
00:03:42
Speaker
We can do it together, guys. That vibe, that got annoying for a while. I have a resistance to that, which I'd like to not have, but like anyone that you can see it coming where you're just like, all right, you're going to fucking positive energy your way into this.
00:03:56
Speaker
Stop. Yeah. So I don't know we're talking about.
00:04:02
Speaker
Well, I think you should – we should disclose. We don't want to go down this path again, but you you came on here and you were kind of like, oh, what the fuck are we doing here? and And I'm over here upbeat.
00:04:15
Speaker
It's a great way to sell a show. Well, it happens. I mean, I think the listeners should know that that it's it's weird.
Balancing Entertainment and Personal Issues
00:04:23
Speaker
It's a weird thing to be a to be in and like, live entertainment, but any entertainment that's being recorded where, like – It's your job.
00:04:33
Speaker
I mean, any job. it's It's hard. Like if someone your family is dying or some or some terrible shit's happening, you're fighting with your wife or your kids are fucking, you know, interrationally dating.
00:04:43
Speaker
Like whatever whatever horrible thing could could happen. and you're And you're like, I still got to go up there and face the crowd. You got to deliver. What are you positive about?
00:04:57
Speaker
Well, I'm trying to fake it. Fake it till I make it. But are you actually positive about something? or Or is it just faking? Faking orgasms with your new girlfriend?
00:05:08
Speaker
I'm faking. I'm faking. I'm faking. I don't know. I mean, what is faking? Like, just being positive, and and in in essence, is is a fake. Like, positive positive is like, think it was forward should be forward thinking. I mean, being positive about the past, there's something good that happens. doesn't That's fine. It's like, oh, great. This went well.
00:05:29
Speaker
you're faking it because you but you have a belief that something better is going to happen in the future.
Hard Work, Luck, and Success
00:05:34
Speaker
And you either have some evidence to like back that up, but you don't have, it's not in the, in the bag, so to speak. So I just think but my business is going to start to go better than it is now because I feel like things are going in place. i so i I don't know if I have, I have a reason to think that, but the question is if I really start to just hammer that mantra,
00:05:55
Speaker
we're We're going places. It's going to be all right. Everything's good. Keep driving. Whatever. Same with this show, right? You feel that? You feel the rhythm, Lance? You feel it? It feels good. Chugga, chugga, chugga. Making me smile. It's moving.
00:06:08
Speaker
Did I will that but with my positive energy or was it just because I kept working and and that's why this shit happened? and I think it takes a little bit of both. Then more does luck come into play.
00:06:19
Speaker
Yeah.
Moods and Daily Life
00:06:20
Speaker
Okay. When you fall off like you have today, when you fall off the train, Is that detrimental? Is it just is it is it a just part of life? like And how do we get you back on, baby?
00:06:32
Speaker
Yeah, it is a part of life. We're all managing moods day to day. We are essentially the product of our our moods. And I'm not sure what you do to embody positivity.
00:06:47
Speaker
It does come across hokey when somebody's like,
Toxic Positivity and Reality
00:06:51
Speaker
We can do this. Yeah, going to sell so much wood. And you do that kind of thing. I mean, that's not sure how effective that is, but it probably is effective.
00:07:00
Speaker
yeah You've been in those corporate meetings with those cheerleaders, right? Yeah, I have. They annoyed me. You might have even done them. Did you ever have to do them? yeah Not necessarily in that way.
00:07:12
Speaker
But listen, man, I think it would behoove you to be positive about what you're doing. And it would make sense for me to not come on this show and already start bitching and go, oh I don't fucking know. And and that that that doesn't serve anybody.
00:07:29
Speaker
It doesn't serve the listener community. And it certainly doesn't make me better at this. So I can buy into that. And yet there is a cycle of moods that we should respect and listen to because they tell us stuff. So when you are down and when it something does happen,
00:07:47
Speaker
not work and feels silly or feels like it has no hope, sometimes listen to that shit because you might be on the right track. So so so I don't know what the answer is, Matthew. Now we're getting there.
00:07:59
Speaker
I don't know what the answer is. let's But I want to look at this angle because this is something I see. was out in Iowa this weekend and just noticing people.
00:08:10
Speaker
i was there Monday and guys were in a hotel just getting ready for their job. And just looking over at him, dude, being a judgmental prick and just going, dude, what what do you have to be positive for?
00:08:25
Speaker
what what Why would you even wake up, bro? That's some deep judgment right there. No, I mean, like there's there's some aspects of the American life that it's hard for me to know how people are getting through.
Judgment on American Lifestyle
00:08:38
Speaker
And when I see folks, you know, weighing in at 290 and just looking, struggling to get through... No, not 6'8", 5'8".
00:08:50
Speaker
And then I hear what they're talking about and stuff. I'm trying to separate the judgment or my own cynicism. But like, then you look around at all these huge buildings and the big Ross Dress for Less and all these warehouses and you go, yeah, man, I kind of get why you aren't positive or you shouldn't be positive about the situation you're Because like, what is life about?
00:09:14
Speaker
I mean, that's where I get dark. Like, what what is it we're doing here? Motherfuckers getting up, stuff, you know, I'm sitting here at a hotel, ah hotel suites for Hilton or Hilton suites, some shit with the free breakfast.
00:09:29
Speaker
Dude's getting up on their travel trip, firing up the waffle maker, hitting a couple of those in the, the preformed egg patty and whatever else. Kind of giving themselves proud that they're getting over on the hotel a little bit, taking a couple of extra waffles, like winning, right?
00:09:46
Speaker
Something. Yeah, they're getting a W, but it's probably not good for their long-term mood or health. And then they're off to sell some fucking, i don't know, fabrication equipment.
00:09:57
Speaker
in the middle of Iowa and I, and that's us. And, and who am I to judge, right? Like they can be cool about that. They've got a job, but sometimes it's like, we're all sort of chasing something weird that I don't know that I always connect with and maybe wake up and do it. That's just, yeah.
00:10:17
Speaker
So I get sad about that and that brings my mood down and caused me to be a cynical, nothing matters. Why person, nothing matters. Why are we here? And that's probably what you were sensing at the beginning of this.
Travel and Mental Health
00:10:30
Speaker
I want to back up a little bit there. Yeah. Because, well, one, first of all, I have a, as I get older, I feel like we talk, we we talk about travel lag and jet lag, and it's supposed to be like when you go around the world, I think it happens no matter what.
00:10:43
Speaker
And I believe you were traveling late last night, all last night. I really believe it affects your mood for a few days. And so those people that are on the road all the time, I think you see, like, it's gotta to be like, it's gotta be rough on your mental health.
00:10:58
Speaker
First of all, second of all, okay i would like to back up because although you were able to get to this place where you saw the the the terrible side of humanity, but you were out there for like something amazing and great, which I think it's something that you've actually had a lot of positive energy at and had to be like a positive person to be like, this is a possibility, right?
00:11:18
Speaker
Like you were out there for looking at schools. Yeah. yeah Yeah. We're not going public with that? No. I was out there with my son looking at schools. But yeah, no, there parts of our culture and our world here in America that they're very easy to be positive about. there it's it's It's very easy to connect with other people about. I think, like I said before and other episodes, the college campus is like this and microcosm, this environment of...
00:11:49
Speaker
having possibilities of like connection. It's just designed, I think, optimally for ah human beings in a way, at least for a period of time.
00:12:02
Speaker
And then there's this whole other side that most of us seem susceptible to for decades upon
Transition from College to Adulthood
00:12:09
Speaker
decades. And even if you like your job, you somehow find yourself trapped in a need to make more money so that you can support whatever it is that you signed up for and we sign up for these things really easily and then feel a bit trapped whether it's buying a house and so that's like how do we transition from this environment of learning and possibility and intellectual stimulation and brotherhood and mad banging trim fast how do we how do we move from that to
00:12:44
Speaker
Why do we want to move from that? Yeah. why don't We moved from that to the doldrums, fucking selling fabrication stuff in Iowa. yeah ah well So that's why i I'll oscillate between there and kind of wonder, what is it that what is this about?
00:12:59
Speaker
And there's no philosopher, by the way, anybody listening. Don't tell me to read Viktor Frankl. Our fucking, what's his, Marcus Aurelius. Have you heard of Marcus Aurelius' is ah philosophies? I mean, they're really tight.
00:13:16
Speaker
And they're all right, and I'm wrong. I'm just a bitching fucking idiot. But that's what I'll struggle with. and And I think you do too, buddy. I see it. I see it on your face from day to day.
00:13:27
Speaker
Ups and downs. Well, yeah. Just being honest about it. need to overcome. Overcome. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's
Realism vs Positivity in Relationships
00:13:38
Speaker
like, and you're you're looking at also like, there's probably somewhere you gotta to be like, you you can't you can't worry about on the broad scale what that industrial equipment sales manager is, is like what's going on there or Ross dressed for less.
00:13:56
Speaker
True, but can I give you some, let me give you some things that depress me. So I have a little note. Yeah, let's get that list out. Well, I have a little note. It says I need to call somebody to have the, like do some air conditioner maintenance.
00:14:11
Speaker
And air conditioner is fine. It's pretty new. And I'm like, no, I think I'll just put that off to like May. And when I think about that, when I'm forced to have to think about something as stupid as that, I can get depressed.
00:14:28
Speaker
I can just be like, how fucking stupid. But there's no like counterbalance to, hey, I raised my family in this this home and they they're comfortable. So that makes me happier. i can I can do this show without sweating my balls off.
00:14:40
Speaker
I'm not saying that I'm good at this. I'm just saying is that is that the the small positive energy? The secret is more less like this big picture of how how I get successful in life. But it's like, oh, yeah, I have a house.
00:14:52
Speaker
It's like maybe the secret, maybe it's more like gratitude might snap you out of some of these things than some dumb some dumbass. like i'm i'm You know what? I don't like the air conditioner thing. I'm ah i'm going to my dry erase board and doing a goal chart right now. That's how I'm coming out of this or or whatever they call it.
00:15:09
Speaker
It's just like, oh yeah, have a home. Sweet. Yeah. No, you're absolutely right. And and i you're absolutely right. That's probably the only thing I've been able to hang my hat on to try to snap out of those things.
00:15:23
Speaker
It just perplexes me. And we're being
Gratitude as a Tool
00:15:25
Speaker
honest about this. And I imagine most people feel this way at times, right? We're being honest about this, but I get to sound like the whiny bastard who's always negative and has a horrible life based on cynicism and judgment, which isn't true.
00:15:38
Speaker
But- No, no, no. I don't think that. I'm not saying that, bro. No, no. I'm not saying you are. If my wife were to listen this, don't you like your life? Don't you like your life? and just went, can you stop? Can we have some some fucking feelings here about?
00:15:53
Speaker
But you're right. If you have gratitude and you can stop and pause, it's not about the house and whether I appreciate the house or the cool air. It's the fact that I am ah i'm so important and so transcendent that i have to I shouldn't have to think about AC maintenance or human beings shouldn't have to sit there and look at another thing they have to pay for, for another feature of our lives that we don't really need all the time or really probably don't need to survive.
00:16:23
Speaker
You know what's funny? That bothers me. You just made me think. The guy had to fucking call you to do it. like he it's ah It's like this cycle of hell. You don't want him to call you. I'm sure he's like, God damn it. I got to go out there and fucking cold call this idiot so that I can make a living.
00:16:38
Speaker
It's like, fuck that guy, man. and But he's probably like, ah this sucks. You know what Of course. Actually, the company I use, dude, the owner often shows up to my house.
Humor in Everyday Frustrations
00:16:51
Speaker
And it fucking drives me crazy. Why does the owner have to come every time? Happy as can be or what? Yeah. It's like he, he, he, uh, puts on his list and any customers that might have some money and he comes and he's trying to sell me a subscription, a fucking maintenance subscription.
00:17:08
Speaker
Then last time he looked at my boiler boiler, this motherfucker was like, Hey, if you, you should reconfigure all this. They didn't, the thing's 20 years old. You should reconfigure all this. It's probably gonna cost about seven grand.
00:17:19
Speaker
I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? This shit has been humming for 20 years. I'm not reconfiguring anything. And he was okay, that's up to you, man. I just tell you what's what.
00:17:31
Speaker
So I'm the fucking owner. Yeah, these are things like I don't want to deal with. And they'll they'll ah they'll bring me to a bad place.
00:17:40
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, i'm I am susceptible on that shit. I don't know why. I've had a few things like car car fuck up things. Like, I'm trying to work pretty hard at it. Like I like i had my car fixed.
00:17:54
Speaker
There was a wire that was loose or something. I couldn't i couldn't use the... It's all comical, dude. but i'm I'm such a loser right now. It's just so funny. like the the I couldn't use a defroster or whatever. like And it's so fucking humid here and it's rainy season.
00:18:09
Speaker
So I just can't see out windshield. So I'm just like hanging out the window or wiping the, like a little bit off. And I'm driving, like trying to drive back from two hours from surfing and the night it's fucking, it's pouring rain, but I have the windows open. I'm yelling at my kids to keep the windows open. So we get some airflow.
00:18:26
Speaker
It's just like, fuck. So I got off my ass. I got them to fix it. And then it's like, that's a couple days of days to take an Uber around or figuring that shit out. And then they fucked it up and I had to go back. and i was like, ah,
00:18:38
Speaker
fine. i don't I don't know. I just somehow I wish I had the recipe, but I just blocked it in my head as is it wasn't a big deal. Like, I don't know how.
Car Troubles and Coping Mechanisms
00:18:48
Speaker
Yeah, it seemed like a terrible thing.
00:18:51
Speaker
Oh, yeah, it was. it's but I think the humor in it was so, so like it was such a divorced middle middle aged loser thing. Like, it's just driving around in a fucking piece of shit that doesn't work and I can't see out the windshield.
00:19:07
Speaker
It was just like, ugh, God. What a door. I just wanted my kids must be like, ugh, God, can you get shit together? It's so funny, dude. And they're like, and I got like a little agitated I'm like, can you not fucking keep putting the window up? I can't see.
00:19:25
Speaker
They're like, they're getting poured on because it's like rainy season. So, and then I would just for a couple of days, this always has to happen. I just would turn it on like the the AC and the froster and just hope that it miraculously would come on.
00:19:39
Speaker
And like once every, once every like three days it would come on. And then I had enough, like, I was like, I'm not going yell at these guys. I'm just going to tell them what happened. I was like, I don't really care about the AC. You know, I'm just in my car sweating bullets.
00:19:54
Speaker
I'm like, but I, but I can't see. So if you could, if you could help me there. That'd be great. So the guy's like, all right bring it in tomorrow. I'm like, I will, as long as it's not raining because then I can't drive drive across town.
00:20:06
Speaker
But I got there i was just like, do you think you can fix this today? i was like, it's my daughter my daughter's birthday. I'm supposed to take her to go surfing. Like, i need I need the car by tomorrow. And I just sat in the office, worked, and they and they came out and we bypassed this wire or something, and and they fixed it.
00:20:25
Speaker
But that that really, sometimes my life would have really brought me down. Like, just like this like slight nervous feeling that you got you have this
Unnecessary Car Repairs
00:20:34
Speaker
nagging thing. It's like knowing this guy, idiot, telling you that your AC could be fucked up or your heater. It's like, now you now you just got to sit there and be like, huh, what if he was right?
00:20:43
Speaker
What if he wasn't right? it's Then if you did it, you would have paid him seven grand the whole time. You'd be like, I just fucking wasted seven grand on something that didn't need to be fixed. It's like, you're fucked either way, right? Well, proud of you, man, because those little things like that bring me misery.
00:20:57
Speaker
These are snapshots in time. Don't get too proud. no I know. I know, dude. So... you you had I like that. I like the part where you had hope that the car would just resolve itself.
00:21:09
Speaker
like Like I've done that before. Blind, dumb hope. Yeah, the check engine light comes on and I'm like, I want see. I'll start it up a few dozen more times and see if it just goes off. i love du going to the mechanic thinking that that check engine just going to be like, oh, look.
00:21:24
Speaker
the light switch was down just have to flip this right here i'll see you later it's just a little fuse and i'll be 40 bucks you know it's like and then he's they hits you with um our fee to diagnose check engine it's 280 i love it's just cheaper to buy a new car why this is a part of a car this a percentage of 100 of a car why would it be cheaper it doesn't make sense yeah those things but i mean it helped the the positive thing helped a little bit but it didn't fix the fucking
Embracing Small Adversities
00:21:53
Speaker
car. I didn't will it with the secret. My wife, we're i know we're notorious for... She's the positive one in that or no? No. Well, sometimes she she forces it, but we're we're kind of like famous for letting things go longer than they should have before we like replace them or fix them.
00:22:15
Speaker
And just there's certain things we let become really jank, like a coffee maker will... you know, start squealing at you and half the time we'll heat up the water or something. We'll just be like, we'll just keep rolling.
00:22:27
Speaker
And then there's that day where it falls apart and you're like, don't know, trying to make coffee over the stove with a pot. Oh yeah. There's always that transition where you get, you get like creative.
00:22:38
Speaker
for a little while. Yep. And it doesn't, it never works out well because then you're all frustrated and you just like pay more than you would have had you addressed it earlier when your mind was thinking correctly.
00:22:49
Speaker
But it, that's, those are annoying things that I don't know, man. I don't think you paused your way out of it. You could probably, you could reframe. but That feels cheesy at times. That feels like disingenuous to be like, well, at least my kids are alive.
00:23:05
Speaker
Yeah, you know I have a roof over my house. Thank God.
Finding Humor in Misfortunes
00:23:09
Speaker
At least I had a house to burn down. At least I had a house to burn down. You think people are saying I'm in the middle of the fires?
00:23:16
Speaker
My house couldn't have burned down if I didn't have one. I
00:23:23
Speaker
don't think you feel better. the It's too much. I mean, I was just actually talking to somebody who who I met through my work who's going through a rough spot.
00:23:35
Speaker
And I keep saying, ah, everything's going to be fine. But I don't know. i mean, I'm just saying that. Might not be fine. But it's like they you always, like we always have, everybody's positive about the other person, you know?
00:23:50
Speaker
Everyone's like, ah, it's going to be great. Even me with your kid, I keep telling you, you're like, ah, he's he's getting the, I don't know anything about the process or what he's doing. And I just keep telling you that he's going fucking crazy. basically to the NBA.
00:24:03
Speaker
I don't know why. but it's like Everyone's positive about other people's shit, I think. Do you know anyone that's just like, dude, that's not gonna work. I do know some negative people now. i think They're just like, you know that's not gonna work, or you know that's impossible.
Encouragement vs Realism
00:24:16
Speaker
I mean, I'm a little bit that guy I don't know if it's negativity or it's more of like if somebody is actually, yeah, they're asking for, some advice I might try to think critically about it.
00:24:27
Speaker
I'm not going to just gloss over with, Oh my God, you're the greatest. Oh God, you should write a book. Uh, no, you've never written anything. Don't write a book, try a short story, but that's a tough one though. Like what? if Well, what if, what if, what if, but if you, if you did a short story, you know, you might, you might show that you have books in your cards.
00:24:50
Speaker
But look it, man. Do you know anybody that's living life in a way that, I don't know, you admire? Is super positive? Is great at reframing? Is great at gratitude?
00:25:02
Speaker
or Or most people you know just like ride in the mood roller coaster. Do I know? Who's doing it well? do you Do you have examples? I think about this all the time. i don't have, and I can't place it when I need it. But there are, there i know I've met people where I'm kind of impressed with their,
00:25:19
Speaker
just I'm impressed with the way they go through life, but it like, and what, what are the elements of that though? I don't know. It's kind of a calmness of relaxness of, of they kind of take things as they come, but they also make, they also make, they're able to make critical decisions, like not, not in a stressful way.
00:25:40
Speaker
So they're, they're not that they're not dealing with life, but they're also like, you know what, this is how we're going to handle it. There are, I think, or, Or the listen to to another good idea.
00:25:52
Speaker
and don't know. It's people that are calm and don't give too much advice but seem like even they have the answers and they don't they don't they're not trying they're not trying to give you answers to your problems.
00:26:04
Speaker
Who is this mysterious woman? No, not a woman, dude. Come on. Come on, Lance. um good ah I mean, I feel like you're you're one of those people.
00:26:16
Speaker
I just feel like you just... you you ah you're you're more of a realist than a positive You're more of a realist than a positive guy, so that plays into you a little bit.
Stable Moods and Family Dynamics
00:26:26
Speaker
Well, I'm embellishing my faults on this show for entertainment purposes.
00:26:30
Speaker
Actually, my wife has got a very stable mood, incredibly stable. It's actually unbelievable. Is it annoying? It's annoying in that it makes me feel like a total piece of shit.
00:26:41
Speaker
like she And she, and in her head, is not trying to be righteous about it at all. No. Because she's so good at it, it becomes off as righteous, maybe? She's just naturally got that positive mood. It's not anything she has to say.
00:26:57
Speaker
And it really actually at times rubs the whole family the wrong way. We're all just like, we all feel less than because she's able to hold it together when we're in an annoying circumstance.
00:27:12
Speaker
Let's just say traveling and the fucking we're at the rental car desk and this person is really slow and we're hungry and she's just smiling at the person and getting it done while we're all like, my son and I are looking over and just like, what the fuck, bro?
00:27:28
Speaker
my daughter's just like, ugh. i like the I like falling victim to those situations, just letting it out, talking shit about everyone, criticizing them internally, everyone having issues. That's what i'll say. Yeah.
00:27:41
Speaker
I do too. It's fun, entertaining. That's what I'll say to her is like, can you just let us get it out? Because sometimes she'll try to reframe for us, try to redirect. and But she doesn't need to.
00:27:52
Speaker
She's already there. And it's a skill or a genetic trait that... makes, if you're partnered with somebody like that, can really make you feel like a psycho.
00:28:03
Speaker
ah Like you you can't handle life. um So there's there's people like that. I'm not one of them. I am a complete mess of emotions.
00:28:14
Speaker
It's a little bit too, though. In my head. It's like bullshit. You feel it too. You're fucking... i Oh yeah, exactly. I do do that. She does. she is ah She is like... World famous amongst our family for like acting all nice to new people we meet and continuing to act nice and other interactions with them. And then two weeks later, finally, when we've all written those people off coming to the collusion of like, I fucking hate those people.
00:28:42
Speaker
I can't stand that woman. she'll get She'll be like, she'll finally get there. But. And i'm I'm sort of like, you knew that a long time ago. You're just doing your your your your bullshit. and She wouldn't be happy that I'm talking about her on here, but it was mostly a compliment. so Right.
00:28:57
Speaker
It's a compliment. Let's move on Like what you described in the in the sitting in the lobby of the hotel with that continental breakfast and watching just humanity fail. You're like, oh, God. I would wallow in that so hard.
00:29:11
Speaker
But it's universal. I will say this. It's not like I'm just criticizing humanity.
Critique of Societal Norms
00:29:15
Speaker
people that have corporate jobs or Americans or gringos or Tico. Like I have an issue no matter where I am with anyone.
00:29:22
Speaker
And I'll flip immediately without like, I went to a resort up in, up in the Northwest part of the country. My brother stayed a place and I was just looking around, just going these fucking piece of shit.
00:29:33
Speaker
Gringos staying at an all inclusive. It's like, you didn't experience Costa Rica. You're sitting here stuffing your fucking face and like beautiful beach, beautiful resort. It's like heaven. And then,
00:29:44
Speaker
But conversely, I'm just like, ah these fucking redneck Costa Rican people. like i can criticize. i can fall in it so fast with anyone.
00:29:55
Speaker
Yeah. So I think it's. Part of your your the way you're made up, of that's the observational well that's the observational skills that allow you to make fun of stuff or make jokes too. I wonder though. It's not as hard. Yeah, you're right. It's not that. I'm not like fucking losers.
00:30:11
Speaker
Yeah, you're not mad. You're just having fun with it. and but If someone's with me, i'm I'm just like ripping material out the whole time. Even my kids, I'll just be like, check this out. and And then they'll start doing it.
00:30:23
Speaker
and I did that in the airport with my son. yeah I was like, hopefully we're not sitting next to this motherfucker. Dude had like some tiger print shirt with an extra like graphic on it that was all weird and some kind of like Japanese anime over a tiger printed flannel shirt. And I was like, look at this motherfucker. Oh, shit.
00:30:42
Speaker
If you see a guy wearing like bad religion jeans, he's like, know oh boy, dude. You really need all that embroidering on your ass? are you doing? I think that's run its course, at least for men. It did run its course for women too, I think by now, but that was an annoying trend.
00:30:58
Speaker
Dude, it's still, I was in St. Louis looking for pants and there I'm like, there's a big section of that crap. I was like, i is that, people are still buying that? crazy. That's some sailor act shit though, right? Are you judging?
00:31:09
Speaker
Trying to say that all I can do right now is know some rack. Because I'm in a tough spot. Is that what you're saying? No, it was I feel like it was in... Well, you might be right. But sail rack, dude.
00:31:20
Speaker
I mean, I thought that was out like 15 years ago. You think they're still moving units? If anything, that shit's been shipped down here at like discount American clothes outlets. That's why there's many Kersericans walking around with bad religion. Not because they're bad bad style, because that'ss that's what they can get for six bucks.
00:31:37
Speaker
I don't know Deep down, do you think anybody really wants other people looking at their butt?
Fashion Choices and Self-Expression
00:31:44
Speaker
you like And so you would you would highlight that? like maybe Maybe some women really like it. like They just like glance over their shoulder and and try to see who's looking at their butt. But I don't know that anybody really wants that deep stare at the ass. i'm so I'm assuming it's happening there as well. But going to a gym is like porn.
00:32:03
Speaker
Sure. for You're the perpetrator. You're the one. You're the perpetrator. You're looking at ass. No, no, no, They probably don't. I'm not the perpetrator. I'm talking about the outfits. that You're like, what the, they likes like, like what some of the girls are wearing is it's like, why don't you just come naked? it But deep down, must want people. That's what I'm asking.
00:32:22
Speaker
like You put jewels on your jeans. and And it's essentially accentuating your ass and drawing eyes to it. Is that what you really deep down want? Do you really want men to see the butt cheek part of your ass?
00:32:35
Speaker
is it Is that what they want or is that just because to be sexier to fit in now, you kind of have to roll that way? Let's bring it back around. Let's bring it back around. Is that the positivity of the guys? Like, I am who I am. My ass is what it is. Let's bedazzle it and and put it out there.
00:32:53
Speaker
that's the secret bro he's like i can always count on you for a deep intellectual take yeah oh wearing bad religion jeans is the true essence of positivity that you and i will never get to like if that guy if the guy wearing that is so he's just like i don't fucking care he can he can dress as ridiculous as he wants and has no guilt or or he's just like i'm out there in the world like he's winning this is that now the depression is back because yeah just the idea that somebody had an idea to put jewels and fake rhinestones and shit on jeans to draw eyes to to somebody's ass is weird and somebody's going yeah i'll do it not good for humanity maybe maybe now my sales rack but i don't think they were cheap either for a while no
00:33:46
Speaker
No, they weren't. Well, my big question for you then is when are you satisfied? Because there is an element of looking at how humans are going about their lives, like really living lives, hedonic, disgusting lives of convenience and overconsumption.
Satisfaction Amidst Societal Pressures
00:34:05
Speaker
And you really kind of go there. There are very few environments where it feels natural and it feels freeing. And when are you satisfied? Then everybody gets crazy in that direction.
00:34:16
Speaker
what their idea of natural and freeing is. Is it in the waves? Yeah. In the ocean? Well, even that, I mean, I can be bad. But yeah, that is bad.
00:34:27
Speaker
i mean, that is not bad. That is satisfying. Yeah. I mean, I'm not that one-dimensional where the only place I have joy is, like, in the waves or when I'm laying pipe.
00:34:40
Speaker
I mean, there's, like...
00:34:43
Speaker
What?
00:34:46
Speaker
What were you doing with your pen, by the way? Were those just like some sort of dramatic effect to like click something for the show? Click, click, I'm thinking. Can you hear that? Will that come through in the audio?
00:34:58
Speaker
No, it won't. It's too quiet. You like, like on that on some of the late night shows, you that they would they would like write, they'd pretend like they're like taking notes or something they'd write something.
00:35:09
Speaker
Or maybe they're like, rare um maybe like on the on the the news segment on Saturday Night Live. Dennis Miller would do that. I'm trying to do that, dude. Yeah, Rachel Maddow does that.
00:35:19
Speaker
and MSNBC with some fake paper crumpling or something. but But the question this. not just talking about happiness, though. No, I know. But what you're at a resort, a place designed for the ultimate luxury and convenience and you would think like satisfaction and calm.
00:35:38
Speaker
And you're like, what the fuck is this? These fucking pigs stuffing their face. I'm not a tacky, because I'm exact same. I'm exact same. And then you go to another environment where people are sort of beat down.
00:35:52
Speaker
and maybe they're white trash or something that's easy to make fun of. And you're like, look at these fucking fried butter, eating corn on the cob, sucking motherfuckers. and And where is the middle ground? Where is a place where you're satisfied? And you're like, okay.
00:36:06
Speaker
I mean, I love that. I love that find, you know, where like you found something. I mean, finding ah Four Seasons, it wasn't a Four Seasons, but finding a Westin is, place is awesome, but it's not like a find in my opinion.
00:36:22
Speaker
Finding some small boutique or some restaurant that ah just happens to be some guy was an amazing chef and opened this little shithole up and it's the best place ever and everyone goes there and it's a cool vibe and the experience is great.
00:36:35
Speaker
That is awesome when that happens. That's sort of like an organic, what do you call it? Organic, I don't know, word, man.
00:36:47
Speaker
I'm not going to edit this out, by the way, because I can stomach hearing myself struggle to word find. I won't edit it out, man. I promise. Organic. I won't. it's ah It's an of organic mecca of things.
00:37:00
Speaker
of beauty. Like it just, it just was created. It wasn't contrived by society's standards for what convenience was or what luxury was. Yeah. It was created yeah and it just came together. it was like the original Chipotle.
00:37:14
Speaker
on Evans Street near Denver University. The original Chipotle was like this beat-up restaurant, and there was a line out the door because for whatever reason, what they did was just beauty. It felt like you had a secret. It felt like you had a secret, right? You're like, check this little little place out.
00:37:30
Speaker
Check out this JW Marriott I discovered. Wow. Yes. So there's something natural and organic about it for you. okay Okay. I like that too. You take somebody somewhere. Because I took...
00:37:42
Speaker
And I got to say that it worked out perfect for my brother's family because they had me there and and I could take them off them off the resort and go to all these other cool little beaches and shit. But but it was nice for them to not have to worry about anything.
00:37:55
Speaker
So one but it is it is. But there's some joy when you take someone somewhere that they might might not be like, all right, this is where everyone goes. And then they're like, damn.
00:38:07
Speaker
This is pretty cool. you get the joy in that where you're like, someone thinks like you're out, you got I don't know, you got the, you're like the education of like the underground scene or something like that somewhere.
00:38:21
Speaker
You like take someone to like ah a unique restaurant or hotel or a place and they're like, oh wow, how'd you know about this? I'm more of an Olive Garden guy. Yeah. You market Olive Garden as like a hot little find?
00:38:34
Speaker
You're like, oh, you like Italian, huh? Just just come with me. I got a place for you. I don't know that I think about it that way or that that that's like a goal of mine.
00:38:44
Speaker
But I'm similar in the sense of like there there is a ah middle ground and it's sad, sad that you can't appreciate whatever comes up or or we do some better positive reframing to and enjoy a luxurious environment. It's got to be just right.
00:38:59
Speaker
So I appreciate all that, but like I don't know that I like strive. Like there, you know, folks that strive to like know the ins and outs of something or ins and outs of the best beer garden in the state or the best bike path or whatever. a little too much. That's not me.
00:39:14
Speaker
That's not me. I hate those motherfuckers too. fucking hate those people. I hear that. Oh, no. Yeah, I'm not saying I'm that far. I just... I don't know. It's like I should be comfortable in both. I was comfortable with there too. i mean, it was nice to see my family and everything.
00:39:28
Speaker
But... you just You just were cracking on it I also, though, we we stayed like essentially on the other side of the railroad tracks with my kids and me on the other side of the road from the resort and found this
Unique Experiences vs Luxury
00:39:39
Speaker
dope little hotel with this amazing breakfast.
00:39:42
Speaker
Every day, three of us would hammer, but like a Costa Rican Tico breakfast, local, now all this natural fruit and gallo pinto and shit. and And every day we'd sit at, not every day. Sometimes we get up late but we're up early enough. Like all this, like, i don't know if it's a herd. what do you call a bunch of monkeys traveling together?
00:39:59
Speaker
Group of monkeys? know. I never see monkeys. Really? and never see monkeys in America. So I wouldn't even know. i wouldn't even have to like, be challenged to come up with a what I heard of monkeys is. don't know where all you've traveled, but we have monkeys here.
00:40:16
Speaker
and No, I know. um the Yeah, so you'd so we're sitting there breakfast and every, like 50 of them, within their migratory pattern where they went every day, they'd pass through our hotel, jumping off trees and shit. We're in there eating this amazing meal for probably an eighth of what they paid across the street. And I was like,
00:40:35
Speaker
this is pretty nice dude but no one like most you're not gonna find like you probably would never go to that hotel you never find it like if you're flying down here from denver with your with your wife and stuff and then you also need a car wasn't in front of the beach you have like go around anyways i was like this is great this is like yeah it had its problems though but you were in a positive frame of mind about it what's the what's the problem you said it was difficult to get to and park and all that.
00:41:01
Speaker
Oh, well, you just needed a car. I mean, it that when you're when you're when you're focused, your beach focuses on surfing, it doesn't even matter because you end up driving, you're driving different. Unless you're right in front of staying right in front of some great break, you're driving around to different surf spots anyway. So it doesn't matter for us as much.
00:41:19
Speaker
but Well, back to the question then. owner What's your deal with pos what your lack of positivity? why Why are you struggling so much? Well, the question is like, when do you, if this, let's just say in two months from now, or I don't, there's not as much traction as I want with this business.
00:41:38
Speaker
There's not as much traction right now as I want. I will say that, but I, but I, I feel the positive energy happening, but I'm like, don't be naive. you know, when do you, it's like the real question is like, when do you cut bait with positive energy?
00:41:50
Speaker
Could be in a relationship, could be, it couldn't be like with your children, you know, at some point we all go, all right, they're on the, like, not they're on their own, but it's like, they are going to be what they'd be. And like, yeah at some point you're just like, I can't control this or fix this.
00:42:03
Speaker
It's like, what's this positive? It's like, Oh, never, never not positive. And there's like, I gotta stop. This is just naive. is that Yeah, but is that more of acknowledging when something isn't working?
00:42:16
Speaker
Yeah. Is that what that that what you mean? Yeah. When do you stop with the positive reframe and actually sit down and be honest and go, you know what? This shit ain't cutting it. Right.
00:42:28
Speaker
And it's like, oh, I could just positive my way out of it. That's a mystery of life, because it's hard to know what keeps you going. Like what is motivation? What's determination? What's discipline? What are those things?
00:42:40
Speaker
This is one of my current, I mean, if you can imagine where you're ending up the main relationship in your life, kids are becoming teenagers where you're like, oh, probably not fixing that.
00:42:52
Speaker
You know, there's a, I'm trying this new business, starting new relationships where you're like, right, I gotta be positive about everything. but I know how life is and not everything's gonna come out, gonna turn out good, you know?
00:43:05
Speaker
Maybe just have the wrong scorecard. And now maybe that's my problem with humanity is the scorecard is really, degenerate and not useful for a happy life. Let's dig into that. Let's dig into that.
Personal Values Over Material Success
00:43:17
Speaker
This will be the closer here, dude, I think, because we're at 51 minutes of useless content. Now we're about to to deliver some nuggets to the audience here. But what what do you put on your scorecard? and And this, in essence, would be your values, like your core values.
00:43:31
Speaker
Probably you'd say some shit like relationships. And you probably, if you thought about it, there's a certain amount of money you'd put on that shit. and experience and things like that. But I think that scorecard can get really messed up.
00:43:45
Speaker
You get attached to really the wrong things like my kids turning out a certain way or what my spouse or wife or partner should be like. Like the, the, your journey may be a business that fails, that leads to something that goes nuts and is extremely successful.
00:44:03
Speaker
Right. Or, or this thing is, it may just be ah a decent living. That's never fantastical. That's a good point though. That's a good point. You really don't know.
00:44:15
Speaker
no Well, yeah. What is that? I wanted to dig in that. Is that your scorecard? ah Like, cause you're saying you're giving, i felt like on your trip where you got a little down on humanity for, Like, were you giving bad scorecard to the world or to those people or to yourself? Like, who was getting dinged?
00:44:33
Speaker
Who was shooting double bogey there? It was really to the society. It's more of like, this is what, this is all we could conjure up for ourselves is this pursuit and I'm not going to call it capitalism. It's just more of... There is an unending... and Well, I should say there's a just a ah feeling across the world now that if I make things more convenient, if I make things easier, then we're going to be happier. And if I give you more access to these wonderful things, and if you get the house and you do all the stuff, that's going to equal happiness or that's going to equal satisfaction.
00:45:09
Speaker
I think we all know intellectually that's not true, but we, there's no escaping it. And that's what I get depressed about. This is, there's, that a good point there is no escaping it. How was I productive today?
00:45:20
Speaker
What did i what kind of money did I make? You know, and really just like the hanging out with people and talking about life and supporting each other. That's where the, the true happiness or positivity lives.
00:45:34
Speaker
And we we are we sweep that shit away to like pursue these other things that just kind of sicken me because I am an intellectual giant.
Intellectualism vs Superficial Trends
00:45:50
Speaker
oh like I often wonder, for me, just just being some somewhat dumb, it makes life easy. But for for you, I'd even walk around and deal it with these like lesser, just lesser. Everything's lesser. The people, the situations, people can't dig deep in the topics. Like it's gotta be kind of frustrating. I think you're actually doing really well considering what you're up against.
00:46:13
Speaker
It's tough for me, buddy.
00:46:17
Speaker
I'd like people to, if someone self-described themselves as an intellectual giant, that like on their, that'd be a great bit to just go self, self deprecate yourself on the stage like that.
00:46:29
Speaker
ah ah but But secretly bragging. Yeah, exactly. That seems like some Will Ferrell with a character he would play calling himself an intellectual giant. oh He would, yeah.
00:46:40
Speaker
Fucking funny. But you mentioned the need for comfort and and an answer all the time. I think that's really... Like the positive thinking, there's there's a bit of realism, but there's also like... I think right now, my now that now that we've had this hour to reminisce and think about it, I think not what i'm not that I'm so positive, it's more like...
Growth Through Adversity
00:47:03
Speaker
remind myself that that when I am a piece of shit, it's when I'm really letting the and the inevitable get to me. It's like, yeah the adversity is not going to stop.
00:47:16
Speaker
So now I'm trying to just be comfortable with it. Like the air conditioning thing was an adverse event. but But I was like, well, you know that they're goingnna keep coming. So shut the fuck up. And you also know that most of them ah went away eventually.
00:47:29
Speaker
trying to remind myself that. So the positive thinking just like, right, don't, don't shy away from adversity. Even with my kids, where like that's the hardest thing about parenting is being like, oh fuck, here comes some adversity. Let me protect them. Let let me get, it's like, nope, that's going make them stronger. Right.
00:47:42
Speaker
Let them fucking deal with it. Right. Yeah. So I'm trying to, I'm just trying to be adversities come and deal with it. And then don't always fucking go towards comfortableness.
00:47:53
Speaker
Like right nothing came out like not many things came out of just being comfortable. Well, there'll be a time and a place for us to become comfortable. So I'm trying. that's Those are my that's my positive thinking, not just like, man, be grounded. Like i have a gratitude stuff for me. I got figure that out.
00:48:14
Speaker
You talk about that another show. How do you how to weave gratitude in your life without just being obnoxiously? I know it fake. Yeah. Yeah. Fake. Yeah. No, it's a good point.
00:48:26
Speaker
Overall, I think yeah that's that's a good take because is you're not going to escape problems. You're not going optimize perfectly to to escape problems. You're not going to have so much money that there will be no problems.
00:48:38
Speaker
they will They will be there. I do wonder if there's an argument, though. to sort of embellish the absurdity of how problems show up in our lives. And sometimes I'll do this. Like if I go on a bike ride, I've talked about how the wind always is a headwind.
00:48:53
Speaker
Sometimes I'll like jokingly and and out loud, like curse God. You're like, Oh, okay. Okay. Uh huh. Sending the wind in my face again, G O D. All right, motherfucker.
00:49:04
Speaker
I do that stuff and it feels good. and And then I laugh at myself and how pathetic I am and stupid. and it it brings some joy to me. So that's ah it's way to authentically reframe, um at least for somebody like me.
00:49:19
Speaker
It's like ah some sort of internal sal sarcasm that makes you feel the calm. Yeah, i I have to bring the absurdity out in order to like kind of go, yep, you're being an idiot. Yep, the wind is not constantly chasing you.
00:49:32
Speaker
there's a There's some more sort of middle line because the people that are always, you know their life is in shambles and they sound like, and they're happy and positive, that could be a sign of some deep darkness.
00:49:45
Speaker
Yeah, you can't be you can't be so such a cheerleader, but you've got to be a little careful not to just be insanely dark and and sad. right Well, no, I mean their positivity ah in the face of real...
00:50:01
Speaker
Real, real issues is sort of gloss over effect. Like deflection maybe? or it's ah It's a way to deny. It's denial essentially. And um and they just, instead of acknowledging some of these these harder issues in relationships, I'll see that with certain family members or in sort of how what they're doing with their life or choices they're going to make that aren't actually going to work out because they're not, they're terrible choices. Because they don't know anything about wood?
00:50:31
Speaker
so i was thinking. Yeah. So you, uh, to, to end for me, because I really hated everything I've said, except for intellectual giant, uh, really, it's a fine line, man.
00:50:42
Speaker
It's a fine line of being authentic with yourself and, and not succumbing to the ah negativity and cynicism. I still think, i feel like you're pretty positive and happy about the immediate world around you. You seem pretty happy with your marriage.
00:50:58
Speaker
You seem pretty happy with your kids. You seem pretty happy with your decisions. No, I am. yeah I like my life, but i also um um I actually love my life. I'm just caught up in stupid stuff because it's I don't think I'll ever escape that. but i think That's what was going to say. seems like your humanity or the current state of the U.S. or something is really weighing on you.
00:51:21
Speaker
Well, yeah, I'm always thinking about that stuff. It can change my mood. It's not like it's going to throw my life off course. I'm not sitting here. I'm not fucking falling apart because of my Iowa trip. Like some fat guy in the hotel you're eat waffles?
00:51:34
Speaker
You just start smacking your arm. Give me a needle. Yeah. pretty funny. Pretty funny. Everything will work out, man.
00:51:45
Speaker
Everything will work out for you.
00:52:14
Speaker
Two hours later my stomach really burns
00:52:22
Speaker
Two more hours later and there's blood in my stool. This is better than dying.
00:52:33
Speaker
Fuck yeah. Dying. Fucking cinnamon.